It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas with These Village Houses (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 9, 2018

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Now that I put up some of my crazy Christmas posts, I return to some of the nice decorations. Though plenty might opt for a simple Christmas tree, a wreath, lights, and other trimmings, some may go over the top. Among these, you might find a Christmas village within one’s home with putz or porcelain houses that may light up a winter wonderland when the lights are out. You might find it on a tree like display like this one. You may find it on a large table. Or you might see it under the tree with a toy train track. Since it’s the Christmas season, you’ll find plenty of companies selling these cute Christmas houses so people can build their own yuletide towns. Yet, some may prefer the old-fashioned putz houses and make their own. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of cute Christmas village houses. Enjoy.

A purple house should always sport a pink roof.

This one even has a white dog with gold. Also, has a matching doghouse, too.

2. A frame ski lodge is a welcoming place.

You can tell it’s a ski lodge since it has ski figures and a dog at the front. Like the lights, too.

3. A light yellow house can always use some tinsel.

Also has jewel decorations for extra sparkle. Love the trees.

4. A winter home is covered with snow.

Includes a pink tree and a white deer. Like the tinsel on the door.

5. Seems like Santa’s flying over that green house.

Sure he may only ride with 6 as far as I see it. Yet, I love the glitter on the roof. So pretty and sparkly.

6. A mid-century modern home can always use a few snowflakes.

This one has a few snowflakes hanging from the roof. Includes silver steps and Christmas trees.

7. On Winter houses, 2 chimneys are better than one.

You can see the Christmas decorations in the front lawn. Includes a Christmas tree, wreath, sleigh, and snowman.

8. A small red house can do with a bell.

The bell is on the tower. Makes you wonder if it’s a schoolhouse. Like the gold fringe.

9. Perhaps you might prefer a small purple cottage.

There’s tinsel on the roof and along the top window and door. Like the shiny beads.

10. You’ll have plenty of snow on this roof.

Well, the snow is made from cotton fluff. Has 2 chimneys, 3 dormers, and 4 wreaths on the windows.

11. A white barn will always stand out.

This one is in similar design as the one I put up in the first Christmas village post. Still, it’s quite magnificent.

12. A fuzzy blue church should always look magical.

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This one has a wreath on the snow covered roof. Love the snowman near the front.

13. A Christmas house should always have a snow covered roof.

This one is more naturalistic than some of the others on this post. Yet, you still have 3 wreaths on the windows.

14. A lime green church should contain a few stars.

Well, they’re hollow stars. Yet, you have to admire the style if you’re not crazy about the color.

15. A winter village has a certain holiday magic during the night.

This one has all you want in a Christmas village. While you can see trees galore on a mountainside.

16. A golden deer would love a quaint blue cottage.

This one has gold chimneys on its snow covered roof. Love the trees and reindeer though.

17. You’ll never know what you’d see inside this modern green house.

Though I think the inside comes from a photo. Nonetheless, you have to like the multicolored trees on the lawn.

18. A small red house should have a few Christmas trees outside.

The trees are decorated with shiny beads of red, blue, and gold. While the light comes from the inside.

19. Anyone would want a small house of red and pink.

And they say red and pink don’t go together. Nonetheless, you have to love the decorations on this.

20. Perhaps you’ll be impressed by a fancy green house.

This one even has lattice in the roofs. Like the tree and wreath. So pretty.

21. A blue house can always do with a snowflake.

This one has a wreath on the door and a pearl on the roof as well. Love it.

22. A small modern blue house can do with a few candy canes.

Has a wreath on the chimney. Like the gold décor on the top. Wonder if it’s supposed to signify lights.

23. You can always see the light coming through a large window.

This one has decorations on the columns. Still, wouldn’t want a house designed like this.

24. It’s always Christmas when you see Santa flying on his sleigh.

The top contains panels of Santa and his reindeer nearby. Though it’s supposed to be at the North Pole.

25. Care to catch sight of a round balcony?

Well, the roof is rounded for the balcony. Though it’s quite a unique house that I had to include it.

26. A charming blue house can always include 2 chimneys.

This one has beads for the décor. While the chimneys even produce smoke in the form of cotton stuffing.

27. A creamy pink house is worth singing about.

This one has a pipe cleaner wreath and garland at the top. But the pine decoration stands out the best.

28. This glitter lighthouse will light your way through snowy seas.

It’s white and light blue for winter. While you can find its light at the top.

29. A roof can accumulate a lot of snow during winter.

Though most of the snow must be paper mache. Though I do like the gold trees on each side.

30. A spotted house always receives a visit from Santa.

This one even has gold pretzel fencing. Yet, Santa only has 4 reindeer at most.

31. Perhaps a simple white church will do.

This one has white spots on the steeple. Like the deer near the Christmas trees.

32. A blue house should have all the embellishments.

The trim is quite intricate. Yet, you have to like the white deer and wreath at the front.

33. A simple blue house needs simple decorations.

This one only has a few potted Christmas trees. Also includes a car near the garage.

34. A Christmas house can always look quite fancy.

The lattice work covers the roof and floors. Comes with a pink tree and a few snowballs.

35. A sweet angel should have a pink house.

Has a jewel near the roof. While the angel wears a muff. So lovely.

36. Perhaps you might want to check out this church.

Well, it’s a white church and a gold side building. Like the angel and the wreath.

37. A Christmas house should always be red and green.

This one has a wreath near the roof and a unique shape. Love the trees surrounding it.

38. Don’t forget to decorate the tree for all to see.

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This one has kids decorating the tree where you can see them. So cute.

39. A blue church should have some fancy trees.

This one has a deer right outside. While the trees have all kinds of beads on it.

40. A small red house can always stand out.

One of the trees has rather large baubles on it. Yet, I like the smaller tree better since it’s more proportioned.

41. The more snow on the roof, the better.

This one has a wreath near the balcony, 2 chimneys, and trees on the lawn. Should brighten anyone’s spirits.

42. A white house can always be a quaint holiday cottage.

This one only has a wreath and a couple of trees with red beads. Though I do like the red window trim.

43. You can always go with a fancy town house.

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This one is rather towering. Love the gold trim near the roof. So amazing.

44. Among wild trees, a simple house will do.

This one is a modern brick with a red door and green trim. Not why it has snow and palm trees though.

45. Need a Christmas tree? Get one here.

The trees come freshly cut. Yet, I like the light and wreath décor the best.

46. Sometimes your Christmas village needs a modern touch.

This one has 2 stories in yellow and blue. Wonder if they’re apartments since they have a tree on each. Love the snowman and wreath.

47. A small lavender cottage can always use a star.

Well, there’s a star hole on the roof. Like the tree with the shiny beads.

48. A blue house can always please during the holidays.

This one has 2 wreaths on the roof along with jewels on the door and chimney. So pretty.

49. Sometimes the trees can stand from the house.

The trees are decorated with shiny beads. While a kid stands in front of the house.

50. Santa could always visit a black house.

This one has purple trim on the windows and doors. While Santa is made of Lego.

51. A white stately home will always bring Christmas cheer.

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This one has 4 chimneys on its snow-covered roof. Like the wreaths.

52. There’s plenty to do in a blue house during the holidays.

This one has a lot of stuff going on here. Has candy cane trim, lights, and a wreath.

53. Could I interest you with a hunter’s cabin?

Only has cardinal on the roof. While the bell is the only holiday décor present.

54. Perhaps you might prefer spending Christmas in the woods.

This one even includes an outhouse which kind makes me shudder. Decorated with a wreath and trees.

55. You can always try a simple white house.

This one is either a trailer or a ranch style. Like the snowman nearby though.

56. This clock house may impress you.

Includes a snowflake background and 2 evergreen trees. Love the roof.

57. Nobody could forget a polka dot house.

The file name has it as a gingerbread house. Yet, seems more like a flamboyant birdhouse to me.

58. A home is always someone’s castle.

This one seems to combine a castle with a house. Love the windows.

59. A brick house is always sturdy.

This one has an elf slipping on the ice. Love the Christmas tree.

60. A blue house like this can be seen from miles.

Sports a golden roof and has deer in the lawn. Love the candy cane Christmas tree.

61. A blue church should have a fancy tower.

This one has a matching Christmas tree. Though I love the gold wreath on the steeple.

62. A white house is a simple winter hideaway.

This one has a wreath on the roof and blue bead bows on the chimneys. Like the snowman near the big window.

63. Anyone would find this green house enchanting.

This one has a roof of 2 peaks. Like the wreath and Christmas tree décor. The teddy bear and snowman are so cute.

64. There’s something angelic about this winter abode.

Has angels on the front yard holding animals and praying. While snowflakes deck the windows.

65. You’ll find a few nutcrackers here.

This one has holly at the windows. While 3 nutcrackers stand near the snowman.

66. You’ll find poinsettias and fancy deer at this house.

This one has poinsettias in the windows. While the reindeer are white and gold. There’s also a large ornament on the roof.

67. Perhaps you might do with a small blue house.

Has a large ornament on the lawn. Like the white snowy trees and wreath with pink beads.

68. A sleek modern home makes a perfect Christmas cabin.

This one has a metal butterfly roof. While it’s decked with 2 Christmas trees and a wreath.

69. A modest pink house might suit your holiday fancy.

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This one has a rather intricate chimney and façade. Like the golden present and wreath.

70. Sometimes a wreath is all you need.

This one has a large wreath and candy cane columns. Almost looks real with the earth tone colors.

71. Christmas can be grand in a trailer in the woods.

Includes a wreath, presents, lights, and a deer. Not much space, but seems quite quaint.

72. A red house can always usher in the Christmas spirit.

Comes with 2 Christmas trees in ornaments. While the snow glitters on the roof.

73. Nothing is sweeter than a candy cane house.

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This one has candy cane trim on the roof. While the chimney has a peppermint as it spouts candy cane smoke.

74. A modern ranch always has to include a flamingo.

This one seems like a rather normal house. Like the fencing.

75. A small white house can gather a ton of snow.

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This is a pastel house in Bavarian design. While the wreath has a deer head, I think.

76. A flamingo looks out of place in the snow.

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It has a wreath around its neck. Like the snow covered roof.

77. A pink house should at least have its own tower.

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This one has garlands on the awning. Like the dog and shutters.

78. You’ll be marveled by this wooden townhouse.

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This one has a rather intricate design. Like the window near the roof. So pretty.

79. A putz village is a colorful place.

This one even includes a train track. While the buildings all glitter in bright colors.

80. You can’t help but adore a rainbow house.

This one is in pink, purple, blue, and yellow. While the tree might contain some berries.

81. Perhaps you might like this red town house.

This one includes a dog. Yet, the windows seem quite imposing and magnificent.

82. A pink house is a winter haven.

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This one has 2 trees and a snowman. Like the silver trim on the chimneys and windows.

83. Want to spend sometime in this Christmas trailer?

This one is in red and green. Also includes a wreath.

84. Any elf would love a small brick cottage.

This one has golden doors and windows. Like the sleigh and presents. So pretty.

85. A brick house can always impress.

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This one has twin chimneys and 2 balconies. Has 4 trees on the front.

86. A fox is charmed by a small green frame house.

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This one just has a bow above the door. While trees deck the front.

87. A white deer would always feel at home at a white cottage.

This one has gold tree and silver wreath. Like the snow on the roof.

88. Bet Santa likes to stop at this blue house.

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This one only has one chimney but plenty of windows. While a berry tops each tree.

89. Perhaps Santa might prefer a small white cottage.

This one has silver trees while the fencing glitters. So pretty.

90. A blue house can be a haven for snow and ice.

Has a red roof and front window. Yet, the snowman is adorable.

91. There’s a lot happening at this blue house.

This one has a snowman next to a peppermint lollipop. Love the trees.

92. The halls are all decked on this house.

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This one has a wire fence along with one of the most decorated facades on the block. Love the golden snowflake.

93. A sparkly blue house has plenty of bows.

Well, glittery golden bows, anyway. Love the window and roof trim. So pretty and sparkly.

94. You might feel welcome at this white house.

This one has a ribbon flower and snowflakes on the green roof. Though I’m not sure if the people are figures or not.

95. Seems like Santa likes spending time with his wife at this red house.

Though I’d expect Santa to live in some North Pole palace. Then again, to each his own.

96. Apparently, Santa seems to love this Christmas barn.

Someone even has a tree on their car. Like the wreath near the roof.

97. Perhaps you might prefer a blue house with a roof of gold.

Has poinsettias near the windows. While Santa stands right outside the front door.

98. A church should always be in bright colors.

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This one has a bell on one side and a chimney on the other. Like the wreath above the door.

99. Check out the icicles on this blue house.

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This one has a wreath on the façade. Yet, the icicles dangle from the roof.

100. Feel free to acquaint yourself with this red house.

This one has garlands on the roof. While the snowman stands outside.

Not So Great Tidings of Not Much Comfort and Joy Christmas Gift List (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2018

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As anyone would guess, Christmas gifts are among the most important holiday traditions. Since if we didn’t exchange gifts during this time of year, we wouldn’t have all this Christmas commercialism in the first place. Nonetheless, while we always look forward to opening our Christmas presents, not all gifts will be winners. In fact, everyone has probably received a terrible Christmas gift at one point of their lives. After all, there are plenty of people who are very hard to buy for. Or many of the people in your life are on a budget. Or you had to buy a gift for someone you didn’t know or a secret Santa. But there are some gifts that go beyond the conventional bad Christmas presents. You’ll probably never receive any of these. But if you do, know that you’re probably not alone. Or someone has seen my bad gift posts and possibly hates you. In any case, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of holiday gift disasters. Some of these may not be safe for work, by the way.

Jewel Encrusted Kleenex box

Basically says, “you sneeze a lot and have very expensive tastes.” Besides, you can get cheaper tissue boxes than this.

2. Creative Cursing: A Mix and Match Profanity Generator

If you want to protest Donald Trump like a Brit, this is the book for you. Otherwise, best not to give to children who might make their parents think you’re setting a bad example.

3. Chambong Shooter Set

Now you can shoot champagne straight into your mouth. Might make people think you have a drinking problem.

4. Trumpy Bear

He’s basically a Donald Trump teddy bear that will turn everything you love into shit. Great for inflicting harm on your enemies. Still, for the love of God, kill it. Kill it with fire.

5. Toothed Mug

Guaranteed to creep people out when you have your coffee. Seriously, who puts teeth on a mug?

6. Toilet Donald

From Huffington Post: “Imagine waking up at 3 a.m. and seeing this Toilet Donald statue angrily tweeting about some imagined slight. Oh, sorry. That’s a nightmare.”

7. Praying Mantis Angel

From Huffington Post: “This praying mantis statue definitely offers a new angle on angels. If the recipient looks at you incredulously (a good possibility), just look beatifically at the sky and say, ‘the Lord does work in strange and mysterious ways.'”

8. Impeach Toaster and Jam

From Huffington Post: “Looking for a gift for the person still feeling burned by the 2016 election? Want something special for the person who thinks Trump is toast in 2020? This Trump toaster burns the face of The Donald on one side of bread, with ‘You’re Fired!’ on the other. The product’s website also sells ‘Impeach Jam.'”

9. Tactical Kilt

From Huffington Post: “If you’re in a situation where you’re wearing a kilt, it’s not a bad idea for it to be camouflaged (why call attention to yourself?). The Tactical Kilt is especially handy because it has pockets and compartments that allow you to hide weapons, the better to protect yourself if people make fun of you.”

10. Life Preserver Bottle Cover

From Huffington Post: “Why a life preserver for a bottle of wine? If you have to ask why, you’ll never understand.”

11. Moose Foot Rest

From Huffington Post: “After a hard day, there is nothing like resting your feet on a moose-shaped Ottoman. And there is probably nothing in your house that matches a moose-shaped Ottoman. Just a warning: If you get this for Christmas, your kids will never let you get rid of it.”

12. Potty Texter

From Huffington Post: “Texting in a bathroom isn’t easy. You have to hold the phone with both hands, leaving nothing to hold a glass of wine (or anything else). The Potty Texter apparently makes it easier to answer nature’s call while answering emails or checking out social media feeds. Just promise me you won’t use this to do a Facebook Live feed, please?”

13. Hand Turkey Statue

From Huffington Post: “Hand turkeys are a common art project for school kids, but few of them are as elaborate as this statue that combines a turkey head with a human hand. Or as creepy. Yep, definitely creepy.”

14. Beard Bib

From The Huffington Post: “Some weird gifts are actually weirdly useful, such as the Beard Bib. Hook it to a mirror with suction cup and it will catch all the facial hair before it gets stuck on the sink. I assume it could also work for vomit, spittle, last night’s dinner and other things you don’t want in the sink, but that’s a little gross to think about.”

15. Vladimir Putin Scratching Post

From The Huffington Post: “If Donald Trump can scratch Vladimir Putin’s back, why can’t your cat scratch everywhere else. Yes, all cats will be rushin’ to use this scratching post of the Russian dictator, even though others would rather scratch his eyes out.”

16. Mini Mobile LED Disco Ball

That way, you can bring the party anywhere. But make sure you plug it in first.

17. Emergency Underwear

If you need a pair on the go, these will serve you well. Just go into a bathroom and change first. Still, this is a pretty terrible gift.

18. You Said You Wanted Nothing Box

For the person who said they wanted nothing. But you didn’t get the memo that they expected you to give them a gift anyway.

19. How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill by Knock Knock

An ideal gift for the parent who wants to scare the kids straight. Then again, this might not be good for any children.

20. Chanel Lightbulb Heels

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For the woman who wants to make an electric entrance. Then again, I’m not sure if the light actually works. Also, looks pretty ridiculous.

21. Nude Art Purse

As you can see, the art isn’t the greatest. Faces range from Cubist to goblin.

22. Nicholas Cage Sequin Pillow

On one side, it’s shiny red. On the other is Nicholas Cage’s face. Hope your loved one enjoys this one.

23. Glow in the Dark Toilet Seat

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Now if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can find your way. Yet, it’ll make your toilet appear like a nuclear disaster area.

24. The Hungoevr Cookbook by Milton Crawford

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For the person in your life who loves food. But is often seen holding bottle of booze at a party when you see them.

25. Fifty Shades of Chicken by FL Fowler

It’s like Fifty Shades of Grey. But with kinky chicken recipes to try with your partner. Then again, that might be a better idea than the real book.

26. Bernie Sanders Chia Head

For the democratic socialist with a green thumb. Nonetheless, Bernie certainly has hair like that.

27. Farting Teddy Bear

It’s a cuddly teddy bear known to break wind. Kids will love it. Parents not so much.

28. Motorized Rolling Pin

Okay, this is a prank pack. But I’m sure many would want something that would roll the dough itself.

29. Big Head Squirrel Feeder

Allows you to feed the critters outside. Though a bird feeder works just as well. Seriously, I’ve seen it in action.

30. Bluetooth Bathroom Scale

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It’s the hot new tech gift that nobody wants, especially women. Great for making that special someone hate you for the rest of your life.

