And in the future, it seems they’ll always use Rolex. Except that digital technology and smart phones haven’t been good for the watch market these days.

I’m sure your man will always read it for the articles. Though I would suggest you’re better off giving him a tie. Also, I don’t think this woman’s wearing a bra.

Sorry, but if a man gave me a vacuum for Christmas, I would not be happy. Seriously, I hat these things.

Apparently, Jack’s trying to score with Susie at the dinner table. While Eric gets a bottle from behind.

You might think she’s happy and engaging in the holiday cheer. But she’s only putting on a smile to hide her dismay over Roger’s gift. And she’s not exactly in the mood for booze at the moment.

Yet, I don’t think Santa has any good intentions for dancing with Dancer. For he’s eyeing the reindeer like a piece of sweet meat.

The boy’s like, “Wow, just what I need for my death machine I intend to use for torturing the neighbor’s cat. Thanks, Mom and Dad.”

To be fair, Socks are essential for everyday living. Yet, I get the impression that Santa’s giving Bobby socks just to spite him for being a brat.

Still, while Hank was eager to do the Christmas shopping, he didn’t like using bags. But, check out his coat.

Unbeknownst to Mommy and little Johnny, Daddy would never be the same after Korea. Often he’d drink and fly into rages with no apparent reason.

Nonetheless, little Maisie knows that whatever present she gives to her family, nobody will be impressed than the new car Dad bought for the family. But she knows he got it for himself to enhance his ego.

Or else, Santa will come down your chimney and murder you in your sleep. Don’t think that he wouldn’t.

Though I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to take a whole set on a plane. Also, not very keen on the colors.

Well, at least the girl is writing her own. But the boy just wants to play wit his new ray gun while the dad doesn’t really give a shit. But the mom knows she still has to get a gift for him.

Wonder if they have anything else in their pop. Or whether whoever’s here will end up doing more than kissing under the mistletoe like the couple in the back.

Seems like milk and cookies couldn’t satisfy Santa enough. So he had to raid the fridge. Despite that he has plenty of other places to visit that offer the exact same treats.

From Flashbak: “This couple literally seems on the point of tears over the sight of their gift of Christmas nuts. Suffice it to say, this mom and dad are easy to buy for.”

Though he doesn’t seem certain if this shirt would fit him. Or when he’ll use a tie. Then again, Santa may also have a day job for all we know.

Though Bobby doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about seeing Grandma. Maybe because it’s snowy and he’s wearing shorts.

Yet, the boy has his head down as if he’s possessed by some demon. That or he may be thinking about the futility of human existence or the inevitability of death.

Apparently, guys often hung out together without a care in the world back in the olden days. I’m sure they’re just friends. Even the toy soldiers like to check out these briefs.

Apparently, show your love for dad this Christmas by giving him lung cancer if you don’t know what to buy for him. Seriously, that’s what you give your dad when you give him cigars.

Since how does Santa wear a red jumpsuit? Because I don’t get the impression he regularly works out at the gym. Also, doesn’t seem like I’d want to see him there either.

Well, that’s one way. But I don’t think it’ll get past the parents. Seriously, video games are expensive.

Apparently, Colgate products come from Santa’s disembodied hand in the night sky. Didn’t know he cared about oral health.

Santa even has his own military outfit. But still, he promotes a product that kills 1/3 of the world’s population a year.

For nothing says, “Peace on Earth” like a bunch of guns under your Christmas tree. For God’s sake, these are instruments of death and not appropriate for Christmas. Or any other occasion.

Apparently, Santa doesn’t think people around the turn of the century bathed as often as they should. Though given how many chimneys he goes through, he could use a shower.

Seems like this girl’s kind of freaked out by Tinkerbell appearing in front of her eyes. Then again, we’d feel the same way if we were her.

Though this boy thinks the presents are all his, And he’ll fight to the death to make sure no one else gets them.

“I’d like a train set, a Rough Rider BB gun, a chemistry set, a box of knives, and rat poison. Also, I want Cindy’s head on a platter.”

But don’t mess with the Weird Sisters. Or else they’ll curse the living daylights out of you in your nightmares.

To be fair, it is a syrup. Yet, since it’s mostly made out of sugar, its health effects might range from obesity to Type II diabetes.

Apparently, demonic Santa Claus wants you to smoke and die of lung cancer. Or else he’ll break into your house and kill your family.

Great, get your boy a gun for Christmas. He’ll never forget it. Let’s hope he doesn’t accidentally shoot someone in the eye.

“Hey, Christie, join us for a beer at the fire. And once we get drunk enough, we could have a three-way.”

I know it’s supposed to be a massager. But the word “vibrator” has come to mean “sex toy” in recent years.

Yet, why would you take a pen form a disembodied Santa hand? Besides, a pen is a gift you give someone for secret Santa or because you don’t know what to get them.

Looks like a cream cheese snowman sinking in a bowl of cheese and cherries. Kind of disgusting.

