A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Up on Mount Fraught”

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While her older siblings are trying to get out a rushing caravan and fleeing snow gnats, Sunny is Count Olaf’s hostage as he and his crew drive up to Mount Fraught. Not surprisingly, she had cried all the way up to the mountain while on Esme’s lap. Until Olaf threatens her. Once at the site, Sunny is treated as a slave in which she’s made to hitch tents and cook the meals, chores no baby or toddler should ever do. Though she has to sleep in Olaf’s trunk with a casserole dish for a bed. She’s also quite lonely since nobody understands her. Yet, at least she knows that her older siblings would see her. Still, Olaf’s quite happy with how things are going since he believes that Violet and Klaus are dead (they’re not). All he has to do is find V.F.D. headquarters and burn it down with its contents. Not to mention, False Spring is around the corner.

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The song I went with is “Up on the Roof” by the Drifters. Written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King, the original version pertains to an urban romantic dream at the New York City Brill Building. In this version, I have Count Olaf sing about being on Mount Fraught and how good things are going for him.

 

“Up on Mount Fraught”

Sung by Count Olaf

Troupe:
Up on Mount Fraught
Up on Mount Fraught

Count Olaf:
Once done with setting Caligari aflame
While Violet and Klaus Baudelaire fly down to certain death (Up on Mount Fraught)
We drive all the way to the top of Mount Fraught
With Sunny as my chip for the Baudelaire assets (Up on Mount Fraught)

On Mount Fraught, we all just have to find
Is V.F.D.’s home site and all its files
Let me tell you now

Let’s make camp here since we’re tired and beat
Let Sunny go pitch the tents and make the treats (Up on Mount Fraught)
She’ll sleep inside the trunk of my car
While doing all of her chores for us for free (Up on Mount Fraught)

On Mount Fraught, she’ll probably won’t escape
Since she really has no other place to go
Right here up on Mount Fraught (Up on Mount Fraught)

Of course, it’ll be years until she’s eighteen
And when she is, we’ll all wipe her bank clean
I keep-a tellin’ you

Right smack dab at the Mortmain Mountains
The V.F.D. home base will go aflame (Up on Mount Fraught)
We’ll torch the file detailing our crimes
We’ll burn it to the ground up on Mont Fraught (Up on Mount Fraught)

Up on Mount Fraught (Up on Mount Fraught)
Oh, strike it, orphan (Up on Mount Fraught)
Oh, come on, work it (Up on Mount Fraught)
Everything is all right (Up on Mount Fraught)

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Stinging Snow Gnats”

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According to Lemony Snicket, the snow gnats of the Mortmain Mountains swarm around to sting people for no reason whatsoever. Violet and Klaus find themselves in the middle of a swarm of them. Though their stings aren’t very poisonous to people, they won’t go away if you ignore them. But they don’t like fire, which doesn’t work out for the elder Baudelaires. So they decide to throw a coat over their heads. So they decide to hide  in a nearby cave, which Violet isn’t very happy about. Since there may be hibernating animals around. But they don’t have much choice.

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The song I chose for this part is Donovan’s “Mellow Yellow.” The original version was rumored to be about dried banana skins which was believed to be used as an hallucinogenic drug in the 1960s. But that has been debunked. However, Donovan did admit its “electric banana” refers to a vibrator. Nevertheless, he reaffirmed that the song is really about, “it’s about being cool, laid-back, and also the electrical bananas that were appearing on the scene – which were ladies’ vibrators.” Also, Paul McCartney was one of the background revelers though it was Donovan himself who whispered “quite rightly.” In this song, Klaus discusses the snow gnats.

 

“Stinging Snow Gnats”

Sung by Klaus Baudelaire

I’ve read something on snow gnats
Heard they all swarm and sting
Though they’re mildly toxic
They’re quite a pain in the ass

They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats

Let’s put the coat on for cover
Hope it’ll just do the trick
Though they really hate fire
It’s not among our alternatives

They call them stinging snow gnats
They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats

There’s a cave not too far by
Guess we must take a chance
Yes, we might startle a bear
But they won’t give up in attack

They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats

Ouch, stinging snow gnats

I know this is risky
But we must seek a cave
Since you just can’t ignore them
Just got to find a way to evade

They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats

God, snow gnats, Ouch
They’re a pain in the ass
I just want to escape from snow gnats
Got to go into that cave

They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats (Quite rightly)
They call them stinging snow gnats

Oh, they’re stinging
Shit, those snow gnats

 

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Uphill Climb”

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Since the caravan fell off the cliff so quickly after Violet and Klaus got out, the elder Baudelaires didn’t have time to gather supplies or much of anything. So they have to make do to what they managed to salvage and it’s not reassuring. Klaus has a poncho, pitcher, sweater, and mirror while Violet’s got a coat, ukulele, and bread knife. In regards to supplies, they don’t have anything useful besides the clothes they got. Since they have no transport and given Klaus’s photographic memory, the elder Baudelaires decide to hike up the mountain themselves. Because that’s where Count Olaf seems heading and where Sunny will be. Not to mention, there’s V.F.D. headquarters which might help them find a possible surviving parent. That means they’ll have to head up the Stricken Stream which is in a grayish black though there may be caves nearby. Yet, before long, they run into snow gnats.

