For Sale Ads the Buyer Beware

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When you look inside any newspaper, on Craigslist, or wherever, you tend to find a lot of people selling some of their stuff. Houses and cars are usually the most listed item but it’s not uncommon to find pets, furniture, and other things either. It’s kind of like a circulation of crap from one owner to the next at times. Yes, people tend to be in certain situations that gives them the reason to sell like job loss, divorce, relocation, or death. Most ads of such type tend to be matter of fact and get straight to the point. But this isn’t the post for these since you tend to find them boring. Not to mention, getting through classified ads tends to be a rather dull adventure. But once in a while, you might end up finding ones that are sort of entertaining. And you might find others that might make you scratch your head and wonder why they thought to post this on Craigslist, the classifieds, or wherever. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of for sale ads that should be avoid if your seriously considering to buy  something. But if you’re looking for giggles, go right ahead. Just be aware that some of the content might not be safe for work.

  1. If you like John Deere tractors and hate sitting or steering them, I’ve found you a perfect ride.
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Not sure if a tractor without a steering wheel is even worth buying. I mean why buy a tractor if you can’t drive it? A steering wheel serves a very important purpose.

2. Picturesque 3 bedroom house in forest, buy it now for the offer won’t last long.

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I can guess why the seller is very motivated to sell this house. And I can see why the offer won’t last long. Still, it’s a nice house. But it runs a very high fire risk that might undermine its property value.

3. Can’t break up with your significant other? Buy a divorce couch.

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According to this Craigslist ad, this one has been responsible for 4 breakups and kept a divorcee single for 2 years. Nevertheless, I’m sure relationship breakups aren’t caused by furniture. But this owner isn’t taking any chances.

4. Soft black Italian leather couch for sale, has some wear but is super comfy.

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Uh, my parents have gotten rid of furniture that have looked better than this. It’s also bursting at the seams in two places. But I’m sure any WVU student would love it during football season.

5. 2002 Harley Davidson V-ROD for Sale due to owner’s personal issues.

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Looks like somebody didn’t keep his zipper up. Now he’s facing the consequences by having to sell his motorcycle to pay legal fees. Fellas, this is what could happen to you if you don’t keep it in your pants. Don’t be this guy.

6. At Farmer Clem’s Huge Pot Sale, everything is 70% off.

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Apparently, Farmer Clem has no idea that “pot” can pertain to a recreational drug as well as crockery. I’m sure stoners are bound to be disappointed.

7. The Honda CBR 250 is an excellent car for the enterprising criminal.

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Sure this is a great car for outrunning the cops. But that’s not something you’d want to put in a used car ad. Also, I think John giving away his phone number might give him a one way ticket to the big house.

8. Fellas, get this sweet ass 2001 Ford Taurus and it will get you through explosions and help you get laid.

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At the end this guy said that he didn’t write this and that he’s merely a fan of the original poster. And he’s also said that several other people who’ve posted this ad have been flagged. Nevertheless, I’m sure a Ford Taurus isn’t the car that survives explosions.

9. Free car available, because it’s just been dug up in somebody’s yard.

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Based on this description, I bet the car advertised appears to be one that’s normally headed for the junk yard. Also requests that you bring your own bobcat and tow truck.

10. Buy a 2005 Nissan Xterra for $12900 and receive a free pair of MC Hammer pants.

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This guy goes all the way to say how this car is for men in action movies. Also says that he’ll beat up any potential buyers who’ll give him $5,000 for it.

11. Parachute for sale, only used once, never opened.

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I think you can guess what happened to the previous owner. I’m sure it didn’t end in a happy landing.

12. For Sale, 1999 Acura Integra, good condition, has only been in one accident.

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Sure it’s only been rolled once. But please, did the seller have to post a picture of it in the classifieds? Seriously, I don’t think that’s going to inspire confidence in potential buyers.

13. Coffee Table of the Gods-sure to cost $7.83, 4 cans of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, and a photo of Betty White.

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The ad also says that it’s “perfect for someone with a cocaine habit or shooting a porno movie.” Also says that buyers might be subjected to a quiz to determine their level of bad-assery.

14. Box of 10 year old Twinkies up for sale for $5.

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I don’t know about you, but I think charging $5 for a box of 10 year old Twinkies is a bit much. I think they might be quite stale.

