Top of the Morning with These Lucky Saint Patrick’s Day Craft Projects (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 19, 2019

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Now that I have the treats out of the way, let’s make way for the crafts. While Saint Patrick’s Day isn’t nearly a big holiday compared to Valentine’s Day or Easter, there are still people who go all out. They may decorate their house with shamrocks, leprechauns, pots of gold, and rainbows. When March begins, you’re bound to see plenty of Saint Paddy’s Day decorations at any kind of store. Well, depending when Easter arrives, anyway. Though some may want to make their own. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of lucky Saint Patrick’s Day craft projects. Enjoy.

You’d have a lucky day with this button shamrock.

The buttons are in different shades of green. While it’s amongst a rainbow zigzag background.

2. Perhaps you might want to hang one of these panels.

One says “LUCK” in gold with a green zigzag background. One has a green shamrock. While one has a white shamrock among green.

3. Best to put a shamrock on this wreath.

Well, the wreath consists of branches with green and white berries. While the large wooden shamrock has a bow with a button.

4. This leprechaun hat can use a few shamrocks.

The shamrocks have green stripes on them. While green foliage comes from the top.

5. Put some flowers in a shamrock jar.

The flowers are fake. While the tag says, “Erin go bragh.”

6. With this rainbow, you can catch the wind.

And you’ll have plenty of use with this since it’s very windy in March. Has shamrocks at the bottom.

7. A tulle green wreath will always cause a St. Patrick’s Day sensation.

This one has a green shamrock on top and a white one on the bottom. All in all, it’s quite stunning.

8. Feel free to greet any leprechauns with this wreath.

This one says, “Leprechauns Welcome!” Includes hat and feet as well.

9. A green wreath should always include shamrocks.

The shamrocks are in a lighter green to show. And it’s hung and topped by a green bow.

10. Don’t forget to top your Saint Patrick’s Day home with a leprechaun hat.

This one seems made out of felt with a belt on the top. Not sure if you can wear it. But it makes for a perfect centerpiece.

11. Perhaps you’d like to make your wreath with balls of yarn.

These consist of small balls in green and white. Like the fancy shamrock on the bottom.

12. Show your Irish spirit with this shamrock wreath.

The leaves and stem on this one are made out of wire hangers. Tied together with a brown lace bow.

13. Care for a leprechaun sitting on your ledge.

Hey, at least he’s not Elf on the Shelf. Though he might have a little fun at your expense.

14. Nothing makes a fine Saint Patrick’s Day party than a shamrock bouquet.

This one has shiny shamrocks in a vase filled with green Easter grass. Also touched by a bowl and green baubles.

15. Perhaps a simple white wreath will do.

This one consists of a green, orange, and white flower. All to represent the flag of Ireland.

16. Enjoy the luck of the Irish with this shamrock charm bracelet.

This one has vintage pictures in shamrock shapes. While they’re all linked by a golden chain.

17. Grace your table with some pots full of shamrocks.

Well, there’s a shamrock on top of each of them. While the pot tops have a lace design.

18. Some might prefer a fancier wreath on their front door.

This one has a green pot of gold in the center. Though I love the green bow the best.

19. A green yarn wreath should always have some shamrocks.

The wreath is light green. The shamrocks are dark green with gold beads on them.

20. Best of luck to have a St. Patrick’s Day table runner.

This one has a lot of shamrock patterns on it. Great for any table presentation.

21. A large wooden shamrock will give you lots of luck.

This one his a green 4-leaf clover. Great for any Saint Patrick’s Day home.

22. Even small felt shamrocks can bring in the Irish spirit.

These are felt 4-leaf clovers with pearl beads. You can put these on pretty much anything.

23. This owl has shamrocks on the mind.

You have to love its button eyes and its shamrock plumage. So cute.

24. Greet visitors this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock wreath.

The shamrocks are quite shiny on this one. While the bottom ahs a white and green bow.

25. Make sure there are plenty of coins on the green.

This is for a table setting. And there’s a whole row of candles, too.

26. A striped wreath can be all the rage.

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This one has stripes in green and white. While the bottom green section consists of white flowers and a bow.

27. This horseshoe shamrock is guaranteed to bring you luck.

This is just made out of shamrocks and sprayed green. Perfect for any door.

28. Feel free to give your guests a golden time with this Saint Patrick’s Day wreath.

It’s mostly green with a gold section. Includes shamrocks and gold coins. So pretty.

29. A rainbow wreath should always include a few shamrocks.

Though the rainbow here doesn’t include yellow. Also has shamrocks for a lucky touch.

30. This wine bottle is covered in shamrocks.

The shamrocks are black for emphasis. Put it wherever you like. Hell, you can even put lights in it.

31. You should always put in a few shamrocks with flowers.

Well, they’re in a bottle with lights. One of the shamrocks even smiles.

32. Why don’t you let this leprechaun greet you at the door?

this guy has a spotted outfit on with a shamrock. So adorable, don’t you think?

33. Welcome leprechauns with a St. Paddy’s Day wreath like this.

Includes shamrocks and green berries. Festive for any St. Patrick’s Day party.

34. 3 shamrocks are always better than one.

The shamrocks are so shiny on the stick. While each of them has a pattern and a bow.

35. A ribbon wreath should always have a shamrock in the center.

Even the ribbons have shamrocks on them. While the shamrock in the center contains a bow.

36. Got to get plenty of leprechaun hats for the tree.

Well, you have a few of them on here. The garlands are golden. Still, I can spot a shamrock or two.

37. A burlap wreath should include some green ribbon.

Includes 3 shamrocks. Love the ribbon and net. So pretty.

38. A ruffled felt wreath will be just what you need.

This one has a light green shamrock. Perfect for any Saint Patrick’s Day door.

39. Green flowers go well in a lucky potted bouquet.

Includes 3 shiny shamrocks. Makes a perfect centerpiece.

40. You won’t trick this potted leprechaun for his pot of gold.

The leprechaun has felt features and very long limbs. Still, he’s quite cute with his pot of gold.

41. A shamrock wreath belongs in a lucky house.

The shamrocks are in different shades of green. Perfect for any front door on Saint Patrick’s Day.

42. Perhaps a white wreath will suit your Irish fancy.

Has some green flowers on the bottom. Like the green ribbon wrapping around the white yarn.

43. Those who prefer a more naturalistic wreath might like this one.

This one has leaves and berries. Like the green bow though.

44. Feel free to put this runner on your St. Patrick’s Day table.

This is in a quilted stripe patterns. Includes patches of shamrocks and leprechaun hats.

45. A large shamrock should come with some green bows.

This one has a shamrock painted which you can hang on a window. Love it.

46. Capture the Irish spirit in your home with this burlap wreath.

This one has a shamrock bow on the top and a shamrock on the bottom. Great for any rustic cabin.

47. Saint Patrick’s Day won’t be lucky without a rainbow frame.

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Has “Lucky” in golden letters where the picture should be. While the rainbow is so shiny.

48. You can’t go wrong with this shamrock wreath at your door.

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I’m sure this is made from wire hangers. Though most of the greenery here is felt.

49. A ribbon shamrock might give you extra luck.

This shamrock is woven with ribbons. And it has another shamrock in the center.

50. May the Irish welcome you to this house.

This one has some leaves and berries. While a shamrock graces the middle.

51. You’ll have plenty of luck with this polka dot shamrock brooch.

Well, it’s mostly green with white spots. Perfect to wear with a green shirt.

52. You can’t have too many shamrocks on a wreath.

This one has shamrocks in different shades of green. Like the bow at the bottom.

53. You’ll find plenty of shamrocks on Irish gold.

Well, at least on this wreath. And the shamrocks are in 4-leaf clovers.

54. Don’t leave for the Saint Patrick’s Day parade without this shamrock pin.

This one is made out of a rag with green pipe cleaners. Like the fastening button though.

55. This bud vase will give you a very lucky day.

The vase is an old wine bottle covered in light green yarn. Yet, I like the white flowers and green ribbon.

56. Hope this wreath can give you a warm welcome.

Spells out “Welcome” in shamrocks. Also includes leprechauns and bows.

57. Greet your visitors this Saint Patrick’s Day with this wreath of shamrocks.

This one has lots of leaves and boughs. Like the shamrocks and gold coins. So pretty.

58. A spotty shamrock can be quite whimsical.

So if you don’t like wreaths, you can use this. Hung by a zebra ribbon.

59. Perhaps you might want to welcome your Irish guests with a flower basket.

Consists of green flowers. Has a shamrock on the basket though.

60. A shamrock should be amongst a rainbow.

Well, the rainbow is made from an old sock. But the shamrock is quite sparkly in this frame.

61. Feel free to put your drinks on this St. Paddy’s Day mug rug.

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Only one of these is the flag of Ireland. Yet, perfect for any party. As long as there isn’t any alcohol.

62. Check out the shamrocks on this table runner.

The shamrocks are in patchwork patterns. While the green border is quite intricate.

63. Bet you didn’t imagine a St. Patrick’s Day table topper like this.

This one has the shape of an 8 pointed star. And yes, most of the patterns are in shamrocks.

64. Curl up on your couch this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock pillow.

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This one just has a shamrock on a white pillow. So feel free to rest your weary head.

65. Even an Irish cat should have a shamrock.

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Well shamrocks with yellow flowers. Still, this cat is so cute.

66. Now you can have your own pot of gold bouquet.

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These are rainbow roses in a vase with golden rocks. Rocks are spray-painted by the way.

67. Decorate your St. Patrick’s Day home with one of these shamrock panels.

Two are green while one is wooden. And all made with the magic of saws and spray paint.

68. You’ll be rolling with this St. Patrick’s Day VW van.

Though keep in mind that Volkswagen is a German company. Yet, this one is green with a leprechaun hat.

69. You might want to beware the overhanging leprechaun.

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He’s hanging with his pot of gold to greet you. Not sure if I’d like that.

70. Perhaps a bauble wreath will make Irish eyes smile.

The baubles are all green as you see. Includes a lot of shiny shamrocks, too.

71. Shamrocks should be on sticks with spirals.

They’re all green with different patterns. Each is even touched with a bow.

72. This lucky wreath may please you.

Includes plastic green hats. Says “Lucky” with shiny shamrocks.

73. Feel free to put anything in these shamrock jars.

One is green with a gold shamrock. The other is spray painted gold with a green shamrock.

74. You can never have too many shamrocks in a bouquet.

Nonetheless, it’s quite green. Makes a great centerpiece.

75. Wonder what’s sprouting from the leprechaun hat.

This one is a fairly simple arrangement. Yet, it has gold coins on the brim. Gold plastic coins.

76. Care to put some flowers in old wine bottles?

One of them has a sequin bowtie since it’s supposed to be a leprechaun outfit. But the flowers are green.

77. Hope you like the garland at the door.

This is mostly decomesh. While you see “Irish” and “Lucky” inscribed.

78. Your little leprechauns will enjoy these little peg dolls.

These are made out of wood and felt. The girl ones wear tall hats.

79. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with these shamrock blocks.

Two of these are green with white shamrocks. The other is white with a green shamrock.

80. You’ll find plenty of shamrocks sprouting from this shiny leprechaun hat.

This one has a lot of stuff on it. And it’s topped with ribbons, shamrocks, and branches.

81. Got an old wine bottle? Decorate it with shamrocks.

Has a green plaid ribbon. While the shamrock is covered in green glitter.

82. Grace your table this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock table topper.

Each shamrock uses a different pattern. While the border uses squares.

83. This lantern is covered with green flowers.

It’s covered in ribbons and shamrocks. Like the shamrock on the top.

84. Please don’t let this leprechaun out of the cage.

Has green rocks inside while the top has flowers. Let’s hope the leprechaun doesn’t escape.

85. You’ll find the luck of the Irish in this block.

This one has green lights inside. Topped with a shamrock ribbon. So pretty.

86. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with this vase of green baubles.

Has green baubles with shamrocks. Makes a great centerpiece.

87. You’ll find a lot of gold in these candle holders.

Well, these are mostly spray-painted rocks. But the candles are green.

88. Green ribbons go on top of this lantern.

Includes green foliage and shamrocks as well. Great for rustic settings.

89. Don’t forget to put on the hats to the wine bottles.

These are spray painted wine bottles. Also includes jingles and shamrocks.

90. Everyone will know you’re Irish with this decoration.

This is a mailbox decoration. And yes, it lights up during the night.

91. You’ll find plenty of gold underneath this ribbon tree.

The tree ribbons are green and white with shamrocks on them. Yet, the gold is in the pot and around it.

92. There are plenty of Irish blessings on this tree.

This one has so many Irish stuff for Saint Patrick’s Day. Great for any Irish home.

93. Leprechaun houses always shine bright.

Of course, these are painted in PennDOT green. While the path consists of gold coins.

94. For luck, feel free to hang this Saint Patrick’s Day wreath.

Says “Lucky” across the top. While the bottom consists of green and white flowers.

95. These wire shamrocks are all covered in ribbons.

Well, they’re made from rags. But you can hang them from a drawer.

96. May your luck be painted in green.

The “U” is in a horseshoe as you can see. Great for rustic settings.

97. You’ll fall for these Irish pot figures.

These have flowers coming from the pots. And yes, they’re really adorable. So cute.

98. Perhaps you might prefer a shamrock curtain.

The shamrocks are in different shades of green. While they’re all connected with string.

99. The pot of gold is somewhere over the rainbow.

This is a simple decoration on a wood panel. Kind of pretty as you can see.

100. Would you like a potted leprechaun on a ledge?

This one even has a beard. So cute if you ask me.

The Wonderful World of the Teddy Bear (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 31, 2019

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Of course, I couldn’t do Valentine’s Day without including the iconic Teddy Bear. For decades this cuddly toy has been adored by children and adults alike. And you’d often find this little guy as a popular V-Day gift from sweethearts around the world. Since they have movable arms, you often see them dressed in all kinds of little costumes. Since they’re so irresistibly cute, you’d often find them dressed for all kinds of occasions and holiday. But once in awhile, you’ll see a teddy bear dressed as a pop culture icon or culture figure. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of adorable teddy bears. Enjoy.

“One of you will beartray me..”

