The Wacky World of Merchandise


A rival to Amazon and eBay, is an online retailer that has gained quite a following in recent years. Founded in 2010, it began as an app where users would create wish lists for their desired items and the company would approach merchants to order that product’s particular amount. They also earned revenue with Pay-per-click model by advertising on Facebook. In 2013, Wish became an electronic commerce site after asking merchants to host their products directly on the app, with Wish taking a 15% sale cut. Nonetheless, as with its merchandise, Wish is basically Spencer’s with Dollar General prices. But order something and you’ll have to wait for a few weeks since the products were made in Asian countries. And you’ll find plenty of crazy weird stuff on there which you didn’t know existed. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of ridiculous products from the site. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Rock your car with these fuzzy seat covers.

Available in 4 different colors. Yet, might make people think you’re strange.

2. Defend yourself with these decorative keys.


The kind of switchblades for the girly gang members out there. Might leave a wound in your enemies. But open doors? Not so much.

3. Improve your lady libido with Hergasm.


Because why should men get the boner pills? Then again, I don’t think these actually work.

4. Like coloring books? Behold, The Big Adventures of Tiny Dick.


Just because it’s a coloring book, doesn’t mean it’s for kids. As this coloring book certainly isn’t.

5. Relieve your sphincter with Comfortably Numb Anally Desensitizing Cream.


Yes, they actually have cream for your asshole. And this one smells of spearmint.

6. Heard of a mechanical bull? Well, you can get the floating bull.


It’s something you can ride on when you’re in the pool. Hope it doesn’t put you underwater.

7. Apparently, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch is getting into pot.


Actually, this is just a T-shirt. But those cereal bits are totally baked.

8. There’s something fishy about these shoes.


Since they resemble fish. Available in 4 sizes and 3 colors.

9. Have you just died? This book is for you.


Actually, I don’t think this book is useful. Since the dead can’t read.

10. Always look sharp with metal claws.


Consists of 10 pieces. Not sure if they qualify as weapons. Probably.

11. Eat Asian cuisine in style with a pair of metallic chopsticks.


Available in 4 different colors. Still, I think wooden ones would do just as well.

12. Discover your faith with The Catholic Hipster Handbook.


Because sacred imagery and incense is so out of the mainstream. Still, it might be interesting to read.

13. Perhaps you want more manly fishing lures.


What are these lures used to catch? Piranhas? Not recommended for the father/son fishing trips.

14. Any girl would like a pair of fish earrings.


Though ones with fish in a bag, I’m not so sure. Comes in 2 varieties.

15. Get your Cage pants on.


Yes, these pants have a picture of Nicholas Cage all over them. And yes, it’s pretty creepy.

16. Get  a light on from this Chinese dragon ashtray.


I actually don’t approve of smoking. But you can light up the dragon by pushing its tail.

17. Show love to your princess with this Zelda engagement ring.


Zelda is a Nintendo RPG video game. Nonetheless, I’m sure guys might like to propose to their girlfriends with a ring like this. Though I don’t recommend it.

18. Now you can turn your bike in to a motorbike.


This is a bike motor set. However, I kind of advise against it unless your unusually mechanically skilled. Seriously, a regular bike is fine for me.

19. Don’t leave for a hike without a survival bracelet.


Includes a knife, compass, whistle, and Firestarter. Available in several different colors, too.

20. Care to give your campfire a little color?


These can turn a fire into the colors of the rainbow. But I’m not sure about their safety record.

21. Feel free to attract with some magnetic slime.


You can see the image above how it gravitates toward metal. Available in 6 colors.

22. Keep things behind your car with these organizers.


I’m sure any driver would need these. Has a place for tech, drinks, and napkins.

23. You might find these food earrings quite stylish.


Consists of donuts, cake pieces, pastries, and kitchen utensils. Not sure what I’d wear any of these with.

24. Defend yourself with this invisible blade ring.


They’re basically rings containing knives you can use to stab attackers. Though mace also works, too.

25. Always have a toothpick crossbow in handy.


Good for finger archery contests. If such events even exist.

26. These gem earrings will light up your night.


Yes, they’re light up earrings while the stones aren’t real. Available in 6 colors.

27. Wear a masterpiece on your feet.


Each pair of socks shows a famous painting or sculpture. And all in vibrant colors.

28. Listen to the music with this car MP3 player.


Is that something you’d put on your dashboard? Think you’re better off just hooking your MP3 player to your car.

29. Now you can go undercover with this hidden camera.


Great for spying on neighbors, family, and friends. Not meant for those with restraining orders.

30. Lose weight with this magnetic weight loss bracelet.


I don’t think this works. But at least it makes a great piece of jewelry.

31. Don’t let your bad eyesight get in the way of poker night with these large cards.


And yes, these are very big cards. But at least you won’t have trouble seeing them.

