Spooktacular Fun with Halloween Inflatable Decorations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 5, 2015

Now inflatable decorations are a recent phenomenon and more or less associated with Christmas. However, Halloween isn’t far behind since it’s a very popular holiday. And there are plenty of people who go way out for the holiday as well. So it’s not hard for the manufacturers to realize that there’s a market for them. Besides, many places tend to have trick or treaters so it helps that people’s homes be as Halloweeny or scary as possible. After all, when it comes to decorations, Halloween and Christmas are the two biggest occasions. Valentines and Easter you can take or leave. Still, while some decorations could be quite scary, I’m not sure what to think about inflatables on people’s yards. I mean it really doesn’t cost much to make your outdoor lawn scary to begin with. You can make a lot of scary stuff with simple materials from a craft store or old junk from home, reuse Christmas lights, carve pumpkins, and buy some other decorations at just about anywhere. I released earlier depicting exactly certain examples like someone using dresses or chicken wire for ghosts. I mean you can really get creative. But if you want a skeleton in your yard, I’d recommend that you don’t dig one up from the cemetery or a science classroom. Just buy a plastic one online or at a store. It’s just legally safer that way. Nevertheless, on the other hand, inflatable decorations are expensive, take more time to set up and take down, and are cartoonish. And let’s just say anything cartoonish is usually not scary. Still, I can show some of the better Halloween decorations. But you’d be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the stuff that’s either tacky or doesn’t make sense. So for your reading pleasure here is an assortment of some crazy Halloween inflatables that you might see on someone’s yard.

Here we start at party central where we meet a friendly Frankenstein monster and cat.

Yes, they seem to be rather friendly hanging out together. Of course, doesn’t make either very scary. Does it?

2. Specimen 1 says, “Welcome.”

Not sure what aliens have to do with Halloween. Then again, aliens and the paranormal tend to be lumped in the same subject matter as you’d see from the History Channel. Still, seems quite friendly.

3. Looks like somebody’s mummy needs some toilet paper.

Like what the outhouse says, “Smells like someone died in there.” Guess that the mummy must’ve taken a big dump. Wait a minute, why would a mummy need to take a shit?

4. Death comes to your yard in a 3-wheeler.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least he has a nice roof on it.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least it’s purple, has a nice roof, and badass green and yellow flames.

5. “Happy Halloween” from the cute little owl.

Yes, it’s supposed to be an owl. I know it looks like a pumpkin with yellow wings as well as a beak, eyes, and feet. But it’s supposed to be an owl.

6. Of course, everyone must travel to the party in style like in a horse drawn hears.

And I see the coachman is a skeleton in a top hat. And the passenger is a corpse in its own casket. Looks like something startled the horse.

7. These ghosts seem to have a lot of haunted fun in their haunted tree house.

I kind of expected a haunted tree house to be more decrepit and abandoned looking. Not in red and purple. Also, seems like the tree isn’t too happy about the ghosts being around.

8. For haunting outdoors, it’s best that the scary organist bring his instrument from a horse drawn vehicle.

Of course, in real life, organs tend to take up whole rooms and can’t be carried. However, somehow this organ is compact and portable for transport.

9. On Halloween, pumpkin coach is a stylish mode of transportation.

Now this would be great for an Undead Cinderella themed ball. Think of it as Cinderella with zombies, vampires, skeletons, and other undead beings.

10. Whenever this witch goes to a party, she always has ghosts to take her there.

I guess these ghosts must wait on her hand and foot. Must suck being in the afterlife sometimes. Besides, perhaps this pampered enchantress should consider a broom.

11. Fans of The Wizard of Oz would appreciate this inflatable of the Wicked Witch of the East.

That’s just all there is. And these are meant to be placed right next to the house. Yeah, it’s supposed to look like the house smashed her during a tornado.

12. Nothing is scarier than a light up skull and neon spiders.

Now this is the kind of Halloween decoration I’d expect to see at a rave. Yeah, it’s quite freaky to say the least.

13. Oh, no, the ghost pirate ship is sinking!

Man, this would look pretty ridiculous if it was on the ground. Then again, it’s a ghost ship. So I’m not sure if it’s likely to sink at all, even if it’s full of holes.

14. Heard of Pop! Goes the Weasel? Here is Pop! Goes the Evil.

Now that clown is scary and creepy. Yes, that’s bound to give children nightmares. Or their parents.

15. Looks like Frank has some sweet new ride.

Now it seems that this hot rod’s roof is an outhouse. Wonder if he used the seat. Still, must give off a lot of gas emissions.

16. Zombie gnome is not your friend. Wants your brains.

Let’s just say if you see an undead gnome out there, stay out of that person’s garden. Yeah, undead gnomes are dangerous. And no, they can’t be killed by a stake in the neck.

17. For a big rat, you need a big trap.

I don’t know what to think about this. Seriously, I know Halloween has disgusting decorations. But still, a giant rat trap? I don’t think so.

18. Looks like Yellow is going as Frankenstein’s monster this year.

So how do they get the bolts in him like that? I mean he’s made out of chocolate. It’s not a flexible material if you get my drift.

19. Looks like the cat is containing the ghosts in the pumpkin.

I’m sure the ghosts can get out of the pumpkin just fine when they want to. However, it might freak out the cat though.

20. Hey! The cat’s gotten hold of the mummy wraps!

Yeah, the mummy isn’t too happy while the cat is grinning. Hope he has enough strength to get out of this jam without losing a limb or unraveling.

21. If you love Ghostbusters, then you’d like this Slimer inflatable.

The one in the movie was more disgusting but still gross. Still, I’m more partial to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

22. Of course, nothing brings in the spirit of Ghostbusters than an inflatable of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Yes, let all be doomed before his marshmallowy wake. You don’t want to mess with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Got to love this.

23. Remember, Frightening Fuel Services is at your service.

Of course, the most frightening thing about this service is the cost and excise tax. Still, seems to be a Halloween knock off from Cars. Like the dragon fixture on this 18 wheeler.

24. Seems like this monster is a player for the Spook University football team.

I’m sure no school in their right mind would want to go against such a team. There, every player on the team is either a beast or built like one.

25. I’m sure you’ve heard of a haunted house. But what about a haunted trailer?

The scary creatures couldn’t find an affordable home to set themselves up. And no apartment was willing to take them. So they had to settle for a trailer despite it being cramped and on land they have to pay rent to. And they’re getting hosed by the landlord at the trailer park.

26. If you can’t go on your own carriage or hearse, there’s always the haunted stagecoach.

Seems like ghouls are in the passenger section while the vampire is on the top. Love how the coffin is on the roof. Yet, a stagecoach driver must be wary around these parts.

27. Now this zombie gnome is a bit partial to arms.

Yes, he loves to munch on some tasty limbs. And he seems to have bitten a few fingers off.

28. Awww, Frankenstein and the ghosts are on a seesaw together.

Wait a minute, the ghosts shouldn’t weigh a thing. I mean Frankestein should be weigh them down. Yeah, the weight distribution shouldn’t be equal.

29. Want a haunted house in your yard? Perhaps try this inflatable for size.

I think it might just be easier and cheaper to make the front of your house look haunted. Inflatables can be quite a headache. Still, it does kind of look like a haunted Victorian mansion.

30. Frankenstein just wants to take a rest on his chopper.

Frankenstein on a chopper. Really? That’s crazy. Seriously, how could an undead monster fly something like that?

31. Guess a witch fell into the brew again.

Seems like she should know better than to dive into the witches’ brew head first. You really don’t know what the hell is in there. I mean it could be a recipe for rat poison for all you know.

32. If you think a neon spider is freaky, you should see an iridescent one.

Now this spider's but is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

Now this spider’s abdomen is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

33. Sometimes when the wraith comes around, it occasionally comes in a carriage.

Wonder how hard it’s going to be for the driver to find a place to park. Also, hope the skull doesn’t hurt matters.

34. Come right this way to hear your frightening fortunes.

Seems like Madam Skull Lady is doing Tarot card readings. Kind of wish she had a crystal ball instead. I mean that’s how I identify a fortune teller.

35. Hey, look, this clown is giving out free candy.

On second thought, I’ll take a pass at any of this evil clown’s free candy offers. Seriously, I don’t know what he’s going to do with that hammer. And I don’t even want to know either.

36. Honey, a flying saucer just crashed into our front yard! Come out and look here!

An inflatable flying saucer with inflatable dirt surrounding it. Yeah, that looks very realistic (sarcasm). The one in my lawn ornament post looked more believable.

37. Remember, if you want him to appear, you had to say his name 3 times.

Of course, it’s more or less undeniable that Beetlejuice was a better Michael Keaton performance than Birdman. Way better than Birdman, which shouldn’t have won an Oscar for Best Picture. Seriously, Academy, why couldn’t you choose Grand Budapest Hotel? It’s a great movie for God’s sake!

38. Oh, shit, this alien appears to be on the war path.

“Must kill earthlings. Must destroy evidence. Must take no prisoners.”

39. The Grimm Reaper just loves popping wheelies on his hot rod or tractor.

Yes, he really has a need for speed, doesn’t he? Still, with ghostly passengers, I’m not sure if that’s a great place to put his scythe.

40. All aboard the Haunted Express.

Funny how this train doesn’t have any passenger cars. Still, love the ghost and pumpkins. Also, like the vampire rising from his coffin in the back.

41. Forget broom flying, this wicked witch is riding a hog for the open road.

Of course, I’m sure magic will be a more effective safety measure than a helmet. But I’m not certain. Still, I don’t know if she should bring her cat along.

42. Happy Halloween from the wiener dog and owls.

And I see the dog has his dog treat bag at the ready. Still, does he have any idea that owls have talons? And that talons are sharp?

43. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you an evil snowman.

When Hell freezes over, you'll have to reckon with this guy. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

When Hell freezes over, you’ll have to reckon with this guy going after you. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

44. Hey, look, Elmo is carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Wait a minute, don’t those those pumpkins look a bit like Elmo’s friends? Yeah, I think so. Hope Cookie Monster and Bert don’t mind being inspirations. But it’s still pretty creepy if you think about it.

45. You are now entering the Zombie Crossing.

The human characters from The Walking Dead could’ve used signs like these. Unfortunately, they don’t know where the zombies might show up, save grave yards.

46. This pumpkin seems to be on the lookout for ghosts to munch on.

This is more or less a Halloween tribute to Pac Man. Just so you know. Still pretty funny.

47. On Halloween night, it pays to beware of the dog.

Yes, this dog is mean as you can tell from his red eyes and spiked collar. Don’t want to cross him or he’ll tear you to pieces.

48. Nothing makes your yard scary for Halloween than an inflatable of a devouring plant.

Despite its saber tooth jaws, it doesn’t look like the kind of plant that would swallow people whole. I think Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors was much scarier.

49. Oh, no, the ghosts are on fire!

Wait a minute, ghosts shouldn’t catch fire. They’re supposed to be made out of almost nothing. So why they’re screaming within the flames is beyond me. Then again, it might be just PTSD.

50. Don’t enter in, this is a crime scene investigation. A murder has been committed.

And it looks like the killer is still on the loose and is about to kill again. Still, kind of reminds me of the shower scene in Psycho from how the shadow looks.

Death Notices with the Last Word in the Obituary Section

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 3, 2015

Obituaries aren’t interesting reads since they’re supposed to inform readers of those who recently passed away, especially if it’s someone they knew. Most of the time they usually list the names of the deceased, their occupations and associations, family members, and funeral arrangements. Some may be touching, but they’re not very fun to read about either. And then there are the obituaries in which the deceased’s picture doesn’t match the person’s relative age at death. I mean you know how an obit opens with a young looking guy only to learn that he passed away at 92. Now I can understand if he was a movie star, a noted athlete, or Captain America. But some old guy who fought in World War II? Come on, chances are that he won’t look that hot at 92, for Christ’s sake! His grandkids didn’t remember him looking like that. Put in a more recent picture. Still, obituaries tend to be written by the next of kin, some of whom horribly suck at it as I described. Sometimes this is an easy process but other times it’s not. However, in this post, we’ll look at an assortment of death notices that break the traditional obituary criteria. Or those that are just very funny. So without further adieu, I present to you a treasury of obituary notices that try to get the last word. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

Here lies John Micheal McMahan who died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to take doctor’s (or anyone else’s) orders, and raising hell for a little more than 3 decades. Left no children (that we know of).

This guy seemed to be quite a character. Loved how they said they’ll escort anyone in a suit and Sunday’s best to their vehicles and that there may be profanity and alcohol involved. Also, said to bring something to stick on his casket if you just want to irritate him.

2. In lieu of flowers, the Unsworth family respectfully asked that donations be made to the American Cancer Society or anyone running against Barack Obama in 2012.

Let’s just say whoever contributed to the American Cancer Society had their money well spent. To anyone running against Obama in 2012, not so much. I mean, Obama is still president as of 2015.

3. RIP Larry Upright, loving husband, father, grandfather, and hater of Hillary Clinton.

Let’s just say if any of my relatives want me to write their obituaries, I’d just omit any political references. Also, let’s just say that I’m totally willing to vote for Hillary if she ends up the Democratic nominee. Let’s just say she’d be the safer choice than the alternative.

4. Of course, obituaries don’t have to be long and this one gets straight to the point.

Man, how many people wish they can do an obituary in two words or less like this guy. Just “Doug died” and nothing else.

5. Please pray for the loss of Stephen Merrill whose young life was cut short due to an uppercut by Batman.

He actually didn’t die that way. His family wrote it thinking it was how he wanted to be remembered. The real cause was most likely testicular cancer. So sad.

6. Condolences to the family of James Robert “Beef” Ward also known as Jimmy, Pork, and Bubba.

This guy certainly had a sense of humor as did his family. Their nicknames are hysterical. His mom is “Buffalo Butt”, dad is “Old Fart,” has sisters named, “Turtle,” “Hamburger,” and “Amos,” and a daughter, “Thunder Child.” The pet names seem rather normal in comparison.

7. Please remember James “Jim” William Adams, whose long illness deprived him of his final wish.

Well, we don’t all get to die by being run over by a beer truck on our way to the liquor store. Still, wishes that his funeral could just be a booze fest at some water hole.

8. We know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but sometimes even that’s not possible.

Man, seems like this Dolores was a real bitch. “Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society, and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life.” Yeah, she probably won’t be missed.

9. RIP Knoizki who died in a hot tub muttering death threats to anyone willing to listen. He will be missed.

Didn’t know that they had a hot tub at a military base. Thought they didn’t have such luxuries. Then again, he might’ve been an officer.

10. RIP: Roosevelt Conway, not that you would like the guy if you met him.

Now whoever who wrote this really didn’t say a lot nice things about this guy. But at least his obituary is pretty entertaining. Liked “Homegoing Celebration.”

11. Condolences to the family of Louis Casmir Jr., an unremarkable daredevil.

Man, this guy was a real lucky bastard with his last words being, “Watch this!” Makes me wonder how he died.

12. Mrs. Scrobola is survived by her children, a shitload of grand-children, and one big great-grandchild.

Yeah, wonder how they managed to get away with, “shitload of grandchildren.” Guess she just had too many to mention.

13. Frank Waller was a unique character. By “unique character” we mean asshole.

Yeah, writing an honest obituary is tough, especially if the deceased wasn’t so nice. I get the Mr. Waller was the rich guy who everyone in town didn’t like.

14. Mrs. Anello was survived by her dutiful son as well as a son and daughter who were ungrateful brats.

She may have been a loving wife and mother. But her kids never seemed to get along with each other. According to her obituary, that is.

15. RIP: Walter George Bruhl Jr., a dead person.

This guy must’ve been quite the character. He loved Monty Python and hated his wife wearing fur. His intro reads like lines from the Dead Parrot sketch.

16. Here lies Fritz Seidenstuecker, a 6 year old German Shepherd.

Since when did people write obituaries for their pets? Seriously, most people don’t make obits for their pets. Also, the guy’s owner could’ve gave him water.

17. RIP: Larmondo “Flair” Allen, “entrepreneur” and father of 9.

By “entrepreneur” they mean it as a nice little term for “drug dealer.” Honestly, I checked up on that. Besides, for a guy with 9 kids by 25, he doesn’t seem to come up with very original names.

18. Here lies Ian, teenage bacon and rootbeer connoisseur.

It’s always sad to see obits pertaining to kids, especially if their death was a shock. But the rootbeer and bacon part is pretty funny.

19. RIP Peter, the cricket watching cat.

This is from Britain and “cricket” here is a sport that’s like a cross between croquet and baseball. Still, he must’ve been a team mascot or something.

20. Here lies a young woman who died after being asleep for 24 years.

Hmm…getting in the obits for sleeping. Highly unbelievable. Seriously, I don’t know what to make out from this.

21. Here lies Owen Kobin, a guy who liked food and a lot of other stuff.

Notice how “food” appears a total of 4 times? Must’ve been very into it. By the way, this one’s from Florida.

22. RIP: Jack Goff. Yeah, that’s his name.

Ironically, this guy lived as an IRS agent for 47 years. Guess a lot of people didn’t like him very much, especially in April.

23. Count Goddfried von Bismarck: hedonist aristocrat and proud.

This guy seems like quite the character. Reading this you have to wonder what this guy hasn't tried.

This guy seems like quite the character. Reading this you have to wonder what this guy hadn’t tried. I’ll let you read it for yourself.

24. Of course, if an obituary reads, “In loving memory of our Dick” there’s nothing that will make it less unintentionally funny.

I get that Dick is a nickname for Richard. But still, even though it’s an attempt at a touching tribute, you can’t help but laugh reading it.

25. With sadness we mourn the loss of John R. Gaines, who died by losing the cure for cancer in an underground high stakes bingo game with Chuck Norris.

Now this guy clearly died of cancer. But I have to admit, losing to Chuck Norris in high stakes bingo does seem like an awesome way to die. Well, at least to him.

26. RIP Big Al, a guy who always told it like it is and loved to swear.

Now this guy wasn’t living to far from where I live. Still, I have to admit that he’s right about PennDOT. Yeah, road construction does seem endless.

27. Condolences to the family of Aaron Joseph Purmort a.k.a. Spiderman.

Actually he’s not Spiderman. Just a young dad who died of cancer, which is mentioned in its own way. And no, he wasn’t married to Gwen Stefani either.

28. Of course, many obituaries contain pictures of the deceased. However, I’ve never seen one like this.

Now his obituary in the text is quite normal. However, his picture kind of emphasizes his sense of humor. Still, at least it’ll make the stylist’s job at the funeral home much easier.

29. RIP Fred Clark who never peed in the shower-on purpose.

He’s also another guy deprived of his final wish of being run over by a beer truck on the way to a liquor store. Also, wanted a booze fest funeral. Seriously, what’s with men?

30. Tudy Kenyon died on Friday the 13th….finally.

Guess this one operates on the principle, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.” Probably wasn’t very popular.

31. Condolences to the family of beloved Principle Bill Eves and let er’ rip.

The guy’s picture on this obit is priceless. Known to educate people on the dangers of holding one’s farts. Also swore a lot.

32. In memorial to composer John Stump, a shy and reclusive eccentric who hated having his picture taken.

John Stump? Never really heard of him. Then again, I really don’t keep tabs on a lot of composers in Hollywood anyway. Still, this obit is pretty funny.

33. Here lies Graham Mason, journalist and raging alcoholic.

After reading most of his obituary, what amazes me most about him is that he died from emphysema. Then again, he most likely smoked, too. But I expected him to die of liver cirrhosis or alcohol poisoning.

34. RIP Norma Rae Brewer who died of hypothermia while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

This woman actually said she died while climbing Kilimanjaro as a joke for her friends. In reality, she actually died of a stroke. Boy, were her friends disappointed.

35. We mourn the passing of Michel Sven Vedvik whose untimely demise was caused by the Seahawks’ lousy play.

Man, guess the Patriots winning the Super Bowl cost this guy’s life. Wonder if he’s ever heard of Deflategate. Probably had.

36. RIP Josiah A. Abeler, a Minnesota Twins fan who was angry at Joe Mauer and a Packers fan who once liked Bret Favre.

Funny, I wonder what made him stop liking Bret Favre. Oh, I think it might have something to do with Favre’s sexting habit. That might do it.

37. In memory of Marianne Therese Johnson-Reddick, may that awful mother rot in Hell.

Yes, I know that child abuse is real and parents continue to abuse their kids when they grow up. But this is not the kind of obituary you see every day. So it goes on this post.

38. Seems like Kevin McGroaty has achieved room temperature.

I think this might be another guy from the Pittsburgh area. Of course, it’s pretty funny that I might want to leave this to the reader’s judgement.

39. Please pray for the family of Sam Lickteig who died of complications from MS and a heartbreaking disappointment caused by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Man, guess that Pittsburgh isn’t the only town with a football problem. Guess the Chiefs weren’t doing too well that season.

40. RIP Mary Corbett principal and bagpipe enthusiast who died of lung cancer.

Hmm….guess this woman also liked to smoke, too, which explains the lung cancer bit. Still, wonder what her preschool students thought about her bagpiping.

41. Here lies Michael “Flathead” Blanchard who enjoyed booze, guns, cars, and younger women until the day he died.

He’s also insisted that his funeral not be attended by anyone under 18. You can guess what kind of stories he wants his buddies to share. I’d expect an obit like this come from the John Goodman character from The Big Lebowski.

42. Please pray for the soul of Scott Entsminger, a lifelong and disappointed Cleveland Browns fan.

Yes, I know it’s hard to be a Cleveland Browns fan. However, as someone from the Pittsburgh area, I’m not exactly sure that I have it in me to sympathize with him. Still, he could’ve switched his allegiance to the Baltimore Ravens who got their start as the Cleveland Browns in his childhood.

43. Captain Donald Malcolm Jr. died nestled in the bosom of his family while smoking, drinking whiskey, and telling lies. Also of stomach cancer.

This guy died of stomach cancer because of his terrible health habits. Because if you continue that, you’re bound to die while younger than my dad.

44. In memorial to Hannah Murton, Taunton, New York’s resident crazy lady.

Now this woman was strange. Not only did she make a vow of virginity, she also had a coffin she’d lie in when she felt she was going to be sick. She also used it to store her bread, cheese, and clothes. Yeah, what a wacko.

45. Please pray for the soul of Toni Larroux, a loyal customer of the Waffle House.

Seems like a long suffering woman if you read her obituary. I bet her son is embarrassed about what she wrote about him.

46. Jack Jones enjoyed cars, Indy car racing, and movie trivia.

Let’s hope his love for racing contributed to his demise. Also, wishes everyone to watch the new James Bond movie. I think it was Skyfall, if I remembered. Dan Craig was good, but the movie–meh.

47. Here lies Charles Martin in his favorite comfy chair.

Of course, he had at least 10 grankids but that’s a continuing discussion. Of course, the funeral was over before this obit came.

48. Please pray for the soul of Fleetus Gobble. He has gone cold turkey.

Now this guy’s obituary is quite normal and lists his death as a heart attack. Still, anyone with the surname of Gobble is hard to take seriously.

49. Here lies Jeffery Riek, a guy who never wanted nothing from nobody.

Unfortunately, grammatically speaking, he always wanted something from somebody. You know how double negatives work. Loved how he described his family.

50. Here lies Moe Lester. Yeah, I know pretty unfortunate.

Maybe they should’ve stuck to his full name like Moses Lester. Moe Lester sounds a bit too creepy if you ask me.

51. Please pray for the soul of Father Firmus Dick.

I’d expect a guy with that name to at least be a guy who does porno movies. Not a priest. Seriously, that name is just a really terrible name for a priest. Or for anybody.

52. “Explorer Grant Dies, Prayed for Death One Year.”

Of course, since that guy had health problems, I bet being unable to shoot big creatures and travel made his life meaningless. Wonder what the “swan dance” was like for him. Maybe I don’t want to know.

53. Well, at least Tom Brady can be happy that at least one old lady supported him during Deflategate.

Yes, Patricia Shong was a mild mannered woman. But when it came to allegations of deflated footballs, she vigorously defended Brady’s innocence until the end. I kind of think her defense was very much undeserved since Brady was truly guilty.