DaVinci’s The Last Supper with bears. From the Jeju Island teddy bear museum.

2. Mama bear needs a new pair of shoes.

This bear is supposed to frequent a casino. And it seems she’s got all hearts.

3. All bears on deck.

This is from a teddy bear museum, possibly in the UK. Nonetheless, the wooden ship is amazing.

4. Erin has always been an Irish darling.

She’s supposed to resemble an Irish river dancer for Saint Patrick’s Day. Love the shamrock head garland.

5. Seems like our bear archaeologists found something incredible.

These bears have came to the tomb of Emperor Qin Shi Huangdi. Here they marvel over remains of some terra cotta soldiers.

6. Here they stand on the ruins of war.

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These are teddy bear soldiers near ruins in France during WWII. And yes, some hang out in a jeep.

7. The band played on….

This is a teddy bear rendition of the sinking of the Titanic. Cue to the polar bears on the iceberg.

8. A flower dress is perfect for any spring occasion.

She even has a lace handkerchief in her paws. Love her flowery hat.

9. Coco always has to be a fashionista.

She wears a kimono to go with her red handbag and sunglasses. While her bag is from Big Brown Bear.

10. Perhaps you’ll appreciate this birthday bear.

This one has a bikini clad bear coming out of the cake. Kind of amusing and adorable.

11. Bet you’ve never seen a bear in his boxer briefs.

His waist band says it all. And he looks so adorable in that pose.

12. Graduation is always quite an accomplishment.

This graduate is in white for the Class of 2015. So its job prospect might not be great.

13. On Halloween night the pumpkin fairy appears.

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It has orange wings and a jack-o’-lantern magic wand. Doesn’t look spooky. But is quite adorable.

14. Mary can always spare a put or two.

She’s supposed to be a female golfer. Here she wears a skirt with her diamond polo.

15. David always knows how to make a goal.

Since he’s got claws, he needs no cleats. But let’s hope they don’t rupture the ball.

16. Ryan will just shoot some hoops.

He also knows how to dribble. So you might not want to play a round of one-on-one with him.

17. Brittany knows how to look chic in pink.

She even wears a camo denim outfit and a pink leather jacket. So cute.

18. Anyone miss Bearack Obearma yet?

Indeed, I sure do miss him and his presidency. Still, he comes with Obearma Care.

19. This your Captain Clawly Clawenberger speaking.

This teddy bear’s supposed to be an airplane pilot. Will fly you to the moon and warm your heart.

20. Watch out for this grizzly pirate.

He’s even got an eyepatch. But back away when he uses his sword.

21. Nancy Bear is on her way to the spa.

She’s in her pink robe with a towel around her head. So she’s good to go.

22. Barry is all ready for the big game.

He’s already got his shoulder pads on. Not sure why he’s not wearing a helmet.

23. Christmas is the time to shine in a Santa dress.

She’s even wearing a Santa hat. So pretty and festive.

24. A bear should always look chic on the town.

she wears a dress with an iconic Vuitton print. Or is it Gucci? Who cares?

25. Ethan is Army strong.

He’s wearing a desert camo uniform. Wonder if he’s served in Afghanistan.

26. Father Christmas is the bearer of great tidings.

He’s the British equivalent to Santa Claus. But check out that cane and kick ass cape.

27. A distinguished Pilgrim always has a goatee.

He’s a Thanksgiving bear. Wait until he takes the land away from the Indians.

28. A Christmas angel wishes peace on earth.

She even has red bird in an intricate design. Love her blue dress.

29. When there’s snow, bring snow shoes.

He’s even all bundled up. Despite that bears usually sleep in during the winter.

30. Tape measure can also double as ribbon.

Though she also uses it to measure sizes. Still, so adorable.

31. This Steiff bear makes his own in his workshop.

Didn’t know he could have his own toy workshop. Includes a sewing machine and wood stove.

32. This alien teddy bear is out of this world.

IT’s red with a little space helmet. It’s also a limited edition Steiff from Japan.

33. A colorful harlequin also needs to know how to juggle.

He’s in red and white. while he wears a cone hat of green and blue.

34. Charlotte always loves to dress in a scary costume for Halloween.

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She wears a black bat mask and a black tutu. She’s even got a spider near the skirt.

35. A red dress and tiara makes a bear queen of the ball.

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She’s even got a bouquet of roses. So pretty that she stuns.

36. This teddy will be strong for you.

The barbells even have hearts. While he wears a medal for cuteness.

37. A country singer should always have her own guitar.

Trixie’s guitar matches her boots. While she dons a black dress and hat.

38. Say hello to Santa’s newest little helper.

Yes, he’s a Santa elf. Though he doesn’t sport pointy ears.

39. Lindsay always enjoys roasting marshmallows.

She’s dressed for the colder weather, too. Like the scarf and bow.

40. Guess it’s someone’s sleepy time.

He wears his own romper and bear slippers. Though he carries a rather mischievous expression.

41. Even among teddy bears, K-Pop is all the rage.

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Well, it’s from Seoul’s teddy bear museum, what do you expect? Guess it’s “Oppa Gangnam Style.”

42. The city is always a bustling place.

This is from a teddy bear museum in Jeju. Yet, all the bears are in street clothes. One’s even checking her smartphone in the street.

43. Anyone in the mood for smores?

He has the graham crackers and chocolate. He wears an orange vest to be seen when going to the bathroom.

44. Ladies and gentlemen, the king.

Here’s bear Elvis in his white jumpsuit and red guitar. Yet, he won’t look so great in his Vegas years.

45. “Me, Pawzan. You, Jane.”

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Here he swings with his jungle bear in harms. While the apes look on.

46. “Now let this be a fair fight.”

This can get ugly. But at least they’ll be stuffing leaking out by the end instead of blood.

47. Nobody surpasses this iconic bearsketball player.

This is supposed to be Michael Jordan during the 1990s by the way. He was the Lebron James of his day.

48. It’s always ice and snow in the polar regions.

Sure, polar bears and penguins don’t go together. But it’s a cute display nonetheless.

49. Must be hard to entertain 7 little bears.

This a display of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Here she reads them a bedtime story in the woods.

50. Looks like we have the experts at work.

I think they’re supposed to be archaeologists. Since I saw a few bones and things.

51. Apparently, teddy bears have their own Jurassic Park.

And we come to some bears about to be eaten by a T-Rex. Don’t have much hope for them.

52. This bear has been through so many tissues.

This is a get well bear. Nonetheless, you have to love the pajamas.

53. Japanese bears dress in lavish kimonos.

Wonder if they’re supposed to be a bride and groom or an emperor and empress. Still, they’re adorable.

54. Nobody should miss the Winter Olympics.

I guess they’re watching some of the events. Includes snowboarding and cross country skiing.

55. Don’t think you can scratch this 7-year itch.

This is a teddy bear of Marilyn Monroe from The 7th Year Itch. Here her dress goes up from the air vents.

56. Bears always love their bread.

Here we come to teddy bears baking bread. The bears here also wear chef hats.

57. Everyone seems to love a royal wedding.

This one is of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Let’s just say despite the fairy tale atmosphere, the marriage didn’t last.

58. These bears pay tribute to a Buddhist shrine.

Well, this is from a museum in South Korea. Got to love how the bears bow down to the Buddha.

59. Hera always looks like a queen.

She’s supposed to be the Greek goddess Hera, queen of Mount Olympus. Given that her husband can’t keep it in his pants, she’s got a very vicious streak.

60. Dionysus always knows how to party.

He’s the Greek god of wine and revelry. Still, his parties can get pretty wild.

61. These bears play on the beach.

A mother and daughter build a sandcastle. While a guy goes out surfing.

62. These bears have fallen on hard times.

This is a rendition of a famous painting. Indeed, they’re poor farmers. But it’s kind of cute.

63. Here the king consults with his advisers.

You can tell they’re his advisers due to their tall hats. From South Korea.

64. Seems like a leopard snuck in.

Okay, it’s a teddy bear in a leopard onesy. And it looks adorable in it.

65. This bear lady is rather enterprising.

She’s smartly dressed in a navy blue business suit. Like her scarf.

66. Seems like Gulliver is all tied up.

Here’s a teddy bear rendition of Gulliver’s Travels. Includes one giant bear and a bunch of little ones.

67. On Mount Olympus, Zeus is king.

Yes, that’s Mr. Sex Fiend with the Lightning Bolts himself. As he sits on his golden throne.

68. Beware of the ferocious Minotaur.

He’s supposed to be half-bear and half bull. And he’ll tear people to shreds with his cuteness.

69. This bear means business.

Yes, that teddy bear’s got a knife. So it’s best you stay away.

70. A small red dress can always stun.

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This bear wears a sweet little red dress with a bow. Like her jewelry, too.

71. You’d think this was a rainbow bear.

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This bear has bright colors all over it. So adorable and colorful.

72. This bear knows how to keep warm.

This is the female version of the Vermont bear. Comes with dog and blond hair.

73. Perhaps you’d want some candy from Lucy.

This is a Lucille Ball teddy bear. Please don’t employ her in any candy factory.

74. When you’re blue, make way for the cheerleading bear.

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Comes with pom poms, flag, and megaphone. Like her bows. So adorable.

75. This teddy comes to support Team USA in the Olympics.

This was for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio. Nonetheless, he seems like quite the avid patriot.

76. This bear dresses in conversation hearts.

Well, it wears that sweater. Though they’re not making these chalk hearts this year.

77. Someone looks spiffy in a sailor outfit.

Well, this is for a little kid. Nonetheless, it’s a colorful get up with a pom pom hat. So cute.

78. This bear’s reading for 2.

Since she’s pregnant. As you can tell by her maternity dress.

79. Wonder if this is for a Korean wedding.

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I guess it is, given the groom’s outfit. The bride wears a white dress.

80. No one can resist a bear on a rocking horse.

Indeed, the bear rocks a horse by the fire. So hard to resist. Awww.

Fall in Love with These Valentine’s Day Craft Projects (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 28, 2019

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Moving on, we go onto Valentine’s Day crafts. Though many people usually don’t deck their home with V-Day decorations, you’ll find plenty of them at any store you go to. So someone must be buying them. However, while some might buy V-Day decorations, some tend to make their own. Of course, given that Valentine’s Day pertains to love, plenty of these décor tend to have hearts along with red and pink. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Valentine’s Day craft projects to love. Enjoy.

For those rustic types, a burlap wreath will suit your fancy.

Has 3 red flowers and the word “Love” in red. Perfect for any front door.

2. You might want this dispenser for hugs and kisses.

It’s made from glass bowl and flower pot. Contains hearts in the bottom.

3. Feel free to hang a wreath of ribbons to your door.

It’s made from decomesh with heart ribbons all over it. While a red heart is smack in the middle.

4. Perhaps you’d like a curtain of hearts.

Just consists of string and paper hearts. Quite easy a child could make it.

5. A wooden heart will show you love is kind.

Just as you see it says, “Love is Kind.” Also has a rag garland across it.

6. Your house will always stand out in a tulle wreath.

Has some white flowers near the top. While a pink ribbon holds it up.

7. A red heart should always sparkle.

Has some black branches along with red and silver ribbons. Will look well on any front door.

8. Grace your table on this heart doily.

It’s a pink crocheted heart with a flower on top. Seems big enough to use as a coaster.

9. A pink heart has to glitter on a wreath.

It’s a decomesh wreath with 3 pink flowers. Perfect for V-Day. So pretty.

10. You can make a pretty heart in rags.

This rag wreath uses strips of red, white, and pink. It’s hung by a pink and red ribbon in a bow.

11. A heart wreath should always be filled with red roses.

The roses are most likely made out of paper or silk. But it’s nonetheless beautiful.

12. Who wouldn’t love these 2 bunnies?

These rabbits wear crowns and hold hearts. So adorable.

13. A glittering red heart should be emphasized in black.

This decomesh wreath has a heart in the center with red and black ribbons. It’s a kind of wreath any guest would love.

14. Curl up on your couch with this heart pillow.

Well, it’s white with a large pink heart. And it’s made from cloth strips sewn together.

15. No sweetheart can refuse a wreath like this.

It’s a tulle wreath with the words “Be Mine” on it. Has hearts and a pink rose on the right side.

16. With this envelope, you can receive Valentines at the door.

This is made out of felt as far as I see. Though I’m sure it’ll be used as a school project at some point.

17. A pink wreath covered with roses is just as nice.

The roses are all made out of tissue paper. While a pink ribbon graces the top.

18. A Valentine’s wreath should be infested with flowers.

Well, the flowers are similar to what you’d find in a cemetery (fake). Though it has a couple of hearts.

19. Show your love with this heart box.

Well, it has a photo of some couple. Decorations consist of jewels and a Cupid face.

20. Perhaps you’d like a wreath of roses.

It consists of red and pink flowers which are surely fake. But it’s rather pretty nonetheless.

21. There’s nothing you can’t love about V-Day blocks.

Has sayings like “Be Mine,” “Love,” and “Kiss Me.” In red, pink, and white.

22. For those with rustic tastes, you might like this heart wreath.

Well, those white flowers can be quite small. Also is hung with a brown burlap bow.

23. This heart is a real patchwork.

Wonder if it’s a pot holder or a coaster. Though it’s trimmed in red.

24. Nothing makes Valentine’s Day like a love box.

Even has a wedding picture. Includes hearts on each side.

25. You’ll receive lots of Valentines in this mailbox.

It’s covered with hearts on the side. Love the flag on this, too.

26. A simple yarn wreath is always fitting.

This one has some purple and red roses on the bottom. While the wreath’s covered in white yarn.

27. A V-Day wreath should have a lot of hearts.

Particularly if they’re pink and red on a decomesh one. Touched with a red bow.

28. Perhaps you’d like a heart wreath with a lot of tiny roses.

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I know they’re fake. Still, the tiny roses are nonetheless beautiful.

29. Feel free to receive Valentines from this pillow.

Well, at least the felt red heart. So curl up if you can.

30. Don’t forget to put some hearts on sticks.

The hearts are made out of glittered paper. There’s also a pink “XoXo” near the pitcher.