32. Clear your ears with this cleaning kit.


On second thought, if you have clogged ears, better see a specialist. Seriously, these tools look pretty dangerous.

33. Perhaps you’d like a Nic Cage T-shirt to go with those pants.


Yes, this Nic Cage T-shirt also exists. And yes, the expression is quite unsettling. Wonder why anyone would buy it.

34. These skeleton hair clips will be perfect for Halloween.


Goes with any scary costume. Or if you plan to dress up as a character from a Tim Burton movie.

35. A pole dancing sloth will always amuse.


And it seems the sloth is making it rain. Nonetheless, this shirt is hilarious.

36. You have to be crazy to get this jacket.


Since they used to put a jacket like this on crazy people. Before they were put in a padded cell.

37. You might have an appetite for one of these food hoodies.


Each comes in several different colors. And all are equally ridiculous.

38. Got clogged ears? Try ear candling therapy.


Please don’t. For one, I don’t think it works. Second, since it involves burning, I suspect it’s quite dangerous. No cure is worth setting your house on fire.

39. A handy Scotsman always wears a cargo kilt.


Includes large pockets to keep tools and other essentials. Let’s hope a guy wears underwear underneath.

40. Feel free to take one of these pills.


Just don’t eat one because they’re not meant to be eaten. Yet, each one has a rather unique expression.

41. Keep your home lit with these LED mushroom night lights.


Come in several different colors. Perfect to put near houseplants.

42. Do you snore? These snoring cones can help.


You can just put it up in your nose and it’ll expand your nostrils. Not sure if it really works though.

43. Get rid of pimples and blackheads with this extractor kit.


Because you can’t get rid of zits if you can’t bear the pain. Still, this kit seems to resemble what you’d keep in a torture chamber.

44. Brighten up this winter with this fur coat.


Great for any ugly sweater party around Christmas. Though I hope the fur is fake. Yet, you’ll piss PETA off either way.

45. Say goodbye to zits with this vacuum acne cleaner.


Not sure if it actually works. Since once zits and blackheads are removed, they’ll appear again.

46. Soak in this inflatable gold bathtub.


I’m sure you’ll have use a hose to fill it up. And I don’t think the experience is as pleasant as it’s portrayed to be.

47. Recharge with these blood energy drink bag.


Also doubles as a Halloween decoration. Available in several different colors.

48. Even skeletons have to use the bathroom sometimes.


Though I have no idea why they’d use a toilet. Since they have no organs.

49. If you need a big umbrella, this is the one for you.


You can have a whole meeting underneath this. Yet, you must have a designated holder.

50. Never get locked out again with this lockpicking kit.


Great for break-ins, home invasions, and bank robberies. Will probably get you arrested.

51. Didn’t know toys had to contend with the zombie apocalypse.


This is a mashup T-shirt between The Walking Dead and Toy Story. Yet, the blood on Buzz’s helmet is disturbing.

52. No one will mess with your tiger backpack.


Available in orange and white. No real tigers were harmed in the making of this so the fur’s fake.

53. These reusable wedding party straws are a much have.


Those aren’t straws. Those look like crack pipes. Seriously, I think they can get confiscated as drug paraphernalia.

54. Keep your pooch sharp with these dog undies.


Are these even necessary? Seriously, most dogs don’t wear undies. Why do these exist?

55. Who says men can’t wear frilly undies?


Yes, these are lace bikini briefs for men. Because what can make tidy whites more embarrassing than black lace?

56. Instead of a gun, why not give the NRA person in your life this rifle pen?


Hey, at least this won’t kill you. Available in gold with a silencer lid.

57. Tone your face with this slim mask.


Yes, that’s used to tone wrinkles. I don’t think it works. Unless you use it as a Halloween costume.

58. Brighten up your life with these dual purpose table lamps.


Yes, they resemble spilled paint cans. Except they light up when you turn them on. Available in 4 colors.

59. Pierce your own ears with this contraption.


On second thought, I wouldn’t advise it since it looks dangerous. Seek a professional instead.

60. There are boxers, briefs, and boxer briefs. Then there are these.


This men’s underwear has a pocket for his uh, special appendage. Available in several different colors.

61. Now you can have this collectible gold and silver dogshit coin.


The coin depicts a dog shitting. Seriously, I have no idea who comes up with such ideas.

62. How a moose hunting decal like this on your truck?


Okay, that’s really disturbing. Seriously, why would a moose do that to a hunter? He has antlers. And yes, I said, “he” because female moose don’t have them at all.

63. This summer, get yourself a shower curtain depicting Jeff Goldblum with an ape.


Apparently, Goldblum has become quite popular. Not sure why he’s with an ape in this picture.

64. If the doorbell’s broken, use this rug.


It instructs you to yell “Ding Dong” really loud. Though you can just knock.

