Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 23, 2015

Now that Father’s Day is over, it’s now time for me to get some posts on the 4th of July in order to break the May to June slump. For you foreigners reading this blog, the 4th of July is a holiday Americans celebrate to mark the day the Declaration of Independence was issued in which made the United States a new nation on that day in 1776, thus formally and permanently severing ties with Great Britain. Well, we were fighting a war with Britain at the time anyway but that’s beside the point. Okay, we didn’t become independent as far as they’re concerned. But let me not get into the whole American Revolution thing because it would take me a very long time to explain. Anyway, despite the patriotic significance of the holiday, my family doesn’t place much emphasis on it. Well, we might see fireworks from the back yard but that’s about it. Hey, it’s not that we don’t love our country for I’ve had people in my family serve in the military. It’s just when it comes to patriotic holidays in my family, Thanksgiving is a bigger deal. Don’t ask me, it just is. Nevertheless, there are plenty of 4th of July celebrations in the country such as fireworks, parades, fairs, regattas, picnic and what have you. And yes, there are plenty of parties and drinking as well as picnics with their share of delectable delights. Of course, your standard Independence Day fair usually consists of the usual grilled hotdogs and hamburgers as well as a salad, chips, watermelon, or other side dishes. Sometimes you may even have steak, barbecue ribs, pulled pork, or even corn on the cob. Let’s just say there’s a lot of barbecue stuff on the menu. But in this post, I’ll introduce you to some treats that will truly capture the true patriotic spirit of Independence Day, especially if they’re in red, white, and blue. So without further adieu, salute your star spangled banner with these yankee doodle treats for your patriotic celebration.

1. For the 4th of July, grace your dessert tray with these star spangled sugar cookies.

Now these have stars and stripes all over them. And with the right combination, they would taste patriotically sweet.

2. For your 4th of July barbecue, show your love for America with this patriotic pasta salad.

Now this patriotic pasta salad is called this because it’s one with the red, white, and blue noodles. Oh, and it has pepperoni in it, too.

3. For your kids, this Uncle Sam ice cream treat will give them a star spangled smile on their faces.

Now I’m sure this might not be a good treat for a picnic since you’d have to freeze it. But I think it’s cute nevertheless.

4. If appetizers are your thing, then you can’t go wrong with some star spangled cheese dip.

Now with some red, white, and blue dip, your crackers can now be dipped into some patriotic cheesiness. Just don’t do it twice, as we’ve all know about the rule against double dipping.

5. Grace your dessert platter at your 4th of July picnic with this one-of-a-kind Uncle Sam hat cake.

Of course, Uncle Sam used to be an icon on old military recruitment posters. Now he’s just a 4th of July holiday icon. Still, he does have a cool hat though.

6. Bring in the fun in the sun on July 4th with these summer themed patriotic sugar cookies.

Now these consist of some striped sandals, American flag swimming trunks and bikini, a stars and stripes beach towel, and a red, white, and blue beach towel. Perfect for any 4th of July beach party if you ask me.

7. This cupcake is just as red, white, and blue in the filling as it’s in the icing.

Of course, when red, white, and blue mix together there’s a potential for some purple. But nonetheless, a great addition for any flag waving American dessert table.

8. Want to know what’s more American than apple pie? Well, a strawberry and rhubarb Captain America pie, that is.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I'm sure there are comic book nerds who also love to bake.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, Thor Banana Split, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I’m sure there are comic book nerds who also love to bake.

9. Fruit salad has never been more American than when it’s in a watermelon with an American flag.

Of course, this fruit salad contains watermelon as well as blueberries. But still, you have to admire the flag design on this.

10. Now white bread is a notable American staple. But red, white, and blue bread is even more American than that.

And it’s almost in the form of an American flag. Still, I wonder how getting a slice like that is even possible.

11. Usher in the spirit at your 4th of July party with these American flag cake pops.

Oh, yes, I had to put some cake pop stuff in since they tend to have some for every holiday. Yet, I think some of the stripes could have more white icing than drizzle. But that’s just me.

12. For your patriotic party favors, perhaps these red, white, and blue chocolate stars on sticks may suit your fancy.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tye die to some, but they'll do. I'm sure the kids will love them.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tie die to some, but they’ll do. I’m sure the kids will love them.