54. Here lies Chan Holcombe, a guy who was circumcised with his dad’s pocketknife.

Now I have nothing against male circumcision, even in infancy. However, I don’t think the pocketknife was sanitary. Best be done by a doctor or rabbi.

55. Here lies William McCullough, the man, the myth, the legend.

Now I don’t know anything about this guy. But he seemed to have a big ego. I’m sure his diet might’ve led to his early death.

56. RIP Amos Shuchman, a man who loved everything in New York except the New York Times.

Yeah, as a New York Jew, you have to find him at least complaining about something. Still pretty funny. Ironically, this was found in The New York Times.

57. Of course, as she goes, Pink wants to leave with some advice.

Pink wants everyone to know that old pantyhose are really useful in a lot of things. And that you can use a BBQ brush to scare off a possum.

58. Here lies Johnny “Big Buck,” ladies’ man, game slayer, urban cowboy, and outlaw. He will be missed.

From reading this, you get the impression he used antlers in all of his decorating. Also said to like smart brunette women. Hmmm…

59. Here lies Mary Stocks who had more stuff than she knew what to do with.

I tried to preserve as much of the article as I can with the snipping tool. Of course, her obituary is a riot so I’ll leave it up to the reader to decide.

60. Here we honor Elaine Frydrych, an entertainer who didn’t like Hillary Clinton.

Yeah, seems like Hillary isn’t that popular among dead people. I wonder why that is. Well, maybe I’ll never know.

61. Katherine Moore would like to say goodbye and peace out.

Yeah, I bet this woman had quite a sense of humor. That or this was the only picture they could find of her.

62. Please mourn the loss of Jade Cara Downwind.

And it seems her family has opted to go with her bitchy resting face. Not sure if she had an unhappy life or if this was the only one her family could find.

63. Pleas offer condolences to the family of Richard A. “Dick” Butt who passed at 93.

Yeah, I don’t think Mr. and Mrs. Butt used good judgement when giving their son a name. But at least they didn’t live to see it. I mean the guy died at 93.

64. Stig Kernell just wants everyone to know that he’s dead.

It’s from Sweden but that’s just what it says. And it just gives the date as April 6, 2014.

65. Now here’s just an obit from an old goat who died at a ripe old age.

Of course, who ever was responsible for this obit should’ve used a better graphic. This one might give us the wrong impression.

66. Of course, Eddie Meduza wants to give his sister something before he goes.

Not sure what the power gliders reference was about. Guess they don’t have a word for it in Swedish.

67. Here lies Carole Roberson who for all her faults will still be missed.

This might be a little hard to read if you don’t zoom in more. However, they said her e-mails to her family were unintentionally hilarious. And she was a horrendous mom and mother-in-law.

68. Thurman Winston left a wife, children, grandchildren, and a bunch of backstabbing mother fuckers who owed him money.

Looks like someone needed to make a point about that. Yeah, somehow he gave people money who never paid him back.

69. Now before Val Patterson goes, he’d like to confess to something.

Well, if you want to get something off your chest about being a fake Ph.D. and stealing a safe, an obituary is the best place to do it. Of course, the police won’t be able to arrest you after you’re dead.

70. Here lies the Reverend George Ferguson, Canada’s con man preacher.

May be an example in religious hypocrisy. However, at lest his obituary is very entertaining if I do say so myself.

Share a Toast This Ocktoberfest with These Wunderbar Bier Steins

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 1, 2015

Here’s a picture of a collectible Budweiser Beer Stein in the basement of my house. It’s been at my home for as long as I can remember. But it’s always been used for decoration. Guess it something that belonged to my dad.

For fall, you might’ve heard about Ocktoberfest which to Americans seems like a German secular, Saint Patrick’s Day. You know, a kind of occasion that’s used to celebrate an ethnic culture as an excuse to get drunk. I mean in late September and early October, you tend to find a lot of local places hosting their own Ocktoberfest events usually consisting of people eating German food, men in lederhosen and women in skimpy German dresses, and everyone drinking lots of beer. But what you may not know is that Ocktoberfest is a real folk festival in Munich that spans from late September up to the first Sunday in October that attracts 6 million people from around the world annually. And aside from the traditional fare, it includes a lot of games and amusement rides. They have held this festival since the marriage of Bavaria’s future King Ludwig I (then crown prince) and Princess Therese Charlotte Luise of Saxony-Hildburghausen (try pronouncing that name) on October 12, 1810. The citizens of Munich were all invited to attend the festivities on the fields of what is now Theresienwiese (“Theresa’s Meadow”) which lasted for 5 days. And to end the celebrations, there was major horse race. Of course, the citizens of Munich enjoyed the festivities so much that they decided to repeat the celebrations in order to promote agriculture. Thus, it has become an important cultural event in Bavaria ever since. Of course, since Ocktoberfest is known for people drinking beer, Germany is also known for its beer steins which are tall beer glasses. Many of them tend to have lids but not always. And they can be made of glass, ceramic, or pewter. Still, they’re all used to drink beer. And while I’ll show you some traditional beer steins, I’ll show some off-beat and pop culture ones as well. So in commemoration for Ocktoberfest, I bring you an assortment of all the different kinds of beer steins. Enjoy.

Now this is a stein fit for our rescue heroes.

For some reason, this doesn’t look like a traditional stein to me. More like a beer stein with a similar design you’d see on a plastic kids’ mug.

2. Of course, it sometimes pays to have one on the house, especially if it’s a castle.

Not sure if this is Neuschwanstein Castle or some other fairy tale palaces. Still, can't imagine drinking out of that thing.

Heard this is Falkenstein castle. But it kind of resembles Neuschwanstein to me for some reason. Then again, I’m more familiar with the latter.

3. Salute our canine heroes with this police dog beer stein.

Fittingly for Ocktoberfest, it’s of a German Shepherd. And it’s wearing its own little police outfit, too. Yeah, not sure what policemen would think about this.

4. Of course, even a monk has to take a swig of beer now and then.

Interestingly, the association with monks and beer goes way back to the Middle Ages. In fact, it’s not unusual for German monks to brew beer. The Bavarian monks at my college Saint Vincent in Latrobe did at some point as well.

5. For Ocktoberfest, show your love for the U-S-of-A with this beer stein of a bald eagle on a motorcycle.

Seems like this eagle is too big for his ride. Also, he’s not wearing a helmet. Besides, why ride a motorcycle when he could just fly? Then again, it’s all about symbolism, is it?

6. As they say, nobody is happier on Ocktoberfest than a pig in lederhosen.

A pig dancing in lederhosen. And it has big tusks, too. Still, this is pretty tacky if you ask me.

7. If you like Hollywood glamour and think diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then these Marilyn Monroe beer steins are for you.

I don’t know about these. Yes, Marilyn Monroe was an American icon. But does she really belong on a beer stein? At least a commemorative beer stein with Marlene Dietrich, Conrad Veidt, or Peter Lorre would be more understandable.

8. Celebrate America this Ocktoberfest with a beer stein depicting Thomas Kinkade’s painting of the US Capitol.

Yes, Thomas Kinkade beer steins do exist unfortunately. For some reason a bad artist like Kinkade has his fans. Still, kill it, kill it with fire.

9. In the future there will be portals, which will allow you to take your beer from the tap from anywhere.

Now this seems quite interesting. Some people might wish bars would operate like that all the time, especially waiters.

10. Sometimes drinking on Ocktoberfest makes you feel like an old goat.

Ironically, he doesn’t seem to be drinking from a stein here. Also, he’s crouched over on a stump. Still, quite tacky.

11. This card deck beer stein is perfect for any poker night.

Of course, not sure if drinking inhibits one’s ability to play cards. Then again, it probably does. Still, drinking and gambling seem to go together hand in hand.

12. For those born to ride, this beer stein is for you.

Had no idea that motorcycle fans have their on beer steins. Of course, this one sports a handle in the shape of a beer tap.

13. Of course, you can’t go all out at the bar without a Moscow beer stein like this.

Now this is pretty elaborate. Hate to drink out of that thing. Wonder if Putin has a stein like this. Then again, this is probably something you could find in any Moscow souvenir store.

14. Celebrate the yuletide season with your very own Christmas beer stein.

Yes, Christmas steins do exist. However, isn’t Santa supposed to have like 8-9 reindeer pulling his sleigh. Then again, it’s supposed to depict Germany and they might have a different tradition.

15. A rustic stein like this might bring you back to nature.

Then again, perhaps boozing during hunting season isn’t a good idea. I don’t have to imagine what could happen. Might want to stick with something else instead.

16. Of course, a wild hog can’t go without a beer stein like this.

Wonder how he manages to fit all his animals on one motorcycle. Guess we’ll never really know for sure.

17. Arr, drink your rum like a pirate with a stein like this.

Not sure if it’s Blackbeard. But it does have a lot of nice colors. Still, we should remember that pirates during their heyday drank a lot of booze and didn’t bathe or shave. Also, most of them didn’t make it past 30.

18. It’s always said that dem booze goes well with dem bones.

Well, not sure what’s up with him being covered white stuff while he’s sitting on a barrel. Still, this stein is more appropriate for a Halloween party.

19. Nothing echoes the spirit of Ocktoberfest than a dachshund in lederhosen.

Now the dachshund is another German breed. You’d know that they’re wiener dogs, but they can be quite aggressive. Still, I really don’t see how anyone looks good in lederhosen. Really I don’t.

20. Help yourself to the great taste of Coors Light with this Coors Light beer stein.

Actually don’t. My dad says that it’s like drinking soda water with alcohol. Yeah, not a great taste.

21. Spend Ocktoberfest at the beach with this Corona Extra Blue Parrot Club beer stein.

For some reason I don't see Corona having a beer stein. I mean they're Spanish in name and usually have their commercials on sunny beaches.

For some reason I don’t see Corona having a beer stein. I mean they’re Spanish in name and usually have their commercials on sunny, tropical beaches.

22. Of course, it ain’t Ocktoberfest without some cigars.

I’m sure there might be at least some bars in Munich with a no smoking policy. Then again, not sure what I think about smoking in bars because I never go to any.

23. Celebrate Halloween with a beer stein of Frankenstein’s monster.

Then again, Ocktoberfest and Halloween are in the same month. Well, sort of. Still, this is quite funny and clever. Wouldn’t mind having one like that.

24. Those who like busty German women might enjoy a stein like this.

Now this is in pretty poor taste. Like having a boob mug or boob anything. Seriously, if a guy had this, I’d question his taste in decorating.

25. Support your local sheriff with this canine sheriff beer stein.

Appropriately it’s also a German Shepherd as well. Still, it can also count as a State Trooper beer stein. I mean stateys wear the same outfits.

26. Honor your local firefighters for their service with a stein like this.

Of course, if you live in the US, it would be even better to write to your US Congressman to show support for policy supporting 9/11 first responders. Now those people need to be treated like the heroes they are.

27. Support your WWII veterans with this commemorative D-Day beer stein.

Of course, this might get your WWII vet grandpa in a frenzy on how he whooped the Nazis on the beaches of Normandy. Or his complaints of how Saving Private Ryan isn’t historically accurate in regards to swearing.

28. Fox hunters everywhere would enjoy their very own foxhound beer stein.

We should also not forget that it’s not uncommon for some fox hunters to booze up before the hunt. Yeah, would you want to see a drunk person on a horse with a gun? Not if you’re right next to them Or in front of them.

29. Enjoy a Corona this Ocktoberfest with this gecko beer stein.

First, blue parrots and now lizards. Not sure which one I’d prefer. Still, Corona’s steins really don’t have the Ocktoberfest spirit in my opinion.

30. Creep out your friends this Halloween by drinking out of your very own skull beer stein.

Heard that Lord Byron used to do this all the time. However, he’d drink from actual skulls. This one is ceramic, which is significantly less disgusting.

31. With this beer stein, your Ocktoberfest is sure to be elementary.

Of course, Sherlock Holmes didn’t really wear a deerstalker outfit in the books on a regular basis. That was country attire and was the Victorian equivalent of wearing camo and bright orange.

32. Honor America’s Civil War heritages with these beer steins of Robert E. Lee, Abraham Lincoln, and Ulysses S. Grant.

Now why does Robert E. Lee’s stein have a Capitol dome on it? The guy fought for the Confederacy. Guess the steins all had to match in form.

33. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with your very own “Luck of the Irish” beer stein from Budweiser.

Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day than having a German-American beer brand commemorate an Irish Catholic holiday. Look, Bud, Saint Patrick’s day is Guinness’s turf here.

34. Nothing shows the spirit of Bavaria than a beer stein of a monk making his own brew.

Yes, monks made their own beer at one point in history. And in Germany, nobody saw anything wrong with it. Not so in America as Bonifice Wimmer found out.

35. Show your high class snobbery with this Fabrege egg beer stein.

Of course, this one will probably cost an arm and a leg. Also, doesn’t seem to hold a lot either. So probably not worth it.

36. Nothing shows the true Scottish spirit than a kilt wearing Scottie with bagpipes and golf clubs.

Don't see anything stereotypical about this one (sarcasm). Still, despite being a wee bit Scottish, I kind of find the sound of bagpipes annoying as hell.

Don’t see anything stereotypical about this one (sarcasm). Still, despite being a wee bit Scottish (well, 1/32 anyway), I find the sound of bagpipes annoying as hell.

37. Remember that all work and praying just wears a poor monk out before a beer.

Yes, I know people might think holy men shouldn’t drink or make alcohol. However, the German association with monks and beer is deeply rooted in historical fact. Monasteries made beer. Get used to it.

38. Come to the farm with this Clydesdale stable beer stein, courtesy of Budweiser.

Love how the horses are sticking out the window of these. Also, always enjoyed the Budweiser Clydesdale Super Bowl commercials. Even on bad years, they weren’t terrible to watch.

39. Of course, I can’t do a post on beer steins for Ocktoberfest without including one with a pretzel handle.

Got to have one with a pretzel somehow. After all, pretzels are among the foods associated with Ocktoberfest. That and sausage.

40. Of course, who says you can’t enjoy Ocktoberfest from the seat of your pants?

Yes, this is a beer stein depicting a pair of pants from Bavaria. No, I am not making this up. Believe me, I came across this on Pinterest.

41. Goose step your way into a Third Reich Ocktoberfest with this Nazi beer stein.

Actually don't because Hitler and his Nazi thugs were very horrible people. However, I'm showing a picture of this Nazi beer stein for historical purposes. Yes, the Nazis did celebrate Ocktoberfest and they drank from Anti-Semitic steins like these. So to my viewers, do not, under any circumstances, buy or use this stein. I repeat do not buy or use this stein.

Actually don’t because Hitler and his Nazi thugs were very horrible people. And I’m just putting it mildly. However, I’m showing a picture of this Nazi beer stein for solely historical purposes. Yes, the Nazis did celebrate Ocktoberfest and they drank from Anti-Semitic steins like these. So to my viewers, do not, under any circumstances, buy or use this stein. I repeat do not buy or use this stein.

42. Of course, beware of the muscle monster from a beer stein like this.

Now this is so creepy, especially since the monster has absolutely no skin. Just seems like he’s all muscle. Maybe I think you might want to stick with the beer stein depicting Frankenstein.

43. Of course, steins aren’t meant for milk, but this cow print one has a down home taste.

Now this looks quite tacky. Then again, I view all animal prints that way. Still, wouldn’t want to be caught dead drinking from that.

44. Nothing shows German spirit than a beer stein of a crocodile playing golf?

Now I can understand if this was made in America since gators and crocs are plentiful in the South. And Florida isn’t shy to admit that. But this was made in Germany. And Germany isn’t known for its crocodile population. So seriously, why?

45. Of course, you can’t have Ocktoberfest without a beer stein of a saxaphone playing bulldog.

Well, at least the bulldog has a cigar like Winston Churchill. Still, I have to confess that I really don’t associate bulldogs with big band or jazz music.

46. Salute the King of Rock n’ Roll this Ocktoberfest with your very own Elvis Presley Blue Suede Shoe beer stein.

Wouldn’t imagine seeing a beer stein commemorating Elvis. Nor one as tacky as this. Still, a beer stein commemorating his Vegas years would’ve been more appropriate.

47. Celebrate this Ocktoberfest in Gotham City with your very own beer stein of its most famous Dark Knight.

Of course, it would be interesting to know how Batman would celebrate his Ocktoberfest. I mean it’s seen as a happy fun time. Batman isn’t known for his cheerfulness.

48. Celebrate the holidays with your very own Budweiser Clydesdale beer stein.

Budweiser may not make the best beer. But they’re pretty smart about promoting it with their Budweiser Clydesdale steins, especially around Christmas. Because everyone loves them.

49. For those on Wall Street, a stein with a bull and wolf stockbrokers will do nicely.

Now I know the bull stands for Bull market. So does this mean that the wolf is “the Wolf of Wall Street”? Then again, I always wonder which people on Wall Street are trying to avoid a jail sentence.

50. Enjoy Ocktoberfest in the halls of Valhalla with your very own Viking helmet beer stein.

We should be aware that the Vikings never wore horned helmets in battle. That was Wagner’s doing in his operas. Also, the lid might pose a safety hazard to others. Then again, it’s probably a collectible anyway.

51. This beer stein gives you just what the doctor ordered.

I posted a similar one for my post on mugs but it was for coffee. But I’m sure anyone who drinks out of this is bound to be drunk off their ass. I wonder if I should get this for my Uncle Frank who’s a doctor. Then again, I gave him a Steeler mug last year.

52. Now this stein shows that any man can be classy in a top hat and cane.

For some reason, this stein kind of reminds me of Sir Patrick Stewart. You know Professor X and Captain Picard. Not sure why.

53. Feast like a Hobbit this Ocktoberfest with this commemorative beer stein.

Now if you drink beer in this stein before elevencies, you might need to go on the Middle Earth Twelve Step Program. Still, nice artwork by the way.

54. Boldly go where no man has gone before this Ocktoberfest with this one of a kind Star Trek beer stein.

According to Mr. Spock, Ocktoberfest is one of those times of year when humanity is at its most illogical. This after Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, New Years, and 4th of July. Meanwhile who knows where and with whom Captain Kirk wakes up on board during the festivities. And you have to feel for Dr. McCoy in sick bay.

55. Now this large stein is certainly fit for a king.

If you need a stein like this to hold your beer, I say you may need serious help, my friend. Yeah, definitely need to get to rehab or AA. Or as they say in the fairy tale world, “a Twelve-Step adventure.”

56. Aristocrats in the 18th and 19th centuries preferred their steins gilded with Grecian figures.

Yes, this is an old beer stein. Unfortunately, for anyone who wants one like this, I’m afraid it’s not for sale. And to quote the world’s worst archaeologist, “It belongs in a museum.”

57. Commemorate Neil Armstrong’s one small step with this NASA beer stein.

Now this is the kind of stein I can imagine Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson drinking from this Ocktoberfest. Of course, if he doesn’t have one like this, he’d certainly want one.

58. Celebrate German art with this beer stein commemorating Albrecht Durer.

Now Durer was a Renaissance painter in Germany known for his German humanist paintings and his association with the Reformation. This features some of his most famous works.

59. Show your love for America with this commemorative beer stein of the United States Seal.

Now that’s a nice beer stein. Sort of looks like a stein Obama would use. Kind of seems presidential for some reason. Yeah, probably due to the seal. Still, like the eagle lid on it. Very majestic.

60. Celebrate Germany’s victory at the World Cup with this commemorative beer stein.

Yes, I know it’s a year too late for this. But still, their men’s team did win the World Cup in Rio de Janiero against Argentina.

61. Celebrate the season with this beer stein depicting Santa Claus and the children.

Now I think Santa and the children are a bit creepy in this one. However, I love the Christmas tree lids though. Those are awesome.

62. Drink your beer like a Viking with this Viking beer stein horn.

Once again, Viking helmets didn’t have horns, at least most of the time. Other than that, it’s quite fitting. Yeah, can totally see Vikings boozing through drinking horns.

63. Show off your German heritage with this badass beer stein.

Now this looks quite badass indeed. But I’m sure any German drinking with this stein is certainly having a good time this Ocktoberfest. This is especially in Munich.

64. Quench your thirst with a mason jar stein.

Now this is quite clever. And if you’re not using it for boozing, you can use it for storage. Like any mason jar.

65. Take a swig on the high seas with this maritime bear stein, lads.

Now this one includes a wooden ship as well as dolphins, whale, and a figurehead mermaid handle. Hope this isn’t celebrating Moby Dick because we know what happened there.

66. Celebrate the spirit of German engineering with this beer stein commemorating the zeppelin.

Okay, this beer stein actually commemorates the Hindenburg. Yeah, you know the one that burst into flames during the 1930s which led a radio broadcaster say, “Oh, the humanity.” Then again, it could be worse. Could be Volkswagen.

67. Enjoy the city of lovers this Ocktoberfest with this beer stein of gay Paree.

Had this been in Midnight in Paris, the movie would’ve been way tackier than I remember it. Still, don’t really think of beer steins when I think of Paris. Or France in that matter.

68. For those who love fire breathing dragons, this beer stein is for you.

Of course, this one is especially ferocious. Because she’s a mom and you know what mother monsters are like toward their young. Still, these look very cool.

69. Celebrate the New York Giants Super Bowl win with this commemorative beer stein.

Yes, I know this happened years ago. But still, a NFL beer stein is more understandable. NFL lingerie, not so much.

70. Seems like this pug is part of some barbershop quartet from what I can tell.

Yeah, I don’t get the the association with beer steins and pugs. Still, like the snazzy suit, porkpie hat, and the barber pole handle.

71. For those who love death metal, this Slayer beer stein is for you.

Now even metal fans can enjoy Ocktoberfest in their own special way. Of course, there is a skull stein on this post if they have other ideas.

72. Use the Force to celebrate this Ocktoberfest in a galaxy far, far away with your very own Star Wars beer stein.

Let’s just say I’m sure celebrating Ocktoberfest at Mos Eisley might lead you to the Dark Side of the Force. Still, these include Darth Vader, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and Boba Fett. Well, at last as I can tell.

73. Celebrate Ocktoberfest in your own fantasy world, with a special World of Warcraft beer stein.

World of Warcraft is an MMO RPG on the internet. Still, why they have their own commemorative beer steins is beyond me.

74. Danes, embrace your Viking heritage with this Denmark Viking beer stein.

Once again, real Vikings regularly didn’t wear horns. Still, the ship really looks cool if you get my drift.

75. Those from Australia might delight in seeing a stein dedicated to the Land Down Under.

Of course, I’m not sure why Australia would want to have a stein for this country. Then again, Germany and Australia are known to be big beer drinking countries.

76. Show off your American pride this Ocktoberfest with this commemorative beer stein.

Now this one has a lid with the Liberty Bell, baby. Also has other stuff America’s known for as well. Probably could be found in a lot of souvenir shops in the US during the 1970s.

77. For those who want to know the words of German folk song, look on this one.

This reminds me of a German song they sang on Animaniacs. Of course, they ended up taking the chef’s clothes off and pissed him off. But, oh well. It was funny.

78. Drink like a warrior with these Warhammer beer steins.

Not sure what Warhammer is. Wonder if it’s on the same level as World of Warcraft. Still, must be popular enough to have a line of beer steins.

79. For those who love Theology on Tap, this papal beer stein is for you.

Yes, it commemorates the visit of Pope Benedict XVI to Germany. However, it’s the only papal stein I could find. Have to make do with what you got.

80. Of course, nothing brings the spirit of Old Bavaria than a beer stein of Neuschwanstein.

Yes, this is a stein of Mad King Ludwig II’s fairy tale castle itself. In it’s day it drained the kingdom’s finances in its construction. Today, it’s now Bavaria’s most popular tourist destination.

