The Wacky World of Wish.com Merchandise

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A rival to Amazon and eBay, Wish.com is an online retailer that has gained quite a following in recent years. Founded in 2010, it began as an app where users would create wish lists for their desired items and the company would approach merchants to order that product’s particular amount. They also earned revenue with Pay-per-click model by advertising on Facebook. In 2013, Wish became an electronic commerce site after asking merchants to host their products directly on the app, with Wish taking a 15% sale cut. Nonetheless, as with its merchandise, Wish is basically Spencer’s with Dollar General prices. But order something and you’ll have to wait for a few weeks since the products were made in Asian countries. And you’ll find plenty of crazy weird stuff on there which you didn’t know existed. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of ridiculous products from the site. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Rock your car with these fuzzy seat covers.
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Available in 4 different colors. Yet, might make people think you’re strange.

2. Defend yourself with these decorative keys.

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The kind of switchblades for the girly gang members out there. Might leave a wound in your enemies. But open doors? Not so much.

3. Improve your lady libido with Hergasm.

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Because why should men get the boner pills? Then again, I don’t think these actually work.

4. Like coloring books? Behold, The Big Adventures of Tiny Dick.

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Just because it’s a coloring book, doesn’t mean it’s for kids. As this coloring book certainly isn’t.

5. Relieve your sphincter with Comfortably Numb Anally Desensitizing Cream.

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Yes, they actually have cream for your asshole. And this one smells of spearmint.

6. Heard of a mechanical bull? Well, you can get the floating bull.

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It’s something you can ride on when you’re in the pool. Hope it doesn’t put you underwater.

7. Apparently, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch is getting into pot.

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Actually, this is just a T-shirt. But those cereal bits are totally baked.

8. There’s something fishy about these shoes.

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Since they resemble fish. Available in 4 sizes and 3 colors.

9. Have you just died? This book is for you.

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Actually, I don’t think this book is useful. Since the dead can’t read.

10. Always look sharp with metal claws.

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Consists of 10 pieces. Not sure if they qualify as weapons. Probably.

11. Eat Asian cuisine in style with a pair of metallic chopsticks.

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Available in 4 different colors. Still, I think wooden ones would do just as well.

12. Discover your faith with The Catholic Hipster Handbook.

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Because sacred imagery and incense is so out of the mainstream. Still, it might be interesting to read.

13. Perhaps you want more manly fishing lures.

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What are these lures used to catch? Piranhas? Not recommended for the father/son fishing trips.

14. Any girl would like a pair of fish earrings.

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Though ones with fish in a bag, I’m not so sure. Comes in 2 varieties.

15. Get your Cage pants on.

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Yes, these pants have a picture of Nicholas Cage all over them. And yes, it’s pretty creepy.

16. Get  a light on from this Chinese dragon ashtray.

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I actually don’t approve of smoking. But you can light up the dragon by pushing its tail.

17. Show love to your princess with this Zelda engagement ring.

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Zelda is a Nintendo RPG video game. Nonetheless, I’m sure guys might like to propose to their girlfriends with a ring like this. Though I don’t recommend it.

18. Now you can turn your bike in to a motorbike.

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This is a bike motor set. However, I kind of advise against it unless your unusually mechanically skilled. Seriously, a regular bike is fine for me.

19. Don’t leave for a hike without a survival bracelet.

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Includes a knife, compass, whistle, and Firestarter. Available in several different colors, too.

20. Care to give your campfire a little color?

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These can turn a fire into the colors of the rainbow. But I’m not sure about their safety record.

21. Feel free to attract with some magnetic slime.

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You can see the image above how it gravitates toward metal. Available in 6 colors.

22. Keep things behind your car with these organizers.

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I’m sure any driver would need these. Has a place for tech, drinks, and napkins.

23. You might find these food earrings quite stylish.

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Consists of donuts, cake pieces, pastries, and kitchen utensils. Not sure what I’d wear any of these with.

24. Defend yourself with this invisible blade ring.

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They’re basically rings containing knives you can use to stab attackers. Though mace also works, too.

25. Always have a toothpick crossbow in handy.

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Good for finger archery contests. If such events even exist.

26. These gem earrings will light up your night.

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Yes, they’re light up earrings while the stones aren’t real. Available in 6 colors.

27. Wear a masterpiece on your feet.

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Each pair of socks shows a famous painting or sculpture. And all in vibrant colors.

28. Listen to the music with this car MP3 player.

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Is that something you’d put on your dashboard? Think you’re better off just hooking your MP3 player to your car.

29. Now you can go undercover with this hidden camera.

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Great for spying on neighbors, family, and friends. Not meant for those with restraining orders.

30. Lose weight with this magnetic weight loss bracelet.

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I don’t think this works. But at least it makes a great piece of jewelry.

31. Don’t let your bad eyesight get in the way of poker night with these large cards.

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And yes, these are very big cards. But at least you won’t have trouble seeing them.

32. Clear your ears with this cleaning kit.

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On second thought, if you have clogged ears, better see a specialist. Seriously, these tools look pretty dangerous.

33. Perhaps you’d like a Nic Cage T-shirt to go with those pants.

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Yes, this Nic Cage T-shirt also exists. And yes, the expression is quite unsettling. Wonder why anyone would buy it.

34. These skeleton hair clips will be perfect for Halloween.

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Goes with any scary costume. Or if you plan to dress up as a character from a Tim Burton movie.

35. A pole dancing sloth will always amuse.

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And it seems the sloth is making it rain. Nonetheless, this shirt is hilarious.

36. You have to be crazy to get this jacket.

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Since they used to put a jacket like this on crazy people. Before they were put in a padded cell.

37. You might have an appetite for one of these food hoodies.

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Each comes in several different colors. And all are equally ridiculous.

38. Got clogged ears? Try ear candling therapy.

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Please don’t. For one, I don’t think it works. Second, since it involves burning, I suspect it’s quite dangerous. No cure is worth setting your house on fire.

39. A handy Scotsman always wears a cargo kilt.

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Includes large pockets to keep tools and other essentials. Let’s hope a guy wears underwear underneath.

40. Feel free to take one of these pills.

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Just don’t eat one because they’re not meant to be eaten. Yet, each one has a rather unique expression.

41. Keep your home lit with these LED mushroom night lights.

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Come in several different colors. Perfect to put near houseplants.

42. Do you snore? These snoring cones can help.

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You can just put it up in your nose and it’ll expand your nostrils. Not sure if it really works though.

43. Get rid of pimples and blackheads with this extractor kit.

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Because you can’t get rid of zits if you can’t bear the pain. Still, this kit seems to resemble what you’d keep in a torture chamber.

44. Brighten up this winter with this fur coat.

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Great for any ugly sweater party around Christmas. Though I hope the fur is fake. Yet, you’ll piss PETA off either way.

45. Say goodbye to zits with this vacuum acne cleaner.

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Not sure if it actually works. Since once zits and blackheads are removed, they’ll appear again.

46. Soak in this inflatable gold bathtub.

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I’m sure you’ll have use a hose to fill it up. And I don’t think the experience is as pleasant as it’s portrayed to be.

47. Recharge with these blood energy drink bag.

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Also doubles as a Halloween decoration. Available in several different colors.

48. Even skeletons have to use the bathroom sometimes.

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Though I have no idea why they’d use a toilet. Since they have no organs.

49. If you need a big umbrella, this is the one for you.

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You can have a whole meeting underneath this. Yet, you must have a designated holder.

50. Never get locked out again with this lockpicking kit.

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Great for break-ins, home invasions, and bank robberies. Will probably get you arrested.

51. Didn’t know toys had to contend with the zombie apocalypse.

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This is a mashup T-shirt between The Walking Dead and Toy Story. Yet, the blood on Buzz’s helmet is disturbing.

52. No one will mess with your tiger backpack.

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Available in orange and white. No real tigers were harmed in the making of this so the fur’s fake.

53. These reusable wedding party straws are a much have.

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Those aren’t straws. Those look like crack pipes. Seriously, I think they can get confiscated as drug paraphernalia.

54. Keep your pooch sharp with these dog undies.

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Are these even necessary? Seriously, most dogs don’t wear undies. Why do these exist?

55. Who says men can’t wear frilly undies?

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Yes, these are lace bikini briefs for men. Because what can make tidy whites more embarrassing than black lace?

56. Instead of a gun, why not give the NRA person in your life this rifle pen?

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Hey, at least this won’t kill you. Available in gold with a silencer lid.

57. Tone your face with this slim mask.

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Yes, that’s used to tone wrinkles. I don’t think it works. Unless you use it as a Halloween costume.

58. Brighten up your life with these dual purpose table lamps.

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Yes, they resemble spilled paint cans. Except they light up when you turn them on. Available in 4 colors.

59. Pierce your own ears with this contraption.

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On second thought, I wouldn’t advise it since it looks dangerous. Seek a professional instead.

60. There are boxers, briefs, and boxer briefs. Then there are these.

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This men’s underwear has a pocket for his uh, special appendage. Available in several different colors.

61. Now you can have this collectible gold and silver dogshit coin.

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The coin depicts a dog shitting. Seriously, I have no idea who comes up with such ideas.

62. How a moose hunting decal like this on your truck?

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Okay, that’s really disturbing. Seriously, why would a moose do that to a hunter? He has antlers. And yes, I said, “he” because female moose don’t have them at all.

63. This summer, get yourself a shower curtain depicting Jeff Goldblum with an ape.

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Apparently, Goldblum has become quite popular. Not sure why he’s with an ape in this picture.

