In historical movies and TV shows, we often see certain professions as more romanticized than others. After all, who wouldn’t want to be a brave knight or a noble samurai? Who wouldn’t want to travel the untamed wilderness of the West on horseback and sing songs at the campfire as a cowboy of the Old West? And who wouldn’t want to wear the cool black clothes of a medieval executioner? Yet, all too often these jobs often have dark sides that everyone seems to ignore. Not to mention, contain aspects that we might not actually consider. What might seem cool might actually be seen at a different time as a job for those living on the fringes of society. Or how much a feudal vassal’s armor and weapons might actually cost. In this series, we look at professions that are often romanticized on screen but with much darker realities.

1. Royal Courtier – Just imagine living in the palace, wearing fancy clothes, enjoying every luxury and entertainment, waiting on the monarch, and advising them on important policy whether it be at Versailles under King Louis XIV, Hampton Court under King Henry VIII, or the Winter Palace under Empress Catherine the Great. Being part of a ruler’s entourage was the place to be. Except court politics could be a never-ending nightmare of palace intrigue and gossip which could range from Mean Girls to Game of Thrones. Sure, royal courts provide great opportunities for nobles to advance their careers and status, seek marriages for themselves and their kids, find positions for family members, and increase influence. If you’re an attractive young woman, being a king’s mistress can also open many doors. However, winning and keeping the monarch’s favor isn’t easy and there’s plenty of competition that you can’t always control. Sure, you can always ally with other nobles but understand that backstabbing is rampant and you can’t instantly fact-check what you hear in the rumor mill. Not to mention the need to maintain an expensive lifestyle in order to appear rich regardless of the financial ledger would say. Then there’s the ruler to contend with. If he’s Henry VIII, expect to be walking on eggshells, managing his temper tantrums, and trying to avoid the ax for as long as possible. If he’s Louis XIV, expect to massage his enormous ego, let him bang your wife and/or daughter (or sleep with him if you’re a woman), watch him do daily activities like it’s a theatrical performance, and not try to outshine him. If she’s Queen Elizabeth I, don’t get married without seeking her permission, flirt with her but don’t expect a marriage proposal, and don’t say anything negative about her looks. And if he’s Czar Peter the Great, just play along with whatever obsession he has whether it’s getting that haircut, updating that wardrobe, or whatever torments he may subject you to with modernizing the Russian Empire. Also, due to horrendous hygienic and sanitation standards, you might have to pack up and move house a few times a year just so servants can clean up the castle while you’re gone. Unless it’s Versailles, of course.

2. Medieval Knight – The romantic image of a knight and shining armor performing heroic deeds and rescuing a fair maiden has left an indelible mark throughout the ages. But in order to become a knight, you mostly must either have a dad who’s a knight or be a younger son of a noble family, become a page to a noble family from 7 to 14, and serve at least seven more years as a squire. Once you’re dubbed, you’ll have to show up to battle whenever your lord calls you. But when you’re not, you get to farm your own estate, protect your village from raids, police duty, and mediating local disputes. As for your armor, weapons, and horse, well, you’ll be paying out the nose due to this being pre-industrial times. You’ll either have to get the money from your allowance from your noble daddy or work your own land. Or you can always go one a crusade in the Holy Land. Oh, and when firearms and cannons show up, your battle skills will be rendered pointless and your title will be reduced to an honorific. But people will write courtly romances about you so hope that helps.

3. Samurai – In the popular imagination, a samurai was from a noble warrior class in feudal Japan who served their lords with their utmost skill in battle and lived by a strict code of honor stressing loyalty and discipline. Yet, we must understand that samurai originally existed as armed retainers charged with defending their lord’s property and enforcing authority. In order to become a samurai, you must be a son from a samurai warrior clan just to qualify for training at the local dojo. While training will mostly consist of a series of endurance tests from the time you’re five with severe physical punishments for the slightest mistakes. Once you make it, you’ll have to spend much of your daily life either at war against your lord’s rival, doing covert operations as a ninja, or carrying out your daimyo’s orders amongst the local peasantry. If you have an older brother, you’ll have to marry into another household, give up your samurai status, or be your brother’s dependent. If your master died without a successor or got exiled, you could lose your family’s lands along with your rice stipends, be reduced to poverty, and live as a ronin mercenary or bandit to survive. If it’s the peaceful Edo period, you’ll have either have to accept a bureaucratic position or go deeply into debt trying to retain your expensive, required status. That you might have to resort to the utmost indignity of getting a job. And if you get captured, shame, or fail your lord in some way, then you have to commit seppuku as an honorable exit. Oh and by the way, like the medieval knight, your battle skills will be rendered worthless with the introduction of firearms. And your status will be abolished during the Meiji Restoration.

