Now it’s on to the vintage Easter greeting cards. After all, they have greeting cards for everything. Nonetheless, as we’re confined to our homes due to the Coronavirus scourge on the world, we should all do our best to ensure some sense of normalcy. Of course, I’ll do my part by showing you some crazy vintage Easter cards. Some of these defy explanation that you have to see to believe. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of weird vintage Easter cards from the olden days. Enjoy.
- Witches on Easter?
Okay, this is a tradition from Scandinavia. Yet most Americans would think the designer got confused with Halloween.
2. Let the frogs open the gate for the beetles.
Okay, I’m kind of confused at this. Besides, don’t frogs eat bugs like that. What the hell is going on here?
3. Celebrate Easter with a band of witches?
Again, this is from Scandinavia. Yet, why they started a band with household implements and have cats on vocals is beyond me.
4. Nothing makes Easter worth celebrating like a beetle party.
Here we have beetles dancing in the forest. And yes, the females even wear dresses. Seems to be from a bad acid trip.
5. Best wishes for a joyful Easter from a couple of parakeets.
What the hell? Parakeets? Seriously, what do they have to do with Easter besides absolutely nothing.
6. Happy Easter from a chick on skis.
This is from Russia. Apparently, it still snows there during the Easter season. Yet, the chick still carry flowers on an eggshell on its back.
7. In the future, women will fly in their Easter hats.
Well, that hasn’t happened. But if you see what Easter bonnets look like, you get the idea.
8. Here we have a chick carrying flowers.
And this little chick doesn’t seem to like the job. Since they’d have to use a yoke on their backs and carry the flowers in eggshells.
9. Beetle with flowers wishes you a joyful Easter.
I don’t get what this beetle has to do with Easter. Because they sure don’t have anything to do with the holiday in America.
10. Even a modern witch needs to fly on Easter.
I know the moon is confused as much as anyone. But take it from me, this is a tradition in Scandinavia.
11. How about a pretty witch handing out eggs from her basket?
This one is from the US since it’s in the English language. Still, you have to wonder why she hasn’t yet gotten out of her river dance outfit. Saint Patrick’s Day’s probably over by then.
12. Happy Easter from the frog walking his beetle.
This is messed up. Seriously, frogs probably eat beetles, not keep them as pets. Also uses a toadstool as an umbrella.
13. This Easter be happy to have beetles living in your flowers.
Actually, having beetles in your bouquet will freak out everyone. Seriously, what the hell?
14. How about a beetle carrying a young girl in a basket?
And she’s not to be messed with from her expression. Still, this seems more or less appropriate for a weird sci-fi or horror movie than an Easter card.
15. Happy Easter from an Alpine bunny.
Yes, she seems like she’s straight out of The Sound of Music. Wonder how she plays the zither with her paws. Maybe I don’t want to know.
16. Happy Easter from the hardboiled egg family.
Even their dog’s made out of eggs. Don’t ask me to explain why the designer thought this would make a good Easter card.
17. Heard of an egghead? She has an egg body.
Okay, that’s just freaky. But at least her apron has pockets.
18. Out of this egg comes a whole bunch of chicks.
That’s not how the amniotic egg works. Seriously, a bunch of chicks don’t hatch from a single egg. That’s contrary to chicken biology.
19. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Beetles.
No, not the Beatles. I mean a band with beetles. But they seem good enough that a couple of beetles dance.
20. Easter greetings from a pipe smoking chick.
His pipe is long enough so he could smoke from it on the window sill. As he admires the blue spring flowers.
21. Even chicks have their limits.
2 guy chicks hit on a girl chick on the roller skating grounds. And she’s not having it. Wonder if she’s heard of Me Too. Probably not.
22. Let’s leave these beetles to themselves.
I don’t get what beetles have to do with Easter. Yet, they’re sharing an intimate moment under an umbrella.
23. Happy Easter from Easter eggs playing cards.
Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Guess the egg who loses the most money has to sit on a wall. Also, do the flowers have eyes? And are they actually watching them?
24. “Easter joy be yours.”
