The Disappointing World of Epic Design Fails

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 23, 2019

Nobody’s perfect. And those who design all the stuff we look at and use are no exception. After all, we all make mistakes. But if you design something, people are going to notice. At best, it’ll be overlooked like it’s no big deal. At worst, it’ll be emblazoned all over the internet and you may be known as a “you had only one job” person. Actually that may not be the worst since that might depend on your profession. Though some of these pieces might include more than one terrible mistake. From bad architecture to bad ads, you’ll find design blunders all over the place. Sometimes it’s bad font, wording, and ad perception. Sometimes it’s something much more practical. So for your reading pleasure today, I’ll give you an assortment of epic design fails. So enjoy. Though some of these might not be safe for work for obvious reasons.

To be fair, counting miles is pretty tricky.

No wonder running this trail feels longer than it should be. Still, there’s a difference between 4 and 5 miles.

2. I think you might mean jaguar.

Because jeopards don’t exist. Seriously, it’s not even a word. But little kids might not know that.

3. What do you mean I can’t smoke in this ashtray?

Don’t you know what an ashtray is for? If you don’t permit smoking, why do you have them?

4. Hunters Plaza is so heartless these days.

Okay, they’re raising money to help kids with childhood cancer. Couldn’t they just say so and not look like monsters?

5. The Econo Camper Mat makes for a great book surface.

Uh, aren’t you supposed to be lying on it? Better on an air mattress than the grass, I always say.

6. Even superheroes listen to their parents…oh wait.

If you’re familiar with superheroes, you can see why these don’t add up. For one, Batman saw his parents murdered. Second, both Superman’s dads died when he was young. And both seem to send him conflicting messages. Third, superheroes don’t have bed times.

7. Perhaps your little princess would like to sit in this Cinderella car seat.

Didn’t know one of Cinderella’s ancestors was a giraffe. Seriously, this is really freaky.

8. Apparently, the University of Texas doesn’t have a statistics department.

Because these bars on this graph are way too high. Seriously, doesn’t someone understand percentages?

9. Bleach Cereal is part of a complete breakfast.

Who the hell would buy this? Sure I don’t think it’s toxic, but you wouldn’t know by the packaging.

10. Okay, I think this Minion craze has gone too far.

Minion bikini? What the fuck? I know they’re really popular but a minion bikini just doesn’t look right.

11. Did someone just die in here?

Don’t worry, it’s just the carpet’s merely designed like a mass murder happened here. Still, I wonder how many 911 calls this place has inspired.

12. Why are those two guys banging a human centipede?

To be fair, they might just be horsing around. But the positioning of these guys gives me a far dirtier impression.

13. Almond milk or laundry detergent? You decide.

Because this almond milk bottle seems to resemble something you’d keep bleach in. Not sure if I’d take any. Oh wait, I wouldn’t.

14. We’re open 24/7 except when we’re not.

To be fair, they’re only closed late at night on weekends. So it’s a time that most people won’t be calling anyway.

15. At Thunder Bay, golf is a man’s sport.

Guess someone didn’t have the balls to tell the landscaper about this. Then again, you’d have to be nuts not to notice.

16. I’m sure your girlfriend will have quite the sensation once you hit the ‘Clit.’

It’s a forest recreation area with plenty of bush. Not far from the G-Spot Nature Reserve. You’ll have such a good time you’d want to come again. Oh, it’s supposed to be “The Cut?” Well, the font suggests otherwise.

17. So do you have a Jack or an Ace?

Sorry, but the Jack of Diamonds doesn’t look like it. Seems more like a diamond Ace to me.

18. Since when did couches have ball backs?

For when you don’t want your guests to stay long. Seriously, that can’t be comfortable.

19. I suppose Jeff Epstein and Roy Moore used to frequent this joint.

Okay, this has one more to do with bad text placement. 8-12 is supposed to be the time not the age range. But yes, it’s pretty disturbing.

20. That doesn’t look like 5 bananas.

In fact, there seems to be 6 bananas. Apparently, this children’s book illustrator couldn’t count.

21. Pool open for 9 days a week from 10 to 9:30.

Actually, it just repeats Friday and Saturday. Still, you’d think anyone would notice it.

22. Is this supposed to be soap or candy?

It’s supposed to be hand soap. But the label seems to suggest otherwise.

23. I don’t think you’d want to use this stall.

Since the door’s basically a trapezoid. So it doesn’t provide any adequate privacy.

24. I don’t think your belongings will be safe in these lockers.

Because they don’t seem to have any locks on them. So better keep your belongings on you in this place.

25. Apparently, Habitat for Humanity provides sniper lessons.

The van is supposed to say, “Practice your skills.” But given how van doors slide, you can see where the unfortunate message comes in.

26. Seems like the poop emoji recently got a makeover.

Yes, it’s supposed to be toothpaste. But no matter what the color scheme, a glop with a smiling face is always the poop emoji.

27. Please don’t season the birds.

Okay, it’s supposed to say don’t feed the birds. But the bird should be facing the other way.

28. Pencil’s got on Nikes but no pants.

Wonder why he’s not getting arrested for indecent exposure. Then again, he’ll have to sharpen his tip once he gets going.

29. Maybe you should just put “Jazz” not anything fancy in between.

Yeah, the shirt seems to say, “Jizz Addicts.” Coming soon to a club called The Golden Shower.

30. Didn’t know Paw Patrol was such a dark show. Though it was catered to toddlers.

Well, the box says, “Paw Concentration Camp.” Like, what the hell? I don’t think 2-year-olds are ready to learn about the Holocaust.

31. Before you erect a pay meter, make sure it’s capable with its environment.

Since I don’t think solar panels work in parking garages. Still, this place must be a popular place to park.

32. Looks like Ohio State’s not doing so good.

Okay, this is an alarm clock. But why would they put the time on the scoreboard, I have absolutely no idea. Couldn’t they just put the time on the time clock like they do in every game?

33. Excuse me, ma’am, but I think you might have a severe case of diarrhea.

Actually, she’s wearing a white dress with brown flowers. But it surely looks like she massively shit herself.

34. On second thought, maybe mirrored ceiling tiles in the bathroom was a bad idea.

I mean they obviously reflect the toilets in the stalls. Guess someone has no concept of privacy.

35. Jesus Christ, these people are monsters.

Okay, they actually support Child Abuse Prevention Month. But the last 2 words are in smaller type.

36. So how are you supposed to use the toilet if you can’t reach the toilet paper?

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I mean the toilet paper should be near the toilet. Not near the sink. Yeah, I don’t know how this is supposed to work out.

37. How do you know how much water you have in this bottle.

I mean it should be at least translucent, not opaque. This doesn’t make any sense.

38. Didn’t know I could find Seven of Nine’s baby picture on a bus.

You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Still, I didn’t think the Borg would get her this early.

39. Do you squirt?

It’s supposed to stand for Silent Quiet Un-Interrupted Reading Time. However, “squirt” also has a rather different connotation in the bathroom.

40. I don’t think whoever designed this knows how.

The words are divided into columns. Yet, given how we read, you can see how it doesn’t make sense.

41. Aaris is home to the Eiffel Tower.

Okay, it’s supposed to say Paris. But somehow, someone had the brilliant idea to put the Eiffel Tower on the P instead of the A.

42. These activewear Speedo pants will show off your, uh….big dick energy.

Actually that’s supposed to be a leg, not a penis. But looking at them from this angle makes you think otherwise.

43. You can now watch movies from the comfort of your home or car.

The scaling on this is incredibly bad. Also, you can’t put a couch in your car.

44. Want to take some mulled spice bleach?

Okay, it’s probably not bleach, but mouthwash. Still, despite its cinnamon flavor, I wouldn’t want to put that in my mouth.

45. Care for a Tex Cock Mextail?

It’s supposed to say “Tex Mex Cock Tails.” But given how we read, it doesn’t come out right.

46. I’d have to get a ladder to plug something in.

I don’t see anyone using this electrical outlet anytime soon. Since it’s in a very inconvenient location.

47. No, “stressed” spelled backwards isn’t “desserts.”

It’s actually “desserts.” But apparently, this person didn’t get the memo.

48. You don’t want to drink that. Seriously.

Because it’s radiator coolant. Why they thought it would be fine in a tall pop can container, I absolutely have no idea.

49. So how do you use this keypad?

Look, I understand what most of these buttons are supposed to do. But the commands on the right don’t match the colors and symbols. So something might mess you up.

50. I don’t think you should wear these flamingo pants.

No, it has nothing to do with whether they might make one’s but look big or fat. But the flamingos just don’t make your crotch look good.

51. Make your home great again with some white power accessories.

I understand white is to signify color. But “white power” is also a white supremacist chant. Doesn’t look good.

52. Is that where the speakers are supposed to be?

I don’t think speakers are supposed to go near the pedal and brakes. Seriously, why?

53. Soul-Feel – to remember that perfect voyeur moment.

It would be easier just to take a selfie. Why not, I have no idea.

54. Is this supposed to be a dentist’s office or an execution chamber?

Given how the standing figure appears to be holding a gun at the lying figure’s head, you’d think the latter. Still, it’s pretty crazy.

55. Seems like this upcoming basketball game’s going to be a real snoozer.

Better not watch this one. Will probably slog on for hours. Also, this announcement is from New Zealand.

56. Warning: incoming dancer coming down the stairs.

Yeah, you don’t want to be near someone silly walking. This is especially the case at the stairwell.

57. Seems like I found Hannibal Lecter’s favorite restaurant.

Best thank Jessica’s family for offering their bodies to nourish all the cannibalistic customers. Once again, word placement is the key.