The Carving World of Wood Sculpture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 29, 2015

We use wood for all kinds of things. We use it to build stuff. We use it to make furniture. We use it to burn for fuel. However, there are some people who use wood for creating works of art whether through carving, chainsaw, or whatever. Of course, I’m talking about wood sculpture. Sure you might see some neat carvings at festivals. Still, while wood may be flammable, biodegradable, and vulnerable to insect damage, it’s fairly easy material to sculpt. Unlike metal, you don’t need to make a mold or use any fire unless you want to. Unlike glass, it’s not delicate and easily breakable (well, for the most part). Unlike clay and ceramics, you don’t need to put it in a kiln. And unlike stone, you don’t need to continuously hammer it with a chisel unless you want to. Just take any assortment of cutting tools from your local hardware store and cut away. Not to mention, wood is a rather light material and take in fine detail. Nevertheless, wood sculpting has been extremely widely practiced and forms an important but hidden element of many cultures. The Native Americans tribes in the Pacific Northwest are a major example since they build totem poles (though we know little of how that tradition developed since wood tends to decay. And outdoor sculpture doesn’t last long). But you’d find some form of wood sculpting tradition all over the world which is still practiced today. I mean you still have wood sculpting at festivals in the summer and fall as well as contests. Hell, you can even buy some wood sculptures for indoor use online. Of course, some types of wood are easier to carve in than others. So without further adieu, I now present to you an assortment of wood sculptures for your reading pleasure.

Seems like this fox is either stumped or is just standing on a stump.

Now that’s a nice color for a fox like that. However, I’m not sure if that’s the color of the wood or spray paint.

2. Of course, eagles will always have to fly back to the nest.

Birds are a popular motif in wood sculpture. And you’ll see a lot. However, how I see it, I think the dad is the one taking care of the chicks while the mom is spreading her wings. Because in bald eagles, the female is supposed to be bigger.

3. It seems that Mary’s little lamb has sprouted some big horns.

Contrary to popular belief, sheep aren’t docile or dumb as you think they are. Sheep actually have good memories and are very social animals. Also, if cornered some will attack you. Rams are also pretty aggressive that they’re used as mascots on sports teams.

4. You might see wood sculptures a lot during special events in the summer and fall. However, you wouldn’t see sculptures of nudes like this one.

No, can’t show that in front of the kids. But at least she has a lot of highly defined features. Though I’m not sure about whether her boobs would be real if she was an actual person.

5. In North America, there is no better known red bird than the Northern Cardinal.

Now the cardinal is a very pretty bird as I can admit. However, this doesn’t mean that it seven states should adopt it as their state bird. Yeah, apparently when it comes to state birds, originality doesn’t seem to be the focus here.

6. This old crow is a wise and strong one among his tribe.

Then again, this might be a raven if it comes from the Pacific Northwest. They tend to be significant among that culture.

Then again, this might be a raven if it comes from the Pacific Northwest. Ravens tend to be significant among that culture. And it’s also wearing the tribal robes.

7. Of course, I wouldn’t want to cross this hawk on wood.

Not sure what the hawk is. Know it’s not a red tailed or red shoulder. But it almost looks real.

8. Yes, I’m certain that bears and birds of prey can exist on the same tree.

And I guess the eagles eat whatever the bears catch. Then again, these may be cubs. The owl just goes out alone for critters.

9. Try to dance in these dancing shoes.

Then again, these shoes really don’t look appropriate for clog dancing. Or ballet. Or anything. Of course, they’re just for show.

10. When it comes to trees, none is more magnificent than the Tree of Life.

Now this was a sculpture that is carved from wood. Wood comes from a tree, which is currently dead from how I can tell it. See the irony here?

11. Of course, a wine chalice must always be covered in vines.

Wonder if they use something like this in churches. Then again, it’s probably too delicate. Still, you have to admire the craftsmanship.

12. Now is the time for this owl to spread its wings.

Yes, it’s a day time sculpture and I know that owls are active at night. But it’s still quite detailed and magnificent, I may add.

13. Now a soaring hawk can be frightening as well as magnificent as it swoops for prey in flight.

Hard to believe that this hawk sculpture looks so lifelike. Seems like there’s nothing to keep it held up. Love the feathers, too.

14. Ironically, water usually tends to extinguish an open flame. Not this time.

But if you try to set this statue on fire, I’m sure it will burn. And you will most likely get in big trouble for arson.

15. It can be wise to avoid a dragon, especially when it’s hanging out with its reptilian friends.

As you can see, this is an Asian carving. Probably from China or Japan. Not sure how old it is. But somehow it seems East Asian dragons tend to have scales and feathers.

16. Seems like this bird feels like letting out a loud, “kaw.”

If crows and ravens can talk, I guess you can hear them say, “I just love the smell of roadkill in the morning.” Seriously, the smell of decaying flesh is a delicious aroma to them.

17. Looks like one buck has just become dinner for a pack of wolves.

Actually, wolves don't act like this in real life. To them, going after a strong buck is just plain stupid. Wolves go after easier prey like the very young, sick, weak, and very old. Hell, if you see a pack of wolves eating a full grown animal, it's likely to be old and dead of natural causes. Yes, wolves will wait for an adult animal to die.

Actually though quite dramatic, wolves don’t act like this in real life. To them, going after a strong buck is just plain stupid. Wolves go after easier prey like the very young, sick, weak, and very old. Hell, if you see a pack of wolves eating a full grown animal, it’s likely to be old and dead of natural causes. Yes, wolves will wait for an adult animal to die.

18. Now here we come to a rather playful little elephant.

Let’s hope the tusks on this one aren’t made from real ivory. Because that would be bad. Very bad, indeed.

19. A rose may be a rose but this one seems to have a lot of shavings.

Now that’s a huge rose. Probably derived from a chainsaw carving. Kind of looks obvious. Wonder how they’ll shake off the shavings.

20. Now this toucan certainly has a stunning beak to behold.

This is a sculpture from Costa Rica where many toucans live. Not sure which one this is. Still, very colorful beak.

21. Seems like this polar bear prefers to stand on its stump.

Now this little polar bear is adorable. Though its eyes seem a little sad. Of course, I’m not sure how it would handle climate change with the ice caps melting.

22. Now this snowy owl always seems like a beautiful snowbird in flight.

Of course, I see where it’s hung. However, it’s still quite gorgeous with its wings spread out like that. Kind of see why Harry had an owl like this.

23. Now this is where you put your leather jacket.

Actually that wooden jacket may look real. But it wouldn’t be comfortable to wear. Well, if you can wear it. Also, what’s in that pocket?

24. Now this woman is enjoying a stroll in her new hat.

And something seems to catch her eye. But I don’t know what. Still, her hat seems a bit flat for some reason.

25. Now that is one big, scary moth.

Man, those wings look huge. And I bet they weren’t easy to carve with a chainsaw. Still, big bugs are terrifying. Need I say more?

26. Of course, you always have to stop and smell the flowers.

Now these look quite lifelike. If they were painted with the right colors, I might not be able to distinguish them from the real thing.

27. Still, I hear that a light bulb can brighten a room any day.

Except if it’s carved from wood. Yeah, I know this wouldn’t do well on a dark night. Well, unless you burn it.

28. Now this skeleton just wants to lounge around for awhile.

Guess this guy is taking a break from the graveyard shift tonight. Yeah, even undead skeletons need a little R&R now and then.

29. Now this horse definitely looks majestic in the sunlight.

Horses are another common motif in wood sculpture. And this one is no exception. However, if you want to buy a wooden horse as big as this, always check for Greeks.

30. Think this came from a wild cat? Think again.

Now if it weren’t for the wood marks in this, you might’ve had this owner arrested for poaching. Still, this is quite cool.

31. Now this angel seems to like standing by the window.

For some reason, biblical angels are typically addressed as male. But you tend to see them in artwork as female. Then again, it’s said that angels in the Bible tend to look quite freaky.

32. Of course, you can’t do without a wooden sculpture of a cathedral.

This must’ve been carved by someone with a great deal of talent, attention to detail, and an ungodly amount of patience. And it was most likely not carved by a chainsaw.

33. Even in art, dolphins can be beautiful in the ocean.

Now this is quite stunning. However the shadows in this picture make ti a little hard to see. Must be about 6 on this.

34. A wooden rose will be best used to decorate a wooden box.

Now this looks quite lifelike and beautiful to behold. Still, I’m not sure if I’d want to use this for anything though.

35. “Ah, the Norwegian Blue. Wonderful plumage.”

Actually there’s no such thing as a Norwegian Blue because parrots are tropical animals. Still, this blue parrot is quite pretty if I do say so myself.

36. Remember that a sturdy trunk makes a good tractor.

Guess this tractor didn’t take a lot of sawing to produce here. But it seems to require a lot of assembly. Nevertheless, quite clever.

37. Now the bald eagle has always been America’s majestic symbol.

Now this almost looks like the real thing I almost mistook it for taxidermy. You see, how great wood is used for carving stuff?

38. Of course, this mermaid is sure to let anyone go with her under the sea.

Still, in a lot of mythologies, while mermaids are usually pretty, they’re not always nice or bright. In fact, some legends have them drown sailors through their songs. Whether it’s accidental or on purpose depends on the culture.

39. If painted, this lighthouse is bound to look pretty on a postcard.

Of course, I wouldn’t want to take this lighthouse on any beach. And if it was smaller, you’d see it at some souvenir shop in New England.

40. With handcrafted flowers, any beauty creations are possible.

Wonder if these flowers would look any prettier with colors on them. Then again, maybe not. Best not disturb what the artist intended, shall we?

41. Seems like these feathered fantasy creatures are really getting at it.

And it seems that this fight is costing each one some of their feathers. Not sure what these two creatures are. Think the artist made them up.

42. This wooden motorcycle puts the pedal to the paddle.

Well, saying “pedal to the metal” would be pretty ridiculous here. Also, I’m sure it doesn’t do well with gasoline.

43. Sorry, rabbit, but you ain’t coming home tonight.

Seems like it’s going to be rabbit stew at the hawk’s nest tonight. Yeah, that rabbit never had the chance. Sure this might look quite frightening but it’s how nature works, kids.

44. When it comes to eagle mating, just lock talons and spin.

Now this is quite an amazing sculpture. Wonder how the person who created this pulled it off. Not to mention, painting the thing.

45. Guess this is the music equipment for the Stumps.

Sure the woodwork is fine. But I don’t think the equipment is guaranteed to work. Still, quite a set up here.

46. Not every bird of prey can sit on a ledge majestically as this hawk.

You should know that birds of prey are popular subjects in wood sculpture. Because case in point, birds of prey are cool. Just ask anyone.

47. This black bear has been working on the railroad all the livelong day.

Seems like he’s the one holding the lamp so he can devour some tasty railroad workers. But sometimes railroad work can be simply unbearable, even to a bear in coveralls.

48. Even churches may sometimes have their share of intricate woodwork. This is depicting the Assumption of the Virgin Mary.

This is from a medieval cathedral in Europe. And man, how they did this without power tools must be some act of the Holy Spirit working the carvers who made this. How else can I explain stuff like this.

This is from a medieval cathedral in Europe. And man, how they did this without power tools must be some act of the Holy Spirit working within the carvers who made it. How else can I explain stuff like this.

49. Now this is the sculpture pertaining to what lovers dream.

Of course, the position of these two figures is highly unrealistic. And it was probably executed this way to hide the man’s genitalia.

50. Seems like this eagle has managed to get the catch of the day.

Yes, it was quite the flight but it was worth it. Still, wonder what kind of fish that is. Guess it’s from some freshwater source.

51. There is no better wood sculpture that defines American character than this one of American Gothic.

Yes, it’s perhaps the most famous painting in American art. And it’s been parodied for decades. Sometimes I’m not sure why.

52. It’s always handy to carry a change purse with you, especially if it has a chain.

Now I wonder how they managed to carve out the chain. Would be very interesting to know. Love the floral design.

53. Someone seems in the mood for a rustic convertible.

Then again, it might be cheaper to go with a cedar cedan. Also, kind of looks like a Volkswagen which is known for being “eco-friendly” until they’re not.

54. Ladies and gentleman I give you, Our Lady of the Mahogany.

Now this is another very old wood sculpture which you can’t buy. Might’ve been carved by a famous artist from centuries ago. Not sure who.

55. This Indian seems really taken with the view.

Native Americans seem to be a common subject in wood sculpture for some reason. At least in America. By the way, this is a Plains Indian. And not all Indians dress like that.

56. Guess this guy is traveling to his destination by bird.

This is an old Japanese artwork which is unsurprisingly not for sale. It was probably made in Japan’s medieval era. Not sure what legend this recounts.

57. Of course, you can’t round off North American birds without including the Blue Jay.

Now I like blue jays and think they’re rather pretty birds. But there are some people who think these birds are annoying. They don’t understand.

58. Sometimes it pays to travel by Jeep, especially in the military.

Yes, this is a wooden jeep. Easy to set fire to, but not meant to drive in. But still, it really looks like a jeep but with everything furnished.

59. Of course, this piece exemplifies how Renaissance wood carvers put their modern counterparts to shame.

Now this sculpture of Mary weeping of Jesus is quite amazing. And in some ways almost looks real. However, it’s no Michelangelo’s Pieta.

60. Now this snake seems to have a sneaky side about it for some reason.

This is another old artwork from Japan. And it almost seems quite lifelike for a wooden snake. But it’s curled in the shape of a turd.

61. Seems like this owl now has its wings right open.

Yes, this owl has its wings spread in all its glory. And yes, marvel at its feathers in all its glory. Of course, critters beware.

62. Now you can’t talk about the saints in woodwork without including Saint Michael and the Dragon (wait, a minute, isn’t it supposed to be Saint George and the Dragon?).

Now this might be a contemporary religious subject. But the wood work in this is awesome. Just look at the details here.

63. This Japanese woman always knows when to come in with style.

This piece might be of some Japanese art form which I don’t know the name of. But while most of her body is wood, her head consists of ivory and metal. Also, another old medieval piece you can’t buy.

64. May I present to you, this gilded Buddha.

Yes, this is a very old statue and it’s paint has not worn well. However, I can be sure that this was made of wood and is not for sale.

65. You may take some birds’ presence for granted but you’ll never forget when you see a Pilated Woodpecker.

Now I’m sure that bird is bigger than the real thing. But I love the paint job. Really brings out the colors.

66. Sometimes all you need is one big quill.

Now this is Pacific Northwest Native American design. Just look at the markings. Still, wouldn’t mind having that.

67. Of course, you can’t have a post on wood sculpture without penguins.

From how the chick looks here, it can go either way for the parent. Still, this is adorable if you ask me.

68. Now an elk has always been a great creature of the American West.

Well, at least there wasn’t much to do with the color scheme. Still, it does look quite real and majestic when you look at it.

69. How about travel the countryside in this VW microbus?

If this was a real working vehicle, it would be one of the most eco-friendly cars around. Oh, wait, it’s from Volkwagen. So this is basically false advertising.

70. Somehow this fire breathing dragon tends to rise out from the panel.

Now some of you might be familiar with dragons in East Asian culture. But you have to admit, this is pretty cool.

71. My, what a lovely hat.

Not sure if I can wear it or if I even want to. Still, it almost looks like one you’d see at a store. Then again, it would if the ribbon was painted in a color that stands out.

72. Of course, a teddy bear has always been a toy for all ages.

Yes, it may look cute but it’s not cuddly. Besides, since it’s a wood carving, trying to hug it might cause splinters.

73. Sometimes you’ll never know what you’ll find on other people’s clothes lines.

I’m sure wearing wooden panties wouldn’t be comfortable to say the least. Might feel like wearing a chastity belt that runs the risk of causing splinters.

74. Of course, in China it would be awesome to see a dragon boat like this.

Now this is quite pretty. Wonder what a life size one would look like. Then again, you’d probably not see one in Beijing. Too much pollution.

75. When it comes to the kitchen, sometimes you can’t separate the cookbook from the cutting board.

Not sure what this person’s cooking up here. Those ingredients could suggest almost anything. So could the book.

76. There are some days when you just want to devour a nice, juicy steak.

However, I wouldn’t recommend anyone to eat this. It’s not very tender and tastes rather woody and painty. Yeah, disgusting.

77. Sometimes wood carving can help bring a painting to life.

Now this painting is rather famous for some reason. Still, I heard it takes place in a 19th century park known for its disparate dress code policies for men and women.

78. In the event of modern war, you can’t leave your ground troops without a tank.

Of course, despite being armed with all the latest state of the art weaponry, it would be pretty useless in battle. Still, makes an awesome museum piece that boys and young men would enjoy.

79. Of course, who can’t forget that adorable robot from Disney and Pixar’s WALL-E?

Now this is so cute. Wish they had one of EVE. Of course, I can see why a wood sculpture of that one wouldn’t work.

80. Still, some people tend to play their video games on their X-Box 360.

However, you wouldn’t be able to play video games on this XBox 360 Console. Because it’s all made from wood and just for show. Still, would go great in any entertainment center.

The Unholy and Heretically Bad Taste World of Religious Kitsch

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 26, 2015

Disclaimer: While this post may contain religious content, it’s not meant to make fun of religion. It’s just making fun of the religious stuff that’s by believers and for believers. In other words, it’s something religious groups bring unto themselves. So it’s not meant to offend just make fun of religious commercialism. I know people view religion as important to their lives. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of certain religious items, especially if they’re products that kind of contradict and trivialize that faith’s message. Case in point, anything depicting Jesus with a gun. Besides, as a practicing Catholic, I compiled this post in honor of Pope Francis’s visit to the United States whom I’m sure has a lot of crap being sold in his likeness as we speak. Besides, who says that religious people can’t have a sense of humor about their faith? Just ask Stephen Colbert.

Now as a practicing Catholic, I’m just as pumped about Pope Francis’s visit to the United States as anyone. Of course, I won’t see him personally but I wish him well and hope he has time to enjoy himself in this country. Nevertheless, Pope Francis’s visit has led to a surge in people selling a lot of religious crap. As with any religion, you tend to have a lot of religious products people are willing to buy, especially in America where people see Christianity and capitalism as non-conflicting principles. This is contrary to what Pope Francis says and as a proud Catholic liberal, I kind of agree with him on it. Now there are some religious stuff that’s tasteful like prayer cards and cross necklaces as well as other things. But there are religious products that bring a fine line between the sacred and the profane. But somehow they’re just too silly or too tacky too ignore that you got to have it. This is known as kitsch and it appears everywhere. So the fact that there’s a lot of religious kitsch out there shouldn’t be surprising. I mean it was bound to happen. Still, most of what I have to show you will be Christian related but I’ll try to be as inclusive as I can. And yes, that means you, Muslims. But I’ll try to not use a picture of Muhammad to appease you. So to honor Pope Francis’s first visit to the United States, I present to you some of the great stuff from the unholy world of religious kitsch, even if I go to hell for this. Then again, since Jesus and the Pope aren’t fans of religious capitalism and consumerism, maybe they’ll give me their blessing. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

Show your adoration for Our Lady with this Virgin Mary Barbie Doll.

Yes, they actually have this. Well, they have several of these whether you like it or not. However, I don’t know about you, but I really don’t think the Virgin Mary should be depicted with blond hair. That’s just my opinion.

2. Save your breath with Messiah mints.

Because nothing’s more unholy to Jesus than having bad breath. Even though Jesus and his disciples probably had halitosis all the time. So, yes, Jesus saves your breath with minty freshness.

3. Remember, that Jesus may be a man of peace but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know karate.

Yes, you see this Jesus is My Coach everywhere. However, I’m sure Jesus never traveled farther from his local Palestine in his life. So how he’d know karate is beyond me.

4. Show your devotion to the Virgin Mary with a neon sign in her likeness.

Man, this would go great with my velvet Jesus painting. Yeah, I’m sure this would be what you see on a Catholic church in Las Vegas.

5. Afraid of the dark? Then keep the monsters from under your bed with your very own Jesus night light.

On second thought, I’ll take my chances in the dark without this. Seriously, this is the creepiest night light I’ve ever seen. I mean Jesus’s face is just a large eyeball. Why?

6. Remember how Jesus died for your sins with this Crucified Christ pez dispenser.

I don’t know about you, but do you see anything wrong with making a Jesus pez dispenser like this? I mean the image of him bleeding from a crown of thorns really is nothing to commercialize like this. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

7. Jesus is the light of the world with these crucifix light bulbs.

Now I wonder how that’s possible. Yes, it’s tacky but it seems like a feat in electronics that hasn’t been repeated.

8. Show your devotion to Jesus with this pink neon crucifix.

For some reason, I find a pink neon crucifix kind of disrespectful to the moment it’s supposed to depict. Then again, I suppose anything goes in Vegas.

9. Yes, baby Jesus wants some lovin’, so why have you foresaken Him?

Is is just me or do I find baby Jesus on this shirt unintentionally creepy? Seriously, I think this is pretty tasteless on divine levels.

10. Light up your room with this Jesus light switch.

Then again, maybe a Jesus light switch isn’t a good idea. I mean look at its placement for God’s sake. Doesn’t help that he has his arms around the children.

11. Rock and roll all night with these Virgin Mary KISS statues.

Yes, these are Virgin Mary KISS heads. I know they may be offensive to some people like my grandmother. But still, these are hilarious.

12. Show your love for Jesus and the American way with this neon and gun Jesus statue.

Now this is just so wrong since Jesus did say, “whoever lives with the sword, dies with the sword.” Such displays would make Pope Francis shudder. But it’s simply hysterical. “No more Mr. Nice Jesus” indeed.

13. Remember that Jesus will be at your back, even in an untimely death.

Now I know there are children buried in cemeteries and their markers are unsettling enough. However, this one really seems to scare the hell out of me. And it's not because Jesus is holding the swing and can't be seen by the waist down.

Now I know there are children buried in cemeteries and their markers are unsettling enough. However, this one really seems to scare the living hell out of me. And it’s not because Jesus is holding the swing and can’t be seen by the waist down.

14. Make your own smoothies at night with this Jesus statue blender light.

Now why would anyone want a blender light in general is beyond me. Let alone any blender light that looks like Jesus. Seriously, why?

15. For all those celebrating Hanukkah, hope your kiddies appreciate this Ketzel the Cat Menorah.

Hey, Christians aren’t the only ones who have religious kitsch. If you’re a Jew reading this, feel free to talk about the cat’s significance to Hanukkah in the comments section. Because I have absolutely no clue.

16. For all you Jews out there, show your kids the magic of Passover with a set of Ten Plagues of Egypt finger puppets.

I think I might’ve seen this on either The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Listen, Jews, if you want your kiddies to learn about Passover, I think it would be better to show them The Ten Commandments. It’s on the Saturday before Easter which coincides with Passover anyway. Finger puppets of plagues is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

17. Wash away your sins with Wash Away Your Sins hand soap, which kills sins on contact.

Of course, this is an example of false advertising. It may wash away the blood from your hands. But it won’t wash away the guilt you feel in your heart. Just ask Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment.

18. Work out and shed pounds the godly way with Praise! Aerobics.

Since I attend Mass once a week, I’m aware that Catholics have their own form of Praise! Aerobics like stand, sit, stand, kneel, stand, knell, sit, stand, and so on. So this is probably something released by Protestants.

19. Save your data with this Virgin Mary USB port.

I’m sure Mary will keep your data safe with her. Of course, I’d suggest you’d go with something like a holier than thou external hard drive. But if you like the iconography, that’s fine, too.

20. Keep the Old Testament faith alive with your very own Jewish Troll Doll.

Actually, I think this might be an Israel Troll Doll. But since it has a Star of David on it and Israel is a significant place for Jews, why not? Besides, troll dolls are pretty tacky to say the least.

21. Jewish Parents should let their kids cuddle with their very own Rabbi Teddy Bear.

Now this is actually quite cute. Of course, I’m sure he doesn’t allow cuddles on the Sabbath. It is a day of rest.

22. Show your kids the joys of the Festival of Lights with their very own Hanukkah rubber ducky.

Well, I did show a rubber ducky nativity scene in 2013. So it’s only fair that I try to be inclusive. Besides, if I find Hindu god rubber duckies, I’ll show that, too.

23. Show that Jesus Christ is your savior with this Jesus hand statue.

I’ve seen that they had stuff like this in in earlier centuries. However, the disembodied hand with icons coming from the fingers kind of gives me the creeps. And the stigmata marks aren’t helping either.

