They Made a Show Out of This? Stupid Reality TV Shows: Part 3 – Hell Date to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

As you look through the stupid reality TV shows, you can see why I try to avoid them. There are a lot of criticisms of this genre that state how it’s dumbing down the populace and corrupting society. But don’t worry, because the United States isn’t the only country with reality shows. Because yes, foreign countries have their own, too. After all, you can find the lowest common denominator almost everywhere. But what was particularly bad for me is the fact reality shows are particularly popular among teenagers. And as someone growing up in the 2000s, I had to deal with classmates talking about this garbage, especially in college. I had a roommate who loved The Hills while a lot of people in my pod watched Jon and Kat Plus 8. But shows like Tila Tequila and Cribs were particularly popular students at my high school. You can say reality TV was a bane of my adolescence. Still, studies have shown that young people emulate behavior displayed on these programs, gathering much of their knowledge of the social world, particularly about consumer practices from TV. And it doesn’t help that many of these shows teens watch contain questionable role models, particularly the representation of sexually objectified women. Or the depiction of women as shallow, materialistic gold diggers. So for your reading pleasure or lack of it, I bring you another installment of terrible reality shows that would make you feel worse for watching them.

21. Hell Date

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Hell Date is a dating show in which people are on a blind date with one acting like a total asshole. And there’s a devil in it, too.

Station: BET

Premise: It’s a typical dating show with single people looking for love. Only difference is that the potential mate is an actor paid to be the most annoying pain in the ass any person could be forced to go on a date with. Also has a little person in a devil costume for the big reveal.

Why It’s Stupid: The people at Madame Noire thought this was entertaining. However, this is pretty terrible if you think about it. It’s bad enough to date a genuine asshole, let alone be forced to date one. Yet, to date someone pretending to be an asshole, that’s just awful. Even has as dwarf in a devil costume saying, “You on Hell Date!”

Did it Get Canceled?: Not sure.

 

22. Joe Millionaire

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So let me get this straight, this is a show about a guy who’s trying to get a girl by pretending to be rich. Like Aladdin. But at least Aladdin had a lot of good songs and a wisecracking genie which I’d rather watch anyway than this garbage.

Station: Fox

Premise: Ordinary construction worker poses as a multi-millionaire heir looking for love as he takes a group of women to exotic, luxurious locations. But none of the women are aware of the ruse until it’s revealed to the last remaining woman. If she chooses to stay anyway, they’d receive $1 million.

Why It’s Stupid: Well, it was built on the idea whether money can buy love. But while “love” prevailed, it wasn’t long until the two went their separate ways, only $500,000 richer. Kind of a let down if you think about it but not surprising.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, after 2 seasons but the first season was wildly popular.

 

23. Bridalplasty

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Bridalplasty is one of those horrible shows in which women compete for the plastic surgery makeover and wedding of their dreams. But the winning bride’s groom didn’t see her until their wedding day. Yeah, I know it’s very exploitative and made women seem vapid and superficial.

Station: E!

Premise: 12 engaged or already married women compete in a series of challenges for the wedding of their dreams and their dream plastic surgery makeover. Each woman had a plastic surgery wishlist and the winner of each week’s wedding challenge would win one plastic surgery procedure from her list. The winner received the wedding of her dreams and her entire wish list fulfilled. But the groom didn’t see his bride until she revealed her new look on their wedding day.

Why It’s Stupid: This show is downright deplorable in regard’s for women’s self-image. Also made women seem vapid and superficial. Makes Bridezillas seem like a feminist show in comparison.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and there was much rejoicing.

 

24. Superstar USA

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Seeing the success of American Idol, those at the WB thought it would be great to have a singing competition show of their own. But instead of picking great singers, Superstar USA did the opposite.

Station: The WB

Premise: It’s like American Idol except they’re trying to find the worst singer in America. Contestants who couldn’t hold a tune were told they were the best singers around. Those who had the best voices were eliminated. Audience members were told the singers were terminally ill and that a charitable organization had made their dreams come true. Winner leaves with $50,000.

Why It’s Stupid: If it was a parody, it would be understandable. But it wasn’t. So it’s ridiculous.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and so did the network.

 

25. Survival of the Richest

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Survival of the Richest paired a rich kid and a poor kid for a major cash prize of $200,000. I’m sure the winners split the prize money. Probably not.

Station: The WB

Premise: Seven kids worth over $3 billion are paired with seven kids with a combined debt of $150,000. The pairs had to compete to win $200,000.

Why It’s Stupid: Casting only reinforced typical stereotypes between rich and poor. And I know dividing the prize money went quite well (sarcasm).

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and so did the network.

 

26. I Know My Kid’s a Star

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I Know My Kid’s a Star is a show where moms try to live vicariously through their kids by trying to put them into show biz. Of course, many will succeed in putting their kids into a lifetime of therapy.

Station: Vh1

Premise: Parents and kids are in an elimination style competition in which each week the kid was given tasks to try and advance their show-biz career.

Why It’s Stupid: Parents exploiting their kids? Check. Parents getting into fights with other parents saying that their kid is the next big thing in Hollywood? Check. If I want to see something like that, I’ll just tune into Gypsy. At least Mama Rose has some great songs.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes.

 

27. My Super Sweet 16

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My Super Sweet 16 was a very popular show when I was growing up to my chagrin. This one covered a lot of spoiled rich girls who had to have the most lavish 16th birthday party ever. By the way, this is a promo featuring Jennifer Lawrence. Best thing to straighten her out is to have her little sister picked for the Hunger Games.

Station: MTV

Premise: Spoiled rich teenagers were given a party of their lifetime, all to celebrate their 16th birthday. Parties featured popular singers, lavish gifts, and expensive locations.

Why It’s Stupid: It basically featured rich kids as complete brats lashing out at their parents for getting a small detail of their party right. Not only that, but this series was on when I was a teenager and had to hear other kids talk about it at school almost all the time.

Did it Get Canceled?: Not sure.

 

28. Keeping Up with the Kardashians

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Yes, I know this show is immensely popular. But seriously, these people may be accomplished in their own right. But they seem to become the faces of undeserved celebrity since they’re more like celebrity groupies. Famous for being famous indeed.

Station: E!

Premise: Documents the lives of the Kardashians whose patriarch was once a defense lawyer for O. J. Simpson. The stepdad-turned stepmom was a famous Olympian. Then there’s athlete Lamar Odom and rapper Kanye West.

Why It’s Stupid: Because when it comes to celebrity reality shows, at least they did something in their lives to earn some celebrity status. Other than the spouses, most of the family is just famous for their reality show or being celebrity groupies (Kim was a stylist and personal shopper to Lindsay Lohan as well as dated a lot of celebrities as well. Was also married to Kris Humphries for 72 days and their marriage was certainly a publicity stunt). It’s also made the Kardashian sisters into icons, particularly Kim which I think is a travesty. Still, they’re probably good people as you can see by their relationship with Lamar Odom. But that doesn’t mean they deserve to be famous.

Did it Get Canceled?: No, it’s still on and it’s still a hit. There have also been spinoffs.

 

29. Toddlers and Tiaras

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Personally, I can’t think of anything so exploitative and detrimental to children as child beauty pageants. But a show covering them is beyond the pale. Seriously,

Station: TLC

Premise: Documents parents (mostly moms) lavishing makeup on their 4-6 year old children, giving them big hairdos, dressing them in outrageous clothes, and entering them into beauty pageants.

Why It’s Stupid: It’s about parents exploiting their kids through entering them into child beauty pageants, which horribly sexualize young girls and teach them that their looks are the only thing that matter. Not to mention, they force these girls to conform to unrealistic beauty standards with hooker makeup and high heeled shoes. Sounds what evil people would do in secret. Can someone call Child Services on these parents? Hope these pint sized pageant queens get some prize money, because they’re going to need it for years of therapy.

Did it Get Canceled?: Ended in 2013.

 

30. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a spin-off of Toddlers and Tiaras which covers this girl’s family. Yes, I know it reflected people in her area quite badly. But thank God it was cancelled.

Station: TLC

Premise: Basically, it’s a spin-off of Toddlers and Tiaras but it takes a look into the family and life of Alana Thompson.

Why It’s Stupid: For one, this is a show about a girl in a child beauty pageants. Second, it’s filled with offensive stereotypes of poor, rural whites. Third, fellow town residents felt the show reflected badly on everyone living there like no one had any manners. Fourth, Mama June giving her child “go-go juice” really should’ve had people calling child services since it contains Mountain Dew and Red Bull.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, in 2014, but not without scandal. Nevertheless, it was highly popular, unfortunately.

They Made a Show Out of This? Stupid Reality TV Shows: Part 2 – The Pickup Artist to The Briefcase

Well, we’re off to a great start. Note that I have to put pictures on these to show my reader that these are real shows. But as you go on with these shows, some of them might seem familiar to you. Some of them might be ones you’ve never heard of before. Out of the last bunch, I’ve heard of Kid Nation and I Wanna Marry Harry. And though I didn’t remember some of the Fox ones, I can recall that the network was known for a lot of sleazy reality shows back when I was a teenager. And you will see more from them. But other networks weren’t far behind. And for a time, PBS did some reality series but they were mostly historically based for educational purpose. Yet, those were also stupid, too. To be honest, I did a lot of the research into these shows months ago, but I’m doing a series right now since I haven’t had much to write about since last week. And yes, a lot of the stuff I found did greatly disturbed me but I can be rest assured that I didn’t miss much. Or at least miss what was worth missing. And so I give you my second installment of dumb reality shows you might remember but would like to forget.

11. The Pickup Artist

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Here we have a show about a guy in a big furry black hat and piercings giving guys dating advice on how to pick up chicks. His advice: guys, if you want to get the girl, it helps that you treat her like crap until she falls for you.

Station: Vh1

Premise: 8 ordinary men who had severe problems with women are attempted to turn into “master pick-up artists” with the help of some bleach and kissing tips. All this with the men entering a mansion prepared to be guided in the ways of love by a soul-patching hat-feathered enthusiast named Mystery. Mystery challenged these guys to learn skills like “negging.”

Why It’s Stupid: To make a short story short, this show gives terrible relationship advice for men, particularly when it comes to women. For one, according to the Urban Dictionary, “negging” means giving women low-grade insults meant to undermine their self-confidence in order to make them more vulnerable. Second, for men who have been in unsuccessful relationships, such advice will not help them in the long term. Third, it teaches men the highly sexist advice that in order pick up women, you have to treat them like garbage. Look, if you’re a guy who’s unsuccessful with women, just remember that there are plenty of women who are looking for men who want them. Some women may be looking for a challenge. But there are some women who are so desperate for boyfriend that they’d subject themselves to such stupid shit and date any jerk who gives them any attention. Then there are single girls like me whose lack of social skills and tendency to be bullied throughout school really don’t respond well to such tactics. Perhaps a better way for men to know women should consist of approaching them, treating them with respect, and getting to know them as people. But if a guy just wants sex, he should just go to Tinder. Still, if you’re a guy who’s been unsuccessful with women, while you should make an effort to improve yourself, understand that not all your relationships failures are your fault or their fault either. And sometimes if a woman rejects you, it might be because she doesn’t think it would work out.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but it ran 2 seasons.

 

12. The Swan

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The Swan is a show in which a bunch of self-conscious women with severe appearance insecurities get major plastic surgery that conforms to impossible beauty standards. Oh, and they also compete in a beauty pageant. Still, these women didn’t look that ugly in their before pictures. Jesus Christ.

Station: Fox

Premise: Women who are judged as ugly are given extreme makeover including several forms of plastic surgery. Each contestant has a panel of specialists – a coach, trainer, therapist, cosmetic surgeon, and a dentist- who together design a program of total transformation. Their work ethic, growth, and achievement are monitored over the course of 3 months. Each episode, two women were featured, one went home while another was selected to move to compete in the Swan pageant at the end of the season.

Why It’s Stupid: In a gist, according to journalist Chris Hedges, “The Swan’s transparent message is that once these women have been surgically ‘corrected’ to resemble mainstream celebrity beauty as closely as possible, their problems will be solved.” Not only that, but it also sets impossible beauty standards for women and says that altering their appearance with plastic surgery will solve their social, financial, and family problems. And to make things worse, it even featured a beauty pageant at the end for these women to be judged by a national TV audience. Seriously, there are plenty of women who look like trolls but they still find happiness to their lives without subjecting their bodies and faces to plastic surgery.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but it ran 2 seasons. Also, had its own SNL parody with Amy Poehler.

 

13. Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?

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The Fox special Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? was inspired by the Bachelor and was condemned across the political spectrum as an exploitative show. However, what this show also taught him was the importance of background checks since the guy was later found to have a restraining order against him by an ex-girlfriend for domestic violence. The marriage was never consummated and was later annulled.

Station: Fox

Premise: It was a special that was structured like a beauty pageant with 50 women (one from each US state) compete to be the bride of an unknown multi-millionaire whom they didn’t see except in a silhouette. Included a swimwear and question-and-answer portion.

Why It’s Stupid: Despite high ratings, it was harshly condemned as exploitative and the show was condemned by the liberal-leaning National Organization for Women and the conservative-leaning Media Research Center. Also, it emphasized the importance thorough background checks. Not only was the groom’s net worth questioned, it was also discovered that he had a restraining order against him for domestic violence. And the guy wasn’t even using his original name. No wonder the bride annulled their union less than 2 weeks.

Did it Get Canceled?: This was a 2 hour special.

 

14. The Anna Nicole Show

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Yes, Anna Nicole Smith had her own reality show, too. I know we all made fun of her for marrying a rich old dude for his money. But we have to concede she wasn’t doing very well and later died suddenly. Kind of makes me feel horrible.

Station: E!

Premise: Well, it’s a reality show that takes an intimate look on former trophy wife Anna Nicole Smith.

Why It’s Stupid: Well, it’s basically a show made to exploit an obviously troubled woman, whose slurred words and unsteady gait were played for laughs. And yes, we all made fun of her for being a gold digging tramp. But she died of an overdose in 2007, which came as a massive shock. Now that makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn’t it?

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but she died of a drug overdose 4 years later.

 

15. Pretty Wild

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Now I don’t remember this show being on. However, one of the sisters was implicated in the infamous Bling Ring in which a bunch of teenagers stole jewelry from celebrities like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Audrina Partridge, Megan Fox, and Orlando Bloom. Interestingly, Alexis Neiers occupied the same cell block as Lindsay Lohan but the two never spoke to each other.

Station: E!

Premise: It followed the day-to-day lives of 3 wild child sisters called Alexis and Gabrielle Neiers and Tess Taylor.

Why It’s Stupid: Well, Alexis Neiers was arrested and accused being a member of the now infamous Bling Ring in the very first episode. But that didn’t stop her from taking a vacation to Cabo, throwing a massive party for her younger sister complete with a stripper pole, and hanging out with football player Vernon Davis. She also angrily confronted Nancy Jo Sales for her 2010 article called, “The Suspect Wore Louboutins.” Alexis would later plead no contest to felony burglary and was sentenced to 6 months in prison. Andrew O’Hagan wrote about the series principals: “If real fame is a mask that eats into the face, then pseudo-fame, the current kind, might be a decoy that eats into the brain. You often meet those people in California, people who have forgotten that you are real, that you watch the news, that you know who they really are. They begin to lie to journalists and themselves with the same grim hope: if I say this and no one contradicts me it might be true. A sense of entitlement stands in for personal values. They don’t mind if they’re fooling you and fooling themselves, so long as they can keep the show on the road.”

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and thank God it did. Only lasted 9 episodes for obvious reasons. But Alexis was played by Emma Watson in the Sophia Coppola movie.

 

16. Married by America

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Married by America is a show in which 10 singles have their matches arranged by online voters and are engaged on the spot. Next they’re sequestered to a spot for an engagement period with all but two getting eliminated. The final two couples remaining opted not to get married.

Station: Fox

Premise: Viewers played matchmaker for complete strangers. The newly created couples were engaged to be married and sent to live together while cameras filmed their unconventional courtships while receiving relationship pointers.

Why It’s Stupid: Let’s just say setting people up together works much better if you actually know the people, personally. Also, critics believed that this show demeaned and exploited the institution of marriage. Unsurprisingly, the two remaining couples decided not to get married and went their separate ways.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and we’re glad for it.

 

17. Who’s Your Daddy?

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Yes, they actually had a show like this. It follows a woman who’s trying to find her real father. I know what you’re thinking. We already have a show like this. It’s called Maury.

Station: Fox

Premise: A young woman who’s adopted as a child tries to win $100,000 by picking her biological father from a group of men claiming to be her real dad. If one of the imposters managed to fool the adopted woman, the fake daddy would win the $100,000 prize instead.

Why It’s Stupid: A sensitive issue is turned into a reality show. Enough said. And no, there’s no Maury Povich DNA test either. Seriously, we already have Maury Povich exploiting uncertain paternity all the time. We don’t need this.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and thank God and mostly due to objections by adoption rights activists.

 

18. The Will

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When a loved one dies, nothing brings a rich family together like fighting over who gets the estate as The Will shows. Of course, if I want to watch a family fighting over a will, I’d just watch Masterpiece Mystery.

Station: CBS

Premise: An Arizona millionaire’s potential heirs competed for his estate.

Why It’s Stupid: This is actually a great premise, assuming you’re writing a soap or a murder mystery. Nevertheless, like adultery, fighting over a rich dead person’s estate can bring out the worst in people but in a very different way. I mean a lot of people get killed over inheritance issues in Agatha Christie stories.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and there was much rejoicing.

 

19. Temptation Island

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In Temptation Island, couples’ relationships are tested when they’re whisked away to a tropical paradise, are separated, and are tempted to cheat by attractive tempters. 30 Rock made fun of this with “MILF Island.”

Station: Fox

Premise: Couples are sent to a tropical island where the men were separated from the women. Sexy tempters and temptresses were thrown into the mix to see if the separated couples would be enticed to cheat on their mates.

Why It’s Stupid: This show is basically setting people up to cheat on each other as well as testing their relationships is the most horrifying way possible.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but it ran 2 seasons. Had its own 30 Rock parody called, “MILF Island.”

 

20. The Briefcase

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The Briefcase is a show in which poor people are given a briefcase full of money while the production crew toys with their emotions and makes them feel guilty. Yes, exploitative reality TV at its most despicable. Why do networks even make shows like this?

Station: CBS

Premise: Impoverished families are presented with a briefcase full of $101,000 but there are strings attached. Either these families can keep the money they desperately need or give all or part of it to another family in need. But they aren’t told that the other family has received a similar briefcase and instructions.

Why It’s Stupid: This is basically manipulating and exploiting innocent and desperate people for entertainment. These are people who are desperately trying to keep their homes, feed their kids, and pay their medical bills. And this show puts them in front of the cameras with a Faustian bargain, which is just highly unethical as well as cruel and unusual. Some people consider this psychological torture.

Did it Get Canceled?: I sure hope so.