64. If the doorbell’s broken, use this rug.

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It instructs you to yell “Ding Dong” really loud. Though you can just knock.

65. Need to do your business in the woods? Use these pee bags.

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You just put them on when you need to answer the call of nature in the outdoors with no bathroom in sight. Still, at least they’re disposable.

66. Remove security tags with this device.

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Perfect of shoplifters. Though I’m not sure if I’d recommend it. Since I think they do it for you in checkout.

67. Capture your world with this wi-fi mini camera.

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Uh, is this guy stalking that woman. Since he seems to view her from his phone. Creepy.

68. Need to pee on the go? This contraption can help.

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Just put it up to a bottle and go ahead. Though women might find this a lot more complicated.

69. Behold, the Kim Kardashian human centipede.

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Yes, they have a T-shirt of that. And yes, it’s as disturbing as the fact that she’s famous for being famous.

70. Protect yourself with these stun gloves.

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Touch someone with these and they’re in for a literal shock. Make sure you’re not wearing them among friends and family.

71. With these undies, your man will come howling to you.

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Okay, that’s really unsettling. Seriously, the wolf’s snout is where the guy’s dick is supposed to be.

72. Nobody will steal your make up if you put them in a fish purse.

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After all, the fish looks pretty realistic like it’s been caught. So no one will probably bother with it.

73. Love The Office? Get a load of this Michael Scott T-shirt.

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This one features Michael Scott in all his character itineration’s Not as disturbing as any clothing with Nicholas Cage.

74. Instead of using a disposable plastic straw, use this.

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It’s a folding metal straw you can use on the go. Available in pink and black.

75. Got a pot business? Wish has got you covered on hempseed.

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Available where pot’s legal. Because I’m sure they’ll confiscate it otherwise. Seriously, these are marijuana plants.

76. Hold your smartphone and enjoy some snacks with this bowl.

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Has a shelf where you can set your phone. Though you can just use a shelf and regular bowl.

77. This T-shirt will take you straight to Flavortown.

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This one is incredibly fitting. Includes pizza, hotdog, and Fieri in his flaming shirt.

78. Feel free to look at yourself with this laptop mirror.

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It’s basically a compact for computer nerds. Yeah, it’s pretty weird.

79. Be prepared for the apocalypse with this gold gas mask.

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I think this is more of a fashion accessory than anything. Also includes spikes.

80. See Kim Jong Un as you’ve never seen him before.

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Someone better mail this one to Donald Trump. Sure Kim Jong Un is a brutal dictator, but this Mona Lisa T-shirt of him is hilarious.

81. Keep your head dry with this umbrella hat.

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Available in a wide variety of colors and patterns. Nonetheless, guaranteed to make you look like an idiot.

82. Work out in this codeine track suit.

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By the way, codeine is a narcotic and shouldn’t be taken without a prescription. And certainly not something you’d want in a cough syrup.

83. Grow your plants with these beads.

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They’re plant soil beads you can put in a transparent flower pot. Don’t ask me how it’s supposed to work.

84. Get your hair dry with this hair drying bonnet.

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From Slapped Ham: “Are you sick and tired of looking sensible while drying your hair? Is waving a blow dryer over your head just too much hassle? Well thanks to Wish, you can wear this ridiculous contraption and look like a complete goon for no apparent reason at all. Finally you can get that much sort after ‘exploded rats nest’ look at home for a fraction of the cost you’d pay at the salon.”

85. Love Shrek? Get this 3D Shrek head.

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From My Favorite Daily Things: “The perfect night light for people who sleep better with a futuristic Shrek head staring at them all night.” Okay, that’s horrifying.

86. Bind your legs with leg plastics.

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From My Favorite Daily Things: “We can’t really figure out if these are for cellulite, weight loss or leg strength, so we’re just calling it leg plastic.” Neither can I.

87. Ingrown toenails? Try this corrector.

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Yes, this looks incredibly crazy. But will it work? Who knows.

88. Hairy armpits? Use these hair removal sponges.

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For use when you run out razors. Still, shaving armpits is incredibly tough.

89. Keep your toilet on during the night with this LED light.

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For when you’d like to party on the toilet. Why anyone would do that, I don’t know.

90. Shut your dog up with this duck bill muzzle.

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For when you want to keep your dog quiet and subject it to humiliation. Available in 4 colors.

91. Get bigger knockers with this breast enhancement vacuum.

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For the love of God, please don’t put this on your body. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.

92. Get down and dirty with this gardening glove with claws.

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Looks rather impractical and unnecessary. Seriously, how will it help you garden? I have no clue.

93. Keep your home warm with this wall space heater.

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Of course, if your way of heating the house is burning it down, by all means. Otherwise, you might want to stay away from this one.

94. Need an eyebrow touch up? These brow stamps are for you.

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Brows come in 3 colors. Great for those bushy mornings.

95. Keep an eye on your people with this spy cam pen.

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For the paranoid sort who thinks everyone is out to get them. Perfect to put in your shirt pocket.

96. Have your home smell nice with this mermaid incense burner.

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I guess the incense comes from the mermaid’s boobs. Now I have so many questions on how they reproduce.

97. Insecure about your tiny penis? Use this enlargement oil.

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From The Daily Edge: “For just €3 you can get this ‘Men sex products enlargement extender oil sex oil male’ which is pretty comprehensive. I can foresee no problems with this at all.” I think it’s a bottle of snake oil.

98. Bendy toes? Get the toe straightener.

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From The Daily Edge: “Bendy toes are the worst and for just shipping you can sort out that problem immediately with this toe straightener. No comment on how painful or medically safe the actual process will be but we’ll just casually ignore that.”

99. Scared of the dentist? Use this home dental kit.

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From The Daily Edge: “Have you ever felt the urge to examine your own teeth? Maybe you want to give your housemate with bad breath a check up. For just €8 plus shipping you can get a set professional dental trays to do what you want with. Not creepy at all.” On second thought, better to see a dentist.

100. Want your home to look straight from Dr. Seuss? Plant a blue bonsai seed.

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From The Daily Edge: “You can buy seeds for a blue bonsai tree whose existence is actually disputed by gardeners. Order them, plant them and see what happens. Also they can’t be that rare because you can buy a lot of them on the internet apparently.”

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The Disappointing World of Epic Design Fails

Nobody’s perfect. And those who design all the stuff we look at and use are no exception. After all, we all make mistakes. But if you design something, people are going to notice. At best, it’ll be overlooked like it’s no big deal. At worst, it’ll be emblazoned all over the internet and you may be known as a “you had only one job” person. Actually that may not be the worst since that might depend on your profession. Though some of these pieces might include more than one terrible mistake. From bad architecture to bad ads, you’ll find design blunders all over the place. Sometimes it’s bad font, wording, and ad perception. Sometimes it’s something much more practical. So for your reading pleasure today, I’ll give you an assortment of epic design fails. So enjoy. Though some of these might not be safe for work for obvious reasons.

  1. To be fair, counting miles is pretty tricky.
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No wonder running this trail feels longer than it should be. Still, there’s a difference between 4 and 5 miles.

2. I think you might mean jaguar.

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Because jeopards don’t exist. Seriously, it’s not even a word. But little kids might not know that.

3. What do you mean I can’t smoke in this ashtray?

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Don’t you know what an ashtray is for? If you don’t permit smoking, why do you have them?

4. Hunters Plaza is so heartless these days.

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Okay, they’re raising money to help kids with childhood cancer. Couldn’t they just say so and not look like monsters?

5. The Econo Camper Mat makes for a great book surface.

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Uh, aren’t you supposed to be lying on it? Better on an air mattress than the grass, I always say.

6. Even superheroes listen to their parents…oh wait.

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If you’re familiar with superheroes, you can see why these don’t add up. For one, Batman saw his parents murdered. Second, both Superman’s dads died when he was young. And both seem to send him conflicting messages. Third, superheroes don’t have bed times.

7. Perhaps your little princess would like to sit in this Cinderella car seat.

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Didn’t know one of Cinderella’s ancestors was a giraffe. Seriously, this is really freaky.

8. Apparently, the University of Texas doesn’t have a statistics department.

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Because these bars on this graph are way too high. Seriously, doesn’t someone understand percentages?

9. Bleach Cereal is part of a complete breakfast.

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Who the hell would buy this? Sure I don’t think it’s toxic, but you wouldn’t know by the packaging.

10. Okay, I think this Minion craze has gone too far.

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Minion bikini? What the fuck? I know they’re really popular but a minion bikini just doesn’t look right.

11. Did someone just die in here?

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Don’t worry, it’s just the carpet’s merely designed like a mass murder happened here. Still, I wonder how many 911 calls this place has inspired.

12. Why are those two guys banging a human centipede?

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To be fair, they might just be horsing around. But the positioning of these guys gives me a far dirtier impression.

13. Almond milk or laundry detergent? You decide.

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Because this almond milk bottle seems to resemble something you’d keep bleach in. Not sure if I’d take any. Oh wait, I wouldn’t.

14. We’re open 24/7 except when we’re not.

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To be fair, they’re only closed late at night on weekends. So it’s a time that most people won’t be calling anyway.

15. At Thunder Bay, golf is a man’s sport.

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Guess someone didn’t have the balls to tell the landscaper about this. Then again, you’d have to be nuts not to notice.

16. I’m sure your girlfriend will have quite the sensation once you hit the ‘Clit.’

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It’s a forest recreation area with plenty of bush. Not far from the G-Spot Nature Reserve. You’ll have such a good time you’d want to come again. Oh, it’s supposed to be “The Cut?” Well, the font suggests otherwise.