31. Toilet Office Organizer

You can store paper clips in the seat. While the figure holds tape as toilet paper and pencil at the mouth.

32. Crumpled Trash Throw Pillow

From Buzzfeed: “Crumpled trash is the pinnacle of true love.” I’d beg to differ on that.

33. Chopstick Pencils

Now you can eat and write with the same utensils. Okay, that’s quite unsanitary.

34. Star Trek: Next Generation Tiki Mugs

From The Huffington Post: “This collection of tiki mugs — modeled on the mugs of various characters from ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ — is perfect for the person who loves foofy drinks and ‘90s sci-fi. As Jean-Luc Picard might say: ‘Make it so … alcoholic.'” Wait a minute, Cardassians and Ferengi are much more appropriate for Deep Space Nine.

35. Syringe Highlighters

From Buzzfeed: “For the friend who has to endure medical school.” Or nursing school. Come in 6 different colors.

36. Eyebrow Razors

It’s a cute way of telling your loved one that they remind you of the Wolfman. And that it might not be a good thing.

37. GameMaxx Hydrating Game Controller

It’s supposed to keep you hydrated while you play video games. Okay, it’s actually a prank pack. Sorry to disappoint you.

38. iDrive Mobile Device Mount Accessory

It’s a mount you can use to put your device up. Yes, it’s another prank pack. But that’s beside the point.

39. Anti-Fatigue Mat

From Refinery29: “Because ladies LOVE doing dishes in their heels.” Actually we women do not.

40. Beginner’s Whittling Kit

From Refinery29: “For the recent retiree or gentleman/woman/homesteader of leisure in your life, a gift that truly says, ‘This should keep you busy while you run out the ol’ life-clock.’ Your giftee will know you value traditional, rural handicraft and savings when you show them that it comes with a free issue of Carving Magazine!”

41. Bracelet Assistant

From Refinery29: “Finally, a gift that reminds me of my arthritic wrists.” Maybe if you have arthritis, you shouldn’t wear bracelets.

42. Personal Pie Maker

From Refinery29: “Finally, a girl can make four pies simultaneously, in a weird iron-maiden-type device, in the comfort and safety of her own home. Psych, everyone — this is actually the best gift.”

43. Wrap Purse

From Refinery29: “It’s a scarf! No, it’s a purse! It’s a scurseparf! Forget those bras with pockets: Here’s the today way to sassily sport the valuables you need most, like your bling-y barrettes and Sophie Kinsella novels.”

44. Wine-Cork Trivet

From Refinery29: “This is a super-classy, MoMA-approved way to commemorate the 36 most special times you ever got lit (precious memories). Don’t buy it for us, though. Our boxes of Chardonnay don’t come with corks.”

45. Edible Eyes

They’re eyes you can stick on your food. Takes playing with it to a whole new level.

46. The Very Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes by Ian Allen

I’m sure it’s given to dads everywhere. With this book, they can be lame like the dad in that 1970s style cover.

47. Sushi Cat Keychains

Indeed, these are cats on vinegar rice you can hang on your backpack or purse. For cat and sushi lovers everywhere.

48. Napsack Sleep Hood

With this you can take a nap anytime and anywhere. Okay, this is actually a prank pack. But many would wish it can be the real thing.

49. Couch Potato Chips Pillow

Guaranteed to last longer than a real bag of potato chips. Though this woman doesn’t know the difference.

50. Floppy Disk Coffee Table

Comes with a secret compartment. Though your younger guests might think it resembles a save icon.

51. Chewing Gum Magnets

From Buzzfeed: “HA HAR HA. Tell ’em how you really feel.” Wonder how people would react if you put them on your fridge.

52. Hinge Packing Tape

It’s packing tape with hinges on it. Makes it seem that packages are easier or harder to open than they really are.

53. Cinema Place Mat

Makes you think that your dinner is a preview. Not sure if that helps matters.

54. Pizza Bedsheets

Do you love pizza so much you’d want to go to bed with it? Now you can in a way. Still, it’s kind of tacky.

55. Plop Trumps Card Game

It’s a card game on the different kinds of poop there are. Disgusting? I know.

56. Polaroid Toilet Paper Holder

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That way you can get toilet paper like you got polaroids. Yet, many younger people may not know what this is supposed to resemble.

57. Beerzicle

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It’s to keep your beer cool when you don’t have a fridge in sight. Yeah, they seem to make so many beer products for some reason.

58. Coffee Talkies

They’re coffee mugs with a 2 way radio. Okay, it’s a prank pack. I know it’s disappointing.

59. Quotations from Chairman Trump edited by Carol Pogash

It’s supposed to be like Mao Zedong’s Little Red Book but with Donald Trump quotes. Let’s just say Mao was more eloquent in his oratory.

60. Rockin’ Wooden Spoons

They’re wooden spoons shaped like guitars. Come in acoustic and electric.

61. Sarcastic Ball

It’s like a Magic 8 Ball. But it’s gives you sarcastic answers. Then again, a real Magic 8 Ball was like that, too.

62. Emoji Golf Balls

Well, they have a lot of other kinds of emoji stuff. Yet, imagine having to tee off with one of these.

63. Money Duck Soap

It’s supposed to be a soap duck with money inside. By the way, the money’s not real as you can see.

64. I Could Pee on This and other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano

So this is a poetry book by cats. Didn’t know they can write poems. Oh wait, they can’t.

65. Sloth Pillow

It’s a pillow resembling a sloth. Blends in with the right kind of carpet.

66. The Proust Questionnaire

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I think it’s supposed to be a book asking questions about some French guy that no one reads. Well, that’s as far as I know.

67. Sleep in a Bucket: a Party Game

It’s a card game featuring a variety of horrible and hilarious scenarios. Though Odo from Deep Space Nine slept in a bucket during the early seasons like it was nothing. Since he’s a shape-shifter.

68. Mitten Flask

It’s supposed to keep your drink warm on a cold winter day. Though if you have one of these, you might also have a drinking problem.

69. Stress Balls

For the woman who’s dealt with so much shit from men that squeezing a couple of nuts brings such sweet relief. Disgusting but kind of hilarious.

70. Waterproof Notepad

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It’s for writing notes while you’re in the shower. When you’re supposed to be cleaning yourself.

71. Tiki Fondue Set

It’s a fondue for a luau party. Will go well with the Star Trek Next Gen tiki cups.

72. Tipsy Squirrel Water Bottle

It’s a water bottle that resembles a bottle of moonshine. Though you have to love the passed out squirrel.

73. Turkey Pop Up Timer

When it pops, the turkey’s done. Simple as that. Perfect for Thanksgiving.

74. Butt/Face Soap

One side you use for your butt. The other side you use for scrubbing your face. Yeah, I know it’s pretty lame.

75. Fifty Shades of Brown Lavatory Mist

It’s toilet spray for the kinky kind. Of course, it’s a way to tell someone that their bathroom smells like shit.

76. Smoking Donkey

It’s supposed to be a donkey cigarette dispenser. Indeed, it’s in poor taste and fosters bad health habits.

77. Eyeball Lunch Box

It’s a way you can carry your lunch and freak people out at the same time. Comes with eye chart.

78. Waxed Ranch Flavored Dental Floss

It’s dental floss with a ranch dressing taste. While using it will clean your teeth, your mouth won’t smell like minty freshness.

79. Instant Audience

For the person who needs constant reactions but can’t afford a crowd. Perfect for the person who has to work closely for Donald Trump.

80. Shittens

They’re mittens for wiping your butt when you go to the bathroom. I’m sure they’re disposable.

81. Pizza Box Seat

It’s a seat made from pizza boxes. Great way to show the world you love pizza and are poor.

82. Ryan Gosling Panties

For the girl who loves Ryan Gosling. But if you’re her boyfriend, you’ll eventually get sick of looking at his face after awhile.

83. Selfies: A Photo Album of Me, Myself, and I

Finally, a photo album for the pictures you take of yourself. Perfect for the narcissists in your life.

84. Drunk, Stoned, or Stupid: A Party Game

It’s one of those party games where players decide who’s most likely to do what. By the way, no one wins at the game.

85. Happy Guy Cork Screw

I’m sure this guy will make your parties. Though you wouldn’t want children to attend them. Since he has a rather swirly appendage.

86. Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush

Now you can hear the music of Justin Bieber while cleaning your teeth. Perfect for that special someone who you want to see suffer.

87. Fortune Telling Tumbler

From The Huffington Post: “Some people look for happiness in the bottom of a glass. Now you can see the future. The Fortune Teller Tumbler uses the same ‘technology’ of the Magic 8 Ball kids toy to answer life’s most pressing questions. ‘Am I going to get stupid drunk tonight trying to get a decent fortune out of this glass?’ ‘All signs point to yes.'”

88. Portable Breathalyzer

From The Huffington Post: “Drinking more during the holidays? The AlcoMate portable breathalyzer can come in handy. However, take it from me: People get awfully competitive when you have a portable breathalyzer: Everyone will try to beat the other person’s score and the only one who wins is the Uber driver.” Perfect for choosing who’s going to be the designated driver.

89. Poop: The Game

From The Huffington Post: “Just to be clear: Poop is a game, not actual poop itself. The game requires players to get rid of their ‘poop’ cards without clogging the toilet. Certainly, there are crappier gifts to get.”

90. Ben & Jerry’s Euphoir-Ice Cream Pint Combination Lock Protector

For the person who’s a bit too possessive about their ice cream. Surely there’s enough to share around.

91. The Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Press

Want to make a delicious grilled cheese and drive Bible Belt Christians nuts? This is for you.

92. Beer Helmet

Perfect for the drunken frat boy in your life who loves beer. Like Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

93. 64oz Huge Giant Flask

Comes with 2 shot glasses for a drinking game. Perfect for the drunk uncle in your life.

94. Fart Extinguisher

It’s a way to manage those silent but deadlies. Though I don’t think it does shit.

95. Talking Donald Trump Statue

From The Huffington Post: “Just what everyone wants for Christmas: A Donald Trump doll that spouts 17 of the trademark phrases he repeats at all of his rallies. Give this to a Trump supporter at your own risk, because they will keep pushing the button in order to push your buttons.” Unlike the real Trump, at least this one shuts up when you want it to and doesn’t take its unstoppable rage on Twitter.

96. DNA Wine

From The Huffington Post: “Know someone who is really picky about their wine, but doesn’t know why they like what they like? Let DNA do the dirty work. The Vinome wine club selects wine based on the flavor preferences found in certain gene markers. The DNA spit test can help determine if the drinker is partial to bitter flavors, fruity flavors, and certain types of reds or whites. It worked for me and determined I like wine. Lots of it! Thank you, science!”

97. Gunsticles

From The Huffington Post: “Gunsticles are metal balls in the shape of testicles designed to be attached to a gun. They serve no purpose whatsoever, other than to: A) tell others you have ‘balls,’ and B) letting others at the gun range easily spot the tool.”

98. Fish Sandals

From The Huffington Post: “Fish sandals. Two words you never realized sounded so good together until you read them just now.” Still, they look kind of disgusting.

99. Hidden Door

From The Huffington Post: “It’s not for everyone, but you know there is at least one person in your life who would love a hidden door. Bonus points if they are a legit mad scientist. Negative points if they operate a meth lab.”

100. Singing Pasta Timer

From The Huffington Post: “Figuring out whether pasta is ready is one of life’s hassles, requiring a person to repeatedly pick spaghetti out of a boiling pot and fling it against a wall. Wouldn’t it better to have a singing piece of plastic to let you know? Please don’t answer that. I can’t hear you anyway.”

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 6, 2018

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Back in the day, people would often send Christmas greeting cards to each other. Now like many Christmas traditions, the practice of exchanging cards during the holiday season began during the Victorian era. As you can imagine some of these cards might evoke some sentimentality with its Christmas imagery. Yet, there are some that will make you go “what the fuck?” Over the years I’ve done annual vintage Christmas cards posts, the older ones tend to be the crazier. You have to wonder whether the designers of these baffling cards wanted to be creative or funny. Or they had no idea what constitutes as an appropriate Christmas card. Or they were willing to try anything. Of course, when you think of old-fashioned Christmas cards, these don’t usually come to mind. But they do exist and I intend to show some of them. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas greeting cards that time forgot. Enjoy.

Santa Claus looks to the Earth from his satellite.

So this is another Santa in space card. Wonder how Santa doesn’t manage to suffocate and die. Is his suit magical?

2. Wishing you a jolly Christmas from the local neighborhood psychokiller.

For how else could you explain a bloody saw on a Christmas card? Seriously, a bloody saw doesn’t represent Peace on Earth to me.

3. All aboard on the Santa Express.

Yet, Santa seems way too big for the engine since he’s sitting on it like a toy. Still, there’s plenty to go around for all the kids. Yet, they just want his Christmas tree, which is not for sale.

4. Nobody wants to see Krampus out in the snow.

Seems like he’s got a frightened kid already. But apparently, there seems room for more despite how full his basket seems.

5. Careful not to get stuck in the Christmas pudding.

Children with large pudding on a Christmas card

Apparently, these kids didn’t get the memo. Or they’re digging into the pudding like ravenous ants.

6. Apparently, Santa has started delivering gifts via airship this year.

“Here’s a dolly for Susie and down the chimney she goes. Now on to the next house since I have to make millions of visits within 24 hours.”

7. Seems like we’ve got a few kids hiding in the tree.

For one, a tree with candle lights is a fire hazard. Second, is that kid munching on an ornament? Third, the 2 kids on top scare the hell out of me.

8. Seasons Greetings from cats learning math.

Okay, I can see why Victorians would go for this since cats are cute. But cats solving math problems hardly fits the idea of Christmas. Yet, one doesn’t seem to pay attention in class.

9. “With the season’s greetings.”

Now that has to be one of the freakiest flowers I’ve ever seen. And it seems to be among the carnivorous types about to devour a bee with a basket.

10. Battling ants give compliments of the season.

This scene would be epic for a war movie. These guys got weapons and instruments. It’s very impressive. But what the hell does it have anything to do with Christmas? It’s about peace on earth, not mass ant slaughter.

11. “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Apparently, there didn’t seem to be much traffic enforcement in Victorian times. And the horse is about to run into a blind man, which you can tell by the sign he’s wearing. It’s up to his dog to save the day.

12. Frosty is pleased to make your acquaintance.

Yet, the girls don’t seemed freaked out by the snowman coming to life and taking off his hat like a gentleman. Even the dog is intrigued.

13. “May you spend a happy Christmas.”

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So this season’s greetings is coming from a flying jellyfish. How the hell is that possible?

14. “Wishing you a merry Christmas” from a pair of stiff upper-lip cats.

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Indeed, they’re on a Sunday morning walk through the meadow. But their relationship hasn’t been the greatest lately.

15. “May Christmas pass as merrily with us/As with the enterprising little puss/Who quite enjoys flirting and the fuss.”

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So the cat’s basically making the moves on a lady cat. While her father watches so they don’t get too frisky.

16. “Wishing you a purr-fectly happy Christmas” from cats on a whistle.

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Apparently, the Victorians seem to like cats a lot. Still, how they got on the whistle, I don’t have the slightest idea.

17. “Now dance and jump and make good cheer/For Christmas comes but once a year.”

However, that chicken hasn’t been in good shape. While the rabbits play on.

18. Best not to disturb the birdhouse.

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Yet, I don’t think he’s come for any benign intent. If he wakes up the bird, he’s bound to get pecked to death.

19. Nothing makes Christmas like throwing snowballs on a local policeman.

It’s all fun and games until the bobby gets his stick out and chases them. Yeah, might want to go back inside.

20. “Nice weather for young ducks.”

Really? Oh, I see they’re ice skating. Yet, I don’t think winter weather is nice for young ducks. That would be spring.

21. Krampus always knows how to make a clean getaway.

So, kids, sit back and relax since Krampus is about to take you through the highway to Hell. Though he does have a basket of apples for refreshment.

22. Perhaps the Krampus will take you on a sled ride.

The kids in the basket are waving goodbye to the one left behind. Wonder if the children are putting on a brave front since they don’t seem scared.

23. You might want to look out behind you.

For the Krampus is coming to get this girl. Yet, she doesn’t seem to have any idea he’s around.

24. “Get into the firey inferno! I don’t have all day!”

Obviously, the kids would be reluctant to go into a fiery death. But as far as Krampus is concerned, they shouldn’t have acted like brats in the first place.

25. The fishermen fish wish you a merry Christmas.

I know fishes eat other fish. But this Christmas card is absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, why?

26. “Make every cat grow sleek and fat on turkey this Christmas day.”

And yet, the turkey on the table appears quite small. While the cook cat cries for not being able to find a bigger bird to eat among the mass outrage.

27. Nothing says Christmas like gnomes gathering round the Christmas tree in a rustic cabin.

So the elder gnome sits smoking his pipe. While the smaller gnomes dance around the tree. Are those supposed to be his children? Also, what’s that pig doing in the window?

28. Even the Krampus is in the mood for love once in awhile.

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Apparently, despite his appearance and reputation for kidnapping children, he’s a hit with the ladies. Not sure why since I wouldn’t want to go 100ft near him.

29. “Want to ride in my pig pulled sleigh?”

It’s possible that a pig pulled sleigh can be done. But pigs aren’t known for smelling that great. Yet, this girl doesn’t seem to mind.

30. “A Merry Christmas to you” from some classy owls.

After all, owls don’t go out on the town without their top hats. But they usually act like gentlemen.

31. “We’ve got plans for you, Goldilocks.”

Apparently, the 3 Bears snatched her from her bead and are now taking her to a pot to boil alive. That’ll teach the girl not to stage a home invasion.

32. “With the season’s greetings,” from an onion.

I think it’s supposed to be shaped like a woman with the long hair and root dress. Still, this is pretty messed up.

33. “A Merry Christmas to you” from a couple of clowns.

Here a scary clown shoves a guy into a barrel head first. While the old clown couldn’t bear to watch. I don’t want to know what happens next.

34. “In silvery accents whispering low_a happy Christmastide!”

Yet, the guy seems rather pissed off on how the cats’ singing is disrupting his sleep. One of them seems to sing, “Memory, all alone in the moonlight…”

35. “To wish you the compliments of the season.”

Now watch this spider eat the fly trapped in its web. Since when does stuff like this belong on a Christmas card?

36. “Let not roast beef be carelessly passed by/At Christmas hold him in esteem most high.”

I’ve heard about beefy men before. But this just takes it to the utter extreme. Woman doesn’t seem to mind that his head is literally on a platter.

37. “With the compliments to the season” by a cat and owl.

Seems like the cat and owl got a good catch of mice with dandy traps. And no, I really don’t want to try one.

38. Christmas is a time when birds come to greet each other in the snow.

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Funny, how one’s wearing a top hat and is smoking a cigar. While another has a winter hat on.

39. This rabbit is pulling for a merry Christmas.

Now I can understand this for an Easter card. But Christmas, seriously? That doesn’t make sense.

