Ah, baby showers, a gathering to celebrate a child’s birth by presenting gifts to the kid’s mother (who’s usually pregnant at the time). Sure these are usually occasions for women with cutesy gifts and decorations included as well. Oh, and there’s usually a cake there, too. Of course, I could go on and on about how all the cute cakes you see at baby showers but you’d probably barf to such saccharine suggestions. Instead I’m going to show you some of the most disturbing and inappropriate cakes that that have been used to commemorate such occasions which may not be safe for work. Let’s just say that there are all so many examples of bakers perhaps taking their creativity too far or maybe these events aren’t as cutesy as many would think it would be. So without further adieu, here are some outlandish cakes that have been used to greet all those little bundles of joy.
1. What better way to greet the little shit machine than with a cake to remind the mother to be of what’s in store for the next three to four years?
Sure this is one of the less anticipated moments of parenting but do you have to have a cake of what a baby’s diaper looks like from the inside? Seriously, this is disgusting.
2. Congratulations on the impending birth of your new, demon child?
Seriously, I think Damien would be the better choice for the creepy baby on the TV set than Ethan. Also, if he’s the fifth kid in the family, then you shouldn’t be having a baby shower. Still, maybe it’s for the dad who’s an alien or something since the baby tends to very much look like it’s from another world or Hell.
3. Now here’s a cake that depicts why we’re celebrating this occasion from the microscopic point of view.
Well, let’s say if any children are around, this cake would provide them a good opportunity of how babies are made. Seriously, what’s with the egg and sperm thing? And why do all the sperm have smiley faces on them as if they’re happy for their buddy to fertilize the egg?
4. Now here’s a cake that provides a simulated view of what the baby looks like up close and personal.
I’m perfectly fine with showing ultrasound images but not on such a tacky cake display such as this. Besides, I think this is kind of too up close and personal.
5. Now here’s a cake that depicts an image from an anatomy textbook.
I guess the baker figured that a cross section image from sex-ed was the perfect inspiration for this design. Let’s just say when I go to a baby shower, the last thing I want to remember is health class.
6. Now here’s a perfect cake for those throwing a baby shower during hunting season.
The fact that the torso’s decked in camouflage with a baby footprint protruding from it and a popped up belly button makes it all the more disturbing. Doesn’t help that the camouflage from the mother’s stomach bears a remarkable resemblance to blood vessels.
7. Nothing says about the ups and downs of parenthood than a cake with a dirty diaper.
On second thought, chocolate syrup seems to bear a remarkable resemblance to poo now that I think of it.
8. There’s nothing like a baby shower cake that states the reason for such celebration in the most crassest way possible.
Someone in this baby shower seems to be a huge fan of that stupid Seth Rogen movie for some reason. Still, I’m sure that the guest of honor at this thing knew about it for months.
9. Now here’s a cake that seems to take some inspiration from a sex ed animation.
Is is just me or does the baker have some side job in medical illustration. Still, now that’s how babies are made, kids, at least in the technical aspects as well as what a woman’s reproductive system looks like upon fertilization. Also, what kind of name is Gentri, seriously?
10. Nothing says baby shower like a cake reminding the guest of honor of the tribulations of labor with the encouragement from an iconic childhood character.
Sure induce further trauma of giving birth by including the Cat in the Hat. Makes one not think the same way about Dr. Suess ever again. Why not have Thing 1 and Thing 2 assist with the delivery. Also, why did the baker have to be so graphic about this?
11. What better baby shower cake to have than a cake depicting Spencer the Spermazoa, mascot from WTFU.
I think this is a baby shower cake for guys but I’m not sure. Also, I heard WTFU’s Spiking Spermazoa have a lousy record in college football and basketball.
12. And if you like cupcakes what better way to commemorate a baby shower than ones with chocolate sperm.
Actually they kind of more or less resemble creepy chocolate tadpoles. Perhaps these are better at a gathering for amphibian enthusiasts instead of baby showers.
13. What better way to say congratulations to the new parents than with a cookie cake just stating the obvious but in a way you wouldn’t say to kids.
Let’s just say there’s a reason why we don’t include the word “genitals” in cakes. Still, this is like “congratulations for the new baby” in the most inappropriate way possible.
14. What way to celebrate the coming of a new baby than depict a delivery scene that would be akin to a horror movie.
Seriously, this cake would be much more appropriate for Halloween than a baby shower. The use of a baby doll covered in strawberry syrup kind of makes this cake even more nightmarish. Perhaps it’s enough to make any pregnant woman opt for a c-section.