They Made a Show Out of This? Stupid Reality TV Shows: Part 1 – Born in the Wild to Moment of Truth

I am not a fan of reality TV and think it’s a cancer on the entertainment landscape. But this genre of shows really hit its stride when I was growing up and I often got to hear about them from classmates all the way up to college. As someone who watches PBS documentary series, old movies, as well as forms of quality scripted shows, I really can’t see their appeal. Yet, I think people watch reality shows with some sort of bile fascination akin to witnessing a house burning down. However, I now realize that reality TV is here to stay whether I like it or not. After all, reality shows are cheap to produce and that people seem to like them. Unlike scripted shows, reality shows seem to be so hard to cancel once it has an audience. Nevertheless, as I did some research for terrible reality shows and found how this genre plays fast and loose with reality in ways that are both implicit such as putting people in artificial situations as well as deceptive or even fraudulent practices like misleading editing, participant coaching, storylines generated ahead of time, and scenes being staged for the cameras. There are also plenty of shows intended to exploit or humiliate participants that they either make stars out of people unworthy of fame, infamous personalities, or both and that they glamorize vulgarity and materialism. In this series, I will go after some of the worst reality shows that have ever aired on television. Note that I haven’t watched most of these shows. But just reading about them would make people scratch their heads.

  1. Born in the Wild
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My question is how did Lifetime convince so many expectant mothers to give birth like this. Yes, pregnancy is a natural process but its one that’s gotten a lot of women killed for God’s sake. Seriously, women have babies in hospitals for a reason.

Station: Lifetime

Premise: Documents couples who want to have a more “natural” birthing experience by delivering a baby in the great outdoors—unassisted by modern medicine.

Why It’s Stupid: This is arguably the most irresponsible reality show ever made and was slammed by medical experts, since premodern birth processes have been associated with vastly infant and maternal mortality rates. This kind of makes it a miracle-of-birth version of “The Blair Witch Project” with suspense being generated from viewers wondering if a mother and her newborn are going to die. You have to wonder how this ever got the green light by Lifetime in the first place. Seriously, there’s a reason why during the course of history, most women opted for the birth process assisted by the most modern medicine available at the time. Because most women don’t want to die while giving birth or want their babies to die, too.

Did it Get Canceled?: I hope it did.

 

  1. Cheaters
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Cheaters is the show that’s a combination of Jerry Springer meets Cops. In it, private detectives catch a cheater in the act for the sake of entertainment. And it’s popular.

Station: Syndicated

Premise: Catch suspected relationship cheaters in the act with hidden cameras and private investigators.

Why It’s Stupid: The execution is as tasteless as it sounds. Yes, I know that cheating on your significant other is terrible. Because any situations pertaining to a cheating partner tend to bring out the worst in people. It’s not just the partner who gets hurt in these situations either. Because when you cheat on your spouse, you’re cheating on those closest to you as well, especially family and friends. Suspecting a partner cheating is pretty bad, too, and it can lead to things going ugly. It’s bad enough for a politician’s family to deal with their loved one’s infidelity in the public eye. But having regular people deal with something like that on reality TV, that’s just awful. Not to mention, the show’s host got stabbed during a confrontation. Also had a lot of claims that it was staged and had actors who were paid to appear. And people from the show have experienced some degree of legal trouble.

Did it Get Canceled?: It’s been on the air since 2000 and it’s still going.

 

  1. Boy Meets Boy
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In Boy Meets Boy, a gay man looks for a mate among 15 potential suitors. However, he doesn’t know that half of them are straight. Yes, it’s pretty awful as a premise. But it was the early 2000s.

Station: Bravo

Premise: It’s a gay man’s version of The Bachelor, but more cruel, offensive, and boring.

Why It’s Stupid: The show had the gay bachelor James Getzlaff romance 15 men, unbeknownst to him, almost half of them were pretending to be gay. And each eliminated contestant’s sexual orientation is revealed at the end of the episode. Not only that, but if James chose a straight male, he would win nothing and the mate would win $25,000. Could’ve been groundbreaking as a same-sex dating show, but it’s just a cruel stunt. Oh, and the producers managed to keep a mixture of gay and straight men in the house despite the eliminations by putting the guys into “groups” that prevented the contestant from eliminating all the gay or straight men at once.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and after one season. Though it was parodied on Mad TV 3 times.

 

  1. Dating Naked
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Dating Naked is a show where the contestants go on a date with absolutely nothing to hide. At least on the outside. Still, it’s the kind of show you’d wouldn’t want your parents to watch if you’re on it as a contestant.

Station: VH1

Premise: Dating show that allows contestants to “remove barriers” in more ways than one. Each episode puts a man and a woman on a remote tropical island and they go on nude dates with 3 different people. Then they ultimately decide if they’ve made a connection with anyone.

Why It’s Stupid: Look, unless nudity is your thing, having to date a stranger while in the buff could be a very awkward experience. Even more awkward to have it broadcasted all over the country. Not sure if most people would be comfortable with that. Hell, not sure if these people want their parents to watch them in the nude.

Did it Get Canceled?: I sure hope it did.

 

  1. Are You Hot?: The Search for America’s Sexiest People
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On Are You Hot?, several highly attractive contestants are judged and rated solely on their sexual appeal. However, from how I see it, you’re able to get on this show, then your hotness shouldn’t be questioned.

Station: ABC

Premise: Contestants are evaluated by a panel of judges on the sole criterion of their physical attractiveness.

Why It’s Stupid: Uh, did you hear the premise? Seriously, the notion of physical attractiveness is a highly subjective concept. Also, has a tendency to shame perfectly attractive people for not being good looking enough. Seriously, can’t such judging be regulated to beauty pageants? That’s their job.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, and thank God. But not without SNL doing a cartoon parody of it featuring Betty Boop, Popeye, Cinderella, Olive Oyl, Strawberry Shortcake, Droopy, Marvin the Martian, Dagwood, Optimus Prime, Yosemite Sam, and Barney Rubble.

 

  1. I Wanna Marry Harry
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You have to hand it to Fox for having the guys to have a show like this. Seriously, the guy doesn’t look like Prince Harry who’d probably not date many of these women in the first place.

Station: Fox

Premise: Revolves around a group of ladies trying to win over a Prince Harry con artist and doppelganger.

Why It’s Stupid: Well, the concept sounds incredibly trashy but it sounds like something the show’s pitchman didn’t think this through. For one, it requires that there has to be a group of women would actually want to be with Prince Harry and are dumb enough to think that they’d be able to date the guy. Second, the con man involved obviously does not look like Prince Harry. And third, none of the contestants seemed all that convinced by the ruse anyway. I Wanna Marry Banksy would’ve made more sense. Nobody knows what that guy looks like so he could be anybody.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, because it was too boring.

 

  1. Kid Nation
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Sorry, but sending 40 kids to a desert ghost town to create their own society should belong in realm of fiction like Lord of the Flies. The contract is disturbing to read since it covers clauses pertaining to death, injury, natural disasters, STDs, and teen pregnancy. Also, I think I might’ve seen a Star Trek episode like this but at least the kids in that town had their parents die of a plague that they’d catch upon adolescence.

Station: CBS

Premise: A bunch of 11 year old kids are dragged to the New Mexico desert to reenact Lord of the Flies and Plato’s Republic. And all without adult supervision save the cameramen.

Why It’s Stupid: Let’s just say having kids survive on their own is a great premise, assuming you want to write a fictional story aimed for young adults. But I think this reality show proves Suzanne Collins right when it comes to how willing people are about endangering children and exploiting them for entertainment (though this show didn’t take it to that extreme as The Hunger Games, which is about teenagers fighting it to the death). The very first line uttered by a kid was, “I’m not gonna be with my parents. There’s no adults. I think I’m gonna die out here cause there’s nothing.” Also, since it was produced in 2007 when Reality TV was the center of pop culture, it seemed that CBS gave the producers a blank check to do whatever they wanted. Also, the obvious accusations of child endangerment as well as legal implications pertaining to child labor. One of the participants’ mothers even filed a complaint that her son was hurt.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, only lasted one season.

 

  1. Next
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Though I have to admit, these dating profiles are pretty funny to read. This one has a guy who surfs every day, compulsively washes his hands, and peed on his friend while he was sleeping.

Station: MTV

Premise: A bunch of potential dates are piled up into an RV and released one by one by the main contestant. Whenever he or she got tired (or disgusted) by a date, they could just say – “Next!” and be presented with a new human being to test out. Dates get cash for every minute spent with a date before their dismissal. And the winning date could either choose cash or a second date.

Why It’s Stupid: For one, it’s like a Tinder version of The Bachelor. Second, when you read the premise it almost sounds like a form of prostitution. If these people hadn’t consented, it would’ve been sex trafficking. Nevertheless, it would better for the winning date to just take the money. These aren’t people you want to spend extra time with.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but not after being on the air for 3 years. Yes, it was on for 3 freaking years.

 

  1. Outback Jack
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If you liked The Bachelor but wished it put the female contestants through a barren desert and among creatures that could kill you, then Outback Jack has you covered. No, I don’t think a man is worth going through those extremes for no matter how hot he is.

Station: TBS

Premise: It’s like The Bachelor but it had 12 girls dropped off at a mansion expecting a lavish experience, only to be immediately flown to the Australian Outback to compete for former underwear model Dale’s affections.

Why It’s Stupid: Okay, while The Bachelor is a terrible show on so many levels, at least the women on that show don’t have to struggle to survive in a desert with scorpions and snakes as well as all the other things that could kill you. Not to mention, there’s dehydration. Seriously, if you’re dropped right in the middle of the Australian Outback, not winning Dale’s affections is the last thing you’d be worried about. Seriously, if I was a contestant on that show, I’d be much more worried about getting out of there alive.

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, for it was only aired in 2004.

 

  1. Moment of Truth
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Moment of Truth is the kind of show where the host asks you some very personal questions on national TV. You might even have a surprise guest on once in a while. If you get all the answers right, you can win prizes but lose your sense of dignity.

Station: Fox

Premise: Contestants are asked ultra-personal questions while strapped to a lie detector. Sometimes a surprise guest such as an ex-partner or a good friend would come on stage and ask a particularly difficult question. If the machine deemed a contestant’s answers correct, they won cash prizes.

Why It’s Stupid: For one, according to studies, lie detectors tend to be accurate about 70-90% of the time any testimony obtained during such tests isn’t admissible in court. Still, this show was set up to feature desperate contestants humiliating themselves and their nearby loved ones by revealing their secrets on national TV. One lady confessed to cheating on her husband, only to lose her winnings by incorrectly answering this question: “Do you think you’re a good person?” (She said, “yes.”)

Did it Get Canceled?: Yes, but it ran for a couple seasons.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles with These Birthday Party Cakes (Third Edition)

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Next Friday will be my 27th birthday so I decide to commemorate the occasion with an assortment of weird looking cakes you’d find at the store, courtesy of Cake Wrecks. Sure I’ve done such post twice before during this time of year. Yet, there’s not a lot I can do for January though I can at least rejoice the fact that I can celebrate it while Obama is still president. Since the day that will infamy will only occur the Friday after of which I plan to dedicate the occasion by not watching my country being desecrated on national television. Anyway, bakeries and stores make a ton of money on birthday cakes since people have them all year round. And we usually expect that when we get a cake, it’d be decorated to our specifications. However, given that a site like Cake Wrecks exists, this isn’t always the case. Thus, it’s possible that people may celebrate birthdays featuring a cake that might not be up to snuff to what you ordered. But sometimes you have to make the best of the situation. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of professional birthday cakes gone wrong. These are provided by the courtesy of Cake Wrecks and many may not be safe for work.

  1. Man, what the hell’s going on with Cinderella?
"So you tell me you'd help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren't you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch?" I'm just improvising here.

“So you tell me you’d help me get to the ball? Then why the hell weren’t you there for me when my dad died, you fairy god bitch? You should’ve enchanted child services, for God’s sake.” I’m just improvising here.

2. Just a plain happy birthday with no frilly crap will do.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn't seem to follow directions.

Well, it seems like the recipient got their wish. Though some decorator doesn’t seem to follow directions.

3. Guess Ann wanted a Vincent Van Gogh birthday party theme.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh's paintings would've been more appropriate.

But a cake of a severed ear? I think one of Van Gogh’s paintings would’ve been more appropriate.

4. Though decorators can be great at taking directions, they don’t necessarily follow them.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

This person requested some words in yellow and some in green. But not in the colors they are.

5. That moment when you can’t decide to go with a forest or circus theme.

I don't know about you. But I'd stick with the forest theme. Because let's face it, clowns are creepy.

I don’t know about you. But I’d stick with the forest theme. Because let’s face it, clowns are creepy.

6. Seems like Tinkerbell isn’t too pleased at the moment.

Doesn't help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

Doesn’t help that her hips are unusually thick in her proportion to her body. Maybe her crankiness makes perfect sense.

7. Why, Yoda, that’s a rather large uh, lightsaber you have there.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

All too happy, Yoda seems. Suspect compensating for something, Yoda may. Want to know, I may not.

8. Apparently, turning 4o might make you think you’re being dragged to your grave.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you're middle aged, it doesn't mean you're being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

Sorry, but while 40 may mean you’re middle aged, it doesn’t mean you’re being dragged to your grave. Still, this is disturbing.

9. A Disney Princess cake is truly a little girl’s dream.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don't look like that.

Though how these women are drawn is utterly atrocious. Seriously, Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White don’t look like that.

10. A Big Bird cake can always delight a small child. Hope nothing goes wrong with that.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird's feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might've been on drugs before being dismembered.

Now this looks very freaky. Here we have Big Bird’s feet and wings along with a head that denotes he might’ve been on drugs before being dismembered.

11. Hope this kid enjoys his 6th birthday.

Just don't mind that whoever decorated this cake can't count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

Just don’t mind that whoever decorated this cake can’t count. Because there are 8 candles which is more than there should be.

12. If you’re 40, get used to Viagra and adult diapers.

No, 40 isn't old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

No, 40 isn’t old for the love of God. Seriously, since when did 40 get associated with aging?

13. I’m afraid Megan wanted a different kind of beach cake for her 14th birthday.

It's well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

It’s well stated that she wanted a blue anchor not flip flops. The decorator only wrote it down.

14. Not sure if this cake gives you a hot heart of burning love.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

For some reason Elvis looks like an angry vampire. Or like Wolverine. Not sure which.

15. Every little girl should have a cake of Darth Vader riding My Little Pony.

After all, who wouldn't want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

After all, who wouldn’t want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist while riding on a pink horse over the rainbow? Still, this is hilarious.

16. Man, Karen must be really old.

As a history major, I don't think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would've loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

As a history major, I don’t think Karen was a popular name in the 1600s. Then again, this is probably a fluke and Karen is actually 40. Kind of disappointing because I would’ve loved to ask her to recollect her experience of being at Plymouth Rock.

17. I don’t think the 5oth was supposed to go in the sky. But the flag might’ve been too small.

Yeah, someone didn't follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

Yeah, someone didn’t follow directions despite writing them on the cake. But by then it was too late.

18. Some child must really love Jurassic Park.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it's to eat somebody.

Okay, that T-Rex is giving me nightmares at the moment. Seriously, this is for a child? God, the cake looks like it’s to eat somebody.

19. Just happy birthday, is that supposed to be Anus?

Sometimes you can't always tell what's being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

Sometimes you can’t always tell what’s being said in cursive. But the last part sounds disgusting to me and is surely a typo.

20. A birthday cake with stars and balloons is always safe. Nothing can go wrong with that.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that's how sex results in reproduction.

And remember, kids, only one of these sperm will fertilize the egg which results in conception. So that’s how sex results in reproduction.

21. Elmo is always perfect for a child’s first birthday.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Unfortunately, Elmo has come out of his slumber to haunt the world with his noxious desire for tickles and evil laughter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

22. Uh, I don’t think it’s supposed to be Vivian’s butt day.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

Wonder why nobody got to the bottom of this silent but deadly misspelling. Guess the decorator was being a real asshole.

23. Nothing makes a great cake for a boy like a forest scene.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the certain death that'll await him as he's consumed by the raging flames.

Jesus Christ, a forest fire cake? Of course, the buck is only waiting for the sweet release of certain death that’ll await him as he’s consumed by the raging flames.

24. If you’re a basketball fan, just remember that though a court cake might be cheap and simple, it’s usually not a good idea.

Not sure which part of the court the ball's in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firm about it.

Not sure which part of the court the ball’s in at the moment. But both sides seem to be quite firmly erect about it. Then again, this is a very inappropriate cake for a 10-year-old boy.

25. I’m sure whoever receives this Red Sox cake will be greatly disappointed.

I know that's supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it's in disgusting snot green. Must've been done by a Yankees fan.

I know that’s supposed to be the Red Sox logo. But it’s in disgusting snot green. Must’ve been done by a Yankees fan.

26. There always has to be a resident smartass and bakeries are no exception.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

Well, at least whoever decorated it is honest. Still, this would be a perfect cake for Sheldon Cooper.

27. I’m afraid Helen isn’t going to be happy about this.

Yeah, including Hell won't give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

Yeah, including Hell won’t give you brownie points. The decorator must have something against the third or is not sure how to spell.

28. Happy Birthday but that doesn’t mean you’re special.

Yes, we already know we're not special. But one's birthday isn't a time to be reminded of that.

Yes, we already know we’re not special. But one’s birthday isn’t a time to be reminded of that.

29. Of course, any young girl would love a Little Mermaid cake.

I don't know about you. But Ariel's face really doesn't look right here. Not sure why though it's freaking me out.

I don’t know about you. But Ariel’s face really doesn’t look right here. Not sure why though it’s freaking me out.

30. Why so serious? Dominic is 4.

Okay, I'm not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don't think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

Okay, I’m not against having a Batman cake for a young boy. However, I don’t think a Dark Knight Joker cake for a 4 year old is appropriate. I mean the movie is rated R.

31. Happy 40th Birthday Jess, I mean Jeff.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

I put a cake on my birthday post last year with the same mistake. But it was the other way around. Still, since I have 2 uncle Jeffs, I could see this happen.

32. A Minnie cake is always a safe bet for a girl’s first birthday.

Minnie, are you okay? You don't look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

Minnie, are you okay? You don’t look like yourself. Are you and Mickey having problems?

33. Here’s all to the November birthdays from the ER.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

Yeah, we all know what ER stands for. Nobody needs to explain it.

34. Maybe having a 2nd quinciera at 30 was a bad idea.

Apparently, someone didn't know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

Apparently, someone didn’t know how to spell the word. So they just wrote how it sounded to them.

35. Okay, this birthday message is a bit morbid.

I think it's supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

I think it’s supposed to be Beth and Libby. But you can see where they went wrong with that.

36. For a baby’s party, a monkey cake is always delightful.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you'd want for a kid's birthday.

However, this monkey cake is downright freaky and nightmarish. Not something you’d want for a kid’s birthday.

37.A rainbow cake is always great for a young girl’s birthday. Hope nothing’s wrong with that.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It's like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you'll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

Excuse me, but those blots of clown icing look like turds to me. It’s like no matter where you go in the rainbow, you’ll always find shit at both ends. Kind of a depressing message to say the least.

38. When you have to order a cake for a person you don’t care fore.

Well, at least they're being honest. It's kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes.

Well, at least they’re being honest. It’s kind of hard to put it more politely sometimes. Hope it’s not for their boss.

39. Perhaps you can make 40 look bigger for more emphasis.

Not sure if Kim's going to like that. Still, it would've been acceptable if it weren't for the unfortunate addition.

Not sure if Kim’s going to like that. Still, it would’ve been acceptable if it weren’t for the unfortunate addition.

40. I’m afraid that someone put the writing when the cake was upside down.

Sure it would've looked great if it weren't for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

Sure it would’ve looked great if it weren’t for the peace signs being upside down. Not sure what that stands for exactly.

