While Halloween may be over, there’s still another aspect of fall which I haven’t yet covered. Sure all the scary stuff may come to an end, but since fall is the mating season for many woodland creatures, it’s also the season for dead critters. That’s right. Dead critters. Whether they’d be hit and run victims of country road traffic or casualties of hunting season, fall is basically the season of death for many of North Americans creatures who live on the verge between wilderness and civilization. This is especially true since two major dishes of the season are turkey dinners and venison. And it’s no wonder that deer hunting is such a major thing in my home state in Pennsylvania that the Monday after Thanksgiving is basically a state holiday. As someone who attended public school, I never went back the first day of hunting season since it was closed that day for this very reason. Still, in order to commemorate the North American wildlife season of sex and death, I shall compile a post on the art of mounting and stuffing dead animals for display known as taxidermy. Whether it was for preserving specimens for museums or hunting trophies, fooling onlookers, or creating whimsical scenes, it has always been with us. Sure those “Meat is Murder” people might find the practice barbaric while other see it as creepy, disgusting, or tacky. Yet, there’s just something very fascinating about stuffed animals in which the skin was from an actual animal. Still, without further adieu, here are some of the creative ways people tend to have fun with dead animals.
1. Allow me to tell you the tale of Aladdin squirrel and his magic lamp.
Now the most amazing thing about this piece is how the person managed to have Aladdin squirrel fly on a flying carpet that seems almost too small for him. Of course, a great song for the Disney version would be “Arabian Nuts.”
2.Some kind of scuffle seemed to erupt at the mice bar over some reason.
This is a piece of good old Victorian taxidermy by Walter Potter. Still, you have to admire how Old World mice tended to spend a lot of their social lives in taverns.
3. Just a typical mouse family spending quality time watching Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Normally us humans may see the Tom and Jerry cartoons as just a bunch of entertaining animated shorts. Yet, to mice, they’re known to be gritty animated action dramas and Jerry is viewed as an action hero.
4. Observe the mouse taxidermist at work on mounting a beetle.
If it wasn’t for the formaldehyde, the bug, and obvious lack of plastic wrap on a mouse victim, I would’ve thought this was a taxidermy tribute to Dexter.
5. Nothing shows a squirrel from the streets than his gold chains and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Of course, this is perhaps the famous rapper sensation Nutt Daddy. He’s known for rapping about the hard life he’s had growing up on the wrong side of the trees.
6. See these two mice having a picnic and sharing a hoagie.
Sure there may be some morbid connotation with using dead mice, but this is still pretty adorable. Still, shouldn’t one of them have a knife to cut the hoagie? It would be much easier to eat it that way.
7. Looks like these two raccoons are engaged in a game of pool.
“So what are going to play, bub? Nine ball, eight ball, three ball, straight pool, one pocket, speed pool, or bank pool? Nevertheless, don’t be a hustler.”
8. Come and see the bluegrass sensation, the Soggy Bottom Squirrels.
Then again, I’m sure this bluegrass squirrel band doesn’t consist of ex-convicts, unlike George Clooney and his friends in O Brother Where Art Thou?
9. Looks like this deer is all primped and ready for her big day down the aisle.
Wait a minute, unless it’s possibly a reindeer, then it’s most noticeably a buck in drag. Then again, perhaps it’s a tribute to the M*A*S*H episode in which Corporal Max Klinger marries his sweetheart on the airwaves.
10. Looks like this squirrel is going hunting in his fancy new hat.
Now this is another Victorian taxidermy piece. Don’t get me wrong, there are species of squirrels that are omnivores. Yet, the nut eating gray squirrel is the conventional stereotype.
11. Now here is a taxidermy piece of two squirrels getting nasty.
For animal mating scenes, I’m not as prudish because you see a lot of animal sex on nature shows, which are usually considered G rated TV programming. Of course, the main reason for this is that animals are more likely to be seen during the mating seasons.
