Impressions and Imitations at the House of Wax

The art of wax sculpture has existed longer than we care to know. With roots in European royal funeral practices in the Middle Ages, people have been trying to capture the likenesses of any famous person in a waxwork and place it in a wax museum for the public to see. I know this is an odd tradition but it’s been around since the 1700s from Dr. Philip Curtius’s ‘Moving Wax Works of the Royal Court of England’ that featured 140 life sized wax figures of court notables to Madame Tussaud’s which you can find almost anywhere in the world. Of course, most of these would be life sized, wear real clothes, and sometimes have real hair. Still, there are many normal museums that do use wax figures such as the Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh and others. And some wax museums have a chamber of horrors where some of the most gruesome stuff are displayed such as wax medical models or a surgery conducted during the American Civil War or earlier. Not to mention, there was even a movie called House of Wax in which Vincent Price owns a wax museum before going completely crazy after it burns to the ground. Nevertheless, I can go on and on about the great wax works in these museums but I know you probably wouldn’t want to see that. So instead I’ll show you some of the less impressive wax works that fail to capture the true spirit of the person they’re based on. Thus, for your pleasure here are some wax figures to laugh at to your heart’s content.

1. Harry Potter

He may belong in Griffyndor but he seems more appropriate for Slytherin to me. Seriously, Daniel Radcliffe didn't seem to have a personality disorder when I saw him in the first Harry Potter movie. And I was 11 years old at the time.

He may belong in Griffyndor but he seems more appropriate for Slytherin to me. Seriously, Daniel Radcliffe didn’t seem to have a personality disorder when I saw him in the first Harry Potter movie. And I was 11 years old at the time.

2. Pope Benedict XVI

Well, the former Pope was creepy enough in real life. Seems less like a "Repent and Accept Jesus Christ as Your Savior" than "I've come here to eat your brains." Seriously, I've never seen a pontiff that looked so terrifying.

Well, the former Pope was creepy enough in real life. Seems less like a “Repent and Accept Jesus Christ as Your Savior” than “I’ve come here to eat your brains.” Yes, that’s Benedict XVI as a zombie. Seriously, I’ve never seen a pontiff that looked so terrifying.

3. John Wayne from True Grit

Now I have a passion hatred for John Wayne who's one of my least favorite actors and think he should've never won an Oscar for any of his movies. However, unlike his movie portrayals, this John Wayne actually looks quite intimidating as Rooster Cogburn striking fear in the hearts of fugitives as a spirit back from the dead.

Now I have a passionate hatred for John Wayne who’s one of my least favorite actors and think he should’ve never won an Oscar for any of his movies. However, unlike his movie portrayals, this John Wayne actually looks quite intimidating as Rooster Cogburn striking fear in the hearts of fugitives as a spirit back from the dead.

4. Ronald Reagan

Sure as a liberal I'm not a big fan of Reagan at all. However, even so, I don't think this wax work seems to capture his warm personality that got a lot of idiots to vote for him. Seriously, he seems like he's had a few face lifts and a spray tan.

Sure as a liberal I’m not a big fan of Reagan at all. However, even so, I don’t think this wax work seems to capture his warm personality that got a lot of idiots to vote for him. Seriously, he seems like he’s had a few face lifts and a spray tan.

5. Ray Charles

Well, I sure hope Georgia is not on his mind. I mean that does so not look like Ray Charles and I hope he just hit the road and don't he go back no more, no more, no more, no more. Seriously, he scares me.

Well, I sure hope Georgia is not on his mind. I mean that does so not look like Ray Charles and I hope he just hit the road and don’t he go back no more, no more, no more, no more. Seriously, he scares me.

6. Cameron Diaz

If Cameron Diaz looked like that in real life I'd be very concerned by how she's aging so rapidly or whether she's had some plastic surgery disaster. Seriously, she looks so soulless in this wax incarnation.

If Cameron Diaz looked like that in real life I’d be very concerned by how she’s aging so rapidly or whether she’s had some plastic surgery disaster. Seriously, she looks so soulless in this wax incarnation.

7. Napoleon Bonaparte

I don't know about you but I think he doesn't seem very comfortable sitting in his chair. Seems like he has hemorrhoids. Oh, wait a minute he actually did at Waterloo, really. That's why he couldn't get on his horse and see the battle. Of course, this leads to surrender and exile on Saint Helena.

I don’t know about you but I think he doesn’t seem very comfortable sitting in his chair. Seems like he has hemorrhoids. Oh, wait a minute he actually did at Waterloo, really. That’s why he couldn’t get on his horse and see the battle. Of course, this leads to surrender and exile on Saint Helena.

8. Tom Hanks

This is supposed to be him from Castaway. Looks more like a young Russell Crowe after a drunken bar fight. Seriously, how in the hell can it be Tom Hanks?

This is supposed to be him from Castaway. Looks more like a young Russell Crowe after a drunken bar fight. Seriously, how in the hell can it be Tom Hanks?

9. Don Knotts

Seems like Barney Fife didn't age too well after serving as Sheriff Andy Taylor's deputy. Also, what's with that horrendous outfit?

Seems like Barney Fife didn’t age too well after serving as Sheriff Andy Taylor’s deputy. Also, what’s with that horrendous outfit?

10. Charlie’s Angels

Of course, I had no idea that Cameron Diaz was suffering from demon possession until I see her soulless and terrifying face. Guess she could afford the best exorcist money can buy.

Of course, I had no idea that Cameron Diaz was suffering from demon possession until I see her soulless and terrifying face. Guess she could afford the best exorcist money can buy.

11. Leonardo DiCaprio

Okay, I remember how he managed to capture women's hearts in Titanic. Yet, looking at this waxwork I have no idea what so many teenage girls from the 1990s saw in him. However, he seems like he'd make a great villain in a horror movie.

Okay, I remember how he managed to capture women’s hearts in Titanic. Yet, looking at this waxwork I have no idea what so many teenage girls from the 1990s saw in him. However, he seems like he’d make a great villain in a horror movie.

12. Robert Pattinson

More like Edward Norton after botox injections than anything else. Seriously, if Robert Pattinson looks like that in 10 years then I question his lifestyle choices.

More like Edward Norton after botox injections than anything else. Seriously, if Robert Pattinson looks like that in 10 years then I question his lifestyle choices.

13. John F. Kennedy

As not what your country can do for you--ask this wax museum why the 35th president of the United States looks like he's spent too much time in a tanning salon and why his hair looks so unnatural.

And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you–ask this wax museum why the 35th president of the United States looks like he’s spent too much time in a tanning salon and why his hair looks so unnatural.

14. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

Despite the bed in protest honeymoon, looks like John and Yoko are already experiencing problems in their relationship. Doesn't seem like they're giving peace a chance here.

Despite the bed in protest honeymoon, looks like John and Yoko are already experiencing problems in their relationship. Doesn’t seem like they’re giving peace a chance here. Yoko seems especially angry and giving John the silent treatment.

15. John Lennon

Let's see unnatural hair color and tan. No wonder John is wearing sunglasses here. Hate to see what his eyes look like under there.

Let’s see unnatural hair color and tan. No wonder John is wearing sunglasses here. Hate to see what his eyes look like under there.

16. Princess Diana of Wales

I don't know about you but I think this wax statue makes it seem that Princess Diana was a real stuck up bitch during her lifetime. I mean she has such an ugly scowl on her face as if her secretary won't take her coat off and put it on the mud puddle so she can walk over it without damaging her Prada shoes.

I don’t know about you but I think this wax statue makes it seem that Princess Diana was a real stuck up bitch during her lifetime. I mean she has such an ugly scowl on her face as if her secretary won’t take her coat off and put it on the mud puddle so she can walk over it without damaging her Prada shoes.

17. Pope John Paul II

Seems like the Roman sunshine doesn't do any wonders for the already leathery skin on this Polish pontiff. Also, he kind of seems pretty terrifying to me.

Seems like the Roman sunshine doesn’t do any wonders for the already leathery skin on this Polish pontiff. Also, he kind of seems pretty terrifying to me.

18. Eddie “the Eagle” Edwards

Or as I call it, "a really bad rendition of Walter White from Breaking Bad or as if Martin Mull had played him in the 1980s." I don't know who the hell this guy is but whoever he is, he sure seems creepy.

Or as I call it, “a really bad rendition of Walter White from Breaking Bad or as if Martin Mull had played him in the 1980s.” I don’t know who the hell this guy is but whoever he is, he sure seems creepy.

19. Ian Botham

Man, David Bowie looks very atrocious in that ascot and V-neck sweater with a shirt collar sticking out. Also seems to be aging really badly and I really think he should lose the mustache. Seriously, his years after Labyrinth haven't been very good for him.

Man, David Bowie looks very atrocious in that ascot and V-neck sweater with a shirt collar sticking out. Also seems to be aging really badly and I really think he should lose the mustache. Seriously, his years after Labyrinth haven’t been very good for him.

20. Noel Edmonds

Guess this is an idea of what Mark Ruffalo will soon look like give or take 20 or 30 years. Yeah, doesn't seem to have any prospects of aging gracefully according to this wax work.

Guess this is an idea of what Mark Ruffalo will soon look like give or take 20 or 30 years. Yeah, doesn’t seem to have any prospects of aging gracefully according to this wax work.

21. Elvis Presley

Perhaps this is what happens to you after you've spent too much time taking drugs, lounging in the Las Vegas sunshine, and eating too many peanut butter and banana sandwiches. No wonder this guy was found dead in his bathroom.

Perhaps this is what happens to you after you’ve spent too much time taking drugs, lounging in the Las Vegas sunshine, and eating too many peanut butter and banana sandwiches. No wonder this guy was found dead in his bathroom.

22. Jedward

Or as I call it, Whoville's version of One Direction. Yeah, I wouldn't mind the Grinch robbing them of their presents around Christmastime for these guys are just plain creepy and probably a real pain in the ass.

Or as I call it, Whoville’s version of One Direction. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind the Grinch robbing them of their presents around Christmastime for these guys are just plain creepy and probably a real pain in the ass.

23. Benito Mussolini

Hey, I didn't know that US Speaker of the House John Boehner was a huge fan of Il Duce. Sure doesn't look too happy as usual but perhaps he might need to explain the Italian Fascist uniform.

Hey, I didn’t know that US Speaker of the House John Boehner was a huge fan of Il Duce. Sure doesn’t look too happy as usual but perhaps he might need to explain the Italian Fascist uniform.

24. David Hasselhoff

Man, he must've spent way too much time being a lifeguard on Baywatch. Seriously, he bears a closer resemblance to Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy than anyone else in this due to skin color alone.

Man, he must’ve spent way too much time being a lifeguard on Baywatch. Seriously, he bears a closer resemblance to Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy than anyone else in this due to skin color alone.

25. Donald Trump

Now this seems to resemble comedian Louis Anderson after losing a lot of weight than Donald Trump. Nevertheless, this does retain Trump's iconically bad hairstyle which seems quite tame in this.

Now this seems to resemble comedian Louis Anderson after losing a lot of weight than Donald Trump. Nevertheless, this does retain Trump’s iconically bad hairstyle which seems quite tame in this. Still, I really hate Donald Trump just for being an obnoxious jerk and having an enormous ego. You can see why he’s been through 3 wives who only wanted him for his money.

26. Jimmy Carter

And I thought the Reagan and Kennedy wax figures were bad. This one seems to bear no resemblance to the former president who is now in his 90s and looks a hell of a lot better than this idiot who seems to have a few brain cells missing.

And I thought the Reagan and Kennedy wax figures were bad. This one seems to bear no resemblance to the former president who is now in his 90s and looks a hell of a lot better than this idiot who seems to have a few brain cells missing.

27. Tom Cruise

I can imagine a little kid look up at this in its museum and say, "Mommy, why is Steve Jobs flying and not holding an Ipod and why is he so small?"

I can imagine a little kid looking up at this in its museum and say, “Mommy, why is Steve Jobs flying and not holding an Ipod? And why is he short?”

28. Daley Thompson

Probably an obscure Sacha Baron Cohen character who offended the people of India so much that he couldn't do a movie around him or use him on Da Ali G Show.

Probably an obscure Sacha Baron Cohen character who offended the people of India so much that he couldn’t do a movie around him or use him on Da Ali G Show.

29. Michael Barrymore

For God's sake, what's the hell with this guy's humongous head? Seriously, I've never seen anyone with a forehead that high. Not to mention, that smile is terrifying.

For God’s sake, what’s the hell with this guy’s humongous head? Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone with a forehead that high. Not to mention, that smile is terrifying.

30. Gazza

Hey, I didn't know they had a wax rendition of Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. They even nailed his plastic surgery disaster, well, somewhat.

Hey, I didn’t know they had a wax rendition of Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. They even nailed his plastic surgery disaster, well, somewhat.

31. Seinfeld

By looking at these terrifying waxworks of Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer, I dread seeing the one depicting George Costanza. That one must be the most horrifying of them all.

By looking at these terrifying waxworks of Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer, I dread seeing the one depicting George Costanza. That one must be the most horrifying of them all.

32. Sean Connery

Seems like Miami and LA don't really help Sean Connery's skin too much do they? Of course, he'd claim, "That's not what your mother said."

Seems like Miami and LA don’t really help Sean Connery’s skin too much do they? Of course, he’d claim, “That’s not what your mother said.” Also that tuxedo is hideous.

33. Cliff Richard

Looks like Bill Clinton's Attorney General Janet Reno on a bad hair day to me. Seriously, there's no way that's a man for what I see.

Looks like Bill Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno on a bad hair day to me. Seriously, there’s no way that’s a man for what I see.

34. Prince William, Duke of Cambridge

Seems like it's Prince William as if he's a lame but very aristocratic vampire who wants to say "Cherrio, old chum," before he proceeds to suck the life out of you.

Seems like it’s Prince William as if he’s a lame but very aristocratic vampire who wants to say “Cherrio, old chum,” before he proceeds to suck the life out of you.

35. Adolf Hitler

Seems like Der Furher doesn't really like spending his weekends on the beach doesn't he. Guess he kept forgetting to put on his sunblock and kept getting his face burned.

Seems like Der Furher doesn’t really like spending his weekends on the beach doesn’t he. Guess he kept forgetting to put on his sunblock and kept getting his face burned.

36. Titanic

This waxwork makes the movie's iconic scene less romantic and much more terrifying. Seriously, Leonardo DiCaprio seems to resemble a psychokiller about to push Kate Winslet off the ship.

This waxwork makes the movie’s iconic scene less romantic and much more terrifying. Seriously, Leonardo DiCaprio seems to resemble a psychokiller about to push Kate Winslet off the ship.

37. Lucille Ball

Whatever is in that bottle, I really don't want to drink it. I suspect this might be poison according the terrifying look on Lucy's face. Seriously, she looks so creepy in this waxwork.

Whatever is in that bottle, I really don’t want to drink it. I suspect this might be poison according the terrifying look on Lucy’s face. Seriously, she looks so creepy in this waxwork.

38. The Beatles

Now I like the Beatles. Yet, these guys bear almost no resemblance to the real thing. In fact, I think these guys basically resemble lifeless zombies after your brains while singing. "All you need is brains,/All you need is brains,/All you need is brains, brains, brains are all you need."

Now I like the Beatles. Yet, these guys bear almost no resemblance to the real thing. In fact, I think these guys basically resemble lifeless zombies after your brains while singing. “All you need is brains,/All you need is brains,/All you need is brains, brains, brains are all you need.”

39. Jennifer Lopez

I don't know about the butt but her face kind of reminds me of Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games. Yet, smaller and with a really bad makeup job.

I don’t know about the butt but her face kind of reminds me of Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games. Yet, smaller and with a really bad makeup job.

40. Justin Bieber

Somehow I can't help looking at this and see how it resembles my cousin at Penn State, which is really insulting to my cousin who really doesn't like Justin Bieber, doesn't have light brown hair, and doesn't even dress like that.

Somehow I can’t help looking at this and see how it resembles my cousin at Penn State, which is really insulting to my cousin who really doesn’t like Justin Bieber, doesn’t have light brown hair, and doesn’t even dress like that.

41. Austin Powers

Looks as if he's a pervy guy on some kind of 1960s hallucinogenic drugs. Surely not groovy in the least, baby.

Looks as if he’s a pervy guy on some kind of 1960s hallucinogenic drugs. Surely not groovy in the least, baby. Makes the fembots seem tame by comparison.

42. Eddie Murphy

Seems less like the comedian who appeared in family films and more like the guy appearing on SNL who wrote a poem on killing his landlord.

Seems less like the comedian who appeared in family films and more like the guy appearing on SNL who wrote a poem on killing his landlord.

43. Meryl Streep

Man, I didn't know she was nominated for an Oscar for Death Becomes her. I didn't know that kind of film would even get Academy Award nominations. Not to mention, the hair straightener doesn't do any favors for her.

Man, I didn’t know she was nominated for an Oscar for Death Becomes her. I didn’t know that kind of film would even get Academy Award nominations. Not to mention, the hair straightener doesn’t do any favors for her.

44. Lady Gaga

I don't know if Lady Gaga was Born This Way, but this wax figure doesn't depict her as aging gracefully, especially since she's actually only a few years older than I am. Seriously, she doesn't look 28.

I don’t know if Lady Gaga was Born This Way, but this wax figure doesn’t depict her as aging gracefully, especially since she’s actually only a few years older than I am. Seriously, she doesn’t look 28.

45. Mel Gibson

Okay, now this one makes Mel seem like a really crazed psychokiller on the run to satisfy a hunger for human flesh. Seriously, this one seems to scare me for some reason. And it's not because he directed Braveheart or The Passion of the Christ.

Okay, now this one makes Mel seem like a really crazed psychokiller on the run to satisfy a hunger for human flesh. Seriously, this one seems to scare me for some reason. And it’s not because he directed Braveheart or The Passion of the Christ.

46. Michelle Obama

Now if the First Lady of the United States looks like this in her wax rendition, either the designer doesn't like her or she's really not aging gracefully. Seriously, this incarnation seems rather terrifying to me.

Now if the First Lady of the United States looks like this in her wax rendition, either the designer doesn’t like her or she’s really not aging gracefully. Seriously, this incarnation seems rather terrifying to me.

47. Fred Rogers

I know this is from the John Heinz III Historical Center during its American History display. Nevertheless, looking at his waxy soulless face, I'd sure wouldn't want to be his neighbor.

I know this is from the John Heinz III Historical Center during its American History display. Nevertheless, looking at his waxy soulless face, I’d sure wouldn’t want to be his neighbor.

48. Ronald Reagan

Yes, old President Ronnie seems to have two really creepy waxworks in his image. This seems like it comes straight out of shining. Now please, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall or else Mr. Reagan will come over to your house and murder you and your family in a bloodbath only comparable to a slasher horror movie.

Yes, old President Ronnie seems to have two really creepy waxworks in his image. This seems like it comes straight out of shining. Now please, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall or else Mr. Reagan will come over to your house and murder you and your family in a bloodbath only comparable to a slasher horror movie.

49. Fatal Attraction

Michael Douglas should be utterly terrified in this scene. Instead, he just seems a little perturbed as if she flushed the toilet while he was taking a shower. Not the kind of face you'd have if a woman you had a fling with killed your daughter's pet bunny.

Michael Douglas should be utterly terrified in this scene. Instead, he just seems a little perturbed as if she flushed the toilet while he was taking a shower. Not the kind of face you’d have if a woman you had a fling with killed your daughter’s pet bunny.

50. Rihanna

Seems like Rihanna is in her German barmaid outfit to celebrate Oktoberfest. Nevertheless, I just hope Chris Brown doesn't turn out at this location if she has a restraining order against him (like she should.)

Seems like Rihanna is in her German barmaid outfit to celebrate Oktoberfest. Nevertheless, I just hope Chris Brown doesn’t turn out at this location if she has a restraining order against him (like she should.)

51. Queen Elizabeth II

Seems that Her Royal Majesty has had some trouble with her hair stylist lately. Not to mention her make up artist doesn't seem to do her job too well either. Must be going through a Barbara Striesand phase.

Seems that Her Royal Majesty has had some trouble with her hair stylist lately. Not to mention her make up artist doesn’t seem to do her job too well either. Must be going through a Barbara Striesand phase.

52. Luciano Pavarotti

Seems less in the mood for singing opera and more in the mood of eating something crunchy like bones. Still, this is actually kind of terrifying if you ask me.

Seems less in the mood for singing opera and more in the mood of eating something crunchy like bones. Still, this is actually kind of terrifying if you ask me.

53. Anne Frank

Of course, I'm sure being subjected to hiding in your dad's office building during the Holocaust could age you a few years. However, Anne Frank died at 15 and certainly didn't have the skin composition of someone who's over 30.

Of course, I’m sure being subjected to hiding in your dad’s office building during the Holocaust could age you a few years. However, Anne Frank died at 15 and certainly didn’t have the skin composition of someone who’s over 30.

54. Liza Minnelli

From looking at this wax rendition of Liza Minnelli, those unfamiliar with Cabaret may think that she was a character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Seriously, she seems like she wants to kill you after she's completed her dance routine.

From looking at this wax rendition of Liza Minnelli, those unfamiliar with Cabaret may think that she was a character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Seriously, she seems like she wants to kill you after she’s completed her dance routine.

55. Leonardo DaVinci’s Last Supper

Looks like all the apostles seem to peering at some weird mole on either Jesus's neck or hands while the Roman soldiers are in the back waiting for them to leave. That one on the far left seems as if he wants to go to the bathroom to wash his hands for some reason.

Looks like all the apostles seem to peering at some weird mole on either Jesus’s neck or hands while the Roman soldiers are in the back waiting for them to leave. That one on the far left seems as if he wants to go to the bathroom to wash his hands for some reason.

56. Audrey Hepburn

By the look at those sullen big brown eyes, you'd think Holly Golightly might have murder on the mind for George Peppard. Seriously, this wax figure seems to make Audrey Hepburn seem miscast for Breakfast at Tiffany's on account of being too sinister.

By the look at those sullen big brown eyes, you’d think Holly Golightly might have murder on the mind for George Peppard. Seriously, this wax figure seems to make Audrey Hepburn seem miscast for Breakfast at Tiffany’s on account of being too sinister.

57. Mr. Bean

I wonder if those unfamiliar with Mr. Bean would look at this wax figure and assume he was in the same league with Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Perhaps they'd be relieved he's actually a Rowan Atkinson character who acts like a complete idiot.

I wonder if those unfamiliar with Mr. Bean would look at this wax figure and assume he was in the same league with Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Perhaps they’d be relieved he’s actually a Rowan Atkinson character who acts like a complete idiot.

58. Tiger Woods

Seems like Tiger's debacles with his extramarital peccadilloes and divorce proceedings have really aged him as well has hurt his golf game. Seriously, Tiger's not an old decrepit man yet, folks.

Seems like Tiger’s debacles with his extramarital peccadilloes and divorce proceedings have really aged him as well has hurt his golf game. Seriously, Tiger’s not an old decrepit man yet, folks.

59. Margaret Thatcher

I don't know about you but it seems that the Iron Lady has developed some sort of terrible skin problem on her face. Also, it's probably fair to say that she's had some disastrous plastic surgery as well.

I don’t know about you but it seems that the Iron Lady has developed some sort of terrible skin problem on her face. Also, it’s probably fair to say that she’s had some disastrous plastic surgery as well.

60. Ellen Degeneres

Now I know that Ellen is a comedian and talk show host who's not supposed to scare me. However, this rendition makes me want to look the hell away from her soulless eyes and her evil smile.

Now I know that Ellen is a comedian and talk show host who’s not supposed to scare me. However, this rendition makes me want to look the hell away from her soulless eyes and her evil smile.

61. The Wizard of Oz

Well, to be fair, The Wizard of Oz has managed to traumatize a lot of kids even without the dark lighting. Nevertheless, I don't suspect that Dorothy just wants to go home. And I wouldn't want to be around the Scarecrow or Tinman either.

Well, to be fair, The Wizard of Oz has managed to traumatize a lot of kids even without the dark lighting. Nevertheless, I don’t suspect that Dorothy just wants to go home. And I wouldn’t want to be around the Scarecrow or Tinman either.

62. Hugh Jackman

Now you'd think any wax museum could have an impression of Hugh Jackman would be wise to depict him as Wolverine from X-Men. However, this one seems like it depicts an evil Dr. Who in BDSM attire.

Now you’d think any wax museum could have an impression of Hugh Jackman would be wise to depict him as Wolverine from X-Men. However, this one seems like it depicts an evil Dr. Who in BDSM attire.

63. Michael Jackson

Yes, his majesty the King of Pop during the 1980s does carry a rather sinister demeanor. Of course, I wonder how many people my age could ever imagine that he's supposed to be Michael Jackson.

Yes, his majesty the King of Pop during the 1980s does carry a rather sinister demeanor. Of course, I wonder how many people my age could ever imagine that he’s supposed to be Michael Jackson. I’d rather hang out with the zombies from the “Thriller” video than this guy.

64. Rowan Atkinson

Okay, this wax figures in now way, shape, or form resembles Mr. Bean. Seriously, it's as if this artist had no idea who this guy is or even saw his picture. I mean, we all know that Rowan Atkinson doesn't at all look like that in real life. Never has.

Okay, this wax figures in now way, shape, or form resembles Mr. Bean. Seriously, it’s as if this artist had no idea who this guy is or even saw his picture. I mean, we all know that Rowan Atkinson doesn’t at all look like that in real life. Never has.

65. Joan Collins

I know she's a famous prime time soap star from the 1970s and 1980s Dynasty. However, that make up job makes her seem like she's either Spock's sister or related to Tim Curry from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I know she’s a famous prime time soap star from the 1970s and 1980s Dynasty. However, that make up job makes her seem like she’s either Spock’s sister or related to Tim Curry from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

66. Michael Jordan

How in the hell does this look like Michael Jordan? Seriously, he looked about the same in 1990s as he does now, facial wise. That, my friend, is a basketball playing zombie who just has the same complexion.