41. Please don’t cry, Tilly, it’s just a strange looking flower.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides coming out. Yes, it's gross.

Though it does kind of resemble a flattened turtle with its insides oozing out in all directions. Yes, it’s gross.

42. Uh, I think that’s what they wanted the cake to look like. Not the picture to put on it.

Someone doesn't seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

Someone doesn’t seem to follow directions, do they? Still, some kid will be disappointed on his big day.

43. There’s nothing more appropriate for an 11-year-old girl’s birthday than a broken shoe?

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I'm positive it looks broken and very tacky.

Then again, these cakes must be hard to make. But I’m positive it looks broken and very tacky.

44. Now that’s an interesting gorilla cake for a 3-year-old.

I don't know about you, but from how the fruit's being held, I don't think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

I don’t know about you, but from how the fruit’s being held, I don’t think this is an appropriate cake for children. I mean it seems to suggest something highly suggestive.

45. We wish you a happy birthday as we present you a cake allowing you to contemplate the inevitability of your own mortality.

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn't mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

Yes, we all die in the end. But that doesn’t mean you should have a dug out grave and casket on a birthday cake. Seriously, why?

46. Nothing makes a Star Wars birthday worthwhile than a cake of Chewie’s head.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn't really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog.

This is kind of demented if you think about it. Also, that doesn’t really look like Chewbacca. More like some brown shaggy dog with depression.

47. Nothing says you’re shit like a poop cake for your birthday.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

Even more disgusting that it has flies in it. Yes, someone must have a very sick sense of humor.

48. When featuring a photo on a cake, make sure it’s flattering.

I'm not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That's just embarrassing and insane.

I’m not sure what the hell they were thinking when it came to depicting the birthday boy in a speedo. That’s just embarrassing and insane.

49. As we all know, 60 is a time when women have to put their big girl panties on.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

And by that, we mean Depends. You know the adult diapers for people with bladder control problems.

50. When it comes to age, some decorators don’t understand what numerical terms translate into.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

This cake has a 1/4 of a century which means it should be for a 25-year-old. But the candles say 75.

51. For some reason, I’m not sure if this cake could even pass health codes before consumption.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God's sake.

So what are those black things on the cake? Fleas? Droppings? Please let them be sprinkles for God’s sake.

52. Just a cake with balloons and crap.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that's just what they're getting.

How about a cake with roses instead? Because that’s just what they’re getting.

53. For some reason, this decorator doesn’t understand the laws of physics in relation to gymnastics.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it's upside down.

Because such balance beam image seems to defy gravity. My guess is that it’s upside down.

54. Now I don’t think any parent would object to this Dora the Explorer cake.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she's 9 months pregnant. And I'm hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don't want to think about the latter.

Okay, I was wrong. Uh, either Dora has a severe weight problem or she’s 9 months pregnant. And I’m hoping she has a severe weight problem because I don’t want to think about the latter.

55. As we all know everything goes to crap after 40.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

Interesting image for a depressing metaphor. Not sure if everything goes to crap after 40 as long as you take good care of yourself. Still, this is gross.

56. So I guess this is a cake you give to  a psychokiller.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

Look, I understand that certain shows have their fans. But this cake is utterly disturbing, especially with a dismembered Barbie. Good God.

57. Back when I was in high school, Hannah Montana was a real craze among preteen girls.

However, this cake doesn't get Miley Cyrus's proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

However, this cake doesn’t get Miley Cyrus’s proportions right. And the rest of her comes off very cartoonish.

58. A baseball cake is always a great for a boy’s birthday.

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very stiff wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

Though looking at this cake, some may not have the balls to know admit that the bat sports a very hard wood. Seriously, perhaps a baseball diamond might be more appropriate?

59. On second thought, Vicky’s birthday is a few months from now.

At any rate, don't expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

At any rate, don’t expect Vicky to react to this well. She might be very upset.

60. Happy Birthday, Tina, here’s a cake of a run over raccoon.

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

Now this is disgusting. Seriously, a roadkill cake? Why the fuck would anyone want that for their birthday? What the fuck?

61. A Cabbage Patch kid makes a great 1st birthday cake.

But a Cabbage Patch kid's head on a stump? Oh, God no!

But a Cabbage Patch kid’s head on a stump? Oh, God no!

62. Happy Birthday and I give my regards.

I guess someone didn't follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

I guess someone didn’t follow directions to the letter. Also, those babies on carrots are freaky.

63. Any woman would only dream to have a birthday cake of some weird celebrity.

Not sure who that's supposed to be. But I strongly think it's a joke.

Not sure who that’s supposed to be. But I strongly think it’s a joke.

64. Of course, teenagers don’t like being embarrassed by their parents.

Yeah, you don't want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That's not the time and place for that.

Yeah, you don’t want to remind a kid to wear underwear on their birthday cake. That’s not the time and place for that.

65. You can always count on a butterfly cake to make things right on birthdays.

Though I'm not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

Though I’m not so sure about this one. Since it makes me feel kind of sad if you ask me.

66. So how is this supposed to be a dolphin again?

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

Because to me it looks like a smiling turd in the water. Disgusting.

67. I’m sure a dog cake will find a way to your heart.

For some reason, this dog doesn't look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

For some reason, this dog doesn’t look happy. Must be the pain of having candles stuck on its back.

68. Is that supposed to be a dolphin? Because it sure as hell doesn’t look like it.

The fins don't even look right on this for God's sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

The fins don’t even look right on this for God’s sake. Seems more like a weird penguin creature from outer space.

69. A 10 year old girl always enjoys a microphone cake if she has singing aspirations.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren't supposed to see.

For the love of God, please let this be a microphone. Because this really seems to resemble a toy mommy and daddy use that the kids aren’t supposed to see.

70. Since Lisa likes to shop, it’s only fair she had a cake like this.

Still, this cake doesn't send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don't).

Still, this cake doesn’t send great connotations to women as materialistic fiends. Because not every woman likes to shop (I don’t).

71. Happy Birthday, beautiful, according to your self-delusion.

Now that doesn't sound very nice. Sure we're self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn't mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

Now that doesn’t sound very nice. Sure we’re self-deluded in our looks to some extent. But that doesn’t mean we should put it on a birthday cake.

72. So is this for a birthday or a bachelorette party?

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn't a cake to have in front of the kids.

Yes, I know this is inappropriate. But given the unintentionally phallic shaped birthday cakes, I thought I could include this without much outcry. Still, this isn’t a cake to have in front of the kids. Also, if you’re a woman, what does a cake like this suggest about you?

73. I’m afraid Trudi may have to cope with being disappointed.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she's all full of crap.

Yeah, nobody likes to be called Turdi. They may think she’s all full of crap.

74. If your mom’s turning 50, this is probably not the cake to give her.

Basically it's saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

Basically it’s saying that now that her youth is over, prepare for the inevitability of death. Nice touching message.

75. Does that rocket have feet or is it just its thrusters?

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn't make the rocket look right.

Because those look like feet to me. And I think that doesn’t make the triangle rocket look right.

76. Happy Birthday and never forget.

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God's sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist?

Sorry, but a 9/11 cake is really offensive and dishonorable to the memories of those who died in the attacks. Not to mention, the people who still have health problems over it. For God’s sake this is wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why the hell does this cake exist? What the hell is wrong with people?

77. Go ahead, tell him how you really feel about him on his birthday.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

But at least the tool theme is fitting. Though not sure if you should nail it in.

78. Of course, a woman always wants some special treatment on her birthday.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that's just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn't have the same effect in icing and plastic.

Not sure about a cake of Ken on a fur rug. I mean that’s just freaky. Sorry, but it doesn’t have the same effect in icing and plastic.

79. Seems like River is a big fan of Batman and Robin.

From Cake Wrecks: "I'm not sure if "River" is the birthday person's name, or if - in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere - the decorator just labeled the cake what it's supposed to look like. If that's the case, then s/he must have meant "cascading river of blood, cement, and mold". But, you know, that probably wouldn't have fit."

From Cake Wrecks: “I’m not sure if “River” is the birthday person’s name, or if – in the tradition of Wreckerators everywhere – the decorator just labeled the cake what it’s supposed to look like. If that’s the case, then s/he must have meant “cascading river of blood, cement, and mold”. But, you know, that probably wouldn’t have fit.”

80. They always say that a lightsaber cake is among the coolest.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it's said to have a real Jedi Master's vibe so to speak. But it's not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

But I sense a real disturbance in the Force with this one. But it’s said to have a real Jedi Master’s vibe so to speak. But it’s not good in the cold. Take note padawans.

Touchdown with These Super Bowl Sunday Party Treats (Third Edition)

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Now that we’re in the new year, early January shall kick off to NFL playoff season in which teams compete for each other to get to the Super Bowl in February. In America, Super Bowl Sunday is sort of like a holiday when people around the country watch 2 teams play for the coveted Vince Lombardi trophy. Though the teams playing are usually not theirs, especially if they live in Cleveland (though the real Cleveland Browns did win 2 but only after getting out of the city and changing their name to the Baltimore Ravens). However, I usually don’t watch the Super Bowl unless the Steelers are playing. And that’s basically because I have to being from Southwestern Pennsylvania. And God help my dad if it’s a Super Bowl between the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots. Anyway, as I’ve said before over the years, people usually have parties that consist of fare that would make nutritionists shudder in dread like burgers, hotdogs, wings, and the like. And there’s plenty of advertising around the Super Bowl as well. Now once again, I invite you to another treasure trove of delectable Super Bowl goodies for the playoff season.

  1. You can always delight in the Super Bowl festivities with this New York Giant dish.
I'm not sure what this is supposed to be. Could be any number of things like casserole, lasagna, or dip.

I’m not sure what this is supposed to be. Could be any number of things like casserole, lasagna, or dip.

2. I’m sure anyone in Wisconsin would find this platter fitting.

Yes, this is a Green Bay Packer snack tray. Oddly fitting since their team's name is derived by food packers. Yet, I think it would be more suitable if the G was in cheese.

Yes, this is a Green Bay Packer snack tray. Oddly fitting since their team’s name is derived by food packers. Yet, I think it would be more suitable if the G was in cheese.

3. This snackadium has all you need when the Seahawks square off with the Broncos.

I think the Seahawks won that year. Still, they get cheese while Denver has to settle for refried beans.

I think the Seahawks won that year. Still, they get cheese while Denver has to settle for refried beans.

4. Help yourself to this Green Bay Packer cheesecake.

I'm not sure if it's a real cheesecake. But it's shaped like a cheese to any Packer fan's delight.

I’m not sure if it’s a real cheesecake. But it’s shaped like a cheese to any Packer fan’s delight.

5. When Pittsburgh’s going to the Super Bowl, you can’t do without this cake.

This one has Big Ben and Troy Polamalu's numbers. Too bad Polamalu isn't on the team anymore.

This one has Big Ben and Troy Polamalu’s numbers. Too bad Polamalu isn’t on the team anymore.

6. These Oreo cookie helmet balls are a real game day delight.

Each of these even has a number on it along with a pretzel visor. Not sure what teams they're supposed to be.

Each of these even has a number on it along with a pretzel visor. Not sure what teams they’re supposed to be.

7. May your football dip be of peanut butter and bacon.

To be honest, peanut butter and bacon make for a disgusting combination. But it seems to work for the aesthetics.

To be honest, peanut butter and bacon make for a disgusting combination. But it seems to work for the aesthetics.

8. A football snackadium should have a little of everything.

This one even has a bacon weave. Still, I'm sure half of the stuff in here isn't good for you.

This one even has a bacon weave. Still, I’m sure half of the stuff in here isn’t good for you.

9. Savor the playoff season with these football donut holes.

I'm guessing these are all chocolate. Not sure why they have donut holes.

I’m guessing these are all chocolate. Not sure why they have donut holes.

10. Any fan of the Indianapolis Colts would want a cake like this.

And Colts fans should be thankful that they've won a Super Bowl so I could include this. Sure it was a long time ago, but that's beside the point.

And Colts fans should be thankful that they’ve won a Super Bowl so I could include this. Sure it was a long time ago, but that’s beside the point.

11. Any Patriots fan would delight in a cake with Tom Brady’s jersey.

Yet, this doesn't mean I'll mock the team for their scandals. Because that's not happening.

Yet, this doesn’t mean I’ll mock the team for their scandals. Because that’s not happening.

12. A New Orleans Saints cake is all decked with black and gold.

Though it's in a different golden shade. Another team who won the Super Bowl in years back.

Though it’s in a different golden shade. Another team who won the Super Bowl in years back.

13. Hope New Yorkers can help themselves to this Giants pizza.

However, if you choose to consume it, you shouldn't eat your slice with cutlery. Because New Yorkers see it as uncivilized behavior, according to Jon Stewart.

However, if you choose to consume it, you shouldn’t eat your slice with cutlery. Because New Yorkers see it as uncivilized behavior, according to Jon Stewart.

14. This Super Bowl cake has a rather desert style.

Guess that Super Bowl game was played in Arizona. The cactus explains it all. Love the sunset.

Guess that Super Bowl game was played in Arizona. The cactus explains it all. Love the sunset.

15. If you’re into red and blue but don’t like the Patriots, these Giants cupcakes should suffice.

Helps that the Giants beat New England both times. Also, that the cupcakes have blue filling.

Helps that the Giants beat New England both times. Also, that the cupcakes have blue filling.

16. For gridiron fun, this cookie cake is a real winner.

Yes, it's clearly used as a birthday cake. But it's very easy to decorate if you get my drift.

Yes, it’s clearly used as a birthday cake. But it’s very easy to decorate if you get my drift.

17. These football party bites are a real Super Bowl treat.

 

These consists of ground meat on top of a bun covered in cheese and ketchup. Hope you can stomach that.

These consists of ground meat on top of a bun covered in cheese and ketchup. Hope you can stomach that.

18. This football cake is iced and ready for game day.

Doesn't hurt that it's on a serving tee. Hope it's chocolate on the inside.

Doesn’t hurt that it’s on a serving tee. Hope it’s chocolate on the inside.

19. Your Super Bowl will be great with these New York Giants helmet cake pops.

Are the Giants even in the playoffs this year? Then again, it doesn't matter. Still, they're also blue on the inside.

Are the Giants even in the playoffs this year? Then again, it doesn’t matter. Still, they’re also blue on the inside.

20. Speaking of cake pops, those of the 49ers are sprinkled with gold.

Though San Francisco didn't make Super Bowl gold that year. Because they lost to the Ravens.

Though San Francisco didn’t make Super Bowl gold that year. Because they lost to the Ravens.

21. How about some football sandwiches on pumpernickel bread?

Those seem like they can give you a heart attack. At least when you look at the filling.

Those seem like they can give you a heart attack. At least when you look at the filling.

22. These football eggs come especially hard boiled.

They're also dyed brown and stuffed with cheese. Make great appetizers.

They’re also dyed brown and stuffed with cheese. Make great appetizers.

23. Nobody could resist these footballs of brownie and nutella.

You'd almost think people would want to use these to set up for a trap. Because nutella is seen as a gateway substance.

You’d almost think people would want to use these to set up for a trap. Because nutella is seen as a gateway substance.

24. So I guess this is a snackadium for health nuts and cocktail parties?

Then again, snackadiums aren't great platters with good health options. But this one ain't too bad.

Then again, snackadiums aren’t great platters with good health options. But this one ain’t too bad.

25. This Green Bay Packers cake is pure gridiron green.

It's even a cheesecake, too. Still, you have to admire the ingenuity of Packers fans.

It’s even a cheesecake, too. Still, you have to admire the ingenuity of Packers fans.

26. These football ham sandwiches make a great big game lunch.

Each one contains ham, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Great for tailgate parties and playoff games.

Each one contains ham, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Great for tailgate parties and playoff games.

27. Deflate cake is perfect for hate watching the Patriots.

Sorry, Patriots fans, but I had to include at least one deflate cake on here. And this one really seems to have all the air gone out as Brady would've wanted.

Sorry, Patriots fans, but I had to include at least one deflate cake on here. And this one really seems to have all the air gone out as Brady would’ve wanted.

28. Those in Seattle who eat healthy should always rejoice with a Seahawk fruit tray.

Consists of white grapes, banana, kiwi, and blueberries. Because they have to go by team colors, people.

Consists of white grapes, banana, kiwi, and blueberries. Because they have to go by team colors, people.

29. Foods in the snackadium should be bordered by Twinkies.

Now this one consists of dip and not many healthy snack options. Still, it works.

Now this one consists of dip and not many healthy snack options. Still, it works.

30. A Green Bay Packers fan’s 7 layer dip should always have green on top.

Thankfully, there are plenty of green foots that can fit the bill. On here are guacamole, cilantro, and peppers.

Thankfully, there are plenty of green foots that can fit the bill. On here are guacamole, cilantro, and peppers.

31. Behold, a bacon Vince Lombardi trophy.

I don't know why anyone would do this. But I'm sure you wouldn't want to eat it and any rate.

I don’t know why anyone would do this. But I’m sure you wouldn’t want to eat it and any rate.

32. This Super Bowl, make this football meatloaf your main course.

After all, you can't make a football from steak. Has some ketchup and cheese.

After all, you can’t make a football from steak. Has some ketchup and cheese.

33. Never imagined a snackadium with penguins and mini umbrellas before.

So I guess they're either rooting for the Saints or the Colts. Still, this is quite original that I couldn't leave it out.

So I guess they’re either rooting for the Saints or the Colts. Still, this is quite original that I couldn’t leave it out.

34. Keylime pie is always appropriate for the Super Bowl if the Seattle Seahawks are in it.

Not sure who 12 is supposed to be on the team. But at least it has the Seahawk colors.

Not sure who 12 is supposed to be on the team. But at least it has the Seahawk colors.

35. This snackadium comes with its own parking lot.

This one has cars made from candy bars. All in all, this is cute.

This one has cars made from candy bars. All in all, this is cute.

36. Celebrate the Steelers taking on the Packers with these sugar cookies.

Of course, we all know how that went down. But at least Steelers fans weren't as upset than their 1996 loss to the Cowboys.

Of course, we all know how that went down. But at least Steelers fans weren’t as upset than their 1996 loss to the Cowboys.

37. Fans of the Denver Broncos would delight in these Rice Krispie jerseys.

To be fair, there are such jersey's for different teams. But I decided to go with Denver because I didn't have anything pertaining to them yet.

To be fair, there are such jersey’s for different teams. But I decided to go with Denver because I didn’t have anything pertaining to them yet.

38. This Steelers cake was made for a Super Bowl champion.

This one is for a birthday. But I like it much better than the one I showed previously.

This one is for a birthday. But I like it much better than the one I showed previously.

39. No Carolina Panther fan could ever resist this cake.

Sure Carolina hasn't one a Super Bowl yet. But they did play in it twice. So they count.

Sure Carolina hasn’t won a Super Bowl yet. But they did play in it twice. So they count.

40. Show your Broncos spirit with this cake.

Well, someone must be a big Broncos fan. Yet, I do think the lettering is quite charming.

Well, someone must be a big Broncos fan. Yet, I do think the lettering is quite charming.

41. These Seahawks bites make for a rather tasty treat.

Though that's not the greatest rendition of their logo. But these are quite creative.

Though that’s not the greatest rendition of their logo. But these are quite creative.