15. For Sale: human skull, not plastic, used once. Costs $200.

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The fact that it’s not plastic kind of disturbs me. Let’s hope that nobody dug this up in a cemetery.

16. Sorry, but this 2005 Nissan Maxima isn’t for sale.

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So if it’s not for sale, then why does this person have it in the Classified section. Just doesn’t make sense.

17. For Sale: One pair of hardly used dentures with 2 teeth missing.

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Sorry, but even “hardly” used dentures with 2 kind of disgust me. Seriously, I don’t think I’d pay a dime for them, let alone $100.

18. Need a better way to clean the dishes and a breast cancer screening? Well, here’s your answer.

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Well, for a dish washer like that, you can’t resist to buy it for $20. Think of it , ladies, a dishwasher that also examines your boobs. It’s a steal.

19. Soccer Ball: either signed by the Brazilian legend Pele or some guy named Peter.

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It’s probably signed by some guy named “Peter.” Seriously, where in the hell could anyone find a soccer ball signed by such a legend? Yeah, me neither.

20. For Sale: casket that has been only used once.

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So what happened to the last person who used it? Wait a minute, aren’t caskets usually used once? Isn’t that the idea?

21. For Sale by owner due to personal crisis.

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You have to feel bad for this guy because his life seems to run like a country western song. Still, I don’t think he’s going to get a great offer due to the asbestos, which has been known to cause mesothelioma.

22. Home for sale, mice included.

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Normally when a home has mice, it doesn’t make for good real estate. I mean nobody wants to live in a place that’s infested with vermin.

23. Used tombstone for sale, perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergeneinzel.

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Uh, aren’t tombstones supposed to have names carved into them? Also, how on earth would anyone get their hands on a used tombstone? Theft?

24. This magical piece of driftwood of mysterious origin could be yours at the price of $8,997 or a boat.

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I’m sure $8,997 is way over priced for a piece of driftwood. You know, the kind of stuff you find near almost any body of water. Wonder if it’s wreckage from a boat. Wouldn’t be surprised.

25. All dogs are for sale, but keep in mind it’s a big responsibility.

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I like this one. If you want a dog, fine. But if you just want a dog to make you feel better, go to a hospital for therapy. Yes, good advice.

26. Fish tank for sale, along with some terrible fish.

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This one has 2 fish. One is named Kevin who’s a jerk and has got it out for goldfish. The other one is his brother Neal who is murderous scum. Didn’t know fish can be such jerks.

27. House for sale, because neighbor’s a dick.

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I think this guy should reconsider. We all have that one asshole neighbor out there. But most of us deal with it and live our lives. This guy should do the same.

28. For sale, slice of American cheese left in fridge.

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Seriously, a slice of American cheese? I wouldn’t think that’s worthy to put it on Craigslist. If it’s in excellent condition, why don’t you just eat the thing and be done with it? That’s what most people do.

29. Diamond ring for sale, very pretty, possibly cursed.

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Well, that’s a pretty ring and at least the previous girl wearing it had the courtesy to return it to him. Still, like the part how he plans to throw it into the fires of Mordor if it’s not sold by Christmas.

30. High-maintainence car for sale, no longer reliable.

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This guy could’ve avoided all his car trouble if he had tried to buy a car with Consumer Reports. Still, like how he photoshopped that girl in the front view.

31. For the price of $3995, you can drive this VW convertible as is if someone ever finds the wheels and who stole them.

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So looking at this picture, I suppose that this car doesn’t take you anywhere. One of its key features is obviously lacking.

32. For sale, 275-300 cinder blocks for $1, just get these fucking blocks of this property.

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Man, this guy seems to have a vocabulary that you’d expect from a character on The Wire. I mean they’re saying f-bombs left and right.

33. This 1971 Duster can be yours at the price of $3500.

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Oh, my God, that looks like a literal piece of junk. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop the owner from promoting it as a perfect father and son restoration project.

34. Dog for sale. Name’s Rottie. But also goes by Mr. Giggles.

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He’s said to be good with children, well mannered, and is a great companion. Sorry, but looking at the picture, I just don’t buy it.

35. For sale, the most uncomfortable chair ever made.

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It’s funny how this seller is trying to attract buyers for it. Says it’s an antique, solidly built, easy to carry, and be used as a weapon.