How in the hell does this look like Michael Jordan? Seriously, he looked about the same in 1990s as he does now, facial wise. That, my friend, is a basketball playing zombie who just has the same complexion.

67. Richard Nixon

Man, this waxwork of Richard M. Nixon makes him seem like he's a ventriloquist dummy or some creepy character from The Muppet Show. Seriously, that jowl and those eyes are utterly creepy.

Man, this waxwork of Tricky Dick makes him seem like he’s a ventriloquist dummy or some creepy character from The Muppet Show. Seriously, that jowl and those eyes are utterly creepy.

68. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Seems they got the chiseled chest proportions right. However, this basically bears practically no resemblance to Ahnold from Conan the Barbarian. Not to mention, he seems to spend too much time in the sun which is taking a toll on his delicate skin.

Seems they got the chiseled chest proportions right. However, this basically bears practically no resemblance to Ahnold from Conan the Barbarian. Not to mention, he seems to spend too much time in the sun which is taking a toll on his delicate skin.

69. Jimmy Carter

Good News: Actually looks better than the last Jimmy Carter waxwork I posted on here. Bad News: Seems to have a real great need for an exorcism. Seriously, he really looks evil.

Good News: Actually looks better than the last Jimmy Carter waxwork I posted on here.
Bad News: Seems to have a real great need for an exorcism. Seriously, he really looks evil.

70. Star Trek

While Spock seems okayish, the once of Kirk and McCoy just seem to be among the men you'd see on Cracked.com's "Guys That Look Like Old Lesbians" article. Seriously, Kirk's hair is just too long while McCoy seems like he's been using way too much of "the Botox."

While Spock seems okayish, the once of Kirk and McCoy just seem to be among the men you’d see on Cracked.com’s “Guys That Look Like Old Lesbians” article. Seriously, Kirk’s hair is just too long while McCoy seems like he’s been using way too much of “the Botox.”

71. Jay Leno

Since his retirement (for good) from The Tonight Show, it seems like Jay Leno has had a face lift that has basically stretched his face in a way many people find so unrecognizable. Seriously, his wax figure looks so atrocious.

Since his retirement (for good) from The Tonight Show, it seems like Jay Leno has had a face lift that has basically stretched his face in a way many people find so unrecognizable. Seriously, his wax figure looks so atrocious.

72. Snoop Dogg

You'd think Snoop would be taking better care of himself now that he has millions of dollars. Yet, this waxwork makes him seem like he's emaciated for some tasty human flesh. I mean, that face sure don't look right at all.

You’d think Snoop would be taking better care of himself now that he has millions of dollars. Yet, this waxwork makes him seem like he’s emaciated for some tasty human flesh. I mean, that face sure don’t look right at all.

73. Will Smith

Okay, this waxwork looks less like a big box office star, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and happily married man and father of 3. And more like the kind of guy who's either a bouncer at some crime syndicate owned bar or the kind of man a lot of white people wouldn't entrust with their car keys or wallets.

Okay, this waxwork looks less like a big box office star, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and happily married man and father of 3. And more like the kind of guy who’s either a bouncer at some crime syndicate owned bar from The Wire or the kind of man a lot of white people wouldn’t entrust with their car keys or wallets.

74. Clint Eastwood

Now I'm sure he's certainly angry. Still, though this is supposed to be Clint from Unforgiven, I don't think this waxwork resembles him. Yet, the "Get Off My Lawn" message is clear.

Now I’m sure he’s certainly angry. Still, though this is supposed to be Clint from Unforgiven, I don’t think this waxwork resembles him. Yet, the “Get Off My Lawn” message is clear.

75. Johnny Cash

Jesus Christ, I thought Johnny was supposed to turn his life around in the1960s. Seriously, an orange spray tan and unkempt hair seem to suggest otherwise.

Jesus Christ, I thought Johnny was supposed to turn his life around in the1960s. Seriously, an orange spray tan and unkempt hair seem to suggest otherwise.

76. Marilyn Monroe

No, kids, Marilyn Monroe wasn't a famous actress whose claim to fame was playing sexy vampires. That would be Robert Pattinson. Totally different person.

No, kids, Marilyn Monroe wasn’t a famous actress whose claim to fame was playing sexy blood sucking vampires. That would be Robert Pattinson. Totally different person.

77. Humphrey Bogart

Okay seems like Bogart needs to get off the booze and cigarettes looking like this. Also, I'd stay away from the tanning salons just for good measure. Still, here's not looking at you, kid.

Okay seems like Bogart needs to get off the booze and cigarettes looking like this. Also, I’d stay away from the tanning salons just for good measure. Still, here’s not looking at you, kid.

78. Abraham Lincoln

With his orange spray tan and his sinister gray eyes, it seems that the Great Emancipator has a score to settle. Seriously, this is basically the most evil Lincoln I've ever seen and his waxworks are usually not that bad.

With his orange spray tan and his sinister gray eyes, it seems that the Great Emancipator has a score to settle. Seriously, this is basically the most evil Lincoln I’ve ever seen and his waxworks are usually not that bad.

79. Sir Elton John

I know he's supposed to be singing something and I really don't want to know. Not to mention, the closed eyes and the coke bottle glasses make him seem even more terrifying with his mouth hanging out.

I know he’s supposed to be singing something and I really don’t want to know. Not to mention, the closed eyes and the coke bottle glasses make him seem even more terrifying with his mouth hanging out.

80. Hank Williams Sr.

Looks like the late country music legend Hank Williams is back from the dead as a Satanic puppet that sings his country ballads and has people sell him their souls. Seriously, this wax rendition is just creepy as hell.

Looks like the late country music legend Hank Williams is back from the dead as a Satanic puppet that sings his country ballads and has people sell him their souls. Seriously, this wax rendition is just creepy as hell.

The Enchanting Winter Wonderland of Ice Sculpture

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There’s so much to be said about ice sculpture. Pieces can range from abstract to realistic as well as from functional to decorative. Yet, the temperature of a snow sculpture’s environment often indicates how long it will last since many are used for special and/or extravagant events, like weddings for instance. In places like Florida or Mexico, an ice sculpture has a very short shelf life even in an air conditioned room. In places like northern Alaska or Siberia, ice sculptures could last for months. Yet, like in snow sculpture festivals and winter carnivals, you’re likely to see a lot of ice sculptures as well. Yet, unlike the snow sculptures in my previous post, sculptures of ice could be smaller and made indoors. Still, many of them are relics of winter beauty and has a great popular following. Some of these sculptures will range from the highly creative, to pop culture stuff, and other motifs as well as come in most shapes and sizes and all over the world. So without further adieu, here is a treasury of ice sculpture which I hope you’d like to see.

1. Hey, I didn’t know there was an ice sculpture of Buckbeak!

Of course, whenever you encounter a Hippogriff, treat it with respect and courtesy or it will bit you. Remember what happened to Draco Malfoy in the 3rd Harry Potter book.

Of course, whenever you encounter a Hippogriff, treat it with respect and courtesy or it will bit you. Remember what happened to Draco Malfoy in the 3rd Harry Potter book. Of course, biting that brat almost got Buckbeak killed.

2. Of course, this ice sculpture could always make any occasion look presidential.

Of course, I think the White House may have claim on this one. Using this for your banquet might get you arrested by the Secret Service. Just saying.

Of course, I think the White House may have claim on this one. Using this for your banquet might get you arrested by the Secret Service. Just saying.

3. For all you bug lovers, how about an ice sculpture of a praying mantis?

Just so you know, remember that it's well known that after two praying manti mate, the female cuts her guy's head off and devours him. You might want to take that into account.

Just so you know, remember that it’s well known that after two praying manti mate, the female cuts her guy’s head off and devours him. You might want to take that into account.

4. Add a touch of Paris to your ice sculpture festival with this Effiel Tower sculpture.

Now according to this picture, I'm sure this wasn't carved from just a single block of ice. Also, must be quite huge.

Now according to this picture, I’m sure this wasn’t carved from just a single block of ice. Also, must be quite huge.

5. Relive the magic of King Kong with this movie tribute ice sculpture.

Sure he's a giant gorilla from Skull Island who abducted a blond girl he took to the Empire State Building. Yet, it would be the beauty that would kill this beast, not the airplanes.

Sure he’s a giant gorilla from Skull Island who abducted a blond girl he took to the Empire State Building. Yet, it would be the beauty that would kill this beast, not the airplanes.

6. For the American Patriot, here’s an ice sculpture of the American Bald Eagle.

Of course, this is the bald Eagle symbol you see on the Great Seal of the United States, which is the nation's national coat of arms.

Of course, this is the bald Eagle symbol you see on the Seal of the President of the United States, which is the nation’s national coat of arms. So looks like the White House has dibs on that one, too.

7. It’s a horse? It’s a mermaid? No, guys, it’s a hippocampus.

Now a hippocampus is a water mythological creature of a cross between a horse and a fish. Basically a horse mermaid. And a couple of them were used to pull Poseidon's chariot under the sea.

Now a hippocampus is a water mythological creature of a cross between a horse and a fish. Basically a horse mermaid. And a couple of them were used to pull Poseidon’s chariot under the sea.

8. Nothing brings out the graceful beauty of the sea in ice sculpture of flying fish.

Yes, these are flying fish and they do exist. However, they don't actually "fly" but jump long distances from the water that enable it to glide. They usually do this to avoid predators.

Yes, these are flying fish and they do exist. However, they don’t actually “fly” but jump long distances from the water that enable it to glide. They usually do this to avoid predators.

9. Of course, in the Disney movies, Aladdin never had a friend like the Genie.

R. I. P. Robin Williams, you will be missed. Still, I'm not sure if this ice sculpture portrays the Genie in a good light. Kind of creepy looking if you ask me.

R. I. P. Robin Williams, you will be missed. Still, I’m not sure if this ice sculpture portrays the Genie in a good light. Kind of creepy looking if you ask me.

10. Now this is a cute ice sculpture than WALL-E and EVE.

Never has a love story between robots has been captured so memorably in this ice sculpture post as the one in the movie WALL-E.

Never has a love story between robots has been captured so memorably in this ice sculpture post as the one in the movie WALL-E.

11. Now that’s a mighty big lit up ice boat.

Now from the look of it, I wonder if the lights are meant to represent sails or ropes. I mean it's very hard to tell whether it's a Chinese junk or a Spanish Galleon. Perhaps an expert from the Age of Sail could help me.

Now from the look of it, I wonder if the lights are meant to represent sails or ropes. I mean it’s very hard to tell whether it’s a Chinese junk or a Spanish Galleon. Perhaps an expert from the Age of Sail could help me.

12. Nothing makes a better fire than an ice fire.

Of course put this ice fire under a real fire and it will be reduced to a puddle of water.

Of course put this ice fire under a real fire and it will be reduced to a puddle of water.

13. I now give you an ice sculpture of an Asian woman and her large fan.

I have to admit, this is one spectacular work of art. However, this is probably a Chinese sculpture since this picture might've been taken during the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival.

I have to admit, this is one spectacular work of art. However, this is probably a Chinese sculpture since this picture might’ve been taken during the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival.

14. Of course, this ice angel is totally chilling.

Of course, I hope this angel is careful when making a "V" sign. Doing it with fingers exposed really offends the Brits. Yet, I'm sure he or she didn't mean to offend.

Of course, I hope this angel is careful when making a “V” sign. Doing it with fingers exposed really offends the Brits. Yet, I’m sure he or she didn’t mean to offend.

15. Might want to feast your eyes on these Pittsburgh Penguins this hockey season.

Yes, these are penguins, and yes, they are in Pittsburgh. Got any problem with that. Still, adorable.

Yes, these are penguins, and yes, they are in Pittsburgh. Got any problem with that? Still, if I posted one of Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, or Chris Letang, it wouldn’t turn out so well.

16. May I present to you an ice sculpture of a phoenix or firebird.

Sure it may look like a firerbird, but to me it kind of resembles a frozen waterbird. Seriously, the thing would melt if you put it near fire.

Sure it may look like a firerbird, but to me it kind of resembles a frozen waterbird. Seriously, the thing would melt if you put it near fire.

17. The lone wolf stands as a leader of the pack.

Of course, the Alpha Male and Female are usually the only two wolves in the pack who mate. Not to mention, most of the wolves in the pack are usually siblings.

Of course, the Alpha Male and Female are usually the only two wolves in the pack who mate. Not to mention, most of the wolves in the pack are usually siblings.

18. Heard of an ice castle? Well, here’s an ice cathedral.

Of course, I'm sure this isn't a real ice church but I'm not sure what building this was modeled on. Still, it's a very colorful display as if it was made entirely of stained glass windows.

Of course, I’m sure this isn’t a real ice church but I’m not sure what building this was modeled on. Still, it’s a very colorful display as if it was made entirely of stained glass windows.

19. May I present to you, Disney’s Cinderella’s Castle on ice

Of course you would never be able to have an ice sculpture of Cinderella's Castle at the real Disney World near Orlando, Florida. Still, it's pretty spectacular.

Of course you would never be able to have an ice sculpture of Cinderella’s Castle at the real Disney World near Orlando, Florida. Still, it’s pretty spectacular.

20. Relive the glory of Ancient Egypt with this ice sculpture of the Great Sphnix.

Funny, I don't remember the ancient Egyptians ever using ice or knowing anything about refrigeration. So whether they could've carved ice sculptures just seems impossible.

Funny, I don’t remember the ancient Egyptians ever using ice or knowing anything about refrigeration. So whether they could’ve carved ice sculptures just seems impossible.

21. Of course, I couldn’t do a post on ice sculpture without including a swan.

Still, whenever you see an ice sculpture in popular media how often do you think it's going to be of a swan? Then again, do you think any couple getting married would want to go with an ice sculpture of two praying manti?

Still, whenever you see an ice sculpture in popular media how often do you think it’s going to be of a swan? Then again, do you think any couple getting married would want to go with an ice sculpture of two praying manti?

22. Now I can’t do a post of ice sculptures without including one of a snowflake.

Of course, this is basically a frozen water sculpture depicting a small piece of frozen precipitation. Not to get technical here if you know what I mean.

Of course, this is basically a frozen water sculpture depicting a small piece of frozen precipitation. Not to get technical here if you know what I mean.

23. How would you like a frozen Blackberry?

 Of course, you'll have to worry about your thumbs getting stuck to it as you try to text your buddies.


Of course, you’ll have to worry about your thumbs getting stuck to it as you try to text your buddies. Also, doesn’t work like a real Blackberry.

24. Nothing brings the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival to life like a neon lighted ice gazebo and ledge.

No, this wasn't made from yellow snow. They actually light up these at night to bring color to them. Get your mind out of the gutter.

No, this wasn’t made from yellow snow. They actually light up these at night to bring color to them. Get your mind out of the gutter.

25. Seems like this bear and fox are sharing a thermos.

Fox: "Whats in that?" Bear: "I don't know but it's some sort of funny smelling brown water that tastes kind of strange. Wanna try?"

Fox: “Whats in that?”
Bear: “I don’t know but it’s some sort of funny smelling brown water that tastes kind of strange. Wanna try?”

26. Experience the 1925 Serum Run with this ice sculpture of Balto’s Charge.

Now for those who've seen the cartoon film Balto as a child: while doing my movie history research, I found that the real story of Balto is very different from the film. For one, he was only the last lead dog on the 1925 Serum Run which wasn't a race at all. Second, Balto was a purebred and trained husky who had been neutered at a young age (so this means he never had any pups). And third, well, he ended up dying in the Cleveland Zoo after spending a couple miserable years on the vaudeville circuit.

Now for those who’ve seen the cartoon film Balto as a child: while doing my movie history research, I found that the real story of Balto is very different from the film. For one, he was only the last lead dog on the 1925 Serum Run which wasn’t a race at all. Second, Balto was a purebred and trained husky who had been neutered at a young age (so this means he never had any pups). And third, well, he ended up dying in the Cleveland Zoo after spending a couple miserable years on the vaudeville circuit.

27. Let this beautiful ice eagle soar.

When pertaining to works of art, why is it that I tend to gravitate toward predators like birds of prey? Must be how majestically they look in the air.

When pertaining to works of art, why is it that I tend to gravitate toward predators like birds of prey? Must be how majestically they look in the air.

28. On this Christmas season, why don’t you take a seat on this icy one horse open sleigh?

Of course, this may be a better place for a Christmas photo op with your sweetheart or family than an actual ride. Seriously, ice horses don't go anywhere.

Of course, this may be a better place for a Christmas photo op with your sweetheart or family than an actual ride. Seriously, ice horses don’t go anywhere.

29. Grace your winter party with his lovely ice Christmas tree.

Now I'm not sure if red is a good color to illuminate this Christmas tree. Kind of looks tacky. But this little tree is so lovely.

Now I’m not sure if red is a good color to illuminate this Christmas tree. Kind of looks tacky. But this little tree is so lovely.

30. “Move along, Storm Trooper, because these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Yes, as they have a Star Wars rendition for everything, so shall I post an ice sculpture display of C3PO and R2 D2.

Yes, as they have a Star Wars rendition for everything, so shall I post an ice sculpture display of C3PO and R2 D2.

31. Of course, for a day in the snow, you’d always need a place to relax like this comfy chair.

Then again, sitting on a chair of ice isn't really a comfortable way to relax. Also you might get stuck on it, especially if you try to lick it with your tongue.

Then again, sitting on a chair of ice isn’t really a comfortable way to relax. Also you might get stuck on it, especially if you try to lick it with your tongue.

32. No ice sculpture post is complete without one of the US Capitol Building or so I think.

Now if only I could get Congress to hold session in this building instead. Of course, this place may offer accommodations that are way too luxurious for the likes of them.

Now if only I could get Congress to hold session in this building instead. Of course, this place may offer accommodations that are way too luxurious for the likes of them.

33. “Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot!”

"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

“On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.”

34. Of course, since there are snow and ice festivals in Asia, I can’t forget one of the Buddha.

It's said that Buddhist monks gather at a Buddha ice sculpture and watch it gradually melt as a reminder for their own mortality.

It’s said that Buddhist monks gather at a Buddha ice sculpture and watch it gradually melt as a reminder for their own mortality.

35. See this ice sculpture as a reminder of why there is a deer hunting season in Pennsylvania.

Of course, we need to remember that during the rut, these two bucks are just fighting over the girls. Meanwhile, the skinny buck in the distance just scored with the doe in question.

Of course, we need to remember that during the rut, these two bucks are just fighting over the girls. Meanwhile, the skinny buck in the distance just scored with the doe in question.

36. As this ice sculpture implies, tonight we’re having swordfish for dinner.

Of course, if you don't see an ice sculpture of a swan in movies, it's either of doves or this. Yet, this would've made guessing the password on Horse Feathers much easier.

Of course, if you don’t see an ice sculpture of a swan in movies, it’s either of doves or this. Yet, this would’ve made guessing the password on Horse Feathers much easier.

37. Now here is a great ice sculpture of a World War I flying ace.

My mistake, that's actually Snoopy as a WWI flying ace on his dog house. Of course, he'll never shoot down the Red Baron.

My mistake, that’s actually Snoopy as a WWI flying ace on his dog house. Of course, he’ll never shoot down the Red Baron.

38. Of course, the ice ship has anchored.

Of course, this is an ice sculpture of an anchor, perhaps for some party at some ice ship or something.

Of course, this is an ice sculpture of an anchor, perhaps for some party at some ice ship or something.

39. Of course, while there’s heavy metal, there’s a chilling ice electric guitar.

This is a nice guitar and amplifier but I doubt that you'd want to play with it. Of course, it will melt if you put it near fire.

This is a nice guitar and amplifier but I doubt that you’d want to play with it. Of course, it will melt if you put it near fire.

40. Relive the glory of Ancient Rome on ice with this Roman Coliseum ice sculpture.

Now if only they held gladiator matches in them with the fighters wearing ice skates. Then again, I don't think I'd want to see that but I know the Romans would totally want to see it.

Now if only they held gladiator matches in them with the fighters wearing ice skates. Then again, I don’t think I’d want to see that but I know the Romans would totally want to see it.

41. For you wild hogs out there, check out this ice Harley Davison motorcycle.

Of course, I don't know whether ice sculptures go well with motorcycle fans. Then again, they'd probably approve of this.

Of course, I don’t know whether ice sculptures go well with motorcycle fans. Then again, they’d probably approve of this.

42. Now this technicolor ice palace is sensational.

I don't know about you but I kind of see the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival as China's version Disney World on Ice in a very literal sense.

I don’t know about you but I kind of see the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival as China’s version Disney World on Ice in a very literal sense.

43. Now feast your eyes on this lovely icy peacock.

Of course, you've never seen a  see through icy peacock like this. Still, rather spectacular.

Of course, you’ve never seen a see through icy peacock like this. Still, rather spectacular and lovely.

44. Go to your winter formal with this stylish ice coach.

Of course, this coach wasn't magically created from a pumpkin, but I'm not sure if you want to go to the ball in it either.

Of course, this coach wasn’t magically created from a pumpkin, but I’m not sure if you want to go to the ball in it either.

45. To commemorate the birth of our Savior, here’s a nice ice sculpture nativity scene.

Of course, this might be a great one to have outside a church during the Christmas season.

Of course, this might be a great one to have outside a church during the Christmas season. Still, very lovely and beautiful.

46. I’m sure this amusement park ice sculpture is bound to put a smile on anyone’s face.

Then again, this might be an ice sculpture of London during a carnival time. I mean some of them tend to resemble buildings you see there, especially the one that looks like a giant Faberge egg.

Then again, this might be an ice sculpture of London during a carnival time. I mean some of them tend to resemble buildings you see there, especially the one that looks like a giant Faberge egg.

47. From 19th century Paris, we have Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker statue.

Of course, if you want to get situated with Midnight in Paris, remember that Rose was the wife and Camille was his mistress. And he loved both.

Of course, if you want to get situated with Midnight in Paris, remember that Rose was the wife and Camille was his mistress. And he loved both.

48. I call this ice sculpture: A Tribute to New York City.

Now I think this ice sculpture was made for some sort of event or something. Still, all of it seems to be lit in pink for some reason.

Now I think this ice sculpture was made for some sort of event or something. Still, all of it seems to be lit in pink for some reason.

49. Experience the beauty of Italy with this Leaning Tower of Pisa ice sculpture.

Of course, if you remove the parasol and expose it to the sun, it will melt. Still, it's a very beautiful sculpture.

Of course, if you remove the parasol and expose it to the sun, it will melt. Still, it’s a very beautiful sculpture.

50. Hope this ice Statue of Liberty can light the way into your life.

Of course, they use the Statue of Liberty for almost every art medium since its such a icon and symbol of New York City.

Of course, they use the Statue of Liberty for almost every art medium since its such a icon and symbol of New York City.

51. I bring you the Ice Tiger.

There's something magical about this lovely ice sculpture tiger in the snow. Of course, tigers are very majestic and beautiful creatures nevertheless.

There’s something magical about this lovely ice sculpture tiger in the snow. Of course, tigers are very majestic and beautiful creatures nevertheless.

52. No post on ice sculptures would be complete without one of the RMS Titanic.

Of course, the fact the Titanic sank after hitting an iceberg adds further to the irony. Still, I have to admit it's a beautiful piece.

Of course, the fact the Titanic sank after hitting an iceberg adds further to the irony. Still, I have to admit it’s a beautiful piece.

53. Never has there been an ice sculpture in 65 million years as one of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I'm not sure if there was any ice in the Cretaceous period, but this sculpture is totally awesome.

I’m not sure if there was any ice in the Cretaceous period, but this sculpture is totally awesome.

54. This movie camera ice sculpture also holds beers.

Of course, I posted this sculpture because I'm a real movie buff and TCM fan. As for beer, I don't touch the stuff.

Of course, I posted this sculpture because I’m a real movie buff and TCM fan. As for beer, I don’t touch the stuff.

55. For your Stanley Cup winning NHL team, celebrate your victory with this ice sculpture.

Now if only the Pens could win another Stanley Cup Championship can we see such lovely ice sculpture at the Consol Energy Center.

Now if only the Pens could win another Stanley Cup Championship can we see such lovely ice sculpture at the Consol Energy Center.

56. Don’t look now but I think we may have an ice chess whiz on our hands.

Of course, I'm not sure whether I could tell which side is black and which side is white from this perspective. Still, this looks pretty awesome.

Of course, I’m not sure whether I could tell which side is black and which side is white from this perspective. Still, this looks pretty awesome.

57. Now here’s a great ice sculpture of a fish skeleton.

Sure this may be the kind of ice sculpture to traumatize your kids with. But, hey, doesn't it look cool?

Sure this may be the kind of ice sculpture to traumatize your kids with. But, hey, doesn’t it look cool?

58. Don’t look now, but I think we may have an ice city on our hands.

Of course, this is Harbin during its snow and ice festival. And, yes, the ice buildings are lit up like that for the night display. Spectacular isn't it?

Of course, this is Harbin during its snow and ice festival. And, yes, the ice buildings are lit up like that for the night display. Spectacular isn’t it?

59. Now I would love to see this angel blow his horn for me any day.

Of course, I don't mind that he's showing his abs or so it seems. Still, I love how it's lit up to be purple.

Of course, I don’t mind that he’s showing his abs or so it seems. Still, I love how it’s lit up to be purple.

60. Of course, whoever heard of an ice ship in a bottle?

I don't know about you, but do you ever wonder how they managed to pull this off? I do. Seriously, I don't know how the ship got into the bottle in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but do you ever wonder how they managed to pull this off? I do. Seriously, I don’t know how the ship got into the bottle in the first place.

