The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas

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Most of you might know that Halloween is the time of year when people carve pumpkins into jack o’ lanterns and other carvings. However, for those who might be bored with the idea of carving pumpkins, you might want to consider an alternative. And while doing my post on Halloween crafts, I found just the thing: pumpkin dioramas. This just entails cutting a pumpkin from the side, taking any stuff out, and decorating the inside however you please. Or you can just use a foam one wherever they sell them. And while it’s not nearly as popular as the Easter peep dioramas, you still have some of these on Pinterest. You can also see quite a few tutorials on the subject as well if you’re interested. Now many pumpkin dioramas consist of Halloween scenes like graveyards, haunted houses, pumpkin patches, and the like. And like jack o’lanterns, they’re usually lit from the inside, too. But if you’re a repressed art major or someone looking for a different kind of crafting, then be my guest. So without further adieu, here are some spooky pumpkin dioramas.

  1. Heard that a giant pumpkin can offer a comfy living accommodation for any witch.
Odd, I'd usually expect a haggard witch like her to cook some potion. But this one seems to enjoy knitting for some reason. Then again, it might just be a hobby.

Odd, I’d usually expect a haggard witch like her to cook some potion. But this one seems to enjoy knitting for some reason. Then again, it might just be a hobby.

2. Of course, sometimes jail time can really take the life out of you.

Looks like the guy holding the bars isn't the only person who literally died in there. Just look at the others inside. He seems to have very good company.

Looks like the guy holding the bars isn’t the only person who literally died in there. Just look at the others inside. He seems to have very good company.

3. So I guess this is the broom parking zone.

And it seems the witches got there almost twenty minutes before midnight. Of course, I'm not sure if the zombies are happy in this neck of the cemetery.

And it seems the witches got there almost twenty minutes before midnight. Of course, I’m not sure if the zombies are happy in this neck of the cemetery.

4. Looks like the owl has really made itself at home in this pumpkin.

Now this is quite rustic for a pumpkin diorama. But still, really like the owl in its hole. Not very scary but very fitting for fall.

Now this is quite rustic for a pumpkin diorama. But still, really like the owl in its hole. Not very scary but very fitting for fall.

5. Of course, at night, the cemetery can be a hopping place.

Yeah, nothing in the cemetery compares to the sight of skeletons and mummies dancing. Hey, wait a minute, aren't mummies supposed to be in Egypt? What the hell is it doing here?

Yeah, nothing in the cemetery compares to the sight of skeletons and mummies dancing. Hey, wait a minute, aren’t mummies supposed to be in Egypt? What the hell is it doing here?

6. At some old houses, it can get quite scary at night, especially if they’re haunted.

This is especially true if the house in question has their very own family cemetery. Like the crow, though.

This is especially true if the house in question has their very own family cemetery. Like the crow, though.

7. Not sure if I ever want to go into this witch’s pumpkin patch at night.

Now I like how the pumpkins seem to glow in the dark. Still, that tree seems to have a lot of large fruit.

Now I like how the pumpkins seem to glow in the dark. Still, that tree seems to have a lot of large fruit.

8. The cemetery can be a rather bleak place on autumn nights.

Now this one uses twigs for bare trees as well as moss for the graveyard ground. Not sure if the leaves are real.

Now this one uses twigs for bare trees as well as moss for the graveyard ground. Not sure if the leaves are real.

9. Seems like a lot of people got hanged in this area.

Now this is quite neat. Still, I'm not sure if there would be an area with skeletons on a noose like that. I'm sure people would see that.

Now this is quite neat. Still, I’m not sure if there would be an area with skeletons on a noose like that. I’m sure people would see that.

10. Seems like the earth isn’t safe with these pumpkin aliens.

Now this is clever. This used a pumpkin as a flying saucer or UFO and small green pumpkins as aliens.

Now this is clever. This used a pumpkin as a flying saucer or UFO and small green pumpkins as aliens.

11. Looks like the zombies are out messing around this time of night.

Of course, who says that the dead aren't a very lively bunch? Still, like how this person used a light bulb for the moon.

Of course, who says that the dead aren’t a very lively bunch? Still, like how this person used a light bulb for the moon.

12. Now this graveyard seems like a ghostly hangout.

Not sure what's under the ghosts (probably wires or foam). But I do like the one on top.

Not sure what’s under the ghosts (probably wires or foam). But I do like the one on top.

13. Guess the graveyard shift isn’t as dull as it’s cracked up to be.

Seems like the skeletons are having fun and are making no bones about it. And there's even one with a top hat and cane.

Seems like the skeletons are having fun and are making no bones about it. And there’s even one with a top hat and cane.

14. Of course, there’s nothing like spending Halloween in the North Pole.

Hey, I didn't say that pumpkin dioramas had to be about Halloween stuff. Still, not sure if the people can fit into the igloo.

Hey, I didn’t say that pumpkin dioramas had to be about Halloween stuff. Still, not sure if the people can fit into the igloo.

15. Nighttime is said to be when you can hear the wolf howling at the moon.

I'm not sure if wolves really howl at the moon. I mean howling could just as easily be a form of long distance communication for them.

I’m not sure if wolves really howl at the moon. I mean howling could just as easily be a form of long distance communication for them.

16. Seems like this graveyard is fenced in and gives no bones about it.

Let's hope they didn't get the bones from the graves. Because that would be bad. Really bad.

Let’s hope they didn’t get the bones from the graves. Because that would be bad. Really bad. Still, like the lamp post.

17. A pumpkin and a bouquet of black roses are all that a skeleton needs for a date.

Yes, he may be all bones by now. But he seems smiling and ready for action.

Yes, he may be all bones by now. But he seems smiling and ready for action.

18. It’s said to be customary for some people to tell ghost stories at a Halloween bonfire.

Guess the kid dressed is Batman seems quite frightened. Then again, the lighting makes the atmosphere quite eerie.

Guess the kid dressed is Batman seems quite frightened. Then again, the lighting makes the atmosphere quite eerie.

19. Using purple light for your diorama can certainly make a graveyard scene look grim.

Now that pipe cleaner tree looks straight out of some Dr. Seuss story. And that grim looks certainly menacing.

Now that pipe cleaner tree looks straight out of some Dr. Seuss story. And that grim looks certainly menacing.

20. It’s fairly apparent the fairies love to frolic in spring gardens.

Yes, it's a fairy scene in a pumpkin. I know that pumpkins are fall plants while flowers are spring. Yes, it's kind of confusing.

Yes, it’s a fairy scene in a pumpkin. I know that pumpkins are fall plants while flowers are spring. Yes, it’s kind of confusing.

21. Remember, it always pays to show up around dusk for the graveyard shift.

Now this kind of looks like dusk since the inside is painted white. But the skeleton looks just as menacing from the shadows.

Now this kind of looks like dusk since the inside is painted white. But the skeleton looks just as menacing from the shadows.

22. This little princess is all dressed up for her Halloween party.

And it seems like she's headed towards the snack table. Still, the decorations in the room are certainly vintage.

And it seems like she’s headed towards the snack table. Still, the decorations in the room are certainly vintage.

23. Of course, nothing captures the woodland spirit than a scene with deer.

Just so you know that you can't shoot deer on Halloween. Because deer hunting season begins after Thanksgiving. Why the makers of Out of the Furnace didn't know this, I'm not sure.

Just so you know that you can’t shoot deer on Halloween. Because deer hunting season begins after Thanksgiving. Why the makers of Out of the Furnace didn’t know this, I’m not sure.

24. Sometimes spending time outside the casket can look quite frightening to living human onlookers.

From the view in this picture, this scene looks quite menacing, especially with the skeleton in the coffin and the other surrounding him. Still, you have to love the bow on this.

From the view in this picture, this scene looks quite menacing, especially with the skeleton in the coffin and the other surrounding him. Still, you have to love the bow on this.

25. There are sometimes spending Halloween nights in graveyards can be a ghoulish experience.

Now unlike many of the pumpkin dioramas here, this one is carved in a rather unusual way to give it a spooky feel. Still, not sure how that can be pulled off.

Now unlike many of the pumpkin dioramas here, this one is carved in a rather unusual way to give it a spooky feel. Still, not sure how that can be pulled off.

26. Seems like this mummy is definitely no fan of the great white archaeologist.

Finally, a pumpkin diorama with an appropriate mummy scene. However, I'm not sure if Egypt has that many palm trees near the Valley of Kings.

Finally, a pumpkin diorama with an appropriate mummy scene. However, I’m not sure if Egypt has that many palm trees near the Valley of Kings.

27. Guess the undead Wild West was quite lively in its day.

Not sure if the moss is appropriate but it sure brings a creepy vibe. Still, love the western clad skeletons in this.

Not sure if the moss is appropriate but it sure brings a creepy vibe. Still, love the western clad skeletons in this.

28. Of course, it always pays to spend time studying in the library.

Man, kind of disappointed that this doesn't look decrepit. Just looks like somebody studying in the library, possibly in the evening hours.

Man, kind of disappointed that this doesn’t look decrepit. Just looks like somebody studying in the library, possibly in the evening hours.

29. When doing a pumpkin graveyard scene, make sure to make it as creepy as possible.

Now this looks quite messy with all the lights mangled for a pink glow sky and the ground that appears covered in last year's Christmas decorations. Still, quite appropriate for Halloween.

Now this looks quite messy with all the lights mangled for a pink glow sky and the ground that appears covered in last year’s Christmas decorations. Still, quite appropriate for Halloween.

30. Fall is the time when wolves howl at the full moon at night.

Hey, wolves don't howl just for the sake of it. They howl to make other packs know about their family presence. There's nothing creepy about it.

Hey, wolves don’t howl just for the sake of it. They howl to make other packs know about their family presence. There’s nothing creepy about it.

31. Sometimes you can create a whole wilderness in just one little pumpkin.

Now I wonder how someone pulled this off. Then again, the pumpkin is probably bigger than it appears in this photo.

Now I wonder how someone pulled this off. Then again, the pumpkin is probably bigger than it appears in this photo.

32. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Foresaken Cemetery.

Now this is another one of these intricately cut pumpkins. Still, I do like the lighting in this. Very eerie if you get my drift.

Now this is another one of these intricately cut pumpkins. Still, I do like the lighting in this. Very eerie if you get my drift.

33. Seems like these astronauts have encountered some alien lifeform near Earth.

Now this one is quite creative. Still, not sure why the fuzzy guy in this isn't wearing a space suit. I mean space exists in a vacuum and if you have no suit on, you're dead.

Now this one is quite creative. Still, not sure why the fuzzy guy in this isn’t wearing a space suit. I mean space exists in a vacuum and if you have no suit on, you’re dead.

34. Looks like the full moon is over the haunted house tonight.

Now the props used in this seem to consist of paper cutouts. And there's only a little bit of light to bring in some eerie atmosphere in this one.

Now the props used in this seem to consist of paper cutouts. And there’s only a little bit of light to bring in some eerie atmosphere in this one.

35. Seems like this skeleton wants his jack o’lantern all to himself.

Now this one seems quite simple to make and doesn't seem to require a lot of materials. Of course, the trees are made from pipe cleaners and don't seem very big.

Now this one seems quite simple to make and doesn’t seem to require a lot of materials. Of course, the trees are made from pipe cleaners and don’t seem very big.

36. Looks like this skeleton wants to rise and shine out from his coffin.

Now this also looks pretty doable. Still, not sure if the skeleton is male or female. Then again, skeletons tend to be made with narrow pelvises anyway, which usually indicate male.

Now this also looks pretty doable. Still, not sure if the skeleton is male or female. Then again, skeletons tend to be made with narrow pelvises anyway, which usually indicate male.

37. Leave a pumpkin hollowed out too long and it will become a place for a spider to spin its web.

Now this doesn't seem to take much work at all. Then again, there's a choice between regular spiderweb or cobweb.

Now this doesn’t seem to take much work at all. Then again, there’s a choice between regular spiderweb or cobweb.

38. Of course, nothing commemorates Halloween more than a pumpkin diorama of Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin.

Seriously, Linus should just wait for the Great Pumpkin after trick or treating. But you know, he never seems to give up hope that the Great Pumpkin would show up someday. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Seriously, Linus should just wait for the Great Pumpkin after trick or treating. But you know, he never seems to give up hope that the Great Pumpkin would show up someday. Yeah, it’s ridiculous.

39. I guess this house is really haunted with ghosts. Wouldn’t you agree?

Once again, this is mostly paper decorations. However, you wouldn't want to stay in a house like that.

Once again, this is mostly paper decorations. However, you wouldn’t want to stay in a house like that.

40. This one is known as, “Death’s Coffee Break.”

Because even though Death has a rather busy schedule, he still needs to make time for a cup of joe. Yeah, he tends to work very odd and long hours.

Because even though Death has a rather busy schedule, he still needs to make time for a cup of joe. Yeah, he tends to work very odd and long hours 7 days a week.

41. “Hello, and welcome to this pumpkin home.”

Looks a bit small for a doll like that. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of space. Still, she might have plenty of food.

Looks a bit small for a doll like that. And there doesn’t seem to be a lot of space. Still, she might have plenty of food.

42. There’s nothing more teeth clenching than seeing a pirate having to battle snakes for his treasure on a deserted island.

Contrary to popular belief, pirates didn't bury their treasure since most of them didn't expect to live long. Nor did they battle giant monster snakes. Still, this looks pretty cool.

Contrary to popular belief, pirates didn’t bury their treasure since most of them didn’t expect to live long. Nor did they battle giant monster snakes. Still, this looks pretty cool.

43. Remember that there’s no party like a Halloween party.

Now this one looks pretty cramped. And all you see is a table and decorations. Wonder how big the pumpkin is.

Now this one looks pretty cramped. And all you see is a table and decorations. Wonder how big the pumpkin is.

44. I’m sure a cozy home like this should be plenty for 3 witches.

Seems like they're making potions in there. Hope one of them doesn't cause a fire or anything worse.

Seems like they’re making potions in there. Hope one of them doesn’t cause a fire or anything worse.

45. A pumpkin like this shows a world during the time of the dinosaurs.

Actually this might be the Cretaceous  period as far as I can see. And they were about the last group of dinosaurs before they became extinct 65 million years ago.

Actually this might be the Cretaceous period as far as I can see. And they were about the last group of dinosaurs before they became extinct 65 million years ago.

46. Revisit the magical world of Harry Potter with these pumpkin dioramas.

Seems like they got Hagrid's hut from book 3 since Buckbeak appears all chained up. And I see they have Harry playing Quidditch, too.

Seems like they got Hagrid’s hut from book 3 since Buckbeak appears all chained up. And I see they have Harry playing Quidditch, too.

47. For any stranded travelers on Halloween, beware of having your car break down near houses like these.

Now this paper haunted house is actually quite well designed. Still, might need more detail and appear more decrepit looking.

Now this paper haunted house is actually quite well designed. Still, might need more detail and appear more decrepit looking.

48. Of course, it’s possible that a raven will linger in the cemeteries at night.

Now that's a clever idea. Not sure about the size of the bird in proportion to the grave stones. But, hey, it works.

Now that’s a clever idea. Not sure about the size of the bird in proportion to the grave stones. But, hey, it works.

49. When green light comes into play, anything can be made as eerie as you want it.

Of course, seeing a green light like this is never a good sign. Still, at least that light is at a graveyard and not at a nuclear facility.

Of course, seeing a green light like this is never a good sign. Still, at least that light is at a graveyard and not at a nuclear facility.

50. It has become apparent to me that the ferocious 3 headed dog wants to play fetch with a stick.

Of course, I'm not sure what's in the background in this one. Still, I don't think Fluffy is the kind of dog you want to play fetch with. Dogs like that can get quite nasty.

Of course, I’m not sure what’s in the background in this one. Still, I don’t think Fluffy is the kind of dog you want to play fetch with. Dogs like that can get quite nasty.

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations

Now this might not be quite DIY but it's good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think. Still,  I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

Now this might not be quite DIY but it’s good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Of course, this one is Gryffindor, Harry Potter’s house in the books. But I’ve had people think that I was Hermione Granger. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think (not a quill you’d see at Hogwarts, but then again, Hedwig is a snowy owl, which is from North America anyway). Still, I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

As we all know, it’s always been customary for people to wear costumes for Halloween, especially if it’s for parties or trick or treating. However, trick or treating tends to start getting awkward when you’re a teenager. Still, there are plenty of costumes out there you can choose from if you look for the ready made ones online. For a 25 year old woman like myself, you have sexy French maid, sexy genie, sexy witch, sexy Catholic schoolgirl, sexy nurse, sexy nun, sexy Sesame Street muppet, sexy Disney princess, sexy cop, sexy Hogwarts schoolgirl, sexy cultural stereotypes, and sexy, well, you get the idea. Still, ladies, if you don’t want a sexy costume, you an always go with the male counterpart. Still, sometimes store bought costumes really aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. And by that I mean tacky, unoriginal, offensive, and stereotypical. So many people resort to making their own maybe because it’s cheaper or that they’d want to have more creative control and fun. Sometimes they might go with a standard Halloween costume that’s recognizable. Other times, it might be something original entirely. For those who are thinking of making their own costumes this year, allow me to be of service by showing you pictures of people in costumes that might provide some inspiration. So for your reading pleasure, here is a treasure trove of people in the costumes they’ve made themselves.

  1. Effiel Tower
Now this is adorable. Girl has the Effiel Tower in the back as well as is dressed like a French girl. Only the snottiest French person could hate this one.

Now this is adorable. Girl has the Effiel Tower in the back as well as is dressed like a French girl. Only the snottiest French person could hate this one.

2. Clippy

For my younger readers, Clippy was an office assistant in the early Microsoft Office programs. He was annoying as hell. Still, this is a fairly simple costume idea that doesn't require a lot of work.

For my younger readers, Clippy was an office assistant in the early Microsoft Office programs. He was annoying as hell. Still, this is a fairly simple costume idea that doesn’t require a lot of work.

3. Sumo Wrestler

Now this is the most adorable sumo wrestler I've ever seen. Notice how the parents just used some brown shorts and a ridiculous baby wig. Wonder how this kid will think of this picture in later years.

Now this is the most adorable sumo wrestler I’ve ever seen. Notice how the parents just used some brown shorts and a ridiculous baby wig. Wonder how this kid will think of this picture in later years.

4. Powderpuff Girls

The Powderpuff Girls was a cartoon series back in the day that was originally set as a parody of Sailor Moon. It's about three crime fighting sisters whose names are Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup. Still, wonder what their costumes are made of. Duct tape?

The Powderpuff Girls was a cartoon series back in the day that was originally set as a parody of Sailor Moon. It’s about three crime fighting sisters whose names are Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup. Still, wonder what their costumes are made of. Duct tape?

5. Cocktail

I bet this dog's owner is dressing up as James Bond for Halloween. If so, then it's a martini, shaken, not stirred. Of course, kind of humiliating being in a cone.

I bet this dog’s owner is dressing up as James Bond for Halloween. If so, then it’s a martini, shaken, not stirred. Of course, kind of humiliating being in a cone.

6. Troll Dolls

These were toys that were a fad around the 1980s and 1990s. Of course, they were naked but modesty demands these women to wear flesh colored dresses. Which I think is fair.

These were toys that were a fad around the 1980s and 1990s. Of course, they were naked but modesty demands these women to wear flesh colored dresses. Which I think is fair.

7. Titanic Survivors

Since I'm a history major and know quite a bit about the RMS Titanic, I wouldn't necessarily call them Titanic survivors. I mean very few survivors were actually rescued. Why? Because most of them froze to death.

Since I’m a history major and know quite a bit about the RMS Titanic, I wouldn’t necessarily call them Titanic survivors. I mean very few survivors were actually rescued. Why? Because most of them froze to death well before the rescue boats arrived.

8. WALL-E

Now this is so adorable. I wonder if he has a sister dressed up as EVE. Then again, EVE and WALL-E are robots and don't need to have gender.

Now this is so adorable. I wonder if he has a sister dressed up as EVE. Then again, EVE and WALL-E are robots and don’t need to have gender.

9. Pizza Delivery Boy and Slice

Now this is a cute costume for a couple. However, she could just as easily go as a well endowed college coed or horny housewife. Or she could go as a serial killer. You know what they say about pizza boys in porn and crime shows.

Now this is a cute costume for a couple. However, she could just as easily go as a well endowed college coed or horny housewife. Or she could go as a serial killer. You know what they say about pizza boys in porn and crime shows.

10. Operation Board Game

Of course, if you pick the wrong part out, his red nose will go off like a Christmas tree. Still, you have to wonder how these parts got into his body.

Of course, if you pick the wrong part out, his red nose will go off like a Christmas tree. Still, you have to wonder how these parts got into his body.

11. Mac n’ Cheese

Amazing what you can do with leftover toilet paper rolls. And cardboard while you're at it. However, unlike real mac n' cheese, you can't eat her.

Amazing what you can do with leftover toilet paper rolls. And cardboard while you’re at it. However, unlike real mac n’ cheese, you can’t eat her.

12. Queen Cleopatra

Yes, I'm sure Cleopatra is a perfectly appropriate costume for a girl. Of course, this is a woman who married and killed two half-brothers, had her sisters assassinated, fooled around with Julius Caesar and Marc Antony, and committed suicide.

Yes, I’m sure Cleopatra is a perfectly appropriate costume for a girl. Of course, this is a woman who married and killed two half-brothers, had her sisters assassinated, fooled around with Julius Caesar and Marc Antony, and committed suicide.

13. Abercrombie & Fitch

I am no fan of Abercrombie & Fitch. However, I have to admire this boy's parents' creativity with making a costume from a paper bag.

I am no fan of Abercrombie & Fitch. However, I have to admire this boy’s parents’ creativity with making a costume from a paper bag.

14. Medusa

Yes, this little girl is adorable. But look directly into her eyes and I swear she'll have you literally stone dead. Of course, she needs to watch out for Perseus.

Yes, this little girl is adorable. But look directly into her eyes and I swear she’ll have you literally stone dead. Of course, she needs to watch out for Perseus.

15. Humpty Dumpty

Another adorable baby costume. Of course, if he falls, let's hope that his cracks don't show.

Another adorable baby costume. Of course, if he falls, let’s hope that his cracks don’t show.

16. Klimt Kiss

Now this costume was inspired by a famous painting by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt. He's also famous for Woman in Gold which was subject to a really nasty legal battle with an elderly Holocaust survivor.

Now this costume was inspired by a famous painting by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt. He’s also famous for Woman in Gold which was subject to a really nasty legal battle with an elderly Holocaust survivor.

17. Crazy Cat Lady

Now this costume is as hilarious as it is cute. Love how she has all the stuffed cats dangling on her. Boy, we love to make fun of crazy cat ladies.

Now this costume is as hilarious as it is cute. Love how she has all the stuffed cats dangling on her. Boy, we love to make fun of crazy cat ladies.

18. Peacock

Though the peacock is a common costume for women, it's a dude in the animal kingdom. Trust me, peacocks are dudes. Peahens are female, but not as pretty.

Though the peacock is a common costume for women, it’s a dude in the animal kingdom. Trust me, peacocks are dudes. Peahens are female, but not as pretty.

19. Watch Dog

For your pets, this is a relatively simple costume. I mean at least it doesn't take much time to put the watches on.

For your pets, this is a relatively simple costume. I mean at least it doesn’t take much time to put the watches on.

20. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Now the couple's costume consists of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King and his rag doll gal, Sally. Since it has a big fan base and is associated with Tim Burton, had to include these two.

Now the couple’s costume consists of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King and his rag doll gal, Sally. Since it has a big fan base and is associated with Tim Burton, had to include these two.

21. Stone Warrior

Guess this guy's girlfriend, sister, wife, or daughter is going as Medusa. Ask me how I could've guessed. I dare you.

Guess this guy’s girlfriend, sister, wife, or daughter is going as Medusa. Ask me how I could’ve guessed. I dare you.

22. Harry Potter and Dobby the House Elf

Now this is simply adorable. Still, I have to wonder who the dad's going as. Voldemort? Dumbledore? Hagrid? Ron? Snape?

Now this is simply adorable. Still, I have to wonder who the dad’s going as. Voldemort? Dumbledore? Hagrid? Ron? Snape?

23. Lumberjack

He may be rugged and manly on the outside. But little do people know that his hobbies include pressing wild flowers, crossdressing, and hanging around in bars. Wishes he was a girly just like his dear papa.

He may be rugged and manly on the outside. But little do people know that his hobbies include pressing wild flowers, crossdressing, and hanging around in bars. Wishes he was a girly just like his dear papa.

24. Black Swan

Reminds me less of the movie and more of the SNL spoof sketch featuring Jim Carrey. Wonder why.

Reminds me less of the movie and more of the SNL spoof sketch featuring Jim Carrey. Wonder why.

25. Hotdog Stand

Of course, I'm sure the dog is thrilled with this costume idea. Then again, it's pretty funny if you really think about it.

Of course, I’m sure the dog is thrilled with this costume idea. Then again, it’s pretty funny if you really think about it.

26. Cindy Lou Who

Yes, I know that she's from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But still, this girl looks so adorable in this costume.

Yes, I know that she’s from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But still, this girl looks so adorable in this costume.

27. Acrobats

It's what you get when you do a nature documentary with Cirque du Soleil. Get it? Well, at least this costume makes more sense than any of their routines.

It’s what you get when you do a nature documentary with Cirque du Soleil. Get it? Well, at least this costume makes more sense than any of their routines.

28. French Baker and Buns

Seems like this guy can't keep himself away from her buns. Or are those cakes. Well, they look like buns to me.

Seems like this guy can’t keep himself away from her buns. Or are those cakes. Well, they look like buns to me.

29. Ace Ventura

Now if you've seen the movie, you'll get this. The baby is Ace Ventura. The dad is Pittsburgh native, former Miami Dolphins quarterback, and deadbeat dad, Dan Marino,. The mom is disgruntled and crossdressing former Miami Dolphins player Ray Finkle.

Now if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll get this. The baby is Ace Ventura. The dad is Pittsburgh native, former Miami Dolphins quarterback, and deadbeat dad, Dan Marino,. The mom is disgruntled and crossdressing former Miami Dolphins player Ray Finkle.

30. American Gothic

Based on the famous painting by 20th century American artist Grant Wood. Yes, I know the man has all his hair, but what do you know.

Based on the famous painting by 20th century American artist Grant Wood. Yes, I know the man has all his hair, but what do you know.

31. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

Of course, I couldn't forget these two. Didn't know that John liked to drink Pabst. Still, it's a shame he got killed like that so young.

Of course, I couldn’t forget these two. Didn’t know that John liked to drink Pabst. Still, it’s a shame he got killed like that so young.

32. 50 Shades of Grey

You were expecting something much more kinky. Don't lie, honestly. Still, I don't know about you, but I think this costume is better than the book series or the movie.

You were expecting something much more kinky. Don’t lie, honestly. Still, I don’t know about you, but I think this costume is better than the book series or the movie.

33. Johnny Cash and June Carter

I guess this was inspired by Walk the Line was it? Of course, June did help Johnny get sober. Then again, he had hit rock bottom that his only options were to either get clean or die.

I guess this was inspired by Walk the Line was it? Of course, June did help Johnny get sober. Then again, he had hit rock bottom that his only options were to either get clean or die.

34. Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan

Yes, I know that Lieutenant Dan is an amputee. But still, at least it wasn't Forrest and Jenny. Seriously, Jenny was such a dysfunctional human being and Forrest was always saving her ass.

Yes, I know that Lieutenant Dan is an amputee. But still, at least it wasn’t Forrest and Jenny. Seriously, Jenny was such a dysfunctional human being and Forrest was always saving her ass.

35. The Addams Family

If they did this any earlier than the 1990s, I bet that baby would either be Cousin Itt or Uncle Fester. Any money. Of course, at least Gomez and Morticia are better relationship role models than Romeo and Juliet.

If they did this any earlier than the 1990s, I bet that baby would either be Cousin Itt or Uncle Fester. Any money. Of course, at least Gomez and Morticia are better relationship role models than Romeo and Juliet.

36. Nerds

Yes, these two are nerds all right. Love how they put themselves in a candy box. And they even have different colored socks.

Yes, these two are nerds all right. Love how they put themselves in a candy box. And they even have different colored socks.

37. One Nightstand

And you thought he was a one night stand. Well, it could still happen as long as this Halloween party goes on. Seriously, hookup culture isn't new, not new at all.

And you thought he was a one night stand. Well, it could still happen as long as this Halloween party goes on. Seriously, hookup culture isn’t new, not new at all.

38. Bob Ross and Happy Little Tree

Yes, Bob Ross certainly likes his happy little trees. The bigger and happier the better. Like the squirrel, too.

Yes, Bob Ross certainly likes his happy little trees. The bigger and happier the better. Like the squirrel, too.

39. Paula Deen and Butter

We all know that Paula Deen is a racist. However, she really loves butter which she's said to put in everything. Still, her food is bound to clog your arteries.

We all know that Paula Deen is a racist. However, she really loves butter which she’s said to put in everything. Still, her food is bound to clog your arteries.

40. Breaking Bad

Of course, this couples costume consists of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. Let's just say that Jesse's girlfriends don't last long and Walt's wife isn't much liked on the show. Still, it might be time to cook for them.

Of course, this couples costume consists of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. Let’s just say that Jesse’s girlfriends don’t last long and Walt’s wife isn’t much liked on the show. Still, it might be time to cook for them.

41. Candyland

Now these are characters from the creepy game in your childhood. Now there's Queen Frosty, Princess Lolli, the Candy Cane Lumberjack, and the Cupcake girl. I don't remember the last one.

Now these are characters from the creepy game in your childhood. Now there’s Queen Frosty, Princess Lolli, the Candy Cane Lumberjack, and the Cupcake girl. I don’t remember the last one.

42. Clue

For some reason, Mr. Green looks like a 1920s gangster. Still, love the set up in this. And each suspect has their own weapon. Brilliant!

For some reason, Mr. Green looks like a 1920s gangster. Still, love the set up in this. And each suspect has their own weapon. Brilliant!

43. Despicable Me

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad's face. Mom's supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad’s face. So much like Gru.  Mom’s supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

44. Struck by Lightning

Of course, she'd more likely burn to a crisp. But I'm sure applying black makeup would've gone badly. Still, quite funny.

Of course, she’d more likely burn to a crisp. But I’m sure applying black makeup would’ve gone badly. Still, quite funny.

45. Bonnie and Clyde

Maybe they're not as gorgeous as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. But still, they're still way better looking than the real life couple. Seriously, they looked like a couple of hicks in real life. And they weren't nice at all.

Maybe they’re not as gorgeous as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. But still, they’re still way better looking than the real life couple. Seriously, they looked like a couple of hicks in real life. And they weren’t nice at all.

46. Milkman and 1950s Housewife

Of course, this is a couple's costume idea for those in the family way. Still, have you ever heard of "looks like the milkman"? It's an old saying.

Of course, this is a couple’s costume idea for those in the family way. Still, have you ever heard of “looks like the milkman”? It’s an old saying.

47. Football

Let me guess. It appears to me this costume theme was the dad's idea. Looks like it. Of course, coach dad and ref mom have a tendency to not always agree on the plays.

Let me guess. It appears to me this costume theme was the dad’s idea. Looks like it. Of course, coach dad and ref mom have a tendency to not always agree on the plays.

48. Roasted Marshmallow

Yes, he's a roasting marshmallow over an open camp fire. Now that's pretty clever if you ask me. Love the flames.

Yes, he’s a roasting marshmallow over an open camp fire. Now that’s pretty clever if you ask me. Love the flames.

49. Beetlejuice

Now this is so funny. Not very familiar with Beetlejuice for some reason. But it's Tim Burton, so I'll go with it.

Now this is so funny. Not very familiar with Beetlejuice for some reason. But it’s Tim Burton, so I’ll go with it.

50. Sesame Street

Who needs to sex up Sesame Street characters when you can make tutus with their faces. Now these are great costumes for women. The sexy Bert and Ernie ones were the worst.

Who needs to sex up Sesame Street characters when you can make tutus with their faces. Now these are great costumes for women. The sexy Bert and Ernie ones were the worst.

51. Error 404

Finally, the Halloween costume for the infamous slacker. All you need is a white T-Shirt and black Sharpie to write the words, "Error 404: Costume Not Found."

Finally, the Halloween costume for the infamous slacker. All you need is a white T-Shirt and black Sharpie to write the words, “Error 404: Costume Not Found.”

52. Plato

Now this is quite a new spin on the famous philosopher of Ancient Greece. Of course, I'm sure this guy is a philosophy major of some sort.

Now this is quite a new spin on the famous philosopher of Ancient Greece. Of course, I’m sure this guy is a philosophy major of some sort.

53. Walt Disney

Well, they have costumes for most of the other Disney characters. So why leave out the big man himself? It would be absurd.

Well, they have costumes for most of the other Disney characters. So why leave out the big man himself? It would be absurd.

54. Monopoly

Then again, maybe the sexy Monopoly board is a better idea. Seems like old Mr. Pennybags is hoarding some cash. Love the dog token, too.

Then again, maybe the sexy Monopoly board is a better idea. Seems like old Mr. Pennybags is hoarding some cash. Love the dog token, too.

55. Deer and Hunter

If she's supposed to be Bambi's mom, then it's a disturbing couples' costume. Wait a minute, she has spots and antlers? I don't think it's legal to shoot her, at least in Pennsylvania.

If she’s supposed to be Bambi’s mom, then it’s a disturbing couples’ costume. Wait a minute, she has spots and antlers? I don’t think it’s legal to shoot her, at least in Pennsylvania.

56. Waldo

You know the guy in the books who travels the world but is so hard to find. Can't tell where he is now.

You know the guy in the books who travels the world but is so hard to find. Can’t tell where he is now.

57. Katniss Everdeen

Let's just say you don't want to mess with her when she has her bow and arrow out. I mean she had to kill people with it to survive the Hunger Games. You know the competition where 24 teenagers from Panem are selected to fight to the death.

Let’s just say you don’t want to mess with her when she has her bow and arrow out. I mean she had to kill people with it to survive the Hunger Games. You know the competition where 24 teenagers from Panem are selected to fight to the death.

58. Ginger Bread Man

The guy has bread hanging from him. And he's a ginger. Get it? Seriously, it's pretty funny.

The guy has bread hanging from him. And he’s a ginger. Get it? Seriously, it’s pretty funny.

59. Fireplace

Yeah, I wouldn't be too happy either if my head was lopped off and put over a fireplace. Still, you have to feel for the kid.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be too happy either if my head was lopped off and put over a fireplace. Still, you have to feel for the kid.

60. God’s Gift to Women

Or so he thinks. Still, he's not a bad looking guy. No movie star material but handsome enough for me at least.

