When it comes to starting a business, branding is everything. Branding is how businesses market their products and services to potential customers in a way that defines as well as advertises. Now one of the first ways to come up with a brand is in the business’s name. Think of how the name in many of the brands we see today defines the products and services in a lot of today’s enterprises. Still, to the aspiring entrepreneur, the business name could come in many different forms. Some could be just the name and the business you’re offering such as “Dan Paisley’s Auto Parts Store.” Some can be more creative like “Honest John’s Used Car Dealership” or “Handsome Greg’s Hardware Store.” Sometimes you can go with a clever name like many of the businesses in The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Series like “Speedy Motors,” “Last Chance Salon,” or “The Handsome Men’s Go-Go Bar.” Yet, however you name your business, make sure it’s suited for a PG or G rated audience and defines what you’re selling. And even if you have a good business name, make sure it’s designed in aw way it doesn’t have unfortunate implications. Still, while there may be a lot of good business names out there, this isn’t the post for them. Rather it’s for those who probably should’ve considered hiring a marketing consultant but didn’t. So without further adieu, here are some bad business names and sign designs that may make you question what the hell the owner was thinking.
1. Doggy Style Pet Shop
I’m sure a great name for a pet store pertains to a sex position deriving from the idea of two dogs humping each other. Anyone who’s been around dogs would know what that means.
2. Megaflicks Video Store
While Megaflicks is a perfectly good name for a video store, perhaps the sci-fi font wasn’t a good idea. Then again, this might be more appropriate sign for an adult film store.
3. Know Knew Books Used Bookstore
What business owner sees as a clever pun, another sees the sign wondering if the person who designed it knows how to spell.
4. Retarded Children’s Thrift Store
You may need to get a new business name if the one you currently have contains highly offensive term for mentally disabled people. Seriously, it’s as bad as naming your football team the Redskins.
5. Dong Welding
When choosing an appropriate name for a business, make sure yours doesn’t refer to synonym for genitalia. Also, I’m sure this business name makes men cringe if they don’t know anyone named Dong.
6. Stoner Drug Pharmacy
I’m sure “Stoner Drug” is a great name for a drugstore. I can see it now, “Stoner Drug: Our Stash Will Make You High.” Hope this is just a medical marijuana dispensary.
7. Blood’s Seafood & Catering
Now while Blood may be a great name for a pirate captain, it’s not so much for a seafood restauranteur. Then again, you can say that for anything else other than pirate or serial killer.
8. Boring Business Systems
I’m sure if I hear if someone has “Boring” in their business name, that I might be interested in what they have to offer. Not.
9. Hooker Cockram Construction Firm
From a comment on a Tumblr site Awkward Names: “Just found this company in our contact database. They have an employee called R. Wang.
So there’s a guy called R. Wang, working at a company that specializes in erections, called Hooker Cockram.” It’s a construction company in Australia now known as just Cockram and they even have a website, too.
10. Goin’ Postal Shipping Center
Aside from being a name of a major shipping franchise, “going postal” also means becoming extremely or uncontrollably angry, often to the point of violence, and usually in a workplace environment. It gets its name from a bunch of post office incidents from 1986 onwards about postal workers attacking and killing their fellow employees and managers.
11. The Barfer Shoppe Pet Food Store
Now this one gets its name from its slogan “Biologically Appropriate Raw Food for Cats and Dogs.” Of course when I hear “barfer” I usually think of someone regurgitating food that’s already been digested.
12. Poo-Ping Palace Thai Cuisine
This is a Thai restaurant in Australia. Still, I’m not sure what Poo-Ping means in Thai. Then again, perhaps this sign is just explaining what happens a few hours later. Either way, still pretty funny.
13. B. A. A. D. Carpet Care
Gets its name from its slogan, “‘Best All Around Deal’ Company.” Still, if you have “bad” in your business name, I’m sure people wouldn’t want to buy it.
14. The Tranny Shop Auto Transmission Repair Service
Of course, “tranny” here is supposed to be short for transmission. Yet, when everyone else here’s the word, “tranny,” they think of someone who’s been through a sex change.