For more: http://photobucket.com/images/ice%20sculpture?page=1

The Enchanting Winter Wonderland of Snow Sculpture

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Of course, snowmen aren’t the only thing you can make from snow during the winter. If you love to play in the snow and are a talented artist there’s snow sculpture which is comparable to sand sculpture which I’ve done in the past and ice sculpture which I’ll do next. Sometimes it’s seen as performance art and sometimes it’s not. Yet, whatever you think about it, a lot of snow sculptures will produce works of white winter beauties for international contests you’d see in the US, Canada, China, Russia, France, Poland, and Japan, which are usually held in January and February. Tools often include saws, shovels, and hatchets and sometimes such works are carved from large blocks of snow about 6 to 15 feet and weighing about 20-30 tons. The snow could either be produced naturally or through 7 Springs technology but it’s densely packed for obvious reasons. In this post, you’ll see many lovely snow sculptures that will astound you beyond your wildest dreams. So without further adieu, here are some of the lovely snow sculptures from this enchanting winter wonderland.

1. Check out this artistic rendition of a white fox in its natural habitat.

Of course, this may not be a realistic representation but it's sure cute if you know what I mean.

Of course, this may not be a realistic representation but it’s sure cute if you know what I mean.

2. How would you like to spend a winter in this snow cabin?

I'd sure hate to be the guy at that place when the snow starts thawing or during a blizzard. Also, hope the snow doesn't cause a roof cave in.

I’d sure hate to be the guy at that place when the snow starts thawing or during a blizzard. Also, hope the snow doesn’t cause a roof cave in.

3. Nothing captures the exotic beauty of India than a snow sculpture of the Taj Mahal.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about India knows creating such a  sculpture like this wouldn't be possible in that country. Well, save maybe the Himalaya Mountains, but you don't want to go there.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about India knows creating such a sculpture like this wouldn’t be possible in that country. Well, save maybe the Himalaya Mountains, but you don’t want to go there.

4. Funny, I always thought wolves usually howled at the moon at night.

Then again, this sculpture certainly looks like a wolf down to its very detail. I wonder how that's even possible.

Then again, this sculpture certainly looks like a wolf down to its very detail. I wonder how that’s even possible.

5. As Shakespeare said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

However, while this snow rose is quite beautiful and graceful in the winter landscape, it's also so freaking huge if you know what I mean.

However, while this snow rose is quite beautiful and graceful in the winter landscape, it’s also so freaking huge if you know what I mean.

6. Of course, you can’t have a snow and ice contest in China without a snow sculpture of Confucius.

I mean no Chinese philosopher has influenced China and its people more than this guy has. In fact, for a long time in China, you had to study his Analects and the commentaries just to pass a civil service test.

I mean no Chinese philosopher has influenced China and its people more than this guy has. In fact, for a long time in China, you had to study his Analects and the commentaries just to pass a civil service test.

7. Of course, I couldn’t do a post on snow sculpture without including Hans Christen Andersen’s Snow Queen.

Contrary to popular belief while Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen, it's not necessarily based on it. Also, the Snow Queen's name isn't Elsa and she doesn't have a troubled relationship with her sister. Nor does she cause eternal winter to her kingdom while singing, "Let It Go."

Contrary to popular belief while Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen, it’s not necessarily based on it. Also, the Snow Queen’s name isn’t Elsa and she doesn’t have a troubled relationship with her sister. Nor does she cause eternal winter to her kingdom while singing, “Let It Go.”

8. This bear seems to have an avid interest in film making.

Of course, I don't think he's as interested in cinema as you'd like to think he is. I think he suspects that this camera contains food and it will be completely ruined when its human owner comes back.

Of course, I don’t think he’s as interested in cinema as you’d like to think he is. I think he suspects that this camera contains food and it will be completely ruined when its human owner comes back.

9. Of course, being the Christmas season, I’ll have to include a snow sculpture of ol’ Saint Nick.

Just try sitting on that guy's lap and telling him what you'd want for Christmas. Then again, it's probably better if you sit on this Santa's hand.

Just try sitting on that guy’s lap and telling him what you’d want for Christmas. Then again, it’s probably better if you sit on this Santa’s hand.

10. “He’s got the whole world in His hand?”

Well, it may seem like a cartoonified globe but still, I wonder how its artist manage to hollow the sculpture out as much as they did. Also, how didn't  this sculpture collapse? Guess snow is that compacted.

Well, it may seem like a cartoonified globe but still, I wonder how its artist manage to hollow the sculpture out as much as they did. Also, how didn’t this sculpture collapse? Guess snow is that compacted.

11. You’ve heard of a sand castle? Well, here’s a snow castle.

Now this castle snow sculpture just about puts Queen Elsa to shame. That is, if this castle were actually life sized and built as an actual castle. Still, very spectacular.

Now this castle snow sculpture just about puts Queen Elsa to shame. That is, if this castle were actually life sized and built as an actual castle. Still, very spectacular.

12. While we’re on the subject of snow castles, here’s a snow replica of Germany’s fairy tale Neuschwanstein Castle.

Of course, this castle's construction wouldn't be possible without the delusional madness of King Ludwig of Bavaria. Sure this project bankrupted Bavaria yet it's now a popular tourist destination in Germany today.

Of course, this castle’s construction wouldn’t be possible without the delusional madness of King Ludwig of Bavaria. Sure this project bankrupted Bavaria yet it’s now a popular tourist destination in Germany today.

13. Seems like this shark has a dental appointment with the Flash or some other superhero. It’s hard to tell at this angle.

Still, I'll take a moment here to remind kids to never ever stick their hand in a shark's mouth. Seriously, don't ever try this at home if you have any common sense.

Still, I’ll take a moment here to remind kids to never ever stick their hand in a shark’s mouth. Seriously, don’t ever try this at home if you have any common sense.

14. If it’s winter, why go on a vacation to Easter Island if you can have Moai in your front yard?

Of course, we know how these Moai came to this neighborhood. And I'm sure people on Easter Island can't make their own Moai from snow because they don't get any.

Of course, we know how these Moai came to this neighborhood. And I’m sure people on Easter Island can’t make their own Moai from snow because they don’t get any.

15. Of course, I couldn’t forget a snow sculpture of the minions from Despicable Me.

Of course, minons make rather easy snow sculptures and they're in color, too. Still, these are minions nobody could ever resist.

Of course, minons make rather easy snow sculptures and they’re in color, too. Still, these are minions nobody could ever resist. Who ever thought we’d think of these cute little guys when we mention “minions”?

16. Whether it be in rain, snow, sleet, or hail, you’ll always see Snoopy sleeping on his doghouse.

Of course, I always wonder why Snoopy prefers to sleep on his doghouse while he can certainly sleep inside. Then again, he may use his doghouse for office space, but still.

Of course, I always wonder why Snoopy prefers to sleep on his doghouse while he can certainly sleep inside. Then again, he may use his doghouse for office space, but still.

17. Nothing can please a Thai more royally than a snow replica of Bangkok’s Chakri Maha Prasat in the Grand Palace Complex.

Of course, while Bangkok is a city known for many things, it sure does know how to make a lot of money. Still, while this sculpture is impressive, please don't have it's viewing set to the Oscar & Hammerstein musical The King and I, because it didn't get a good reception in Thailand. In fact, the Thais had it banned.

Of course, while Bangkok is a city known for many things, it sure does know how to make a lot of money. Still, while this sculpture is impressive, please don’t have it’s viewing set to the Oscar & Hammerstein musical The King and I, because it didn’t get a good reception in Thailand. In fact, the Thais had it banned.

18. Who can forget this snow sculpture of the Grimm Brother’s famous fairy tale, “The Frog Prince?”

Of course, the Grimm's "The Frog Prince" has one of the most unfortunate morals in fairy tales which goes like, "Ladies, if a guy does something nice for you, you owe him sex." Let's just say that the Disney version was much better.

Of course, the Grimm’s “The Frog Prince” has one of the most unfortunate morals in fairy tales which goes like, “Ladies, if a guy does something nice for you, you owe him sex.” Let’s just say that the Disney version was much better.

19. Winter is the season when you see birds visit the birdhouse for the birdseed, especially the cardinal.

Neither does it stop the woodland rodents from trying to get to the birdseed either. Then again, there are some squirrel species that also eat birds.

Yet, this doesn’t stop the woodland rodents from trying to get to the birdseed either. Then again, there are some squirrel species that also eat birds.

20. Never underestimate the appeal China has for their dragons.

I'm sure this sculpture is a rendition of a Chinese folktale and not a Chinese retelling of  J. R. R. Tolkein's The Hobbit. After all, Asian dragons are seen as wise and powerful sages that help the heroes, which is very different from the Western tradition.

I’m sure this sculpture is a rendition of a Chinese folktale and not a Chinese retelling of J. R. R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit. After all, Asian dragons are seen as wise and powerful sages that help the heroes, which is very different from the Western tradition.

21. How about a snow sculpture of the Brussels Stock Exchange?

This building doesn't really have a distinct name but the BSE was founded by Napoleon Bonaparte in 1801. Still, the Belgians call this place the Bouers.

This building doesn’t really have a distinct name but the BSE was founded by Napoleon Bonaparte in 1801. Still, the Belgians call this place the Bouers.

22. Now here’s a snow sculpture of an eagle in its natural habitat.

I'm not sure if that's a bald eagle (though it probably is) or whether the fish is a salmon. Still, looks very cool though and that eagle sure looks menacing.

I’m not sure if that’s a bald eagle (though it probably is) or whether the fish is a salmon. Still, looks very cool though and that eagle sure looks menacing.

23. Relive the grandeur of the Chinese Empire with a snow sculpture of Beijing’s Forbidden Palace.

I'm sure I posted a similar picture in my movie history post about China. I swear it was from The Last Emperor, which was about the life of Emperor Puyi.

I’m sure I posted a similar picture in my movie history post about China. I swear it was from The Last Emperor, which was about the life of Emperor Puyi.

24. What would winter be without a snow sculpture of polar bears and penguins?

Now that's a cute sculpture but very much misplaced wildlife. I mean polar bears and penguins are only seen together in zoos and not in the same enclosure. Because that would be bad for the penguin.

Now that’s a cute sculpture but very much misplaced wildlife. I mean polar bears and penguins are only seen together in zoos and not in the same enclosure. Because that would be bad for the penguin.

25. Witness the glory of Ancient Athens with the famous Parthenon, which was the temple of Athena.

Of course, the real Parthenon isn't anywhere near as stunning as this one is. Mostly because the real one has fallen to centuries of decline and ruin.

Of course, the real Parthenon isn’t anywhere near as stunning as this one is. Mostly because the real one has fallen to centuries of decline and ruin.

26. Now this is an interesting geometric design here. Looks like some sort of flower.

What astounds me most about this snow sculpture is how this artist got it to stand like that. Not only that but its design seems very delicate and graceful.

What astounds me most about this snow sculpture is how this artist got it to stand like that. Not only that but its design seems very delicate and graceful.

27. All aboard on the Polar Express.

Don't worry this isn't the train from the scary Christmas movie with Tom Hanks. Still, reminds me of an older model of a Coors Light Train.

Don’t worry this isn’t the train from the scary Christmas movie with Tom Hanks. Still, reminds me of an older model of a Coors Light Train.

28. Aww, cute a dad with his little kid in their snow suit.

Now you got to love this statue. However, at least this little kid won't end up like Ralphie's brother in A Christmas Story who couldn't move his arms in his.

Now you got to love this statue. However, at least this little kid won’t end up like Ralphie’s brother in A Christmas Story who couldn’t move his arms in his.

29. Only a snow sculpture like this could bring us into a prehistoric world of dinosaurs.

While making a snow sculpture of dinosaurs is okay, just make sure that they don't come to life. You don't want to live through a Jurassic Park situation.

While making a snow sculpture of dinosaurs is okay, just make sure that they don’t come to life. You don’t want to live through a Jurassic Park situation.

30. Now here’s a nice little snow sculpture of a squirrel gathering nuts.

Of course, I really don't understand why these acorns have faces. Not only that, but I'm puzzled on why the one the squirrel is holding smiling.

Of course, I really don’t understand why these acorns have faces. Not only that, but I’m puzzled on why the one the squirrel is holding smiling.

31. You never thought such flying horses could be so graceful in the snow.

Of course, these horses are just incredibly huge and you wouldn't want to ride on them. Still, these are quite cool if you know what I mean.

Of course, these horses are just incredibly huge and you wouldn’t want to ride on them. Still, these are quite cool if you know what I mean.

32. Don’t look at this snow sculpture in the eye or else she’d turn you into stone.

You should know that this is a depiction of Medusa, you know one of the Gorgons. Still, she does have a haunting look, doesn't she? Yet, she ain't ugly if you know what I mean.

You should know that this is a depiction of Medusa, you know one of the Gorgons. Still, she does have a haunting look, doesn’t she? Yet, she ain’t ugly if you know what I mean.

33. Nothing represents American pride more at a snow sculpture contest than one of Lady Liberty herself.

Yes, this is Lady Liberty as a snow sculpture and notice that she seems to look lovely today, especially with her blue eyes.

Yes, this is Lady Liberty as a snow sculpture and notice that she seems to look lovely today, especially with her blue eyes.

34. If you want to glorify Spanish modernist architecture, perhaps the Barcelona’s Church of the Sagrada Familia would do quite nicely.

Now I'm sure the Spanish wouldn't be able to do a snow sculpture like this in their country. Still, a very spectacular piece if you know what I mean.

Now I’m sure the Spanish wouldn’t be able to do a snow sculpture like this in their country. Still, a very spectacular piece if you know what I mean.

35. Now this polar bear is so adorable for your front lawn.

Now I know that polar bears no not creatures you'd want to cuddle with but this little cub is so huggable I want to take it home and name it Nappy.

Now I know that polar bears no not creatures you’d want to cuddle with but this little cub is so huggable I want to take it home and name it Nappy.

36. In this snow sculpture, if there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call?

Now this is a perfect tribute for Ghostbusters, especially with the depiction of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Wonder if Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd have seen this.

Now this is a perfect tribute for Ghostbusters, especially with the depiction of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Wonder if Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd have seen this.

37. Nothing brings glory to Mother Russia like a snow sculpture of Moscow’s Saint Basil’s Cathedral.

Ironically, while there's a lot of snow in Russia, this cathedral replica is at a snow sculpture contest in China. Yet, it's said that Ivan the Terrible thought Saint Basil's was so beautiful that he had the architect's eyes gouged out so he wouldn't build another one like it.

Ironically, while there’s a lot of snow in Russia, this cathedral replica is at a snow sculpture contest in China. Yet, it’s said that Ivan the Terrible thought Saint Basil’s was so beautiful that he had the architect’s eyes gouged out so he wouldn’t build another one like it.

38. Of course, you can’t have a post on snow sculpture without including a frosty rendition of Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.

Now could anyone say that this is a masterpiece? All I know is that Leonardo probably couldn't make a Mona Lisa out of snow back in Florence.

Now could anyone say that this is a masterpiece? All I know is that Leonardo probably couldn’t make a Mona Lisa out of snow back in Florence.

39. Now that is one wild hog there.

Hey, you never saw a pig on a motorcycle before? Of course, I'm sure there are some porkers who were born for the open road.

Hey, you never saw a pig on a motorcycle before? Of course, I’m sure there are some porkers who were born for the open road.

40. Didn’t know a Totem pole can come to life did you?

Of course, I wonder how these two faces ever get along with one another. I mean the totem creatures need to know how to live together in harmony some way.

Of course, I wonder how these two faces ever get along with one another. I mean the totem creatures need to know how to live together in harmony some way.

41. Admire the splendor of this medieval Japanese castle.

Yes, Japan has medieval castles, which were built by the daimyo warlords during their period of upheaval. They may not look like the ones you see in Europe but they're castles nonetheless.

Yes, Japan has medieval castles, which were built by the daimyo warlords during their period of upheaval. They may not look like the ones you see in Europe but they’re castles nonetheless.

42. Of course, you can’t have a snow sculpture contest without one of a giant rubber duck.

While we didn't have the snow sculpture edition in Pittsburgh, we had the rubber duck for the summer. It attracted a million visitors to the city.

While we didn’t have the snow sculpture edition in Pittsburgh, we had the rubber duck for the summer. It attracted a million visitors to the city.

43. If you like sea creatures, feast your eyes on this nautilus snow sculpture.

Now what astounds me more about this is how it's able to stand up and retain its shape. Still, it's pretty cool if you know what I mean.

Now what astounds me more about this is how it’s able to stand up and retain its shape. Still, it’s pretty cool if you know what I mean.

44. For those familiar with Pixar animation, here’s a snow sculpture of Nemo.

Of course, if Finding Nemo had been honest about the biology of clown fishes, you may not want to watch it. Seriously, it's disturbing.

Of course, if Finding Nemo had been honest about the biology of clown fishes, you may not want to watch it. Seriously, it’s disturbing.

45. Now here’s a snow sculpture of Inuits rescuing their distressed friends on an ice flow.

Now I would've called these people "Eskimos" but many of the Indians in the Arctic region think it's derogatory for some reason. Still, it's a very amazing sculpture in Quebec.

Now I would’ve called these people “Eskimos” but many of the Indians in the Arctic region think it’s derogatory for some reason. Still, it’s a very amazing sculpture in Quebec.

46. Of course, it’s easier to make a card house from snow than actual playing cards.

Now I'm sure you couldn't do that in your hometown if you live in Florida. Still, this is pretty amazing if you know what I mean.

Now I’m sure you couldn’t do that in your hometown if you live in Florida. Still, this is pretty amazing if you know what I mean.

47. Of course, you can’t leave Japan from a snow sculpture festival without including Hello Kitty.

I don't know about you but I need to say that Hello Kitty isn't actually a cat the same way that Gromit isn't actually a dog. Still, Hello Kitty is certainly a Japanese icon in her own right though.

I don’t know about you but I need to say that Hello Kitty isn’t actually a cat the same way that Gromit isn’t actually a dog. Still, Hello Kitty is certainly a Japanese icon in her own right though.

48. “Hello, kids, sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.”

Even in the enchanting world of snow sculpture could you have a Santa Claus that can also haunt your dreams.

Even in the enchanting world of snow sculpture could you have a Santa Claus that can also haunt your dreams.

49. Let’s just say that some snow sculptures have the power of turning you to the Dark Side of the Force.

Still, you have to like how they used a lightsaber for Darth Vader to hold while he's standing next to the ornery R2 D2. Seems they have Star Wars depictions for everything.

Still, you have to like how they used a lightsaber for Darth Vader to hold while he’s standing next to the ornery R2 D2. Seems they have Star Wars depictions for everything.

50. Admire the grandeur of Chinese architecture with this snow sculpture of Beijing’s Temple of Heaven.

Now this Temple of Heaven is from an ice sculpture festival in Sappharo, Japan which is on the island of Hokkaido. Well, it's not an exact replica but it will do. Still, the Chinese idea of "Heaven" is also very different from the one in the Christian tradition.

Now this Temple of Heaven is from an ice sculpture festival in Sappharo, Japan which is on the island of Hokkaido. Well, it’s not an exact replica but it will do since the one in China has much more crap on it. Still, the Chinese idea of “Heaven” is also very different from the one in the Christian tradition.

51. Of course, you can’t have a snow festival in Asia without including a snow sculpture of the Buddha.

Of course, this is also at the Sappharo Snow Festival in Japan. Not to mention, that tall building is perhaps the once reigning tallest building in the world Taipei 101 from Taiwan. This was probably done for China or the country China considers part of its territory.

Of course, this is also at the Sappharo Snow Festival in Japan. Not to mention, that tall building is perhaps the once reigning tallest building in the world Taipei 101 from Taiwan. This was probably done for China or the country China considers part of its territory.

52. You’ve heard of the Sphnix, right? Well, here’s a snowy rendition of this you won’t find in Egypt.

Of course, unlike the one in Egypt, this one has yet to lose its nose to erosion. Still, unlike the ones in Greek mythology, Egyptian Sphinxes are undeniably male.

Of course, unlike the one in Egypt, this one has yet to lose its nose to erosion. Still, unlike the ones in Greek mythology, Egyptian Sphinxes are undeniably male.

53. Only in the world of snow can you see a giant white ballerina.

Now I think this might be taken from the Tchaikovsky ballet of Swan Lake since she's dressed with wings in a tutu. Yet, despite its popularity in Russia, ballet is actually more of a French dance. I mean it has French dance terms.

Now I think this might be taken from the Tchaikovsky ballet of Swan Lake since she’s dressed with wings in a tutu. Yet, despite its popularity in Russia, ballet is actually more of a French dance. I mean it has French dance terms.

54. Looks like we have a snow Trojan horse if there ever was one.

Note, if your enemy gives you a giant horse like this as an attempt to bury the hatchet, you might want to refuse. I mean, it's always said to beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Note, if your enemy gives you a giant horse like this as an attempt to bury the hatchet, you might want to refuse. I mean, it’s always said to beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

55. Allow me to introduce you to a dog that sings the blues.

Of course, when you tell it to play dead, it tends to sing, "Riding that train, High on cocaine,....." You get the idea.

Of course, when you tell it to play dead, it tends to sing, “Riding that train, High on cocaine,…..” You get the idea.

56. Now nothing represents Great Britain in a snow sculpture festival than a rendition of London’s Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

Now this 17th century building was designed by Christopher Wren after the Great Fire of London. It has such an important stature in Britain that all London buildings must not obscure people from seeing it.

Now this 17th century building was designed by Christopher Wren after the Great Fire of London. It has such an important stature in Britain that all London buildings must not obscure people from seeing it.

57. Nothing glorifies the splendor of Malaysia than a snow sculpture rendition of Kuala Lumpur’s Sultan Abdul Samad building.

It was at this building where Malaysia's first flag waved after it gained its independence from Great Britain. Still, you couldn't build a snow sculpture like this in Malaysia because it's quite balmy there.

It was at this building where Malaysia’s first flag waved after it gained its independence from Great Britain. Still, you couldn’t build a snow sculpture like this in Malaysia because it’s quite balmy there.

58. Relive the glory of the Mughal Empire with India’s Tomb of Itmad-ud-Daula.

Of course, while we all know the story of the Taj Mahal, this is also in Agra as well. Yet, this was commissioned by Emperor Shah Jahan's stepmother and aunt to his wife named Nur Jahan who commissioned this tomb for her father. Let's say it's rather complicated if you know what I mean.

Of course, while we all know the story of the Taj Mahal, this is also in Agra as well. Yet, this was commissioned by Emperor Shah Jahan’s stepmother and aunt to his wife named Nur Jahan who commissioned this tomb for her father. Let’s say it’s rather complicated if you know what I mean.

59. Of course, you can’t get more patriotic about the United States with a snow sculpture of the Statue of Liberty and Mount Rushmore.

Of course, I did a post on sand sculptures including both these monuments. So including them with the snow sculptures is basically a no brainer.

Of course, I did a post on sand sculptures including both these monuments. So including them with the snow sculptures is basically a no brainer.

60. Of course, this snow spiral is just out of this world, if you think about it.

I may not understand snow art or how this one manages to stand and retain shape. Yet, I think it's pretty spectacular and awesome.

I may not understand snow art or how this one manages to stand and retain shape. Yet, I think it’s pretty spectacular and awesome.

For more: https://www.pinterest.com/yorkiem/snow-sculptures/

Frosty the Snowman and All His Friends

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Sure winter isn’t really upon us yet and I haven’t see much snow since Thanksgiving. Not only that, but while people in the Southern Hemisphere celebrate Christmas in the summer as well as live in places that don’t snow at all in December. Nevertheless, snowmen are among those presented among the Christmas motifs because well, Santa lives in the North Pole and Christmas is a winter holiday in at least places like Europe, North America, Antarctica, the Arctic, and mountain regions. Now it’s not uncommon during the winter for kids to build a snowman though the snow has to be under certain conditions (such as being there for awhile to stick), especially in places where snowfall is a rarer event. A typical snowman consists of 3 snowballs of different sizes with some additional stuff for facial and body features and accessories like branches for arms, a smiley face, a carrot nose, stones and coal for eyes and buttons as well as things like a hat or a scarf. Most of the time they’re abandoned once completed and after a photo op as well as eventually melt. Of course, in this post, you’ll see a lot of different snowmen. Some may be cute, some may be pop culture inspired, and some may be rather demented. So without further adieu, here are some pictures of the wonderful world of snowmen.

1. Aww, a snowman holding his kid on his shoulders.

Of course, I love how they used a pair of kids' pants, shoes, and mittens for this. Yet, I'm sure that kid is going to be a real pain in the ass when he's older.

Of course, I love how they used a pair of kids’ pants, shoes, and mittens for this. Yet, I’m sure that kid is going to be a real pain in the ass when he’s older.

2. Looks like this snowman wants to end it all.

You know if Crusty is so unhappy with his life, why bother hanging himself on a park bench? I mean, he'll melt away once spring comes so ending his life is just pointless, really.

You know if Crusty is so unhappy with his life, why bother hanging himself on a park bench? I mean, he’ll melt away once spring comes so ending his life is just pointless, really.

3. This snowman is quite the acrobat.

My question on this piece is this: How in the hell did a person manage to make a snowman climbing a tree? It's insane!

My question on this piece is this: How in the hell did a person manage to make a snowman climbing a tree? It’s insane!

4. Man, sure wouldn’t want to fall how he did.

Of course, if this was a person, he'd be dead. Seriously, the fall would've killed him or he'd be injured so badly for the ICU.

Of course, if this was a person, he’d be dead. Seriously, the fall would’ve killed him or he’d be injured so badly for the ICU.

5. Seems like this snowman has a drinking problem and is now sleeping on the streets.

Wait a minute, aren't snowmen supposed to be outdoors anyway? Then again, this guy's sleeping on a park bench so he probably doesn't have a yard to stand in.