31. With some baubles, your Valentine’s Day can certainly shine.

Includes a heart garland with a heart and key. Though the baubles seem to add a rather winter or Christmasy touch.

32. A pink yarn wreath can be especially festive.

This one has some hearts along with red, white, and pink flowers. Perfect for any V-Day door.

33. You can never have too many hearts on a heart wreath.

This is a decomesh with a heart design in the center. And yes, it’s made from foam hearts.

34. Don’t like wreaths? Try this V-Day hanging.

The bow is quite elaborate. Has a heart dangling from the center.

35. Have a romantic dinner with a candle holder with hearts.

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These have hearts along the top. While the bottom contains rose petals.

36. You can always say it with flowers.

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Or a wreath made out of flowers. Wonder if these are orchids or at least the red ones.

37. Keep warm this Valentine’s Day with a quilt of patchwork hearts.

Each heart is unique in its own way. Perfect for keeping warm on a cold February day.

38. Perhaps your sweetheart would enjoy pink carnations.

Contains pink beans in the vase. So you can tell the flowers are fake. Makes a great centerpiece.

39. This pinecone wreath will tug at your heart strings.

Don’t forget to spray paint them in red. Includes pink leaves and other trimmings.

40. Show someone you love them with this glittery heart box.

I’m sure you’ll need plenty of glitter paint for this. But it’s quite lovely.

41. Might want to sew some hearts on some hoops.

Well, these are embroidery hoops. One has roses. The other has buttons.

42. You can always send a message with a glittery notebook.

It says “Love” on the cover. So let your sweetheart write some message of love. Or not.

43. A pink wreath can use a few flowers.

This heart wreath is covered with pink ribbon. Love the flowers.

44. You’ll always have a heart with these rustic candle holders.

One of them has a heart inside. Perfect for any cabin.

45. You can always show love with paper roses.

Each of them are different sizes and colors. And they’re against a tan background.

46. Count down to Valentine’s Day with this pillow.

Each heart pocket has a candy inside. And you can put it on your couch.

47. Nothing makes Valentine’s Day like a feathered heart wreath.

Well, it’s mainly made from white feathers. As hearts across it.

48. You can’t leave conversation hearts out of a V-Day bouquet.

Though you’ll have to start since they’re no longer selling them. Still, the flowers are pretty.

49. Two barbed wire hearts are better than one.

Yet, remember barbed wire isn’t something kids should work with. Nonetheless, like the white bows.

50. Sometimes a V-Day throw pillow is all you need.

This one is white with a red heart. Perfect to have on the couch.

51. Grace your V-Day table with some pink and red tulips.

The vase contains V-Day M&M’s. While the tulips are most likely fake since they don’t bloom until springtime.

52. Grace a red berry heart wreath on your V-Day door.

Kind of gives a rather naturalistic look to it. The boughs even have leaves, too.

53. Slip into a pair of conversation heart leggings.

People seem attached to these chalk hearts for some reason. Still, it confounds me since they don’t have much taste to them.

54. A decomesh heart wreath will always stun visitors.

This heart shaped wreath must be made out of wire or grapevine. Includes pink hearts and springs.

55. Say something special with these V-Day pencils.

Mostly consists of pencils with pipe cleaner shapes. Very simple for kids to make.

56. A blue wood heart should include 2 roses.

Well, the wood and roses are fake. But it’s nonetheless stunning to see.

57. On V-Day, love is all you need.

Well, it’s a berry wreath with the Beatles lyric in a red frame. Like the black and white flowers.

58. May a dove carry the key to your heart.

Actually this is a cloth heart depicting a dove. Has lace in the background.

59. Hearts can come in any size.

These glitter hearts sit on a shelf. Love the purple one the best though.

60. This Valentine’s Day curl up with a heart pillow.

These pillows aren’t in the traditional colors. but you have to love the flowers. So pretty.

61. Perhaps these letters will spell it out for you.

The letters in the frames all spell love. While each frame is fancy and is sprayed painted with a different color.

62. Feel free to put anything in this V-Day sack.

This is crocheted. While the sack is small. Still, got to have a heart.

63. Keep yourself cozy with this Valentine’s Day pillow.

This one has a crocheted heart. Perfect for a couch or bed.

64. Care to light up this heart?

This is supposed to be a photo booth prop. Though it can double as a wreath as well. Wonder if it actually lights up. Probably not.

65. A V-Day snow globe should always have a heart.

This one mostly consists of a jar, snow stuff, and hearts. Seems rather simple to make.

66. This wooden heart can brighten anyone’s Valentine’s Day.

Has white and red stripes. Love the flowers though.

67. On Valentine’s Day, spell it out on the ladder.

Spells “Love” with a letter at each rung. While each rung features a vase of flowers.

68. Light up your home with this heart lamp.

Contains a candle under the heart arch. Also includes berry branches in red and white.

69. Show your valentine love with a tulip wreath.

The tulips are fake for obvious reasons. Hung by a large white bow.

70. Sometimes it helps to have the heart on the inside.

You’d think it was a wreath within a wreath. And you’d be right.

71. Someone must’ve shot through this large pink heart of flowers.

The flowers are in 3 shades of pink, by the way. Great for hanging in the window for all to see.

72. There’s always another way to make hearts go around.

These are from a card suite. Each one has strips of cloth next to it.

73. Celebrate Valentine’s Day by showing your love in lights.

This one has a red heart. And yes, these light up like you wouldn’t believe.

74. Grow your plants in these V-Day pots.

Sure, they don’t contain any flowers. But you have to love the puns.

75. Love is always best expressed with flowers.

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This one has matching pink roses around the “O” in “love.” So pretty.

76. Yarn hearts go well on a yarn wreath.

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Well, the hearts have yarn wrapped around them. One even has an arrow through it.

77. Give your little love bug a pair of V-Day booties.

They’re crocheted with hearts on top. So cute.

78. Adorn this fancy heart brooch this Valentine’s Day.

This one has golden crocheted lace. Love the pearls on it though.

79. For a more tame wreath, try red burlap.

This one has hearts on the ribbon near the bottom. Love the zigzag bow on top.

80. In this frame, you’ll find plenty of hanging hearts.

This one has plenty of plastic hearts and beads hanging. And yes, the frame is quite fancy.

81. Perhaps you might want to try a button wreath.

The buttons are all pink and of all sizes. While it’s hung by a chain.

82. You’ll find hearts all over this V-Day wreath.

Some are glittering. While some have polka dots. There are even a few love bugs, too.

83. It takes many pink hearts to make a wreath.

This one is made from wood matching the ladder, or so it seems. While it’s topped with a pale pink bow.

84. You can fit plenty of hearts inside goblet.

Well, doesn’t seem what I had in mind but, okay. Still, not sure how many glittering hearts you can fit inside them.

85. Anyone would want a Valentine’s Day heart wreath with ribbons.

The ribbons have all kinds of patterns as well. But the striped bow on top stands out.

86. Got an old window? Make a mirror out of it.

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This one has a couple of hearts in the middle. So lovely, isn’t it?

87. There are plenty of hugs and kisses on this pillow.

The pillow has XO’s on it. While the fringe is quite interesting.

88. This wreath will certainly start a conversation.

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These consist of conversation hearts. Or conversation hearts made from wood and painted.

89. Keep your wine in these bags of hearts.

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These have pink hearts stitched on them. Perfect for a romantic evening.

90. Sometimes it’s sweet to start simple.

This is a simple hoop wreath. Includes flowers and tree slices saying X or O.

91. Perhaps you’d prefer a red sweater wreath.

This is a red felt wreath with flowers. Like the pearl centers, too.

92. These conversation heart rings have plenty to say.

You can have them say anything you want. Yet, you can’t buy the real candies though.

93. This Valentine’s Day, let your love grow.

This one spells “LOVE” with each letter in a flower pot. Also has hearts rising from them, too.

94. Curl up on the couch with one of these heart pillows.

Available in red, pink, and white. The white one is especially shiny.

95. Nothing’s sweeter than a heart of roses.

This one is made within a picture frame. Like the intricate design.

96. You can’t have a heart wreath without roses.

This one only has roses on one side. Yet, the bouquet is tied with a burlap bow.

97. A red felt heart can always be fancy.

This one has pearls laced in them. While it’s held up by a white ribbon and a rose.

98. A yarn wreath can always be framed.

Helps if it’s against some sheet music. Wonder what the song is.

99. Welcome your guests with a heart wreath that shimmers and shines.

This one is covered in jewelry, buttons, and pearls. Love the golden bow. So lovely.

100. Perhaps this purple jeweled wreath will suit your fancy.

Now that’s more like it. Love the beautiful jewelry on it. Wouldn’t mind having this.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Valentines (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 22, 2019

swallow-clipart-graphicsfairy012b In January, you often see stores stashed with Valentine’s Day gifts, cards, and decorations. Because let’s just say after one cash cow holiday is over, retail chains just latch onto the next. Though some do use Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday to sell stuff, which goes against the great civil rights leader’s legacy. Anyway, one tradition of Valentine’s Day is exchanging valentines filled with sentiments of love. Though some people may hold nostalgia for some of these vintage cards. Yet, do a Google search and you’ll find that many of these valentines aren’t as wholesome as many would remember. Sure they might have cutesy images. But the words can also be double entendres as well as convey some unsettling messages. While some may depict inappropriate imagery entirely. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of crazy vintage valentines. Enjoy.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the fish and the leek.

I have no idea what these two have to do with each other. Makes The Shape of Water seem comparatively tame.

2. “I’m grinding out the wish that’s my heart.”

Featuring a meat grinder in any valentine isn’t really a good idea. Seriously it makes the kid seem like a budding psychopath.

3. “Like mustard on a weenie, I’d go good with you. So be my little valentine, no one else will do!”

The girl apparently seems impressed by the size of the, uh, hotdog. Seriously, I know the dirty implications of “weenie.”

4. “In spite of all I have to do, I’ll never be forgetting you.”

Yet, look in the outgoing mail bin, you see that Susie doesn’t just have eyes for one. Susie is a slut.

5. “I’d share my heart with you.”

But what are they sharing? Is that ice cream? Please let it be ice cream.

6. “Baby it’s brief. I love you, my valentine.”

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And here’s a girl lounging in a sexy pose on a beach chair. Definitely not appropriate for a Valentine’s Day card.

7. Nothing says Valentine’s Day than one of a scary clown.

And you thought Pennywise was creepy. This guy’s guaranteed to haunt your dreams.

8. “You’re such a pretty little tot/I hope that U will forget me not.”

Cue the girl reaching into her pocket and pulling out a vial of mace to spray into that boy’s face. I’m sure he has it coming.

9. “Please be ‘frank’, Valentine, ‘must’d be a ‘long’ wait?”

Cue how he’s got a hungry look in his eyes. And I don’t think it’s for hotdogs either.

10. Nothing will please but the whole package.

This is rather suggestive, especially with “Big Boy” at the end. Also, the drawing kind of freaks me out.

11. “Every evening after nine, I dream of you, my Valentine.”

Yet, looking into his cold dead eyes, you wish he wouldn’t. Seriously, the kid’s creeping me out.

12. Will you be my valentine, please?

Still, “Little Girl” and “Big Boy” doesn’t seem to have appropriate connotation. Also, the girl seems desperate.

13. “I’d like to be my neighbor’s valentine.”

Sure the kids may not mind. But both seem to have a look that would lead to a restraining order.

14. “I love you now, as I always did./I even loved you as a kid.”

Okay, this seems a bit creepy. And I think the girl and the cat in the baby carriage is quite freaked out.

15. “I’d love to saddle myself off on you for life!”

May be innocent enough. But “saddle” seems to carry a rather sexual double entendre. Let’s hope she’s not on a one trick pony.

16. “Stealing a heart is no crime.”

Is that girl’s dress up? Seems like it. Still, the rabbit really doesn’t want to see that.

17. “I believe in women’s rights- and I’m right this time!”

Uh, that’s not exactly women’s rights. Besides, there’s a chance she could be wrong.

18. “I’m in a stew over you, Valentine!”

Yet, this doesn’t mean you should put a dog in a big pot of stew. Unless this is from China.

19. This clown has lots of love for you.

Still, that doesn’t mean you should go near that guy since he’s pretty terrifying. Though you have to admire how he juggles hearts and a barrel.

20. “You iss like a flower in the garden of my heart.”

I’m not sure if I’d want flowers from a kid who can easily be the killer in a horror movie. But that’s just me.

21. “You’re the girl for my boy-cycle.”

For one, the kid is as creepy as hell. Secondly, I think by “boy-cycle” he means his penis. But I must’ve had my mind in the gutter too long.

22. Happy Valentine’s Day from the cross-eyed Dutch girl.

This must’ve been the fault of the illustration. But you wonder if the girl doesn’t see a doctor. Then again, she might not be able to afford it.

23. “You’ve got me eating out of your hands, my Valentine.”

I’m guessing the gator is into the girl in the grass skirt. And the girl seems okay with it. Or is that supposed to be a dinosaur? Oh, God, I’m confused.

24. “I aim to make you my Valentine. Can I be your big shot?”

Again, with the gunplay. Still, no, I don’t want to be your “big shot.”

25. “I’m fiddling while my heart burns for you, Valentine.”

It’s almost as if he’s a little Nero in the making. Since he seems like the boy who’d fiddle while everything around him goes up in smoke. Mostly because he started the fire.

26. “I’ve enlisted in Cupid’s Army.”

Apparently, Cupid sees no need to wear pants even in uniform. Seriously, what does he have against pants? And I hope he’s wearing underwear.

27. “Shine on me and make me glow, my Valentine.”

Did anyone notice how a lightbulb kind of resembles a pair of testicles? Maybe not until you saw this valentine. Kind of explains how men promise you love but they give you their balls.

28. “You’re so sweet- I can eat you up.”

Though it doesn’t sound quite right coming from a ferocious shark. After all, we’ve all seen Jaws.

29. “I’m fishin’ fer a little girl’s love.”

Note how he has the large gold fish between his legs. Seems suggestive for a boy doesn’t it? You can see why he wants a little girl’s “love.”

30. “I’ll hammer away till you’re mine.”

