I see a lot of Han Solo in carbonite stuff all the time. But this has to be the most ridiculous by far. Seriously, why would anyone want to sit on that thing?

Because nothing brings in the spirit of Christmas more than having your legs stuck in a Wampa cave on Hoth and dismembering it with a lightsaber. Yeah, how festive.

Yeah, what great way to cause sword fighting at the dinner table. Still, an ear of corn doesn’t look as badass as a laser.

Uh, does anyone at Disney have any idea what a thermal detonator is? Well, it’s a heat sensitive grenade. Let that sink in.

From GeeksterInk: “Gimmie a break. Star Wars fishing rods? When I think sci-fi action, I for sure think, “watching my dad pound eleven beers at six a.m. in the middle of mosquito infested farm run off lake.”. For sure.”

From Gizmodo: “So let’s get this straight. He commands an army of genetically engineered clone troopers, is capable of building a working lightsabre, and has a super weapon the size of a small moon at his disposal. But this Darth Vader-themed radio can only play CDs and tune in AM or FM stations? Come on, even being able to play WMA files — arguably just as evil as Vader — would have been better than this.”

From Gizmodo: “… at first glance this R2-D2 themed spatula looks like a whimsical addition to your kitchen. But there’s a reason spatulas are made with a boring rounded shape. All the extra details on R2’s silhouette are going to tear your pancakes to shreds when you try to flip them. So we can’t help but wonder if this was actually designed by a Sith who’s laughing at us maniacally from a galaxy far, far away.”

Now these consist of Vader’s Dark Side Roast, Hoth Cocoa, and Yoda Dagobah Green Tea. Yeah, I know it’s pretty ridiculous. But you can’t make these things up.

Because nothing says a sci-fi adventure like boozing, losing several hundred bucks, and brawling with your friends. Good times, (not).

Call me old-fashioned, but unless you and your girlfriend really like Star Wars, I’d stick with the traditional diamond ring. It’s much easier.

Now at least the Millennium Falcon toilet seat is better than Han Solo in carbonite. However, I’m not sure about the lightsaber plunger. That’s just hard to take seriously.

While Han Solo may be frosted in carbonite, these are frosted with chocolate icing. Not sure how I feel about that one.

This is a candy from Japan. Comes in grape, green tea, and strawberry. Disgusting.

Basically burns half your toast with an image of the Sith lord himself. So if you love Star Wars and don’t mind that, this is for you.

Now with this dog dish, you and Rover can rule the galaxy together. Then again, Rover’s probably not going to give a shit on what his dish looks like.

From Odyssey: “What better way to spruce up a room than Han Solo frozen in carbonite on your bed?” Now that’s a good point, unless you’re Jabba the Hutt.

From Odyssey: “Because we all want to fall asleep to a warm hug from this gross, slug-like crime lord of Tattooine.” Seriously, why the hell would anyone think this is a good idea? Jabba the Hutt is disgusting.

Is it just me or do you have to get gumballs from this by pressing Yoda’s crotch? I’m just saying some parents might have a problem with that.

For God’s sake, R2-D2 basically saves everyone’s ass in the original trilogy, and this what he gets? Surely the droid deserves more respect than that.

Yes, they had this in the 1980s. No, I don’t think it’s available now. Still, when I think about droids, I don’t think about munching on them with their nuts and bolts.

And if I actually got these, I’d have another way to embarrass myself at an Asian restaurant. How they manage to eat rice with these things, I have no idea.

From Oddee: “Ever wonder what Jedis wear when they are just lounging around the house? As it turns out, their bathrobes look almost the exact same as their street clothes, only they come in soft terrycloth.”

You know that asteroid creature that ate up the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back? Turns out, the Exogarth’s appetite now allots for pizza rolls. Just don’t mistake it for a cave.

Now this piece of ridiculous merchandise was created as an April Fool’s prank. Makes a lot of sense because I sure wouldn’t want to sleep in the entrails of a frozen dead animal.

From Oddee: “Sure the Star Wars soundtrack is pretty bumping on its own, but just imagine the complete and total level of awesomeness that occurs when you mix the cantina song with some sweet disco and funk beats.” Seriously, did they have to make disco covers for everything during the 1970s?

From GeeksterInk: “You know what is probably the last thing a robot wants? A fish tank shoved up his ass.” Think I would agree with that, especially R2-D2.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in these two.

You mean the part when he was torn apart that Chewbacca had to carry and put him back together again. Oh, and he put the protocol droid on backwards?

Hmmm….for some reason I don’t see Darth Vader being surrounded by flowers. Guess I picture him to be a bit on the Dark Side.

Now this one actually might be effective. Still, using a disembodied arm to clear your windshield might freak out your neighbors. And it doesn’t help that Luke cut off a Wampa’s arm with a lightsaber.

Now these consist of Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Darth Vader, and a Rebel Fighter. I don’t know about you, but there’s just something wrong with adult men wearing something you’d normally see on babies.

Yes, let the Force take care of your breath with minty freshness. Still, this is pretty hilarious.