Wait a minute, aren’t snowmen supposed to be outdoors anyway? Then again, this guy’s sleeping on a park bench so he probably doesn’t have a yard to stand in.

6. For your afternoon fix, DJ Snow will air songs like, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” “Ice, Ice, Baby,” “Let It Snow,” “A Hazy Shade of Winter,” “Walking in the Winter Wonderland,” “Cold As Ice,” “Snowballed,” “Snowblind,” “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” and “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”

Of course, that microphone and ear phones won't be usable again once winter is over. Still, hope they were in bad shape to begin with.

Of course, that microphone and ear phones won’t be usable again once winter is over. Still, hope they were in bad shape to begin with.

7. May I introduce you to the NRA Snowman whose guns you can have if you can pry them from his warm dead hands. And, yes, he’s standing his ground.

Musty the Snowman wasn't really a jollly, happy soul since he's always been fearful of someone encroaching his property and home invasions. Please don't put that magical old silk hat on him or he'd begin to shoot around. Hope he wasn't built near a school.

Musty the Snowman wasn’t really a jollly, happy soul since he’s always been fearful of someone encroaching his property and home invasions. Please don’t put that magical old silk hat on him or he’d begin to shoot around. Hope he wasn’t built near a school.

8. Now this snowman sure is punk.

"You talking to me? Are you talking to me?" Man, this snowman doesn't seem to happy. Yet, you have to admire how they made his mohawk from tree branches.

“You talking to me? Are you talking to me?” Man, this snowman doesn’t seem to happy. Yet, you have to admire how they made his mohawk from tree branches.

9. “Hello, my name’s Olaf and I like warm hugs.”

Of course, you have to have Olaf from Frozen on this post. However, that section where he's singing about summer is kind of disturbing if you really think of it. I mean he certainly wouldn't survive that.

Of course, you have to have Olaf from Frozen on this post. However, that section where he’s singing about summer is kind of disturbing if you really think of it. I mean he certainly wouldn’t survive that.

10. Now building a snowman is one thing, building a snowman army, well that takes dedication.

Of course, if your neighbor built a snowman army, you wonder how he or she ever had the time. Either that, or questioning their sanity.

Of course, if your neighbor built a snowman army, you wonder how he or she ever had the time. Either that, or questioning their sanity.

11. “Oh, no, it’s the Iceman Cometh. Phyllis, get the hair dryer!”

Note: while The Iceman Cometh is a play by Eugene O'Neill, it's not about a psychokiller snowman, unfortunately.

Note: while The Iceman Cometh is a play by Eugene O’Neill, it’s not about a psychokiller snowman, unfortunately. That’s a joke.

12. Seems like this snowman really likes to do tricks with his head.

Now I know a headless snowman may freak you out but Rocko is a very nice guy once you get to know him. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

Now I know a headless snowman may freak you out but Rocko is a very nice guy once you get to know him. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.

13. This snowman has a habit of leaning next to buildings.

Of course, I hope he doesn't do any damage to the house once he starts melting. That or if a blizzard comes. Seems like he might fall over. Boy, those kids must've had some ambition to build a snowman this tall.

Of course, I hope he doesn’t do any damage to the house once he starts melting. That or if a blizzard comes. Seems like he might fall over. Boy, those kids must’ve had some ambition to build a snowman this tall.

14. Seems like this snowman has enough snow to hit you and then some.

Of course, you don't want to tell him that he looks like Princess Leia. Because that would be bad. Seriously, you wouldn't want to do that.

Of course, you don’t want to tell him that he looks like Princess Leia. Because that would be bad. Seriously, you wouldn’t want to do that.

15. Just a friendly snowman riding his bike.

Yet, I have no idea how this guy is wearing a summer camo hat and sunglasses on a cold cloudy day. Then again, he's a snowman.

Yet, I have no idea how this guy is wearing a summer camo hat and sunglasses on a cold cloudy day. Then again, he’s a snowman.

16. Seems this snowman has hit rock bottom or has had a few too many.

Remember that friends don't let friends get their snowmen drunk. Also, giving Dusky a pack of Miller Lite pints wasn't a good idea.

Remember that friends don’t let friends get their snowmen drunk. Also, giving Dusky a pack of Miller Lite pints wasn’t a good idea.

17. Seems like Snowball here is going on his cycling tour.

Then again, I'm not so sure if Snowball is a snow "man" or whether he or she is going anywhere if you know what I mean. Still, that bike is bound to get rusty.

Then again, I’m not so sure if Snowball is a snow “man” or whether he or she is going anywhere if you know what I mean. Still, that bike is bound to get rusty.

18. Of course, you can’t do a post on snowmen without including one on Eric Cartman from South Park.

Now this snowman sure captures Cartman in perhaps a way that will make Matt Stone and Trey Parker proud. Still, we have to concede that Cartman is the most annoying character on the show. Oh, why can't he be killed in every episode instead of Kenny?

Now this snowman sure captures Cartman in perhaps a way that will make Matt Stone and Trey Parker proud. Still, we have to concede that Cartman is the most annoying character on the show. Oh, why can’t he be killed in every episode instead of Kenny?

19. Snow zombies are rising from their graves for your brains.

Yet, unlike real zombies, at least you can defeat snow zombies with a hair dryer. Seriously, they're very easy to kill, especially in warmer weather.

Yet, unlike real zombies, at least you can defeat snow zombies with a hair dryer. Seriously, they’re very easy to kill, especially in warmer weather.

20. Looks like that things aren’t all fun and games in Snowmanland.

Man, I didn't know snowmen bleed when stabbed. I thought they'd just melt away.

Man, I didn’t know snowmen bleed when stabbed. I thought they’d just melt away. Still, this display would make the neighbors cringe.

21. Nothing makes a snowman like one in the likeness of a Lego person.

Man, these kids seem to have too much time on their hands. Then again, this might've been made by a real artist. Still, possibly the biggest Lego person I've ever seen.

Man, these kids seem to have too much time on their hands. Then again, this might’ve been made by a real artist. Still, possibly the biggest Lego person I’ve ever seen.

22. Jabba the Hutt snowman would like to hire you to bring Han Solo to him dead or alive.

Of course, I always have to have at least one thing on this post relating to Star Wars. Still, I have yet to see a snowman of Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

Of course, I always have to have at least one thing on this post relating to Star Wars. Still, I have yet to see a snowman of Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

23. Now this snowman would really wish you give him some privacy.

Still, I'm surprised that he's built on some street, possibly for a contest. Nevertheless, you might want to clear out when he's done because he might use the newspaper on where the sun don't shine.

Still, I’m surprised that he’s built on some street, possibly for a contest. Nevertheless, you might want to clear out when he’s done because he might use the newspaper on where the sun don’t shine.

24. This snowman is just going on his relaxing ice fishing trip.

Of course, Andy likes to go ice fishing since he really doesn't have many fishing options other than that. Still, I'm sure he's not going to get much fish from a small puddle.

Of course, Andy likes to go ice fishing since he really doesn’t have many fishing options other than that. Still, I’m sure he’s not going to get much fish from a small puddle.

25. Oh, my God, it’s the snowman zombie apocalypse! Run for your lives!

Now I'm sure that it will all be over by spring since these zombie snowmen will have already melted. Still, you might want to get your hair dryer.

Now I’m sure that it will all be over by spring since these zombie snowmen will have already melted. Still, you might want to get your hair dryer.

26. A can of beer in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other.

Seems like this snowman has a bit of drinking problem. Perhaps he should consider going on a 12 step or AA. Then again, he may not have the time.

Seems like this snowman has a bit of drinking problem. Perhaps he should consider going on a 12 step or AA. Then again, he may not have the time.

27. And you thought a snowman couldn’t do a handstand.

Man, I wonder how this upside down snowman manages to stand up so well. Then again, it has a bigger than average snowman head, which helps so to speak.

Man, I wonder how this upside down snowman manages to stand up so well. Then again, it has a bigger than average snowman head, which helps so to speak.

28. “Hello, hello, hello, what do we have here?”

Of course, you know these snowmen are from Britain because of the Bobby police hats. Still, you don't want to go near their nightsticks.

Of course, you know these snowmen are from Britain because of the Bobby police hats. Still, you don’t want to go near their nightsticks.

29. Oh, my God! Looks like a snowman just got buried in the snow!

Don't let this become like the episode of Boardwalk Empire where Gyp Rossetti had a guy buried in the sand up to his head and whacked him with a shovel. Yet, I have a bad feeling it would come to this.

Don’t let this become like the episode of Boardwalk Empire where Gyp Rossetti had a guy buried in the sand up to his head and whacked him with a shovel. Yet, I have a bad feeling it would come to this.

30. “Get out of the snow! There’s a snowshark coming!”

Of course, we all know that sharks don't swim in the snow nor does anyone else. Still pretty funny and very creative.

Of course, we all know that sharks don’t swim in the snow nor does anyone else. Still pretty funny and very creative.

31. How would you like to get your mail in this snowman mailbox?

Now I wonder how they manage to make a mail box snowman. I mean don't mailboxes have stands for most of the year. Still, I wonder what mail carriers think about this.

Now I wonder how they manage to make a mail box snowman. I mean don’t mailboxes have stands for most of the year. Still, I wonder what mail carriers think about this.

32. While it’s certainly winter, these snowpeople are lounging around like it’s summer.

Then again, they are snowpeople so it's not like they're freezing their asses off. Still, I hope the woman is wearing a swimsuit.

Then again, they are snowpeople so it’s not like they’re freezing their asses off. Still, I hope the woman is wearing a swimsuit.

33. Of course, this snowman is in a moment of deep thought and contemplation.

This might not be a snowman of Tim Tebow or it may not. Either way, that pose reminds me of how he used to get in that pose to pray. Nevertheless, that guy was just an annoying self-righteous turd.

This might not be a snowman of Tim Tebow or it may not. Either way, that pose reminds me of how he used to get in that pose to pray. Nevertheless, that guy was just an annoying self-righteous turd.

34. Nothing makes a great moment as two snowmen sharing a beer on the street.

Seems like these snowman don't give a shit about anything right now. Still, you have to appreciate how they enjoy each other's quality time.

Seems like these snowman don’t give a shit about anything right now. Still, you have to appreciate how they enjoy each other’s quality time.

35. Now this snowman is just lounging around with a beer while holding a Frisbee.

Well, this guy seems to be really enjoying himself. Still, why do I see a lot of snowmen with beer bottles? I wonder.

Well, this guy seems to be really enjoying himself. Still, why do I see a lot of snowmen with beer bottles? I wonder.

36. I give you, the Invasion of the Snowmen.

Man, I wonder if these people realize that the snowman infestation is becoming quite a problem in this town. Then again, there's always spring.

Man, I wonder if these people realize that the snowman infestation is becoming quite a problem in this town. Then again, there’s always spring.

37. Seems like Frosty is doing a kegstand. And I thought he was a family friendly figure.

I hope this snowman is in a neighborhood where there aren't a lot of children. I mean few parents would tolerate a kegstand snowman.

I hope this snowman is in a neighborhood where there aren’t a lot of children. I mean few parents would tolerate a kegstand snowman.

38. Seems like some snowmen are really into voodoo magic.

I don't know about you but I have to admit I do find the stirring of shrunken snowman heads quite funny for some reason. Still, hope no snowman sacrifice was involved.

I don’t know about you but I have to admit I do find the stirring of shrunken snowman heads quite funny for some reason. Still, hope no snowman sacrifice was involved.

39. Just my luck, a snowman crime scene.

Seemed like someone didn't care much for Frosty the snowman so they whacked him over the head with the shovel and decapitated him.

Seemed like someone didn’t care much for Frosty the snowman so they whacked him over the head with the shovel and decapitated him.

40. These snowmen are on the deck engaged in a poker game for money.

Let's hope that none of these guys develop a gambling addiction which is very destructive. Still, seems they enjoy beer and potato chips.

Let’s hope that none of these guys develop a gambling addiction which is very destructive. Still, seems they enjoy beer and potato chips.

41. This snowman really delights in surfing the net.

Let's hope the keyboard and monitor are the only computer components used in this. Still, pretty clever.

Let’s hope the keyboard and monitor are the only computer components used in this. Still, pretty clever.

42. Oh, my God, they put a snow kid in a cage!

Now this is either hilarious, demented, or both. Still, I have to feel bad for the little snow kid in the cage and its parent in a state of distress.

Now this is either hilarious, demented, or both. Still, I have to feel bad for the little snow kid in the cage and its parent in a state of distress.

43. This R2 D2 snowman will service your every needs.

While R2 D2 only speaks in beeps in the Star Wars Saga, you can always understand this onery little droid that has quite the personality.

While R2 D2 only speaks in beeps in the Star Wars Saga, you can always understand this ornery little droid that has quite the fiery personality.

44. “Stop right there, your money or your life.”

Never underestimate the power of a mugger snowman armed with a hair dryer. For snowmen, these grooming appliances are deadly.

Never underestimate the power of a mugger snowman armed with a hair dryer. For snowmen, these grooming appliances are absolutely deadly.

45. Seems like this snowman is ready for a hike or scaling a building.

If he wants to scale a building, he better be careful. Else, he might end up like the snowman I showed earlier. You know, the one with the backpack.

If he wants to scale a building, he better be careful. Else, he might end up like the snowman I showed earlier. You know, the one with the backpack.

46. This snowman really has an elaborate hairstyle if you know what I mean.

Of course, if I were him, I'd consider going to a hair salon to get haircut. Oh, wait, I'd have him go to the pruner's if he has an office.

Of course, if I were him, I’d consider going to a hair salon to get haircut. Oh, wait, I’d have him go to the pruner’s if he has an office.

47. Seems like Olympia Snowe really delights in the attention.

By "Olympia Snowe" I mean this snowman which is said to be the largest in the world. However, I can't help but think that there's something "phallic" about it though.

By “Olympia Snowe” I mean this snowman which is said to be the largest in the world. However, I can’t help but think that there’s something “phallic” about it though.

48. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you snow man and snow wife.”

Now I suppose this snow couple would be best suited for a winter wedding. Yet, I bet that bridal veil isn't cheap if you know what I mean.

Now I suppose this snow couple would be best suited for a winter wedding. Yet, I bet that bridal veil isn’t cheap if you know what I mean. Still, they’ll be together till melt do they part.

49. Seems like these snow children are having fun frolicking in a winter wonderland.

Someone must've had too much time on their hands for this one. Still, it's pretty clever if you know what I mean.

Someone must’ve had too much time on their hands for this one. Still, it’s pretty clever if you know what I mean.

50. Oh, my God, it’s the Staypuft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.

Now this is just so great. Yet, I think this one looks too much like the Michelin Tire Man and his head is a little too small.

Now this is just so great. Yet, I think this one looks too much like the Michelin Tire Man and his head is a little too small.

51. When snowmen bowl, heads will roll, literally.

Still, I wonder how these snowmen take aim of when trying to knock down some pins. I mean you have to know where to hit the pins before you roll your head.

Still, I wonder how these snowmen take aim of when trying to knock down some pins. I mean you have to know where to hit the pins before you roll your head.

52. This snowman is pumping himself up, one set of barbells at a time.

Of course, he wants to start small for a time and then move up a few weights. Still, hope he doesn't become a lunk.

Of course, he wants to start small for a time and then move up a few weights. Still, hope he doesn’t become a lunk.

53. Seems like Spongebob Squarepants likes the winter weather.

Now I'm not sure that it looks anywhere near like Spongebob if you know what I mean. Then again, I didn't have cable as a child and didn't watch the show.

Now I’m not sure that it looks anywhere near like Spongebob if you know what I mean. Then again, I didn’t have cable as a child and didn’t watch the show.

54. This snowman is just making a rather important call.

What astounds me most about this display is how the person building this snowman managed to find a phone booth.

What astounds me most about this display is how the person building this snowman managed to find a phone booth.

55. Now this snowman display seems like a take off of Gulliver’s Travels.

I suppose this snowman feels trapped under the ropes of the smaller ones who tied him up. Still, pretty clever.

I suppose this snowman feels trapped under the ropes of the smaller ones who tied him up. Still, pretty clever.

56. Now this snowman really has a penchant for playing the accordion.

Of course, the accordion is almost lifelike and the snowman is sure happy. Still, I don't why it doesn't have a pair of eyes or a nose.

Of course, the accordion is almost lifelike and the snowman is sure happy. Still, I don’t why it doesn’t have a pair of eyes or a nose.

57. Looks like a snowman has been a victim of a hit and run.

Now to the shock of the snowman, it seems that this car's owner is really not going to be happy when they find a snowman on their car.

Now to the shock of the snowman, it seems that this car’s owner is really not going to be happy when they find a snowman on their car.

58. This snowman seems to be quite the wall scaler.

This is said to be a snowman rendition of Spiderman. Yet, I don't know if I can be sure of that. Still, how did they make a snowman like that?

This is said to be a snowman rendition of Spiderman. Yet, I don’t know if I can be sure of that. Still, how did they make a snowman like that?

59. “Aaaah! A snowman just fell on my car!”

How would you like to get up in the morning and find something like that on your windshield? I'm sure I wouldn't.

How would you like to get up in the morning and find something like that on your windshield? I’m sure I wouldn’t.

60. I’m sure this is called, “Orcus on His Porcelain Throne.”

Now I'm sure this guy is thinking deep thoughts as he's on the pot. Of course, I wonder what he's going to do when he's done.

Now I’m sure this guy is thinking deep thoughts as he’s on the pot. Of course, I wonder what he’s going to do when he’s done.

Fun with Tombstones

demo_tombstone As we all know, Halloween revolves around a lot of things that scare us be it gore, mutilation, ghosts, the supernatural or large insects and spiders. Yet, one of the very real concepts that many of us fear is death, which is basically the cessation of one’s existence altogether. Whether it be through natural causes or otherwise, we will all die someday and while there are things we could do to delay it, there’s nothing we can do about it. We can, however, get our affairs in order and make our funeral arrangements, which many elderly people do since they know the end is near anyway. It’s been a tradition in modern Western society to be buried in cemeteries and erect tombstones on our graves so our surviving relatives, friends, and descendants could visit us after we’re gone. I myself go to a cemetery nearby my house during my routine morning walks. Most gravestones usually have the name of the deceased as well as life dates. A lot of times they may share a tombstone with a spouse, have some indicator of military service, or perhaps a place pertaining to the life dates. As for decorations, some may have religious symbols like a cross, Jesus, Mary, an angel, or a star of David. Some may have a lamb on them to say that this person died as as a child. Of course, this is dependent on Western iconography. Some may have intricate designs to show off that they knew people who could afford such monuments to them. Still, there are certain tombstones that are worth noting either for the bizarre design or containing last words to sum up their time on earth or what not. And you won’t believe the pictures I’ve found on Google. So without further ado on this Halloween season, here are some amusing tombstones for your pleasure. 1. And here’s to you the alcoholic serial monogamist.

Now if the liver cirrhosis didn't kill him at 62, then the divorce settlement might've had something to do with it. Not to mention, the fact his nephews and nieces erected his tombstone.

Now if the liver cirrhosis didn’t kill him at 62, then the divorce settlement might’ve had something to do with it. Not to mention, the fact his nephews and nieces erected his tombstone.

2. Sure he may have died at 42, but damn did he lead an interesting life.

Yes, I'm sure that Ronald Eugene Smith is surely a swell guy. Yet, perhaps having an adventurous life may have led to his death at 42. Also, I'm sure he didn't learn fast or acted quickly enough.

Yes, I’m sure that Ronald Eugene Smith is surely a swell guy. Yet, perhaps having an adventurous life may have led to his death at 42. Also, I’m sure he didn’t learn fast or acted quickly enough.

3. Here lies Naomi Thigpen Shankle.

I guess the epitaph is there because of her silly name. Seriously, it seems like her name reads like something Monty Python would make up.

I guess the epitaph is there because of her silly name. Seriously, it seems like her name reads like something Monty Python would make up.

4. Of course, this tombstone shows how a man’s love for NASCAR seemed to go beyond the grave.

Well, I got to say that this is the most expensive tombstone for a race car buff I've ever seen. Of course, this grave might belong to a race car driver which is more understandable.

Well, I got to say that this is the most expensive tombstone for a race car buff I’ve ever seen. Of course, this grave might belong to a race car driver which is more understandable.

5. Now I guess Dave didn’t seem too bright when he chased that bear into a cave.

Yeah, I'm sure being an intruder in a ursuline home invasion will sure kill you and possibly lead to a Darwin Award.

Yeah, I’m sure being an intruder in a home invasion in a bear cave will sure kill you and possibly lead to a Darwin Award. I’m sure chasing a bear isn’t going to turn out well, especially if the bear’s a mama.

6. R. I. P. Jonathan Blake, victim of his own disorderly driving.

Now, kids, that's what your tombstone may look like if you decide to step on the gas instead of the brake, in the event of a head on collision. So please don't end up like Jonathan Blake.

Now, kids, that’s what your tombstone may look like if you decide to step on the gas instead of the brake, in the event of a head on collision. So please don’t end up like Jonathan Blake.

7. So who says that you can’t call people after they die?

This is perhaps coming from a Jewish cemetery or one in Israel. Still, it may not work but it probably costs just as much as anything new Apple now comes out with.

This is perhaps coming from a Jewish cemetery or one in Israel. Still, it may not work but it probably costs just as much as anything new Apple now comes out with.

8. Oh, poor Rex, another dog lost to the Chinese Restaurant industry.

Then again, Rex's life dates indicate that he was 14 years old. Let's just say, if that Asian kid didn't ask to wok him, then it's very possible that the vet would've put him to sleep.

Then again, Rex’s life dates indicate that he was 14 years old. Let’s just say, if that Asian kid didn’t ask to wok him, then it’s very possible that the vet would’ve put him to sleep.

9. Man, these Dotterweichs sure are an unlucky bunch.

Now I see a lot of kids' graves at the local cemetery. And kids' graves aren't an unusual sight at graveyards at all particularly in the older sections. Yet, I'm sure the Dotterweich children all dying in the icy pond just makes you wonder what happened in that scenario.

Now I see a lot of kids’ graves at the local cemetery. And children’s’ graves aren’t an unusual sight at graveyards at all particularly in the older sections since there were a lot of things that killed kids in those days. Yet, I’m sure the Dotterweich children all drowning in the icy pond just makes you wonder what happened in that case. I mean ponds aren’t that deep.

10. Why not grace your tombstone with this happy dancing dolphin?

This is most likely not a child's grave since the deceased was born in 1938. And let's just say, a kiddie grave back in her childhood wouldn't feature dolphins! Yet, why she wanted a happy dolphin on her tombstone, I don't have the slightest idea. I mean it kind of just defies everything I'd imagine a grave stone to look like.

This is most likely not a child’s grave since the deceased was born in 1938. And let’s just say, a kiddie grave back in her childhood wouldn’t feature dolphins! Yet, why she wanted a happy dolphin on her tombstone, I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it kind of just defies everything I’d imagine a grave stone to look like.

11. Of course, there is always one large cavity all dentists fill.

That's right, I'm talking about a large manmade geological cavity called,

That’s right, I’m talking about a large manmade geological cavity called, “a hole in the ground” this dentist is currently filling.

12. Poor Jerry Farrer didn’t seem to have the kind of death he wanted.

While Jerry Farrer wanted to be shot by a jealous husband at 102, he died at 74. Then again, whether he was shot by a jealous husband or died of natural causes, I really can't say. Perhaps you should ask his wife.

While Jerry Farrer wanted to be shot by a jealous husband at 102, he died at 74. Then again, whether he was shot by a jealous husband or died of natural causes, I really can’t say. Perhaps you should ask his wife.

13. Hopefully, this would’ve been a perfect grave stone for Rev. Gerry Falwell. Then again, I think this is the wrong Teletubby.

Now this grave seems to accomplish what many thought impossible. Make one of the Teletubbies seem incredibly creepy.

Now this grave seems to accomplish what many thought impossible. Make one of the Teletubbies seem incredibly terrifying. Yeah, this one seems to prey on your dreams.

14. Though he died at 52, Lester’s tombstone nevertheless had an awesome shark design.

It also helps that this guy was a Vietnam vet and this design could've possibly been on some craft he was on. Still, how would you want to run into this grave in a cemetery?

It also helps that this guy was a Vietnam vet and this design could’ve possibly been on some craft he was on. Still, how would you want to run into this grave in a cemetery?

15. Now this guy seems to give the world a finger before he left.

Now that's nice, having a tombstone depict a hand flipping the bird. I wonder how this guy's tombstone came to be designed with this offensive gesture.

Now that’s nice, having a tombstone depict a hand flipping the bird. I wonder how this guy’s tombstone came to be designed with this offensive gesture.

16. Now I suppose that this guy was some kind of curmudgeon, I suppose.

Now I suppose by reading this tombstone, I'm sure that human nature hasn't changed all that much. We always have to have our complainers.

Now I suppose by reading this tombstone, I’m sure that human nature hasn’t changed all that much. We always have to have our complainers.

17. Of course, some guys have motorcycles. Others just have them on their tombstones or sarcophagi.

In the medical world, motorcycles are known as

In the medical world, motorcycles are known as “donor cycles” for obvious reasons. Still, didn’t stop my doctor uncle from getting one. Nevertheless, this tombstone must’ve been very expensive.

18. Seems like this guy really loved to play Scrabble. Wonder what happened to him.

Remember, kids, Scabble may be an educational game of spelling. Yet, it's also a highly dangerous one and known to take those in their prime. Remember that this guy was only 21 when he was cut down.

Remember, kids, Scabble may be an educational game of spelling. Yet, it’s also a highly dangerous one and known to take those in their prime. Remember that this guy was only 21 when he was cut down.