24. Have your prayers answered by the Submissive Jesus.

Doesn’t look submissive to me. More like on the verge of a nervous break down. Seriously, why?

25. Celebrate Hanukkah with your very own M&M menorah.

Apparently, Jews seem to really love M&Ms. How else could you explain this? Wonder if they have an M&M nativity scene.

26. Now you can see Jesus up close and personal through these sunglasses.

Note: Image is a European artistic representation and may not be in the actual likeness of Jesus. Remember that Jesus was a Palestinian Jew and probably looked more like someone who’s likely to get special TSA attention at your regular American airport.

27. This little shrine is bound to inspire spiritual devotion as well inspire fantasies of the flesh.

Yes, boy and Jesus praying on one side. Pinup Christian woman baring her cleavage on the other. And this was before Madonna’s rise to fame in the 1980s.

28. I guarantee you that this plush dog is 100% kosher.

Now I’m sure this is a stuffed animal for Hanukkah. However, doesn’t explain why the dreidels seem to be dancing on his head.

29. Have your kids travel to school with their very own Jesus backpack.

Of course, I’m not sure if a kid will be beat up at school for a backpack like this. But something in Jesus’s terrifying eyes tells me that you might not want to mess with him. Stop, Jesus, you’re creeping me out.

30. Sleep tight in this Jesus bedroom set.

Now I find this Jesus very scary as well. Makes me wonder whether he’s about to take your soul. Yeah, sometimes artistic representations tend to have rather unfortunate implications.

31. As we all know, nothing encapsulates the spirit of Christianity disasterpieces than Thomas Kinkade. Here is Thomas Kinkade’s Last Supper.

Now that’s a scene that will make Leonardo Da Vinci roll in his grave. Of course, my sister loathes this guy. So anything by Thomas Kinkade automatically counts as kitsch in this post or any post for that matter.

32. Smell like His Holiness Pius IX with The Pope’s Cologne.

Bet this pontiff didn’t think he was going to have his own fragrance line. Still, the thought of a Pope having his own cologne just makes me baffled. Seriously, why?

33. As Jesus said, “Give us this day of daily meds.”

Now I might not find it tasteful. But I think this Jesus pill box is quite clever and pretty funny. Like to see stuff that don’t take themselves too seriously.

34. Keep your room fresh with this Almighty Air Freshener from Wash Away Your Sins.

Love how they have “Seek and ye Shall Find Common Tainted Sin Zones.” These include cars, bars, bedrooms, bathrooms, TV rooms, church buses, kitchens, office, confessionals, granny’s house, roadside motels, and dorm rooms. Don’t know why they have granny’s house or confessionals. Wouldn’t think you’d find sin there.

35. Discover the good news with Bibleopoly.

Sorry, Malachi, but you can’t collect $200 if you have to go directly to jail. And no, Elijah, you can’t put a house on Nazareth because it’s mine, goddammit! And the Bethlehem Railroad’s mine, too. Got it?

36. For all you Mormons out there, guess nothing makes a holier game than on this Book of Mormon chess set.

Not sure what all those characters are supposed to be. However, I’m sure this isn’t something that’s based on the hit Broadway musical. Yeah, I’m not very familiar with Mormonism.

37. Make your kids feel secure with their very own Armor of God pajama set.

Now I really don’t know what to make of this. Seriously, how many kids would actually wear that? Well, there are those from families like the Duggars. But other than them? I mean these pjs look so stupid that they almost border on sacrilege.

38. No, that Jesus toast was no miracle but a product of this Daily Bread toaster.

Now this is just genius. After all, we’ve heard all sorts of things about Christ appearing on toasted bread. Maybe people should take advantage of this.

39. Now you can enjoy activities with our Savior with these Jesus action figures.

There’s Rodeo Jesus, Soccer Jesus, Motorcycle Jesus, Homeless Jesus, and Football Jesus. Collect them all. Still, talk about ridiculous.

40. Scrub yourself with papal freshness with this Pope Soap on a Rope.

Well, I had a Jesus Soap on a Rope for my soaps post. So I might as well have one of the Pope. However, I don’t think this one is of Pope Francis though. Then again, I’m not sure if I want rub the pontiff on my armpits.

41. Light up your world in time with this Jesus lamp and clock.

Now this is very disturbing. Is that Jesus from the chest up or Jesus sitting Indian style? I can’t be sure. Still, it’s freaky as hell.

42. Make your nails dazzle with these Jesus and Mary fake nails.

Why would anyone want these? Seriously, these are tacky beyond measure. I can’t even describe the divine tackiness here.

43. Spread the sacred Word of God on the beach with these Follow the Son flip flops.

Of course, if I had these, the only place I’d wear them would be at some nudist resort. And that would be for a joke. Man, I wonder who comes up with these ideas.

44. Experience the spiritual notion of martyrdom with your very own Saint Sebastian Ken.

Now depicting Saint Sebastian as a Ken Doll seems pretty disrespectful. Also tends to bear some resemblance to Justin Bieber which doesn’t help at all. And he seems to be smiling, too. Oh, and there’s the rainbow packaging.

45. For those who love video games, nothing makes scripture learning fun like Bibleman.

Hmmm…a Christian video game. It’s called, “Bibleman: A Fight for Faith.” Wonder how much un-Christian stuff is in this. Like violence. Also, looks like some video game take off from some 1990s cartoon.

46. Now you can seek your way to Enlightenment with your very own Nokia Buddha Phone.

Yes, this is is a Buddha phone. It has jade for a video button as well as Buddhist symbols on its edges. Yeah, it’s kind of over the top for a faith founded by a guy who preached moderation.

47. Now you can get comfy on the Lamb of God’s lap with this Jesus chair.

Okay, I really don’t want to sit on Jesus’s lap. Especially if it’s in a chair like this that doesn’t look very comfortable. And it’s rather freaky.

48. Strum up a sacred tune with this Virgin Mary electric guitar.

Now I can understand the cross fixture on this. But I’m not sure about Mary having angel wings. Still, wonder if any of the monks at Saint Vincent has one of these.

49. Guys, dress your Sunday best with these Jesus neckties.

Yes, ties have all sorts of tacky stuff on them. These are no exception. Yet, I can’t decide which one is more ridiculous.

50. Now you can hang your coats on these Jesus nail hand plastic coat hooks.

Oh, my God. This is just so insensitive that it’s not even funny. Seriously, who the hell thought these were a good idea should burn in to the hellfire inferno. For the love of god, why? Sweet Jesus, why?

51. Fill your soul with this popsicle crucifix.

Yes, eat more of this and you’ll see more of Jesus on the cross as a popsicle stick. Now I’m sure this isn’t in a very holy taste.

52. Make waffles part of this sacred breakfast with this Jesus waffle iron.

Now this is just crazy. As if Jesus toaster couldn’t be any more ridiculous. This takes it to another hilarious level.

53. Take a piece of the Vatican with you with this figurine of Vatican praying hands.

Now this might seem quite pretty. But having it in lime and neon green, not so much. I mean it’s as tacky as hell.

54. Show that you’re an enlightened driver with this Cat Buddha on your dashboard.

I’m not sure if I’d call a cat zen. Not only that, but Buddhists tend to be seen as vegetarians. And cats are seen as obligate carnivores so making one veg is animal abuse.

55. Make your room more holy with this Rainbow Light Last Supper Clock.

Not sure if such motif is appropriate for The Last Supper. Though tacky it is, it has a certain charm that everything that Thomas Kinkade ever did.

56. Decorate your Christmas tree with these Buddhist ornaments.

Yes, these are Buddhist ornaments. And yes, Christmas is a Christian holiday. But then again, Christmas is a popular holiday so anything goes. But I see the irony here.

57. Remember that you can always enjoy a good drink with For Christ’s Sake.

Lord knows what the Last Supper would’ve been like had the apostles drank this highly alcoholic Japanese rice wine. Yes, sake is very strong stuff.

58. As Jesus insisted, let all little children come to Him.

Now like I said before, kiddie statues in cemeteries are creepy. And I think this cemetery Jesus is even creepier than the last one I’ve shown in this post. No, kiddies, don’t go to Jesus. Grow up, have a life, and grow old and gray first.

59. Remember to always shoot for the University Baptist Church.

Anytime I see gun use in religious crap, I will put it on this post. I don’t care what faith it’s from. Religion and gunplay simply just don’t mix in my book.

60. Of course, this ashtray knows that Jesus hates it when you smoke.

Now an ashtray to shame smokers with Jesus’s likeness. If I have smokers in my house, I’d really want to get this.

61. For all you wine lovers out there, have a drink of wine made from the grapes of Galilee.

I’m sure this isn’t wine made from the grapes of Galilee. Hell, I don’t know if Galilee currently has any vineyards. However, they do make wine in California though. It’s probably from there.

62. With this Jesus grilled cheese maker, you don’t have to count on a miracle to see his face on your next grilled cheese.

Yes, you can make your own Jesus imprinted grilled cheese sandwiches with this. You just won’t get featured on the news for it. Kind of crazy if you ask me.

63. Seek some spiritual comfort with this Virgin Mary hip flask.

Of course, if I see anyone with a hip flask like this, I’d guess they’re fairly religious and really need to appeal to a higher power. And I don’t mean that way. I mean the Twelve-Step or AA. Seriously, you really need help.

64. Keep your lips pure and look good for Jesus with this Jesus lip gloss.

Now when I go to church, I usually wear my trademark hat and whatever else that I’m wearing. Because I know that God doesn’t give a shit on what I look like. Still, you’ll lose this before you finish it.

65. Defend yourself against unholy threats with this crucifix key chain knife.

I’m sure this isn’t bound to help you in a knife fight. Not to mention, you can’t really stab someone with such weapon. Then again, I may be wrong.

66. Enhance your little girl’s devotion with her very own Crucified Christ Ken Doll.

Uh, somehow seeing Jesus Ken smiling during his crucifixion kind of offense me. For God’s sake, Mattel, at least show the guy suffering under immense pain! His last words (among them) were, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Not, “Always look on the bright side of life.”

67. Celebrate the joys of Hanukkah with your very own Menorah Hat.

Ever get the impression that some Jews are trying to make Hanukkah as much like Christmas as possible. Guess they don’t want their kids to be bummed about not celebrating it. Still, this is just too much.

68. Enjoy the Hanukkah season with your Jewish friends by playing No Limits Texas Dreidel.

So you Jewish kids only get 8 gifts for each night of Hanukkah. But at least you get to play a dreidel game involving gambling. So it all ain’t that bad.

69. Watch out, everyone, for here comes the dreaded Nunzilla.

Man, someone must really not had a great experience in Catholic school. Then again, I’m sure the nuns would be offended by this. I know it’s pretty tacky and perpetuates negative stereotypes.

70. Now you can dress up Pope John Paul II with this paper doll book commemorating him.

Okay, I’m sure no kid would want a paper doll book depicting the life and clothes of Pope John Paul II. Seriously, a Virgin Mary paper doll book would be more popular than this. At least she’d have a more diverse wardrobe.

71. Honor the Hindu goddess of destruction with your very own Kali statue.

Okay, Kali isn’t that bad of a goddess in the Hindu pantheon. However, I’m sure she looks pretty silly with her tongue sticking out on this statue.

72. Of course, who could forget the class statue of Buddy Christ?

Yes, Buddy Christ is certainly a classic religious kitsch item, indeed. He’s also among the most amusing as well. Yeah, I can’t help but like this one.

73. Keep your pins righteous with your very own Saint Sebastian pin cushion.

Just because he’s a well known saint who got more arrows shot in his body than Boromir, doesn’t mean you should commemorate his martyrdom with a pin cushion. Seriously, this is fucked up for God’s sake. I mean why?

74. Commemorate the Resurrection with this Jesus statue by Thomas Kinkade.

As far as kitsch goes, I might as well have a whole post of religious kitsch stuff. However, I’ll spare those horrors from my little sister Molly. Don’t want to cause too much pain. And Jesus is going up to heaven like a rocket.

75. Make your night holy by wearing the Thong of Praise.

On second thought, don’t. Seriously, I don’t know if I should be insulted with seeing the Madonna and Child on a pair of skimpy underwear. But I’m shocked that somebody would ever think it was a good idea.

76. Big Head Blue Buddha says, “Peace out, man.”

Now this looks pretty ridiculous and incredibly tacky. But somehow there may be Buddhists who seem to buy it. Of course, some might be a fan of The Smurfs.

77. Remember, Satanists, you can’t worship Satan without purchasing candles with glass holders depicting kitties on them.

For some reason, I don’t equate Satan worship with cute kittens. Then again, to each his own. Still, these are too funny to ignore for this post. But I’m sure there are plenty of cat lovers who worship Satan out there.

78. Defend yourself from intruders with your very own Christian gun.

It’s one of the best state of the art Christian weapons since the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Still, I think this is more of a ceramic sculpture and might not work. Still, since it associates Christianity with firearms, I’m putting it on this post.

79. Seek enlightenment with your very own Buddha Ken Doll.

Apparently, Ken may seem enlightened but he also seems a bit too European for Buddha. Also, the man bun looks very atrocious on him.

80. Miraculously heal wounds with these Jesus adhesive bandages.

Of course, Jesus tended to heal the sick without using these. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy these. And yes, they’re utterly ridiculous as hell. But that’s beside the point.

Dress Up Fun with Fashion Dolls

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 21, 2015

Though I did play with Barbies as a girl like most out there, it was more for roleplaying than anything to do with fashion. They were a toy just like any other. The Barbies were my actors and the clothes were just costumes. I’d be the one making up the characters and voices. However, even before Barbie, there have been other fashion dolls. Hell, the first fashion doll was the French Bisque which was from the 19th century. Nevertheless, there has never been a fashion doll like Barbie and never will. And even though Barbie is seen as a toy by most, there are plenty of people who never stop playing with them and even collect them. Yeah, it’s not just adult men who collect toys, you know. For decades Barbie has been used as a model to reflect fashion trends. But she’s hardly alone. In this post, I’ll show you how fashion dolls are an art form all on their own. Some of them might be fashion plates akin to others on the run way. Some might wear outfits from an bygone era or another culture. And some might be designed and dressed to resemble characters you see from pop culture whether they be movies, TV shows, books, and what not. Others may be famous celebrities. But none of these dolls were meant for little girls to play with. So without further adieu, here I bring you some of the many fashion dolls you might feast your eyes on.

Those who like foreign films and crime would love this French gangster’s moll Barbie.

Now this might not be a Barbie. And I’m definitely sure she’s not supposed to be a French gangster’s moll. However, her outfit and facial expression suggests that she’s straight from a French gangster movie.

2. Experience late 1940s French fashion with this Christian Dior’s New Look Barbie.

Now this is the look that reestablished Paris as the capital of the fashion world after WWII. It was extremely popular in the post-war era.

3. Celebrity and historical figures are rather popular fashion subjects. This one is of Queen Marie Antoinette as she looked before the French Revolution.

Contrary, to popular belief, Marie Antoinette didn’t say “Let them eat cake.” She didn’t cheat on her husband (though I wouldn’t blame her if she did). She had no political influence on the French Court despite having a mother and brother ruling the Austrian Empire. And while her spending was very extravagant, it wasn’t unusual by French royalty standards.

4. Now here’s Barbie as Marguerite Gautier from the Greta Garbo 1936 film Camille.

Of course, we have to understand that Marguerite is the 19th century equivalent to a high class hooker. However, she does fall in love and succumb to tuberculosis during the movie.

5. All the way from Africa may I present to you Tribal Princess Barbie.

I don’t know about this one. Now I know there light skinned Africans but they mostly reside in the Sahara region. The outfit looks more like it’s from the Savannah. So my guess is that her mother was raped by a great white hunter.

6. For you Lord of the Rings fans out there, you might enjoy your very own Arwen and Aragorn Barbie and Ken.

You wouldn’t know it, but these two have a very huge age difference between them. I mean she’s like around 2800 years old. And he’s considerably younger. Then again, age may just be a number on Middle Earth.

7. Many fashion dolls depict fashion you’d see from foreign cultures. This one is from Korea.

Of course, this is a more historical dress. However, all East Asians seem to dress alike to be. Well, to an extent. Of course, I’m not as familiar with Korea as I am with China and Japan.

8. This doll looks quite captivating in her Edwardian corset, big hat, and hobble skirt.

The hobble skirt was a short lived fashion trend in 1910-1913. These greatly restricted mobility that women had to take very small steps.

9. For all you Greek mythology enthusiasts, you might be interested to see Medusa Barbie.

Yes, she might be pretty and even alluring. But you might take note that looking at her will get you stoned. And I don’t mean high. I mean literally turned into stone. Perseus had to use a mirror in order to kill her.

10. Say G’Day to this lovely Australia Barbie.

The only way you can tell she’s Australian is that she has a koala wrapped around her arm. Other than that, she can pass for either Indiana Jones Adventure Barbie or High Fashion Texas Cowgirl Barbie.

11. This Barbie is all dressed and ready to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

Now this is definitely Chinese outfit, though retrofitted for modern fashion. Of course, she also has a rather interesting hairstyle, too.

12. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Victoria’s Secret Fashion Barbie.

I’m sure this Barbie Doll was definitely not made for children. And I’m positive she’s wearing an outfit no woman would actually wear. Yes, I don’t understand either.

13. Step into fantasy with your very own unicorn princess Barbie.

It’s what you get in a fashion doll when you have a fairy tell princess employ Lady Gaga’s fashion consultant. Seriously, I don’t know why they have the unicorn on the dress. I mean that’s crazy.

14. This Steampunk Barbie is geared up and ready for action.

Steampunk is kind of hard to explain since it employs Victorian clothing and steam technology in a sci-fi fashion. However, this doll might risk arrest for wearing a slutty outfit like that in Victorian London.

15. For all you Audrey Hepburn fans out there, you’ certainly delight in this fashion doll of her from Roman Holiday.

So Roman Holiday isn’t nearly as famous as Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Yes, the latter made Audrey into a style icon but it’s a highly overrated film. Roman Holiday, on the other hand, is very charming and wonderful all the way through. Seriously. Breakfast at Tiffany’s doesn’t even hold a candle to Roman Holiday.

16. Relive the Belle Epoque of late 19th century Paris with this Can-Can dancer fashion doll.

Despite that you see can-can dancers in a lot of media geared to PG audiences, the can-can wasn’t originally considered a wholesome dance in its hey day. This was because women typically wore dresses that made it difficult to go to the bathroom.

17. This fashion doll is decked in traditional garb all the way from India.

I know this isn’t bridal attire since Indian women typically wear bright red and a lot more jewelry. And I’m sure this isn’t really Barbie either. But I’ll take it.

18. Spring Fairy Barbie always has to have glitter on her wings.

Not sure what to make of that outfit though. But it seems to go nicely with the background. Think the wings are the best thing about it however.

19. Now this fashion doll holds flowers in both hands to celebrate the spirit of spring.

Now I’m sure this isn’t Barbie. But I also have no idea whether this is supposed to be a generic spring doll or depict an actual goddess or character. I just know it has something to do with spring.

20. Relive the glory of the British Empire and the Victorian Age with this Queen Victoria fashion doll.

Now this depicts the young Queen Victoria around her coronation when she’s only a teenager. However, I have to admit, that it does get a lot of her proportions right. Still, you’d never see such realism in a Barbie doll though.

21. Play a game of croquet with your very own Queen of Hearts Barbie.

Prettiest Queen of Hearts I’ve ever seen from Alice in Wonderland. However, you should be aware that she’s a real bitch who’s willing to decapitate people for the smallest offenses. Also, has a really nasty temper.

22. Enjoy the glories of Imperial China with Imperial Chinese Princess Barbie.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Chinese robes open in the middle.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Manchurians aren’t technically Chinese. Chinese robes open in the middle. Also needs to wear smaller shoes.

23. Now this angelic fashion doll certainly has an heavenly presence.

While angels are represented as lovely human beings with wings, you’d be surprised what they look like in The Bible. Seriously, biblical cherubs don’t really look like cute chubby babies. Neither did Cupid in Greek mythology.

24. Now this doll wedding scene helps underscore vintage 1920s elegance.

Now this isn’t Barbie from what I can tell. However, I really have to scratch my head at people who want to throw Great Gatsby themed parties. Seriously, I wonder if these people have any idea what the book is really about.

25. Enjoy the magic of Roma with this lovely Italian Barbie.

Now she’s certainly dressed like you’d expect in Italy. And she’s carrying her own basket with yellow flowers. Kind of prefer she carry cheese, bread, and other foodstuffs.

26. You can’t understand true love without Ken and Barbie as Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo and Juliet: A Shakespearean play that depicts two teenagers getting together amid familial gang violence, getting hitched within days, and killing themselves. Yeah, really make all the wrong decisions there. Still, despite content is said to be one of the greatest love stories of all time.

27. Reenact the famous Andrew Lloyd Weber musical with Ken and Barbie as Erik and Christine from Phantom of the Opera.

Of course, it’s disturbing that everyone thinks the relationship between Erik and Christine is romantic. It’s not. It’s downright creepy. I mean the guy is selfish, controlling, manipulative, and not above kidnapping his “beloved” so he could force her to marry him. And yet, he’s seen as a sex symbol. Sorry, but Erik is a total bastard.

28. Enjoy the violet eyed splendor with this Elizabeth Taylor fashion doll in purple.

Yes, Elizabeth Taylor was one of Hollywood’s radiant stars. However, we should remember she was an alcoholic who was married 8 times. Twice to Richard Burton.

29. Love Pirates of the Caribbean? Well, you’ll adore this fashion doll of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Now that’s almost a dead ringer to the famous Johnny Depp character himself. Hope he doesn’t run into zombie pirates. Wish he had his hat though.

30. This Native American fashion doll is absolutely stunning.

Yes, she has blue eyes. But she has lots of feathers all over her. Besides, I like her better than the other Native American dolls I’ve seen on Pinterest.

31. Relive the magic of Camelot with Ken and Barbie as King Arthur and Guinevere.

This is from the Lerner and Lowe musical from the 1960s. I’m more of a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But my mom likes Camelot, so it goes on the post.

32. Of course, you can’t have a tribute to Las Vegas without Vegas Showgirl Barbie.

How else can I explain seeing Barbie in a scantily clad outfit with feathers. Wonder if it comes with drunk gambling addict Ken.

33. In outfits like these Ken and Barbie seem to go where no man has gone before.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk's main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy who can’t keep it in his pants. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk’s main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

34. Now this Margot Channing fashion doll won’t be had for the price of a cocktail.

Yes, this is Bette Davis in her most famous role from All About Eve. Of course, Margot is a great star, a true star, and will never be any less. Eve Harrington, on the other hand, is a scheming two-timing bitch played by Anne Baxter. Fasten your seat belts, indeed.

35. Relive the splendor of the Napoleonic Age with this Empress Josephine fashion doll.

Basically she was Napoleon Bonaparte’s shopaholic wife, whom he later dumped to marry an Austrian trophy princess. Well, he only did it because he wanted a son and she couldn’t give him one. Still, his love letters to her read a lot like crazy texts. Seriously, they’re hysterical.

36. Experience the suspense of Alfred Hitchcock with your very own Barbie of Tippi Hedren from The Birds.

Don’t worry I’m sure the birds won’t peck her to death. That would be Susanne Pleshette’s character.

37. This 1920s flapper Barbie plans to dance the night away.

Now I’m sure she’s not going to look as stunning as this when she wakes up with a hangover the next morning. Yeah, she’s going need something for that hangover.

38. Relive the glory of the Lord of the Rings with your very own Galadriel Barbie.

Not quite like Cate Blanchett but at least they got the dress right. And the hairdo as well. Hey, why buy a Barbie princess when you can buy a queen?

39. This Japanese Barbie has the elegance and charm like a geisha.

Okay, she looks like a geisha and I know what it is in Japan. However, I hope this doll comes with Samurai Ken. Love the parasol.

40. Come fly and swing with your very own Frank Sinatra fashion doll.

Yes, Old Blue Eyes has a wonderful voice, indeed. Too bad he manage to ruin it through alcohol and cigarettes. You know, basically the two substances that have killed more people in Hollywood than anything else.