Okay, R2-D2 is one of the most useful and resilient droids in the galaxy. And yet, he’s basically used as a beer keg to a bunch of frat boys. Something’s wrong with that.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. That way, you’ll always be ready for some galactic drinking games. Fortunately, it doesn’t induce hibernation sickness.

Now I’m sure eating these soups will put you squarely on the salty side of the Force. Because Campbell’s Hmmm….salt.

Seriously? Star Wars had a Christmas album? Do they even celebrate Christmas in that galaxy? And yet, you see C-3PO and R2-D2 in Santa’s workshop.

Not sure if the Star Wars saga is a great franchise to have its own perfume line. Still, love how they accessorize the bottles.

Guess the Cover Girl Hunger Games campaign was successful. Still, this is just crazy. So now you want nerds to use your products. Nice.

This was an ad campaign from a French burger chain for Episode I in 1999. Still, while one will give you green poop, both will give you coronaries.

The adhesive Force is strong with this one. Will certainly make you the most handy Jedi in the galaxy.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO’s soulless, lit-up, and disembodied face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night’s sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

If you’re an avid Star Wars fan who’s into BDSM and/or Furries, this might be for you. Still, at least they don’t have a gimp suit of Finnick Odair. Now that would be bad.

Because nothing says Christmas like a smuggler shooting a bounty hunter in the middle of a crowded Cantina full of dirtbags. Yeah, maybe “Han shoots first” is not an appropriate Christmas slogan.

From GeeksterInk: “Admiral Ackbar’s famous line, “It’s a trap!” lovingly rendered into a toilet pun that allows you to shit into a Star Wars character’s mouth.” Seriously, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect and dignity than this.

Now this might make people think that you’re on the trippier side of the Force. Also, might lead some suspect that you have weed, if your place smells bad enough.

Now this is guaranteed to preserve your food for a long time like carbonite preserved Han Solo. But this is without the hibernation sickness after thaw.

Now these are only available in Great Britain. Features some new characters as well as some of the old classics.

Not sure what to think about this. To me, I don’t think you’re supposed to have a lightsaber umbrella. Probably because I’ve seen people dismembered by them in the Star Wars movies.

Also can be used to intimidate underlings as a reminder of what would happen to them if they don’t cater to your wishes. Yeah, wouldn’t want to mess with anyone who owns a desk like this.

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo’s dick. Seriously, does anyone see what’s wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

Still, given the chance that there will be icy roads and snow on the ground, I wouldn’t recommend women wear these. Seriously, you might want to opt for something more comfortable.

Yes, R2-D2 speaks in beeps but is this really necessary? I mean he’s not that hard to understand since he communicates with the other characters just fine.

Because nothing personifies the spirit of Christmas like a Sith Lord who force chokes his underlings, blows up his daughter’s planet, and cuts off his son’s hand. Yes, true Christmas spirit, indeed.

From QZ: “For $4,000, your child can sleep in a crib shaped like the cockpit of Han Solo’s ship, complete with painted-on dials and levers. It’s unlikely to be able to do the Kessel Run, but it’s perfect for sleepy children with no imagination.”

Okay, how many women in Star Wars are there. Certainly, there aren’t a lot with speaking roles. Will probably mostly consist of minor characters or examples of Padme Amidala’s unlimited wardrobe.

Sure it may be handy. But I don’t know if carrying it around with you will make you a darling at the Star Wars convention.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, wouldn’t trust a drunk person with the C-3PO knife or the Darth Vader corkscrew.

Comes in Chewbacca Cheddar Cheese, Skywalker Sour Cream and Onion, Han Solo Salt and Vineger, Boba Fett BBQ, and Darth Vader Original. Yes, I’m just as baffled as you are.

From QZ: “Was a regular wall poster of the film you haven’t even seen yet just not cutting it? How about a shower curtain? For $20 you can be greeted by a cast of characters who currently mean nothing to you, every time you use the bathroom.”

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn and adventurous little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone’s ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

Hmm…so they have Star Wars hip flasks you can get drunk on or sneak alcohol in. Interesting. Might mean that AA and rehab could be your only hope.

I’m sure pet frogs everywhere will love hanging around Yoda’s planet. Then again, I don’t think your frog gives a shit about Star Wars.

From Huffington Post: “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an ant farm is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Also, the odds of buying one are similar as well.

Now this product does exist as I’ve looked on Ebay. However, this might be an idealized computer representation. But you see why it’s funny.

These consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Yoda, and a Stormtrooper. And they look like rats. Lovely.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca, Yoda, and R2-D2, but they didn’t seem as iconic.

Wonder what it’s like drinking something from a self-stirring mug. Maybe I don’t want to find out. Still, the slogan seems appropriate.

Now these seem to consist of R2-D2 French Vanilla, Chewbacca Spiced Latte, C-3PO Hazelnut, Boba Fett Italian Creme, and Darth Vader Espresso Chocolate. Yeah, I don’t think “Italian Creme” best describes Boba Fett either. But I didn’t come with these. So don’t blame me.

Of course, if you’re Darth Vader’s caddy, God help you. Seriously, caddying for that guy runs a serious risk of being force choked if he has a terrible game.