19. Now I’m sure we all knew this would happen.

Of course, why this guy lists the names of his great grandparents, I have no idea. Still, we're all going to die someday, right?

Of course, why this guy lists the names of his great grandparents, I have no idea. Still, we’re all going to die someday, right?

20. Yes, Jesus tends to call people whenever they’re on cellphones in the car sometimes. It’s called distracted driving.

Still, judging by the beehive haircut and the 1980s cell phone, I'm sure this poor woman had passed away a while ago. Then again, maybe that's not a phone but the image just suggests she died from some cell phone related car wreck.

Still, judging by the beehive haircut and the 1980s cell phone, I’m sure this poor woman had passed away a while ago. Then again, maybe that’s not a phone but the image just suggests she died from some cell phone related car wreck in the 1980s.

21. Now be buried in style in a granite sarcophagus with your BMW convertible on top of it.

Seriously, either the car is real or it's made from granite. If it's real, then why is it on this person's grave when it should be passed on to his or her relatives? Either way, this memorial certainly didn't come cheap.

Seriously, this must’ve been a very expensive memorial to have a care on top of a sarcophagus like that. Not to mention, it looks almost eerily real if not for the wheels.  Still, if any of my relatives wanted a grave like this, I sure wouldn’t let that happen, because such concept is freaking ridiculous.

22. Guess Doris Marie Seward was so confident that she’d see the new millennium.

Then again, she almost made it, only to be cut down at the tragic young age of 82. So sad.

Then again, she almost made it, only to be cut down at the tragic young age of 82. Yes, she was an optimist indeed.

23. Now I wonder what went on here between Mr. and Mrs. Doubt.

Mrs. Doubt wants to take the back roads while Mr. Doubt says it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Hope their deaths weren't the result of some traffic accident as these quotes hint at.

Mrs. Doubt wants to take the back roads while Mr. Doubt says it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Hope their deaths weren’t the result of some traffic accident as these quotes hint at.

24. Sometimes tombstone epitaphs don’t seem to stop embarrassing those who lie in them.

I'm sure

I’m sure “bugger” was just a cute and affectionate nickname by his mother and not some homophobic slur from some bygone era. Then again, it’s hard to tell by these tombstones alone.

25. Kay may be gone, but her fudge recipe will live on.

Thankfully, Kay's fudge recipe is on her tombstone. So anyone with an smart phone can simply take a picture of it and get the recipe there.

Thankfully, Kay’s fudge recipe is on her tombstone. So anyone with an smart phone can simply take a picture of it and get the recipe there.

26. I guess Tomas Chinchilla seemed to clinch the wrong wallet at 22.

Since this is a Mexican tombstone, then his violent death shouldn't be a surprise. Nevertheless, God is probably watching His wallet around him.

Since this is a Mexican tombstone, then his violent death shouldn’t be a surprise. Nevertheless, God is probably watching His wallet around him.

27. Now this person certainly knows how to get in touch with old friends.

Of course, I'm not sure if Ouija boards really work but I don't know much about communicating with the dead anyway.

Of course, I’m not sure if Ouija boards really work but I don’t know much about communicating with the dead anyway. Still, how does the tombstone version work?

28. Of course, someone always has to have a grave of a grand piano.

Of course, let's just say some people in the olden days were just as creative with their graves as some people today. Of course, the marble doesn't hold up well with the rains.

Of course, let’s just say some people in the olden days were just as creative with their graves as some people today. Of course, the marble doesn’t make great material for a gravestone since it’s prone to acid rain damage.

29. I’m sure this guy is all ready for Judgement Day, if that ever comes.

Yeah, I'm sure those angels are going roll the rock away. Still, I don't get why carve a rock tombstone out of what's technically rock.

Yeah, I’m sure those angels are going roll the rock away. Still, I don’t get why carve a rock tombstone out of what’s technically rock.

30.Here this Union soldier is laid to rest in his marble tent.

Now this is interesting. Bet this guy either died in the war and had family with the money to give him a fitting tribute, or he lusted after his glory days.

Now this is interesting. Bet this guy either died in the war and had family with the money to give him a fitting tribute, or he lusted after his glory days.

31. A fitting tribute for a great electrician if there ever was one.

Now I'm sure the family had a bright idea to erect a tombstone for him with a light bulb and electrical outlet. Hope he didn't fall prey to any occupational hazards.

Now I’m sure the family had a bright idea to erect a tombstone for him with a light bulb and electrical outlet. Hope he didn’t fall prey to any occupational hazards.

32. Of course, with a computer on his or her grave, this person is always online.

Still, I'm not sure whether this computer is a Mac or a PC. Then again, it probably doesn't even work to begin with.

Still, I’m not sure whether this computer is a Mac or a PC. Then again, it probably doesn’t even work to begin with.

33. Wonder what happened to this couple?

Yes, it's very likely that these two probably died in some terrible accident and it's the left person's fault. This is as far as I could tell.

Yes, it’s very likely that these two probably died in some terrible accident and it’s the left person’s fault. This is as far as I could tell.

34. Now this epitaph would be perfect on the Dowager Countess’s tombstone.

Just so you know the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey is the one played by Maggie Smith. Nevertheless, this just suits her character perfectly.

Just so you know the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey is the one played by Maggie Smith. Nevertheless, this just suits her character perfectly.

35. Yeah, dude, but be lucky that your skin wasn’t turn into a saddle ridden by fat, ugly, men.

Of course, I don't know why any guy would want this carved on his tombstone because it sounds pretty sick. Still, luckily his man didn't get his wish.

Of course, I don’t know why any guy would want this carved on his tombstone because it sounds pretty sick. Still, luckily his man didn’t get his wish.

36. Well, she could say that again.

Still, shit happens and then you die like this woman. Nevertheless, what's with the Indian figurine on her tombstone.

Still, shit happens and then you die like this woman. Nevertheless, what’s with the Indian figurine on her tombstone.

37. I don’t know about you but Met Life seems to be an interesting place to work at.

Sure this guy may have an interesting last day. Yet, though I may be unemployed, this inscription doesn't make me want to work for MetLife.

Sure this guy may have an interesting last day. Yet, though I may be unemployed, this inscription doesn’t make me want to work for MetLife.

38. Well, I’m sure you can’t be good at everything, even at your job sometimes.

According to his Mexican tombstone, Pancrazio Juvenales was a wonderful husband and father but terrible electrician. I wonder which of those three distinctions killed him at 25?

According to his Mexican tombstone, Pancrazio Juvenales was a wonderful husband and father but terrible electrician. I wonder which of those three distinctions killed him at 25?

39. Now this guy’s copper statue can’t wait to get out of his tomb.

Either George is a zombie or he just can't wait till Judgement Day. Either way, his family must've spent a fortune on this sarcophagus.

Either George is a zombie or he just can’t wait till Judgement Day. Either way, his family must’ve spent a fortune on this sarcophagus.

40. Here lies Harv and may he be remembered for seeing all these bands in concert.

Man, this guy has been to a lot of concerts consisting of 1970s and 1980s musical artists. There's Queen, Styx, Pat Benatar, Quiet Riot, Toto, Ted Nugent, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne, and many more.

Man, this guy has been to a lot of concerts consisting of 1970s and 1980s musical artists. There’s Queen, Styx, Pat Benatar, Quiet Riot, Toto, Ted Nugent, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne, and many more.

41. Here lies George Campell, husband to 4 different women.

Let's hope he wasn't married to them all at the same time or served as a member of some Mormon polygamist cult. Still, love the epitaph,

Let’s hope he wasn’t married to them all at the same time or served as a member of some Mormon polygamist cult. Still, love the epitaph, “I’m so happy here…I could just shit!”

42. So here lies Joseph William Burdet who died in his sleep at 52.

Something tells me he died in his sleep while he was at the wheel. I why I suspect this. Oh, yeah, the car carving on the top is kind of a dead giveaway. Yeah, falling asleep at the wheel could do that.

Something tells me he died in his sleep while he was at the wheel. I why I suspect this. Oh, yeah, the car carving on the top is kind of a dead giveaway. Yeah, falling asleep at the wheel could do that.

43. Of course, everyone should’ve known William Hahn was sick before he passed.

Looks like he lived to be 75 which isn't bad. Nevertheless, people do get sick and die of natural causes from that age. Hahn's family should've known.

Looks like he lived to be 75 which isn’t bad. Nevertheless, people do get sick and die of natural causes from that age. Hahn’s family should’ve known.

44. In the game of life, we always go into the whole on this deal as Eric W. Jr. said.

Still, I think this is part of a couple tombstone, since his last name isn't on the picture. Nevertheless, yeah, the deal with life would put you into a hole, literally.

Still, I think this is part of a couple tombstone, since his last name isn’t on the picture. Nevertheless, yeah, the deal with life would put you into a hole, literally.

45. R. I. P. James M. Brown, proof that a Texas Ranger shouldn’t mess with someone from the Chicago PD.

Sure a Texas Ranger may be a brave and noble soul in the West but he met his end at Chicago's Garfield Park Race Track, thanks to the local PD. Looks like he wasn't all that clean as he's made up to be. Then again, Western law enforcement was known to be ridden with ex-cons and corrupt as hell.

Sure a Texas Ranger may be a brave and noble soul in the West but he met his end at Chicago’s Garfield Park Race Track, thanks to the local PD. Looks like he wasn’t all that clean as he’s made up to be. Then again, Western law enforcement was known to be ridden with ex-cons and corrupt as hell.

46. Oh, that’s a nice epitaph for John, which was written by his friends. He must have great friends.

When you read the first letters of each line, you realize that John's friends are basically telling him to

When you read the first letters of each line, you realize that John’s friends are basically telling him to “Fuck You.” Pretty clever stealth insult I daresay.

47. Here lies Lester More, victim of some gunfight in Tombstone, AZ.

Yes, 4 slugs from a .44 could kill you like Lester More. Guess he pissed off the wrong gunfighter and was slow on the draw.

Yes, 4 slugs from a .44 could kill you like Lester More. Guess he pissed off the wrong gunfighter and was slow on the draw.

48. Make your grave site accommodating to your family and get a granite tombstone living room set.

Of course, this tombstone living room set might be unaffordable to most people. Still, if it wasn't made from granite, I'd take this set for my actual living room.

Of course, this tombstone living room set might be unaffordable to most people. Still, if it wasn’t made from granite, I’d take this set for my actual living room.

49. Lawrence L. Cook Jr. should’ve been faithful to his wife or his wife wouldn’t have killed him in a crime of passion.

Of course, this is what happens to some married guys who can't keep it in their pants. Well, that or what you'd see from Fatal Attraction.

Of course, this is what happens to some married guys who can’t keep it in their pants. Well, that or what you’d see from Fatal Attraction.

50. Seems like whoever under this sarcophagus really liked cows.

Is that guy sucking that cow's udder? Oh, God, that's just nasty! Still, why do they have this as a tombstone? Cemeteries should appeal to a G-rated audience for you never know if a kid is going to be there.

Is that guy sucking that cow’s udder? Oh, God, that’s just nasty! Still, why do they have this as a tombstone? Cemeteries should appeal to a G-rated audience for you never know if a kid is going to be there.

51. Here lies a tombstone with a parking meter?

Of course, if you stay at this woman's grave longer than expected, you may be ticketed or towed.

Of course, if you stay at this woman’s grave long after your time expires, you may be ticketed or towed. Still, why? Then again, she’s already expired.

52. Guess somebody seemed to like CCR a little too much.

Yet, whether this CCR fan was the deceased or the engraver, we'll never know. Still,

Yet, whether this CCR fan was the deceased or the engraver, we’ll never know. Still, “Don’t go around tonight, Well, it’s bound to take your life. There’s a bathroom on the right” Wait, I mean “bad moon on the rise.”

53. Man, someone must really have it in for the Democrats.

Of course, this guy lived during the Jacksonian Era when the Democratic Party consisted of many guys from the South who owned slaves. So perhaps he wasn't as crazy as the Republican bunch we have today.

Of course, this guy lived during the Jacksonian Era when the Democratic Party consisted of many guys from the South who owned slaves. So perhaps he wasn’t as crazy as the Republican bunch we have today.

54. Here lies an Austrailian Seaman who died during WWII nicknamed, “Chika”?

You don't think of a WWII Navy Seaman when you hear the name

You don’t think of a WWII Navy Seaman when you hear the name “Chicka” do you? Well, I guess not, but they seemed to have existed at one point.

55. Here lies Miguelin, gone to that low rider in the sky.

My mom once counseled a woman whose family was fighting over whether to bury her deceased father in his Corvette. Of course, it seems that you can bury someone in a low rider in Latin America or so it seems.

My mom once counseled a woman whose family was fighting over whether to bury her deceased father in his Corvette. Of course, it seems that you can bury someone in a low rider in Latin America or so it seems.

56. Nothing makes a dead person seem so sleazy like a pool table on your tombstone.

Strange, this is for a couple, not a guy who'd have a Dogs Playing Poker picture. Still, let's say the tombstone was the man's idea.

Strange, this is for a couple, not a guy who’d have a Dogs Playing Poker picture. Still, let’s say the tombstone was the man’s idea.

57. Looks like the Ivisons found a place to park in Georgetown.

Then again, they may have found a place to park in Georgetown, but they didn't get there at the same time.

Then again, they may have found a place to park in Georgetown, but they didn’t get there at the same time.

58. R. I. P. Fred, killed by rock.

Read this tombstone as a reminder to be wary of large falling rocks that could hit your head. If you want to live, no less.

Read this tombstone as a reminder to be wary of large falling rocks that could hit your head. If you want to live, no less.

59. Rest in Peace Gustava and by the way, your Ricardo is a cheapskate.

So what if Ricardo didn't give any money to pay for his dad's grave? Then again, being that this grave's in Mexico, he could have a ton of excuses like being poor or having to worry about drug cartels.

So what if Ricardo didn’t give any money to pay for his dad’s grave? Then again, being that this grave’s in Mexico, he could have a ton of excuses like being poor or having to worry about drug cartels.

60. Now a cemetery on land is the last place I’d see Spongebob Squarepants, especially in uniform.

Now I may have seen many things in a cemetery, but I haven't seen a monument quite like this. Still, I don't think Spongebob has a place in a cemetery, and why erect such a monument in the first place?

Now I may have seen many things in a cemetery, but I haven’t seen a monument quite like this. Still, I don’t think Spongebob has a place in a cemetery, and why erect such a monument in the first place?

61. R. I. P. Bill Kugle, no fan of Republicans.

Of course, I don't vote for Republicans either but that because they're just crazy, egocentrically religious nutjobs, Corporate American lapdogs, idiots or all of the above in my book. Of course, this is jut my political opinion but I could see Kugle's point.

Of course, I don’t vote for Republicans either but that because they’re just crazy, egocentrically religious nutjobs, Corporate American lapdogs, idiots or all of the above in my book. Of course, this is jut my political opinion but I could see Kugle’s point.

62. Ladies and gentlemen, this person has logged out.

Let's just hope that

Let’s just hope that “connection reset by peer” isn’t synonymous with “murder,” shall we? Still, too bad he didn’t live past 28.

63. Of course, fender could be a lot of things in our culture, but I think the one on this tombstone refers to a saddle.

Judging by the tombstone being made from a possibly marble (meaning

Judging by the tombstone being made from a possibly marble (meaning “old”), it’s likely that Wathel Bender was killed in some literal foul horseplay or some equine accident if you will. Also, who names their kid Wathel?

64. According to his epitaph, this guy was a bit of a drinker.

Sure Grover Cleveland Nichols may have liked his whiskey, but it's amazing that he lived to be 87 as you see by his life dates.

Sure Grover Cleveland Nichols may have liked his whiskey, but it’s amazing that he lived to be 87 as you see by his life dates. Of course, he may have stopped drinking by that time but we’ll never know.

65. Of course, you might be able to parallel park at this tomb sites but the parking meters are both expired.

Still, I wonder about the identities about this couple buried here. I mean I can't even read the tombstone since it's so flat.

Still, I wonder about the identities about this couple buried here. I mean I can’t even read the tombstone since it’s so flat.

66. Sure it may be a cheesy poem, but it gets creepy real quick.

Yeah, I could see why your love may be taboo. Then again, being in love with a dead (or technically dead) person is understandable. This is why a lot of kids like Twilight despite that it's a romance between a teenage girl and a 107 year old guy who attends her local high school.

Yeah, I could see why your love may be taboo. Then again, being in love with a dead (or technically dead) person is understandable. This is why a lot of kids like Twilight despite that it’s a romance between a teenage girl and a 107 year old vampire guy who attends her local high school. I think I’d rather stick to Harold & Maude and Venus when it comes to May December romance stories pertaining to teenagers.

67. It seemed that Lola S. Holt was accepting of her fate by the end.

Of course, I don't understand why the life dates had to be screwed on. The birth one, especially. I mean one should at least be certain of that.

Of course, I don’t understand why the life dates had to be screwed on. The birth one, especially. I mean one should at least be certain of that.

68. Lester Mack Fender seemed to be a bit of a fixer upper in life as I could see.

Now I hope the guy didn't have some sort of screw loose before he kicked the bucket. Still, a wrench is a perfect tombstone for those Mr. Fixit types, isn't it?

Now I hope the guy didn’t have some sort of screw loose before he kicked the bucket. Still, a wrench is a perfect tombstone for those Mr. Fixit types, isn’t it?

69. Of course, how about place the deceased’s photo on the piano grave stone?

Yes, they put photos on graves stones back in 1911 though it's probably much more difficult and expensive than it is now. Same goes for the piano tombstone, which is a spinet, I believe.

Yes, they put photos on graves stones back in 1911 though it’s probably much more difficult and expensive than it is now. Same goes for the piano tombstone, which is a spinet, I believe.

70. Seems like this guy’s love for Star Wars lived on beyond the grave.

Then again, I bet his favorite Star Wars character was perhaps the wrinkly green guy who most people could imitate. Too bad this kid died before he could see Yoda kick ass in the prequels.

Then again, I bet his favorite Star Wars character was perhaps the wrinkly green guy who most people could imitate. Too bad this kid died before he could see Yoda kick ass in the prequels.

71. Some children’s graves have lambs, others have actual children on them.

I don't know about you, but does anyone else think these graves stones are incredibly creepy? Seriously, they are.

I don’t know about you, but does anyone else think these graves stones are incredibly creepy? Seriously, kiddie graves are scary enough but ones with babies in cribs or high chair, well, eek.

72. Two roads, one choice. Where will John Payn go now that he’s dead? Well, there’s only one way to find out.

Will John get to spend his eternal days in heaven or will he suffer the fate of eternal damnation? Stay tuned for more.....eventually.

Will John get to spend his eternal days in heaven or will he suffer the fate of eternal damnation? Stay tuned for more…..eventually.

73. For man’s best friend, how about a tombstone of Snoopy on his dog house?

Of course, a granite tombstone of Snoopy wouldn't necessarily be for a dog. I mean that would just be insane wouldn't it?

Of course, a granite tombstone of Snoopy wouldn’t necessarily be for a dog. I mean that would just be insane wouldn’t it?

74. Now a clothes pin tombstone isn’t what you’d see in every cemetery.

Now I kind of understand the notion of having tombstones of Spongebob, Snoopy, or a happy dolphin. But this? Well, I just have no clue why anyone would want a granite tombstone on their graves.

Now I kind of understand the notion of having tombstones of Spongebob, Snoopy, or a happy dolphin. But this? Well, I just have no clue why anyone would want a granite tombstone on their graves.

75. Someone seems to be a big fan of the Rolling Stones. At least it’s “Paint It Black.”

Now I'm sure a tombstone like this can't get no satisfaction among the guy's parents. Well, if they were like my grandparents and still alive so to speak.

Now I’m sure a tombstone like this can’t get no satisfaction among the guy’s parents. Well, if they were like my grandparents and still alive so to speak.

76. Have a drink on Karl Bratz.

The fact his grave has a keg makes me wonder if alcohol had anything to do with his death. Probably did.

The fact his grave has a keg makes me wonder if alcohol had anything to do with his death. Probably did.

77. Here lies Micah Green, a man surrounded by idiots.

Yes, he may have seen dumb people. But somehow he seemed quite relatable.

Yes, he may have seen dumb people. But he probably wasn’t too bright himself since he died at 16. Hope his death wasn’t his fault.

78. Of course, this tomb has everything on tap.

My guess this person owned a bar while alive. Because I know bartenders don't make a lot to have a tombstone like that.

My guess this person owned a bar while alive. Because I know bartenders don’t make a lot to have a tombstone like that.

79. If you want to reach your deceased loved one, call.

Of course, I really don't know the number to reach Heaven. Then again, you might have to die before you dial for the heavens.

Of course, I really don’t know the number to reach Heaven. Then again, you might have to die before you dial for the heavens.

80. Here lies Pauline J. Weinberg, loved more in death than in life.

Guess jerks have to die, too, you know. Wonder how her family wrote about her in her obituary.

Guess jerks have to die, too, you know. Wonder how her family wrote about her in her obituary.

The Wonderful World of Playgrounds

playground

In our day in age, playgrounds are seen as places for children to experience the great outdoors, exercise, and frolic in a set of equipment in an urbanized environment. Of course, what kid doesn’t like to go on a slide, monkey bars, seesaws, swings, or the merry go round. Sometimes there may be a carousel where kids can ride on the horses as carnival music plays in the background. Now I can go on and on how so many of these playgrounds have cutesy and kid friendly imagery that makes such an outdoor wonderland all kid friendly and fun for the whole family. But of course, you wouldn’t want to see that. Instead, I’ll show you pictures of playgrounds that might traumatize your kids in years to come or may be just plain inappropriate. And I’m not going to show pictures of abandoned playgrounds which may be unsafe and unsanitary either. They’re either playground pieces designed by people on drugs, wanting to show artistic expression, or have no artistic skills to pull off any child friendly imagery. So without further adieu, here are some playground pieces that might scare off the kiddies. Also, most of these are in Russia by the way and some of these images may not be safe for work.

1. Jump over the low hanging bars with the white rhino and pig.

I'm sure if these were real, they wouldn't be very friendly. In fact, they seem like they would more likely eat children than play with them.

I’m sure if these were real, they wouldn’t be very friendly. In fact, they seem like they would more likely eat children than play with them.

2. Oh, look, a peasant family seems to be trying to uproot a new turnip.

I'm not sure what's going on between the mom and the dad but whatever it is, I don't want to know.

I’m not sure what’s going on between the mom and the dad but whatever it is, I don’t want to know. Still, I don’t know whether that’s really a plant or not.

3. Go ahead, climb up that friendly snake or dinosaur.

No, I don't think I'd want kids climbing on top of that thing. After all, it seems hungry for children as I could tell from its blank eyes and smile.

No, I don’t think I’d want kids climbing on top of that thing. After all, it seems hungry for children as I could tell from its blank eyes and smile.

4. Hey, kids, here is the Mirror People.

Of course, I'm sure they're not dangerous. Yet, I can't really tell by their blank but reflective expressions. Still, they'd be very great for a horror movie.

Of course, I’m sure they’re not dangerous. Yet, I can’t really tell by their blank but reflective expressions. Still, they’d be very great for a horror movie and could be aliens with ambitions for world domination for all I care.

5. You can always have great fun while playing in somebody’s chest cavity.

Now I wonder where those yellow legs came from. Still, this is kind of fucked up if you know what I mean.

Now I wonder where those yellow feet came from. Still, this is kind of fucked up if you know what I mean.

6. Oh, look, here’s Poseidon just arrived out of the ocean.

Now I think I've just become afraid of Poseidon since his arrival with his Hippocampi seem like he's just arrived from Hell instead of the sea.

Now I think I’ve just become afraid of Poseidon since his arrival with his Hippocampi seem like he’s just arrived from Hell instead of the sea.

7. Of course, he’s just an old harmless elf from the Keebler Tree.

Of course, he only has a machine gun and thinks he's the psycho soldier you see in any Vietnam War themed epic. You don't want to go near him.

Of course, he only has a machine gun and thinks he’s the psycho soldier you see in any Vietnam War themed epic. You don’t want to go near him.

8. Climb up and slide down this giant man’s legs.

Now how many legs does this guy have? It doesn't seem to be just two. Also, he doesn't have a nice expression on his face.

Now how many legs does this guy have? It doesn’t seem to be just two. Also, he doesn’t have a nice expression on his face.

9. Just a pig minding his own business.

Of course, Crispy Bacon just needed to take a short whiz since he'd been holding it in all day. He didn't expect to be caught by police for the crime of public urination or indecent exposure.

Of course, Crispy Bacon just needed to take a short whiz since he’d been holding it in all day. He didn’t expect to be caught by police for the crime of public urination or indecent exposure.

10. C’mon, kids, why don’t you just roll this beam with Bearikins and his pal Satan.

Now to see the Prince of Darkness in a playground piece would make me want to question the designer's judgement. I mean why is Satan in a playground seriously?

Now to see the Prince of Darkness in a playground piece would make me want to question the designer’s judgement. I mean why is Satan in a playground seriously? He’s the Devil.

11. Hey, there’s Harry the Hedgehog with an apple.

Don't look at me, but I think that apple is poisoned. I mean Harry the Hedgehog doesn't seem like he's up to any good. Also wants your soul.

Don’t look at me, but I think that apple is poisoned. I mean Harry the Hedgehog doesn’t seem like he’s up to any good. Also wants your soul.

12. Now isn’t that nice? Here’s the Big Bad Wolf and Peter Cottontail playing Twister.

Now this scene could either have the wolf eating the rabbit or something you wouldn't want to see in a Disney movie. Either way, it ain't good and may take playing with your food to a whole new meaning.

Now this scene could either have the wolf eating the rabbit or something you wouldn’t want to see in a Disney movie. Either way, it ain’t good and may take playing with your food to a whole new meaning.

13. “Greetings, earthlings, we come in peace.”