41. Of course, this couple of fashion dolls are kind of on the dark side.

Yeah, they kind of look like a cross between Poldark and Sweeny Todd. However, you have to go with what you have.

42. Of course, I can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including the one and only Marilyn Monroe.

Sure she might’ve died at home of an overdose at 36. But even so, she still remains an American beauty icon and Hollywood legend.

43. This holiday party Barbie is well dressed in a blue snowflake dress for all occasions.

Now they have a lot of holiday Barbies out there. However, this one with the dark hair, blue snowflake dress, and cameo pearl necklace is the one I liked best.

44. When it comes to fashion dolls, nobody seems to have more outfits than Scarlett O’Hara.

And this is just nine of the outfits she wears in the whole 4 hour movie. And yes, there are many more where that came from.

45. Whistle while you work with your very own Snow White fashion doll.

Okay, I’m fine with Disney lying to me about my prince coming when I’m lying stone cold in a glass coffin. However, I’m not sure if I can forgive Disney for lying about the woodland creatures wanting to clean my house. Now that’s really low.

46. Travel to wonderland with this Alice in Wonderland fashion doll.

Kind of looks like an emo Alice to me for some reason. Also, I’m not sure if she looks like the Alice from the Disney movie. Probably not. Not from the Tim Burton one either.

47. Now here is Barbie dancing as the swan princess of Swan Lake.

Let’s hope this isn’t Barbie as Natalie Portman’s character from Black Swan. Then again, for something seen as feminine, ballet seems to be shockingly tragic, creepy, and practiced more like a sport.

48. This Japanese fashion doll is rather resplendent in her flowery kimono.

I can tell this is a Japanese doll since she’s wearing a kimono or two. However, I do love the red flower in her hair. This might be a foreign doll, by the way.

49. Of course, experience the magic of the Kit Kat Club of Weimar Germany with these Cabaret Barbies.

Yes, the dancers tend to dress like that in the movie. Of course, I didn’t include the emcee since he was a guy in the film. Nor did I include Sally Bowles either.

50. Now this Spanish fashion doll is certainly a charming senorita.

Now I don’t think she’s a flamenco dancer since she lacks castanets. However, I love her beautiful black lace on her red dress, fan and veil.

51. Now this Indonesian Barbie wears a dress that makes her a perfect Southeast Asian princess.

Well, I have to remind you that all Asians don’t necessarily look alike. Besides, many of them also have their own unique culture. Also, love her crown.

52. This lovely Chinese Barbie is lovely in her red, flowery dress.

She even has a baby panda on her arm. I also really like her earrings and hairstyle, too.

53. This Ghost Bride Barbie is so beautiful that she’s doomed to haunt your dreams.

Looks like Ken really screwed her over in life. Now she’s haunting his dreams and home so she can make him pay.

54. This lovely Barbie seems like a gracious hostess for afternoon tea.

They have a lot of Victorian fashion dolls. This fashion is from the 1870s and 1880s since it features the bustle. It was supposed to enhance women’s rear ends.

55. Capture the essence of the Pre-Columbian Mexico and Central America with this Mesoamerican spirit Barbie.

Of course, I’m sure she might ask for some human sacrifices. Maybe a lot of them. You know that almost every Meso and South American indigenous culture practiced it.

56. Experience the battlefield with your very own Civil War Nurse Barbie.

Hope she has a Civil War Surgeon Ken. Now I guess he has his own surgical instruments, including his amputation saw. Bet his outfit is covered with blood that it can’t be shown.

57. Now this Queen of the Galaxy Barbie is certainly out of this world.

Now this seems like it’s straight off from Lady Gaga’s wardrobe. Then again, she kind of reminds me of some character you’d see from a 1980s sci-fi movie. Maybe she should get together with Captain Kirk Ken.

58. Relive the glory of Imperial Russia with this Russian Princess fashion doll.

Of course, if she’s a member of the Romanov royal family, I’m sure that things won’t be looking good for her once October 1917 flies in. Yeah, sad that this resplendent beauty will soon become a Bolshevik shooting target.

59. This Native American Barbie is clad in her very own fringe dress and buckskin coat.

Man, she seems to have rows and rose of fringes. But she also has a lovely trimmed buckskin coat trimmed with fur.

60. This flapper fashion doll is all dolled up for a 1920s party.

Yes, she’s in shimmering silver from her jewelry to her furs. Her gown is made almost entirely of silver lace. Probably paid a pretty penny.

61. Take a trip down the Nile of Ancient Egypt with Egyptian Queen Barbie.

I wonder if this one comes with Egyptian Pharaoh Ken, who’s most likely her brother. I mean you know what these Ancient Egyptian royal families were like. An Egyptian royal who doesn’t marry their sibling is usually killed by them. Relatives were always after the Pharoah’s throne.

62. Of course, where would a Scarlett O’Hara fashion doll be without her Rhett Butler?

There are quite a few Rhett Butler fashion dolls out there. However, none of them seem to be as good as this incarnation. And this is his signature look, by the way. Besides, frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

63. Nothing is as stunning south of the border than a Mexican Barbie.

Not sure if she’s dressed as a bullfighter. However, I can tell she’s Mexican because she is wearing a sombrero. And it’s matching with her outfit.

64. Nothing is more exquisite at a haunted house than a Dark Bride Barbie.

Now this is a lovely bridal outfit. Love the bouquet of roses. Wouldn’t be surprised if Morticia Addams wore it on her wedding day.

65. Hope Jazz Diva Barbie sounds as good as she looks.

Reminds me of the film noir jazz singers you see in smoke filled night clubs. Probably has a lot of hard boiled detectives and crime.

66. Relive the forbidden romance with this fashion doll of Anna Karenina.

Now I’m not really much of a fan of Anna Karenina. I think she was just really immature who had absolutely no idea about to have a healthy relationship. Not to mention, she was so wrapped into Vronsky that she didn’t try to get a new hobby. And then she threw herself in front of a train.

67. South Asian Dance Barbie is dressed in such exquisite attire.

Not sure which country she’s from. Certainly it’s not Nepal since that’s in the Himilayas. And she’s certainly not dressed for that weather.

68. Now this Belle fashion doll wears a gown for a romance that’s a tale as old as time.

However, we should note that her boyfriend is a total beast. I mean the guy practically kept her his prisoner until she fell in love with him.

69. Hope Diamond certainly knows how to dress for an evening.

Of course, the Hope Diamond is now in the Smithsonian. And it’s said to bring a lot of bad luck to its owners.

70. Now Russian Barbie is certainly a rare winter beauty.

Let’s hope that she’s bundled up to face the harsh Russian winter. Then again, Russia is a rather crazy country. Not to mention, there’s also Putin she might have to deal with. And the Siberian gulag if it still exists.

71. This blushing Barbie bride looks simply stunning for her big day.

You see a lot of bride fashion dolls. And it’s no wonder with how the wedding industry is like these days. But this is one of my favorites.

72. Of course, those who love Ava Gardner should get a fashion doll of her from The Killers.

Her performance in The Killers was said to make Frank Sinatra so infatuated with her that he abandoned his wife and kids for her. Of course, they were a great match made in Hollywood (sarcasm). Actually their relationship was rather tempestuous and dysfunctional.

73. All that glitters on this Barbie is golden.

Now this reminds me of something Lady Gaga would wear if she was doing the theme from Goldfinger. Of course, that would look uncomfortable on a normal person.

74. This Gypsy fashion doll shakes her own tambourine for her keep.

I’ve seen quite a few gypsy fashion dolls. But I think this one is especially lovely, especially the dress.

75. Relive the experience of Titanic with this Rose DeWitt Bukater fashion doll.

This is what she wears during the scene when Leonardo DiCaprio says, “I’m king of the world!” Of course, I’m sure the raft could fit her and Jack. Seriously, Jack shouldn’t have died. Still, Rose was a mutant born with super insulating skin that made her withstand extremely freezing temperatures. That’s why she survived the Titanic.

76. Experience the magic of Rio with your very own Brazilian Barbie.

Of course, she has a knitted blanket over her white dress. Not only that, but she’s just the right skin color of many Brazilians. A really good way to represent the country.

77. Welcome to the haunted mansion with your hostess Haunted Matron Barbie.

You might want to stay close to the candles because the stairways can be quite treacherous. Also, it might contain all kinds of things that might want to kill you.

78. Enjoy the carefree South Pacific Islands with your very own Polynesian Barbie.

Of course, being from the South Pacific, she always has to be covered in vines and flowers. Still, love her blue and flowery dress. Wonder if Polynesian Ken looks like Troy Polamalu though.

79. For those who love to laugh, this Carol Burnett fashion doll is just perfection.

Can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including this one. Love her Scarlett O’Hara curtain dress by the way. “I saw it the window and just had to have it.”

80. Experience the magical world of Harry Potter with this Harry Potter fashion doll.

Now they have a lot of Harry Potter fashion dolls out there. Still, I have yet to see a fashion doll of Yule Ball Ron Weasley. Now that would be funny.

81. Of course, when it comes to First Ladies, you can’t talk about fashion legacies without this Jackie Kennedy fashion doll.

Now this is the outfit she was wearing when her husband got shot in Dallas. Not sure what to think about the doll company who made this. Yeah, it’s kind of insensitive but it was an iconic look.

82. Join in the luau with your very own Hawaiian Barbie.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Hope the volcano doesn't blow.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Sad that she doesn’t have a coconut shell bra.

83. Those who love Mommie Dearest and Mildred Pierce certainly can’t go without their very own Joan Crawford fashion doll.

Of course, we’re not sure how much is true about Mommie Dearest since a lot of people who knew her spoke out against it. However, she certainly looks lovely in this black and white dress.

84. May the odds be in your favor with your very own Katniss Everdeen fashion doll.

This is her from Catching Fire when she had to go back to the arena for the Quarter Quell. Still, they have quite a few Hunger Games fashion dolls. Love to see how many Effie Trinket has.

85. Relive the golden days of Tudor England with this fashion doll of Elizabeth I.

Yes, she wore a lot of big dresses in her day. However, contrary to the Cate Blanchett movies, if she was a virgin when she became queen, she’d more likely remain one for the rest of her life (since she had no privacy whatsoever and knew how to keep it in her pants). Also, it’s very likely that she remained single for good politics.

86. Rule the universe with your very own Space Queen Barbie.

Looking at these Barbie sci-fi outfits makes me wonder if they have any David Bowie Ken dolls. Ziggy Stardust comes to my mind.

87. Stroll down the streets of Paris with your very own French Barbie.

Of course, French Barbie wouldn’t be French without her beret and baguette. Then again, she might also like to have a laid back European lifestyle the French are famous for.

88. Travel throughout Middle Earth with this fashion doll of Legolas.

Yes, this is the Middle Earth heartthrob that jump started Orlando Bloom’s career. And his dad isn’t bad looking either and even rides on a deer as well as has his own antler throne.

89. Commemorate the royal wedding with Ken and Barbie as Will and Kate.

Hard to believe that these two now have two little kids named George and Charlotte. Well, I think it’s nice that the royals allowed William to marry whom he wanted and when he wanted. I don’t think it was the case with his dad.

90. This Lady Liberty Barbie is clad in red, white, and blue.

Yes, it’s kind of emphasizes that Barbie might be America’s Sweetheart. However, at least she has a rather friendly disposition and tries to be accommodating to diversity. Unlike the blonde women of Fox News.

91. Vampire Queen Barbie wants to suck your blood.

One of the only Barbie dolls I’ve seen with fangs so far. I’m sure Hapless Human Ken doesn’t have much time to live. Love the hair and dress, by the way.

92. Grim Reaper Barbie shows up when your time is up.

She may look dark but she’s never good or evil. Do not resist her when she comes to collect you because you can’t.

93. Mexican Dress Barbie always travels with her little chihuahua.

Now Mexican Barbie is clad in a pink dress striped with lace and ribbons. Of course, I wonder if there’s a Mexican Ken as well. Then again, he might be dressed as a more stereotypical bandito.

94. Chinese Empress Barbie rules in Imperial splendor.

Of course, she’s clad in yellow and pink from almost head to toe. We should remember that in Dynastic China, only the Imperial family were allowed to wear yellow. Everyone else wasn’t.

95. Explore the cultures and wildlife of Africa with this African Barbie doll.

Just so you know, Africa is a nation of highly diverse wildlife, nations, and cultures. I only called this doll African Barbie since I have no idea which country she’s supposed to be from. Yet, I know it’s either from the west or the south.

96. Lead your very own Rebel Alliance with your very own Princess Leia fashion doll.

This is the Slave Leia one from Return of the Jedi. It’s one of Princess Leia’s iconic looks. Of course, Jabba the Hutt better watch out.

97. Now you can be your own superheroine with Wonder Woman Barbie.

Now Wonder Woman is one of the more definitive female superheroes. However, I don’t think fighting crime in a cape and scantily clad outfit is a good message to send to young girls.

98. Celebrate the tribal culture in Africa with South African Barbie.

Now this is a good representation of African tribes. A lot of women in Africa are actually dress like that and in a lot of different groups, too.

99. Publicity Tour Barbie is certainly ready for the experience.

Yes, she’s on her long tour with style and sophistication. Of course, she comes with an agent who’s pressuring her into this.

100. Now Hard Rock Cafe Bass Barbie has decorated her instrument with style.

Of course, she also has a lot of tattoos on her arm as well. But she seems to have a lot of good taste. Sure this doll wasn’t made for kids.

Not Licensed by the NFL Professional Football Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 13, 2015

Now the felt black and gold scarf I’m wearing was most certainly a craft project. I’m not sure where I got it from but it probably wasn’t licensed by the NFL because it wasn’t intended to sell.

Disclaimer: Some of this content may or may not be licensed by the NFL as far as I’m concerned. It’s said that products not NFL licensed can’t really be sold. But on this post, who really gives a shit. Besides, many of these products might be sold on Etsy anyways as we speak. Some might not be even on sale at all. And even if they’re not licensed and unsold, I’ll still show them anyway. So suck it, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

You normally don’t think of football and crafty projects as things that go together. I mean you always hear the joke about the guy forgoing his sports obsession so his wife can go to the craft show. However, as I’ve navigated the uncharted waters of Pinterest, you tend to find a lot of sports inspired craft projects for some reason. Of course, some may say that they were made by moms, but sometimes it’s not always the case. I mean craft projects tend to cover a wide range and I’m sure there are plenty of women sports fans. Not to mention, you have NFL legend Rosey Grier who was a defensive tackle as well as one of the original Fearsome Foursome for the then Los Angeles Rams as well as got elected to the Pro Bowl twice. However, off the field, Grier was known for his unusual hobbies like needlepoint and macrame. Not only that, but he also wrote a book in 1973 called Rosey Grier’s Needlepoint for Men. So let’s just say the association between the NFL and craft projects isn’t as far fetched as you think. And I guarantee that people make all kinds of things to support their team as you might see on Pinterest or Etsy. So if you’re just a fan who likes to work with their hands, here is an assortment of NFL crafts for your viewing pleasure and possible inspiration.

For keeping warm in Wisconsin, you might want to go with a Green Bay Packers quilt.

Now this quilt is guaranteed to protect you from the cold as well as passionate Green Bay Packers fans. Yes, they can be a rowdy bunch if you let them.

2. A boy’s room can’t be without a Denver Broncos football lamp.

Now this Broncos lamp will look great in any little Denver boy’s room. Of course, it’s possible that one of the South Park kids has this.

3. No little Dallas Cowboys fan should go without their very own crotchet cowboy hat and boots.

Well, it’s appropriate for a young Dallas Cowboy fan. However, the problem with little kid clothes is that they tend to grow out of them very quickly.

4. A Seahawks crocheted cap will certainly keep you snug in Seattle.

And they seem to come in multiple sizes. Still, love the hawk motif on them. However, I think the smaller one might be a bit more angry.

5. Drink a toast with a hand painted New England Patriots wine glass.

Of course, Patriots fans, it’s best to hold a toast before the cheating allegations get out. And not when Tom Brady’s suspension is lifted so he can start as quarterback in the opening game.

6. Let this wooden cross signify that Gold bless the Dallas Cowboys.

Yes, I know that Cowboys fans may be good Christians. But nevertheless, as someone from the Pittsburgh area, I have strong doubts that God is on their side.

7. This little Pittsburgh Steelers doll waves her Terrible Towel in pride.

Now this is adorable with her little smile and pigtails. Also love her black and gold stockings.

8. Any football fan should show their team spirit with their very own fan of lace.

And it seems like these consist of the Dallas Cowboys, the San Francisco 49ers, the Oakland Raiders, and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Not to mention, the 49ers fan comes in black or white lace.

9. You can’t have a wreath supporting the Miami Dolphins if you don’t have feathers and ribbons.

I guarantee that you’ll see a lot of wreaths in this post. And yes, I admit that this wreath possesses the some degree of tackiness. But you can say the same about Florida.

10. You can’t welcome guests for game day without an Oakland Raiders lamp post.

I’m sure this decoration was rarely used for a Super Bowl party. Knowing how the Raiders don’t have a great track record.

11. Nothing makes tailgating better than a Detroit Lions lawn chair.

They have lawn chairs for each team by the way. And they’re all painted and made from wood. So they’re more durable than their plastic counterparts.

12. Don’t have a tailgating centerpiece? You can always make one yourself.

This one is for the Washington Redskins. And the fact it’s DIY is quite obvious. But still, anything with Redskins imagery is said to be offensive to Native Americans. For obvious reasons.

13. Top off your pencils with your very own Indianapolis Colts pencil toppers.

Seems like one of the more useless craft projects ever. Seriously, bare pencils look professional. Pencils with canvas decorations look stupid.

14. A little girl must always shine in her little Seattle Seahawks ribbon trimmed tutu.

Yes, there are even crafts where people can decorate NFL tutus for some reason. Of course, this is for a little girl so its adorable for now.

15. Bring the football spirit outside with this Green Bay Packers birdhouse.

Comes with its very own grill and beer keg. Still, it looks as if it was fashioned by Lincoln logs for some reason.

16. Though these two may be rooting for different teams, they always try to keep their marriage strong.

My cousins from Maryland seriously need to get this for their parents on their next wedding anniversary. Still, it’s kind of funny how my Uncle Mike didn’t speak to my Aunt Jane for 2 days after the Steelers won a game against the Ravens in a major upset.

17. Why wear a player jersey while you can don a Denver Broncos apron for the big game?

Well, at least you don’t have to worry about players being traded. Of course, I’m not sure about the orange strap on the front though.

18. Relax and enjoy the tailgate party with this New England Patriots lawn chair cushion.

Of course, there’s a strong chance that this might be deflated like the New England Patriots’ footballs. Have to get that out there somewhere.

19. For Christmas why don’t you hang a candy cane San Francisco 49ers snow flake on your Christmas tree?

Now this is an elaborate ornament for a Christmas tree. Of course, Not sure where they got the gold and red snowflakes from. But I think this ornament should be kept higher in the tree to keep away from small children and animals.

20. Even minions love the Green Bay Packers.

Now this is an ornament made from clay. However, let’s just say that minions are seen almost everywhere in the craft world since they’re so easy to make.

21. Have old glass bottles lying around? Then why not make Dallas Cowboys bottle lamps out of them?

Okay, I’m not a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. But even I have to admit that these are really nice bottle lamps.

22. You don’t need a lot of ribbon and decorations to make a New Orleans Saints wreath.

It’s also not well known that many New Orleans Saints craft decorations can also be used for Mardi Gras. Well, if you don’t put much emphasis on the color scheme.

23. This Seattle Seahawks dress will certainly make game day a blast.

Now I’m not sure about the green stripes on the top. Then again, maybe this dress is in very poor lighting.

24. Have your tailgate party on game day with a Houston Texans mosaic table.

I’m sure this took a long time to build and put in a mosaic. Of course, the person who made this at least supports a team with an easy logo.

25. Keep your feet nice and warm with these NFL fleece boot liners.

Now we have the Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Or as I call it teams from places where it gets really cold and/or wet.

26. Seems like this Minnesota Vikings fan has a quilt on full display.

Yes, this is my second quilt on this post. But it's on display with a square pattern. Not to mention, this dog seems very happy about it.

Yes, this is the second quilt on this post. But it’s on display with a square pattern. Not to mention, this dog seems very happy about it.

27. Cook tailgate dishes on game day with this Dallas Cowboys apron.

Reminds me of the kind of aprons you see women wearing in 1950s sitcoms. You know the black and white shows you see the mom being immaculately dressed in the late afternoon with perfect hair.

28. Of course, if you can’t put lights in a bottle, you can always use a mason jar.

Now these consist of the Philadelphia Eagles, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Dallas Cowboys. And each one is a color respective to their team.

29. For little girls, a San Diego Chargers dress is perfect for game day.

Now this is adorable. Also, said to be made from an old pillow case. Not only that, but it also comes with a couple of bows.

30. With a feather boa, a strong blue Christmas ribbon, a horseshoe cardboard piece, and a hanger, you too, can make your very own Indianapolis Colts wreath.

Now this is quite flashy for NFL craft projects. However, you can tell this was made from a hanger because it doesn’t look quite round. But, hey, what can you do.

31. Some people buy their own grills. Others make them, especially this Dallas Cowboys fan with too much time on his hands.

Comes with a cooler, bucket, trash can, and more. Still, hope this one runs on charcoal and not propane. But you have to wonder why anyone would even make this in their garage.

32. Now you can store your favorite sweets in these NFL candy dispensers.

Now these come in San Francisco 49ers, Oakland Raiders, Denver Broncos, Pittsburgh Steelers, and San Diego Chargers. Of course, what candy you put in depends on you. But I would recommend that you avoid Dum Dums lollipops.

33. This Philadelphia Eagles flower pony tail holder is bound to make any young fan look pretty.

Now they have a lot of these and for every team. But since I didn’t put anything from the Eagles, this will do.

34. Any Christmas tree in Wisconsin can’t be complete without a Green Bay Packers light bulb ornament.

Interesting how many craft projects involved making stuff from recycled materials. For all I know this could be a light bulb that burned out.

35. An avid fan just can’t go to a winter game without a Denver Broncos crocheted helmet.

It might keep you warm during the winter. But it won’t protect you from a concussion. Still, a very clever design.

36. Even this wooden snowman supports the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Now this is quite adorable. Of course, it can’t hold a football and Terrible Towel. However, still manages to show its spirit.

37. This little snowman is showing its spirit for the Detroit Lions.

I think they have snowmen like this for all the teams. But unlike the other snowman, this one is fully clothed and sewn with denim.

38. Now you can’t spend football game night without a New Orleans Saints table light.

I think this creation was made with two dollar store picture frames. And I guess the fleur de lis came from printed paper.

39. Light up your lawn with this Green Bay Packers spotlight.

I wonder if this produces a logo like bat signal. Also, I’m sure some comic book geek wants to make one of their own only with a different shape instead of a Packers logo.

40. Nothing makes you a true football fan like a crocheted Minnesota Vikings viking hat.

Now this looks quite crazy with the long horns and the braided pigtails. And I think this one might be made for a baby of either gender.

41. Nothing makes your home look better than a Baltimore Ravens stone edging.

Of course, I’m sure my Uncle Mike might want this. However, my Aunt Jane certainly won’t let him. Also, they have these in straight edge as well as for all teams.

42. Light it up with a Pittsburgh Steelers pipe lamp.

Made with the kind of pipes you might leave in your garage or buy at a hardware store. Also, pulled by a black and gold football string.

43. Celebrate this Christmas by putting a New York Giants fan elf ornament on your Christmas tree.

Seems like the North Pole elves are Giants fans for some reason. Then again, beating the New England Patriots in two Super Bowls probably would put those guys on Santa’s “nice” list.

44. Keep warm during the winter with this crocheted Chicago Bears hat.

Now this seems like a fashionable style for some people. Then again, for others, it looks as if it’s straight out from the 1970s.

45. Kick back and relax with these Kansas City Chiefs flowery flip flops.

Of course, these are for women since they haven’t put flowers on men’s clothing items since the 1970s. Still, quite summery for football season aren’t they?