36. Free to a good home but I’m not sure who the guy’s talking about in this.

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At first, he seems to be talking about his dog. But as you go on, he seems to be talking about his girlfriend and how much of a bitch she is. Still, if he loves his dog so much, why doesn’t he just kick his girlfriend out?

37. Middleton home for sale, perfect for enterprising pot farmers.

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Something tells me that whoever is selling this home got busted for growing pot. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because this ad mentions a room that’s spectacular room to grow marijuana.

38. Keyboards for sale, will ask for a bare price.

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Guess that’s one way to grab a reader’s attention on Craigslist. Still, I wonder why this guy thought posing nude with a keyboard was a good idea. Why?

39. This suburban home in the hills of Wyomissing offers a spectacular view of a local Wal Mart.

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Hmmm…something tells me that a viewing a local Wal-Mart from a private deck wouldn’t be very spectacular. In fact, quite the contrary.

40. For sale, 1995 Ford Escort, now at a reduced price.

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Something tells me that this isn’t a great car. Well, it’s not just the price reduction. There’s also “beats walkin” in the description. Yes, this is probably a shitty car.

41. Fork for sale, $.50, also selling garbage disposal.

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Let me guess, someone left a fork in the drain when they turned on the garbage disposal. Not surprised that it needs repair.

42. For sale, Ryan Turbidy’s underwear. Who is he? You know the new face of the Late Late Show.

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Don’t know about you but this guy seems to have spoken too soon. Seriously, I don’t know who this guy is. And I’m sure the new face of The Late Late Show is an Englishman named James Corden.

43. These hamsters are free or cost $1.00, depending whom you call.

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Seems like Allen’s mother is desperate to get rid of the hamsters. That or Allen wants to make some money on the side.

44. For sale, dresser that ex-girlfriend left behind.

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This guy is describing his ex-girlfriend’s dresser as well as talking trash about his ex-girlfriend. Boy, this guy sure is bitter, my God.

45. Vibrator for sale, used twice, great condition.

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First off, does anyone know what a vibrator is? Second, would anyone be willing to buy one used? Didn’t think so.

46. Bike for sale. Costs $10,ooo, but be careful.

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I’m sure this bike isn’t nearly as nice than it in the picture. Let’s just say, “Apparently, ‘do whatever the f*** you want’ doesn’t mean what I thought,” might give you a clue why it’s on sale.

47. Seems like there’s a moving sale nearby.

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Kind of sad that this family has to move because the guy couldn’t keep it in his parents. Still, at least the wife has the last laugh with this picture. What an asshole.

48. Star Trek portraits for sale, to support World of Warcraft subscription.

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Seems like some guy might have an addiction to World of Warcraft. Nevertheless, I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding buyers for his Star Trek paintings.

49. Treadmill for sale, because running is apparently hard.

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Guess somebody has given up on their New Year’s Resolutions. Still, buying fitness equipment is a waste of money, especially in January.

50. Mattress for sale, like new, has a slight urine smell.

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Well, at least they’re honest. Nevertheless, not sure if anyone is willing to buy a mattress somebody peed on.

51. Couch for sale, said to be owned by Barry Gibb.

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Okay, does this couch look like something Barry Gibb would own? My point exactly, no way in hell. Doesn’t stop people from trying though.

52. House for sale, has huge dick for entertaining and enjoying the views.

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Okay, that’s supposed to be “deck” not “dick.” Do you see why people need to check before they send it out to the public? Yeah, typos can totally change the original meaning.

53. iPhone bumper for sale. Available in Cape Town only.

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Reading this, you wonder what the hell is going on in South Africa. Still, why the hell is this person selling something like an iPhone bumper online I don’t understand.

54. 4 year old boy for sale. Has temper tantrum issues.

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Looks like somebody is going to jail once Child Services gets a hold of this. And I don’t think it’s this little boy who’s doing stuff you’d expect from a 4-year-old.

55. Wanna be a real man? Well, you need to buy this watch.

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Seems like this guy goes to great lengths to sell this watch, saying how it will many any guy a real man. Still, not sure if it’s worth a million bucks though.

56. Laptop for sale, only slightly damaged.

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Yeah, tis but a scratch indeed. Seems more like it’s been smashed by a sledgehammer if you ask me. More like something you might want to sell for scrap.

57. Couch for sale, David Hasselhoff not included.

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I’m sure that’s totally photoshopped. Because David Hasselhoff totally doesn’t look like that now. Still, don’t understand why people like him.

