Of course, this would really come in handy if your family is out of oil and you’re too chicken to sign up for tesserae. Yeah, I read the books.

Of course, instead of having “Go to Jail,” it’s “Treason, Become Avox.” For those who haven’t read the books, you really don’t want to be an Avox. And yes, it’s worse than going to jail. Much worse.

I’m sure girls are bound to find the smell of burnt and stale bread sexy. Then again, reeking of baked goods might make a guy smell quite nice.

Because to some people, nothing is sexier than a person who’s been enslaved by the Capitol and had their tongue ripped out for committing treason. Yeah, pretty wrong on many levels.

I don’t know about you but I have no idea why this thing even exists. Bet it leads to jokes like “the odds favor lefty.” Good God.

From io9: “Considering the pain these silver parachutes eventually deliver, isn’t it a wee bit morbid to wear a silver parachute around your neck? Granted this particular parachute necklace is delivering Peeta’s special knock out broth, not death — but wasn’t the parachute symbol was forever tainted after the final book? Just saying.”

Because nothing is more romantic than trying to reconnect with your boyfriend after he’s endured months of torture and brainwashing. Oh, and after he’s tried to strangle you after being rescued from the Capitol.

From io9: “So you want The Capitol to murder you for entertainment, rip out your eyes, and turn you into a wolf? Yikes.” Basically sums it up.

Because teenage girls need to have great looking nails before they’re impaled before their funeral. Seriously, why does this line even exist?

I don’t know about you. But I’m sure these shoes will serve no practicality whatsoever in the arena. Might want to stick with tennis shoes.

Then again, Twilight Barbies are probably worse. But still, does Mattel know what the series is about? Doesn’t make it less disturbing.

Because nothing says “peace on earth, good will toward men” like a stocking that says, “kill or be killed.” Yeah, how the Hunger Games fits into that, I have no idea.

From Zimbio: “Want to raise your baby to be a badass nihilist? Start off by with a Hunger Games beanie that will prepare your newborn for a dystopian future where death is just a game.” Yeah, one of the most disturbing baby items I’ve ever seen.

Because as any Panem mother said, make sure you have a pretty face for you never know when you’ll be impaled by a rival tribute and turned into a muttation. Seriously, Cover Girl what the fuck were you thinking?

Yes, it’s made to look like a Jack Daniels label. And we all know Haymitch is District 12’s town drunk. But still, his alcoholism is nothing to joke about after all he’s been through.

From Zimbio: “Nothing too flashy here, just some super cool knee-high socks with Katniss’ name running down the leg. Now wherever you go, Katniss won’t be far behind.” Sounds kind of disturbing doesn’t it?

From Zimbio: “A key to survival is knowing how to cook, which is why you’ll want to invest in The Unofficial Hunger Games Cookbook. Sure, Rue’s Roasted Parsnips, Grilled Tree Rat with Peanut Butter Dipping Sauce, and Plutarch Heavensbee’s Roasted Sucking Pig Surprise might not seem like fine dining, but, come on, Katniss had to eat squirrels for dinner.”

Said to smell like rum, whiskey, and bourbon. Add to that PTSD, emotional heartache from losing your family and girlfriend, survivor guilt, and anguish over having to send 46 kids to their deaths. No wonder he drinks.

From the label: “President Snow may be an evil, ruthless, dictator but he sure smells delightful! His genetically engineered rose smells just as sweet as the real thing, and leaves no lingering taste of blood.” Okay, do you really want your home to smell like a guy fans call “Evil Santa Claus?” Think about it.

Comes in all 12 districts. Perfect for storing weapons and supplies as you hunt down your peers.

Well, at least they aren’t flip flops and might be of some use for tributes. But once in the arena, then they’ll make it easy for your rivals to kill you.

Uh, to me the notion, “Happy Hunger Games” is pretty disturbing. Kind of suggests that the Hunger Games are a more festive event instead of the horrible sick show they are.

Peace, love, and Hunger Games? What the fuck? Does the designer have any idea that the Hunger Games is the exact opposite of peace and love. War, Hate, and Hunger Games would be more appropriate.

Then again, it’s probably much cleaner than whatever water Katniss has ever drank in her life. Still, it’s the preferred drink when you’re being chased to death by your peers for sport.

Yeah, I know that hardcore fans may identify with certain districts like Harry Potter fans “sort” themselves into different houses at Hogwarts. However, in Catching Fire, victors from each district were forced to kill other kids to survive the games. It’s not like being at Hogwarts. Also, does anyone care about non-essential districts like 6? You know the one where the victors were both drug addicts.

Now I do think Katniss Everdeen is a feminist role model and a great female character in her own right. However, we should understand that while Katniss may look badass with her bow, she’s an unwilling pawn in the Capitol’s twisted games. Making her an action figure makes her seem like she’s in control but she’s not.

For the last time, the Hunger Games involves the ritual slaughter of kids slaughtering each other as entertainment for the masses. It’s not Harry Potter. Besides, the Panem Capitol is such a den of scum and villainy that it makes Mos Eisley space port look tame in comparison.