46. Your Christmas tree always looks great with a Carolina Panthers snowman ornament.

Surprising that a snowman could be a fan of the Carolina Panthers. Because I’m sure that they don’t have many people building snowmen in the Carolinas during the winter, especially during the Christmas season. Hell, where I live doesn’t get a lot of snow that time of year either.

47. Watch the game with your very own Chicago Bears pillow couch.

Well, it looks like a loveseat since it appears quite small. Still, sometimes photographs can disguise the size.

48. Wrap your baby in their very own Cleveland Browns baby blanket.

Hate to say this, Cleveland, but brown doesn’t make a great team color. Take it from someone who knows. Also, calling your team “the Browns” isn’t much better either.

49. Bedazzle your guests with this jeweled Denver Broncos tumbler.

Not sure of how I feel about decorating drinking vessels with jewels. On one hand, I might like stuff like this. But on the other hand, it just seems so tacky for some reason.

50. Have your dog show support for your team with this New York Jets crocheted Mohawk doggie hat.

Of course, this gives New York Jets fans another opportunity to make their dogs look ridiculous. As if dogs need it already (they don’t). Besides, when it comes to sports fandom, let’s leave pets out of it.

51. You can’t be the ultimate fan without a Denver Broncos horse hat.

Now this is an interesting hat. But I’m sure it’s made for little kids. Nevertheless, it’ll make an interesting conversation piece either way.

52. Have a festive entry way with this Jacksonville Jaguars ribbon and print wreath.

Now this is another ribbon wreath but it also has prints containing footballs and animal prints. Of course, this wreath was uploaded by a user and is most likely not for sale.

53. Create a winter atmosphere with this Baltimore Ravens frosty glass block.

Now they have these for all the different teams. But I don’t have a lot of Baltimore Ravens stuff on here. However, I’m sure that this one would look better without the team logo.

54. Go to the game in style with this Atlanta Falcons dress.

Now this might be a slimmer fit as well as made by old materials. However, while it’s bright red color may help you stand out, it won’t be the case at a Falcons game.

55. Light up your house for game day with this Pittsburgh Steelers mosaic lamp.

This photo only shows the lamp’s base. But it’s basically all you need to see, for now.

56. Drink a toast during the game with this Tampa Bay Buccaneers Crown Royal glass.

Yes, it looks like a stained glass bottle used to store alcoholic drinks. But still, pirates love their rum. And besides, it’s hand painted.

57. Make your hair stunning with this Buffalo Bills headband.

Not be an exact logo but it’s certainly an A for effort. Also, this is probably one of the easier craft projects to do on this post.

58. Protect yourself from the cold with this Cincinnati Bengals crocheted Mohawk hat.

Yes, this might look kind of ridiculous on someone. But at least this hat was made for humans, not pets. Why people want to dress their pets, I have no idea.

59. Celebrate the Christmas season with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers reindeer.

Well, it may not have a red nose. But it does have Steeler antlers, a Terrible Towel scarf, and Steeler leg bands.

60. Give a big impression with an Arizona Cardinals stained glass sun catcher.

Now I’m sure this would be great to show support for your team as well as wreak rival fans with glare. And yes, that’s a big cardinal.

61. These Atlanta Falcons booties are great for tiniest fans.

Of course, any baby who wears this might not learn to appreciate the joys of their team until they’re older. Because I know these things are out there for pleasing the parents.

62. Drink to your health with this Tennessee Titans mason jar wine glass.

Of course, cleaning this might depend on the kind of dishwasher you have. But at least it has a lid to keep your wine from spilling if you’re not drinking it.

63. Show your teams pride with this Seattle Seahawks necklace pendant.

Now this is made from ribbons and put in the shape of a star. It’s also held by a chain, by the way.

64. Keep warm from the elements with this crocheted Saint Louis Rams cap.

And it has a horn just like you see in the Rams’s helmets. Made for a child, so I’m sorry if you older fans are disappointed.

65. Keep warm this season with this Seattle Seahawks square scarf.

Now this scarf is made with Seahawks and bright green squares, all sewn together. Not sure what it’ll look like on somebody though.

66. Deck your halls with this Miami Dolphins Christmas tree ornament.

Now this is a stuffed ornament with ribbons and cloth. Yet, at least it’s not a snowman because we all know that Miami doesn’t see a single snowflake all year round. Well, unless you count their dolphin mascot from Ace Ventura.

67. Style your hair with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers bow.

Yes, they have these. Oh, and yes, they do have one for every team. Of course, upon seeing this my Aunt Jane might consider getting one of these for my cousin Ava.

Yes, they have these. Oh, and yes, they do have one for every team. Of course, it’s cute and adorable in black an gold. And I picked the Steelers one since it shows up better.

68. Now this Washington Redskins quilt uses quite an elaborate design.

Now I really like the star pattern. However, we should all acknowledge that this won’t be accepted at a Native American casino. Of course, why the Redskins don’t change their name is beyond me.

69. Decorate your lawn with a very special Green Bay Packers flamingo.

Hate to say this, but I kind of expect to see an NFL themed flamingo to depicts teams like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jacksonville Jaguars, and the the Miami Dolphins. Yet, this a Green Bay Packers one, a team that resides in a place where there are no flamingos whatsoever.

70. Now you, too, can cuddle up with your very own Saint Louis ram.

Now this is so adorable that even a young Rams fan might appreciate it. However, it does look a bit angry if you look at its eyes.

71. Drink in style with a bejeweled Houston Texans wine glass.

If it’s not bejeweled tumblers, it’s bejeweled wine glasses. Seriously, do people not understand that such wine glasses are tacky not classy?

72. Have sweet dreams with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers dream catcher.

Remember a dream catcher is meant to protect people against experiencing nightmares. Or as Steeler fans see it, dreams involving a Super Bowl with the New England Patriots squaring off against the Dallas Cowboys. That or the Dallas Cowboys winning the Super Bowl.

73. Keep your neck warm from the cold with this San Francisco 49ers fringe scarf.

Hey, I got one of these as you see in my opening picture. Except that it’s black and gold and not too fancy.

74. Now you can hang up stuff on your very own Seattle Seahawks bulletin board.

Of course, they have these for all the teams as you may know. But I’m sure that some Seahawks fans don’t want to be reminded of what went down during the last Super Bowl.

75. Prepare your tailgate platter with this Green Bay Packers quilted table spread.

Actually this might be more appropriate for a buffet table which isn’t normally used for food. Well, if it’s beautifully furnished anyway. Well, why they call it a buffet table, I really don’t understand.

76. Keep the room smelling nice with these Denver Broncos scented candles.

Now as to what a Denver Broncos candle might smell like is the question. Hope it’s not of an actual Denver Bronco. Still, I’m sure the jars are hand painted, by the way.

77. Make your cat happy with these NFL themed catnip toys.

Well, at least they’re things a cat might actually like. These consist of the New England Patriots and the Green Bay Packers.

78. Of course, any woman is bound to enjoy these Baltimore Ravens earrings.

Yes, I’m sure plenty of women would like these. However, if my uncle from Maryland got these for my aunt, well, let’s just say it wouldn’t go well. Well, unless he got the Ravens logos replaced by the Steelers logos instead.

79. Celebrate the Christmas season with a New York Giants snowman door decoration.

Of course, you can tell that it’s a New York Giants snowman from its Santa cap. Also has a red scarf.

80. Grace your home with this Pittsburgh Steelers flower pot arrangement.

The flowers and foliage are fake. But I’m sure people would buy this anyway. Because I know that Steeler fans kind of have a reputation for being crazy.

The Interesting Life of NFL Merchandising

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 11, 2015

This isn’t a great picture. But with the possible exception of the NFL scarf and my glasses, most of my Steeler regalia is licensed under the NFL alongside the Terrible Towel. I received the shirt and earrings as Christmas presents. And I bought the Terrible Towel during my time as a student at Saint Vincent College (which hosts Steelers Training Camp since the 1960s). The football draft protector on top of that sailing picture is also licensed. which has been in my family for years.

As many of you might already know, sports do a lot of merchandising. And the NFL is now exception, especially since this is the time of year that most of their items are on sale. Nevertheless, most items that go on sale have to be licensed by the organization before going on the market. Oh, and the NFL also makes millions of dollars on this as well. Still, there are plenty of NFL licensed items out there. Doesn’t hurt, that the NFL will sell just about anything. And I mean anything. Yes, you have the conventional gear like jerseys, hats, bedspreads, sweaters, jackets, tailgating stuff, or what not. However, any Sunday paper will feature ads pertaining to commemorative NFL as well with most consisting of figurines (which I can do a whole post about). Now these might feature team regalia as well as some degree of sickening sentimentality that you might see in a Hallmark Channel feature presentation. Now such items featured make me scratch my head on whoever’s willing to buy such crap. However, there’s a lot of other crazy crap the NFL license as well which I intend to show you. Some of these products might be the result of creative marketing while others might make you scratch your head. Now despite spending all four years of high school and college in marching band, I’m not much of a sports fan and usually don’t watch many games. But I understand that sports play a huge role in the Pittsburgh area that it’s something I really can’t ignore not writing about in my blog. For instance, the city of Pittsburgh has at least one statue of Mario Lemieux and Roberto Clemente (though the latter is more understandable) but despite years of discussion, they don’t even have a single one of Gene Kelly (for the love of God, people, put one up already!). But while the sports mentality eludes me, there are some sports fans out there who seem to support their team in ways that would go above and beyond what a normal fan might do. And yes, the NFL has the kind of stuff for them, to. So for your viewing pleasure, here is a trove of NFL merchandise that are either creative as well as bizarre.

Grill burgers and hotdogs for tailgating with this Oakland Raiders drum smoker.

Now I understand that people grill during tailgating. But I’m not sure why anyone would take this heavy thing with them to the stadium. I mean a George Foreman grill would do just as good and is way easier to carry.

2. If you live in Wisconsin, brave the cold Midwest winters with this Green Bay Packers cheese scarf.

Now this is quite clever. After all, Packers are called Cheeseheads for a reason. It was only a matter of time before they’d come up with this.

3. Nothing makes a tailgate party a bash than a football condiment set.

Now this kind of clever as well. After all, everyone needs a place for toppings and condiments for their burgers and hot dogs. Still, I think one for all occasions would be better.

4. Go to the game in style with these Baltimore Ravens wedge heel shoes

Now NFL licensed tennis shoes and baby booties are one thing. However, if I went to a stadium game, I’d usually opt for athletic shoes. Not for these.

5. Of course, any drinking Dallas Cowboys fan would appreciate this decanter set.

I’m sure this set won’t be used for drinking beer. Those are shot glasses. Of course, this will probably be in uses for any Cowboys fan to drown in their sorrows when their team loses.

6. For the nurse in the Mile High City, support your team with these Denver Broncos scrubs.

That way, any nurse loving the Denver Broncos can show support for their team even during the weekends on call. I’m sure being in the hospital during game day is now picnic.

7. No man’s suit is complete without these Kansas City Chiefs cuff links.

Sure they may make a great gift for him. But when will a guy use these is the question. I don’t know about you but I’m no fan of sports imagery mixing with formal wear.

8. For those Peyton Manning fans out there, this might be the jersey for you.

If you like Peyton Manning but aren’t sure whether to wear his jersey from the Colts or the Broncos, this solves your problems. I mean why choose when you could have both?

9. Make your home office the ultimate man cave with this New York Jets office chair.

Not sure if sports imagery and office stuff go together. However, when it comes to buying office stuff for football fans, I’d just stick to office supplies.

10. Get your mail in fabulous football fashion with this Pittsburgh Steelers mailbox.

Now this is interesting. Clever how it has a helmet design. However, let’s hope this person lives in a safe neighborhood because I’m sure this mailbox is made from plastic. And let’s just say, plastic mailboxes don’t do well against vandalism. Believe me, I know.

11. Ladies, please your man with your very own set of Dallas Cowboys lingerie.

Now I don't get this. Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of women who love football. I can understand NFL themed underwear for either gender and all ages. But NFL themed lingerie is ridiculous.

Now I don’t get this. Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of women who love football. I can understand NFL themed underwear or pajamas for either gender and all ages. But NFL themed lingerie is ridiculous.

12. Wake up in the morning with toast from this Chicago Bears football toaster.

Yeah, having a NFL branded toast from a football toaster for breakfast. Seems more like an expensive novelty item that I don’t need.

13. Have a hard time keeping track of snacks? Then this Pittsburgh Steelers assorted snack helmet should make things easier.

I have to admit, this is quite clever. Now the potato chips can be on top while the other stuff is situated at the face mask.

14. Want to sparkle in the stands? Well, how about a Green Bay Packers sequins baseball cap?

Okay, I can totally understand the NFL selling baseball caps. But sequins baseball caps? I’m sure women will be perfectly fine buying the regular ones.

15. Cuddle up to watch the game with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers snuggie.

Now I’m sure the NFL sells team snuggies all the time. But this one is particularly noteworthy since it has a player from the neck down on it.

16. Nothing makes you a real football fan than a Dallas Cowboys blinged helmet.

I think this is from the same company that made the ridiculous pet jewelry. And like pet jewelry, it’s probably a very expensive thing nobody needs.

17. Step in style with these glittery Pittsburgh Steelers high heeled shoes.

Now I know there are many female Steeler fans out there. But Steeler high heels? Seriously, I might like high heels as much as the next girl. But I’d usually wear them for more formal occasions. Besides, high heels aren’t the most comfortable. Seriously, why?

18. Slip into bed with this Denver Broncos negligee.

Now lacy underwear is one thing. But sexy NFL sleepwear is a whole different matter. I’m sure there are plenty of women who love professional football. But how many of them are willing to buy an NFL negligee I have no idea.

19. Enjoy a romantic dinner with this Carolina Panthers high heel wine bottle holder.

Now I featured the high heel bottle holder in an earlier post as a bad Mother’s Day gift. Make it NFL themed and it achieves a whole new level of tackiness. Why the NFL sells these, I have no idea.

20. Nothing makes tailgating more fun than a San Francisco 49ers picnic basket.

It’s also said to be collapsible and insulated. So this is no ordinary picnic basket. But one with all the perks of a lunchbox and/or cooler.

21. Make your bachelorette party a splash with this Miami Dolphins bachelorette party veil.

Now I have no idea why any girl would want a NFL themed bachelorette party. And even so, I’m not sure who the hell would have a veil like this.

22. Celebrate the football season with this Green Bay Packers miniature tailgate set.

Don’t really see miniature gardeners as football fans. But what do I know? Still, they sell stuff like this at SkyMall, just so you know.

23. Drink a toast to your favorite team with this Miami Dolphins artisan wine glass.

I suppose these are more or less collector’s items and used more often for decoration. Not sure if anyone would use them for drinking.

24. Cool yourself off with this Pittsburgh Steelers helmet fan.

Now this is actually quite ingenious. Gives the concept, “ultimate NFL fan” a whole new meaning. Wonder how big it is.

25. Keep yourself warm with this New England Patriots luchador mask.

It’s said that amid of the Deflategate scandals, Tom Brady considered wearing one of these during his suspension. But it was later lifted by a federal judge in New York, on account that Brady was on his fantasy football team.

26. Kick back and watch the game with this Washington Redskins couch.

For some NFL fans, a team themed couch might be something they’d like to have, but will never get. Well, unless they’re married to someone who’s as much of a passionate football as them or very rich.

27. For babies, this New England Patriots blinky will surely show support for your team.

I have no qualms of the NFL selling pacifiers. But bling pacifiers? Seriously, why? A regular pacifier is cheap and does the job just as well. A bling pacifier is just so goddamned stupid.

28. Make yourself at home with this Green Bay Packers coffee table.

This will probably be a good addition to anyone's man cave or bachelor pad living room. Then again, if you want a team coffee table, you could just put team decals on it and take them off whenever you want. It's also much cheaper.

This will probably be a good addition to anyone’s man cave, bar room, or bachelor pad living room. Then again, if you want a team coffee table, you could just put team decals on it and take them off whenever you want. It’s also much cheaper.

29. Help keep the garden birds clean with this Indianapolis Colts bird bath.

Of course, knowing birds, I’m sure this would be covered in bird shit once it’s in use. Hope the fan doesn’t take it personally. But that’s what birds do.

30. Make some grilled cheese sandwiches and waffles with this New York Jets sandwich and waffle grill.

Now I suppose that whoever buys this would be willing to buy a generic kitchen item to show that they’re more of a fan than you. I mean nobody needs a NFL team logo on their grilled cheese sandwich.

31. Bring in the spirit of your team to your pizza party with a Jacksonville Jaguars edible helmet pizza print.

From Sporting News: “The perfect topping to make a football party even more football partier. Apply the helmet of this subpar team to any piping hot pizza and revel in its edibleness. Mediocrity tastes delicious.”

32. Celebrate the Christmas season with this Buffalo Bills Christmas tree topper.

From Sporting News: “What better way to bring endless cheer than this holiday reminder that your team is playing for a draft pick? Nothing says ‘the birth of Jesus’ quite like corporate propaganda.” I think I’d rather go with a generic Christmas angel and star, thank you very much. Seriously, I don’t want an NFL team logo topping my Christmas tree.

33. Show your team spirit in your closet with a set of New York Jets wooden hangers.

On NFL shop a set of 3 of these cost $12.95, which is overpriced. You can easily get a set of 5 for $6.99 at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but without the NFL logo. Actually you can get wooden hangers practically anywhere like pharmacies, hardware stores, as well as clothing and general living stores. So these aren’t worth it.

34. Make sure your tires are fully filled and sealed with these San Francisco 49ers valve stem covers.

NFL promotions aside, this begs the question. I mean who in the hell would ever buy valve stem covers? Are they even necessary? Most cars probably don’t have all 4 and their tires are most likely doing just fine.

35. Bugs bothering you? Then take care of business with these Dallas Cowboys fly swatters.

Seems like everything is bigger in Texas, even the fruit flies. Besides, fly swatters are kind of obsolete anyway. Better used by people who want to keep Tony Romo away from the chips and dip at a dinner party.

36. Clean yourself in the shower with this Chicago Bears Loofa.

For just $7.49, you can clean your entire body with Chicago pride using this loofa with an embroidered, cartoonish bear that looks like he’s having a bit too much fun. Seriously, Bears fans, is cleaning your body with a cartoonish bear going to make you a better football fan? I don’t want to know.

37. Spend some time with your buddies during commercial break by playing cribbage with this Minnesota Vikings cribbage board.

From Sporting News: “There may be no greater reminder that the NFL will license anything than a board game that hasn’t been popular since the 1980s.” Besides, I’ve only heard about this game on M*A*S*H, and only as a reason why Major Winchester got kicked out of Tokyo General and transferred to the M*A*S*H 4077th. But still, does anyone play that game anymore? I doubt it.

38. Like football? Then I’m sure children will find delight in this New England Patriots boxing hand puppet.

Yes, this might be a fun to for WWII era children. But they’re all either senior citizens or dead by now. Would love to use this against Tom Brady.

39. Support your team while running a busy restaurant kitchen with this Tampa Bay Buccaneers premium chef coat.

From Sporting News: “This 100 percent cotton coat is perfect for any tailgate chef looking to take their game to the next level. Nobody would doubt your grilling skills if they see you flipping burgers in this 12-button, French-cut with a thermometer pocket on the sleeve. While you won’t doubt your culinary expertise, your friends may wonder why you attend tailgates dressed like Bobby Flay.”

40. Show your team spirit in your steak with this Cincinnati Bengals meat branding iron.

Sorry, but branding your steak doesn’t make it taste better. In fact, branding your steak isn’t really necessary. And no, I don’t think such an implement will make even the most distinguished grillmeister a better fan.

41. Travel around the golf course in this Seattle Seahawks golf cart.

Now I know the NFL sells a lot of golf stuff. But I think this golf cart is ridiculous. Seriously, I’m sure only rich golf fans could even buy this.

42. Aim for comfort with this Pittsburgh Steelers bra and underwear set.

Sure an NFL team themed bra and underwear set might be quite weird if you get my drift. However, I take more an affront with the words, “I’ll be your half-time show” more than anything. Of course, can you expect the NFL to be nice to women? No.

43. Style up your hair with an Atlanta Falcons hair extensions.

Yeah, I’m sure want to support my team by wearing NFL licensed hair extensions. Sure it might look cool on some women but utterly ridiculous on others.

44. Go to the game in style with this Dallas Cowboy sparkly baseball hat with leopard prints.

Now an NFL licensed baseball hat is one thing. But one with a sparkly logo and leopard prints? That’s just insane. Seriously, that’s the tackiest baseball hat I’ve ever seen.

45. On cold days, show friends you’re crazy for your team with this Philadelphia Eagles soup bowl.

It’s even shaped like a helmet for added emphasis, too. Besides, you don’t have to use it for soup. You can put all kinds of things in there like like candy, almonds, or even prescription drugs!

46. Have an NFL team you particularly dislike? Then wipe your but with some Dallas Cowboys toilet paper.

I chose the Dallas Cowboy in this case because my dad hates them more than any other team in the league. However, the New England Patriots aren’t far behind. Neither are the Baltimore Ravens or the Cleveland Browns.

47. Look like a badass with this New York Giants fighter pilot helmet.

From Bleacher Report: “You don’t need to be in a plane to enjoy this pilot helmet! Wear it to the grocery store, in bed, or even to work! Don’t worry if people are looking at you funny — they’re just jealous!” Actually unless you’re in a plane, wearing a fighter pilot helmet will make you look like an idiot.

48. Give your hotdogs the big league treatment with this Dallas Cowboys hotdog branding iron.

Is branding your hotdogs really necessary? Seriously, as long as they’re grilled, who the hell would give a shit if they have your favorite team on them? Besides, I really don’t want to eat a hotdog that supports the Dallas Cowboys anyway.

49. Support your team on the open range with a pair of these Miami Dolphins cowboy boots.

Now I’d understand the Dallas Cowboys having these for obvious reasons. But there are NFL licensed cowboy boots for practically every single team. And I’m not sure if having cowboy boots is appropriate for the Miami Dolphins.

50. Get ready for your tailgating party with this Arizona Cardinals crock pot.

Now I can understand why you’d use a crock pot for tailgating (even though I’m not sure about how they’d get the electricity). However, what I don’t get is why anyone would need one with an NFL logo when just a normal one would do.

51. Of course, this T-shirt designer obviously thinks: “If Marilyn Monroe were alive today, she’d be a Dallas Cowboys fan.”

Okay, now it’s one thing to have a sexy woman on a T-shirt wearing a Tony Romo Jersey. But a tattooed Marilyn Monroe? Seriously, Dallas, how can you possibly think that Marilyn would ever support your team? I mean she was born in California and was married to a New York Yankee and a New York playwright. So I don’t think she’d be a Dallas Cowboys fan.

52. Now you can stage your on fantasy football tournament with your friends by winning this NFL Fantasy Football trophy.

I may not get fantasy football or have any interest in it. But I really do like this trophy since I find it so amusingly appropriate. Yeah, the happy guy standing out of his armchair with his laptop is priceless.

53. Have your daughter look like a princess with her very own Houston Texans princess tiara and wand.

Yeah, I really think that a little girl would want a tiara and wand with her favorite NFL football team. Seriously, even little girls know that Disney is a way better place for princess gear than the NFL.

54. Get fired up this summer with this San Diego Chargers swimsuit.

Well, I have to admit at least the top is compatible with my bra size. Still, despite the lightning bolts on her outfit, she doesn’t come across as “electrifying” to me.

55. For your wedding, nothing goes better on a bride than a Denver Broncos garter.

Well, at least it's something blue. But still, a Denver Broncos garter? Seriously, why?

Well, at least it’s something blue. But still, a Denver Broncos garter? I really want to know why anyone would consider such item as appropriate for a wedding.

56. Nothing shows your love of football more than a bedazzled pigskin.

Now there are things that should and can be bedazzled. And there are things that shouldn’t be bedazzled. A football would generally fall into the latter.

57. Be the ballerina princess of the gridiron with this Washington Redskins tutu set.

Now these NFL tutus tend to be catered to young girls which is fine by me. However, they also sell these to women which makes them look like idiots.