58. In this year’s Christmas Bazaar and Craft Show, we’re fighting children with diabetes.

It should be “Fight Childhood Diabetes” fundraiser. Otherwise, it means that you’re beating the crap out of diabetic kids.

59. This urinal placement’s bound to create some awkward moments.

Because I don’t think guys want to pee that close to each other. Seriously, they don’t even design stalls so close together.

60. Don’t bother parking in this driveway.

Since it has power lines running down. So what’s the point having a driveway right there?

61. Don’t let your kids go down this playground slide.

For this slide doesn’t have any side rails. Also kind of resembles a very long tongue.

62. Apparently, whoever came up with this toenail file wasn’t consulted on product names.

Pedi File? Seriously, I understand what they’re trying to get at. But the name too closely resembles a term they use for a child molester.

63. He should remember not to dive in the shallow end.

Apparently, this giant is seconds away from being paralyzed. Probably not the smartest tool in the shed.

64. Wonder what kind of prick would pay for this pool.

Hope whoever owns this one doesn’t have any kids. Because I’m not sure if they’d have the balls to explain the shape to them.

65. I don’t think bathroom carpeting is a bright idea.

Considering that you’re bound to drip water quite often, you’re better off with tile. Seriously, why?

66. Well, I guess I’ll lose then.

After all, if you can’t win at Tic Tac Toe, you can keep the other person from winning. So I’ll call it a draw.

67. I just want to listen to the radio not shift gears.

A gear shift shouldn’t be a knob. Seriously, it just confuses people.

68. I don’t think the stairs can make it to this bedroom.

Seems like you have to make quite a step to get inside. Best you don’t sleepwalk. Parkour fans only.

69. Shouldn’t you not go under that ramp anyway?

From Bored Panda: “The Rails Should Prevent People From Hitting Their Head, But Instead They Trip Over Them. So Now, Traffic Cones.”

70. There, that should keep intruders away.

Apparently, someone didn’t get the memo on how anyone can just go around the gate. So it’s basically worthless.

71. How not to design a handicap parking spot.

Not sure how the wheelchair can get around the bumper and onto the ramp. Disabled access shouldn’t be this difficult.

72. When it comes to signs, spacing is important.

The letters are so close together that you can’t tell what it’s supposed to say. Other than it’s a bookshop.

73. So where is this vent supposed to go to?

Apparently, it’s screwed on a tile wall. So it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.

74. So how do I get this thing out of the packaging?

Seems like these things can help you open stuff. But then they come encased in plastic impossible to rip open.

75. So how do I use this keypad if I want to warm up something?

Because the keypad on this microwave doesn’t have any numbers on it. Just pictures and that won’t help me or anyone else.

76. 50 lanes? Let’s merge them into 4.

Man, if you have to deal with traffic on your commute. Be happy you don’t drive on this road.

77. Apparently, I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a wheelchair.

Does this person have a large butt? Just jumping on a bouncy ball? What else?

78. If only there was an easier way to see who’s outside the door.

For God’s sake, there’s a window right there. Seriously, you don’t need a peep hole. The window’s good enough.

79. I think I’ll use the garden hose instead.

Since the fire extinguisher more or less resembles a flame thrower. Not a great indicator in the least.

80. Perhaps you’d want a couch like this in your house.

Oh my God, this is just incredibly ugly. Also, some of the upholstery may not be suitable for children.

81. When you have to take a shit at a public lecture.

“Hello, everyone, I’m here with you today to discuss our sales figures. But first, I have go to the John. I apologize if you have to watch me drop my pants.”

82. Remember that nothing is impossible.

Except you can’t see the first 2 letters. So you might find this rug rather pessimistic.

83. I don’t think this sends a great message to kids.

Actually, it’s an anti-smoking PSA. But given that it’s on a school bus, it seems like an ad encouraging kids to drop out of school. Still, kids, don’t quit school. It never ends well.

84. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the dumbest couple around.

Uh, I think the woman’s well past the first trimester since she’s obviously showing. Seriously, she doesn’t really need a pregnancy test by now.

85. Get ready for the Dublin Staff relay.

Since when do men wear a tie on their wrists? Because I’ve never seen guys doing any such thing.

86. If you don’t know the language and can’t get a translator. But you need to open right away.

That doesn’t seem like this business will do well. Wonder what’s going on with the translator.

87. Hope you don’t do your business at the beach.

It’s supposed to say “suit yourself.” But sometimes the typeface doesn’t do the phrase justice.

88. So what will you have for the wedding: chicken, beef, kids?

They should put the kids under the guest line. Not next to the menu. Bunch of sickos.

89. The slide goes 3 ways.

I don’t think a kid may want to slide down on that. Where they’ll land, no one knows.

90. Do you really need an iWatch that big?

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This seems more suited for people that are about the size of as skyscraper. Maybe Godzilla or King Kong.

91. Lounge in your pool with this air mattress from Always.

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In case it’s your time of the month, this float is extra absorbent. Seriously, why would anyone want to design a pool float that looks like a maxi pad? It’s just ridiculous.

92. How about joining the Cool Jizz Association?

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Oh, it’s supposed to be the Cool Jazz Association. Still, I heard they’re streaming on Netflix. Bet you’re already bursting since holding it in. Since urine luck.

93. No, I wouldn’t know what accident to do.

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This is supposed to convey “If you were in a car accident, what would you do?” But the font and size doesn’t seem to do justice.

94. Unfortunately, the memories don’t seem to last forever on this time.

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Since the word, “memories” is faded. Because it doesn’t have the same color as the other words on here.

95. Welcome to the 9/11 Superstore.

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This isn’t just an Indian Seven Eleven knock off convenience store. But also desecrates one of the worst days in American history like the terrorist attacks at the World Trade Center.

96. Here is a touching tribute to JFK at this Memorial. Oh, wait.

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For God’s sake, the guy was shot in the head during a motorcade in Dallas. While the corner is right near it. That can’t be good.

97. Music connects people.

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Unfortunately, these silhouette couple realized the world won’t let them be together. So they decided to hang themselves on 2 eighth notes. So tragic.

98. Apparently, this school administration knows nothing about current pop culture trends.

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For one, The Hunger Games is a trilogy. Secondly, it’s about teenagers who are forced to fight to the death by a repressive dystopic government. Apparently, the odds aren’t in their favor.

99. Feel free to hunt kiddies here with a shotgun.

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Actually don’t. Since the sign wants people to drive slower since kids are around. Also, hunting is usually reserved for certain times of the year. But you can understand the misinterpretation.

100. Feel free to take suggestions that we’ll normally toss away anyway.

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Because at this place, you’re opinion doesn’t really matter. So you better get used to it.

The Roadside World of Billboards

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 8, 2018

3D illustration of blank white billboard against blue sky.

Let’s face it, advertising is everywhere. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you’re still bound to see some kind of ad promoting some kind of product or service. After all, a business has to sell somehow and some way. Even in a rural area, whenever you’re traveling, chances are you’ll see all kinds of billboard signs advertising local businesses and services nearby. Some may even have public service announcements or political messages. Some may just promote products like fast food or beer. But whenever you travel, you’ll still see them. Nevertheless, you’ll come across some billboards with unique designs and funny slogans. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of billboards that won’t make you bored to tears. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

Come to Pedro’s south of the border.

Not sure if using “sausage” is a good idea. Oh, I get it, it’s supposed to be “saw such.” My mistake.

2. Best to drive carefully through Branxton.

Since it has 2 cemeteries and no hospital. So if you get injured, you’re out of luck.

3. Of course, some people just have to bring their personal lives out for everyone to see.

Look, I know you’re hurting, Emily. But please, I think airing your anger on a billboard makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

4. Stop in at Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.

Okay, this sounds kind of dirty for a rest stop. I’m sure “Original Minnow Shot” will have its own Urban Dictionary entry real soon.

5. With Esurance, you can cover your home in a click.

Sure you might not see anything wrong with this message. But look at it from far away, and it says, “cover your home in a dick.”

6. This billboard was brought to you by Financial Arts, Inc.

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However, if you’re looking for anything silent but deadly, I don’t think their website will offer it. Though I don’t know what financial arts are anyway.

7. Pollo Tropical always offers island flavor.

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But they aren’t great choosing a font. Since the “island” part also reads bland, which won’t attract potential customers.

8. Your Local 5 is here when you need to know.

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Though the headline doesn’t help matters. Seriously, people might get the wrong idea.

9. Since you only live once, try to be happy.

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Brought to you by Wilks Funeral Home. Hey, at least they know how to cash in on a trend.

10. Spend your time at this golf range.

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This place boasts about great balls and grass. I know people might get the wrong idea.

11. If you need any help, call these guys.

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But what do these people do? Who are these people are? Seriously, I really don’t know.

12. Want to fly? Text while you drive.

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But I don’t think that kind of flying involves a plane. More likely involves a car crash.

13. Live the extreme with the Air Force Reserve.

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Since when did the Air Force do wind surfing? Not that I want to join since I don’t. But I need to know this.

14. Scandinavian Designs has their biggest sale ever.

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That woman doesn’t seem excited for some reason. In fact, she reminds me of a scream queen from a horror movie who’s freaked out about getting killed.

15. At Construct 2, we make computer games.

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Yet, this one seems to depict rather childish drawings. Perhaps they should’ve gone with state of the art graphics instead.

16. You can expect great care at Cancer Care Center.

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Don’t think that’s good for their ad campaign. Seriously, that pun goes nowhere.

17. Hope you can get a nice pair of these undies.

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Too bad this billboard ad was made by someone who couldn’t type. Seriously, the capitalization is nuts.

18. Lowe’s always takes care of unfinished projects.

Well, at least Lowe’s knows how to advertise. Since that billboard looks unfinished to me.