4. Old West Cowboy – Many a western fan has once imagined themselves roaming the open range on a horse wearing their white Stetson hat, sitting at the camp fire at night as the doagies retire, and carrying a six-shooter on their hip. However, we must understand that cowboys were the guys who herded beef cattle from Texas ranches to the nearest Transcontinental railroad post in Nebraska that would later transport them to the Chicago slaughterhouses that Upton Sinclair later wrote as horror fuel in The Jungle. But the harsh reality doesn’t stop there. Unlike what westerns show, being a cowboy was an exhausting, filthy, and dangerous job mostly taken by young men living on the margins of society such as men of color (including former slaves), immigrants, gays, and/or those living in poverty. Because the job required you to spend 15-18-hour days on horseback with night shifts guarding the herd along with grueling and monotonous manual labor. So make the most of what little sleep you can since you won’t get your 8 hours in. Dangers that await you will be stampedes, lightning strikes, dangerous river waters, animals that could kill you, harsh weather conditions, and the biggest hazard, disease. And if you’re sick and/or injured, you better have something you can treat with a home remedy because there won’t be a doctor around for miles. So if you get dysentery, scurvy, typhus, cholera, gangrene, or anything serious, you might as well make your peace with Jesus in your short life on the range. Oh, but the pay is probably good isn’t it? Well, actually the pay is about a dollar a day and you have to buy your own gear. And you won’t have enough money left over to buy a six shooter. Also, cowboys only roamed the open range from the 1860s to the 1880s. Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys indeed.

5. Shepherd – When we think of shepherds, we imagine someone looking after the sheep in the peaceful countryside, especially if we hear readings at church. However, we must not blame religion for romanticizing this profession because that happened long after the Bible was written and when the shepherding was dying out within much of the world (although the profession still exists in some areas). The nature of shepherd life was very familiar to ancient and medieval audiences while the idea of shepherding has become lost in translation in our modern day. Because the life of a shepherd in ancient and medieval times was a grueling, dangerous and isolating job done by nomadic, low-class, people. As they often lived alone or in small wagons on remote ranges for months, going weeks without seeing another human being. As a shepherd, you had to endure constant exposure to elements, notoriously stubborn animals, predators and criminals wanting to take some of your flock, endless days in the wilderness, and massive social stigma. Since tending to sheep was a 24/7 job that involved dealing with waste, blood, and carcasses, many communities saw shepherds as ritually unclean. Didn’t help that their commitment made it absolutely impossible for them to attend religious services, participate in rituals, or take part in any form of community life. And since people often view you as uneducated, rough, and untrustworthy, you won’t be able to testify at court as a witness. But at least you get a crook and a dog if you’re lucky.