58. Keep your hands warm with these Seattle Seahawks pom pom gloves.

Now I wonder how people can actually eat with those on or possibly do other things. Because I think I see the pom poms getting in the way.

59. Clean yourself up with your very own Saint Louis Rams shower curtain.

Now I’m sure there are plenty who’d dream of having an NFL shower curtain. However, I’m positive that few actually do, especially if your team’s colors doesn’t go well with the room.

60. Kick back, relax, and watch the game with your very own New Orleans Saints recliner.

Of course, there are some people who might want their team logo on an easy chair. But this doesn’t mean they should be in a living room. More like someone’s entertainment center or man cave.

61. Snuggle up with your very own Eli Manning plushie.

Yes, this is a plushie of the New York Giants quarterback as well as 2 time Super Bowl MVP. However, before Peyton should get this to taunt his brother, he should know that they have one of him, too. Oh, and they also have Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Larry Fitzgerald, Ben Roethlisberger, Troy Polamalu, and Michael Vick.

62. Support your team and have your nails shimmer with a set of Tennessee Titans nail decals.

Also, kind of funny how Cover Girl has a feature on NFL nail designs. As if I really give a shit about what my nails look like when watching a football game (not).

63. Keep your beverages fresh with your very own Kansas City Chiefs refrigerator.

Has their own taps. For what, I really don’t want to find out. However, I think a getting a NFL themed fridge is kind of ridiculous if you get my drift.

64. Be the ultimate fan and grace your bathroom with a Kansas City Chiefs toilet.

Seriously, why show your love for your team by buying something that usually goes with the house? I mean the only reason why anyone would buy a new toilet is if suddenly bursts into a bunch of bits. I mean why?

65. Fit into your dress with this Denver Broncos orange satin corset.

Okay, NFL lingerie is one thing. But an NFL themed corset? Please. I mean most women don’t wear corsets anymore for God’s sake. Seriously, why?

66. Cozy up while watching the game with your very own Washington Redskins moccasins.

I know that the NFL issues moccasins for every team. But a Washington Redskins themed moccasins is the kind that offends Native Americans. I mean for the love of God, Redskins, can you just change your freaking name?

67. Customize your game room with a Cleveland Browns pool table.

On second thought, don’t because brown and orange are terrible colors for decor anyway. Besides, I think showing your love for your team with a pool table is a bit much.

68. Fire up the grill with these Detroit Lions grill tools.

Now I know people grill stuff for football games. But feeling that you need to buy NFL themed grill tools is just so absurd. A normal set of grill tools from Wal Mart would do just as good.

69. Store your beer for tailgating with this Buffalo Bills football cooler.

Now this is quite a clever contraption. However, I wonder how big it is and whether it would fit in a sedan trunk. Also, can be dragged by wheels.

70. Show your support for your team by painting your nails with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers nail polish.

Now NFL themed nail polish. Do you think women will find it necessary to paint their nails the team colors? I think not.

71. Celebrate Christmas with this New England Patriots Christmas stocking.

Probably wouldn’t want to look in there. Might contain stuff like spy cams, deflaters, and radio headsets with really bad reception.

72. Light up your pool table with a Saint Louis Rams box-style billiard light.

With a lamp like this at your pool table, you can now really make your man cave look like a bar. Of course, it might even become one if you keep your alcohol there.

73. Fire up and flip your burgers with a Philadelphia Eagles grill.

Now grill tools and meat branders are one thing. But a NFL themed grill? That’s insane. Seriously, why?

74. Enjoy the big game with your Denver Broncos bling baseball cap.

Will certainly cost a lot more than a regular NFL licensed baseball cap. So I wouldn’t consider it a worthy investment. It’s a waste.

75. Decorate your garden for game day with a Green Bay Packers garden stepping stone.

Well, that seems like an interesting idea. Of course, it might not look as nice when the elements take over, especially the bird poop. Or the dog poop.

76. Make your alcoholic beverages look festive with this Indianapolis Colts bottle charms.

I have no idea why people would consider decorating their alcoholic beverage bottles. Such charms seem like useless decorations for me. Seriously, why?

77. Kick back and enjoy the game in a Minnesota Vikings helmet chair.

In some ways, it looks like something only a really crazy fan may buy. But on the other hand, it looks somewhat ingenious. I can’t decide. But it’s probably not cheap so it’s not what I’d buy anyway.

78. Snack on some cheese and crackers with your very own Carolina Panthers cheese cutting board set.

And the cutting board is depicted like a football field. I wonder if this might carry some unfortunate implications like cutting the cheese at the 40 yard line.

79. Enjoy bath time with this Cincinnati Bengals rubber duckie.

Looking at this rubber duckie, I’m wondering why Ernie didn’t get a Jets or Giants one. Oh, wait, I’m sure Ernie isn’t much of a football fan.

80. Cuddle up at the big game with a Pittsburgh Steelers Steely McBeam pillow pet.

Yes, they make them for all teams. However, Steely McBeam isn’t well loved by Steelers fans since he’s terrifying as hell. So let me say just kill it, kill it with fire.

NFL Fans Dressed and Ready for Game Day

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 7, 2015

This is me in my Steeler gear since I live within the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Now I may not be a big sports fan like my dad. But since I have a Terrible Towel, a Steeler T-Shirt, Steeler earrings, and a Steeler scarf, I thought I might as well use them for this post. Besides, this is kind of tame compared to the fans you’ll see in this.

As many of you avid sports fans may know, this Thursday is the start of NFL Football season which is opening that night in a game between this year’s Super Bowl champions the New England Patriots against my home team the Pittsburgh Steelers. Of course, we know that Tom Brady will be starting since he acted like a big baby and challenged his 4 game suspension in court over the deflated football scandal, but that’s beside the point. Now while my dad may be an avid Steeler fan as well as looks forward to watching the games week after week, he’d rather do so in the comfort of his own home on TV. At least there he can go to the bathroom during commercial break, not have to pay for food or admission, and sit in a place most comfortable to him. However, there are plenty of football fans who tend to go a bit further than my dad. Some of these might be wanting to see their team at Steeler Training Camp or going to the games themselves. And then there are people who have to go to the games all dressed up for the occasion in their full regalia. Some of these fans have very creative ways to show their love for their favorite team. Some of them even become known characters with their own blurb on the news as such. So for your reading pleasure to you NFL fans out there, I give you an assortment of pro football fans out there dressed up to show their support for their teams.

I swear to you that this Oakland Raiders fan is a little on the Dark Side of the Force.

And Darth Vader is all decked in his spiked shoulder pads and bracelets to show it. Play well, Raiders, or else he might Force choke you. And you don’t want that.

2. Now this woman can’t leave home for the game without her Cleveland Browns hat.

Now I have to admit, she has quite a creative fashion sense as the Bone Lady. However, I’m sure dressing like that isn’t going to help her team. And I know that the Browns aren’t known for their winning streaks in the AFC North.

3. When it comes to withstanding the cold, Packers fans are the most resilient around.

Now these guys must have been outside for hours. Then again, the icicles are only part of the costume. Or so it seems.

4. Now this luchador is ready to fight for his beloved Houston Texans.

Of course, I hope that guy is a Mexican because his costume is a bit stereotypical. Also, I’m sure luchadores don’t use knives in the ring, let alone long badass ones.

5. Sometimes a Colts fan needs to show up to the game all covered in his bling.

Now if all that doesn’t make him a Super Fan, then I don’t know what does. Still, I’m sure he has a tendency to put all his fellow Indianapolis Colts fans to shame.

6. When it comes to the Alien vs. Predator ordeal, I’m fairly confident that Predator is an avid Seattle Seahawks fan.

Now I’d really hate to see how this guy’s taking it after seeing the Seahawks losing to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Let’s just say he was especially not pleased with his team losing to a bunch of cheaters known to deflate their footballs.

7. While Darth Vader may like the Raiders, Boba Fett seems to prefer the Saints.

Of course, he might be so disappointed that he didn’t have a role to play in Bountygate. If he did, then the other teams players would probably be frozen in carbonite by now.

8. Now when it comes to the big game, Kansas City Chiefs fans certainly know how to dress.

Cultural appropriation aside, I have to admit the Arrowhead is quite clever. However, I’m not sure what creature the other guy is supposed to be. Seems like a combination between a man, a ferocious dog, and a bear.

9. When it comes to supporting the Denver Broncos, it all depends on the kind of head you wear.

I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of wearing a horse’s head to a game as both creepy and strangely amusing at the same time. I’m not sure what other people might think of it though.

10. Of course, a true Oakland Raiders fan can’t leave home without his skulls.

And it seems that this guy has a lot of them. Of course, I wonder the ones on his belt add to any discomfort if he feels like sitting down.

11. Even the Voo Doo monsters turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Of course, I think this guy might frighten kid. But, seeing his beloved Saints helps get him out of the swamp now and then. Besides, he’s actually quite friendly when you get to know him.

12. These two sisters traveled all the way from Whoville to show their support for their beloved Green Bay Packers.

Now I’m sure those women probably drove to the game in a convertible. Because I can’t think of a car that would accommodate these crazy Dr. Seuss inspired hairdos. Then again, they could just be wigs for all we know.

13. This Seattle Seahawks fan has his ungodly horns signed by all his favorite players.

Yes, he may be an evil blue monster with green horns. But when the Seahawks are in town, he still feels the need to turn up to show his support.

14. You might not know it, but I hear that the Twin Cities have their ComicCon around this time of year.

Yes, this guy is dressed in his custom made Superman outfit. And yes, he’s wearing it to support his beloved Minnesota Vikings. Not sure about the goofy wig though.

15. Aside from intergalactic bounty hunters and Voo Doo monsters, plenty of Voo Doo witches and witch doctors also support the New Orleans Saints as well.

And it seems that she has found the perfect skull headdress with feather to match her leopard print dress. Still, she should consider dressing like that for Halloween as well.

16. Nothing shows your love for the Green Bay Packers than wearing helmets carved out of pumpkins.

Yes, they look ridiculous. And yes, it might smell in there. Oh, and yes, it might block the view of those behind them. But still, they at least showe their unique spirit for their team.

17. Even cyborgs have to turn up to support their beloved Oakland Raiders.

Yes, he might be a fearsome cyborg employed by some maniacal supervillain. But even he needs a break so he can go to see the Oakland Raiders once in a while.

18. Of course, there are some Denver Broncos fans that lean to the Dark Side of the Force.

Better play well, Peyton Manning. Or else this orange Darth Vader will force choke you like you wouldn’t believe. And let me tell you, you don’t want that Peyton. You really don’t.

19. Of course, you always need a few holy men to turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Now I’m sure these aren’t bishops or ordained clergy. But at a game like this, they’ll do. Not sure if the Saints are a worthy enough team to bless after Bountygate though. But that’s just me.

20. Of course, you can’t show your love for the Saint Louis Rams without wearing a hat of watermelon.

How the guy managed to clear the watermelon pulp without cutting it open, I have no idea. Then again, he always seems to hold on to it somehow.

21. This old lady always has to look her best when she goes to see the Seahawks.

Yes, this granny has to wear her blue wig with green, her feather boas, and her sparkly frames. And now she’s ready for showtime.

22. Sometimes it’s a hard life being a Green Bay Packers fan.

Yes, he might be dressed like a pimp in his Green Bay Packers regalia. However, at least he’s dressed for the weather because it’s snowing in this picture.

23. Seems like these two south of the border fans managed to get their favorite Packers to sign their queso.

I know these two aren’t Mexicans. But they’re certainly dressed like them. Might be kind of offensive but what do you know? They’re probably from Wisconsin and might’ve not seen a single Mexican in their lives.

24. This Colts fan always knows how to dress for the occasion.

Yes, he’s sitting in the stands trying to act so chill in his goofy hat and sunglasses. Still, you have to give it to him that he really loves his team.

25. Straight from Seattle brings you the one and only Hawk Daddy and his sidekick Mini Hawk.

Yes, this guy is dressed as a pimp and so is his doll. However, it’s such a ridiculous fan costume that I couldn’t resist not putting it on here.

26. Raise up the Jolly Roger because Dead Pirate Roberts is here for his Oakland Raiders.

Yes, zombie pirates may be the bad guys in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But even they have to reserve their fall weekends to they can watch their beloved Oakland Raiders.

27. When it comes to the Washington Redskins, it’s always the fans who have to show up in style.

Okay, these may be dressed as raiders. But despite being fans of a team with a bad name, I kind of like their costumes.

28. Now this Imperial Storm Trooper showed his love for the Pittsburgh Steelers by coming with his T-Shirt gun.

Of course, it’s very unlikely he’ll even hit anything with it. Still, he certainly feels the Pittsburgh steel since he has his Terrible Towel with him.

29. Nothing shows your support for the San Diego Chargers than showing up to the game in your brightly colored mohawk wigs.

Yes, I’m sure it wouldn’t be normal to see blue and pink mohawk on three generations. But these people sure do their best to support their team.

30. Let me guess, these guys must be with the Minnesota Vikings.

Because the fact they’re in purple suits with horned hats and yellow shirts kind of indicated that to me. Still, I’d watch it with those hats. Don’t want to poke anyone’s eye out.

31. Now these women must dress in their best finery before attending an Oakland Raiders game.

Of course, these ladies certainly dress to impress. And yes, showing their support for the Raiders means wearing their fanciest clothes like they would at a European carnival.

32. As evil as this dark undead warrior may be, chances are he wouldn’t miss an Oakland Raiders game for the world.

Yes, all decked out in his chains and armor, this skeleton warrior wants nothing more than to show support for his team and enjoy the game. Seems like a lot of Raiders fans have some outlandish costumes for some reason.

33. Of course, to be a super fan of the Cincinnati Bengals, you must dress like a super fan.

And it seems these guys seemed to go as Superman and The Thing. Of course, the guy on the right could be just any superhero but his costume doesn’t compare with the other guy’s.

34. When it comes to the Cleveland Browns, even Cerberus has to leave the Underworld to see them.

Always imagined Cerberus being way bigger than that. Then again, it’s certainly a fan in a ridiculous costume. And he’s crossing bones, too.

35. Of course, nothing shows your love for the New York Jets more than wearing a jet on your head.

Then again, it’s a rather appropriate costume because they are called the Jets. But it still looks too ridiculous to ignore just the same.

36. This Cincinnati Bengals fan always has his beard prepared for the occasion.

Now this guy certainly has amazing facial hair. But his wild beard in stripes? That’s something I can’t ignore for this post.

37. Hey, I didn’t know that Captain America was a Cleveland Browns fan.

Always thought the Captain would be a fan of the New York Jets or Giants. I mean he’s from New York. Then again, he might’ve had Cleveland roots for all we know.

38. While some neighborhoods have a crazy cat lady, only the Carolina Panthers have Catman as their fan.

Now this antlered cat is utterly hideous and terrifying. But I have to admit this guy certainly has a very warped sense of humor.

39. Nothing shows your love for the Dallas Cowboys than wearing an oversized helmet to the game.

Of course, I hope the big helmet doesn’t get in the way of the view for those behind him. Then again, I’m not sure if it’s guaranteed to prevent concussions either.

40. Now this guy is so pimped up to cheer for his Arizona Cardinals.

Yes, he’s a white guy in a pimp costume. Yes, I know it might be offensive. But it’s utterly ridiculous that I couldn’t ignore it. And I’m sure this guy’s fairly pumped.

41. Those in Indianapolis, say hello to Mr. Blue.

And yes, Mr. Blue seems to live up to his name. But all he cares about is being there to support his boys in blue, the Indianapolis Colts.

42. Hey, look, it’s Beetlejuice and he’s an Oakland Raiders fan.

Of course, knowing that he was played by Pittsburgh native Michael Keaton, I’d expect him to be a Steelers fan. Oh, well, to each his own.

43. Of course, the guy from Halo and Optimus Prime might be from different franchises. But one franchise they can agree on is the New Orleans Saints.

And the two seem to have the regalia to show it. Of course, Optimus had to really do more work than the Halo guy for obvious reasons.

44. Remember that whenever you’re in Chicago during Bears season, you always have to Beware the Bear.

Now that’s quite a costume this guy has on. One one hand, it’s very ridiculous. But on the other hand, it’s just so awesome to know the difference.

45. Of course, this butterfly beauty always spreads her wings for her Atlanta Falcons.

And boy, does she have fancy wings, indeed. Of course, they may not have as many feathers. But they’ll do just the same.

46. Of course, Oakland Raiders games aren’t the same without the Gorilla.

Now I’ve posted pictures of a lot of Raiders fans on here so far. But I couldn’t miss this guy since he’s known to be a character among Oakland Raiders fans.

47. When it comes to NFL teams, this Greek Hopilite always sides with the Dallas Cowboys.

Of course, whether he’s a Trojan or a Spartan warrior I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it’s all Greek to me as they say.

48. Now these New England Patriots super fans are so utterly pumped to see their team.

So much so that they decided to wear their underwear over their pants in true superhero fashion. And their favorite player seems to be none other than Tom Brady, you know, the guy who thinks he shouldn’t be suspended for 4 games for deflated balls. I mean deflated footballs.

49. Now this guy is such a super Denver Broncos fan that he shows up with games in not even the shirt on his back.

Now this is pretty disturbing. I really don’t want to know what he has under there, thank you very much. Still, couldn’t ignore this one.

50. Of course, it’s never a Washington Redskins game unless you have the Hogettes.

For the record, these are guys in women’s clothes with pig snouts on them. But I’m sure their antics might not go so well with Miss Piggy. Yeah, real nice, boys. I mean, girls. Oh, well.

51. On Steelers game day, it’s always customary to kneel down and receive a blessing from the Pitt Pope.

Well, I know that's not the Pope and I'm sure he's not even a priest. But still, he's a notable character among Steelers fans. And I couldn't do an NFL post without him.

Well, I know that’s not the Pope and I’m sure he’s not even a priest. But still, he’s a notable character among Steelers fans. Besides I couldn’t do an NFL fan post without including him. And I say that as someone from the Pittsburgh area as well as a Catholic. Because I wouldn’t hear the end of it from my parents.

52. Even in the winter cold, it always seems that Minnesota Vikings fans tend to stick together.

Now a KISS Vikings fan and a guy dressed as a Viking. Wonder how they thought of that. But at least one of them will certainly be warm.

53. What’s better than the Terrible Towel? Well, being dressed as one, of course.

Don’t ask me about the Terrible Towel and how that came to be. It’s a Pittsburgh Steeler thing that was started by their onetime broadcaster Myron Cope. That’s all I know.

54. Could it be? Why, it’s Seahawks Elvis!

Now this Elvis won’t leave the building until the game is over. And yes, he kind of seems like he’s from the Green Lantern universe or something like that.

55. Now this Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan really knows how to turn up the heat.

Of course, it should be obvious since his hair is practically on fire. Or so it seems. Still, the doll heads on his shoulders are creepy.

56. Sometimes football fans can be the biggest babies.

But this Broncos fan seems to take it a bit more literally than others. Yeah, I’m sure the bonnet and pacifier is going to make you look real cute (sarcasm).

57. Of course, there are some New Orleans Saints fans just there to clown around.

Now this guy is dressed as an actual circus clown. Yes, he might be creepy as hell, but he’s probably harmless and maybe even friendly. Of course, there are clowns who aren’t so friendly and more of a joke like Bobby Jindal.

58. Nothing shows your support more for the Atlanta Falcons than wearing a bucket hat with feathers.

Now does that guy look ridiculous or what? However, compared to some the fans you see here, he might pass for normal.

59. Of course, a woman doesn’t prove herself a true Green Bay Packers fan, unless she wears a bra to the game that matches her cheese hat.

I think they’re supposed to be “Claymates” or whatever that is. I’m not sure. I don’t really follow the Packers much anyway to know anything about their fan culture.

60. Hey, I had no idea that the Burger King was a Buffalo Bills fan.

Still, I can’t really say that the Buffalo Bills are a great team because that would be telling a whopper. Nevertheless, yeah, the Burger King is pretty creepy all right. But he seems to have so much fun.

61. Of course, some people go to the games just to hang out as friends.

I don’t know about you. But if I was at a Miami Dolphins game, I’d stay the hell away from these two scary clowns. Because to be honest, they’re terrifying the hell out of me.

62. Nothing shows your support for the New England Patriots than wearing a large conical hat with their logo on it.

Yeah, I know the hat’s a bit absurd. But at least this guy isn’t wearing a Tom Brady jersey. Of course, he might bump into a door way on his way out.

63. While painting yourself for the game isn’t unknown, some fans tend to take it to ridiculous levels.

Now this Dallas Cowboys fan seems to make the men from Blue Man Group seem a little pale in comparison. Of course, to make myself clear, the Dallas Cowboys aren’t “America’s Football Team.” Never were in the least.

64. Of course, you can’t have a Green Bay Packers game without the cheese pimp.

Sure the pimp costume might cause offense. But the guy looks so good with the green and yellow coat and cheese hat that I couldn’t resist.

65. Of course, you can’t be a true Baltimore Ravens fan without ruffling a few feathers.

And it seems that these people really seem to give it to the birds. Of course, they look utterly ridiculous in their outlandish outfits, but still.

66. Show your dedication to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by wearing a pirate ship on your head.

Yeah, that’s a pirate ship all right. And it’s on that guy’s head. Not sure how it remains in good condition though. Then again, this might be the only time he wears it.

67. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you Hellraiser.

While Hellraiser may look like a slasher horror movie villain, he’s actually an Oakland Raiders fan. And he just dresses that way to support his team. He’s really nothing to worry about.

68. Of course, sometimes painting yourself in your team’s colors works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

And let’s just say, it’s certainly not working with this Chicago Bears fan. Yeah, he kind of looks ridiculous. But when it comes to NFL fans, it’s the thought that counts.

69. Now this guy can’t enjoy football season without sporting his Indianapolis Colts horseshoe beard.

Now that’s a creative way for a guy to support your team. Of course, how to explain that at work, I have no idea.

70. Now this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is ready to rock n’ roll all night.

Now I’m sure this person is a big fan of KISS as well from the outfit and makeup. Also seems to prefer a lot of bling as well from what I can recall.

71. Nothing shows your love for the Jacksonville Jaguars than painting yourself with spots.

While there are plenty of crazy Raiders fans, I don’t see a lot of crazy Jaguars fans on the Internet for some reason. And the Raiders and Jaguars pretty much have similar game stats. But he seems to stick out like a sore thumb.

72. Of course, this super Miami Dolphins fan is dressed up and ready to rumble.

Now this looks interesting. Must be some Miami based cape crusader. And I’m sure he’s wearing the mask to avoid embarrassing his family.

73. The Philadelphia Eagles has always been a team of birdmen, by birdmen, and for birdmen.

And yes, that guy’s wearing an eagle head for the game. And yes, despite the gestures, he doesn’t seem to carry on facial expressions too well.

74. Now this Cleveland Browns fan must be a real bonehead. Literally.

Now this guy seems to have a lot of bones on him for some reason. And what’s in his mouth? I really don’t want to know.

75. Of course, this skeleton monster always has to have fringe whenever he goes to see the Seahawks.

Well, he’s certainly dressed for the occasion if he wants to stick out. Still, not sure about the skulls and green grass on his shoulder pads but to each his own.

76. The Dark Side seems to be strong on this one.

Yes, this is another fan dressed as Darth Vader but from the Miami Dolphins. Of course, he’s also known as “Dolph Vader” with no pun intended.

77. Nothing shows your support for the Saint Louis Rams than bedazzling your horns.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The ram horns or the fact she has a mustache as well as “Mom” on her chest. Also, the stars on her face don’t help either.

78. Of course, some fans may prefer to dress like hopilites to express the true warrior spirit.

Hate to let down the Colts fan. But as wretched the Dallas Cowboys, I think the Dallas Cowboys hopilite wore it better. Sad to say.

79. Man, Cleveland Browns fans must really have a bunch of mad dogs around.

Now this dog must look like he’s high on something. And I don’t mean life. Perhaps he’s on something to drown his sorrows whenever the Cleveland Browns lose. Of course, that’s pretty frequent.

