Spring and summer are big seasons for weddings since these are times when the weather is supposed to be nice and sunny, well, most of the time. Of course, you don’t need to take my word for it that they are big occasions that require constant planning yet we’re pretty sure that most couples who are about to make the trip to the altar pretty much know what they’d want their wedding to be like. Then again, there are plenty of women who’ve already planned the trimmings to their wedding way before they met the man (or woman in some states) of their dreams. One of the big features of the wedding is the big wedding cake which is often the centerpiece of the wedding buffet as well as the only piece of food made for people to look at. I can go all day about the nice wedding cakes I’ve seen but this post would be boring so instead I’ll post cakes that would turn any bride to be into an instant bridezilla and for good reason since some of the cakes don’t always turn out according to plan and mistakes can’t always be repeated, too. Then again, you may have some brides saying, “Well, we can always renew our vows.”
1. Nothing says that the wedding is all about the bride than having a large cake in her likeness.
Seriously, this is the kind of cake you get when the bride has no taste or budget. Besides, I think having a wedding cake in your likeness is one of the creepiest and selfish things you could do.
2. Best wishes to Donna and Adam Overly and may their marriage not become like their initials on their wedding cake.
I hope the initials on this cake don’t describe the happy couple’s future together or how they’ll end up in the hospital after being stabbed by the local serial killer. Then again, maybe the initials don’t mean anything.
3. Looks like this couple has ordered a cake of their wedding based on their favorite hobby: rock climbing.
Is it just me, or does that cake look like a giant turd with plant foliage on it? Still, I hope they have a rock solid marriage until death do they part, which in this case is one of them losing control of the bungee cords and falling 100 feet to their demise.
5. Why not have a wedding that’s based on the bride’s favorite Disney movie?
Maybe a Cinderella cake is fine by me but I think this is kind of over the top. Also, I’m not much of a fan of the girl finding her way out of her godforsaken hellhole through losing her footwear.
5. Some people cry at weddings while this baker made a cake that resembled a tissue pile.
May this cake be a reminder of all the tissues Susie went through during her dating life until she met Todd.
6. This wedding cake’s theme from John J. Audubon’s Birds of America: The Winter Series.
Sure the birds may be beautiful in the snow but all the branches on this cake seem dead for some reason. It doesn’t seem that this cake was made for a happy occasion since it looks rather depressing if you ask me.
7. So may your life be filled with peeps, kisses, Jack Daniels, and tacky lawn ornaments.
Either that, or the Hershey’s kisses are a stand-in for the flamingo poo droppings. Still, this cake sort of illustrates that this couple has horrible taste.
8. Let this cake stand to remind you that marriage is just one monogamous sausage fest.
Seriously those tubular decorations can’t be icing. I mean they look like ham, bacon, or some other meat. It’s disgusting.
9. Let this wedding cake tell us that it’s important to practice safe sex in a monogamous relationship.
Yet, perhaps these condom decorations are for the guests who want to hook up with someone during the reception.
10. Why better wedding cake than one resembling a fountain?
This cake actually looks pretty nice except for the spikes on the top which makes it better suited for a horror movie.
11. Nothing says “true love” than a wedding cake of a tree with an initialed heart cut in.
Except that this tree looks like it was straight out of a badly drawn Dr. Seuss book. This, assuming that Dr. Seuss was in kindergarten at the time.
12. Why not have a wedding cake that looks like it was designed by the baker’s 5 year old daughter?
This cake looks more like a little girl’s art project. I swear it seems like the cake is made out of styrofoam and blue electrical tape. I suppose the flowers came from someone’s art set, too.
13. Why not have a wedding cake that’s made on top of a large stump?
Either that, or Cousin It. Then again, it kind of resembles a stool you might want to buy at the Pottery Barn with a cake topper on it. Let’s just say if weren’t for the topper, I wouldn’t know it was a wedding cake.
14. Why not have a cake that says “I have a hunk a heart of burning love,” or something like that?
Then again the fires on this cake have substantially cooled as far as we know. Still, doesn’t quite cut it in the Elvis song.