12. This fox really needs a fix before he shows symptoms of withdrawal.
Yeah, this fox really wants to get high from smoking the hookah right now. Note that hookah smoking isn’t a safe alternative to cigarettes and can kill you.
13. Say hello to this little green beret squirrel’s AK 47.
Now this must be the cutest little US Army Green Beret I’ve ever seen. Of course, you wouldn’t want to touch his acorns.
14. Here’s a raccoon firefighter about to turn on the hydrant.
Either the raccoon’s turning on the hydrant, taking a whizz, or possibly both. Still, it’s probably both.
15. Oh, that backstabbing nut eating son of a bitch! This was supposed to be a duel!
Then again, dueling is kind of a stupid idea, especially to the death. Yet, we have a sport derived from it called fencing. Still, that gray squirrel is a bastard.
16. All a rabbit needs are his carrot and his bottle of Corona.
This is probably a real life version of Bugs Bunny’s alcoholic brother Bertram who never amounted to anything except siring a bunch of bunnies without paying child support. Nobody mentions him.
17. Lizzie Cornden took an ax, and gave her mother 40 whacks. Once she saw what she had done, she gave her father 41.
Yes, this is a taxidermy diorama of Lizzie Borden with her ax. Of course, the real Lizzie was acquitted for killing her dad and stepmom and it’s not known whether she did. Still, if she did it, whack count was at 11 for her stepmom and 19 for her dad. Not only that, but if guilty, she probably killed them over a family dispute.
18. Now here is a taxidermy piece of a miniature griffin.
Yes, there are specimens that fit in the category of rogue taxidermy. Now this griffin was created from a house cat and a bird of prey, but it’s still rather realistic looking. Of course, in mythology, griffins are much bigger.
19. Seems like this squirrel has taken up bow hunting.
Now I think this is quite hilarious if you know what I mean. Still, I have a neighbor who actually does this as a hobby.
20. Ladies and gents, let’s give a warm welcome to Cowboy Corny McNutt and his bucking rattlesnake Jake.
Now I’m sure riding a rattlesnake is perfectly safe for a squirrel. Oh, yeah, I forgot snakes usually eat them if they should exist in the same environment. Then again, gray squirrels and snakes don’t co-exist anyway.
21. Here we come to view the annual guinea pig cricket match.
And yet another example in Victorian taxidermy. Of course, you could tell it’s an English piece since it takes place on a cricket field. It’s said that these matches tend to be an all day event with tea breaks. Yet, don’t ask me how it’s played because I think it’s like baseball with paddles and rules being made up as they go along.
22. And now ladies and gentlemen, scenes from a boxing match with Nutty McNuttchuck and Acorn T. Oakenshield.
This is a diorama of a squirrel boxing match. Notice the squirrels have no shirts on and aren’t going bare knuckle. Still, I wish they’d sport handle bar mustaches for the old timey feel.
23. I give you the Fellowship of the Cheese that seeks to venture to Mount Doom to destroy the one cheese to rule them all.
Yes, this is a mouse diorama for Lord of the Rings. Let’s just say everyone in this display save perhaps Gimli and Gandalf may not possibly be as cute as their movie counterparts.
24. “Do you, Tom Muffins, take Kitty Catnipkins to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold, for richer and poor, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health so long as you both shall live?”
Yes, this is a kitten wedding scene from the Victorian Era. Sure it may look rather cruel by our standards, but back in the day, it was very common to kill kittens to control population.
25. On the night he was betrayed, Cheesus to the bread, gave it to his disciples, and said, “This is my body, which should be given unto you.”
Of course, I had to do a taxidermy take on the Last Supper since it’s a very famous painting. Nevertheless, I can’t really tell who’s who here other than Jesus.
26. Here’s a squirrel lady posing with flowers in a pretty dress.
I suppose this might’ve been taken from a famous painting or not. Still, those flowers are simply not real by any means.