Steep Alpine mountains covered in winter snow

The song I picked here was Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah’s “Lake Shore Drive” which is about an expressway around Lake Michigan in Chicago and featured in the second Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack. In this version, I have Violet and Klaus discussing their situation in the Mortmain Mountains as they set off on their tedious journey.

 

“Uphill Climb”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Here’s a coat for you from the caravan, for a colder uphill climb
On Mount Fraught is where Olaf’s at, so we better get supplies
Got a coat beside a bread knife, ukulele for the fire
Not well suited for a mountain climb, but we must get by
Guess this’ll be a long cold journey for both of us, start on uphill climb

Both:
Count Olaf has our Sunny
Atop of Mount Fraught
Starting up our uphill climb, hope she can be found
Need to find base of V.F.D., anytime trouble bound

Klaus:
We follow up from the Stricken Stream, I think we can get by
If we ever need a place to sleep, we can stop inside caves nearby
I’ve got a pitcher, mirror, sweater, and poncho if you must surmise
But we must start on our journey, walking an uphill climb
Better move up the mountainside to find Sunny, though we lack supplies

Both:
Count Olaf has our Sunny
Atop of Mount Fraught
Starting up our uphill climb, hope she can be found
Need to find base of V.F.D., anytime trouble bound

Violet:
We’re climbing up and we don’t have food
Klaus, what did you want to say?
I’m sure Count Olaf won’t hurt her much, since he’ll assume we’re already dead
Don’t list why the Stricken Stream is a grayish black or talk about Mom or Dad
Give me the poncho, you wear the sweater, what’s that large cloud of black?
Wonder how we’d find a way to escape, from the swarm of stinging snow gnats

Both:
Count Olaf has our Sunny
Atop of Mount Fraught
Starting up our uphill climb, hope she can be found
Need to find base of V.F.D., anytime trouble bound

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Headlong”

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Before I go on with my musical for A Series of Unfortunate Events, I’d like to warn my viewers that there will be major spoilers ahead for those who’ve watched the Netflix series but haven’t read the books from this point on. As of May 2018, its third season is in production as we speak and won’t be out until next year. So if you don’t want to be spoiled right now, I’d recommend you don’t see read my ASOUE song parodies after The Carnivorous Carnival. Thank you.

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When we left off, Count Olaf had just kidnapped Sunny as he and his henchmen headed up toward the Mortmain Mountains, leaving Violet and Klaus trapped on a rapidly moving caravan with contents flying around them while whizzing to almost certain death. Immediately Violet and Klaus shed their two-headed person costume while the elder takes charge of the situation. Violet hangs hammocks out the door to use as a drag chute while Klaus mixes in whatever he finds in the kitchen to pour onto the wheels slowing it down enough for them to get out. Once that’s done, Violet and Klaus haul a table out to bring the caravan to a stop. Turns out, if they didn’t stop the caravan in time, the elder Baudelaires would’ve easily fell to their deaths. Yet, as soon as Violet and Klaus get out, the caravan rolls toward the edge of a cliff before it falls and hits the bottom with a quiet crash. Let’s just say, these two narrowly escaped that one.

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The song I decided to use for this moment is Queen’s “Headlong.” Written by lead guitarist Brian May, it was released as a single in 1991 for its Innuendo album. They also shot the promotional music video for it some 12 months before lead singer Freddie Mercury died of AIDS. The original version is about rushing into something head first without preparation or thinking of the consequences. In this version, the elder Baudelaires are sort of rushing headlong though it has more to do with being on a moving caravan heading toward a cliff than anything. While Violet and Klaus try to stop it before they fall along with it.

 

“Headlong” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
And we’re rushing headlong down from a steep hill
And we’re rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’
You can do about it
Nothin’ you can do
No there’s nothin’ you can do about it
No there’s nothin’ you can, nothin’ you can
Nothin’ you can do about it

Klaus:
And we’re rushing headlong down from a steep hill
And we’re rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’
You can do about it
Yeah

Klaus:
Vi, we really need a plan to stop this caravan

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Klaus:
The contents are already flying around us, man

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Now it’s time to shed our freak disguise
Gotta make a drag chute, because a brake won’t fly
Help me with the hammocks
Cause we can’t be picky since I’m hanging them out
But we really need something stick

Both:
Headlong down the steep slope and we’re rushing
Headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping and you can’t stop rockin’
And there’s nothin’ you can, nothin’ you can
Nothin’ you can do about it

Klaus:
Got a wide array of condiments in this cabinet

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do (ho)

Klaus:
You got everything from hot mustard to blackstrap molasses

Violet:
Hoop diddy diddy hoop diddy do

Mix them altogether in a bowl large and round
Then throw the mix on the wheels to slow them down
I’m using the Sumac for tying these hammocks
Haul a table out the door
As a brake to stop, its rushing headlong

Both:
Headlong out of control, yeah
We think we’re so strong
There ain’t no stopping and there’s nothin’ you, nothin’ you
Nothin’ you can do about it at all

Yeah yeah alright go

And it’s rushing headlong down a steep hill
And it’s rushing headlong out of control
And we think we’re so strong
But there ain’t no stopping
There’s nothin’, nothin’, nothin’ you can do about it, yeah
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ha ha
Headlong
Yeah yeah
Headlong
Yeahaw
Headlong