Now what the hell are these? They are either aliens from another galaxy or possibly the children of the corn. Yet, judging from their red eyes, I'm not sure they're harmless.

Now what the hell are these? They are either aliens from another galaxy or possibly the children of the corn. Yet, judging from their red eyes, I’m not sure they’re harmless.

14. Oh, dear, the poor dog hurt his leg.

I'm sure Scruffy set the mailman straight once and for all. Of course, he didn't have time to clean up the blood all over his fur though.

I’m sure Scruffy set the mailman straight once and for all. Of course, he didn’t have time to clean up the blood all over his fur though.

15. It’s fun to play on top of these, uh whatever they are.

Looks like these animals seemed to be some post-acpocalyptic monsters that arisen from some nuclear fall out from what I can tell. I wonder if these two souls know the truth.

Looks like these animals seemed to be some post-apocalyptic monsters that arisen from some nuclear fall out from what I can tell. I wonder if these two souls know the truth.

16. Now this creature seems like he’s really enjoying himself.

Unfortunately this young woman and her companion in the picture were never seen again after this. They thought going in the monster's mouth would just be a nice photo op. They had no idea.

Unfortunately this young woman and her companion in the picture were never seen again after this. They thought going in the monster’s mouth would just be a nice photo op. They had no idea of what lay before them.

17. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Joker.

Of course, seeing the Joker at a playground is never a good thing. He might blow it up and send the kiddies to kingdom come unless Batman shows up first.

Of course, seeing the Joker at a playground is never a good thing. He might blow it up and send the kiddies to kingdom come unless Batman shows up first.

18. C’mon kiddies, we want to play with you. Don’t be scared.

I'm an adult and even I find these supposedly kiddie figures terrifying for some reason. I'm sure they intend to suck the souls out of the children which is why they don't come out to play.

I’m an adult and even I find these supposedly kiddie figures terrifying for some reason. I’m sure they intend to suck the souls out of the children which is why they don’t come out to play.

19. Come and enjoy accordion music with Crocky and his friends.

I'm sure Crocky won't harm anybody but I'm not sure if I could trust him beneath his Elton John glasses. Also, his gremlin friend is missing an arm and is not happy about it.

I’m sure Crocky won’t harm anybody but I’m not sure if I could trust him beneath his Elton John glasses. Also, his gremlin friend is missing an arm and is not happy about it. Now I’m not sure if I want to hear, “Crocodile Polka.”

20. Take a trip on this lovely amusement park ride with Cthulhu.

I'm sure Cthulhu is a perfectly decent figure who won't do any harm to your kids. Of course, I was being sarcastic because Cthulhu is one of the more dangerous mythological entities that would annihilate you.

I’m sure Cthulhu is a perfectly decent figure who won’t do any harm to your kids. Of course, I was being sarcastic because Cthulhu is one of the more dangerous mythological entities that would annihilate you.

21. Come up and play with the house monsters and have a great time.

Those house monsters seem empty and only appear to have playground equipment with them so they could lure in children to devour.

Those house monsters seem empty and only appear to have playground equipment with them so they could lure in children to devour.

22. Nurse wants you to take your medicine.

Of course, this nurse may make you want to not venture into a doctor's office. Also, despite the stuffed rabbit in her arms, she is simply terrifying.

Of course, this nurse may make you want to not venture into a doctor’s office. Also, despite the stuffed rabbit in her arms, she is simply terrifying.

23. The doctor will now administer your shot please.

Now why in the hell would anyone have a playground figure like this? I mean there are adults terrified of needles, let alone kids. Horrifying indeed.

Now why in the hell would anyone have a playground figure like this? I mean there are adults terrified of needles, let alone kids. Horrifying indeed.

24. C’mon, play under the giant green octopus.

Let's hope this giant green octopus doesn't come to life and eat any children passing under it. Of course, there's suspicion that he may be responsible for eating some missing children in these parts.

Let’s hope this giant green octopus doesn’t come to life and eat any children passing under it. Of course, there’s suspicion that he may be responsible for eating some missing children in these parts.

25. Climb up and slide down this giant fly.

Now take it from someone who knows. It's a verified fact that large monstrous insects are terrifying. And this giant playground fly slide is no exception.

Now take it from someone who knows. It’s a verified fact that large monstrous insects are terrifying. And this giant playground fly slide is no exception.

26. Come up and slide on the giant lizard.

Now a realistic giant lizard for a slide is just too realistic and creepy. Still, why?

Now a realistic giant lizard for a slide is just too realistic and creepy. Still, why do this if it’s not a playground associated with reptiles?

27. Have some fun playing in a giant spider web.

Now I don't care what anyone else says about this. However, giant spiders are creepy, especially if they make giant webs. And we all know what a spider web is for.

Now I don’t care what anyone else says about this. However, giant spiders are creepy, especially if they make giant webs. And we all know what a spider web is for.

28. Come and play at the playground with the giant bugs.

Now, kiddos, I bring you the playground of your nightmares. Or rather my nightmares. Seriously, what's with the giant bugs?

Now, kiddos, I bring you the playground of your nightmares. Or rather my nightmares. Seriously, what’s with the giant bugs?

29. Now have your kids relive the Lilliputian experience with the Gulliver’s Travels playground set.

Still, I wonder if the designer realized that Gulliver's Travels isn't for kids. Seriously, Jonathan Swift wrote for adults.

Still, I wonder if the designer realized that Gulliver’s Travels isn’t for kids. Seriously, Jonathan Swift wrote for adults and yet Gulliver’s travels on Lilliput seem to be continuously adapted in children’s media.

30. Aw, look at the cute little playground animals.

Now this is no playground I want to be in. Seriously, this looks like a "Carnival of Nightmares," especially with that 4 footed clown faced statue.

Now this is no playground I want to be in. Seriously, this looks like a “Carnival of Nightmares,” especially with that 4 footed clown faced statue. Just because it’s in bright colors doesn’t mean it’s not scary.

31. These little black monsters just want to play with you.

Seriously, these aren't cute. They're creepy as hell, especially at night. I mean they seem like they want to eat you alive or something.

Seriously, these aren’t cute. They’re creepy as hell, especially at night. I mean they seem like they want to eat you alive or something.

32. Now every playground has to have a nice dog since everyone loves them.

I guess the inspiration for this was the designer seeing a ferocious junk yard dog that you wouldn't want to go near. More like a junk yard dog you'd see from the Muppets.

I guess the inspiration for this was the designer seeing a ferocious junk yard dog that you wouldn’t want to go near. More like a junk yard dog you’d see from the Muppets.

33. Oh, look here’s a centaur.

Please let this be a creature that walks on all fours. However, I really don't want to know which end is used for what. Just don't ask me.

Please let this be a creature that walks on all fours. However, I really don’t want to know which end is used for what. Just don’t ask me.

34. Look, kiddies, see the bird now go play on it.

I think I just regret saying that because this piece just scares the living crap out of me. Also, I'm not sure if I'd call it a bird or not.

I think I just regret saying that because this piece just scares the living crap out of me. Also, I’m not sure if I’d call it a bird or not.

35. Now let’s just frolic with this serpent thing near a manhole.

Let's just say whoever's fixing the pipes from under there should better get out from a different manhole. I mean this beast is prepared to kill you.

Let’s just say whoever’s fixing the pipes from under there should better get out from a different manhole. I mean this beast is prepared to kill you.

36. Playing on a mouse trap is so fun.

Seriously, Russia, this is one of the most fucked up pieces of playground equipment I've ever seen. I mean why would anyone think that a dead mouse in a mousetrap is a good idea for a kids' playground piece. Giant rats are terrifying enough but seeing them dead in a giant mouse trap, well, that's sick.

Seriously, Russia, this is one of the most fucked up pieces of playground equipment I’ve ever seen. I mean why would anyone think that a dead mouse in a mousetrap is a good idea for a kids’ playground piece. Giant rats are terrifying enough but seeing them dead in a giant mouse trap, well, that’s sick.

37. Climb atop on the dragon with the three colored bottles attached to him.

Sure it's a dragon but I wonder if it has those bottles to lure in adults instead of kids. Then again, I don't know what they symbolize.

Sure it’s a dragon but I wonder if it has those bottles to lure in adults instead of kids. Then again, I don’t know what they symbolize.

38. Now come inside a giant guy’s head to keep yourselves warm.

Now this is just messed up. I really don't understand why a playground piece like this exists and probably never will.

Now this is just messed up. I really don’t understand why a playground piece like this exists and probably never will.

39. This little boy seems to enjoy riding the shroom monster.

Though it dwells in aquatic habitats, the shroom monster eats shrooms. Also, this sculpture was probably created by somebody  on shrooms. Still, it does have a nightmarishly pleased look about it.

Though it dwells in aquatic habitats, the shroom monster eats shrooms. Also, this sculpture was probably created by somebody on shrooms. Still, it does have a nightmarishly pleased look about it.

40. Now here’s a nice lovely little fountain for a great aesthetic playground look.

Now I may understand that the figures may have lost their arms due to years of neglect. However, why the hell are they naked? Aren't playgrounds supposed to be for children for God's sake?

Now I may understand that the figures may have lost their arms due to years of neglect. However, why the hell are they naked? Aren’t playgrounds supposed to be for children for God’s sake?

41. The 3 headed green dragon really just wants to play.

Of course, I've never seen a 3 headed dragon this eager since Comic Con. I mean it certainly seems to take delight in devouring helpless nerds who want to pose with it for photo ops.

Of course, I’ve never seen a 3 headed dragon this eager since Comic Con. I mean it certainly seems to take delight in devouring helpless nerds who want to pose with it for photo ops.

42. Of course, what’s a playground without climbing rope?

Is it just me or do these playground ropes seem to be tied like hanging nooses at the ends? Of course, I hope this isn't in Russia and that kid doesn't seem to have to end it all. Because I know a convenient place he could do it.

Is it just me or do these playground ropes seem to be tied like hanging nooses at the ends? Of course, I hope this isn’t in Russia and that kid doesn’t seem to want to end it all. Because I know a convenient place he could do it.

43. Have a ball on the cow tongue slide.

Looks like this giant mutant 3 tongued mad cow was the result of a genetic experiment gone horribly wrong. That or perhaps it being an alien from outer space.

Looks like this giant mutant 3 tongued mad cow was the result of a genetic experiment gone horribly wrong. That or perhaps it being an alien from outer space.

44. Welcome to Satan’s fun house.

Now why would anyone think about using the Prince of Darkness as a mouth for a playground piece? Oh, I forget this is an Oni from Japan since it says Tokyo Times on the corner. Still, Oni and demons tend to look very similar.

Now why would anyone think about using the Prince of Darkness as a mouth for a playground piece? Oh, I forget this is an Oni from Japan since it says Tokyo Times on the corner.  My mistake. Still, Oni and demons tend to look very similar.

45. Oh, look at that cute little bear cub.

Okay, now real bear cubs don't look like they're something straight off from a science fiction TV show. This one does. Still, the fact that this cub lacks a nose makes it all the more disturbing.

Okay, now real bear cubs don’t look like they’re something straight off from a science fiction TV show. This one does. Still, the fact that this cub lacks a nose makes it all the more disturbing.

46. Hey, at least this elephant sculpture in Russia isn’t so scary.

Wait a minute, this one has kids climb into the elephant and slide out of its rear end. Oh, that's just gross. Seriously, why?

Wait a minute, this one has kids climb into the elephant and slide out of its rear end. Oh, that’s just gross. Seriously, why?

47. Now this is nice. A bunch of rainbow colored kids with hoops. Wonder what can go wrong there.

Is it just me or do these kids look like they're peeing and those hoops are waves of their piss over the tracks? This is disgusting. I mean why does this structure exist in the first place?

Is it just me or do these kids look like they’re peeing and those hoops are waves of their piss over the tracks? This is disgusting. I mean why does this structure exist in the first place?

48. Now here’s one with some girl about to get devoured by a giant wicked witch.

I know King Kong isn't exactly for kids. Yet, I think if a giant gorilla was in the place of the scary witch, I think it would be less likely to give children nightmares. Just sayin.'

I know King Kong isn’t exactly for kids. Yet, I think if a giant gorilla was in the place of the scary witch, I think it would be less likely to give children nightmares. Just sayin.’

49. Oh, cute, a veterinarian trying to see if the wild animals are healthy. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Then again, it could be just Walter White administering his special blue meth to the woodland creatures. I mean there's always a way to expand his drug operation isn't it?

Then again, it could be just Walter White administering his special blue meth to the woodland creatures. I mean there’s always a way to expand his drug operation isn’t there?

50. Now look at this nice little equipment piece.

This reminds me of a horror movie known as The Human Centipede except that it didn't walk around in circles. Still, for a playground equipment, this is fucked up.

This reminds me of a horror movie known as The Human Centipede except that it didn’t walk around in circles. Still, for a playground equipment, this is fucked up.

51. Now finally, a playground piece on “Little Red Riding Hood.”

Now this is just disturbing. Looks like the wolf is about to eat Little Red and he's not even in Grandma's nightie yet. Now that's doomed to traumatized kids for years.

Now this is just disturbing. Looks like the wolf is about to eat Little Red and he’s not even in Grandma’s nightie yet. Now that’s doomed to traumatized kids for years.

52. Okay, so there’s a statue of a bunch of kids playing. Now what can possibly go wrong with that?

Now this is just so inappropriate on many levels. Seriously, what the fuck? Also what's that in the back kid's butt? Okay, I don't want to know.

Now this is just so inappropriate on many levels. Seriously, what the fuck? Also what’s that in the back kid’s butt? Okay, I don’t want to know.

53. You don’t want to cross this 3 headed dragon.

Now despite the graffiti and years of neglect, this statue is just as terrifying as ever. Seriously, it looks hungry for children.

Now despite the graffiti and years of neglect, this statue is just as terrifying as ever. Seriously, it looks hungry for children.

54. Now join Hammy the pig and ride this magical carousel.

Ewww, seems that Hammy has man boobs or something. That's just not right on so many levels. Perhaps he should just cover up before the butcher comes.

Ewww, seems that Hammy has man boobs or something. That’s just not right on so many levels. Perhaps he should just cover up before the butcher comes.

55. So while you’re at the park, kiddos, don’t forget to slide down the cheese grater.

This boy seems utterly scared for dear life landing on the cheese grating slide. Perhaps he didn't see where he'd land before going down the slide.

This boy seems utterly scared for dear life landing on the cheese grating slide. Perhaps he didn’t see where he’d land before going down the slide.

56. Climb up and go down the slide through somebody’s giant disembodied head.

Now this is messed up. Let's just say modern sculpture and playground equipment don't mix okay? Also, kind of creepy to slide through somebody's ear to their neck.

Now this is messed up. Let’s just say modern sculpture and playground equipment don’t mix okay? Also, kind of creepy to slide through somebody’s ear to their neck.

57. Come up and play on this giant robot.

Of course, it's very angry and keeps telling itself to, "Kill the humans!" but being partway stuck in green astroturf makes it impossible.

Of course, it’s very angry and keeps telling itself to, “Kill the humans!” but being partway stuck in green astroturf makes it impossible.

58. Now let’s sit beside this nice old lady.

Okay, she seems like she seems less inclined in giving out sugar cookies and more likely to put you in the oven. Trust me, her eyes reveal the depths of her evil soul.

Okay, she seems like she seems less inclined in giving out sugar cookies and more likely to put you in the oven. Trust me, her eyes reveal the depths of her evil soul.

59. Now, kids, you can slide down a ferocious gorilla.

Now why did they put a slide at King Kong's right boob for God's sake? This is crazy. Then again between his legs would've been worse.

Now why did they put a slide at King Kong’s right boob for God’s sake? This is crazy. Then again between his legs would’ve been worse.

60. Now here’s a statue of a nice little creature we may not know about.

My mistake. Actually this little creature seems quite terrifying to say the least. I mean it doesn't seem to be quite happy.

My mistake. Actually this little creature seems quite terrifying to say the least. I mean it doesn’t seem to be quite happy as well as has a certain blood lust for vengeance.

61. Now that’s nice a cute little sheep playground piece. What can go wrong with that?

Wait a minute, that's not a sheep. It's a mutant creature with a sheep's head from Soviet genetic engineering. Now that's one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

Wait a minute, that’s not a sheep. It’s a mutant creature with a sheep’s head from Soviet genetic engineering. Now that’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen.

62. Now these two seem to have a very good time.

Oh, God, please don't tell me what I think the deer and the crocodile are doing. Either this will end in a bloodbath or something more depraved and ghastly I can't post on this blog.

Oh, God, please don’t tell me what I think the deer and the crocodile are doing. Either this will end in a bloodbath or something more depraved and ghastly I can’t post on this blog.

63. Come to the pool to swim with the wolf and the rabbit.

Now the wolf seems rather friendly. The rabbit on the other hand, not so much. In fact, from the look on his face, he seems to secretly hope that you drown.

Now the wolf seems rather friendly. The rabbit on the other hand, not so much. In fact, from the look on his face, he seems to secretly hope that you drown.

64. Now climb aboard this funky bird or psychedelic cuckoo.

Now this playground piece was perhaps created by someone on acid or too much vodka. Either that, or it's a bird that's simply out of its world. Still, very freaky and unlike anything that I ever saw to say the least.

Now this playground piece was perhaps created by someone on acid or too much vodka. Either that, or it’s a bird that’s simply out of its world. Still, very freaky and unlike anything that I ever saw to say the least.

65. Hey, kids, climb upon the giant crocodile.

For one, that croc seems very scary and perhaps too realistic to be kid friendly in any way. Second, are those knives coming out of it? Third, I don't think this is a safe piece for children to climb on to say the least.

For one, that croc seems very scary and perhaps too realistic to be kid friendly in any way. Second, are those knives coming out of it? Third, I don’t think this is a safe piece for children to climb on to say the least.

66. Now here is a nice girl statue in the park.

Well, now I know which playground the girl from The Exorcist hangs out at. Remind me to stay away from that place.

Well, now I know which playground the girl from The Exorcist hangs out at. Remind me to stay away from that place.

67. Aw, look at that little girl sitting with Cthulhu?

I'm sure this is nothing like having your kid sit on Santa Claus' lap. Rather this is much more disturbing since Cthulhu is pure evil. Hey, why is Cthulhu in a playground anyway?

I’m sure this is nothing like having your kid sit on Santa Claus’ lap. Rather this is much more disturbing since Cthulhu is pure evil. Hey, why is Cthulhu in a playground anyway?

68. Let’s play on this large yellow, whatever it is?

The fact this creature is eyeless with a toothy smile makes me not want to go near it. I mean, it's the stuff of nightmares.

The fact this creature is eyeless with a toothy smile makes me not want to go near it. I mean, it’s the stuff of nightmares.

69. Aw, look at that cute little sheep.

This piece of mutton may look harmless. Yet, look into its eyes and it seems to have a sinister disposition.

This piece of mutton may look harmless. Yet, look into its eyes and it seems to have a sinister disposition. I would worry about that coming to life.

70. Climb aboard and play on this large, block monster.

Now this guy reminds me of the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. Well, the Tin Man if he didn't have a heart and didn't want one.

Now this guy reminds me of the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. Well, the Tin Man if he didn’t have a heart and didn’t want one.

71. Now let’s run through the tall guy in green’s legs.

I'm sure the tall guy reminds me of the giant from "Jack in the Beanstalk" if he was a really natty dresser. Still, he may lust for the blood of an Englishman, or a Russian in that matter. Of course, he'll take what he can get.

I’m sure the tall guy reminds me of the giant from “Jack in the Beanstalk” if he was a really natty dresser. Still, he may lust for the blood of an Englishman, or a Russian in that matter. Of course, he’ll take what he can get.

72. Hey, look at that nice friendly robot.

This is actually one of the few American playground pieces on this list. Still, it doesn't seem to look very friendly or has some sneaky side. Also, its walls remind me of a prison.

This is actually one of the few American playground pieces on this list. Still, it doesn’t seem to look very friendly or has some sneaky side. Also, its walls remind me of a prison.

73. Now let’s play on this old Soviet tank. It’s fun.

Now there are some pieces that should never be recycled into playground equipment. Tanks are one of these. Still, why Russia, why?

Now there are some pieces that should never be recycled into playground equipment. Tanks are one of these. Still, why Russia, why?

74. Now there’s Count Orlok sucking his fingers.

Yes, that certainly reminds me of the vampire I've seen from the 1922 horror classic Nosferatu. At least he didn't sparkle in the sunlight unlike another vampire we're familiar with.

Yes, that certainly reminds me of the vampire I’ve seen from the 1922 horror classic Nosferatu. At least he didn’t sparkle in the sunlight unlike another vampire we’re familiar with.

75. Oh, look it’s the 3 little pigs.

Or at least the soulless recreations of them. Still, I don't mind if the Big Bad Wolf eats them for I'd fear they'd eat me.

Or at least the soulless recreations of them. Still, I don’t mind if the Big Bad Wolf eats them for I’d fear they’d eat me.

The Wonderful World of Sand Sculpture

sand_sculpture_contest_11

Summer is a time of year where many people tend to travel great length to go to the beach. Of course, many kids tend to build sandcastles with their sand toys and such. Yet, while some of them may be quite good, there are some adults who tend to take this to an art form. Sometimes they don’t even build castles since such subject matter is kids’ stuff. Nevertheless, this post is about the kind of sand sculpture that would put a lot of little kids to shame if they ever viewed their creations as having any serious artistic merit. Of course, most little kids don’t take their creations too seriously but that’s beside the point. So without further adieu, here is an assortment of sand sculptures by a lot of artists who actually did take their sand castles seriously as young kids.

 

1. Why make a sandcastle when you can create a whole sand city skyline?

Of course, I'm not sure what city or if a any urban entity has such skyline. Yet, I have to admit it's better city than what I could've created.

Of course, I’m not sure what city or if a any urban entity has such skyline. Yet, I have to admit it’s better city than what I could’ve created.

 

2. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the abode of Poseidon.

I almost thought this was a sand sculpture of Zeus on Mount Olympus until I noticed the fish. Of course, you don't want to mess with Poseidon either since he's also the god of earthquakes.

I almost thought this was a sand sculpture of Zeus on Mount Olympus until I noticed the fish. Of course, you don’t want to mess with Poseidon either since he’s also the god of earthquakes.

 

3, Of course, you can’t exclude a sand sculpture of the Bard himself.

For those who don't know that is a donkey's head for Bottom from A Midsummer's Nights Dream. It's not a prop for The Godfather, which is nowhere near a Shakespearean comedy.

For those who don’t know that is a donkey’s head for Bottom from A Midsummer’s Nights Dream. It’s not a prop for The Godfather, which is nowhere near a Shakespearean comedy.

 

4. Of course, nobody can’t skip a sand sculpture rendition of the Wallace and Gromit classic The Wrong Trousers.

Of course, the moral of The Wrong Trousers is never trust mysterious anthropomorphic penguins, especially if it wears a rubber red glove to disguise itself as a chicken.

Of course, the moral of The Wrong Trousers is never trust mysterious anthropomorphic penguins, especially if it wears a rubber red glove to disguise itself as a chicken.

 

5. A Star Trek sand sculpture can go to where sand sculpture has never gone before.

Still, this doesn't stop Spock from thinking that sand artwork is highly illogical. Of course, he thinks a lot of things are illogical.

Still, this doesn’t stop Spock from thinking that sand artwork is highly illogical. Of course, he thinks a lot of things are illogical.

 

6. Go to the beach and see Batman fight the Hulk.

I don't know about you, but I don't think a fight between Batman and the Hulk would make an exciting movie. I mean I'm sure Batman would somehow end up in the ICU with a full body cast once the Hulk is done with him.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a fight between Batman and the Hulk would make an exciting movie. I mean I’m sure Batman would somehow end up in the ICU with a full body cast once the Hulk is done with him.

 

7. We’ll always have a sand sculpture of Hollywood.

Of course, this is a sand sculpture of the climatic scene in Casablanca when Ilsa goes on that plane. Still, "Here's looking at you kid."

Of course, this is a sand sculpture of the climatic scene in Casablanca when Ilsa goes on that plane. Still, “Here’s looking at you kid.”

 

8. Yet, no sand sculpture gallery would be complete without a rendition of Herman Mellville’s Moby Dick.

Of course, this is the scene when Moby Dick takes down Captain Ahab which kind of serves the bastard right. After all, Moby Dick wasn't nearly as obsessed with meeting Ahab as Ahab was meeting him.

Of course, this is the scene when Moby Dick takes down Captain Ahab which kind of serves the bastard right. After all, Moby Dick wasn’t nearly as obsessed with meeting Ahab as Ahab was meeting him.

 

9. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you a sand sculpture of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Of course, contrary to the map, Jack Sparrow is a pirate from the Caribbean, not Boston. Yet, the artist did a hell of a job since it almost resembles the real thing.

Of course, contrary to the map, Jack Sparrow is a pirate from the Caribbean, not Boston. Yet, the artist did a hell of a job since it almost resembles the real thing.

 

10. I’m sure a giant Gollum still hasn’t gotten over losing his precious.

"We wants it. We needs it. We must have the precious." Still, very artistically done but might frighten the kids.

“We wants it. We needs it. We must have the precious.” Still, very artistically done but might frighten the kids.

 

11. See Leonardo Da Vinci draw his Virtruvian Man on the beach.

Of course, the reason we could tell it's Da Vinci and not an old man rising from the sand has more to do with the Virtruvian Man's inclusion.

Of course, the reason we could tell it’s Da Vinci and not an old man rising from the sand has more to do with the Virtruvian Man’s inclusion.

 

12. Of course, you have to include a sand sculpture of Darth Vader though he may be on the dark side of the Force.

Still, Darth Vader tends to be a popular subject among sand sculptors for some reason. Maybe it's due to him being such an iconic bad guy.