65. Need to do your business in the woods? Use these pee bags.


You just put them on when you need to answer the call of nature in the outdoors with no bathroom in sight. Still, at least they’re disposable.

66. Remove security tags with this device.


Perfect of shoplifters. Though I’m not sure if I’d recommend it. Since I think they do it for you in checkout.

67. Capture your world with this wi-fi mini camera.


Uh, is this guy stalking that woman. Since he seems to view her from his phone. Creepy.

68. Need to pee on the go? This contraption can help.


Just put it up to a bottle and go ahead. Though women might find this a lot more complicated.

69. Behold, the Kim Kardashian human centipede.


Yes, they have a T-shirt of that. And yes, it’s as disturbing as the fact that she’s famous for being famous.

70. Protect yourself with these stun gloves.


Touch someone with these and they’re in for a literal shock. Make sure you’re not wearing them among friends and family.

71. With these undies, your man will come howling to you.


Okay, that’s really unsettling. Seriously, the wolf’s snout is where the guy’s dick is supposed to be.

72. Nobody will steal your make up if you put them in a fish purse.


After all, the fish looks pretty realistic like it’s been caught. So no one will probably bother with it.

73. Love The Office? Get a load of this Michael Scott T-shirt.


This one features Michael Scott in all his character itineration’s Not as disturbing as any clothing with Nicholas Cage.

74. Instead of using a disposable plastic straw, use this.


It’s a folding metal straw you can use on the go. Available in pink and black.

75. Got a pot business? Wish has got you covered on hempseed.


Available where pot’s legal. Because I’m sure they’ll confiscate it otherwise. Seriously, these are marijuana plants.

76. Hold your smartphone and enjoy some snacks with this bowl.


Has a shelf where you can set your phone. Though you can just use a shelf and regular bowl.

77. This T-shirt will take you straight to Flavortown.


This one is incredibly fitting. Includes pizza, hotdog, and Fieri in his flaming shirt.

78. Feel free to look at yourself with this laptop mirror.


It’s basically a compact for computer nerds. Yeah, it’s pretty weird.

79. Be prepared for the apocalypse with this gold gas mask.


I think this is more of a fashion accessory than anything. Also includes spikes.

80. See Kim Jong Un as you’ve never seen him before.


Someone better mail this one to Donald Trump. Sure Kim Jong Un is a brutal dictator, but this Mona Lisa T-shirt of him is hilarious.

81. Keep your head dry with this umbrella hat.


Available in a wide variety of colors and patterns. Nonetheless, guaranteed to make you look like an idiot.

82. Work out in this codeine track suit.


By the way, codeine is a narcotic and shouldn’t be taken without a prescription. And certainly not something you’d want in a cough syrup.

83. Grow your plants with these beads.


They’re plant soil beads you can put in a transparent flower pot. Don’t ask me how it’s supposed to work.

84. Get your hair dry with this hair drying bonnet.


From Slapped Ham: “Are you sick and tired of looking sensible while drying your hair? Is waving a blow dryer over your head just too much hassle? Well thanks to Wish, you can wear this ridiculous contraption and look like a complete goon for no apparent reason at all. Finally you can get that much sort after ‘exploded rats nest’ look at home for a fraction of the cost you’d pay at the salon.”

85. Love Shrek? Get this 3D Shrek head.


From My Favorite Daily Things: “The perfect night light for people who sleep better with a futuristic Shrek head staring at them all night.” Okay, that’s horrifying.

86. Bind your legs with leg plastics.


From My Favorite Daily Things: “We can’t really figure out if these are for cellulite, weight loss or leg strength, so we’re just calling it leg plastic.” Neither can I.

87. Ingrown toenails? Try this corrector.


Yes, this looks incredibly crazy. But will it work? Who knows.

88. Hairy armpits? Use these hair removal sponges.


For use when you run out razors. Still, shaving armpits is incredibly tough.

89. Keep your toilet on during the night with this LED light.


For when you’d like to party on the toilet. Why anyone would do that, I don’t know.

90. Shut your dog up with this duck bill muzzle.


For when you want to keep your dog quiet and subject it to humiliation. Available in 4 colors.

91. Get bigger knockers with this breast enhancement vacuum.


For the love of God, please don’t put this on your body. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.

92. Get down and dirty with this gardening glove with claws.


Looks rather impractical and unnecessary. Seriously, how will it help you garden? I have no clue.

93. Keep your home warm with this wall space heater.


Of course, if your way of heating the house is burning it down, by all means. Otherwise, you might want to stay away from this one.

94. Need an eyebrow touch up? These brow stamps are for you.


Brows come in 3 colors. Great for those bushy mornings.

95. Keep an eye on your people with this spy cam pen.


For the paranoid sort who thinks everyone is out to get them. Perfect to put in your shirt pocket.