42. Any Panthers would wish to see Cam Newton as No. 1.

Yes, this is a Cam Newton jersey cake. Still, at least his team lost to the Broncos.

Yes, this is a Cam Newton jersey cake. Still, at least his team lost to the Broncos.

43. You can always jell with New York Giants jello.

Because when the Patriots make the Super Bowl, there's only one time that can stop them. Believe me, seeing them beat the Patriots was quite satisfying.

Because when the Patriots make the Super Bowl, there’s only one time that can stop them. Believe me, seeing them beat the Patriots was quite satisfying.

44. Steelers fans might want to take a bite out of these cupcakes.

These cupcakes feature players from the team. Like the Polamalu one the best.

These cupcakes feature players from the team. Like the Polamalu one the best.

45. Any Ravens fan would delight in cupcakes like these.

Includes Ray Rice and Ray Lewis. You know the guy who beat his wife and the other guy who's alleged to have murdered 2 people.

Includes Ray Rice and Ray Lewis. You know the guy who beat his wife and the other guy who’s alleged to have murdered 2 people.

46. This snackadium features a lunch time selection.

Hey at least it has a veggie selection. That's got to score brownie points.

Hey at least it has a veggie selection. That’s got to score brownie points.

47. These football cupcakes scream for the New England Patriots.

Each of them has the Patriots logo to show. Of course, they're also not fully inflated.

Each of them has the Patriots logo to show. Of course, they’re also not fully inflated unlike Tom Brady’s ego.

48. For healthier options, you can always have a Green Bay Packer veggie platter.

Includes peppers and cucumber slices. Best to go with some cheese dip naturally.

Includes peppers and cucumber slices. Best to go with some cheese dip naturally.

49. Grace your Super Bowl appetizer platter with some artichoke and spinach dip.

Did I say it was in a football bread bow? No? Well, there you have it.

Did I say it was in a football bread bow? No? Well, there you have it.

50. How about a slice of the old pigskin?

So this is football sausage. Not sure what to make of this if you ask me.

So this is football sausage. Not sure what to make of this if you ask me.

51. Celebrate the Super Bowl with this football club sandwich.

I guess it'll take a mouth of a T-Rex to devour it. Also, why does it have to have so much lunch meat?

I guess it’ll take a mouth of a T-Rex to devour it. Also, why does it have to have so much lunch meat?

52. These Steeler mini cupcakes are a game day delight.

And yes, they feature the glories of Steeler nation. Great for black and gold fans.

And yes, they feature the glories of Steeler nation. Great for black and gold fans.

53. These New England Patriot cookies are in an orderly fashion.

Yet, orderly doesn't always mean ethical. And the Patriots have a lot to show for that.

Yet, orderly doesn’t always mean ethical. And the Patriots have a lot to show for that.

54. Grace your dessert platter this Super Bowl with these Seattle Seahawks gingerbread cookies.

I guess the white one is the coach. But I do think these are quite creative with the players.

I guess the white one is the coach. But I do think these are quite creative with the players.

55. For a smaller party, this mini snackadium will do quite nicely.

It also features healthy choices like carrots and celery. The dip includes guac, too.

It also features healthy choices like carrots and celery. The dip includes guac, too.

56. You can always put the drinks with the appetizers.

However, water is the only viable beverage option here as far as I'm concerned. Still, this quite ingenious.

However, water is the only viable beverage option here as far as I’m concerned. Still, this quite ingenious.

57. For your Super Bowl party, you can’t go wrong with some loaded potato dip.

Okay, that sounds pretty disgusting. Doesn't help that the football is covered in bacon.

Okay, that sounds pretty disgusting. Doesn’t help that the football is covered in bacon.

58. Celebrate the Seahawks vs. Broncos with this commemorative stadium cake.

Of course, the Broncos won that one. But I do like how they used fancy toothpicks. That's great.

Of course, the Broncos won that one. But I do like how they used fancy toothpicks. That’s great.

59. You can easily find this snackadium in a supermarket.

I'm sure this is most suitable for large parties on game day. But I really delight in the structure.

I’m sure this is most suitable for large parties on game day. But I really delight in the structure.

60. This snackadium is brought to you by the Green Bay Packers.

Seems like Packers fans really love their team. Because I see a lot of crazy Packer stuff when I do NFL posts.

Seems like Packers fans really love their team. Because I see a lot of crazy Packer stuff when I do NFL posts.

61. Only a cake like this could fully salute the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Each star number denotes a player from the team. Yet, everyone should know who 86, 43, and 7 are.

Each star number denotes a player from the team. Yet, everyone should know who 86, 43, and 7 are.

62. If you live in Arizona, get a taste of these Cardinal cupcakes.

The Cardinals are on here since they played in the Super Bowl in 2009. The Steelers beat them though.

The Cardinals are on here since they played in the Super Bowl in 2009. The Steelers beat them though.

63. A Pittsburgh child should always have a Terrible Towel bento lunch.

Ditto the Steeler sandwich. Nevertheless, I'm sure parents of the black and gold will love it.

Ditto the Steeler sandwich. Nevertheless, I’m sure parents of the black and gold will love it.

64. This cake was brought to you by the National Football League.

Yes, I had to include an NFL cake. Since they sponsor the Super Bowl. However, their policies aren't always the greatest.

Yes, I had to include an NFL cake. Since they sponsor the Super Bowl. However, their policies aren’t always the greatest.

65. You can always score with these football Rice Krispie treats.

After all, these all have chocolate on them. Must surely be delicious.

After all, these all have chocolate on them. Must surely be delicious.

66. Colts fans would enjoy these horseshoe cookies.

Sure they're not iced blue. But they'll surely do for Indianapolis.

Sure they’re not iced blue. But they’ll surely do for Indianapolis.

67. These burger cupcakes almost resemble the real thing.

I had cupcakes like these in last year's post. But these are very well made that you'd almost forget they're desserts.

I had cupcakes like these in last year’s post. But these are very well made that you’d almost forget they’re desserts.

68. On this cake the Steelers and the Cardinals take the field.

Not sure if the Steelers are on offense or defense. But I know they'll crush the Cardinals.

Not sure if the Steelers are on offense or defense. But I know they’ll crush the Cardinals.

69. For a more spicy nacho flair, this snackadium will do nicely.

The nachos on these a have peppers and cheese on them. The dip is guac.

The nachos on these a have peppers and cheese on them. The dip is guac.

70. No Pittsburgh Steeler cake should go without a Vince Lombardi trophy and a Terrible Towel.

After all, they've won 6 Super Bowls. Still, I'm sure Steeler fans would want this and hope for 7.

After all, they’ve won 6 Super Bowls. Still, I’m sure Steeler fans would want this and hope for 7.

The Patchwork World of Quilts

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My aunt made this quilt herself before she gave it to me one Christmas. Here I have it draped on a chair for this post.

Now that winter’s here, it’s not unusual for anyone to curl up with a warm blanket from time to time. Many times people would prefer a quilt, comforter, or a coverlet on their bed. How a quilt differs from other blankets is that it’s usually composed of 3 layers of fabric or fiber. These traditionally consisted of a woven top cloth, a layer of batting or wadding, and a woven back combined sewing these 3 layers together. Occasionally, they could be tied together with knots. While quilts have usually been used as bedcovers functional or otherwise, they’re also frequently displayed as decorative works of art. And if you look on Pinterest or this post, you’ll surely see what I’m talking about. Though the top layer on the quilt usually has the most decoration which could be a pattern of stitching or a patchwork pattern like the one above. And sometimes they could be seen to serve another non-functional purposes like the AIDS Memorial Quilt that lists the names of people who lost their lives to HIV. Yet, you can see many in museums and at craft festivals throughout the year. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you an assortment of crazy and amazing quilts.

  1. Why stick with a pattern when you can stick with a color scheme.
And I guess this is in a rainbow scheme. Well, the patterns are certainly pretty.

And I guess this is in a rainbow scheme. Well, the patterns are certainly pretty.

2. With this quilt, you can be transported to Moulin Rouge.

However, we should note that these women wore split crotch underwear (and not for sexual purposes either). So you can see why that dance was considered obscene in the 19th century.

However, we should note that these women wore split crotch underwear (and not for sexual purposes either). So you can see why that dance was considered obscene in the 19th century.

3. For quilting, the more colors the better.

And does this sure dazzle. No, you're not on drugs. But I really love this pattern.

And does this sure dazzle. No, you’re not on drugs. But I really love this pattern.

4. How about some time on the beach?

Of course, you wouldn't want to bring a quilt to a beach. But this is surely an incredible quilting landscape to behold.

Of course, you wouldn’t want to bring a quilt to a beach. But this is surely an incredible quilting landscape to behold.

5. These woodland creatures are all in funky colors.

Well, I won't just feature quilts on here. This is a table runner. Still, like the squirrel.

Well, I won’t just feature quilts on here. This is a table runner. Still, like the squirrel.

6. This African quilt seems like it’s straight from the Savannah.

Hey, quilting isn't just a European thing. Still, you have to admire the dazzling work on this. The twig for display is perfect.

Hey, quilting isn’t just a European thing. Still, you have to admire the dazzling work on this. The twig for display is perfect.

7. Make sure you keep your flowers dry.

Uh, I think you don't need an umbrella for the flowers. Because they'd need the water anyway. Unless you live in an area that always rains.

Uh, I think you don’t need an umbrella for the flowers. Because they’d need the water anyway. Unless you live in an area that always rains.

8. Spirals and stars, a great quilt they always make.

Another quilt in a rainbow color scheme. But this one is in a star configuration.

Another quilt in a rainbow color scheme. But this one is in a star configuration.

9. One can never have too many things on one big bookshelf.

Well, this one has a lot of books with toys in between. Got to keep it quaint and adorable.

Well, this one has a lot of books with toys in between. Got to keep it quaint and adorable.

10. A quilter’s patchwork home is her castle.

Well, this is certainly a quilter's castle here. So stunning and so lovely.

Well, this is certainly a quilter’s castle here. So stunning and so lovely. And it seems someone fell into the moat.

11. There’s nothing more beautiful than a desert sunrise.

Except possibly a desert sunset. But you have to admire how it almost looks like a painting. But yes, it's a quilt.

Except possibly a desert sunset. But you have to admire how it almost looks like a painting. But yes, it’s a quilt.

12. Every quilting square can always have its unique pattern.

I guess this one uses floral and trees. Not sure if it's for summer or fall. Might go either way.

I guess this one uses floral and trees. Not sure if it’s for summer or fall. Might go either way.

13. During the summer, a gardener’s work is never done.

Well, this one has a lot of summer motifs. Love the flower bouquet.

Well, this one has a lot of summer motifs. Love the flower bouquet.

14. There’s always more to these rolling hills.

Yes, this is another quilting landscape. But this one makes it more apparent if you look at the sky.

Yes, this is another quilting landscape. But this one makes it more apparent if you look at the sky.

15. Only a waterfall can remind you of tranquility.

Now this one almost looks like a painting you'd almost see in a museum. But yes, it's a quilt if you zoom in more. Beautiful.

Now this one almost looks like a painting you’d almost see in a museum. But yes, it’s a quilt if you zoom in more. Beautiful.

16. You wouldn’t believe the kind of birds on these trees.

You wouldn't believe the kind of leaves either. Love the blue owl and flowers.

You wouldn’t believe the kind of leaves either. Love the blue owl and flowers.

17. Mind if I play a game of Tetris?

Okay, Tetris is a computer game. But you can easily see why it makes an ideal quilting subject.

Okay, Tetris is a computer game. But you can easily see why it makes an ideal quilting subject.

18. If you like the minions then you’ll fall in love with this mini quilt.

Or maybe not, if you find them annoying. But still, these are quite adorable. So cute.

Or maybe not, if you find them annoying. But still, these are quite adorable. So cute.

19. Be the master of your domain with this regal quilt tapestry.

This one even depicts a fire breathing blue dragon. Not sure about the sun and moon fabric though.

This one even depicts a fire breathing blue dragon. Not sure about the sun and moon fabric though.

20. Always keep your border stars in a loop.

Especially when it pertains to rainbows like in this one. Still, I'm not sure if I can get enough of these.

Especially when it pertains to rainbows like in this one. Still, I’m not sure if I can get enough of these.

21. This bookshelf looks so antique.

I know it's another bookshelf quilt. But this one seems more suited for a study.

I know it’s another bookshelf quilt. But this one seems more suited for a study.

22. Here we come across a sunset at a pond.

Or is it a pond? It's so hard to tell the difference between the two, Then again, it could be a marsh. Nevertheless, it's stunning.

Or is it a pond? It’s so hard to tell the difference between the two, Then again, it could be a marsh. Nevertheless, it’s stunning.

23. One roll of film can preserve so many memories.

But not as much as a digital camera. And you can't do a quilt pertaining to that.

But not as much as a digital camera. And you can’t do a quilt pertaining to that.

24. Guess this is quite a whimsical neighborhood.

Well, this seems like it's straight out of a Dr. Seuss acid trip. But it's surely adorable.

Well, this seems like it’s straight out of a Dr. Seuss acid trip. But it’s surely adorable.

25. I guess this is one quilter’s tribute to Japan.

Because we have Mount Fuji, a red rising sun, and Godzilla. The Godzilla is a biggest giveaway.

Because we have Mount Fuji, a red rising sun, and Godzilla. The Godzilla is a biggest giveaway.

26. In this quilt, all the animals are in their proper place.

This one has an interesting barn window scheme. But at least the dog is in the forefront.

This one has an interesting barn window scheme. But at least the dog is in the forefront.

27. With flower fabrics who knows what kind of patchwork you’d make.

This one uses flowers in an interesting flower wreath. Love it.

This one uses flowers in an interesting flower wreath. Love it.

28. What wonders you can make with triangles and squares.

Yes, this is another rainbow pattern. But this one uses thin triangle and checker rings to form a star.

Yes, this is another rainbow pattern. But this one uses thin triangle and checker rings to form a star.

29. You never know what kind of stuff you’ll find under the sea.

Though you may not find mermaids you'd find on this quilt. Because mermaids are only found in myths and fantasy.

Though you may not find mermaids you’d find on this quilt. Because mermaids are only found in myths and fantasy.

30. You can have so many photographs and memories on one bookshelf.

And yes, the photographs can really take up space. Still, this is quite lovely for a quilt design.

And yes, the photographs can really take up space. Still, this is quite lovely for a quilt design.

31. It always takes a lot of colors to make a sky at dusk.

And this one uses plenty that it seems a bit surreal. But you can surely tell it's a quilt for sure.

And this one uses plenty that it seems a bit surreal. But you can surely tell it’s a quilt for sure.

32. These sunflowers always thrive in the light.

This one also uses a lot of patchwork for its background. But it's more apparent when you see some of the fabric patterns.

This one also uses a lot of patchwork for its background. But it’s more apparent when you see some of the fabric patterns.

33. You always have to love it when the sun breaks out in the forest.

Yes, you may think it's a painting. But it's a quilt and a damn beautiful one at that.

Yes, you may think it’s a painting. But it’s a quilt and a damn beautiful one at that.

34. There’s no bigger statement for peace on earth than this.

Sure it may be a rainbow peace sign that you'd associate with hippies. But each square on this has a unique pinwheel pattern.

Sure it may be a rainbow peace sign that you’d associate with hippies. But each square on this has a unique pinwheel pattern.

35. Morning glories always look lovely in the moonlight.

Wait, a minute, morning glories don't bloom at night. But it's still beautiful nonetheless.

Wait, a minute, morning glories don’t bloom at night. But it’s still beautiful nonetheless.

36. Birds in the winter snow are always a sight to see.

And here we come to birds at the feeder. Hope the cardinals and the blue jays can watch out for the owls.

And here we come to birds at the feeder. Hope the perching birds can watch out for the owls.

37. This quilt will surely be a sewer’s delight.

Well, this is just full of quilting stuff. But I'm sure die hard quilters would enjoy it.

Well, this is just full of quilting stuff. But I’m sure die hard quilters would enjoy it.

38. Here we are gathered with women by the lake.

This one is done by some artist. But at least this one pays attention to diversity. Well, sort of.

This one is done by some artist. But at least this one pays attention to diversity. Well, sort of.

39. Isn’t it a wonder to behold a mountain and rolling hills?

This one uses all kinds of fabric for a painting effect. Not sure about the lone trees standing.

This one uses all kinds of fabric for a painting effect. Not sure about the lone trees standing.

40. Bask in the glory of the animals of Africa.

This one surely has a lot of squares dedicated to animals in Africa. Love the background.

This one surely has a lot of squares dedicated to animals in Africa. Love the background.

41. Guess the Seven Dwarves are engaging in the Seven Deadly Sins.

Yes, the dwarves surely have a naughty side to them. But then again, greed is kind of understandable since they work in a mine.

Yes, the dwarves surely have a naughty side to them. But then again, greed is kind of understandable since they work in a mine.

42. There’s nothing stunning like a canyon waterfall in autumn.

Well, it certainly looks like it. Sure it seems like a painting. But you can easily see the stitching if you look close enough.

Well, it certainly looks like it. Sure it seems like a painting. But you can easily see the stitching if you look close enough.

43. A spring garden is always in its glory in May.

Because an April garden looks like shit since it's early spring and rains a lot. Love the flowers though.

Because an April garden looks like shit since it’s early spring and rains a lot. Love the flowers though.

44. The sun’s energy brings nature’s bounty.

As you can see within the embroidered strips. All in all, this is beautiful.

As you can see within the embroidered strips. All in all, this is beautiful.

45. A shelf should always be filled with memories.

This one even includes photos possibly translated from computer to fabric. One even includes the 3 Stooges.

This one even includes photos possibly translated from computer to fabric. One even includes the 3 Stooges.

46. A tree can have leaves of so many colors.

And I'm not just talking about fall colors either. Since this includes pink and blue, too.

And I’m not just talking about fall colors either. Since this includes pink and blue, too.

47. A flower bouquet could fit in any basket.

Well, they sure have a wide variety of styles. Can't exactly say which one is the prettiest.

Well, they sure have a wide variety of styles. Can’t exactly say which one is the prettiest.

48. Sometimes with patterns it helps to start small.

I'm not sure if minimalistic is the way to go. But, hey, whatever works.

I’m not sure if minimalistic is the way to go. But, hey, whatever works.

49. A moon phase quilt brings in the glory of the night.

Well, this one surely has the moon phases and the dark sky. Love the snowflake stars.

Well, this one surely has the moon phases and the dark sky. Love the snowflake stars.

50. If you love pansies, then you’ll enjoy this quilted heart.

Love the floral background on this. Like especially how all the flowers in this wreath are purple, too.

Love the floral background on this. Like especially how all the flowers in this wreath are purple, too.

51. These women look stunning in their patchwork dresses.

Didn't know you can do sophisticated folk art on a quilt, did you? Still, I don't think they'll conform to the ball dress code.

Didn’t know you can do sophisticated folk art on a quilt, did you? Still, I don’t think they’ll conform to the ball dress code.

52. A coral reef is beaming with ocean life and color.

However, be aware that climate change has wiped out a lot of reefs through coral bleaching. So a scene like this may not be around in a few decades.

However, be aware that climate change has wiped out a lot of reefs through coral bleaching. So a scene like this may not be around in a few decades.

53. One quilt can always consist of a variety of patterns.

Maybe not in this case. But I do love the colors on this. Great for any modern style apartment.

Maybe not in this case. But I do love the colors on this. Great for any modern style apartment.