19. She caught her cheating husband with state of the art equipment.

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I think ads like these belong on Craigslist. Not on billboards for all to see.

20. Cops hide here. So get a Mini Cooper.

Sure the Mini Cooper is small. But an ad implying that cops hide behind the bushes is disturbing.

21. Want to see your teeth as we do? Go to Aspen Dental.

I know she’s smiling. But it’s a frown upside down. That don’t look right.

22. Want to see the largest continent? Fly on Air Asia.

Well, that’s a clever way to use puns. Hope it goes over the kids.

23. Got hemorrhoids? Tampa Proctology is at your service.

Come in through the rear entrance. And please, no butt dials.

24. Want to enjoy Minnesota? Move to Wisconsin.

Someone doesn’t seem to appreciate Minnesota very much. But this is from a Wisconsin real estate agency.

25. When burying your dead loved one, think outside the box.

This is for a cemetery. But when they say to think outside the box, they usually don’t mean a coffin.

26. Don’t read enough? Try these audiobooks.

I know some Americans may be offended by this. But this company is from Canada. Still, I’d replace the George W. Bush image with Donald Trump.

27. Your breasts won’t bounce with this bra.

I don’t get the slogan. “Only the ball should bounce,” what the hell does that mean?

28. Seems like this billboard might’ve caused a car crash.

Apparently, sex sells. Since this is for a mechanic’s garage. Guess they know how to drum up good business.

29. Is your wife hot? Get your air conditioning fixed.

Well, that’s sure to get people’s attention. Though I’m not sure if it’s appropriate.

30. Got arrested? Call Jaeger & Blanker.

Got to like their number 1-855-WTF-POPO. Though they seem to specialize in drugs and DUIs.

31. Seems like this lobster had to see a therapist.

This is for an Australian lobster joint. Not sure why it featured cartoon lobsters in therapy.

32. The Dark Knight is open for litigation.

Okay, his name just happens to be Batman. Wonder if he gets any flack from that. Couldn’t hurt his business.

33. Life Church TV is known to vanquish Satan.

Not always a fan of religious billboards. But I think this one is quite clever if you ask me.

34. Texas Direct Auto loves your headlights.

This is for a car buying service. And I don’t think the cars they buy aren’t anywhere nice.

35. Invest in your future, study engineering before sex.

Funny how this ad implies you can’t have sex and study engineering. But still, use protection.

36. Asian Buffet: Poor English but great food.

Though Asians will certainly find this sign quite offensive. This especially with the addition of “Oriental.”

37. Buy a diamond ring for her and get a free gun.

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Well, that’s one way to drum up business. Yet, should a jeweler really do this?

38. Alcohol: Cheaper than therapy.

This is for a discount liquor store. Though between alcohol and therapy, I’d stick with therapy.

39. If you can bank anywhere, go with 1st Bank.

Yet, why it has a surgeon operating, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, banking shouldn’t be on your mind while cutting someone open.

40. Keep your butt covered.

This one recommends that people get colonoscopies. Yet, why show someone’s butt cheeks, I don’t have a clue.

41. Fat and ugly? Join Fit 4 Less.

Well, that’s a rather demeaning message. From a billboard in Great Britain, by the way.

42. Get your crabs at Dirty Dick’s Crab House.

It’s a crab restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Yet, I see the dirty wordplay which would make many want to avoid it.

43. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table. Put family first.

I know it’s supposed to encourage family togetherness. Yet, it seems to imply cannibalism.

44. Come to Buc-ee’s for food and gas.

I know it’s just a run of the mill rest stop. Yet, kind of implies that the food you eat will give you gas.

45. Seems like we’ve come across a personal ad.

Well, if you can afford a billboard, you can afford a spouse. Still, not sure about displaying one’s phone number though.

46. Texting while driving kills. But if you want to know more just text.

Guess this is proof that irony knows no bounds. But seriously, texting while driving kills.

47. Got a DUI? Call 1-800-NOT-DRUNK.

The fact so many people get DUIs can make this guy have a firm like this. Kind of a sad statement of our society.

48. So, what’s our slogan?

Guess whoever made this billboard was totally high at the time. Wonder if it’s from Colorado.

49. Want to know information concerning your health and safety? See other side.

And they seem to make it so urgent. But they wasted a whole space for the typography.

50. Save the whales. Go vegetarian and lose weight.

This is from PETA, by the way. And yes, they have to get their message out their through fat shaming. Is there anything they wouldn’t do?

51. In advertising, it’s best to use only what you need.

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This one only uses a small orange square to get to the point. The rest is just bare.

52. Whether Pokémon or STDs, gotta catch ’em all.

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Not sure if Pokémon font is appropriate for this kind of matter. Seriously, why?

53. Committed a crime? Call Larry L. Archie.

Famous clients include O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and more. Okay, I’m just kidding. But that slogan’s just waiting to be mocked.

54. Serenity Creek Med Spa will get you from Sasquatch to smooth.

So Bigfoot was basically a gorgeous blond woman inside the whole time. Didn’t see that coming.

55. Introducing Scooter, the neutered cat.

Wonder what this is for. Bet it’s for a shelter or vet office.

56. Unfortunately, nothing can end hunger in Ohio.

I think this is website. Still, kind of sends a rather dark message.

57. Greetings, from Quartzite, Arizona!

Even includes, legends of camels. And it’s always the weekend there, except for people who live there. Since they have to work. Seems like someone’s desperate for tourists.

58. Don’t want to be caught dead in that dress? Tell the funeral home now.

This is for a funeral home. Not sure if I agree with the slogan but it seems to work.

59. Illiterate? Write for free help.

So if you’re illiterate, how can you write for free help. Because I don’t get it at all.

60. Prevent HIV and get tested with this crew.

But I don’t know if this is the kind of way to get the message out. But whatever works for the kids.

61. Truth Ministry: where you can pray the Asian away.

Boy, that’s racist. Guaranteed to work as well as gay conversion therapy like not at all with abusive side effects.

62. Don’t forget to turn your neighbors in.

Not sure what this is for. But it’s kind of disturbing if you ask me.

63. Your local sheriff wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.

Well, that’s kind of awkward. Mostly because sheriffs don’t take billboards for Valentine’s Day.

64. Got man boobs? Call this number.

This is from Minnesota, by the way. Not sure if I’d want to see that on the road though.

65. With the Daily Mail, both Kims are on the same page.

Have to admit, at least the Daily Mail has a better ad campaign than the Post Gazette. Though I wouldn’t want to be associated with either Kim.

66. With Lean Plum, engage the shit out of your mobile users.

Even uses the famous poop emoji. Though it’s only fair.

67. You’ll have liquor all over at Lee’s discount liquors.

Says they have 17 Las Vegas locations. So even if it does well, it has a lot of competition.

68. Injured? Go to MyBaldLawyer.com.

Well, at least he embraces his baldness. But not sure if him telling onlookers not to pull their hair out is a good idea.

69. Got a crack in your basement floor? Call the Crack Team.

Even presents a guy named Mr. Happy Crack. Saying, “A dry crack is a happy crack!” That just cracks me up.

70. McDonald’s is always open at 6 am.

Says “MY ASS.” Not sure what it means. But it’s hilarious.

71. Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets as well as your loved ones.

Not sure if you should neuter your weird friends and relatives. Don’t know what to think about that.

72. Inspire the youth, control the future.

However, using a quote by Adolf Hitler on your billboard won’t give you any favors. Seriously, the guy killed about 6-9 million Jews and started World War II.

73. Don’t be a pickle and stop vegetable abuse.

This is for a sex shop. Yet, I really feel bad for that pickle.

74. According to Restored Church, God likes sex.

Though I guess the sex God loves is between a straight married couple. I’m just guessing in regards to this church.

75. Sask always tells you to pork the one you love.

This is for pork. But pork is also another euphemism for fuck, which they use on Honest Trailers.

76. You can reach this website as soon as you solve the problem.

Unless you’re math genius, you’ll never be able to guess. And I wouldn’t recommend you using a calculator while driving.

77. Before you put up a billboard, always run it through spellcheck.

I don’t think “pubic schools” is the right word for it. Apparently, their public schools don’t seem great at spelling.

78. Marital problems? Get a bigger house.

Well, that’s how realtors look at it. Still, I think a bigger house won’t solve anyone’s relationship problems.

79. Store your things in Bitterroot Self-Storage.

On Cemetery Lane, apparently. Gives a whole new meaning of “self-storage,” doesn’t it?

80. Want to wreck? Just keep looking at the boobies.

That will certainly do the trick. Since guys are said to be attracted by big boobs.

81. Injured? Call Brown & Brown.

Don’t mind the man in the eyepatch. Though I’m not sure if it helps their brand of success.

82. Save the date for the Testicle Festival.

You’ll have to be nuts to miss it. Make no balls about it.

83. Need help? Consider hiring a lady lawyer.

So she’s playing the woman card, isn’t she? Seriously, I’m a woman and I don’t think my gender makes me good at arguing.

84. With Virgin America, flying to Chicago no longer blows.

Well, “blows” can also mean sucks. So they didn’t think this pun through.

85. You can even use a billboard to promote yourself.

After all, he spent a whole lot of money to get noticed. So somebody should hire him.

86. Annoyed by higher taxes in Illinois? Move to Indiana.

Keep in mind that Indiana has loose gun control laws that contribute to Chicago’s high murder rate. Look it up in regards to gun trafficking.

87. Need a summer job? Try being a kept woman.

Okay, that’s just downright sick. And they’re targeting this sign for students? Makes me want to barf.

88. Get your sit together and buckle up.

Yet, the buckle is covered in the middle. Makes you imagine a different term entirely.