13. If you don’t have red, white, and blue pasta for your salad, then I’m sure pepperoni, cheese, and olives will do as long as it’s in flag form.

Not sure what’s under it but I can bet there will be more types of veggies. Still, it’s hard to find a blue vegetable so olives will have to do.

14. For your 4th of July barbecue, I’m sure these red, white, and blue veggie kabobs will make a fine side dish.

Now this consists of at least red peppers and white onions. Not sure what’s supposed to represent the blue one because it looks like a block. Perhaps it’s eggplant.

15. For your 4th of July morning, there’s nothing like some fruit flag bread to start your day.

Now this consists of raspberries, banana, and blueberries. Of course, when it comes to patriotic treats, it’s easier when it comes to fruit and desserts. Not so much with other foods though.

16. Nothing brings in the patriotic spirit of your 4th of July party than these star spangled jello cups.

Now while jello is used in many desserts like these, doesn’t mean they’re for kids. So if you see jello cups like this, ask the host if they contain alcohol before your kid gets a hold of one. You’d thank me later.

17. For your 4th of July snack, you can’t go wrong with a patriotic popcorn on a stick.

Now I’ve never seen popcorn on a stick before. I’ve seen popcorn balls on Halloween and Christmas. But not that. Still, it’s patriotic because of the sprinkles and icing.

18. While burgers are a 4th of July stable, you can’t get more patriotic than an American flag bacon cheeseburger.

Now I’m sure these were created by some repressed art major. But still, I’d recommend that people stick with a regular burger, bacon cheese or not. Because this one looks like it might kill you.

19. While you might not get star burgers, you can always have star buns.

Now these buns are made from corn bread. But I bet they’d be a hit at any 4th of July barbecue that features hamburgers and hotdogs.

20. Show your love for America this 4th of July with these Rice Krispie American flags.

Also, seems like Rice Krispies tend to be used a lot for holiday treats, too. Still, you can either put them on a stick or in a dish. Pretty clever if you think about it.

21. A red, white, and blue tie dye cake will do quite nicely for your 4th of July dessert table.

And yes, the red, white, and blue run together inside the cake as well as on the icing. Quite innovative if I do say so myself.

22. For party favors, you can’t go wrong with these patriotic pretzel sticks.

Now these consist of pretzels, icing, M&Ms, and sprinkles. Seems like a really simple recipe. And I’m sure the kids will love it.

23. Grace your 4th of July dessert platter with these red velvet brownie star snacks.

Now these consist of red velvet brownies, white icing, and blueberries. And they’re made into sandwiches for good measure.

24. What’s more American than apple pie? Well, a cherry and blueberry American flag pie for the 4th of July.

Yes, I’m sure this will make a fine American entry in any American 4th of July pie contest. Well, as long as it tastes good, that is. I’m sure any patriotic American will love this.

25. Now nothing makes a better centerpiece for a 4th of July dessert platter than a cake of an American flag.

Yes, this is a cake of the American Grand Old Flag, a high flying flag, and forever in peace may it reign. Okay, I’m sorry, George M. Cohan, but I know that you weren’t really born on the 4th of July unlike Calvin Coolidge (who was kind of a shitty president during the 1920s).

26. If you don’t want to make a mess with a pie, these blueberry star tarts will do just fine.

Now these can be baked in little glass containers as long as you’re careful. So when serving them, you don’t have to make a mess. Looks like something you’d see right off of Martha Stewart.

27. Nothing makes a more patriotic side dish at a 4th of July party than an American flag taco salad.

Sure it’s not quite red, white, and blue but can anyone really name a naturally blue veggie? I can’t. Still, this is a great way for Mexican Americans to celebrate the 4th of July, not to be stereotypical here.

28. For you patriotic dessert table, you can’t go wrong with a red, white, and blue sundae treat.

Now this has red and blue jello with whipped cream. Other than that, the decorations and sequence are up to you. But it’s a sundae to me even if it doesn’t contain ice cream.

29. Show your love for the United States of America with these heart and star American flag cookies.

Now I’m sure these were made in a bakery of some sort. But still, you have to love these cookies. If not, then you’re not patriotic. Hating these cookies is very Un-American to say the least.

30. If you’re serving hamburgers at your 4th of July party, you can’t show your love of America more than with this American flag topping tray.

Now this contains sliced tomatos, provolone cheese, and some blue chips. Wonder why there are no lettuce and onions since they usually go on burgers, too.