15. Nothing says a fall wedding like wheat decorations that give it a rustic tone.
Of course, the wheat on this cake is so tall that I can’t see the rest of it. Also, kind of resembles a do-it-yourself fertility goddess headdress or something.
16. May this wedding cake show how love rises to new heights within the bonds of matrimony.
Of course, the baker got so carried away with the cake design that the wedding has gone way over budget.
17. For the wedding reception, what cake to have than one with a disco ball on top of it?
Of course, this cake design brings us why people no longer look to the 1970s for decorating ideas. Also, a disco ball as a cake topper? That’s tacky beyond all understanding.
18. Of course, what winter wedding would be complete without an Alpine skiing cake from the Rocky Mountains.
What the hell are those green things? Are they supposed to be rocks or something? Can somebody answer me?
19. Nothing says a festive wedding than a salmon color wedding cake.
Reminds me of a place called Cafe Salmonella from A Series of Unfortunate Events where all the food was this color. Of course, this color is fine on salmon but disgusting on anything else edible.
20. What wedding wouldn’t be complete without two doves as a cake topper?
Of course, the cake itself looks like a little girl’s art project complete with spray paint and glitter.
21. Of course, there’s no redneck wedding like a camo wedding cake decorated with beer cans and taxidermy squirrels.
The taxidermy done on these cake toppers was by Norman Bates. Also, using taxidermy as cake toppers is kind of unsanitary if you ask me but perhaps this cake was done on a budget.
22. Here comes the….hey, what happened to the bride’s head?
Seriously, this is freaky if you ask me. Why have a cake of the bride’s bust? Also, the fact it doesn’t seem to have a head is even more disturbing.
23. Not to fear, Wal-Mart has the perfect wedding cake for you this Valentine’s Day season, now at a great low price.
This would’ve been the perfect cake for the Game of Thrones “Red Wedding” episode. Of course, you can see why the show’s fans wouldn’t even consider buying such cake that seems to be oozing in blood.
24. What better wedding cake than one that resembles a place you wouldn’t drive on.
Of course, this was designed by a boy who thought that wedding cakes have gotten a bit too girly for some reason. Also, this is why grooms shouldn’t plan weddings (just kidding).
25. May this wedding cake remind you of the golden moments you shared on this fateful day.
Of course, this baker has used way too much spray paint on this and it shows big time.
26. Nothing says wedding cake than having one that seems to be made out of paper mache and tissue paper.
That cake looks fairly convincing, for some kid’s 3rd grade art project, I guess.
27. These three wedding bakers seem so proud of their new creation.
That looks like a it was based from a pile of expensive looking pillows found in some 5 star hotel.
28. Nothing says “Southern Wedding” than beer cans, chocolate mud, strawberries, and Confederate flags.
Now this is why rednecks seem to be offensively stereotyped, folks. Also, not only is the Confederate flag a racist symbol, it’s also a terrible wedding decoration. And I’m not saying that to anger, Lynard Skynard fans here. I’m just saying.
29. Of course, no fall wedding could be complete without an autumn styled cake with deer toppers, especially when it’s after Thanksgiving.
I don’t know about you but I think deer heads should be on someone’s wall, not on a wedding cake. It’s kind of tacky if you ask me but at least the rest of it is tasteful.
30. Ain’t no wedding like a Mardi Gras wedding.
Then again, these Mardi Gras bead decorations don’t seem to bring in the festive spirit. Rather it seems like a more appropriate cake for Lent despite it being a season where many give up sweets and their New Year’s resolutions.
31. Aw, what can possibly go wrong with a wedding cake decorated with dolphins?
Oh, my God, this is a horrible cake. I mean the dolphins look like they’re all dead. Seriously, what does this baker have against dolphins?
32. Nothing makes a fairytale wedding than a cake of Cinderella’s castle.
On second thought, this cake has made one of the most iconic castles in Disney movies look like one of most terrifying places on earth. Seriously, it makes me wonder why Cinderella would want to marry the Prince and move in to such a place.