96. Have your home smell nice with this mermaid incense burner.


I guess the incense comes from the mermaid’s boobs. Now I have so many questions on how they reproduce.

97. Insecure about your tiny penis? Use this enlargement oil.


From The Daily Edge: “For just €3 you can get this ‘Men sex products enlargement extender oil sex oil male’ which is pretty comprehensive. I can foresee no problems with this at all.” I think it’s a bottle of snake oil.

98. Bendy toes? Get the toe straightener.


From The Daily Edge: “Bendy toes are the worst and for just shipping you can sort out that problem immediately with this toe straightener. No comment on how painful or medically safe the actual process will be but we’ll just casually ignore that.”

99. Scared of the dentist? Use this home dental kit.


From The Daily Edge: “Have you ever felt the urge to examine your own teeth? Maybe you want to give your housemate with bad breath a check up. For just €8 plus shipping you can get a set professional dental trays to do what you want with. Not creepy at all.” On second thought, better to see a dentist.

100. Want your home to look straight from Dr. Seuss? Plant a blue bonsai seed.


From The Daily Edge: “You can buy seeds for a blue bonsai tree whose existence is actually disputed by gardeners. Order them, plant them and see what happens. Also they can’t be that rare because you can buy a lot of them on the internet apparently.”

For Sale Ads the Buyer Beware


When you look inside any newspaper, on Craigslist, or wherever, you tend to find a lot of people selling some of their stuff. Houses and cars are usually the most listed item but it’s not uncommon to find pets, furniture, and other things either. It’s kind of like a circulation of crap from one owner to the next at times. Yes, people tend to be in certain situations that gives them the reason to sell like job loss, divorce, relocation, or death. Most ads of such type tend to be matter of fact and get straight to the point. But this isn’t the post for these since you tend to find them boring. Not to mention, getting through classified ads tends to be a rather dull adventure. But once in a while, you might end up finding ones that are sort of entertaining. And you might find others that might make you scratch your head and wonder why they thought to post this on Craigslist, the classifieds, or wherever. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of for sale ads that should be avoid if your seriously considering to buy  something. But if you’re looking for giggles, go right ahead. Just be aware that some of the content might not be safe for work.

  1. If you like John Deere tractors and hate sitting or steering them, I’ve found you a perfect ride.

Not sure if a tractor without a steering wheel is even worth buying. I mean why buy a tractor if you can’t drive it? A steering wheel serves a very important purpose.

2. Picturesque 3 bedroom house in forest, buy it now for the offer won’t last long.


I can guess why the seller is very motivated to sell this house. And I can see why the offer won’t last long. Still, it’s a nice house. But it runs a very high fire risk that might undermine its property value.

3. Can’t break up with your significant other? Buy a divorce couch.


According to this Craigslist ad, this one has been responsible for 4 breakups and kept a divorcee single for 2 years. Nevertheless, I’m sure relationship breakups aren’t caused by furniture. But this owner isn’t taking any chances.

4. Soft black Italian leather couch for sale, has some wear but is super comfy.


Uh, my parents have gotten rid of furniture that have looked better than this. It’s also bursting at the seams in two places. But I’m sure any WVU student would love it during football season.

5. 2002 Harley Davidson V-ROD for Sale due to owner’s personal issues.


Looks like somebody didn’t keep his zipper up. Now he’s facing the consequences by having to sell his motorcycle to pay legal fees. Fellas, this is what could happen to you if you don’t keep it in your pants. Don’t be this guy.

6. At Farmer Clem’s Huge Pot Sale, everything is 70% off.


Apparently, Farmer Clem has no idea that “pot” can pertain to a recreational drug as well as crockery. I’m sure stoners are bound to be disappointed.

7. The Honda CBR 250 is an excellent car for the enterprising criminal.


Sure this is a great car for outrunning the cops. But that’s not something you’d want to put in a used car ad. Also, I think John giving away his phone number might give him a one way ticket to the big house.

8. Fellas, get this sweet ass 2001 Ford Taurus and it will get you through explosions and help you get laid.


At the end this guy said that he didn’t write this and that he’s merely a fan of the original poster. And he’s also said that several other people who’ve posted this ad have been flagged. Nevertheless, I’m sure a Ford Taurus isn’t the car that survives explosions.

9. Free car available, because it’s just been dug up in somebody’s yard.


Based on this description, I bet the car advertised appears to be one that’s normally headed for the junk yard. Also requests that you bring your own bobcat and tow truck.

10. Buy a 2005 Nissan Xterra for $12900 and receive a free pair of MC Hammer pants.


This guy goes all the way to say how this car is for men in action movies. Also says that he’ll beat up any potential buyers who’ll give him $5,000 for it.

11. Parachute for sale, only used once, never opened.


I think you can guess what happened to the previous owner. I’m sure it didn’t end in a happy landing.