Still, Darth Vader tends to be a popular subject among sand sculptors for some reason. Maybe it’s due to him being such an iconic bad guy.

 

13. For you Canadians, here’s the sand sculpture for you.

Still, I'm not sure if a sand sculpture for Canada is appropriate since I'm sure the country isn't known for its beaches. I think a snow sculpture would be better.

Still, I’m not sure if a sand sculpture for Canada is appropriate since I’m sure the country isn’t known for its beaches. I think a snow sculpture would be more suitable.

 

14. Why make a sand castle when you can make a bunch of sand dinosaurs fighting each other?

Of course, I wouldn't let my kids anywhere near those Tyrannosaurs. Still, I'm sure letting your kids playing around dinosaurs isn't very responsible parental behavior even if T-rexes are awesome.

Of course, I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near those Tyrannosaurs. Still, I’m sure letting your kids playing around dinosaurs isn’t very responsible parental behavior even if T-rexes are awesome.

 

15. See a rendition of George Washington crossing the Delaware.

Of course, I'm sure icy water is easier to navigate through than sand. Yet, I can see Lincoln in the background for some reason.

Of course, I’m sure icy water is easier to navigate through than sand. Yet, I can see Lincoln in the background for some reason.

 

16. See a sand sculpture involving a Pope and a winged lion.

Of course, I'm sure the Pope in the original picture just had himself put in a portrait with a winged lion to make himself seem more badass. At least I think the guy in the sculpture's a pope.

Of course, I’m sure the Pope in the original picture just had himself put in a portrait with a winged lion to make himself seem more badass. At least I think the guy in the sculpture’s a pope.

 

17. Here is a sand sculpture depicting the birth of Aphrodite rising from the sea in a clam shell.

That is, it's actually only one of the ways Aphrodite was born in Greek Mythology. Still, in this version of her birth, she didn't necessarily rise out of a clam shell. It actually out of another god's genitals cut off during a family dispute.

That is, it’s actually only one of the ways Aphrodite was born in Greek Mythology. Still, in this version of her birth, she didn’t necessarily rise out of a clam shell. It actually out of another god’s genitals cut off during a family dispute.

 

18. Dr. Sigmund Freud sometimes likes to psychoanalyze his patients at the beach.

Of course, what you don't want to hear from Dr. Freud are his psychological evaluations of Greek mythological characters. Please, don't ask.

Of course, what you don’t want to hear from Dr. Freud are his psychological evaluations of Greek mythological characters. Please, don’t ask.

 

19. Let’s see if this Lord of the Rings sand sculpture is the one to rule them all.

Of course,this sculpture only has Gollum, Gandalf, and Frodo Baggins since doing a sand sculpture of the Fellowship would've taken up the whole beach.

Of course,this sculpture only has Gollum, Gandalf, and Frodo Baggins since doing a sand sculpture of the Fellowship would’ve taken up the whole beach.

 

20. See a sand sculpture of Charlie Chaplin’s The Kid.

And here's Jackie Coogan playing the adorable little boy way before he played Uncle Fester in The Addams Family. Yes, Uncle Fester was once a cute little boy.

And here’s Jackie Coogan playing the adorable little boy way before he played Uncle Fester in The Addams Family. Yes, Uncle Fester was once a cute little boy.

 

21. Here’s a sand sculpture rendition of Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels.

Of course, many would be creeped out by the idea of being tied down on a beach by tiny people while sleeping.

Of course, many would be creeped out by the idea of being tied down on a beach by tiny people while sleeping. I mean this is what most people remember from those stories.

 

22. And now a sand sculpture of King Trident’s castle.

I don't know about you but I think Poseidon's domain was way cooler for some reason. Still, right on though.

I don’t know about you but I think Poseidon’s domain was way cooler for some reason. Still, right on though.

 

23. Why have a sand castle while you can create a sand dragon?

I'm sure the woman in the sculpture knows what I'm talking about. Though I'd be worry about her since dragons aren't really that nice.

I’m sure the woman in the sculpture knows what I’m talking about. Though I’d be worry about her since dragons aren’t really that nice.

 

24. Here is a sand sculpture of a Mesoamerican calendar.

Of course, I'm not sure if it's either Mayan or Aztec. Then again, it almost resembles what would be found at a real site.

Of course, I’m not sure if it’s either Mayan or Aztec. Then again, it almost resembles what would be found at a real site.

 

25. Of course, you can’t leave the beach until you’ve seen a sand sculpture depicting the Last Supper.

Still, despite being very close to the tide, this is actually quite good. Too bad it will be washed away though.

Still, despite being very close to the tide, this is actually quite good. Too bad it will be washed away though.

 

26. Here’s a sand sculpture rendition of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

The reason why I know this is because of Dobby's presence and Ron's broken wand. However, what I have to ask is where's Harry Potter in this?

The reason why I know this is because of Dobby’s presence and Ron’s broken wand. However, what I have to ask is where’s Harry Potter in this?

 

27. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the sand sculpture rendition of the Taj Mahal.

Of course, if you see a rendition of the Taj Mahal, you'll get the idea of India. Yet, you need to hear the story behind it.

Of course, if you see a rendition of the Taj Mahal, you’ll get the idea of India. Yet, you need to hear the story behind it.

 

28. And here’s a sand sculpture tribute to Jurassic Park.

So the moral of this movie is that cloning dinosaurs for tourism is a very bad idea. Reason is demonstrated here.

So the moral of this movie is that cloning dinosaurs for tourism is a very bad idea. Reason is demonstrated here.

 

29. Now here’s a sand sculpture tribute to Noah’s Ark.

Of course if it weren't for the ark in the background, you would've assumed it was a take off on the creatures of Africa.

Of course if it weren’t for the ark in the background, you would’ve assumed it was a take off on the creatures of Africa.

 

30. Here is a sand sculpture of a Mesoamerican pyramid temple.

Of course, if you want to know if it's Mayan or Aztec, see who gets sacrificed there. Mayans take nobles while Aztecs take anyone they captured. Also, if it's a temple to Quetzalcoatl, no humans will be sacrificed there at all.

Of course, if you want to know if it’s Mayan or Aztec, see who gets sacrificed there. Mayans take nobles while Aztecs take anyone they captured. Also, if it’s a temple to Quetzalcoatl, no humans will be sacrificed there at all.

 

31. Now here is a giant sand sculpture of the Buddha.

Of course, I'm sure spending a lot of time creating this statue isn't really an enlightened activity to some people.

Of course, I’m sure spending a lot of time creating this statue isn’t really an enlightened activity to some people.

 

32. Here is a sandy rendition of the Syndey Opera House.

Of course, this is probably one of the more famous buildings in Australia if you know what I mean.

Of course, this is probably one of the more famous buildings in Australia if you know what I mean.

 

33. Finally, a sand sculpture tribute to the Harry Potter series.

At least this one has Harry and a lot of the major characters as well as Hogwarts itself. Then again, where's Dumbledore?

At least this one has Harry and a lot of the major characters as well as Hogwarts itself. Then again, where’s Dumbledore and Hagrid?

 

34. To remember our troops, here is a sand sculpture of the famous photo from Iwo Jima.

Of course, if you've seen Flags of Our Fathers, what happened to the guys in the photo wasn't pretty. This is particularly with Ira Hayes.

Of course, if you’ve seen Flags of Our Fathers, what happened to the guys in the photo wasn’t pretty. This is particularly with Ira Hayes.

 

35. Here’s a sand sculpture of a rock star having a good old time.

Nevertheless, the song he played was "Enter the Sandman." Get it?

Nevertheless, the song he played was “Enter the Sandman.” Get it?

 

36. A great sand sculpture dedication of Mount Rushmore.

Of course, it has the rare distinction of being one of America's most iconic monuments while still managing to offend the Native Americans living near it.

Of course, it has the rare distinction of being one of America’s most iconic monuments while still managing to offend the Native Americans living near it.

 

37. Here is a sand sculpture of Michelangelo’s Pieta.

Of course, it's not quite like the Michelangelo sculpture but it'll have to do for this beach. Also, pretty close to the tide.

Of course, it’s not quite like the Michelangelo sculpture but it’ll have to do for this beach. Also, pretty close to the tide.

 

38. And now, a sand sculpture rendition of the Great Sphnix.

Still, don't know whatever happened to his nose? Probably had something to do with erosion or something.

Still, don’t know whatever happened to his nose. Probably had something to do with erosion or something.

 

39. Here is a sand sculpture of Romeo and Juliet.

"Uh, Romeo, she's not dead honestly. And, Juliet, just wake up already before he poisons himself already!" Seriously how can we view two teenagers making such rash decisions due to raging hormones as romantic?

“Uh, Romeo, she’s not dead honestly. And, Juliet, just wake up already before he poisons himself already!” Seriously how can we view two teenagers making such rash decisions due to raging hormones as romantic?

 

40. Finally a sand monument to Walt and Mickey in sand.

On second thought, we have to accept that Walt Disney was kind of a scheming bastard while Mickey can be quite creepy.

On second thought, we have to accept that Walt Disney was kind of a scheming bastard while Mickey can be quite creepy.

 

41. And now to commemorate the Rio Olympics, here’s a sand sculpture of Rio de Janiero’s Christ the Redeemer.

Of course, I would've done this post during the World Cup but I was busy with other things at the time.

Of course, I would’ve done this post during the World Cup but I was busy with other things at the time.

 

42. Ladies and gentlemen,  I bring you the Beatles.

Paul: "What's the matter with him?" John: "Don't know. Probably come down with a bad case of Bieber Fever."

Paul: “What’s the matter with him?”
John: “Don’t know. Probably come down with a bad case of Bieber Fever.”

 

43. May I present to you, Harley Davidson’s wild hogs.

Having pigs on motorcycles is actually a clever idea. Of course, I hope they don't crash and end up crsipy bacon.

Having pigs on motorcycles is actually a clever idea. Of course, I hope they don’t crash, burn and end up crsipy bacon.

 

44. Of course, you have to have a sand sculpture of the Ten Commandments.

Of course, you can follow the Ten Commandments to the letter all your life and still be a shitty person. Also, I'm not posting this as a statement of religion. It's just for artistic merit. By the way, these aren't the Ten Commandments I learned in religion class anyway.

Of course, you can follow the Ten Commandments to the letter all your life and still be a shitty person. Also, I’m not posting this as a statement of religion. It’s just for artistic merit. By the way, these aren’t the Ten Commandments I learned in religion class anyway.

 

45. And now, a sand sculpture of the Greek gods on Mount Olympus.

Of course, in the world of mythology, this bunch is one of the most powerful jerks you'll ever meet.

Of course, in the world of mythology, this bunch is one of the most powerful jerks you’ll ever meet, especially Zeus. I mean most of the problems in Greek mythology are caused by Zeus not being able to keep it in his pants.

 

46. Of course, this castle has seen better days.

Yet, it's still much more amazing than a sand castle that I could ever build.

Yet, it’s still much more amazing than a sand castle that I could ever build.

 

47. There once was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

Of course, contrary to the nursery rhyme all her children had gone by now. And she's basically living in it with her cat.

Of course, contrary to the nursery rhyme all her children had gone by now. And she’s basically living in it with her cat.

 

48. Man, I wonder if there could be a place like this in real life.

Nevertheless, this sand sculpture design is rather impressive.

Nevertheless, this sand sculpture design is rather impressive. I sure couldn’t do that.

 

49. And now a sand sculpture of Marilyn Monroe from The Seven Year Itch.

Of course, this image was on a lot young men's bedroom walls in the 1950s, though considered risque at the time.

Of course, this image was on a lot young men’s bedroom walls in the 1950s, though considered risque at the time.

 

50. Finally, a sand sculpture of the Statue of Liberty.

She seems more lively than the real thing in New York Harbor. Then again, she doesn't get much leeway in metal though.

She seems more lively than the real thing in New York Harbor. Then again, she doesn’t get much leeway in metal though.

The Wonderful World of Lawn Ornaments

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Of course, lawn ornaments have always been a tacky mainstay in many gardens. Whether it be gnomes, flamingos, Virgin Mary grottoes, and what not, you’ve seen them on a roadside once in a while. Some of you may have a few yourself which you like to show off to the neighbors or onlookers. Sure many of us can have the urge to decorate our lawns and gardens with certain statues and artworks which sometimes don’t go well with the landscape. I could talk about all the kitschy lawn ornaments I’ve seen over the internet but you probably would’ve found it boring and wouldn’t have much interest in this post. In fact, there are people who have lawn ornaments that even defy the conventional pink flamingo ornaments you see in the leading picture. And since I was tied up with doing movie history posts back in the spring, now’s the best time as any. So without further adieu, here are some of the tackiest lawn ornaments ever to grace any garden or lawn.

 

1. For the beachfront garden, here’s a wooden pictures of two kids in swimsuits.

Yet, I'm not sure if these kids in swimsuits would be appropriate in a more inland setting with trees. After all, they seem a bit too happy by a realistic standpoint.

Yet, I’m not sure if these kids in swimsuits would be appropriate in a more inland setting with trees. After all, they seem a bit too happy by a realistic standpoint.

 

2. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you, Zombie Gnome.

Of course, with the popularity of The Walking Dead, we have to have zombie versions of everything. Of course, this gnome won't be a danger to your brains due to its size but to other gnomes, well, God help them.

Of course, with the popularity of The Walking Dead, we have to have zombie versions of everything. Of course, this gnome won’t be a danger to your brains due to its size but to other gnomes, well, God help them.

 

3. How about a whale fountain that spurts out water from its mouth?

This whale seems rather happy for being way outside its natural environment for some reason. Of course, it's made from metal but still.

This whale seems rather happy for being way outside its natural environment for some reason. Of course, it’s made from metal but still.

 

4. Of course, for those who have a thing for the Old South, here’s a black boy ornament sitting on a ledge.

I have an uncle who has an ornament similar to this. Of course, it was more racist looking than this, but it still made me cringe. Still, you wouldn't want this figure in a predominantly black neighborhood. Sorry, NAACP.

I have an uncle who has an ornament similar to this. Of course, it was more racist looking than this, but it still made me cringe. Still, you wouldn’t want this figure in a predominantly black neighborhood. Sorry, NAACP.

 

5. If you’re into frogs, here some in sexually suggestive poses.

Of course, the only thing saving these animals from being inappropriate is the fact that frogs don't have mammary glands. Yet, you can tell that whoever designed these figures probably kept a secret Playboy stash during his high school years.

Of course, the only thing saving these animals from being inappropriate is the fact that frogs don’t have mammary glands. Yet, you can tell that whoever designed these figures probably kept a secret Playboy stash during his high school years.

 

6. For those who like frogs, here’s a glow in the dark one to light your garden.

Now if I saw a real frog glowing in the dark in my yard, I'd freak out like you wouldn't believe. Seriously frogs don't glow in the dark.

Now if I saw a real frog glowing in the dark in my yard, I’d freak out like you wouldn’t believe. Seriously frogs don’t glow in the dark.

 

7. Nothing makes a great lawn sculpture than a tiger on a chain.

I just hope that whoever owns this doesn't have neighbors in PETA, ASPCA or the Humane Society. In fact, let's hope that this person isn't living anywhere near anyone active in animal rights because a tiger chained at the neck has some rather unfortunate implications.

I just hope that whoever owns this doesn’t have neighbors in PETA, ASPCA or the Humane Society. In fact, let’s hope that this person isn’t living anywhere near anyone active in animal rights because a tiger chained at the neck has some rather unfortunate implications.

 

8. For cow lovers, here’s a red one in a dress.

As to why anyone would want a red cow with a dress on is beyond me. I mean real cows don’t wear dresses and aren’t that bright red. Still, doesn’t emanate a great artistic taste of the owner who probably spent a lot of money on it.

 

9. For gnome lovers, here’s one with a blowtorch.

I'm sure Garden gnome Sherman has endured enough strain from being viewed as a conventional tacky lawn ornament and is now proceeding to burn the garden down in a blaze of glory.

I’m sure Garden gnome Sherman has endured enough strain from being viewed as a conventional tacky lawn ornament and is now proceeding to burn the garden down in a blaze of glory.

 

10. Of course, if you’re into torture porn here’s a lawn ornament with two guys squeezing a happy naked woman skinny.

Seriously, why put this in your lawn? Whoever sees this as an appropriate garden decoration ought to have his head examined. This isn't funny but rather very disturbing indeed.

Seriously, why put this in your lawn? Whoever sees this as an appropriate garden decoration ought to have his head examined. This isn’t funny but rather very disturbing indeed with human rights abuses on top of that. Also, is she bleeding?

 

11. Well, this seems cute. A boy helping a girl get a drink at a little fountain.

Well, at least I hope it is because there seems to be an inappropriate connotation here which is rather unsettling.

Well, at least I hope it is because there seems to be an inappropriate connotation here which is rather unsettling. I don’t want to be wring here but the boy seems to enjoy himself a little too much while helping a girl with a drink.

 

12. Of course, for rabbit lovers, here’s a cute little statue for your garden.

Actually if you have kids, don't even think about getting this because it's rather inappropriate. After all, remember the expression, "breeding like rabbits" means.

Actually if you have kids, don’t even think about getting this because it’s rather inappropriate. After all, remember the expression, “breeding like rabbits” mean. You probably could see plenty of this in your back yard so there’s no reason to get such statue.

 

13. For the person sick of having to clean up after the neighborhood pooches, here’s the perfect sign.

I'm sure a No Dumping! sign with a dog pooping is going to deter the neighborhood dogs from doing their business in your flower garden. Actually it's not going to do a damn thing since dogs will go anywhere they damn well please.

I’m sure a No Dumping! sign with a dog pooping is going to deter the neighborhood dogs from doing their business in your flower garden. Actually it’s not going to do a damn thing since dogs will go anywhere they damn well please. In fact, this sign may backfire as far as the animals are concerned.

 

14. If you’re British and want to show your love for Queen and country, here’s a couple of large stone heads of Her Majesty and Prince Consort.

Now nothing depicts Great Britain as a nation of gardening fanatics than having Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip being depicted as a couple of giant Chia heads created by people who probably have too much time on their hands. Seriously, this is just so over the top if you know what I mean yet the Queen does have a lot of nice flowers in her hair.

Now nothing depicts Great Britain as a nation of gardening fanatics than having Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip being depicted as a couple of giant Chia heads created by people who probably have too much time on their hands. Seriously, this is just so over the top if you know what I mean yet the Queen does have a lot of nice flowers in her hair.

 

15. Nothing says a great birth announcement, than a lawn sign bringing the neighbors close to the scene.

Now I don't know about you, but this is just a pretty tasteless sign. Perhaps it's best to announce to the neighbors with conventional signs reading "It's a boy!" or It's a girl!" Guess this proud new dad seemed to have too much time on his hands.

Now I don’t know about you, but this is just a pretty tasteless sign. Perhaps it’s best to announce to the neighbors with conventional signs reading “It’s a boy!” or It’s a girl!” Guess this proud new dad seemed to have too much time on his hands.

 

16. What better gnome to have in your yard than one that glows in the dark.

Now this doesn't seem to look like a glow in the dark gnome than it does, well, let's say a glow in a dark something else. Let's say that Sigmund Freud may have a field day with whoever designed this.

Now this doesn’t seem to look like a glow in the dark gnome than it does, well, let’s say a glow in a dark something else. Let’s say that Sigmund Freud may have a field day with whoever designed this.

 

17. Nothing makes a great garden decoration than a bronze statue of Bigfoot

Of course, if your statue of Sasquatch proves a draw on Discovery Channel's Finding Bigfoot, don't be surprised. Of course, there's probably enough evidence that Bigfoot probably doesn't exist in the first place.

Of course, if your statue of Sasquatch proves a draw on Discovery Channel’s Finding Bigfoot, don’t be surprised. Of course, there’s probably enough evidence that Bigfoot probably doesn’t exist in the first place.

 

18. Of course, nothing brings the spirit of summer than a black statue eating watermelon.

Blackface depiction of black people is considered racist in the United States. And seeing them with watermelon just adds further insult to injury that would make the NAACP shriek in horror. Once again, sorry NAACP, but I can’t see how anyone not racist would want to buy this.

 

19. Of course, here’s a Mexican figure with his burro.

The fact this statue is placed near a metal linked fence is rather suggestive of another negative stereotype on Mexicans, especially in this day in age. Sometimes placement is everything.

The fact this statue is placed near a metal linked fence is rather suggestive of another negative stereotype on Mexicans, especially in this day in age. Sometimes placement is everything.

 

20. For those who don’t know what to do with their old toilet, how about retrofit it into a new planter in your garden.

Excuse me, but we need to admit that toilets make aesthetically tacky planters for your garden. Seriously, even this owner knows this and even adds on to it.

Excuse me, but we need to admit that toilets make aesthetically tacky planters for your garden. Seriously, even this owner knows this and even adds on to it.

 

21. Nothing brings in the baseball season like a Mexican guy with a baseball.

And how do I know he's Mexican? Well, he has a sombrero and a bandanna around his neck. Then again, baseball is a popular sport among the Latino and Latin American community. However, the most negative stereotypical thing about this is that it makes the mistaken assumption is that all Hispanics in the US are Mexicans.

And how do I know he’s Mexican? Well, he has a sombrero and a bandanna around his neck. Then again, baseball is a popular sport among the Latino and Latin American community. However, the most negative stereotypical thing about this is that it makes the mistaken assumption is that all Hispanics in the US are Mexicans.

 

22. Here’s a gnome showing the world where the sun don’t shine.

Of course, this lawn ornament makes an addition to the long series of Gnomes behaving badly. Also, if I saw any guy with a white beard, there's no way in hell I'd want to see what his backside looks like and gnomes are no exception.

Of course, this lawn ornament makes an addition to the long series of Gnomes behaving badly. Also, if I saw any guy with a white beard, there’s no way in hell I’d want to see what his backside looks like and gnomes are no exception.

 

23. Nothing makes a more idyllic lawn ornament than a free standing deer.

Now I have neighbors who have free standing deer like this but they aren't really used for decoration. In fact, they're used for target practice for hunting season. Also, if there are deer around during mating season, there's a chance they may mistake this ornament for the real thing.

Now I have neighbors who have free standing deer like this but they aren’t really used for decoration. In fact, they’re used for target practice for hunting season. Also, if there are deer around during mating season, there’s a chance they may mistake this ornament for the real thing.

 

24. Now here’s a great garden statue that shows the spirit of togetherness.

Is it just me or does this statue seem to depict something very, very dirty? If so, then I suggest you don't get this if you live in a neighborhood with children. Else their parents would get very angry with you.

Is it just me or does this statue seem to depict something very, very dirty? If so, then I suggest you don’t get this if you live in a neighborhood with children. Else their parents would get very angry with you.

 

25. Who could think that a stature with a head and legs could be this so adorable?

Actually I think this lawn sculpture is kind of terrifying, especially with the smirky smile on its face. Please, kill it! Kill it with fire for God's sake!

Actually I think this lawn sculpture is kind of terrifying, especially with the smirky smile on its face. Please, kill it! Kill it with fire for God’s sake!

 

26. For the art lovers, here is a statue of the Venus de Milo in funky colors.

I know the Ancient Greeks and Romans used to paint their statues but somehow this Venus de Milo rendition seems rather tacky to me. Perhaps I'm not familiar with her being painted like she's fresh from some makeover gone bad at the beauty salon. That is, assuming the salon is accommodating to people with no arms and takes people who don't have a shirt on.

I know the Ancient Greeks and Romans used to paint their statues but somehow this Venus de Milo rendition seems rather tacky to me. Perhaps I’m not familiar with her being painted like she’s fresh from some makeover gone bad at the beauty salon. That is, assuming the salon is accommodating to people with no arms and takes people who don’t have a shirt on.

 

27. If you want to keep those pesky kids off your lawn, here’s a giant metal dragon to scare them.

Yet, let it be known that this lawn statue isn't going to help you get along with the neighbors or receive an invitation to the neighborhood cookout. In fact, this may make your neighbors afraid of you.

Yet, let it be known that this lawn statue isn’t going to help you get along with the neighbors or receive an invitation to the neighborhood cookout. In fact, this may make your neighbors afraid of you.

 

28. Of course, even gnomes sometimes have to relieve themselves.

Of course, gnomes don't use toilets so it's not unlike them to squat down, take their pants down, and answer the call of nature right on the spot.

Of course, gnomes don’t use toilets so it’s not unlike them to squat down, take their pants down, and answer the call of nature right on the spot.

 

29. Now sometimes there are gnomes who may resort to certain ways of deviance.

So we shouldn't be upset when we see gnomes flashing their erect penises, trying to take down people with machine guns, and pole dancing.

So we shouldn’t be upset when we see gnomes flashing their erect penises, trying to take down people with machine guns, and pole dancing.

 

30. Wow your neighbors with this handy little UFO display in front of your house.

Yet, understand that having such displays in your front lawn, may draw a lot of UFO conspiracy theorists in your neighborhood. And let me say, you may see them as weirdos.

Yet, understand that having such displays in your front lawn, may draw a lot of UFO conspiracy theorists in your neighborhood. And let me say, you may see them as weirdos.

 

31. Nothing enhances the quality of your lawn like a creature peeping from a manhole.

Actually that's pretty creepy, especially for those who fix pipes underground. Also, kind of insulting to utility workers for some reason.

Actually that’s pretty creepy, especially for those who fix pipes underground. Also, kind of insulting to utility workers for some reason.

 

32. Oh, look a talking rock.

Now if I saw a rock with teeth like that, I would be more than slightly disturbed. This is a rather terrifying lawn ornament if you know what I mean.

Now if I saw a rock with teeth like that, I would be more than slightly disturbed. This is a rather terrifying lawn ornament if you know what I mean.