27. Here’s Cheese Carell on The Late Show with David Litterman.
Now this is a diorama for Steve Carell’s appearance on David Letterman in which he presents this diorama. Still, I think the mice should’ve been the other way around since Letterman has lighter hair.
28. Didn’t know that there was ever a school for bunnies, was there?
I sure hope they teach sex education in rabbit school because when these bunnies grow up in a few months they’ll be breeding all over the place, like rabbits. Of course, a lot of them would be eaten in the meantime.
29. Greetings from the Coontz family.
There always has to be that one guy who has to ruin the photo. Guess it’s the kid making the smart ass sign.
30. This gangsta pigeon has all the French fries on his turf.
Wait a minute, wasn’t there an Animaniacs cartoon of three gangster pigeons which was a take off from Goodfellas? Still, I don’t think that pigeon would want to eat French fries since they aren’t really good for you.
31. Either this squirrel is playing in a recording studio, bar, or nightclub.
“Sing us a song you’re the piano squirrel,
Sing us a song tonight.
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody,
And you’ve got us feeling alright.” Harmonica music should ensue by this point.
32.Seems like critters tend to have a lot of fun while going on drinking sprees or fishing trips in the woods.
Still, you have to admit it’s funny to have chipmunks wearing Robin Hood like hats. Still, they should be aware of any banjo playing rodents especially in the Appalachian Mountains. Nevertheless, chipmunks are technically squirrels. Same goes for woodchucks and prairie dogs. They’re all in the same family, folks.
33. Now those two mallard ladies look pretty in their dresses.
Hey, wait a minute. Those are guys! Female Mallards are basically brown and shabby looking. Thus, such a scene makes it seem the avian equivalent to drag queens. This may not have been the taxidermist’s original intent, but it sure looks that way from an avian standpoint.
34. This black clad coyote bandit is among the meanest in the Old West and is quick on the draw. Watch him, I tell you.
Of course, the Cowboy Coyote’s luck will run out once the Roadrunner shows up. After that, he’ll be basically smashed, blown up, mangled, frozen, and injured in too many ways to count.
35. This pigeon is watching you, following you, and taking pictures of you.
Before we had more advanced technology, the NSA used to send spy pigeons all around the country to monitor suspected terrorists. Of course, in practice, these pigeons didn’t always live up to the government standard and sometimes spied on normal Americans instead.
36. Just two raccoons going on a canoe trip gently along the stream.
Hope they don’t go up Shit Creek. And if they hear banjos playing, then they should just keep paddling unless they want to end up like Ned Beatty on Deliverance.
37. Looks like Sergeant Squirrel is about to throw a grenade.
Let’s hope he throws it quickly after he pulls the pin or he’ll have his freaking hand blown off or perhaps the rest of him.
38. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the real Puss in Boots.
I don’t know about you, but this Puss seems to be a lot more sinister looking than he does in the Shrek films. Still, it’s fairly as close to a live action version as you’re going to get.
39. There’s nothing in this world than seeing a squirrel on his ride.
Of course, he should wear a helmet in case he wrecks. Or else, he might cruise his way to an early death and have his organs donated to some other squirrel who’s waiting for a kidney.
40. Now this must be some frog circus.
Of course, the frog ringmaster is perhaps doing a music routine of, “Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal…..etc., etc.”
41. Behold, the raccoon samurai.
I’m not sure if that’s a raccoon but it totally looks like it. Still, I find it hard to have taxidermied raccoons as Asian figures. I mean they’re only native to the Americas, not Asia. Also, katanas were most likely used by samurai as fashion accessories at best.
42. Man, this squirrel duel to the death sure can be brutal.
Yes, I think this may be another piece from the Victorian Era. Still, I hope the acorns were all worth it.
43. Now this is one well dressed vixen.
Wait a minute, is she wearing a mink stole? I thought so. Then again, minks are more or less related to weasels, skunks, badgers, otters, and wolverines. Foxes are canines. Still, PETA is going to kill me.