12. For Sale, 1999 Acura Integra, good condition, has only been in one accident.


Sure it’s only been rolled once. But please, did the seller have to post a picture of it in the classifieds? Seriously, I don’t think that’s going to inspire confidence in potential buyers.

13. Coffee Table of the Gods-sure to cost $7.83, 4 cans of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, and a photo of Betty White.


The ad also says that it’s “perfect for someone with a cocaine habit or shooting a porno movie.” Also says that buyers might be subjected to a quiz to determine their level of bad-assery.

14. Box of 10 year old Twinkies up for sale for $5.


I don’t know about you, but I think charging $5 for a box of 10 year old Twinkies is a bit much. I think they might be quite stale.

15. For Sale: human skull, not plastic, used once. Costs $200.


The fact that it’s not plastic kind of disturbs me. Let’s hope that nobody dug this up in a cemetery.

16. Sorry, but this 2005 Nissan Maxima isn’t for sale.


So if it’s not for sale, then why does this person have it in the Classified section. Just doesn’t make sense.

17. For Sale: One pair of hardly used dentures with 2 teeth missing.


Sorry, but even “hardly” used dentures with 2 kind of disgust me. Seriously, I don’t think I’d pay a dime for them, let alone $100.

18. Need a better way to clean the dishes and a breast cancer screening? Well, here’s your answer.


Well, for a dish washer like that, you can’t resist to buy it for $20. Think of it , ladies, a dishwasher that also examines your boobs. It’s a steal.

19. Soccer Ball: either signed by the Brazilian legend Pele or some guy named Peter.


It’s probably signed by some guy named “Peter.” Seriously, where in the hell could anyone find a soccer ball signed by such a legend? Yeah, me neither.

20. For Sale: casket that has been only used once.


So what happened to the last person who used it? Wait a minute, aren’t caskets usually used once? Isn’t that the idea?

21. For Sale by owner due to personal crisis.


You have to feel bad for this guy because his life seems to run like a country western song. Still, I don’t think he’s going to get a great offer due to the asbestos, which has been known to cause mesothelioma.

22. Home for sale, mice included.


Normally when a home has mice, it doesn’t make for good real estate. I mean nobody wants to live in a place that’s infested with vermin.

23. Used tombstone for sale, perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergeneinzel.


Uh, aren’t tombstones supposed to have names carved into them? Also, how on earth would anyone get their hands on a used tombstone? Theft?

24. This magical piece of driftwood of mysterious origin could be yours at the price of $8,997 or a boat.


I’m sure $8,997 is way over priced for a piece of driftwood. You know, the kind of stuff you find near almost any body of water. Wonder if it’s wreckage from a boat. Wouldn’t be surprised.

25. All dogs are for sale, but keep in mind it’s a big responsibility.


I like this one. If you want a dog, fine. But if you just want a dog to make you feel better, go to a hospital for therapy. Yes, good advice.

26. Fish tank for sale, along with some terrible fish.


This one has 2 fish. One is named Kevin who’s a jerk and has got it out for goldfish. The other one is his brother Neal who is murderous scum. Didn’t know fish can be such jerks.

27. House for sale, because neighbor’s a dick.


I think this guy should reconsider. We all have that one asshole neighbor out there. But most of us deal with it and live our lives. This guy should do the same.

28. For sale, slice of American cheese left in fridge.


Seriously, a slice of American cheese? I wouldn’t think that’s worthy to put it on Craigslist. If it’s in excellent condition, why don’t you just eat the thing and be done with it? That’s what most people do.

29. Diamond ring for sale, very pretty, possibly cursed.


Well, that’s a pretty ring and at least the previous girl wearing it had the courtesy to return it to him. Still, like the part how he plans to throw it into the fires of Mordor if it’s not sold by Christmas.

30. High-maintainence car for sale, no longer reliable.


This guy could’ve avoided all his car trouble if he had tried to buy a car with Consumer Reports. Still, like how he photoshopped that girl in the front view.

31. For the price of $3995, you can drive this VW convertible as is if someone ever finds the wheels and who stole them.


So looking at this picture, I suppose that this car doesn’t take you anywhere. One of its key features is obviously lacking.

32. For sale, 275-300 cinder blocks for $1, just get these fucking blocks of this property.


Man, this guy seems to have a vocabulary that you’d expect from a character on The Wire. I mean they’re saying f-bombs left and right.

33. This 1971 Duster can be yours at the price of $3500.


Oh, my God, that looks like a literal piece of junk. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop the owner from promoting it as a perfect father and son restoration project.

34. Dog for sale. Name’s Rottie. But also goes by Mr. Giggles.


He’s said to be good with children, well mannered, and is a great companion. Sorry, but looking at the picture, I just don’t buy it.