Hammering away till they’re yours isn’t a good relationship strategy. If she doesn’t want you, she doesn’t want you. Also, he’s totally nailing the heart.

31. Hope your valentine is out of this world.

See how the heart is strategically placed over the alien’s chest. Still, I think it’s supposed to be a girl given the eyelashes and pony tail.

32. “I’m gunning for you, Valentine! I aim to please you!”

The gun and holster image shows that this pertains to sex. Seriously, they don’t even try to imply it.

33. Looks like Cupid is staging a stick up.

Seems like he’s after love and money. Yet, he doesn’t seem intimidating wearing a golden belt with a holster.

34. “Pop! Pop!…will go this gun of mine as long as you’re my Valentine!”

Don’t think a boy should be putting his hand into a cannon. Else he’ll either end up in the ER or six feet under.

35. “Be my Valentine. I think you are a deer.”

You mean you think I’m someone to shoot at and make into food and clothes. Also, it’s cool for white kids to dress as Native Americans.

36. Happy Valentine’s Day from Officer Monkey.

And that monkey has a gun and a night stick. I think you want to watch out for him and run for the hills.

37. “I will have an axe to grind unless you’ll be my valentine.”

Boy isn’t messing around either. So accept him or he’ll hack you to pieces. Seriously, this is messed up.

38. “We’d be way out on Valentine’s Day.”

Didn’t know they had valentines of the Rolling Stones. Guess this one is Mick Jagger. Though you won’t get any satisfaction from this one.

39. “My heart’s zooming like a rocket for you, Valentine.”

And yet he’s holding onto a rocket shooting up into space. Note the phallic imagery as it’s situated between his legs.

40. Someone’s hunting for your heart.

The boy is on a boat with a gun and holding a gun. So run for the hills or he’ll bag you as a trophy.

41. So does a tennis player score at all when making love?

I bet the gist of this card is: “So do you think I’m great in bed?” But they used tennis motifs to make it seem wholesome when it’s not.

42. “You’re different, Valentine!”

Yet, this one features a tiki mask. Something that Polynesian people hold as a sacred image. Oh, commercialism, what will you debase next?

43. Green Arrow is aiming for his valentine.

Yet, unlike Cupid, I don’t think his arrows will make you fall in love with someone. Rather they’ll probably kill you. Also, he kind of resembles a sex dungeon Robin Hood.

44. He’s out to trap his valentine.

Sure he might be stalking for his valentine. But at least he’s got a blunderbuss. So he’s only got one shot.

45. “I want a good girl-bad!”

Yet, smoking a cigarette while being dressed in shorts and a sweater won’t help. Seriously, he reminds me of a pint-sized Victor McLagen from The Informer.

46. Of course, Valentine’s Day has its share of broken hearts.

Though this is just utterly ridiculous. Seriously, she might be sad. But she kind of makes me wonder if the designers were on drugs at the time.

47. Perhaps you might want to buy a watermelon.

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Okay, this is really racist. Yeah, I know it was a different time. But still, the offensiveness must be noted. Also, see how the girl has bare feet and is smiling.

48. Want to do the hula for love?

Not sure if this is offensive. But what the hell is the girl wearing under her grass skirt?

49. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like the sound of a machine gun from the trenches.

What does Valentine’s Day have to do with a combat zone? Shouldn’t love be about promoting peace between nations? Not killing each other?

50. Want to propose to your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day? Send them this lobster valentine.

Well, chances are if you’re using a ring, you can’t afford a lobster dinner anyway. Still, lobster is a strange thing to put on a valentine.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 12, 2019

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Since my 29th birthday is on January 13, it’s only natural that I do another edition of messed up birthday cakes from Cake Wrecks. When we make a cake in our homes for our loved ones, we usually expect that mistakes will be made since we’re not anticipated a masterpiece. But when we purchase a cake from a store or bakery, we expect that it will look as perfect as the picture in the book. Yet, since we have a website like Cake Wrecks, we should know full well that this isn’t the case. Sometimes the decorators may not know how to take directions. Sometimes they’re not great artists that the cake looks creepy or disgusting. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of screwed up birthday cakes. Enjoy. By the way, some of these may not be safe for work.

I think they meant a 2 in blue.

This one has piping in red while it says “too No in Blue.” But at least it has 2 candles.

2. When you need a cake to cover 3 occasions for your dad.

Guess this was made for a dad who just got out of prison. Though it also works as a 50 Shades of Grey theme.

3. “Nobody Likes You When You’re 23.”

That’s not a great message to put on cake. This is especially the case with the smiley face containing x’s.

4. Perhaps you might want to rethink the hotdog cake.

Yeah, that hotdog doesn’t look right. Not to mention, the drizzle doesn’t resemble mustard.

5. Who doesn’t want a SpongeBob cake?

That SpongeBob looks really disgusting, especially around the nose. Also, why does the cake have 6 candles.

6. Seems like Alexis will be very disappointed.

Since Alexis wanted the letters in pink. While the decorator didn’t know how to follow directions.

7. I don’t think Bobby will get his Lone Ranger cake.

The cake doesn’t even resemble a western scene. Also, “lone” is spelled “loan.”

8. Happy Birthday to Jenifer with “One N Only.”

Well, at least they spell her name right. Though the “F” is capitalized.

9. Of course, every child likes a clown cake.

Suddenly, Pennywise doesn’t seem too bad despite being an actual killer clown. Seriously, why do they cater clowns to children?

10. Speaking of Pennywise, this cake should make Stephen King fans rejoice.

Well, if you want an IT themed party, you can’t go wrong with this. Since this cake can terrify the shit out of you.

11. Any little boy would enjoy an epic Avengers cake.

Okay, if your son is into superheroes, you might want a cake that doesn’t include Thor’s hammer. In case Thor’s hammer resembles a dildo.

12. If you want to see Nightwing go against the Joker, you might like this cake.

Actually you’d hate it. Since it basically consists of badly drawn figures playing basketball.

13. They only needed to put “Happy Birthday” on the cake.

But someone just had to repeat the instructions. You have to wonder who decorates these things sometimes.

14. A Winnie the Pooh cake is always a wholesome choice.

What the hell are Pooh, Tigger, and Eeyore are doing? Seriously, this can’t be good.

15. I don’t think Bobby will be pleased.

Since it’s spelled out as “Booby.” Hope that doesn’t result in someone getting stuck with a bad nickname for life.

16. Someone wants sprinkles all over the monitor?

Apparently, that’s what it says. Not sure why. Seems like someone doesn’t follow directions.

17. Perhaps you’d like to do nails on a cake.

But the disembodied braceleted hands doesn’t seem to help matters. Since that’s kind of creepy.

18. Didn’t like the Minnie you put on the cake? Turn it into a bowtie.

At least someone realized they made a mistake. Still, doesn’t seem to help matters as you can see.

19. So is this a cake for Buddy?

Someone doesn’t seem so sure who this cake is for. Since there’s a question mark at the end.

20. Happy Birthday, Picks?

Must be short for “Pickles” I guess. Still, doesn’t seem to go with the blue flowers.

21. You can just put the plaque right around the edges.

Except it says, “Happy Birthday Plaque” like they expected it to be for anyone. And in pink icing, too.

22. Well, do you want it to say “Happy Birthday” or not?

Apparently, some decorators pretty much put on what they hear on the phone. Wonder what was going on here.

23. For God’s sake, that’s not how you draw Mickey Mouse!

Seriously, a blackface Mickey Mouse? Did the decorator have any idea of how extremely racist that is? Then again, Walt Disney didn’t see anything wrong with doing Song of the South.

24. Since when did Mickey have fangs?

Excuse me, but that no way resembles Mickey Mouse. More like the Big Bad Wolf getting ditched by his prom date.

25. Apparently, you can’t use spell check on cake decorating.

Yeah, the punctuation is horrible on this one. Also I’m not sure what that saying means. Hope Sue isn’t a grammar Nazi.

26. I don’t think that’s a great way to describe how someone’s aging.

Also, that wine glass reminds me more of a misshapen toilet plunger. Seriously, how hard is it is to do wine glasses?

27. So it’s somebody’s buttday, isn’t it?

Hope Sue isn’t too self-conscious. Because this is definitely something nobody wants on a cake, let alone a woman.

28. Hope you can blow the candles off this one, Oliver.

Okay, “blow that” shouldn’t be on a cake. Because that could have a lot of a lot of negative and sexual connotations. Oh, it’s supposed to be “below.”

29. Perhaps you should go with a birthday message that doesn’t get censored.

Also, that says “Jappy” instead of “Happy.” Not the kind of message you’d want to open with.

30. You should always remember your followers on their special day.

It says, “Happy Birthday Stalker!” Makes me wonder what the relationship is between them.

31. Those who love the Smurfs would enjoy this cake.

What the hell is wrong with his nose? Seriously, that’s messed up.

32. Hope you can appreciate a cake of your neighborhood Spiderman.

Okay, that didn’t turn out well. Also, is that supposed to be a hand?

33. Any boy would love an Iron Man cake on his birthday.

From Cake Wrecks: “Huh, I’ve never heard of Iron Man’s “exploding crotch” feature before. Must be an upgrade.”

34. You’d get excited over this monster truck cake.

Yet, this truck seems to go on the shitty path. Seriously, the trail resembles a huge turd.

35. Don’t have Ninja Turtles? Perhaps a pencil box will do.

Well, at least Craig’s getting a new pencil box for his birthday. Though I don’t think he’d want one.

36. I guess Delia is into rock music.

From Cake Wrecks: “Clearly the baker just wanted to protect the identities of those poor musicians.” Seems reasonable.

37. Are you a boy who likes video games? This Mario cake is for you.

Yet, I think the inscription shouldn’t have been handled by someone who transcribes like this. But at least they included an 8.

38. I sense a disturbance in the Force.

Just because Disney now owns Star Wars. Doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to put Disney characters on a Star Wars cake. Because it isn’t.

39. Plenty of boys would love a Ninja Turtles cake.

Guess that’s what they look like without their shells. Still, I don’t want to see that at all.

40. when it comes to baseball, please don’t include a bat.

I know that’s supposed to be a baseball bat. But it looks more like a wooden lightsaber, a magic wand, or a dildo.

41. Hope Patrick doesn’t have a crappy birthday this year.

Apparently, he doesn’t mind having smiling turds on his cake. Still, it’s kind of hilarious.

42. Don’t have Power Rangers for a cake? Use a T-shirt pic.

This seems kind of cheap if you ask me. Seriously, you have to wonder about this.

43. Not sure what Derek’s friends think about him from this cake.

Of course, we all know what a “douchebag” is. Then again, it just might be a term of endearment in this case.

44. A little princess must have a Barbie Princess Tiara cake.

From Cake Wrecks: “All I see is a giant cat’s paw. Does Barbie have a cat? Is this somehow related? Am I over-thinking this? Where are you all going?”

45. Is that supposed to be a dragon head?

Actually I’m not really sure what this is supposed to be. A frog? A fish? An alien?

46. If you have a winter birthday, you might want a cake of a snowy landscape.

Looks more like a tree monster. And right now it’s hungry.

47. Well, at least that would be good news for anyone with celiac disease.

Though would you want that written on a cake? Probably not.

48. Sometimes a request doesn’t really pan out.

I think the family wanted musical notes drawn at the cake. Unfortunately, one decorator didn’t get the memo.

49. Apparently, Case doesn’t have a preference.

Yet, the bakery could use someone who doesn’t write down everything the customer says. Kind of detracts from the aesthetic.

50. What the hell happened to Scooby Doo?

Seems like the dog is on drugs or has been through a horrible accident. Hasn’t been the same since.

51. Do you want to eat a snowman?

This was for a 12-year-old. But it’s clear they’re not a snowman. Because snowmen don’t last that long. Except on Hoth.

52. Would you like the message on top?

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Note how it’s phrased like a question. Though they put the message on top anyway.

53. If you like Speedracer, this cake is for you.

Apparently, the decorator isn’t familiar with the material. Still, the first part is, “Go Peed Race” which is hilarious.

54. When someone wants sprinkles, you’d better give them sprinkles.

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Yet, someone just wrote what the person ordered on the cake. And there are no sprinkles around it.

55. Seems like someone doesn’t feel fond of the birthday boy.

I guess this one was for a joke. Yet, why did the words appear in yellow?

56. Apparently, 1971 was a great vintage.

Yet, we should know that while aged wine may peak at some point, it reaches a point of decline. Though such is life.

57. So is it supposed to be Mom or Mother? Let’s go with both.

It says “Momther” as if they couldn’t choose between the two. That’s not even a word. Or should we add it to the dictionary?

58. “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” But maybe not like that.

Okay, that’s pretty disgusting. Seriously, that’s a really long hairball.

59. They asked to have it in green.

Instead, it’s written in red. But at least you can see a green balloon.

60. Someone must be a fan of NFL Monday night football.

This one has a scantily clad woman riding a football. Not sure how that works, but I get the idea.

61. So is this for a 20th or 40th birthday?

Because the cake has 40 on it. While the candles say 20. Not sure how that works.

62. Those are supposed to be balloons, by the way.

Yet, looking at them, they seem like black and blue sperm. Not exactly what you’d want on a cake.

63. I’m sure a clown will put a smile on your face.

Okay, that’s incredibly terrifying. Like something out of a nightmare or scary Asian theater.

64. They’re supposed to be brown balloons.

Though they more likely resemble turds with tails. Yeah, kind of shitty isn’t it?

65. Well, a cat cake might be cute.

Actually, I changed my mind. In fact, this cat is quite terrifying, even with the party hat.

66. It’s not every day you get booze on your 18th birthday.

Yet, you wouldn’t get away with this in America. Since the drinking age in the US in 21.

67. When you turn 17, you shouldn’t forget to wear underwear.

Though when you’re 17, you shouldn’t be reminded on it. Least of all on a birthday cake.

68. Any kid would enjoy a monkey cake.

Okay, that monkey’s quite frightening. Not something for a 2-year-old’s party.

69. Please use abbreviations for the months if you have to.

Yet, some people just don’t know how to take directions. So you get a message like this.

70. Mind where the hooves dig in.

Also, it seems the candles are coming from the horse’s ass. Also is that a pile of poo behind it?