This is basically the literal definition of “flower child.” And it’s really freaky. Seriously, why?
25. A Happy Easter from the pink flower children.
Yes, this flower children thing wasn’t just confined to Alice in Wonderland. And yes, it makes you wonder if you’re on an acid trip.
26. Care to go places in an egg cart?
And apparently, it’s pulled by a mother hen and her chicks. I’m sure you won’t go far in that.
27. “Sorry I’m late to the coven.”
And it appears one of the witches brought something. While devils do a dance in the background. Seriously, how is this an Easter card?
28. Happy Easter from the frog family.
Frogs don’t have families like that. Seriously, they lay their eggs in water, which hatch into tadpoles. Also, what do frogs have to do with Easter?
29. Happy Easter from the kid hatched from an egg.
No, that’s not how people reproduce. And no, they don’t come out like they’re 3 years old.
30. Happy Easter from the flying chicken.
Okay, this is from Scandinavia. And yes, the hen’s a bit insecure on how her chicks are holding onto the broomstick.
31. Happy Easter from the bunny riding a sheep.
Bunny is frustrated over the lamb’s stubbornness. Lamb doesn’t want to visit the rickety old mill because they think it’s dangerous.
32. “So we’re the first ones to hatch?”
You can see the weird look in that chick’s eye. As they wonder what the hell they’re doing in an Easter basket instead of a chicken coop.
33. Easter Greetings from a distinguished gentleman chick.
Is this how chicks in Downton Abbey hatch. Do they come equipped with pince nezes, top hats and canes? Asking for a friend.
34. Nowadays Easter witches take to the road.
You can see them go over the speed limit in Scandinavia. And yes, the cat’s freaking out. Also, the torches at the front pose a severe safety risk.
35. “All hail the steaming kettle.”
Not sure what the kettle has to do with Easter. But I sure don’t want my broomstick near it.
36. Today, modern witches travel the skies in planes.
You can see the plane’s basically egg-shaped so the witch can put her feet up. While the cat secretly prays for a safe landing.
37. A witch always needs to look her best for Easter.
Yet, the cats appear to jump off the broomstick. Because they don’t want to be near it when she’s handling it.
38. This Easter, the witches ride on their familiars.
One rides on a giant cat she probably enchanted. The other dresses in style and goes on a big horn sheep.
39. “Hey, don’t touch my broomstick!”
Yeah, Easter witches don’t take that kind of shit. Guess someone’s going be toad.
40. Didn’t know witches flew by day.
In Harry Potter they do. Yet, these kids are baffled by the daytime spectacle. Also, why is the moon out during daylight hours?
41. Just a little break for tea.
Sure she’s not drinking alcohol. Nonetheless, it’s a case of distracted driving that you don’t wonder why the cat’s clinging to dear life.
42. Watch out for that church steeple.
Yeah, when you’re flying at a high altitude, you probably run into a lot of tall structures. Wonder what she does to get any help.
43. This hen carries her Easter eggs in her apron.
This looks like an accident waiting to happen. Just wait when she’s tripped and all the eggs come crashing down.
44. Happy Easter from the daffodil children.
Am I the only one to think this as freaky? Seriously, why?
45. “We Easter witches must stick together.”
Uh, can’t they just fly up the mountain? Seriously, they have brooms for that. Or did their brooms run out of magic power?
46. Happy Easter from the egg with a man’s face.
Okay, this is really freaky. Since when do eggs have mustaches, faces, and pince-nezes? Even the gnomes are stupefied.
47. Apparently, 2 girls can fit inside an egg.
Wonder how this is possible. Oh, yes, the egg’s just gigantic. Still, it boggles my mind.
48. “Now you all be good when I’m out. Okay?”
Not sure about the dynamic. Since chicks are baby chickens. Also, the egg home has a chimney and ladder.
49. Easter witches even fly on a rainy day.
Since she’s got her umbrella with her. Yet, the cat’s still uneasy on the broomstick.
50. How about a joy ride over the chicken coop?
The old man’s kind of like, “What the hell’s going on?” But the witch on her broomstick doesn’t give a damn.