89. At Lou Redman’s Barstool’s and Dining, check out their stool samples.

Well, they sell stools and chairs, what do you expect? And no, they’re not talking about that kind of stool.

90. Just pop the question with a ring from Robbins Diamonds.

And here she’s flipping the bird to drivers. So stop by before she dumps you’re sorry ass.

91. Why is Justin Bieber so sad? Is it because so many teens are unemployed?

No, because teen employment isn’t as big of deal. Besides, Justin Bieber doesn’t care about anything but himself.

92. Still a virgin? We can help.

Is this an escort service or a brothel? Not sure if I want to know.

93. Keep country roads safe. Don’t drive like a wanker.

Wanker is a British expression for jackass. Yet, you see what they mean.

94. Outhouse Springs provides you with America’s first recycled water.

Okay, I don’t want to drink that. Who knows what that water has been through.

95. Get a free HIV test for Mom.

Look, I know it’s supposed to project tenderness between a mother and son. But since I know how HIV is transmitted, this scene gives me Manchurian Candidate vibes.

96. Camerman wishes dog guy happy holidays.

Now that’s kind of weird. Wonder if it’s inspired by some acid trip. Oh, it’s for Adult Swim.

97. Hey, you can win a free booby prize if you follow the link.

Wonder if the booby prize involves boobs. Or if that’s just used to entice viewers.

98. All he wants for Christmas is a Latina girlfriend.

Let’s hope he’s not a Trump supporter. If so, he’ll have is work cut out for him.

99. Gary wants to know if you’re asking for it?

No, I am not. And I don’t want to ask him either. Also, that mullet is ugly.

100. Hold it in, you’ll make it. Just drive through the exit.

I know we all feel that way at one time or another. Best we get some encouragement now and then.

Fun with Protest Signs

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 23, 2018

Given that we in the United States live at the time of the Trump administration which threaten many Americans’ fundamental rights, values, and prestige around the world, there have been more mass protests than ever before. There’s the Women’s March, the March for Science, the March for Our Lives, and many more. Sometimes they may happen spontaneously or wherever Donald Trump may be like that mass demonstration in the UK during the summer. At any rate, you’ll find plenty of signs with clever sayings on them just to get to the point. A lot of these were made on cardboard with markers in block letters. Many of these have been featured on various sites like Buzzfeed or Pinterest. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of protest signs to entertain you on these dark days of Trump. Some of these may not be safe for work, by the way.

At least IKEA cabinets are much more useful.

Well, I could definitely say the same about the Trump cabinet. Though you have to assemble the IKEA cabinets yourself.

2. This woman gives no apologies.

Because she’s a woman who stands up for herself. From the Women’s March, by the way.

3. Some people don’t always know what they’re protesting about.

Yes, yes, “Down with this sort of thing.” From a protest in Britain, I think.

4. Well, I hope Donald Trump did Nazi this sign coming.

Sure, Donald Trump isn’t Hitler. But he doesn’t see anything wrong with hiring white nationalists at the White House.

5. Seems like these protestors don’t get on.

Either that, or they’re having too much fun with each other. Still, the signs are funny.

6. Apparently, she thinks pot solves everything.

You have to wonder whether she’s totally high right now. Cause I don’t think legalized marijuana will solve all our problems.

7. Someone wants to feed Donald Trump to the dogs.

Yes, feed Trump to the corgies. Since Queen Elizabeth II famously owns them.

8. Gandalf gives the Picard facepalm.

I’m sure Sir Patrick Stewart would get a kick out of this. Since they’re friends and have been on X-Men together.

9. On any cardboard sign, you can only write so much.

Yes, there’s so much to be upset about. And so little space to adress your grievances.

10. Apparently, you don’t see these signs every day.

One wasn’t busy. One has a sign from the times. And one is mad as hell but is taking a deep breath and counting to 10.

11. Kids should be more worried about grades in school.

This is from the March for Our Lives protest. This arose after the Parkland shooting in February.

12. Donald Trump is an American Psycho.

Well, that’s quite appropriate. For Donald Trump is a sociopath who abuses his power to enrich himself.

13. This boy laid off the video games for this.

Apparently, he likes playing dystopian video games like Fortnite. Guess this is from the March for Our Lives.

14. So George Soros did pay protestors to be there.

Actually, I think this is a joke. Since George Soros has been a major focus of right-wing conspiracy theories, particularly on Fox News and InfoWars.

15. Bombing for peace solves nothing.

Yes, it’s basically like that. Mostly since violence only breeds more violence.

16. She was angry so she did embroidery.

After all, doing embroidery whas her way to relieve stress. As she inscribed on her sampler.

17. Go ahead, tell them how you really feel.

Well, of course we’re really not happy about this. Because Donald Trump is president and he’s a total disaster.

18. Don’t tell this woman to smile.

Because women are told to smile all the time. Even when we’re mad as hell and can’t take it anymore.

19. Everything is fine. Nothing to see here.

Yes, everything is okay. Despite that Donald Trump is in the White House and is destroying the United States from within.

20. British people always try to be polite.

Wish I could tell Donald Trump to fuck off. Since he’s a complete monster.

21. Someone is a Star Wars fan.

These people are public employees protesting Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. Becuase he tried to take away their collective bargaining rights.

22. Even Voldemort didn’t kill that many people all at once.

Guess this has to pertain to the Middle East. Does it concern Israel and Palestine? I’m not sure.

23. Seems like the Star Trek and Star Wars rivalry is quite fierce.

This is from a Trekkie. Still, most sci-fi fans usually like both. Since both Star Wars and Star Trek are good in their own way.

24. This guy hates crowds. But hates Trump more.

Yes, crowds are terrible since they’re so noisy. But having Trump as president is even worse.

25. There’s only one orange thing Scottish people are okay with.

Guess this is a beer in Scotland. Still, the Scots really hate his guts. Condolences for those who live near his Scottish golf course.

26. A Trump is better out than in.

Because a “trump” is British slang for fart, apparently. Still, this is hilarious.

27. Someone went out of their way to bash Donald Trump.

This Brit took off work and hired a babysitter. All to call Trump a “wanker.”

28. I’m sure that’s an understatement.

Indeed, Donald Trump likes going golfing on the weekends. Though I don’t think he’s any good either.

29. Dear Queen, don’t give him the good cookies.

They refer cookies as “biscuits” in Britain. not exactly sure why. Still, Trump treated the Queen like shit during his UK visit.

30. Melania, if you want us to save you, show us a sign.

However, I think that Melania is actually complicit in all this. Since she’s just Trump’s trophy wife.

31. This tennis fan is missing Wimbledon for this.

Though I do like how she called Trump a “tangerine wankmaggot.” Brits are so great with insults.

32. I’m sure protests can be civil affairs.

I think this is from The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear by Comedy Central in 2009. Nonetheless, this is hilarious.

33. There is only one baby who should be caged.

Well, I can agree with that. With all Trump has done, we should put his ass in prison.

34. Don’t worry, these guys are from the internet.

I think these guys are from Anonymous. Since they’re wearing Guy Fawkes masks from V for Vendetta.

35. Beware, alt-right, for the witches are coming.

This is from a counter protest in Boston after Charlottesville. The sheer crowd size scared the white supremacists away.

36. When you don’t have science, you have no Death Star.

Indeed, this Stormtrooper is right. But is that a point you want to make? I mean it can blow up a planet.

37. As we can see, Trump is a prick with no wall.

Because Trump’s wall at the US-Mexican boder is a phenomenonally stupid idea. Also, Trump’s a complete prick.

38. Donald Trump is not our Cheeto.

Considering how orange Trump is, this is appropriate. Because his stan is cheeto color.

39. It’s very bad when a librarian has to show up at a protest.

Since librarians don’t go out much. For they prefer books over people.

40. Barack Obama really doesn’t fit the holy description.

Well, that’s one way to piss off a conservative Christian. Indeed, a lot of them decried Obama a lot of things during his presidency. Miss the guy.

41. These women could’ve had brunch instead of turn out.

This is from the Women’s March. And yes, hell hath no fury like millions of women scorned.

42. We only have to fear fear and zombies.

Because the zombies will kill us all in the apocalypse. So it’s best we all stay out of cemeteries.

43. After all, Liza Minnelli married 2 gay men.

This is a pro-gay marriage sign. Yet, I’m sure Liza didn’t find out until after she married those guys.

44. This guy’s been gay for 82 years.

Because gay isn’t a choice or a phase. And yes, old gay people do exist.

45. Hurt education, kids won’t learn how to spell.

I guess this was for a teacher’s strike. And yes, teachers don’t get the respect they deserve in many states.

46. Didn’t know there were Smashing Pumpkins fans here.

Oh, it has Trump’s face on it. Okay, I get the joke.

47. Looks like Deadpool and Wolverine are having a feud.

Then again, Deadpool might just be trolling Wolverine. Still, the sign is funny.

48. For some people, everything always sounds sinister in Arabic.

Don’t worry, they’ve translated it to English so you wouldn’t get scared. Sad how Islamophobia infects the nation.

49. Guess this a sign of what’s to come.

Well, most of us knew that a Trump presidency was bad news. But this woman went with a reusable sign since she has a lot to protest about.

50. It’s always customary to have a sign at a protest.

Kind of a generic sign if you ask me. Not really original.

51. This guy must be a real Belieber.

Guess this was during a protest when Justin Bieber was popular. Apparently, he attracted a lot notoriety since.

52. Now’s not the time to be turned on right now.

Hope he wasn’t at a women’s march. Then again, better a women’s march than a Trump rally.

53. Get a load of this strong American bitch.

She does happen to be a dog. Though her bark is worse than her bite. Yet, she will bite that cheeto orange man in the White House.

