By the beginning of The Carnivorous Carnival, the Baudelaires are riding in the trunk of Count Olaf’s car listening to their archenemy discussing his plans with his troupe. Since they’re in the desolate Hinterlands, his henchmen are complaining how there’s nowhere to go and they’re miles away from the city. Though his cronies are happy that everyone thinks their boss is dead and the Baudelaires killed him, Count Olaf won’t be satisfied until they get the Snicket File and find those kids since he knows they survived the fire at Heimlich Hospital. Besides, there’s a fortune to be stolen. Though he needs only one of them, he and his cronies speculate which kid to spare. The Hook-Handed Man hopes it’s Sunny because he enjoyed putting her in a cage. Count Olaf hopes it’s Violet because she’s the prettiest while he’s a creep. Esme, on the other hand, doesn’t really care. But none of them know where the Baudelaires are. So they set sights to the Caligari Carnival to see Madame Lulu.

The song I decided here was “What’s the Buzz?/Strange and Mystifying” from Jesus Christ Superstar. In the original version, Jesus’s disciples are anxious to know what’s going on and when they’re going to ride into Jerusalem. While Jesus just wants them to shut up and give him some peace. In the second part, Jesus rebukes Judas for ripping on Mary Magdalene for anointing him. In this version, I have Count Olaf’s henchmen asking about what’s going on and the Hook-Handed Man ripping on Esme. Since he’s not fond of the woman on the show.

“What’s the Buzz?” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Count Olaf, Esme Squalor, and his Troupe

Troupe:
What’s the buzz?
Tell me what’s a-happening. (Repeat 8 times)

Count Olaf:
Why should you want to know?
Baudelaires are all still out there
Don’t you try to think ahead?
We must find the Snicket File;
And visit Madame Lulu’s tent.

Troupe:
What’s the buzz?
Tell me what’s happening. (Repeat many times)

Count Olaf:
The public now thinks I’m murdered
And the Baudelaries killed me too.
Though I killed Jacques Snicket.

Troupe:
Long must be driving through the Hinterlands? (Repeat many times)

Count Olaf:
Why should you want to know?
Why are you are all complaining
About your travels since the fire?
We must go to find the orphans
Let’s give Madame Lulu a try.

Troupe:
What’s the buzz?
Tell me what’s happening. (Repeat many times)

Esme:
Let me try to cool down your face a bit. (Repeat 5 times)

Count Olaf:
Esme that is good,
While you prattle through your outfits,
Where and when and who and how.
She alone has tried to give me
What I need right here and now.

Troupe:
What’s the buzz?
Tell me what’s happening. (Repeat many times)

Hook-Handed Man:
It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying
That a man like you can waste his time on women of her kind.

Bald Man with Long Nose:
Hey, cool it man.

Hook-Handed Man:
Yes, I can understand that she amuses,
But to let her kiss you, stroke your hair, that’s hardly in your line.
It’s not that I object to her obsession,
But she’s more about herself than what we do or say
It doesn’t help us she’s independent.
She’ll only need to throw an ax to put our plans astray.

Count Olaf:
Who are you to criticise her?
Who are you to despise her?
Leave her, leave her, let her be now.
Leave her, leave her, she’s with me now.
She is my girlfriend, you must respect her.
Perhaps you shut up, and leave her alone.
I’m amazed that men like you can be so shallow, thick and slow
There is not someone among you who know or cares if I come or go.

All (save Count Olaf and Hook-Handed Man):
No, you’re wrong!
You’re very wrong!
No, you’re wrong!
You’re very wrong!
No, you’re wrong!
You’re very wrong!
No, you’re wrong!
You’re very wrong!
How can you say that?
How can you say that?
How can you say that?
How can you say that?

Count Olaf:
Not one, not one of you!