40. “Bright be thy Christmas.”

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Since nothing should evoke Christmas like junk photo. Actually, what does China have to do with Christmas?

41. “A Merry Christmas to you” from the meadow.

Okay, this make a great Easter card since it includes lambs and evokes spring. But a Christmas card, are you fucking kidding me?

42. These rays come in with the catch of the day.

So what do stingray fishermen have anything to do with Christmas? Seriously, I have no idea why they’re featured on a card like this.

43. Everyone enjoys a good sleigh ride now and then.

Yet, it’s pulled by a pig whose shit can reek the whole neighborhood. Though the two ladies also enjoy a bottle of booze for extra merriment.

44. “I have come to greet you.”

Yes, that’s coming from a talking goat while the boy’s just shocked out of his mind. Then again, the goat might want him to share some of his snack. Also, what does this have to do with Christmas?

45. Perhaps you might want some Christmas delights.

Here they come with the roast, pudding, and drinks. Oh, you’re freaked out. Well, try tipping them if you don’t want them to haunt your dreams.

46. “What next will Mr. Pudding do:/Cycling like this to me and you.”

Wonder what he did to piss off the fruit chasing him. The world will never know. But he’s terrifying nonetheless.

47. “May Christmas bring you many pleasures.”

Though these kids bring a wreath and flowers as a way to be nice. Before they kill you in your sleep for giggles. Yes, they are that evil.

48. “Who’s afraid?”

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Actually, this would’ve been okay as a Christmas card. Save for the caption. And how the bird inquisitively looks at the tin soldier in the snow.

49. Biking chickens wish you a merry Christmas.

Apparently, they prefer the big wheel variety. While they seem to have their wings tucked in their shirts.

50. Sophisticated monkey wishes you a merry Christmas.

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Well, this isn’t too bad. Assuming if we lived in a Planet of the Apes universe. Also, he has human hands which is weird.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 3, 2018

Though listening to Christmas music in the store or on the radio is likely to make my ears bleed thanks to a holiday stint at Macy’s, many may beg to differ. Mostly because we have people who buy Christmas albums this time of year, many by pop artists willing to earn some sweet extra cash. And despite the saturated Christmas atmosphere of today, Christmas albums have existed for decades. After all, I’ve been doing annual posts like these for years. Don’t believe me? Then see what Michael Jackson looks like on the cover in the intro image. I mean he doesn’t seem to resemble the weird King of Pop he’d become in his later years. Nonetheless, many of these covers can be quite strange and outrageous to say the least. So for your reading pleasure this holiday season, I give you another treasury of crazy yuletide covers that time forgot.

Pete Gold: Merry Payday Christmas

Santa Claus knows if you’ve been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake. Or else, Santa will straight out murder your ass. So you better watch out, you better not cry. And you better not pout, I’m telling you why.

Because this year, Santa means business.

2. Elvis Presley: Christmas with Elvis

Christmas is supposed to be a happy. But Elvis appears rather depressed. Wonder what’s wrong.

Apparently, Elvis is having a blue Christmas this year.

3. Arthur Fiedler & the Boston Pops: A Christmas Festival

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From Classic FM: “You’re not fooling anyone, Arthur. Give the suit back now.”

This time Arthur plays Santa.

4. Bad Religion: Father Christmas

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Funny, how it appears on an album cover. Since I usually see Santa smoking in Vintage ads. But Santa doesn’t seem to give a shit.

Hope you don’t mind, Santa needs to light.

5. James Galway: James Galway’s Christmas Carol

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From Classic FM: “In which a scarfed Jeremy Beadle annoys the neighbours with his incessant flute-playing.”

He also does outdoor shows during the holidays.

6. Para Bailar: Drum Christmas Drum

She also doesn’t seem keen on her man kissing her on the forehead. Just look at her bulging eyes of shock.

While her portait has been textured in garden mosaic.

7. Canadian Brass: The Christmas Album

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From Classic FM: “Sorry guys. Another entry for Canadian Brass. No matter how hard you parp your brass at that tree, it’s not going to make it a merry Christmas.”

Blowing their horns at the Christmas tree, are they?

8. Dionne Warwick and Placido Domingo: Christmas in Vienna II

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From Classic FM: “As unlikely pairings go, this is one of the strongest we’ve seen. Worth it for the kid in front of Placido’s expression alone.”

Apparently, one of the 3 Tenors decided to duet with a noted soul singer.

9. Christmas Carols from Winchester Cathedral

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From Classic FM: “Because nothing says Christmas like identical twin choirboys and a candle the size of a grandfather clock.”

Featuring 2 choir boys and a towering candle.

10. The Cousins: The Cousins Celebrate Xmas.

The guy’s like “Wow, just what I always wanted.” While the other guys are like, “Not exactly what I expected. But hey, he seems to like it.”

Here Santa presents one of them with a brand new electric guitar.

11. Ernest Borgnine with the Brinton Maridon Orchestra: The Nine Days of Christmas

Besides, before he won an Academy Award for Marty, Ernest Borgnine was best known for beating Frank Sinatra to death in From Here to Eternity. Also, his smiling expression is kind of creepy.

For some reason Ernest Borgnine doesn’t strike me as having a good singing voice.

12. Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood: Christmas Together

Apparently, Garth seems like he’s terrified by his singing partner Trisha. While Trisha probably has a skeleton collection in her walk-in closet. Wait a minute, those two are married?

I can see the expression on Garth Brooks’ face silently screaming “Help me!”

13. Herb Alpert: The Christmas Wish with Symphony and Choir

For a man as legendary as Herb Alpert, you’d think he wouldn’t need to work as a mall Santa. Then again, maybe he just does it for amusement.

To supplement his income during the holiday season, the legendary Herb Alpert fills in part-time as a mall Santa.

14. Hurra Por Santa Claus!

By the way, the movie was a stupid as you expect. Still, you can’t help but laugh at Santa riding a rocket between his legs.

From the motion picture Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

15. The Kingston Trio: The Last Month of the Year

From Music Radar: “The clean-cut folk trio pictured committing typically chirpy group suicide by electrocution following the release of their 1960 seasonal release.”

Guess who’s come with presents?

16. Mae West: Wild Christmas

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Well, Mae West was always an attractive woman. But Santa seems a bit more than attracted to her.

Boy, Mrs. Claus is gonna be pissed.

17. Chris Farren: Like a Gift from God or Whatever

Still, it doesn’t help that he’s wearing a Christmas wreath around his face. Seriously, that just looks really dumb.

Apparently, this man has a rather high opinion about Christmas or himself.

18. Michala Petri: Noel! Noel! Noel!: Christmas with Michala Petri

Seriously, what the hell are those boys wearing? Because those outfits seem straight from a Transylvanian castle.

Featuring the sons of Dracula.

19. Robert Alagna: The Christmas Album

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From Classic FM: “Looks like Michael Bolton’s hair and his mum’s gloves were on the Christmas list this year. Season’s greetings, Roberto!”

Here he is out in the snow wearing a fur coat.

20. Olgay Tony: Santa Claus a Go Go

Didn’t he could wear a polo shirt and an ascot tie. Like he’s some rich jerk at a polo match.

Since when did Santa get so thin and casual?

21. The Gantvoort Twins: The Gantvoort Twins Sing Christmas Carols

Then again, they might be playing music to muffle their discussion about what to do with Gladys. Because Gladys needs to pay for what she did.

Am I seeing double at the record player?

22. Jan Gorussen: Prettice Kerstdagen

Though while Santa may enjoy a polka now and then, the reindeer have gotten spastic over it. But Santa doesn’t care.

Featuring Santa Claus playing the accordion.

23. More Christmas Disco

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I know this was released during the 1970s. But do you think I’d want to be dancing to disco versions of Christmas songs? No.

You mean there’s more disco Christmas music?

24. Redneck Christmas

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Guess someone’s been driving his sleigh too many times under the influence. Yet, how were police to know?

Okay, what did Santa do now?

25. Billy Idol: Happy Holidays

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Aside playing piano in a hotel lounge, Billy Idol also works as a bouncer at a nearby bar. So don’t mess with him. Or he’ll beat you to a pulp.

1980s sensation Billy Idol is here to make your season bright.

26. Phillips 66 Present Tijuana Christmas

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Does it actually snow in Tijuana? Of course, not since their winters are comparatively mild. Also, what’s Santa doing in the back seat?

I’m sure they’re not driving through Tijuana.

27. The Three Stooges: Christmas Time with the Three Stooges

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What the hell are Curly and Moe doing to Larry? From how they’ve put him in a time machine, he’s probably history.

Something tells me spending Christmas with them isn’t exactly a blast.

28. Na Er Det Jul Igen

Santa is creepy enough. But the elf trolls make the Elf on the Shelf look like a bunny rabbit since they’re simply terrifying.

Featuring Santa and his elves from your nightmares.

29. Tweenies: The Christmas Album

I don’t know who they are. But I think they’re a British knock off of Sesame Street. Yet, they don’t seem to have any of the warmth or charm.

Featuring puppets singing Christmas songs and their dog.

30. Mariah Carey: Merry Christmas II You

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Don’t look now. But I think the snowman likes what he sees of Mariah Carey from behind.

You can bet a rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is on the track listings somewhere.

31. Little Steven’s Underground Garage: Christmas a Go Go

Also, what’s the deal with Rudolph’s head on Santa’s motorcycle? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

What the hell is Santa on?

32. Cliff Richard: Christmas with Cliff Richard 1968

Look, I know this album came out in the 1960s. But this cover seems like something that’s designed from a Microsoft print shop program from the 2000s.

Apparently, his album design crew was on a budget.

33. Curt Davis: Something New for Christmas

Though he kind of reminds you of your jerkass boss who’d send you a Jelly of the Month Club membership instead of an actual bonus. Also, his sweater’s kind of tacky.

Wonder what he’d want from Santa.

34. Wurlitzer Christmas

From Classic FM: “Two disturbing things: the ghostly image of Santa’s slippers (are they slippers, actually?) on the pedals, and the fact that someone has made a Wurlitzer Christmas album.”

Presenting all your Christmas favorites on keyboard organ.

35. Christmas Eve with Colonel Sanders

Seems like he has visions of fried chicken dance in his head. Too bad he’s been behind a lot of heart attacks of the decades.

Apparently, the Colonel has fallen asleep near the fireside.

36. Yellowman: A Very, Very Yellow Christmas

Essentially, a yellow Christmas is a white Christmas. Except that you realize that local animals have been using your yard as a toilet.

Quick, someone tell him what a “yellow Christmas” actually means.

37. Pentatonix: That’s Christmas to Me

From The Things: “The album cover to Pentatonix’s “That’s Christmas To Me” is one of two things. It’s either trying too hard to look like a candid we’re-all-having-a-great-time-and-love-being-around-each-other photo, or this is how these people exist in real life. And that’s something we’ve never seen before.”

When you smile for the photo for the 100th time and just want to leave.

38. Lee Greenwood: Christmas to Christmas

From The Things: “What’s awkward about this Christmas album cover, besides the unearned pose, is that the fire seems inexplicably fake, his sweater (or sweatshirt?) looks a little too big, and you just can’t stop looking at his Christmas package.”

You know the guy who sang the cheesy “I’m Proud to Be an American” that will drive you up a wall on the 4th of July? Apparently, he has a Christmas album.

39. We Wish You a Hairy Christmas

From The Things: “What’s awkward about this holiday album cover is not the adult-film-star-looking model, but what is surrounding her. The giant prop candy cane is all well and good, but over her right shoulder stands the head of a deer, a reindeer perhaps, staring blankly outward. One of its antlers, curiously enough, looks like a knife stabbing the poor creature in the head. It could easily be a trick of optics, but the fact remains that the deer simply doesn’t need to be there.”

Presenting a scantily clad model in front of a deer head.

40. A Nostalgic Merry Christmas to You

From The Things: “Is this awkward Christmas album cover really supposed to make people nostalgic for Christmas? I get that it sparks the memory and majesty of opening presents on Christmas morning, but we can’t relate to this one bit. I’ve never seen parents that get THIS done up for Christmas morning. And look! Those kids are somehow dressed, too. What IS this nonsense?!?! Did they go to sleep in those clothes? Because no kid waits to get dressed on Christmas before tearing maniacally through presents from Santa. Maybe they’re on their way to church? Or they have brunch plans with the National Insurance League? Whatever the concept is, a family this cleaned up on Christmas morning is a total lie.”

Yes, listen to the songs of Christmas when families would dress in church attire before opening their gifts on Christmas morning.

41. Travis Tritt: A Travis Tritt Christmas: Loving Time of the Year

From One Country: ” Christmas should be simple. But, this is anything but. Also, there’s a cartoon band with a dog on this album cover, plus a real Travis Tritt? All of the things are happening here.”

Apparently, Travis hasn’t been seen outside cartoonland for years.

42. Clint Black: Looking for Christmas

From One Country: “Poor Clint just out in the snow look for Christmas by the glow of one small candle. Do you think he found it? Why a candle instead of a flashlight? What about a map? Or perhaps, a calendar?”

Though it’s hard to say whether he’s having any luck finding it.

43. Ronnie Milsap: Christmas with Ronnie Milsap

From One Country: “At first glance Christmas with Ronnie Milsap looks like a blast. But, the second, third, fourth and 27th glances offer different opinions.”

Nothing says Christmas like rising out of the jack-in-a-box and scaring the crap out of everybody.

44. Joe Diffie: Mr. Christmas

From One Country: “I want this to be a Hallmark movie so bad– ‘Joe Diffie is Mr. Christmas, this Saturday at 8.'”

Available at a 1980s cowboy bar or trailer park near you.

45. J.J. Hrubovcak: Death Metal Christmas

Though your grandparents will certainly be offended by the demon Madonna and child. Though they’ll probably never see it anyway.

For those who wish for a not so silent night.

46. Merry X-Mas, Dammit from the Double Down Saloon

For to spend Christmas at a bar, you must either be dead inside with no family. Or outside as this martini holding skeleton.

For nothing brings the magic of the holidays like spending Christmas in a Vegas bar full of drunks.

47. The Osmonds: Osmond Family Christmas

Seriously, the Osmonds seem less like a wholesome family and more of the family that slays together in the dead of night. Don’t you dare let them in your home.

Don’t mind the glowing carolers in the window.

48. CantArte Regensburg & Hubert Velten: Gregorian Christmas

Though I wonder who’s wearing the red hood. I know it’s supposed to be a monk. But it could be some kind of nefarious Christmas spirit.

If you’re into a real old-fashioned Christmas, this is the album for you.

49. Dino: A Wonderful Time of the Year

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From The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit: “For those times when Barry Manilow is just a little too edgy, there’s Dino Kartsonakis.”

Think of him as a low-rent Barry Manilow.

50. Kenny G: Faith: A Holiday Album

From The Things: “Well before Photoshop or flameless candles- photographers had to inspire warm fuzzy Christmas album covers the old fashioned way; with real live, hair burning fire. In this strange and awkward Christmas album cover, we have adult contemporary hero, Kenny G, in what would have been used as ‘Exhibit A’ in the lawsuit against the record label.”

Kenny, you might want to step back from the candles now.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 30, 2018

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When it comes to decorating for Christmas, you can bet it includes such trappings like an ornamental tree, stockings, poinsettias, wreaths, and more. Though many homes might not include a cozy fireside. Since such yuletide décor can be a serious fire hazard. Nonetheless, walk into any store and you’ll find a wide assortment of Christmas decorations for your home. But there are plenty of people who’d rather make their own holiday trappings. Of course, craft stores are happy to oblige. Not to mention, children also make some of their Christmas decorations in their art class. Still, unlike the treats I just showed you that must be eaten before an expiration date, Christmas craft projects can be used year after year. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another treasury of Christmas crafts for the season. Enjoy.

A place mat should always have a matching coaster.

This is a knitted place mat depicting a Christmas tree. Though the coaster has red bows on it.

2. Hark! The golden angel sing.

This one might’ve been made out of golden paper. Yet, she has golden hair while her golden wings contain stars.

3. May I interest you in a snowman tulle wreath?

This one has a green tulle wreath in between the head and bottom. Includes 3 baubles in the center.

4. Perhaps a small square wreath of wood will suit your fancy.

This one includes a house and stars. Perfect for any rustic holiday home.

5. A red lantern can hold plenty of shiny baubles.

You can even put lights inside. Though make sure they’re electric. Also like the snowflake and ribbon.

6. A glass snowman can shine in the dark.

Because the snowman has lights inside. But unlike a real snowman, it won’t melt in warm weather.

7. Serve your winter dishes on these knitted snowman mats.

They come as a couple with buttons and bows. So adorable.

8. Make your home a winter wonderland with this crocheted snowflake garland.

These are great for decorating the tree with. As long as it doesn’t get tangled in any limbs.

9. You should always include a Christmas ornament that includes pearls.

Of course, the pearls are fake. But if you have a broken pearl necklace you don’t know what to do with, this is for you.

10. A clay Santa will always brighten your holidays.

This clay Santa holds a candy cane while wearing a candy cane scarf. And yes, it’s adorable.

11. Don’t like wreaths? Hang a wooden Christmas tree.

This tree is painted with ornaments and includes a ribbon candy cane. Perfect for any front door.

12. Commemorate your Christmas with a flower pot snowman.

Though hte pots are different sizes. Includes a place to light a candle. So cute.

13. Care for an angel with golden hair?

This one has iridescent wings with feathers and a glittering gown. Love the halo.

14. Perhaps you might like a fancy bauble.

This one is encrusted with jewels and pearls. Wouldn’t mind having this on my Christmas tree.

15. A Christmas angel should always shimmer in a blue gown.

This one has matching bow wings. While she holds a rose in her hands.

16. Honor the birth of Jesus with this wooden nativity panel.

This one has the nativity painted with white. Great to put under the Christmas tree.

17. Grace your front door this winter with a snowflake wreath.

Not sure what these snowflakes are made of. But I have a feeling they’re quite delicate.

18. A jeweled Christmas tree should always include pink roses.

This one even has a jeweled frame. Also includes a dove near the middle. So pretty.

19. Behold the King with this wooden nativity scene.

You can even light a candle inside. As you can see with the star opening.

20. A beaded snowflake makes a fine addition to a Christmas tree.

Consists of blue and pearl beads in a snowflake design. Hope it shines bright on any Christmas tree.

21. This cork Christmas mouse has a present for you.

It has a little green scarf around its neck as well as wire appendages. So adorable.

22. Capture the spirit of the season with this peg nativity scene.

This one depicts the figures in felt robes. While the manger is a basket.

23. A cloth Christmas tree should be well decorated.

These have beads with folded red and green cloth. Though the one with pearl beads stands out much better.

24. A wooden panel of a tree will always do.

This one has snow falling as well. A great Christmas decoration for your holiday home.

25. Ever seen a Christmas tree made out of baubles?

This one has a lot of brightly colored ornaments piled together. Though I’d go with a different topper than a spire.