I can imagine this conversation. From QZ:
Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.”
Luke: “What is it?”
Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

Now this looks like a big grill with plenty of room for fuel. Is this gas or charcoal? Still, like the wheels.

Now I know that C-3PO has nothing down there, genital wise. Nevertheless, this is one of the most vulgar scotch tape dispenser I’ve ever seen.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his butt. Works like one of those magic 8 ball things. Just do that. There is no try.

These were used by Virgin Airlines to promote one of the prequels. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous, but I didn’t come up the idea. So don’t blame me for it.

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who’s one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. For me, that’s a nightmare scenario. Who the hell thought this was good idea ought to be filled with shame by now. From GeeksterInk: “Great idea. As if people didn’t hate Jar-Jar enough after The Phantom Menace, now he’s making children suck his tongue? Not on my watch.”

Now these consist of Darth Vader, R2-D2, Yoda, regular Stormtrooper, and Christmas Stormtrooper. Christmas Stormtrooper is wearing a Santa hat and carries a candy cane.

Cuts your pizza while giving R2-D2’s signature beeps and blips. Yeah, I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea either.

From Oddee: “There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a nice long bath, unless that bath happens to be the center for an intergalactic war between the ultimate evil republic and the freedom fighting rebels. Did I mention these guys glow in multiple colors thanks to sweet LED lights?” At least they don’t have rubber ducks of Hunger Games characters….yet.

From Gizmodo: “Probably invented before the days of MovieTickets.com when sweaty fanboys had to line up in the sweltering summer heat to actually buy tickets at the box office, these handheld misters provide a refreshing blast of mist with every pump. Now we can understand why Yoda would be coming to your aide on a hot day, but Vader and Boba Fett? It seems highly unlikely. They’re more likely to let you die of heat stroke and then feed your corpse to a Rankor for fun.”

Because one of the most menacing movie villains of all time can’t be scary enough without being mashed with Frankenstein’s monster. Also has Yoda as a zombie and Chewbacca as a werewolf.

Now that’s a massive wrist watch inspired by Darth Vader and his Imperial fighters. It’s a limited edition in Britain and said to cost $28,500. You’re better off buying a car with that money.

Courtesy of Apple. Requires iPhone activation. Not sure if I’d keep my keys and credit cards in there.

Now I like Star Wars since it has a great story and characters. But still, I think this is just going way too far. Yeah, that’s ridiculous, all right.

Because if there’s anything that hurts a droid it’s having to deal with being fired upon. Now someone thought it was good idea to set his insides in flames. Nice.

Okay, I don’t quite see Jawa as the gardening sort. For one, they inhabit Tattooine, a desert planet. Second, don’t they kidnap droids and sell them?

Yes, stick your pens in to Anakin Skywalker’s brain. Still, Games Radar says it looks kind of like an S&M hedgehog.

Of course, now that we have switched to digital, this item is now rendered obsolete. Still, would you want Darth Vader’s head on your TV? Not me.

From Entertainment Unlimited: “Love is in the air. And what better to spread the atmosphere of mushy love; a Darth Vader Mood Light! A perfect ‘Force’ to bring in intimacy and increase sexual desire. Bloody, red eyes on the disembodied head of Darth Vader staring back at you and your partner, while you both do your thing. It’s positively terrifying and nothing close to being romantic. Unless, of course, you are a fan of Jack, The Ripper.”

Of course, it might be appropriate when I’m playing Star Wars soundtrack. But when I’m playing music by Billy Joel, not so much.

Yeah, this might be a good idea. But then again, I don’t think R2-D2 would appreciate having you throw stuff away into his body. That’s not what an R2 unit does.

Apparently, Lord Vader finds your lack of Christmas cheer disturbing. Of course, he should give it a break since it’s November for Christ’s sake.

Yes, have R2-D2 keep beer cold for you. Even when he has other things on his mind like saving his friends from Darth Vader.

Disassembles into 4 cups and 4 measuring spoons. You can also reassemble it after you’ve washed them. Still, not sure what to think about this.

I suppose that these would be a hit for the Star Wars fans living in Colorado where pot’s legal. Sure to make any pothead feel like a Jedi.

Sure there may be Star Wars fans who like football. But does that mean an R2-D2 football is a good idea? I kind of beg to differ.

Now R2-D2 crocs are one thing. But these, seriously, I have no idea what the designer was thinking. Besides, the fur just makes these look worse.

From CNET: “On the surface, this Chewbacca rug looks cozy and fun. You just want to lay on it and dream about taking out the Death Star. But let’s look closer. To make this rug, someone would have to skin a Wookiee, poach its bandolier and then have the gumption to display it in a home, flaunting the horrifying act.” Doesn’t help that the girl in this picture is dressed as Princess Leia.

I don’t know but you. But there’s just something a bit insensitive about wearing a frozen guy on your finger. I’m not sure what it is.

The ad for this says: “Have a cup now and worry about the thermal exhaust port later.” As if the rebels are going to blow it up and kill everyone inside it. Oh, they did.

Yes, chop veggies knowing that your X-Wing knife block can destroy the Death Star if need be. Comes with 5 stainless steel knives. Still, I think the blade direction on this might pose a hazard for children.