71. Looks like the racer has gotten into an accident.

Yet, the track looks quite messy for Motocross doesn’t it? Also I don’t think the racer will get out of the icing.

72. A Harry Potter cake will certainly bring out the magic.

What the hell is up with his mouth? Seriously, that just looks really weird.

73. Well, Brian said he’s a Red Sox fan.

Okay, the bat should go. Seriously, the phallic imagery is apparent.

74. Nothing makes a birthday cake like one with your face on it.

I’d have to be an egomaniac to want that. Because this looks really strange if you ask me.

75. Sometimes less characters isn’t always better.

I’m sure this is for a kid’s 13th birthday. But you’d think it was for a 13th, uh, something else.

76. Superman always flies faster than a speeding bullet.

However, Superman looks more like he’s resting than flying through the sky to save people. Kind of lame if you think about it.

77. People always need support when they turn 40.

Not sure if showing support means whipping out a bra. Then I get it’s supposed to be a joke.

78. Seems like Tinkerbell has really let herself go.

God, her head is quite misshapen on this cake. While her wings are quite small.

79. Perhaps a dog cake will amuse you.

Okay, that kind of frightens me. Seriously, the dog looks like it’s about to bite at somebody’s heels in cold blood.

80. If you like unicorns, you’ll love a cake like this.

Though I’m not sure about the message. But at least they gave the unicorn a sweet pink mane.

Frosty the Snowman and All His Friends (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 21, 2018

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Now that I have my Christmas posts out of the way, I get into the snow and ice posts. Mostly since they don’t have to apply to Christmas specifically but winter in general. Though the pictures for these posts are usually in my Christmas folder in my pic files. Anyway, despite that today is the first day of winter, there’s not a lot of snow outside my window. Rain, yes. But not snow. Though if it gets cold enough the water on the ground will turn to ice and make driving quite dangerous. Anyway, if the snow has been around for awhile, kids and many adults might want to build snowmen. The standard version usually has 3 snowballs of various sides put together with stick arms, coal buttons and eyes, and a button or carrot nose. While the figure may wear a scarf and hat. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of unique snowmen to lighten your cold winter day.

So what if you can’t watch TV outside?

Here he is watching from his deck. I’m sure the TV is a piece of junk since we know what precipitation can have on electronics.

2. Quick, there’s a snowman with a gun! Run for your life!

And the snowman has had a few rounds fired into him. While he’s holding a beer. Guess he’s been drunk.

3. “I now pronounce you snowman and wife.”

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I mean they’re a snowman wedding couple. Bride even has a veil and towel on her head.

4. This snowman hails straight from Appalachia.

Appalachia is supposed to be a college by the way. Though you have to love that hat.

5. Guess we have a hit and run on Oak Street.

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This is supposed to be a snowman run over by a car. And yes, he’s decapitated in front of a parent and child.

6. What the hell is he eating?

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I think he’s devouring a raccoon. And yes, it’s utterly disgusting.

7. You’d swear their eyes glow in the snow.

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Not sure what they use in those yes. But the effect is quite eerie.

8. Never thought I’d see a snow camel before.

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Because camels are desert animals. Yet, the camel dons a scarf around its neck.

9. Seems like we got quite a crowd.

Some even wear pails as hats. Others use branches from evergreen trees for hair.

10. Apparently, it’s supposed to rain today.

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Though I wouldn’t be in the middle of the street if I were him. Though he always comes prepared.

11. This guy seems unusually fruity.

Since they use fruit for the facial features. Still, the tie is quite tacky.

12. The roads can use a good sweeping.

Here’s a mother and daughter with leaves in their hair. The mom carries a broom.

13. This babushka wishes you stay awhile.

She’s wearing a fancy skirt and carries a broom in hand. But please don’t mess with her.

14. Perhaps you’d like to wish this Indian snow bride well on her wedding day.

Since Indian women usually wear red when they get married. Though she doesn’t even have henna on her hands.

15. Look out! It’s the big bad wolf!

He’s killed a couple of snowmen already Get inside before he gets you.

16. These snowmen have come out to protest.

They’re calling for the troops in Iraq to come home. So it’s from about a decade ago.

17. Didn’t know you could build a snowman on the beach.

Actually he’s more of a sandman than a snowman. Because there’s no snow where he’s at.

18. He’s just relaxing during a lazy Sunday afternoon.

He’s got his drink and lying on his lawn chair. So don’t mind him.

19. Is that a pole sticking from his chest?

It’s kind of gruesome snowman picture. Like he had something stabbed through his chest.

20. There are a couple of Arabs in the truck bed.

The snowman is a sheik. While you can barely see his wife’s face due to her veil.

21. She’s just in town on a shopping trip.

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She has grass on her head near her beret. Though her shopping bag is quite small.

22. You’d think this snowy fox is off the wagon.

Since the fox is carrying a bottle of booze. So it’s best you stay away from him.

23. There’s a polar bear in the tree.

This seems to more likely resemble a clump of snow with eyes and nose. But it’s quite adorable.

24. Want to see a couple of handstands.

You can see the snow kids standing upside down with their boots in the air. While the snow dad looks on.

25. There’s been a murder. Death by snow shovel.

There’s even a chalk outline of a snowman on the ground. While the snow cop has a snow star badge.

26. Want to sit near this huge teddy bear?

Yes, this is a giant snow bear. Though I think it should have a thicker scarf.

27. “Hey, why did you go through Charlie?”

Well, the kid was sledding. Still, it’s quite a gruesome scene for winter.

28. Would you stop by to see this bear?

It has a present in its arms and a bucket to put money in. Still, it’s quite cute.

29. Seems like this guy has his nose in something.

He seems like he’s lounging around with a drink. Still, his fedora is incredibly tacky.

30. This snow woman is looking forward to spring.

Yet, she should want winter to last as long as possible. Mostly because when spring comes, she’s gone.

31. You need not disturb a snow lady in the shower.

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Her arms consist of a shower head and bathing brush. Also, is the snow below supposed to be bubbles?

32. You’d swear it’s getting hot for these 2.

Since the snow woman is wearing a bikini. While the snowman lies around to gaze at her figure.

33. Could you spare some change for a poor snowman?

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He even has a cup out for the money. Every little bit helps.

34. Anyone would want to pet this snow cat.

This one Seems quite simple. But the cat has dark, soulless eyes.

35. Jesus, that snowman eats people!

I’m sure that’s actually a dummy. But certainly looks scary from this angle.

36. Bet you’ve never seen a snow panda before.

This is from Japan after a snowfall, by the way. Nonetheless, it’s quite adorable.

37. You’d swear this snow lady was a work of art.

She’s supposed to be a mermaid. Like the Copenhagen mermaid statue in Denmark.

38. This snowman always enjoys a day in the park.

Here the snowman goes down on the slide. Wheee!

39. This snowman thinks it’s snowed too soon.

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Yes, that snowman isn’t quite happy. Neither is that kid beside him.

40. Oh my God, it’s Harry Potter!

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Indeed, he’s the Snowboy who lived. While his wand is just a regular stick.

41. This fellow prefers to ride on the roof.

Since this snowman was made on the roof of this car. Not sure if it’ll survive the trip though.

42. BB8 is at your service.

He’s that cute little droid from the new Star Wars series. And since he’s round, he makes a rather cute snowman.

43. This snow person dreams of Hawaiian sun.

This one even has coconut shells, leis, and a hula skirt. Too bad Hawaii doesn’t have good weather for snow.

44. Seems like this snow caterpillar is worming its way through.

Took a lot of snowballs to make this one. While it’s spray painted green with glowing antennas.

45. Someone is in a melting mood today.

This one even has an umbrella in the snow. But it will soon melt someday.

46. This rustic couple always stays together.

They’re wearing straw hats and old clothes. But while he has a stick she has an umbrella.

47. This snowman has his own digs.

Well, he has a rather simple home. Though the price looks quite steep.

48. Perhaps it’s best to sit down for awhile.

This snowman sits on the bench. Too bad he can’t smell the flowers. Since it’s winter.

49. This little dog loves to play in the snow.

Okay, the little dog is made out of snow. But it should delight anyone on a cold wintry day.

50. “You seek Snoda.”

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Skilled with fighting stick, he is. But do or do not. There is no try.

51. This snowman acts as if he’s at the beach.

Here he’s lounging on his lawn chair. Like the bucket and shovel.

52. “Oppa Snowman Style.”

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It’s from that “Gangnam Style” video. And yes, the guy’s dressed up like the snowman next to him.

53. This snow person is totally lovestruck.

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Guess this is for Valentine’s Day. Now that’s a long way away.

54. This snowman would like to make a collect call.

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Still, nobody uses phone booths anymore. Since we all use smart phones that we keep in our pockets or bags.

55. Want to go bowling?

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Though these snowmen use their heads as the ball. Kind of freaky if you ask me.

56. Snowmen have to wait in line just like the rest of us.

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Here he is sitting on the bench reading the paper. Just like a normal guy on his way to the office.

57. “Repent! Spring is Nigh!”

This one makes fun of religious fanatics obsessed with the coming apocalypse. But for snowfolk, spring is very much the end.

58. You’d be blessed to have this snow couple around.

I think the snowman is supposed to be an Orthodox priest. And yes, they can get married, by the way.

59. Bet you’ve never seen a snow tiger before.

It’s even taller than the snowman. While it’s covered in spray paint.

60. Some guys will gawk at this snow woman.

Since she’s supposed to be a bombshell bathing beauty. Guaranteed to stop traffic.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 20, 2018

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During my first year in college, my mom took pictures of me and my sister outside to pose in photos with the dog, Diamond. My mom would later use one of the black and white pictures for our Christmas card that year.

For many, there’s no place like home during the holiday season. Since how else will you get those presents? Okay, I’m kidding. Still, Christmas is a time we spend with our families or our in-laws if you’re my dad. Seriously, my parents never had any debate on whose relatives to visit during the holidays since it was always my mom’s relatives. Because most of my dad’s relatives were either dead or lived far away along with being distantly related. Besides, when my Grandma C was alive, we’d take her with us. Anyway, when it comes to the holidays, we expect to have rosy memories with nice little photos to go with them. But human nature being what it is, things don’t always go that way. After all, I’ve managed to do 4 of these posts thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas memories thanks to Awkward Family Photos. Enjoy.

You can’t have a Christmas portrait without including the family dog.

Though I don’t know about this arrangement. Seriously, the guy’s disembodied head is just weird.

2. It always helps to pose wearing your ugly sweater.

Though they don’t seem to smile in the foreground. In fact, their faces in the background seems to represent happier times.

3. Don’t forget to pose with the lapdogs.

You can see that these people are stinking rich as hell. And I’m sure they don’t look after the dogs themselves. Talk about excess.

4. There are some ugly sweaters more embarrassing than others.

The guy just feels like, “Holy shit, my whole family’s going to see me in this in our Christmas card. God, I hope our kids don’t see this someday.”

5. Apparently, this fly on the wall has a camera.

You can see that nobody wants to pose for the photo here. Cue the guy whose head you can’t see.

6. There’s always someone in the family who doesn’t smile.

Apparently, they didn’t have photoshop back then. So a cutout of Dad’s smile was included.

7. “At least I didn’t get that ugly cat sweater.”

Indeed, the cat shirts are ugly. But the dark haired girl is greatly embarrassed.

8. These kids celebrate Christmas on the streets.

This family did a Jersey Shore themed Christmas card portrait with their kids. Don’t ask.

9. And that’s one on the nose.

Well, the kid received a new pair of boxing gloves. So what do you expect?

10. Always mind the shadows.

The woman on the left seems like she’s evil incarnate and about to chase children with an axe. The other two may just be her minions.

11. The first Christmas since the lobotomy is always the hardest.

Okay, I know this is kind of mean. But I have to admit that the boy looks like a zombie for some reason.

12. I think Dad might want to avoid the local bar scene for awhile.

I mean the guy has 2 black eyes, I had to invent something. Still, the baby’s angry look is utterly priceless.

13. You’re never too old to see Santa Claus.

Actually, you can as you see with these middle-aged women. Whereas, Santa is like, “This doesn’t seem part of my job description.”

14. Since ugly sweaters have become popular, many take selfies wearing them.

Those are supposed to be 3 deer humping. Also, how old is this guy? Cause he looks like a teenager.

15. “Did I just throw something?”

It’s definitely the kid on the left. Also, what kind of parent makes their kids pose with a utility heater? Seriously, what the hell?

16. Apparently, the visit to Santa didn’t go as expected.

The kid looks pretty glum since he probably didn’t want to be there. While the Santa looks pretty shady, especially with those glasses.

17. “Look out, frisbee!”

Yet, the family seems quite oblivious to the situation with the dad kind of falling asleep. Not something you’d want in a Christmas card.

18. “Goalie gloves? Oh, you shouldn’t have.”

I think the gloves were a joke gift. In any case, she didn’t find it funny.

19. Don’t be afraid to get your feet in the water.

I know this is for a Christmas card. Yet, the kids just want to be as far from the parents as possible.

20. The family that dresses together stays together.

But white turtlenecks? Seriously, that’s kind of tacky.

21. That present seems oddly strategically placed.

That present is just as big as the kid. Wonder what’s in it that makes one want to open it.

22. “Mom likes you best.”

The little boy just can’t seem to smile for the camera. Though he enviously looks at his brother who his parents see as practically perfect in every way.

23. “Quick get in the photo!”

Apparently, she didn’t get in the picture in time. While a guy just looks into his phone. Seriously, they could’ve just took a selfie or get Jessie’s boyfriend to take the picture.

24. “Smile for the camera, kiddos.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “My sister and I thought it might be a good idea to have our kids’ photos taken as a Christmas present for my mom. With two hungry, tired newborn babies and a bored 3 year old, it was quite possibly the worst day of our lives. This was the best pic we could get of all three of them.”

25. When Santa freaks the baby out so much he pees his pants.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My youngest son peed all over Santa at the moment this picture was being taken, and Santa had some ‘choice words’ at that moment too. Meanwhile, my oldest son doesn’t know where a wristwatch goes.”