54. Autumn leaves always bring fall into the air.

Love the rainbow background squares. Since most of the leaves on here are brown, yellow, and orange.

Love the rainbow background squares. Since most of the leaves on here are brown, yellow, and orange.

55. With strips of fabric you can make your own sensational flower.

And each petal is unique in its own way. Love this style.

And each petal is unique in its own way. Love this style.

56. A quilt like this always carries a rustic touch.

This one features farms as you can see. Not sure what to think about the dome one though. Such an unusual shape.

This one features farms as you can see. Not sure what to think about the dome one though. Such an unusual shape.

57. Check out this quilted mountain majesty.

This one even has blue flowers on a hillside. Love the background though.

This one even has blue flowers on a hillside. Love the background though.

58. A forest can always look glorious in the sunrise.

Well, it certainly seems like the kind you'd see in a painting. Love how they used different pieces of fabric for the hills.

Well, it certainly seems like the kind you’d see in a painting. Love how they used different pieces of fabric for the hills.

59. A quilt like this shows Africa is a true carnival of animals.

This one has the kind of animals you'd see on the Savannah. And yes, a lot of these are on the Endangered Species list.

This one has the kind of animals you’d see on the Savannah. And yes, a lot of these are on the Endangered Species list.

60. Bet you’ve never seen a canyon like this before.

And I'm not kidding. Love how the sun is on the face. Love the river.

And I’m not kidding. Love how the sun is on the face. Love the river.

61. There’s nothing fun like rainbow spirals.

Well, that's an interesting configuration. Love the design. Sure to be a real winner.

Well, that’s an interesting configuration. Love the design. Sure to be a real winner.

62. You have to love how a full moon looks in a frozen river.

Then again, the water may not be frozen. But you have to love this one, especially when it pertains to the moonlight.

Then again, the water may not be frozen. But you have to love this one, especially when it pertains to the moonlight.

63. Now this is what I call patchwork in modern art.

And she seems to be holding a snake. Still, if Picasso did quilting, he'd probably do something like this.

And she seems to be holding a snake. Still, if Picasso did quilting, he’d probably do something like this.

64. You can even get a more colorful array with a few more trimmings.

This one an improvement on a previous quilt. Love the rainbow scheme as always.

This one an improvement on a previous quilt. Love the rainbow scheme as always.

65. A landscape quilt like this is nothing but a stunner.

Well, it seems to be of the plains. And as someone from western Pennsylvania, it looks rather flat.

Well, it seems to be of the plains. And as someone from western Pennsylvania, it looks rather flat.

66. Never saw a necktie maze before.

Yes, some quilters use neckties for their projects. After all, it's just another piece of fabric.

Yes, some quilters use neckties for their projects. After all, it’s just another piece of fabric.

67. If you like Japanese art, this quilt is just for you.

The female figures are a dead giveaway. Love the scenery.

The female figures are a dead giveaway. Love the scenery.

68. A blue heron is a glorious bird on a quilted tapestry.

This one even uses strips of cloth to show the scenery. Lovely.

This one even uses strips of cloth to show the scenery. Lovely.

69. There’s nothing more quaint than a village on a hill.

Well, you'd never see a colorful village like this. But it doesn't hurt to dream.

Well, you’d never see a colorful village like this. But it doesn’t hurt to dream.

70. A small honey pot can come in so many colors.

Doesn't hurt that each one is shaped like a bear. But c'mon multicolored honey, please.

Doesn’t hurt that each one is shaped like a bear. But c’mon multicolored honey, please.

71. It’s always amazing what you’d find in the ocean.

This one is also quite stylized. But it's quite a cool quilt to look at. Love it.

This one is also quite stylized. But it’s quite a cool quilt to look at. Love it.

72. You can always find a lot of fancy fans.

Each of them has their unique design. Love the purple background and floral patterns especially.

Each of them has their unique design. Love the purple background and floral patterns especially.

73. There’s nothing like this quilt that pays tribute to the 4 seasons.

Well, as far as personifications go. Honestly, I think this quilter might've been on acid.

Well, as far as personifications go. Honestly, I think this quilter might’ve been on acid.

74. It’s almost as if you can see the plants talking.

Okay, maybe not like this. Yet, I kind of find this amusing and disturbing at the same time.

Okay, maybe not like this. Yet, I kind of find this amusing and disturbing at the same time.

75. You can always use different patterns to create a picture.

Sure it might make your eyes sore. But it represents an interesting configuration that I just had to include it.

Sure it might make your eyes sore. But it represents an interesting configuration that I just had to include it.

76. This canyon waterfall is always a wondrous sight.

This is so lovely. Guess it could be some kind of oasis in the desert. Or the Grand Canyon.

This is so lovely. Guess it could be some kind of oasis in the desert. Or the Grand Canyon.

77. There’s nothing more idyllic than an old mill and bridge.

Well, it surely looks like a painting. But it was a real patchwork to bring it together.

Well, it surely looks like a painting. But it was a real patchwork to bring it together.

78. You can never lay your eyes on something as stunning as a redwood forest.

Of course, this is probably a quilt depicting some place out west that will probably be damaged by wild fire. Because I know they don't see as much rainfall there.

Of course, this is probably a quilt depicting some place out west that will probably be damaged by wild fire. Because I know they don’t see as much rainfall there.

79. You can make a geometric scene with so many small shapes.

Doesn't hurt if it's in rainbow. Love how all the colors all come together.

Doesn’t hurt if it’s in rainbow. Love how all the colors all come together.

80. Nothing beats the view of this seaside mountain town.

Love the beautiful sunset of the mountain. Heard this is from somewhere in the northwest.

Love the beautiful sunset of the mountain. Heard this is from somewhere in the northwest.

81. Hope you can gaze on this patchwork octopus.

The octopus doesn't seemed stitched on at all. Like the water and tentacles.

The octopus doesn’t seemed stitched on at all. Like the water and tentacles.

82. This tree only seems swept by the wind.

Guess this is an autumn tree since it barely has any leaves. But it's surely captured moving in the wind's direction.

Guess this is an autumn tree since it barely has any leaves. But it’s surely captured moving in the wind’s direction.

83. There’s nothing so magnificent like crashing waves.

This is especially so during a sunset. Love the rocky beach and the tide.

This is especially so during a sunset. Love the rocky beach and the tide.

84. Pansies can always be pretty in patchwork.

And I'm sure not kidding here. Almost seems like it's coming together. Love the purple flowers though.

And I’m sure not kidding here. Almost seems like it’s coming together. Love the purple flowers though.

85. Each quilting square here has its own North American bird.

Of course, this is a winter scene as you see. Like how some of them are couples with families.

Of course, this is a winter scene as you see. Like how some of them are couples with families.

86. A quilt like this surely gives you butterflies.

After all, this quilt features butterflies in so many colors. None of which you'd find in real life.

After all, this quilt features butterflies in so many colors. None of which you’d find in real life.

87. You never know what you’d find under the sea.

Sure it can look like a thriving place in some areas. But you have to mind the plastic, the bleaching, and ocean acidification.

Sure it can look like a thriving place in some areas. But you have to mind the plastic, the bleaching, and ocean acidification.

88. I’m sure you’d find this quilted robot particularly badass.

Who says quilts had to be boring? This robot even has spikes. Don't want to get near that.

Who says quilts had to be boring? This robot even has spikes. Don’t want to get near that.

89. Here we come to a mountain range during a spring melt.

Well, that sure seems like a lovely scene. Hope not to see something like this until March.

Well, that sure seems like a lovely scene. Hope not to see something like this until March.

90. With so many diamonds and other pieces, you can make a real patchwork star.

And boy, does this look stunning? Love the pieces on this. Though it's not as easy on the eyes.

And boy, does this look stunning? Love the pieces on this. Though it’s not as easy on the eyes.

91. Now this is a quilt you’d want on a camping trip.

And yes, this is a camping quilt. Love the camping shelter and campers.

And yes, this is a camping quilt. Love the camping shelter and campers.

92. How about a magical winter snow scene?

As you see, this is from the mountains. Love the purple mountains majesty and the trees.

As you see, this is from the mountains. Love the purple mountains majesty and the trees.

93. This cross quilt is surely a holy sight.

Well, you can easily say that Christianity is its own patchwork. Still, make sure it doesn't touch the floor.

Well, you can easily say that Christianity is its own patchwork. Still, make sure it doesn’t touch the floor.

94. A quilt like this can bring sweet music to Old McDonald.

Ant it seems like Old McDonald gave his livestock acid. That's why the sheep are all different colors.

Ant it seems like Old McDonald gave his livestock acid. That’s why the sheep are all different colors.

95. All life always dwarfs around a tree.

Though it's not without showing the fruits and flowers of nature. Like the birds, too.

Though it’s not without showing the fruits and flowers of nature. Like the birds, too.

96. When you look around the birds and the trees can be all kinds of colors.

Now that's quite a sight to see. The leaves are just as colorful as the birds on this one.

Now that’s quite a sight to see. The leaves are just as colorful as the birds on this one.

97. It’s always peaceful near a quiet river.

Though quiet rivers do have their moments occasionally. But this seems simply serene.

Though quiet rivers do have their moments occasionally. But this seems simply serene.

98. A bouquet of flowers should always stand out on the quilted tapestry.

This one even has a cat and an arch with vines. But the roses are gorgeous.

This one even has a cat and an arch with vines. But the roses are gorgeous.

99. Any quilt always has to be as pretty as a peacock.

This one seems quite flashy with embroidery and silk. But I adore it nevertheless.

This one seems quite flashy with embroidery and silk. But I adore it nevertheless.

100. There’s nothing like a sunset between 2 trees.

And yes, this is certainly a sight for any photo or painting. But it'll sure melt your heart as much it'll warm your body.

And yes, this is certainly a sight for any photo or painting. But it’ll sure melt your heart as much it’ll warm your body.

The Squeaky Clean World of Shower Curtains

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Shower curtains provide a critical purpose in the bathroom. First, they help ensure privacy when one is in the shower (assuming that one’s not transparent like the one above). Second, they keep the water coming from the shower from splashing everywhere in the bathroom. Of course, it’s no surprise that many shower curtains are made from waterproof materials like vinyl or plastic. At my house, there’s a shower curtain with 2 layers that consist of a thinner decorative one as well as a plastic one designed to keep the water. And you have to make sure the inner white layer goes into the tub. At any rate, most shower curtains usually have a plain, geometric, or ocean design. Sometimes they’re clear plastic like this one above as well. But though I can go all about showing the great shower curtains, you’ll most likely be bored to tears. So instead, I’ll devote this post to some of the crazy ones. Many of these might consist of shower curtains you’d want but know that it would not go well with the guests or the children.Then again, there may be other reasons. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you an assortment of some of the great curtains for your bathroom.

  1. There’s nothing more badass than a bear on top of a shark.
Helps that the bear is standing upright on a tidal wave with an assault rifle. This is hilarious.

Helps that the bear is standing upright on a tidal wave with an assault rifle. This is hilarious.

2. Who’s that coming from the shower?

I'm sure this is from a horror movie of some sort. But yes, it looks kind of scary. Guaranteed to help guests with constipation.

I’m sure this is from a horror movie of some sort. But yes, it looks kind of scary. Guaranteed to help guests with constipation.

3. A shower curtain like this shows us the wonders of the universe.

I bet any money that Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson has a shower curtain like this in his bathroom. Or he'd want to have one like this.

I bet any money that Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson has a shower curtain like this in his bathroom. Or he’d want to have one like this.

4. As we all know, unicorns always have rainbows coming from their butt.

If you're a demented girl that enjoys cutesy fantasy stuff and bathroom jokes, I have your answer. Seriously, you'd totally want this.

If you’re a demented girl that enjoys cutesy fantasy stuff and bathroom jokes, I have your answer. Seriously, you’d totally want this.

5. There’s nothing brighter in the bathroom like a curtain of neon colored giraffes.

No, this isn't an acid trip. It's a real shower curtain depicting neon giraffes. I'm sure if they were on the Savannah, you'd be able to see them from miles away.

No, this isn’t an acid trip. It’s a real shower curtain depicting neon giraffes. I’m sure if they were on the Savannah, you’d be able to see them from miles away.

6. Looks like this bathroom has a problem with zombie infestation.

Don't worry, it's just a zombie shower curtain. But on the bright side, it's guaranteed to help with constipation.

Don’t worry, it’s just a zombie shower curtain. But on the bright side, it’s guaranteed to help with constipation.

7. This cat means serious business.

Here we have a kitty on a unicorn with laser eyes that shoots fire through its nostrils. Even funnier the cat carries a golden handgun. This is brilliant.

Here we have a kitty on a unicorn with laser eyes that shoots fire through its nostrils. Even funnier the cat carries a golden handgun. This is brilliant.

8. Remember to never stop dreaming.

Even if your dreams pertain to a pirate giraffe riding a flying shark. Okay what the fuck?

Even if your dreams pertain to a pirate giraffe riding a flying shark. Okay what the fuck?

9. Here we have Jesus on the shore.

There were quite a few good Jesus ones that would've been funnier. But I couldn't save them at a suitable size. So this is as good as you're going to get on this post.

There were quite a few good Jesus ones that would’ve been funnier. But I couldn’t save them at a suitable size. So this is as good as you’re going to get on this post.

10. While Apple as the iPod, a high tech bathroom has this curtain.

It's called the iPood. And it's not something that you should do in the shower. Nor should the iPeed.

It’s called the iPood. And it’s not something that you should do in the shower. Nor should the iPeed.

11. Never saw a T-Rex on a bicycle before.

Yes, I know it's quite ridiculous. But so is the notion of Jurassic Park. And despite that many would want think bringing back dinosaurs may be awesome, we should understand why it may not be a good idea.

Yes, I know it’s quite ridiculous. But so is the notion of Jurassic Park. And despite that many would want think bringing back dinosaurs may be awesome, we should understand why it may not be a good idea.

12. Remember the shower doesn’t double as a urinal.

Remember despite how tempting it may be, don't pee in the shower. Shower is for cleaning. Not for taking a whizz.

Remember despite how tempting it may be, don’t pee in the shower. Shower is for cleaning. Not for taking a whizz.

13. In case you don’t know how to text pictures, this shower curtain has emoticons.

Well, emoticons are things you type to express feelings. Nowadays, emojis have made that almost antiquated.

Well, emoticons are things you type to express feelings. Nowadays, emojis have made that almost antiquated.

14. My, that seems like a dignified portrait of Keith Richards.

Of course, we should all know that despite all the things he did to himself, he's still alive. And he's outliving so many celebrities. We can't explain it.

Of course, we should all know that despite all the things he did to himself, he’s still alive. And he’s outliving so many celebrities. We can’t explain it.

15. Well, well, well, what the hell happened here?

Yes, it's a bloody shower curtain you'd expect to find in a serial killer's bathroom. Sure to freak out your guests and make a great Halloween decoration. Also helps with constipation.

Yes, it’s a bloody shower curtain you’d expect to find in a serial killer’s bathroom. Sure to freak out your guests and make a great Halloween decoration. Also helps with constipation.

16. Is there something burning from the tub?

Relax, it's just a shower curtain with red flames. But where I live, it might make people think your water supply has been fracked.

Relax, it’s just a shower curtain with red flames. But where I live, it might make people think your water supply has been fracked.

17. How about a shower curtain of the world?

Note that borders in some regions might be subject to change. This is particularly true in Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Africa.

Note that borders in some regions might be subject to change. This is particularly true in Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Africa.

18. Barbie can kick a unicorn’s ass if you let her.

The unicorn can even puke a rainbow, too. Imagine that. Still, hilarious.

The unicorn can even puke a rainbow, too. Imagine that. Still, hilarious.

19. Nothing makes a guy more manly than punching a grizzly bear.

Yet, a manlier man has enough common sense to avoid one as much as possible. Because disturbing such animals has very unfortunate implications.

Yet, a manlier man has enough common sense to avoid one as much as possible, especially if it’s a mama and her cubs. Because disturbing such animals has very unfortunate implications.

20. You have to admit, this sloth really knows how to pole dance.

Not bad for an animal who only climbs out of a tree to go to the bathroom. Still, I couldn't leave this sloth stripper out. This is just so funny as hell.

Not bad for an animal who only climbs out of a tree to go to the bathroom. Still, I couldn’t leave this sloth stripper out. This is just so funny as hell.

21. Don’t mind this deep sea diver feeding the fishes.

You know most animal places have rules against feeding the animals. The ocean should be no different.

You know most animal places have rules against feeding the animals. The ocean should be no different.

22. This deep sea diver can even punch a shark.

Scratching the shark's eye would've done the trick. But it wouldn't look nearly as awesome.

Scratching the shark’s eye would’ve done the trick. But it wouldn’t look nearly as awesome.

23. You see, I told you rhino horns have special properties.

Okay, rhino horns may not sprout rainbows in the cosmos. But this is just too funny to miss. Love it.

Okay, rhino horns may not sprout rainbows in the cosmos. But this is just too funny to miss. Love it.

24. Perhaps you might want some llama fries with that.

Well, they're llamas in a French fry container. I know it doesn't make sense but it's pretty funny.

Well, they’re llamas in a French fry container. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s pretty funny.

25. This cat knight rides to adventure on his noble narwhal.

I guess he rides in the water without a breathing apparatus. Still love how the cat has a bridal and saddle on the narwhal.

I guess he rides in the water without a breathing apparatus. Still love how the cat has a bridal and saddle on the narwhal.

26. There’s nothing more beautiful than abstract clouds.

Or as I call it an acid trip. But you can see all the pretty infrared colors quite clearly.

Or as I call it an acid trip. But you can see all the pretty infrared colors quite clearly.

27. Hope this T-Rex remembers to scrub its ribs.

Not sure what to think about the T-Rex skeleton in the shower. But at least it can scrub its back.

Not sure what to think about the T-Rex skeleton in the shower. But at least it can scrub its back.

28. Remember to check for a killer in the shower before going to the bathroom.

Okay, that may not make your guests very comfortable. But it'll sure help them with constipation.

Okay, that may not make your guests very comfortable. But it’ll sure help them with constipation.

29. Space Cat always explores and goes where no cat has gone before.

I'm sure people would like seeing a cat in an astronaut suit. Yes, it's ridiculous. But what's not to love?

I’m sure people would like seeing a cat in an astronaut suit. Yes, it’s ridiculous. But what’s not to love?

30. Sailors might want to beware of this undead mermaid.

To be fair, mermaids weren't originally seen as benevolent beings. And many were said to lure sailors to their doom. Just saying.

To be fair, mermaids weren’t originally seen as benevolent beings. And many were said to lure sailors to their doom. Just saying.

31. I believe something went wrong in this shower.

Well, this is more of a take off of a web page from Internet Explorer. Yes, this page can't be displayed.

Well, this is more of a take off of a web page from Internet Explorer. Yes, this page can’t be displayed.

32. Wonder what your toothbrush and toilet roll say to each other.

Sorry, but the toilet paper is right. The toothbrush doesn't have the worst job ever.

Sorry, but the toilet paper is right. The toothbrush doesn’t have the worst job ever.

33. This goldfish has a brilliant disguise.

Sorry, but that's not going to work. Then again, the goldfish could be compensating for something.

Sorry, but that’s not going to work. Then again, the goldfish could be compensating for something.

34. Jesus, it’s raining cats and dogs.

Well, in this case quite literally. Not sure if the umbrella will provide protection from that.