15. B. J. Queen Enterprises LLC Mechanical Contractor
Now I supposed, “B. J.” is the guy’s name. And I also suppose that he hasn’t seen the South Park episode with the Jonas Brothers. Oh, and I’m sure no girl in her right mind may want to be referred to as “B. J. Queen.”
16. Bong’s Cleaners Dry Cleaning
For the businessman who needs his designer suit cleaned after he’s smoked one. I guess this is a dry cleaning store in the “Rocky Mountain High” Colorado.
17. Butt Drilling Water Well Engineers
This is a water well engineering firm in New Zealand. Still, I wonder if they have a lot of assholes working for them. Then again, that business probably made them assholes.
18. Bill Buttram Photography
Of course, the logo design doesn’t deter much shits and giggles either. As someone said on Awkward Names, “Buttram, with a nice logo to show a demonstration as to what is being said :).”
19. Cock Polishing Services
For the man searching for a clean and polished look for where the sun don’t shine. Of course, this won’t count for the guy living in a nudist colony.
20. Cuchi’s Barbershop and Beauty Salon
Of course, when I hear the word, “Cuchi” I think of a family hair salon. Actually not really. Still, I wonder if this place does Brazilians.
21. Dick’s Pumping Concrete Service
Doesn’t help that their slogan is, “We’ll put our hose anywhere.” Still, I wonder if this business also sells those pumps to old men with erectile dysfunction.
22. The Dress Barn Clothing Store
Now there’s nothing wrong with the name at first.
However, it’s a clothing store that caters to plus-sized women so calling one’s clientele livestock won’t get them rushing to the door.
23. Dykes Lumber Company
Probably the only Lumber Company facility in these parts that probably has speakers blasting to Melissa Etheridge music. Also, they even have their own website.
24. Family Beer & Liquor Store
This is a liquor store in Illinois. Now I’m sure they came up with “Family” just to give it a down home feel. Still, I don’t think a place that sells alcohol should put “family” in its name. Makes one wonder whether they sell schnapps for kindergarten kids or something.
25. P. C. P. Dining Chinese Restaurant
Possibly the Chinese restaurant that offers the trippiest food in the business. Said that the food is so good, you might want to rip off you clothes and bite your neighbor for some leftovers.
26. Gross Convenient Store
At least this place lives up to the reputation of most convenient stores. Let’s just say people are scared enough of convenient store food as it is. Not to mention, “Gross,” isn’t a name you’d want to use on a business sign.
27. Hindenburger Restaurant
Basically their burgers are said to taste so great, that you’d say “Oh, the humanity!” Seriously, why name a burger place after a 1937 aviation disaster? It’s like naming a business after the Titanic.
28. Nude Furniture Store
Basically this is a store for furniture without the covers. Nevertheless, while trying to look it up on Google Images, I got more pictures of naked women than this business.
29. PMS Firearms
The gun store for those women experiencing that time of the month when they need to go on a homicidal rampage. Yeah, firearms, that’s what all moody women need while on their periods.
30. Prom Discount Liquors Store
Because there always has to be the store where all the high school kids get their booze on the night that leads to more teens getting pregnant and contracting STDs than any other.
31. Hump It & Dump It Waste Removal and Demolitions
This is a business in Britain. Still, it’s name can also be referred to as “one night stand.” Yeah, not something that should be encouraged.
32. Spermies T-Shirt Design
Now seriously, what’s with naming a T-shirt design business Spermies? Even worse, why is their mascot an actual sperm?
33. Butcher Family Funeral Home
Now I’m sure many people who go in there for a viewing are pleasantly surprised that the place doesn’t remind them of anything related to Sweeny Todd.
34. Booty’s House of Crabs Restaurant
I’m sure those crabs aren’t the ones you get in your nether region. Still, this sign is just too dirty to ignore.
35. Dumploads OnUs Junk Removal Specialists
Of course, by dumping loads they mean junk, not poop. Still, I have to admit the business name certainly suits it.