26. Timmy seems very proud of his ugly Christmas sweater this year.

So they have sweater like that in child size? Seriously, the boy’s grandma will not be amused. His grandpa on the other hand…

27. The holidays are a time to be merry.

Yet, this family seems quite depressed for some reason. Guess you can’t have a merry Christmas every year.

28. When your Christmas card picture goes totally wrong.

Seems like everyone is doing their own thing in this picture. Then again, it’s quite difficult to get children to sit still.

29. No child is ever too young for parents to embarrass.

Doesn’t help that the dad has no idea how to pose at the fireplace. While the girl doesn’t seem to be having it.

30. When you and your relatives get the same sports bra for Christmas.

Well, this is certainly awkward. Also, who the hell thinks a bra as a Christmas present is a good idea?

31. Perhaps the jammie pose wasn’t a good idea.

Most of the time, the dad wears long johns. Yet, he shouldn’t have put his hand between his legs.

32. Talk about falling flat on your face.

Yet, her sister smiles and holds her giant ornament for the camera. Acting as if nothing had happened.

33. “A Rough Rider BB Gun? Just what I always wanted.”

This is from A Christmas Story. And yes, Mom and Randy are worried about Ralphie shooting his eye out.

34. When the cork pops at the exact wrong moment.

Yes, that hit him right in the eye. Hope he can explain his shiner on New Years.

35. There’s a reason why men shouldn’t do Christmas cards.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My wife left the Christmas cards to me. She designed the front, but didn’t know about the back until all 50+ cards were shipped.”

36. There’s no better Christmas party than a solo party.

Yes, she photoshopped pictures of herself into one room. Kind of pathetic, actually.

37. Christmas is always the happiest time of year.

Wonder if this couple is spending their last Christmas together. Since the woman holding the doll doesn’t seem too pleased in this picture.

38. This year’s Christmas card theme: The Grinch.

Though I’m not sure if the dad makes a convincing Grinch. Like the hairdos.

39. When your parents want you to settle down.

Yeah, you can guess she has no man and no job. Of course, my parents will probably give me books like this sometime soon.

40. “But, Grandma, I don’t want to play Little Red Riding Hood.”

Wait until you see her brother dressed as the wolf. Seriously, you don’t want to venture into a dark forest in that.

41. Now that doesn’t seem like responsible parenting.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is a photo of my brother’s family. We were trying to get a nice Christmas card photo, and my brother was getting rid of his beer so it wouldn’t be in the picture. He wasn’t fast enough.”

42. “Didn’t they ask you not to wear your Hulk shirt?”

That doesn’t seem appropriate for a family Christmas photo. But Uncle Larry owns a comic book store and doesn’t seem to care.

43. Wonder what Justin Timberlake got in his Christmas present.

This was back when he was in ‘NSYNC. Now he just looks ridiculous. While his present seems to resemble box of wine.

44. When your family makes an ornament of you suffering in the snow.

That’s not something you put in a Christmas ornament. Wonder how that girl’s putting up with that.

45. When your Christmas photo gets a rude surprise.

From Awkward Family Photos: “We took the kids to take pictures with Santa. Needless to say we were shocked as we scrolled through the photos and saw our daughter’s middle finger up with her head turned and smiling.”

46. Hope you had a better Christmas than this family.

Yes, this is another Christmas Story card shot. One of the kids wears a pink bunny outfit.

47. Apparently, someone looked into Hannibal Lecter’s fridge.

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Don’t worry, those aren’t human remains. They’re just reserved for humans.

48. Unfortunately, Susie’s visit with Santa did not go well.

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While little Petey has peed his pants. Indeed, it’s not unusual for kids to be afraid of Santa.

49. “Now, Dylan, we don’t clutch our crotches in the picture.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “Siblings Xmas photo circa 1980. I’m the one grabbing my crotch. This is the picture my parents chose to display.”

50. Sometimes it’s best to keep the dogs as far apart as possible.

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Since they’re basically humping in front of everyone to their dismay. Because dogs don’t care about privacy and photo ops.

51. Keep in mind when making signs that spacing is important.

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Because you get signs like this. By the way, that’s supposed to be “wise men” not “semen.”

52. Someone is scared of the Krampus.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This year a local costume shop was offering Krampus photos if you bring your own camera. Not much advertising, so no line when we arrived, just a guy in a suit and this lovely setup. My son is 5 and decided he wasn’t into taking a photo — no surprise — so he just look bummed out the whole time. Works for me.”

53. They seem to start so young, do they?

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Sophie may only be a few months old. But she already knows some ways of expressing herself, particularly in her disgust.

54. Rosie always comes prepared on Christmas.

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Since she’s hung an abnormally large Christmas stocking. Since she wants a lot of stuff this year.

55. Apparently, someone isn’t shy about where those presents really come from.

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So someone got the presents from Target. Though that’s not what you’re supposed to write on a present.

56. It’s going to be a dark Christmas indeed.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “Merry Christmas from your friendly, neighborhood mall goths. 2005.”

57. “No, I don’t want to sit on your lap, Santa.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “We took my daughter to get her yearly photo with Santa and when Santa asked what she’d like for Christmas she said a ‘pink’ doll. He couldn’t hear her color choice and she then very politely stuck her middle finger up and shouted ‘pink, like this!’ She had on pink fingernail polish at the time.”

58. Christmas always brings in warm smiles.

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Indeed, only one of the girls is smiling for the photo. The others, not so much.

59. Hope you have a Grinch-free holidays.

This is another Grinch Christmas card. Notice how they didn’t quite remove the makeup in the other picture.

60. When your nose runs, it just won’t stop.

Someone give Jimmy a Kleenex. Cause that’s just plain gross.

61. Always make a holiday entrance in lights.

From Awkward Family Photos: “A couple of years ago my daughter had surgery on both of her legs over Christmas break. Tired of being cooped up in the house she decided last minute she wanted to go to a Christmas party with her church youth group. We scrambled for ideas for the costume competition and settled on her being a ballerina from The Nutcracker (her sister went as a nutcracker). This was taken midway through the party when I’m pretty sure she was exhausted and maybe the pain meds started wearing off. Either way, her friends decided to make her a bit more festive and this is the end result.”

62. There are Thank You notes and there’s this.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My husband’s uncle didn’t like one of the gifts we got him for Christmas so he sent it back to us with this letter. I don’t think we’ll get him anything at all next year.”

63. Uh, those aren’t exactly Christmas socks.

More like 420 socks. If you don’t know what that is, Google it and be astonished by the term.

64. “Dad, for God’s sake, get a shirt on.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “Before our son left for the Navy we decided to take one last family vacation. Hawaii seemed perfect, however our 13-year-old daughter was less than pleased the entire trip and refused to wear shorts or anything else weather appropriate. My husband insisted on a family photo and this was the best we could do.”

65. Why not celebrate all the holidays on Christmas?

From Awkward Family Photos: “For our annual Christmas card one year, my dad decided it would be a good idea to showcase ALL of the holidays. Sancho the dog is Arbor Day.”

66. Husbands, whatever you do don’t give your wife a vacuum for Christmas.

Because it’s guaranteed that she won’t like it. Seriously, just don’t.

67. “Here, take your screaming kid off from me.”

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From Awkward Family Photos: “This is me with Santa in 1975. I can’t tell who is more unhappy, me or him.”

68. “Please don’t put me on his lap!”

From Awkward Family Photos: “My 4 year old son Jack had been asking to meet Santa. However, when we got to the mall he confessed he was nervous. When it was our turn he really didn’t want to at all, if you can’t tell.”

69. Amy knows a bad Santa when she sees one.

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From Awkward Family Photos: “We dug this gem up recently. None of us realized how creepy the Santa was except our baby sister. We still aren’t sure where the camera actually was.”

70. “Sorry, Al, but nobody’s going along with it.”

From Awkward Family Photos: Ant Man “This portrait was taken at my family’s 2010 Christmas celebration, when we gathered from all over the USA. The guy in the ant costume is my husband. Respecting the industriousness and work ethic of the European Wood Ant, he believes everyone should emulate ants for the forthcoming year. He is the only person I know who celebrates this way.”

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 17, 2018

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Though I usually put a picture of myself in these ugly Christmas sweater posts, this year I’m opening with a generic picture. Mostly because I don’t have that many ugly sweaters in my closet. Nonetheless, you can see how ugly Christmas sweaters have risen from yuletide embarrassment to holiday party staple. In fact, there’s even a recent trend where companies have made these ugly Christmas sweaters on purpose as you can see above. Hell, we even have ugly Christmas sweater parties. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of ghastly holiday sweaters. Some of these may not be safe for work, by the way.

Fans of Elf would love this Christmas sweater.

Buddy the Elf said this line. Since he grew up in the North Pole as an elf.

2. A candy cane striped sweater should always have a tinsel wreath.

Well, it’s green tinsel. Though I have to wonder whether it lights up.

3. Oh, deer.

Indeed, these are 2 deer humping over the holidays. Wonder how they managed to withhold their sex drives during hunting season.

4. Fans of A Christmas Story will adore this holiday sweater.

It’s the infamous leg lamp. Indeed, before that film’s release, it was basically something you’d find in a bar. Not anymore.

5. Perhaps you’d like a teddy bear on your Christmas sweater.

This one has golden tinsel on the sleeves as well as presents and snowflakes. The bear wears a plaid onesie, too.

6. Best to get out the Christmas craft supplies.

Yes, there’s am ugly Christmas sweater with craft stuff. Makes you wonder how the final product will turn out.

7. Ever heard of a Christmas llama with sunglasses?

Here it wears a white and green scarf. And is that holly or mistletoe?

8. No Christmas sweater can have too many pointsettias.

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His sweater even depicts a bouquet. And I can’t tell whether he’s proud of it or utterly embarrassed.

9. Oh, no, it’s the Abominable Snowman!

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This guy has a sweater depicting those old Christmas specials from the 1960s. As the Bumble dons a Santa hat.

10. Take Christmas to the next level in an ugly Christmas suit.

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This one has pictures of Christmas icons. Even comes with a matching tie.

11. Christmas is always the season for sloth.

This hoodie has a sloth on it. Donned in a Santa hat, it has a present for you.

12. You’ll run a gamut of emojis during the Christmas season.

This one has faces in Santa hats with a variety of expressions. Some even have their tongues sticking out.

13. Nothing makes Christmas like a T-Rex.

Though the dinosaurs died out long before Jesus was born. Includes rows of lights, candy canes, trees, and snowflakes.

14. On Christmas, Jesus is always the life of the party.

Since Jesus is the birthday boy. Also, he wears a party hat, too.

15. Would you like a shot or a beer with Santa?

Looks like Santa Claus may have a drinking problem. Hope he doesn’t get busted for flying his sleigh under the influence.

16. “Grandma got run over by a reindeer…”

But this time the reindeer’s driving a car with a Christmas tree on top. Still, that’s pretty brutal.

17. Ever seen a mermaid Santa before?

Yet, Santa seems to wear a seashell bra on his man boobs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s pretty unsettling.

18. Feel free to wear what you want on your Christmas dress.

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Her dress is even trimmed iwth white boa feathers. While she even wears an animal print Santa hat.

19. Oh, look a talking Christmas tree.

Says, “I don’t want your balls on me!!” I’m sure anyone over a certain age will get this one.

20. Santa always loves to show off his stuff.

Apparently, the North Pole has fallen on tough times lately that Santa had to get a second gig. But at least he’s fully clothed.

21. Santa has a big package for you.

If it’s Santa’s junk, then I don’t want it. Besides, doesn’t he have a Mrs. Claus to come home to?

22. This year, Christmas is out of this world.

Since this Christmas sweater depicts an alien in a Santa hat. Makes me wonder how aliens could celebrate Christmas though.

23. Make this Christmas a Hamilton Christmas.

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I’m sure they made this because of the musical. Because Hamilton doesn’t have much to do with Christmas besides being on the $10 bill.

24. Never thought I’d see a Christmas squatch in a bikini.

Then again, I’m sure that female sasquatches are possible. That is if sasquatches really exist.

25. Nothing makes the holidays like a sweater with dinosaurs.

The dinosaurs are green wearing Santa hats. Some on their tails.

26. When it comes to Christmas trees, some wear it for the party.

This woman wears a Christmas tree sweater with lights. While her Christmas tree hat is made of tinsel.

27. A Christmas sweater can never have too many trimmings.

This one has golden tinsel and fake holly and poinsettias. Perfect for any tacky sweater party.

28. A Christmas cat always goes for the mice.

Here the cat hangs on a tinsel wreath. While catnip hangs overhead.

29. Perhaps you might prefer a skirt of bows.

This one is covered in gift bows. While the upper hem is edged with golden tinsel.

30. Want a game of Christmas pong?

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Well, it’s like beer pong. Except all the cups are on the guy’s Christmas sweater.

31. Nobody can wait to meet Santa.

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This one has Santa visiting the kids. And they’re all crying for presents.

32. You can always be a hit at Christmas with a hunting vest.

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This one has a large jingle bell and Rudolph in a stocking. While the vest is edged with garland.

33. Apparently, the Grinch can be quite handsy.

Well, the hands are made from fuzzy feathers. So is the trim as you can see.

34. A Christmas tree always needs a star.

Since she’s wearing a Christmas tree dress. While her star is in a headband.

35. Move over, Jon Snow, for Santa Claus is King of the North.

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Here he sits on his candy cane throne. Yet, the Whitewalkers have nothing on him.

36. Can Santa pass the eggnog to Jesus?

But Santa is a selfish asshole. So Jesus isn’t exactly pleased for making a sign for Peace on Earth.

37. “Don’t eat me!”

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But Santa doesn’t really seem to care. While his friends abandon him.

38. Didn’t know you could wear a gingerbread house.

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Well, she’s wearing a gingerbread house dress. While the sides reveal a brick wall.

39. A Santa dress doesn’t always need sleeves.

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Here she wears gold bows and a belt. Though she wouldn’t last in the winter cold if she didn’t wear a coat.

40. Santa comes through the mountains on his light-up T-Rex.

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I know this is crazy. But if you like Christmas and Jurassic Park, this sweater is for you.

41. Bet you didn’t hear about the Christmas walrus.

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Well, walruses do live near the North pole. Though this one has a Santa hat and looks quite confused.