35. For sale, the most uncomfortable chair ever made.


It’s funny how this seller is trying to attract buyers for it. Says it’s an antique, solidly built, easy to carry, and be used as a weapon.

36. Free to a good home but I’m not sure who the guy’s talking about in this.


At first, he seems to be talking about his dog. But as you go on, he seems to be talking about his girlfriend and how much of a bitch she is. Still, if he loves his dog so much, why doesn’t he just kick his girlfriend out?

37. Middleton home for sale, perfect for enterprising pot farmers.


Something tells me that whoever is selling this home got busted for growing pot. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because this ad mentions a room that’s spectacular room to grow marijuana.

38. Keyboards for sale, will ask for a bare price.


Guess that’s one way to grab a reader’s attention on Craigslist. Still, I wonder why this guy thought posing nude with a keyboard was a good idea. Why?

39. This suburban home in the hills of Wyomissing offers a spectacular view of a local Wal Mart.


Hmmm…something tells me that a viewing a local Wal-Mart from a private deck wouldn’t be very spectacular. In fact, quite the contrary.

40. For sale, 1995 Ford Escort, now at a reduced price.


Something tells me that this isn’t a great car. Well, it’s not just the price reduction. There’s also “beats walkin” in the description. Yes, this is probably a shitty car.

41. Fork for sale, $.50, also selling garbage disposal.


Let me guess, someone left a fork in the drain when they turned on the garbage disposal. Not surprised that it needs repair.

42. For sale, Ryan Turbidy’s underwear. Who is he? You know the new face of the Late Late Show.


Don’t know about you but this guy seems to have spoken too soon. Seriously, I don’t know who this guy is. And I’m sure the new face of The Late Late Show is an Englishman named James Corden.

43. These hamsters are free or cost $1.00, depending whom you call.


Seems like Allen’s mother is desperate to get rid of the hamsters. That or Allen wants to make some money on the side.

44. For sale, dresser that ex-girlfriend left behind.


This guy is describing his ex-girlfriend’s dresser as well as talking trash about his ex-girlfriend. Boy, this guy sure is bitter, my God.

45. Vibrator for sale, used twice, great condition.


First off, does anyone know what a vibrator is? Second, would anyone be willing to buy one used? Didn’t think so.

46. Bike for sale. Costs $10,ooo, but be careful.


I’m sure this bike isn’t nearly as nice than it in the picture. Let’s just say, “Apparently, ‘do whatever the f*** you want’ doesn’t mean what I thought,” might give you a clue why it’s on sale.

47. Seems like there’s a moving sale nearby.


Kind of sad that this family has to move because the guy couldn’t keep it in his parents. Still, at least the wife has the last laugh with this picture. What an asshole.

48. Star Trek portraits for sale, to support World of Warcraft subscription.


Seems like some guy might have an addiction to World of Warcraft. Nevertheless, I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding buyers for his Star Trek paintings.

49. Treadmill for sale, because running is apparently hard.


Guess somebody has given up on their New Year’s Resolutions. Still, buying fitness equipment is a waste of money, especially in January.

50. Mattress for sale, like new, has a slight urine smell.

greatest classified ads ever

Well, at least they’re honest. Nevertheless, not sure if anyone is willing to buy a mattress somebody peed on.

51. Couch for sale, said to be owned by Barry Gibb.


Okay, does this couch look like something Barry Gibb would own? My point exactly, no way in hell. Doesn’t stop people from trying though.

52. House for sale, has huge dick for entertaining and enjoying the views.


Okay, that’s supposed to be “deck” not “dick.” Do you see why people need to check before they send it out to the public? Yeah, typos can totally change the original meaning.

53. iPhone bumper for sale. Available in Cape Town only.


Reading this, you wonder what the hell is going on in South Africa. Still, why the hell is this person selling something like an iPhone bumper online I don’t understand.

54. 4 year old boy for sale. Has temper tantrum issues.

kijiji child for sale

Looks like somebody is going to jail once Child Services gets a hold of this. And I don’t think it’s this little boy who’s doing stuff you’d expect from a 4-year-old.

55. Wanna be a real man? Well, you need to buy this watch.

kijiji-manly man watch ad

Seems like this guy goes to great lengths to sell this watch, saying how it will many any guy a real man. Still, not sure if it’s worth a million bucks though.

56. Laptop for sale, only slightly damaged.


Yeah, tis but a scratch indeed. Seems more like it’s been smashed by a sledgehammer if you ask me. More like something you might want to sell for scrap.

57. Couch for sale, David Hasselhoff not included.


I’m sure that’s totally photoshopped. Because David Hasselhoff totally doesn’t look like that now. Still, don’t understand why people like him.

58. Potty chair for sale, solid oak, light brown stain.


I think “stain” in this means wood stain. However, sometimes you have to wonder.

