As we all know, Halloween revolves around a lot of things that scare us be it gore, mutilation, ghosts, the supernatural or large insects and spiders. Yet, one of the very real concepts that many of us fear is death, which is basically the cessation of one’s existence altogether. Whether it be through natural causes or otherwise, we will all die someday and while there are things we could do to delay it, there’s nothing we can do about it. We can, however, get our affairs in order and make our funeral arrangements, which many elderly people do since they know the end is near anyway. It’s been a tradition in modern Western society to be buried in cemeteries and erect tombstones on our graves so our surviving relatives, friends, and descendants could visit us after we’re gone. I myself go to a cemetery nearby my house during my routine morning walks. Most gravestones usually have the name of the deceased as well as life dates. A lot of times they may share a tombstone with a spouse, have some indicator of military service, or perhaps a place pertaining to the life dates. As for decorations, some may have religious symbols like a cross, Jesus, Mary, an angel, or a star of David. Some may have a lamb on them to say that this person died as as a child. Of course, this is dependent on Western iconography. Some may have intricate designs to show off that they knew people who could afford such monuments to them. Still, there are certain tombstones that are worth noting either for the bizarre design or containing last words to sum up their time on earth or what not. And you won’t believe the pictures I’ve found on Google. So without further ado on this Halloween season, here are some amusing tombstones for your pleasure. 1. And here’s to you the alcoholic serial monogamist.
Now if the liver cirrhosis didn’t kill him at 62, then the divorce settlement might’ve had something to do with it. Not to mention, the fact his nephews and nieces erected his tombstone.
2. Sure he may have died at 42, but damn did he lead an interesting life.
Yes, I’m sure that Ronald Eugene Smith is surely a swell guy. Yet, perhaps having an adventurous life may have led to his death at 42. Also, I’m sure he didn’t learn fast or acted quickly enough.
3. Here lies Naomi Thigpen Shankle.
I guess the epitaph is there because of her silly name. Seriously, it seems like her name reads like something Monty Python would make up.
4. Of course, this tombstone shows how a man’s love for NASCAR seemed to go beyond the grave.
Well, I got to say that this is the most expensive tombstone for a race car buff I’ve ever seen. Of course, this grave might belong to a race car driver which is more understandable.
5. Now I guess Dave didn’t seem too bright when he chased that bear into a cave.
Yeah, I’m sure being an intruder in a home invasion in a bear cave will sure kill you and possibly lead to a Darwin Award. I’m sure chasing a bear isn’t going to turn out well, especially if the bear’s a mama.
6. R. I. P. Jonathan Blake, victim of his own disorderly driving.
Now, kids, that’s what your tombstone may look like if you decide to step on the gas instead of the brake, in the event of a head on collision. So please don’t end up like Jonathan Blake.
7. So who says that you can’t call people after they die?
This is perhaps coming from a Jewish cemetery or one in Israel. Still, it may not work but it probably costs just as much as anything new Apple now comes out with.
8. Oh, poor Rex, another dog lost to the Chinese Restaurant industry.
Then again, Rex’s life dates indicate that he was 14 years old. Let’s just say, if that Asian kid didn’t ask to wok him, then it’s very possible that the vet would’ve put him to sleep.
9. Man, these Dotterweichs sure are an unlucky bunch.
Now I see a lot of kids’ graves at the local cemetery. And children’s’ graves aren’t an unusual sight at graveyards at all particularly in the older sections since there were a lot of things that killed kids in those days. Yet, I’m sure the Dotterweich children all drowning in the icy pond just makes you wonder what happened in that case. I mean ponds aren’t that deep.
10. Why not grace your tombstone with this happy dancing dolphin?
This is most likely not a child’s grave since the deceased was born in 1938. And let’s just say, a kiddie grave back in her childhood wouldn’t feature dolphins! Yet, why she wanted a happy dolphin on her tombstone, I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it kind of just defies everything I’d imagine a grave stone to look like.