 

33. Of course, who could forget the traditional lawn jockey?

When it comes to racist lawn ornaments, none comes in greater notoriety than the infamous lawn jockey ornament. Again, sorry NAACP, but in a post of utterly tacky lawn ornaments, there's no way I couldn't avoid posting this.

When it comes to racist lawn ornaments, none comes in greater notoriety than the infamous lawn jockey ornament. Again, sorry NAACP, but in a post of utterly tacky lawn ornaments, there’s no way I couldn’t avoid posting this.

 

34. Of course, with a statue like this, you’ll always have a full moon.

Of course, I'm sure the neighbors would sure view you as an upstanding role model for displaying a statue showing utter disrespect. Note how my prose reflects utter sarcasm in reference to this.

Of course, I’m sure the neighbors would sure view you as an upstanding role model for displaying a statue showing utter disrespect. Note how my prose reflects utter sarcasm in reference to this.

 

35. Now introducing the one, the only, his majesty the King, Elvis frog.

Yes, you heard me, Elvis Frog. He's the one who brought you hits like, "That's All Ribbit," "Heartbreak Swamp," "Hound Fly," "Bossa Nova Tadpole," and "Jailswamp Rock."

Yes, you heard me, Elvis Frog. He’s the one who brought you hits like, “That’s All Ribbit,” “Heartbreak Swamp,” “Hound Fly,” “Bossa Nova Tadpole,” and “Jailswamp Rock.”

 

36. I don’t what I if you don’t decorate with some moai.

Of course, this may seem like a fun decoration at first. But take note that erecting the original Easter Island Statues would soon lead to all the island's trees being cut down and mass starvation and decline of a Polynesian people. Kind of depressing isn't it?

Of course, this may seem like a fun decoration at first. But take note that erecting the original Easter Island Statues would soon lead to all the island’s trees being cut down and mass starvation and decline of a Polynesian people. Kind of depressing isn’t it?

 

37. Of course, who wouldn’t want a garden ornament of a dog doing his business?

Hey, at least unlike the real thing, it doesn't leave a special present behind so you don't have to clean up after it. Kind of says a lot compared to having a real dog except that it would be incapable of showing any affection whatsoever.

Hey, at least unlike the real thing, it doesn’t leave a special present behind so you don’t have to clean up after it. Kind of says a lot compared to having a real dog except that it would be incapable of showing any affection whatsoever.

 

38. Just a naked statue minding its own business.

Of course, why such a statue would want to frolick around while exposing itself, I don't have the slightest idea. Also I don't understand why people would want to put naked statues in their gardens in the first place. Then again, there may be a few I can't name.

Of course, why such a statue would want to frolick around while exposing itself, I don’t have the slightest idea. Also I don’t understand why people would want to put naked statues in their gardens in the first place. Then again, there may be a few I can’t name.

 

39. What better way to improve your lawn than to have it resemble a scene from a car accident.

Seriously, why would anyone think that having a lawn ornament like this would be a good idea? Seems more like someone would call 911 over a scene like this it weren’t for the lack of fire, smoke, and people in serious need for medical attention or reduced to dead mutilated corpses. Honestly, car accidents aren’t funny things at all.

 

40. No lawn ornament like this says that the family who gets boob jobs together stays together.

Seriously, what's with these little girls having such big boobs? This is highly disturbing because normally little girls don't have breasts. And if they do, there's something seriously wrong with them.

Seriously, what’s with these little girls having such big boobs? This is highly disturbing because normally little girls don’t have breasts. And if they do, there’s something seriously wrong with them.

 

41. What better way to have a bonfire than in a fire pit with forest decorations.

Of course, anyone with a fire pit like this isn't going to make friends with Smokey the Bear, Bambi, or anyone living in an area notorious for wildfires. Seriously, forest fires aren't nice things.

Of course, anyone with a fire pit like this isn’t going to make friends with Smokey the Bear, Bambi, or anyone living in an area notorious for wildfires. Seriously, forest fires aren’t nice things.

 

42. Nothing like a bath in dirt and chains.

Seriously, who thought that such design would make a good lawn ornament? I mean it's something you'd more likely read about in 50 Shades of Grey than something you'd want to see in your garden.

Seriously, who thought that such design would make a good lawn ornament? I mean it’s something you’d more likely read about in 50 Shades of Grey than something you’d want to see in your garden.

 

43. Of course, to those who like to see attractive women mowing your lawn.

I guess she wasn't hired for her mowing efficiency judging by her choice with using a push mower. Of course, if Hugh Hefner worked in Cub Cadet's marketing department, such ads would look like this.

I guess she wasn’t hired for her mowing efficiency judging by her choice with using a push mower. Of course, if Hugh Hefner worked in Cub Cadet’s marketing department, such ads would look like this.

 

44. See the world burn with this globe outdoor fire pit.

Whoever designed this doesn't seem to have a great outlook on life. I mean who wants to see our planet in a hell fire blaze. It's disturbing.

Whoever designed this doesn’t seem to have a great outlook on life. I mean who wants to see our planet in a hell fire blaze. It’s disturbing.

 

45. No flamingo could shimmer in the sun like one decked in rhinestones.

Now flamingo lawn decorations are tacky enough but a rhinestone flamingo? Well, that takes tackiness to a whole new level.

Now flamingo lawn decorations are tacky enough but a rhinestone flamingo? Well, that takes tackiness to a whole new level.

 

46. Nothing graces a lawn better than a statue of a scantily clad woman draping with flowers.

Who in their right mind would erect such a tacky lawn ornament like this? I mean this will either distract onlooking drivers or neighbors, or lead to some questioning your taste in decorating decency.

Who in their right mind would erect such a tacky lawn ornament like this? I mean this will either distract onlooking drivers or neighbors, or lead to some questioning your taste in decorating decency. Some would just be disappointed she isn’t real.

 

47. Grace your lawn and garden with a one of a kind Lady Gaga statue.

Sure this statue may give neighbors an idea that you're a big fan of hers. But, honestly, I don't think Lady Gaga herself would have this in her own garden. Seriously, a Lady Gaga lawn ornament?

Sure this statue may give neighbors an idea that you’re a big fan of hers. But, honestly, I don’t think Lady Gaga herself would have this in her own garden. Seriously, a Lady Gaga lawn ornament?

 

48. Of course, you can’t do without an outhouse.

Now using an outhouse as a lawn decoration isn't going to make your lawn more aesthetically pleasing. Especially if it has a moon on the door.

Now using an outhouse as a lawn decoration isn’t going to make your lawn more aesthetically pleasing. Especially if it has a moon on the door.

 

49. What better way to show your patriotism than to have a lawn statue of a giant big cat with an American flag.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Pink Panther's (from the cartoon not the movie) little known American cousin. Of course, you wouldn't know him since he's considered an embarrassment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Pink Panther’s (from the cartoon not the movie) little known American cousin. Of course, you wouldn’t know him since he’s considered an embarrassment.

 

50. Nothing secures your lawn better than a tank lawn ornament.

Warning: despite supposed coolness and potential for frightening the neighbors, it doesn't actually work. If it did, it would've been considered an illegal weapon.

Warning: despite supposed coolness and potential for frightening the neighbors, it doesn’t actually work. If it did, it would’ve been considered an illegal weapon.

 

51. What better lawn ornament to have than one with a woman’s feet sticking out of the ground.

I'm sure that no one is going to think that some serial killer is on the loose in your area with that in your yard. Yet, this doesn't mean I'm exactly positive.

I’m sure that no one is going to think that some serial killer is on the loose in your area with that in your yard. Yet, this doesn’t mean I’m exactly positive.

 

52. Shark! From the ground!

Now a shark in the ocean could scare the bejesus out of a crowd of people at the beach. Lawn sharks, well, no one is safe from them.

Now a shark in the ocean could scare the bejesus out of a crowd of people at the beach. Lawn sharks, well, no one is safe from them.

 

53. Behold, a lawn ornament of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Not recommended for those who got quesy during Jurassic Park or for any neighbors who may have had upset stomachs for viewing that movie.

Not recommended for those who got queasy during Jurassic Park or for any neighbors who may have had upset stomachs for viewing that movie.

 

54. Oh, my God, it’s a giant praying mantis!

Now let's just say that any lawn ornament resembling a giant insect is going to scare people and a praying mantis is no exception. I mean while some people may be afraid of insects at their regular size, no one wants to run into a bug that's as big as them.

Now let’s just say that any lawn ornament resembling a giant insect is going to scare people and a praying mantis is no exception. I mean while some people may be afraid of insects at their regular size, no one wants to run into a bug that’s as big as them.

 

55. Scare the gnomes away with a Super Mario Piranha Plant lawn ornament.

I'm sure the carrot is looking none too pleased at the moment. Yet, this should scare some bugs away for awhile anyway.

I’m sure the carrot is looking none too pleased at the moment. Yet, this should scare some bugs away for awhile anyway.

 

56. Behold, the flower pot man on his tricycle.

Seriously, this is kind of terrifying for gardeners if you know what I mean. I mean there's no way a flower pot person is harmless in some capacity.

Seriously, this is kind of terrifying for gardeners if you know what I mean. I mean there’s no way a flower pot person is harmless in some capacity.

 

57. Of course, what tacky garden wouldn’t be without the cutouts of people bending over.

Can't do a post on tacky lawn ornaments without leading such lawn decorations out. I mean why would anyone want these.

Can’t do a post on tacky lawn ornaments without leading such lawn decorations out. I mean why would anyone want these? I mean they seem to be in poor aesthetic taste and crude humor.

 

58. Bring in the spirit of Mother Goose with this Humpty Dumpty lawn decoration.

Due to the fact Humpty Dumpty makes a creepy lawn ornament, there's a reason why many children wouldn't feel bad about him taking his great fall in the nursery rhyme.

Due to the fact Humpty Dumpty makes a creepy lawn ornament, there’s a reason why many children wouldn’t feel bad about him taking his great fall in the nursery rhyme.

 

59. Grace your lawn with this zombie lawn ornament you’d find in any mail order catalog.

For a zombie garden sculpture, this looks astonishingly lifelike that it's kind of creepy. In a kitcshy sort of way that is.

For a zombie garden sculpture, this looks astonishingly lifelike that it’s kind of creepy. In a kitcshy sort of way that is. Still, would make a great Halloween decoration to freak out the neighbors.

 

60. Unfortunately zombie gnomes aren’t so friendly to lawn flamingos.

Granted, since the gnomes seem to find this animal particularly delicious for some reason. Still, pretty funny if you know what I mean.

Granted, since the gnomes seem to find this animal particularly delicious for some reason. Still, pretty funny if you know what I mean.

The Wonderful World of Sculpture

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Here is a bronze statue of “First Down” Archabbot Bonifice Wimmer in front of Saint Vincent Basilica and founder of Saint Vincent College, Saint Vincent Seminary, and Saint Vincent Archabbey. Of course, one of my reasons of posting this picture is because I attended Saint Vincent College from 2008-2012 graduating with a B. A. in history. Good times.

While my last post focused on painting, this one pertains to sculpture, another medium of artistic expression. Yet, as seen with the above picture of the late Boniface Wimmer, the founder of my college alma mater, sculpture can be found everywhere and are seen all over the place. For instance, Pittsburgh has a lot of statues of dinosaurs for some reason and not just in the Carnegie Museum of Natural History or the Carnegie Museum of Art. They also have plenty of dinosaurs outside that could be dressed a doctor or businessman. There’s even a T-Rex in the same attire of Mr. Rogers (Yes, he has his own dinosaur there and at Saint Vincent College since Latrobe was his hometown, look it up.) Still, enough with the local sculpture scene but I’m illustrating a point here. Yet, they also come in a variety of shapes and sizes from something you can hold in your hand, to ones larger than buildings which you can get inside of. And they can be cast in bronze, carved from marble, or from plenty of other materials. Yet, in this post I’m not going to talk about the great sculpting masterpieces. Instead, I’m focusing on works that should be recognized for sheer badness that they could be considered funny. So without further adieu, here are some of the tacky sculpture worthy of recognition. (I’m also keeping names anonymous here as well so will be the locations. Also, may contain some improper imagery.)

1. Bad Dog

Based on the best selling children's book Clifford the Big Red Dog Takes a Piss.

Based on the best selling children’s book Clifford the Big Red Dog Takes a Piss.

Nothing expresses a male dog’s urge disregard for civilization than a giant one peeing on a building.

2. Burnside Fountain or “Turtle Boy Love Statue”

If your kids want to know what bestiality is, this is a good illustration to show them.

Now what kind of sick demented artist could ever come up with this idea? This is kind of depraved or so it seems. And who in their mind could ever think of having this on display? Then again, sure is a good way to attract tourists and earn notoriety.

3. Washington as Zeus

Okay, kids, who wants to see our first US president shirtless and wearing a dress?
Of course, he’s also remembered for his great biceps, said no American historian ever.

Because it’s seems very unsettling to see the Father of his Country sporting a toga and a six pack. For God’s sake even the Lincoln Memorial statue depicts “The Great Emancipator” in his own period appropriate clothes.This is a very famous piece by the way and part of the Classical style at the time, but still.

4. Mel Gibson as William Wallace

Of course, sometimes I wonder if this was erected in honor of the great Scottish hero or to boosts Mel Gibson's ego. Interestingly, they have removed it after Mel suffered a fall from grace. Still, kind of a nut.

Of course, sometimes I wonder if this was erected in honor of the great Scottish hero or to boost Mel Gibson’s ego. Interestingly, they have removed it after Mel suffered a fall from grace. Still, kind of a nut.

Sure William Wallace was a great Scottish hero but no one seemed to get around with giving him a statue until after Braveheart. Of course, the reasons are obvious.

5. Ballerina Man

Now that's incredibly creepy and I've seen Black Swan.

Now that’s incredibly creepy and I’ve seen Black Swan and The Dark Knight.

Part clown, part ballerina, this statue will not only give your kids nightmares but also make it impossible to determine the figure’s gender.

6. El Mesteno

And what would the evil Lord Sauron be without his giant blue hellhorse of death?

And what would the evil Lord Sauron be without his giant blue hellhorse of death?

Giant horse statue- majestic. Giant blue horse statue- weird but all right. Giant blue horse statue with demonic red eyes – terrifying.

7. Boll Weevil Monument

Behold, the herald of prosperity in the agricultural pest that screwed much of the American South during the Great Depression and was responsible for countless deaths. Having a monument to the boll weevil there is like erecting a statue honoring the termite.

Behold, the herald of prosperity in the agricultural pest that screwed much of the American South during the Great Depression and was responsible for countless deaths. Having a monument to the boll weevil there is like erecting a statue honoring the termite.

Nothing makes your town more memorable than having a statue depicting an agricultural pest as a sacred animal.

8. Spomenik

I wonder if this statue has ever been mistakened for Darth Vader’s vacation home.

A kind of monument that could be mistaken for something the Galactic Empire would erect to remind everyone else that they run your planet now.

9. Mr. Rogers

For some reason the statue of him as a T-Rex is much less scary than this.

For some reason the statue of him as a T-Rex is much less scary than this. Maybe I don’t see anything about a giant bronze cast Mr. Rogers putting his tennis shoes on as something I shouldn’t be afraid of.

Somehow this statue of Mr. Rogers doesn’t really do justice to his good neighbor reputation. I mean a bronze cast of him tends to make him better suited for a Tim Burton movie than the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

10. Blue Longhorn Bull

His long horns represent his great virility and his ability to kick your ass when pissed. His blue complexion represents his fondness for pasture shrooms.

His long horns represent his great virility and his ability to kick your ass when pissed. His blue complexion represents his fondness for pasture shrooms.

Complete with extra long horns and a steady diet of shrooms. Did I mention the horns and hooves were silver?

11. Fighting Stallion Monument

Of course, things can get very complicated between horses but man do they look pretty dramatic kissing each other?

Of course, things can get very complicated between horses but man do they look pretty dramatic kissing each other?

Is it just me, or do those two horses don’t seem to be fighting for some reason? Reminds me more of a horse version of Brokeback Mountain to me.

12. Man Hanging Out

I wonder how many people have mistaken this statue as a guy wanting to kill himself. Either some symbolism is involved or the locals have a sick sense of humor.

I wonder how many people have mistaken this statue as a guy wanting to kill himself. Either some symbolism is involved or the locals have a sick sense of humor.

Now really, why would anyone think of creating a hanging man statue and then suspending him over the street? I wonder how many tourists are told by police, “Don’t worry, he’s not committing suicide. He’s always been like that since he was cast in bronze.”

13. Melting Cow

Maybe this shiny blue cow was a victim of some kind of cow tipping and just wasn't able to get back on its feet.

Maybe this shiny blue cow was a victim of some kind of cow tipping and just wasn’t able to get back on its feet. Also, what’s with the giant popsicle stick sticking out the cow’s ass?

Now this has to be influenced by a hallucinogenic drug induced surrealist dream. Or do cows actually melt when they hit the ground?

14. Cocozao

It's one thing to erect a statue of a giant turd on a stick. It's another to have it as a fountain. Did a huge giant just take a shit from the clouds? Yeah, that's probably it.

It’s one thing to erect a statue of a giant turd on a stick. It’s another to have it as a fountain. Did a huge giant just take a shit on the city from the clouds? Yeah, that’s probably it or the designer was a twelve-year-old boy who thought it was a dandy way to attract tourists with a shit fountain.

Believe it or not, it’s said to represent the Araucaria Pine. Looks like a giant turd on a stick. Did I mention it’s a fountain?

15. Mothman

Not only is it silver with red eyes of murder but also has manly chest hair. I believe the only tourists this town receives are Godzilla fans. I wonder if any of them are from Japan.

Not only is it silver with red eyes of murder but also has manly chest hair. I believe the only tourists this town receives are Godzilla fans. I wonder if any of them are from Japan.

Said to by a mythological creature rumored to live in a dynamite factory under a centuries old curse. Still, most people might see it as a robotic man moth version of a Godzilla adversary.

16. Peter the Great

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He’s on top of how many ships? Seriously, if anyone should be honored for founding a navy, one will simply do the trick. Several on top of each other is kind of overdoing it by a lot. I wonder if Peter is compensating for something here.

When I’m on a boat isn’t good enough. Still, as iconic as Peter the Great was for a Russian Czar, this statue is just plain ugly as well as an imposing eyesore. Good God, who was crazy enough to design this? Then again, czars were ruthless autocratic monarchs and Peter was a bit nuts.

17. Quetzalcoatl

And if this was erected to celebrate Hispanic heritage, what does this statue say about Mexico? Sorry if I offended any Mexicans. I was talking about how this statue looked like an intricately snake carved from a large pile of shit.

And if this was erected to celebrate Hispanic culture and heritage, what does this statue say about them? Sorry, Hispanics, no offense. I was talking about how this statue looked like an intricately snake carved from a large pile of shit. Still, the Hispanic community must seem a little insulted by how a statue meant to celebrate their heritage and culture resembles a gigantic dog turd.

Serpent Aztec God of Humanity, large snake, or giant dog turd?

18. Peace Statue

I'm not sure if a peace icon should bare that much resemblance to Hercules or some athlete on steroids. And guys on steroids tend to be very aggressive. I mean you can get that body just by eating healthy and working at the gym.

I’m not sure if a peace icon should bare that much resemblance to Hercules or some athlete on steroids. And guys on steroids tend to be very aggressive. I mean you can get that body just by eating healthy and working at the gym.

Because nothing is a better personification of peace than a naked stand-in for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

19. Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz

Queen of Great Britain or humanoid reptilian overlord, you decide.

Queen of Great Britain or humanoid reptilian overlord, you decide. Be sure you don’t get on her bad side since she has a detachable tail under her dress as well as forked venomous tongue.

This woman was famous for being the wife of King George III, mother of George IV and William IV, and gave birth to fifteen kids, as well as grandmother to Queen Victoria. She has plenty of royal descendants all over the European royal families as well as a city in North Carolina named after her. Yet, here she’s depicted as a lizard queen.

20. The Giant Spider

It's coming to get you. Tell me, you're not scared right? This is more terrifying than the one from Harry Potter who let his kids devour wizards.

It’s coming to get you. Tell me, you’re not scared right? This is more terrifying than the one from Harry Potter who let his kids devour wizards.

Now how would any agoraphobe would want to go to work having to see this every day? Not very pleasant. Also, who ever thought of erecting a statue of something that is more appropriate for a horror movie?

21. The Struggle Against World Terrorism

Dr. Freud would just have a lot of fun with whoever designed this highly suggestive edifice. Just hope the moral guardians don't notice any resemblance. Of course, it's said to be a great hot spot for The Vagina Monologues.

Dr. Freud would just have a lot of fun with whoever designed this highly suggestive edifice. Just hope the moral guardians don’t notice any resemblance. Of course, it’s said to be a great hot spot for The Vagina Monologues.

Is it just me but does this statue seem to resemble what one 9/11 survivor called “a cross between a scar and a female sex organ?” And this was erected to honor 9/11 victims?

22. Walter Johnson

Seriously, what's with the two extra arms bursting from his chest? Also, I wonder if he's related to one of the Hindu deities with those kind of limbs. Oh, he's the son of Shiva the god of death so that explains it.

Seriously, what’s with the two extra arms bursting from his chest? Also, I wonder if he’s related to one of the Hindu deities with those kind of limbs. Oh, he’s the son of Shiva the god of death so that explains it.

Nicknamed “Big Train” and famed for being the greatest pitcher in baseball history, this statue depicts him as a four armed character more suited for a video game or the X-Men.

23. General Nathan Bedford Forrest

Crazy Nattie Forrest and his Confederate cavalry are going to slay yo' negro asses. Still, it's one thing to erect a monument dedicated to a guy who's tied to a shitload of racial injustice (he was a slave trader before the war). It's another to depict him as a raging angry white man in a silver cast with pistol in one hand and sword in the other. And he looks like a homicidal maniac out for blood.

Crazy Nattie Forrest and his Confederate cavalry are going to slay yo’ negro asses. Still, it’s one thing to erect a monument dedicated to a guy who’s tied to a shitload of racial injustice (he was a slave trader before the war). It’s another to depict him as a raging angry white man in a silver cast with pistol in one hand and sword in the other. And he looks like a homicidal maniac out for blood.

Confederate hero on a golden horse and all out nutcase from this statue. Also, doesn’t help that he’s said to have found the KKK and may have ordered a massacre of Union soldiers.

24. Bl. Father Junipero Serra OFM

I heard he taught the Indians to play baseball and even held games on the weekends every Sunday afternoon. Still, it's hard to take such a figure seriously if he's depicted like a giant cartoon character.

I heard he taught the Indians to play baseball and even held games on the weekends every Sunday afternoon. Still, it’s hard to take such a figure seriously if he’s depicted like a giant cartoon character.

Sure this guy may be on the road to sainthood but I can’t help but wonder if he’s the mascot of the San Diego Padres.

25. Tugendbrunnen or “Fountain of the Virtues”

For some reason, someone had the great idea of the fountain spraying the water from the horns of angels and the women’s nipples in high pressure lactation. Guess Renaissance sculptors weren’t as wholesome as you thought they would. Well, at least they weren’t men spraying water from their, well, you know.

Sure this may be a famous fountain designed during the Renaissance but look closer and you see this may be more appropriate adorning the Renaissance equivalent of The Playboy Mansion than any public square. And yet this is a public fountain.

26. Bl. Pope John Paul II

Unlike some of the statues in this list, I have to admit that this one serves some practical purpose of sheltering people from the rain and providing shade. But would you want to be under him? I don't know.

Unlike some of the statues in this list, I have to admit that this one serves some practical purpose of sheltering people from the rain and providing shade. But would you want to be under him? I don’t know.

Of course, what better way to honor the late Holy Father who helped bring down Communism than this bronze statue of him with a head almost like Mussolini and barely anything underneath his long flowing cloak? This is what the Vatican calls “a permanent and sacrilegious mud stain” on the late pope’s memory. Sacrilegious or not, it sure is an ugly example of minimalistic modern art.

27. Martin Luther King Jr.

This is something that probably belongs in a sci-fi horror film than anywhere else. Also, who came up with this idea? It's creepy.

This is something that probably belongs in a sci-fi horror film than anywhere else. Also, who came up with this idea? It’s creepy.

Sure Martin Luther King Jr. was a great civil rights leader who helped end racial segregation in the South. Yet, I’m not sure if an appropriate way to honor him would be putting his bust on a large silver ball.

28. Vigelands Parken Man Kicking Babies

Man, why on earth does this statue exist? This is depicting terrible forms of child abuse with a guy using three limbs to kick and slam babies. The sculptor must really hate kids for some reason.

Man, why on earth does this statue exist? This is depicting terrible forms of child abuse with a guy using three limbs to kick and slam babies. The sculptor must really hate kids for some reason.

Sure this may be some legendary figure in Norway, but what reason would anyone want to see a statue of a naked man hurting babies? This is sick! What do you mean the tykes are evil genii? Still, doesn’t make it right.

29. WWII Memorial Statue

Clearly he's a bit heavy headed and not feeling too well. Of course, he's been in a stony mood for ages.

Clearly he’s a bit heavy headed and not feeling too well. Of course, he’s been in a stony mood for ages. He may want some friends like the guys on Mount Rushmore or Stone Mountain.

Or as I’d like to call it “Mean Man of the Mountain.”

30. Mother Motherland

With eyes aflame she faces the masses wielding sword and shield silently yelling "Death to all you bourgeoisie capitalist scum! Death to all who steal from the proletariat!"

With eyes aflame she faces the masses wielding sword and shield silently yelling “Death to all you bourgeoisie capitalist scum! Death to all who steal from the proletariat!” Definitely a mother who strikes fear in her own children like the Soviet Union and satellite Cold War nations.

She may be the personification of Mother Russia but she is sure fierce and can kill you like the Russian winter or the KGB.