31. For the kids at your 4th of July party, it’s best to make red, white, and blue candy rockets.

Amazing what you can do with some fruit roll ups, life savers, and a stick. Of course, this is probably one of the easiest things to make on here.

32. If an American flag cake is too much for you, you can always go with American flag and firework cupcakes.

Now whether flag and firework, you can bet they will have red, white, and blue icing on them. Ironically, I usually display cupcakes earlier in the holiday treat posts. Then again, you have a lot patriotic treats here.

33. Now when it comes to snacks, you can’t do wrong on the 4th of July with a bowl of patriotic popcorn.

Wonder how they get the sprinkles to stick to the corn kernels. It’s just a thought. Then again, it’s mostly white because it doesn’t use butter salts. But it probably has salt in it though.

34. For healthier options, celebrate the 4th of July with some red, white, and blue sushi.

Don’t tell me that they celebrate the 4th of July in Japan. Then again, this might be some Japanese American idea. Still, I like how some of the red peppers give the impression of fireworks. Also available in caviar. But please, stick with the peppers because caviar is expensive.

35. For you flag waving patriots out there, you can’t go wrong with some cookies decorated with Old Glory.

Now I’m sure putting the 50 sprinkles in the blue part wasn’t easy. Then again, these bar cookies could’ve been done by a professional baker. But they will go nice with the American flag cake.

36. What’s more American than an American flag cake? An American flag in a cake.

Now this had to be professionally done since there’s no way someone could get a flag on a cake that brilliantly. Still, as to how this process is done, I’m just as awe stricken as I’d be seeing fireworks.

37. Nothing makes a more patriotic dessert than American flag star cookies.

Now these are arranged as an American flag just to keep that in mind. Yet, it’s in such a jumbled up mess that it almost has a patriotic surrealist quality.

38. While some American flag cakes are laid flat, there are some who go with the wavy Old Glory option.

Now this was definitely done by a professional as I’ve seen in the detail. But it would make a fine centerpiece on any dessert platter in many respects.

39. What’s more patriotic than American flag star cookies. American flag star cookies with the, “Pledge of Allegiance.”

Certainly professionally done since most people really can’t write so well in icing. Also, the stripes are vertical, but then again, it’s supposed to represent the red stripes. Probably a way to save on icing.

40. Nothing makes a more American pizza than a flag one with bacon and blue corn chips.

Sure it may be a very American pizza dish. But please, all that bacon, cheese, and corn chips can’t really be good for you. This goes especially for the bacon stripes.

41. On the 4th of July there’s nothing better to show your love of country than a red, white, and blue trifle.

I see quite a few of thee but they usually contain cake, whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries. But the designs on top usually vary considerably.

42. Enjoy your chili dog on the 4th of July with this one-of-a-kind red, white, and blue bun.

Surprisingly, this was created by a Brazilian food vendor last year during the Men’s World Cup in Rio de Janiero. I’m not sure if you can get it in the states unless one person gets an idea. Still, I’m sure the vendor got a lot of stuff right about Americans in this one chili dog, which is kind of disturbing.

43. For those who have kids, patriotic children will certain love these 4th of July bear cookies.

Seems like they have their faces painted for some 4th of July sporting event. But they’re quite cute, nevertheless. Definitely a treat for children.

44. Nothing shows the patriotic spirit on the 4th of July than some Uncle Sam marshmallow and cracker hats.

Now these seem to contain Ritz crackers, marshmallows, and fruit roll-up. I’m sure decor and food coloring are involved. But these are quite adorable for any dessert platter.

45. If patriotic popcorn doesn’t cut it, you can always go with some patriotic American flag pretzels.

All these contain are waffle pretzels, red, white, and blue icing, and sprinkles. Of course, it would take a long time to decorate a whole bowl of them and then some from what I see here.

46. For those who wish to have a healthier American flag cake, you can always decorate it with fruit.

Now I’ve seen a lot of these and most of them usually have blueberries and strawberries for obvious reasons. However, blackberries and raspberries work, too,

47. Have a blast this 4th of July with these explosive firework cookies.

Now these were probably professionally done since they icing designs are so intricate. But they’ll probably make an explosively fine addition to your dessert table while people are watching fireworks.