Or so he thinks. Still, he’s not a bad looking guy. No movie star material but handsome enough for me at least.

61. Swiffer and Mud

Strange to see them getting along so well. Usually Swiffer and mud are mortal enemies. I mean Swiffer is supposed to get rid of dirt, right?

Strange to see them getting along so well. Usually Swiffer and mud are mortal enemies. I mean Swiffer is supposed to get rid of dirt, right?

62. Crying Stone Angel

Now you've seen statues like this in cemeteries. But have you seen a child dressed like one? I think not.

Now you’ve seen statues like this in cemeteries. But have you seen a child dressed like one? I think not.

63. Gandalf and Bilbo Baggins

I'm sure this is the parents' idea. Kid looks too young to read The Hobbit. Still, quite cute though.

I’m sure this is the parents’ idea. Kid looks too young to read The Hobbit. Still, quite cute though.

64. The Birds

Yes, she's the Tippi Hedren character herself. And she's being pecked by birds. Still, at least she wasn't the Suzanne Pleshette character who got pecked to death.

Yes, she’s the Tippi Hedren character herself. And she’s being pecked by birds. Still, at least she wasn’t the Suzanne Pleshette character who got pecked to death.

65. Ghost Sluts

Finally the sexy costume all women can reasonably look good in. Still, these women are making fun of the sexy costume phenomenon in the retail industry.

Finally the sexy costume all women can reasonably look good in. Still, these women are making fun of the sexy costume phenomenon in the retail industry.

66. A Christmas Story

Since TBS airs this movie on Christmas every year, we should all knows who each member is supposed to be. Love the Leg Lamp though. Yeah, pretty funny.

Since TBS airs this movie on Christmas every year, we should all knows who each member is supposed to be. Love the Leg Lamp though. Yeah, pretty funny.

67. Sweepstakes Winners

Look about as what you'd expect from stereotypical winners of Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. He's in a tacky Hawaiian shirt and she's in her nightgown and curlers.

Look about as what you’d expect from stereotypical winners of Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. He’s in a tacky Hawaiian shirt and she’s in her nightgown and curlers.

68. KFC

Boy is Colonel Sanders while the girl is a bucket of coronary inducing fried chicken with 11 herbs and spices. Like how they're using KFC buckets for trick or treating.

Boy is Colonel Sanders while the girl is a bucket of coronary inducing fried chicken with 11 herbs and spices. Like how they’re using KFC buckets for trick or treating.

69. Flower Pot

Now this is simply adorable if you ask me. Love the pretty flowers on this one. Please don't water her or she might get mad.

Now this is simply adorable if you ask me. Love the pretty flowers on this one. Please don’t water her or she might get mad.

70. Sushi Roll

So cute. Wonder how she moves around in it. Then again, might not be as confining as it appears.

So cute. Wonder how she moves around in it. Then again, might not be as confining as it appears.

71. Bowl of Spaghetti and Meatballs

Hey, at least it's better than the baby having spaghetti and meatballs all over them. Still, so cute.

Hey, at least it’s better than the baby having spaghetti and meatballs all over them. Still, so cute.

72. Raining Cats and Dogs

Yeah, you know it's really bad when it's raining cats and dogs. Still, this one takes it quite literally and with maximum amusement.

Yeah, you know it’s really bad when it’s raining cats and dogs. Still, this one takes it quite literally and with maximum amusement.

73. Elf on the Shelf

Now last Christmas, I did a post on Elf on the Shelf, which was kind of tongue and cheek. Still, he may be cute on the outside. But inside, he's downright evil.

Now last Christmas, I did a post on Elf on the Shelf, which was kind of tongue and cheek. Still, he may be cute on the outside. But inside, he’s downright evil.

74. Censored

Move along. Nothing to see here. Also, lady, please put a shirt on. And some pants.

Move along. Nothing to see here. Also, lady, please put a shirt on. And some pants.

75. Outhouse

Hey, kids, can you move along. This boy really needs privacy while he's doing his business. Still, if they wanted a dash of authenticity, they should've went with the Sears Roebuck catalog.

Hey, kids, can you move along. This boy really needs privacy while he’s doing his business. Still, if they wanted a dash of authenticity, they should’ve went with the Sears Roebuck catalog.

76. Pinata

I'm sure she had her outfit all covered in streamers. Still, love the cone hats.

I’m sure she had her outfit all covered in streamers. Still, love the cone hats. Looks like she’s ready for a fiesta. But don’t beat her open with a stick.

77. Madeline

Madeline was a series of children's books about a girl in a small Catholic boarding school in Paris. It was published between 1939 and 1961 but they're still read because they're so good, especially for girls. I guess the mom here is Ms. Clavel.

Madeline was a series of children’s books about a girl in a small Catholic boarding school in Paris. It was published between 1939 and 1961 but they’re still read because they’re so good, especially for girls. I guess the mom here is Ms. Clavel.

78. Coppertone Girl

Well, the dog hanging from her butt is stuffed. Thank God. But yes, that's the Coppertone girl.

Well, the dog hanging from her butt is stuffed. Thank God. But yes, that’s the Coppertone girl.

79. Weatherman in a Hurricane

Now this would be a very scary costume, for a weatherman in Florida. Seriously, you don't know what those people have to deal with during hurricane season.

Now this would be a very scary costume, for a weatherman in Florida. Seriously, you don’t know what those people have to deal with during hurricane season.

80. Cactus

Yes, that guy's supposed to be a cactus. I know it's hard to believe. But still, you sometimes have to go with what you have.

Yes, that guy’s supposed to be a cactus. I know it’s hard to believe. But still, you sometimes have to go with what you have.

81. Minions

I know people wouldn't make me hear the end of it if I didn't include these guys. Yes, they're adorable and their costumes are quite easy to make.

I know people wouldn’t make me hear the end of it if I didn’t include these guys. Yes, they’re adorable and their costumes are quite easy to make.

82. Spartan Warrior

Inspired by the movie 300, no doubt. Seriously, Spartan warriors didn't go into battle wearing speedos for God's sake. Still, cutest little Spartan warrior I've ever seen. Sorry, Gerard Butler.

Inspired by the movie 300, no doubt. Seriously, Spartan warriors didn’t go into battle wearing speedos for God’s sake. Still, cutest little Spartan warrior I’ve ever seen. Sorry, Gerard Butler.

83. Carmen Sandiego

I know she's thinking of nabbing some major treasure of worldly significance. Just don't know where in the world is she.

I know she’s thinking of nabbing some major treasure of worldly significance. Just don’t know where in the world is she.

84. Flo and Mayhem

Seems like Flo let Mayhem happen to her. Then again, at least she has Progressive insurance. Hell, she's the Progressive lady. And Mayhem works for Allstate. Before that he was Liz Lemon's jerkass boyfriend Dennis Duffy on 30 Rock who appeared on Dateline's To Catch a Predator.

Seems like Flo let Mayhem happen to her. Then again, at least she has Progressive insurance. Hell, she’s the Progressive lady. And Mayhem works for Allstate. Before that he was Liz Lemon’s jerkass boyfriend Dennis Duffy on 30 Rock who appeared on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator.

85. Toddlers and Tiaras

Now I think that Toddlers Tiaras is a terrible show on the sleaziest cable network TLC. However, I find these costumes quite funny. Like the pacifiers.

Now I think that Toddlers Tiaras is a terrible show on the sleaziest cable network TLC. However, I find these costumes quite funny. Like the pacifiers.

86. Ceiling Fan

Yes, she seems to be really into ceilings for some reason. Not sure why. Then again, she's probably nuts.

Yes, she seems to be really into ceilings for some reason. Not sure why. Then again, she’s probably nuts.

87. Dust Bunny

If I saw a rabbit wanting to dust my house, I'd sure let them in. Because I really hate dusting. Really hate it.

If I saw a rabbit wanting to dust my house, I’d sure let them in. Because I really hate dusting. Really hate it.

88. Pothead

No, not that kind of pothead. This guy is perfectly legal as far as I know. Still, pretty funny. Better watch his head though.

No, not that kind of pothead. This guy is perfectly legal as far as I know. Still, pretty funny. Better watch his head though.

89. Fantasy Football

Now this is the kind of Fantasy Football I can get into. Let's see, I'll have Harry Potter as quarterback, Hagrid as linebacker, Snape as offensive tackle, Hermione as running back, and Ron as safety.

Now this is the kind of Fantasy Football I can get into. Let’s see, I’ll have Harry Potter as quarterback, Hagrid as linebacker, Snape as offensive tackle, Hermione as running back, and Ron as safety. I’m sure anyone with Brady on their team can’t top that.

90. French KISS

They're dressed as the members of KISS. And they're dressed like French. Get it?

They’re dressed as the members of KISS. And they’re dressed like French. Get it? Love how one of them has a baguette and a glass of wine.

91. Energizer Bunny

Now she's the kind of girl who keeps going, and going.... Yeah, good for a battery but for a human, not so much.

Now she’s the kind of girl who keeps going, and going…. Yeah, good for a battery but for a human, not so much.

92. Professor Lorax

My guess is that he's an environmental science teacher because he speaks for the trees. Still, I bet he wants to show his students how insatiable greed leads to environmental destruction and short-term prosperity. Just ask his friend the Oncler.

My guess is that he’s an environmental science teacher because he speaks for the trees. Still, I bet he wants to show his students how insatiable greed leads to environmental destruction and short-term prosperity. Just ask his friend the Oncler.

93. Chia Pet

Now this is just so clever. But I'm sure the dog is certainly not happy. But I love this. I really do.

Now this is just so clever. But I’m sure the dog is certainly not happy. But I love this. I really do. Just so funny.

94. Brawny Man

Heard that this guy is so hot that people buy his paper towels just for the packaging. Still, it's a pretty clever costume, especially since he has a manly plaid shirt to match the wrapper.

Heard that this guy is so hot that people buy his paper towels just for the packaging. Still, it’s a pretty clever costume, especially since he has a manly plaid shirt to match the wrapper.

95. Dumbledora the Explorer

Yes, this Spanish speaking old witch is off to an adventure with her backpack. And yes, she has a rather long wizard beard to prove it.

Yes, this Spanish speaking old witch is off to an adventure with her backpack. And yes, she has a rather long wizard beard to prove it.

96. Saddam Hussein Bolt

Yes, he's an Iraqi strong man dictator who's also the fastest man alive. Also, he really has an insatiable hatred for the kurds and a batshit insane son who tortures people with an iron maiden.

Yes, he’s an Iraqi strong man dictator who’s also the fastest man alive. Also, he really has an insatiable hatred for the kurds and a batshit insane son who tortures people with an iron maiden.

97. Jersey Shore 50th Anniversary Reunion Special

Yes, they don't look as young and good looking as they used to be. But you wouldn't want these people in a nursing home in your neck of the woods. Guess, it's gym, tan, laundry, prune juice, bingo, and the early bird special.

Yes, they don’t look as young and good looking as they used to be. But you wouldn’t want these people in a nursing home in your neck of the woods. Guess, it’s gym, tan, laundry, prune juice, bingo, and the early bird special.

98. Ancient Aliens

The scariest thing about this guy is that people actually believe him and his theories about the origins of notable monuments. Makes me want to tear my hair out as a history major. I mean this guy is just full of shit if you ask me.

The scariest thing about this guy is that people actually believe him and his theories about the origins of notable monuments. Makes me want to tear my hair out as a history major. I mean this guy is just full of shit if you ask me.

99. Captain Canada

Because it's about time that Canada has its own superhero. Wait a minute, they already do. Seriously, Wolverine's from that country and he's the best known X-man ever. But you wouldn't know it.

Because it’s about time that Canada has its own superhero. Wait a minute, they already do. Seriously, Wolverine’s from that country and he’s the best known X-man ever. But you wouldn’t know it.

100. Trailer Park Avengers

Basically, these would be the Avengers if Marvel studios wasn't making big budget movies. Also, if Thor, the Hulk, and Captain America weren't as hot and didn't have Ironman to pay for their gear and collateral damage.

Basically, these would be the Avengers if Marvel studios wasn’t making big budget movies. Also, if Thor, the Hulk, and Captain America weren’t as hot and didn’t have Ironman to pay for their gear and collateral damage.

The Creepy, Crawly World of Scary Halloween Craft Projects

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Now Halloween is a holiday that pertains to many frightful decorations which include pumpkins, monsters, spider webs, skeletons, zombies, witches, ghouls, vampires, and so much more. Still, there are plenty of people who tend to go all out when it comes to decorating their homes for this scary holiday. Some decorate their homes for parties and trick or treaters. Others do it because they simply love Halloween and want to make their homes look as ghoulish and scary as possible. Of course, you can find plenty of Halloween decorations at your local store this time of year. However, sometimes it’s just cheaper and fun to make your own with rather simple materials that you can find anywhere. I mean why buy cobwebs when you can do just fine with pillow stuffing or cheese cloth? You can even use Halloween decorations, too that are easy to accessorize like skeletons and spiders. Nevertheless, many children might create Halloween decorations in school. However, this post features craft projects more likely made by people who’ve already left fifth grade behind them, particularly Halloween enthusiasts, partiers, parents, and repressed art majors wanting a creative outlet to express themselves. So without further delay to Creepyville, I now present you with a treasury of Halloween craft creations.

  1. Welcome visitors to your Halloween party with a creepy spider and feather wreath on your front door.
Let's just say anyone with arachnaphobia will sure find this wreath simply terrifying. I mean we all know at least someone who's afraid of spiders. Am I right?

Let’s just say anyone with arachnaphobia will sure find this wreath simply terrifying. I mean we all know at least someone who’s afraid of spiders. Am I right?

2. Of course, from what I can tell by these poppies, beauty is surely in the eye of the beholder.

But having eyeballs in the flowers, well, that's just damn creepy. I mean an eyeball is creepy enough when it's not in an eye socket. Seriously, it's gross.

But having eyeballs in the flowers, well, that’s just damn creepy. I mean an eyeball is creepy enough when it’s not in an eye socket. Seriously, it’s gross.

3. Greet trick or treaters at your front door with this monster wreath.

Now this is not very scary in the least since it kind of reminds you of Cookie Monster's cousin. But I'm sure your guests will love it.

Now this is not very scary in the least since it kind of reminds you of Cookie Monster’s cousin. But I’m sure your guests will love it, especially kids.

4. Of course, no haunted abode can be complete without your very own electric chair.

This isn't a real, working electric chair. Just a piece of Halloween decoration. Still, I have to admit, it's very well made.

This isn’t a real, working electric chair. Just a piece of Halloween decoration. Still, I have to admit, it’s very well made that I suspect someone had too much time on their hands.

5. I hear that bones are really good for wind chimes. Won’t you agree?

Yes, I know that neighbors might think there's something very wrong with you upon looking at this. Luckily, it's October so any creepy decorations like this are perfectly acceptable.

Yes, I know that neighbors might think there’s something very wrong with you upon looking at this. Luckily, it’s October so any creepy decorations like this are perfectly acceptable. So creep away.

6. Experts recommend that you keep your insects in apothecary jars with green slime.

Don't worry, the bugs are made from plastic so they're not poisonous. Not sure about the green slime though.

Don’t worry, the bugs are made from plastic so they’re not poisonous. Not sure about the green slime though.

7. For Halloween, grace your front door with this one-of-a-kind Purple People Eater Wreath.

Now this seems quite simple. But it doesn't seem too scary either. More like a purple cyclops on Sesame Street. Love the horn though.

Now this seems quite simple. But it doesn’t seem too scary either. More like a purple cyclops on Sesame Street. Love the horn though.

8. Heard of a spider web? How about a spider web quilt?

Now my cousin had a giant stuffed spider named Charles when he was a kid. This would've been the perfect quilt for him at the time.

Now my cousin had a giant stuffed spider named Charles when he was a kid. This would’ve been the perfect quilt for him at the time.

9. Make your home extra spooky by making these Halloween paper lanterns.

Use construction paper and cut out black silhouettes to stand out. You can even hang them overhead or put them on the ground. It doesn't matter.

Use construction paper and cut out black silhouettes to stand out. You can even hang them overhead or put them on the ground. It doesn’t matter.

10. Light up the living room for Halloween with a spooky lamp like this.

Now that's a spooky lamp with black cob webs galore. Of course, it's a much more tasteful decoration than black lighting.

Now that’s a spooky lamp with black cob webs galore. Of course, it’s a much more tasteful decoration than black lighting.

11. Now I’m sure Halloween is the only time this mummy wreath isn’t under wraps.

The mummy wraps seem to be made from cheese cloth. And the bow is tied with a couple of skeleton hands hanging from it.

The mummy wraps seem to be made from cheese cloth. And the bow is tied with a couple of skeleton hands hanging from it.

12. Spider webs always look better with purple glitter.

Yes, purple and glittery spider webs with spiders on them. And they're held by ribbon, too.

Yes, purple and glittery spider webs with spiders on them. And they’re held by ribbon, too.

13. Uh-oh, looks like we have a zombies in the vent again.

Boy, I'm sure Walking Dead fans want to have a Halloween decoration like this in their homes. Freak out the guests for hours.

Boy, I’m sure Walking Dead fans want to have a Halloween decoration like this in their homes. Freak out the guests for hours.

14. Dripping candles are always a scary addition, especially if they are black and have skulls on them.

Now I think the flames aren't real but rather electric. And I think the drip is of crayon or paper machete. However, the skulls sure are sparkly and in different colors.

Now I think the flames aren’t real but rather electric. And I think the drip is of crayon or paper machete. However, the skulls sure are sparkly and in different colors.

15. Nothing makes a Halloween party worthwhile than a bottle of boos.

That's right a bottle of haunting ghost screams bound to give you nightmares. Then again, you might experience some frightening hallucinations if you drink the amount of booze Ray Milland did in The Lost Weekend.

That’s right a bottle of haunting ghost screams bound to give you nightmares. Then again, you might experience some frightening hallucinations if you drink the amount of booze Ray Milland did in The Lost Weekend.

16. How would you want to be greeted by a scary skull like this?

Now this is scary Halloween craftsmanship at its best. It almost looks like it's been a fixture on the house since the time it was built.

Now this is scary Halloween craftsmanship at its best. It almost looks like it’s been a fixture on the house since the time it was built.

17. A purple witch’s hat always has to come with a few finishing touches.

And by that I mean spiders, bat design, a black flower, black feathers, and tut material. This including the purple as well as black and sparkly kind.

And by that I mean spiders, bat design, a black flower, black feathers, and tut material. This including the purple as well as black and sparkly kind.

18. This scary skull box will certainly scare the bejesus out of your guests at the Halloween party.

Yes, these are screaming skulls from a box. And it's tied with barbed wire. Scary but don't touch it if you dare.

Yes, these are screaming skulls from a box. And it’s tied with barbed wire. Scary but don’t touch it if you dare.

19. Remember that craft cottages make excellent haunted houses painted black.

Well, painting black craft cottages is easy enough to make haunted houses. Yes, black makes things creepy, indeed.

Well, painting black craft cottages is easy enough to make haunted houses. Yes, black makes things creepy, indeed.

20. Of course, scare your young guests with this spider web wreath of yarn.

Now you have a yarn spider web in the middle. And you have balls of yarn surrounding it as well as the spiders going around the border. Pretty clever if I do say so myself.

Now you have a yarn spider web in the middle. And you have balls of yarn surrounding it as well as the spiders going around the border. Pretty clever if I do say so myself.

21. Don’t have time to make another jack o’ lantern? Make some jack o’ lantern lights with jars.

And the best part is you can paint them in all kinds of different colors, too. Also, you can give them all kinds of faces. Besides, painting is much easier than carving. And safer, too.

And the best part is you can paint them in all kinds of different colors, too. Also, you can give them all kinds of faces. Besides, painting is much easier than carving. And safer, too.

22. So these signs show you all where you want to go? So where would it be, Transylvania, Amityville, Salem, Sleepy Hollow, or Roswell?

“Hey, Igor, Transylvania’s that way.” Still, I’d stay out of Salem in 1692. And I’d clear out of Sleepy Hollow in the 18th century. Not so sure about Amityville or Roswell.

23. Of course, if you have a pumpkin, you can use stuff from a craft store to make a centerpiece with it.

Now this pumpkin is so shiny, especially with the black bird and ribbon on top. Still, I really like the urn and the other decorations on it. So stunning and scary.

Now this pumpkin is so shiny, especially with the black bird and ribbon on top. Still, I really like the urn and the other decorations on it. So stunning and scary.

24. Oh, my God, this book is on fire!

Actually this is a craft project in which it's supposed to look like a spell book. The flames are an imitation. Still, hope the faux spell book was from the Twilight series.

Actually this is a craft project in which it’s supposed to look like a spell book. The flames are an imitation. Still, hope the faux spell book was from the Twilight series. Then again, it looks quite old.

25. You can make a great wreath with a murder of crows.

Actually these are black birds you can find in any craft store. Still, having them together as a wreath with glitter on them might make your guests wonder about you.

Actually these are black birds you can find in any craft store. Still, having them together as a wreath with glitter on them might make your guests wonder about you.

26. Serve your guests with this skeleton dish.

Yes, it's a dish that has skeleton bones on it. A great kind of dish to serve stuff for a Halloween party.

Yes, it’s a dish that has skeleton bones on it. A great kind of dish to serve stuff for a Halloween party.

27. Want a jack o’ lantern but can’t find a big enough pumpkin? Well, using a wood crate will do nicely.

Now that will definitely get your house noticed by drivers. However, I can't do something like that since my parents would need those wooden planks to stack firewood on.

Now that will definitely get your house noticed by drivers. However, I can’t do something like that since my parents would need those wooden planks to stack firewood on.

28. Of course, a black cheese cloth and skulls really go well with a picture frame.

Now this is supposed to resemble cobwebs and skulls with feathers and bones. Yes, it's creative use with picture frames at its finest.

Now this is supposed to resemble cobwebs and skulls with feathers and bones. Yes, it’s creative use with picture frames at its finest.

29. A witch’s boot is always a great place for black flowers.

Now this is has witch all over it as you can see with all the witch memorabilia. Love the black flowers though.

Now this is has witch all over it as you can see with all the witch memorabilia. Love the black flowers though.

30. Hello, trick or treaters, and remember the witch is in.

And it seems that she's very stuck in the planter outside. Wonder what spell she'll cast to get out of that cauldron.

And it seems that she’s very stuck in the planter outside. Wonder what spell she’ll cast to get out of that cauldron.

31. Grace your front door for Halloween with a wreath of masks.

Seems like they've been strung together but you'll never know. However, it might create a dilemma for the Phantom of the Opera. However, that guy has major issues.

Seems like they’ve been strung together but you’ll never know. However, it might create a dilemma for the Phantom of the Opera. However, that guy has major issues.

32. Milk cartons always make handy haunted houses when decorated with the right materials.

Now this is an elementary craft project at expert level. Seriously, no elementary art class would ever create haunted houses from milk cartons as amazing as these.

Now this is an elementary craft project at expert level. Seriously, no elementary art class would ever create haunted houses from milk cartons as amazing as these.

33. Scare trick or treaters by greeting them with a wreath of snakes.

If you have a priceless trinket in your home that

If you have a priceless trinket in your home that “belongs in a museum,” it’s a great way to ward off reckless archaeologist Indiana Jones. Seriously, when it comes to treasures, he’s willing to wreck entire ancient temples with working machinery to get them.

34. An old mirror is always great for greeting Halloween guests.

And this old mirror definitely looks like it's been in the garage for far too long. Then again, it also has black leaves on it, too. Yes, it was made like that on purpose.

And this old mirror definitely looks like it’s been in the garage for far too long. Then again, it also has black leaves on it, too. Yes, it was made like that on purpose.

35. Welcome to our humble Halloween home, Don’t mind the feet sticking out from the doormat.

Yeah, I'm sure that witch really didn't come to a good end there. Well, at least she wasn't wearing ruby slippers or had a shoe crazy sister.

Yeah, I’m sure that witch really didn’t come to a good end there. Well, at least she wasn’t wearing ruby slippers or had a shoe crazy sister.

36. Seems like this ghoul really likes to hang out in this person’s yard for some reason.

Now this implies covering a mannequin with old white or gray clothes. It helps if they're really tattered or old looking.

Now this implies covering a mannequin with old white or gray clothes. It helps if they’re really tattered or old looking.

37. Who knew that doilies make really good spider webs?

Now unless you don't want to make the doilies, this might be rather easy to pull off. Then again, I'm sure that they might have doilies at any local store like Big Lots.

Now unless you don’t want to make the doilies, this might be rather easy to pull off. Then again, I’m sure that they might have doilies at any local store like Big Lots.

38. For Halloween, a snake is great for tying the curtains.

No, this isn't a real snake. I think it might be an old belt from the looks of it. Still, guaranteed to keep Indiana Jones away from your house.

No, this isn’t a real snake. I think it might be an old belt from the looks of it. Still, guaranteed to keep Indiana Jones away from your house.

39. I always thought that black lace goes very well with candles.

Why didn't I think about using black lace with candles? This looks awesome. Still, hope burning lace doesn't pose a dangerous fire hazard.

Why didn’t I think about using black lace with candles? This looks awesome. Still, hope burning lace doesn’t pose a dangerous fire hazard.

40. Have you ever got the feeling that you were being watched by this wreath?

Now this eyeball wreath is super creepy. I mean regular eyeballs are disturbing enough. Glow in the dark eyeballs, now that's a whole new level of creepiness.

Now this eyeball wreath is super creepy. I mean regular eyeballs are disturbing enough. Glow in the dark eyeballs, now that’s a whole new level of creepiness.

41. I hear that cheese cloth ghosts make great chandelier decorations.

Not sure if these ghosts make your house haunted for Halloween. However, it's still quite worth trying out if you ask me.

Not sure if these ghosts make your house haunted for Halloween. However, it’s still quite worth trying out if you ask me.

42. Of course, paper ghosts can be just as scary if you think about it.

Of course, you can hang these on a ceiling, too. However, they're better to photograph while on the hardwood floor.

Of course, you can hang these on a ceiling, too. However, they’re better to photograph while on the hardwood floor.

43. Eeek! There are creepy crawlies in my soap!

Actually these soaps were made this way. It's supposed to freak visitors out during Halloween parties. Still, wonder if I should try this.

Actually these soaps were made this way. It’s supposed to freak visitors out during Halloween parties. Still, wonder if I should try this.

44. Now these black flowers would surely go well on any Halloween fireplace mantle.

Now Morticia Addams would totally want these in her home, especially on Valentines Day. Still, wonder why she tends to cut off the flowers though.

Now Morticia Addams would totally want these in her home, especially on Valentines Day. Still, wonder why she tends to cut off the flowers though.

45. Of course, a dismembered finger always makes a great writing implement.

Yes, this is a finger pen. Yes, you can write with it. Yes, it's creepy as hell. Don't ask.

Yes, this is a finger pen. Yes, you can write with it. Yes, it’s creepy as hell. Don’t ask.

46. For Halloween, greet visitors with this one-of-a-kind Halloween wreath.

Now this wreath seems mostly laced with black streamers. Also, resembles a wreath you'd expect to see in a funeral home.

Now this wreath seems mostly laced with black streamers. Also, resembles a wreath you’d expect to see in a funeral home.

47. Got old photos lying in your house? Then make them look even scarier with red eyes and fangs.

Of course, you might want to use old photos you found on the Internet. Or just scan the old photos with a copier. Your family wouldn't be happy if you use the old ones lying around in your house.

Of course, you might want to use old photos you found on the Internet. Or just scan the old photos with a copier. Your family wouldn’t be happy if you use the old ones lying around in your house.

48. Looks like these two skeletons seem to be in a hurry to hide the body.

"Hurry up and bury him before somebody sees us, Alex. You don't want the neighbors getting suspicious."

“Hurry up and bury him before somebody sees us, Alex. You don’t want the neighbors getting suspicious.”

49. Man, this lamp is so old that you’d swear that there are cobwebs and spiders all over it.

Actually this is a craft project, especially since cobwebs are either gray or white. The black cobwebs is actually dyed cheese cloth. Besides, most spiders aren't that big.

Actually this is a craft project, especially since cobwebs are either gray or white. The black cobwebs is actually dyed cheese cloth. Besides, most spiders aren’t that big.

50. Remember, you never know what can go bump in the night.

Now this makes a great Halloween yard decoration. Sure to freak out a few trick or treaters to the point of wetting themselves.

Now this makes a great Halloween yard decoration. Sure to freak out a few trick or treaters to the point of wetting themselves.

51. Of course, black birds always cater to black candles.

Now this doesn't use real candle flames. But it does look quite eerie. Still, like the bird and like the glitter.

Now this doesn’t use real candle flames. But it does look quite eerie. Still, like the bird and like the glitter.

52. Welcome to my humble home and I mean no bones about it.

I'm sure this skeleton is just hanging around to greet the guests. Doesn't really mean to scare anybody.

I’m sure this skeleton is just hanging around to greet the guests. Doesn’t really mean to scare anybody.

53. Oh, my God, did I just see a ghost in the yard?

A ghost decoration like this might scare the hell out of drivers. And it might attract ghost hunters. Then again, ghost hunters tend to go to old houses.

A ghost decoration like this might scare the hell out of drivers. And it might attract ghost hunters. Then again, ghost hunters tend to go to old houses.

54. Man, I haven’t used these candlesticks in ages. But I didn’t expect them to be this covered in cobwebs.

Actually these consist of cheese cloths and plastic spiders on the candlesticks. They also have old leaves for a more decrepit look.

Actually these consist of cheese cloths and plastic spiders on the candlesticks. They also have old leaves for a more decrepit look.

55. Of course, you can always see ghosts in the light.

And it seems these little ghosts are having a good time on this bonsai with lights on it. Of course, some are more ornery than others.

And it seems these little ghosts are having a good time on this bonsai with lights on it. Of course, some are more ornery than others.

56. When it comes to jars, you can also make your own spooky grave yard scene.

Now this is cool. Love how they paint the jars just the right color to show a sunset as the spooky stuff comes into play.

Now this is cool. Love how they paint the jars just the right color to show a sunset as the spooky stuff comes into play.

57. Hey, this isn’t Christmas yet. Oh, wait.

Now this is a real monster wreath. For those who really love The Nightmare Before Christmas, this also makes a great yuletide decoration as well.

Now this is a real monster wreath. For those who really love The Nightmare Before Christmas, this also makes a great yuletide decoration as well.

58. Sorry, everyone, but it looks like the wreath is infested with spiders at the moment.

Now this is said to cost under $3. However, to arachnophobic visitors, it might mean a lifetime of therapy.

Now this is said to cost under $3. However, to arachnophobic visitors, it might mean a lifetime of therapy.

59. With streamers, wires, and string, you can make your own spider nest.

Now this is very creepy and will certainly creep out your Halloween party guests. Anyone scared of spiders might want to avoid your place next time.

Now this is very creepy and will certainly creep out your Halloween party guests. Anyone scared of spiders might want to avoid your place next time.

60. If you look up, I wonder if you can see the witch’s underwear.

I've seen a few of these on Pinterest. Actually I've seen a lot of these. And yes, this usually requires an umbrella.

I’ve seen a few of these on Pinterest. Actually I’ve seen a lot of these. And yes, this usually requires an umbrella.

61. Remember that a flower pot makes a great Halloween bat wind chime.

Might be as scary as the other decorations on here. But it's pretty cute it's worth putting on this post.

Might be as scary as the other decorations on here. But it’s pretty cute it’s worth putting on this post.

62. Looks like we have some mad killer on the loose in this neighborhood.

My mistake, these are Halloween decorations. But you have to admit despite how disgusting it looks, the bloody corpse in body bags has to be quite clever.

My mistake, these are Halloween decorations. But you have to admit despite how disgusting it looks, the bloody corpse in body bags has to be quite clever.

63. For those who love Little Shop of Horrors, you can now make your very own Audrey II plant.

Of course, this isn't nearly as dangerous as the one you see in the movies. Just to note, the original movie had Seymour sacrificing himself to kill the plant.

Of course, this isn’t nearly as dangerous as the one you see in the movies. Just to note, the original movie had Seymour sacrificing himself to kill the plant.

64. Greet your visitors this Halloween with this black wreath of shiny baubles.

Now this looks quite pretty for a Halloween decoration. Then again, this seems to be borrowing from Christmas.

Now this looks quite pretty for a Halloween decoration. Then again, this seems to be borrowing from Christmas.

65. For your Halloween party, impress your visitors with your very own Nevermore Wreath.

Yes, bird is supposed to be a raven despite looking rather small. Still, love the black flowers on this though.

Yes, bird is supposed to be a raven despite looking rather small. Still, love the black flowers on this though.

66. Hey, I didn’t know that spider string glowed in the dark.

Actually someone made them this way. Not sure if spiders actually spin stuff like that. But still looks cool.

Actually someone made them this way. Not sure if spiders actually spin stuff like that. But still looks cool.

67. Got some old bones lying around? Then how about make a wreath?

Actually don't use real skeletons for this because it's illegal as well as downright creepy. A dollar store skeleton would do just fine. Still, pretty weird though and I give no bones about it.

Actually don’t use real skeletons for this because it’s illegal as well as downright creepy. A dollar store skeleton would do just fine. Still, pretty weird though and I give no bones about it.

68. If you have any masks lying around, I’m sure they’ll go great with some old, dirty cloth pieces.

Now this is pretty scary decor for a haunted house. Yeah, those masks are downright creepy if you ask me, especially when made to resemble ghosts.

Now this is pretty scary decor for a haunted house. Yeah, those masks are downright creepy if you ask me, especially when made to resemble ghosts.

69. Hello, hang up your coat and stay awhile.

Now this is freaky. Using baby doll limbs for coat hooks. Probably one of the sickest shop class projects ever.

Now this is freaky. Using baby doll limbs for coat hooks. Probably one of the sickest shop class projects ever.

70. Seems that the black birds really like to roost on that dead branch for some reason.

Yes, the branch is covered in lights for effect and the birds are quite small. But still, it's quite awesome if you ask me.

Yes, the branch is covered in lights for effect and the birds are quite small. But still, it’s quite awesome if you ask me.

71. Greet visitors to your Halloween party with this ghost hanging on your front porch.

Of course, this is made from some stuff you might be able to find at a craft store or a trash heap. Yeah, probably doesn't look as scary in the day time.

Of course, this is made from some stuff you might be able to find at a craft store or a trash heap. Yeah, probably doesn’t look as scary in the day time.

72. Of course, your small black birds always could use a rest on a bonsai tree.

Of course, I'm not sure about the tree being alive or dead. But the birds really give it a good Halloween feel to it.

Of course, I’m not sure about the tree being alive or dead. But the birds really give it a good Halloween feel to it.