17. So do you have a Jack or an Ace?

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Sorry, but the Jack of Diamonds doesn’t look like it. Seems more like a diamond Ace to me.

18. Since when did couches have ball backs?

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For when you don’t want your guests to stay long. Seriously, that can’t be comfortable.

19. I suppose Jeff Epstein and Roy Moore used to frequent this joint.

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Okay, this has one more to do with bad text placement. 8-12 is supposed to be the time not the age range. But yes, it’s pretty disturbing.

20. That doesn’t look like 5 bananas.

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In fact, there seems to be 6 bananas. Apparently, this children’s book illustrator couldn’t count.

21. Pool open for 9 days a week from 10 to 9:30.

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Actually, it just repeats Friday and Saturday. Still, you’d think anyone would notice it.

22. Is this supposed to be soap or candy?

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It’s supposed to be hand soap. But the label seems to suggest otherwise.

23. I don’t think you’d want to use this stall.

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Since the door’s basically a trapezoid. So it doesn’t provide any adequate privacy.

24. I don’t think your belongings will be safe in these lockers.

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Because they don’t seem to have any locks on them. So better keep your belongings on you in this place.

25. Apparently, Habitat for Humanity provides sniper lessons.

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The van is supposed to say, “Practice your skills.” But given how van doors slide, you can see where the unfortunate message comes in.

26. Seems like the poop emoji recently got a makeover.

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Yes, it’s supposed to be toothpaste. But no matter what the color scheme, a glop with a smiling face is always the poop emoji.

27. Please don’t season the birds.

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Okay, it’s supposed to say don’t feed the birds. But the bird should be facing the other way.

28. Pencil’s got on Nikes but no pants.

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Wonder why he’s not getting arrested for indecent exposure. Then again, he’ll have to sharpen his tip once he gets going.

29. Maybe you should just put “Jazz” not anything fancy in between.

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Yeah, the shirt seems to say, “Jizz Addicts.” Coming soon to a club called The Golden Shower.

30. Didn’t know Paw Patrol was such a dark show. Though it was catered to toddlers.

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Well, the box says, “Paw Concentration Camp.” Like, what the hell? I don’t think 2-year-olds are ready to learn about the Holocaust.

31. Before you erect a pay meter, make sure it’s capable with its environment.

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Since I don’t think solar panels work in parking garages. Still, this place must be a popular place to park.

32. Looks like Ohio State’s not doing so good.

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Okay, this is an alarm clock. But why would they put the time on the scoreboard, I have absolutely no idea. Couldn’t they just put the time on the time clock like they do in every game?

33. Excuse me, ma’am, but I think you might have a severe case of diarrhea.

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Actually, she’s wearing a white dress with brown flowers. But it surely looks like she massively shit herself.

34. On second thought, maybe mirrored ceiling tiles in the bathroom was a bad idea.

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I mean they obviously reflect the toilets in the stalls. Guess someone has no concept of privacy.

35. Jesus Christ, these people are monsters.

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Okay, they actually support Child Abuse Prevention Month. But the last 2 words are in smaller type.

36. So how are you supposed to use the toilet if you can’t reach the toilet paper?

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I mean the toilet paper should be near the toilet. Not near the sink. Yeah, I don’t know how this is supposed to work out.

37. How do you know how much water you have in this bottle.

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I mean it should be at least translucent, not opaque. This doesn’t make any sense.

38. Didn’t know I could find Seven of Nine’s baby picture on a bus.

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You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Still, I didn’t think the Borg would get her this early.

39. Do you squirt?

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It’s supposed to stand for Silent Quiet Un-Interrupted Reading Time. However, “squirt” also has a rather different connotation in the bathroom.

40. I don’t think whoever designed this knows how.

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The words are divided into columns. Yet, given how we read, you can see how it doesn’t make sense.

41. Aaris is home to the Eiffel Tower.

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Okay, it’s supposed to say Paris. But somehow, someone had the brilliant idea to put the Eiffel Tower on the P instead of the A.

42. These activewear Speedo pants will show off your, uh….big dick energy.

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Actually that’s supposed to be a leg, not a penis. But looking at them from this angle makes you think otherwise.

43. You can now watch movies from the comfort of your home or car.

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The scaling on this is incredibly bad. Also, you can’t put a couch in your car.

44. Want to take some mulled spice bleach?

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Okay, it’s probably not bleach, but mouthwash. Still, despite its cinnamon flavor, I wouldn’t want to put that in my mouth.

45. Care for a Tex Cock Mextail?

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It’s supposed to say “Tex Mex Cock Tails.” But given how we read, it doesn’t come out right.

46. I’d have to get a ladder to plug something in.

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I don’t see anyone using this electrical outlet anytime soon. Since it’s in a very inconvenient location.

47. No, “stressed” spelled backwards isn’t “desserts.”

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It’s actually “desserts.” But apparently, this person didn’t get the memo.

48. You don’t want to drink that. Seriously.

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Because it’s radiator coolant. Why they thought it would be fine in a tall pop can container, I absolutely have no idea.

49. So how do you use this keypad?

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Look, I understand what most of these buttons are supposed to do. But the commands on the right don’t match the colors and symbols. So something might mess you up.

50. I don’t think you should wear these flamingo pants.

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No, it has nothing to do with whether they might make one’s but look big or fat. But the flamingos just don’t make your crotch look good.

51. Make your home great again with some white power accessories.

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I understand white is to signify color. But “white power” is also a white supremacist chant. Doesn’t look good.

52. Is that where the speakers are supposed to be?

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I don’t think speakers are supposed to go near the pedal and brakes. Seriously, why?

53. Soul-Feel – to remember that perfect voyeur moment.

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It would be easier just to take a selfie. Why not, I have no idea.

54. Is this supposed to be a dentist’s office or an execution chamber?

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Given how the standing figure appears to be holding a gun at the lying figure’s head, you’d think the latter. Still, it’s pretty crazy.

55. Seems like this upcoming basketball game’s going to be a real snoozer.

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Better not watch this one. Will probably slog on for hours. Also, this announcement is from New Zealand.

56. Warning: incoming dancer coming down the stairs.

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Yeah, you don’t want to be near someone silly walking. This is especially the case at the stairwell.

57. Seems like I found Hannibal Lecter’s favorite restaurant.

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Best thank Jessica’s family for offering their bodies to nourish all the cannibalistic customers. Once again, word placement is the key.

58. In this year’s Christmas Bazaar and Craft Show, we’re fighting children with diabetes.

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It should be “Fight Childhood Diabetes” fundraiser. Otherwise, it means that you’re beating the crap out of diabetic kids.

59. This urinal placement’s bound to create some awkward moments.

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Because I don’t think guys want to pee that close to each other. Seriously, they don’t even design stalls so close together.

60. Don’t bother parking in this driveway.

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Since it has power lines running down. So what’s the point having a driveway right there?

61. Don’t let your kids go down this playground slide.

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For this slide doesn’t have any side rails. Also kind of resembles a very long tongue.

62. Apparently, whoever came up with this toenail file wasn’t consulted on product names.

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Pedi File? Seriously, I understand what they’re trying to get at. But the name too closely resembles a term they use for a child molester.

63. He should remember not to dive in the shallow end.

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Apparently, this giant is seconds away from being paralyzed. Probably not the smartest tool in the shed.

64. Wonder what kind of prick would pay for this pool.

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Hope whoever owns this one doesn’t have any kids. Because I’m not sure if they’d have the balls to explain the shape to them.

65. I don’t think bathroom carpeting is a bright idea.

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Considering that you’re bound to drip water quite often, you’re better off with tile. Seriously, why?

66. Well, I guess I’ll lose then.

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After all, if you can’t win at Tic Tac Toe, you can keep the other person from winning. So I’ll call it a draw.

67. I just want to listen to the radio not shift gears.

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A gear shift shouldn’t be a knob. Seriously, it just confuses people.

68. I don’t think the stairs can make it to this bedroom.

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Seems like you have to make quite a step to get inside. Best you don’t sleepwalk. Parkour fans only.

69. Shouldn’t you not go under that ramp anyway?

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From Bored Panda: “The Rails Should Prevent People From Hitting Their Head, But Instead They Trip Over Them. So Now, Traffic Cones.”

70. There, that should keep intruders away.

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Apparently, someone didn’t get the memo on how anyone can just go around the gate. So it’s basically worthless.

71. How not to design a handicap parking spot.

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Not sure how the wheelchair can get around the bumper and onto the ramp. Disabled access shouldn’t be this difficult.

72. When it comes to signs, spacing is important.

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The letters are so close together that you can’t tell what it’s supposed to say. Other than it’s a bookshop.

73. So where is this vent supposed to go to?

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Apparently, it’s screwed on a tile wall. So it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.

74. So how do I get this thing out of the packaging?

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Seems like these things can help you open stuff. But then they come encased in plastic impossible to rip open.

75. So how do I use this keypad if I want to warm up something?

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Because the keypad on this microwave doesn’t have any numbers on it. Just pictures and that won’t help me or anyone else.

76. 50 lanes? Let’s merge them into 4.

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Man, if you have to deal with traffic on your commute. Be happy you don’t drive on this road.

77. Apparently, I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a wheelchair.

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Does this person have a large butt? Just jumping on a bouncy ball? What else?

78. If only there was an easier way to see who’s outside the door.

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For God’s sake, there’s a window right there. Seriously, you don’t need a peep hole. The window’s good enough.

79. I think I’ll use the garden hose instead.

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Since the fire extinguisher more or less resembles a flame thrower. Not a great indicator in the least.