48. Celebrate the 4th of July at your picnic with some red, white, and blue jello salad.

Uses the same dish you’d use for a trifle. Not sure what fruits are in here though. But maybe that’s the point.

49. Nothing shows your love more for the US national symbol than these bald eagle treats.

Of course, some might find the fact these only are heads a bit disconcerting. But they’re nevertheless cute. A good dessert for kids who can tolerate coconut.

50. Tired of eating your hotdog on a bun? For the 4th of July, you can use some hotdog wraps and fashion them as firecrackers.

They’re usually topped with cheese and put on a stick. Sometimes the cheese can be in a star or a triangle. And sometimes they they have cupcake wrappers under them.

51. If you want to make an explosive impression this 4th of July, these red, white, and blue star sugar cookies will certainly be a blast with your guests.

Now these couldn’t be made without the magic of food coloring. Still, this won’t stop you from stacking them as well as giving them features of star shaped firecrackers.

52. Speaking of firecracker treats, sugar covered marshmallows and licorice make great fireworks, too.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I'm certainly they're easy to make and your kids will love them.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I’m certainly they’re easy to make and your patriotic kids will love them.

53. For those looking for a more healthy option that’s easy to make, then try these American flag fruit kabobs.

Now these usually consist of blueberries and strawberries on skewers. Sometimes there are marshmallows. Sometimes there are not.

54. Instead of buying rocket pops for the kiddies, celebrate the 4th of July with these patriotic popsicles.

Now I’m not sure what these contain. Then again, they might have fruit in them. Still, your kids will love them.

55. Nothing brings in the 4th of July spirit at a picnic more than red, white, and blue fudge stars.

Man, isn’t there anyone who doesn’t like fudge? Other than nutritionists or dietitians? Then again, best to eat one patriotic fudge star at a time.

56. When it comes to charming your guests at the 4th of July barbecue, red, white, and blue deviled eggs make the ideal appetizer.

What disappoints me about these eggs is that they most likely weren’t laid by a red, white, and blue chicken. Now that would’ve been awesome.

57. No 4th of July cupcakes can ever achieve the level of patriotic goodness than those with hotdogs on them.

Now these are so adorable and less disgusting than the real thing (despite not having as much nutritional value). Seriously, I’ll only have a hotdog whenever there’s no other option at a barbecue, especially after taking a chemistry in college.

58. Celebrate Independence Day with an appetizer of red, white, and blue watermelon and cheese stars.

I can tell that’s cheese because it’s flat. Also, they’re topped with blueberries for the blue part as toothpicks hold all the parts together.

59. What’s more American than an American flag cake? A cake of the United States of America.

Excludes, Alaska, Hawaii, as well as any US territory, commonwealth, and possession. Nevertheless, it’s covered in as much red and blue fruit as possible.

60. Nothing can make a kid so yankee doodle dandy on the 4th of July than having his or her own marshmallow pinwheel on a stick.

Of course, these seemed have marshmallow fluff and fruit roll-up in a swirl. And no, they don’t look like pinwheels. But I’m sure some people will love it.

61. Show the true patriotic spirit of American desserts with these red, white, and blue cheesecakes.

The great part of this patriotic dessert is that you don’t have to put it in the oven. Said to contain raspberry gelatin. Enjoy.

62. Get the 4th of July fireworks party started with these red, white, and blue jello shots.

Now despite containing, jello, star spangled sugar cookies, and whipped cream, these aren’t for anyone under 21. I mean jello shots contain alcohol, which means after a few you might not want to variety of tasks such as driving, making love, and singing karaoke. You have been warned.

63. For your side at the 4th of July barbecue really show your love for the stars and stripes with these patriotic biscuits.

From how I see it, images consist of “USA,” American flag heart, Uncle Sam hat, and red and blue star. There may be more though. I’m not sure where you get these or if you have to make them yourself.

64. For any star spangled 4th of July party, a red, white, and blue gelatin is the ideal patriotic dessert.

Now this is a bunt jello dessert in red, white, and blue layers. Of course, I seem to have a lot of jello dishes in my post for some reason. Maybe it’s because it’s summer.

65. For your dessert platter, show your patriotism with these pinwheel icebox cookies.

I’m sure these might be store bought from some Pillsbury package. Then again, they might’ve been homemade by rolling 3 different colors of dough together. I’m not sure if your guests will notice either way.