73. Now this fuzzy black wreath with flowers will certainly impress your Halloween visitors.

Now this looks like something you might find either at the Addams family house or at a funeral parlor. Then again, you might see something like this at the Munsters,' too.

Now this looks like something you might find either at the Addams family house or at a funeral parlor. Then again, you might see something like this at the Munsters,’ too.

74. Of course, these three witches are just outside hanging out. Not trying to scare anybody.

Man, their outfits sure look way colorful than I expected them. Seems like one of them is particularly partial to yellow for some reason.

Man, their outfits sure look way colorful than I expected them. Seems like one of them is particularly partial to yellow for some reason.

75. Of course, Halloween wouldn’t be complete with a bloody face of skin.

Now this is disgusting. But I'm sure this is the kind of stuff you see in a slasher horror movie. Not sure if I like it though.

Now this is disgusting. But I’m sure this is the kind of stuff you see in a slasher horror movie. Not sure if I like it though.

76. Quick! There are hands sticking out of the fireplace! Run for your lives!

Of course, this is a cardboard Halloween decoration. It won't harm anybody. Still, pretty cool if you ask me.

Of course, this is a cardboard Halloween decoration. It won’t harm anybody. Still, pretty cool if you ask me.

77. Can’t find a skeleton at the dollar store? Then make one with some milk jugs.

Now this is quite clever. Not quite close to a skeleton you find in a store. But if you want a last minute decoration, this will do fine.

Now this is quite clever. Not quite close to a skeleton you find in a store. But if you want a last minute decoration, this will do fine.

78. Make your house haunted with a black flower wreath like this one.

Again, another wreath that kind of looks like it belongs in a funeral parlor. Still, I think it's pretty and I like it. So it goes on this post.

Again, another wreath that kind of looks like it belongs in a funeral parlor. Still, I think it’s pretty and I like it. So it goes on this post.

79. Oh, my God, did I just see Freddy Kreuger on the toilet?

I'm not a fan of slasher horror movies nor the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Still, I know there will be plenty of people who'd appreciate this.

I’m not a fan of slasher horror movies nor the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Still, I know there will be plenty of people who’d appreciate this.

80. Of course, we should all mourn the loss of the Wicked Witch of the East with a Halloween celebration in Munchkin land of course.

Then again, I think the munchkins were quite creepy in The Wizard of Oz for some reason. Still, I wouldn't touch those ruby slippers if I were you.

Then again, I think the munchkins were quite creepy in The Wizard of Oz for some reason. Still, I wouldn’t touch those ruby slippers if I were you.

81. So I guess this is what they do at witches’ meetings.

Now these witches are made of some trash bags as you see here. Still, might make my parents mad if I try to attempt this.

Now these witches are made of some trash bags as you see here. Still, might make my parents mad if I try to attempt this.

82. As they say, it’s not Halloween unless you can hang candles from the ceiling.

Of course, these must be toilet paper or paper towel rolls. And I'm sure the candles are fake. But still reminds me of Harry Potter for some reason. I wonder why.

Of course, these must be toilet paper or paper towel rolls. And I’m sure the candles are fake. But still reminds me of Harry Potter for some reason. I wonder why.

83. I knew tables had legs but this is ridiculous.

Now this is creepy. If someone had a table like this, I'd question their sanity. That is, unless it's Halloween of course.

Now this is creepy. If someone had a table like this, I’d question their sanity. That is, unless it’s Halloween of course.

84. Welcome to our humble home, don’t mind the encased samples in the living room.

Now this is pretty disgusting. Who could've thought up with this, I may never know. Still, wonder if it might cause some trick and treaters to vomit. Then again, some might think this is cool.

Now this is pretty disgusting. Who could’ve thought up with this, I may never know. Still, wonder if it might cause some trick and treaters to vomit. Then again, some might think this is cool.

85. Heard the candy corn makes great soil for these spider bushes for some reason.

Of course, despite being Halloween inspired, they still remind me of a plant you'd see in a Dr. Seuss story. Not sure why.

Of course, despite being Halloween inspired, they still remind me of a plant you’d see in a Dr. Seuss story. Not sure why.

86. Now I wonder who these masked people clad in black are. Must be some weirdos on their way to a masquerade ball.

Now these look so creepy because they almost seem real. I swear I've seen pictures of people dressed like that at a Venice carnival.

Now these look so creepy because they almost seem real. I swear I’ve seen pictures of people dressed like that at a Venice carnival.

87. Of course, a paper witch’s hat is always a great home for birds.

Not sure if the bird is a raven or crow. Then again, you can barely tell the real birds apart anyway. Well, unless they're in the same picture together. In that case, the raven is bigger.

Not sure if the bird is a raven or crow. Then again, you can barely tell the real birds apart anyway. Well, unless they’re in the same picture together. In that case, the raven is bigger.

88. Hello, everyone, and please don’t mind the remains in the trash bin. I’ve been trying to get rid of them since Tuesday.

Now this is quite disgusting. Not sure what I'd think of seeing this in somebody's yard. Still, you have to admire their use of red paint to bring out the gore.

Now this is quite disgusting. Not sure what I’d think of seeing this in somebody’s yard. Still, you have to admire their use of red paint to bring out the gore.

89. For Halloween lawn decor, you might want to take a nontraditional approach with flamingos.

Well, skeleton flamingos of course. Don't know about you but I think they're far less tacky than the actual lawn ornaments we know and love.

Well, skeleton flamingos of course. Don’t know about you but I think they’re far less tacky than the actual lawn ornaments we know and love.

90. Nothing to see here. Just a floating skeleton looking for the rest of his anatomy.

Of course, you might want to keep away from the candles. They might catch fire on something. Still, this is pretty clever.

Of course, you might want to keep away from the candles. They might catch fire on something. Still, this is pretty clever.

91. Haunt your Halloween hideaway with these dark angels of death.

Now you can find these angels in any craft store. And you can paint them as dark and dead looking as you like, too.

Now you can find these angels in any craft store. And you can paint them as dark and dead looking as you like, too.

92. Greet your Halloween party guests by gracing your front door with this tombstone wreath.

Not sure if anyone would find this dead funny. However, it might send some thinking that you're dead crazy. Still, the wreath looks like something you'd see in a cemetery.

Not sure if anyone would find this dead funny. However, it might send some thinking that you’re dead crazy. Still, the wreath looks like something you’d see in a cemetery.

93. Seems like this spider really wants to create a giant web from a giant frame.

Of course, I can bet that this web was made by a tone of black yarn. Still quite cool though. However, I doubt that a spider would spin a web that big.

Of course, I can bet that this web was made by a tone of black yarn. Still quite cool though. However, I doubt that a spider would spin a web that big.

94. Seems like someone’s cauldron has blown right over.

Yeah, I think leaving the cauldron bubbling like that is very irresponsible. There should be at least a witch standing by here. You never know what a potion is going to do.

Yeah, I think leaving the cauldron bubbling like that is very irresponsible. There should be at least a witch standing by here. You never know what a potion is going to do.

95. Of course, Halloween night wouldn’t be complete without a quilt like this.

Yes, this is perhaps the ultimate Halloween quilt. But if you want one, I'd recommend buying one. Quilts take a very long time to make.

Yes, this is perhaps the ultimate Halloween quilt. But if you want one, I’d recommend buying one. Quilts take a very long time to make.

96. Heard of a jack o’ lantern? The how about a jack o’ lampshade?

Now this is quite cool if you ask me. And unlike a real pumpkin you can still use it as much as you like and it won't smell after a few weeks.

Now this is quite cool if you ask me. And unlike a real pumpkin you can still use it as much as you like and it won’t smell after a few weeks.

97. Hate to interrupt, but I think that plant might be watching us.

Now that's freaky. Seems like something you'd see in a mad scientist's house. A really batshit insane mad scientist with a German accent like Peter Lorre. Or Conrad Veidt.

Now that’s freaky. Seems like something you’d see in a mad scientist’s house. A batshit insane mad scientist with a German accent like Peter Lorre. Or Conrad Veidt.

98. Who knew that spiders spin their webs in picture frames?

Now this looks quite simple to make. Just get some string and a picture frame. Then again, it might be a not at easy to make a spider web as it seems.

Now this looks quite simple to make. Just get some string and a picture frame. Then again, it might be a not at easy to make a spider web as it seems.

99. Of course, when it comes to trick or treat, the candy doesn’t hang far from the tree.

Now this is cute. Just a jack o' lantern and a small tree with treat bags. I'm sure people will love this.

Now this is cute. Just a jack o’ lantern and a small tree with treat bags. I’m sure people will love this.

100. Of course, it wouldn’t be Halloween if I didn’t include some crystal ball specimens.

Now this is freaky. Of course, in a post like this, you're bound to have some scary and disgusting decorations here.

Now this is freaky. Of course, in a post like this, you’re bound to have some scary and disgusting decorations here.

Spooktacular Fun with Halloween Inflatable Decorations

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Now inflatable decorations are a recent phenomenon and more or less associated with Christmas. However, Halloween isn’t far behind since it’s a very popular holiday. And there are plenty of people who go way out for the holiday as well. So it’s not hard for the manufacturers to realize that there’s a market for them. Besides, many places tend to have trick or treaters so it helps that people’s homes be as Halloweeny or scary as possible. After all, when it comes to decorations, Halloween and Christmas are the two biggest occasions. Valentines and Easter you can take or leave. Still, while some decorations could be quite scary, I’m not sure what to think about inflatables on people’s yards. I mean it really doesn’t cost much to make your outdoor lawn scary to begin with. You can make a lot of scary stuff with simple materials from a craft store or old junk from home, reuse Christmas lights, carve pumpkins, and buy some other decorations at just about anywhere. I released earlier depicting exactly certain examples like someone using dresses or chicken wire for ghosts. I mean you can really get creative. But if you want a skeleton in your yard, I’d recommend that you don’t dig one up from the cemetery or a science classroom. Just buy a plastic one online or at a store. It’s just legally safer that way. Nevertheless, on the other hand, inflatable decorations are expensive, take more time to set up and take down, and are cartoonish. And let’s just say anything cartoonish is usually not scary. Still, I can show some of the better Halloween decorations. But you’d be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the stuff that’s either tacky or doesn’t make sense. So for your reading pleasure here is an assortment of some crazy Halloween inflatables that you might see on someone’s yard.

  1. Here we start at party central where we meet a friendly Frankenstein monster and cat.
Yes, they seem to be rather friendly hanging out together. Of course, doesn't make either very scary. Does it?

Yes, they seem to be rather friendly hanging out together. Of course, doesn’t make either very scary. Does it?

2. Specimen 1 says, “Welcome.”

Not sure what aliens have to do with Halloween. Then again, aliens and the paranormal tend to be lumped in the same subject matter as you'd see from the History Channel. Still, seems quite friendly.

Not sure what aliens have to do with Halloween. Then again, aliens and the paranormal tend to be lumped in the same subject matter as you’d see from the History Channel. Still, seems quite friendly.

3. Looks like somebody’s mummy needs some toilet paper.

Like what the outhouse says, "Smells like someone died in there." Guess that the mummy must've taken a big dump. Wait a minute, why would a mummy need to take a shit?

Like what the outhouse says, “Smells like someone died in there.” Guess that the mummy must’ve taken a big dump. Wait a minute, why would a mummy need to take a shit?

4. Death comes to your yard in a 3-wheeler.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least he has a nice roof on it.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least it’s purple, has a nice roof, and badass green and yellow flames.

5. “Happy Halloween” from the cute little owl.

Yes, it's supposed to be an owl. I know it looks like a pumpkin with yellow wings as well as a beak, eyes, and feet. But it's supposed to be an owl.

Yes, it’s supposed to be an owl. I know it looks like a pumpkin with yellow wings as well as a beak, eyes, and feet. But it’s supposed to be an owl.

6. Of course, everyone must travel to the party in style like in a horse drawn hears.

And I see the coachman is a skeleton in a top hat. And the passenger is a corpse in its own casket. Looks like something startled the horse.

And I see the coachman is a skeleton in a top hat. And the passenger is a corpse in its own casket. Looks like something startled the horse.

7. These ghosts seem to have a lot of haunted fun in their haunted tree house.

I kind of expected a haunted tree house to be more decrepit and abandoned looking. Not in red and purple. Also, seems like the tree isn't too happy about the ghosts being around.

I kind of expected a haunted tree house to be more decrepit and abandoned looking. Not in red and purple. Also, seems like the tree isn’t too happy about the ghosts being around.

8. For haunting outdoors, it’s best that the scary organist bring his instrument from a horse drawn vehicle.

Of course, in real life, organs tend to take up whole rooms and can't be carried. However, somehow this organ is compact and portable for transport.

Of course, in real life, organs tend to take up whole rooms and can’t be carried. However, somehow this organ is compact and portable for transport.

9. On Halloween, pumpkin coach is a stylish mode of transportation.

Now this would be great for an Undead Cinderella themed ball. Think of it as Cinderella with zombies, vampires, skeletons, and other undead beings.

Now this would be great for an Undead Cinderella themed ball. Think of it as Cinderella with zombies, vampires, skeletons, and other undead beings.

10. Whenever this witch goes to a party, she always has ghosts to take her there.

I guess these ghosts must wait on her hand and foot. Must suck being in the afterlife sometimes. Besides, perhaps this pampered enchantress should consider a broom.

I guess these ghosts must wait on her hand and foot. Must suck being in the afterlife sometimes. Besides, perhaps this pampered enchantress should consider a broom.

11. Fans of The Wizard of Oz would appreciate this inflatable of the Wicked Witch of the East.

That's just all there is. And these are meant to be placed right next to the house. Yeah, it's supposed to look like the house smashed her during a tornado.

That’s just all there is. And these are meant to be placed right next to the house. Yeah, it’s supposed to look like the house smashed her during a tornado.

12. Nothing is scarier than a light up skull and neon spiders.

Now this is the kind of Halloween decoration I'd expect to see at a rave. Yeah, it's quite freaky to say the least.

Now this is the kind of Halloween decoration I’d expect to see at a rave. Yeah, it’s quite freaky to say the least.

13. Oh, no, the ghost pirate ship is sinking!

Man, this would look pretty ridiculous if it was on the ground. Then again, it's a ghost ship. So I'm not sure if it's likely to sink at all, even if it's full of holes.

Man, this would look pretty ridiculous if it was on the ground. Then again, it’s a ghost ship. So I’m not sure if it’s likely to sink at all, even if it’s full of holes.

14. Heard of Pop! Goes the Weasel? Here is Pop! Goes the Evil.

Now that clown is scary and creepy. Yes, that's bound to give children nightmares. Or their parents.

Now that clown is scary and creepy. Yes, that’s bound to give children nightmares. Or their parents.

15. Looks like Frank has some sweet new ride.

Now it seems that this hot rod's roof is an outhouse. Wonder if he used the seat. Still, must give off a lot of gas emissions.

Now it seems that this hot rod’s roof is an outhouse. Wonder if he used the seat. Still, must give off a lot of gas emissions.

16. Zombie gnome is not your friend. Wants your brains.

Let's just say if you see an undead gnome out there, stay out of that person's garden. Yeah, undead gnomes are dangerous. And no, they can't be killed by a stake in the neck.

Let’s just say if you see an undead gnome out there, stay out of that person’s garden. Yeah, undead gnomes are dangerous. And no, they can’t be killed by a stake in the neck.

17. For a big rat, you need a big trap.

I don't know what to think about this. Seriously, I know Halloween has disgusting decorations. But still, a giant rat trap? I don't think so.

I don’t know what to think about this. Seriously, I know Halloween has disgusting decorations. But still, a giant rat trap? I don’t think so.

18. Looks like Yellow is going as Frankenstein’s monster this year.

So how do they get the bolts in him like that? I mean he's made out of chocolate. It's not a flexible material if you get my drift.

So how do they get the bolts in him like that? I mean he’s made out of chocolate. It’s not a flexible material if you get my drift.

19. Looks like the cat is containing the ghosts in the pumpkin.

I'm sure the ghosts can get out of the pumpkin just fine when they want to. However, it might freak out the cat though.

I’m sure the ghosts can get out of the pumpkin just fine when they want to. However, it might freak out the cat though.

20. Hey! The cat’s gotten hold of the mummy wraps!

Yeah, the mummy isn't too happy while the cat is grinning. Hope he has enough strength to get out of this jam without losing a limb or unraveling.

Yeah, the mummy isn’t too happy while the cat is grinning. Hope he has enough strength to get out of this jam without losing a limb or unraveling.

21. If you love Ghostbusters, then you’d like this Slimer inflatable.

The one in the movie was more disgusting but still gross. Still, I'm more partial to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

The one in the movie was more disgusting but still gross. Still, I’m more partial to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

22. Of course, nothing brings in the spirit of Ghostbusters than an inflatable of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Yes, let all be doomed before his marshmallowy wake. You don't want to mess with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Got to love this.

Yes, let all be doomed before his marshmallowy wake. You don’t want to mess with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Got to love this.

23. Remember, Frightening Fuel Services is at your service.

Of course, the most frightening thing about this service is the cost and excise tax. Still, seems to be a Halloween knock off from Cars. Like the dragon fixture on this 18 wheeler.

Of course, the most frightening thing about this service is the cost and excise tax. Still, seems to be a Halloween knock off from Cars. Like the dragon fixture on this 18 wheeler.

24. Seems like this monster is a player for the Spook University football team.

I'm sure no school in their right mind would want to go against such a team. There, every player on the team is either a beast or built like one.

I’m sure no school in their right mind would want to go against such a team. There, every player on the team is either a beast or built like one.

25. I’m sure you’ve heard of a haunted house. But what about a haunted trailer?

The scary creatures couldn't find an affordable home to set themselves up. And no apartment was willing to take them. So they had to settle for a trailer despite it being cramped and on land they have to pay rent to. And they're getting hosed by the landlord at the trailer park.

The scary creatures couldn’t find an affordable home to set themselves up. And no apartment was willing to take them. So they had to settle for a trailer despite it being cramped and on land they have to pay rent to. And they’re getting hosed by the landlord at the trailer park.

26. If you can’t go on your own carriage or hearse, there’s always the haunted stagecoach.

Seems like ghouls are in the passenger section while the vampire is on the top. Love how the coffin is on the roof.

Seems like ghouls are in the passenger section while the vampire is on the top. Love how the coffin is on the roof. Yet, a stagecoach driver must be wary around these parts.

27. Now this zombie gnome is a bit partial to arms.

Yes, he loves to munch on some tasty limbs. And he seems to have bitten a few fingers off.

Yes, he loves to munch on some tasty limbs. And he seems to have bitten a few fingers off.

28. Awww, Frankenstein and the ghosts are on a seesaw together.

Wait a minute, the ghosts shouldn't weigh a thing. I mean Frankestein should be weigh them down. Yeah, the weight distribution shouldn't be equal.

Wait a minute, the ghosts shouldn’t weigh a thing. I mean Frankestein should be weigh them down. Yeah, the weight distribution shouldn’t be equal.

29. Want a haunted house in your yard? Perhaps try this inflatable for size.

I think it might just be easier and cheaper to make the front of your house look haunted. Inflatables can be quite a headache. Still, it does kind of look like a haunted Victorian mansion.

I think it might just be easier and cheaper to make the front of your house look haunted. Inflatables can be quite a headache. Still, it does kind of look like a haunted Victorian mansion.

30. Frankenstein just wants to take a rest on his chopper.

Frankenstein on a chopper. Really? That's crazy. Seriously, how could an undead monster fly something like that?

Frankenstein on a chopper. Really? That’s crazy. Seriously, how could an undead monster fly something like that?

31. Guess a witch fell into the brew again.

Seems like she should know better than to dive into the witches' brew head first. You really don't know what the hell is in there. I mean it could be a recipe for rat poison for all you know.

Seems like she should know better than to dive into the witches’ brew head first. You really don’t know what the hell is in there. I mean it could be a recipe for rat poison for all you know.

32. If you think a neon spider is freaky, you should see an iridescent one.

Now this spider's but is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

Now this spider’s abdomen is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

33. Sometimes when the wraith comes around, it occasionally comes in a carriage.

Wonder how hard it's going to be for the driver to find a place to park. Also, hope the skull doesn't hurt matters.

Wonder how hard it’s going to be for the driver to find a place to park. Also, hope the skull doesn’t hurt matters.

34. Come right this way to hear your frightening fortunes.

Seems like Madam Skull Lady is doing Tarot card readings. Kind of wish she had a crystal ball instead. I mean that's how I identify a fortune teller.

Seems like Madam Skull Lady is doing Tarot card readings. Kind of wish she had a crystal ball instead. I mean that’s how I identify a fortune teller.

35. Hey, look, this clown is giving out free candy.

On second thought, I'll take a pass at any of this evil clown's free candy offers. Seriously, I don't know what he's going to do with that hammer. And I don't even want to know either.

On second thought, I’ll take a pass at any of this evil clown’s free candy offers. Seriously, I don’t know what he’s going to do with that hammer. And I don’t even want to know either.

36. Honey, a flying saucer just crashed into our front yard! Come out and look here!

An inflatable flying saucer with inflatable dirt surrounding it. Yeah, that looks very realistic (sarcasm). The one in my lawn ornament post looked more believable.

An inflatable flying saucer with inflatable dirt surrounding it. Yeah, that looks very realistic (sarcasm). The one in my lawn ornament post looked more believable.

37. Remember, if you want him to appear, you had to say his name 3 times.

Of course, it's more or less undeniable that Beetlejuice was a better Michael Keaton performance than Birdman. Way better than Birdman, which shouldn't have won an Oscar for Best Picture. Seriously, Academy, why couldn't you choose Grand Budapest Hotel? It's a great movie.

Of course, it’s more or less undeniable that Beetlejuice was a better Michael Keaton performance than Birdman. Way better than Birdman, which shouldn’t have won an Oscar for Best Picture. Seriously, Academy, why couldn’t you choose Grand Budapest Hotel? It’s a great movie for God’s sake!

38. Oh, shit, this alien appears to be on the war path.

“Must kill earthlings. Must destroy evidence. Must take no prisoners.”

39. The Grimm Reaper just loves popping wheelies on his hot rod or tractor.

Yes, he really has a need for speed, doesn't he? Still, with ghostly passengers, I'm not sure if that's a great place to put his scythe.

Yes, he really has a need for speed, doesn’t he? Still, with ghostly passengers, I’m not sure if that’s a great place to put his scythe.

40. All aboard the Haunted Express.

Funny how this train doesn't have any passenger cars. Still, love the ghost and pumpkins. Also, like the vampire rising from his coffin in the back.

Funny how this train doesn’t have any passenger cars. Still, love the ghost and pumpkins. Also, like the vampire rising from his coffin in the back.

41. Forget broom flying, this wicked witch is riding a hog for the open road.

Of course, I'm sure magic will be a more effective safety measure than a helmet. But I'm not certain. Still, I don't know if she should bring her cat along.

Of course, I’m sure magic will be a more effective safety measure than a helmet. But I’m not certain. Still, I don’t know if she should bring her cat along.

42. Happy Halloween from the wiener dog and owls.

And I see the dog has his dog treat bag at the ready. Still, does he have any idea that owls have talons? And that talons are sharp?

And I see the dog has his dog treat bag at the ready. Still, does he have any idea that owls have talons? And that talons are sharp?

43. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you an evil snowman.

When Hell freezes over, you'll have to reckon with this guy. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

When Hell freezes over, you’ll have to reckon with this guy going after you. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

44. Hey, look, Elmo is carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Wait a minute, don't those those pumpkins look a bit like Elmo's friends? Yeah, I think so. Hope Cookie Monster and Bert don't mind being inspirations. But it's still pretty creepy if you think about it.

Wait a minute, don’t those those pumpkins look a bit like Elmo’s friends? Yeah, I think so. Hope Cookie Monster and Bert don’t mind being inspirations. But it’s still pretty creepy if you think about it.

45. You are now entering the Zombie Crossing.

The human characters from The Walking Dead could've used signs like these. Unfortunately, they don't know where the zombies might show up, save grave yards.

The human characters from The Walking Dead could’ve used signs like these. Unfortunately, they don’t know where the zombies might show up, save grave yards.

46. This pumpkin seems to be on the lookout for ghosts to munch on.

This is more or less a Halloween tribute to Pac Man. Just so you know. Still pretty funny.

This is more or less a Halloween tribute to Pac Man. Just so you know. Still pretty funny.

47. On Halloween night, it pays to beware of the dog.

Yes, this dog is mean as you can tell from his red eyes and spiked collar. Don't want to cross him or he'll tear you to pieces.

Yes, this dog is mean as you can tell from his red eyes and spiked collar. Don’t want to cross him or he’ll tear you to pieces.

48. Nothing makes your yard scary for Halloween than an inflatable of a devouring plant.

Despite its saber tooth jaws, it doesn't look like the kind of plant that would swallow people whole. I think Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors was much scarier.

Despite its saber tooth jaws, it doesn’t look like the kind of plant that would swallow people whole. I think Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors was much scarier.

49. Oh, no, the ghosts are on fire!

Wait a minute, ghosts shouldn't catch fire. They're supposed to be made out of almost nothing. So why they're screaming within the flames is beyond me. Then again, it might be just PTSD.

Wait a minute, ghosts shouldn’t catch fire. They’re supposed to be made out of almost nothing. So why they’re screaming within the flames is beyond me. Then again, it might be just PTSD.

50. Don’t enter in, this is a crime scene investigation. A murder has been committed.

And it looks like the killer is still on the loose and is about to kill again. Still, kind of reminds me of the shower scene in Psycho.

And it looks like the killer is still on the loose and is about to kill again. Still, kind of reminds me of the shower scene in Psycho from how the shadow looks.

Death Notices with the Last Word in the Obituary Section

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Obituaries aren’t interesting reads since they’re supposed to inform readers of those who recently passed away, especially if it’s someone they knew. Most of the time they usually list the names of the deceased, their occupations and associations, family members, and funeral arrangements. Some may be touching, but they’re not very fun to read about either. And then there are the obituaries in which the deceased’s picture doesn’t match the person’s relative age at death. I mean you know how an obit opens with a young looking guy only to learn that he passed away at 92. Now I can understand if he was a movie star, a noted athlete, or Captain America. But some old guy who fought in World War II? Come on, chances are that he won’t look that hot at 92, for Christ’s sake! His grandkids didn’t remember him looking like that. Put in a more recent picture. Still, obituaries tend to be written by the next of kin, some of whom horribly suck at it as I described. Sometimes this is an easy process but other times it’s not. However, in this post, we’ll look at an assortment of death notices that break the traditional obituary criteria. Or those that are just very funny. So without further adieu, I present to you a treasury of obituary notices that try to get the last word. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Here lies John Micheal McMahan who died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to take doctor’s (or anyone else’s) orders, and raising hell for a little more than 3 decades. Left no children (that we know of).
This guy seemed to be quite a character. Loved how they said they'll escort anyone in a suit and Sunday's best to their vehicles and that there may be profanity and alcohol involved. Also, said to bring something to stick on his casket if you just want to irritate him.

This guy seemed to be quite a character. Loved how they said they’ll escort anyone in a suit and Sunday’s best to their vehicles and that there may be profanity and alcohol involved. Also, said to bring something to stick on his casket if you just want to irritate him.

2. In lieu of flowers, the Unsworth family respectfully asked that donations be made to the American Cancer Society or anyone running against Barack Obama in 2012.

Let's just say whoever contributed to the American Cancer Society had their money well spent. To anyone running against Obama in 2012, not so much. I mean, Obama is still president as of 2015.

Let’s just say whoever contributed to the American Cancer Society had their money well spent. To anyone running against Obama in 2012, not so much. I mean, Obama is still president as of 2015.

3. RIP Larry Upright, loving husband, father, grandfather, and hater of Hillary Clinton.

Let's just say if any of my relatives want me to write their obituaries, I'd just omit any political references. Also, let's just say that I'm totally willing to vote for Hillary if she ends up the Democratic nominee. Let's just say she'd be the safer choice than the alternative.

Let’s just say if any of my relatives want me to write their obituaries, I’d just omit any political references. Also, let’s just say that I’m totally willing to vote for Hillary if she ends up the Democratic nominee. Let’s just say she’d be the safer choice than the alternative.

4. Of course, obituaries don’t have to be long and this one gets straight to the point.

Man, how many people wish they can do an obituary in two words or less like this guy. Just

Man, how many people wish they can do an obituary in two words or less like this guy. Just “Doug died” and nothing else.

5. Please pray for the loss of Stephen Merrill whose young life was cut short due to an uppercut by Batman.

He actually didn't die that way. His family wrote it thinking it was how he wanted to be remembered. The real cause was most likely testicular cancer. So sad.

He actually didn’t die that way. His family wrote it thinking it was how he wanted to be remembered. The real cause was most likely testicular cancer. So sad.

6. Condolences to the family of James Robert “Beef” Ward also known as Jimmy, Pork, and Bubba.

This guy certainly had a sense of humor as did his family. Their nicknames are hysterical. His mom is

This guy certainly had a sense of humor as did his family. Their nicknames are hysterical. His mom is “Buffalo Butt”, dad is “Old Fart,” has sisters named, “Turtle,” “Hamburger,” and “Amos,” and a daughter, “Thunder Child.” The pet names seem rather normal in comparison.

7. Please remember James “Jim” William Adams, whose long illness deprived him of his final wish.

Well, we don't all get to die by being run over by a beer truck on our way to the liquor store. Still, wishes that his funeral could just be a booze fest at some water hole.

Well, we don’t all get to die by being run over by a beer truck on our way to the liquor store. Still, wishes that his funeral could just be a booze fest at some water hole.

8. We know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but sometimes even that’s not possible.

Man, seems like this Dolores was a real bitch.

Man, seems like this Dolores was a real bitch. “Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society, and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life.” Yeah, she probably won’t be missed.

9. RIP Knoizki who died in a hot tub muttering death threats to anyone willing to listen. He will be missed.

Didn't know that they had a hot tub at a military base. Thought they didn't have such luxuries.

Didn’t know that they had a hot tub at a military base. Thought they didn’t have such luxuries. Then again, he might’ve been an officer.

10. RIP: Roosevelt Conway, not that you would like the guy if you met him.

Now whoever who wrote this really didn't say a lot nice things about this guy. But at least his obituary is pretty entertaining. Liked

Now whoever who wrote this really didn’t say a lot nice things about this guy. But at least his obituary is pretty entertaining. Liked “Homegoing Celebration.”

11. Condolences to the family of Louis Casmir Jr., an unremarkable daredevil.

Man, this guy was a real lucky bastard with his last words being,

Man, this guy was a real lucky bastard with his last words being, “Watch this!” Makes me wonder how he died.

12. Mrs. Scrobola is survived by her children, a shitload of grand-children, and one big great-grandchild.

Yeah, wonder how they managed to get away with,

Yeah, wonder how they managed to get away with, “shitload of grandchildren.” Guess she just had too many to mention.

13. Frank Waller was a unique character. By “unique character” we mean asshole.

Yeah, writing an honest obituary is tough, especially if the deceased wasn't so nice. I get the Mr. Waller was the rich guy who everyone in town didn't like.

Yeah, writing an honest obituary is tough, especially if the deceased wasn’t so nice. I get the Mr. Waller was the rich guy who everyone in town didn’t like.

14. Mrs. Anello was survived by her dutiful son as well as a son and daughter who were ungrateful brats.

She may have been a loving wife and mother. But her kids never seemed to get along with each other. According to her obituary, that is.

She may have been a loving wife and mother. But her kids never seemed to get along with each other. According to her obituary, that is.

15. RIP: Walter George Bruhl Jr., a dead person.

This guy must've been quite the character. He loved Monty Python and hated his wife wearing fur. His intro reads like lines from the Dead Parrot sketch.

This guy must’ve been quite the character. He loved Monty Python and hated his wife wearing fur. His intro reads like lines from the Dead Parrot sketch.

16. Here lies Fritz Seidenstuecker, a 6 year old German Shepherd.

Since when did people write obituaries for their pets? Seriously, most people don't make obits for their pets.

Since when did people write obituaries for their pets? Seriously, most people don’t make obits for their pets. Also, the guy’s owner could’ve gave him water.

17. RIP: Larmondo “Flair” Allen, “entrepreneur” and father of 9.

By

By “entrepreneur” they mean it as a nice little term for “drug dealer.” Honestly, I checked up on that. Besides, for a guy with 9 kids by 25, he doesn’t seem to come up with very original names.

18. Here lies Ian, teenage bacon and rootbeer connoisseur.

It's always sad to see obits pertaining to kids, especially if their death was a shock. But the rootbeer and bacon part is pretty funny.

It’s always sad to see obits pertaining to kids, especially if their death was a shock. But the rootbeer and bacon part is pretty funny.

19. RIP Peter, the cricket watching cat.

This is from Britain and

This is from Britain and “cricket” here is a sport that’s like a cross between croquet and baseball. Still, he must’ve been a team mascot or something.

20. Here lies a young woman who died after being asleep for 24 years.

Hmm...getting in the obits for sleeping. Highly unbelievable. Seriously, I don't know what to make out from this.

Hmm…getting in the obits for sleeping. Highly unbelievable. Seriously, I don’t know what to make out from this.

21. Here lies Owen Kobin, a guy who liked food and a lot of other stuff.

Notice how

Notice how “food” appears a total of 4 times? Must’ve been very into it. By the way, this one’s from Florida.

22. RIP: Jack Goff. Yeah, that’s his name.

Ironically, this guy lived as an IRS agent for 47 years. Guess a lot of people didn't like him very much, especially in April.

Ironically, this guy lived as an IRS agent for 47 years. Guess a lot of people didn’t like him very much, especially in April.

23. Count Goddfried von Bismarck: hedonist aristocrat and proud.

This guy seems like quite the character. Reading this you have to wonder what this guy hasn't tried.

This guy seems like quite the character. Reading this you have to wonder what this guy hadn’t tried. I’ll let you read it for yourself.

24. Of course, if an obituary reads, “In loving memory of our Dick” there’s nothing that will make it less unintentionally funny.

I get that Dick is a nickname for Richard. But still, even though it's an attempt at a touching tribute, you can't help but laugh reading it.

I get that Dick is a nickname for Richard. But still, even though it’s an attempt at a touching tribute, you can’t help but laugh reading it.

25. With sadness we mourn the loss of John R. Gaines, who died by losing the cure for cancer in an underground high stakes bingo game with Chuck Norris.

Now this guy clearly died of cancer. But I have to admit, losing to Chuck Norris in high stakes bingo does seem like an awesome way to die. Well, at least to him.

Now this guy clearly died of cancer. But I have to admit, losing to Chuck Norris in high stakes bingo does seem like an awesome way to die. Well, at least to him.