80. Perhaps you’d want a couch like this in your house.

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Oh my God, this is just incredibly ugly. Also, some of the upholstery may not be suitable for children.

81. When you have to take a shit at a public lecture.

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“Hello, everyone, I’m here with you today to discuss our sales figures. But first, I have go to the John. I apologize if you have to watch me drop my pants.”

82. Remember that nothing is impossible.

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Except you can’t see the first 2 letters. So you might find this rug rather pessimistic.

83. I don’t think this sends a great message to kids.

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Actually, it’s an anti-smoking PSA. But given that it’s on a school bus, it seems like an ad encouraging kids to drop out of school. Still, kids, don’t quit school. It never ends well.

84. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the dumbest couple around.

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Uh, I think the woman’s well past the first trimester since she’s obviously showing. Seriously, she doesn’t really need a pregnancy test by now.

85. Get ready for the Dublin Staff relay.

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Since when do men wear a tie on their wrists? Because I’ve never seen guys doing any such thing.

86. If you don’t know the language and can’t get a translator. But you need to open right away.

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That doesn’t seem like this business will do well. Wonder what’s going on with the translator.

87. Hope you don’t do your business at the beach.

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It’s supposed to say “suit yourself.” But sometimes the typeface doesn’t do the phrase justice.

88. So what will you have for the wedding: chicken, beef, kids?

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They should put the kids under the guest line. Not next to the menu. Bunch of sickos.

89. The slide goes 3 ways.

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I don’t think a kid may want to slide down on that. Where they’ll land, no one knows.

90. Do you really need an iWatch that big?

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This seems more suited for people that are about the size of as skyscraper. Maybe Godzilla or King Kong.

91. Lounge in your pool with this air mattress from Always.

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In case it’s your time of the month, this float is extra absorbent. Seriously, why would anyone want to design a pool float that looks like a maxi pad? It’s just ridiculous.

92. How about joining the Cool Jizz Association?

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Oh, it’s supposed to be the Cool Jazz Association. Still, I heard they’re streaming on Netflix. Bet you’re already bursting since holding it in. Since urine luck.

93. No, I wouldn’t know what accident to do.

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This is supposed to convey “If you were in a car accident, what would you do?” But the font and size doesn’t seem to do justice.

94. Unfortunately, the memories don’t seem to last forever on this time.

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Since the word, “memories” is faded. Because it doesn’t have the same color as the other words on here.

95. Welcome to the 9/11 Superstore.

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This isn’t just an Indian Seven Eleven knock off convenience store. But also desecrates one of the worst days in American history like the terrorist attacks at the World Trade Center.

96. Here is a touching tribute to JFK at this Memorial. Oh, wait.

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For God’s sake, the guy was shot in the head during a motorcade in Dallas. While the corner is right near it. That can’t be good.

97. Music connects people.

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Unfortunately, these silhouette couple realized the world won’t let them be together. So they decided to hang themselves on 2 eighth notes. So tragic.

98. Apparently, this school administration knows nothing about current pop culture trends.

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For one, The Hunger Games is a trilogy. Secondly, it’s about teenagers who are forced to fight to the death by a repressive dystopic government. Apparently, the odds aren’t in their favor.

99. Feel free to hunt kiddies here with a shotgun.

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Actually don’t. Since the sign wants people to drive slower since kids are around. Also, hunting is usually reserved for certain times of the year. But you can understand the misinterpretation.

100. Feel free to take suggestions that we’ll normally toss away anyway.

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Because at this place, you’re opinion doesn’t really matter. So you better get used to it.

The World According to Stock Photography (Second Edition)

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A year ago before I went to Minnesota to attend my cousin’s wedding, I did a post on ridiculous stock photography. So I decided do another for 2019. After all, given how President Cheetofascist is supremely racist, ICE is rounding up undocumented immigrants, Central American refugees, Jeffrey Epstein’s arrest, and all the crazy stuff coming from a dumpster fire known as the Trump administration, I kind of figured we need something to laugh at. Other than the so-called invasion at Area 51 no less. Anyway, you might see stock photos all around you all the time whether for public or commercial use. Often these usually pertain to cheap business ads, spur-of-the moment PSAs, and low-budget greeting cards. While many of these like the image of an old guy on the computer with a fake smile hiding distress on his face, have become memes. Remember the one with the distracted boyfriend? Well, that’s a stock photo. Nonetheless, I can go on raving about the best stock photos in recent time. But I won’t since you’ve probably seen them anyway. Instead, I’ll show you another assortment of the worst and most ridiculous ones you wouldn’t want on your craft beer website. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy stock photos.

 

  1. When you eat out and there are no cutlery options available.
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Apparently, judging by his hands, he just ordered dessert. I suspect it’s cheesecake.

2. Playing naked balloon fort has deep roots in the 18th century.

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Okay, that wasn’t a thing. Since they didn’t have mass rubber production at the time. But given that she’s naked, in a balloon fort, and has a hairstyle akin to Marie Antoinette, I couldn’t resist.

3. Unfortunately, Del Monte phone service was utterly worthless.

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Either that or he’s drunk arguing on a banana phone at the office. Then again, he just might be plain nuts.

4. On his off hours, a US Army IT guy shoots his rounds.

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But instead of using his gun, he uses his keyboard. Results in less lethal accidents that way.

5. Apparently, sex doll porn is a thing.

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I really don’t want to know what’s going on in this guy’s sex life. But at least he’s not hurting anyone.

6. Sandy’s new dress was full of baloney.

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And apparently, she wears these lunch meat slices as a dress. Or is that really salami?

7. The Christmas party was so crazy that even Dog Santa was wasted.

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Even funnier how this dog’s wearing a Santa suit and sunglasses. Man, I really don’t want to be around when it wakes up with a doggie hangover.

8. How not to bond with your kitten.

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Just because cat moms lick their young, doesn’t mean you should lick your feline fur baby. Since it’ll just think you’re insane.

9. Unfortunately, the Olive Garden had to reject Betty Spaghetti as its mascot.

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What? You don’t remember Betty Spaghetti? I mean at one point, she used to be on almost all their posters.

10. During the Great Depression, Big Bird’s dad would support himself through babysitting.

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Unlike his famous son of Sesame Street fame, the children weren’t very fond of him. In fact, he gave them nightmares.

11. Remember Distracted Boyfriend? Here’s Distracted Boyfriend on Escalator.

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Unlike the more familiar version, this one has the parties go in different directions. Also, it’s going on behind the girlfriend’s back.

12. When the only jean size available is XXXXL.

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I mean the jeans obviously go all the way up to the guy’s shoulders. Yet, he’s trying to make the best of it.

13. For God’s sake Lindsey, spaghetti isn’t finger food.

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You should’ve known that since your toddler years. Seriously, waving your spaghetti and meatballs in the air just makes a mess.

14. Hundreds of miles from civilization and this old man can still use a laptop.

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Still, I’m kind of skeptical how he can get a wi-fi signal that far. Besides, he’s old and not wearing a shirt.

15. Isn’t she way too big for that tricycle?

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I’d say so since she can lift it up by the handlebars. Also, she’s pregnant and dressed like she’s from the trailer park in Whoville.

16. When you’ve been riding the same tricycle everywhere since you were five.

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That guy really needs a car. Or at least live near a bus station. Seriously, he’s way too big for it and is wearing a business suit like he works in an office.

17. I don’t think fans will be happy with the next Predator movie.

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Apparently, they had a lot of budget cuts. So instead of CGI, the Predator will be played by some bald guy with dreadlocks.

18. Elephants always enjoy the great outdoors.

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The two calves are riding their bikes while their mom rides a scooter. Though they’d definitely crush these things in real life.

19. If you’re horny and you know it, blow your horn.

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Apparently, this guy blows for sex. Not sure if he’ll get any with that routine.

20. Even evil witches have their girl friends, too.

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But if Lexie dare steal Grimilda’s man, she’ll drop a house on her. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

21. Tragically, the peanut tight rope has become a very dangerous act.

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As you can see by how many cracked after a fall. Rest in Reese’s Pieces.

22. Duchess look behind you!

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Seems like dogs engage in murder and mayhem, too. As you can see by the one dog raising its paw with a knife.

23. She makes balancing a loaf of bread on her head look easy.

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And yet, she seems perfectly secure in herself. Though I have no idea how she can keep bread that large on her head. Photoshop?

24. “Is she dead? Or is she just sleeping?”

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Teacher appears like she’s trying to wake up a student sleeping in class. And she doesn’t want anyone to see her.

25. When your dog groomer plays Minecraft.

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Yes, the poodle’s all trimmed in blocks. And yes, it’ll look pretty ridiculous for awhile.

26. Before she became the sweet woman from accounting, Karen was once a badass soldier in the Army.

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Those look like two different women. Also, I don’t think women in the military dress like that.

27. “Kibble shares are doing great around this quarter.”

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Here a business dog is at work on his laptop. And it’s almost time for him to leave and go for his walk.

28. “Mr. Gigantis, I think you might’ve had an allergic reaction.”

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I’d hate to be there when that giant sneezes. Cause someone’s going to get covered in snot.

29. Nothing beats doing business on the beach.

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Since that tidal wave will basically destroy the computer within a second or two. There’s a reason why people don’t have beach offices.

30. In business, you have to see all the possibilities.

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That doesn’t mean you should do your business on a cliff. Since that’s incredibly dangerous.

31. Saint Nicholas receives a devastating call.

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“You mean the Dutch don black face to imitate my six to eight black men? Oh, the humanity!”

32. “Get that infernal egg away from me!”