59. Rob Ford bobblehead for sale, money goes to the Philippines.

Wonder if anyone is going to take a crack at this. Guess Rob Ford isn’t very popular in Toronto.

60. 15 used snuggies for sale. Either one at a time or all at once.


Guy says that there might be some small stains on a few of them and someone might’ve died in one. But he says it’s no big deal.

61. Loaf of whole wheat bread for sale at $65.

Screen Shot 2014-02-12 at 6.03.33 PM

I’m sure this is an ad used to punk people who believe in the snopocalypse. Still, you can buy any loaf of bread cheaper at your local grocery store.

62. Shovel for sale. Comes with free extension cord. No Jews, please.


I know whoever is selling this is a flaming anti-Semite. And I wouldn’t buy a shovel from him. But still, it’s great to laugh at.

63. Car for sale, not posting a picture because it has a lot of dents in it.


Like how he says that he wants the buyer to come while his wife’s home. He wants her to see that he put the car up. Guess she doesn’t believe him.

64. For sale, 8 day old partially eaten turkey. Still has drumsticks.


Look, I like turkey as much as the next person. However, I wouldn’t pay $23 for a partially eaten one. No way in hell.

65. For sale, used toilet paper.


Used toilet paper. That seems like a great thing to sell. Then again, for the love of God, it’s disgusting. Please let this be a joke.

66. For sale, china cabinet. Has some cat scratches. But that’s taken care of.


Sure this seems like a lovely china cabinet. However, not sure of what I think about the cat being killed.

67. For sale for $.09, a gently chewed piece of Stride gum.


This is sick. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to eat a piece of chewed gum. Still, shouldn’t the person just throw it out like a normal person would? That’s gross.

68. KA Nissan 240 motor for sale for $5.


Hey, this doesn’t seem like it’s advertising a car. It’s a little girl with a gun in her hand which kind of scares the crap out of me. Little girls shouldn’t play with guns. Nor should little boys either.

69. Yugo for sale because it’s a piece of crap.


This seller not giving this Yugo a good write up saying it runs like a store shopping cart and is as reliable as Bernie Madoff. Then again, the people of Car Talk call this the worst car ever.

70. Boat for sale, needs work.


Yes, I could’ve guessed it needs a little work. Because it doesn’t seem to have much ability to float if you ask me.

71. Taxidermy mice for sale with button eyes. Can be used as napkin hangers.


This looks kind of disturbing. Not sure if it’s the dead mice or the buttons. Creepy.

72. For sale, a spectacular 1995 Pontiac Grand Am GT.


This guy is really going to great aims to sell this car. Also calls it, “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ.”

73. Moped for sale. Man in speedo not included.


Not sure if this is a lame attempt at fanservice for these guys surely aren’t ripped. Still, is posing in an ad in a speedo really necessary?

74. Husband for sale for a good low price.


Doesn’t seem very appealing, does he? So how he managed to be husband I don’t have the slightest idea. Then again, maybe I do.

75. Free sofa. Weatherproof. Hardly used.


Now that can’t be comfortable. Seriously, it’s a stone couch that’s covered in chicken wire. Then again, it’s fairly low maintenance.

76. 1962 International Rat Rod for sale at $3000.


Seems like this one was made out of two different cars. And the front end really doesn’t go well with the rest of it. So that’s why they call it a rat rod.

77. Apartments for rent.Spacious first floor has a lice infestation.


I think that’s supposed to be “live” not “lice.” Still, I don’t see it attracting many buyers. See what typos do to ads if undetected?

78. Seems like there’s an estate sale around the corner.


Oh, my God, this is the kind of yard sale you’d expect from an Agatha Christie novel. Assuming that yard sales took place in Agatha Christie stories. Still, sounds rather insensitive.

79. Unicorns for sale, must go together at $925,000.


I’m sure this is a joke. Because we all know that unicorns don’t exist at all. Seriously, whoever makes a serious inquiry regarding unicorns is a complete moron. Then again, one born every minute.

80. Husband or kitten free to a good home, whichever leaves first.


Well, that’s one way of giving an ultimatum. Still, you have to admit, this ad is pretty hilarious.

Thoughts of Black Friday and Its Business Practices


One of the things I detest about the holidays is how stores turn a once sacred holiday celebrating the birth of Christ into the biggest excuse for excessive consumerism and profit. Already I’m seeing Christmas commercials on TV and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. And by this time, the only Christmas things I want to see are light up nights and school band kids practicing for Christmas concerts and parades. Also, bands practicing Christmas music in general. At least bands have a legitimate excuse to play Christmas music at this time of year. Still, once Thanksgiving rolls around, the Christmas Commercial Armageddon will be upon us and all hell will break lose.