11. Of course, there is always one large cavity all dentists fill.
That’s right, I’m talking about a large manmade geological cavity called, “a hole in the ground” this dentist is currently filling.
12. Poor Jerry Farrer didn’t seem to have the kind of death he wanted.
While Jerry Farrer wanted to be shot by a jealous husband at 102, he died at 74. Then again, whether he was shot by a jealous husband or died of natural causes, I really can’t say. Perhaps you should ask his wife.
13. Hopefully, this would’ve been a perfect grave stone for Rev. Gerry Falwell. Then again, I think this is the wrong Teletubby.
Now this grave seems to accomplish what many thought impossible. Make one of the Teletubbies seem incredibly terrifying. Yeah, this one seems to prey on your dreams.
14. Though he died at 52, Lester’s tombstone nevertheless had an awesome shark design.
It also helps that this guy was a Vietnam vet and this design could’ve possibly been on some craft he was on. Still, how would you want to run into this grave in a cemetery?
15. Now this guy seems to give the world a finger before he left.
Now that’s nice, having a tombstone depict a hand flipping the bird. I wonder how this guy’s tombstone came to be designed with this offensive gesture.
16. Now I suppose that this guy was some kind of curmudgeon, I suppose.
Now I suppose by reading this tombstone, I’m sure that human nature hasn’t changed all that much. We always have to have our complainers.
17. Of course, some guys have motorcycles. Others just have them on their tombstones or sarcophagi.
In the medical world, motorcycles are known as “donor cycles” for obvious reasons. Still, didn’t stop my doctor uncle from getting one. Nevertheless, this tombstone must’ve been very expensive.
18. Seems like this guy really loved to play Scrabble. Wonder what happened to him.
Remember, kids, Scabble may be an educational game of spelling. Yet, it’s also a highly dangerous one and known to take those in their prime. Remember that this guy was only 21 when he was cut down.
19. Now I’m sure we all knew this would happen.
Of course, why this guy lists the names of his great grandparents, I have no idea. Still, we’re all going to die someday, right?
20. Yes, Jesus tends to call people whenever they’re on cellphones in the car sometimes. It’s called distracted driving.
Still, judging by the beehive haircut and the 1980s cell phone, I’m sure this poor woman had passed away a while ago. Then again, maybe that’s not a phone but the image just suggests she died from some cell phone related car wreck in the 1980s.
21. Now be buried in style in a granite sarcophagus with your BMW convertible on top of it.
Seriously, this must’ve been a very expensive memorial to have a care on top of a sarcophagus like that. Not to mention, it looks almost eerily real if not for the wheels. Still, if any of my relatives wanted a grave like this, I sure wouldn’t let that happen, because such concept is freaking ridiculous.
22. Guess Doris Marie Seward was so confident that she’d see the new millennium.
Then again, she almost made it, only to be cut down at the tragic young age of 82. Yes, she was an optimist indeed.
23. Now I wonder what went on here between Mr. and Mrs. Doubt.
Mrs. Doubt wants to take the back roads while Mr. Doubt says it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Hope their deaths weren’t the result of some traffic accident as these quotes hint at.
24. Sometimes tombstone epitaphs don’t seem to stop embarrassing those who lie in them.
I’m sure “bugger” was just a cute and affectionate nickname by his mother and not some homophobic slur from some bygone era. Then again, it’s hard to tell by these tombstones alone.
25. Kay may be gone, but her fudge recipe will live on.
Thankfully, Kay’s fudge recipe is on her tombstone. So anyone with an smart phone can simply take a picture of it and get the recipe there.
26. I guess Tomas Chinchilla seemed to clinch the wrong wallet at 22.
Since this is a Mexican tombstone, then his violent death shouldn’t be a surprise. Nevertheless, God is probably watching His wallet around him.
27. Now this person certainly knows how to get in touch with old friends.
Of course, I’m not sure if Ouija boards really work but I don’t know much about communicating with the dead anyway. Still, how does the tombstone version work?
