So Nerdvember is off to a great start. Now most franchises have their own line of merchandise and The Hunger Games is no exception to that, especially with the fanbase and success that it has. I mean the books were bestsellers while the movies broke box office records, especially those with female leads. However, when it comes to merchandise, The Hunger Games finds itself in a unique position that poses a lot of problem. Now this has nothing to do with its popularity or whether fans will buy Hunger Games stuff. But rather, the fact that it centers around a story that contains rather disturbing material that fans and merchandisers may have missed. Like the fact that it takes place in a dystopian society that forces teenagers to take part in a televised fight to the death. Not to mention that many of them come from desperate situations like dire poverty like Katniss Everdeen herself. Some Hunger Games merchandise is fine, especially if it has the Mockingjay symbol. But there are some merchandise that is just plain ridiculous that it makes you wonder whether the people selling the stuff know anything about the series and what it’s about. So for your reading and viewing pleasure, here are some of the crazy Hunger Games merchandise you might see if you look hard enough.
- Keep warm this season with your very own Hunger Games snuggie.
Of course, this would really come in handy if your family is out of oil and you’re too chicken to sign up for tesserae. Yeah, I read the books.
2. Enjoy countless hours of fun with Hunger Games Monopoly.
Of course, instead of having “Go to Jail,” it’s “Treason, Become Avox.” For those who haven’t read the books, you really don’t want to be an Avox. And yes, it’s worse than going to jail. Much worse.
3. Smell like Peeta Mellark with your very own Baker’s Boy cologne.
I’m sure girls are bound to find the smell of burnt and stale bread sexy. Then again, reeking of baked goods might make a guy smell quite nice.
4. For those who like to make gargling noises in the sack, an Avox thong is just the ticket.
Because to some people, nothing is sexier than a person who’s been enslaved by the Capitol and had their tongue ripped out for committing treason. Yeah, pretty wrong on many levels.
5. Show your love for the franchise with this Hunger Games bra.
I don’t know about you but I have no idea why this thing even exists. Bet it leads to jokes like “the odds favor lefty.” Good God.
6. May the odds be ever in your favor with this silver parachute necklace.
From io9: “Considering the pain these silver parachutes eventually deliver, isn’t it a wee bit morbid to wear a silver parachute around your neck? Granted this particular parachute necklace is delivering Peeta’s special knock out broth, not death — but wasn’t the parachute symbol was forever tainted after the final book? Just saying.”
7. Show your mutual love for each other and the Hunger Games with Real or Not Real couples jewelry.
Because nothing is more romantic than trying to reconnect with your boyfriend after he’s endured months of torture and brainwashing. Oh, and after he’s tried to strangle you after being rescued from the Capitol.
8. Let everyone know that you’re not someone to piss off with your very own “Muttation in Training” pin.
From io9: “So you want The Capitol to murder you for entertainment, rip out your eyes, and turn you into a wolf? Yikes.” Basically sums it up.
9. Make your nails glimmer this year with China Glaze Capitol Colors.
Because teenage girls need to have great looking nails before they’re impaled before their funeral. Seriously, why does this line even exist?
10. Show your love for the Hunger Games with these quality flip flops.
I don’t know about you. But I’m sure these shoes will serve no practicality whatsoever in the arena. Might want to stick with tennis shoes.
11. Have young girls reenact the Hunger Games with their very own Barbie dolls of Katniss, Effie, Peeta, Finnick, and more.
Then again, Twilight Barbies are probably worse. But still, does Mattel know what the series is about? Doesn’t make it less disturbing.
12. Celebrate this Christmas by hanging your very own Hunger Games stocking.
Because nothing says “peace on earth, good will toward men” like a stocking that says, “kill or be killed.” Yeah, how the Hunger Games fits into that, I have no idea.