54. These banksters on Wall Street need to go to jail.

I think this is from an Occupy protest. Nonetheless, the art is spot on.

55. Canadians will always support their American sisters.

I know those words aren’t appropriate in polite conversation. But it certainly fits in the protest context.

56. Very strong opinions can’t always be put into a sign.

This is from a Women’s March. But at least the sign gets straight to the point.

57. Apparently, this guy doesn’t understand.

What does he mean by somewhat irritated? In Trump times, a lot of things can cause extreme outrage.

58. Protest signs accomplish nothing.

At least this person seems honest. Though this kind of cracks me up.

59. Someone seems rather scared.

This person is afraid of people with signs at rallies. Though the ones at Trump rallies are understandable.

60. She takes run like a girl to a whole new level.

That’s how you show them, kiddo. She’ll grow up to be a fine woman some day.

61. Don’t like gay marriage? Blame straight people.

Well, it has a valid point. It’s the straight people making gay babies. Since most gay people have straight parents.

62. Some guy’s keeping score in Trump’s golf game.

This is another British anti-Trump protestor. Though he decided to troll the Pussygrabber-in-chief in the most epic way possible.

63. Swamp creatures never drain the swamp.

I can agree with that. You should see the people in Trump’s cabinet.

64. Oh, God, Trump’s got the queen.

This is King Kong takeoff is brilliant. Though I’d exclude the cross of gold. I know the Religious Right backs him. But Trump never goes to church.

65. Not even Melania likes Trump, according to this sign.

Melania may not love Trump. But she loves his money. So she’s not going anywhere.

66. When talking about Donald Trump’s crimes, it’s difficult where to begin.

Yes, I get that feeling all the time. Since Donald Trump is an all-around wretched human being with practically no redeeming qualities. Other than not being a cannibal or murderer.

67. Just let that case do the talking.

Indeed, that describes Trump so perfectly. Got to love the Brits.

68. This woman has a public cervix announcement for Trump.

Indeed, we should all tell Trump to “fuck you.” Yet, Stormy Daniels doesn’t think it’s a good idea.

69. This light up sign has a very valid point.

Yeah, I think we took it too far with Trump. Since he’s totally not qualified for the job at all.

70. After all, there’s no marriage bans for assholes.

I mean Trump’s been married 3 times. So has Giuliani and Gingrich. So she has a valid point.

71. Seems to be a Daily Show fan to me.

Her comedy central is Fox News. Her news channel is Comedy Central.

72. Corporations are people when Texas executes one.

I can get behind this one. Since corporations aren’t people and shouldn’t have the same rights either.

73. Capitalism, you got serious problems.

After all, unrestricted capitalism is how many of us got in this financial mess. Yet, no Wall Street banker has been jailed for causing the 2008 recession.

74. Don’t believe in government? Don’t run for office.

Yet, libertarians and Republicans don’t seem to listen. And that’s why we have men like Trump in the White House.

75. Someone doesn’t seem to understand healthcare policy.

Uh, Medicare is socialized medicine. That’s why Democrats like me want Medicare for all.

76. There’s no excuse not to be civil at a protest.

Well, doesn’t hurt to disagree respectfully. Might be from Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

77. Down with those rich corporate CEOs!

This is pretty clever if you ask me. Rich CEOs are a bunch of greedy bastards who want to hold onto their power.

78. You should always try to see others’ perspectives.

Well, it always help to understand different points of view. Though sometimes, it can prove difficult.

79. This gay guy just wants one marriage.

I mean Newt Gingrich treats women like some people treat cars. If something’s wrong with the one he has, he casts her aside for a newer model.

80. When Twitter’s down, one must use other ways of communication.

Not sure if signage is the way to go. There’s always blogging though.

81. Stop the tyrannical automatic renewals!

Guess people are upset with automatic renewals. Not sure why.

82. If there’s something conservatives should like about gay people…

You have to hand that to them. Since gay unions don’t result in unintended pregnancies.

83. We all know this is bound to happen.

Indeed, because Fox News is a conservative propaganda machine. Now it’s basically Trump TV.

84. Don’t think a protest is a place for a gang bang.

Yet, he holds such sign in colorful letters. Guy must be mad.

85. Some people are so angry they’d go do something about it.

Though not enough peope were angry enough to vote in 2016. And that’s why we got Lord Cheetohead in the White House.

86. These people don’t know what they’re protesting about.

They seem to be there for the beer. Though I don’t think there is any.

87. Indeed, our country has a grave case of electile dysfunction.

You got that right. Yet, that’s a close representation of the Capitol.

88. Islamophobes assume the worst with Arabic script.

Don’t worry, it just says, “McDonald’s.” Nothing to fret about.

89. Now here’s a cause we all can get behind.

Since some people start decorating for Christmas before it’s Halloween. Can’t they just wait until after Thanksgiving.

90. We all have our limits.

He’s using a straw to hold up his protest sign. Where he got it, I have no idea.

91. I believe someone must disagree.

Indeed, she begs to differ. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

92. Let this be clear: most Muslims aren’t terrorists.

His wife may not be a terrorist. But he’s still scared of her anyway.

93. Best we be cool about everything here.

This one has the Dude from The Big Lebowski. Love this.

94. If God hates gays, why are they so cute?

Guess they’re making fun of Westboro Baptist Church. Still, it’s pretty funny.

95. How they protest in Canada.

She is a bit upset. That’s Canadian for “super pissed.”

96. We all may need Jesus during these dark times.

I’m sure anti-Trump Christians like me are all praying right now. Because we really can’t do much else.

97. Someone’s xenophobic.

Has a picture of Xenia, Warrior Princess. And I can see why this person might be afraid of her.

98. We should all pay our taxes.

Love the snake sign that says, “Slytherin.” Definitely says a lot about those who fly the “Don’t Tread on Me” flags.

99. We only get a certain amount of time.

Someone doesn’t have time for all this. Well, don’t we all?

100. Circus clown needs a job.

He wants to be in Congress where he belongs. Can’t really argue with that.

For Sale Ads the Buyer Beware

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 22, 2016

for_sale_sign

When you look inside any newspaper, on Craigslist, or wherever, you tend to find a lot of people selling some of their stuff. Houses and cars are usually the most listed item but it’s not uncommon to find pets, furniture, and other things either. It’s kind of like a circulation of crap from one owner to the next at times. Yes, people tend to be in certain situations that gives them the reason to sell like job loss, divorce, relocation, or death. Most ads of such type tend to be matter of fact and get straight to the point. But this isn’t the post for these since you tend to find them boring. Not to mention, getting through classified ads tends to be a rather dull adventure. But once in a while, you might end up finding ones that are sort of entertaining. And you might find others that might make you scratch your head and wonder why they thought to post this on Craigslist, the classifieds, or wherever. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of for sale ads that should be avoid if your seriously considering to buy something. But if you’re looking for giggles, go right ahead. Just be aware that some of the content might not be safe for work.

If you like John Deere tractors and hate sitting or steering them, I’ve found you a perfect ride.

Not sure if a tractor without a steering wheel is even worth buying. I mean why buy a tractor if you can’t drive it? A steering wheel serves a very important purpose.

2. Picturesque 3 bedroom house in forest, buy it now for the offer won’t last long.

I can guess why the seller is very motivated to sell this house. And I can see why the offer won’t last long. Still, it’s a nice house. But it runs a very high fire risk that might undermine its property value.

3. Can’t break up with your significant other? Buy a divorce couch.

According to this Craigslist ad, this one has been responsible for 4 breakups and kept a divorcee single for 2 years. Nevertheless, I’m sure relationship breakups aren’t caused by furniture. But this owner isn’t taking any chances.

4. Soft black Italian leather couch for sale, has some wear but is super comfy.

Uh, my parents have gotten rid of furniture that have looked better than this. It’s also bursting at the seams in two places. But I’m sure any WVU student would love it during football season.

5. 2002 Harley Davidson V-ROD for Sale due to owner’s personal issues.

Looks like somebody didn’t keep his zipper up. Now he’s facing the consequences by having to sell his motorcycle to pay legal fees. Fellas, this is what could happen to you if you don’t keep it in your pants. Don’t be this guy.

6. At Farmer Clem’s Huge Pot Sale, everything is 70% off.

Apparently, Farmer Clem has no idea that “pot” can pertain to a recreational drug as well as crockery. I’m sure stoners are bound to be disappointed.

7. The Honda CBR 250 is an excellent car for the enterprising criminal.

Sure this is a great car for outrunning the cops. But that’s not something you’d want to put in a used car ad. Also, I think John giving away his phone number might give him a one way ticket to the big house.

8. Fellas, get this sweet ass 2001 Ford Taurus and it will get you through explosions and help you get laid.

At the end this guy said that he didn’t write this and that he’s merely a fan of the original poster. And he’s also said that several other people who’ve posted this ad have been flagged. Nevertheless, I’m sure a Ford Taurus isn’t the car that survives explosions.

9. Free car available, because it’s just been dug up in somebody’s yard.

Based on this description, I bet the car advertised appears to be one that’s normally headed for the junk yard. Also requests that you bring your own bobcat and tow truck.

10. Buy a 2005 Nissan Xterra for $12900 and receive a free pair of MC Hammer pants.

This guy goes all the way to say how this car is for men in action movies. Also says that he’ll beat up any potential buyers who’ll give him $5,000 for it.

11. Parachute for sale, only used once, never opened.

I think you can guess what happened to the previous owner. I’m sure it didn’t end in a happy landing.

12. For Sale, 1999 Acura Integra, good condition, has only been in one accident.

Sure it’s only been rolled once. But please, did the seller have to post a picture of it in the classifieds? Seriously, I don’t think that’s going to inspire confidence in potential buyers.