26. RIP Big Al, a guy who always told it like it is and loved to swear.

Now this guy wasn't living to far from where I live. Still, I have to admit that he's right about PennDOT. Yeah, road construction does seem endless.

Now this guy wasn’t living to far from where I live. Still, I have to admit that he’s right about PennDOT. Yeah, road construction does seem endless.

27. Condolences to the family of Aaron Joseph Purmort a.k.a. Spiderman.

Actually he's not Spiderman. Just a young dad who died of cancer, which is mentioned in its own way. And no, he wasn't married to Gwen Stefani either.

Actually he’s not Spiderman. Just a young dad who died of cancer, which is mentioned in its own way. And no, he wasn’t married to Gwen Stefani either.

28. Of course, many obituaries contain pictures of the deceased. However, I’ve never seen one like this.

Now his obituary in the text is quite normal. However, his picture kind of emphasizes his sense of humor. Still, at least it'll make the stylist's job at the funeral home much easier.

Now his obituary in the text is quite normal. However, his picture kind of emphasizes his sense of humor. Still, at least it’ll make the stylist’s job at the funeral home much easier.

29. RIP Fred Clark who never peed in the shower-on purpose.

He's also another guy deprived of his final wish of being run over by a beer truck on the way to a liquor store. Also, wanted a booze fest funeral. Seriously, what's with men?

He’s also another guy deprived of his final wish of being run over by a beer truck on the way to a liquor store. Also, wanted a booze fest funeral. Seriously, what’s with men?

30. Tudy Kenyon died on Friday the 13th….finally.

Guess this one operates on the principle,

Guess this one operates on the principle, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.” Probably wasn’t very popular.

31. Condolences to the family of beloved Principle Bill Eves and let er’ rip.

The guy's picture on this obit is priceless. Known to educate people on the dangers of holding one's farts. Also swore a lot.

The guy’s picture on this obit is priceless. Known to educate people on the dangers of holding one’s farts. Also swore a lot.

32. In memorial to composer John Stump, a shy and reclusive eccentric who hated having his picture taken.

John Stump? Never really heard of him. Then again, I really don't keep tabs on a lot of composers in Hollywood anyway. Still, this obit is pretty funny.

John Stump? Never really heard of him. Then again, I really don’t keep tabs on a lot of composers in Hollywood anyway. Still, this obit is pretty funny.

33. Here lies Graham Mason, journalist and raging alcoholic.

After reading most of his obituary, what amazes me most about him is that he died from emphysema. Then again, he most likely smoked, too. But I expected him to die of liver cirrhosis.

After reading most of his obituary, what amazes me most about him is that he died from emphysema. Then again, he most likely smoked, too. But I expected him to die of liver cirrhosis or alcohol poisoning.

34. RIP Norma Rae Brewer who died of hypothermia while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

This woman actually said she died while climbing Kilimanjaro as a joke for her friends. In reality, she actually died of a stroke. Boy, were her friends disappointed.

This woman actually said she died while climbing Kilimanjaro as a joke for her friends. In reality, she actually died of a stroke. Boy, were her friends disappointed.

35. We mourn the passing of Michel Sven Vedvik whose untimely demise was caused by the Seahawks’ lousy play.

Man, guess the Patriots winning the Super Bowl cost this guy's life. Wonder if he's ever heard of Deflategate.

Man, guess the Patriots winning the Super Bowl cost this guy’s life. Wonder if he’s ever heard of Deflategate. Probably had.

36. RIP Josiah A. Abeler, a Minnesota Twins fan who was angry at Joe Mauer and a Packers fan who once liked Bret Favre.

Funny, I wonder what made him stop liking Bret Favre. Oh, I think it might have something to do with Favre's sexting habit. That might do it.

Funny, I wonder what made him stop liking Bret Favre. Oh, I think it might have something to do with Favre’s sexting habit. That might do it.

37. In memory of Marianne Therese Johnson-Reddick, may that awful mother rot in Hell.

Yes, I know that child abuse is real and parents continue to abuse their kids when they grow up. But this is not the kind of obituary you see every day. So it goes on this post.

Yes, I know that child abuse is real and parents continue to abuse their kids when they grow up. But this is not the kind of obituary you see every day. So it goes on this post.

38. Seems like Kevin McGroaty has achieved room temperature.

I think this might be another guy from the Pittsburgh area. Of course, it's pretty funny that I might want to leave this to the reader's judgement.

I think this might be another guy from the Pittsburgh area. Of course, it’s pretty funny that I might want to leave this to the reader’s judgement.

39. Please pray for the family of Sam Lickteig who died of complications from MS and a heartbreaking disappointment caused by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Man, guess that Pittsburgh isn't the only town with a football problem. Guess the Chiefs weren't doing too well that season.

Man, guess that Pittsburgh isn’t the only town with a football problem. Guess the Chiefs weren’t doing too well that season.

40. RIP Mary Corbett principal and bagpipe enthusiast who died of lung cancer.

Hmm....guess this woman also liked to smoke, too, which explains the lung cancer bit. Still, wonder what her preschool students thought about her bagpiping.

Hmm….guess this woman also liked to smoke, too, which explains the lung cancer bit. Still, wonder what her preschool students thought about her bagpiping.

41. Here lies Michael “Flathead” Blanchard who enjoyed booze, guns, cars, and younger women until the day he died.

He's also insisted that his funeral not be attended by anyone under 18. You can guess what kind of stories he wants his buddies to share.

He’s also insisted that his funeral not be attended by anyone under 18. You can guess what kind of stories he wants his buddies to share. I’d expect an obit like this come from the John Goodman character from The Big Lebowski.

42. Please pray for the soul of Scott Entsminger, a lifelong and disappointed Cleveland Browns fan.

Yes, I know it's hard to be a Cleveland Browns fan. However, as someone from the Pittsburgh area, I'm not exactly sure that I have it in me to sympathize with him.

Yes, I know it’s hard to be a Cleveland Browns fan. However, as someone from the Pittsburgh area, I’m not exactly sure that I have it in me to sympathize with him. Still, he could’ve switched his allegiance to the Baltimore Ravens who got their start as the Cleveland Browns in his childhood.

43. Captain Donald Malcolm Jr. died nestled in the bosom of his family while smoking, drinking whiskey, and telling lies. Also of stomach cancer.

This guy died of stomach cancer because of his terrible health habits. Because if you continue that, you're bound to die while younger than my dad.

This guy died of stomach cancer because of his terrible health habits. Because if you continue that, you’re bound to die while younger than my dad.

44. In memorial to Hannah Murton, Taunton, New York’s resident crazy lady.

Now this woman was strange. Not only did she make a vow of virginity, she also had a coffin she'd lie in when she felt she was going to be sick. She also used it to store her bread, cheese, and clothes. Yeah, what a wacko.

Now this woman was strange. Not only did she make a vow of virginity, she also had a coffin she’d lie in when she felt she was going to be sick. She also used it to store her bread, cheese, and clothes. Yeah, what a wacko.

45. Please pray for the soul of Toni Larroux, a loyal customer of the Waffle House.

Seems like a long suffering woman if you read her obituary. I bet her son is embarrassed about what she wrote about him.

Seems like a long suffering woman if you read her obituary. I bet her son is embarrassed about what she wrote about him.

46. Jack Jones enjoyed cars, Indy car racing, and movie trivia.

Let's hope his love for racing contributed to his demise. Also, wishes everyone to watch the new James Bond movie. I think it was Skyfall, if I remembered. Dan Craig was good, but the movie--meh.

Let’s hope his love for racing contributed to his demise. Also, wishes everyone to watch the new James Bond movie. I think it was Skyfall, if I remembered. Dan Craig was good, but the movie–meh.

47. Here lies Charles Martin in his favorite comfy chair.

Of course, he had at least 10 grankids but that's a continuing discussion. Of course, the funeral was over before this obit came.

Of course, he had at least 10 grankids but that’s a continuing discussion. Of course, the funeral was over before this obit came.

48. Please pray for the soul of Fleetus Gobble. He has gone cold turkey.

Now this guy's obituary is quite normal and lists his death as a heart attack. Still, anyone with the surname of Gobble is hard to take seriously.

Now this guy’s obituary is quite normal and lists his death as a heart attack. Still, anyone with the surname of Gobble is hard to take seriously.

49. Here lies Jeffery Riek, a guy who never wanted nothing from nobody.

Unfortunately, grammatically speaking, he always wanted something from somebody. You know how double negatives work. Loved how he described his family.

Unfortunately, grammatically speaking, he always wanted something from somebody. You know how double negatives work. Loved how he described his family.

50. Here lies Moe Lester. Yeah, I know pretty unfortunate.

Maybe they should've stuck to his full name like Moses Lester. Moe Lester sounds a bit too creepy if you ask me.

Maybe they should’ve stuck to his full name like Moses Lester. Moe Lester sounds a bit too creepy if you ask me.

51. Please pray for the soul of Father Firmus Dick.

 I'd expect a guy with that name to at least be a guy who does porno movies. Not a priest. Seriously, that name is just a really terrible name for a priest. Or for anybody.

I’d expect a guy with that name to at least be a guy who does porno movies. Not a priest. Seriously, that name is just a really terrible name for a priest. Or for anybody.

52. “Explorer Grant Dies, Prayed for Death One Year.”

Of course, since that guy had health problems, I bet being unable to shoot big creatures and travel made his life meaningless. Wonder what the

Of course, since that guy had health problems, I bet being unable to shoot big creatures and travel made his life meaningless. Wonder what the “swan dance” was like for him. Maybe I don’t want to know.

53. Well, at least Tom Brady can be happy that at least one old lady supported him during Deflategate.

Yes, Patricia Shong was a mild mannered woman. But when it came to allegations of deflated footballs, she vigorously defended Brady's innocence until the end. I kind of think her defense was very much undeserved since Brady was truly guilty.

Yes, Patricia Shong was a mild mannered woman. But when it came to allegations of deflated footballs, she vigorously defended Brady’s innocence until the end. I kind of think her defense was very much undeserved since Brady was truly guilty.

54. Here lies Chan Holcombe, a guy who was circumcised with his dad’s pocketknife.

Now I have nothing against male circumcision, even in infancy. However, I don't think the pocketknife was sanitary. Best be done by a doctor.

Now I have nothing against male circumcision, even in infancy. However, I don’t think the pocketknife was sanitary. Best be done by a doctor or rabbi.

55. Here lies William McCullough, the man, the myth, the legend.

Now I don't know anything about this guy. But he seemed to have a big ego. I'm sure his diet might've led to his early death.

Now I don’t know anything about this guy. But he seemed to have a big ego. I’m sure his diet might’ve led to his early death.

56. RIP Amos Shuchman, a man who loved everything in New York except the New York Times.

Yeah, as a New York Jew, you have to find him at least complaining about something. Still pretty funny.

Yeah, as a New York Jew, you have to find him at least complaining about something. Still pretty funny. Ironically, this was found in The New York Times.

57. Of course, as she goes, Pink wants to leave with some advice.

Pink wants everyone to know that old pantyhose are really useful in a lot of things. And that you can use a BBQ brush to scare off a possum.

Pink wants everyone to know that old pantyhose are really useful in a lot of things. And that you can use a BBQ brush to scare off a possum.

58. Here lies Johnny “Big Buck,” ladies’ man, game slayer, urban cowboy, and outlaw. He will be missed.

From reading this, you get the impression he used antlers in all of his decorating. Also said to like smart brunette women. Hmmm...

From reading this, you get the impression he used antlers in all of his decorating. Also said to like smart brunette women. Hmmm…

59. Here lies Mary Stocks who had more stuff than she knew what to do with.

I tried to preserve as much of the article as I can with the snipping tool. Of course, her obituary is a riot so I'll leave it up to the reader to decide.

I tried to preserve as much of the article as I can with the snipping tool. Of course, her obituary is a riot so I’ll leave it up to the reader to decide.

60. Here we honor Elaine Frydrych, an entertainer who didn’t like Hillary Clinton.

Yeah, seems like Hillary isn't that popular among dead people. I wonder why that is. Well, maybe I'll never know.

Yeah, seems like Hillary isn’t that popular among dead people. I wonder why that is. Well, maybe I’ll never know.

61. Katherine Moore would like to say goodbye and peace out.

Yeah, I bet this woman had quite a sense of humor. That or this was the only picture they could find of her.

Yeah, I bet this woman had quite a sense of humor. That or this was the only picture they could find of her.

62. Please mourn the loss of Jade Cara Downwind.

And it seems her family has opted to go with her bitchy resting face. Not sure if she had an unhappy life or if this was the only one her family could find.

And it seems her family has opted to go with her bitchy resting face. Not sure if she had an unhappy life or if this was the only one her family could find.

63. Pleas offer condolences to the family of Richard A. “Dick” Butt who passed at 93.

Yeah, I don't think Mr. and Mrs. Butt used good judgement when giving their son a name. But at least they didn't live to see it. I mean the guy died at 93.

Yeah, I don’t think Mr. and Mrs. Butt used good judgement when giving their son a name. But at least they didn’t live to see it. I mean the guy died at 93.

64. Stig Kernell just wants everyone to know that he’s dead.

It's from Sweden but that's just what it says. And it just gives the date as April 6.

It’s from Sweden but that’s just what it says. And it just gives the date as April 6, 2014.

65. Now here’s just an obit from an old goat who died at a ripe old age.

Of course, who ever was responsible for this obit should've used a better graphic. This one might give us the wrong impression.

Of course, who ever was responsible for this obit should’ve used a better graphic. This one might give us the wrong impression.

66. Of course, Eddie Meduza wants to give his sister something before he goes.

Not sure what the power gliders reference was about. Guess they don't have a word for it in Swedish.

Not sure what the power gliders reference was about. Guess they don’t have a word for it in Swedish.

67. Here lies Carole Roberson who for all her faults will still be missed.

This might be a little hard to read if you don't zoom in more. However, they said her e-mails to her family were unintentionally hilarious. And she was a horrendous mom and mother-in-law.

This might be a little hard to read if you don’t zoom in more. However, they said her e-mails to her family were unintentionally hilarious. And she was a horrendous mom and mother-in-law.

68. Thurman Winston left a wife, children, grandchildren, and a bunch of backstabbing mother fuckers who owed him money.

Looks like someone needed to make a point about that. Yeah, somehow he gave people money who never paid him back.

Looks like someone needed to make a point about that. Yeah, somehow he gave people money who never paid him back.

69. Now before Val Patterson goes, he’d like to confess to something.

Well, if you want to get something off your chest about being a fake Ph.D. and stealing a safe, an obituary is the best place to do it. Of course, the police won't be able to arrest you after you're dead.

Well, if you want to get something off your chest about being a fake Ph.D. and stealing a safe, an obituary is the best place to do it. Of course, the police won’t be able to arrest you after you’re dead.

70. Here lies the Reverend George Ferguson, Canada’s con man preacher.

May be an example in religious hypocrisy. However, at lest his obituary is very entertaining if I do say so myself.

May be an example in religious hypocrisy. However, at lest his obituary is very entertaining if I do say so myself.

Share a Toast This Ocktoberfest with These Wunderbar Bier Steins

Here's a picture of a collectible Budweiser Beer Stein in the basement of my house. It's been at my home for as long as I can remember. But it's always been used for decoration. Guess it something that belonged to my dad.

Here’s a picture of a collectible Budweiser Beer Stein in the basement of my house. It’s been at my home for as long as I can remember. But it’s always been used for decoration. Guess it something that belonged to my dad.

For fall, you might’ve heard about Ocktoberfest which to Americans seems like a German secular, Saint Patrick’s Day. You know, a kind of occasion that’s used to celebrate an ethnic culture as an excuse to get drunk. I mean in late September and early October, you tend to find a lot of local places hosting their own Ocktoberfest events usually consisting of people eating German food, men in lederhosen and women in skimpy German dresses, and everyone drinking lots of beer. But what you may not know is that Ocktoberfest is a real folk festival in Munich that spans from late September up to the first Sunday in October that attracts 6 million people from around the world annually. And aside from the traditional fare, it includes a lot of games and amusement rides. They have held this festival since the marriage of Bavaria’s future King Ludwig I (then crown prince) and Princess Therese Charlotte Luise of Saxony-Hildburghausen (try pronouncing that name) on October 12, 1810. The citizens of Munich were all invited to attend the festivities on the fields of what is now Theresienwiese (“Theresa’s Meadow”) which lasted for 5 days. And to end the celebrations, there was major horse race. Of course, the citizens of Munich enjoyed the festivities so much that they decided to repeat the celebrations in order to promote agriculture. Thus, it has become an important cultural event in Bavaria ever since. Of course, since Ocktoberfest is known for people drinking beer, Germany is also known for its beer steins which are tall beer glasses. Many of them tend to have lids but not always. And they can be made of glass, ceramic, or pewter. Still, they’re all used to drink beer. And while I’ll show you some traditional beer steins, I’ll show some off-beat and pop culture ones as well. So in commemoration for Ocktoberfest, I bring you an assortment of all the different kinds of beer steins. Enjoy.

  1. Now this is a stein fit for our rescue heroes.
For some reason, this doesn't look like a traditional stein to me. More like a beer stein with a similar design you'd see on a plastic kids' mug.

For some reason, this doesn’t look like a traditional stein to me. More like a beer stein with a similar design you’d see on a plastic kids’ mug.

2. Of course, it sometimes pays to have one on the house, especially if it’s a castle.

Not sure if this is Neuschwanstein Castle or some other fairy tale palaces. Still, can't imagine drinking out of that thing.

Heard this is Falkenstein castle. But it kind of resembles Neuschwanstein to me for some reason. Then again, I’m more familiar with the latter.

3. Salute our canine heroes with this police dog beer stein.

Fittingly for Ocktoberfest, it's of a German Shepherd. And it's wearing its own little police outfit, too. Yeah, not sure what policemen would think about this.

Fittingly for Ocktoberfest, it’s of a German Shepherd. And it’s wearing its own little police outfit, too. Yeah, not sure what policemen would think about this.

4. Of course, even a monk has to take a swig of beer now and then.

Interestingly, the association with monks and beer goes way back to the Middle Ages. In fact, it's not unusual for German monks to brew beer. The Bavarian monks at my college Saint Vincent in Latrobe did at some point as well.

Interestingly, the association with monks and beer goes way back to the Middle Ages. In fact, it’s not unusual for German monks to brew beer. The Bavarian monks at my college Saint Vincent in Latrobe did at some point as well.

5. For Ocktoberfest, show your love for the U-S-of-A with this beer stein of a bald eagle on a motorcycle.

Seems like this eagle is too big for his ride. Also, he's not wearing a helmet. Besides, why ride a motorcycle when he could just fly? Then again, it's all about symbolism, is it?

Seems like this eagle is too big for his ride. Also, he’s not wearing a helmet. Besides, why ride a motorcycle when he could just fly? Then again, it’s all about symbolism, is it?

6. As they say, nobody is happier on Ocktoberfest than a pig in lederhosen.

A pig dancing in lederhosen. And it has big tusks, too. Still, this is pretty tacky if you ask me.

A pig dancing in lederhosen. And it has big tusks, too. Still, this is pretty tacky if you ask me.

7. If you like Hollywood glamour and think diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then these Marilyn Monroe beer steins are for you.

I don't know about these. Yes, Marilyn Monroe was an American icon. But does she really belong on a beer stein? At least a commemorative beer stein with Marlene Dietrich, Conrad Veidt, or Peter Lorre would be more understandable.

I don’t know about these. Yes, Marilyn Monroe was an American icon. But does she really belong on a beer stein? At least a commemorative beer stein with Marlene Dietrich, Conrad Veidt, or Peter Lorre would be more understandable.

8. Celebrate America this Ocktoberfest with a beer stein depicting Thomas Kinkade’s painting of the US Capitol.

Yes, Thomas Kinkade beer steins do exist unfortunately. For some reason a bad artist like Kinkade has his fans. Still, kill it, kill it with fire.

Yes, Thomas Kinkade beer steins do exist unfortunately. For some reason a bad artist like Kinkade has his fans. Still, kill it, kill it with fire.

9. In the future there will be portals, which will allow you to take your beer from the tap from anywhere.

Now this seems quite interesting. Some people might wish bars would operate like that all the time, especially waiters.

Now this seems quite interesting. Some people might wish bars would operate like that all the time, especially waiters.

10. Sometimes drinking on Ocktoberfest makes you feel like an old goat.

Ironically, he doesn't seem to be drinking from a stein here. Also, he's crouched over on a stump. Still, quite tacky.

Ironically, he doesn’t seem to be drinking from a stein here. Also, he’s crouched over on a stump. Still, quite tacky.

11. This card deck beer stein is perfect for any poker night.

Of course, not sure if drinking inhibits one's ability to play cards. Then again, it probably does. Still, drinking and gambling seem to go together hand in hand.

Of course, not sure if drinking inhibits one’s ability to play cards. Then again, it probably does. Still, drinking and gambling seem to go together hand in hand.

12. For those born to ride, this beer stein is for you.

Had no idea that motorcycle fans have their on beer steins. Of course, this one sports a handle in the shape of a beer tap.

Had no idea that motorcycle fans have their on beer steins. Of course, this one sports a handle in the shape of a beer tap.

13. Of course, you can’t go all out at the bar without a Moscow beer stein like this.

Now this is pretty elaborate. Hate to drink out of that thing. Wonder if Putin has a stein like this.

Now this is pretty elaborate. Hate to drink out of that thing. Wonder if Putin has a stein like this. Then again, this is probably something you could find in any Moscow souvenir store.

14. Celebrate the yuletide season with your very own Christmas beer stein.

Yes, Christmas steins do exist. However, isn't Santa supposed to have like 8-9 reindeer pulling his sleigh. Then again, it's supposed to depict Germany and they might have a different tradition.

Yes, Christmas steins do exist. However, isn’t Santa supposed to have like 8-9 reindeer pulling his sleigh. Then again, it’s supposed to depict Germany and they might have a different tradition.

15. A rustic stein like this might bring you back to nature.

Then again, perhaps boozing during hunting season isn't a good idea. I don't have to imagine what could happen. Might want to stick with something else instead.

Then again, perhaps boozing during hunting season isn’t a good idea. I don’t have to imagine what could happen. Might want to stick with something else instead.

16. Of course, a wild hog can’t go without a beer stein like this.

Wonder how he manages to fit all his animals on one motorcycle. Guess we'll never really know for sure.

Wonder how he manages to fit all his animals on one motorcycle. Guess we’ll never really know for sure.

17. Arr, drink your rum like a pirate with a stein like this.

Not sure if it's Blackbeard. But it does have a lot of nice colors. Still, we should remember that pirates during their heyday drank a lot of booze and didn't bathe or shave. Also, most of them didn't make it past 30.

Not sure if it’s Blackbeard. But it does have a lot of nice colors. Still, we should remember that pirates during their heyday drank a lot of booze and didn’t bathe or shave. Also, most of them didn’t make it past 30.

18. It’s always said that dem booze goes well with dem bones.

Well, not sure what's up with him being covered white stuff while he's sitting on a barrel. Still, this stein is more appropriate for a Halloween party.

Well, not sure what’s up with him being covered white stuff while he’s sitting on a barrel. Still, this stein is more appropriate for a Halloween party.

19. Nothing echoes the spirit of Ocktoberfest than a dachshund in lederhosen.

Now the dachshund is another German breed. You'd know that they're wiener dogs, but they can be quite aggressive. Still, I really don't see how anyone looks good in lederhosen. Really I don't.

Now the dachshund is another German breed. You’d know that they’re wiener dogs, but they can be quite aggressive. Still, I really don’t see how anyone looks good in lederhosen. Really I don’t.

20. Help yourself to the great taste of Coors Light with this Coors Light beer stein.

Actually don't. My dad says that it's like drinking soda water with alcohol. Yeah, not a great taste.

Actually don’t. My dad says that it’s like drinking soda water with alcohol. Yeah, not a great taste.

21. Spend Ocktoberfest at the beach with this Corona Extra Blue Parrot Club beer stein.

For some reason I don't see Corona having a beer stein. I mean they're Spanish in name and usually have their commercials on sunny beaches.

For some reason I don’t see Corona having a beer stein. I mean they’re Spanish in name and usually have their commercials on sunny, tropical beaches.

22. Of course, it ain’t Ocktoberfest without some cigars.

I'm sure there might be at least some bars in Munich with a no smoking policy. Then again, not sure what I think about smoking in bars because I never go to any.

I’m sure there might be at least some bars in Munich with a no smoking policy. Then again, not sure what I think about smoking in bars because I never go to any.

23. Celebrate Halloween with a beer stein of Frankenstein’s monster.

Then again, Ocktoberfest and Halloween are in the same month. Well, sort of. Still, this is quite funny and clever. Wouldn't mind having one like that.

Then again, Ocktoberfest and Halloween are in the same month. Well, sort of. Still, this is quite funny and clever. Wouldn’t mind having one like that.

24. Those who like busty German women might enjoy a stein like this.

Now this is in pretty poor taste. Like having a boob mug or boob anything. Seriously, if a guy had this, I'd question his taste in decorating.

Now this is in pretty poor taste. Like having a boob mug or boob anything. Seriously, if a guy had this, I’d question his taste in decorating.

25. Support your local sheriff with this canine sheriff beer stein.

Appropriately it's also a German Shepherd as well. Still, it can also count as a State Trooper beer stein. I mean stateys wear the same outfits.

Appropriately it’s also a German Shepherd as well. Still, it can also count as a State Trooper beer stein. I mean stateys wear the same outfits.

26. Honor your local firefighters for their service with a stein like this.

Of course, if you live in the US, it would be even better to write to your US Congressman to show support for policy supporting 9/11 first responders. Now those people need to be treated like the heroes they are.

Of course, if you live in the US, it would be even better to write to your US Congressman to show support for policy supporting 9/11 first responders. Now those people need to be treated like the heroes they are.

27. Support your WWII veterans with this commemorative D-Day beer stein.

Of course, this might get your WWII vet grandpa in a frenzy on how he whooped the Nazis on the beaches of Normandy. Or his complaints of how Saving Private Ryan isn't historically accurate in regards to swearing.

Of course, this might get your WWII vet grandpa in a frenzy on how he whooped the Nazis on the beaches of Normandy. Or his complaints of how Saving Private Ryan isn’t historically accurate in regards to swearing.

28. Fox hunters everywhere would enjoy their very own foxhound beer stein.

We should also not forget that it's not uncommon for some fox hunters to booze up before the hunt. Yeah, would you want to see a drunk person on a horse with a gun? Not if you're right next to them Or in front of them.

We should also not forget that it’s not uncommon for some fox hunters to booze up before the hunt. Yeah, would you want to see a drunk person on a horse with a gun? Not if you’re right next to them Or in front of them.

29. Enjoy a Corona this Ocktoberfest with this gecko beer stein.

First, blue parrots and now lizards. Not sure which one I'd prefer. Still, Corona's steins really don't have the Ocktoberfest spirit in my opinion.

First, blue parrots and now lizards. Not sure which one I’d prefer. Still, Corona’s steins really don’t have the Ocktoberfest spirit in my opinion.

30. Creep out your friends this Halloween by drinking out of your very own skull beer stein.

Heard that Lord Byron used to do this all the time. However, he'd drink from actual skulls. This one is ceramic, which is significantly less disgusting.

Heard that Lord Byron used to do this all the time. However, he’d drink from actual skulls. This one is ceramic, which is significantly less disgusting.

31. With this beer stein, your Ocktoberfest is sure to be elementary.

Of course, Sherlock Holmes didn't really wear a deerstalker outfit in the books on a regular basis. That was country attire and was the Victorian equivalent of wearing camo and bright orange.

Of course, Sherlock Holmes didn’t really wear a deerstalker outfit in the books on a regular basis. That was country attire and was the Victorian equivalent of wearing camo and bright orange.

32. Honor America’s Civil War heritages with these beer steins of Robert E. Lee, Abraham Lincoln, and Ulysses S. Grant.

Now why does Robert E. Lee's stein have a Capitol dome on it? The guy fought for the Confederacy. Guess the steins all had to match in form.

Now why does Robert E. Lee’s stein have a Capitol dome on it? The guy fought for the Confederacy. Guess the steins all had to match in form.

33. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with your very own “Luck of the Irish” beer stein from Budweiser.

Nothing says Saint Patrick's Day than having a German-American beer brand commemorate an Irish Catholic holiday. Look, Bud, Saint Patrick's day is Guinness's turf here.

Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day than having a German-American beer brand commemorate an Irish Catholic holiday. Look, Bud, Saint Patrick’s day is Guinness’s turf here.

34. Nothing shows the spirit of Bavaria than a beer stein of a monk making his own brew.

Yes, monks made their own beer at one point in history. And in Germany, nobody saw anything wrong with it. Not so in America as Bonifice Wimmer found out.

Yes, monks made their own beer at one point in history. And in Germany, nobody saw anything wrong with it. Not so in America as Bonifice Wimmer found out.

35. Show your high class snobbery with this Fabrege egg beer stein.

Of course, this one will probably cost an arm and a leg. Also, doesn't seem to hold a lot either. So probably not worth it.

Of course, this one will probably cost an arm and a leg. Also, doesn’t seem to hold a lot either. So probably not worth it.

36. Nothing shows the true Scottish spirit than a kilt wearing Scottie with bagpipes and golf clubs.

Don't see anything stereotypical about this one (sarcasm). Still, despite being a wee bit Scottish, I kind of find the sound of bagpipes annoying as hell.

Don’t see anything stereotypical about this one (sarcasm). Still, despite being a wee bit Scottish (well, 1/32 anyway), I find the sound of bagpipes annoying as hell.

37. Remember that all work and praying just wears a poor monk out before a beer.

Yes, I know people might think holy men shouldn't drink or make alcohol. However,  the German association with monks and beer is deeply rooted in historical fact. Monasteries made beer. Get used to it.

Yes, I know people might think holy men shouldn’t drink or make alcohol. However, the German association with monks and beer is deeply rooted in historical fact. Monasteries made beer. Get used to it.

38. Come to the farm with this Clydesdale stable beer stein, courtesy of Budweiser.

Love how the horses are sticking out the window of these. Also, always enjoyed the Budweiser Clydesdale Super Bowl commercials. Even on bad years, they weren't terrible to watch.

Love how the horses are sticking out the window of these. Also, always enjoyed the Budweiser Clydesdale Super Bowl commercials. Even on bad years, they weren’t terrible to watch.

39. Of course, I can’t do a post on beer steins for Ocktoberfest without including one with a pretzel handle.

Got to have one with a pretzel somehow. After all, pretzels are among the foods associated with Ocktoberfest. That and sausage.

Got to have one with a pretzel somehow. After all, pretzels are among the foods associated with Ocktoberfest. That and sausage.

40. Of course, who says you can’t enjoy Ocktoberfest from the seat of your pants?

Yes, this is a beer stein depicting a pair of pants from Bavaria. No, I am not making this up. Believe me, I came across this on Pinterest.

Yes, this is a beer stein depicting a pair of pants from Bavaria. No, I am not making this up. Believe me, I came across this on Pinterest.

41. Goose step your way into a Third Reich Ocktoberfest with this Nazi beer stein.

Actually don't because Hitler and his Nazi thugs were very horrible people. However, I'm showing a picture of this Nazi beer stein for historical purposes. Yes, the Nazis did celebrate Ocktoberfest and they drank from Anti-Semitic steins like these. So to my viewers, do not, under any circumstances, buy or use this stein. I repeat do not buy or use this stein.

Actually don’t because Hitler and his Nazi thugs were very horrible people. And I’m just putting it mildly. However, I’m showing a picture of this Nazi beer stein for solely historical purposes. Yes, the Nazis did celebrate Ocktoberfest and they drank from Anti-Semitic steins like these. So to my viewers, do not, under any circumstances, buy or use this stein. I repeat do not buy or use this stein.

42. Of course, beware of the muscle monster from a beer stein like this.

Now this is so creepy, especially since the monster has absolutely no skin. Just seems like he's all muscle. Maybe I think you might want to stick with the beer stein depicting Frankenstein.

Now this is so creepy, especially since the monster has absolutely no skin. Just seems like he’s all muscle. Maybe I think you might want to stick with the beer stein depicting Frankenstein.

43. Of course, steins aren’t meant for milk, but this cow print one has a down home taste.

Now this looks quite tacky. Then again, I view all animal prints that way. Still, wouldn't want to be caught dead drinking from that.

Now this looks quite tacky. Then again, I view all animal prints that way. Still, wouldn’t want to be caught dead drinking from that.

44. Nothing shows German spirit than a beer stein of a crocodile playing golf?

Now I can understand if this was made in America since gators and crocs are plentiful in the South. And Florida isn't shy to admit that. But this was made in Germany. And Germany isn't known for its crocodile population. So seriously, why?

Now I can understand if this was made in America since gators and crocs are plentiful in the South. And Florida isn’t shy to admit that. But this was made in Germany. And Germany isn’t known for its crocodile population. So seriously, why?

45. Of course, you can’t have Ocktoberfest without a beer stein of a saxaphone playing bulldog.

Well, at least the bulldog has a cigar like Winston Churchill. Still, I have to confess that I really don't associate bulldogs with big band or jazz music.

Well, at least the bulldog has a cigar like Winston Churchill. Still, I have to confess that I really don’t associate bulldogs with big band or jazz music.

46. Salute the King of Rock n’ Roll this Ocktoberfest with your very own Elvis Presley Blue Suede Shoe beer stein.

Wouldn't imagine seeing a beer stein commemorating Elvis. Nor one as tacky as this. Still, a beer stein commemorating his Vegas years would've been more appropriate.

Wouldn’t imagine seeing a beer stein commemorating Elvis. Nor one as tacky as this. Still, a beer stein commemorating his Vegas years would’ve been more appropriate.

47. Celebrate this Ocktoberfest in Gotham City with your very own beer stein of its most famous Dark Knight.

Of course, it would be interesting to know how Batman would celebrate his Ocktoberfest. I mean it's seen as a happy fun time. Batman isn't known for his cheerfulness.

Of course, it would be interesting to know how Batman would celebrate his Ocktoberfest. I mean it’s seen as a happy fun time. Batman isn’t known for his cheerfulness.

48. Celebrate the holidays with your very own Budweiser Clydesdale beer stein.

Budweiser may not make the best beer. But they're pretty smart about promoting it with their Budweiser Clydesdale steins, especially around Christmas. Because everyone loves them.

Budweiser may not make the best beer. But they’re pretty smart about promoting it with their Budweiser Clydesdale steins, especially around Christmas. Because everyone loves them.