36. Vagina Tandoori Indian Cuisine
Now I’m sure restaurants from East Asia aren’t the only ones with dirty names. Hope “vagina” doesn’t mean anything inappropriate in Hindi. Then again, people in India speak a lot of different languages.
37. Fashion Do-Do Clothing Store
Basically this is the clothing store pertaining to wardrobe malfunctions. That, or designer clothes made from shit.
38. Hand Job Nails & Spa
Basically, this is a place where anyone can get a manicure, pedicure, and massage. Yet, it’s also where a man could get his junk manually stimulated. Nevertheless, it’s on Castro Street in San Francisco, home of Harvey Milk.
39. Dirty Dick’s Crab House
Let’s hope the crabs you got from Dirty Dick’s are the ones you ate on your plate. Of course, Dirty Dick may be laden with STDs for all you know. Still, seriously, why go with the STD angle on crab shacks? Come on. Don’t you want people to bring their kids?
40. Analtech Thin Laser Chromatography
This is a technology company that makes laser chromatographic plates. However, the name is more appropriate for a tech company that makes probes that go all the way up in your ass.
41. FAG Bearings Corporation
This is a ball bearings company in Germany and apparently FAG is an abbreviation for a German saying. Yet, in English, “fag” is short for “faggot,” which is a derogatory slur to gay people.
42. Suck Bang Blow Restaurant and Saloon
Despite the name, it’s probably not an Asian restaurant. Actually, it’s a biker bar at Myrtle Beach believe it or not. Still, I bet this sign gets a lot of complaints from parents.
43. Pho King Way Noodles & Grill
Now this is one of more dirty named Asian restaurants. This one is Vietnamese. Sometimes I wonder why these Asian establishments have such names as a joke or something.
44. The Chocolate Log Confectionary and Coffee Shop
Now there are great names for a candy and coffee store. Yet, I’m sure “chocolate log” isn’t one of them because it’s another word for “shit.”
45. Ho-Made Restaurant
Now the “Eat In” and “Carry Out” slogan seem to give “Ho-Made” a whole new meaning. Then again “Ho-Made” is said to be short for “homemade” yet doesn’t make the sign sound less dirty does it?
46. S & M Mini Mall
S & M Mini Mall: the shopping center that caters to all your BDSM needs. I bet this is the ultimate shopping destination for the dominatrix where she could buy a gimp suit and the latest designer cat o’ nine tails.
47. Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Service
Because you never know when you’ll need a cooling service that would make your house so cold that it hurts the sensitive regions of your chest.
48. Big Dick’s Halfway Inn Resort
Doesn’t help when it’s slogan is “Home of the Original Minnow Shot.” Also, the arrow just kills me. Still, name of a restaurant and bar in Missouri.
49. The Sweet Dairy Air Shop
Of course, while it may be a store for dairy products, the name sounds like another word for butt. Doesn’t help that there’s something phallic about that sheep.
50. Toylet Anime and Airsoft
Where anime comics and airsoft make good company. Still, I could understand anime comics at least in manga form but airsoft guns? I mean how do you play paint ball when you’re sitting on the commode?
51. Herpes Pizza
Where you order pizza once and pay for it over the rest of your life. I heard the extra sores special is sensational. Still, what’s with the corn ear on the sign? Seriously, what does corn have to do with pizza?
52. Cabbages & Condoms Thai Restaurant
Seriously, what do cabbages and condoms have to do with Thai food? Is this place trying to promote healthy eating habits and safe sex at the same time? Then again, it’s in Bangkok.
53. Hooker’s Funeral Home
Well, it has to be nice that there’s a funeral that takes in all those poor sex workers who’ve been killed on cop shows. Their viewings must be very interesting.
54. Kids Exchange
Never underestimate the value of spacing. If two close, the words, “kids exchange” may read “kid sex change.” Yeah, it happens.
55. Mammoth Erection Scaffolders
Remember this is a construction company, not what old man gets when he’s had too many Viagra. Still, if you call this company asking for long, firm poles, they may hang up on you.