13. Coffee Table of the Gods-sure to cost $7.83, 4 cans of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, and a photo of Betty White.

The ad also says that it’s “perfect for someone with a cocaine habit or shooting a porno movie.” Also says that buyers might be subjected to a quiz to determine their level of bad-assery.

14. Box of 10 year old Twinkies up for sale for $5.

I don’t know about you, but I think charging $5 for a box of 10 year old Twinkies is a bit much. I think they might be quite stale.

15. For Sale: human skull, not plastic, used once. Costs $200.

The fact that it’s not plastic kind of disturbs me. Let’s hope that nobody dug this up in a cemetery.

16. Sorry, but this 2005 Nissan Maxima isn’t for sale.

So if it’s not for sale, then why does this person have it in the Classified section. Just doesn’t make sense.

17. For Sale: One pair of hardly used dentures with 2 teeth missing.

Sorry, but even “hardly” used dentures with 2 kind of disgust me. Seriously, I don’t think I’d pay a dime for them, let alone $100.

18. Need a better way to clean the dishes and a breast cancer screening? Well, here’s your answer.

Well, for a dish washer like that, you can’t resist to buy it for $20. Think of it , ladies, a dishwasher that also examines your boobs. It’s a steal.

19. Soccer Ball: either signed by the Brazilian legend Pele or some guy named Peter.

It’s probably signed by some guy named “Peter.” Seriously, where in the hell could anyone find a soccer ball signed by such a legend? Yeah, me neither.

20. For Sale: casket that has been only used once.

So what happened to the last person who used it? Wait a minute, aren’t caskets usually used once? Isn’t that the idea?

21. For Sale by owner due to personal crisis.

You have to feel bad for this guy because his life seems to run like a country western song. Still, I don’t think he’s going to get a great offer due to the asbestos, which has been known to cause mesothelioma.

22. Home for sale, mice included.

Normally when a home has mice, it doesn’t make for good real estate. I mean nobody wants to live in a place that’s infested with vermin.

23. Used tombstone for sale, perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergeneinzel.

Uh, aren’t tombstones supposed to have names carved into them? Also, how on earth would anyone get their hands on a used tombstone? Theft?

24. This magical piece of driftwood of mysterious origin could be yours at the price of $8,997 or a boat.

I’m sure $8,997 is way over priced for a piece of driftwood. You know, the kind of stuff you find near almost any body of water. Wonder if it’s wreckage from a boat. Wouldn’t be surprised.

25. All dogs are for sale, but keep in mind it’s a big responsibility.

I like this one. If you want a dog, fine. But if you just want a dog to make you feel better, go to a hospital for therapy. Yes, good advice.

26. Fish tank for sale, along with some terrible fish.

This one has 2 fish. One is named Kevin who’s a jerk and has got it out for goldfish. The other one is his brother Neal who is murderous scum. Didn’t know fish can be such jerks.

27. House for sale, because neighbor’s a dick.

I think this guy should reconsider. We all have that one asshole neighbor out there. But most of us deal with it and live our lives. This guy should do the same.

28. For sale, slice of American cheese left in fridge.

Seriously, a slice of American cheese? I wouldn’t think that’s worthy to put it on Craigslist. If it’s in excellent condition, why don’t you just eat the thing and be done with it? That’s what most people do.

29. Diamond ring for sale, very pretty, possibly cursed.

Well, that’s a pretty ring and at least the previous girl wearing it had the courtesy to return it to him. Still, like the part how he plans to throw it into the fires of Mordor if it’s not sold by Christmas.

30. High-maintainence car for sale, no longer reliable.

This guy could’ve avoided all his car trouble if he had tried to buy a car with Consumer Reports. Still, like how he photoshopped that girl in the front view.

31. For the price of $3995, you can drive this VW convertible as is if someone ever finds the wheels and who stole them.

So looking at this picture, I suppose that this car doesn’t take you anywhere. One of its key features is obviously lacking.

32. For sale, 275-300 cinder blocks for $1, just get these fucking blocks of this property.

Man, this guy seems to have a vocabulary that you’d expect from a character on The Wire. I mean they’re saying f-bombs left and right.

33. This 1971 Duster can be yours at the price of $3500.

Oh, my God, that looks like a literal piece of junk. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop the owner from promoting it as a perfect father and son restoration project.

34. Dog for sale. Name’s Rottie. But also goes by Mr. Giggles.

He’s said to be good with children, well mannered, and is a great companion. Sorry, but looking at the picture, I just don’t buy it.

35. For sale, the most uncomfortable chair ever made.

It’s funny how this seller is trying to attract buyers for it. Says it’s an antique, solidly built, easy to carry, and be used as a weapon.

36. Free to a good home but I’m not sure who the guy’s talking about in this.

At first, he seems to be talking about his dog. But as you go on, he seems to be talking about his girlfriend and how much of a bitch she is. Still, if he loves his dog so much, why doesn’t he just kick his girlfriend out?

37. Middleton home for sale, perfect for enterprising pot farmers.

Something tells me that whoever is selling this home got busted for growing pot. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because this ad mentions a room that’s spectacular room to grow marijuana.

38. Keyboards for sale, will ask for a bare price.

Guess that’s one way to grab a reader’s attention on Craigslist. Still, I wonder why this guy thought posing nude with a keyboard was a good idea. Why?

39. This suburban home in the hills of Wyomissing offers a spectacular view of a local Wal Mart.

Hmmm…something tells me that a viewing a local Wal-Mart from a private deck wouldn’t be very spectacular. In fact, quite the contrary.

40. For sale, 1995 Ford Escort, now at a reduced price.

Something tells me that this isn’t a great car. Well, it’s not just the price reduction. There’s also “beats walkin” in the description. Yes, this is probably a shitty car.

41. Fork for sale, $.50, also selling garbage disposal.

Let me guess, someone left a fork in the drain when they turned on the garbage disposal. Not surprised that it needs repair.

42. For sale, Ryan Turbidy’s underwear. Who is he? You know the new face of the Late Late Show.

For-Sale-Ryan-Tubridy-Underpants-Price-DoneDeal.ie_1251976564664

Don’t know about you but this guy seems to have spoken too soon. Seriously, I don’t know who this guy is. And I’m sure the new face of The Late Late Show is an Englishman named James Corden.

43. These hamsters are free or cost $1.00, depending whom you call.

Seems like Allen’s mother is desperate to get rid of the hamsters. That or Allen wants to make some money on the side.

44. For sale, dresser that ex-girlfriend left behind.

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This guy is describing his ex-girlfriend’s dresser as well as talking trash about his ex-girlfriend. Boy, this guy sure is bitter, my God.

45. Vibrator for sale, used twice, great condition.

First off, does anyone know what a vibrator is? Second, would anyone be willing to buy one used? Didn’t think so.

46. Bike for sale. Costs $10,ooo, but be careful.

I’m sure this bike isn’t nearly as nice than it in the picture. Let’s just say, “Apparently, ‘do whatever the f*** you want’ doesn’t mean what I thought,” might give you a clue why it’s on sale.

47. Seems like there’s a moving sale nearby.

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Kind of sad that this family has to move because the guy couldn’t keep it in his parents. Still, at least the wife has the last laugh with this picture. What an asshole.

48. Star Trek portraits for sale, to support World of Warcraft subscription.

Seems like some guy might have an addiction to World of Warcraft. Nevertheless, I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding buyers for his Star Trek paintings.

49. Treadmill for sale, because running is apparently hard.

Guess somebody has given up on their New Year’s Resolutions. Still, buying fitness equipment is a waste of money, especially in January.

50. Mattress for sale, like new, has a slight urine smell.

Well, at least they’re honest. Nevertheless, not sure if anyone is willing to buy a mattress somebody peed on.

51. Couch for sale, said to be owned by Barry Gibb.

Okay, does this couch look like something Barry Gibb would own? My point exactly, no way in hell. Doesn’t stop people from trying though.

52. House for sale, has huge dick for entertaining and enjoying the views.

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Okay, that’s supposed to be “deck” not “dick.” Do you see why people need to check before they send it out to the public? Yeah, typos can totally change the original meaning.

53. iPhone bumper for sale. Available in Cape Town only.

Reading this, you wonder what the hell is going on in South Africa. Still, why the hell is this person selling something like an iPhone bumper online I don’t understand.

54. 4 year old boy for sale. Has temper tantrum issues.

Looks like somebody is going to jail once Child Services gets a hold of this. And I don’t think it’s this little boy who’s doing stuff you’d expect from a 4-year-old.

55. Wanna be a real man? Well, you need to buy this watch.

Seems like this guy goes to great lengths to sell this watch, saying how it will many any guy a real man. Still, not sure if it’s worth a million bucks though.

56. Laptop for sale, only slightly damaged.

Yeah, tis but a scratch indeed. Seems more like it’s been smashed by a sledgehammer if you ask me. More like something you might want to sell for scrap.

57. Couch for sale, David Hasselhoff not included.

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I’m sure that’s totally photoshopped. Because David Hasselhoff totally doesn’t look like that now. Still, don’t understand why people like him.

58. Potty chair for sale, solid oak, light brown stain.

I think “stain” in this means wood stain. However, sometimes you have to wonder.

59. Rob Ford bobblehead for sale, money goes to the Philippines.

Rob-Ford-bobble-head..money-for-relief-in-the-Philippines-City-of-Toronto-Collectibles-For-Sale-Kijiji-City-of-Toronto-Canada.-2013-11-13_11.16.34

Wonder if anyone is going to take a crack at this. Guess Rob Ford isn’t very popular in Toronto.