Well, in this case quite literally. Not sure if the umbrella will provide protection from that.

35. Here we come to a lovely scene of cats on the beach.

I'm sure cat lovers will go all gaga with this. I especially like the cat holding binoculars.

I’m sure cat lovers will go all gaga with this. I especially like the cat holding binoculars.

36. I suppose this is a poster for Moby Dick.

Yes, it's in a Jaws poster rendition. But it involves a wooden ship and a white sperm whale.

Yes, it’s in a Jaws poster rendition. But it involves a wooden ship and a white sperm whale.

37. Show your pride of the South with this Confederate flag shower curtain.

However, this will not make you endearing to black guests in any way, shape, or form. Seriously, such products like these show that institutional racism is alive and well in America.

However, this will not make you endearing to black guests in any way, shape, or form. Seriously, such products like these show that institutional racism is alive and well in America.

38. Seems like someone’s washing windows.

Well, that's quite clever. Not sure about depicting it a a shadow though.

Well, that’s quite clever. Not sure about depicting it a a shadow though.

39. Fans of the Empire Strikes Back would want a shower curtain of Dagobah.

However, hope that you emerge from the shower not smelling like you've been to Dagobah to learn the ways of the Force. Yeah, that place probably doesn't smell great at any stretch of the imagination.

However, hope that you emerge from the shower not smelling like you’ve been to Dagobah to learn the ways of the Force. Yeah, that place probably doesn’t smell great at any stretch of the imagination.

40. Enjoy the great taste of Coca Cola or blood.

Yes, that's Janet Leigh from Psycho shortly before she's murdered in the shower. Yeah, I know it's demented but it's quite unique.

Yes, that’s Janet Leigh from Psycho shortly before she’s murdered in the shower. Yeah, I know it’s demented but it’s quite unique.

41. With this shower curtain, you can go on social networking.

You can even have your profile picture on the left column. Of course, your Facebook page no longer looks like this anymore.

You can even have your profile picture on the left column. Of course, your Facebook page no longer looks like this anymore.

42. Bacon lovers will surely rejoice for this shower curtain.

Now that doesn't make me feel clean. More like greasy beyond all recognition.

Now that doesn’t make me feel clean. More like greasy beyond all recognition.

43. You might not want to go near here since there’s a crime investigation in process.

Well, that should keep people away from the shower. But it's probably not 100% effective.

Well, that should keep people away from the shower. But it’s probably not 100% effective.

44. Now you can learn yoga poses while you’re on the toilet.

You have to wonder who makes stuff like this. Not sure if you can do all of them in the bathroom.

You have to wonder who makes stuff like this. Not sure if you can do all of them in the bathroom.

45. Men with facial hair might want to take this curtain to mind.

Kind of reminds me of the Mugshots game my sister and I used to play at my grandparents.' Of course, there are some styles that aren't recommended.

Kind of reminds me of the Mugshots game my sister and I used to play at my grandparents.’ Of course, there are some styles that aren’t recommended.

46. If you’re into chemistry, this shower curtain is just for you.

After all, it's clearly meant for people who take any matter seriously. Or hold anything to be elemental. Yet, if you have a noble gas, feel free to let it out.

After all, it’s clearly meant for people who take any matter seriously. Or hold anything to be elemental. Yet, if you have a noble gas, feel free to let it out.

47. If you like to sing in the shower, you might like to sing in the rain.

I guess this is the iconic Gene Kelly pose from Singin' in the Rain. Too bad he uses his umbrella as a dancing prop.

I guess this is the iconic Gene Kelly pose from Singin’ in the Rain. Too bad he uses his umbrella as a dancing prop.

48. “Are you sure this water’s sanitary? It looks questionable to me.”

This is from Tarzan. But I'm sure you've probably asked that when the water doesn't look normal.

This is from Tarzan. But I’m sure you’ve probably asked that when the water doesn’t look normal.

49. Looks like we have a black bear peering from the fence.

If you see a bear like this in your neighborhood, you might want to call animal control. Because nothing good can come of this.

If you see a bear like this in your neighborhood, you might want to call animal control. Because nothing good can come of this.

50. Between pizza and tacos, this kitty shouldn’t have to choose.

And it's in a cosmos background. Still, this just goes beyond all explanation. But it's brilliant.

And it’s in a cosmos background. Still, this just goes beyond all explanation. But it’s brilliant.

51. Of course, you can always go with Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

However, we need to acknowledge that he suffered a worse fate in The Force Awakens. And I'm sure fans know what I mean by that.

However, we need to acknowledge that he suffered a worse fate in The Force Awakens. And I’m sure fans know what I mean by that.

52. I’m sure you’re just seeing things with this hallucination cat.

Yeah, I find a lot of cat curtains from Google Images. Yet, this one is purple with a mustache, glasses, and third eye.

Yeah, I find a lot of cat curtains from Google Images. Yet, this one is purple with a mustache, glasses, and third eye.

53. “Ewoks roasting on an open fire.”

I know that plenty of Star Wars fans don't like the Ewoks. And I'm one of the fans who do. Either way, I couldn't pass this over.

I know that plenty of Star Wars fans don’t like the Ewoks. And I’m one of the fans who do. Either way, I couldn’t pass this over.

54. Sometimes it always seems like a rush.

I'm sure plenty of people have been told to hurry up while doing their bathroom business. But this shadow uses a megaphone.

I’m sure plenty of people have been told to hurry up while doing their bathroom business. But this shadow uses a megaphone.

55. It seems that this whale is talented on French Horn.

This one is called "Whale Song." I'm sure you can see why. And no, it's not the whale song you're thinking.

This one is called “Whale Song.” I’m sure you can see why. And no, it’s not the whale song you’re thinking.

56. Seems like it’s bath time for the dogs.

Well, they sure look like corgis. But if this pertained to bigger dogs, you wouldn't be able to fit them in a tub.

But if this pertained to bigger dogs, you wouldn’t be able to fit them in a tub. Yet, I’m sure people would find this adorable.

57. Nothing captures the spirit of man like Rodin’s Thinker.

And here he is sitting on the toilet like a modern man. Except that he's naked.

And here he is sitting on the toilet like a modern man. Except that he’s naked.

58. Uh, you might not want to meet that guy.

This is from the German silent horror movie Nosferatu. And let's just say vampire Count Orlok is no Robert Pattinson.

This is from the German silent horror movie Nosferatu. And let’s just say vampire Count Orlok is no Robert Pattinson.

59. It’s not every day you run into a beluga in the woods.

Of course, you might be experiencing an hallucination. Or looking at this shower curtain. If it's the former, go see your doctor.

Of course, you might be experiencing an hallucination. Or looking at this shower curtain. If it’s the former, go see your doctor.

60. You might want to beware of Norman Bates in a dress while you’re in the shower.

Yes, this is definitely from Psycho. Without that movie, you'd surely wouldn't have all these killer shower curtains. Get it?

Yes, this is definitely from Psycho. Without that movie, you’d surely wouldn’t have all these killer shower curtains. Get it?

61. This space bound hotdog is going where no wiener has gone before.

It's even strapped to a rocket. Though I don't think that's an adequate space suit.

It’s even strapped to a rocket. Though I don’t think that’s an adequate space suit.

62. This creature in the woods is very good with the chemistry.

Yes, it's a bear with antlers. And yes, it's a takeoff on Breaking Bad. But at least this animal is brewing beer, not making meth.

Yes, it’s a bear with antlers. And yes, it’s a takeoff on Breaking Bad. But at least this animal is brewing beer, not making meth.

63. As women know, telling men to put the toilet seat down is serious business.

Okay, maybe not threatening your man by knife serious. But yes, guys, if you live with a woman, always put down the seat after you pee.

Okay, maybe not threatening your man by knife serious. But yes, guys, if you live with a woman, always put down the seat after you pee. It’s just basic human decency.

64. To the Creature of the Black Lagoon, here’s the perfect woman for you.

I also heard she's accepted a position in the Trump administration. I don't know which one though but she'll certainly feel right at home among the swamp cronies.

I also heard she’s accepted a position in the Trump administration. I don’t know which one though but she’ll certainly feel right at home among the swamp cronies.

65. Oh, shit, not the giant sloth!

And I see the sloth clawing at the Titanic. I'm sure it won't end well at all.

And I see the sloth clawing at the Titanic. I’m sure it won’t end well at all.

66. Unfortunately, Slothzilla made it up the Empire State Building.

I know it's called Slozilla. But it reminds me much more of King Kong since it seems from the 1930s.

I know it’s called Slozilla. But it reminds me much more of King Kong since it seems from the 1930s.

67. Looks like these llamas enjoy a starry night.

Or at least a backdrop of Starry Night by Van Gogh. Yet, they may seem silly but be on your guard.

Or at least a backdrop of Starry Night by Van Gogh. Yet, they may seem silly but be on your guard.

68. Tragically, we find someone hanging on a noose.

Now this is just not in good taste. Seriously, hangings shouldn't be acceptable motifs since they're associated with suicide and white supremacist terrorism.

Now this is just not in good taste. Seriously, hangings shouldn’t be acceptable motifs since they’re associated with suicide and white supremacist terrorism.

69. Even the Bard sometimes wondered about the simple things in life.

Well, if you're dwelling to pee or not to pee, the answer is always to pee. After all, if you're not dwelling on that, you probably don't have to go.

Well, if you’re dwelling to pee or not to pee, the answer is always to pee. After all, if you’re not dwelling on that, you probably don’t have to go.

70. Never thought a Steampunk snail can look so badass.

Oh, it's a snail house. But don't snails live in their shell? This doesn't make sense.

Oh, it’s a snail house. But don’t snails live in their shell? This doesn’t make sense.

71. Sometimes a sloth would give synchronized swimming a try.

Yes, I know this looks pretty ridiculous. But c'mon, synchronized swimming is a joke.

Yes, I know this looks pretty ridiculous. But c’mon, synchronized swimming is a joke. So I think this is clever.

72. No, it’s not okay to peek when someone’s taking a shower.

Yeah, that's not cool. Also, why is the girl wearing a dress?

Yeah, that’s not cool. Also, why is the girl wearing a dress?

73. It’s now Shower Time Cleanliness System.

This is a takeoff on the old Nintendo games. Still, video game nerds will love it.

This is a takeoff on the old Nintendo games. Still, video game nerds will love it.

74. Remember, having your cat on weed may seem awesome until it’s not.

Yet, I have to admit, this is quite amusing. The pipe and glasses speak for themselves.

Yet, I have to admit, this is quite amusing. The pipe and glasses speak for themselves.

75. Seems like some hottie just got out of the shower.

Though he didn't take his towel off quite yet. But I'm sure some women would want him to. Great for Magic Mike and 300 fans.

Though he didn’t take his towel off quite yet. But I’m sure some women would want him to. Great for Magic Mike and 300 fans.

76. Amity Island welcomes you. Oh, wait we’re closed.

Because there's a shark in a water that's been killing people during the summer. Chief Brody didn't have any other option.

Because there’s a shark in a water that’s been killing people during the summer. Chief Brody didn’t have any other option.

77. See, I told you Jesus saves.

Since he never misses the shots when he's the goalie. However, he decided not to go with the hockey mask since he didn't want to freak out anyone.

Since he never misses the shots when he’s the goalie. However, he decided not to go with the hockey mask since he didn’t want to freak out anyone.

78. Could you think of anything cooler than a T-Rex in space?

However, we need to know that they have very short arms. Not great for reaching in zero gravity.

However, we need to know that they have very short arms. Not great for reaching in zero gravity.

79. Unfortunately, Arles was no match for the Galactic Empire.

But at least it looks pretty on a starry night. This is especially true in a Van Gogh painting.

But at least it looks pretty on a starry night. This is especially true in a Van Gogh painting.

80. Hope you can keep this in mind when taking an elephant shit.

Still, doesn't answer how you can toilet train an elephant though. But this is hysterical.

Still, doesn’t answer how you can toilet train an elephant though. But this is hysterical.

NCAA Championship Worthy College Sports Treats

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Now that the Christmas festivities are over, it’s now time for the Bowl season that takes place around New Years. Of course, almost every sport you can think of has a playoff. But NCAA Div. I college football does things a little differently. In fact, its playoff system only consist of 4 teams. How they’re selected I have no idea and I think it’s a very stupid system. Because the NCAA Div. I college system has it that a college football team can have an undefeated season but still not be championship eligible. Then there are the bowl games, many of which don’t really mean anything unless it pertains to the Rose Bowl or whatever other bowl game whether it be the Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, or the Sugar Bowl. It’s confusing. Anyway, if my dad had it his way, the Div. I college championship should consist of the top team of each conference in a playoff. And I have to agree on it. Because like the Electoral College, the BCS Bowl Series and Div. I college football championship system doesn’t make any damn sense. Whereas, March Madness certainly does. At any rate, since I did NFL food posts relating to the Super Bowl, so shall I do a treat post pertaining to college sports. But college football being what it is, I won’t limit myself to playoff teams. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of college sports treats. Most of these will be from Div. I naturally.

  1. Any fan of Ohio State would want a cake with Brutus.
Of course, he's not the most intimidating mascot. But I'm sure OSU fans would enjoy this nonetheless.

Of course, he’s not the most intimidating mascot. But I’m sure OSU fans would enjoy this nonetheless.

2. If you’re for the Nittany Lions, then check out this cake of Beaver Stadium.

And I see it's full in Happy Valley. Good luck getting tickets to Penn State this football season.

And I see it’s full in Happy Valley. Good luck getting tickets to Penn State this football season.

3. A lifelong Mountaineer would always appreciate a cake from WVU.

Yes, a cake of the WVU logo itself. Great for any couch burning party.

Yes, a cake of the WVU logo itself. Great for any couch burning party.

4. These Arizona State Sun Devil cookies must be obviously tempting.

Not sure why they're called the Sun Devils? Oh, wait, it's devilishly hot in Arizona.

Not sure why they’re called the Sun Devils? Oh, wait, it’s devilishly hot in Arizona.

5. Support your Noles with this Florida State cake.

This is for a birthday. But the logo is a perfect picture. I'm sure whoever gets this cake will love it.

This is for a birthday. But the logo is a perfect picture. I’m sure whoever gets this cake will love it.

6. Fans of Indiana will delight with this cake.

For some reason, Indiana University's logo resembles the top of a trident. And I know that's not a school that's near any coastline.

For some reason, Indiana University’s logo resembles the top of a trident. And I know that’s not a school that’s near any coastline.

7. These Syracuse Orange cookies will put a smile on your face.

To those who can't wrap their heads around why a school in upstate New York has an orange for its mascot: Don't ask me. I know it's stupid. But I wasn't consulted.

To those who can’t wrap their heads around why a school in upstate New York has an orange for its mascot: Don’t ask me. I know it’s stupid. But I wasn’t consulted.

8. Baylor fans will fall in love with these cookies.

Sure Baylor may be a school in Texas. But at least their bear mascot makes sense to some extent. Founded before Texas was a state.

Sure Baylor may be a school in Texas. But at least their bear mascot makes sense to some extent. Founded before Texas was a state.

9. With this cake, Longhorn fans can just hook’ em.

Yes, Texans sure love their college football. And a cake like that illustrating this is no exception.

Yes, Texans sure love their college football. And a cake like that illustrating this is no exception.

10. This Boston College cake surely makes the eagle soar.

You might not know this but Boston College is a Jesuit university. Secretary of State John Kerry is among its alumni.

You might not know this but Boston College is a Jesuit university. Secretary of State John Kerry is among its alumni.

11. For Thanksgiving, you might want to help yourself to some Michigan pumpkin pie.

Michigan University, that is. Let's just say I ran into Michigan Christmas decorations when I was looking for Wolverine Christmas stuff for a Marvel post.

Michigan University, that is. Let’s just say I ran into Michigan Christmas decorations when I was looking for Wolverine Christmas stuff for a Marvel post.

12. If your heart beats for the Crimson Tide, this cake is for you.

I guess this is for a nursing student from Alabama University. Because the elephant has a nurse hat and the heart monitor on the tier.

I guess this is for a nursing student from Alabama University. Because the elephant has a nurse hat and the heart monitor on the tier.

13. On this cake, Gators always beat Seminoles.

I guess this cake is from Florida University. Poor Seminole warrior didn't have the chance.

I guess this cake is from Florida University. Poor Seminole warrior didn’t have the chance.

14. Since everything’s bigger in Texas, check out this pizza from Texas A&M.

And when they say everything's bigger there, they weren't kidding. I guess this serves a party of 800.

And when they say everything’s bigger there, they weren’t kidding. I guess this serves a party of 800.

15. For Louisville, this cake is a cardinal delight.

Since Louisville is home to the cardinals, right? And this one looks pretty mean.

Since Louisville is home to the cardinals, right? And this one looks pretty mean.

16. These Georgia cookies surely go to the dogs.

After all, their mascot's a bulldog. Wonder what occasion these cookies are for.

After all, their mascot’s a bulldog. Wonder what occasion these cookies are for.

17. Auburn Tiger fans would always go for a cake like this.

What's with the toilet paper tree? Do their students do this when the other team loses? I don't understand it.

What’s with the toilet paper tree? Do their students do this when the other team loses? I don’t understand it.

18. This Alabama cake came specially wrapped.

I'm sure this is for a birthday. Sure I know I'm showing a lot of bakery treats on here. But you have to go with what you have in this case.

I’m sure this is for a birthday. Sure I know I’m showing a lot of bakery treats on here. But you have to go with what you have in this case.

19. In Texas, this Baylor cake is covered in chocolaty goodness.

I'm sure this is for a wedding. Yet, at least the bride and groom are black bears which is more what you'll see in Texas.

I’m sure this is for a wedding. Yet, at least the bride and groom are black bears which is more what you’ll see in Texas.

20. I’m sure any fan of Mississippi State will go for these cookies.

However, we should understand that most people in Mississippi are fans of Ole' Miss. By the way, their team mascot is also a bulldog.

However, we should understand that most people in Mississippi are fans of Ole’ Miss. By the way, their team mascot is also a bulldog.

21. On your dessert platter, you can always roll tide with these sugar cookies.

Yes, they'd sure be perfect for anyone at Alabama. Even the shoes and elephants.

Yes, they’d sure be perfect for anyone at Alabama. Even the shoes and elephants.

22. You can always wow the field with this Michigan cake.

This one has the football field on the sides. Say what you want, but this is a clever design.

This one has the football field on the sides. Say what you want, but this is a clever design.

23. These Notre Dame cupcakes will bring you luck of the Fightin’ Irish.

These have the Notre Dame logo and shamrocks. Great for football season and Saint Patrick's Day.

These have the Notre Dame logo and shamrocks. Great for football season and Saint Patrick’s Day.

24. For Aggie fans, this Texas A&M cake will leave you with a lasting impression.

I suppose the tiger tail symbolizes them crushing Auburn. Guess they're in the same conference.

I suppose the tiger tail symbolizes them crushing Auburn. Guess they’re in the same conference.

25. These Penn State cookies will bring music to one’s ears.

I guess this is for someone in the marching band. Because the designs suggest this.

I guess this is for someone in the marching band. Because the designs suggest this.

26. If you’re a fan of the University of Minnesota, then you’ll adore this cake of Goldie the Gopher.

Yes, I know Minnesota's mascot is kind of a joke. But c'mon, gophers are persistent pests that are hard to get rid of. So yo shouldn't underestimate them.