56. Curl Up & Dye Hair Salon
If Sweeny Todd could expand into the beauty parlor business, this would be the perfect name for it. Still, I’m sure people don’t want to have any thoughts about death while getting their haircut, especially after watching Sweeny Todd.
57. Badcock Home Furniture & More
Now this would be one of the most ironic places for a man to be caught with his pants down. Ironically, it’s a store chain in the South, which means perhaps the place where David Vitter, Mark Sanford, and John Edwards bought their dining chairs. Then again, you may not know who these guys are.
58. The Dirty Hoe Garden Shed
Finally, a perfect place for lonely men to get petunias, fertilizer, and a watering can for their mothers as well as a female escort for themselves. Well, if they’re into that sort of thing and can live with the STDs for the rest of their lives.
59. Barf Bed & Breakfast
Heard they have excellent guest accommodations but the food is just disgusting. I mean it’s bad enough to make you puke if you know what I mean. Still, you might want to eat out if you ever stop there.
60. Blue Balls Boutique
Now here’s a nice little boutique for all the guys who are saving it for marriage, thinking about entering a monastery or priesthood, or men who just aren’t getting any right now.
61. Knobs & Knockers Door Accessories
While this may be a cute name for a door accessories or hardware store, it’s also a very appropriate name for a sex shop. I mean I’ve seen Young Frankenstein, when Gene Wilder says, “What knockers!” And Inga goes, “Oh, thank you, doctor.”
62. S. T. D. Central Flea Market
Where you come for the cheap crap you pay for the rest of your life on antibiotics and safe sex. Perhaps I should pass this resale shop if I ever come across it.
63. Pee & Poo Food & Drink
Please let this be an Asian restaurant and not some reflection of the fare this business has to offer. Because that would be disgusting beyond all reason.
64. Shemale Hair Salon
Let’s just hope this salon’s “body works” and “fast altercations” don’t pertain to a quick sex reassignment surgery. Because I’m perfectly fine with being a woman, thank you.
65. Pussy Cleaners Dry Cleaning
Finally, the place where I can take my formal wear to be dry cleaned and have my private parts cleaned at the same time. Then again, I usually clean my nether regions myself in the shower, thank you very much.
66. Menlove Dental Practice
If you’re a straight man, then going to this dentist might give the words “open wide” and “it’s just a little prick” a whole disturbing new subtext.
67. Camel Towing Removal Service
Whether it’s clearing a tree down the road or relieving a woman from the embarrassment of showing her crotch in really tight pants, these are the guys for you.
68. Fuk Mi Sushi Bar & Seafood Buffet
Now this Japanese restaurant has everything such as sushi, seafood, and an escort service to boot. Still, what a terrible name.
69. Long Poo Gas Supplies
Whether it’s methane, propane, or whatever’s coming from your rear end, these people got it all. Nevertheless, proceed with caution since natural gas is flammable and does nothing to stop global warming.
70. Hammered Liquor Store
May not be the most appropriate business name, but it fits. Yes, liquor and alcohol will get you hammered if you drink enough of it.
71. Scandinavian Sun Tanning Salon
Sure Scandinavian people have good tans, yet understand that some places in Scandinavia don’t get sunshine during certain times of the year. So it’s kind of a stretch.
72. Sherrill’s Eat Here and Get Gas Rest Stop
I know this is a rest stop, but the word “gas” has another meaning than just fuel for the car. Remind me not to order anything with beans at this place if you know what I mean.
73. Brick Furniture Store
Let’s just say, you wouldn’t expect a anything from Brick Furniture to be very comfortable. In fact, quite the opposite.
74. Tom Raper RVs
Now having your own name in the business is fine but not if your name is Raper. This is especially true when you sell RVs.
75. Killer for Hire Exterminators
This is an exterminator business, yet you wouldn’t know it by the presentation, which suggests a completely different service. I’m sure this business will take care of those unwanted pests at and will make you an offer you can’t refuse.