49. For those on Wall Street, a stein with a bull and wolf stockbrokers will do nicely.

Now I know the bull stands for Bull market. So does this mean that the wolf is "the Wolf of Wall Street"? Then again, I always wonder which people on Wall Street are trying to avoid a jail sentence.

Now I know the bull stands for Bull market. So does this mean that the wolf is “the Wolf of Wall Street”? Then again, I always wonder which people on Wall Street are trying to avoid a jail sentence.

50. Enjoy Ocktoberfest in the halls of Valhalla with your very own Viking helmet beer stein.

We should be aware that the Vikings never wore horned helmets in battle. That was Wagner's doing in his operas. Also, the lid might pose a safety hazard to others. Then again, it's probably a collectible anyway.

We should be aware that the Vikings never wore horned helmets in battle. That was Wagner’s doing in his operas. Also, the lid might pose a safety hazard to others. Then again, it’s probably a collectible anyway.

51. This beer stein gives you just what the doctor ordered.

I posted a similar one for my post on mugs but it was for coffee. But I'm sure anyone who drinks out of this is bound to be drunk off their ass. I wonder if I should get this for my Uncle Frank who's a doctor. Then again, I gave him a Steeler mug last year.

I posted a similar one for my post on mugs but it was for coffee. But I’m sure anyone who drinks out of this is bound to be drunk off their ass. I wonder if I should get this for my Uncle Frank who’s a doctor. Then again, I gave him a Steeler mug last year.

52. Now this stein shows that any man can be classy in a top hat and cane.

For some reason, this stein kind of reminds me of Sir Patrick Stewart. You know Professor X and Captain Picard. Not sure why.

For some reason, this stein kind of reminds me of Sir Patrick Stewart. You know Professor X and Captain Picard. Not sure why.

53. Feast like a Hobbit this Ocktoberfest with this commemorative beer stein.

Now if you drink beer in this stein before elevencies, you might need to go on the Middle Earth Twelve Step Program. Still, nice artwork by the way.

Now if you drink beer in this stein before elevencies, you might need to go on the Middle Earth Twelve Step Program. Still, nice artwork by the way.

54. Boldly go where no man has gone before this Ocktoberfest with this one of a kind Star Trek beer stein.

According to Mr. Spock, Ocktoberfest is one of those times of year when humanity is at its most illogical. This after Christmas, Halloween, Valentine's Day, Saint Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo, New Years, and 4th of July. Meanwhile who knows where and with whom Captain Kirk wakes up on board during the festivities.

According to Mr. Spock, Ocktoberfest is one of those times of year when humanity is at its most illogical. This after Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, New Years, and 4th of July. Meanwhile who knows where and with whom Captain Kirk wakes up on board during the festivities. And you have to feel for Dr. McCoy in sick bay.

55. Now this large stein is certainly fit for a king.

If you need a stein like this to hold your beer, I say you may need serious help, my friend. Yeah, definitely need to get to rehab or AA. Or as they say in the fairy tale world, "a Twelve-Step adventure."

If you need a stein like this to hold your beer, I say you may need serious help, my friend. Yeah, definitely need to get to rehab or AA. Or as they say in the fairy tale world, “a Twelve-Step adventure.”

56. Aristocrats in the 18th and 19th centuries preferred their steins gilded with Grecian figures.

Yes, this is an old beer stein. Unfortunately, for anyone who wants one like this, I'm afraid it's not for sale. And to quote the world's worst archaeologist, "It belongs in a museum."

Yes, this is an old beer stein. Unfortunately, for anyone who wants one like this, I’m afraid it’s not for sale. And to quote the world’s worst archaeologist, “It belongs in a museum.”

57. Commemorate Neil Armstrong’s one small step with this NASA beer stein.

Now this is the kind of stein I can imagine Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson drinking from this Ocktoberfest. Of course, if he doesn't have one like this, he'd certainly want one.

Now this is the kind of stein I can imagine Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson drinking from this Ocktoberfest. Of course, if he doesn’t have one like this, he’d certainly want one.

58. Celebrate German art with this beer stein commemorating Albrecht Durer.

Now Durer was a Renaissance painter in Germany known for his German humanist paintings and his association with the Reformation. This features some of his most famous works.

Now Durer was a Renaissance painter in Germany known for his German humanist paintings and his association with the Reformation. This features some of his most famous works.

59. Show your love for America with this commemorative beer stein of the United States Seal.

Now that's a nice beer stein. Sort of looks like a stein Obama would use. Kind of seems presidential for some reason. Yeah, probably due to the seal.

Now that’s a nice beer stein. Sort of looks like a stein Obama would use. Kind of seems presidential for some reason. Yeah, probably due to the seal. Still, like the eagle lid on it. Very majestic.

60. Celebrate Germany’s victory at the World Cup with this commemorative beer stein.

Yes, I know it's a year too late for this. But still, their men's team did win the World Cup in Rio de Janiero against Argentina.

Yes, I know it’s a year too late for this. But still, their men’s team did win the World Cup in Rio de Janiero against Argentina.

61. Celebrate the season with this beer stein depicting Santa Claus and the children.

Now I think Santa and the children are a bit creepy in this one. However, I love the Christmas tree lids though. Those are awesome.

Now I think Santa and the children are a bit creepy in this one. However, I love the Christmas tree lids though. Those are awesome.

62. Drink your beer like a Viking with this Viking beer stein horn.

Once again, Viking helmets didn't have horns, at least most of the time. Other than that, it's quite fitting. Yeah, can totally see Vikings boozing through drinking horns.

Once again, Viking helmets didn’t have horns, at least most of the time. Other than that, it’s quite fitting. Yeah, can totally see Vikings boozing through drinking horns.

63. Show off your German heritage with this badass beer stein.

Now this looks quite badass indeed. But I'm sure any German drinking with this stein is certainly having a good time this Ocktoberfest. This is especially in Munich.

Now this looks quite badass indeed. But I’m sure any German drinking with this stein is certainly having a good time this Ocktoberfest. This is especially in Munich.

64. Quench your thirst with a mason jar stein.

Now this is quite clever. And if you're not using it for boozing, you can use it for storage. Like any mason jar.

Now this is quite clever. And if you’re not using it for boozing, you can use it for storage. Like any mason jar.

65. Take a swig on the high seas with this maritime bear stein, lads.

Now this one includes a wooden ship as well as dolphins, whale, and a figurehead mermaid handle. Hope this isn't celebrating Moby Dick because we know what happened there.

Now this one includes a wooden ship as well as dolphins, whale, and a figurehead mermaid handle. Hope this isn’t celebrating Moby Dick because we know what happened there.

66. Celebrate the spirit of German engineering with this beer stein commemorating the zeppelin.

Okay, this beer stein actually commemorates the Hindenburg. Yeah, you know the one that burst into flames during the 1930s which led a radio broadcaster say, "Oh, the humanity." Then again, it could be worse. Could be Volkswagen.

Okay, this beer stein actually commemorates the Hindenburg. Yeah, you know the one that burst into flames during the 1930s which led a radio broadcaster say, “Oh, the humanity.” Then again, it could be worse. Could be Volkswagen.

67. Enjoy the city of lovers this Ocktoberfest with this beer stein of gay Paree.

Had this been in Midnight in Paris, the movie would've been way tackier than I remember it. Still, don't really think of beer steins when I think of Paris. Or France in that matter.

Had this been in Midnight in Paris, the movie would’ve been way tackier than I remember it. Still, don’t really think of beer steins when I think of Paris. Or France in that matter.

68. For those who love fire breathing dragons, this beer stein is for you.

Of course, this one is especially ferocious. Because she's a mom and you know what mother monsters are like toward their young. Still, these look very cool.

Of course, this one is especially ferocious. Because she’s a mom and you know what mother monsters are like toward their young. Still, these look very cool.

69. Celebrate the New York Giants Super Bowl win with this commemorative beer stein.

Yes, I know this happened years ago. But still, a NFL beer stein is more understandable. NFL lingerie, not so much.

Yes, I know this happened years ago. But still, a NFL beer stein is more understandable. NFL lingerie, not so much.

70. Seems like this pug is part of some barbershop quartet from what I can tell.

Yeah, I don't get the the association with beer steins and pugs. Still, like the snazzy suit, porkpie hat, and the barber pole handle.

Yeah, I don’t get the the association with beer steins and pugs. Still, like the snazzy suit, porkpie hat, and the barber pole handle.

71. For those who love death metal, this Slayer beer stein is for you.

Now even metal fans can enjoy Ocktoberfest in their own special way. Of course, there is a skull stein on this post if they have other ideas.

Now even metal fans can enjoy Ocktoberfest in their own special way. Of course, there is a skull stein on this post if they have other ideas.

72. Use the Force to celebrate this Ocktoberfest in a galaxy far, far away with your very own Star Wars beer stein.

Let's just say I'm sure celebrating Ocktoberfest at Mos Eisley might lead you to the Dark Side of the Force. Still, these include Darth Vader, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and Boba Fett. Well, at last as I can tell.

Let’s just say I’m sure celebrating Ocktoberfest at Mos Eisley might lead you to the Dark Side of the Force. Still, these include Darth Vader, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and Boba Fett. Well, at last as I can tell.

73. Celebrate Ocktoberfest in your own fantasy world, with a special World of Warcraft beer stein.

World of Warcraft is an MMO RPG on the internet. Still, why they have their own commemorative beer steins is beyond me.

World of Warcraft is an MMO RPG on the internet. Still, why they have their own commemorative beer steins is beyond me.

74. Danes, embrace your Viking heritage with this Denmark Viking beer stein.

Once again, real Vikings regularly didn't wear horns. Still, the ship really looks cool if you get my drift.

Once again, real Vikings regularly didn’t wear horns. Still, the ship really looks cool if you get my drift.

75. Those from Australia might delight in seeing a stein dedicated to the Land Down Under.

Of course, I'm not sure why Australia would want to have a stein for this country. Then again, Germany and Australia are known to be big beer drinking countries.

Of course, I’m not sure why Australia would want to have a stein for this country. Then again, Germany and Australia are known to be big beer drinking countries.

76. Show off your American pride this Ocktoberfest with this commemorative beer stein.

Now this one has a lid with the Liberty Bell, baby. Also has other stuff America's known for as well. Probably could be found in a lot of souvenir shops in the US during the 1970s.

Now this one has a lid with the Liberty Bell, baby. Also has other stuff America’s known for as well. Probably could be found in a lot of souvenir shops in the US during the 1970s.

77. For those who want to know the words of German folk song, look on this one.

This reminds me of a German song they sang on Animaniacs. Of course, they ended up taking the chef's clothes off and pissed him off. But, oh well. It was funny.

This reminds me of a German song they sang on Animaniacs. Of course, they ended up taking the chef’s clothes off and pissed him off. But, oh well. It was funny.

78. Drink like a warrior with these Warhammer beer steins.

Not sure what Warhammer is. Wonder if it's on the same level as World of Warcraft. Still, must be popular enough to have a line of beer steins.

Not sure what Warhammer is. Wonder if it’s on the same level as World of Warcraft. Still, must be popular enough to have a line of beer steins.

79. For those who love Theology on Tap, this papal beer stein is for you.

Yes, it commemorates the visit of Pope Benedict XVI to Germany. However, it's the only papal stein I could find. Have to make do with what you got.

Yes, it commemorates the visit of Pope Benedict XVI to Germany. However, it’s the only papal stein I could find. Have to make do with what you got.

80. Of course, nothing brings the spirit of Old Bavaria than a beer stein of Neuschwanstein.

Yes, this is a stein of Mad King Ludwig II's fairy tale castle itself. In it's day it drained the kingdom's finances in its construction. Today, it's now Bavaria's most popular tourist destination.

Yes, this is a stein of Mad King Ludwig II’s fairy tale castle itself. In it’s day it drained the kingdom’s finances in its construction. Today, it’s now Bavaria’s most popular tourist destination.

The Carving World of Wood Sculpture

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We use wood for all kinds of things. We use it to build stuff. We use it to make furniture. We use it to burn for fuel. However, there are some people who use wood for creating works of art whether through carving, chainsaw, or whatever. Of course, I’m talking about wood sculpture. Sure you might see some neat carvings at festivals. Still, while wood may be flammable, biodegradable, and vulnerable to insect damage, it’s fairly easy material to sculpt. Unlike metal, you don’t need to make a mold or use any fire unless you want to. Unlike glass, it’s not delicate and easily breakable (well, for the most part). Unlike clay and ceramics, you don’t need to put it in a kiln. And unlike stone, you don’t need to continuously hammer it with a chisel unless you want to. Just take any assortment of cutting tools from your local hardware store and cut away. Not to mention, wood is a rather light material and take in fine detail. Nevertheless, wood sculpting has been extremely widely practiced and forms an important but hidden element of many cultures. The Native Americans tribes in the Pacific Northwest are a major example since they build totem poles (though we know little of how that tradition developed since wood tends to decay. And outdoor sculpture doesn’t last long). But you’d find some form of wood sculpting tradition all over the world which is still practiced today. I mean you still have wood sculpting at festivals in the summer and fall as well as contests. Hell, you can even buy some wood sculptures for indoor use online. Of course, some types of wood are easier to carve in than others. So without further adieu, I now present to you an assortment of wood sculptures for your reading pleasure.

  1. Seems like this fox is either stumped or is just standing on a stump.
Now that's a nice color for a fox like that. However, I'm not sure if that's the color of the wood or spray paint.

Now that’s a nice color for a fox like that. However, I’m not sure if that’s the color of the wood or spray paint.

2. Of course, eagles will always have to fly back to the nest.

Birds are a popular motif in wood sculpture. And you'll see a lot. However, how I see it, I think the dad is the one taking care of the chicks while the mom is spreading her wings. Because in bald eagles, the female is supposed to be bigger.

Birds are a popular motif in wood sculpture. And you’ll see a lot. However, how I see it, I think the dad is the one taking care of the chicks while the mom is spreading her wings. Because in bald eagles, the female is supposed to be bigger.

3. It seems that Mary’s little lamb has sprouted some big horns.

Contrary to popular belief, sheep aren't docile or dumb as you think they are. Sheep actually have good memories and are very social animals. Also, if cornered some will attack you.

Contrary to popular belief, sheep aren’t docile or dumb as you think they are. Sheep actually have good memories and are very social animals. Also, if cornered some will attack you. Rams are also pretty aggressive that they’re used as mascots on sports teams.

4. You might see wood sculptures a lot during special events in the summer and fall. However, you wouldn’t see sculptures of nudes like this one.

No, can't show that in front of the kids. But at least she has a lot of highly defined features. Though I'm not sure about whether her boobs would be real if she was an actual person.

No, can’t show that in front of the kids. But at least she has a lot of highly defined features. Though I’m not sure about whether her boobs would be real if she was an actual person.

5. In North America, there is no better known red bird than the Northern Cardinal.

Now the cardinal is a very pretty bird as I can admit. However, this doesn't mean that it seven states should adopt it as their state bird. Yeah, apparently when it comes to state birds, originality doesn't seem to be the focus here.

Now the cardinal is a very pretty bird as I can admit. However, this doesn’t mean that it seven states should adopt it as their state bird. Yeah, apparently when it comes to state birds, originality doesn’t seem to be the focus here.

6. This old crow is a wise and strong one among his tribe.

Then again, this might be a raven if it comes from the Pacific Northwest. They tend to be significant among that culture.

Then again, this might be a raven if it comes from the Pacific Northwest. Ravens tend to be significant among that culture. And it’s also wearing the tribal robes.

7. Of course, I wouldn’t want to cross this hawk on wood.

Not sure what the hawk is. Know it's not a red tailed or red shoulder. But it almost looks real.

Not sure what the hawk is. Know it’s not a red tailed or red shoulder. But it almost looks real.

8. Yes, I’m certain that bears and birds of prey can exist on the same tree.

And I guess the eagles eat whatever the bears catch. Then again, these may be cubs. The owl just goes out alone for critters.

And I guess the eagles eat whatever the bears catch. Then again, these may be cubs. The owl just goes out alone for critters.

9. Try to dance in these dancing shoes.

Then again, these shoes really don't look appropriate for clog dancing. Or ballet. Or anything. Of course, they're just for show.

Then again, these shoes really don’t look appropriate for clog dancing. Or ballet. Or anything. Of course, they’re just for show.

10. When it comes to trees, none is more magnificent than the Tree of Life.

Now this was a sculpture that is carved from wood. Wood comes from a tree, which is currently dead from how I can tell it. See the irony here?

Now this was a sculpture that is carved from wood. Wood comes from a tree, which is currently dead from how I can tell it. See the irony here?

11. Of course, a wine chalice must always be covered in vines.

Wonder if they use something like this in churches. Then again, it's probably too delicate. Still, you have to admire the craftsmanship.

Wonder if they use something like this in churches. Then again, it’s probably too delicate. Still, you have to admire the craftsmanship.

12. Now is the time for this owl to spread its wings.

Yes, it's a day time sculpture and I know that owls are active at night. But it's still quite detailed and magnificent, I may add.

Yes, it’s a day time sculpture and I know that owls are active at night. But it’s still quite detailed and magnificent, I may add.

13. Now a soaring hawk can be frightening as well as magnificent as it swoops for prey in flight.

Hard to believe that this hawk sculpture looks so lifelike. Seems like there's nothing to keep it held up. Love the feathers, too.

Hard to believe that this hawk sculpture looks so lifelike. Seems like there’s nothing to keep it held up. Love the feathers, too.

14. Ironically, water usually tends to extinguish an open flame. Not this time.

But if you try to set this statue on fire, I'm sure it will burn. And you will most likely get in big trouble for arson.

But if you try to set this statue on fire, I’m sure it will burn. And you will most likely get in big trouble for arson.

15. It can be wise to avoid a dragon, especially when it’s hanging out with its reptilian friends.

As you can see, this is an Asian carving. Probably from China or Japan. Not sure how old it is. But somehow it seems East Asian dragons tend to have scales and feathers.

As you can see, this is an Asian carving. Probably from China or Japan. Not sure how old it is. But somehow it seems East Asian dragons tend to have scales and feathers.

16. Seems like this bird feels like letting out a loud, “kaw.”

If crows and ravens can talk, I guess you can hear them say,

If crows and ravens can talk, I guess you can hear them say, “I just love the smell of roadkill in the morning.” Seriously, the smell of decaying flesh is a delicious aroma to them.

17. Looks like one buck has just become dinner for a pack of wolves.

Actually, wolves don't act like this in real life. To them, going after a strong buck is just plain stupid. Wolves go after easier prey like the very young, sick, weak, and very old. Hell, if you see a pack of wolves eating a full grown animal, it's likely to be old and dead of natural causes. Yes, wolves will wait for an adult animal to die.

Actually though quite dramatic, wolves don’t act like this in real life. To them, going after a strong buck is just plain stupid. Wolves go after easier prey like the very young, sick, weak, and very old. Hell, if you see a pack of wolves eating a full grown animal, it’s likely to be old and dead of natural causes. Yes, wolves will wait for an adult animal to die.

18. Now here we come to a rather playful little elephant.

Let's hope the tusks on this one aren't made from real ivory. Because that would be bad. Very bad, indeed.

Let’s hope the tusks on this one aren’t made from real ivory. Because that would be bad. Very bad, indeed.

19. A rose may be a rose but this one seems to have a lot of shavings.

Now that's a huge rose. Probably derived from a chainsaw carving. Kind of looks obvious.

Now that’s a huge rose. Probably derived from a chainsaw carving. Kind of looks obvious. Wonder how they’ll shake off the shavings.

20. Now this toucan certainly has a stunning beak to behold.

This is a sculpture from Costa Rica where many toucans live. Not sure which one this is. Still, very colorful beak.

This is a sculpture from Costa Rica where many toucans live. Not sure which one this is. Still, very colorful beak.

21. Seems like this polar bear prefers to stand on its stump.

Now this little polar bear is adorable. Though its eyes seem a little sad. Of course, I'm not sure how it would handle climate change with the ice caps melting.

Now this little polar bear is adorable. Though its eyes seem a little sad. Of course, I’m not sure how it would handle climate change with the ice caps melting.

22. Now this snowy owl always seems like a beautiful snowbird in flight.

Of course, I see where it's hung. However, it's still quite gorgeous with its wings spread out like that. Kind of see why Harry had an owl like this.

Of course, I see where it’s hung. However, it’s still quite gorgeous with its wings spread out like that. Kind of see why Harry had an owl like this.

23. Now this is where you put your leather jacket.

Actually that wooden jacket may look real. But it wouldn't be comfortable to wear. Well, if you can wear it. Also, what's in that pocket?

Actually that wooden jacket may look real. But it wouldn’t be comfortable to wear. Well, if you can wear it. Also, what’s in that pocket?

24. Now this woman is enjoying a stroll in her new hat.

And something seems to catch her eye. But I don't know what. Still, her hat seems a bit flat for some reason.

And something seems to catch her eye. But I don’t know what. Still, her hat seems a bit flat for some reason.

25. Now that is one big, scary moth.

Man, those wings look huge. And I bet they weren't easy to carve with a chainsaw. Still, big bugs are terrifying. Need I say more?

Man, those wings look huge. And I bet they weren’t easy to carve with a chainsaw. Still, big bugs are terrifying. Need I say more?

26. Of course, you always have to stop and smell the flowers.

Now these look quite lifelike. If they were painted with the right colors, I might not be able to distinguish them from the real thing.

Now these look quite lifelike. If they were painted with the right colors, I might not be able to distinguish them from the real thing.

27. Still, I hear that a light bulb can brighten a room any day.

Except if it's carved from wood. Yeah, I know this wouldn't do well on a dark night. Well, unless you burn it.

Except if it’s carved from wood. Yeah, I know this wouldn’t do well on a dark night. Well, unless you burn it.

28. Now this skeleton just wants to lounge around for awhile.

Guess this guy is taking a break from the graveyard shift tonight. Yeah, even undead skeletons need a little R&R now and then.

Guess this guy is taking a break from the graveyard shift tonight. Yeah, even undead skeletons need a little R&R now and then.

29. Now this horse definitely looks majestic in the sunlight.

Horses are another common motif in wood sculpture. And this one is no exception. However, if you want to buy a wooden horse as big as this, always check for Greeks.

Horses are another common motif in wood sculpture. And this one is no exception. However, if you want to buy a wooden horse as big as this, always check for Greeks.

30. Think this came from a wild cat? Think again.

Now if it weren't for the wood marks in this, you might've had this owner arrested for poaching. Still, this is quite cool.

Now if it weren’t for the wood marks in this, you might’ve had this owner arrested for poaching. Still, this is quite cool.

31. Now this angel seems to like standing by the window.

For some reason, biblical angels are typically addressed as male. But you tend to see them in artwork as female. Then again, it's said that angels in the Bible tend to look quite freaky.

For some reason, biblical angels are typically addressed as male. But you tend to see them in artwork as female. Then again, it’s said that angels in the Bible tend to look quite freaky.

32. Of course, you can’t do without a wooden sculpture of a cathedral.

This must've been carved by someone with a great deal of talent, attention to detail, and an ungodly amount of patience. And it was most likely not carved by a chainsaw.

This must’ve been carved by someone with a great deal of talent, attention to detail, and an ungodly amount of patience. And it was most likely not carved by a chainsaw.

33. Even in art, dolphins can be beautiful in the ocean.

Now this is quite stunning. However the shadows in this picture make ti a little hard to see. Must be about 6 on this.

Now this is quite stunning. However the shadows in this picture make ti a little hard to see. Must be about 6 on this.

34. A wooden rose will be best used to decorate a wooden box.

Now this looks quite lifelike and beautiful to behold. Still, I'm not sure if I'd want to use this for anything though.

Now this looks quite lifelike and beautiful to behold. Still, I’m not sure if I’d want to use this for anything though.

35. “Ah, the Norwegian Blue. Wonderful plumage.”

Actually there's no such thing as a Norwegian Blue because parrots are tropical animals. Still, this blue parrot is quite pretty if I do say so myself.

Actually there’s no such thing as a Norwegian Blue because parrots are tropical animals. Still, this blue parrot is quite pretty if I do say so myself.

36. Remember that a sturdy trunk makes a good tractor.

Guess this tractor didn't take a lot of sawing to produce here. But it seems to require a lot of assembly. Nevertheless, quite clever.

Guess this tractor didn’t take a lot of sawing to produce here. But it seems to require a lot of assembly. Nevertheless, quite clever.

37. Now the bald eagle has always been America’s majestic symbol.

Now this almost looks like the real thing I almost mistook it for taxidermy. You see, how great wood is used for carving stuff?

Now this almost looks like the real thing I almost mistook it for taxidermy. You see, how great wood is used for carving stuff?

38. Of course, this mermaid is sure to let anyone go with her under the sea.

Still, in a lot of mythologies, while mermaids are usually pretty, they're not always nice or bright. In fact, some legends have them drown sailors through their songs.

Still, in a lot of mythologies, while mermaids are usually pretty, they’re not always nice or bright. In fact, some legends have them drown sailors through their songs. Whether it’s accidental or on purpose depends on the culture.

39. If painted, this lighthouse is bound to look pretty on a postcard.

Of course, I wouldn't want to take this lighthouse on any beach. And if it was smaller, you'd see it at some souvenir shop in New England.

Of course, I wouldn’t want to take this lighthouse on any beach. And if it was smaller, you’d see it at some souvenir shop in New England.

40. With handcrafted flowers, any beauty creations are possible.

Wonder if these flowers would look any prettier with colors on them. Then again, maybe not. Best not disturb what the artist intended, shall we?

Wonder if these flowers would look any prettier with colors on them. Then again, maybe not. Best not disturb what the artist intended, shall we?

41. Seems like these feathered fantasy creatures are really getting at it.

And it seems that this fight is costing each one some of their feathers. Not sure what these two creatures are. Think the artist made them up.

And it seems that this fight is costing each one some of their feathers. Not sure what these two creatures are. Think the artist made them up.

42. This wooden motorcycle puts the pedal to the paddle.

Well, saying

Well, saying “pedal to the metal” would be pretty ridiculous here. Also, I’m sure it doesn’t do well with gasoline.

43. Sorry, rabbit, but you ain’t coming home tonight.

Seems like it's going to be rabbit stew at the hawk's nest tonight. Yeah, that rabbit never had the chance. Sure this might look quite frightening but it's how nature works, kids.

Seems like it’s going to be rabbit stew at the hawk’s nest tonight. Yeah, that rabbit never had the chance. Sure this might look quite frightening but it’s how nature works, kids.

44. When it comes to eagle mating, just lock talons and spin.

Now this is quite an amazing sculpture. Wonder how the person who created this pulled it off. Not to mention, painting the thing.

Now this is quite an amazing sculpture. Wonder how the person who created this pulled it off. Not to mention, painting the thing.

45. Guess this is the music equipment for the Stumps.

Sure the woodwork is fine. But I don't think the equipment is guaranteed to work. Still, quite a set up here.

Sure the woodwork is fine. But I don’t think the equipment is guaranteed to work. Still, quite a set up here.

46. Not every bird of prey can sit on a ledge majestically as this hawk.

You should know that birds of prey are popular subjects in wood sculpture. Because case in point, birds of prey are cool. Just ask anyone.

You should know that birds of prey are popular subjects in wood sculpture. Because case in point, birds of prey are cool. Just ask anyone.

47. This black bear has been working on the railroad all the livelong day.

Seems like he's the one holding the lamp so he can devour some tasty railroad workers. But sometimes railroad work can be simply unbearable, even to a bear in coveralls.

Seems like he’s the one holding the lamp so he can devour some tasty railroad workers. But sometimes railroad work can be simply unbearable, even to a bear in coveralls.

48. Even churches may sometimes have their share of intricate woodwork. This is depicting the Assumption of the Virgin Mary.

This is from a medieval cathedral in Europe. And man, how they did this without power tools must be some act of the Holy Spirit working the carvers who made this. How else can I explain stuff like this.

This is from a medieval cathedral in Europe. And man, how they did this without power tools must be some act of the Holy Spirit working within the carvers who made it. How else can I explain stuff like this.

49. Now this is the sculpture pertaining to what lovers dream.

Of course, the position of these two figures is highly unrealistic. And it was probably executed this way to hide the man's genitalia.

Of course, the position of these two figures is highly unrealistic. And it was probably executed this way to hide the man’s genitalia.

50. Seems like this eagle has managed to get the catch of the day.

Yes, it was quite the flight but it was worth it. Still, wonder what kind of fish that is. Guess it's from some freshwater source.

Yes, it was quite the flight but it was worth it. Still, wonder what kind of fish that is. Guess it’s from some freshwater source.

51. There is no better wood sculpture that defines American character than this one of American Gothic.

Yes, it's perhaps the most famous painting in American art. And it's been parodied for decades. Sometimes I'm not sure why.

Yes, it’s perhaps the most famous painting in American art. And it’s been parodied for decades. Sometimes I’m not sure why.

52. It’s always handy to carry a change purse with you, especially if it has a chain.

Now I wonder how they managed to carve out the chain. Would be very interesting to know. Love the floral design.

Now I wonder how they managed to carve out the chain. Would be very interesting to know. Love the floral design.

53. Someone seems in the mood for a rustic convertible.

Then again, it might be cheaper to go with a cedar cedan. Also, kind of looks like a Volkswagen which is known for being

Then again, it might be cheaper to go with a cedar cedan. Also, kind of looks like a Volkswagen which is known for being “eco-friendly” until they’re not.

54. Ladies and gentleman I give you, Our Lady of the Mahogany.

Now this is another very old wood sculpture which you can't buy. Might've been carved by a famous artist from centuries ago. Not sure who.

Now this is another very old wood sculpture which you can’t buy. Might’ve been carved by a famous artist from centuries ago. Not sure who.

55. This Indian seems really taken with the view.

Native Americans seem to be a common subject in wood sculpture for some reason. At least in America. By the way, this is a Plains Indian. And not all Indians dress like that.

Native Americans seem to be a common subject in wood sculpture for some reason. At least in America. By the way, this is a Plains Indian. And not all Indians dress like that.

56. Guess this guy is traveling to his destination by bird.

This is an old Japanese artwork which is unsurprisingly not for sale. It was probably made in Japan's medieval era. Not sure what legend this recounts.

This is an old Japanese artwork which is unsurprisingly not for sale. It was probably made in Japan’s medieval era. Not sure what legend this recounts.

57. Of course, you can’t round off North American birds without including the Blue Jay.

Now I like blue jays and think they're rather pretty birds. But there are some people who think these birds are annoying. They don't understand.

Now I like blue jays and think they’re rather pretty birds. But there are some people who think these birds are annoying. They don’t understand.

58. Sometimes it pays to travel by Jeep, especially in the military.

Yes, this is a wooden jeep. Easy to set fire to, but not meant to drive in. But still, it really looks like a jeep but with everything furnished.

Yes, this is a wooden jeep. Easy to set fire to, but not meant to drive in. But still, it really looks like a jeep but with everything furnished.

59. Of course, this piece exemplifies how Renaissance wood carvers put their modern counterparts to shame.

Now this sculpture of Mary weeping of Jesus is quite amazing. And in some ways almost looks real. However, it's no Michelangelo's Pieta.

Now this sculpture of Mary weeping of Jesus is quite amazing. And in some ways almost looks real. However, it’s no Michelangelo’s Pieta.

60. Now this snake seems to have a sneaky side about it for some reason.

This is another old artwork from Japan. And it almost seems quite lifelike for a wooden snake. But it's curled in the shape of a turd.

This is another old artwork from Japan. And it almost seems quite lifelike for a wooden snake. But it’s curled in the shape of a turd.

61. Seems like this owl now has its wings right open.

Yes, this owl has its wings spread in all its glory. And yes, marvel at its feathers in all its glory. Of course, critters beware.

Yes, this owl has its wings spread in all its glory. And yes, marvel at its feathers in all its glory. Of course, critters beware.

62. Now you can’t talk about the saints in woodwork without including Saint Michael and the Dragon (wait, a minute, isn’t it supposed to be Saint George and the Dragon?).

Now this might be a contemporary religious subject. But the wood work in this is awesome. Just look at the details here.

Now this might be a contemporary religious subject. But the wood work in this is awesome. Just look at the details here.

63. This Japanese woman always knows when to come in with style.

This piece might be of some Japanese art form which I don't know the name of. But while most of her body is wood, her head consists of ivory and metal. Also, another old medieval piece you can't buy.

This piece might be of some Japanese art form which I don’t know the name of. But while most of her body is wood, her head consists of ivory and metal. Also, another old medieval piece you can’t buy.

64. May I present to you, this gilded Buddha.

Yes, this is a very old statue and it's paint has not worn well. However, I can be sure that this was made of wood and is not for sale.

Yes, this is a very old statue and it’s paint has not worn well. However, I can be sure that this was made of wood and is not for sale.

65. You may take some birds’ presence for granted but you’ll never forget when you see a Pilated Woodpecker.

Now I'm sure that bird is bigger than the real thing. But I love the paint job. Really brings out the colors.

Now I’m sure that bird is bigger than the real thing. But I love the paint job. Really brings out the colors.

66. Sometimes all you need is one big quill.

Now this is Pacific Northwest Native American design. Just look at the markings. Still, wouldn't mind having that.

Now this is Pacific Northwest Native American design. Just look at the markings. Still, wouldn’t mind having that.

67. Of course, you can’t have a post on wood sculpture without penguins.

From how the chick looks here, it can go either way for the parent. Still, this is adorable if you ask me.

From how the chick looks here, it can go either way for the parent. Still, this is adorable if you ask me.

68. Now an elk has always been a great creature of the American West.

Well, at least there wasn't much to do with the color scheme. Still, it does look quite real and majestic when you look at it.

Well, at least there wasn’t much to do with the color scheme. Still, it does look quite real and majestic when you look at it.

69. How about travel the countryside in this VW microbus?

If this was a real working vehicle, it would be one of the most eco-friendly cars around. Oh, wait, it's from Volkwagen. So this is basically false advertising.

If this was a real working vehicle, it would be one of the most eco-friendly cars around. Oh, wait, it’s from Volkwagen. So this is basically false advertising.

70. Somehow this fire breathing dragon tends to rise out from the panel.

Now some of you might be familiar with dragons in East Asian culture. But you have to admit, this is pretty cool.

Now some of you might be familiar with dragons in East Asian culture. But you have to admit, this is pretty cool.

71. My, what a lovely hat.

Not sure if I can wear it or if I even want to. Still, it almost looks like one you'd see at a store.

Not sure if I can wear it or if I even want to. Still, it almost looks like one you’d see at a store. Then again, it would if the ribbon was painted in a color that stands out.

72. Of course, a teddy bear has always been a toy for all ages.

Yes, it may look cute but it's not cuddly. Besides, since it's a wood carving, trying to hug it might cause splinters.