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“Can’t even look how you poach, scramble, and have it over easy. It’s horrible! Stop it! Stop it!”

33. “I believe I can fly…”

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Though Kyle basically works on his laptop on Greg. Poor Greg. He’s going to have chronic back problems later in life.

34. This holy sister has a message for the red man downstairs.

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Oh, Sister Angelica, how could you flip two birds? So undignified for a nun like you.

35. “Want to see my business card?”

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Sorry, but if a guy’s dressed up like the Dude from The Big Lebowski, I’d rather not. For all I know, he could be promoting something shady.

36. There’s nothing like the joys of doing laundry.

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Here Lily sits in front of the washing machine, contemplating the emptiness of her own existence. While holding a pink balloon, no less.

37. Presenting the new Harold & Maude remake.

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Man, they really stretched the age gap from the original. How old is that boy supposed to be? Please let it be 18.

38. This disabled dwarf managed to snag a lady at a punk rock concert.

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What do you know, they have matching mohawks. Yet, the guy has her on a leash. Guess it’s a kink.

39. Though Walter managed to retain his 6-pack, he wasn’t put on right.

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I mean he’s got his butt on his front, no less. Wonder how he has sex and goes to the bathroom. On second thought, I really don’t want to know.

40. Cousin It’s daughter doesn’t have an active social life.

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She also finds it difficult to eat and drink. Mainly with all that hair around her face.

41. Beware of the 3-eyed cat.

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Okay, that’s really weird and kind of creepy. Since the third eye looks remarkably similar to the others.

42. Ever tried licking a cactus?

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Please don’t do this. Since your tongue will hurt like hell for cacti have needles to keep critters from eating their skin.

43. Meet Mike, the Cyber Internet Hacking Thief.

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He’s more machine now than man. Given that most of his body consists of robotic limbs.

44. Think you have to remove the bones and scales first.

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Don’t think that eating a fish straight out of the stream is a good idea. Might hurt your mouth. But, hey, a bet’s a bet.

45. Apparently, the sexy Ser Brienne of Tarth costume was not a success.

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Though I hear it’s been used in the Game of Thrones porn therapy and as a stripper costume. Still, Brienne deserves better.

46. Got a weird sexual fetish? These women got you covered.

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From Bored Panda: “What We Need Is A Picture Of A Blindfolded Woman In Lingerie Holding A Pomegranate With A Octopus On It. Oh And Could You Set Up A Mirror In The Corner Showing Another Woman Sulking? Perfect. Thanks.”

47. “I’ll have your neck for this, Hansen!”

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Let’s just say, the boss meant that literally as he literally grabbed Hansen by then neck. And apparently Hansen’s neck is abnormally large neck.

48. She expects to be the ultimate soccer mom.

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Since she’s carrying a future soccer player in her belly right now as seen how her abdomen resembles a soccer ball. Of course, that could just be all air.

49. Ronnie just wanted to seek some comfort from the Scriptures before ending it all.

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But he can’t decide whether to kill himself by hanging or poison injection. He’d really want it to be quick but is scared of needles.

50. You should know better than to mess with a pineapple businessman.

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He’s all about the Benjamins and he’ll stop at nothing to be the top fruit in the finance world. Though he’s bound to rot from the head.

51. “What’s in the Box?”

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Apparently, it’s Becky’s little head and she’s tearfully screaming. But at least whoever packed it in used bubble wrap and handled it with the utmost delicacy.

52. “We are trying to find the answer to the age old question on why the chicken crossed the road.”

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They didn’t find it. But the scientists managed to get a half dozen eggs out of their lab observations.

53. “I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere…”

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Yes, the guy yearns to go to another place with his hat and suitcase at his side. While jets fly high in the sky like they’re war planes.

54. When your mother’s an Olympic swimmer and your father is the Incredible Hulk.

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While Suzie Banner was in many ways a normal child. Her dad Bruce’s condition with gamma ray radiation resulted in her having a congenital mutation of Hulk hands.

55. “Stop right there! Your pizza or your life!”

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“But I just ordered this delicious pepperoni! Oh, God, please just let me enjoy just one little slice! I’m basically pissing my pants over this!”

56. Didn’t know Bigfoot had a more civilized side to him.

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Okay, he’s actually answering a call on his smart phone. He’s telling his friend how he’s adjusted to human civilization and asking how things are in the woods.

57. She’s got so many reminders that she doesn’t know where to put them.

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So she’s all covered in Post-It notes. If you’re married to her, give this woman some kind of organizer or a bulletin board.

58. A businessman can’t ask for anything more than being in a wheatfield with balloons and a briefcase.

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Someone must be on drugs. Seriously, who frolics in a wheatfield wearing a business suit?

59. Apparently, Japanese nurses are known to entertain hospital patients with conch shell performances.

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Patient is like, “I have to stay up with my food poisoning for this? Can’t I do anything to get this lady to stop?”

60. Don’t worry, Nurse Liloki will take good care of you.

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So she’s marching on the patient’s room with a baseball bat and glove. In case intruders come inside.

61. “Let’s try something a little more adventurous.”

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I think this is taking things a bit too far. I mean making love on a log over a waterfall can result in grievous injury.

62. “Born to be wild..”

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Looks like we have a true mountain lion on his mountain bike. And he’s having the time of his life.

63. When you spend so much on the phone that you don’t take time to listen to your wife.

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Here the wife’s wielding the frying pan while her husband is on the phone. Would love to see them in couples counseling.

64. “But Mrs. Fletcherson, I don’t want to play the recorder.”

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“Listen, Mister, we play recorders in music class and you’re gonna learn to it. Even if I have to drag your ass myself.”

65. Mr. July on the Gas Mask Hunks 2050 calendar.

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The kind of man you’d want in your post-apocalyptic bunker once our human civilization is ravaged by catastrophic climate change. Named as one of the year’s most sexiest men. Given that his body shows no signs of radiation damage.

66. David is a very special boy.

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Since while most people’s waists can only twist at 180 degrees, his turns 360. Yes, I know it looks freaky.

67. A child comes to terms with the harrowing reality that this is what it’ll be like until she retires.

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Go ahead and cry, little girl. Adult life sucks. Also, you’ll be crying in your office a lot more often from now on.

68. Sometimes giving last respects can be very awkward.

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I think we found the murderer. And they used the wrong casket, too.

69. It’s tough being a test dummy and in love.

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“If we make it through this crash, Stanley, let’s run away together. We can get married in Vegas. Nobody will want to condemn us to car testing there.”

70. Tragically, even the North Pole wasn’t exempt from the drug crisis.

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Given global warming, Donald Trump raging on Twitter over being on the naughty list, and other problems, could you blame Santa for shooting up heroin and snorting coke? Nonetheless, such image can ruin your childhood.

71. “Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers everywhere!”

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This woman his haunted by cheeseburgers. Best she stay out of a Burger King, MacDonald’s, In&Out Burger, and other places.

72. Featuring the latest thing in food technology: white bread.

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She kind of presents white bread as if it’s the new iPhone or something. Nice try, but she looks ridiculous. Since white bread has been around for decades.

73. Ladies can’t get enough of a manly canine lumberjack.

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By day you can see him cutting down trees as well as peeing on them. Also enjoys long walks in the park and catch. Not to mention, he’s house-trained and got all his shots.

74. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.

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Seems like she’s getting a massage from a boxing glove. I know it seems straight out of an acid trip.

75. Ahhh…cactus.

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The boy’s smelling a cactus. Hope he doesn’t get a nose full of needles.

76. A one-eyed accountant flashes “East Side” while listening to an abacus.

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How do you listen to an abacus? Because as far as I know, you don’t.

77. In partnership with Lowe’s introducing the Victoria’s Secret Catalog: Handy Girl Edition.

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She can fix up your house and be a man’s bedroom fantasy at the same time. Though I don’t think wearing a skimpy outfit is a good idea, given the potential for injury.

78. “Honey, I can explain…”

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Sorry, Barry, but Jennifer knows you won’t leave your wife for her. So prepare to be bludgeoned to death by rolling pin.

79. “Ice, ice, baby…”

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Yes, we cling to anything to cool us down during the summer. But embracing a large block of it is a bit much.

80. Don’t mind Larry, he’s just taking a bath.

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However, most people don’t usually bathe in their scuba gear. Since most tubs aren’t as deep as the ocean.

81. Gone on a trip to an exotic Latin American country? Party in your car and pick up hitchhikers.

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Actually picking up hitchhikers is a very bad idea. Also, standing up in the jeep isn’t wise either. Not to mention, I don’t think that car’s supposed to fit 7 or more people.

82. Oh, God, Santa’s been a naughty boy this year.

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I’m sure Mrs. Claus won’t be happy when she finds out about this. Someone’s going to get coal in his stocking this Christmas as well as sleeping on the couch.

83. Jessie always feared the times when her daddy’s drunk.

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Why is this a stock photo? It basically shows a girl afraid of seeing her dad with a bottle in one hand and a belt in the other. I think we can figure out what he’s going to do.

84. “Yo, yo, what time is it? Show time!”

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“Uh, Holly, that’s not how we do a rap battle. You’re making us look like idiots. Can we just leave right now?”

85. “Put your hand on my womb, Jamie.”

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Please, have this boy be her son and not her baby’s daddy. Because that boy is basically a teenager and any sexual relationship between a teen and adult is grounds for statutory rape.

86. “Our love literally defies gravity.”

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I mean they’re jumping for joy yet their feet don’t touch the ground. This doesn’t conform to the laws of physics in the least.

87. “There’s a bear behind us? Let’s take a selfie.”