26. Perhaps a Christmas ornament can use some lace.

It’s basically a ball covered in red silk and lace. Includes pearl and red ribbon decoration.

27. Anyone would adore a snowflake with pearls.

This one has large pearls on its 6 points. Perfect for hanging on any Christmas tree.

28. Celebrate the holiday season with this yuletide box of jars.

These have berries, branches, and pinecones inside. If you want something more naturalistic, this is for you.

29. Greet your guests this Christmas with this quintessential shiny wreath.

This one has baubles and ribbons. If you want a festive Christmas, you’d love this wreath.

30. Get your cat ready for Christmas with its very own reindeer hat.

Well, it’s a crocheted hat for cats. Still, I don’t think Schnookums is impressed.

31. This wooden Santa panel is here to greet you.

He’s got berries and a jingle on his hat. Yet, his mustache is gray.

32. Nothing makes the winter holidays like a snowflake wreath like this.

Yes, this is another snowflake wreath. But this one has smaller snowflakes and is held by a dark red ribbon.

33. Nobody can resist these felt Christmas trees.

These even have button ornaments. Yet, always a yellow star on top. So cute.

34. Make it a holy night with these nativity scene finger puppets.

They’re all made out of felt, including the animals. Though I’m not sure if you wear the animals on your finger.

35. Keep your little ones’ feet warm this year with a pair of reindeer booties.

Both have red noses to indicate Rudolph. Nonetheless, these are adorable.

36. Hang up your Christmas stockings with this hook set.

Reads “All the stockings were hung…” which is straight out of that classic Christmas tale. Love the snowflakes though.

37. A stick Christmas tree is better than none.

Helps that it has a lot of shiny ornaments. If it didn’t, it would just be a bunch of sticks.

38. A cinnamon star ornament can smell just as nice.

Includes pinecones, holly berries, pine branches, flowers, and a jingle. Though I’m not sure if the cinnamon sticks are real.

39. To make spirits bright, may I suggest this pink Christmas tree?

This one is perfect for those who like vintage decorations. And I believe it’s mostly made from tissue paper.

40. Keep your little one’s head warm with this crocheted gingerbread beanie.

Includes button eyes. Yet, this one is made for a girl as you can see by the red bow on the top.

41. The wreath has to match the mittens.

Okay, they’re stuffed ornaments. Yet, while the mittens have pom poms, the wreath has a jingle.

42. Do you want to build a wine cork snowman?

Includes button eyes and smile and a felt carrot nose. Like the fleece hat, by the way.

43. Have a festive holiday season with this bauble Christmas wreath.

This one has baubles of various sizes and colors with gold decoration. Perfect for any front door during the Christmas season.

44. Brighten your holidays with a snowman bottle light.

The outside is painted with a snowman and winter scene. But there are plenty of lights inside.

45. Perhaps this crocheted Christmas wreath will suit your fancy.

Almost thought it was an ornament. Yet, you have to love the yarn wreath in the middle.

46. Love the Grinch? Well, you’ll adore this wooden panel.

However, I’m not sure if I want to see the new Grinch movie. Since I heard he’s not supposed to be like the Grinch I grew up with.

47. You can always have a colorful snowflake.

It’s a clay ornament. Yet, it’s a snowflake consisting of flowers and holly berries for your tree.

48. Care for a pom pom snowman?

Not sure how big this little guy is. But it’s nonetheless adorable and will melt your heart.

49. Since Christmas is no season for flowers, you might want a bouquet of baubles instead.

Unlike poinsettias, you won’t have to throw it out after the Christmas season is over. So you can use it year after year. Makes a great centerpiece.

50. You can keep plenty of candy inside these snowman flower pots.

One holds candy canes. The other holds peppermints. Yet, both are so cute.

51. Nobody could resist these flower pot snowmen.

Both have buttons and fuzzy scarves. Love their hats. So cute.

52. Would you like all your baby penguins in a box?

These are all felt penguins of all sizes and expressions. Yet, the fit in this little case as snug as bugs. And yes, they’re adorable.

53. Perhaps you might prefer birds on a tree slice.

Consists of painted branches and stone birds. So would you go with bundled up birds or owls?

54. Take a tissue from Santa or Frosty?

Both are crocheted Kleenex dispensers. Santa has a wreath. Frosty has a tree.

55. Any little girl would love these Christmas tutus.

These have little Santa belts and fuzz on top. And yes, they loo so cute for a Christmas party with family.

56. Greet your Christmas guests with this wooden tree hanging.

It’s a tree made out of a tree. How crazy is that?

57. Make your Christmas merry with these yuletide finger puppets.

They’re made out of felt. Consists of all your favorite Christmas icons. So adorable.

58. These snowman dowls will warm your winter holidays.

Though they seem to have funny expressions on their faces. Yet I love the scarves and décor around their necks.

59. A Christmas centerpiece should always brighten a room.

Includes a lot of star lights for some reason. Yet, you can put a candle on top. Lovely.

60. A gingerbread house in your tree is a delight.

This is an ornament of a clay gingerbread house. Includes candy canes holding up the roof.

61. Welcome your holiday guests with this rustic frame.

Seems like a flannel ribbon and the word, “JOY.” Includes berries, pinecones, and branches.

62. You’ll get a frosty reception with this holiday wreath.

The snowman wears a glittery blue hat with a matching striped scarf. Includes baubles and snowflakes.

63. Protect your hands in the kitchen with this poinsettia pot holders.

It’s crocheted in its full flower glory. Though I wouldn’t want to do anything to this one.

64. Greet the new born king with this egg carton nativity scene.

This just consists of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. Though the carton seems rather small.

65. Care to see a few Santa hat cones?

These have jewel encrusted belt buckles. And all sit upon a box full of shiny balls.

66. A fancy candy cane wreath will suit your holiday door.

Has a snowflake in the center. Yet, you’ll find plenty of white balls all around.

67. Might you be interested in some little sleds?

They’re all made out of popsicle sticks. While each have a branch and a couple jingles.

68. Impress your neighbors with this Christmas tree with poinsettias.

Sure it’s kind of artificial. But the poinsettias are quite shiny. Love the blue pot, too.

69. Sometimes 2 wreaths are better than one.

Includes berries and flowers along with gold leaves. Perfect for any holiday front door.

70. With this hanging, you’ll be saying “Ho, ho, ho.”

Each of them is stuffed as each “ho” is put in a variety of patterns. Love the bow at the top.

71. This crocheted gingerbread lady seems good enough to eat.

She even wears a dress and apron. Nonetheless, so cute.

72. Anyone want a knitted plush ornament like these?

Consists of Santa, elf, Rudolph, polar bear, and penguin. Just a bunch of cuteness in one place.

73. Nobody could resist this felt snowman with a cardinal.

It also carries a stash of evergreen branches. Yet, you can’t help but love it.

74. Perhaps you might want a dash of nature in your Christmas decorations.

Consists of a tree with berries and pinecones. not sure what those stick things are though.

75. Christmas is always festive with a peacock wreath.

Includes brown and blue baubles. But you have to adore the feathers on this one.

76. Prepare your Christmas feasts in this Santa apron.

Includes a red oven mitt and a Santa’s little helper apron for kids. While each apron has a belt in the middle.

77. These Christmas tree earrings are in the style of the season.

These are made out of green wire with jewel beads. So feel free to wear them with your ugly Christmas sweater.

78. Can I interest you in a button wreath?

Most of the buttons are pearly white. Though the green background is to be desired. Think a darker green one would be more fitting.

79. Always let it snow with these wooden snowmen.

Yes, it’s a whole family of snow people. And each is respectably bundled up.

80. Curl up on your couch this holiday season with these Christmas amigurumi.

Consists of Santa, Mrs. Claus, a reindeer, and Frosty the Snowman. And yes, they’re all adorable.

81. A felt angel should always have pearls.

This is an angel ornament. Yet you have to admire the purple top and wings. So pretty.

82. Of course, you should always cover your Christmas ornaments with jewels.

Includes chains of encrusted jewels and pearls. Love this.

83. We can all use a few falling snowflakes.

Well, it’s more of a hanging with snowflakes on them. But each is unique and beautiful in its own way.

84. Would you like a dove on a Christmas ornament?

Though it does have glitter in its wings. Like the jewel encrusted flowers though.

85. While some top their trees with stars, some top them with angels.

This one has feather wings. Yet, she has a rather lovely dress as she holds a star.

86. Want a couple of skates on your Christmas tree?

These are crocheted with paper clip blades. Love the bows though.

87. Decorate your Christmas tree with some funky stockings.

Indeed, they’re all quite small. But each is in a rather wide array of colors and stripe patterns.

88. All of these snowmen are in the same pot.

Think they might be made out of socks. Still, they’re so adorable they’ll melt your heart.

89. Dress for the season with these beaded Christmas tree earrings.

These are wire earrings with beads on them. While there’s a gold dangling bead on the bottom of each.

90. Some might have a sweet tooth for this gingerbread tree.

Don’t worry it’s crocheted. But it has an assortment of candy ornaments with a peppermint on top.

91. Keep yourself warm this holiday season with this crocheted winter hat.

It’s designed like a Santa hat. Except that it covers both ears.

92. Everyone would love to have this Mrs. Claus ornament on their Christmas tree.

She’s got a wooden head and a tulle dress. While she carries an ornament in her hand.

93. You can always please with a berry wreath.

Includes leaves and pinecones. Still, it’s perfect to have in your dining room if you prefer a rustic setting.

94. You might prefer presents on the stand.

These consist of boxes with ribbons on them. While the stands are also red.

95. A candy cane candle holder is perfect for any Christmas table.

Mostly consists of candy canes tied with a bow. Best for a tall candle like this red one.

96. Don your mailbox for this Christmas season.

Includes berries, pinecones, and evergreen branches. And it’s all topped with a red bow.

97. Countdown to Christmas with this Christmas tree advent calendar.

Each ornament comes goes into a little slot when it gets closer to Christmas. Or is it the other way around?

98. Put your Christmas presents in this Santa tote.

This one has a belt and fuzz fringe characteristic of Santa’s suit. Best when you play Santa Claus.

99. A flower pot Santa will always usher in the Christmas spirit.

This one has Santa carrying a sack and a star. Also like the tree behind him. So cute.

100. A peacock Christmas tree dress should always stun during the holiday season.

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It lights up with blue and purple foliage. Love the peacock feathers on the top. So pretty.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 29, 2018

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Food has always been essential to a Christmas feast since the holidays are a time for friends and family. On any platter you may find turkey or ham as a main course along with so many other delights. While desserts often feature Christmas cookies shaped like Santas, reindeer, trees, and other icons of yuletide yore. In any case, a large Christmas table often leads many to list weight loss on their New Year’s Resolutions which they’ll never fulfill. Anyway, over the years I’ve done an annual Christmas treat post featuring plenty of unique food this holiday season. Though many of these treats are professionally made, some don’t seem hard to make at all. Yet, I’ve found most of them on Pinterest or on Google Images. So for your reading pleasure, I offer another assortment of Christmas delights. Enjoy.

A reindeer cake should always include golden antlers.

It also contains golden ears and red nose to indicate it’s Rudolph. Even has jingles on the collar.

2. Watermelon Christmas trees are a delightful yuletide treat.

This just has Christmas trees cut out from watermelon. May not be green, but they’re simple enough.

3. Nobody could resist this penguin cake.

This guy wears a Santa hat with a bough of holly. While its face is just so adorable you want to eat up.

4. Would you like a train on your plate?

This mostly consists of graham crackers, whipped cream, and M&Ms. Great for kids to make for themselves.

5. Do you want to build a snow tree?

They’re actually cake balls or donut holes. Includes holly boughs as decoration.

6. Bet you’ve never seen a fruit tree like this before.

This is a fruit platter decorated as a Christmas tree. Includes apple slices, grapes, strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries.

7. These pretzel reindeer seem rather thin.

Well, these are made out of pretzel sticks of varying thickness. Not sure what the red nose is made out of though.

8. Grace your holiday dessert platter with these Christmas tree peanut butter blossoms.

These mostly consists of peanut butter blossoms decorated like Christmas trees. Includes green icing and sprinkles.

9. These Santa star cookies certainly shine during this holiday season.

Well, they’re just star cookies decorated with Santa faces. Great for any holiday party during the season.

10. A snack platter should always have a Christmas tree cheese ball.

Though it’s all covered in olives with a yellow pepper star. Will certainly shine at any office Christmas party.

11. These melting snowman meringues will melt your heart.

These meringues have snowmen melting to their detriment. Features are made from icing.

12. Christmas tree cupcakes will always make your season bright.

Though the snow is covered with coconut which I don’t like. But I love the pretzel trees.

13. Hope you have an appetite for these chocolate penguin truffles.

Indeed they have raisins but I usually go on looks when I do these food posts. Still, they may not be from the North Pole, but they’re adorable.

14. Please your guests with a slice of peppermint cheesecake.

Well, it’s more of a peppermint pudding cake. Since peppermint is a major flavor during the holidays.

15. Perhaps you might enjoy a bun from a tree.

These buns contain cheese and garlic you can pull apart. Brought to you by Betty Crocker.

16. Two gingerbread men can really get tangled in lights.

The lights consist of icing and candy. And yes, you can put 2 smiling gingerbread men entangled in them. So cute.

17. Snowman Oreos always make for a tasty treat.

The Oreos are dipped in white icing. Eyes and smile are made from chocolate chips. While the carrot nose is candy corn.

18. Take a bite out of these wreath cookies.

Each of these has a feathered wreath of icing. Like the bows, too.

19. Would you like some holly and berry cookies?

Both are covered with red and green icing. While the real life counterparts are nothing to touch and taste at.

20. A holiday cake should always contain tasty treats.

This one includes tree cookies, gingerbread men, and candy canes. And all on a layer of dripping chocolate icing.

21. You’ll find plenty of snowflakes inside this snowman cookie.

Though the snowflakes are made out of sprinkles. Perfect for any dessert platter.

22. You can make a wreath out of holly cookies.

Each leaf is white and green with plenty of patterns. And it’s all topped with a bow.

23. Impress your guests with this fruity Christmas tree.

It’s made mostly of grapes and berries. While kiwi, cantaloupe, and orange slices consist of the decorations.

24. What’s not to love about these reindeer Rice Krispie treats?

Each of these are dipped in chocolate with pretzel antlers, a red gum drop nose, and M&M eyes. So cute.

25. Nothing makes Christmas like a candy cane cupcake.

These are chocolate cupcakes with candy cane icing and some peppermint on top. Wouldn’t mind eating them though.

26. No table is complete without a fruit wreath.

Consists of grapes, raspberries, and orange slices. Great for any holiday party.

27. Care to take a piece of this wreath?

Mostly comprises of green bean pods and cherry tomatoes. Not sure what those white tuffs are.

28. Marshmallow snowmen will always warm your winter days.

They’re on sticks and hold Christmas trees. So adorable you’d want to eat them up.

29. These cucumber Christmas trees are an ideal holiday appetizer.

Each of these are held together by toothpicks. Includes a cherry tomato base and a carrot star.

30. You can decorate an ornament cupcake in however way you want.

Each of these baubles are in green, blue, and red. While they’re decked in unique designs.

31. Nothing warms people like these snowman cake pops.

Each of these has hat made from a Reese’s cup and a Hershey’s Kiss. While each hat has a different color flower on it.

32. These fudge trees will always brighten your winter nights.

Consist of evergreen trees on toothpicks in various shapes, sizes, and shades. While each can fit into a bowl of sugar.

33. Be in the spirit of the season with this Christmas cookie platter.

Each of these have an assortment of winter icons in the holiday spirit. Love the penguins the best.

34. Perhaps you might want a pie with lights.

Actually it’s an apple pie decorated with Christmas lights. They may not be in color but they sure shine bright.

35. Christmas cookies should always come with a box.

These are gingerbread cookies inside a gingerbread box. And most consists of snowflakes in white and light green.

36. Serve your guests this holiday season with reindeer Sloppy Joes.

You’d think these were all part of Santa’s sleigh team. Each has pretzel antlers and an olive nose. Save for Rudolph who has a cherry tomato one.

37. Care for a reindeer treat on a stick?

Each of these is made from a chocolate cake with pretzel antlers along with a candy nose and icing eyes. One even has a holly sprinkle decoration.

38. This gingerbread village cake is pure winter wonderland.

These are covered in pastel icing like a retro Christmas village. Love the snowflakes and trees.

39. You’ll always ring for joy with these jingle bell cake pops.

Each of these is covered with silver icing. But they don’t ring.

40. Bring the holiday spirit with this snowman veggie platter.

This one has a snowman cheeseball. Though it has a cauliflower head and bottom.

41. Make your holiday party festive with this ugly sweater cake.

This is a different design than the one I showed in a previous year. Yet, you have to love the lights on the collar.

42. Perhaps you’d want this graham cracker fireplace as an ideal winter snack.

Consists of 3 fruit-roll up stockings and a cookie hearth. The top mantle consists of holly sprinkles.

43. Grace your Christmas platter with this fruity wreath.

Consists of grapes, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Makes a perfect edible arrangement for the season.

44. Celebrate the season with a pesto stuff Christmas tree.

I don’t think the star is fake. Yet, you have to like the cream cheese and cherry tomato ornaments.

45. Perhaps a Rice Krispie gingerbread house will suit you.

Well, it’s made from chocolate Rice Krispies. Like the icing on the roof. So pretty.

46. Cream cheese Christmas trees are a quintessential yuletide snack.

Wonder how big the crackers are. Yet, each tree consists of a pepper star, green herbs, and bacon.

47. Nobody could resist this Ho Ho reindeer.

Includes a red candy nose, pretzel legs, a Reese’s head, and candy cane antlers. And yes, it’s so cute.

48. Bet you wouldn’t guess what’s in these cookie presents.

You’ll find sprinkles and M&Ms inside. While each present is topped with a red bow.

49. A marshmallow snowman belongs on a sled.

Well, a candy cane sled anyway. Yet, you have to love its pretzel arms. So cute.

50. Care for a reindeer candy cane?

Rather, they’re candy cane cookies dipped in chocolate resembling reindeer. Love the pretzel antlers though.

51. If you like the country, this gingerbread birdhouse will do.

Includes a bird and a more natural wreath. Love that blue roof by the way.

52. Snowman lollipops make a tasty winter treat.

Well, I don’t know how to make candy. Though you have to love the snowman and snowflake sprinkles.

53. Wake up this Christmas morning to some Santa Claus pancakes.

Unlike some other pancake Santas I showed in the past, his beard is made from banana slices. While his hat consists of raspberries.

54. Celebrate the holiday spirit with this chocolate Christmas tree.

Even has chocolate presents under it. Wouldn’t mind eating this as long as it doesn’t contain any cherries or coconut.

55. You’ll have a lot of joy in this veggie platter.

This one mostly consists of a wreath. And yes, the letters spell out “JOY.”