66. Heard of “The Star Spangled Banner?” Perhaps you can try this star spangled pizza.

Now the toppings only consist of 3 ingredients such as tomato sauce, cheese, and blue corn chips. Well, the third because you can’t really find a lot of blue foods you can put on a pizza.

67. For your 4th of July party, these patriotic fruit tarts are as healthy and American as apple pie.

Of course the two biggest ones consist of a star and an American flag. Not sure about the other 3. Then again, I’m sure they’re a hit at the dessert table.

68. For your 4th of July dinner, serve your party guests up with a plate of red, white, and blue spaghetti.

Of course, even from looking at this, I can’t really tell whether you should serve it hot or cold. But I’m certain you shouldn’t serve it with tomato sauce. That is, unless it has blue meatballs, too. But I doubt it.

69. Salute America on the 4th of July with these red, white, and blue star shots.

As with the jello shots, these contain alcohol. So therefore, they aren’t for anyone under 21. Also, they’re more often than not used in cocktail parties, by the way. Just giving you a heads up.

70. For those scrambling to find something to make for the kids, look no further than this American flag snack tray so you can have more time on your Independence Day.

Now this includes, licorice, blueberries, white chocolate covered pretzels, and popcorn. Seems to be a little light on the popcorn. Not sure why.

71. Uncle Sam wants you to serve your 4th of July guests with a fruit pizza of his hat.

Now this consists of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries at various parts. Still, seems like it was created from some repressed art major working at some job with limited creativity.

72. Treat the kiddies this 4th of July with these Uncle Sam peanut cookies.

Well, the picture calls these, “Uncle Sam Nutter Butter Cookies.” Still, even if your kid thinks Uncle Sam is the brother to Colonel Sanders, they will probably enjoy them just the same.

73. Show your 4th of July party guests your love of America with this American flag vegetable tray.

Sure it might not be as red, white, and blue as you want it to be but it’ll do. Comes with blue dill dip possibly made from cream cheese. Nevertheless, basically the only veggie try I have in this post so far.

74. For dessert, treat your 4th of July guest with a red, white, and blue tart with stars.

Now I’ve put a lot of tarts on this post. This is one of the few that seems to come in a bar and ripped off from some cookbook. Contains raspberries and blueberries.

75. For this 4th of July morning, wake up to the smell of patriotic pancakes.

Yes, these flapjacks come in red, white and blue. Perhaps to make it more patriotic, they should’ve had some blueberry and cherry syrup as well as whipped cream. Seriously, what else is the pancake station for?

76. For you patriotic pasta fans, celebrate your 4th of July with a dish of American flag lasagna.

Sure there’s no blue in it but you’d have to make do with mushrooms. Unless you want to use blue corn chips. Still, love how they have the tomato sauce and cheese stripes.

77. Celebrate your Independence Day at your party with a jello dessert of a waving Old Glory.

Now this has a red jello decorated with whipped cream and blueberries. It’s also surrounded by fruit, too.

78. Whether you love America or are a fan of the Avengers, we can all agree that a Captain America pizza is great for any 4th of July party.

Now if you want an Avengers party, you might want to include things like Thor T-Bone Steaks, Ironman enchiladas, Hulk Hotdogs, Black Widow Burgers, Nick Fury Fries, and Hawkeye potato salad. You can serve these with some Loki lemonade if you want. But yeah, Captain America’s shield does make a great design for a pizza.

79. These Captain America rice cakes will be a great patriotic treat for any All-American boy into Marvel.

Sure Captain America may not be your son’s favorite Avenger. But he’s the only one who’s supposed to be a patriotic mascot and carries a red, white and blue shield. Well, the white part might be silver, but still.

80. Bring the American spirit at your appetizer snack platter with this patriotic fruit tray.

Now this tray consists of watermelon, blueberries, and cheese. Yes, doesn’t have much of a selection but when it comes to 4th of July treats, you have to go with the red, white, and blue.