Yes, I know Minnesota’s mascot is kind of a joke. But c’mon, gophers are persistent pests that are hard to get rid of. So yo shouldn’t underestimate them.

27. These Michigan cupcakes surely have the wolverine spirit.

Yet, they always refer to their colors as maize and blue. As if maize is a fancy name for yellow. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous.

Yet, they always refer to their colors as maize and blue. As if maize is a fancy name for yellow. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous.

28. These Clemson cookies are surely delectable.

These consist of the C, paw prints, and bones. Yes, I know their mascot's a tiger but that's beside the point. Since Pitt beat them this year.

These consist of the C, paw prints, and bones. Yes, I know their mascot’s a tiger but that’s beside the point. Since Pitt beat them this year.

29. Any Wolverine fan would adore a cake of Michigan’s stadium.

Well, fans of Michigan Wolverines that is. Fans of the X-Men Wolverine, not so much.

Well, fans of Michigan Wolverines that is. Fans of the X-Men Wolverine, not so much.

30. Since Duke is known for their basketball team, I thought this cake was appropriate.

Well, at least a basketball court just consists of a sheet and nothing more. No stands needed here.

Well, at least a basketball court just consists of a sheet and nothing more. No stands needed here.

31. You can always show your WVU pride on chocolate chips with M&Ms.

Helps if they're blue and gold for Mountaineers. Still, at least this one is certainly DIY.

Helps if they’re blue and gold for Mountaineers. Still, at least this one is certainly DIY.

32. If you don’t like the Sun Devils, this Arizona State cake is just the ticket.

This one even has plastic desert decorations on it. Perfect for those desert Wildcat fans.

This one even has plastic desert decorations on it. Perfect for those desert Wildcat fans.

33. If you’re a fan of George Southern, this eagle cake will suit your fancy.

There are also cookies that match. But they're surely sold separately.

There are also cookies that match. But they’re surely sold separately.

34. As you can see, this Notre Dame cake represents its school pride.

Though I'm sure the Irish might take offense with the Fightin' Irish mascot. Still, it fits.

Though I’m sure the Irish might take offense with the Fightin’ Irish mascot. Still, it fits.

35. This Louisiana State bucket cake comes filled with iced shrimp and other crawdads.

After all, though LSU's mascot is a tiger, Louisiana has a unique tradition with seafood. And this cake reflects that.

After all, though LSU’s mascot is a tiger, Louisiana has a unique tradition with seafood. And this cake reflects that.

36. Fans of Tennessee might want to go with a checkered T.

Well, Tennessee University, that is which is home to the Volunteers. Though I don't think orange and white is a good color scheme.

Well, Tennessee University, that is which is home to the Volunteers. Though I don’t think orange and white is a good color scheme.

37. This Mississippi State cake comes in a unique basket weave.

I'm talking about the design here. And I'm sure this is for a wedding as far as I'm concerned.

I’m talking about the design here. And I’m sure this is for a wedding as far as I’m concerned.

38. Grace your Aggie dessert platter with these Texas A&M sugar cookies.

And I see they have a lot of cowboy and ranch stuff. After all, they're an agricultural school.

And I see they have a lot of cowboy and ranch stuff. After all, they’re an agricultural school.

39. These Nitany Lion cookies get 2 paws up.

Well, these have the Penn State logo and a paw print. But say what you want about Penn State, but at least they go with an original big cat mascot like the Nittany Lion. Even if it is another euphemism for cougar.

Well, these have the Penn State logo and a paw print. But say what you want about Penn State, but at least they go with an original big cat mascot like the Nittany Lion. Even if it is another euphemism for cougar.

40. Any fan of Oregon would want a cake that goes to the ducks.

By that, I mean Oregon University. Like how the Oregon logo has wings though.

By that, I mean Oregon University. Like how the Oregon logo has wings though.

41. This Notre Dame cake will always give you golden Irish pride like no other.

Guess this must be one of the campus towers. And I see the angry leprechaun behind it.

Guess this must be one of the campus towers. And I see the angry leprechaun behind it.

42. These roaring cupcakes are brought to you from Clemson.

Still, I'm not sure if purple and orange go together. But I know they don't look great on a tiger.

Still, I’m not sure if purple and orange go together. But I know they don’t look great on a tiger.

43. These Arkansas Razorback cookies are surely razor sharp in taste.

Yes, I know razorbacks are pigs. But pigs can be very nasty creatures, especially wild hogs. So I don't chide Arkansas for their mascot.

Yes, I know razorbacks are pigs. But pigs can be very nasty creatures, especially wild hogs. So I don’t chide Arkansas for their mascot.

44. This Michigan cake stadium screams blue and yellow.

Yes, it's another Michigan stadium cake. But this one is in a different style than the last.

Yes, it’s another Michigan stadium cake. But this one is in a different style than the last.

45. For healthier options, this Ohio State watermelon will satisfy.

I've found it surprisingly difficult in finding healthier college treats. This is about the best I can do.

I’ve found it surprisingly difficult in finding healthier college treats. This is about the best I can do.

46. If you’re a Horned Frog, you surely can’t resist this cake from TCU.

This even comes with TCU cupcakes. Though their mascot really doesn't look like this purple frog. More like a dinosaur.

This even comes with TCU cupcakes. Though their mascot really doesn’t look like this purple frog. More like a dinosaur.

47. If you’re a fan of Oklahoma University, you might take to these cookies sooner.

You may also have to deal with constant references to the musical Oklahoma. But at least these Sooner cookies look delightful.

You may also have to deal with constant references to the musical Oklahoma. But at least these Sooner cookies look delightful.

48. I’m sure a Texas fan will love this pyre cake.

This one is topped with an outhouse which I think is hysterical. Though it's also disturbing since Texas has experienced a lot of wildfires lately.

This one is topped with an outhouse which I think is hysterical. Though it’s also disturbing since Texas has experienced a lot of wildfires lately.

49. Wolverine fans may delight in this Michigan cake.

This one has the Michigan logo in brilliant navy blue. I'm sure Wolverine fans would go blue for this.

This one has the Michigan logo in brilliant navy blue. I’m sure Wolverine fans would go blue for this as per their motto.

50. Any fan of Marshall could always enjoy a cake of Marco the Buffalo.

Their team is known as the Thundering Herd by the way. And the school was named after a Chief Supreme Court Justice. But you would remember Marshall from that one movie.

Their team is known as the Thundering Herd by the way. And the school was named after a Chief Supreme Court Justice. But you would remember Marshall from that one movie.

51. Go blue at your dessert platter with this Michigan cake.

Though the words "Go Blue" are in yellow. Or should I say maize as far as the fans are concerned.

Though the words “Go Blue” are in yellow. Or should I say maize as far as the fans are concerned.

52. This Notre Dame cake just has a simple shamrock touch.

Well, this one has a shamrock and the Notre Dame logo. But I'm sure Fightin' Irish fans will love it.

Well, this one has a shamrock and the Notre Dame logo. But I’m sure Fightin’ Irish fans will love it.

53. Salute the Vols with this Tennessee fruit pizza.

This one salutes the Vols in fruit. And it's one of the reasons why I included it on this post.

This one salutes the Vols in fruit. And it’s one of the reasons why I included it on this post.

54. Fans of Nebraska might want a stadium cake like this.

Well, Nebraska is home of the Huskers which is an odd name for a team. But not surprising for a state known for agriculture.

Well, Nebraska is home of the Huskers which is an odd name for a team. But not surprising for a state known for agriculture.

55. These shamrock Notre Dame cookies come Fightin’ Irish approved.

Given the shamrock shape, they're also great for Saint Patrick's Day. Hey, I'm just being honest here.

Given the shamrock shape, they’re also great for Saint Patrick’s Day. Hey, I’m just being honest here.

56. These cupcakes come Nittany Lion approved.

Well, these consist of cupcakes with the Penn State logo and white pawprints. I'm sure they'll eat these up at Happy Valley.

Well, these consist of cupcakes with the Penn State logo and white pawprints. I’m sure they’ll eat these up at Happy Valley.

57. Of course, an Ohio State cake can always do with a few nuts.

Since that's what buckeyes are, nuts. But these are probably made from icing.

Since that’s what buckeyes are, nuts. But these are probably made from icing.

58. A cake shows how one can be quite cavalier with Virginia football.

Since the University of Virginia's team is the Cavaliers. Though the college was founded by Thomas Jefferson.

Since the University of Virginia’s team is the Cavaliers. Though the college was founded by Thomas Jefferson.

59. This Purdue cake comes in with the Boilermaker Special.

The Boilermaker Special is a train engine. And a damn good looking one at that.

The Boilermaker Special is a train engine. And a damn good looking one at that.

60. Make your Nittany Lion party wonderful with these Penn State cake pops.

These include the Penn State flag, a football, pawprints, and the Nittany Lion head. All in all, great for the Happy Valley.

These include the Penn State flag, a football, pawprints, and the Nittany Lion head. All in all, great for the Happy Valley.

61. So is this a pig roast for Arkansas?

Actually it's a Razorback cake that salutes Arkansas. But it's surrounded by strawberries.

Actually it’s a Razorback cake that salutes Arkansas. But it’s surrounded by strawberries.

62. These covered Oreos will delight any Michigan Wolverine fan.

Each of them has the Michigan logo and 2 types of icing. Still, they look so tasty.

Each of them has the Michigan logo and 2 types of icing. Still, they look so tasty.

63. This Ohio State watermelon is a fruity delight.

Guess this is a fruit platter centerpiece. But it's a nice carving.

Guess this is a fruit platter centerpiece. But it’s a nice carving.

64. At Texas Tech, the burgers are always made specially.

The burgers always have to have 2 T's it seems. Yet, writing in ketchup is probably harder than it looks.

The burgers always have to have 2 T’s it seems. Yet, writing in ketchup is probably harder than it looks.

65. Don’t expect this Baylor Bear cake to be warm and fuzzy.

But I have to admire the decorator for this. Still, the bear still looks quite intimidating.

But I have to admire the decorator for this. Still, the bear still looks quite intimidating.

66. A WVU dessert platter should always have cookies of the state.

Helps that WVU is a treasured team in most of the state. And that it has the WVU logo.

Helps that WVU is a treasured team in most of the state. And that it has the WVU logo.

67. Guess it’s Mardi Gras at LSU.

Then again, looking at this cake, you'd thin it is. But for all I know, it could be used for a wedding.

Then again, looking at this cake, you’d thin it is. But for all I know, it could be used for a wedding.

68. Nothing can top a party at Kansas State like this Wildcat cake.

Well, at least during football season anyway. Since it contains football motifs and there's a stadium behind it.

Well, at least during football season anyway. Since it contains football motifs and there’s a stadium behind it.

69. This LSU cake is perfect for any true Tigers fan.

Helps that it's in a fleur de lis since Louisiana has a lot of French traditions. Not sure about the tiger eye though.

Helps that it’s in a fleur de lis since Louisiana has a lot of French traditions. Not sure about the tiger eye though.

70. Nobody could ever believe this Florida Gator cake.

It's the kind of cake that looks like it wants to eat you. That's what I'm going by with the face.

It’s the kind of cake that looks like it wants to eat you. That’s what I’m going by with the face.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours on Christmas Memories (Third Edition)

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Here is me and my relatives at my Aunt Mary’s on Christmas Eve around 2011, I think. Here am I on the couch with my cousins Frank and John along with their parents. The kids in front are my cousins Jenna, Aiden, Isabella, Morgan, and Sawyer.

Yes, we all have photos from Christmas since they seem to contain memories we want to last forever. This is especially when families have children since they don’t stay kids for long. Yet, as I’ve shown before in these posts, not every Christmas goes according to plan. After all, the days leading up to it can be uniquely stressful since there’s decorating, finding gifts, making the food, doing cards, and what not.Some families might take a step further and do a family portrait for their Christmas card. And there are moments when that can go horribly wrong. Yet, there are plenty of crazy family Christmas cards which people do on purpose. Not to mention, families can also take their kids to see Santa which doesn’t always turn out that well, especially if the Santa in question is quite sketchy. At any rate, for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of Christmas memories from Awkward Family Photos. Sure you might not find these in a Hallmark stock photo deck but I’m sure they’ll make you relate.

  1. Christmas is a time of high spirits and good cheer.
Apparently, this isn't the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he's just showing off.

Apparently, this isn’t the case with the sisters. But the brother seems happy. Though you can argue he’s just showing off.

2. Christmas is always a time for families to get together and celebrate.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

Of course, for many families, this very much reflects the holiday reality. Yeah, those kids can be a real source of stress.

3. Over the holidays, sibling rivalry can sometimes spiral out of control.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn't like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

As you can see, the brother puts a bowl over the baby and the baby doesn’t like it. If you think kids were brats today, this proves you wrong.

4. Ugly Christmas sweaters are always fun and festive for all ages.

I guess this kid doesn't believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn't try to disillusion the classmates who do.

I guess this kid doesn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. Hope he doesn’t try to disillusion the classmates who do.

5. Being single can be tough over the holidays, especially if your married siblings send a Christmas card with their picture on it.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

This woman did some Christmas cards of herself for years as a single woman. They often feature alcoholic drinks. This one depicts a mannequin boyfriend.

6. Seems like they had a special day to bring pets to the mall.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I'm not so sure.

Okay, bringing your dog for a Santa photoshoot is one thing. Reptiles? I’m not so sure.

7. The moment you realize that your parents forgot to buy Christmas cards this year.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there's some stuff crossed out.

Yeah, reusing Christmas cards may not be the best idea. This is especially when there’s some stuff crossed out.

8. There’s no more memorable Christmas carol like, “Hark! This Herald Angel Ain’t Gonna Sing.”

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can't all be angelic all the time.

Hey, even little angels can have the occasional bad attitude sometimes. They can’t all be angelic all the time.

9. The moment you realize the family Christmas card photoshoot is taking longer than your capacity to smile.

"Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?" I'm sure we've all been there.

“Do we have to take it again? Oh, brother, when will this ever end?” I’m sure we’ve all been there.

10. The war of sisterly rivalry can sometimes begin when you least expect it.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

At least my parents can relax because Molly and I were never like that when we were young. Still, you have to admire the parents though.

11. These kids don’t seem to look forward to Santa’s Annual Challenge.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what's going on and pondering the meaning of life.

While the two middle kids cry, the oldest brother covers his ears to drown out the sound. The baby just sits there having no idea what’s going on and pondering the meaning of life.

12. No, I don’t think that’s the right way to hold a baby.

Yeah, the father's hand placement really doesn't look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

Yeah, the father’s hand placement really doesn’t look good here. And the baby is not amused by it at all.

13. Spending the holidays alone can be a real bummer.

This is especially when you're spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl's got problems.

This is especially when you’re spending it alone in the woods drinking. Girl’s got problems.

14. “How about we all help Daddy shave?”

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don't ask me.

Now this is freaky photoshop. Yes, they had these in the 1950s, too. Don’t ask me.

15. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected gift which you treasure the most.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

And this dad holds his new toilet plunger with pride. Not many men would do the same.

16. Grandma and Grandpa give you best wishes for Christmas and announce that they’ve decided to give themselves a gift to invest in the future.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn't show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

I know my grandparents have put some money into their own funerals. But they wouldn’t show it on a family Christmas card. This is just insane and disturbing.

17. Sibling rivalry: they always start so young.

Yes, baby sisters aren't always so sweet as you'd think they'd be. This baby pulls her sister's own hair.

Yes, baby sisters aren’t always so sweet as you’d think they’d be. This baby pulls her sister’s own hair.

18. Christmas always brings tidings of comfort and joy.

Apparently, this doesn't apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

Apparently, this doesn’t apply to these sisters. This is particularly the case with the youngest being knocked on the floor.

19. Sometimes accidents could happen at the most inappropriate moment.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

Well, at least the baby is safe. But the older sister might not like being in the middle of it. Yeah, family togetherness has its ups and downs.

20. When you’re on call during Christmas, you can get the most interesting patients.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

This was on a board in a hospital. Dr. Mest will have a lot of interesting stories to tell come January.

21. In the olden days, it was common for families having to settle for the only Christmas tree available.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn't enhance its beauty.

This one is known as a Giant Charlie Brown Tree. Yet, unlike what to cartoon shows us, decorating it doesn’t enhance its beauty.

22. There’s nothing more devastating on Christmas than a burning gingerbread house.

Yeah, that's not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn't get too traumatized.

Yeah, that’s not a good sight to see during the holidays. Hope this little girl doesn’t get too traumatized.

23. “This Christmas we decided to chop down a shrub to save money.”

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

Hey, not all evergreen trees can be triangle shaped. Still, this looks pretty ghastly if you ask me.

24. It’s not every day a rock band visits Santa Claus.

Apparently, Santa wasn't amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

Apparently, Santa wasn’t amused by this group and having to take a photo with them. Yet, Santa would rather be photographed with a real band like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.

25. Even when they’re young, sibling unrest can be rampant.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can't boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

Now Bobby learns the hard way that you can’t boss your little sis for long. Or she might try to retaliate with a vengeance.

26. Seasons Greetings from the Village of the Damned.

I don't think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

I don’t think the dog has much long to live. Those girls have plans. Very sinister plans.

27. While selfies can be seen as enhancing one’s ego, sometimes they can be incredibly helpful.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma's house.

For instance, while this holiday sweater may seem initially decent, it helps to take a closer look. Definitely not wearing that to Grandma’s house.

28. Santa has some visitors from the South Pole.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

To be fair, this is from a family who has a tradition like this. Like how they have bowties on their tuxedos.

29. The moment when you and your girlfriend broke up but she still appears on your family Christmas card.

I'm sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it's funny they put a sticker on the woman's face.

I’m sure holiday season breakups happen all the time. Still, I think it’s funny they put a sticker on the woman’s face.

30. We need to understand that not every kid looks forward to see Santa.

Yeah, this kids don't like sitting on Santa's lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

Yeah, this kids don’t like sitting on Santa’s lap. Meanwhile the girls beside him just smile for the camera.

31. Rachel always preferred a wooden man with a mean bite.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

Well, this is awkward. Hey, I know there are plenty of girls who like the Nutcracker. But this is ridiculous.

32. Before you give gifts, always make sure they’re age appropriate first.

Because I know you don't get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

Because I know you don’t get a pot leaf poster for anyone under 18. But I think this is supposed to be a joke.

33. Is it just me, or does Santa not seem like his jolly old self lately?

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn't been seen since.

Unfortunately, little Jimmy got stuck with the evil Santa at the mall. He hasn’t been seen since.

34. Christmas is always a time of precious moments.

Yet, in this case, I don't think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary.

Yet, in this case, I don’t think little Brittany is holding her brother like that because she loves him. Quite the contrary. Her parents might want to get her some psychiatric testing.

35. There’s always that one angel.

The blond girl is like, "Perfect little angel? My ass." Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

The blond girl is like, “Perfect little angel? My ass.” Yeah, really not in the angelic spirit.

36. “We just had some problems with the Christmas wrapping.”

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

Grown people dressed as elves for Santa. Not sure what to think about that. Might be less lame if they dressed as elves from Lord of the Rings.

37. Okay, baby, tell us how you really feel about family Christmas card photoshoots.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn't keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

I guess baby Gabriel couldn’t keep it to himself. Yes, I know photoshoots are a real pain in the ass.