28. Of course, someone always has to have a grave of a grand piano.
Of course, let’s just say some people in the olden days were just as creative with their graves as some people today. Of course, the marble doesn’t make great material for a gravestone since it’s prone to acid rain damage.
29. I’m sure this guy is all ready for Judgement Day, if that ever comes.
Yeah, I’m sure those angels are going roll the rock away. Still, I don’t get why carve a rock tombstone out of what’s technically rock.
30.Here this Union soldier is laid to rest in his marble tent.
Now this is interesting. Bet this guy either died in the war and had family with the money to give him a fitting tribute, or he lusted after his glory days.
31. A fitting tribute for a great electrician if there ever was one.
Now I’m sure the family had a bright idea to erect a tombstone for him with a light bulb and electrical outlet. Hope he didn’t fall prey to any occupational hazards.
32. Of course, with a computer on his or her grave, this person is always online.
Still, I’m not sure whether this computer is a Mac or a PC. Then again, it probably doesn’t even work to begin with.
33. Wonder what happened to this couple?
Yes, it’s very likely that these two probably died in some terrible accident and it’s the left person’s fault. This is as far as I could tell.
34. Now this epitaph would be perfect on the Dowager Countess’s tombstone.
Just so you know the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey is the one played by Maggie Smith. Nevertheless, this just suits her character perfectly.
35. Yeah, dude, but be lucky that your skin wasn’t turn into a saddle ridden by fat, ugly, men.
Of course, I don’t know why any guy would want this carved on his tombstone because it sounds pretty sick. Still, luckily his man didn’t get his wish.
36. Well, she could say that again.
Still, shit happens and then you die like this woman. Nevertheless, what’s with the Indian figurine on her tombstone.
37. I don’t know about you but Met Life seems to be an interesting place to work at.
Sure this guy may have an interesting last day. Yet, though I may be unemployed, this inscription doesn’t make me want to work for MetLife.
38. Well, I’m sure you can’t be good at everything, even at your job sometimes.
According to his Mexican tombstone, Pancrazio Juvenales was a wonderful husband and father but terrible electrician. I wonder which of those three distinctions killed him at 25?
39. Now this guy’s copper statue can’t wait to get out of his tomb.
Either George is a zombie or he just can’t wait till Judgement Day. Either way, his family must’ve spent a fortune on this sarcophagus.
40. Here lies Harv and may he be remembered for seeing all these bands in concert.
Man, this guy has been to a lot of concerts consisting of 1970s and 1980s musical artists. There’s Queen, Styx, Pat Benatar, Quiet Riot, Toto, Ted Nugent, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne, and many more.
41. Here lies George Campell, husband to 4 different women.
Let’s hope he wasn’t married to them all at the same time or served as a member of some Mormon polygamist cult. Still, love the epitaph, “I’m so happy here…I could just shit!”
42. So here lies Joseph William Burdet who died in his sleep at 52.
Something tells me he died in his sleep while he was at the wheel. I why I suspect this. Oh, yeah, the car carving on the top is kind of a dead giveaway. Yeah, falling asleep at the wheel could do that.
43. Of course, everyone should’ve known William Hahn was sick before he passed.
Looks like he lived to be 75 which isn’t bad. Nevertheless, people do get sick and die of natural causes from that age. Hahn’s family should’ve known.
44. In the game of life, we always go into the whole on this deal as Eric W. Jr. said.
Still, I think this is part of a couple tombstone, since his last name isn’t on the picture. Nevertheless, yeah, the deal with life would put you into a hole, literally.
45. R. I. P. James M. Brown, proof that a Texas Ranger shouldn’t mess with someone from the Chicago PD.
Sure a Texas Ranger may be a brave and noble soul in the West but he met his end at Chicago’s Garfield Park Race Track, thanks to the local PD. Looks like he wasn’t all that clean as he’s made up to be. Then again, Western law enforcement was known to be ridden with ex-cons and corrupt as hell.