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After this, Gary and Linda were never seen again. Or at least in one piece since the bear basically devoured them.

88. Simba rules the corporate boardroom.

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Actually it’s a guy with a photoshopped lion’s mane. But Scar better watch his back since Simba will claim his rightful place as king of the pridelands.

89. “Help! I got myself stuck in the washing machine!”

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How is it possible to get stuck in a washing machine? Fortunately, none of the machines at the laundromat seem to be on at the moment.

90. Fancy a vacation on the moon?

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No, going to the moon isn’t like going to the beach. It has no atmosphere so you need to put a space suit on. Else, you’ll suffer a most horrible death.

91. “Good morning, class, hope you studied hard for today’s examination.”

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Seriously, a teacher in high heels and miniskirt? She seems more suited to a porn “hot for teacher” movie than a school?

92. He’s known simply as “Pencil Boy.”

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Because he has pencils stuck inside his orifices, save his eyes. Don’t be surprised if the teacher calls his mom saying he got beat up at school.

93. This year’s latest fashion trend: Lobster hair.

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Let’s hope the lobster is dead or plastic. Because a live one on that woman’s head simply terrifies me.

94. When you break into someone’s house in the most embarrassing way.

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Or when your scuba diving excursion goes humiliatingly wrong that you end up entering someone’s home through the toilet. Yeah, got to see how he’ll explain himself.

95. When the flight is overbooked but you can’t miss it.

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Yes, she’s sitting out on the wing which is incredibly dangerous. But she manages to sit comfortably in her business dress and work on her laptop.

96. “We’re about to be beset with some minor turbulence.”

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Either the plane is facing some major turbulence, got shot up into space, or she’s got the acid kicking in. I don’t know how else to explain.

97. “I’m Mary Poppins y’all.”

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Yes, the acid’s definitely kicking in. Since traveling by umbrella doesn’t necessarily get you where you need to go.

98. “Let’s celebrate my survival from a plane crash with interpretive dance!”

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Uh, now’s not the time to do an interpretive dance moves. Better to get supplies and send a signal for a rescue.

99. This caged woman dreams of freedom from her gilded prison.

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Many people might see her as Melania Trump in a nutshell. Though Melania’s prison is the position of First Lady of the United States. Despite that all she wanted to be was a trophy wife to a moral degenerate fake billionaire.

100. A teddy bear goes on his winter trek.

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I hope this bear isn’t trying to climb Mount Everest. Since he’s probably going to die after reaching the summit. Then again, the Sherpas won’t have trouble getting him there.

The Anthro World of Furry Costumes (Fourth Edition)

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Just as the 4th of July dies down over the weekend, the Furries descend onto Pittsburgh for their annual Furfest. Now given that it’s summer, you have to wonder how these people can wear these suits that can weigh as much as 70lbs. And unlike the Disney park costumes, I’m not sure if they contain fans. Nonetheless, these anthropomorphic cosplayers have been a source of endless fascination by many. Though some might resemble humanized versions of their animal, some can come in very bright colors. While some have a sort of mix-and-match critter thing going on. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of furry costumes.

  1. A fox should always show off its furs.
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At least I think it’s a fox. Still, their fur has spots on the tail, upper chest, and ears.

2. My, what a handsome pair of horns.

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Though I think they’re far from the savannah. Yet, they have hooves on their hands and feet.

3. Look, out someone’s green with envy.

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This one is green with horns and a white mane. Also, has hooves on their feet. Kind of a mix between a dog and a satyr.

4. Nothing beats spikes, horns, and scales.

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Despite that scales are usually seen on reptiles not mammals. Yet, you don’t want to go near this fantasy dog.

5. Guess this dog works for PennDOT.

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Because they’re wearing a bright orange vest. And it seems to be writing a citation. Wait a minute.

6. Need a paw?

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Someone’s willing to lend a hand. Though their ears are rather long.

7. Seems like you’ve run into a punk hyena.

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This one has red fur on the mane along with some earrings in their ear. Reminds me of a stereotypical drug dealer.

8. Perhaps a skull helmet would suit you.

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Well, this one has a skull helmet with horns on it. But it goes well with the stripes on their body.

9. A fuzzy neck can be absolutely fabulous.

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Yet, I’m not sure the black neck fur goes well with the whole fursuit. But they don’t seem to care.

10. Blue back spikes must always match the fur on top.

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And they seem to be on a beach in a palm tree location. So they must be roasting.

11. Sometimes a bright green stripe is all you need to stand out.

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Well, they have more than one neon green stripe. But they seem quite a climber from what I see in this picture.

12. One dog can have a coat of many colors.

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This one has some rainbow fur on their back. Though they’re sparkling and white up front.

13. We can all use a break now and then.

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This dog has yellow and blue fur. But right now they seem very exhausted. Must be the summer heat.

14. Someone’s getting funky on the dance floor.

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Well, they seem more like prancing than dancing. Still, they must be sweating inside that costume.

15. A shark tail can always make a dog look badass.

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Sure it doesn’t go well with a dog. But neither do clothes or the color blue.

16. Didn’t know a blue dog could have wings.

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Actually bats are the only mammals with wings as far as I know. However, don’t hug them.

17. This bunny just wants to listen to music by themselves.

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At least I think they’re a bunny. Sometimes you can’t tell what animal these furries are supposed to be.

18. Never thought I’d see a green dog before.

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Wonder what this dog would look in front of a green screen. Then again, you might not be able to see them.

19. This dog’s come well dressed.

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Seems like they’re dressed for a job interview. Hopefully, it’s for a pet store.

20. Who says dogs can’t be badass?

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And yes, they’re on a beach. Let’s hope it’s one in New England or Alaska. So they don’t succumb to heatstroke.

21. We all have our bad hair days.

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Or bad fur days in this furry’s case. Nonetheless, this dog has spots and fuzzy paws.

22. Someone’s waiting at the door.

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This leopard is dressed in regular street clothes. Hope they’re not inside an elevator.

23. Sometimes you better put your best tail forward.

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This dog just wants to strike a pose. Yet, they’re doing no favors being in front of a car.

24. Bet you didn’t see a zebra in a hotel before.

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This one has their front legs out on the balcony. Though I don’t think they have the best view.

25. This dog’s pants are totally ripped.

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Yet, I wouldn’t recommend wearing ripped jeans. Especially if they came that way on the rack.

26. Bet you want to hang out with these cool cats.

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On second thought, given the ferociousness of big cats, I’d rather not. They’ll eat me alive.

27. This blue and green dog is eager to meet you.

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They even have a matching bandana around their neck. Yet, their nose and tongue are blue, which should cause some concern.

28. You have to be batty for pink fur.

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You can see their wings. But I’m not sure if I’d run into a bat like them at night.

29. Want to get a load of this cool tiger?

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This one even wears shiny shorts. Then again, I’m not sure what those pants are.

30. You can see this dog from a mile away.

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Has 2 striped legs. One has black stripes. The other has yellow stripes.

31. Some dogs are just lone wolves.

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So it’s best to leave them alone. Since they just want to mind their own business.

32. No one could be as adorable as this black and white cat.

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Yes, they’re sitting in an adorable pose. And yes, they have pink eyes for extra cuteness.

33. Who can resist this eager purple dog?

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Well, a lot of furries don’t dress in natural color animal costumes. Still, they have pink claws and purple tiger stripes.

34. Want to get a high five?

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After all, kids will certainly go crazy over these costumed furries. Best be nice to them.

35. This dog lives for the ice and snow.

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Well, at least they won’t be subject to heatstroke. Nor would they need a coat either.

36. This lion might want a bit of privacy.

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At least according to how he stands. Though you have to admire that purple mane.

37. My, check the horns on this wolf.

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Okay, that’s definitely a fantasy creature. And yes, they have hooves on their feet, too.

38. Hope you don’t get devoured by this colorful tiger.

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This tiger is yellow with blue stripes. Wears a red bandana to round up the primary colors.

39. Bet you’ve never seen a bird this big before.

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Apparently, this bird is quite fuzzy, too. However, I don’t see any feathers though.

40. Never thought I’d see a purple dog like this.

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This one has big paws on their feet with bright blue claws. Wonder how they sit with that costume on.

41. Perhaps you might take a look at this majestic wolf.

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This one’s wearing a ragged dress. Like she’s wandering a dark forest.

42. Even dragons must take a break once in awhile.

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Sure they don’t seem like they’re the kind to burn King’s Landing. But piss them off and you’ll live to regret it.

43. This lynx just wants to say hello.

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In case you don’t know, these fursuits can cost thousands of dollars. This is among the cheaper ones.

44. I don’t want to know what this lion will do to this gingerbread man.

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Relax, the gingerbread man is a prop since it’s a plush. But the pose still makes you worry.

45. Want this doe to give you the time of day?

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Well, this one just constitutes of a deer mask and a dress. Simple as that.

46. Your claws can never be too long.

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Don’t worry, they’re plush like the rest of the costume. This critter just likes showing them off.

47. Care for a trip to the beach?

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Whoever’s wearing this costume must be sweating balls. Might have a tiger-striped fish tail.

48. Perhaps you might like a couple of colorful tails.

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One tail is black and bright blue. The other is rainbow. But both have dog faces.

49. Make sure the scarf matches the fur.

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Yet, they look at the camera like it’s up in their shit. And want you to back off.

50. This beast seems to enjoy a nice gold goblet of wine.

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Guess this chimera likes the finer things in life. Hope it doesn’t rain.

51. Someone is a bit husky.

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Since this one is a husky dog, obviously. But unlike those in Alaska, they don’t pull a sled.