Well, this is for New York Central. But it makes Santa seem like a big train enthusiast or a god who can fit massive trains in his bag.

Didn’t know that polar bears liked boozing during the holidays. Hope they don’t run into anything with the sleigh.

I hear it even talks to you and urges you to murder people. But only when you’re really wasted on this stuff.

Booze for Christmas? Still, let’s hope that alcoholism doesn’t run in this family. Though I wouldn’t be surprise if it does.

From Flashbak: ” Supposedly, they stopped putting cocaine in Coca-Cola in 1903; however, this 1962 advert, proclaiming a special ‘zing’ down to your toes, makes me think it was a bit later.”

From Flashbak: “Everything’s so white….is this what Christmas looks like in Heaven?” Let’s hope not since I don’t want to imagine this family dying in a car crash before then.

She’s like, “God, I hope this book doesn’t make me mess up. Since I don’t want this shindig to end up like last year.”

Little girl’s like, “Drink all the happiness you can, Mom. Cause I’m going to kill you in your sleep and serve you for Christmas dinner.”

Santa also looks like he’s had a few too many. Maybe he should go home before his sleigh crashes into a house.

The guy is looking at the woman eating nuts and thinking, “Man, she’s really making an ass out of herself.” While he’s carrying a tray of cocktails.

Something tells me these kids shouldn’t be drinking it. Since they’re in their pjs and their parents are hosting a party downstairs.

From Evolvor: “Nothing says getting ready for Christmas then wrapping presents for the kids. And by wrapping presents I mean, kicking back with some ice cold brews and making the ladies do it. I’m sure a few minutes after this snapshot someone’s ass got slapped. Good work girls.”

From Evolvor: “I’m not sure if the kids these days know what an excuse for “gum” Double Bubble is, but I’m damn sure kids were not getting TOO excited over getting a handful of this shit in their Christmas stocking. The stuff is barely passable on Halloween and is a total fail of a holiday candy. If little Johnny ends up with a lump of ‘Bubble it’s because he was either bad that year and we needed coal to heat the house or Santa (*ahem* Dad) got laid off and this is all he could afford.”

From Evolvor: “There’s nothing wrong with this ad really, I just love the idea of my grandparents getting bent on the holidays. Again clearly the men get to dick-around, most likely talking shit about all the people who sent them Christmas cards. “Look at John’s stupid kids, what an asshat” the one guy is probably saying. Meanwhile the ladies are again doing what they do best.”

From Evolvor: “Many of you know how I strongly I feel about our obsession with cars (and how we use them to give us some sort of social status), and there’s nothing I hate more then seeing luxury auto ads during the holidays. Seriously who the hell gets a NEW CAR for Christmas? I dunno, maybe the day I strike it rich I’ll start buying people cars to make up for something really shitty I did to them in the past. Anywho, the not-so-wholesome past wasn’t any different, and here Santa is either dropping a brand new Lincoln off for some brat or is trading in the reindeer and sleigh for a V12.”

Here she’s holding a small present. Wonder who it’s for and wonder what’s in it. Also, the guy seems to have a different “present” idea in mind. Cue the “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”

After all, lung cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. Even during the holiday season, apparently.

From Evolvor: “Another classic Christmas car ad. This one SCREAMS “sugar daddy”. Nothing says love during the holidays like keys to the car *ahem* I mean heart.”

So Santa ditched his sleigh for a print plane. Hope the reindeer don’t go on strike when he returns to the North Pole.

Okay, that bread looks very disgusting. Yet, Santa munches on his banana nonetheless.

The bottles even have candles. Best to stay away from it if you’re the designated driver.

And yes, this means Dad getting the saddle and giving horsey rides to the kids. I know it’s an undignified moment in fatherhood. But at least it’s cheaper than giving your kids a real pony.

Well, you won’t be so lucky with Lucky Strike. Seriously, smoking will kill you. But he doesn’t care.

Actually I don’t want to put any of these appetizers on toast. Seems like something you’d have on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special.

Of course, Dad had to put the garlands around the archways. Hope he watches his hand or he’ll be causing a bad accident. Especially if Sally’s running with the star. Hardly seems like having peace of mind. Still, I can’t help thinking they’re in the midst of an accident waiting to happen.

Man, Santa seems to appear in a lot of cigarette ads. Despite that smoking kills and gives people lung cancer.

This is from Japan, I think. Still, the guy is a clear mall Santa since the beard looks obviously fake.

Don’t look now, but I think the older sister has a devious look in her eyes. Like she has murder on the mind. Also, the dog’s jumping on her.

Since nothing makes Christmas family fun like endless target practice. Hope Mom doesn’t shoot anyone’s eye out. Or kill anyone.

Here’s an assortment of cosmetics in fine containers sold by a multi-level marketing firm. And I believe she’s lighting a candle or burning incense. Either way, don’t want to have an open flame near a tree.

This woman’s like, “That way when my sugar daddy dies of lung cancer at 53, I’ll get the whole estate. Mwha ha ha ha ha!”