33. Aw, nothing says “true love” on a winter wedding like a wedding cake depicting a scene from Dr. Zhivago.
Sure, Dr. Zhivago is one of the great romances and “Lara’s Theme” is a great piece of music but it’s about the Russian Revolution as well as a guy who carries on an extramarital affair with some Bolshevik official’s neglected wife who he once saw after she was raped by a Russian aristocrat during the 1905 uprising. Let’s just say if you know the rest of the Dr. Zhivago story, you can see why seeing Yuri and Lara enjoying a sleigh ride doesn’t seem like an appropriate wedding idea. Also, the winter limbs on this cake are horrifying.
34. Sometimes when two don’t agree on the same wedding cake design, there needs to be a compromise.
As awful looking as this cake is, at least both bride and groom tried to accommodate their tastes. Still, camouflage shouldn’t be used on wedding cakes. I’m sorry.
35. May this cake remind you of the fireworks between the two of you.
Of course, I hope your relationship has more spectacular sparks than this cake would imply. Otherwise, your marriage doesn’t have a prayer.
36. Nothing says a summer wedding than a couple standing on top of a pile of dead sharks.
This is a terrible idea for a wedding cake. Even more disturbing is that all the sharks on this cake are oozing with blood. Sure sharks may attack people but there’s no reason why we should try to annihilate them since they have an important place in the ecosystem.
37. What a wonderful wedding cake with butterflies and sperm?
Look, if having sperm on a baby shower cake is bad, it’s certainly a terrible idea for a wedding one. Then again, these could be tadpoles, but still.
38. Of course, at a wedding, make sure there is plenty of cake to go around.
Lord knows how many guests attended this occasion as well as how much was spent on doing this cake alone. Still, it’s pretty tacky if you ask me.
39. What better wedding cake can you have that contains rainbows, flowers, and butterflies.
Is it just me, or does this cake seem to have been made by Lisa Frank on an acid trip or something?
40. Of course, this cake shows that this couple is very serious when it comes, “till death do we part.”
Yet, why did they have to make the point about it with eyeballs, blood, and lopped off body parts, I don’t have the slightest idea.
41. Oh, what a beautiful message to put on a wedding cake.
However, the cake topper with the bride wearing the pants bit is kind of a bit sexist if you ask me. Also, the writing seems to be melting.
42. What kind of wedding cake wouldn’t be without butterflies?
Along with outlandish foliage that seems to come straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Seriously, if your garden is like this cake, it needs weeding.
43. You can never have too many flowers on a wedding cake.
Uh, yes, you certainly can as this cake points out since you could barely see it itself. Also, I’m pretty sure those flowers are fake.
44. Here is a wedding cake that was inspired by Aunt Bertha’s hat.
Seems like more money was spent on the cake decorations than the actual cake. Still, this looks so freaky.
45. This wedding cake brings the festive spirit into any reception.
Then again, this cake kind of makes a lame show at it. Still, very colorful though but the “wow” factor is missing.
46. Of course, what better wedding cake for Star Wars fans than one of Jabba the Hut?
Actually, I can think of a lot of better Star Wars wedding cake ideas than this one. Also, have you notice that Jabba the Hut resembles an abnormally shaped turd from the back?
47. May God bless Sonia and BrianOliver on their wedding day.
Of course, this cake is bound to get a lot of giggles since the initials spell SOB. Couples, before you use monograms on your wedding cake, make sure they don’t spell something that has a negative connotation or makes people laugh.
48. Nothing like a weapon cake that shows you’re flirting with disaster.
I don’t know about you but this wedding cake contains all sorts of things that no wedding cake should have. I mean its supposed to be a happy occasion, not set to the scene of some action movie with plane crashes, gunfights, and blood everywhere.
49. Ain’t no wedding cake like one made out of snack food.
This is probably a way of saying “we spent all our money before we could think of a wedding cake so help yourself to some Hostess snack foods as our honored guests.”
50. And of course, what wedding wouldn’t be complete without a cake of a tree.
Particularly a sickly, sweating, morning after a bender during the reception and woke up next to a stranger tree. Yeah, not very convincing is it?
The Lone Girl in a Crowd 