Now in America, the Christmas season officially kicks off the Friday after Thanksgiving called Black Friday. Black Friday is said to be one of the biggest shopping days in the United States during the year and a business day when it’s all or nothing. A business not making a profit on Black Friday is one that won’t last much longer. Many Americans do their Christmas shopping on this day as well as trying to look for the best bargains for the latest gifts. And sometimes things can get pretty crazy with each store becoming as chaotic as a battle zone with every man for himself. I’m starting to wonder whether any Black Friday shoppers are among the craziest or most materialistic. I’m not trying to stereotype here since I guess every Black Friday shopper has their reasons for Christmas shopping on that day. I understand if some just want to get their shopping out of the way or can’t do it at any other time during the season. I understand those shopping on Black Friday for some last minute preparations for their family hunting trip during the weekend since deer hunting season starts that Monday in Pennsylvania. And growing up in Pennsylvania at least the start of deer hunting season gave me a day off from school. Yet, at least these people are planning to spend time with their family, even if it’s shooting Bambi. Of course, these two groups of Black Friday shoppers I have no problem with since they are pretty sane and have legitimate reasons.

Then you got your third type of Black Friday shopper who spends Thanksgiving night camping out in the parking lot of the mall or a big box store and scrambling into the place as soon as it opens at the crack of dawn. Now I may think camping in a store parking lot may be all right on a night the next Harry Potter book comes out. I’m not sure about spending Thanksgiving night in a tent at Wal Mart parking lot. I mean aren’t there plenty of other things to do on Thanksgiving night like spending time with your family. Is getting your kid the latest Xbox worth spending a cold dark night on the icy pavement? To me, lining up at 4 a.m. to shop to me seems ridiculous. To me, shopping is something you do to function or survive in a society. It’s not always fun and certainly not worth camping out at the crack of dawn for. Yet, for this group of people, shopping is a sport and Black Friday is their Super Bowl. They love the crowds, loud music, garish displays, and competitive atmosphere, all of which such shoppers see as a heaven. For me, this atmosphere is a personal hell hole since it consists of everything I hate about the holidays and why I avoid shopping on Black Friday like the plague. I can’t stand jammed packed stores filled with frenzied nuts shopping for the best deals and having fists fights break out over certain products. If I was working that day, I’d be thinking: Oh, God, please get me out of this nightmare! I can’t imagine how any retail employees ever manage to function normally with such unruly mobs creating a mess of things in their stores. Must drive anyone insane.

Of course, there have been reports of Black Friday shoppers doing strange things they wouldn’t normally do on other shopping days. There have been instances of violence in recent years ranging from unruly crowds stampeding employees, assault, shooting, stabbing, carrying weapons, and such. There have even been instances when people were killed, arrested, and rushed to the hospital. Sometimes police were called since employees couldn’t handle such ruckus. And for what? Over an Xbox? Parking Space? Seriously, I wonder how Christmas shopping can ever come to this. Maybe such shopping day simulates a customer’s insatiable desire to consume can bring out shopping rage turning your neighborhood Wal Mart into a scene from movies like Apocalypse Now, All Quiet on the Western Front, and Saving Private Ryan. Well, maybe not to that degree but pretty close. It’s said that dozens of people are injured each year by crazed crowds too eager for popular items. These range from bruises, sprained ankles, broken bones, and concussions. A good deal in a crowded store can turn the place into a mob scene with shoppers breaking into fights.

You think that retail giants would try to put a stop to this incendiary behavior but I’m so sure if you look at their business practices. And from what I see, these stores seem to encourage it since it causes such shoppers to overspend on cheap plastic crap made in China. Oh, I mean the cheaper plastic crap made in China. Retail giants have designed Black Friday in ways to put a shopper’s rational thinking out the window. Because when reason is out the window, people have a tendency to overspend and buy any kind of crap just because of a lower price tag. And if supplies are low, then customer turnout all the better. And even though Black Friday sales have been on the decline, retail giants continue to encourage such madness since it gives them publicity. Now many big stores are following Wal Mart’s suit and starting their big opening Christmas sale on Thanksgiving night. For me, such action gives me two questions. For one, who the hell shops on Thanksgiving night? And, seriously, is this all Thanksgiving is coming to? Besides, I don’t think retail workers would want to work on Thanksgiving, especially if they’ve been preparing the dinner. I mean they’re the ones losing family time to the unquenchable thirst of greed and consumer goods. And for many, Thanksgiving is one of the few days when they can sit back and relax since some retail employees work on weekends and not at good wages (except at Costco). Sure the Christmas season may be shorter than usual but sometimes I think the holiday rush seems to come earlier year after year with Christmas ads airing as early as September, which is way too soon. As far as I’m concerned, I think businesses need to clamp down on their holiday enterprising and put less emphasis on the rampant consumerism aspect. Instead, perhaps we need to see the holidays as a way of getting together with loved ones or just relax. Besides, everyone needs a holiday and you get better bargains in mid-December anyway.