Yes, it may look cute but it’s not cuddly. Besides, since it’s a wood carving, trying to hug it might cause splinters.

73. Sometimes you’ll never know what you’ll find on other people’s clothes lines.

I'm sure wearing wooden panties wouldn't be comfortable to say the least. Might feel like wearing a chastity belt that runs the risk of causing splinters.

I’m sure wearing wooden panties wouldn’t be comfortable to say the least. Might feel like wearing a chastity belt that runs the risk of causing splinters.

74. Of course, in China it would be awesome to see a dragon boat like this.

Now this is quite pretty. Wonder what a life size one would look like. Then again, you'd probably not see one in Beijing. Too much pollution.

Now this is quite pretty. Wonder what a life size one would look like. Then again, you’d probably not see one in Beijing. Too much pollution.

75. When it comes to the kitchen, sometimes you can’t separate the cookbook from the cutting board.

Not sure what this person's cooking up here. Those ingredients could suggest almost anything. So could the book.

Not sure what this person’s cooking up here. Those ingredients could suggest almost anything. So could the book.

76. There are some days when you just want to devour a nice, juicy steak.

However, I wouldn't recommend anyone to eat this. It's not very tender and tastes rather woody and painty. Yeah, disgusting.

However, I wouldn’t recommend anyone to eat this. It’s not very tender and tastes rather woody and painty. Yeah, disgusting.

77. Sometimes wood carving can help bring a painting to life.

Now this painting is rather famous for some reason. Still, I heard it takes place in a 19th century park known for its disparate dress code policies for men and women.

Now this painting is rather famous for some reason. Still, I heard it takes place in a 19th century park known for its disparate dress code policies for men and women.

78. In the event of modern war, you can’t leave your ground troops without a tank.

Of course, despite being armed with all the latest state of the art weaponry, it would be pretty useless in battle. Still, makes an awesome museum piece that boys and young men would enjoy.

Of course, despite being armed with all the latest state of the art weaponry, it would be pretty useless in battle. Still, makes an awesome museum piece that boys and young men would enjoy.

79. Of course, who can’t forget that adorable robot from Disney and Pixar’s WALL-E?

Now this is so cute. Wish they had one of EVE. Of course, I can see why a wood sculpture of that one wouldn't work.

Now this is so cute. Wish they had one of EVE. Of course, I can see why a wood sculpture of that one wouldn’t work.

80. Still, some people tend to play their video games on their X-Box 360.

However, you wouldn't be able to play video games on this XBox 360 Console. Because it's all made from wood and just for show. Still, would go great in any entertainment center.

However, you wouldn’t be able to play video games on this XBox 360 Console. Because it’s all made from wood and just for show. Still, would go great in any entertainment center.

The Unholy and Heretically Bad Taste World of Religious Kitsch

May1

Disclaimer: While this post may contain religious content, it’s not meant to make fun of religion. It’s just making fun of the religious stuff that’s by believers and for believers. In other words, it’s something religious groups bring unto themselves. So it’s not meant to offend just make fun of religious commercialism. I know people view religion as important to their lives. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of certain religious items, especially if they’re products that kind of contradict and trivialize that faith’s message. Case in point, anything depicting Jesus with a gun. Besides, as a practicing Catholic, I compiled this post in honor of Pope Francis’s visit to the United States whom I’m sure has a lot of crap being sold in his likeness as we speak. Besides, who says that religious people can’t have a sense of humor about their faith? Just ask Stephen Colbert.

Now as a practicing Catholic, I’m just as pumped about Pope Francis’s visit to the United States as anyone. Of course, I won’t see him personally but I wish him well and hope he has time to enjoy himself in this country. Nevertheless, Pope Francis’s visit has led to a surge in people selling a lot of religious crap. As with any religion, you tend to have a lot of religious products people are willing to buy, especially in America where people see Christianity and capitalism as non-conflicting principles. This is contrary to what Pope Francis says and as a proud Catholic liberal, I kind of agree with him on it. Now there are some religious stuff that’s tasteful like prayer cards and cross necklaces as well as other things. But there are religious products that bring a fine line between the sacred and the profane. But somehow they’re just too silly or too tacky too ignore that you got to have it. This is known as kitsch and it appears everywhere. So the fact that there’s a lot of religious kitsch out there shouldn’t be surprising. I mean it was bound to happen. Still, most of what I have to show you will be Christian related but I’ll try to be as inclusive as I can. And yes, that means you, Muslims. But I’ll try to not use a picture of Muhammad to appease you. So to honor Pope Francis’s first visit to the United States, I present to you some of the great stuff from the unholy world of religious kitsch, even if I go to hell for this. Then again, since Jesus and the Pope aren’t fans of religious capitalism and consumerism, maybe they’ll give me their blessing. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Show your adoration for Our Lady with this Virgin Mary Barbie Doll.
Yes, they actually have this. Well, they have several of these whether you like it or not. However, I don't know about you, but I really don't think the Virgin Mary should be depicted with blond hair. That's just my opinion.

Yes, they actually have this. Well, they have several of these whether you like it or not. However, I don’t know about you, but I really don’t think the Virgin Mary should be depicted with blond hair. That’s just my opinion.

2. Save your breath with Messiah mints.

Because nothing's more unholy to Jesus than having bad breath. Even though Jesus and his disciples probably had halitosis all the time. So, yes, Jesus saves your breath with minty freshness.

Because nothing’s more unholy to Jesus than having bad breath. Even though Jesus and his disciples probably had halitosis all the time. So, yes, Jesus saves your breath with minty freshness.

3. Remember, that Jesus may be a man of peace but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know karate.

Yes, you see this Jesus is My Coach everywhere. However, I'm sure Jesus never traveled farther from his local Palestine in his life. So how he'd know karate is beyond me.

Yes, you see this Jesus is My Coach everywhere. However, I’m sure Jesus never traveled farther from his local Palestine in his life. So how he’d know karate is beyond me.

4. Show your devotion to the Virgin Mary with a neon sign in her likeness.

Man, this would go great with my velvet Jesus painting. Yeah, I'm sure this would be what you see on a Catholic church in Las Vegas.

Man, this would go great with my velvet Jesus painting. Yeah, I’m sure this would be what you see on a Catholic church in Las Vegas.

5. Afraid of the dark? Then keep the monsters from under your bed with your very own Jesus night light.

On second thought, I'll take my chances in the dark without this. Seriously, this is the creepiest night light I've ever seen. I mean Jesus's face is just a large eyeball. Why?

On second thought, I’ll take my chances in the dark without this. Seriously, this is the creepiest night light I’ve ever seen. I mean Jesus’s face is just a large eyeball. Why?

6. Remember how Jesus died for your sins with this Crucified Christ pez dispenser.

I don't know about you, but do you see anything wrong with making a Jesus pez dispenser like this? I mean the image of him bleeding from a crown of thorns really is nothing to commercialize like this. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

I don’t know about you, but do you see anything wrong with making a Jesus pez dispenser like this? I mean the image of him bleeding from a crown of thorns really is nothing to commercialize like this. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

7. Jesus is the light of the world with these crucifix light bulbs.

Now I wonder how that's possible. Yes, it's tacky but it seems like a feat in electronics that hasn't been repeated.

Now I wonder how that’s possible. Yes, it’s tacky but it seems like a feat in electronics that hasn’t been repeated.

8. Show your devotion to Jesus with this pink neon crucifix.

For some reason, I find a pink neon crucifix kind of disrespectful to the moment it's supposed to depict. Then again, I suppose anything goes in Vegas.

For some reason, I find a pink neon crucifix kind of disrespectful to the moment it’s supposed to depict. Then again, I suppose anything goes in Vegas.

9. Yes, baby Jesus wants some lovin’, so why have you foresaken Him?

Is is just me or do I find baby Jesus on this shirt unintentionally creepy? Seriously, I think this is pretty tasteless on divine levels.

Is is just me or do I find baby Jesus on this shirt unintentionally creepy? Seriously, I think this is pretty tasteless on divine levels.

10. Light up your room with this Jesus light switch.

Then again, maybe a Jesus light switch isn't a good idea. I mean look at its placement for God's sake. Doesn't help that he has his arms around the children.

Then again, maybe a Jesus light switch isn’t a good idea. I mean look at its placement for God’s sake. Doesn’t help that he has his arms around the children.

11. Rock and roll all night with these Virgin Mary KISS statues.

Yes, these are Virgin Mary KISS heads. I know they may be offensive to some people like my grandmother. But still, these are hilarious.

Yes, these are Virgin Mary KISS heads. I know they may be offensive to some people like my grandmother. But still, these are hilarious.

12. Show your love for Jesus and the American way with this neon and gun Jesus statue.

Now this is just so wrong since Jesus did say,

Now this is just so wrong since Jesus did say, “whoever lives with the sword, dies with the sword.” Such displays would make Pope Francis shudder. But it’s simply hysterical. “No more Mr. Nice Jesus” indeed.

13. Remember that Jesus will be at your back, even in an untimely death.

Now I know there are children buried in cemeteries and their markers are unsettling enough. However, this one really seems to scare the hell out of me. And it's not because Jesus is holding the swing and can't be seen by the waist down.

Now I know there are children buried in cemeteries and their markers are unsettling enough. However, this one really seems to scare the living hell out of me. And it’s not because Jesus is holding the swing and can’t be seen by the waist down.

14. Make your own smoothies at night with this Jesus statue blender light.

Now why would anyone want a blender light in general is beyond me. Let alone any blender light that looks like Jesus. Seriously, why?

Now why would anyone want a blender light in general is beyond me. Let alone any blender light that looks like Jesus. Seriously, why?

15. For all those celebrating Hanukkah, hope your kiddies appreciate this Ketzel the Cat Menorah.

Hey, Christians aren't the only ones who have religious kitsch. If you're a Jew reading this, feel free to talk about the cat's significance to Hanukkah in the comments section.

Hey, Christians aren’t the only ones who have religious kitsch. If you’re a Jew reading this, feel free to talk about the cat’s significance to Hanukkah in the comments section. Because I have absolutely no clue.

16. For all you Jews out there, show your kids the magic of Passover with a set of Ten Plagues of Egypt finger puppets.

I think I might've seen this on either The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Listen, Jews, if you want your kiddies to learn about Passover, I think it would be better to show them The Ten Commandments. It's on the Saturday before Easter which coincides with Passover anyway. Finger puppets of plagues is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

I think I might’ve seen this on either The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Listen, Jews, if you want your kiddies to learn about Passover, I think it would be better to show them The Ten Commandments. It’s on the Saturday before Easter which coincides with Passover anyway. Finger puppets of plagues is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

17. Wash away your sins with Wash Away Your Sins hand soap, which kills sins on contact.

Of course, this is an example of false advertising. It may wash away the blood from your hands. But it won't wash away the guilt you feel in your heart. Just ask Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment.

Of course, this is an example of false advertising. It may wash away the blood from your hands. But it won’t wash away the guilt you feel in your heart. Just ask Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment.

18. Work out and shed pounds the godly way with Praise! Aerobics.

Since I attend Mass once a week, I'm aware that Catholics have their own form of Praise! Aerobics like stand, sit, stand, kneel, stand, knell, sit, stand, and so on. So this is probably something released by Protestants.

Since I attend Mass once a week, I’m aware that Catholics have their own form of Praise! Aerobics like stand, sit, stand, kneel, stand, knell, sit, stand, and so on. So this is probably something released by Protestants.

19. Save your data with this Virgin Mary USB port.

I'm sure Mary will keep your data safe with her. Of course, I'd suggest you'd go with something like a holier than thou external hard drive. But if you like the iconography, that's fine, too.

I’m sure Mary will keep your data safe with her. Of course, I’d suggest you’d go with something like a holier than thou external hard drive. But if you like the iconography, that’s fine, too.

20. Keep the Old Testament faith alive with your very own Jewish Troll Doll.

Actually, I think this might be an Israel Troll Doll. But since it has a Star of David on it and Israel is a significant place for Jews, why not? Besides, troll dolls are pretty tacky to say the least.

Actually, I think this might be an Israel Troll Doll. But since it has a Star of David on it and Israel is a significant place for Jews, why not? Besides, troll dolls are pretty tacky to say the least.

21. Jewish Parents should let their kids cuddle with their very own Rabbi Teddy Bear.

Now this is actually quite cute. Of course, I'm sure he doesn't allow cuddles on the Sabbath. It is a day of rest.

Now this is actually quite cute. Of course, I’m sure he doesn’t allow cuddles on the Sabbath. It is a day of rest.

22. Show your kids the joys of the Festival of Lights with their very own Hanukkah rubber ducky.

Well, I did show a rubber ducky nativity scene in 2013. So it's only fair that I try to be inclusive.

Well, I did show a rubber ducky nativity scene in 2013. So it’s only fair that I try to be inclusive. Besides, if I find Hindu god rubber duckies, I’ll show that, too.

23. Show that Jesus Christ is your savior with this Jesus hand statue.

I've seen that they had stuff like this in in earlier centuries. However, the disembodied hand with icons coming from the fingers kind of gives me the creeps. And the stigmata marks aren't helping either.

I’ve seen that they had stuff like this in in earlier centuries. However, the disembodied hand with icons coming from the fingers kind of gives me the creeps. And the stigmata marks aren’t helping either.

24. Have your prayers answered by the Submissive Jesus.

Doesn't look submissive to me. More like on the verge of a nervous break down. Seriously, why?

Doesn’t look submissive to me. More like on the verge of a nervous break down. Seriously, why?

25. Celebrate Hanukkah with your very own M&M menorah.

Apparently, Jews seem to really love M&Ms. How else could you explain this? Wonder if they have an M&M nativity scene.

Apparently, Jews seem to really love M&Ms. How else could you explain this? Wonder if they have an M&M nativity scene.

26. Now you can see Jesus up close and personal through these sunglasses.

Note: Image is a European artistic representation and may not be in the actual likeness of Jesus. Remember that Jesus was a Palestinian Jew and probably looked more like someone who's likely to get special TSA attention at your regular American airport.

Note: Image is a European artistic representation and may not be in the actual likeness of Jesus. Remember that Jesus was a Palestinian Jew and probably looked more like someone who’s likely to get special TSA attention at your regular American airport.

27. This little shrine is bound to inspire spiritual devotion as well inspire fantasies of the flesh.

Yes, boy and Jesus praying on one side. Pinup Christian woman baring her cleavage on the other. And this was before Madonna's rise to fame in the 1980s.

Yes, boy and Jesus praying on one side. Pinup Christian woman baring her cleavage on the other. And this was before Madonna’s rise to fame in the 1980s.

28. I guarantee you that this plush dog is 100% kosher.

Now I'm sure this is a stuffed animal for Hanukkah. However, doesn't explain why the dreidels seem to be dancing on his head.

Now I’m sure this is a stuffed animal for Hanukkah. However, doesn’t explain why the dreidels seem to be dancing on his head.

29. Have your kids travel to school with their very own Jesus backpack.

Of course, I'm not sure if a kid will be beat up at school for a backpack like this. But something in Jesus's terrifying eyes tells me that you might not want to mess with him. Stop, Jesus, you're creeping me out.

Of course, I’m not sure if a kid will be beat up at school for a backpack like this. But something in Jesus’s terrifying eyes tells me that you might not want to mess with him. Stop, Jesus, you’re creeping me out.

30. Sleep tight in this Jesus bedroom set.

Now I find this Jesus very scary as well. Makes me wonder whether he's about to take your soul. Yeah, sometimes artistic representations tend to have rather unfortunate implications.

Now I find this Jesus very scary as well. Makes me wonder whether he’s about to take your soul. Yeah, sometimes artistic representations tend to have rather unfortunate implications.

31. As we all know, nothing encapsulates the spirit of Christianity disasterpieces than Thomas Kinkade. Here is Thomas Kinkade’s Last Supper.

Now that's a scene that will make Leonardo Da Vinci roll in his grave. Of course, my sister loathes this guy. So anything by Thomas Kinkade automatically counts as kitsch in this post or any post for that matter.

Now that’s a scene that will make Leonardo Da Vinci roll in his grave. Of course, my sister loathes this guy. So anything by Thomas Kinkade automatically counts as kitsch in this post or any post for that matter.

32. Smell like His Holiness Pius IX with The Pope’s Cologne.

Bet this pontiff didn't think he was going to have his own fragrance line. Still, the thought of a Pope having his own cologne just makes me baffled. Seriously, why?

Bet this pontiff didn’t think he was going to have his own fragrance line. Still, the thought of a Pope having his own cologne just makes me baffled. Seriously, why?

33. As Jesus said, “Give us this day of daily meds.”

Now I might not find it tasteful. But I think this Jesus pill box is quite clever and pretty funny. Like to see stuff that don't take themselves too seriously.

Now I might not find it tasteful. But I think this Jesus pill box is quite clever and pretty funny. Like to see stuff that don’t take themselves too seriously.

34. Keep your room fresh with this Almighty Air Freshener from Wash Away Your Sins.

Love how they have

Love how they have “Seek and ye Shall Find Common Tainted Sin Zones.” These include cars, bars, bedrooms, bathrooms, TV rooms, church buses, kitchens, office, confessionals, granny’s house, roadside motels, and dorm rooms. Don’t know why they have granny’s house or confessionals. Wouldn’t think you’d find sin there.

35. Discover the good news with Bibleopoly.

Sorry, Malachi, but you can't collect $200 if you have to go directly to jail. And no, Elijah, you can't put a house on Nazareth because it's mine, goddammit! And the Bethlehem Railroad's mine, too. Got it?

Sorry, Malachi, but you can’t collect $200 if you have to go directly to jail. And no, Elijah, you can’t put a house on Nazareth because it’s mine, goddammit! And the Bethlehem Railroad’s mine, too. Got it?

36. For all you Mormons out there, guess nothing makes a holier game than on this Book of Mormon chess set.

Not sure what all those characters are supposed to be. However, I'm sure this isn't something that's based on the hit Broadway musical. Yeah, I'm not very familiar with Mormonism.

Not sure what all those characters are supposed to be. However, I’m sure this isn’t something that’s based on the hit Broadway musical. Yeah, I’m not very familiar with Mormonism.

37. Make your kids feel secure with their very own Armor of God pajama set.

Now I really don't know what to make of this. Seriously, how many kids would actually wear that? Well, there are those from families like the Duggars. But other than them? I mean these pjs look so stupid that they almost border on sacrilege.

Now I really don’t know what to make of this. Seriously, how many kids would actually wear that? Well, there are those from families like the Duggars. But other than them? I mean these pjs look so stupid that they almost border on sacrilege.

38. No, that Jesus toast was no miracle but a product of this Daily Bread toaster.

Now this is just genius. After all, we've heard all sorts of things about Christ appearing on toasted bread. Maybe people should take advantage of this.

Now this is just genius. After all, we’ve heard all sorts of things about Christ appearing on toasted bread. Maybe people should take advantage of this.

39. Now you can enjoy activities with our Savior with these Jesus action figures.

There's Rodeo Jesus, Soccer Jesus, Motorcycle Jesus, Homeless Jesus, and Football Jesus. Collect them all. Still, talk about ridiculous.

There’s Rodeo Jesus, Soccer Jesus, Motorcycle Jesus, Homeless Jesus, and Football Jesus. Collect them all. Still, talk about ridiculous.

40. Scrub yourself with papal freshness with this Pope Soap on a Rope.

Well, I had a Jesus Soap on a Rope for my soaps post. So I might as well have one of the Pope. However, I don't think this one is of Pope Francis though. Then again, I'm not sure if I want rub the pontiff on my armpits.

Well, I had a Jesus Soap on a Rope for my soaps post. So I might as well have one of the Pope. However, I don’t think this one is of Pope Francis though. Then again, I’m not sure if I want rub the pontiff on my armpits.

41. Light up your world in time with this Jesus lamp and clock.

Now this is very disturbing. Is that Jesus from the chest up or Jesus sitting Indian style? I can't be sure. Still, it's freaky as hell.

Now this is very disturbing. Is that Jesus from the chest up or Jesus sitting Indian style? I can’t be sure. Still, it’s freaky as hell.

42. Make your nails dazzle with these Jesus and Mary fake nails.

Why would anyone want these? Seriously, these are tacky beyond measure. I can't even describe the divine tackiness here.

Why would anyone want these? Seriously, these are tacky beyond measure. I can’t even describe the divine tackiness here.

43. Spread the sacred Word of God on the beach with these Follow the Son flip flops.

Of course, if I had these, the only place I'd wear them would be at some nudist resort. And that would be for a joke. Man, I wonder who comes up with these ideas.

Of course, if I had these, the only place I’d wear them would be at some nudist resort. And that would be for a joke. Man, I wonder who comes up with these ideas.

44. Experience the spiritual notion of martyrdom with your very own Saint Sebastian Ken.

Now depicting Saint Sebastian as a Ken Doll seems pretty disrespectful. Also tends to bear some resemblance to Justin Bieber which doesn't help at all. And he seems to be smiling, too.

Now depicting Saint Sebastian as a Ken Doll seems pretty disrespectful. Also tends to bear some resemblance to Justin Bieber which doesn’t help at all. And he seems to be smiling, too. Oh, and there’s the rainbow packaging.

45. For those who love video games, nothing makes scripture learning fun like Bibleman.

Hmmm...a Christian video game. It's called,

Hmmm…a Christian video game. It’s called, “Bibleman: A Fight for Faith.” Wonder how much un-Christian stuff is in this. Like violence. Also, looks like some video game take off from some 1990s cartoon.

46. Now you can seek your way to Enlightenment with your very own Nokia Buddha Phone.

Yes, this is is a Buddha phone. It has jade for a video button as well as Buddhist symbols on its edges. Yeah, it's kind of over the top for a faith founded by a guy who preached moderation.

Yes, this is is a Buddha phone. It has jade for a video button as well as Buddhist symbols on its edges. Yeah, it’s kind of over the top for a faith founded by a guy who preached moderation.

47. Now you can get comfy on the Lamb of God’s lap with this Jesus chair.

Okay, I really don't want to sit on Jesus's lap. Especially if it's in a chair like this that doesn't look very comfortable. And it's rather freaky.

Okay, I really don’t want to sit on Jesus’s lap. Especially if it’s in a chair like this that doesn’t look very comfortable. And it’s rather freaky.

48. Strum up a sacred tune with this Virgin Mary electric guitar.

Now I can understand the cross fixture on this. But I'm not sure about Mary having angel wings. Still, wonder if any of the monks at Saint Vincent has one of these.

Now I can understand the cross fixture on this. But I’m not sure about Mary having angel wings. Still, wonder if any of the monks at Saint Vincent has one of these.

49. Guys, dress your Sunday best with these Jesus neckties.

Yes, ties have all sorts of tacky stuff on them. These are no exception. Yet, I can't decide which one is more ridiculous.

Yes, ties have all sorts of tacky stuff on them. These are no exception. Yet, I can’t decide which one is more ridiculous.

50. Now you can hang your coats on these Jesus nail hand plastic coat hooks.

Oh, my God. This is just so insensitive that it's not even funny. Seriously, who the hell thought these were a good idea should burn in to the hellfire inferno. For the love of god, why? Sweet Jesus, why?

Oh, my God. This is just so insensitive that it’s not even funny. Seriously, who the hell thought these were a good idea should burn in to the hellfire inferno. For the love of god, why? Sweet Jesus, why?

51. Fill your soul with this popsicle crucifix.

Yes, eat more of this and you'll see more of Jesus on the cross as a popsicle stick. Now I'm sure this isn't in a very holy taste.

Yes, eat more of this and you’ll see more of Jesus on the cross as a popsicle stick. Now I’m sure this isn’t in a very holy taste.

52. Make waffles part of this sacred breakfast with this Jesus waffle iron.

Now this is just crazy. As if Jesus toaster couldn't be any more ridiculous. This takes it to another hilarious level.

Now this is just crazy. As if Jesus toaster couldn’t be any more ridiculous. This takes it to another hilarious level.

53. Take a piece of the Vatican with you with this figurine of Vatican praying hands.

Now this might seem quite pretty. But having it in lime and neon green, not so much. I mean it's as tacky as hell.

Now this might seem quite pretty. But having it in lime and neon green, not so much. I mean it’s as tacky as hell.

54. Show that you’re an enlightened driver with this Cat Buddha on your dashboard.

I'm not sure if I'd call a cat zen. Not only that, but Buddhists tend to be seen as vegetarians. And cats are seen as obligate carnivores so making one veg is animal abuse.

I’m not sure if I’d call a cat zen. Not only that, but Buddhists tend to be seen as vegetarians. And cats are seen as obligate carnivores so making one veg is animal abuse.

55. Make your room more holy with this Rainbow Light Last Supper Clock.

Not sure if such motif is appropriate for The Last Supper. Though tacky it is, it has a certain charm that everything that Thomas Kinkade ever did.

Not sure if such motif is appropriate for The Last Supper. Though tacky it is, it has a certain charm that everything that Thomas Kinkade ever did.

56. Decorate your Christmas tree with these Buddhist ornaments.

Yes, these are Buddhist ornaments. And yes, Christmas is a Christian holiday. But then again, Christmas is a popular holiday so anything goes.

Yes, these are Buddhist ornaments. And yes, Christmas is a Christian holiday. But then again, Christmas is a popular holiday so anything goes. But I see the irony here.

57. Remember that you can always enjoy a good drink with For Christ’s Sake.

Lord knows what the Last Supper would've been like had the apostles drank this highly alcoholic Japanese rice wine. Yes, sake is very strong stuff.

Lord knows what the Last Supper would’ve been like had the apostles drank this highly alcoholic Japanese rice wine. Yes, sake is very strong stuff.

58. As Jesus insisted, let all little children come to Him.

Now like I said before, kiddie statues in cemeteries are creepy. And I think this cemetery Jesus is even creepier than the last one I've shown in this post. No, kiddies, don't go to Jesus. Grow up, have a life, and grow old and gray first.

Now like I said before, kiddie statues in cemeteries are creepy. And I think this cemetery Jesus is even creepier than the last one I’ve shown in this post. No, kiddies, don’t go to Jesus. Grow up, have a life, and grow old and gray first.

59. Remember to always shoot for the University Baptist Church.

Anytime I see gun use in religious crap, I will put it on this post. I don't care what faith it's from. Religion and gunplay simply just don't mix in my book.

Anytime I see gun use in religious crap, I will put it on this post. I don’t care what faith it’s from. Religion and gunplay simply just don’t mix in my book.

60. Of course, this ashtray knows that Jesus hates it when you smoke.

Now an ashtray to shame smokers with Jesus's likeness. If I have smokers in my house, I'd really want to get this.

Now an ashtray to shame smokers with Jesus’s likeness. If I have smokers in my house, I’d really want to get this.

61. For all you wine lovers out there, have a drink of wine made from the grapes of Galilee.

I'm sure this isn't wine made from the grapes of Galilee. Hell, I don't know if Galilee currently has any vineyards. However, they do make wine in California though. It's probably from there.

I’m sure this isn’t wine made from the grapes of Galilee. Hell, I don’t know if Galilee currently has any vineyards. However, they do make wine in California though. It’s probably from there.

62. With this Jesus grilled cheese maker, you don’t have to count on a miracle to see his face on your next grilled cheese.

Yes, you can make your own Jesus imprinted grilled cheese sandwiches with this. You just won't get featured on the news for it. Kind of crazy if you ask me.

Yes, you can make your own Jesus imprinted grilled cheese sandwiches with this. You just won’t get featured on the news for it. Kind of crazy if you ask me.

63. Seek some spiritual comfort with this Virgin Mary hip flask.

Of course, if I see anyone with a hip flask like this, I'd guess they're fairly religious and really need to appeal to a higher power. And I don't mean that way. I mean the Twelve-Step or AA.

Of course, if I see anyone with a hip flask like this, I’d guess they’re fairly religious and really need to appeal to a higher power. And I don’t mean that way. I mean the Twelve-Step or AA. Seriously, you really need help.

64. Keep your lips pure and look good for Jesus with this Jesus lip gloss.

Now when I go to church, I usually wear my trademark hat and whatever else that I'm wearing. Because I know that God doesn't give a shit on what I look like. Still, you'll lose this before you finish it.

Now when I go to church, I usually wear my trademark hat and whatever else that I’m wearing. Because I know that God doesn’t give a shit on what I look like. Still, you’ll lose this before you finish it.

65. Defend yourself against unholy threats with this crucifix key chain knife.

I'm sure this isn't bound to help you in a knife fight. Not to mention, you can't really stab someone with such weapon. Then again, I may be wrong.

I’m sure this isn’t bound to help you in a knife fight. Not to mention, you can’t really stab someone with such weapon. Then again, I may be wrong.

66. Enhance your little girl’s devotion with her very own Crucified Christ Ken Doll.

Uh, somehow seeing Jesus Ken smiling during his crucifixion kind of offense me. For God's sake, Mattel, at least show the guy suffering under immense pain! His last words (among them) were,

Uh, somehow seeing Jesus Ken smiling during his crucifixion kind of offense me. For God’s sake, Mattel, at least show the guy suffering under immense pain! His last words (among them) were, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Not, “Always look on the bright side of life.”

67. Celebrate the joys of Hanukkah with your very own Menorah Hat.

Ever get the impression that some Jews are trying to make Hanukkah as much like Christmas as possible. Guess they don't want their kids to be bummed about not celebrating it. Still, this is just too much.

Ever get the impression that some Jews are trying to make Hanukkah as much like Christmas as possible. Guess they don’t want their kids to be bummed about not celebrating it. Still, this is just too much.

68. Enjoy the Hanukkah season with your Jewish friends by playing No Limits Texas Dreidel.

So you Jewish kids only get 8 gifts for each night of Hanukkah. But at least you get to play a dreidel game involving gambling. So it all ain't that bad.

So you Jewish kids only get 8 gifts for each night of Hanukkah. But at least you get to play a dreidel game involving gambling. So it all ain’t that bad.

69. Watch out, everyone, for here comes the dreaded Nunzilla.

Man, someone must really not had a great experience in Catholic school. Then again, I'm sure the nuns would be offended by this. I know it's pretty tacky and perpetuates negative stereotypes.

Man, someone must really not had a great experience in Catholic school. Then again, I’m sure the nuns would be offended by this. I know it’s pretty tacky and perpetuates negative stereotypes.

70. Now you can dress up Pope John Paul II with this paper doll book commemorating him.

Okay, I'm sure no kid would want a paper doll book depicting the life and clothes of Pope John Paul II. Seriously, a Virgin Mary paper doll book would be more popular than this. At least she'd have a more diverse wardrobe.

Okay, I’m sure no kid would want a paper doll book depicting the life and clothes of Pope John Paul II. Seriously, a Virgin Mary paper doll book would be more popular than this. At least she’d have a more diverse wardrobe.

71. Honor the Hindu goddess of destruction with your very own Kali statue.

Okay, Kali isn't that bad of a goddess in the Hindu pantheon. However, I'm sure she looks pretty silly with her tongue sticking out on this statue.

Okay, Kali isn’t that bad of a goddess in the Hindu pantheon. However, I’m sure she looks pretty silly with her tongue sticking out on this statue.

72. Of course, who could forget the class statue of Buddy Christ?

Yes, Buddy Christ is certainly a classic religious kitsch item, indeed. He's also among the most amusing as well. Yeah, I can't help but like this one.

Yes, Buddy Christ is certainly a classic religious kitsch item, indeed. He’s also among the most amusing as well. Yeah, I can’t help but like this one.

73. Keep your pins righteous with your very own Saint Sebastian pin cushion.

Just because he's a well known saint who got more arrows shot in his body than Boromir, doesn't mean you should commemorate his martyrdom with a pin cushion. Seriously, this is fucked up for God's sake. I mean why?

Just because he’s a well known saint who got more arrows shot in his body than Boromir, doesn’t mean you should commemorate his martyrdom with a pin cushion. Seriously, this is fucked up for God’s sake. I mean why?

74. Commemorate the Resurrection with this Jesus statue by Thomas Kinkade.

As far as kitsch goes, I might as well have a whole post of religious kitsch stuff. However, I'll spare those horrors from my little sister Molly. Don't want to cause too much pain.

As far as kitsch goes, I might as well have a whole post of religious kitsch stuff. However, I’ll spare those horrors from my little sister Molly. Don’t want to cause too much pain. And Jesus is going up to heaven like a rocket.

75. Make your night holy by wearing the Thong of Praise.

On second thought, don't. Seriously, I don't know if I should be insulted with seeing the Madonna and Child on a pair of skimpy underwear. But I'm shocked that somebody would ever think it was a good idea.

On second thought, don’t. Seriously, I don’t know if I should be insulted with seeing the Madonna and Child on a pair of skimpy underwear. But I’m shocked that somebody would ever think it was a good idea.

76. Big Head Blue Buddha says, “Peace out, man.”

Now this looks pretty ridiculous and incredibly tacky. But somehow there may be Buddhists who seem to buy it. Of course, some might be a fan of The Smurfs.

Now this looks pretty ridiculous and incredibly tacky. But somehow there may be Buddhists who seem to buy it. Of course, some might be a fan of The Smurfs.

77. Remember, Satanists, you can’t worship Satan without purchasing candles with glass holders depicting kitties on them.

For some reason, I don't equate Satan worship with cute kittens. Then again, to each his own. Still, these are too funny to ignore for this post.

For some reason, I don’t equate Satan worship with cute kittens. Then again, to each his own. Still, these are too funny to ignore for this post. But I’m sure there are plenty of cat lovers who worship Satan out there.

78. Defend yourself from intruders with your very own Christian gun.

It's one of the best state of the art Christian weapons since the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Still, I think this is more of a ceramic sculpture and might not work. Still, since it associates Christianity with firearms, I'm putting it on this post.

It’s one of the best state of the art Christian weapons since the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Still, I think this is more of a ceramic sculpture and might not work. Still, since it associates Christianity with firearms, I’m putting it on this post.

79. Seek enlightenment with your very own Buddha Ken Doll.

Apparently, Ken may seem enlightened but he also seems a bit too European for Buddha. Also, the man bun looks very atrocious on him.

Apparently, Ken may seem enlightened but he also seems a bit too European for Buddha. Also, the man bun looks very atrocious on him.

80. Miraculously heal wounds with these Jesus adhesive bandages.

Of course, Jesus tended to heal the sick without using these. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't buy these. And yes, they're utterly ridiculous as hell. But that's beside the point.

Of course, Jesus tended to heal the sick without using these. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy these. And yes, they’re utterly ridiculous as hell. But that’s beside the point.