58. Potty chair for sale, solid oak, light brown stain.

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I think “stain” in this means wood stain. However, sometimes you have to wonder.

59. Rob Ford bobblehead for sale, money goes to the Philippines.

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Wonder if anyone is going to take a crack at this. Guess Rob Ford isn’t very popular in Toronto.

60. 15 used snuggies for sale. Either one at a time or all at once.

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Guy says that there might be some small stains on a few of them and someone might’ve died in one. But he says it’s no big deal.

61. Loaf of whole wheat bread for sale at $65.

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I’m sure this is an ad used to punk people who believe in the snopocalypse. Still, you can buy any loaf of bread cheaper at your local grocery store.

62. Shovel for sale. Comes with free extension cord. No Jews, please.

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I know whoever is selling this is a flaming anti-Semite. And I wouldn’t buy a shovel from him. But still, it’s great to laugh at.

63. Car for sale, not posting a picture because it has a lot of dents in it.

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Like how he says that he wants the buyer to come while his wife’s home. He wants her to see that he put the car up. Guess she doesn’t believe him.

64. For sale, 8 day old partially eaten turkey. Still has drumsticks.

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Look, I like turkey as much as the next person. However, I wouldn’t pay $23 for a partially eaten one. No way in hell.

65. For sale, used toilet paper.

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Used toilet paper. That seems like a great thing to sell. Then again, for the love of God, it’s disgusting. Please let this be a joke.

66. For sale, china cabinet. Has some cat scratches. But that’s taken care of.

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Sure this seems like a lovely china cabinet. However, not sure of what I think about the cat being killed.

67. For sale for $.09, a gently chewed piece of Stride gum.

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This is sick. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to eat a piece of chewed gum. Still, shouldn’t the person just throw it out like a normal person would? That’s gross.

68. KA Nissan 240 motor for sale for $5.

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Hey, this doesn’t seem like it’s advertising a car. It’s a little girl with a gun in her hand which kind of scares the crap out of me. Little girls shouldn’t play with guns. Nor should little boys either.

69. Yugo for sale because it’s a piece of crap.

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This seller not giving this Yugo a good write up saying it runs like a store shopping cart and is as reliable as Bernie Madoff. Then again, the people of Car Talk call this the worst car ever.

70. Boat for sale, needs work.

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Yes, I could’ve guessed it needs a little work. Because it doesn’t seem to have much ability to float if you ask me.

71. Taxidermy mice for sale with button eyes. Can be used as napkin hangers.

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This looks kind of disturbing. Not sure if it’s the dead mice or the buttons. Creepy.

72. For sale, a spectacular 1995 Pontiac Grand Am GT.

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This guy is really going to great aims to sell this car. Also calls it, “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ.”

73. Moped for sale. Man in speedo not included.

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Not sure if this is a lame attempt at fanservice for these guys surely aren’t ripped. Still, is posing in an ad in a speedo really necessary?

74. Husband for sale for a good low price.

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Doesn’t seem very appealing, does he? So how he managed to be husband I don’t have the slightest idea. Then again, maybe I do.

75. Free sofa. Weatherproof. Hardly used.

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Now that can’t be comfortable. Seriously, it’s a stone couch that’s covered in chicken wire. Then again, it’s fairly low maintenance.

76. 1962 International Rat Rod for sale at $3000.

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Seems like this one was made out of two different cars. And the front end really doesn’t go well with the rest of it. So that’s why they call it a rat rod.

77. Apartments for rent.Spacious first floor has a lice infestation.

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I think that’s supposed to be “live” not “lice.” Still, I don’t see it attracting many buyers. See what typos do to ads if undetected?

78. Seems like there’s an estate sale around the corner.

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Oh, my God, this is the kind of yard sale you’d expect from an Agatha Christie novel. Assuming that yard sales took place in Agatha Christie stories. Still, sounds rather insensitive.

79. Unicorns for sale, must go together at $925,000.

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I’m sure this is a joke. Because we all know that unicorns don’t exist at all. Seriously, whoever makes a serious inquiry regarding unicorns is a complete moron. Then again, one born every minute.

80. Husband or kitten free to a good home, whichever leaves first.

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Well, that’s one way of giving an ultimatum. Still, you have to admit, this ad is pretty hilarious.

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