13. Introduce your little one to the Hunger Games with a “Kill or Be Killed” baby beanie.
From Zimbio: “Want to raise your baby to be a badass nihilist? Start off by with a Hunger Games beanie that will prepare your newborn for a dystopian future where death is just a game.” Yeah, one of the most disturbing baby items I’ve ever seen.
14. Get your own Hunger Games look with Cover Girl’s Capitol Beauty Studio Collection.
Because as any Panem mother said, make sure you have a pretty face for you never know when you’ll be impaled by a rival tribute and turned into a muttation. Seriously, Cover Girl what the fuck were you thinking?
15. Fan of Haymitch Abernathy? Well, drink your own stuff with your own quality Haymitch mug.
Yes, it’s made to look like a Jack Daniels label. And we all know Haymitch is District 12’s town drunk. But still, his alcoholism is nothing to joke about after all he’s been through.
16. Like Katniss? Then perhaps you’d like some knee socks with her name on it.
From Zimbio: “Nothing too flashy here, just some super cool knee-high socks with Katniss’ name running down the leg. Now wherever you go, Katniss won’t be far behind.” Sounds kind of disturbing doesn’t it?
17. Cook recipes from Panem with your very own Hunger Games cook book.
From Zimbio: “A key to survival is knowing how to cook, which is why you’ll want to invest in The Unofficial Hunger Games Cookbook. Sure, Rue’s Roasted Parsnips, Grilled Tree Rat with Peanut Butter Dipping Sauce, and Plutarch Heavensbee’s Roasted Sucking Pig Surprise might not seem like fine dining, but, come on, Katniss had to eat squirrels for dinner.”
18. Make your home smell like hard liquor with your very own Haymitch scented candle.
Said to smell like rum, whiskey, and bourbon. Add to that PTSD, emotional heartache from losing your family and girlfriend, survivor guilt, and anguish over having to send 46 kids to their deaths. No wonder he drinks.
19. Make your home smell of roses with this President Snow scented candle.
From the label: “President Snow may be an evil, ruthless, dictator but he sure smells delightful! His genetically engineered rose smells just as sweet as the real thing, and leaves no lingering taste of blood.” Okay, do you really want your home to smell like a guy fans call “Evil Santa Claus?” Think about it.
20. Survive the wilderness with your very own Hunger Games duffel bag.
Comes in all 12 districts. Perfect for storing weapons and supplies as you hunt down your peers.
21. Step into Capitol fashion with these Hunger Games high heeled shoes.
Well, at least they aren’t flip flops and might be of some use for tributes. But once in the arena, then they’ll make it easy for your rivals to kill you.
22. Celebrate the Mockingjay Part 2 premiere with a “Happy Hunger Games” Banner.
Uh, to me the notion, “Happy Hunger Games” is pretty disturbing. Kind of suggests that the Hunger Games are a more festive event instead of the horrible sick show they are.
23. Remember, to keep in mind and wish all peace, love, and Hunger Games.
Peace, love, and Hunger Games? What the fuck? Does the designer have any idea that the Hunger Games is the exact opposite of peace and love. War, Hate, and Hunger Games would be more appropriate.
24. Refresh yourself with some Hunger Games H2O spring water.
Then again, it’s probably much cleaner than whatever water Katniss has ever drank in her life. Still, it’s the preferred drink when you’re being chased to death by your peers for sport.
25. Support your favorite district in Catching Fire with your very own Victor T-Shirt.
Yeah, I know that hardcore fans may identify with certain districts like Harry Potter fans “sort” themselves into different houses at Hogwarts. However, in Catching Fire, victors from each district were forced to kill other kids to survive the games. It’s not like being at Hogwarts. Also, does anyone care about non-essential districts like 6? You know the one where the victors were both drug addicts.
26. Reenact the Hunger Games with your very own Katniss Everdeen action figure.
Now I do think Katniss Everdeen is a feminist role model and a great female character in her own right. However, we should understand that while Katniss may look badass with her bow, she’s an unwilling pawn in the Capitol’s twisted games. Making her an action figure makes her seem like she’s in control but she’s not.