52. You’d call this a hipster bat.

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Since they’re totally out of the mainstream. Their fur is even in neon colors.

53. Just a couple of wolves in each others arms.

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Though their den is way nicer than a lot of wolf dens. Despite it still being messy.

54. Hope you can’t get enough yellow and blue fuzz.

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Since they have yellow and blue fur. Not sure what that animal this is supposed to be.

55. Bright colors always make one stand out.

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This dog is blue and orange. Wears a checked bandana and black rimmed glasses without lenses.

56. Someone’s really playing possum.

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Even in bright blue and white, this furry possum’s quite ugly. Seems more like a neon rat.

57. This gray bunny only wants a hug.

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Seems straight from an anime. Though they’re gray and spotted.

58. Perhaps you’d like a calico fox.

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This one is in red, black, and white. And their back is quite elaborate don’t you think?

59. How about give this lion a hug?

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The lion even has their own collar. Though lions aren’t known for being anywhere domestication material.

60. A colorful bat should spread their wings.

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This one has vibrant green and yellow wings. Even matches with the bat ears.

61. No one could resist this striped cat.

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This one has a couple of horns on top. Also has big anime eyes.

62. A dog much match their bandana.

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This one has purple, pink, and blue fur. And they sit with their paws raised.

63. Get a look at these colorful paws.

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Paw colors are black, purple, green, and blue. Their legs have blue and purple stripes.

64. Green and pink always make a fine combination.

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This one has a green head along with pink and black lower paws. Seems like they’re ready for a speedskating race.

65. Ever heard of a punk panther?

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This one is green with spikes. Has a jacket with plenty of badges.

66. This punk dog prefers to hang around.

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This one has a leather vest, T-shirt, and a red collar. Even has a mohawk style, too.

67. Perhaps you’d flee from this infernal black beast.

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Don’t worry, they’re just a furry. Has horns and hooves.

68. Could you see the bat behind the wings?

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Seems like they’re wrapped in them. Wonder how they could sit down like that.

69. A leg can always use a few stars.

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This one has rainbow stars. Also rainbow fur on the head.

70. This deer is what you’d call a real lumberjack.

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Even carries a real ax along with jeans and a flannel shirt. Underneath, he wears suspenders and a bra.

71. I guess we found a real Playboy Bunny.

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He’s a bunny wearing a suit. Also the photo is black and white like it’s the 1960s and he’s Don Draper.

72. This majestic fox carries quite an impression.

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Mainly because they have antlers and blue in their fur. Also, their tail is quite long.

73. This dog rocks in the black and gold.

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I’m sure it will help them get free drinks in Pittsburgh during Furfest. Though their costume is more white than anything.

74. Apparently, a creature can have 3 eyes.

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The third eye is on top. Is also blue with spots all over their fur.

75. Blue and black make for a nice combination.

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Contains white claws with black ears and paws. Wonder if they have a beaver tail.

76. Perhaps you’d want to hang out with this leopard.

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Seems like they’re getting ready for the holidays. Though you wouldn’t want most cats to be near a tree.

77. This gray cat just wants to say hello.

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They have big eyes to inspire people to cuddle them. Also, has big ears.

78. Get a load on this colorful tiger.

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This one is mostly neon green and orange with yellow stripes. Won’t have much trouble seeing them in the dark.

79. Standing next to the genuine article.

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This snow leopard resembles the picture on the restaurant. Sure, it’s not an exact likeness.

80. Bet you didn’t see a bear like this.

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Almost blends in with the snow. Yet, you wouldn’t want to picnic near them.

I Want You to View These Vintage Wartime Propaganda Posters (Fourth Edition)

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Over the years around the 4th of July, I have done annual posts on propaganda posters. Mostly I use American wartime posters from the early 20th century. Mostly because their artistic quality is way better than those in the 19th century. Nonetheless, their presents appears to loom large since they were once seen everywhere to encourage the war effort. So it’s no surprise that so many became icons of pop culture. However, given that these were made decades ago, you’ll find plenty that haven’t aged well for some reason. Some may be racist. Some may be sexist. Some may depict very backward attitudes. Others may have terrible artwork and weird facial expressions. So for your reading pleasure I give you another assortment of vintage propaganda posters. Enjoy.

  1. Send your trash to the US military for war stuff.
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Well, at least it’s recycling. Though it’s applied to a rather sinister purpose.

2. Want to support the troops? Reduce your food intake.

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After all, soldiers, sailors, and marines need to eat, too. So best you might want to cut back on portion sizes.

3. Defend your country. Or else black guys will ravish your women.

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This is a WWII Italian poster evoking a common racist trope against black guys raping white women to stoke white people’s fears. And you can tell this is targeted toward Americans despite that black people served in multiple allied armies thanks to colonialism.

4. Buy war stamps to keep the Hun out.

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Still, I wonder how he could get through the window without bumping his helmet. Also, the blood on his bayonet might mean he’s out of ammo and is willing to kill again.

5. Are you a lady who can drive? Volunteer as a military driver.

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Still, I’m not sure if wearing a skirt that long is practical for being behind the wheel. Might get tangled. Also, you don’t want to go to the Western Front.

6. Germany is a place of manly strength.

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Nonetheless, compared to the guys you see in superhero movies, this man is kind of scrawny. Also, holding a torch naked doesn’t seem to fly.

7. Hey, sailors, no need to be stingy in the mess hall.

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Because you may not know when you’ll have your next meal. Still, military food doesn’t have a great reputation so make do with what you got.

8. Don’t let the shadow of Nazism touch your kids.

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Then again, it might be too late if you kid’s a neo-Nazi. Still, the swastika hovering over them is menacing.

9. Josef Stalin’s like, “Take that Hitler.”

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Despite the fact that Stalin made the near fatal mistake of trusting Hitler when the war started. Still, this is kind of funny that it’s hard to take it seriously.

10. War dogs are ready for trouble.

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Though you wouldn’t tell it by this dog’s face. Still, apparently, dogs can also be as disillusioned with carnage of war as people.

11. Are you a responsible civilian man? Volunteer as an air raid warden.

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However, like this guy, you’ll feel ridiculous to wear a hat with your business suit. Yeah, he doesn’t seem very happy.

12. Don’t get left behind with VD.

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Because we all know that STD-infected men make bad soldiers. So keep it in your pants for freedom.

13. Let’s hit the Axis leaders square in the ass.

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Since we’re making weapons for victory. So every time you make a bombshell, you’re getting rid of Fascism.

14. Britain has always come from proud generations of fighting for freedom.

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Except, much of the time they were usually the guys who most people were fighting against for freedom. Why do they not have an independence day?

15. Join the US Army for we build men.

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So you can put your lives on the line so you can either die, come home a mangled mess, or spend the rest of your life marred with PTSD. Yeah, not a pleasant experience.

16. Keep on the job and turn D-Day to V-Day.

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Yes, you want to see that Nazi surrender don’t you? Though this guy appears to have the same sullen face like he doesn’t mean it.

17. Servicemen fed courtesy of the Salvation Army.

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So they even serve food for the troops? Thought they just do charity work and raise money during the holiday season.

18. Factories are the big guns on the home front.

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However, I’m sure those smokestacks have horrible emissions. Way to contribute to climate change.

19. Shut off that light so they won’t see us.

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Because you don’t want Germans destroying your house. And let’s just say, that happened a lot in WWII Britain.

20. Our labor and our goods are meant for fighting.

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Still, perhaps you might not want to sew a guy’s pants while he’s working. Cause that’s kind of inconvenient.

21. Want to help with the war effort? Join the school garden army.

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Where you can learn about horticulture by growing veggies for those in uniform. Though I don’t think a skirt is practical for plow work.

22. Don’t forget to give generously to help sustain Russia.

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However, once the war’s over, stop donating money to the Russians. Since they’re our enemies and we’re fighting a nuclear arms race with them.

23. China is the first to fight so support it.

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Until after the war when the factions will resume their ongoing civil war and the Communists take over. Let’s just say things will get worse under Chairman Mao.

24. Behold all the people the Brits have terrorized.

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Well, this Italian WWII poster isn’t wrong since the British have inflicted a lot of death and destruction in the name of imperialism. However, we must understand this was made under Mussolini’s Fascist rule.

25. France is burning. Send help for the Red Cross.

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Since what kind of person wouldn’t want to help this pretty nurse? Still, France will face worse in WWII.

26. Supporting the war effort has always been a tradition for American women.

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They just do different things like sew or drill rivets. Still, after the war, the latter lady will have to give her job to a man.

27. Blood means life for defense so donate today.

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Offer not available for black people. Because the American Red Cross was racist at the time.

28. Soldiers caught in hellscape? Someone must’ve talked.

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Not sure if that’s the case most of the time. Since war’s all no matter what you do within it.

29. Yes, daddy helps build those plans indeed.

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The kids looking up kind of remind me of dolls from a horror movie. Kind of wish the planes shoot them down already.

30. War stamps are full of Vitamin “V.”

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This kid appears like a budding serial killer who’d slit your throat in a dark alley. Avoid him at all times.

31. Canadians, get your teeth into the job.

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Looks like Hitler climbed up the wrong tree. Since the Canadian beaver’s chopping like a storm.

32. Are you a boy under 18? Join the Victory Boys.

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This is an auxiliary unit for teenage boys to support soldiers. Yet, while our troops fight over there, they’re mostly doing care packages on the home front.

33. Produce your limit to stop the Axis Powers.

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This one depicts a monster with Hitler and Hirohito heads and smashing the Statue of Liberty. Yes, that’s Fascism to you.