60. 15 used snuggies for sale. Either one at a time or all at once.

Guy says that there might be some small stains on a few of them and someone might’ve died in one. But he says it’s no big deal.

61. Loaf of whole wheat bread for sale at $65.

I’m sure this is an ad used to punk people who believe in the snopocalypse. Still, you can buy any loaf of bread cheaper at your local grocery store.

62. Shovel for sale. Comes with free extension cord. No Jews, please.

I know whoever is selling this is a flaming anti-Semite. And I wouldn’t buy a shovel from him. But still, it’s great to laugh at.

63. Car for sale, not posting a picture because it has a lot of dents in it.

Like how he says that he wants the buyer to come while his wife’s home. He wants her to see that he put the car up. Guess she doesn’t believe him.

64. For sale, 8 day old partially eaten turkey. Still has drumsticks.

Look, I like turkey as much as the next person. However, I wouldn’t pay $23 for a partially eaten one. No way in hell.

65. For sale, used toilet paper.

Used toilet paper. That seems like a great thing to sell. Then again, for the love of God, it’s disgusting. Please let this be a joke.

66. For sale, china cabinet. Has some cat scratches. But that’s taken care of.

Sure this seems like a lovely china cabinet. However, not sure of what I think about the cat being killed.

67. For sale for $.09, a gently chewed piece of Stride gum.

This is sick. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to eat a piece of chewed gum. Still, shouldn’t the person just throw it out like a normal person would? That’s gross.

68. KA Nissan 240 motor for sale for $5.

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Hey, this doesn’t seem like it’s advertising a car. It’s a little girl with a gun in her hand which kind of scares the crap out of me. Little girls shouldn’t play with guns. Nor should little boys either.

69. Yugo for sale because it’s a piece of crap.

This seller not giving this Yugo a good write up saying it runs like a store shopping cart and is as reliable as Bernie Madoff. Then again, the people of Car Talk call this the worst car ever.

70. Boat for sale, needs work.

Yes, I could’ve guessed it needs a little work. Because it doesn’t seem to have much ability to float if you ask me.

71. Taxidermy mice for sale with button eyes. Can be used as napkin hangers.

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This looks kind of disturbing. Not sure if it’s the dead mice or the buttons. Creepy.

72. For sale, a spectacular 1995 Pontiac Grand Am GT.

This guy is really going to great aims to sell this car. Also calls it, “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ.”

73. Moped for sale. Man in speedo not included.

Not sure if this is a lame attempt at fanservice for these guys surely aren’t ripped. Still, is posing in an ad in a speedo really necessary?

74. Husband for sale for a good low price.

Doesn’t seem very appealing, does he? So how he managed to be husband I don’t have the slightest idea. Then again, maybe I do.

75. Free sofa. Weatherproof. Hardly used.

Now that can’t be comfortable. Seriously, it’s a stone couch that’s covered in chicken wire. Then again, it’s fairly low maintenance.

76. 1962 International Rat Rod for sale at $3000.

Seems like this one was made out of two different cars. And the front end really doesn’t go well with the rest of it. So that’s why they call it a rat rod.

77. Apartments for rent.Spacious first floor has a lice infestation.

I think that’s supposed to be “live” not “lice.” Still, I don’t see it attracting many buyers. See what typos do to ads if undetected?

78. Seems like there’s an estate sale around the corner.

Oh, my God, this is the kind of yard sale you’d expect from an Agatha Christie novel. Assuming that yard sales took place in Agatha Christie stories. Still, sounds rather insensitive.

79. Unicorns for sale, must go together at $925,000.

I’m sure this is a joke. Because we all know that unicorns don’t exist at all. Seriously, whoever makes a serious inquiry regarding unicorns is a complete moron. Then again, one born every minute.

80. Husband or kitten free to a good home, whichever leaves first.

Well, that’s one way of giving an ultimatum. Still, you have to admit, this ad is pretty hilarious.

Help Not Wanted: Job Listings You Might Not Want to Apply

Posted by historymaniacmegan on May 4, 2015

As a chronically unemployed blogger, I tend to see myself doomed to a lifetime of seeking and applying for jobs that I really wouldn’t have if it weren’t for the money. Of course, I’ve just set up a better domain name and applied for advertising I’ll see how that goes (even though I still had to pay for the domain and mapping). But even when I’m good to go, I may not be completely liberated from having to search for a job (unless I try getting my book published again). But I have managed to improve traffic in recent months. Let’s just say when it comes to the job market, having is better than wanting. Now most of the jobs I’ve had were sporadic with an expiration date and don’t last long. But at least it’s something. However, most of the entry-level office jobs I actually want come with much more stipulations such as work experience which really pisses me off. Seriously, I have skills and experience but it’s just that I don’t get paid for it at least currently. Nevertheless, there are plenty of want ads out there that seem like they’re written by businesses and people who really don’t have any clue. Whether they be newspaper classifieds, help wanted signs, or online Craigslist ads. I once found a writing want ad with so many typos and grammar mistakes that it was ridiculous. So without further adieu, here are some job listings that I advise even the most desperate job seekers to avoid. Some of these may not be safe for work but must be posted anyway since they’re just too crazy to ignore.

1. Litterbox Cleaner: Must work for pancakes.

Cleaning litter boxes for a nominal fee like $7.25 an hour would seem reasonable. Cleaning litter boxes for pancakes is just plain crazy. Seriously, working for pancakes? I’m not that desperate.

2. Now hiring someone to dress up as a velociraptor.

If this job was advertised in the Pittsburgh area instead of Vancouver, I’d gladly apply. However, I don’t really have much experience wearing costumes but I’ll happily go for training. Seriously, $15/hr is a good deal.

3. Wanted: Female model for future iconic photo shoot. Don’t expect compensation other than a bag lunch and SPF 30.

Okay, this ad was probably written by some amateur male photographer (or student) who thinks too highly of himself. Seriously, the ad is simply hysterical to read that I’d just want to see the result.

4. Wanted: Hole digger for a guy who’s planning a homicide while his wife’s out of town.

Reading this ad, it’s obvious this guy is secretly planning to kill somebody on the first week of October. From grave dimensions to the insistence that it must be dug under the cover of night. Seriously, if you an ad like this, answering it will get you charged with aiding and abetting.

5. Wanted: Babysitter but for druggie couple. Unlikeable losers with no self-esteem and social skills preferred.

Okay, maybe spending Saturday night with some whiny little kids isn't such a bad gig after all. Seriously, this couple is looking for an enabler who won't expect much in return. What they really need is an intervention.

Okay, maybe spending Saturday night with some whiny little kids isn’t such a bad gig after all. At least they’re cute, fun to play with, and innocent enough not to know better. Seriously, this couple is looking for an enabler who won’t expect much in return. What they really need is an intervention.

6. Hiring girl for $50 to determine which is the bigger dick.

Now a job posting for penis sizing. That's a new one. Still, while it may lead a girl to look at other guys' dicks, at least it won't get them charged with a crime.

Now a job posting for penis sizing. That’s a new one. Still, while it may lead a girl to look at other guys’ dicks, at least it won’t get her charged with a crime.

7. Wanted: Part time personal assistant for naturist couple.

You know your job interview is going to be awkward when the people responsible want ad have to explain their reasons for adopting a questionable lifestyle such as nudism.

You know your job interview is going to be awkward when the people responsible want ad have to explain their reasons for adopting a lifestyle that would make certain people uncomfortable. But a part time job that pays $20-25/hour isn’t that bad.

8. Wanted: 2 hot twin assassins to serve as bodyguards for deranged rich guy. People with glasses need not apply. Interview conducted in undisclosed location.

You’d expect to find an ad like this in an action movie since billionaires tend to be prime targets in those all the time. However, this ad is just so ridiculous that you’d swear this guy doesn’t exist.

9. Gay male computer geek in Santa Fe wanted to help middle aged gay guy meet other men online.

As far as want ads or personal ads go, I’m not sure whether this one is either one or the other. Seriously, he seems like he kind of wants a companion than tech tips.

10. Actress wanted to flirt with boyfriend. I wonder what can go wrong with that.

Seems like this woman wants to hire an actress to flirt with her fiance because she really doesn’t trust him around other women. Seriously, if I saw an ad like this on Craigslist, I’d wonder about this woman’s relationship.

11. Wanted: Flexible, intelligent, and friendly workaholic for all shifts. No vacation or sick leave.

Well, with a post like this, you’d think this advertised just about anything from fast food to retail. Still, I have to admire the employer’s brutal honesty here but I wonder if they need to lower their standards a bit.

12. Wanted: Lawn care worker. Hula hoop required.

Why you’d need a hula hoop for lawn care, I have no idea. Seriously, I have yet to see what kind of lawn tasks a hula hoop can accomplish. These are the kind of things YouTube can come in handy for.

13. Babysitters somehow seem highly sought after whether it be for little kids, druggies, or comatose grandmas.

Now a hyperactive child for $10 is one thing. But this guy seems to want a babysitter for his grandma because he wants to change her will. Of course, the poster declined in a very passionate fashion.

14. Wanted: Expendable minions for world domination attempt. Must work 24-7 for little or no pay. No weirdos, please.

I’m sure this is a joke since no sane person would want to work for a Fascist psychpath boss 24/7 for little or no pay. Then again, noting how many henchmen get virtually no respect in fiction, this explains a lot.

15. Part time saleslady wanted who won’t be a bitch and can take sexual harassment.

Okay, with an ad like this, it’s clear that the employer is a real asshole who has absolutely no respect for women. Seriously, if you’re a woman and you see job notice like this, just look away.

