For when you’re dressed as a hobbit at a Lord of the Rings convention. Other than that I’m not sure what else.

If you need to relieve yourself and can’t get to the bathroom in time during a drunken party. Okay, it’s actually a prank pack.

Because nothing says you really need to lose a few and monitor your weight at all times like a smart scale. Perhaps the most expensive smart device your loved one will throw out a window.

Why go with a boring dog calendar when you can get one featuring dogs taking a shit? After all, dogs poop out in the open without shame, anyway.

Yes, everyone likes pizza. But most people prefer to eat with it than cuddle with it on the couch.

Actually this might be a good gift to the recipient. But it’ll be hell on earth for the neighbors. Still, it’s available in splashy colors.

The kind of gift you give your boss that says “I hate you.” But in a rather subtle fashion that doesn’t get you fired.

Has some decorations as well. If you receive this, please don’t wear it during a Christmas party. Or like ever.

Protects parents from their baby’s pee while changing its diaper. Unfortunately, it’s a prank pack. Sorry, new parents.

From All Gifts Condsidered: “I know these are just stuffed animal plush pillow, but… ewwwww. A cockroach plush pillow? It’s gross to even look at the photo. Don’t do this to anyone, please. But seriously. It’s bad enough already, but if anyone has ever had to deal with a cockroach infestation, this is like snuggling with a nightmare.”

Okay, I get why you’d buy it as a prank. But the feet here are utterly disgusting. Seriously, why?

It’s a piggy bank with a butt crack. Nonetheless, the British version is extremely inappropriate for children (because “fanny” means vagina over there).

Because slacktivists also need their toiletries. Can also bring reminders of those good old days when we considered Lance Armstrong a great role model for children.

Since smoking that cancer death stick isn’t enough for you. Who the fuck came up with this noxious idea?

It’s the kind of gift that says, “you’re having problems controlling your anger. Calm the fuck down already.”

Got that kid who wouldn’t sit still? This will put them in their place.

Want your car to smell like breakfast or attract neighborhood dogs? Here’s the perfect gift for you.

Unfortunately, it’s not made out of real gold. If it was, it would be way worth more than $5.

The tissues come out of the nose. Yes, it’s disgusting.

It’s a bacon chocolate bar. Please don’t tell me how it tastes like.

Because nothing says “you’re an asshole with bad social skills” like a book about manners. Seriously, who’d want to get one of these?

Just because your boyfriend’s a fan of Borat doesn’t mean you should get him one of these. He’ll either not wear it or embarrass you on your summer trip to the beach.

This crocheted winter gear will make a man warm during the winter. But it’ll also make him look like an idiot.

Because who wants to smell like they just walked out of a bar? Not me. Not anyone.

Sure your teeth will be clean. But they’ll certainly not smell like it.

For when you want to blind and perhaps suffocate your cat. Probably not approved by the ASPCA.

It’s basically beer pong for high class frat boys. Think a sexual assaulting Brett Kavanaugh during his college days showing his dong.

Think of it as a rave in your water glass. Yes, I know it’s kind of crazy. Like something they’d have at a club Stefon describes.

Well, it always helps to plan ahead. But is cremation urn really a great Christmas gift? Absolutely not. This is especially if the recipient is old, sick, or injured.

For the person who has irritable bowel syndrome. But I’m not sure if they’ll appreciate it one bit.

For when you want to confuse your purse with your lunch. Or is it your lunch with your purse?

Yes, this is a real sport. But for the love of God, please don’t try it at home. Seriously, don’t.

You mean they have floss for butts? Please you can clean your crack in the shower. In fact, I recommend you do.

Now you can put Nic Cage on your Christmas tree. Seriously, how much of Nic Cage stuff can you get?

Basically one of the worst gifts you can receive. Love the inscription though. Hilarious.

He who receives it will feel proud of himself to the detriment of his family. Until his wife accidentally on purpose breaks it.

Said to be authentic and to guarantee results. Despite that it’s actually booze and will only guarantee results if the subject drinks enough of it.

Quite an interesting take on the late painter and PBS TV host. The “Everybody Needs a Friend” message is quite disturbing.

For when you want to hold things without using your fingers. Seriously, why?

Either a parent or in-law’s way of saying they want grandkids. Or a way to cheer up a couple experiencing fertility issues. Either way, it’s kind of disturbing.

These are for office stuff. Pencils and scissors go in trash. Pens in recycle. Probably not something you give someone for Christmas.

For baking stuff while in your winter cabin. Still. you might want to go with the female version. At least it doesn’t have antlers.

For the person who wants to set the sleeping arrangements straight. Wonder if my dad would want this but my mom wouldn’t let him.

Yes, this shirt has Nic Cage’s face on it. Yes, it’s creepy as hell. I don’t understand the craze behind such disturbing merchandise.

Called, “The Gourmet Memos” these are post-its of salami slices. Even has a net you can put it in.

For when you’re ready for a cold one. But it’s very hard to open it. Not great for romantic candlelight dinners.

Now you can brand your stuff with your own initials. Heat these and try them on your pets. I dare you the won’t take it well.

These ones have noses on them. Yeah, I know it’s rather strange. Makes a great party and drinking game though.

For when you want to practice your flies when you’re on the shitter. Of course, the fish aren’t real.

For practicing putting when you’re at the office. This makes the potty golf products seem less lame in comparison.

For the scooter traveler. Though I don’t know anyone who travels by scooter since it’s not a very reliable mode of long distance transportation.