56. Hope you can munch on some Christmas tree bark.

Well, it’s not Christmas tree bark you’re thinking about. Also contains candy cane pieces.

57. It’s possible you might prefer these present sandwiches.

Most of these are ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread. But you can make them however you want.

58. A brownie Christmas tree will always warm your cold winter nights.

Each of these has circular tiers and minty green icing. They’re also decorated with sprinkles for good measure.

59. Treat yourself this holiday season to some snowman cookie sticks.

Though each of them has more than 3 snowballs on the body. Nevertheless, great to have with coffee.

60. Nothing makes the holiday season like a mouse Santa on his sleigh.

Not sure why they have a candy mouse here. But you have to love its little Santa hat and suit. So cute.

61. Perhaps you might like a small cup of cocoa.

These are mostly cookies with chocolate fudge and mini marshmallows. Also have pretzel handles.

62. For a Christmas lunch, serving tree sandwiches will do quite nicely.

These often have red spots for ornaments. While inside, they’re filled with peanut butter and jelly.

63. Holly makes a nice touch to any cake.

Though the cake is covered in coconut. Yet, real or fake, don’t eat the berries or leaves.

64. You’ll go “ho, ho, ho” over this Santa Claus cheese ball.

Mostly consists of red peppers for the suit and hat. And I think cream cheese consists of most of the beard.

65. Feel free to eat from this Christmas tree snack platter.

Most of this consists of bread, crackers, and dry meat. Love the cream cheese star on top.

66. Help yourself to some postage cookies.

All of them seem directed to the North Pole for Santa. But don’t put them on your letter.

67. Perhaps you might want some gift tags.

These are gift tag candies with holly on it. And best of all, you don’t have to write anything on them.

68. Anyone would like to have these reindeer pretzel snacks.

Though none seem to be Rudolph since their noses are black. Nonetheless, they’re dipped in chocolate with pretzel antlers.

69. Oreo angels are nothing less than heavenly.

Both sport rings and a halo. And yet, they seem to sing.

70. On Christmas Eve, it only seems appropriate to leave these cookies for Santa.

These are Christmas pajama bottom cookies. And they’re all in different kinds of styles.

71. If you live in the desert, you might like this Christmas cactus cake.

This one has lights and a star. You can even serve it in a pot like this one.

72. For healthier options, may I suggest these fruit Santas?

These mostly consist of strawberries, Rice Krispies, whipped cream, chocolate chips, and marshmallows. Great for any dessert platter.

73. Impress your holiday visitors with a Christmas tree veggie tray.

The tree mostly consists of broccoli and celery with yellow pepper and cherry tomato ornaments. Even has a star-shaped dip tray with a yellow pepper star.

74. Nothing makes your dessert platter like a marshmallow snowman cookie.

Helps that the cookies are chocolate chip. Love the hats, too.

75. You’ll have peace on earth with this Christmas angel cake.

The angel even has a garland with bells in the night sky. Sure it’s professionally made. But I think it’s cool.

76. Wake up this Christmas morning to some Christmas tree cinnamon rolls.

These are covered by a green drizzle with candy decorations. Hope you get one while they’re hot.

77. A Santa cake will always set the season right.

This one consists of cupcakes you can pull apart. Though this Santa doesn’t seem happy about it.

78. Throwing an ugly sweater party? Try these pizzas.

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You can put any toppings you’d like on for extra garishness. Except pineapple because that’s a cardinal sin as far as pizza toppings go.

79. Want to open this Christmas present cake?

This one has a red ribbon and bow along with holly decorations. Hope it’s chocolate inside.

80. Make your Christmas party memorable with this Christmas tree cake.

This one includes presents and a train track at the bottom. Nonetheless, this giant cake is simply spectacular. Love it.

NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a. the Post I Ruin a Stupid Christmas Tradition) (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 27, 2018

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Over the years, I have done posts showing parents the multiple ways Elves on the Shelves have been quite naughty behind closed doors. Indeed, every year during the Christmas season, Santa sends these red-clad spies to look into whether children are good enough to receive presents. Yet, this doesn’t mean the elves will be good themselves when nobody’s looking. I’ve often seen looking for incidents of elves behaving badly on the internet. And let’s just say a lot of these images aren’t suitable for an innocent child’s eyes. Nonetheless, parents have the responsibility on keeping an eye on the household Elf on the Shelf and report any shenanigans to Santa at 1-800-BAD-ELF1. In the meantime, feel free to look at another assortment of Elves on the Shelves behaving very naughty. By the way, many of these images are unsafe for work and aren’t for kids, naturally.

Dinkler has a confession to make.

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Man, that elf is quite devious. Wonder if he was planning to sell these drugs. Then that makes me ponder what Santa’s paying these guys.

2. Grinley is all dressed in black.

Is he planning to rob something? Or is he dressed up as a ninja? Don’t have a great feeling about either scenario.

3. What the hell is Oliver doing with that contraption?

Well, I’m not sure what that thing is. But Oliver seems to use it as a vibrator, apparently. So it’s kind of disturbing.

4. Cringle had to come back for Walking Dead night.

Here he is among the undead. Makes me wonder how he can last before a zombie bites him.

5. “Hello, Clarice.”

Seriously, you don’t want to go near Quincy. For he has a ravenous appetite for human flesh.

6. Twinkie likes to do target practice in his spare time.

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Are those dead birds? Looks like it. So how did they get inside in the first place?

7. Rump promises to make Christmas great again.

Though he may not be as scary as Donald Trump, he’s certainly terrifying with his spray tan and horrendous toupee. If your kid has him for their Elf on the Shelf, they’re totally screwed.

8. Rumpy wants to build a wall at the US-Mexico border.

Sorry, but that wall won’t keep undocumented immigrants out of the US anymore than a life-sized version at the border which would be a massive waste of money.

9. What’s bursting from Elliot’s chest?

Oh, God, that’s a xenomorph! Get out of the house and get Ellen Ripley on Line 1.

10. Norman likes to doodle in his spare time.

Is that what I think it is? And I thought graffiti was bad.

11. Got something to say, Rennie?

Is he dressed up as Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs? Indeed, he must be a very sick bastard.

12. Danny wants you to know that Winter is coming.

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This is straight from Game of Thrones. And the marshmallow snow figures don’t seem happy about it.

13. Jingler has Woody all tied up at the moment.

And I don’t think this constitutes in kinky stuff. Yet, Woody doesn’t seem to mind, disturbingly.

14. Calvin and the dolls are in for a wild ride.

Are they all in the dryer? This won’t turn out well.

15. Snowball has really gone downhill lately.

He seems passed out on booze and pills. Guess someone’s going to rehab after the holiday season. If the North Pole features a rehab center.

16. Plinko always likes to browse the web.

Hey, at least he’s not looking at porn. Rather, he seems turned on by gorgeous women in sexy Christmas costumes.

17. Wendell and his doll don’t care about the rules.

The sign says: No Horseplay in Hot Tub. Yet, they don’t seem to listen. Though the tub is a glass bowl with marshmallows inside.

18. Tinker is the only player with his clothes on in this strip poker game.

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Then again, his clothes are basically sewn onto him. That can’t be said for these dolls.

19. Perry has a knack with a sharpie.

Here he’s put mustaches on the whole family. I know he’s not respecting his welcome to the Hendersons’ home.

20. At least Petey tries to play it safe.

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Yet, that doesn’t excuse him from doing a 3 way with a couple of Barbies in a stocking. Also, what are those nooky pills?

21. “Take that, Ken Doll!”

Man, Winkle’s really going to town with him. Hope he doesn’t hurt any onlooking Smurfs.

22. Clinker has a profound confession to make.

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So kids can’t touch him due to a court order. If that’s the case, he shouldn’t be an elf on the shelf, period.

23. Daenys is the Mother of Reindeer.

This is a takeoff on Game of Thrones. She’s supposed to be Daenyrs Targaryen who keeps dragons. Yet, the antlers seem to blaze fire for some reason.

24. Tina wants to try on a new face.

Yet, that face seems to come from a Mr. Potatohead Santa. And the spud is certainly not pleased.

25. “Congratulations, it’s a reindeer.”

Look, I have no idea how this is possible. So don’t ask me to explain. Seriously, this is really fucked up.

26. Chinker wants to show that Elf Lives Matter.

Yet, I don’t know whether this policeman is convinced. Though in his defense, the elf is pretty creepy.

27. “This house isn’t big enough for both of us elves.”

So Rinko has to put Gregor Elf into a candy dish. Man, that’s so cold with the “It’s easier if you don’t struggle.”

28. Crumpet has a lot of explaining to do.

Apparently, he’s confessing to running a young girl’s innocence with Princess Jasmine. Guess he doesn’t know the meaning of discretion.

29. Belle’s been distraught over the Beast and Dinkie.

I know it’s so wrong on so many levels. And unlike Belle, I can’t bring myself to look away.

30. Apparently, Brumpet has a bit of a drinking problem.

Perhaps he might want to lay off the wine. I know that spying for Santa is quite a stressful job as it is.

31. Beware of Wembley when he’s in one of his moods.

This is a takeoff on the Saw series which I’m not very familiar with. Yet, you don’t want to see an Elf on the Shelf wielding a bloody ax.

32. Jack Sparrow Elf can’t resist his Southern Comfort.

Though you’d think he’d be more of a fan of Bacardi or Captain Morgan. Still, the Jack Sparrow get up is spot on.

33. Freddy wants to try his talent in the kitchen.

Yet, he seems to enjoy hanging around hte knives for some reason. And no, the sharp end shouldn’t stick out like that.

34. Starky wants everyone to know that Christmas is coming.

Indeed, another parody of Game of Thrones. Like how the iron throne is made out of cutlery.

35. Seems like these 4 elves really let themselves go.

This is a spoof on Duck Dynasty. And yes, it’s kind of strange to see these elves in long beards.

36. Grigsby doesn’t mind losing his head over anything.

Yet, he seemed to spill blood upon decapitation. Still, the smile remains.

37. Roddy loves enjoying company now and then.

Here he is wearing chains with 2 Barbies and a bottle of Smirnoff. Elf thinks he’s gangster doesn’t he?

38. Apparently, Elmer doesn’t have good taste in TV.

Well, maybe he’s homesick for the North Pole. Still, there must be better things to watch than The Real Housewives.

39. “Say your prayers, Blinko!”

Apparently, these figures had put up with his shit way too long. But could you hardly blame them?

40. Frankie loves the gangster life.

Wonder what the hell he’s doing with the British Queen. Still, those who live the gangster life usually go down to a violent end.

41. Trinkler just wants to tinker with the baby’s car seat.

However, I wouldn’t want to put him in the same car as the baby. Since he seems bent on sabotage.

42. What’s Elver and the Abominable Snowman doing in the toilet?

Yet, the yeti spreads Elver’s leg over the bowl for some reason. And I really don’t want to know why.

43. Don’t worry about Axel. He won’t harm anyone anymore.

Seems like he killed an alien, Ham, and a couple Ninja Turtles. Thank God Dexter took care of him when he did.

44. Nicky wants you to put your furs on since winter is coming.

Indeed, this is another takeoff on Game of Thrones. Though the fur doesn’t seem like anything you’d find in Westeros.

45. “Decorate your Christmas tree with this!”

Here Quinkles smashes a bauble like it can’t be easily replaced. But it can since you can find them at almost any store this time of year.

46. Flicker appears like he’s out for blood.

Seeing he’s got fangs, you’d take him for some elf vampire. If he’s in your house, keep him away from your kids.

47. Dingle has been sentenced to death by firing squad.

Here he’s bound and blinded with plastic wrap. As plastic army men are commissioned to do the grisly deed.

48. Somehow Stevie got into some dirty laundry.

Seems like he’s sniggering over what he’s seen among hte clothes. If you want to kill him with fire, be my guest.

49. Looks like Marvin’s ingratiating himself well among the toys.

Yet, they seem to play cards with bottles of booze beside them. I’m sure they’re gambling as well.

50. Flinker is desperate for fast cash these days.

So he’s resorting to raiding Travis’ dino bank. You’d think an elf wouldn’t sink so low to steal money from a child.

51. Gary should know better than get between 2 witches.

Because a love triangle involving witches won’t end well. Gary should be lucky he’s not turned into a toad by this point.

52. Gringy has a penchant for some crazy pranks that go too far.

He’s written “Redrum” on the mirror with lipstick. Cue the family freak out a few minutes later.

53. Ringer wants these tampons to smell better.

Yet, putting candy canes into tampons doesn’t help. Seriously, it’s a very terrible idea for so many reasons.

54. Lexo is always fond of animals.

Is he humping that dog? And what are the plushies doing in front of the elf? Okay, I really don’t want to know.

55. “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

This is straight from Titanic as you can see. But Alvie relishes in drawing nudes.

56. Dare to come under the sidewalk.

This is from IT by the way. Yet, seeing Rinty and the creepy kid, I’ll take my chances with Pennywise.

57. Pinny is watching you.

This is an Elf on the Shelf as Pennywise the Clown. And yes, he’s quite terrifying to incite nightmares.

58. Tinkle always likes to try new things.

So it’s supposed to be like they’re lighting his farts. Let’s hope he doesn’t eat anything from Taco Bell during the month of December.

59. Clickel knows how to make an entrance on his makeshift sleigh.

This mostly consists of a Coors Light box and beer bottle reindeer. So it’s not a wholesome Christmas image meant for a postcard.

60. Chris can’t go back to the North Pole without a souvenir.

Here he seems to get Mrs. Malmsey’s bra. What a dirty elf to come into her house.

61. Jimmy wants to know what’s under the caroler’s skirt.

The caroler even carries an expression of shock. Apparently, this elf has his mind in the gutter when it comes to dolls.

62. Denny knows how to communicate with those trapped in the Upside Down.

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This is a takeoff from Stranger Things. Remember when Will’s mom came up with this display to communicate with him?

63. Yulie has been left to the dinosaurs.

He’s tied up to make a meal out of the dinosaurs. Hope he enjoys this small toy version of Jurassic Park.

64. Tony always needs to get his hit now and then.

In true Scarface fashion, here he is about to sniff some coke while he’s holding a weapon. Don’t mention the mustache and gold chain.

65. I wouldn’t go near Lexie if I were you, Blinkerbells.

She’s been somewhat pale lately. Like she’s an undead zombie who’d infect you with her bite.

66. Tiller prefers to do what he likes on his ride.

Apparently, he’d rather make love to a Barbie against a green screen. Not the safest thing to do on the road.

67. You can’t put Elmie down the drain.

Sure you might have blood everywhere in your kitchen sink. But the elf will always rise again. Terrifying.

68. Santa knows when you’re sleeping. Vinnie knows when you’ll never wake up.

Because if he could get away with it, he’ll try to kill you in your sleep. Sweet dreams.

69. Finley hasn’t been himself lately.

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Yeah, he’s kind of been eating the dolls as you can see. Also, he’s been a zombie for awhile. So it’s best to kill him with fire.

70. “Ready, aim, fire.”

Lingle doesn’t like other elves in his premises. So he uses them as target practice. I know he needs to be put away somewhere. But I don’t know the jail situation in the North Pole.

71. Twinkletoes knows what’s pleasing to his eyes.

Here we got him admiring Barbie’s tramp stamp under the Christmas tree. Indeed, he’s quite naughty, isn’t he?

72. Dinkledums wants to show the kids something.

Uh, I don’t think the kids want to see a dead body. Seriously, they don’t want to do that during the holidays.

73. Turns out Teddy bit off more than he can chew.

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Now he’s floating in the toilet. It’s going to be a very icky job getting him out of there.

74. “Say goodbye, baby doll.”

I’m sure Hinkle will add some fava beans to the baby stew. God, he’s a very sick elf, indeed. Kill him. Kill him with fire.

75. Dinny just wants you to leave the scissors on the table.

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Yet, he likes to watch you sleeping. So it’s best if you don’t trust him with sharp objects.

76. Look at what the Grinch has in his jar.

Seems like he’s going to keep Yinkler in this mason jar for quite some time. And I wouldn’t blame the Grinch doing so.

77. Dinko won’t be deterred by the Grinch.

Here he is tying the Grinch up and standing on it like he’s his trophy. My condolences to the Grinch.

78. Sly and Sleigh Bell always know how to have fun.

Wait, they’re lighting each other’s farts. Seriously, this is a dangerous activity, especially during the holiday season.

79. Don’t look behind the shower curtain.

Because Slinker is inside wielding a knife. Kill him with fire, please.

80. “Any last words, Elmo?”

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Apparently, Elmo doesn’t seem to have much to say. Though you can see him screaming as Buddy points a big ass knife at him.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Holy Shit Vintage Christmas Advertising of Yesterday (Fifth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 23, 2018

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I am now free to get into my Christmas posts. And fortunately for the Trump folks, I’ll most likely be busy with these for most of December. Anyway, the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday, or a day when I try to avoid the stores unless I have to work at one. Sure most of them probably don’t have people rushing inside to buy shit. Yet, you’ll always hear about one Black Friday brawl over a hot item on the news. Nonetheless, retail giants are known to advertise heavily in the days leading up to this iconic shopping day. Seriously, your Thanksgiving newspaper bundle probably comes with countless ads and catalogs on the latest deals. And yes, you’ll find plenty of Christmas ads from back in the day. Some might age well like this Goodyear ad above. But some not so much since they could be quite unintentionally funny, offensive, or creepy. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another yearly assortment of crazy vintage Christmas ads. Enjoy.

There will always be a Christmas, even in the future.

And in the future, it seems they’ll always use Rolex. Except that digital technology and smart phones haven’t been good for the watch market these days.

2. There’s no better gift for Christmas than Playboy.

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I’m sure your man will always read it for the articles. Though I would suggest you’re better off giving him a tie. Also, I don’t think this woman’s wearing a bra.

3. This Christmas, give her a Hoover.

Sorry, but if a man gave me a vacuum for Christmas, I would not be happy. Seriously, I hat these things.

4. It’s always a holiday party with 7 Up.

Apparently, Jack’s trying to score with Susie at the dinner table. While Eric gets a bottle from behind.

5. Budweiser is always the beer for the holiday season.

You might think she’s happy and engaging in the holiday cheer. But she’s only putting on a smile to hide her dismay over Roger’s gift. And she’s not exactly in the mood for booze at the moment.

6. Santa likes to dance with his reindeer at the North Pole Christmas party.

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Yet, I don’t think Santa has any good intentions for dancing with Dancer. For he’s eyeing the reindeer like a piece of sweet meat.

7. Timmy really seems to like his new train.

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The boy’s like, “Wow, just what I need for my death machine I intend to use for torturing the neighbor’s cat. Thanks, Mom and Dad.”

8. This Christmas, give your loved ones a box of interwoven socks.

To be fair, Socks are essential for everyday living. Yet, I get the impression that Santa’s giving Bobby socks just to spite him for being a brat.