27. Kids, show your love for the Hunger Games by wearing this “I Love Capitol City” T-shirt.
For the last time, the Hunger Games involves the ritual slaughter of kids slaughtering each other as entertainment for the masses. It’s not Harry Potter. Besides, the Panem Capitol is such a den of scum and villainy that it makes Mos Eisley space port look tame in comparison.
28. Help your baby be a future tribute with their very own Panem district bibs.
Does anyone think the notion of Hunger Games baby stuff is disturbing? Seriously, the best thing I can say about this that it’s from District 12.
29. Clean your hands with some Nightlock hand soap.
You mean the soap from those poison berries that killed Foxface? Uh, no thanks. I’ll just keep my hands dirty this time.
30. For a more romantic theme, go with a “Real or Not Real” party banner.
Yes, those words might be romantic. But come on, they alone don’t detract from the fact at the time Peeta was severely tortured with tracker jacker venom and other mental conditioning that made him almost kill Katniss.
31. May the odds be ever in your flavor with this Hunger Games spoon.
I may not be an expert in cutlery. However, as someone who’s familiar with the Hunger Games, this is in very poor taste.
32. This Christmas, decorate your tree with these Hunger Games reaping ball ornaments.
Yeah, those things that have the kids names to select for Reaping Day. Really disturbing if you ask me.
33. Support the Capitol with your very own President Snow bracelet.
From Entertainment Weekly: “Forget Team Peeta and Team Gale, it’s all about Team Snow. Why not show your support for the misunderstood fascist dictator with this rose and Capitol seal bracelet? It is pretty, but isn’t the thought of wearing the emblem of an evil ruler (who doesn’t even have cool magical powers) a little disturbing?”
34. Show your support for Team Peeta with these pink panties.
In case you can’t read the fine print, it says “A sensitive soul…with great buns.” Yeah, nothing says support in a death match than wearing their name across your butt.
35. If you also like Peeta, then you’ll love this pink iphone case.
I’m sure we all do. But still, don’t you think such support is kind of ridiculous? Seriously, why?
36. Nothing shows your support for the Hunger Games than wearing a reaping orb around your neck with a chain.
Come on, why the hell would anyone make this? You know the names that come out usually have a less than 10% chance of coming home alive.
37. For Catching Fire, don’t forget to grab some fiery footlongs at your neighborhood Subway.
Of course, this is no longer available but I had to put in. I mean The Hunger Games revolves around post-apocalyptic starvation. Maybe they should’ve went with hoagies containing meat from squirrels, rabbits, or rats on burned or stale bread. That would’ve been more appropriate.
38. Show your love for the Hunger Games with these “Mockingjay with Flames” socks.
I know they took the design from the poster. But it kind of looks like the Mockingjay is going down in flames. And we know that Katniss is seen as the Mockingjay.
39. Light up your room with this Hunger Games light bulb.
Really? A Hunger Games light bulb? You’re shitting me. Seriously, I’m just wondering how anyone could think of this. Said to cost $15 on Amazon by the way.
40. For those who love the Hunger Games, you’ll sure look stunning with Nightlock jewelry.
Because nothing says true love than hoisting these poison berries to you and your boyfriend’s mouths and threatening a joint suicide. Didn’t see such a romanticization of teen suicide since Romeo and Juliet.
41. Support the Hunger Games by wearing a pin volunteering your brother as a tribute.
From Entertainment Weekly: “This “I Volunteer My Brother as Tribute” pin makes it clear that you’d sacrifice your brother to avoid having to compete in the Hunger Games yourself.” Still, I don’t think volunteering works that way.
42. If you’ve been stunned by a tracker jacker, try some antivenom.
Still, I think it might just be body wash. Still, if you’re aware tracker jacker stings can cause brain washing, powerful hallucinations, and/or death. Requires immediate treatment with a special kind of leaves.