6. Executioner – When you watch a film or TV show in historical times, you often come across the executioner. Black clad, hooded, and carrying a deadly weapon, he often stands out as a formidable badass. Yet, there’s plenty about the executioner’s job that the popular imagination often ignores. For one, most people in history never grew up wanting to be one. You become executioners either to avoid the ax or because their family’s chock full of executioners and are practically barred to seek any alternative career choice. Being an executioner was seen as one of the more essential jobs in your society. But because your profession involved, well, torturing and killing people, you’ll easily become perhaps the most hated person in town. And unlike what the movies show, you mostly worked without a hood unless there was a real reason to hide your identity. You’ll be barred from public establishment and community life as well as live on the outskirts. If you hang out with anyone, it’ll mostly be with other executioners families or the criminals you’ll have to hang or behead. If you marry, it’ll be with some executioner’s daughter and you’ll probably teach your sons the tools of the trade. Also, since tortures and executions don’t happen every day, you’ll have to undertake some crappy side hustles such as roadkill removal, cesspool cleaning, gambler and prostitute tax collection, and underground medical care. Not to mention, keep in mind that executions are public events everyone’s required to attend on a Saturday afternoon. So if you botch a hanging or beheading, well, you’ll have to worry about causing a riot that could end you. And we haven’t gotten to the emotional and psychological toll from killing all those criminals. But at least it’s a steady gig that entitles you to a “hangman’s share” on market goods. Also, note that the stigma against executioners wasn’t just exclusive to Christian Europe either. East Asian civilizations while many early western civilizations weren’t kind to them either.

7. Prostitute – When it comes to popular imagination, the depiction of sex workers often go in so many different directions depending on the time period and/or location that the story is set. Or what type of sex worker a character might be and how obvious her profession might be to the viewer. Because not every fictional prostitute isn’t a poor, desperate soiled dove who has to sell her body to make ends meet. Some are those well-dressed women who hang around a saloon and live in that one house full of women that often receives male visitors. Some are relatively wealthy women in fine clothes who talk about growing up poor and seem to have at least one sugar daddy. Some hang out at some vague public establishment that’s staffed by women yet somehow have an all-male clientele. Still, we must understand that many women entered into the world’s oldest profession because it was one of the few career choices women had before feminism and women’s rights. However, being a prostitute comes with a hornet’s nests of complications aside from the social stigma of them being seen as indecent, immoral, criminal, or a necessary evil. For one, your market value is mostly determined by your beauty, youth, health, social skills, the type of training you receive, and the target clientele. And you’ll always have your biology working against you thanks to what the passage of time does to people’s looks. So best to join in while you’re in your early teens and exceptionally attractive if you want to max out your earning potential. Especially if you live in a brothel under a madam or pimp and have recurring debts to them that you’ll probably never pay back. Secondly, you’ll be up against stiff competition because prostitutes once constituted higher fraction of the population than they do now and understand that there will always be someone younger and prettier than you. Third, effective contraceptives will likely not exist so you’ll likely end up pregnant and/or infected with an STD at some point, both of which could affect your earnings and shorten your life. With treatments that could likely kill you or leave you a drug addict. Fourth, most of your clientele will likely be dirtbags who range from cheating family man to moral degenerate who thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants to you. You’ll almost certainly bang men you don’t like, men who don’t like you, men who will hurt you, and men who’d kill you. And if any man hurts you, then going to the police isn’t really an option for you. Fifth, while sex work might open doors to you such as courtesan, madam, or marriage to one’s sugar daddy, you’ll more likely end up dead, jailed, or discarded to a life of poverty. And that’s not getting into the fact the multitudes of women who engaged in prostitution as a side hustle it was once assumed that all working-class women were prostitutes.

8. Gangster – Ah, who doesn’t want to be a gangster? Sure, they do illegal stuff but they earn a lot of money, wear nice suits, hang out with each other at swankiest clubs, date beautiful women, and make acting like a complete turd look awesome. But don’t let the gangster movies fool you because being a gangster was a miserable existence. Especially if you keep in mind that most gangsters started as teenagers from marginalized backgrounds such as people of color, immigrants, and/or the poor. Yet, if you should choose to be a gangster, best know the risks. You’ll face constant paranoia as you’re targeted by rival groups and actively pursued by law enforcement. Not to mention, while your crime boss may preach about the meaning of “work family” most gangs are built on fear and self-preservation. While members frequently turn on each other or turn in state’s evidence for a reduced sentence or witness protection. Although it’s possible to rise through the ranks, you’re more likely to be killed on the streets or locked in a jail cell. Wither way say goodbye to autonomy or future prospects. Sure, it’s possible to earn good money as a gangster, most low to mid-level street soldiers barely scrape to get by from one illicit project to the next. Secondly, the gang takes precedence over all personal aspirations making it impossible to build a legitimate career, a peaceful home, or long-term financial stability. Not to mention, ruins the lives of your family, often leaving them without support, grieving, or in harm’s way. Third, your bosses will likely be complete assholes who only value for your ability to make money for them and stay out of trouble. If you mess up, then expect your life to have an expiration date. And if you want out, best way is to flip and give state’s evidence. But by then, you probably have wasted so much of your life as a criminal that you may not think it’s worth it. Either that, or someone will stab you in the back.