42. Talk about taking “ho, ho, ho” to a whole new level.

Mainly since this sweater depicts a stripper. Not necessarily one you’d want to wear around your folks.

43. Merry Christmas from the laser breathing T-Rex.

For the T-Rex should get all the presents. I know this one is pretty crazy in any case.

44. Nobody can resist a Christmas suit with puppies.

This one has puppies in each red and green square. So he’ll get plenty of chicks at the party. Or so he thinks.

45. A poinsettia suit will really stand out.

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Here he holds a hobby horse for good measure. Though I think the suit makes him too bright for Hawaii.

46. She thinks she’s Santa’s favorite Ho.

I don’t think that’s a good thing to be. Then again, it’s not meant to be serious.

47. A Christmas suit should always have ornaments and lights.

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After all, this is a Christmas tree camo suit. Though I’m not sure if he blends in.

48. A gingerbread man is ready to be baked.

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Yet, this is a Christmas sweater for potheads. Just look at the pot leaves to see.

49. Don’t forget to sleep in these yuletide boxers.

This one has a tie somehow. While Santas are on the side. Not sure what to think of this.

50. Frosty the Snowman smokes a gangsta pipe.

I think that’s supposed to be Snoop Dogg wearing this. Also, Frosty’s wearing a gold chain.

51. Zombies are no match for Santa Claus.

Here you see Santa with an assault weapon in the woods. And yes, he’s a zombie sleighter. Get it?

52. Even reindeer can drink too much at a party.

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Apparently, this reindeer’s going to hurl. Didn’t know they party hard like that at the North Pole.

53. Now you can ride on Santa’s sleigh.

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This one has a reindeer body that you put your head in the hoody. Wonder if it has antlers on the hood.

54. Nothing makes Christmas like a cat on a slice of pizza.

The pizza slices even travel through space. While one is decorated with ornaments.

55. A reindeer head should always have a wreath.

This guy seems quite proud of himself. Includes baubles on the wreath. While the reindeer is plush.

56. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”

This is from A Christmas Story since Ralphie wants a BB gun. More of a jersey, but it counts.

57. Hope you have a merry Griswold Christmas.

On the other hand, you might want to stay the hell away from the Griswolds during the holidays. Seriously, look what happened to their neighbors.

58. “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”

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Well, Betty White Christmas anyway. Other than one with snow, it’s the best kind of Christmas.

59. Even Santa Claus needs to take an occasional pit stop.

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Here Santa goes to the bathroom on the chimney. Either the kids have really been bad or the parent works for the Trump administration.

60. Megan Trainor always looks forward to your presents.

Since there are presents on her Christmas dress. While her skirt is covered in holly and ornaments.

SantaCon Costumes Are Coming to Town (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 13, 2018

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One controversial aspect of the Christmas season in the United States is SantaCon. In mid-December, revelers don yuletide costumes and gather in many cities in an annual pub crawl. The New York SantaCon has been termed, “a drunken shitshow” by Gothamist as well as received complaints by residents along with reports of public vomiting and urination. And it goes without saying that seeing a drunken Santa peeing on the street, puking in a nearby trash can, or doing a bunch of R-rated mischief to get in police custody might traumatize a young child for life. Nonetheless, we should concede that despite the havoc SantaCon may wreak in communities, there could be worse things. Just look at what happened in Charlottesville, Virginia back in August 2017. I mean while SantaCon participants might litter, vandalize, puke, and do what have you, they just want to party and have fun. Though their way of enjoyment may not be remarkably healthy, decent, or safe. While the Unite the Right guys in Charlottesville were white supremacists who inflicted violence against counter-protestors. Still, I mainly do SantaCon posts as a way to make fun of the costumes. Not as a way to endorse the event. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of SantaCon costumes.

Behold, all hail the mighty Viking Claus.

He has horns on his Santa hat. Though I’m not sure if that’s a proper Viking drink.

2. Two Santas are always better than one.

Though one Santa wears shorts. While the other wears a skirt of tulle.

3. When you need to go on a holiday pub craw at 3 and a 49ers game at 5.

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He has a 49ers style Santa suit on. But either way, he’ll come home wasted.

4. This Santa seems a bit horse.

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Since he has a horse mask on. While he’s wearing a mere Santa shirt.

5. One of Santa’s elves has left the building.

Though she could easily be working for a mall Santa nearby. Yet, she wears a red dress over her green tights.

6. You can’t go wrong with a corset.

She wears a sexy Santa dress with her Santa hat. While her boots are super fuzzy.

7. She seems quite frosty today.

Yes, this is a sexy snowman outfit. I know it’s not appropriate for snow weather in any respect. Like the fuzzy boots though.

8. Perhaps you might prefer striped tights.

This woman wears a more modest Santa dress. Her boots are trimmed with fur and red bows.

9. You better watch out because Santa Pimp is coming to town.

He wears a long red coat with red pants and a red hat. Oh, and he has a chain around his neck. But he’s not a nice guy since he has women debase themselves for money.

10. Have you ever met the dreaded Santabot?

He’s a robot Santa. So his suit is part of his build. But don’t push his buttons.

11. Mrs. Claus always needs a long, sleek dress.

She wears a white fake fur cape over her strapless dress. Also includes Santa hat.

12. Who says Santa suits can’t be sexy?

Not sure if that’s right. Though I know it’s supposed to be a dress. But Santa isn’t meant to be sexy, at least in the conventional sense.

13. These women always know how to be in the present.

Actually, they’re dressed as presents. While 2 of them think they’re God’s gift to men.

14. Sometimes it’s best to go all out on red and furs.

Indeed, this is another Santa dress. But this one comes with transparent red tights and a matching frock cape.

15. You can’t have SantaCon without the Grinch and Cindy Lou Who.

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The Grinch is in his Santa suit. While Cindy Lou Who is in her trademark hair as well as dons a black dress with fur trim.

16. Even Santa occasionally prefers his comfy clothes.

He just wears a red robe. His beard is cotton. But he’s wearing crazy glasses for some reason.

17. You can’t go wrong with a square Santa hat.

He even wears a chain necklace saying “Ho Ho Ho.” While his hair is untidy and black.

18. A flashy Christmas tree dress will make the season bright.

She has a top of sequins and tinsel. While her skirt has plenty of bows. As her hat is a star topper.

19. It always pays to look one’s best for SantaCon.

Though one of them sports a rather revealing fishnet top. Not sure how that’s going to keep her warm on a cold day.

20. I suppose an elf can arrive in a poncho.

Well, it’s more of a dress. But based on the sleeve cut, it might as well be a poncho.

21. Perhaps one might prefer a green dress of fur.

She’s supposed to be the female version of The Ghost of Christmas Present. Though she doesn’t have a beard, obviously.

22. Mrs. Claus always has to have a fancy dress.

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Here she wears a lovely dress with green and gold decoration. Though she looks a bit young to be elderly.

23. It doesn’t take much to be merry.

Though this seems more appropriate for a Christmas party at a strip club. Seriously, that leotard doesn’t look practical in any respect.

24. A Santa dress can always have tulle trim.

Here these women wear belts and Santa hats. Though you can tell that their outfits are DIY.

25. I suppose she’s from the kitchen.

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Well, she wears an apron with holly on it. While her collar has a green bow.

26. Santa doesn’t always have to wear a traditional hat.

This is a candy cane jester hat. As this Santa holds a megaphone with red snowflakes inside.

27. This lamp seems to be throwing some shade.

Well, she’s supposed to be the leg lamp from A Christmas story. But you wouldn’t know from the coat.

28. Perhaps you might want to be sweet in this candy cane dress.

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Her dress is mostly red with a red and white striped skirt. Helps that she has green hair.

29. This Christmas season, beware of the Krampus.

Unlike Santa, he’s known to kidnap and punish the bad boys and girls. So it’s best to keep away from him.

30. Don’t like red? Go green instead.

She wears a green Santa dress with matching gloves. Though she might feel cold on her shoulders as well as between her skirt and stockings.

31. A Snowflake Princess is a certified winter darling.

Though her skirt’s quite short. While she dons a snowflake crown.

32. Any girl at SantaCon would love to don this reindeer dress.

Her dress is mostly brown. Yet, it includes antlers and fuzzy leggings.

33. Say hello to Frosty the Snowman.

Actually, it’s a guy dressed as Frosty the Snowman. And no, he can’t melt at room temperature.

34. When Jack Frost comes to town, things get cold.

After all, he’s a spirit known to make things freeze in the winter snow. Best you be careful when he’s around.

35. Anyone would love a girl dressed as a candy cane.

Her outfit mostly consists of red and white stripes like a candy cane. While she wears leggings of white fake fur.

36. Some may want a Christmas get up with animal prints.

Even has a matching Santa hat. Still, I find animal prints as unspeakably tacky.

37. Seems like Santa’s got a present.

This Santa wears a regular red suit and fedora. While the woman next to him is a present.

38. The Virgin Mary seems rather predisposed to reindeer.

Don’t worry, the baby Jesus is a doll. Yet, Mary sure has a fine golden halo.

39. Santas come in all shapes and sizes.

One even has mecha gear. While another wears a helmet.

40. Indeed, fishnets might match red velvet and white fur.

Here she is on snowy ground. Wonder why her legs don’t shiver.

41. A Santa can’t go out without a fur coat.

These Santas wear sunglasses and bauble necklaces. Yet, they sport very different hairstyles.

42. Sometimes Santa has to wear a gas mask.

Wonder where he’s at that he’d need one. Also, the fur fringe looks quite gray.

43. When in doubt, go with capes.

All the capes have a wintry design. While they wear a variety of red pants.

44. SantaCon is a bit different in Hawaii.

These people want “Universal Elfcare 4 All.” Wonder what the North Pole workplace environment is like.

45. Santa always sees you when you’re sleeping.

He even has his own scepter. But you better be good for goodness sake.

46. Feel free to come to SantaCon in your pajamas.

Though one dresses as a polar bear. While 2 wear Christmas suits.

47. You’d think their dresses were quite gingerly.

Well, they’re in gingerbread dresses. But unlike gingerbread men, they wear bows.

48. Seems like these people are for the ginger cause.

Actually you don’t need gingers to make gingerbread. Still, like the guy’s Santa suit and lights.

49. Santa and his elves mean business.

Santa wears a collar shirt and a red sweater. While his elves don business suits.

50. Say hello to Santa’s decontamination squad.

Since they’ve got gasmasks, goggles, and hazmat suits alongside their Christmas gear. Hell, they’re even wearing garlands of tinsel.

51. On Christmas, you have to take the green with the red.

She wears an elf jacket over her red dress. While she has long candy cane stockings on her legs.

52. Even Santa can use a seaside vacation now and then.

He’s donned in a Christmas themed Hawaiian shirt. Though I’m not sure what he’s looking for.

53. Candy canes should always go with Christmas trees.

The woman wears a candy cane dress. While the guy wears Christmas tree regalia.

54. Mrs. Claus has to make a formal impression.

Yet, this seems more like White Christmas than SantaCon. Still, it’s quite a lovely dress.

55. Never fear, Super Rudolph is here.

So when did Rudolph get a six-pack and a spandex speedo? Seriously, this is a dumb costume on so many levels.

56. Buddy always enjoys working on his snowflakes.

Okay, Buddy’s not really an elf. But man, his snowflakes are amazing.

57. Seems like someone has come with a Christmas tree.

Well, it’s someone dressed up as a Christmas tree. But you wouldn’t know that unless you look at the legs.

58. This elf woman knows how to make the toys.

She even uses power tools. Makes you wonder what kind of toys she makes.

59. Presenting…Santa Squid.

Yes, it’s Santa in a red squid outfit. Not sure how he manages to pull that off.

60. Santa hangs out with a few of his reindeer.

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Then again, female reindeer do have antlers during the Christmas season. But these women just wear antlers and shades of beige.

61. A Christmas tree can always use some tinsel.

Well, she has her tree décor over her green dress. As her star is made from tinsel.

62. There’s not much to this snowman dress.

By the way, that’s Katy Perry before she got her blond pixie cut. And yes, she’s wearing stick gloves.

63. Sometimes in Santa costumes, less is more.

She has herself laced in this dress. But it’s barely a dress.

64. Of course, the North Pole has to have a strip club.

I don’t know if the North Pole does. But this woman certainly dresses like a stripper near Santa’s workshop.

65. These toy soldiers seem dead inside.

Hell, the nutcracker doesn’t even look that creepy. Seriously, these women freak me out.

66. She’s bound to cause a lot of uproar in her SantaCon costume.

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Because she’s a red cup from Starbucks. So she’s known to get a lot of furor from the folks at Fox News.

67. I’m sure this dress will bring in the holidays.

Yes, I know she’s in a scantily clad outfit. But she wears a bow and fishnet stockings.

68. Santa doesn’t seem to like what he sees at the pool.

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Apparently, Santa wears an old-timey swimsuit. And he’s just saw some guy in a speedo.

69. Santa seems to have beer goggles.

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He’s supposed to be a drunk Santa. But he looks too much like a hunk.

70. SantaCon is coming to a galaxy near you.

I mean these guys have Imperial Stormtrooper helmets on. Don’t worry, they can’t shoot straight, anyway.

71. Some are excited for presents. Some are presents.

Some of them are in wrapped gift boxes. Hope they can sit down once in awhile.

72. Gingerbread people always stick together.

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There we have a gingerbread man and his lady inside a joint. And yes, they’re adorable.

73. Seems like we got a couple of ornaments.

Well, they’re wearing shiny ornament costumes. Though they look kind of deflated.

74. It’s Santa’s pit crew to the rescue.

You can tell since they’re elves with flight goggles. Yes, that’s a female Santa.

75. You can always inflate yourself to play Santa.

Well, he’s wearing an inflatable Santa suit. Not sure how he’ll get out of it.

76. This Santa Claus is mostly nice.

But even he can be a bit naughty. Yet, he’s also covered in money. So he’s kind of a con man.

77. Guess it’s Darth Vader’s turn to play Santa at the Galactic Empire’s Christmas party.

He may know who’s naughty or nice. But this Santa is squarely on the Dark Side.