80. Now I couldn’t do a post about sports fans without including Washington Redskins fan Chief Zee.

Yes, I know the outfit won’t go well with Native Americans. But if I didn’t include him, I’m sure Redskins fans won’t let me hear the end of it. So there.

81. Nothing shows your support for the Cincinnati Bengals more than wearing a tiger striped coat and hat.

Yes, I know I’ve shown a few pimp costumes on here. But this guy seems rather chill and appears to have arrived early.

82. Now this Seattle Seahawks fan is incredibly hulked up for the game.

And I’m not saying this because he’s entirely green with unrealistically bulging muscles. Oh, wait. Yes, I am. Really would hate to see him if they lose.

83. Of course, even slasher horror movie villains can be cheeseheads.

Of course, I’m not sure if I’d want to be in the same stadium with him. But still, I hope he doesn’t take out his frustrations by killing somebody if his team loses.

84. Bald but don’t have a helmet? No problem.

I don’t know about you, but I think these San Francisco 49ers fans face paint jobs are kind of unsettling. Just so you know, I’m really not used to the helmet look without the helmet.

85. Of course, you can’t show your support for the Carolina Panthers without make up and a goofy blue wig to go with it.

Man, that guy looks real ridiculous with that on. Even wearing sunglasses doesn’t detract from it. Yeah, clown wigs really don’t make you look cool under any circumstance.

86. Now this Kansas City Chiefs fan is there to honor the team of his tribe.

Look, I admire this guy’s team spirit but I’m not sure that dressing up in Indian attire is a good way to show love for his team. Now I know naming your team the Chiefs isn’t as bad as the Redskins, but still. Kind of racist and offensive. Love to see this guy wear that in an Indian casino.

87. Hmm….kind of surprised that Boba Fett is a fan of the Buffalo Bills. Doesn’t really strike me as one.

And he seems really pumped up for the big game. Of course, as a Bills fan, he must expect a great degree of disappointment. I mean the Bills aren’t known for winning games.

88. Of course, this guy is such a diehard Baltimore Ravens fan that he shows up to game day in style.

Yes, that’s another pimp costume. However, for some reason he kind of reminds me of the Joker. I don’t know why. Must be the purple coat and hat.

89. When you’re a New Orleans Saints fan, sometimes it pays to enter like a Roman centurion.

Yes, the hat is badass and so is the shield. Not sure about the makeup and the leather attire though. But it’s all coordinated with the fleur de lys.

90. If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers don’t win this time, then this zombie pirate will make sure they walk the plank.

Now this guy’s kind of terrifying. Still, he seems to be reveling in the game as I see from his hands. Then again, I hope he doesn’t frighten the kiddies.

91. Now I give you an example of a true Atlanta Falcons fan.

And it seems that his beak very closely resembles a football for some reason. Nevertheless, this is a clever fan costume. Wonder if he’s a known character around Atlanta.

92. Some people blow whistles. Others just wear giant ones on their head.

I think this New Orleans Saints fan might be well known in his locale. Of course, I’d like to know what he’s shouting from the top of his lungs.

93. I heard that Tennessee Titans fans are among the most resilient football fans in the country.

Because I have no idea why this guy is still cheering despite having a sword in his head. Yeah, that helmet was very ineffective.

94. Marvel at these beautiful Minnesota Vikings fans in their purple hair.

And it seems that a couple of them are wearing horns for the occasion. Hope they watch where they shake their heads.

95. As I’ve heard, it’s said that venison sausage and cheese go very well together.

Okay, now I understand these are Green Bay Packers fans. But I have to admit that their dress is pretty disgusting. Seriously, is that supposed to be blood? Gross. Also, I hope that’s not real sausage.

96. This guy has accomplished honoring his two loves: the Carolina Panthers and Tom Hanks movies.

And it seems like he’s going with the movie Castaway. Yeah, I’m not sure about that either. Of course, having the volleyball named Wilson on his head is quite clever.

97. Let’s not mind these New York Giants fans with their coconut bras.

Now I’m sure they’re wearing those to cover their man boobs. But I’m not positive. Still, the blue paint doesn’t seem to do any favors.

98. Now this Detroit Lions fan really knows how to get things going.

I wonder what his hat supposed to resemble. Is it some complex electric fan or an internal combustion engine?

99. Now the Houston Texans better be ready for game day. Or else they’ll have to deal with this guy.

Of course, he’s just a Houston Texans fan with a rather scary mask and wig. Still, some NFL fans can get quite a bit out of hand at times.

100. Of course, this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is going all out.

Yes, Steeler fans may be kind of crazy. An I’m not sure how this guy manages to see anything. But I’m sure fans from other teams aren’t far behind.

Gather Round All Ye Lords and Ladies to Marvel at These Magnificent Costumes of the Ye Olde Renaissance Festival

Posted by historymaniacmegan on August 30, 2015

In my neck of the woods on September weekends, there’s a Renaissance Festival that goes on every year. In fact, I worked there for a season at the concession stand which meant hours and hours of standing. I didn’t mind preparing the food, but it was just the standing that bothered me. Nevertheless, it’s not an experience I want to repeat again. Still, I don’t usually go there as a participant because of how everything there is so expensive. However, there are plenty of people who do this as a thing on an annual basis. Not only that, but they dress up in costumes for the event as well. Hell, some people even get married there. Now I have to confess to my readers outside the country that these festivals aren’t aiming for historical authenticity save maybe when it comes to crafts or some of the other pageantry. It’s more for entertainment with dancing, jousting, music, processions, petting zoos, face painting, and food as well as fun for the whole family. Not to mention, its theme is usually geared more toward England and France since the Renaissance would look way different for someone in Italy. While some including the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival are short term events at fairgrounds or other large spaces, some could be permanent theme parks. As for the costumes, well, some can range from the Middle Ages to the early 18th century (which aren’t aiming for accuracy, by the way, for obvious reasons). Some could be fantasy such as fairies and wizards. And some could be, well, anything goes.

There’s a very interesting story how these festivals got started. The first one was held in 1963 by a Los Angeles school teacher named Phyllis Patterson as a class activity in the backyard of her Laurel Canyon home in Hollywood Hills. Later that year, Patterson and her husband Ron presented the first “Renaissance Pleasure Faire” as a radio station fundraiser with about 8,000 people showing up. It was made to resemble a Living History Center as a spring market fair on of the period. Commercial vendors were artisans and food merchants required to demonstrate historical accuracy and plausibility for their crafts. Reenactors were volunteers organized into “guilds” focused on specific duties like music, military, Celtic clans, peasants, etc. And both reenactors and vendors had to successfully complete workshops in period language, accents, costuming, culture, and to stay “in character” while working. Of course, other Renaissance festivals would soon spring up and become local traditions across the country. So the rest is history. Of course, Renaissance festivals as we know are more of an American thing for obvious reasons.

In this post, I intend to show you the many kinds of costumes on might see at a Renaissance Festival. Some of them may be to your liking while others might make you scratch your head. So without further adieu, here are some of many Renaissance Festival costumes for your viewing pleasure.

Keep in mind the cornucopias make great horns.

They’re also said to be a good way to store stuff, too. But you really don’t want to wear them and put stuff in them at the same time.

2. Of course, if you’re a woman stranded on a deserted island, the big clams always cover the most.

I’m sure she’s supposed to be some ocean maiden here from her outfit. However, I bet her costume cost her a lot of clams that she only had the two big ones left.

3. May I present, a gypsy fortune teller and a scarecrow.

You can guess which one of these saved money by making their own costume. However, that burlap must be itchy as hell. But I hope the costume doesn’t terrify the kiddies.

4. Of course, in this photo op, it should be blatantly obvious who isn’t going anywhere.

Now I don’t know about you, but how does the mermaid woman even move around. Seriously, she runs a very high risk on constantly tripping on her fish tail. Perhaps I don’t blame Ariel for wanting legs, even though I’d be pissed at her on why she wanted them.

5. Sometimes all you need is a peasant shirt, bodice, skirt, and a picnic basket.

Out of all the Renaissance Festival costumes I’ve seen here, I think this one is probably the least expensive and most doable. Seriously, sometimes you just need to keep it simple.

6. May I present ye olde Tudor Yeomen of the Guard.

You could tell these were the guys who guarded the Tudor royalty and the Tower of London. Of course, Henry VIII needed a lot of them so his buddies and two of his wives wouldn’t escape from there. Then again, the Tower was a luxury prison suite anyway.

7. Of course, no woman looks better in a bodice than a lady pirate.

Of course, this is the kind of outfit that would make historians shake their heads in dismay. We should remember that most Golden Age pirates were men. And even though women pirates did exist, they usually dressed in drag and for good reason.

8. When it comes to Renaissance Festival cosplay, even the very young can join in the fun.

Sure she looks so adorable in that little dress of hers. However, I'm sure a boy would've worn that outfit just as easily during the 16th century.

Sure she looks so adorable in that little dress of hers. However, I’m sure a boy would’ve worn that outfit almost just as easily during the 16th century. Well, at least until he was potty trained.

9. Now this is what I call a “deer maiden.”

Let’s hope she’s not wearing this during hunting season. Still, you have to love the makeup and flowers on the ears.

10. Of course, a pirate lass should always have a badass coat.

I have to admit, that is a very nice coat she has there. Nevertheless, I wonder if she's just either posing or really uncomfortable.

I have to admit, that is a very nice coat she has there. Nevertheless, I wonder if she’s just either posing for a photo or really uncomfortable.

11. At the Renaissance Fair, it’s not unusual to see the occasional satyr frolicking around.

Of course, satyrs in Greek Mythology weren’t nearly as pretty as this woman. In fact, many Greek satyrs are said to be quite ugly as well as men. The female satyr was a later invention of poets.

12. Remember you should never keep a pirate away from his rum.

Yes, pirates love their rum. But that’s probably because most British Golden Age pirates were impressed sailors who were put on a ship after having a few too many at a seaside tavern. Of course, they’ll never teach you that in history class.

13. Now may I introduce you to the lovely Lady Anne Boleyn in her resplendent dress.

God, she’s so beautiful that she’d make you want to lose your head. Hate to even think about what happened to her.

14. Of course, a gypsy woman always takes her essential implements with her.

On her skirt, she has all the necessary things such as her money purse, her goblet, and her wooden spoon. I’m sure the goblet isn’t made from fine metal. Else, someone might miss it.

15. Seems like the fairy queen would like to take a stroll in the village.

Yes, you see a lot of people dressed as fairies at the Renaissance Festival. Of course, I’m not sure if she’s a fairy godmother but her dress is quite elaborate.

16. Sometimes at these Renaissance Festivals you might occasionally come across a strapping young lad in the forest.

And what a strapping young lad he is. Of course, he might just be a model for this costume on eBay. But sometimes it never hurts to dream.

17. “Honey, will you take me as your evil husband and rule the evil netherworld together?”

I don’t know what’s awkward about this moment. Is it because she’s taken by surprise? Or is that he’s proposing to her in badass looking armor you’d see from a sci-fi movie?

18. Beware for the evil goat man is upon us.

Yes, you see a lot of this, too, I guess. Of course, despite that he might frighten small children, he’s probably harmless. Just some guy in a costume having fun.

19. Seems like the dark magical enchanters have descended across the land.

Now just a family at the Renaissance Festival in their costumes. But, yes, you’d expect movie fantasy villains to wear such badass outfits, especially in the 1980s. Kind of funny if you think about it.

20. Oh, no, there’s a Spanish Conquistador on the premises!

Actually, that’s just a guy at the Renaissance Festival enjoying a drink who happens to be dressed as one. Then again, this wasn’t an unusual military style during the 16th century. Or the early 17th, Let’s hope he doesn’t spread smallpox or kill any Indians.

21. While many people dress up for the Renaissance Festival, some people share costume ideas as couples.

Of course, their faces are powered in black makeup. Now while this might go well with their costumes as evil spirits, it might lead to some unfortunate implications with certain groups of people.

22. Of course, you can’t have a great Renaissance Festival with Gandalf the Gray.

Unfortunately for him, his pipeweed and pipe were confiscated at the entrance gate. But yeah, sometimes you do have people dressed up as Lord of the Rings characters there.

23. At the Renaissance Festival, costumes are worn even by the youngest lords and ladies.

Now this little princess is so adorable in her pretty little dress. Of course, I’m not sure if she’s old enough to enjoy some of the activities though. Then again, she might like the petting zoo.

24. For a lady in winter, it’s better to go in darker shade of blue.

Okay, I think this photo might be taking for advertising purposes only since most Renfests don’t take place in the winter. Then again, she might be quite warm in her dress.

25. Want to spare some change for an old wizard?

Seems like Gandalf isn’t the only wizard around these parts. Of course, you get a lot of wizards there, too. Still, like his horned staff.

26. Of course, I’m not sure about these guys coming at the Renaissance Festival with firearms. They might pose a security threat.

Oh, wait, those are pre-American Civil War weapons even if they’re working models. Let’s just say, these guns aren’t very practical as weapons anyway. You can say the same for most Renaissance firearms.

27. When you go to the Renaissance Festival, there’s a strong chance that you might run into some fairies.

I’m sure these girls aren’t nature spirits or even manic pixie dream girls. But they do seem to be having a rather good time as friends.

28. When it comes to costumes, sometimes you can tell what a person’s supposed to be, sometimes you can’t.

For instance, I can’t tell what the hell this guy’s supposed to be. Is he some kind of nature spirit, mythological creature, or witch doctor?

29. Of course, you might want to get out of this guy’s way when he’s at the concession stand.

I’m sure this guy isn’t a real bishop or clergyman in that matter. Then again, I could be wrong. Still, from a historical perspective, he could use some more bling.

30.For a barbarian, her attire appears rather sparse.

Contrary to what you see at the Renaissance Festival, Barbarian women during the Dark Ages weren’t nubile savages. In fact., they dressed in warmer clothes.

31. You might be aware that the Renaissance Festival permits costumes from all kinds of cultures.

This is supposed to be an Eastern European outfit. I’m not sure if it counts as cultural appropriation or not. Still, the guy doesn’t look that bad.

32. Sometimes knights need to relax now and then.

Now these three guys seem to keep their armor pretty squeaky clean. Still, I wouldn’t want to be in their mail or metal covered boots.

33. A drink of good rum and a badass outfit makes a pirate out of him.

Of course, his costume might look quite authentic for a Golden Age pirate if it was dirty. However, what’s even more unrealistic is that the guy is obviously middle aged. Most Golden Age pirates were in their 20s.

34. At the Renaissance Festival, you find people in all sorts of costumes with bright colors and intricate patterns.

Now the outer dress is quite intricate and beautiful. However, I’m not sure about the dress underneath. Kind of think you shouldn’t wear two patterned items of clothing at the same time.

35. You have to admit, it’s kind of shame that Renaissance festivals don’t have any restroom accommodations for centaurs.

Of course, being a guy needing to go No. 1, the lack of privacy might not be much of a problem. If he was a woman and/or had to go No.2, then the costume might be more of an obstacle.

36. Of course, this evil sorceress may have a problem with the lighting while trying her costume on.

Now I do love her outfit, especially the color and trim. However, from the look on her face, I swear that she put a curse on the photographer after the shoot.

37. Seems like this plague doctor is currently taking patients.

Love the “Bring Out Your Dead” sign. However, unless if he practices modern medicine, I’d stay away from that guy.

38. Of course, humans aren’t the only creatures to enjoy the Renaissance Festival.

Now this group is dressed in the costumes derived from the Wes Anderson play, “Sir Richard Fox the Fantastic.” That or just furries who really enjoy the Renaissance Festival.

39. There’s nothing more adorable at the Renaissance Festival than a little child in an Eizabethan collar.

Yes, she’s cute in her little dress. I’m sure Queen Elizabeth I wore the same thing when she was her age (sarcasm).

40. For couples looking for Renaissance Festival costumes, it’s help of they match.

Now though I like how their outfits coordinate each other, I’m not sure about the color. Also, I don’t know about those hats either.

41. Nothing makes a monk happier than a good brew and a tavern wench.

I’m sure these two are husband and wife in real life. But at the Renaissance Festival, nobody cares about him betraying his holy vows.

42. Nothing is more irresistible to the ladies than a wiener dog in mail.

Now Renaissance children’s costumes are one thing. But Renaissance Festival costumes for your pets? Now that’s kind of ridiculous. Besides, I’m not sure if many Renaissance Festivals even allow them.

43. When the Viking hordes arrive, they always seem to come in groups.

Unlike real Vikings, they’re not looking for a monastery to raid or a warrior death to get to Valhalla. They just want to party.

44. When it comes to Renaissance Festivals, even a turtle should be appropriately attired.

Now why would anyone take their pets to the Renaissance Festival is beyond me? I can understand wanting to dress your dog or cat. But dressing a turtle? That’s kind of ridiculous.

45. We should remember that a gypsy dog should be dressed like one.

Now I’m sure any dog love would think this is adorable. But I think a lot of dogs would see this as simple humiliation.

46. Of course, when you’re at the Renaissance Festival, keep in mind that there’s a chance you might run into some real creeps.

I’m sure he’s in this place to look for his precious. However, he won’t find it because a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins already too it. But he seems to love the camera anyway.

47. They may like separate teams and dress from different eras. But this is kind of event they can enjoy together.

He likes the Minnesota Vikings and she likes the Greenbay Packers. But at least they seem to have an activity that they can enjoy together. Love her cheese hat by the way.

48. Of course, you can’t do without mail at a Renaissance Festival.

Of course, I don’t think the women’s outfits would give them much protection from any weapons. Or the elements for that matter.

49. Sometimes there’s nothing more adorable at a Renaissance Festival than a little boy in fur.

I guess this is a little Eastern European Renaissance costume. I hope he’s not going as a little Ivan the Terrible.

50. Seems like this Renaissance Festival gives this little girl the perfect opportunity to dress as her favorite Disney princess.

She’s supposed to be Princess Merida from Brave. And she’s so adorable and happy. However, I’m not sure if that’s the costume Merida wore in the movie though.

51. Nothing looks better on a little knight than his own mail tunic.

And from what I can tell, it’s an Eastern European variety from how I can tell from that Orthodox cross. Still, it might protect him from stab wounds but not from spoiling his diaper.

52. Not everyone at the Renaissance Festival likes getting their picture taken.

Of course, this guy doesn’t seem too happy. However, he certainly does have one awesome costume that the photographers couldn’t resist.

53. Oh, my God, why if it isn’t Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yes, that’s Captain Jack Sparrow all right. Not Johnny Depp exactly, but almost spot on. Of course, I’m sure you’d see people dressed as Jack at some Renaissance Festival.

54. This Boston Terrier seems to be the king of the faire, or so he thinks.

Now he’s certainly in a resplendent robe. But all I guess he’s thinking is feasting on some of those turkey legs.

55. Nothing brings the spirit of the Renaissance Festival like a kilted Boba Fett merrymaking with Imperial Stormtroopers.

Who knew that Boba and the Stormtroopers knew how to have fun? Also, who knew that any of them were Scottish?

56. Of course, you can’t be a musketeer if you aren’t clad in leather.

He’s supposed to be a dark musketeer. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a sex dungeon in his basement. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, unless he doesn’t keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

57. I’m sure this man is a fortune teller who came from a distant land.

And it seems that this guy is overloaded with piercings, tattoos, and jewelry. Yeah, I think he needs to cut it down a notch.

And it seems that this guy is overloaded with piercings, tattoos, and jewelry. Yeah, I think he needs to take it down a notch.

58. Now there’s nothing better at the Renaissance Festival than a little princess leading her Viking dad by a chain.

Now this has to be the most adorable hostage situation I have ever seen. This father must be a great sport to resort to this photo op.

59. Look, kiddies, it’s Mother Goose!

Seems to have an interesting hat if I do say so myself. Then again, there might be some disturbing implications with the feathers.

60. There’s nothing better at the Renaissance Festival than an old Scottish Highlander on his Segway.

Now I understand why he’s not riding a horse. But I’m not sure a Segway makes an appropriate substitute. He’s better off getting a friend follow him banging coconut shells.

61. Of course, even soldiers of dark legions need a break now and then.

Don’t always imagine demonic soldiers sitting down for a drink. Always thought they wouldn’t have time for that. Still, that one guy’s helmet looks pretty cool.

62. As the Three Musketeers say, “All for one and one for all.”

Or as it should’ve been more accurately, “Four Guys with Swords” because of Dartagnan and the fact they usually fight with swords. Let’s just say an 17th century gunfight wouldn’t be very exciting.

63. Of course, some Renaissance Festivals tend to be fatal for certain people.

Seems like Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty have already lost Ensign Ricky. Guess they’re in a very dangerous situation. Then again, why these guys are at a Renaissance Festival is beyond me.

64. If you want to catch fairies, consult with this guy.

Of course, by “fairy” he means those winged mythological creatures. And I wonder if his net will be enough to catch them. I mean some fairies can be pretty feisty.

65. Of course, you always need the purrfect Renaissance Festival costume for your cat.

Wonder if they have a cat Renaissance Festival costume for Puss in Boots. I mean they should. Still, I think the ruff might make this kitty quite uncomfortable.

66. Sometimes Renaissance Festivals might appear receive visitors from another planet.

Wonder how the aliens from Sesame Street managed to get there. Of course, their costumes were probably easy to make.

67. When it comes to knighthood, it’s not unusual to start young.

He may not be for an armor suit yet. But this boy sure does have a knightly spirit to say the least.

68. We should all know that even a fair maiden looks resplendent in furs.

Of course, I might get called out by PETA on this. But I’m sure the fur trim is fake but nevertheless, guaranteed to keep her warm.

69. A Renaissance Festival bride should always get married in a blue dress and a tartan sash.

I bet the chances are high that whoever’s marrying her will be wearing a kilt. And he’d probably be married in that type of plaid. Still, she’s quite stunning.

70. While some fairies flutter their wings, other tend to spread them.

Of course, she’s wearing a mask to conceal her identity. She’s also wearing a leather corset. But with those wings, she looks quite magnificent.

71. Time for this mermaid to get out of her clam shell.

Nevertheless, I wonder how she manages to stay on dry land without any breathing difficulty. Or even move around with that tail of hers.

72. Seems like this gypsy woman has befriended this old hermit.

Yeah, I’m sure this is one of these couple portraits. This man has probably not sworn off civilization for a life of holy contemplation.

73. While some Renaissance Festival costumes are amazing, others can be subject to interpretation.

Now I find that the woman in this is rather stunning in her outfit. I’m not sure about the man in his. Looks like something I’d see at some underground nightclub. Then again, that’s just my opinion.

74. For this owner, this basset hound is bound to look like a prince.

However, this basset hound thinks he looks like an idiot. But he’s putting a smile for the camera because his owner has a bag full of Beggin Strips.

75. Of course, this Renaissance Festival isn’t always fun for a vampire.

For her there’s so many potential victims but so little opportunity to devour them and get away with it. Also, there’s the fact that the Renaissance festival only takes place on weekends during the daytime.

76. When it comes to the festivities, Queen Elizabeth I is the master of ceremonies.

Of course, she may be a fair queen, you really don’t want to mess with her. Believe me, so many during her 44 year reign learned the hard way such as the Earl of Essex and Mary, Queen of Scots.

77. Of course, even the German bar maids must have their fun, especially during Ocktoberfest.

Seems a little scanty for a a Renaissance Festival isn’t it. Then again, it’s a little too modest for Victoria’s Secret either.

78. Seems like Shrek and Fiona are having a laugh with the crazy witch lady.

Of course, I’d rather not know what the witch did with Shrek and Fiona afterwards. Still, you get to see characters like this all the time at the Renaissance Festival.

79. Now this young woman doesn’t mind being a peasant at the very least.

Still, unlike a real 16th century peasant, her clothes are clean and don’t smell of urine. Rather they smell of tide or dry cleaner.

80. In a dress like this, this little girl has all the makings of a lady at court.

Now I’m sure this dress didn’t come cheap in the very least. But I’m sure this girl thinks that she’s a perfect little princess in it. Or queen.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Category Archives: Just for Fun