46. Oh, that’s a nice epitaph for John, which was written by his friends. He must have great friends.
When you read the first letters of each line, you realize that John’s friends are basically telling him to “Fuck You.” Pretty clever stealth insult I daresay.
47. Here lies Lester More, victim of some gunfight in Tombstone, AZ.
Yes, 4 slugs from a .44 could kill you like Lester More. Guess he pissed off the wrong gunfighter and was slow on the draw.
48. Make your grave site accommodating to your family and get a granite tombstone living room set.
Of course, this tombstone living room set might be unaffordable to most people. Still, if it wasn’t made from granite, I’d take this set for my actual living room.
49. Lawrence L. Cook Jr. should’ve been faithful to his wife or his wife wouldn’t have killed him in a crime of passion.
Of course, this is what happens to some married guys who can’t keep it in their pants. Well, that or what you’d see from Fatal Attraction.
50. Seems like whoever under this sarcophagus really liked cows.
Is that guy sucking that cow’s udder? Oh, God, that’s just nasty! Still, why do they have this as a tombstone? Cemeteries should appeal to a G-rated audience for you never know if a kid is going to be there.
51. Here lies a tombstone with a parking meter?
Of course, if you stay at this woman’s grave long after your time expires, you may be ticketed or towed. Still, why? Then again, she’s already expired.
52. Guess somebody seemed to like CCR a little too much.
Yet, whether this CCR fan was the deceased or the engraver, we’ll never know. Still, “Don’t go around tonight, Well, it’s bound to take your life. There’s a bathroom on the right” Wait, I mean “bad moon on the rise.”
53. Man, someone must really have it in for the Democrats.
Of course, this guy lived during the Jacksonian Era when the Democratic Party consisted of many guys from the South who owned slaves. So perhaps he wasn’t as crazy as the Republican bunch we have today.
54. Here lies an Austrailian Seaman who died during WWII nicknamed, “Chika”?
You don’t think of a WWII Navy Seaman when you hear the name “Chicka” do you? Well, I guess not, but they seemed to have existed at one point.
55. Here lies Miguelin, gone to that low rider in the sky.
My mom once counseled a woman whose family was fighting over whether to bury her deceased father in his Corvette. Of course, it seems that you can bury someone in a low rider in Latin America or so it seems.
56. Nothing makes a dead person seem so sleazy like a pool table on your tombstone.
Strange, this is for a couple, not a guy who’d have a Dogs Playing Poker picture. Still, let’s say the tombstone was the man’s idea.
57. Looks like the Ivisons found a place to park in Georgetown.
Then again, they may have found a place to park in Georgetown, but they didn’t get there at the same time.
58. R. I. P. Fred, killed by rock.
Read this tombstone as a reminder to be wary of large falling rocks that could hit your head. If you want to live, no less.
59. Rest in Peace Gustava and by the way, your Ricardo is a cheapskate.
So what if Ricardo didn’t give any money to pay for his dad’s grave? Then again, being that this grave’s in Mexico, he could have a ton of excuses like being poor or having to worry about drug cartels.
60. Now a cemetery on land is the last place I’d see Spongebob Squarepants, especially in uniform.
Now I may have seen many things in a cemetery, but I haven’t seen a monument quite like this. Still, I don’t think Spongebob has a place in a cemetery, and why erect such a monument in the first place?
61. R. I. P. Bill Kugle, no fan of Republicans.
Of course, I don’t vote for Republicans either but that because they’re just crazy, egocentrically religious nutjobs, Corporate American lapdogs, idiots or all of the above in my book. Of course, this is jut my political opinion but I could see Kugle’s point.
62. Ladies and gentlemen, this person has logged out.
Let’s just hope that “connection reset by peer” isn’t synonymous with “murder,” shall we? Still, too bad he didn’t live past 28.