9. Kupperheimer always makes good clothes for the season.

Still, while Hank was eager to do the Christmas shopping, he didn’t like using bags. But, check out his coat.

10. Thanks to Greyhound, Daddy will be home for Christmas.

Unbeknownst to Mommy and little Johnny, Daddy would never be the same after Korea. Often he’d drink and fly into rages with no apparent reason.

11. With gifts, it’s always the thought behind it that counts.

Nonetheless, little Maisie knows that whatever present she gives to her family, nobody will be impressed than the new car Dad bought for the family. But she knows he got it for himself to enhance his ego.

12. Decorate your house with brightly-colored GE Christmas lights.

Or else, Santa will come down your chimney and murder you in your sleep. Don’t think that he wouldn’t.

13. This Christmas, give her the gift of lightness with matching luggage.

Though I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to take a whole set on a plane. Also, not very keen on the colors.

14. Seems like it’s the mom’s job to come up with the Christmas list.

Well, at least the girl is writing her own. But the boy just wants to play wit his new ray gun while the dad doesn’t really give a shit. But the mom knows she still has to get a gift for him.

15. Nothing makes a party memorable like 7UP.

Wonder if they have anything else in their pop. Or whether whoever’s here will end up doing more than kissing under the mistletoe like the couple in the back.

16. Santa always enjoys a bottle of Coke from the fridge.

Seems like milk and cookies couldn’t satisfy Santa enough. So he had to raid the fridge. Despite that he has plenty of other places to visit that offer the exact same treats.

17. ETA always makes the best Christmas nuts.

From Flashbak: “This couple literally seems on the point of tears over the sight of their gift of Christmas nuts. Suffice it to say, this mom and dad are easy to buy for.”

18. Not it’s Santa’s turn to receive his Christmas gift.

Though he doesn’t seem certain if this shirt would fit him. Or when he’ll use a tie. Then again, Santa may also have a day job for all we know.

19. “Kids, come on down. Grandma’s here.”

Though Bobby doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about seeing Grandma. Maybe because it’s snowy and he’s wearing shorts.

20. All this boy can think about is the new Plymouth.

Yet, the boy has his head down as if he’s possessed by some demon. That or he may be thinking about the futility of human existence or the inevitability of death.

21. This Christmas stop the sag and end the fag with Allen A underwear.

Apparently, guys often hung out together without a care in the world back in the olden days. I’m sure they’re just friends. Even the toy soldiers like to check out these briefs.

22. Nothing makes a great gift for dad like his favorite cigars.

Apparently, show your love for dad this Christmas by giving him lung cancer if you don’t know what to buy for him. Seriously, that’s what you give your dad when you give him cigars.

23. Santa Claus digs Adidas cleats.

Since how does Santa wear a red jumpsuit? Because I don’t get the impression he regularly works out at the gym. Also, doesn’t seem like I’d want to see him there either.

24. Want to make sure you don’t get underwear this Christmas? Ask for Atari.

Well, that’s one way. But I don’t think it’ll get past the parents. Seriously, video games are expensive.

25. This Christmas, Colgate gives the gift of dental hygiene.

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Apparently, Colgate products come from Santa’s disembodied hand in the night sky. Didn’t know he cared about oral health.

26. For this wartime Christmas, Santa chooses Chesterfields.

Santa even has his own military outfit. But still, he promotes a product that kills 1/3 of the world’s population a year.

27. Crosman guns are the gift of the season.

For nothing says, “Peace on Earth” like a bunch of guns under your Christmas tree. For God’s sake, these are instruments of death and not appropriate for Christmas. Or any other occasion.

28. Take Santa’s advice and get a supply of Lundborg’s Perfumes.

Apparently, Santa doesn’t think people around the turn of the century bathed as often as they should. Though given how many chimneys he goes through, he could use a shower.

29. “Look, Tommy, it’s Tinkerbell!”

Seems like this girl’s kind of freaked out by Tinkerbell appearing in front of her eyes. Then again, we’d feel the same way if we were her.

30. Make sure you spice it up with your Christmas wrapping.

Though this boy thinks the presents are all his, And he’ll fight to the death to make sure no one else gets them.

31. “Now what would you like for Christmas, Ralphie?”

“I’d like a train set, a Rough Rider BB gun, a chemistry set, a box of knives, and rat poison. Also, I want Cindy’s head on a platter.”

32. An Underwood typewriter always captures the spirit of giving.

But don’t mess with the Weird Sisters. Or else they’ll curse the living daylights out of you in your nightmares.

33. Karo gives a sturdy body for your Santa Claus.

To be fair, it is a syrup. Yet, since it’s mostly made out of sugar, its health effects might range from obesity to Type II diabetes.

34. Santa wants you to smoke Chesterfields for far and near and in good cheer.

Apparently, demonic Santa Claus wants you to smoke and die of lung cancer. Or else he’ll break into your house and kill your family.

35. Let Christmas last a lifetime with a Remington 22.

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Great, get your boy a gun for Christmas. He’ll never forget it. Let’s hope he doesn’t accidentally shoot someone in the eye.

36. Nothing beats a long day at the slopes like a Budweiser.

“Hey, Christie, join us for a beer at the fire. And once we get drunk enough, we could have a three-way.”

37. Want to keep her young and pretty? Give her a Star vibrator.

I know it’s supposed to be a massager. But the word “vibrator” has come to mean “sex toy” in recent years.

38. A Parker Pen is a friend for life.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (5)

Yet, why would you take a pen form a disembodied Santa hand? Besides, a pen is a gift you give someone for secret Santa or because you don’t know what to get them.

39. Make this merry trifle with Bird’s custard.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (10)

Looks like a cream cheese snowman sinking in a bowl of cheese and cherries. Kind of disgusting.

40. Didn’t know trains could spring from Santa’s sack.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (37)

Well, this is for New York Central. But it makes Santa seem like a big train enthusiast or a god who can fit massive trains in his bag.

41. For Christmas, polar bears choose Calvert.

Didn’t know that polar bears liked boozing during the holidays. Hope they don’t run into anything with the sleigh.

42. Buy Kentucky Tavern Whiskey and you’ll get this snowman decoration.

I hear it even talks to you and urges you to murder people. But only when you’re really wasted on this stuff.

43. Corby’s always makes a great gift for fathers and sons.

Booze for Christmas? Still, let’s hope that alcoholism doesn’t run in this family. Though I wouldn’t be surprise if it does.

44. Take a break from Christmas shopping with a nice Coca Cola.

From Flashbak: ” Supposedly, they stopped putting cocaine in Coca-Cola in 1903; however, this 1962 advert, proclaiming a special ‘zing’ down to your toes, makes me think it was a bit later.”

45. An RCA Victor is perfect for the whole family.

From Flashbak: “Everything’s so white….is this what Christmas looks like in Heaven?” Let’s hope not since I don’t want to imagine this family dying in a car crash before then.

46. Throw a great Christmas party with the Hallmark party books.

She’s like, “God, I hope this book doesn’t make me mess up. Since I don’t want this shindig to end up like last year.”

47. Pop brings you happiness from a bottle.

Little girl’s like, “Drink all the happiness you can, Mom. Cause I’m going to kill you in your sleep and serve you for Christmas dinner.”

48. Santa thinks Interwoven socks make a great gift.

Santa also looks like he’s had a few too many. Maybe he should go home before his sleigh crashes into a house.

49. Planters Peanuts makes a great holiday party staple.

The guy is looking at the woman eating nuts and thinking, “Man, she’s really making an ass out of herself.” While he’s carrying a tray of cocktails.

50. 7UP can always please the holiday crowd.

Something tells me these kids shouldn’t be drinking it. Since they’re in their pjs and their parents are hosting a party downstairs.

51. Wrapping presents doesn’t have to be a hassle on Christmas.

From Evolvor: “Nothing says getting ready for Christmas then wrapping presents for the kids. And by wrapping presents I mean, kicking back with some ice cold brews and making the ladies do it. I’m sure a few minutes after this snapshot someone’s ass got slapped. Good work girls.”

52. Double Bubble always makes the season right.

From Evolvor: “I’m not sure if the kids these days know what an excuse for “gum” Double Bubble is, but I’m damn sure kids were not getting TOO excited over getting a handful of this shit in their Christmas stocking. The stuff is barely passable on Halloween and is a total fail of a holiday candy. If little Johnny ends up with a lump of ‘Bubble it’s because he was either bad that year and we needed coal to heat the house or Santa (*ahem* Dad) got laid off and this is all he could afford.”

53. Drinking beer is always a tradition during the holidays.

From Evolvor: “There’s nothing wrong with this ad really, I just love the idea of my grandparents getting bent on the holidays. Again clearly the men get to dick-around, most likely talking shit about all the people who sent them Christmas cards. “Look at John’s stupid kids, what an asshat” the one guy is probably saying. Meanwhile the ladies are again doing what they do best.”

54. A Lincoln-Zephyr is the quality car for the holiday season.

From Evolvor: “Many of you know how I strongly I feel about our obsession with cars (and how we use them to give us some sort of social status), and there’s nothing I hate more then seeing luxury auto ads during the holidays. Seriously who the hell gets a NEW CAR for Christmas? I dunno, maybe the day I strike it rich I’ll start buying people cars to make up for something really shitty I did to them in the past. Anywho, the not-so-wholesome past wasn’t any different, and here Santa is either dropping a brand new Lincoln off for some brat or is trading in the reindeer and sleigh for a V12.”

55. Schlitz gives you a light refreshment over the holidays.

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Here she’s holding a small present. Wonder who it’s for and wonder what’s in it. Also, the guy seems to have a different “present” idea in mind. Cue the “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”

56. Give Kentucky Club to all the men on your Christmas list.

After all, lung cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. Even during the holiday season, apparently.

57. “For me? You shouldn’t have.”

From Evolvor: “Another classic Christmas car ad. This one SCREAMS “sugar daddy”. Nothing says love during the holidays like keys to the car *ahem* I mean heart.”

58. Send Christmas wishes through airmail this holiday season.

So Santa ditched his sleigh for a print plane. Hope the reindeer don’t go on strike when he returns to the North Pole.

59. For your holiday platter, banana quick bread makes a tasty treat.

Okay, that bread looks very disgusting. Yet, Santa munches on his banana nonetheless.

60. This Christmas, take a bottle from the J&B Scotch tree.

The bottles even have candles. Best to stay away from it if you’re the designated driver.

61. This year, give your children a real Roy Rogers Christmas.

And yes, this means Dad getting the saddle and giving horsey rides to the kids. I know it’s an undignified moment in fatherhood. But at least it’s cheaper than giving your kids a real pony.

62. Make this year a lucky Christmas.

Vintage Christmas Ads from 1940s - 1980s (26)

Well, you won’t be so lucky with Lucky Strike. Seriously, smoking will kill you. But he doesn’t care.

63. Make your Christmas party planning easy with this new Toastmaster hospitality set.

Vintage Christmas Advertisements from the 1940s (38)

Actually I don’t want to put any of these appetizers on toast. Seems like something you’d have on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special.

64. Decking the halls is always a family tradition.

Of course, Dad had to put the garlands around the archways. Hope he watches his hand or he’ll be causing a bad accident. Especially if Sally’s running with the star. Hardly seems like having peace of mind. Still, I can’t help thinking they’re in the midst of an accident waiting to happen.

65. With Camel, it’s Merry Christmas with every smoke.

Man, Santa seems to appear in a lot of cigarette ads. Despite that smoking kills and gives people lung cancer.

66. Santa Claus always enjoys one on the rocks once in awhile.

This is from Japan, I think. Still, the guy is a clear mall Santa since the beard looks obviously fake.

67. Kid can’t help but talk about the new Plymouth.

Don’t look now, but I think the older sister has a devious look in her eyes. Like she has murder on the mind. Also, the dog’s jumping on her.

68. The Targeter is a sure-fire gift for the whole family.

Since nothing makes Christmas family fun like endless target practice. Hope Mom doesn’t shoot anyone’s eye out. Or kill anyone.

69. With Avon, you’ll always make the spirits bright.

Here’s an assortment of cosmetics in fine containers sold by a multi-level marketing firm. And I believe she’s lighting a candle or burning incense. Either way, don’t want to have an open flame near a tree.

70. Chesterfields always make the perfect Christmas gift.

This woman’s like, “That way when my sugar daddy dies of lung cancer at 53, I’ll get the whole estate. Mwha ha ha ha ha!”

The Donald J. Trump Foundation: A Self-Dealing Charity for One

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 21, 2018

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When it comes to rich people, there is a lot I have to criticize on how they perpetuate economic inequality through their vast sums of money and power while leaving the poorer masses with little leverage to assert themselves. But when it comes to their philanthropic foundations, I think that they at least put their own money in it and donate the money for a good charitable cause. Even if it’s just to name some sort of building after themselves. After all, many wealthy people usually contribute their money to the arts, college campuses, research facilities, libraries, and public works projects. Hell, though I think Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos treat their workers like shit, the fact they want to contribute some of their vast fortunes for going to Mars seems pretty cool.

However, despite that Donald Trump’s excessive vanity is the stuff of legend, such philanthropic endeavors don’t seem to be the case with the Donald J. Trump Foundation. Trump originally created this foundation in 1988 for his proceeds from his book Trump: The Art of the Deal to charitable causes. However, in since 2008, Trump had stopped contributing personal funds and instead solicited donations from outsiders. Though the foundation was based in New York City’s Trump Organization, with no paid staff or dedicated office space. Until its forced closure in 2017 due to an array of complaints in self-dealing, its board of directors consisted of Trump, his 3 adult children by Ivana, and Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg (though he told investigators he wasn’t aware of being a board member “at least for the last 10 or 15 years.”) In 2015, a Trump Organization spokesperson told The New York Post that Trump made all the decisions regarding the Trump Foundation money grants. Despite calling himself an “ardent philanthropist,” Trump has only donated $3.7 million to his foundation from 1990-2009.

Here’s a sheet of David Fahrenthold’s notes he showed on Twitter to prove that what he wrote about the Trump Foundation wasn’t fake news. He ended up winning a well-deserved Pulitzer Prize for his coverage in 2017.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, The Washington Post’s David Fahrenthold initiated an investigation into Donald Trump’s philanthropic activities after Trump held a fundraiser for veterans in January 2016 in lieu of a televised Republican debate appearance. Trump claimed the event raised $6,000,000 for veterans’ causes, including supposedly $1,000,000,000 of his own money. Fahrenthold began his investigation by trying to confirm the receipt and dispersal of that $6 million. All donations should’ve gone to the Trump Foundation which should’ve granted the money to others. Instead, Fahrenthold determined that, several months after the rally, the Trump Foundation had yet to send any funds to veterans-related charities. Though some of the funds went directly to causes without passing the Trump Foundation, Fahrenthold widened his search to a wider investigation.

In June 2016 as a response to this criticism, Donald Trump publicly asserted that he had given approximately $102 million to charitable causes from 2009-2015 and released a 93-page list of the money’s beneficiaries. However, subsequent reporting by the Washington Post and other news organizations found that many of the donations Trump claimed making personally over this 5-year period were made by the Trump Foundation. And by 2009, no longer held any of Trump’s money. While further investigations led to an increasing of abuse inside the foundation since its creation. David Fahrenthold’s investigation into the Trump Foundation and Trump’s history of personal charitable giving involved hundreds of calls to Trump-associated charities. It’s also notable in that Fahrenthold heavily drew support and investigative help from a larger number of his Twitter followers helping him track down leads on specific charities. The accusations against the Trump Foundation are many, including the following (which mostly comes from Wikipedia, by the way And yes, it’s most of the information comes from cited sources, including Fahrenthold).

Failure to maintain proper governance

In June 2018, the New York Attorney General office filed a petition explaining that: “…none of the Foundation’s expenditures or activities were approved by its Board of Directors. The investigation found that the Board existed in name only: it did not meet after 1999; it did not set policy or criteria for choosing grant recipients; and it did not approve of any grants. Mr. Trump alone made all decisions related to the Foundation.” Also, Trump Foundation treasurer Allen Weisselberg claimed he wasn’t even aware of his position on the foundation’s board until investigators approached him. Such signs in a foundation give a bright red flag to a charity scam.

Donation solicitation without a license

Under New York state law, a nonprofit foundation must register as a “7A Charitable Organization” if planning to solicit outside donations over $25,000. Initially, the Trump Foundation was registered as a private foundation set up solely to receive Donald Trump’s own personal donations. As long as it was registered as a private foundation and not soliciting outside funds, it didn’t have to file annual reports with the New York State Charities Bureau. Of course, given Trump’s aversion to transparency in financial matters, this might’ve been the reason why the Trump Foundation didn’t register as a “7A Charitable Organization.” But records show that Trump began soliciting donations at least as early as 2004, maybe even 1989.

Mishandling of funds raised for veterans’ causes

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Here’s that fucking piece of shit Donald Trump bestowing a large check to a veterans’ charity in Iowa in 2016. Still, I wouldn’t cash in that check if I were these ladies. Mostly because the check might bounce.

In April 2016, Fox News reported that more than 2 months after Donald Trump said he raised $6 million for veterans at a pre-Iowa Caucus fundraiser, “most of the organizations targeted to receive the money have gotten less than half of that amount.” At the same time, Trump said he contributed $1 million of his personal funds. In late May, Trump revised the figures, claiming that $5.6 million had been raised at the event and that he contributed his $1 million share only the week before after the media criticized him. He also provided a list of beneficiaries of that $5.6 million. Although a 2018 New York state lawsuit further disputes this, citing $2.8 million.

Coordinating foundation grants with Trump’s presidential campaign

It should surprise nobody that Donald Trump might’ve used Trump foundation grants to advance his presidential campaign. This violates rules barring charities from engaging in political activity. Trump at least distributed some of the funds publicly at “Donald Trump for President” political rallies, displaying large-size checks including his campaign slogan, “Make America Great Again” or a link to a campaign website. In an October 2017 deposition, Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg testified that he witnessed Trump’s campaign staff coordinate with him to use the Iowa fundraiser for the campaign’s benefit. In a larger suit against the foundation in 2018, New York State Attorney General Barbara Underwood alleged that Trump in using the foundation for campaign promotion during and after the Iowa fundraiser, had violated charities laws.

Grants to the National Museum of Catholic Art and Library

In each of 1995 and 1999, the Trump Foundation granted $50,000 to the National Museum of Catholic Art and Library. According to a 2001 Village Voice report, after visiting the East Harlem museum, the facility had “next to no art” and no official connection to the Catholic Church, despite having a 10-year track record of soliciting large-scale donations for its collection. The Voice and later, The Washington Post concluded that Trump may have directed the grants to the museum to curry favor with then museum chairman, Eddie Malloy, who was also head of the Building and Construction Trades Council of Greater New York. The Council had worked on behalf of one of the workers’ unions who worked on Trump construction projects.