Because nothing says friendship like a smelly, embarrassing prank. Though you’re more likely to use it on your enemies.

It’s supposed to bring you good fortune. But I don’t think it does shit.

Now you can put your lady love on your Christmas boxers. Not sure if the lady love should be flattered or confused.

Now you can have your own picture on a pillow. Seems like the only thing that a narcissist like Donald Trump would love and not be creeped out by it.

Yes, that’s a calendar of cats crapping. This one’s not even going in the litter box.

For men need to take care of their, um naughty bits. Still, guys, if your girlfriend gives you these, you might need to wash them.

Actually this is a prank pack, So relax, guys. Still, the guy’s expression on this box is priceless.

Well, this might actually be a great gift for the recipient. But bad for everyone who has to put up with it. Still, it’s pretty funny.

A great way to relieve stress if you have a bad boss. Best recommended for anyone who works for Donald Trump.

How else will you make your ass and toilet clean again? Great for your Trump supporting Uncle. Or not. You’ll never know.

Great for the germaphobe in your life. Okay, this is a prank pack but could you imagine Adrian Monk getting one of these?

Recommended for the alcoholic in your life. And yes, this is a prank pack. The wine looks like an IV stand.

Notice how you put the pencil up his ass. Though Republican congressmen put their heads inside voluntarily and out of personal self-interest.

Why should kids have all the fun at the playground? Comes with harness. Okay, this is just a prank.

Because why should little kids be banned from playing with matches? Actually this is a prank pack. But imagine the parents’ faces when their kid gets this thing.

What the fuck is this shit? Seriously, do we really need to talk to our pets about gun safety? Would it be worth it?

Uh, one dick pic is one too many. Now imagine 5,000 times that. Yeah, you get the picture.

Yes, this is a male hygiene kit for his nether regions. It’s basically the men’s equivalent to receiving body wash and lotion for Christmas.

Not only cleans your toilet, but also plays music while you go No. 1 or No. 2. Okay, this is a prank pack. But you’d wish this was real.

For what’s more fun than picking up a pack of needles to get some straw? Of course, this is a prank. They’d never make a board game like this in real life.

For the person you know likes to cook but might have drinking problem. But with enough corks, the trivet makes a handy hot pad.

Has a few things relating to shit. Most of them seem like hot sauce bottles. Not sure why.

They’re socks resembling dog paws. Great for the person who’s way too into their dog.

It’s soap with money inside it. Yet, there’s only a dollar so it doesn’t seem worth it.

Of course, the turd’s not real. Yet, makes a great gag gift for friends. Or a form of revenge for enemies.

A form on what went on and what you need. Great for the person who seems to screw up everything.

Kids can build this house and power it up. Still, not sure if it’s necessarily safe for kids to experiment with electricity. $50

The kind of gift you give to someone at work who’s got some anger issues. Great for office secret Santa.

Now you can put your personal brand on everything. Okay, this is a prank pack box. So you have nothing to worry about.

For the indecisive person who just can’t make up their minds. So you get them something like this to help them along.

They’re socks with your pictures on them. Why would anyone do this, I have no idea.

From Love to Know: “If your friends or relatives are into the fanny pack look, this can be a nice gift to give. However, you want to make sure that you choose the right kind of fanny pack. Not too many people on your friends list can truly appreciate the belly fanny pack, which retails for about $13. If you are thinking about buying this, just don’t.”

She’s a cross between a Barbie and a Sasquatch. And you get to shave all her body hair off from mouth to legs.

Makes a great gift for the motorcycle enthusiast who can’t afford one. So you give them this to compensate.

From Dodoburd: “This magnet set features an assortment of dog butts, including a fire hydrant so you complete the theme. This would be a funny gift for dog lovers, because you have to take the good with the bad when you love something. Whoever gets stuck with this might say they got the tail end of the deal.”

After all nothing feels softer than bread. Except they’re not actually made from bread. Or made in France.

Now I and my fellow women can pee standing up with this funnel thing. Then again, it might not be as practical for indoors as outdoors.

For when you want to make your living room more like your kitchen. Nonetheless, despite how tasty they look, you can’t eat these.

It’s lingerie with a thick ribbon bow as a bra. But the underwear is just a few strings attached. And doesn’t look comfortable.

Yes, it’s a women’s one piece of a man’s hairy chest. Try to explain that one to children.

From Worst Gifts: “But really, what happens when the adventure calls? It happens when you least expect it! So it’s a good thing you’re burning dozens of calories with all this typing you’re doing! If you are looking to feel a little more comfortable on the adventure trail, you need a pair of Hobbit size slippers. They’re not ugly, I mean…. , in any case they’re comfortable. Oh, yes, so comfortable. You will want to stay in your underground home all day and will never venture to steal a dragon’s loot.”

Fill this with green shower gel and you can use the mucus to clean yourself. Ugh, did that come out really gross?

Learn how to break wind with this handy guide. But keep your ass far away from the candles.

Let’s just say, though Pepe’s a relatively harmless character, he’s become associated with the Alt-Right in recent years. So getting anything with his face on it isn’t a good idea.

For the stoner who might’ve smoked too many. Or someone who wants to know whether their dazed loved ones are stoned out of their minds.

Want to make a grand entrance in traffic? This is for you. Makes a great gift for some asshole drivers who like to announce their presence in a big way. But it’s hell for everyone else.

So how does this work exactly? Because dehydrated water simply can’t exist. Seriously, what the hell is this? A joke?