9. Golden Age Pirate – Oh, to be a pirate on the high seas during the Golden Age of Piracy, where you sail on a ship with your hearties, get into epic sword fights, woo pretty wenches, search for buried treasure, and go on all kinds of adventures. However, being a Golden Age pirate is actually a pretty miserable life. That most men who became pirates were either privateers whose license to plunder enemy ships expired or sailors escaping from naval life. For one, living on a wooden ship was horrendous in which you’ll be on a floating hovel crammed with your shipmates in dark spaces where you must navigate by touch and sound. Hygiene and sanitation are nonexistent so you’ll be living in disease-ridden filth alongside vermin. While fine dining comprises of salted meat that tastes like a well-worn shoe and flavorless hard tack biscuits. All washed down with a swig a rum. Then you’ll have to worry about braving storms, currents, reefs, along with other perils on the high seas. Yet, since you’re most likely a veteran sailor who’s long used to this crap life, this aspect of pirate life probably won’t discourage you. Despite what movies may show, pirate combat wasn’t the stuff of choreographed swashbuckling but brutal, unforgiving affairs where pirates relied on sheer ferocity of will to instill terror. Yet, most pirate captains will try to put the frights on the merchant ship crews before it came to that. If you wind up injured or sick, well, good luck finding a doctor since that will entail your fellow crewmates kidnapping one from another ship which could take days. While the medical care itself won’t be the most reliable. But most pirate ships will have workman’s comp. Sure, you may get a share of the booty on raids but don’t always expect it to be gold or silver. But rather practical items like soap, sugar, candles, utensils and other items making life a little more bearable. While any gold and silver you get will likely be spent at some bar or brothel in the Caribbean since you likely won’t live very long anyway. Given that you’re likely to be caught and hanged by the authorities, succumb to scurvy, or get caught in a natural disaster. Or if you’re captain, you may have to worry about your own crewmates who might want to replace you. If you mess up big time, you might end up marooned on an island.

10. Sailor – Although being a pirate was not what the movies make it out to be, we must understand that they often turned to pirating because it was one step up from living as a sailor. Now while movies don’t overly romanticize sailor life on wooden ships, it doesn’t paint a full picture. That it’s easier to imagine the Mutiny on the HMS Bounty as a rebellion against an unusually brutal and tyrannical captain instead of an uprising against a brutal system that he represented. In fact, there were many factors that caused the mutiny. But as far as Captain Bligh is concerned, it had less to do with his treatment of sailors on board which was better than average and more to do with him giving them a months-long Tahitian vacation where many experienced a degree of freedom that they didn’t have before in their wretched sailing lives. And some didn’t want to return to their miserable life onboard. That and possibly being on the autistic spectrum but that’s another story. But why? Because a sailor’s life during the days of wooden ships was absolutely wretched. Many times, sailors were often people on the fringes of society such as petty criminals, impressed drunks (i.e. kidnapped), and the desperately poor. They were also subject to harsh discipline, constant work, bad weather, disease, terrible food, months of isolation, boredom, and abysmal pay. Oh, and if you’re thrown overboard, it’s highly likely you’ll drown because most wooden ship sailors didn’t know how to swim and few captains offered lessons. Voyages can last months or years and with a high possibility of you never seeing home again. Sure, you’re likely to have medical attention should you get sick or injured than a pirate would. But within the Age of Sail, medical care is nothing to shout over and might even make you feel worse. And if you’re on a war ship, well, expect cannon fire and flying splinters. Thus, is it any wonder why some Bligh’s crew mutinied after spending months in paradise free to do whatever they wanted?