While most of the Luck Smells Lumbermill workers have never seen the owner. Yet, his name is so long and so hard to pronounce, he usually goes by Sir. However, the Baudelaires get to meet him since he’s their guardian. He turns out to be kind of a cigar smoking dick. He treats his partner Charles like crap. While Charles states that the Baudelaires should be treated like family and that having the children work in the mill is a mistake, Sir thinks child labor is all fine and dandy. In fact, he struck an agreement with Mr. Poe for as long as the orphans are put to work, he’d get Count Olaf and his cronies off their backs. To him, this is a fair deal since work will teach the children responsibility but it’s not. Neither is paying your workers with coupons and gum. Also, there are only 3 books in the library which include Paltryville’s constitution, a book about the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and Dr. Orwell’s book on advanced ocular science. And though Charles seems like a reasonable guy, he’s a complete wuss.

For the meeting with Sir, I used the song “Whistle While You Work,” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The original version is about enjoying yourself while doing chores with the assistance of the woodland creatures, which Disney lied to us about. But in this version basically involves Sir and Charles trying to get the Baudelaires to make the best of things while in a ridiculously unpleasant situation. Mostly because Charles wants the kids to lift their spirits while Sir really doesn’t give a shit.

“Whistle While You Work” (ASOUE Version)

Charles:
Just whistle while you work
And cheerfully you’ll bear working in this horrid place
So hum a merry tune
It won’t take long when there’s a song to help you set the pace

And as you saw the logs
Imagine that the log is someone that you love
And soon you’ll find you’re – no that came out wrong

Bald Man with Long Nose:
Oh, no, no, no, no! Put them in the mulcher

Charles:
When hearts are high the time will fly so whistle while you work

Just whistle while you work
Put on that grin and start right in to whistle loud and long
Just hum a merry tune
Just do your best when you can’t rest to sing yourself a song

Sir:
When there’s too much to do
Don’t let it bother you, forget your troubles,
When you’re working here for free

And whistle while you work
Come on get smart, tune up and start
To whistle while you work