Failure to make pledged 9/11 donations

An October 2016 New York City Comptroller office investigation showed that Donald Trump or the Trump Foundation might’ve failed to honor at least one pledge to charities established to provide relief to 9/11 victims. In late September 2001, Trump pledged $10,000 to the Twin Towers Fund on The Howard Stern Show. Created by then-Mayor Rudy Giuliani, the Twin Towers Fund was “to benefit the families of firefighters and police officers who died in the attacks.” During the 2016 Republican National Convention, Giuliani announced that Trump made unspecified “anonymous” donations after the September 11 attacks. Though such donations have never been identified. Ever the sycophant, Giuliani also said in support of Trump’s candidacy, “Every time New York City suffered a tragedy Donald Trump was there to help,…. He’s not going to like my telling you this but he did it anonymously.”

The New York City Comptroller’s office told the New York Daily News it manually reviewed “approximately 1,500 pages of donor records of the Twin Towers Fund and the related entity NYC Public/Private Initiatives Inc., containing the names of more than 110,000 individuals and entities that were collected as part of the audits” through August 2012. According to them, Comptroller Scott Stringer, “found that Trump and [the Trump Foundation] hadn’t donated a dime in the months after 9/11.” However, because the reviewed period only covered one year after the attacks, the Comptroller office was “unable to conclude definitively” that Trump never gave to the fund after August 2002. According to its IRS Form 990 tax filings, the Trump Foundation made no grants to the Twin Towers Fund or to the NYC Public/Private Initiatives, Inc. it’s a part of from 2002-2014. Though Donald Trump might’ve made personal donations after August 2002 that wouldn’t have shown up in the filings.

After the convention in 2016, Donald Trump’s campaign suggested that the Trump Foundation made a grant to the American Red Cross after the attacks. But no record exists in its tax filings from 2002-2014. As with the Twin Towers Fund, a personal donation by Trump wouldn’t have shown up in its filings.

Using Trump Foundation money to settle Trump Organization legal disputes

Those who read my post about Donald Trump in Mar-a-Lago may remember the outsized flag dispute with Palm Beach. Well, guess where he got the money to pay for that. Yep, his Trump Foundation slush fund.

Donald Trump might’ve used Trump Foundation money to settle his personal or business legal disputes on at least 2 occasions. In 2007, Trump used foundation money to settle his 2006 legal dispute between the town of Palm Beach, Florida and Trump’s Mar-a-Lago country club. This pertained to Trump putting up a gigantic flagpole that was too high and hoisting a flag that was too large as far as the town’s ordinances are concerned. If you read my post on Trump at Mar-a-Lago I published earlier this month, then you probably know how it goes. Anyway, settlement documents show that in return for discharging the club’s obligations to Palm Beach, Trump agreed to personally donate $100,000 to a veterans and military families charity Fischer House. However, Trump made the grant using foundation money, not his.

Donald Trump’s foundation paid $158,000 to the Martin B. Greenberg Foundation as a settlement in a lawsuit Greenberg brought against the Trump National Golf Club Westchester in Briarcliff Manor, New York. Martin Greenberg alleged that he rightfully won a $1 million prize for scoring a hole-in-one during a 2010 charity golf tournament. But the club denied the award on technical grounds, arguing the hole was shorter than the required 150 yards. He sued and both parties reached a settlement according to the Washington Post that, that “on the day that Trump and the other parties told the court that they had settled the case, the Donald J. Trump Foundation made its first and only grant to the Martin B. Greenberg Foundation, for $158,000.” In September 2016, the Post reported that the grant money was directly linked to the legal settlement, likely violating IRS self-dealing rules by using charitable funds to pay Trump’s personal or business obligations. To raise the needed money for the settlement, the Trump Foundation auctioned a prize of a Trump-owned golf course lifetime membership, with a $157,000 donation to the Trump Foundation as the winning bid. The auction winner might’ve believed they were donating to Trump Foundation charitable causes instead of Trump’s tax exempt personal piggy bank. According to the foundation’s available tax returns, Trump National Golf Club Westchester paid over $200,000 to the Trump Foundation in 2016, with $158,000 of the funds for the Martin B. Greenberg settlement.

Donation to Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi

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This is Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi. In 2013, during her office’s investigation into Trump University, Donald Trump gave her money from his foundation to make it go away. She dropped the case shortly afterwards. And she’s not the only one either.

In 2013, Donald Trump donated $25,000 in support of Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi’s election campaign while her office was reviewing fraud allegations against Trump University, a for-profit real-estate program scam Trump created. At the same time, Trump also hosted a fundraiser for Bondi at his Mar-a-Lago resort at a fee well below his normal market rate. In return, Bondi’s office ended the investigation without bringing charges. According to a Trump Foundation attorney, “the [$25,000] contribution was made in error due to a case of mistaken identity of organizations with the same name.” But Trump personally reimbursed his foundation for the $25,000. It paid a $2,500 fine for violating IRS rules against political contributions by charitable organizations. In 2016, then New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman publicly stated that the Trump Foundation was now subject to investigation by his office.

Nonprofit watchdog group, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington filed a complaint with the IRS. Obtaining a letter from the Trump Foundation’s lawyer to the New York Attorney General’s office also cast doubt on Donald Trump’s story. According to CREW Communications Director Jordan Libowitz, “We’re past the point where a reasonable person could believe this is just a never-ending series of once in a lifetime errors. This may not be anything nefarious, but if it isn’t, that would mean that the Trump operation is completely inept when it comes to running the Trump Foundation.” In October 2016, The Wall Street Journal reported details of how Trump had made campaign contributions to various US state attorneys general while reviewing cases involving the Trump Organization or himself personally, on several occasions since the early 1980s. Though the Bondi case is the only one cited as involving Trump Foundation money.

Grants allegedly made for political purposes

In 2012, Donald Trump paid $100,000 to the Reverend Billy Graham Evangelical Association. NBC News has called Graham “an early ally” of his. In 2011, Graham told ABC News, “The more you listen to him, the more you say to yourself, ‘You know, maybe the guy’s right.’” In October 2016, Graham revealed to the Charlotte Observer that he instructed Trump to make a $100,000 donation which was used for full page ads urging voters to support 2012 presidential candidates who support “biblical values.” The time and tone of the ads indicate they were placed in support of Mitt Romney as the Observer suggested. Graham also headed the Boone, North Carolina-based Samaritan’s Purse, a Christian relief agency that received $25,000 from the Trump Foundation in 2012. Graham credits then-Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren for soliciting the donation from Trump. Van Susteren had accompanied Graham on Samaritan’s Purse trips to Hawaii and North Korea. The Charlotte Observer quoted Graham saying, “[Trump] was on her show, and [Van Susteren] said, ‘I was just in Haiti and Samaritan’s Purse is doing this down there, and Donald, you need to help.’ He sent a check out.” In 2016, several media outlets alleged that Van Sustreren had been producing overtly pro-Trump reports on her Fox News show On the Record. These donations seem to explain some of Trump’s support with some white evangelicals in the Bible Belt.

Here’s Donald Trump shaking hands with David Bossie, best known for being head of Citizens United. You know the group in that Supreme Court case that ditched a slew of campaign finance laws and allowed rich people to spend as much money they wanted on political candidates. Also Trump gave money to him via Trump Foundation funds.

In 2014, the Trump Foundation made a $100,000 grant to the Citizens United Foundation, a charitable foundation closely related to David Bossie’s conservative group, Citizens United. If that sounds familiar, Citizens United was the group behind the Supreme Court case that allowed unlimited contributions from corporate donors, Super PACs, and dark money in political campaigns. At the time, Citizens United was engaged in a lawsuit against then-New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, whose office was also pursuing a civil lawsuit against Trump University. It was the largest single grant the Trump Foundation made that year. Schneiderman’s office called the grant part of a “vendetta” by Donald Trump. While Citizens United rejected any connection between the grant and its own lawsuit against Schneiderman. The Trump Foundation’s 2014 tax filing misidentified Citizens United as a public charity (501(c)(3)) when it’s actually a social welfare organization (501(c)(4)).

From 2011-2013, the Trump Foundation donated at total of $40,000 to the Drumthwacket Foundation, a charitable organization formed to pay for renovation and historical preservation of the New Jersey governor’s mansion of the same name. In 2011, Donald Trump was trying to get permits for a personal cemetery on the fairway at Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey and may have needed political help in obtaining approval. Keep in mind that Chris Christie was governor at the time.

Donald Trump directed $100,000 in Trump Foundation money toward the National September 11 Memorial Museum days before the 2016 New York State Republican presidential primary, where he was on the ballot, mischaracterizing the foundation grant as a personal donation.

In May 2015, the Trump Foundation granted $100,000 to conservative filmmaker and conspiracy theorist James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas. In October 2016, O’Keefe released videos apparently revealing how Democrats incited violence at Donald Trump’s rallies through dubious means. Except that’s not true. During the third 2016 presidential debate, Trump claimed the new videos O’Keefe produced and released that week proved that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama “hired people” and “paid them $1,500” to “be violent, cause fights, [and] do bad things” at Trump rallies. Despite the fact such details are utter bullshit. Besides, there are many instances where Trump has incited violence at his rallies. A Democratic National Committee spokesperson noted Trump’s donation after Project Veritas released another video on the 2016 election. A Project Veritas spokesperson responded saying, “We have a multi-million dollar budget and the cost of this video series alone is way up there. The donation Trump provided didn’t impact our actions one way or the other.” Though you have to strongly doubt that.

Then there’s the fact that Donald Trump might’ve directed Trump Foundation money to support his presidential campaign. In one case, the grants were used specifically to pay for newspaper ads. In October 2016, Real Clear Politics reported that Trump directed significant amounts of foundation money to conservative organizations, possibly in return for political support and access. They found that from 2011-2014, Trump had “harnessed his eponymous foundation to send at least $286,000 to influential conservative or policy groups…. In many cases, this flow of money corresponded to prime speaking slots or endorsements that aided Trump as he sought to recast himself as a plausible Republican candidate for president.” At least 2 of the groups are based in Republican-leaning early presidential primary states. In addition to the infamous Citizens United, groups include Iowa’s The Family Leader, the South Carolina Palmetto Family Council, the American Conservative Union, and the American Spectator Foundation. Trump’s foundation money grants could’ve violated the law if it was in return for his personal right to speak and gain access to networking events. Considering that he seemed to be an outsider early in the 2016 campaign, I wouldn’t put it past him.

The Trump Foundation’s $10,000 grant in 2013 to The Family Leader might’ve led to a speaking engagement for Donald Trump. The Family Leader is an Iowa-based organization whose stated mission is to “strengthen families, by inspiring Christ-like leadership in the home, the church, and the government.” Following the grant, the group’s leader Vader Plaats invited Trump to speak at its leadership summit. Because The Family Leader is a (501(c)(4)) corporation established “develop, advocate and support legislative agenda at the state level” and not a charity, these grants might’ve been illegal. Though Trump might’ve intended to make a grant to The Family Leader Foundation, which is a 501(c)(3) charitable foundation. Either way, it seems shady.
Donald Trump was invited to speak at the American Conservative Union’s Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in 2013 after directing $50,000 of Trump Foundation money to the organization. That same year, Trump was invited to speak at Washington’s Economic Club after the Trump Foundation made a grant there.

Partial payment of an assessment owed by the Plaza Hotel

In 1989, the Trump Foundation paid more than half for a “voluntary assessment” imposed on the Plaza Hotel by the Central Park Conservancy. The Trump Organization owned the hotel at the time and the assessment was for the renovation of the severely dilapidated Pulitzer Fountain at Grand Army Plaza directly facing the place. Toward the $500,000 assessment, the foundation granted $264,631 to the Conservancy while the Trump Organization paid between $100,000 and $250,000. The grant to the Conservancy was the Trump Foundation’s largest single grant since its inception through 2015.

Using foundation money to purchase personal or business goods or services

Here’s one of the paintings Donald Trump bought with his fake charity money. This one from Doral was discovered on TripAdvisor and a Univision reporter just had to check it out.

On 2 occasions, Donald Trump used the Trump Foundation’s money to buy portraits of himself.

In 2007, Donald Trump spent $10,000 in Trump Foundation funds to purchase a 6ft-tall portrait of himself by artist Michael Israel at a Florida benefit for a charity, the Children’s Place at Hornespace, held at his Mar-a-Lago club after his wife Melania made the highest bid. The painter’s former production manager told The Washington Post that he shipped the painting to the Trump National Golf Club Westchester in Briarcliff Manor, New York, allegedly for display in the country club’s conference room or boardroom, at Melania’s request. The charity paid half the proceeds to the artist for the painting, establishing that it had a fair market value of at least that amount. Tax experts told the Post that if it was displayed at a golf club, it could violate IRS rules prohibiting nonprofits from self-dealing (like using charity funds for noncharitable purposes). In September 2015, President Barack Obama publicly criticized Trump’s painting purchase.
In 2014 at a charity benefit for the Unicorn Children’s Foundation at his Mar-a-Lago resort, Donald Trump bought a 4ft tall painting of a 1990s version of himself by Argentine artist Havi Schanz, paying for it with $20,000 Trump Foundation funds. A photo of the portrait was found on a TripAdvisor review of Trump National Doral Miami. Later a Univision reporter went to the club, asked the various staff about the painting, and eventually discovered it hanging on at the golf resort’s Champions Bar & Grill restaurant. Trump campaign spokesman Boris Epshteyn explained on MSNBC that Trump’s use of the painting there was not only proper but beneficial to the foundation based on IRS rules allowing individuals to store items “on behalf of the foundation – in order to help with storage costs” and that its use at the restaurant is “absolutely proper” in that Trump was “doing his foundation a favor.”

During a charity auction at his Mar-a-Lago club in 2012, Donald Trump bid $12,000 for a Tim Tebow autographed NFL football helmet and a Tebow football jersey. Newspaper accounts credited Trump for his generosity. However, the purchase was made with $12,000 in Trump Foundation money, not his own. The helmet and jersey’s current whereabouts are unknown. But according to tax law experts, if Trump kept them, the purchase might’ve violated the self-dealing rule, banning private foundations from “the furnishing of goods” to their own officers.

In 2008, Donald Trump used $107,000 in Trump Foundation funds to purchase luxury trips to Paris, including a meeting with actress Salma Hayek at a charity auction for the Gucci Foundation.

In 2013, the Trump Foundation made a $5,000 grant to the nonprofit D.C. Preservation League. According to The Washington Post, the nonprofit’s support was helpful to the Trump Organization in obtaining the rights to convert Washington D.C.’s historic Old Post Office Pavilion into the Trump International Hotel. In acknowledgement for the donation, the Trump Foundation received ads in the event programs. But the ads promoted the hotel rather than the foundation, in possible violation of IRS self-dealing rules.

The Palm Beach Post has suggested that Donald Trump benefitted personally when the Trump Foundation made grants totaling $20,000 from 2011-2014 in return for band and choir performances held at his resorts.

Diverting business or personal income as donations to the foundation

Donald Trump may have directed income personally owed to him to be sent to the Trump Foundation instead of his bank account, in possible tax rules violation. In September 2016, The Washington Post reported that Trump directed that $2.3 million owed to him by various people and organizations should be paid instead as donations to his foundation. Hell, the Post found old Associated Press coverage showing that Trump may have started directing income to the Trump Foundation as early as 1989. IRS rules prohibit individuals from diverting taxable income owed to them toward charities if they benefit directly from them, unless the person declares the income on their personal tax forms. Since Trump has yet to release his tax returns as of 2018, the Post couldn’t confirm if Trump declared the income for any of the received donations.

The Trump Foundation received at least $1.9 million from ticket broker Richard Ebbers who had bought goods, services, including tickets from “Trump or his businesses.” He was allegedly instructed to pay for them to the Trump Foundation in the form of charitable contributions instead as Trump Organization income.

Donald Trump had his money from his WWE appearances directed as donations to the Trump Foundation totaling to $5 million. I guess it was to avoid taxes since he doesn’t like paying them.

In 2007 and 2009, the Trump Foundation received a total of $5 million in donations from World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon and his wife Linda. Trump appeared twice for WrestleMania events in those years. The 2007 donation was $1 million while the 2009 one was $4 million. The WWE later told The Huffington Post that, “during this period of time, WWE paid Donald Trump appearance fees separately,” and “separately, [WWE chief executives] Vince and Linda McMahon made personal donations to Donald Trump’s foundation.”

In 2007, the Celebrity Fight Night Foundation hosted a fundraiser to benefit the Muhammad Ali Parkinson’s Center in Phoenix, Arizona. According to a CFNF spokesperson, in return for Donald Trump’s appearance and his offering a New York-based dinner with himself at auction, Trump stipulated that the Parkinson’s charity share the total auction proceeds with the Trump Foundation, which totaled to $150,000 that would’ve otherwise gone to the center benefitted Parkinson’s Disease research.
Other donations made to the Trump Foundation that might’ve been in return for Donald Trump’s personal work include:

$400,000 from Comedy Central for Trump’s attendance at a celebrity roast in his honor.
$150,000 from People Magazine in return for exclusive photos of Trump’s son, Barron.
$500,000 from NBC Universal in 2012 while airing Trump’s show, The Apprentice.
$100,000 from the family of Donna Clancy, whose family law office had been renting space at the Trump Organizations 40 Wall Street building.
$100,000 in 2005, for Melania Trump’s work for Norwegian Cruise Lines on a segment later included on The Apprentice. A company spokesperson confirmed that Melania’s appearance fee was paid in a Trump Foundation donation

Granting money to charities that rented Trump Organization facilities

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These people are protesting the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute for holding events at Trump resorts. Good thing, since Donald Trump earns money from their fundraisers than what his foundation gaves to them.

Donald Trump has been accused of directing money toward several charities that in turn paid the Trump Organization to host charity events at Trump-owned resorts and golf clubs. High-profile charity events at Mar-a-Lago cost as much as $300,000. Notable examples include:

In 2010, Donald Trump was personally honored by the Palm Beach Police Foundation after the Trump Foundation donated to the charity $150,000 during the 2009-2010 period. According to the police foundation’s public tax records, the Palm Beach Police Foundation paid the Trump Organization $276,463 in rent in 2014 for it “Police Ball and Auction” held at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago hotel. The 2014 tax filings also lists $44,332 in unattributed “direct expenses” the police foundation paid for the same event along with $36,608 in “direct expenses” for its annual “Golf Classic” it holds yearly at a Trump Organization-owned golf course. For each of the 4 years prior to 2014, the police foundation’s public tax records show significant “direct expenses” incurred for both the Police Ball and Auction and the golf tournament. Though filings don’t list expense categories.
In 2013, according to The Washington Post, Donald Trump donated to the V Foundation, a cancer-fighting founded by former basketball coach Jim Valvano, in return for the V Foundation hosting a fundraiser at his Trump Winery in Virginia.
The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute paid the Trump Organization substantial fees to hold annual events at Mar-a-Lago. In turn, the Trump Foundation granted a total of $85,000 to the Institute in 2006 and 2007, among other grants in subsequent years.