15. Nothing says adorable than seeing a sweet baby in its blankie.
Except this baby wants to devour your soul through your lactating teets than be fed from the baby bottle. Seriously, this is is pretty creepy if you think about it.
16. What could be better baby shower cake than to have one depicting who the mother works for (or just got fired from).
I suppose this baby shower cake was for the woman at Hooters known for getting way too friendly with the customers.
17. Aw, what would be a more heartwarming cake than one with the parents rubbing the mother’s tummy and going through the journey of parenthood together.
On second thought, does the woman have four hands or do they belong to two different people? Also, this is kind of creepy if you ask me.
18. Now here’s a cake on how the whole thing happened.
Look, even with the plant references, this cake still reminds me of health class in high school. Seriously, we get it now and no, this narrative doesn’t make this cake any more adorable.
19. Finally, a cake to show where the action is.
Look, we’ve all been to sex-ed and we know what happens in the uterus once the egg is fertilized. Also, the cookie fetus is pretty creepy.
20. What better way to commemorate the arrival of a new bundle of joy than to have a cake that depicts the inevitability all mothers to be may have to face.
What the hell is that flesh thing coming from that torso’s stomach? It sure doesn’t look like a baby to me. Also, these pregnant torso cakes are pretty tacky if you ask me.
21. Nothing says baby shower like having a cake with a creepy baby doll who wants to kill you.
Aw, look at her blank soulless eyes. Who’s mommy’s future little serial killer? You are, you are. Seriously, this baby is showing signs of being a sociopath.
22. Nothing welcomes a new baby home than having a cake contain his ultrasound images.
Maybe ultrasound images of fetuses should be in cards and such, not on cakes. Oh, God, no please.
23. Aw, what a lovely cake to greet God’s little angel.
Wait a minute, is this for a baby shower or a baby funeral? Seriously, that cross kind of makes it disturbing. Of course, in Rick Bobby’s opinion, this is a cake of Baby Jesus.
24. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a scene in the delivery room.
I don’t know about you bud doesn’t the doctor instruments on the baby table seem a little terrifying to you? I don’t know about you but it seems that bakers can’t traumatize us enough.
25. This baby shower was sponsored by Pampers.
Seriously, if this isn’t some kind of product placement cake, then I don’t know what is. Still, a diaper cake, why?
26. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a little baby about the crawl into your nightmares.
God, that baby is ugly and creepy as hell. Probably better suited as a Halloween cake since it doesn’t even look like a baby to me.
27. There ain’t no baby like a gangsta baby.
What’s with the cigars, seriously? Still, no matter what your taste in music is, you got to agree with me that this is in very bad taste, according to some people.
28. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a pregnant torso cake with limbs bursting out of it.
This is horrifying and it kind of reminds me of some kind of horror movie in which the monster bursts out of someone’s stomach or something like that.
29. There’s nothing so adorable than a cake of a baby’s bottom and a lobster.
Looks more like a red scorpion to me and we know those are poisonous. Also, I think the idea of baby bottom cakes is a very tacky idea if you ask me.
30. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake of an infant fresh from the delivery room.
This is simply terrifying. Whoever thought this was a creative idea for a baby shower cake, ought to have his head examined. Seriously, this isn’t cute at all, especially the fact that the baby is blue, making the cake even more disturbing in the process.
31. Congratulations, it’s uh, baby. Can you tell me what the hell that is?
This cake reminds me of that Saint Vincent DePaul statue with the children at my alma mater Saint Vincent College. Let’s just say that sculptor didn’t know how to draw kids which gave it an aura of creepiness like this cake does. The child in this cake is butt ugly and doesn’t seem to resemble a baby at all. Also, it looks too young to be Benjamin Button.
32. Aw, take a look at this adorable cake of a little baby in the tub.
Never in the history of the world has anyone depicted such an activity of innocence in such a nightmarish way possible. I mean a baby in the tub should be seen as adorable but this cake is simply terrifying.
33. Nothing says “welcome twins” like a cake in which the babies resemble kidneys.
Seriously, are they supposed to be in a uterus or something else. Because that does not look like a uterus at all. Looks more like a fruit of some sort if you ask me.