16. Help Wanted: Hipsters, globetrotters, and artist types need not apply.

Let’s just say when it comes to employees Vinnie’s Pizza has a pretty low view for people in bands, people with art gallery openings, and people wanting to go to Europe.

17. Now hiring accountant. Must go through ASAP course.

Seems like this ad has a few errors in it and I’m not sure that an ASAP course even exists. Also, it doesn’t display any contact information whatsoever.

18. Hiring computer engineers to solve difficult problem. Must solve for number here.

This company must really be desperate for computer engineers since they leave the numbers for x and y for you. Also, I can actually guess the number is 044-876-8000 with some calculation. Seriously, why can’t they just have applicants solve for x and y?

19. Novelist seeking mentally ill people to interview for new book. Must be successful and interesting.

Let’s just say that this person would save far more time and money if they’d just check out the biography section of their local library or Wikipedia. Seriously, there are a ton of celebrities and historical figures out there who’d fit this ad’s description perfectly. May I recommend Andrew Jackson.

20. Night and weekend cab drivers wanted. Former getaway drivers preferred.

For the former mob getaway driver who’s now on witness protection, this will be the perfect job for you. Then again, I’m not sure if getaway drivers have good driving skills.

21. Become a school bus driver. Have evenings and weekends off, no take home work, and $16.25/hr doing what most parents do for free.

As funny as these ads are, they’re very effective. These would make anyone want to drive a school bus. Then again, I’m not sure $16.25/hr is worth dealing with complete brats.

22. Experienced bartenders who can understand complete drunken gibberish wanted.

Deciphered, this says, “Ah, fine, I’ll have one more before I go home.” Of course, when someone says this in the correct pronunciation, they’re completely drunk and shouldn’t be served.

23. Legitimate Job Wanted: Ex-pot smuggler seeks alternative line of work after jail sentence.

Aside from from the obvious criminal record, and prison sentence, this guy really seems to emphasize his qualifications. Of course, he should have no trouble finding work in Washington State or Colorado.

24. Bodyguard wanted, must be great boyfriend material.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if this woman is looking for a bodyguard or a boyfriend. And it seems like her perfect man is an action hero.

25. Now firing, apply within.

This is a great sign to show how even the smallest typo can change a whole meaning. Yeah, I suggest they fix the mistake and replace the sign. Because I’m sure nobody would want to work for them with that.

26. Smiling faces wanted for drug testing.

Yes, they want smiling faces but if you show up too happy, they may think you’re high. Still, if this is for some minimum wage service job, I suppose happy drug free people will be hard to come by.

27. Workers wanted, preferably female for kitchen jobs.

So I suppose this is a sexist workplace. I’m sure men can do kitchen work just as well as women. I’ll take a pass on that.

28. Help wanted to put out house fire ASAP.

For one, if your house is burning, why can’t you just call 911 for the fucking fire department for God’s sake? Any normal person would do the same thing. Also, if your house caught fire an hour ago, I’m sure there will be nothing left. Seriously, this guy’s an idiot.

29. Wanted: Some fucking loser stoner who knows anything about Apple products.

Man, this person really seems to swear a lot on Craigslist. Still, I wouldn’t want to work for this jerk $200/hr or not. Also, for a lawyer spending $.95 on iTunes songs is nothing. So why complain about it?

30. Now hiring for a male escort service?

I don’t know about you but this sign gives the phrase, “work hard” a whole new meaning. And I’m sure they need to change, “people” to “men” particularly middle aged men with erectile dysfunction.

31. Taxidermy place needs deer skinner for hunting season.

Yeah, seems like deer hunters need not visit this taxidermy place, at least until they find a new skinner. Wonder how they lost the last guy.

32. Help Wanted: Polish need not apply.

I wonder what this employer has against Polish people. I can’t understand why Jack Krasozowski should be turned down due to his ethnic heritage.

33. Young girls wanted for pickling and bottling? What the hell?

I suppose either this person is a cannibal with a preference for pickled girls or really had no idea how people would read it. Either way, I’m not sure if I want to work there.

34. Help Wanted: Sirius persons only apply within

So if you’re not Harry Potter’s fugitive godfather who can transform into a shaggy black dog, you probably shouldn’t apply. As to why anyone would want to hire Sirius, I have no idea.

35. Now hiring someone who has a clue.

On one hand, you might think getting a job there is easy. On the other hand, if an employer wants to hire someone with a clue, it might mean this might not be a great place to work.

36. Work at Murder Burger. Here’s a flyer of our restaurant policy.

Now while working at a fast food joint may be one of the most soul sucking and thankless jobs ever, at least this want ad is honest about their policy. Still, it’s pretty funny. Love what they say about politicians.

37. Wanted: Pretty and ugly exotic dancers for titty bar.

You have to admit, at least this has less workplace discrimination than Hooters, in regards to their hiring practices. Still, wouldn’t want to work there.

38. Looking for female deli staff. Former gymnasts and contortionists preferred.

I’m sure flexibility has to do with schedule. But I’m not sure if people would get the idea, especially if they want women.

39. Wanted: Pizza cook. Must have masters in S. Y. M.

It actually means “shutting your mouth.” Still, they also want no crybabies and people able to read a schedule.

40. McDonalds: Now hiring losers at $6 an hour.

I can see why people working at McDonalds want a $15 wage. However, even if they did pay $15/hr, I’d still not want to work there. Or eat there for their food is disgusting.

41. Now hiring truck drivers and they’re really needed.

Yes, seems like they really need truck drivers there from how this trailer truck is turned over. Of course, when it comes to truck drivers, they’re really hard to fire.

42. Help Wanted: Must dominate the English language.

I’m not sure “dominate” is the right word here. Seriously, this person doesn’t seem to have as much understanding of the English language as he or she thinks.

43. Want a job opportunity in broadcasting? Work as a janitor.

I’m sure when it comes to broadcasting, I don’t think maintenance work comes to mind. Seriously, who wants to get into broadcasting expecting to dust, clean, sanitize, polish, spot wash, empty trash, gather recyclables, and replace light bulbs?

44. Wanted: Office Assistant/Receptionist. Must be experienced in voicemail, Microsoft Office, and switchboard operating?

Guess they aren’t looking for anyone under 80 in this line of work. Seriously, who the hell would have experience in operating a switchboard which is just so early 20th century?

45. Work at our coffee shop for your boyfriend will ask you for gas money eventually.

This employer seems to assume that only a certain type of woman will want to work for them. As to why some boyfriends would ask their girlfriends for gas money, I have no idea nor would I want to know.

46. Dwarf wanted to impersonate Oompa Loompa for sorority event.

Seems like this sorority party’s theme is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I’d sure hate to read the Craigslist ads calling for naughty kids to torture.

47. Waiters and Waitresses Wanted for swingers party, but as for gender composition I can’t be sure.

The heading says 2 waiters and 2 waitresses. But reading the description they seem to ask for either 3 waitresses and 1 waiter or 3 waiters and 1 waitress. Seems like this couple can’t make up their mind.

48. Wanted: Personal Texting Assistant.

For one, how is it possible for someone to receive 40-50 texts an hour. Second, I’m sure that this person needs to respond to texts less often or not respond to all their texts.

49. Now hiring pubic hair trimmers?

For one, how many people have their pubic hair trimmed? Secondly, how in the hell are there people who make a living trimming pubic hair? Third, how is pubic hair trimming a business?

50. Wanted: Male talent for shooting, er-I mean photo shooting with kitchen products.

I know this ad is seeking male talent for an ad photo shoot. Of course, when you have the words, “shooting in the back,” in your job posting, people tend to get the wrong idea.

51. Staff wanted, but don’t think we don’t have standards because we do.

Of course, if you’re under 18, smelly, irresponsible, whiny, dishonest, rude, an alien, and with a short attention span and no common sense, this job isn’t for you. Still, at least they’re honest.

52. Piano player wanted, must be able to open clams.

Had no idea that opening clams was an essential skill to being an adept piano player. Seriously, what does clam opening have to do with piano playing anyway? It’s not, “Break us some clams, you’re the piano man/ Break us some clams tonight/Well, we’re all in the mood for some chowder/And you got us feeling alright….”

53. Hiring weekend cashier, must not look like Skeletor.

Being born in the 1990s, I’m sure that people around my age have no idea of He-Man or who Skeletor was. I mean those cartoons are from the 1980s.

54. Seems like this place is hiring for its Going Out of Business Sale.

Yeah, because I’m not sure how else would any place be hiring new people during a store closing. Maybe they’re just betting on people desperate for work at this point.

55. Surgeon Wanted: No experience necessary. Must have own tools.

Now this would be a rather reasonable job posting….for a pirate ship in the 17th century. Seriously, it was all about hacking limbs and knowing their way around with a saw.

56. Join 10x Marketing or die.

Now I know that Darth Vader is a cultural icon. But still, this is a guy is a boss from hell known to force choke his employees, blow up his daughter’s planet, and cut off his son’s hand. Seriously, would you want a guy like that on a recruitment poster?

57. Tired of working $9.75/hr, here’s a job for $5-7/hr.

Yeah, I’ll take a pass on this. Seriously, compared to what they offer $9.75/hr isn’t that bad, especially if it pertains to a job paying $5-7/hr.

58. Start a career in a fast paced lucrative pudding business for adverse working conditions.

Benefits include long hard hours, very low pay, lots of heavy lifting, working for a ball busting asshole, no benefits, and no advancement. Must be a college grad.

59. Men wanted for hazardous journey. See Ernest Shackleton for details.

The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Signs

The Disappointing World of Epic Design Fails

The Roadside World of Billboards

Fun with Protest Signs

For Sale Ads the Buyer Beware

Help Not Wanted: Job Listings You Might Not Want to Apply