Donald Trump taking personal credit for donations made using foundation money

Donald Trump often likes to boast about his philanthropy. But in reality, he often donated to charity using other people’s money from his Trump Foundation personal piggy bank. And he’s said to be one of the least charitable billionaires to date.

In 2016, both Fox News and The Washington Post reported that Donald Trump has repeatedly claimed in public to have made over “$102 million” in charitable donations “in the past five years.” The Trump Organization provided journalists with a 93-page donation list. None of the cash donations were confirmed to come from Trump personally while many were grants from the Trump Foundation, which no longer contained any of his own money.

For instance, Donald Trump took personal credit while honored for a Trump Foundation grant to the Palm Beach Police Foundation that actually came from an outside source. Though he pledge money personally before the Trump Foundation solicited $150,000 earmarked for the police foundation from an unrelated philanthropic organization, the Charles Evans Foundation. It took that money and paid it to the Palm Beach charity. The police then personally honored Trump with its annual Palm Tree Award at his Mar-a-Lago hotel during its annual fundraiser. The Washington Post wrote that, Trump had effectively turned the Evans Foundation’s gifts into his own gifts, without adding any money of his own.”

The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute has honored Donald Trump variously as “Grand Benefactor” and “Grand Honorary Chair” at its annual fundraisers held at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate. However, Trump may have also earned money from the event fees he received from the Institute than the Trump Foundation paid to them in grants. Since 2010, Trump has directed at least $300,000 in Trump Foundation grants to the Institute.
On his prime-time TV show, The Apprentice, Donald Trump has received highly visible praise for his personal generosity on multiple occasions. He’s frequently offered to make generous donations to his contestants’ charities. But records show that he ultimately directed the Trump Foundation to make a grant or instead had the show’s network, NBC Universal to make the donation instead. Examples include:

A 2008 episode where Donald Trump told mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz, “I think you’re so incredible that — personally, out of my own account — I’m going to give you $50,000 for St. Jude’s [children’s hospital].” St. Jude’s is also Eric Trump’s favorite charity. Trump then had the Trump Foundation make a $50,000 grant to the children’s hospital.
In 2012, Donald Trump promised at least 6 personal $10,000 donations each to contestants’ chosen charities on a Celebrity Apprentice episode. In another episode from the same season, he pledged $10,000 to contestant Aubrey O’Day’s chosen charity, a gift “that moved [contestant and comedienne Lisa] Lampanelli to tears.” According to The Washington Post’s review of the tax filings, Trump directed all this money to be granted to the charities out of Trump Foundation funds.
In 2013, Donald Trump promised personal $20,000 donations each to charities of basketball star Dennis Rodman, singer La Toya Jackson, Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick, and actor Gary Busey. Trump then used Trump Foundation money to make the payments. He told them, Remember, Donald Trump is a very nice person, okay?” According to a Washington Post reporter reviewing the show’s transcripts, by 2013, “contestants had come to expect these gifts — and even to demand them, when Trump didn’t offer money on his own.”
For a $14,000 gift to the Starkey Hearing Foundation, a Marliee Matlin’s chosen charity, Donald Trump was credited this this “personal donation” though it actually came from the Trump Foundation.

Other alleged examples include:

In 2009, Donald Trump appeared on Extra where he promised to pay a struggling viewer’s domestic bills. “This is really a bad time for a lot of people,” he said as the contest was announced. Trump eventually paid the winner with Trump Foundation money. A Trump representative later explained the grant was legal because the winner qualified as an “indigent” individual under Internal Revenue Code section 4945(d)(3), a contention at least one tax expert has disputed.
Donald Trump was honored with a chair and a plaque with his name at the Raymond J. Kravis Center of the Performing Arts after the Trump Foundation donated $10,000.
In 2014, Donald Trump took personal credit for a $25,000 Trump Foundation grant at a speech honoring slain journalist, James Foley. At the time The New Hampshire Union Leader published an article titled Trump leads tribute for slain journalist James Foley. Foley was posthumously awarded the 12th annual Nackey S. Loeb First Amendment Award, “given annually to New Hampshire organizations or residents who protect or exemplify the liberties listed in the First Amendment to the Constitution.” Trump was the ironic, “featured speaker of the event.” Compare this to how Trump regularly attacks the media for reporting negative stories about him instead of lavishing him with unearned praise like Fox News does. Or how he’s willing to defend Vladimir Putin or the Saudi Arabian Crown Prince despite that these 2 have had journalists murdered.
In 2016, Donald Trump received personal praise for a $100,000 Trump Foundation grant to the National September 11 Memorial Museum ahead of the 2016 New York State Republican primary.

Making grants to other private foundations without fulfilling IRS “expenditure responsibility” rules

By law, the Trump Foundation was responsible for ensuring that any grant it takes to another private foundation is strictly used for charitable purposes. To fulfill this IRS “expenditure responsibility” the foundation is required to attach “full and detailed” reports describing the grant money’s uses to its IRS 990 tax return for each year to a private foundation is made. Trump Foundation tax returns show it failing to do this all of the 20 grants it made to private foundations from 2005-2014. Such grants in this period totaling to $488,500 could be subject to significant fines and penalties.

Receiving donation from Ukranian oligarch during 2016 presidential campaign

In 2015, Ukrainian Victor Pichkun donated $150,000 to the Trump Foundation in return for Donald Trump’s video conference link appearance at the Yalta European Strategy Conference. The appearance was broadcast on a large screen and lasted 20 minutes, including translation and technical difficulty delays. Pichkun is the son-in-law of former Ukranian president Lionid Kuchima. In 2018, the New York Times reported that Special Counsel Robert Mueller was investigating this donation as a possible illegal in-kind foreign national campaign contribution intended to curry favor with then-candidate Donald Trump.

The Airy World of Balloon Sculpture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 15, 2018

animal-theme-balloon-sculptures

Balloons often serve as trappings at parties and celebrations. While the rubber balloon was invented by Michael Faraday during experiments with various gases, some of the earliest of these were made out of dried animal bladders like a pig’s. Aside from rubber, modern balloons can be made of latex, polychloroprene, or nylon as well as come in a variety of different colors. Most of the time, we use balloons for decorations and entertainment. Though others can be used for practical purposes like meteorology, medical treatment, military defense, or transportation. Yet, I kind of covered the transportation part in a post last year on hot air balloons. Anyway, when you go to a party, you might be familiar with the idea of balloon animals like you see above. Well, do a Google search on balloon sculpture and you’ll find plenty of things people have made with balloons. Some of them for contests. Still, some might be of the simple balloon dog kind, there are plenty that can be rather elaborate. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you a treasure trove of stunning balloon sculptures.

Clowns must always come stacked together.

Clowns have been long associated with balloons. Still, if you add one more, the whole thing can topple.

2. Mr. Potato Head always likes to party.

Though if he gets too drunk he might lose some of his facial features. Or arms or legs, possibly.

3. The mighty griffin always sits with grace.

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You can tell because it has a tail and paws. Real eagles have claws and tail feathers.

4. Care to listen to this juke box?

Well, you won’t be hearing tunes from this one. But it’s great for a 1950s theme party.

5. This balloon girl has bouncing pigtails.

She even wears a pink dress with a flower on it. So adorable.

6. You’d revel over this inflatable grand piano.

Though be careful if you opt to touch it. Because it can easily pop. Also, don’t try to play it.

7. Hugging bears always enjoy a balloon ride.

Though they’re on a raft instead of a basket. Love the rainbow hot air balloon though.

8. Better to have a blue bird in your hand than 2 in a bush.

This is by a balloon artist as you can see. And I think it’s bigger than the real thing.

9. A rainbow can always make your days better.

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This one has a rainbow in the clouds. Tubes for colors. round ones for clouds.

10. Want to swing together?

Seems like these 2 were made for each other. Though I have no idea what’s on the guy’s head.

11. A fairy princess is always happy with her flowers.

She carries a wand and wears a crown. While the flowers surround her. So adorable.

12. The doctor will see you now.

Well, these are doctor balloons. One of them has a surgeon’s cap and mask.

13. A single balloon is not enough to reach enlightenment.

Yes, this is a Buddha balloon sculpture. And I’m sure some Buddhists won’t be pleased.

14. Check out her new pink purse.

She wears a long green dress with polka dot balloons at the bottom. And yes, she’s ready to party.

15. Someone must’ve upset the earthen vessel.

This is a balloon water scene. Has rocks and trees joined at the top.

16. Saddle up on this little horsey.

On second thought, better not. Because it’ll go pop if you sit on it.

17. A butterfly always loves a flowery tree.

Seems like it was made for a party. While the butterfly is so colorful and shiny.

18. “I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one.”

However, I don’t think you can save the world in a suit made out of inflated rubber. But it’s a nice resemblance that will make Tony Stark proud.

19. Wouldn’t you love to be in this gingerbread house?

Hey, at least you won’t eat anything from it. Great for any Christmas party. So charming.

20. Perhaps you’d want a shiny rose bouquet.

Contains pink and purple roses. Perfect for any table.

21. Grace your party with an inflated peacock.

Comes with 3 lilies. Though best not to touch it or it will deflate.

22. Any child would enjoy a balloon Big Bird.

Wonder if they had this at Carol Spiney’s retirement party. Still, this is so cute.

23. Perhaps you might want to drive this semi.

Yes, this is a balloon semi truck. I’m sure who had to blow into this is all tuckered out already. Okay, they probably used an air pump, but still.

24. Nobody could resist a cupcake like this.

Even has sprinkles on it. Wonder how you inflate them.

25. Hope you can see with these glasses.

Comes on its own stand. Though it doesn’t have any lenses.

26. Now you, too can ride upon a purple horse.

Okay, you can ride on a balloon horse. Even has a long flowing mane, too.

27. Bet you didn’t think to see a rooster like this at the crack of dawn.

Sure he may not crow, but that might be a bonus. Comes with a couple of flowers.

28. Parisians would marvel at this balloon Eiffel Tower.

This one even lights up. Didn’t know a balloon display can do that.

29. Hope you don’t get karate chopped by this guy.

Yes, that’s a balloon karate guy. And he’s ready to deflate anyone who stands in his way.

30. Perhaps you’d like a fairy garden entrance.

Includes a large flower and tree. And I’m positive that it’s for a little girl’s birthday party.

31. Bet you’ve never seen a flower like this before.

This balloon flower reaches the ceiling of this building. Hope it doesn’t wilt.

32. Eek! Giant bug! Kill it with fire!

Actually it’s a fly made out of balloons. Even has clear balloon wings.

33. Beware of the ferocious fire-breathing dragon.

Doesn’t look particularly vicious. Though he has a whole space all to himself.

34. A windmill will do quite well beside a waterfall.

Indeed, you can make whole scenes from balloons. But the windmill seems kind of out of place.

35. A balloon house can be especially haunted.

Well, I know Halloween is over. But this is a balloon sculpture post so I’ll include it.

36. You’ll find this imposing mask hanging from the ceiling.

Wonder if this is for a superhero. But it’s perfect for a Comic Con.

37. Want to ride in this car?

It’s an old timey yellow car. While this guy is having a good old time.

38. This dalmation wants to give you flowers.

This dog loves has a nice bouquet of 3. So adorable.

39. This little raccoon has come out of its stump.

And it seems this little guy loves to smell the roses. Though I suppose it likes to eat from the garbage once in a while, too.

40. Looks like somebody spilled some beer.

Don’t worry since the froth is made form balloons. That ought to make you say, “dilly, dilly!”

41. With a steering wheel like this, it’s welcome aboard.

Guess this is for an ocean themed party. Yet, I think this wheel is too big for a ship.

42. A Chinese dragon is dazzling in the air.

This Chinese dragon is quite colorful and knows how to make an entrance. Wonder if it’s for a Chinese New Year party.

43. “Dinner is served.”

Of course, he didn’t cook the food. Though he’s dressed as a chef in balloons.

44. “This is the night, it’s a beautiful night…”

This a balloon version of the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti dinner scene. And yes, it’s amazing.

45. Perhaps you might like a white balloon dress.

Yes, they have balloon outfits. Don’t know why these don’t pop. Or how these people manage to sit down.

46. Jazz it up with a giant light-up saxophone.

Yes, it’s a light up balloon sax. Perfect for a party featuring jazz music.

47. A snow queen should always look resplendent.

Yes, it’s another balloon dress. But I think you’ll see it again when Lady Gaga wears it at an awards ceremony.

48. You never know what can come from the rainbow.

Includes cats and a large swan. Makes you want to be there.

49. Care for an inflatable Easter basket?

Includes a bunny, eggs, and daffodils. So cute.

50. Would you like a cup of coffee?

Well, it’s quite small enough to put on a table. And it’s always steaming hot.

51. “All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

Nice how it’s all in rainbow colors. So pretty.

52. This little leopard wants to be your friend.

Don’t worry, it won’t bite you. Since it’s all made out of rubber anyway.

53. Hope you don’t forget your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

Yes, it’s a balloon Spiderman. Hope he’s there for Stan Lee’s funeral.

54. Nothing makes a great gift like a fancy inflatable bouquet.

This one has pink flowers inside the vase. Love the gold and black checks on it, too.

55. Perhaps you’d like a big fancy pink cake.

Has an array of candles on top. But I especially love the purple roses on the bottom tier.

56. The Dark Knight will always protect Gotham City.

Not sure what Batman would think about his balloon likeness. Because he doesn’t seem like a balloon kind of guy.

57. An inflated owl is one you don’t want to mess with.

Contains a lot of mice for some reason. Mostly because owls usually eat them.

58. Deadpool always knows how to blow.

Yes, there’s a balloon Deadpool. And I’m sure Ryan Reynolds doesn’t know what to think about it.

59. Want to make anchor?

This one is blue with a white chain. But it won’t sink to the bottom since it’s made from balloons.

60. Behold, the mask of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.

Okay, it’s a balloon likeness of King Tut. An Egyptian pharaoh who gave his life for tourism.

61. Would you like a strawberry milkshake?

Okay, it’s a balloon milkshake you can’t drink out of. But it comes with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

62. Wonder what this golden design is supposed to be.

It’s either a trophy or a fancy golden flower. Can’t tell which.

63. Anyone would want to hold this little bunny rabbit.

Seems like something you can hold in your hand. But keep it away from sharp objects or it will deflate. So cute.

64. “Who you’re gonna call?”

This is a Ghostbusters balloon display. Though I’m sure one of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man has to be around somewhere.

65. Any queen would love to have this inflated crown.

Even has purple flowers near the top. So pretty. Love it.

66. Don’t want to run into this creature from the deep.

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Indeed, this is a balloon shark. And yes, it looks pretty awesome.

67. Hope you can stand the glare of the rainbow sun.

Well, its rays go into all directions. But the whole display is easy to pick up.

68. A large colorful butterfly should be there to greet you.

Here it is on the front door. While the other balloons near the stairs are flowers.

69. Nobody could resist a sweet little walrus like this.

it even has whiskers and tusks. So adorable. Want to give it a fish?

70. Of course, you can’t forget the iconic Marilyn Monroe.

She has her dress rising up from The Seven Year Itch. So don’t look up her skirt.

71. “Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.”

Yes, they have balloon characters from The Big Lebowski. Though some might think this Walter one is a bit over the line.

72. Sometimes you have to fly like an Egyptian goddess.

This one is pretty elaborate. Love her golden wings. Hope her name’s not Isis since that name’s become associated with a terrorist group.

73. Perhaps this guy can scare the crows for you.

Well, it’s a balloon scarecrow that’s not so scary. Even has a balloon crow in its arm.

74. Bet you wouldn’t guess who this Disney princess is.

It’s Snow White by the way. And yes, her head is bigger than the rest of her body.

75. Perhaps you might want to spend some time under the sea.

Seems like the octopus dominates the display. Yet, you’ll find a mermaid sitting on a rock.

76. Feel in the mood for an elephant ride?

It’s an Indian elephant since you can’t tame an African one. Still, you have to love it in balloons.

77. Want a hot air balloon ride?

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Can even fit 5 people inside a balloon basket. Love the rainbow on the balloon. So pretty.

78. Sometimes we can all use a nap.

Yes, it’s a balloon hammock. Though I’m not sure if I want to lie down on that.

79. Seems like there’s life out there after all.

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Okay, it’s a balloon alien in a flying saucer. Yet, its head almost takes the whole window.

80. Hope this lamppost can light your way home.

Sure it’s a lamp post made out of balloons. Yet, it lights up at a party.

81. You can stun at a party in this long black dress.

Even has pink lace at the bottom. Hope she doesn’t sit on anything sharp.

82. Perhaps you’d think this is a fitting knightly tapestry.

Well, this is certainly spot on. Like the knight on his horse slaying a purple dragon.

83. Two swans can always enjoy a pond by themselves.

Indeed, it’s a balloon display. But you have to love the weeping willow in the background.

84. Don’t you just love a rainbow?

Well, the rainbow is even in a heart in this display. And among a background of clouds.

85. Perhaps you’d like to see a dinosaur with flowers.

Well, it’s a purple stegosaurus holding flowers. So adorable though.

86. You can find plenty of flowers growing on this well.

But don’t put a coin and make a wish. Since it’s not a wishing well.

87. Sometimes you’ll find a magical world underwater.

You’ll find seahorses and plenty of fish. So amazing if you ask me.

88. At a wedding, it’s customary for rings to be intertwined.

Yes, these are balloon wedding rings. And they’re touched with red roses.

89. There is so much to love about a heart shaped coach.

And I guess this is for a wedding. Comes with wheels trimmed in gold.

90. This guy can cut anything with this giant pair of scissors.

Actually, I don’t think he can cut anything. Because the scissors are inflated with balloons.

91. Did you take anything from the toucan?

While it may seem quite sophisticated, you can’t help but love it. So cute.

92. As beauty, Belle holds a rose in a tale as old as time.

Though she didn’t wear a crown in Beauty and the Beast. But she’s so pretty.

93. This lizard is as cool as a cucumber.

I think it’s supposed to be a balloon iguana. As it sits on its own branch.

94. Hope you can stand with pride for this stars and stripes.

Sure it’s made with balloons. But you can see the stars in the blue section.

95. Apparently, he intends to eat Thanksgiving dinner all by himself.

After all, he only has a large knife and fork. Still, this is kind of amusing.

96. You’ll find a great bounty in this cornucopia.

And yes, it’s filled with all kinds of fruit and veggies. Still, in the Hunger Games, the cornucopia has a way different meeting.

97. A phoenix can always rise out of the ashes.

This one even has 3 tail feathers. Though don’t put it near fire.

98. Try getting a gumball from this candy machine.

Though you’ll need a big coin. And you’ll probably get a balloon instead.

99. Hope you can hear these herald angels sing.

Yes, they’re Christmas angels. But you have to love their smiles and candy canes.

100. You’d swear this balloon display is a work of art.

This is a takeoff of Sandro Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus in balloons. And yes, it includes nudity like the original.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her