For some reason, I have serious doubts she’s a virgin. Also, she should’ve known she was pregnant by now.

I don’t understand the sci-fi concept behind this album cover. I mean the guy’s in blue make up with a weird diamond helmet.

Is that a dead hooker in the car? Okay, that’s really disturbing. Hell, this whole album cover is unsettling.

Apparently, being surrounded by clowns can put you in a rather terrifying situation. Also, why isn’t Pennywise in here?

Seriously, this guy kind of reminds me of those bad 1980s prom pictures. Funnier that he’s wearing a shiny striped suit with a stern expression.

Of course, how they could fit in this old pop can, I’ll never know. Let’s not think about this one too hard.

Still, the guy’s posing with women who look awfully young. While his eyes bear some ill intent. Don’t like where this is going.

Yes, the animal masks are freaky. But what the hell are they doing in a hospital operating room with a fake body on the gurney?

Since his wife left him, Conway’s fashion sense has gone out the window. He’s kind of bitter about the divorce. His wife’s got a lawyer and is suing him for half his assets.

When we start settling Mars, we might have to train astronauts to be truck drivers. Not sure how that’s going to work out.

Those 1970s haircuts certainly don’t help either. That one guy in the back knows how lame this photo op is.

Then again, to each his own. After all, Ed could really be a nice guy. But that doesn’t help his hairstyle.

Actually he’s wearing a 1970s jumpsuit and a necklace. But yeah, he probably spent too much time at the tanning salon that day.

I mean the instruments consist of accordion, banjo, and electric guitars. Also, that one guy looks like David Hasselhoff.

Here he jumps to reach a star in front of a large crowd of people. While he holds a white guitar in his hand that matches his jumpsuit. Don’t ask me who came up with this idea.

Apparently, you can sit on it, too. As long as the long staff is well into your ass. Boy, that woman’s going to be sore. But for now, she’s reading like it doesn’t seem to bother her.

The one guy in the bathroom’s reading a newspaper with shoes and socks on like it’s nothing. While the women on the other side are checking him out.

Helps if you dress in a jingling bikini that resembles what Princess Leia would wear if Jabba’s palace was a disco. Yet, she doesn’t wear the long chain nor strangle a huge blob monster who used her frozen boyfriend as wall decoration.

I bet the mom’s like, “I shall call her Mini Me.” Hell, they’re wearing the same pink dress.

Man, these outfits are atrocious. Look at the pink top with gold sleeves. Is it 1970s or what?

They even have chain around a dog and one guy holds a big cigar. But badass they are not.

Seriously, why is her reflection appearing in the glass like that? Does she think she has something on her nose?

I mean she’s literally tied to a man by her wrists with rope. And she’s wearing a Sword-and-Sandal costume. So is she supposed to be dragged? Or is she kind of into it? Because I want to know how to feel here.

Still, I know they’re supposed to be prison stripes. But they kind of remind me of pajamas. Also how is he able to play guitar on the rocks?

Nonetheless, I think the cover is more appropriate for “Prisoners of Love.” Also, this pen seems to have a very generous conjugal visit policy.

Yes, this a soundtrack from a forgettable Jane Fonda movie. Still, naked in the jungle, what can possibly go wrong with that?

Okay, it’s probably not a porn movie and I apologize to anyone offended. Still, I’m sure these two are about to play “doctor” at any moment. Seriously, look how the guy’s grabbing the woman’s leg.

Apparently, the cover implies that a Roman orgy’s just a fancy toga party. But it’s more like a hedonistic free for all with drinking, partying, and group sex.

You’d almost think it was a 1980s version of The Office starring Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander. Got to like that one guy’s shirt.

So, how can you roast hotdogs on the moon? It has no atmosphere so you can’t light a fire. Oh, those guys are climbing on the sticks? Was the designer on drugs?

Heard that he was a musician and shop teacher by day. And a porn star by night during the 1970s. Naturally, him and Adrien aren’t on speaking terms.

He wears a mask because he’s fugitive from another state. Not what he did. Still, reminds me of a Will Ferrell SNL sketch for some reason.

The one guy is framed in a star because he couldn’t make it to the photo session. But he wore the same outfit nonetheless.

Because “Terri” is a female rendition of that name. But the person kind of has a more masculine disposition. Then again, maybe Terri’s just gender fluid.

Funny, how one could easily pass as Matthew McConaughey’s grandmother. Hope she plays alright, alright, alright.

Heard he got his start playing polka music at a nudist colony. Then again, he seems to have stripped all his clothes off.

These guys have such blase expressions that they see no hope out of their boring and meaningless lives. Though I like that front man’s tie.

And yet his clothes don’t seem the slightest bit wet. Then again, it’s photoshop.

For God’s sake would you take the name Wilfahrt seriously? Also, that dancing couple seems all too happy.

Well, maybe Russians don’t mind women not shaving. Since they’re probably more focused on trying to get by. Still, she looks pretty silly in that outfit. Also what are those strings with balls supposed to mean?

So basically this cover consists of women mooning. I’m sure the moral guardians won’t be happy with that.

I mean the guy seems more right at home on Stranger Things. Also, is he smoking a cigarette?

So is he supposed to be the Yugoslavian equivalent to David Bowie or Boy George? Also the name Mandic is hard to take seriously as an English speaker.

Then again, it kind of makes sense. Since Italians are into soccer and high fashion. Still, the woman seems like a snake lady to me.

I think this might’ve become a meme. Still, I don’t think you can dance to that song listing. Also kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey for some reason.

Still, they shouldn’t be there. No, I don’t see anything wrong with women on a back hoe. But these women aren’t clad in the proper safety equipment. So they run a high risk of injury or death.

Seriously, why would anyone have a song about eating kids? Is this an album used to traumatize children?

After all, she wouldn’t want anything to scald her uh, boobs. Yes, I get that her boobs get considerable attention on this cover.

Because what makes a wholesome image of ragtime like seeing a fat rich guy being served by 2 hookers. Seriously, the woman’s putting some money in her stocking.

Despite that nobody dresses like that nowadays. Still, I don’t think he’ll find any gold with this album.