44. Just a lonely lady groundhog gathering flowers near the well.
I’m not sure if this lady is waiting for her sweetheart, mourning, or about to eat the flowers once the butterfly flutters off her face. Still, these creatures are usually remembered as the ones who have their on holiday in February that inspired a Bill Murray film.
45. Looks like gophers had their own nostalgia about the 1950s.
Of course, though this may seem like a 1950s nostalgia scene, notice that the male gopher isn’t wearing any pants or a helmet. Also, the motorcycle doesn’t look 1950s to me.
46. During the winter, it’s not uncommon for young groundhogs to spend snowy days after school building a snow man.
Of course, they ignore the fact that groundhogs are usually in their dens most of the early winter until perhaps late January or early February. And then they go back in.
47. Here’s a native groundhog languishing at his teepee.
And it seems like this one is a Plains due to living in a teepee and sporting an elaborate headdress. Hey, what am I saying? Groundhogs are native to North America and they don’t dress like that at all. They also live in holes in the ground.
48. The Punxsutawney Trio performs at the Old Tyme Music Jamboree.
Of course, the one gopher’s guitar seems like it was straight from Guitar Hero. Still, with a trumpet player, harmonica, and guitar, it’s hard to tell what genre they’re playing.
49. Old Froggy Tadpollan enjoys a pipe and a pint at the Olde Frog Legs Inn.
Let’s hope whatever he came on to this place doesn’t get toad. Still, he’s more likely to stagger out of the place than hop by the end of the night.
50. Ladies and gentlemen, Toad Rundgren.
Sorry, but I don’t know who Todd Rundgren is or his music. Thus, I can’t set any song of his to funny amphibious music lyrics. Ribbit, ribbit.
51. This ray is just flaming hot right now. I mean seriously, flaming.
Now this is a true infernal Devil Ray. Yet, I’m not sure whether it’s from Florida or Tampa Bay. Still, would make a better mascot for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays than the one they have now.
52. Here’s a scene of Chip and Dale visiting a nudie show.
While Chip likes to look at the mini taxidermied pheasants, Dale wants to see a topless girlie show. You know this won’t be resolved easily.
53. Be vewy, vewy, quiet. Wabbits are hunting you.
Some rabbits deal with hunters through wisecracks and clever cartoon antics. But this rabbit seeks revenge for the hunter or pest control business that killed his family.
54. Just a black bear doorman taking his smoking break.
Let’s just say that being a doorman could sometimes be unbearable. Still, I don’t think smoking is allowed in most buildings anymore.
55. This fox must be a real wino if you know what I mean.
Of course, he’s the kind of fox who’d eat a rabbit’s liver with a fine Chianti. Yet, I’m not sure if he’d have fava beans as a side.
56. And now, I’ll show you a genuine Florida Gator.
Now what I don’t understand is that why this guy didn’t devour that annoying Tim Tebow when he had the chance. I mean he could’ve gotten Tebow while he was praying on one knee.
57. Now this squirrel is very well read and knowledgeable of current events.
Of course, this squirrel is reading about the acorn trade in today’s Oak Street Journal. Nevertheless, let’s home he’s not a frequent watcher of Fox News which is staffed by actual foxes in his case.
58. Raven priest will give you hear your sins.
Now this old bird is from the Victorian Era. Still, he’s pretty sharp and well read in his scripture, isn’t he. Of course, don’t ask about his habit of saying, “Nevermore” at funerals.
59. Looks like it’s bridge night for all the woodland creatures.
Now I’m sure they’re playing for pennies. Yet, considering that the rabbit is playing against known carnivores, he may just as well be playing for his life.
60. Black Bart McNutt is one of the most acorn mad and trigger happy squirrels in the West.
No, I’m sure he’ll soon bite off more acorns than he could chew. Still, predators should watch this black hat wearing gray squirrel.
61. This beaver can certainly play a mean accordion.
Then again, he probably did a performance of a polka at the Lawrence Welt Show back in the day. I’m sure a lot of young beavers were forced to watch it.