78. Introducing….Camo Santa.

Yet, I don’t think bright red makes great camouflage. Still, it’s pretty funny.

79. When it comes to reindeer costumes, it’s best to keep it simple.

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They’re dressed in black with tulle skirt. But don’t forget the antlers.

80. Is that Mrs. Claus?

Actually that’s a guy, which you can tell by his beard. But at least he’s wearing an ugly sweater and a Santa dress.

The Sweet Candy World of Gingerbread Architecture (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 10, 2018

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Of course, when you think about gingerbread houses, two things come to mind: Christmas and Hansel and Gretel Though in the latter, the gingerbread house assumed the role of a windowless van offering free candy that you should stay the hell away from. Yet, Hansel and Gretel don’t listen and a witch almost cooks them into a pot to eat. Anyway, that’s a rather unpleasant subject. Still, despite that grisly fairy tale, gingerbread houses have been a longtime Christmas tradition. Though the image above mainly consists of a traditional design, you can find so many great gingerbread creations with the help of a Google search. During the holiday season, you’ll find many gingerbread house competitions throughout the country and the world. Though you’ll also find plenty of gingerbread renditions of landmarks and fictional settings. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of gingerbread creations. Enjoy.

Perhaps you might want to stop at this cottage.

This one has a couple of buttresses for support. Like the pretzel and chocolate wafer roof.

2. Care to come in?

I know it’s supposed to be some kind of commercial establishment. But whether it’s a shop or a restaurant, I don’t have the slightest idea.

3. Some of you might prefer some chocolate siding.

This one even has candy cane columns and railings. Love the trees and wreath.

4. Anyone would adore this Victorian home.

This one is quite fancy. Like the candy cane columns and roof trim at the top.

5. Feel free to take a look into the windows.

This is supposed to be a gingerbread music store. Since there are instruments in the window.

6. Hope this clock can tell you the time of day.

Okay, it probably won’t. But it’ll give you an inventive show of gumdrop figures.

7. You might want to spend some time in this fairy treehouse.

Well, the tree isn’t remarkable to look at. Yet, these fairies seem like an inviting bunch.

8. Nothing says Paris like the Eiffel Tower.

This one has icing on its design. Yet, it’s the iconic image of Paris and possibly France.

9. A yellow house will certainly brighten things up.

IT may seems small. Yet, it’s quite fancy enough for Christmas decorations.

10. “The stockings were hung by the chimney with care…”

This one even leaves milk and cookies for Santa. While you see plenty of presents on the mantlepiece.

11. Seems like everyone’s come for the holidays.

This is a pink Victorian where people gather for Christmas. One has even come in a truck.

12. So is this what the North Pole looks like?

Santa’s house seems rather small. But the toy factory looks rather magnificent.

13. “Unto us a child is born..”

This is a gingerbread nativity scene. The figures are inside. While the star is on the stable roof.

14. Perhaps you might want to relish in the snow.

Wonder if it’s supposed to be where Santa Claus lives. Though I do love the style and the gingerbread figures frolicking in the snow.

15. In this house, you’re bound for adventure.

You may recognize this as the Up house. The balloons are made from gumballs, by the way.

16. Would you want to spend Christmas in a rustic lodge?

Well, this is quite a large one. Like the decorations and penguins. So stunning.

17. Hope you can smell what’s coming from the bakery.

Well, it’s more of a German design. But I bet its contents smells as good as its structure.

18. “O little town of Bethlehem…”

Yes, this is another gingerbread nativity scene. But the figures are much more prominent. So cute.

19. You’ll want to pray at this gingerbread church.

This one is of a Catholic church called Our Lady of the Sacred Heart. Wonder where you can find the real thing. Since it looks quite old and intricate.

20. You might prefer this cozy house.

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This one is a Victorian with large windows. Like the wreaths on the columns.

21. Want anything from the surf shack?

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This one is at the beach with sand of brown sugar. Need a board, you’ll find it here.

22. Rover welcomes you to his home.

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This is a gingerbread doghouse. And yes, some of it is made out of dog treats.

23. A red brick house always has a certain charm.

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This one has an antique garage. Like the Christmas decorations.

24. Seems like Santa’s visiting this house.

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This is a cozy home. Has a nice brick façade with Christmas decorations. While Santa is up on the house top.

25. “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe…”

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Too bad it wasn’t enough living space to keep her and her kids. Though it’s more likely she was running a kids’ home. Since her own would be adults by now.

26. Can I interest you in this magnificent gingerbread castle?

This is a white castle with red tower tops. Even includes an outside shack for some reason.

27. Settle down in this Christmas cabin.

This log house is decked with red shutters and a wreath at every window. While it sports a multitude of icicles.

28. Santa’s toy factory is quite busy this holiday season.

Seems like an impressive operation. Though I’m sure Santa might replace the elves with automation.

29. Care to stop at Victoria’s B&B?

This one has an almond stone façade for more realism. Includes a snowman in front.

30. Feel free to admire the Christmas tree at this red brick house.

This one has the tree in the front lawn. While garlands decorate the windows and wrought iron fence.

31. Stay in this tower house on a cold snowy night.

Well, this is an interesting design. Though I love the purple icing on the walls.

32. Hop along on this carousel.

This gingerbread carousel consists of horses and rainbow candy cane decoration. So pretty.

33. This house looks a lot like Christmas.

Mostly since it’s red with green shutters and fixtures. Said to be a hotel. But looks more like a B&B to me.

34. You might be enchanted by this shrine.

From what I can tell, it seems to resemble a shrine. Though I really can’t be sure despite its spectacular architecture.

35. You might feel at home in the Shire.

This is a little hobbit neighborhood. Not sure where Bag End is supposed to be.

36. There’s so much to love about this large gingerbread house.

This one has hearts all over the place. Love the smoke coming out of it.

37. Perhaps you’d like a roof of red licorice.

This one also has candy cane columns. Like the Christmas decorations.

38. Care to try anything at this sweet shop?

You can see plenty of present cakes inside. While the snowmen smile with delight.

39. All aboard on Noah’s ark.

This one has 2 of each animal, including the sea creatures. Like the stained glass rainbow image on the boat’s side.

40. You’ll be amazed by Moscow’s St. Basil’s Cathedral.

It’s said Ivan the Terrible had the architect’s eyes gouged out because he didn’t want the guy to design any other building like it. Though the tops are quite pretty.

41. Stop by this simple white house.

This one has wreaths on every window and a stone fence. The roof is covered in flour snow.

42. Best you take a treat from Santa’s Bake Shop.

You can see the treats through the window. While it sports a red and green chimney.

43. Hope you can do your business in this outhouse.

Includes a couple of milk cans for added rustic charm. Though the only products produced here are gingerbread shits.

44. As we know, Noah built his ark.

Includes animals coming in 2 by 2. And they’re probably the major reason why people do this gingerbread rendition in the first place.

45. You’ll find everything from cakes to crumbs at this bake shop.

You can see the treats through the window. Like the Trees outside.

46. May I interest you in a tropical hideaway?

Sure there may not be snow on it. But you have to admire the large stained glass window.

47. Nothing beats lounging at the beach.

One guy’s about to go surfing. While 2 ladies lie in the sun.

48. Make a proper visit to Gingerbread Abbey.

This is a gingerbread rendition of Downton Abbey. Or Highclere Castle in real life.

49. Hope you’ll be enchanted by this castle.

This one has wreaths and candy cane columns. Love the towers.

50. You might prefer a house with more unique architecture.

This one seems like it’s straight from the desert. While it’s decked in Christmas glory.

51. You’ll be in for a night at Radio City Music Hall.

Though this time of year, you’ll might only get to see a Rockette show there. Like the massive tree.

52. It’s nice to spend Christmas at a rustic tower house.

This one seems straight out of a fairy tale. The top mostly consists of shingles.

53. Perhaps you might want to ride a carousel horse.

Wonder how big this one is. At any rate, it’s quite amazing someone could construct such a thing.

54. Have a drink at the tiki bar.

This one is mostly made from pretzels. Yet looks very simple to make.

55. In the southwest desert, you can reside in an adobe.

Yes, this is a gingerbread adobe. Though you wouldn’t find snow in Arizona and New Mexico.

56. A Native gingerbread person would love to reside in a teepee.

Has all kinds of Christmas decorations on it. And there’s a fire inside.

57. Snoopy is all ready for Christmas.

This is from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. And yes, the Charlie Brown tree is present.

58. A tall castle never fails to make an impression.

Looks really imposing. Like the tall towers. Even includes a train track.

59. Hope you can survive King’s Landing. Because many don’t.

King’s Landing is the capital in Game of Thrones. Great cosmopolitan atmosphere. But stay away from Cersei.

60. Feel free to come inside this Christmas pagoda.

This one has holly on the tiers. Has a white Christmas tree inside.

61. You’ll have a ball of a time at this Christmas castle.

This one is supposed to capture the 12 Days of Christmas. And shows each of the items with consistency.

62. You would marvel at this Gothic revival church.

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This one has rather imposing towers. Love the decorations and design. So pretty.

63. Pay a visit to this red brick block.

This is a gingerbread apartment building. Has candy cane railing. Love the garland decorations.

64. A rustic house can always have an elaborate design on top.

Indeed, the roof is quite fancy. Like the Christmas wreath and tree on the terrace balcony.

65. Paddle along the Mississippi in this steam boat.

Contains frog musicians apparently. Yet, it’s decked with candy cane columns and smokestacks.

66. It beginning to look a lot like Christmas on this block.

Indeed, they’re 3 houses attached to each other. While there are 2 sets of chimneys between them.

67. George Washington always enjoyed Christmas at Mount Vernon.

This one has the main house surrounded by Christmas trees. Has garlands on the windows and near the roof. While wreaths deck the doors.

68. A white house glistens after the first snow.

This one doesn’t have as many Christmas decorations as the other houses. But you can see wreaths on the widow’s walk.

69. A yellow house can always impress during the holidays.

This one lights up from the inside. Still, love the Christmas decorations and trees.

70. A dark house can always dazzle.

Wonder if it’s from a storybook. In any case, got to see Santa getting stuck in the chimney.

71. Want to set sail?

This one has a beach scene with a bar. Though the boat has a candy cane yard and a pretzel mast.

72. A large house like this can play host to a lavish Christmas party.

This one has Christmas trees at the entrance. While you can see towers topped with snowflakes.

73. Perhaps a pretzel house can suit you.

This one has pretzel siding, fencing, and shingles. While the icing makes the snow.

74. A brick tower house will make you feel at home during the holidays.

Has Christmas trees in the lawn. While the tower is in pure holiday splendor.

75. You might be refreshed by a house of minty green.

Well, it’s not totally minty green. But has a kind of whimsical charm.

76. Care to stop by the Apple Drop Farm?

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This one has an array of pumpkins and apple trees. Get them before the snow comes.

77. You’ll be charmed by this German clock.

You can see people dancing and sharing a beer regardless. While it’s a little after ten.

78. Find peace at a remote Asian temple.

This one has candy canes on the tier and roof. While the fish in the stream are probably Swedish.

79. Some may opt for the cozy confines of Bag End.

This one has 2 chimneys. Also comes with a well cart, and garden.

80. Anyone would be charmed by this windmill.

It’s near a golden bridge. Wonder how it retains the blades during the cold winter winds.

81. Don’t forget to pay a visit to the Lincoln Memorial.

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Though I’m not sure if it’s made out of brick since it’s more or less composed of stone. Though you have to like the candy cane columns.

82. I’m sure you might enjoy a performance at the Kennedy Center.

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It’s a performing arts center in Washington DC. Got to love the candy cane columns.

83. Though you can’t miss the Jefferson Memorial.

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The Jefferson may not be as well known as the Lincoln Memorial. Though the dome is quite magnificent.

84. Fallingwater looks spectacular during the winter.

Okay, this is a gingerbread rendition of Frank Lloyd Wright’s best known building. Yet, you have to at least appreciate whoever made this.

85. You have to check out the Biltmore in a book.

I think this is the Vanderbilt estate in North Carolina. Nonetheless, someone listed it as Hogwarts for some reason.

86. Hope your block is all ready for the holidays.

Seems like a peaceful neighborhood. Some kids throw snowballs. Others build snowmen.

87. The Taj Mahal will certainly enchant you.

Yes, this is a gingerbread Taj Mahal. And yes, it’s covered in white icing.

88. Now that’s a massive treehouse.

This one is a massive apartment complex. So hold onto the candy cane railing.

89. You’ll see a lot of glowing candles at this house.

This one uses shredded wheat as roof shingles. While garlands deck the columns, balcony, and windows.

90. The Pentagon seems all ready for Christmas.

It’s the military headquarters and where most of America’s tax dollars go to. Because some old men want to build their little explody toys. Instead of instituting a universal healthcare system that would be extremely better for all of us. Because healthcare is a civil right, not a commodity.

91. Seattle is stunning in gingerbread and frosting.

Even includes the Space Needle, the city’s most famous landmark. While the skyline is spectacular.

92. Here you will find the highest court in the land.

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However, now that Brett Kavanaugh’s in there, the Supreme Court’s legitimacy is under great scrutiny. Still, love the candy cane columns and Christmas decorations.

93. “The Whos down in Whoville loved Christmas a lot..”

This is supposed to be Whoville’s central square. Love the Christmas tree.

94. Nobody should miss Stonehenge.

This seems rather easy to make. Just take some gingerbread pieces and put them in a stone circle.

95. King Kong knows how to deck the halls.

Here he is on top of the Empire State Building wearing a Santa hat. Man, people can get crazy ideas sometimes.

96. The White House is a colorful spectacle this year.

This one has rainbow lights on the top and sides. So pretty and festive.

97. You might want to check out this fancy caravan.

Makes you wonder whether some magician lives there. Love the black lattice and golden trim.

98. Anyone would want to celebrate Christmas with this festive fountain.

Is that real water spouting out? Love the Christmas tree at the top.

99. So many things are made at Santa’s Workshop.

This one pops out toys nonstop. Mostly because it’s powered by magic.

100. Feel free to visit this Chinese tea house.

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Certainly has a unique style to it. Love the beautiful roof and windows.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Humor