Old Rules in the Evolution of Sports

Sports have been with us for a very long time either to play or to watch. And like most games, sports come with an object as well as a set of rules to follow in order to obtain it. However, we sometimes have a tendency sports for granted thinking that the game has been played this way. But you would be wrong since sport rules just didn’t come out in the open. Rather they had to be develop over time.  In sports rules are meant to be broken. So much that they’re constantly revised to improve quality of play and participant safety, which are both important. I mean sports need to be fair and fun. And participants need to be safe or else the franchise or school can run the risk of being sued. So for your pleasure, I present to you old sports rules for favorite American games to show how they used to be played but with commentary for further comedic effect. This excludes sports that contain racing, targets, or judging.

Baseball

In the 19th century, baseball was a gentlemen's game and a great American pastime. It was a time when pitchers can only throw underhand, balls can be caught on the bounce, a pitcher can cover a ball in his own saliva, batters can cite pitch preference, and umpires could confer with the players and fans. Even earlier, there were no strikes, teams played to a 21 score, and bases were run clockwise. Yes, it was a hell of a game in those days.

In the 19th century, baseball was a gentlemen’s game and a great American pastime. It was a time when pitchers can only throw underhand, balls can be caught on the bounce, a pitcher can cover a ball in his own saliva, batters can cite pitch preference, and umpires could confer with the players and fans. Even earlier, there were no strikes, teams played to a 21 score, and bases were run clockwise. Yes, it was a hell of a game in those days.

Until the 1920s, pitchers could coat the ball with anything at their disposal, including spit, mucus, and petroleum jelly. (Perhaps we should give germaphobic baseball players more respect, especially germaphobic pitchers. Seriously, disgusting.)

Of course, pitchers needed all the help they could get. Until 1883, they were required to throw underhand as if tossing a horseshoe as well as keep both firmly planted on the ground during their delivery. They were also prohibited from stepping toward the plate. (Gives you an idea of how much it sucked being a pitcher those days.)

Batters could call high or low pitch between 1867-1887. This helps explain some of the unusually high batting averages during that era. (Then again, I’m sure the players were less likely to be busted for steroid use.)

Called strikes didn’t exist until 1858. Before then batters stayed at the plate until they put the ball in play, regardless of whether it took one pitch or a hundred. A new rule change in 1879 declared that 9 balls made a walk. This rule was changed several more times until 1889, when it was reduced to the now-standard 4 balls. (If it weren’t for strikes, balls, or fouls, baseball games might’ve lasted for days.)

In the 19th century, if an umpire can’t see whether a catch was fairly made, he could confer it with the spectators and the players. (Seriously, why confer with the fans or players? That doesn’t make any sense. Most of the fans would root for the home team. Besides, if this was a case the Pittsburgh Pirates wouldn’t have 20 consecutive losing seasons already.)

Fly balls can be caught off on a bounce until 1864, and foul balls until 1883. (Kind of sounds like something your mom used to do when your 6-year old nephew wanted to join the big kids’ kickball game.)

From 1885 to 1893, baseball bats were allowed to be flat. But it would be revoked since they have a tendency to splinter into pieces upon baseball contact. (Flat bats in baseball? Seriously, this isn’t cricket. Next thing, it’ll be just making up rules as you go along. Besides, think of all the splinter injuries among batters.)

Rather than crouching, catchers would stand a few feet behind home plate until the 1900s. (Wonder how that worked out. Guess this led to many catchers getting head injuries.)

Before a baseball game consisted of 9 innings from 1857 on, it wasn’t unusual for a baseball game to last until one team scored a predetermined number of runs, which was usually 21. (Now that’s crazy. I mean most winning teams don’t score that high in a baseball game for God’s sake.)

In the early days, whenever a ball was hit in the long grass or bushes, play was suspended until the ball was recovered with both teams fanning out to find it. (Man, imagine the delays you’d have at these games.)

In the mid-19th century, a baserunner could be put out between bases by having the ball thrown directly at them. This was known as “patching,” “plugging,” or “soaking” was considered central to the manly spirit of the game. (And you think football has a problem with concussions.)

In the earliest days of baseball, bases were commonly run clockwise with today’s third being first. In some variations, the first hitting batsman could chose to either run clockwise or counterclockwise and the subsequent hitters in an inning would have to follow suit. (“Hey, Rodriguez, you’re running the wrong way! First base is on the right side of home plate this inning!” Man, really hate to be those players at the time.)

Golf

In the olden days, golf seemed to have rules that applied to just about anything. They had rules applied to whenever the ball landed in poop or was carried by a dog. They had rules pertaining to striking caddies. They even had rules applying to when it as appropriate for players to steal each other's balls. Yes, golf rules could be very specific at times.

In the olden days, golf seemed to have rules that applied to just about anything. They had rules applied to whenever the ball landed in poop or was carried by a dog. They had rules pertaining to striking caddies. They even had rules applying to when it as appropriate for players to steal each other’s balls. Yes, golf rules could be very specific at times.

When one player’s ball blocked the path of another player’s ball on the green but was at least 6 inches away, the obstructing player’s ball wasn’t lifted. Instead, the player who was farthest away from the hole had to curve or chip their putt around their opponent’s ball. The “stymie rule” as it became known, was officially abolished in 1952, when the United States Golf Association and the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews established a new joint set of rules. (Both organizations must’ve believed that the “stymie rule” was lame or inspired a lot of bad behavior among golfers. Not that curving or chipping an opponent’s putt is very exciting.)

Golf courses haven’t always had a standard number of holes. That changed in 1764 when the Royal and Ancient Golf Club converted from 22 holes to 18 holes because the club thought the first 4 holes were too short. (So that’s how the 18 holes started. Seems like a pretty lame reason.)

Golf holes used to come in many sizes. That changed in 1891 when the Royal and Ancient Golf Club determined that the hole should have exactly a 4.25 inch diameter. The precise size was chosen in order to comply with a popular Scottish hole cutter invented 62 years earlier. (Seriously, if you wanted to standardize the size of the golf hole due to a popular Scottish hole cutting invention from 62 years ago, shouldn’t you’ve done it earlier?)

The Royal and Ancient Golf Club introduced stroke play in 1759 which granted victory to the player with the fewest strokes over a set number of holes. Before it was match play, whereby each hole was treated as a separate competition and the player who won the most holes, won the match. (Match play golf seems like fun. Then again, it’s probably as boring as hell, too.)

In 1744, players were required to tee the ball if it was within a club’s length of the hole. (Why couldn’t they just hit the ball with the club like most golfers do? Makes better sense.)

From 1908-1984 was a rule on dropped balls out of bounds or into the water which says: “A ball shall be dropped in the following manner: The player himself shall drop it. He shall face the hole, stand erect, and drop the ball behind him over his shoulder.” Today golfers now have to stand erect and drop the ball at an arm’s length. (And if you’re Tiger Woods, you better keep your man balls in your pants. Seriously, the shoulder rule is stupid.)

In 1828, a player was allowed to hijack an opponent’s ball should it land in a hazard like sand, mud, or rubbish. (“Seems like Tiger Woods has stolen his opponent’s ball in the sand trap again. Man, why can’t Tiger just play with his own balls?”)

In 1812, if a player’s ball struck his opponent or his caddy, his opponent lost the hole. But if a player’s ball struck his own caddy, then the player lost the hole. (Man, do I yearn for the days of 1812 when golf had the potential of becoming a contact sport. Would’ve made the game a lot more interesting and entertaining.)

In 1776, a player could pick a ball out of a fresh pile of excrement and play it on a one stroke penalty. (Guess they had a lot of livestock at the country club and no fence. Didn’t know golf rules applied to balls landing in shit.)

In 1773, a player could pay a fine for giving an old ball to his caddy. (Guess 18th century golfers didn’t like helping their caddies. Jerks. They were also paid pretty shitty, too.)

In 1956-2008, players weren’t allowed to remove a ball for identification purposes. (Yes, this is stupid. Seriously, you can pick up a ball if it lands in shit but you can’t lift it to see if it’s yours? Makes no sense.)

In 1783, whenever a dog carried or hijacked a ball in play, the player was allowed to use another as long as it lay as near to the original spot. (Seems like 18th century golf courses had a lot of stray dogs running around.)

Before the 14 club rule of 1939, a golfer could use as many clubs in a round as he wanted. (Boy, I’d sure hate to be a caddy before 1939.)

From 1744-1952, players had to play a whole round with one ball unless lot, even if it’s badly damaged. (Now that sucks especially if it’s covered in shit.)

Between 1744-1952, when a ball was within 20 yards of the hole, the flag stick had to be removed. (Golfers with poor eyesight were at a real disadvantage there.)

Tennis

Ah, tennis a genteel sport before the advent of Jon McEnroe and Serena Williams. However, early tennis was indoors with people passing a wooden ball with their hands over a 5ft high net.

Ah, tennis a genteel sport before the advent of Jon McEnroe and Serena Williams. However, early tennis was indoors with people passing a wooden ball with their hands over a 5ft high net.

During tennis’s infancy, the game mostly took place indoors, where the ball was played off the walls with the player’s hands. As the game progressed, some players started using gloves with webbing to protect their hands before eventually upgrading to a primitive form of today’s tennis racket. (To me, if it’s not two people hitting the ball over the net with rackets, it’s not tennis. Otherwise it’s a form of handball. Also, webbed gloves, really?)

The first indoor tennis courts had nets rising to 5 feet high at the ends and drooped to 3 ½ feet in the middle. (You might as well think of indoor tennis as another game of two player of scaled-down volleyball.)

Tiebreakers weren’t introduced until 1970. They occur when games are deadlocked at a score 6-6. (Man, wonder how they determined winners at Wimbledon until then.)

According to a Victorian rulebook, tennis was a game made for 3. (3 players? Seriously, that doesn’t even make sense! Even 8 person tennis is more plausible than this!)

Some early tennis balls were made of wood and barely bounced at all. (Of course, I’m sure wooden ball tennis resulted in a lot of injuries. No wonder early tennis players wore gloves to protect their hands.)

 Soccer

Though better known as football to much of the known world, soccer is very popular sport worldwide. However,  in early soccer, tripping, shin kicking, and carrying the ball were all permitted. But cleats weren't.

Though better known as football to much of the known world, soccer is very popular sport worldwide. However, in early soccer, tripping, shin kicking, and carrying the ball were all permitted. But cleats weren’t.

Tripping, shin kicking, and even carrying the ball were all permitted. Following an implementation of a new set of rules in 1863, these practices were forbidden. (I can understand carrying the ball. However, I guess the tripping and shin kicking led to a lot of soccer fights among players.)

Prior to Charles Goodyear’s invention of vulcanized rubber in 1836, soccer players kicked around “balls” made from human and animal skulls, stitched-up cloth, and inflated pig and cow bladders. (Wait a minute, pig bladders were used in football as well. Still, the skull part really doesn’t make me want to see a Pirates of the Caribbean soccer game.)

According to an early set of rules established in Sheffield, England, in 1857, the ball could be caught off another player’s pass, provided it had not touched the ground. A free kick then ensued. (So in Sheffield soccer, pass interference was perfectly permissible.)

In 1858, players were allowed to catch the ball provided that it hadn’t touched the ground or had been thrown from the touchline. (I’m not very familiar with soccer. However, I’m sure this rule doesn’t make much sense.)

Cleats were once banned. According to a set of 14 rules established by the English Football Association in 1863, “No player shall be allowed to wear projecting nails, iron plates, or gutta percha on the soles or heels of his boots.” (Sounds like something you hear from Monty Python.)

A 1863 Cambridge rule reads, “The maximum length of the ground shall be 200 yards, the maximum breadth shall be 100 yards, the length and breadth shall be marked off with flags; and the goals shall be defined by two upright posts, 8 yards apart, without any tape or bar across them.” (Wait a minute? Since when were the biggest soccer fields bigger than modern football fields in the US? Also, two posts 8 yards apart doesn’t make goal posts stand out. I mean they use nets for soccer goals for a reason.)

In the early days of soccer, players were allowed to punch the ball. (I’m sure this is really not a good idea.)

A 1858 Sheffield rule states that a ball might be hit or pushed with the hand. But they couldn’t hold the ball except in free kicks. (In soccer, there’s a reason why the goalie is the only person to use their hands. Also, holding a ball for a kick is what we call, “punting” in US football.)

According to the 1858 Sheffield rules, “Pushing with the hands is allowed but no hacking or tripping up is fair under any circumstances whatever.” (Something tells me that Victorian soccer players seemed rather prone to violence. Wonder what the fans were like then.)

An 1871 rule states that no player should score a goal with a free kick. (Now that’s just stupid.)

An 1856 Cambridge rule states: “When a player catches the ball directly from the foot, he may kick it as he can without running with it. In no other case may the ball be touched with the hands, except to stop it.” (Uh, isn’t the whole idea about soccer kicking and running after the ball? Also, what’s with stopping the ball with your hands? Only the goalie is allowed to do that.)

An 1863 Cambridge rule reads, “A goal shall be won when the ball passes between the goal-posts or over the space between the goal-posts (at whatever height), not being thrown, knocked on, or carried.” (Hate to say this, but I kind of get the impression that soccer goal posts might’ve resembled field goal posts in the old days.)

Basketball

Invented by James Naismith, basketball is one of the quintessential American sports. However, in the olden days, there was no dribbling, players were out due to substitutions or fouling twice, coaches couldn't address their players, and the court was covered in a cage.

Invented by James Naismith, basketball is one of the quintessential American sports. However, in the olden days, there was no dribbling, players were out due to substitutions or fouling twice, coaches couldn’t address their players, and boundaries weren’t clearly defined that teams and players resorted to all kinds of antics when the ball was out of bounds.

Between 1900-1921, players who were substituted weren’t allowed to reenter the game. In fact, it wasn’t until 1934 that players were allowed to reenter the game more than once after coming out with a breather. Unlimited substitutions were finally allowed by teams in 1945. (I can see it now. “Sorry, Lebron James, but you can’t get back in the game after taking a pee break during commercial. You know the rules.”)

One of Dr. James Naismith’s original rules was: “The ball may be batted in any direction with one or both hands, but never with the fist.” (Seems like his vision of basketball sort of had a volleyball feel. But most NBA players usually fist bump each other off the court, not the ball in play on.)

Coaches were prohibited from addressing their players during the game until 1949, when they were allowed to speak to them only during timeouts. (Wonder how many teams lost games because they couldn’t consult with the coach. Seriously, that’s stupid.)

In Dr. Naismith’s game, the ball should be held by the hands, not the arms or any other body parts. (Boy would he be appalled by how modern NBA players hold the ball under their arm to slow down the pace, keep rebounds away, and other reasons.)

Another Naismith original rule read, “A player cannot run with the ball. The player must throw it from the spot on which he catches it, allowance to be made for a man running at good speed.” (So no running with the ball, then? Does this mean that players can’t dribble? Because that’s how most basketball players today run with the ball. It makes better sense that way.)

Until 1911, players were disqualified from the game after collecting their second foul. The rule has since been amended to 5 fouls in high school and college and 6 fouls at NBA games. (“Second foul, Michael Jordan? Confined to bench!”)

Under Dr. Naismith’s rules, “No shouldering, holding, pushing, striking or tripping in any way of an opponent. The first infringement of this rule by any person shall count as a foul; the second shall disqualify him until the next goal is made or, if there was evident intent to injure the person, for the whole of the game. No substitution shall be allowed.” (Now I’ve went through the two fouls. And I understand the fighting aspect of it. However, what’s with the no substitution thing? Does this mean that one jerk getting kicked out for misbehavior results in having less than 5 players on the court? What if the whole team does stuff like this? Is that even fair?)

Time restrictions on ball possession weren’t introduced until 1933. Until then, one team could legally hold onto the ball for the duration of the entire game after building a comfortable lead. (Man, that doesn’t seem fair at all. Wonder if this rule resulted into fights on the court.)

Hard to believe but dribbling wasn’t originally part of basketball. In fact, continuously pounding the ball into the hardwood didn’t come into vogue until 1909, when players were allowed to take more than one bounce before being required to shoot or pass. (Seriously, basketball is built on dribbling. That’s the point. Where the hell would basketball be without dribbling?)

Until 1938, players and fans alike had to endure a jump ball at half-court after every made field goal. The rule was eventually abolished because it slowed the pace of play. (Yeah, I can see why they changed that. Kind of like kick off but not very practical in a basketball setting. Wonder how many false starts they got out of it.)

Under Naismith a ball out of bounds goes to the first person touching it unless he holds it for over 5 seconds. However, these boundaries weren’t defined with most cases being just walls. It wasn’t until 1904, that the boundaries became straight lines. However, the original rule has led to pushing, shoving, elbowing, desperate dives, and total insanity. It was even worse when the ball ended up in balconies with players in mad dash to be first up the stairs creating jams and fights. This led to teams forming wedges to block opponents from going up the stairs. Sometimes they even tried hoisting players to the balcony in an effort to be the first to touch the ball first. (For some reason all this seems straight out of Space Jam for me.)

In the NBA it was illegal for teams to, “guarding an area instead of a specific offensive player, or was double teaming an offensive player away from the ball.” (Seriously, what’s the point of team sports if you can’t let multiple players do defense?)

From 1913-1933, out of bounds plays were eliminated by erecting wire mesh and chain link fencing around the entire court. This resulted in additional rough play with players body checking each other into the wire mesh. Such actions resulted in cuts, bruises, and sometimes infections. (Okay, maybe cage basketball isn’t a good idea.)

One of Dr. Naismith’s rules said: “If either side makes three consecutive fouls it shall count as a goal for the opponents (consecutive means without the opponents in the meantime making a foul).” (Uh, fouls are supposed to be bad. Also, 3 straight fouls = 2 free points for the other team, really?)

Another Naismith gem: “A goal shall be made when the ball is thrown or batted from the grounds into the basket and stays there, providing those defending the goal do no touch or disturb the goal. If the ball rests on the edges, and the opponent moves the basket, it shall count as a goal.” (Again with the soccer and volleyball jargon. Also, most basketballs don’t go through baskets and stay there, but through nets that have no bottom. Otherwise, how would you get the ball out?)

Under Dr. James Naismith, early basketball was supposed to be officiated by a referee and an umpire who “shall be the judge of the men and shall note the fouls and notify the referee when three consecutive fouls have been made. He shall have power to disqualify men.” (I’m sure the umpire-referee dynamic worked real well, which doesn’t exist anymore. Today it’s just 3 referees who mostly get shouted at and might either fix or gamble in the games they’re officiating.)

Of course, Naismith intended that referees have a lot of responsibilities during the game as he “shall be judge of the ball and shall decide when the ball is in play, in bounds, to which side it belongs, and shall keep the time.” (Apparently, he didn’t foresee how basketball has an official timekeeper at every level as well as the arbitrary determination of what humans can do in different fractions of a second. Seriously, in Pep Band I’ve seen teams call a time out when there’s a fraction of a second left on the clock.)

In the early days of women’s basketball, there could be 6 players on the court consisting of 3 forwards and 3 defenders and the court was divided in 3 zones with 2 players stationary. Later, this was reduced to 2 and the players consisted of 2 stationary guards, 2 stationary forwards, and 2 rovers that could move throughout the entire court. (Yes, there separate rules for women’s basketball. I know that’s crazy.)

Ice Hockey

Ice hockey evolved from field hockey and has become Canada's national pastime. However, early ice hockey used to have 7 players on the rink, banned goalies from dropping to the ice, and consisted of 2 30 minute periods.

Ice hockey evolved from field hockey and has become Canada’s national pastime. However, early ice hockey used to have 7 players on the rink, banned goalies from dropping to the ice, and consisted of 2 30 minute periods.

Forward passing wasn’t allowed until the 1929-1930 season. Until then, a player can move the puck forward only by handling it with his stick. (You mean they just don’t use their sticks in hockey?)

An 1899 rule of hockey once stated: “Any player guilty of using profane or abusive language to any officials or other players shall be liable to be ruled off by the referee.” (Sidney Crosby may be a great hockey player of many talents, but restraining profanities during a game is not one of them.)

Before we had periods, most players played until the winning team reached a predetermined score like 10, 15, 20. (Most hockey teams score less that in any given game.)

Ice hockey borrowed many of its rules from field hockey, including the use of “bully” requiring opposing centers to bang their sticks together 3 times before trying to control the face-off. That fell out of vogue in 1913 when the modern face-off was introduced. (Yeah, banging 3 sticks before play is kind of lame.)

Each team was allowed to play 7 men at a time from 1880 until the 1911-1912 season. This included the goalie, 2 defensemen, 3 forwards, and a rover who switched from defense to offense as needed. (I wonder who would be the rover for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Uh, never mind.)

Goaltenders were not allowed to drop to the ice when making saves and could, drop to the ice when and could, in fact, be penalized for doing so. This rule was eventually changed prior to the 1917-1918 season. (“Marc Andre Fleury drops to the ice again. Guess it’s time for him to go to the bad boy box for the third time in a row.”)

The game used to be structured quite differently, too. The 1910-1911 season saw hockey change from 2 30-minute periods to 3 20-minute periods-a format we have today. (Still, wonder why an average hockey game lasts over 2 hours. Then again, time outs and commercials add up.)

Football

Football has become one of America's most popular sports. However, while it has never been a genteel sport, it was way more violent and injury inducing in the 19th century. Seriously, early football had 20 guys to a field and they were encouraged to score touchdowns through any means necessary.

Football has become one of America’s most popular sports which evolved from rugby and soccer. However, while it has never been a genteel sport, it was way more violent and injury inducing in the 19th century. Seriously, early football had 20 guys to a field and they were encouraged to score touchdowns through any means necessary.

Football teams were originally allowed to take the field with 20 players per side. In 1880, that number was reduced to 11 thanks to the sweeping changes championed by Yale graduate Walter Camp. (40 players on a field? Yeah, that’s going to cause a lot of safety issues.)

Another change introduced by Camp in 1880 was reducing the field size by half to 110 yards. In 1911, it was changed to its current length of 100 yards. (Which is good because imagine how the stadiums would be if football fields were 220 yards. Yeah, gaining touchdowns would take a lot out of you.)

Gaining first downs used to be a lot easier. From 1882-1906, players were given 3 attempts to advance the ball 5 yards for a first down. Distance was later changed to 10 yards and a fourth down was added in 1912. (5 yards for a first down? Then again, they were playing on a 110 yard field at the time.)

Forward passing wasn’t legal until 1905. The innovation was introduced after 18 players were killed and 159 were seriously injured on the football fields across America earlier that year. (And they said that football players getting concussions was a big problem. Imagine what problems the NFL would’ve had in 1905.)

Football has never been a genteel sport, but it was especially brutal in the 19th century, when players were encouraged to score touchdowns through any means necessary. Punching, eye-gouging, and tackling around the neck were all legal. (If we played football by these rules today, imagine how many players would end up in the emergency room. Yeah, be thankful that they don’t have vintage football like they do vintage baseball.)

Until the 1980s, the NFL had a strange policy on helmets stating, “A player who uses a helmet he is not wearing as a weapon shall be ejected.” (Since how can a football helmet be used as a weapon? Seriously, I don’t get it.)

Volleyball

Volleyball is a rather popular sport all over the world. It was invented by a YMCA coach named William G. Morgan and  not too far from where basketball was born. Of course, under his rules, games consisted of 9 innings as well as 3 serves by each team. And if the first was out of bounds the server had a second try.

Volleyball is a rather popular sport all over the world. It was invented by a YMCA coach named William G. Morgan and not too far from where basketball was born. Of course, under his rules, games consisted of 9 innings as well as 3 serves by each team. And if the first was out of bounds the server had a second try.

Early volleyball could have any number of players on a team, 9 innings, and each team being granted 3 serves within each inning. There was also no limit to the number of ball contacts for each team before sending the ball into the opponent’s court. Later the number of players was reduced to 6 maximum, number of ball contacts to 3, and the inning system ditched for a predetermined score or winner of a set of games. (Yeah, volleyball isn’t like baseball and the inning system is too long.)

Under the original William G. Morgan rules, a volleyball net was supposed to be about 6 1/2 feet high and a court of 25 feet wide and 50 feet long. (Modern courts are much bigger like 59 x 29 1/2 ft. Besides, while high school or recreational volleyball players might find 6 1/2 feet high nets sufficient for play, this wouldn’t be the case for college and pro teams of either gender. Seriously, men’s volleyball nets are 8 ft high while women’s are 7 ft and 4 inches. And there are plenty high school girls who would never have a chance playing Div. I volleyball because they didn’t win the genetic lottery on height requirements.)

Under Morgan’s original rules, if a served ball was out of bounds a second serve was allowed. (Boy, I would’ve loved to be permitted a second serve in gym class. Of course, I’d probably mess it up, too.)

In early volleyball, players could continuously “air dribble” the ball to a restraining line 4 feet from the net. (Is it just me or does a dribbling line not make any sense?)

Olympic Wrestling

Now the wrestling I'm talking about here is Olympic wrestling that you've seen in Foxcatcher. Now this form was inspired by a couple contact sports in Ancient Greece. Both had men compete in the nude and both were rather violent as hell. One form's only two rules were against gouging eyes or biting.

Now the wrestling I’m talking about here is Olympic wrestling that you’ve seen in Foxcatcher. Now this form was inspired by a couple contact sports in Ancient Greece. Both had men compete in the nude and both were rather violent as hell. One form’s only two rules were against gouging eyes or biting.

In Ancient Greece, the Pale wrestling matches had players scored points when his opponent touched the ground with his back, hip, shoulder, or tapped out due to a submission-hold or was forced out of the wrestling-area. First to score 3 points wins. (And you thought a wrestler had to win by pinning down his opponent.)

One of the Ancient Greek Pale wrestling rules listed: “It is at the discretion of the referee whether or not twisting the fingers with the intention of forcing the opponent to concede defeat is permitted.” (So the legality of finger twisting is determined by the ref’s discretion. Not sure how I feel about this.)

Another form of Ancient Greek wrestling was Pankration which was more freestyle and only had prohibitions against gouging eyes or biting. Note that most Ancient Greek Olympians were men who competed in the nude. (So remember that gouging eyes and biting were forbidden. But punching teeth out and groin attacks were perfectly fine.Let’s just say, it’s way more brutal and violent than MMA, UFC, or the cage fighting stuff.)

In Ancient Greece, wrestling competitions there were no time limits or weight classes. Competitions were designated by age group, particularly men and boys (who were usually 17-20 years old). (You mean they let teenage boys do this? Seriously, that’s messed up.)

Boxing

Boxing is one of the oldest sports that has been around since ancient times. It's also one of the most violent. Old timey boxing matches were more like street fights and often bare knuckled. In Ancient Rome, it wasn't unusual to see two boxers fight to the death.

Boxing is one of the oldest sports that has been around since ancient times. It’s also one of the most violent. Old timey boxing matches were more like street fights and often bare knuckled. In Ancient Rome, it wasn’t unusual to see two boxers fight to the death.

Fights were often contested bared-knuckled from 1681-the late 19th century. According to the London Prize Ring Rules in 1838, spiked shoes were also allowed within limits. (Bare knuckles and shoe spikes, not very good safety practices.)

In Ancient Rome, boxers would often wear leather thongs on their fists which would later became a harder leather weapon containing metal studs. Later they had their leather wraps armored with a special copper and iron rings. (In modern day boxing, metal on arms is really illegal.)

In addition to fist fighting, early modern boxing matches also contained fencing and cudgeling. (Uh, I thought boxing didn’t contain weapons. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be boxing, right?)

In early Roman boxing, participants were slaves often fought to the death at the Roman Amphitheaters to please the spectators. Later trained combat performers soon became a valuable commodity and their lives weren’t given up without due consideration. (So I guess Roman boxing wasn’t less gory than their gladiator games. Then again, it was abolished in Rome in 393 AD due to excessive brutality.)

Until the mid 18th century, it wasn’t prohibited to attack an opponent even after he fell to the ground. (Dude, how can this be even cool?)

In Ancient Greece, there were no weight classes, rounds, or time limits. And opponents were selected by chance while fights lasted until one player was unable to fight. (So how is that fair? I mean pair a skinny guy with a more muscular man and there’s not much competition. Of course, in early boxing short and/or skinny guys usually got beaten.)

The first modern boxing rules were introduced by champion Jack Broughton in 1743 to protect fighters in the ring where deaths sometimes occurred. (You mean this was getting people killed?)

An early article on in 1713 described boxing as a system of headbutting, punching, eye-gouging, chokes, and hard throws. (Of course, anyone injured couldn’t expect decent medical care due to living in the 18th century. Also seem to resemble street fights more than actual boxing.)

In the 18th and 19th centuries, when a fighter went down, he had a count of 30 seconds to recover. (Modern boxers only have 10. Then again, the 30 second rule makes getting up all too easy.)

Lacrosse

Lacrosse is one of the few popular sports today with origins in Pre-Columbian America. However, it was mostly played between tribes on an open field with as many as hundreds of young men on a team. And now it's played by many high school girls.

Lacrosse is one of the few popular sports today with origins in Pre-Columbian America. However, it was mostly played between tribes on an open field with as many as hundreds of young men on a team. And now it’s played by many high school girls.

In 1868, when a player was fouled in a game, he was required to report to the captain who reported to the umpire. The umpire thus warned the offending player on the. Persistent complaining on fouling resulted the offending player being ejected from the game an the match lost. (So it was the players who were supposed to report fouls to the officials. Yeah, I can see that working well.)

In Pre-Columbian America, lacrosse teams could consist of as many as 100 to 1,000 young men and the goals can be up as far as 500 yards to 6 miles on an open plain. Games could last from 2-3 days with play being from dawn to dusk. Some tribes even had goal posts 6-9 ft apart. And they used a ball of wood or deerskin stuffed with hair. (Man, this is like lacrosse on steroids. Now that’s crazy. Also, I’m sure hundreds of guys swarming after a ball can result in a lot of injuries.)

Water Polo

Water polo is often played in pools everywhere in the western world. However, early water polo was more like water football in which  players would try to carry a small ball to the pool edge. It was often said to erupt in fights with at least one player floating unconscious by the end of the game.

Water polo is often played in pools everywhere in the western world. However, early water polo was more like water football in which players would try to carry a small ball to the pool edge. It was often said to erupt in fights with at least one player floating unconscious by the end of the game.

At one point, water polo balls were made of leather which absorbed water and became heavier during the game. (Leather may be good for a lot of sports. But water polo isn’t one of them.)

Whenever a player came too near a goal, a goalie on the pool deck would often jump on him. (Now that’s something anyone wouldn’t expect.)

The earliest games were played with a small rubber ball often imported from India. This was later changed to a leather soccer ball or one of a pig’s stomach because players used to put the small ball in their swimming trunks and swim underwater towards the goal. Once there, the player would remove the ball and slam it onto the pool deck. (Hey, isn’t that cheating? Yeah, I think that’s cheating.)

Early games were more like water football or rugby and often nothing more than water gang fights as players ignored the ball, preferring underwater wrestling matches usually ending with one man floating to the surface unconscious. (So, kids, remember not to go to the pool when they’re playing water polo. I’m sure you don’t want a water sport be as much like hockey as possible.)

Dress Up Fun with Fashion Dolls

Though I did play with Barbies as a girl like most out there, it was more for roleplaying than anything to do with fashion. They were a toy just like any other. The Barbies were my actors and the clothes were just costumes. I’d be the one making up the characters and voices. However, even before Barbie, there have been other fashion dolls. Hell, the first fashion doll was the French Bisque which was from the 19th century. Nevertheless, there has never been a fashion doll like Barbie and never will. And even though Barbie is seen as a toy by most, there are plenty of people who never stop playing with them and even collect them. Yeah, it’s not just adult men who collect toys, you know. For decades Barbie has been used as a model to reflect fashion trends. But she’s hardly alone. In this post, I’ll show you how fashion dolls are an art form all on their own. Some of them might be fashion plates akin to others on the run way. Some might wear outfits from an bygone era or another culture. And some might be designed and dressed to resemble characters you see from pop culture whether they be movies, TV shows, books, and what not. Others may be famous celebrities. But none of these dolls were meant for little girls to play with. So without further adieu, here I bring you some of the many fashion dolls you might feast your eyes on.

  1. Those who like foreign films and crime would love this French gangster’s moll Barbie.
Now this might not be a Barbie. And I'm definitely sure she's not supposed to be a French gangster's moll. However, her outfit and facial expression suggests that she's straight from a French gangster movie.

Now this might not be a Barbie. And I’m definitely sure she’s not supposed to be a French gangster’s moll. However, her outfit and facial expression suggests that she’s straight from a French gangster movie.

2. Experience late 1940s French fashion with this Christian Dior’s New Look Barbie.

Now this is the look that reestablished Paris as the capital of the fashion world after WWII. It was extremely popular in the post-war era.

Now this is the look that reestablished Paris as the capital of the fashion world after WWII. It was extremely popular in the post-war era.

3. Celebrity and historical figures are rather popular fashion subjects. This one is of Queen Marie Antoinette as she looked before the French Revolution.

Contrary, to popular belief, Marie Antoinette didn't say

Contrary, to popular belief, Marie Antoinette didn’t say “Let them eat cake.” She didn’t cheat on her husband (though I wouldn’t blame her if she did). She had no political influence on the French Court despite having a mother and brother ruling the Austrian Empire. And while her spending was very extravagant, it wasn’t unusual by French royalty standards.

4. Now here’s Barbie as Marguerite Gautier from the Greta Garbo 1936 film Camille.

Of course, we have to understand that Marguerite is the 19th century equivalent to a high class hooker. However, she does fall in love and succumb to tuberculosis during the movie.

Of course, we have to understand that Marguerite is the 19th century equivalent to a high class hooker. However, she does fall in love and succumb to tuberculosis during the movie.

5. All the way from Africa may I present to you Tribal Princess Barbie.

I don't know about this one. Now I know there light skinned Africans but they mostly reside in the Sahara region. The outfit looks more like it's from the Savannah. So my guess is that her mother was raped by a great white hunter.

I don’t know about this one. Now I know there light skinned Africans but they mostly reside in the Sahara region. The outfit looks more like it’s from the Savannah. So my guess is that her mother was raped by a great white hunter.

6. For you Lord of the Rings fans out there, you might enjoy your very own Arwen and Aragorn Barbie and Ken.

You wouldn't know it, but these two have a very huge age difference between them. I mean she's like around 2800 years old. And he's considerably younger. Then again, age may just be a number on Middle Earth.

You wouldn’t know it, but these two have a very huge age difference between them. I mean she’s like around 2800 years old. And he’s considerably younger. Then again, age may just be a number on Middle Earth.

7. Many fashion dolls depict fashion you’d see from foreign cultures. This one is from Korea.

Of course, this is a more historical dress. However, all East Asians seem to dress alike to be. Well, to an extent. Of course, I'm not as familiar with Korea as I am with China and Japan.