43. If you like the smell of berries, try some Essence of Nightlock.
For God’s sake what’s with the Nightlock stuff? Do they have any idea they’re poisonous berries Katniss threatened to do a joint suicide with? Seriously, why?
44. Got chapped lips? Then keep them moist with Catching Fire Red lip gloss.
I think if you’re trying to survive the Hunger Games, chapped lips are the last thing you’ll probably worry about. Also, you won’t use the whole tube anyway.
45. Care for your future peacekeeper with this peacekeeper cadet burp blanket.
Of course, all peacekeepers start out as babies. But seriously, their main job is to maintain law and order and suppress dissent through coercion and brutality.
46. For your hunger needs at school, you can always get a Hunger Games lunch box.
Yeah, nothing like a way to honor a series about post-apocalyptic starvation than a thing you put food in. Of course, don’t know if that’s appropriate for kids in elementary school.
47. With this burp cloth, remember that the odds were never in your baby’s favor.
Well, as far as the Hunger Games is concerned, at least this is honest. But as to why they have Hunger Games baby products, I don’t have the slightest idea.
48. May the odds be ever in your favor with this silver parachute necklace.
Yes, this is another silver parachute necklace. But this one also has little compartments. But if you’re familiar with the books, it’s kind of a macabre piece of jewelry.
49. Celebrate the Hunger Games with your very own Catching Fire chocolate bars.
Hope they’re not like the assorted chocolates you eat from a fancy box. Wait a minute, this is promote a movie that deals with post-apocalyptic starvation. Why the hell do they have this?
50. Create your own Hunger Games story with this magnetic story kit.
Said to contain 250 words only to create quotes from the movies said by Peeta and Katniss. Why they thought this was a good idea, I’ll never know.
51. For those who like Peeta, cuddle up with this Peeta pillow case.
Doesn’t mean you might fantasize cuddling with Peeta, doesn’t mean that a pillow case in his likeness is a good idea. Just saying.
52. Like Katniss, you too, can now have an orange Hunger Games backpack.
From You’re Killing Us: “It’s orange, just like Katniss’! Remember how Katniss’ backpack was orange, so people in the arena would be better able to see her in the woods so that they could kill her? Awesome!”
53. Toast the Hunger Games with your very own Mockingjay beer stein.
I can totally imagine Haymitch drinking from this. However, I don’t think he’d be drinking beer or just beer in that though.
54. Cuddle up with Peeta with your very own Peeta polar fleece.
Would go nicely with that Peeta pillow case. But really, why have Peeta merchandise when you can get Katniss?
55. Make your eyes look stunning with these Effie Trinket eyelashes.
So they actually have these. Still, wouldn’t want to wear them during a job interview. The HR might think you’re tripping.
56. Wake up in the morning with a Hunger Games whistle mug.
From Virgin Media: “The musical notation version of Rue’s iconic whistle from the films, which means that there are literally about three people in the world who will see, recognize and enjoy this very niche product.”
57. If it’s your thing you can go with some Tracker Jacker Venom.
To be fair, this is soap. But still, tracker jacker venom was what the Capitol used to hijack Peeta’s mind so they could use him to kill Katniss. Think about it.
58. Show your love for the Hunger Games with your very own Mockingjay votive candle holder.
Wonder how anyone thought this was a good idea? Guess they thought a shadow mockingjay logo looked cool.
59. Sleep soundly with your very own District 12 bead spread.
From Zimbio: “You’ll sleep soundly every night knowing that Peeta and Katniss are there to protect you. This Hunger Games bedspread is also a total chick magnet, so… win/win.” I’m not so sure about that.
60. Stay dry with your very own flaming Mockingjay umbrella.
From Zimbio: “While the kids in the Hunger Games have to worry about their friends murdering them, real world concerns like inclement weather are much less troubling. And although there’s no death protection for the tributes, there is this flaming Mockingjay umbrella to help all of us stay dry.”