62. Now this raccoon plays the court jester.
This raccoon seems a little sad. Guess things aren’t going too well for jesters these days. Then again, this might be another Victorian piece.
63. Rana and Ardilla are all dressed up for their mariachi band.
I have to like the squirrel in his little sombrero and mustache. Still, I don’t think I’d like to listen to a frog sing though, even if it is in Spanish.
64. Of course, this squirrel would wish for a little privacy, please.
Yeah, he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s in the outhouse smoking, drinking, and looking at nudie pictures of other squirrels. He’d very much like it if you shut the door.
65. “Time to cook, Jesse Pinkmouse.”
Yes, these are Breaking Bad taxidermied mice. Yes, these are Walt and Jesse. And yes, we have to acknowledge that meth is a big problem in the mouse community as well.
66. “Time for your shot, Nutty.”
Does the squirrel need restrained because of its fear of needles? Or does this have something to do with some kinky BDSM? Maybe I don’t want to know.
67. This raccoon is getting ready for her night out.
“Hope I’m ready by the time Rocky comes over. I want to look my best before he takes me to dinner at the dumpster of that French Restaurant. Heard the food there is amazing.”
68. Looks like these squirrels are after some serious game.
You might want to watch out for squirrels in orange vests this fall. Seriously, watch out for them. Nevertheless, this is too much.
69. Now this is a truly American eagle.
I’m sure most of its feathers are fake on this star spangled bird of prey. Still, you bet they’d breed one live if they could.
70. Birch Reynolds is posing for his legendary centerfold.
Now I think this version of the Burt Reynolds picture is better than the original. Seriously, Reynolds didn’t seem to be that good looking to me. Still doesn’t.
71. Now here’s a little bunny in a dress and bow.
Of course, this is the kind of stuffed animal you’d want to scare your kids with. Then again, it’s derived from a Beatrix Potter character.
72. This squirrel has been working on his family farm for generations.
Wait a minute. Aren’t gray squirrels tree creatures? And aren’t ground squirrels much bigger that you wouldn’t consider them squirrels at all? Still, this is pretty amusing.
73. This old goat is a rather distinguished gentleman.
Of course, this is Dr. Billy Gruff, professor of organic chemistry at Nanny State University. He’s a Baa Scholar and has written a lot about the nutritional value of tin cans.
74. I bring you the Voodoo squirrel witch doctor.
Let’s just say that real life voodoo isn’t as malicious as you see in the movies. Still, the mice sacrifice thing might be going a little overboard here.
75. Now, kids, here’s an exhibit of a cougar taking a shit in its natural habitat.
Now I wonder if the taxidermist wanted to show movement but somehow ended putting the cougar in a shitting position instead. Still, it’s pretty damn funny and will probably get a lot of museum visitors.
76. “The Northwoods Kangaroo Court is now in session with the Honorable Judge Wolf presiding over Northwoods vs. Bucky Badger.”
Now I guess Lynx is the prosecutor on this one and I guess the badger basically killed a couple of pheasants. Still, examining evidence is giving Judge Wolf quite the appetite.
77. Either this is a cat queen or a taxidermy rendition of Grizabella’s performance in Cats.
“Memory all alone in the moonlight.” Then again, Grizabella was much more haggard and mangy than this cat ever was.
78. Now here’s an adorable diorama of a kitten tea party.
Of course, this is another Victorian taxidermy piece and involves kittens, which is disturbing. Still, this could just as easily be a cat take off of Downton Abbey.
79. Look, kids, a genuine rocking horse.
Now this is another toy that might scare the bejesus out of little kids. This is especially true if they’ve been to a horse farm or live there.
80. This jackass has had too much to drink.
Then again, this piece can be a great artistic interpretation of how me and my fellow liberals and Democrats feel after the 2014 Midterms. I mean the donkey is a symbol of the Democratic Party, no?