Of course, this is a more historical dress. However, all East Asians seem to dress alike to be. Well, to an extent. Of course, I’m not as familiar with Korea as I am with China and Japan.

8. This doll looks quite captivating in her Edwardian corset, big hat, and hobble skirt.

The hobble skirt was a short lived fashion trend in 1910-1913. These greatly restricted mobility that women had to take very small steps.

The hobble skirt was a short lived fashion trend in 1910-1913. These greatly restricted mobility that women had to take very small steps.

9. For all you Greek mythology enthusiasts, you might be interested to see Medusa Barbie.

Yes, she might be pretty and even alluring. But you might take note that looking at her will get you stoned. And I don't mean high. I mean literally turned into stone. Perseus had to use a mirror in order to kill her.

Yes, she might be pretty and even alluring. But you might take note that looking at her will get you stoned. And I don’t mean high. I mean literally turned into stone. Perseus had to use a mirror in order to kill her.

10. Say G’Day to this lovely Australia Barbie.

The only way you can tell she's Australian is that she has a koala wrapped around her arm. Other than that, she can pass for either Indiana Jones Adventure Barbie or High Fashion Texas Cowgirl Barbie.

The only way you can tell she’s Australian is that she has a koala wrapped around her arm. Other than that, she can pass for either Indiana Jones Adventure Barbie or High Fashion Texas Cowgirl Barbie.

11. This Barbie is all dressed and ready to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

Now this is definitely Chinese outfit, though retrofitted for modern fashion. Of course, she also has a rather interesting hairstyle, too.

Now this is definitely Chinese outfit, though retrofitted for modern fashion. Of course, she also has a rather interesting hairstyle, too.

12. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Victoria’s Secret Fashion Barbie.

I'm sure this Barbie Doll was definitely not made for children. And I'm positive she's wearing an outfit no woman would actually wear. Yes, I don't understand either.

I’m sure this Barbie Doll was definitely not made for children. And I’m positive she’s wearing an outfit no woman would actually wear. Yes, I don’t understand either.

13. Step into fantasy with your very own unicorn princess Barbie.

It's what you get in a fashion doll when you have a fairy tell princess employ Lady Gaga's fashion consultant. Seriously, I don't know why they have the unicorn on the dress. I mean that's crazy.

It’s what you get in a fashion doll when you have a fairy tell princess employ Lady Gaga’s fashion consultant. Seriously, I don’t know why they have the unicorn on the dress. I mean that’s crazy.

14. This Steampunk Barbie is geared up and ready for action.

Steampunk is kind of hard to explain since it employs Victorian clothing and steam technology in a sci-fi fashion. However, this doll might risk arrest for wearing a slutty outfit like that in Victorian London.

Steampunk is kind of hard to explain since it employs Victorian clothing and steam technology in a sci-fi fashion. However, this doll might risk arrest for wearing a slutty outfit like that in Victorian London.

15. For all you Audrey Hepburn fans out there, you’ certainly delight in this fashion doll of her from Roman Holiday.

So Roman Holiday isn't nearly as famous as Breakfast at Tiffany's? Yes, the latter made Audrey into a style icon but it's a highly overrated film. Roman Holiday, on the other hand, is very charming and wonderful all the way through. Seriously. Breakfast at Tiffany's doesn't even hold a candle to Roman Holiday.

So Roman Holiday isn’t nearly as famous as Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Yes, the latter made Audrey into a style icon but it’s a highly overrated film. Roman Holiday, on the other hand, is very charming and wonderful all the way through. Seriously. Breakfast at Tiffany’s doesn’t even hold a candle to Roman Holiday.

16. Relive the Belle Epoque of late 19th century Paris with this Can-Can dancer fashion doll.

Despite that you see can-can dancers in a lot of media geared to PG audiences, the can-can wasn't originally considered a wholesome dance in its hey day. This was because women typically wore dresses that made it difficult to go to the bathroom.

Despite that you see can-can dancers in a lot of media geared to PG audiences, the can-can wasn’t originally considered a wholesome dance in its hey day. This was because women typically wore dresses that made it difficult to go to the bathroom.

17. This fashion doll is decked in traditional garb all the way from India.

I know this isn't bridal attire since Indian women typically wear bright red and a lot more jewelry. And I'm sure this isn't really Barbie either. But I'll take it.

I know this isn’t bridal attire since Indian women typically wear bright red and a lot more jewelry. And I’m sure this isn’t really Barbie either. But I’ll take it.

18. Spring Fairy Barbie always has to have glitter on her wings.

Not sure what to make of that outfit though. But it seems to go nicely with the background. Think the wings are the best thing about it however.

Not sure what to make of that outfit though. But it seems to go nicely with the background. Think the wings are the best thing about it however.

19. Now this fashion doll holds flowers in both hands to celebrate the spirit of spring.

Now I'm sure this isn't Barbie. But I also have no idea whether this is supposed to be a generic spring doll or depict an actual goddess or character. I just know it has something to do with spring.

Now I’m sure this isn’t Barbie. But I also have no idea whether this is supposed to be a generic spring doll or depict an actual goddess or character. I just know it has something to do with spring.

20. Relive the glory of the British Empire and the Victorian Age with this Queen Victoria fashion doll.

Now this depicts the young Queen Victoria around her coronation when she's only a teenager. However, I have to admit, that it does get a lot of her proportions right. Still, you'd never see such realism in a Barbie doll though.

Now this depicts the young Queen Victoria around her coronation when she’s only a teenager. However, I have to admit, that it does get a lot of her proportions right. Still, you’d never see such realism in a Barbie doll though.

21. Play a game of croquet with your very own Queen of Hearts Barbie.

Prettiest Queen of Hearts I've ever seen from Alice in Wonderland. However, you should be aware that she's a real bitch who's willing to decapitate people for the smallest offenses. Also, has a really nasty temper.

Prettiest Queen of Hearts I’ve ever seen from Alice in Wonderland. However, you should be aware that she’s a real bitch who’s willing to decapitate people for the smallest offenses. Also, has a really nasty temper.

22. Enjoy the glories of Imperial China with Imperial Chinese Princess Barbie.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Chinese robes open in the middle.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Manchurians aren’t technically Chinese. Chinese robes open in the middle. Also needs to wear smaller shoes.

23. Now this angelic fashion doll certainly has an heavenly presence.

While angels are represented as lovely human beings with wings, you'd be surprised what they look like in The Bible. Seriously, biblical cherubs don't really look like cute chubby babies. Neither did Cupid in Greek mythology.

While angels are represented as lovely human beings with wings, you’d be surprised what they look like in The Bible. Seriously, biblical cherubs don’t really look like cute chubby babies. Neither did Cupid in Greek mythology.

24. Now this doll wedding scene helps underscore vintage 1920s elegance.

Now this isn't Barbie from what I can tell. However, I really have to scratch my head at people who want to throw Great Gatsby themed parties. Seriously, I wonder if these people have any idea what the book is really about.

Now this isn’t Barbie from what I can tell. However, I really have to scratch my head at people who want to throw Great Gatsby themed parties. Seriously, I wonder if these people have any idea what the book is really about.

25. Enjoy the magic of Roma with this lovely Italian Barbie.

Now she's certainly dressed like you'd expect in Italy. And she's carrying her own basket with yellow flowers. Kind of prefer she carry cheese, bread, and other foodstuffs.

Now she’s certainly dressed like you’d expect in Italy. And she’s carrying her own basket with yellow flowers. Kind of prefer she carry cheese, bread, and other foodstuffs.

26. You can’t understand true love without Ken and Barbie as Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo and Juliet: A Shakespearean play that depicts two teenagers getting together amid familial gang violence, getting hitched within days, and killing themselves. Yeah, really make all the wrong decisions there. Still, despite content is said to be one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Romeo and Juliet: A Shakespearean play that depicts two teenagers getting together amid familial gang violence, getting hitched within days, and killing themselves. Yeah, really make all the wrong decisions there. Still, despite content is said to be one of the greatest love stories of all time.

27. Reenact the famous Andrew Lloyd Weber musical with Ken and Barbie as Erik and Christine from Phantom of the Opera.

Of course, it's disturbing that everyone thinks the relationship between Erik and Christine is romantic. It's not. It's downright creepy. I mean the guy is selfish, controlling, manipulative, and not above kidnapping his

Of course, it’s disturbing that everyone thinks the relationship between Erik and Christine is romantic. It’s not. It’s downright creepy. I mean the guy is selfish, controlling, manipulative, and not above kidnapping his “beloved” so he could force her to marry him. And yet, he’s seen as a sex symbol. Sorry, but Erik is a total bastard.

28. Enjoy the violet eyed splendor with this Elizabeth Taylor fashion doll in purple.

Yes, Elizabeth Taylor was one of Hollywood's radiant stars. However, we should remember she was an alcoholic who was married 8 times. Twice to Richard Burton.

Yes, Elizabeth Taylor was one of Hollywood’s radiant stars. However, we should remember she was an alcoholic who was married 8 times. Twice to Richard Burton.

29. Love Pirates of the Caribbean? Well, you’ll adore this fashion doll of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Now that's almost a dead ringer to the famous Johnny Depp character himself. Hope he doesn't run into zombie pirates. Wish he had his hat though.

Now that’s almost a dead ringer to the famous Johnny Depp character himself. Hope he doesn’t run into zombie pirates. Wish he had his hat though.

30. This Native American fashion doll is absolutely stunning.

Yes, she has blue eyes. But she has lots of feathers all over her. Besides, I like her better than the other Native American dolls I've seen on Pinterest.

Yes, she has blue eyes. But she has lots of feathers all over her. Besides, I like her better than the other Native American dolls I’ve seen on Pinterest.

31. Relive the magic of Camelot with Ken and Barbie as King Arthur and Guinevere.

This is from the Lerner and Lowe musical from the 1960s. I'm more of a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But my mom likes Camelot, so it goes on the post.

This is from the Lerner and Lowe musical from the 1960s. I’m more of a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But my mom likes Camelot, so it goes on the post.

32. Of course, you can’t have a tribute to Las Vegas without Vegas Showgirl Barbie.

How else can I explain seeing Barbie in a scantily clad outfit with feathers. Wonder if it comes with drunk gambling addict Ken.

How else can I explain seeing Barbie in a scantily clad outfit with feathers. Wonder if it comes with drunk gambling addict Ken.

33. In outfits like these Ken and Barbie seem to go where no man has gone before.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk's main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy who can’t keep it in his pants. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk’s main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

34. Now this Margot Channing fashion doll won’t be had for the price of a cocktail.

Yes, this is Bette Davis in her most famous role from All About Eve. Of course, Margot is a great star, a true star, and will never be any less. Eve Harrington, on the other hand, is a scheming two-timing bitch.

Yes, this is Bette Davis in her most famous role from All About Eve. Of course, Margot is a great star, a true star, and will never be any less. Eve Harrington, on the other hand, is a scheming two-timing bitch played by Anne Baxter. Fasten your seat belts, indeed.

35. Relive the splendor of the Napoleonic Age with this Empress Josephine fashion doll.

Basically she was Napoleon Bonaparte's shopaholic wife, whom he later dumped to marry an Austrian trophy princess. Well, he only did it because he wanted a son and she couldn't give him one. Still, his love letters to her read a lot like crazy texts. Seriously, they're hysterical.

Basically she was Napoleon Bonaparte’s shopaholic wife, whom he later dumped to marry an Austrian trophy princess. Well, he only did it because he wanted a son and she couldn’t give him one. Still, his love letters to her read a lot like crazy texts. Seriously, they’re hysterical.

36. Experience the suspense of Alfred Hitchcock with your very own Barbie of Tippi Hedren from The Birds.

Don't worry I'm sure the birds won't peck her to death. That would be Susanne Pleshette's character.

Don’t worry I’m sure the birds won’t peck her to death. That would be Susanne Pleshette’s character.

37. This 1920s flapper Barbie plans to dance the night away.

Now I'm sure she's not going to look as stunning as this when she wakes up with a hangover the next morning. Yeah, she's going need something for that hangover.

Now I’m sure she’s not going to look as stunning as this when she wakes up with a hangover the next morning. Yeah, she’s going need something for that hangover.

38. Relive the glory of the Lord of the Rings with your very own Galadriel Barbie.

Not quite like Cate Blanchett but at least they got the dress right. And the hairdo as well. Hey, why buy a Barbie princess when you can buy a queen?

Not quite like Cate Blanchett but at least they got the dress right. And the hairdo as well. Hey, why buy a Barbie princess when you can buy a queen?

39. This Japanese Barbie has the elegance and charm like a geisha.

Okay, she looks like a geisha and I know what it is in Japan. However, I hope this doll comes with Samurai Ken. Love the parasol.

Okay, she looks like a geisha and I know what it is in Japan. However, I hope this doll comes with Samurai Ken. Love the parasol.

40. Come fly and swing with your very own Frank Sinatra fashion doll.

Yes, Old Blue Eyes has a wonderful voice, indeed. Too bad he manage to ruin it through alcohol and cigarettes. You know, basically the two substances that have killed more people in Hollywood than anything else.

Yes, Old Blue Eyes has a wonderful voice, indeed. Too bad he manage to ruin it through alcohol and cigarettes. You know, basically the two substances that have killed more people in Hollywood than anything else.

41. Of course, this couple of fashion dolls are kind of on the dark side.

Yeah, they kind of look like a cross between Poldark and Sweeny Todd. However, you have to go with what you have.

Yeah, they kind of look like a cross between Poldark and Sweeny Todd. However, you have to go with what you have.

42. Of course, I can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including the one and only Marilyn Monroe.

Sure she might've died at home of an overdose at 36. But even so, she still remains an American beauty icon and Hollywood legend.

Sure she might’ve died at home of an overdose at 36. But even so, she still remains an American beauty icon and Hollywood legend.

43. This holiday party Barbie is well dressed in a blue snowflake dress for all occasions.

Now they have a lot of holiday Barbies out there. However, this one with the dark hair, blue snowflake dress, and cameo pearl necklace is the one I liked best.

Now they have a lot of holiday Barbies out there. However, this one with the dark hair, blue snowflake dress, and cameo pearl necklace is the one I liked best.

44. When it comes to fashion dolls, nobody seems to have more outfits than Scarlett O’Hara.

And this is just nine of the outfits she wears in the whole 4 hour movie. And yes, there are many more where that came from.

And this is just nine of the outfits she wears in the whole 4 hour movie. And yes, there are many more where that came from.

45. Whistle while you work with your very own Snow White fashion doll.

Okay, I'm fine with Disney lying to me about my prince coming when I'm lying stone cold in a glass coffin. However, I'm not sure if I can forgive Disney for lying about the woodland creatures wanting to clean my house. Now that's really low.

Okay, I’m fine with Disney lying to me about my prince coming when I’m lying stone cold in a glass coffin. However, I’m not sure if I can forgive Disney for lying about the woodland creatures wanting to clean my house. Now that’s really low.

46. Travel to wonderland with this Alice in Wonderland fashion doll.

Kind of looks like an emo Alice to me for some reason. Also, I'm not sure if she looks like the Alice from the Disney movie. Probably not.

Kind of looks like an emo Alice to me for some reason. Also, I’m not sure if she looks like the Alice from the Disney movie. Probably not. Not from the Tim Burton one either.

47. Now here is Barbie dancing as the swan princess of Swan Lake.

Let's hope this isn't Barbie as Natalie Portman's character from Black Swan. Then again, for something seen as feminine, ballet seems to be shockingly tragic, creepy, and practiced more like a sport.

Let’s hope this isn’t Barbie as Natalie Portman’s character from Black Swan. Then again, for something seen as feminine, ballet seems to be shockingly tragic, creepy, and practiced more like a sport.

48. This Japanese fashion doll is rather resplendent in her flowery kimono.

I can tell this is a Japanese doll since she's wearing a kimono or two. However, I do love the red flower in her hair. This might be a foreign doll, by the way.

I can tell this is a Japanese doll since she’s wearing a kimono or two. However, I do love the red flower in her hair. This might be a foreign doll, by the way.

49. Of course, experience the magic of the Kit Kat Club of Weimar Germany with these Cabaret Barbies.

Yes, the dancers tend to dress like that in the movie. Of course, I didn't include the emcee since he was a guy in the film. Nor did I include Sally Bowles either.

Yes, the dancers tend to dress like that in the movie. Of course, I didn’t include the emcee since he was a guy in the film. Nor did I include Sally Bowles either.

50. Now this Spanish fashion doll is certainly a charming senorita.

Now I don't think she's a flamenco dancer since she lacks castanets. However, I love her beautiful black lace on her red dress, fan and veil.

Now I don’t think she’s a flamenco dancer since she lacks castanets. However, I love her beautiful black lace on her red dress, fan and veil.

51. Now this Indonesian Barbie wears a dress that makes her a perfect Southeast Asian princess.

Well, I have to remind you that all Asians don't necessarily look alike. Besides, many of them also have their own unique culture. Also, love her crown.

Well, I have to remind you that all Asians don’t necessarily look alike. Besides, many of them also have their own unique culture. Also, love her crown.

52. This lovely Chinese Barbie is lovely in her red, flowery dress.

She even has a baby panda on her arm. I also really like her earrings and hairstyle, too.

She even has a baby panda on her arm. I also really like her earrings and hairstyle, too.

53. This Ghost Bride Barbie is so beautiful that she’s doomed to haunt your dreams.

Looks like Ken really screwed her over in life. Now she's haunting his dreams and home so she can make him pay.

Looks like Ken really screwed her over in life. Now she’s haunting his dreams and home so she can make him pay.

54. This lovely Barbie seems like a gracious hostess for afternoon tea.

They have a lot of Victorian fashion dolls. This fashion is from the 1870s and 1880s since it features the bustle. It was supposed to enhance women's rear ends.

They have a lot of Victorian fashion dolls. This fashion is from the 1870s and 1880s since it features the bustle. It was supposed to enhance women’s rear ends.

55. Capture the essence of the Pre-Columbian Mexico and Central America with this Mesoamerican spirit Barbie.

Of course, I'm sure she might ask for some human sacrifices. Maybe a lot of them. You know that almost every Meso and South American indigenous culture practiced it.

Of course, I’m sure she might ask for some human sacrifices. Maybe a lot of them. You know that almost every Meso and South American indigenous culture practiced it.

56. Experience the battlefield with your very own Civil War Nurse Barbie.

Hope she has a Civil War Surgeon Ken. Now I guess he has his own surgical instruments, including his amputation saw. Bet his outfit is covered with blood that it can't be shown.

Hope she has a Civil War Surgeon Ken. Now I guess he has his own surgical instruments, including his amputation saw. Bet his outfit is covered with blood that it can’t be shown.

57. Now this Queen of the Galaxy Barbie is certainly out of this world.

Now this seems like it's straight off from Lady Gaga's wardrobe. Then again, she kind of reminds me of some character you'd see from a 1980s sci-fi movie. Maybe she should get together with Captain Kirk Ken.

Now this seems like it’s straight off from Lady Gaga’s wardrobe. Then again, she kind of reminds me of some character you’d see from a 1980s sci-fi movie. Maybe she should get together with Captain Kirk Ken.

58. Relive the glory of Imperial Russia with this Russian Princess fashion doll.

Of course, if she's a member of the Romanov royal family, I'm sure that things won't be looking good for her once October 1917 flies in. Yeah, sad that this resplendent beauty will soon become a Bolshevik shooting target.

Of course, if she’s a member of the Romanov royal family, I’m sure that things won’t be looking good for her once October 1917 flies in. Yeah, sad that this resplendent beauty will soon become a Bolshevik shooting target.

59. This Native American Barbie is clad in her very own fringe dress and buckskin coat.

Man, she seems to have rows and rose of fringes. But she also has a lovely trimmed buckskin coat trimmed with fur.

Man, she seems to have rows and rose of fringes. But she also has a lovely trimmed buckskin coat trimmed with fur.

60. This flapper fashion doll is all dolled up for a 1920s party.

Yes, she's in shimmering silver from her jewelry to her furs. Her gown is made almost entirely of silver lace. Probably paid a pretty penny.

Yes, she’s in shimmering silver from her jewelry to her furs. Her gown is made almost entirely of silver lace. Probably paid a pretty penny.

61. Take a trip down the Nile of Ancient Egypt with Egyptian Queen Barbie.

I wonder if this one comes with Egyptian Pharaoh Ken, who's most likely her brother. I mean you know what these Ancient Egyptian royal families were like. An Egyptian royal who doesn't marry their sibling is usually killed by them. Relatives were always after the Pharoah's throne.

I wonder if this one comes with Egyptian Pharaoh Ken, who’s most likely her brother. I mean you know what these Ancient Egyptian royal families were like. An Egyptian royal who doesn’t marry their sibling is usually killed by them. Relatives were always after the Pharoah’s throne.

62. Of course, where would a Scarlett O’Hara fashion doll be without her Rhett Butler?

There are quite a few Rhett Butler fashion dolls out there. However, none of them seem to be as good as this incarnation. And this is his signature look, by the way.

There are quite a few Rhett Butler fashion dolls out there. However, none of them seem to be as good as this incarnation. And this is his signature look, by the way. Besides, frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

63. Nothing is as stunning south of the border than a Mexican Barbie.

Not sure if she's dressed as a bullfighter. However, I can tell she's Mexican because she is wearing a sombrero. And it's matching with her outfit.

Not sure if she’s dressed as a bullfighter. However, I can tell she’s Mexican because she is wearing a sombrero. And it’s matching with her outfit.

64. Nothing is more exquisite at a haunted house than a Dark Bride Barbie.

Now this is a lovely bridal outfit. Love the bouquet of roses. Wouldn't be surprised if Morticia Addams wore it on her wedding day.

Now this is a lovely bridal outfit. Love the bouquet of roses. Wouldn’t be surprised if Morticia Addams wore it on her wedding day.

65. Hope Jazz Diva Barbie sounds as good as she looks.

Reminds me of the film noir jazz singers you see in smoke filled night clubs. Probably has a lot of hard boiled detectives and crime.

Reminds me of the film noir jazz singers you see in smoke filled night clubs. Probably has a lot of hard boiled detectives and crime.

66. Relive the forbidden romance with this fashion doll of Anna Karenina.

Now I'm not really much of a fan of Anna Karenina. I think she was just really immature who had absolutely no idea about to have a healthy relationship. Not to mention, she was so wrapped into Vronsky that she didn't try to get a new hobby. And then she threw herself in front of a train.

Now I’m not really much of a fan of Anna Karenina. I think she was just really immature who had absolutely no idea about to have a healthy relationship. Not to mention, she was so wrapped into Vronsky that she didn’t try to get a new hobby. And then she threw herself in front of a train.

67. South Asian Dance Barbie is dressed in such exquisite attire.

Not sure which country she's from. Certainly it's not Nepal since that's in the Himilayas. And she's certainly not dressed for that weather.

Not sure which country she’s from. Certainly it’s not Nepal since that’s in the Himilayas. And she’s certainly not dressed for that weather.

68. Now this Belle fashion doll wears a gown for a romance that’s a tale as old as time.

However, we should note that her boyfriend is a total beast. I mean the guy practically kept her his prisoner until she fell in love with him.

However, we should note that her boyfriend is a total beast. I mean the guy practically kept her his prisoner until she fell in love with him.

69. Hope Diamond certainly knows how to dress for an evening.

Of course, the Hope Diamond is now in the Smithsonian. And it's said to bring a lot of bad luck to its owners.

Of course, the Hope Diamond is now in the Smithsonian. And it’s said to bring a lot of bad luck to its owners.

70. Now Russian Barbie is certainly a rare winter beauty.

Let's hope that she's bundled up to face the harsh Russian winter. Then again, Russia is a rather crazy country. Not to mention, there's also Putin she might have to deal with. And the Siberian gulag if it still exists.

Let’s hope that she’s bundled up to face the harsh Russian winter. Then again, Russia is a rather crazy country. Not to mention, there’s also Putin she might have to deal with. And the Siberian gulag if it still exists.

71. This blushing Barbie bride looks simply stunning for her big day.

You see a lot of bride fashion dolls. And it's no wonder with how the wedding industry is like these days. But this is one of my favorites.

You see a lot of bride fashion dolls. And it’s no wonder with how the wedding industry is like these days. But this is one of my favorites.

72. Of course, those who love Ava Gardner should get a fashion doll of her from The Killers.

Her performance in The Killers was said to make Frank Sinatra so infatuated with her that he abandoned his wife and kids for her. Of course, they were a great match made in Hollywood (sarcasm). Actually their relationship was rather tempestuous and dysfunctional.

Her performance in The Killers was said to make Frank Sinatra so infatuated with her that he abandoned his wife and kids for her. Of course, they were a great match made in Hollywood (sarcasm). Actually their relationship was rather tempestuous and dysfunctional.

73. All that glitters on this Barbie is golden.

Now this reminds me of something Lady Gaga would wear if she was doing the theme from Goldfinger. Of course, that would look uncomfortable on a normal person.

Now this reminds me of something Lady Gaga would wear if she was doing the theme from Goldfinger. Of course, that would look uncomfortable on a normal person.

74. This Gypsy fashion doll shakes her own tambourine for her keep.

I've seen quite a few gypsy fashion dolls. But I think this one is especially lovely, especially the dress.

I’ve seen quite a few gypsy fashion dolls. But I think this one is especially lovely, especially the dress.

75. Relive the experience of Titanic with this Rose DeWitt Bukater fashion doll.

This is what she wears during the scene when Leonardo DiCaprio says,

This is what she wears during the scene when Leonardo DiCaprio says, “I’m king of the world!” Of course, I’m sure the raft could fit her and Jack. Seriously, Jack shouldn’t have died. Still, Rose was a mutant born with super insulating skin that made her withstand extremely freezing temperatures. That’s why she survived the Titanic.

76. Experience the magic of Rio with your very own Brazilian Barbie.

Of course, she has a knitted blanket over her white dress. Not only that, but she's just the right skin color of many Brazilians.

Of course, she has a knitted blanket over her white dress. Not only that, but she’s just the right skin color of many Brazilians. A really good way to represent the country.

77. Welcome to the haunted mansion with your hostess Haunted Matron Barbie.

You might want to stay close to the candles because the stairways can be quite treacherous. Also, it might contain all kinds of things that might want to kill you.

You might want to stay close to the candles because the stairways can be quite treacherous. Also, it might contain all kinds of things that might want to kill you.

78. Enjoy the carefree South Pacific Islands with your very own Polynesian Barbie.

Of course, being from the South Pacific, she always has to be covered in vines and flowers. Still, love her blue and flowery dress. Wonder if Polynesian Ken looks like Troy Polamalu though.

Of course, being from the South Pacific, she always has to be covered in vines and flowers. Still, love her blue and flowery dress. Wonder if Polynesian Ken looks like Troy Polamalu though.

79. For those who love to laugh, this Carol Burnett fashion doll is just perfection.

Can't do a post on fashion dolls without including this one. Love her Scarlett O'Hara curtain dress by the way.

Can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including this one. Love her Scarlett O’Hara curtain dress by the way. “I saw it the window and just had to have it.”

80. Experience the magical world of Harry Potter with this Harry Potter fashion doll.

Now they have a lot of Harry Potter fashion dolls out there. Still, I have yet to see a fashion doll of Yule Ball Ron Weasley. Now that would be funny.

Now they have a lot of Harry Potter fashion dolls out there. Still, I have yet to see a fashion doll of Yule Ball Ron Weasley. Now that would be funny.

81. Of course, when it comes to First Ladies, you can’t talk about fashion legacies without this Jackie Kennedy fashion doll.

Now this is the outfit she was wearing when her husband got shot in Dallas. Not sure what to think about the doll company who made this. Yeah, it's kind of insensitive but it was an iconic look.

Now this is the outfit she was wearing when her husband got shot in Dallas. Not sure what to think about the doll company who made this. Yeah, it’s kind of insensitive but it was an iconic look.

82. Join in the luau with your very own Hawaiian Barbie.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Hope the volcano doesn't blow.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Sad that she doesn’t have a coconut shell bra.

83. Those who love Mommie Dearest and Mildred Pierce certainly can’t go without their very own Joan Crawford fashion doll.

Of course, we're not sure how much is true about Mommie Dearest since a lot of people who knew her spoke out against it. However, she certainly looks lovely in this black and white dress.

Of course, we’re not sure how much is true about Mommie Dearest since a lot of people who knew her spoke out against it. However, she certainly looks lovely in this black and white dress.

84. May the odds be in your favor with your very own Katniss Everdeen fashion doll.

This is her from Catching Fire when she had to go back to the arena for the Quarter Quell. Still, they have quite a few Hunger Games fashion dolls. Love to see how many Effie Trinket has.

This is her from Catching Fire when she had to go back to the arena for the Quarter Quell. Still, they have quite a few Hunger Games fashion dolls. Love to see how many Effie Trinket has.

85. Relive the golden days of Tudor England with this fashion doll of Elizabeth I.

Yes, she wore a lot of big dresses in her day. However, contrary to the Cate Blanchett movies, if she was a virgin when she became queen, she'd more likely remain one for the rest of her life (since she had no privacy whatsoever and knew how to keep it in her pants). Also, it's very likely that she remained single for good politics.

Yes, she wore a lot of big dresses in her day. However, contrary to the Cate Blanchett movies, if she was a virgin when she became queen, she’d more likely remain one for the rest of her life (since she had no privacy whatsoever and knew how to keep it in her pants). Also, it’s very likely that she remained single for good politics.

86. Rule the universe with your very own Space Queen Barbie.

Looking at these Barbie sci-fi outfits makes me wonder if they have any David Bowie Ken dolls. Ziggy Stardust comes to my mind.

Looking at these Barbie sci-fi outfits makes me wonder if they have any David Bowie Ken dolls. Ziggy Stardust comes to my mind.

87. Stroll down the streets of Paris with your very own French Barbie.

Of course, French Barbie wouldn't be French without her beret and baguette. Then again, she might also like to have a laid back European lifestyle the French are famous for.

Of course, French Barbie wouldn’t be French without her beret and baguette. Then again, she might also like to have a laid back European lifestyle the French are famous for.

88. Travel throughout Middle Earth with this fashion doll of Legolas.

Yes, this is the Middle Earth heartthrob that jump started Orlando Bloom's career. And his dad isn't bad looking either and even rides on a deer as well as has his own antler throne.

Yes, this is the Middle Earth heartthrob that jump started Orlando Bloom’s career. And his dad isn’t bad looking either and even rides on a deer as well as has his own antler throne.

89. Commemorate the royal wedding with Ken and Barbie as Will and Kate.

Hard to believe that these two now have two little kids named George and Charlotte. Well, I think it's nice that the royals allowed William to marry whom he wanted and when he wanted. I don't think it was the case with his dad.

Hard to believe that these two now have two little kids named George and Charlotte. Well, I think it’s nice that the royals allowed William to marry whom he wanted and when he wanted. I don’t think it was the case with his dad.

90. This Lady Liberty Barbie is clad in red, white, and blue.

Yes, it's kind of emphasizes that Barbie might be America's Sweetheart. However, at least she has a rather friendly disposition and tries to be accommodating to diversity. Unlike the blonde women of Fox News.

Yes, it’s kind of emphasizes that Barbie might be America’s Sweetheart. However, at least she has a rather friendly disposition and tries to be accommodating to diversity. Unlike the blonde women of Fox News.

91. Vampire Queen Barbie wants to suck your blood.

One of the only Barbie dolls I've seen with fangs so far. I'm sure Hapless Human Ken doesn't have much time to live. Love the hair and dress, by the way.

One of the only Barbie dolls I’ve seen with fangs so far. I’m sure Hapless Human Ken doesn’t have much time to live. Love the hair and dress, by the way.

92. Grim Reaper Barbie shows up when your time is up.

She may look dark but she's never good or evil. Do not resist her when she comes to collect you because you can't.

She may look dark but she’s never good or evil. Do not resist her when she comes to collect you because you can’t.

93. Mexican Dress Barbie always travels with her little chihuahua.

Now Mexican Barbie is clad in a pink dress striped with lace and ribbons. Of course, I wonder if there's a Mexican Ken as well. Then again, he might be dressed as a more stereotypical bandito.

Now Mexican Barbie is clad in a pink dress striped with lace and ribbons. Of course, I wonder if there’s a Mexican Ken as well. Then again, he might be dressed as a more stereotypical bandito.

94. Chinese Empress Barbie rules in Imperial splendor.

Of course, she's clad in yellow and pink from almost head to toe. We should remember that in Dynastic China, only the Imperial family were allowed to wear yellow. Everyone else wasn't.

Of course, she’s clad in yellow and pink from almost head to toe. We should remember that in Dynastic China, only the Imperial family were allowed to wear yellow. Everyone else wasn’t.

95. Explore the cultures and wildlife of Africa with this African Barbie doll.

Just so you know, Africa is a nation of highly diverse wildlife, nations, and cultures. I only called this doll African Barbie since I have no idea which country she's supposed to be from. Yet, I know it's either from the west or the south.

Just so you know, Africa is a nation of highly diverse wildlife, nations, and cultures. I only called this doll African Barbie since I have no idea which country she’s supposed to be from. Yet, I know it’s either from the west or the south.

96. Lead your very own Rebel Alliance with your very own Princess Leia fashion doll.

This is the Slave Leia one from Return of the Jedi. It's one of Princess Leia's iconic looks. Of course, Jabba the Hutt better watch out.

This is the Slave Leia one from Return of the Jedi. It’s one of Princess Leia’s iconic looks. Of course, Jabba the Hutt better watch out.

97. Now you can be your own superheroine with Wonder Woman Barbie.

Now Wonder Woman is one of the more definitive female superheroes. However, I don't think fighting crime in a cape and scantily clad outfit is a good message to send to young girls.

Now Wonder Woman is one of the more definitive female superheroes. However, I don’t think fighting crime in a cape and scantily clad outfit is a good message to send to young girls.

98. Celebrate the tribal culture in Africa with South African Barbie.

Now this is a good representation of African tribes. A lot of women in Africa are actually dress like that and in a lot of different groups, too.

Now this is a good representation of African tribes. A lot of women in Africa are actually dress like that and in a lot of different groups, too.

99. Publicity Tour Barbie is certainly ready for the experience.

Yes, she's on her long tour with style and sophistication. Of course, she comes with an agent who's pressuring her into this.

Yes, she’s on her long tour with style and sophistication. Of course, she comes with an agent who’s pressuring her into this.

100. Now Hard Rock Cafe Bass Barbie has decorated her instrument with style.

Of course, she also has a lot of tattoos on her arm as well. But she seems to have a lot of good taste. Sure this doll wasn't made for kids.

Of course, she also has a lot of tattoos on her arm as well. But she seems to have a lot of good taste. Sure this doll wasn’t made for kids.