34. Nothing says “welcome baby” than seeing one in a cake.
Seriously, this baby doll in cake thing is creeping me out. Also, how did they bake that or at least get that baby in the cake?
35. Finally a cake with an exhausted expectant mother in labor on her hospital bed.
Hey, at least they didn’t depict a cake with a c-section. Still, why have a cake depicting this? Why? I mean she has bloodshot eyes, for God’s sake.
36. Congratulations it’s a Ooompa Loompa?
Then again, maybe being a slave laborer at Willie Wonka’s factory isn’t so bad after all as this cake shows. Yet, their offspring are fairly ugly if you know what I mean.
37. Aw, such an adorable cake with twins in a basket to show a mother to be’s double bundle of joy.
These babies are the spawn of Satan and are hungry for your soul. Take them away! Take them away!
38. Finally, a baby shower cake for little green aliens to enjoy.
After all, little green men are people, too, even if their kids freak you out at one time. Yet, strangely the parents intend to name their new son with the Earth name of Tristan. Perhaps this might be the case since Orgarth and Mosal figured that a name from their planet would get their son beat up in school.
39. Congratulations and may your little girl make a lovely little addition to the Dark side of the Force.
Either this, or that the expectant mother’s friends are trying to tell her that she needs a divorce and that her husband would make a terrible dad. That, or just that she may really be into Star Wars for some reason. Seriously, Darth Vader on a baby shower cake? You know this is a guy who cut off his son’s hand and blew up his daughter’s planet.
40. Playboy Bunny bra over enormous boobs? Check. Foot protruding out of stomach? Check. Ultrasound image of baby? Check.
Does anyone think that a Playboy Bunny bra on big boobs on these pregnant torso cakes seem like a covert way of saying what a skank the expectant mother is? I mean seriously, everyone knows that Playboy is a porno magazine created by some old guy who has a harem of scantily clad young women at his own mansion.
41. Finally a baby shower cake for the mother to be who would give birth in a tub.
Seriously, why make a cake of this? How the expectant mother wants in a delivery should be her own personal business, not something to announce to the world.
42. Congratulations it’s a baby human-monkey hybrid.
Look, I’m fine with whatever you do in your personal life but I’m not a fan of bestiality even if it’s between women or chimps. Either that, or whoever designed this cake is really terrible at monkeys for some reason for it looks strangely humanoid. This would’ve been a better baby shower cake if this was Planet of the Apes.
43. Congratulations on your new chest bursting alien that will probably strike you dead.
This would’ve been a perfectly appropriate baby shower cake for Sigourney Weaver, assuming that she didn’t have any kids before the Alien franchise movies. Hey, at least the alien doesn’t burst out of a woman’s chest in the actual movie, it bursts out of a guy’s.
44. Congratulations, uh, who’s Jason here?
Either this is a baby shower cake for an expectant dad named Jason. Or Jason is the unborn baby who has been determined to be a boy. Either way, it’s kind of freaky to have a sperm in scuba gear if you know what I mean.
45. Finally, a bad baby shower cake for the undead expectant mother.
Seriously that baby looks like a monstrosity like a zombie hungry for brains. Also, I didn’t know zombies could even reproduce on their own either.
46. Finally, a baby shower cake that gives the term, “baby carrots” a whole new meaning.
I don’t know about you, but I kind of find the idea of a clone army naked babies with mohawks riding carrots kind of terrifying if you ask me.
47. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a big boobed mother nursing her bundle of joy.
Either the designer was a guy who frequented strip clubs on a regular basis or this cake was originally made for a bachelor party of some sort but cancelled at the last minute. If it’s the latter, then the baby was probably a last second addition.
48. Finally, a cake that tells an expectant mother exactly what her friends and relatives are thinking about her unplanned pregnancy.
Of course, this cake features a pregnant Marge Simpson whose story seems fairly similar to the slogan. Then again, I guess you could do worse than Homer even if he is kind of a jerk at times. Nevertheless, it’s a pretty bad way to rub it in.
49. Nothing could be a better baby shower cake than one with a fetus you can see through the the stomach.
Honestly, who’s idea was this nightmarish disaster? I mean the cake has a baby in a gelatin stomach on it. This is creepy beyond all reason.
50. Finally, a baby shower cake befitting for a mother-to-be in the adult entertainment industry.
Looks like the naked lady from the pick up truck mudflaps got herself in the family way. I hope that doesn’t hurt her career as a figure on stuff for perverts.