38. “Another blue dress shirt? Well, this sucks.”

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn't get the memo.

Even funnier that this boy is already wearing a shirt like this one. Guess his aunt didn’t get the memo.

39. Seems like Santa doesn’t need a chimney to get in this house.

Because he's apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

Because he’s apparently popped out of the attic. Okay, those are just decorations.

40. No, Grandpa, now’s not the time to give Grandma your dick in a box.

I know this is a joke that's a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I'm pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn't avoid including it if I tried.

I know this is a joke that’s a takeoff from an SNL sketch. And I know I’m pushing the envelope with this one. But I couldn’t avoid including it if I tried.

41. Sometimes even Santa has moments when he questions his sanity.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he's had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus's special brownies.

In this one, Santa wonders whether he’s had too much eggnog. Or too many of Mrs. Claus’s special brownies.

42. Christmas is a time to feel the joy.

Unfortunately, this baby ain't feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

Unfortunately, this baby ain’t feeling it. Yeah, babies can be quite temperamental in these photos.

43. This year, Santa went to Whoville.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

And once again, he has some interesting stories to tell about that place. Yes, this is pretty ridiculous.

44. For unto us a child is born.

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

However, nativity scene photo reenactments can only go so far. Having your baby play baby Jesus? Fine and perfectly normal. Having your cat play baby Jesus? What the fuck?

45. What better way to spend Christmas than for a drink among friends?

Don't get me wrong, they're all the same woman. Yes, doesn't seem to be in a jolly mood.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all the same woman. Yes, doesn’t seem to be in a jolly mood.

46. Apparently, the heads seem to pop out of the stocking.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

This Christmas card was made possible by photoshop and acid. Yes, they had LSD in the 1950s, too. Just ask Cary Grant who promoted it.

47. “Uh, excuse me, Santa, but I have to go to the bathroom.”

"Timmy, that's no way how to touch yourself in public." Then again, he doesn't seem to be comfortable at all.

“Timmy, that’s no way how to touch yourself in public.” Then again, he doesn’t seem to be comfortable at all.

48. The family that sleeps together, stays together.

Now this is awkward. Let's hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

Now this is awkward. Let’s hope this one is just reserved for the kids, please.

49. Before you celebrate the holidays, be sure you get the sweater memo.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

Yes, this family has the same sweater on for Christmas. But at least they have different colors according to gender.

50. Finally, Suzie has the dress for her pet monkey.

For the record, don't keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they're wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

For the record, don’t keep monkeys as pets. Yes, I know they may be cute but they can inflict serious injury. Besides, they’re wild animals not meant for you dress like a doll.

51. Looks like one elf has gone postal.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

Relax, these are kids just acting up. Well, at least the younger one is. The older one is trying to restrain.

52. Christmas is always a time to be merry and bright.

Unfortunately, the dogs don't seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other's throats.

Unfortunately, the dogs don’t seem to be jolly. In fact, they seem to be at each other’s throats.

53. When arranging your Christmas towels, make sure they don’t spell anything unfortunate. This is especially if your name is Peterson.

Yeah, that's really not a great Christmas message. But at least it's an accurate one for a bathroom.

Yeah, that’s really not a great Christmas message. But at least it’s an accurate one for a bathroom.

54. This Christmas, it’s the family that bathes together that stays together.

A family in a tub? Really? Do they have any idea how ridiculous that is? Hope they're wearing swimsuits, good God.

A family in a tub? Really? Do they have any idea how ridiculous that is? Hope they’re wearing swimsuits, good God.

55. Grumpy Cat really doesn’t want to pose for your Christmas card.

Like how the couple explained their cats on how they couldn't cooperate. Yeah, cats march to a different drummer.

Like how the couple explained their cats on how they couldn’t cooperate. Yeah, cats march to a different drummer.

56. Meanwhile, at a Christmas pageant in Colorado…

Three wisemen come from the East bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh-uana. Luckily Willie Nelson did a Christmas song on myrrh-uana on Colbert's Christmas special.

Three wisemen come from the East bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh-uana. Luckily Willie Nelson did a Christmas song on myrrh-uana on Colbert’s Christmas special.

57. “We’d like to wish our family a Merry Christmas…from Florida.”

The flamingo is not fooling anybody. Like the shark costume. And the Santa statue.

The flamingo is not fooling anybody. Like the shark costume. And the Santa statue.

58. “Please, please, take us away from this man! Please, we beg you!”

Poor Santa doesn't seem to know what to do here. Still, a lot of kids are scared of Santa. Remember that.

Poor Santa doesn’t seem to know what to do here. Still, a lot of kids are scared of Santa. Remember that.

59. Nothing says Christmas like spending a day in a sauna with your family.

So the whole family is in towels? Why the hell? This is just crazy on so many levels.

So the whole family is in towels? Why the hell? This is just crazy on so many levels.

60. When she said she wanted anything Frozen, she didn’t mean peas.

Any parent should know this. For God's sake, she would've been happy with an Anna and Elsa notebook. She's understandably pissed.

Any parent should know this. For God’s sake, she would’ve been happy with an Anna and Elsa notebook. She’s understandably pissed.

61. Make your season merry by dressing your family in candy cane pajamas.

Yes, they all come striped. But some are in green as well as red. Yes, this is ridiculous.

Yes, they all come striped. But some are in green as well as red. Yes, this is ridiculous.

62. Unfortunately, Travis was acting up so he had to be restrained.

However, having him duct taped to a wall is kind of pushing it. Seriously, is that even necessary?

However, having him duct taped to a wall is kind of pushing it. Seriously, is that even necessary?

63. The family dog helped decorate the tree this year.

Okay, this is definitely photoshop. Because dogs can't fly. But no one seems to care.

Okay, this is definitely photoshop. Because dogs can’t fly. But no one seems to care.

64. Merry Christmas from the stick figure kids.

I know they're supposed to be cowboys riding horses. But this don't look right.

I know they’re supposed to be cowboys riding horses. But this don’t look right.

65. As we all know, cauliflower faced Santa must be avoided at all times.

Yes, that's a really sketchy Santa. I fear for the boy who's on his lap.

Yes, that’s a really sketchy Santa. I fear for the boy who’s on his lap.

66. There are some gifts for a significant other that are meant to be given in private.

This pair of candy cane boxes is among these. Yeah, I know what, "Lick Me" means.

This pair of candy cane boxes is among these. Yeah, I know what, “Lick Me” means.

67. That moment when the mall Santa can’t wait until his shift is up.

Yeah, he doesn't seem to like his gig too much. Doesn't seem to care for kids either.

Yeah, he doesn’t seem to like his gig too much. Doesn’t seem to care for kids either.

68. Baby Ralphie really admires the leg lamp.

Wonder what the grandparents would think if they saw this Christmas card. This is a play off A Christmas Story.

Wonder what the grandparents would think if they saw this Christmas card. This is a play off A Christmas Story.

69. Merry Christmas from the 21st century.

Yeah, it's kind of like that. Everyone seems to be glued to their devices save the dad.

Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Everyone seems to be glued to their devices save the dad.

70. “How about we all try to catch the snowball?”

Well, not sure if they have a snowball's chance in hell. But this is quite funny.

Well, not sure if they have a snowball’s chance in hell. But this is quite funny.

What I Want for Christmas Letters to Santa

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Every Christmas it’s not uncommon for kids to write letters to Santa Claus on what they want for Christmas. Normally this would consist of kids writing requests for toys. But it’s not always the case. This letter above is by my cousin Ben wrote in preschool. Of course, he can be a little smartass since he’s asking for the whole kit and caboodle. Seeing this letter on Facebook got me thinking about the kind of letters kids write to Santa. Turns out the internet has plenty of letters from various sites like Buzzfeed. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of children’s letters to the big guy at the North Pole. In case you want to know about letters to Santa, it’s perfectly fine to send your letter to the North Pole since the United States Postal Service has their own Letters from Santa program.

  1. Dear Santa, give me a Lady Gaga doll or I’ll break your legs.
Little Tommy isn't fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

Little Tommy isn’t fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

2. If you want to know what this kid wants for Christmas, here’s the link.

Makes me wonder why children don't e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa's work much easier.

Makes me wonder why children don’t e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa’s work much easier.

3. Apparently, one kid isn’t happy about Santa Claus this year.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

4. Well, at least this little girl is honest.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

5. Send a computer to Jack if you have the money, Santa.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it'll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it’ll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

6. Someone seems worried that Santa would get stuck in the chimney.

Uh, I'm sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

Uh, I’m sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

7. Dear Santa, if you don’t give me what I want, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don't think Santa and his reindeer could die.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don’t think Santa and his reindeer could die.

8. Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year so why did you give me stupid presents?

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn't seem to take it well.

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn’t seem to take it well.

9. So, Santa, how are things at the North Pole.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

10. Dear, Santa, if you’re real, please prove it to me.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can't really blame the kid for trying.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can’t really blame the kid for trying.

11. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay this year, here’s what my family wants for Christmas.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn't need to know that.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn’t need to know that.

12. Dear Santa, bring me toys or I will hurt Rudolph further.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph's nose in a box. Still, I don't think that'll sway Santa.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph’s nose in a box. Still, I don’t think that’ll sway Santa.

13. Dear Santa, just sand me Hannah Montana everything.

I'm sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus's Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

I’m sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

14. This year Lucy wants a bank account and a slim body and not get the two mixed up.

I'm sure Lucy's wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I'd just ask for the fat bank account.

I’m sure Lucy’s wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I’d just ask for the fat bank account.

15. This kid seems to have a lot of questions about Santa.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

16. Dear Santa, give me a camera because I want one.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn't really say why though.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn’t really say why though.

17. Santa, bring me a smartphone and something for my brother, too.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

18. Santa, please give me Hannah Montana concert tickets and here’s why.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

19. Please give me Yu-gi-oh for Christmas to impress the boys.

I guess this girl really has some inadequacy issues. Hey, girl, you don’t need to impress boys to be fulfilled in life. Also, how old are you?

20. Seems like this kid wants a bunch of hunting equipment for Christmas.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela's.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela’s.

21. Dear Santa, I want a lot of things for Christmas, does 39 items seem too much?

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

22. Dear Santa, if you bring anything with batteries make sure they’re included.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren't included is a real pain in the ass.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren’t included is a real pain in the ass.

23. Dear Santa Claus, give me $5.3 billion.

I'm sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

I’m sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

24. Dear Santa, please give me Taylor Swift tickets, Nordstrom clothes, and a boyfriend.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn't work this way.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn’t work this way.

25. Santa, I’m perfectly fine with getting coal and spending time with my family but I enjoy opening presents.

Seems like she's really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

Seems like she’s really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

26. Since Mommy’s on a diet, is Cheez-Its all right with you?

To be fair, kids don't understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

To be fair, kids don’t understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

27. For Christmas I’d want a stuffed chicken.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it's the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it’s the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

28. Looks like the game cops and robbers has become more advanced these days.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would've been more reasonable.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would’ve been more reasonable.

29. Santa, this year I want a puppy, a real puppy, not a stuffed one.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn't understand that.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn’t understand that.

30. Dear Santa, please take everyone’s guns away.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

31. Dear Santa, send diapers for my baby brother.

I'm guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

I’m guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

32. Santa, give me a puppy. By the way, you suck.

This kid doesn't seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa's face, how could you?

This kid doesn’t seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa’s face, how could you?

33. Dear Santa, either turn me into a dragon or give me a pet dragon.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn't mean you'd want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they're mythical creatures anyway.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn’t mean you’d want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they’re mythical creatures anyway.

34. Dear Santa, I’m beginning to wonder about your elves’ work quality.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

35. This Christmas give a turtle since they’re cool.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They're also a lot of work and aren't very nice.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They’re also a lot of work and aren’t very nice.

36. Santa, is it true you’re not coming to my house because Obama got reelected?

From reading this, I wonder what this kid's parents listen to. I'm sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

From reading this, I wonder what this kid’s parents listen to. I’m sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

37. Santa, if you give anyone a monkey, it will be bad.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

38. Dear Santa, please don’t give me a little sister in 2 years.

I'm sure Samantha won't like it if her mom has to tell her she's pregnant. That won't go well.

I’m sure Samantha won’t like it if her mom has to tell her she’s pregnant. That won’t go well.

39. Santa, could you get me a couple of things for Christmas? Here’s a list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, "Flip page" you can tell it's not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, “Flip page” you can tell it’s not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

40. Dear Santa, please give me these presents for my life depends on it.

I'm sure this kid won't get a lot of these presents. And it's not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

I’m sure this kid won’t get a lot of these presents. And it’s not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

41. Haven’t been too good this year, but could you send me a LEGO train anyway.

Uh, doesn't Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

Uh, doesn’t Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

42. Dear Santa, could you give me superpowers if possible?

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don't work that way. You can't just ask Santa for them.

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don’t work that way. You can’t just ask Santa for them.

43. For Christmas this year I want hair like Rapunzel.

No, kid, you don't want 5 feet long hair. Because you'd probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

No, kid, you don’t want 5 feet long hair. Because you’d probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

44. No, Santa, I didn’t mean that. I would never do that.

From PopSugar: "Dear Santa, sorry for saying, 'I'm going to punch you in the face!' I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder."

From PopSugar: “Dear Santa, sorry for saying, ‘I’m going to punch you in the face!’ I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder.”

45. Here’s all the stuff I want for Christmas.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she's smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she’s smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

46. Dear Santa, how do you get into my house?

I'm guessing this kid's family doesn't have a chimney. I'm sure Santa has other ways.

I’m guessing this kid’s family doesn’t have a chimney. I’m sure Santa has other ways.

47. Dear Santa, please help the homeless and here’s what I want.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

48. Santa, my dad talked about the Krampus and he gave me nightmares.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she's using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she’s using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

49. Dear Santa, please give me $100 and a $50 gift card and it cant’ be to food places.

This girl really doesn't mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

This girl really doesn’t mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

50. Dear Mr. Claus, I’ve been very bad so please send me coal.

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won't teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won’t teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

51. What I want for Christmas is a McDonald’s in my neighborhood.

I'm not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald's is one of the last things I'd want in my community.

I’m not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald’s is one of the last things I’d want in my community.

52. Dear Santa, can you send me a mixed elf on the shelf?

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

53. Dear Santa, I don’t ask for much. Maybe about 100 things.

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

54. Santa, if you can please don’t send me any clothes!

Yeah, we all know kids don't like getting clothes for Christmas. They're not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

Yeah, we all know kids don’t like getting clothes for Christmas. They’re not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

55. Give it to me straight, Santa, am I on the naughty list?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

56. Dear Santa, is it true you read all the letters because I doubt it.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

57. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. I’ve brought beer to my dad from the fridge.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

58. If Santa was wise, he might consider giving this kid a dictionary for Christmas.

I don't expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words "slay" for "sleigh" and "rape" for "wrap." So it's pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

I don’t expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words “slay” for “sleigh” and “rape” for “wrap.” So it’s pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

59. Dear Santa, sorry for being bad but could you give me a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren't just a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren’t just a few things.

60. Dear Santa, I have a few questions to ask.

I'm sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

I’m sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

61. Dear Santa, can you please bring me pizza?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

62. Dear Santa, please, please, please give me these things.

Hey, kid, you don't need to say please all the time. I'm sure Santa understands.

Hey, kid, you don’t need to say please all the time. I’m sure Santa understands.

63. Santa better bring a pony this year.

Still, that's a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien.

Still, that’s a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien. Still, the kid’s not fooling around.

64. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year since I’ve picked up a lot of crap.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don't have to do that.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don’t have to do that.

65. Santa, can you fill this questionnaire for me?

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

66. Santa, show yourself to me that you’re real.

Guess this kid doesn't buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

Guess this kid doesn’t buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

67. Dear Santa, can you send me a real pet cub, please?

I'm sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

I’m sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

68. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay but if you don’t give me anything I understand.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

69. Dear Santa, please give me a new football because my evil little brother stole mine.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don't they? Also, probably doesn't have a chimney.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don’t they? Also, probably doesn’t have a chimney.

70. Dear Santa, I have big butts and I cannot lie…

Well, at least the kid didn't use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it's funny.

Well, at least the kid didn’t use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it’s funny.

71. Dear Santa, please send me a Venus flytrap.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

72. Santa, does Rudolph have two noses?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

73. Dear Santa, I know you’re a marketing ploy but I just want stuff or else.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

74. Dear Santa, please get my boat to work for it’s just in my yard.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

75. Dear Santa, give me a signed picture of you and your elves.

I don't think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I'm sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

I don’t think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I’m sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

76. Dear Santa, here are the things I want and can you send me Steeler stuff?

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

77. Santa, you’re fat you’ll be getting no cookies at my house this year.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

78. Dear Santa, please give my brother Mitch some things since he writes bad and hates reading.

Seems like this girl doesn't have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that's not his sign.

Seems like this girl doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that’s not his sign.

79. Dear Santa, please bring Leonardo DiCaprio to my house this year.

Sorry, but I don't think Santa could do that. Also, I'm not sure if he's cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he'll stop by.

Sorry, but I don’t think Santa could do that. Also, I’m not sure if he’s cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he’ll stop by.

80. Dear Santa, can you sign this to prove you’re real?

And I see, "Ho Ho Ho" on the line. Not sure if that's what this little boy wants.

And I see, “Ho Ho Ho” on the line. Not sure if that’s what this little boy wants.

81. Santa, can you please come before 6:00 a.m.?

Because Santa shouldn't want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

Because Santa shouldn’t want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

82. Santa, will you give me a second chance this year? Explain.

This kid put "yes/no" and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

This kid put “yes/no” and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

83. Santa, I just want my family to be happy and these things.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

84. Dear Santa, I have a lot of questions to ask you.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can't fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can’t fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

85. Seems like Calvin knows what he wants for Christmas.

Okay, I don't think this is from a kid. Because I don't think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

Okay, I don’t think this is from a kid. Because I don’t think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

86. Sorry, we couldn’t give you any cookies, Santa, and the gingerbread made us sick.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

87. Dear Santa, I haven’t seen a reindeer so can you leave Rudolph at our house?

No, I don't think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

No, I don’t think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

88. Dear Santa, can you please send pacifiers for my sister so we can sleep?

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It's probably because she's a baby.

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It’s probably because she’s a baby.

89. What I want for Christmas this year is some toys and an AK-47.

No, you don't want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

No, you don’t want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

90. Dear Santa, there are some things I want so I devised a list for you.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

91. Dear Mr. Claus, in accordance with the Christian holiday, here are the things I want for Christmas.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

92. Dear Santa, I really want a puppy, just give me one.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

93. Dear Santa, I always enjoy your presents but forgive the bad stuff I did this year.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

94. Dear Santa, I’ve been good but I’m not sure about my sister.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn't been that great.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn’t been that great.

95. Dear Santa, please make my brother nicer and bring him back.

I don't know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

I don’t know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

96. This Christmas Evie’s been a bad girl but she needs presents.

But Evie doesn't being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

But Evie doesn’t being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

97. Dear Santa, please give me a DS, I’ll give you money.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

98. If you want to see my Christmas list, text my dad.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

99. Dear Santa, please leave the gifts at the door because I won’t be home for Christmas.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I'm sure Santa could manage.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I’m sure Santa could manage.

100. Dear Santa, how do you poop? Does it look different?

Uh, I think that's a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.

Uh, I think that’s a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.