That afternoon, three members from the Council of Elders approach Hector and the Baudelaires and announce that Count Olaf has been captured. For these children, hearing that the man who terrorized them wherever they went must be the best news in the world. In fact, it almost seems to good to be true. That’s because it is. When Hector and the children reach the Town Hall, the find a man with a monobrow and an eye tattoo. But it’s obvious to the Baudelaires that this man isn’t Count Olaf. He’s shorter, heavier, clean and tidy, and doesn’t have the same look in his eyes. So now the kids have to see through a trial of an innocent man who will be inevitably sentenced to death. The man identifies himself as Jacques Snicket, Lemony’s brother. And he’s been following the Baudelaires for some time. But he doesn’t get the time to say his case. The children protest and proclaim his innocence yet as it’s the case this series, the adults ignore them. So they’ll have to wait until the following morning.

The song I decided on for the trial is “Benjamin Calypso” from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. In the original, Joseph’s brothers rise to their youngest brother’s defense after he accuses the young man of stealing his cup. It’s a test since he knows Benjamin is innocent. In this version, I have the Baudelaires defend Jacques Snicket’s innocence.

 

“Jacques Snicket Calypso”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet and Klaus:
Oh no – not he
How can you accuse him is a mystery
He ain’t – the Count
For we’d recognize him as a tall palm tree

Violet:
He may have one brow and an eye tattoo
But he sure as hell ain’t that man you presume
Have you seen his photograph?
For you’ve really made yourselves an ass
Oh yes

Klaus:
Oh yes

Violet:
It’s true

Klaus:
It’s true

Violet:
We’re not sure if you even have a clue?
No ifs

Klaus:
No ifs

Violet:
No buts

Klaus:
No buts

Violet:
You all must be cuckoo for coconuts

Klaus:
I know Count Olaf like he was my own hand
This guy is an innocent man
I haven’t seen him in all my life
Please believe me, oh, Jesus Christ
Oh no

Violet:
Oh no

Klaus:
Not he

Violet:
Not he
How you can accuse him is a mystery

Klaus:
He ain’t

Violet:
He ain’t

Klaus:
The Count

Violet:
The Count
For we’d recognize him as a tall palm tree

Violet and Klaus:
Oh no
Not he
How can you accuse him is a mystery
He ain’t
The Count
For we’d recognize him as a tall palm tree

Violet:
Sure as the tide wash the golden sand
This guy here is an innocent man
Sure as bananas need the sun
He’s not a criminal guilty one
Oh no

Klaus:
Oh no

Violet:
Not he

Klaus:
Not he

Violet and Klaus:
How you can accuse him is a mystery

Violet:
He ain’t

Klaus:
He ain’t

Violet:
The Count

Violet and Klaus:
The Count
For we’d recognize him as a tall palm tree
Oh no – not he
How can you accuse him is a mystery
He ain’t – the Count
La la la la la la la