34. Beware of the monstrous Liberators.

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This is a rather crazy Nazi propaganda poster from WWII. Seems assembled with everything the Nazis hated about the US but comes off as utterly ridiculous that it’s hard to take seriously.

35. Apparently, we got some sort of a traffic jam.

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This one is supposed to encourage people to use less sugar in their jellies. But the jam parade is utterly freaky.

36. In war, it’s best you watch what you say over the phone.

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For all you know, Hitler could be listening in. And you don’t want that, do you?

37. Even the walls have ears during wartime.

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Man, these propaganda posters might make you paranoid after awhile. And yes, you can have Nazis living next door, which is pretty scary.

38. Join a balloon barrage squadron to secure our nation.

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For one, those blimps fell out of favor after the Hindenburg crash. Second, more or less resembles a crazy steampunk cover.

39. Enlist in the Navy to help your country.

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I don’t know about you. But that naval captain seems like he’s tied to a net. Oh, that’s just his outfit.

40. You don’t want to call off work over syphilis do you?

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Yes, STDs are a bitch. So use protection or just keep it in your pants. Else, you lose your pay.

41. Behold, send in the Norwegian Legion.

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This guy seems like he wants to retreat but doesn’t have the confidence to. And now he realizes he’s in deep shit.

42. Wanted: 500,000 men to the Western Front. Your country wants you.

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That bald guy looks cartoonishly freaky, I’d pass on that. Seriously, the guy is the stuff of nightmares. Then again, anyone who refuses will get drafted anyway.

43. Don’t let the imperialist menace take away your babies.

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Yet, another poster from Axis Italy during WWII. Here death comes in Allied form and takes away a crying mom’s baby. Seems more fitting on a horror movie poster.

44. What are you waiting for, Canada?

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Okay, Canada did participate in World War II and many servicemen and women sent there served with distinction. Notable example: James Doohan from Star Trek. Still, that guy’s face is too priceless to take seriously.

45. Buy war savings stamps to save your kid from autocracy and poverty.

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Unfortunately, since we have the Trump Administration in power, your best bet is to vote for a Democrat for 2020. War saving stamps won’t save you today.

46. From the American Revolution to WWII, Americans have always fought for liberty.

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Well, that’s sort of true to an extent. Though Native Americans would beg to differ since we know what happened to them.

47. Be careful: telling a friend may mean telling an enemy.

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Now they’re telling us we can’t trust our friends. That our friends may be Nazis? Oh wait.

48. Ask yourself are you supporting the war effort with all you can?

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Well, that’s a good question with no easy answers. And you can see where it’s all headed to.

49. Put everything you can in this drive and keep on firing.

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Yet, I don’t understand the use of golf metaphors. But keep swinging at Hitler.

50. When do we get Hitler? It’s up to you.

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And the bombers seem to come after him right on schedule. Despite that he’ll shoot himself and his wife in a Berlin bunker in 1945.

51. For a quicker victory, we must do our part.

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Yeah, but we won’t achieve victory until 1945. So that’s 2 years off which will take some large scale invasions and 2 atom bombs.

52. Let beaver and lion join in pursuing victory.

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Yes, this is for Canada during WWII. Apparently, Canada was still part of Great Britain by then as far as this poster is concerned.

53. Pull for victory by helping us crack the world’s biggest nut.

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That’s Hitler by the way. But in the 1940s, he has some stiff competition with Mussolini, Stalin, Franco, and Mao.

54. As long as you keep it under your hat, the soldier will be safe.

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For careless talk costs lives. So don’t trust anyone with state secrets.

55. How will you save a life during Red Cross Week?

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For humanity’s sake, choose civilization over barbarism. Also, stay away from Trumpism since it’s basically an American variation of fascism.

56. Crowing is an easy way to lose the war.

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See the Axis leaders listening in to the rooster. Though you won’t get much intelligence from him. Unless he’s using a special rooster code.

57. Don’t forget to smack Hitler during your afternoon work.

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Sure, these women work part time. But they don’t put up with Nazis.

58. Beware of the snake of Fascism.

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Though given the language it’s in such as Spanish, I’m not sure who we’re supposed to root for. Are we supposed to be for the snake or the naked guy with the hammer?

59. Support your country. Dig for victory.

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But would you trust a small child with a hoe and shovel? Not sure if I would.

60. You can’t win without women at war.

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Indeed, someone has to make the bombs. And the young men need to be on the front lines. So….

61. Buy war savings stamps to share in the victory.

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So the angel has a sword in one hand and an olive branch in the other. So invest in war and relish in the peace.

62. Government training schemes come with paid allowances. So train to win.

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Though they really should use background checks. Since this guy seems to resemble the neighborhood psychokiller.

63. Use your blow torch to make a grilled cheese.

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I’m sure that would work. But you really shouldn’t trust me with a blowtorch.

64. Defending American freedom is everyone’s job.

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Here Uncle Sam puts on a more utilitarian hat so he won’t get his star-spangled top hat dirty. Though he doesn’t seem to be in prime condition.

65. Steel, not bread for the conquered.

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You can see the knife has a swastika on the handle. Though the conquered can also use bread, too.

66. Are you in the British war effort?

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The guys on the top go into the trenches. The others below stay on the home front. Be the folks at the home front.

67. The Patriotic Service League is America’s third line of defense.

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You can tell it’s from World War 1 since it says “Confront Prussia.” Prussia had ceased to exist as a country in the 1870s. It was Germany then.

68. Remember folks, war traffic must come first.

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Because in a time of war, the trains must run on time. Our servicemen’s lives depend on it.

69. Buy war bonds. They’re waiting.

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If you don’t, the kid and the dog dies from a bombing. Just saying.

70. Buy war stamps to keep the planes fighting over the ocean.

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Because we’ll need to a ton of planes to deal with those Japanese Zeroes. Still, the Pacific front is a real shitshow.

71. Your blood can save this soldier.

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Blood donation offers available to white people only. Because 1940s America is under segregation where blacks in the South are effectively disenfranchised.

72. Russian bricklayers are willing to do their part.

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Though this guy seems more likely to drop one on you. Make sure he’s not above you or you’ll live to regret it. If you live at all.

73. Cut down on the carbs and take down the Kaiser.

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Because the troops need food to take down those U-Boats. But WWI will be won in the trenches.

74. During wartime, create make your own victory home.

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So this means getting war work, raise and share food, walk and carry packages, conserve everything, and save 10% in war bonds. Some of this can apply to fighting climate change.

75. The American Junior Red Cross are builders of a new world.

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Though lately, the American Red Cross has been under a lot of scrutiny. Since they haven’t had a great reputation in recent years.

76. Arise women, your country needs you.

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And after you’re done, you might get the vote with the 19th Amendment. But don’t ask for it now.

77. Someone’s absent. Is it you?

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What’s unsettling about this is that John Bull kind of resembles Donald Trump in a top hat and Union Jack vest. Makes me want to puke.

78. Do your part to help your country and make these planes fly.

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Note that if you serve on a bomber plane, you don’t have very good survival odds. So write your last will and testament while you can.

79. Stay away from the red light district.

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Notice how the prostitute’s depicted like a skeleton? That’s because she’s riddled with STDs.

80. Want to help defend America, ladies? Join the SPARS.

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Guess that’s the female auxiliary to the Coast Guard. Yet, they show a woman wielding a shotgun in front of a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail. Bet she lost someone to dysentery.

81. Best keep your mouth shut since spies can be anyone.

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Note Hitler behind. So he has people listening around since he’d like an easy victory.

82. Express your thanks to the Merchant Navy.

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They don’t get appreciated for their work that much. But without them, the troops would have nothing. Still, it would be better to depict sailors than guys in business suits.

83. Join the Marines so we can smack ’em down.

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And yes, they have flyers like the Army and Navy. Make sure he’s not on a bomber or he’s probably history.

84. In France, gold fights for victory.

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And the rooster on the gold coin won’t let the soldier forget it. Also, chickens aren’t cowards since they can rip your freaking face off if you provoke them.

85. Ladies, join the WAVES to make your parents proud.

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Since little Jimmy is too young to serve. While you just want to get as far from your parents as you can.

86. Britain expects national service.

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And here you see Athena with a Union Jack over a military base. Sure won’t protect against German bombings.

87. If you can’t go across, come across by buying bonds.

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However, I pity the ship who gets this seaman. Since he has that killer instinct and probably tortured animals as a child.

88. Don’t let American GIs pistol whip innocent Italian children.

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Yes, this is another Fascist Italian poster. And yes, Americans aren’t depicted in a sympathetic light.

89. Want to be a ship’s officer? Join the Merchant Marines.

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For the guy who wants to do his part but doesn’t want to see combat. Seriously, Mr. Roberts is basically a war movie without battle scenes since merchant marine service is the boring side of war.

90. Beach fronts are only reserved for the Master Race.

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You’d almost think this was a vacation photo of the Malfoys. Except the Malfoys are pale while the dad seems like he’s related to the Trump family.

91. Join the Scottish War Savings Committee for honor’s sake.

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They may bomb our lands. But they’ll never take our Freeeedom! Okay, I have to include at least one reference to Braveheart.

92. You defeated the Germans. Now defeat VD.

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Because there’s gonna be a lot of it. So if you have an STD, keep it in your pants.

93. Apparently, France will be on fire soon if we don’t act now.

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Wonder what war is this for. Judging by the guy’s uniform, it might be straight out of the 19th century. Perhaps the Franco-Prussian War.

94. Slaughter a bunch of Russians, you’ll get an Iron Cross.