Does anyone think the notion of Hunger Games baby stuff is disturbing? Seriously, the best thing I can say about this that it’s from District 12.

You mean the soap from those poison berries that killed Foxface? Uh, no thanks. I’ll just keep my hands dirty this time.

Yes, those words might be romantic. But come on, they alone don’t detract from the fact at the time Peeta was severely tortured with tracker jacker venom and other mental conditioning that made him almost kill Katniss.

I may not be an expert in cutlery. However, as someone who’s familiar with the Hunger Games, this is in very poor taste.

Yeah, those things that have the kids names to select for Reaping Day. Really disturbing if you ask me.

From Entertainment Weekly: “Forget Team Peeta and Team Gale, it’s all about Team Snow. Why not show your support for the misunderstood fascist dictator with this rose and Capitol seal bracelet? It is pretty, but isn’t the thought of wearing the emblem of an evil ruler (who doesn’t even have cool magical powers) a little disturbing?”

In case you can’t read the fine print, it says “A sensitive soul…with great buns.” Yeah, nothing says support in a death match than wearing their name across your butt.

I’m sure we all do. But still, don’t you think such support is kind of ridiculous? Seriously, why?

Come on, why the hell would anyone make this? You know the names that come out usually have a less than 10% chance of coming home alive.

Of course, this is no longer available but I had to put in. I mean The Hunger Games revolves around post-apocalyptic starvation. Maybe they should’ve went with hoagies containing meat from squirrels, rabbits, or rats on burned or stale bread. That would’ve been more appropriate.

I know they took the design from the poster. But it kind of looks like the Mockingjay is going down in flames. And we know that Katniss is seen as the Mockingjay.

Really? A Hunger Games light bulb? You’re shitting me. Seriously, I’m just wondering how anyone could think of this. Said to cost $15 on Amazon by the way.

Because nothing says true love than hoisting these poison berries to you and your boyfriend’s mouths and threatening a joint suicide. Didn’t see such a romanticization of teen suicide since Romeo and Juliet.

From Entertainment Weekly: “This “I Volunteer My Brother as Tribute” pin makes it clear that you’d sacrifice your brother to avoid having to compete in the Hunger Games yourself.” Still, I don’t think volunteering works that way.

Still, I think it might just be body wash. Still, if you’re aware tracker jacker stings can cause brain washing, powerful hallucinations, and/or death. Requires immediate treatment with a special kind of leaves.

For God’s sake what’s with the Nightlock stuff? Do they have any idea they’re poisonous berries Katniss threatened to do a joint suicide with? Seriously, why?

I think if you’re trying to survive the Hunger Games, chapped lips are the last thing you’ll probably worry about. Also, you won’t use the whole tube anyway.

Of course, all peacekeepers start out as babies. But seriously, their main job is to maintain law and order and suppress dissent through coercion and brutality.

Yeah, nothing like a way to honor a series about post-apocalyptic starvation than a thing you put food in. Of course, don’t know if that’s appropriate for kids in elementary school.

Well, as far as the Hunger Games is concerned, at least this is honest. But as to why they have Hunger Games baby products, I don’t have the slightest idea.

Yes, this is another silver parachute necklace. But this one also has little compartments. But if you’re familiar with the books, it’s kind of a macabre piece of jewelry.

Hope they’re not like the assorted chocolates you eat from a fancy box. Wait a minute, this is promote a movie that deals with post-apocalyptic starvation. Why the hell do they have this?

Said to contain 250 words only to create quotes from the movies said by Peeta and Katniss. Why they thought this was a good idea, I’ll never know.

Doesn’t mean you might fantasize cuddling with Peeta, doesn’t mean that a pillow case in his likeness is a good idea. Just saying.

From You’re Killing Us: “It’s orange, just like Katniss’! Remember how Katniss’ backpack was orange, so people in the arena would be better able to see her in the woods so that they could kill her? Awesome!”

I can totally imagine Haymitch drinking from this. However, I don’t think he’d be drinking beer or just beer in that though.

Would go nicely with that Peeta pillow case. But really, why have Peeta merchandise when you can get Katniss?

So they actually have these. Still, wouldn’t want to wear them during a job interview. The HR might think you’re tripping.

From Virgin Media: “The musical notation version of Rue’s iconic whistle from the films, which means that there are literally about three people in the world who will see, recognize and enjoy this very niche product.”

To be fair, this is soap. But still, tracker jacker venom was what the Capitol used to hijack Peeta’s mind so they could use him to kill Katniss. Think about it.

Wonder how anyone thought this was a good idea? Guess they thought a shadow mockingjay logo looked cool.

From Zimbio: “You’ll sleep soundly every night knowing that Peeta and Katniss are there to protect you. This Hunger Games bedspread is also a total chick magnet, so… win/win.” I’m not so sure about that.

From Zimbio: “While the kids in the Hunger Games have to worry about their friends murdering them, real world concerns like inclement weather are much less troubling. And although there’s no death protection for the tributes, there is this flaming Mockingjay umbrella to help all of us stay dry.”