63. Of course, fender could be a lot of things in our culture, but I think the one on this tombstone refers to a saddle.
Judging by the tombstone being made from a possibly marble (meaning “old”), it’s likely that Wathel Bender was killed in some literal foul horseplay or some equine accident if you will. Also, who names their kid Wathel?
64. According to his epitaph, this guy was a bit of a drinker.
Sure Grover Cleveland Nichols may have liked his whiskey, but it’s amazing that he lived to be 87 as you see by his life dates. Of course, he may have stopped drinking by that time but we’ll never know.
65. Of course, you might be able to parallel park at this tomb sites but the parking meters are both expired.
Still, I wonder about the identities about this couple buried here. I mean I can’t even read the tombstone since it’s so flat.
66. Sure it may be a cheesy poem, but it gets creepy real quick.
Yeah, I could see why your love may be taboo. Then again, being in love with a dead (or technically dead) person is understandable. This is why a lot of kids like Twilight despite that it’s a romance between a teenage girl and a 107 year old vampire guy who attends her local high school. I think I’d rather stick to Harold & Maude and Venus when it comes to May December romance stories pertaining to teenagers.
67. It seemed that Lola S. Holt was accepting of her fate by the end.
Of course, I don’t understand why the life dates had to be screwed on. The birth one, especially. I mean one should at least be certain of that.
68. Lester Mack Fender seemed to be a bit of a fixer upper in life as I could see.
Now I hope the guy didn’t have some sort of screw loose before he kicked the bucket. Still, a wrench is a perfect tombstone for those Mr. Fixit types, isn’t it?
69. Of course, how about place the deceased’s photo on the piano grave stone?
Yes, they put photos on graves stones back in 1911 though it’s probably much more difficult and expensive than it is now. Same goes for the piano tombstone, which is a spinet, I believe.
70. Seems like this guy’s love for Star Wars lived on beyond the grave.
Then again, I bet his favorite Star Wars character was perhaps the wrinkly green guy who most people could imitate. Too bad this kid died before he could see Yoda kick ass in the prequels.
71. Some children’s graves have lambs, others have actual children on them.
I don’t know about you, but does anyone else think these graves stones are incredibly creepy? Seriously, kiddie graves are scary enough but ones with babies in cribs or high chair, well, eek.
72. Two roads, one choice. Where will John Payn go now that he’s dead? Well, there’s only one way to find out.
Will John get to spend his eternal days in heaven or will he suffer the fate of eternal damnation? Stay tuned for more…..eventually.
73. For man’s best friend, how about a tombstone of Snoopy on his dog house?
Of course, a granite tombstone of Snoopy wouldn’t necessarily be for a dog. I mean that would just be insane wouldn’t it?
74. Now a clothes pin tombstone isn’t what you’d see in every cemetery.
Now I kind of understand the notion of having tombstones of Spongebob, Snoopy, or a happy dolphin. But this? Well, I just have no clue why anyone would want a granite tombstone on their graves.
75. Someone seems to be a big fan of the Rolling Stones. At least it’s “Paint It Black.”
Now I’m sure a tombstone like this can’t get no satisfaction among the guy’s parents. Well, if they were like my grandparents and still alive so to speak.
76. Have a drink on Karl Bratz.
The fact his grave has a keg makes me wonder if alcohol had anything to do with his death. Probably did.
77. Here lies Micah Green, a man surrounded by idiots.
Yes, he may have seen dumb people. But he probably wasn’t too bright himself since he died at 16. Hope his death wasn’t his fault.
78. Of course, this tomb has everything on tap.
My guess this person owned a bar while alive. Because I know bartenders don’t make a lot to have a tombstone like that.
79. If you want to reach your deceased loved one, call.
Of course, I really don’t know the number to reach Heaven. Then again, you might have to die before you dial for the heavens.
80. Here lies Pauline J. Weinberg, loved more in death than in life.
Guess jerks have to die, too, you know. Wonder how her family wrote about her in her obituary.