To Have and to Hold Wedding Cake Toppers

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 3, 2015

Now last year I did a post on wedding cakes which has received a lot of views since July. But even so, most wedding cakes usually have decorations of some sort, particularly on the top. Now toppers usually range from a floral arrangement with fake flowers to the traditional standing bride and groom. And a lot of times, you can customize as you and significant others please. However, despite this being a food post, most of what I have to feature isn’t at all edible and sometimes tends to be used as a keepsake. For instance, my grandparents have their wedding cake topper. Nevertheless, while I can tell you of all the great wedding cake toppers out there, you probably wouldn’t want to hear it since it would be quite boring and sentimental that it’ll make you puke in sheer boredom. So instead I’ll show wedding cake toppers that should never be on wedding cakes or see a wedding reception. I mean you have to wonder why couples would ever want them gracing their cakes. So for your reading pleasure, here are some ill-advised wedding cake toppers you shouldn’t put on your wedding cake. Some of these might not be safe for work.

1. All right, get him to the altar kicking and screaming where it’s legal.

I know it’s a gay marriage cake but still. It’s basically abduction if you really think about it, even if the guys are in tuxedos. And it being a gay wedding cake, it might have certain unfortunate implications to some people.

2. As in fairy tales, if you kiss a frog it’s said to turn into a prince.

Still, I’m sure if you kiss a frog he may still be a frog. And even if he’s a prince, he could still be a jerk. Seriously, the frog in the Frog Prince story was a jerk who thinks good deeds to girls should get him laid.

3. Sometimes the bride can just be too big that they fall into the cake.

Now while overweight women do get married (and not always to overweight men), this is just pretty insulting to them. Seriously, why does this cake topper even exist for God’s sake?

4. Nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one paying tribute to a movie about a woman being pursued by her 12 feet tall and 800 pound city ravaging stalker.

Enjoy your honeymoon in New York City. Hope you like your view from the top of the Empire State Building. Seriously, King Kong is a very twisted love story if you really think about it.

5. Seems like she’s caught him by the buttocks. Now she just has to reel him in.

I’m sure if this guy wants to get loose, all he has to do is take his pants off. Then again, the hook might’ve dug into his skin by now. But I’m not sure if he’ll take it hook, line, and sinker.

6. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you horse and unicorn head.”

Of course, you might think it’s demented. But keep in mind that a couple is actually wearing such masks in the background. Still, very demented as a cake topper of which your family members may never really understand.

7. Grace your wedding cake with the Dark Knight and his Catwoman bride.

Yeah, I’m sure a marriage between Batman and Catwoman would seem like a match made in heaven. But keep in mind, Batman is a psychological wreck with childhood induced PTSD who thinks dressing up as a bat as well as acts that his brand of vigilante justice and vengeance will honor his dead parents’ memories. And Catwoman, well, she’s a habitual thief and possibly can’t be trusted.

8. Now this wedding cake topper has the ultimate bridezilla.

Let me guess, their honeymoon will probably consist of storming the streets of Tokyo. It will probably be an utter disaster, for the Japanese at least.

9. This zombie wedding cake topper will show how true love lasts forever, even beyond the grave or during a zombie apocalypse.

Sure this might be a great wedding cake topper, if you plan to get married on Halloween. Otherwise, I’m sure nobody wants to think about zombie hordes hungry for your brains on what’s supposed to be a happy occasion.

10. Awww….Alien marries Predator. Isn’t that sweet?

I bet you any money that this cake topper was the groom’s idea in this wedding. Besides, since they already came out with Alien vs. Predator, I’m not sure if I’d think a Alien/Predator marriage would even work out. Then again, they might kill each other in the process, which may be fine by me.

11. Sometimes the secret to getting a man is to lasso him in.

This bride’s face reads: “Hmm…doesn’t seem like much, but he’ll do just the same.” Seriously, lassos are for cows, not men, especially at the neck.

12. I call this one “Armed in Matrimony.”

Because marriage is all about you and your partner against the rest of the world. Seems like the bride really loves her shotgun, perhaps a bit too much. Then again, at least the guns are for hunting as far as I know.

13. Get married and then spend your wedding day texting on your smartphones.

Now I have nothing against weddings but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

Now I have nothing against technology but on your special day, mobile devices should be off limits at least until the honeymoon. Seriously, a cell phone interruption is the last thing you want at a wedding.

14. “Ah…can I just play one more level of Halo?” “No way, Jose!”

Sorry, buddy, but it’s game over for you. Now pick up yourself by your bootsraps and grow up. Then again, I wonder if the bride is dragging him to the altar a little too soon.

15. Ah…there’s nothing like romantic moment like love at first fight.

I’m sure these two are only marrying each other because they want children and feel that they couldn’t find someone better. They can’t stand each other. Then again, they can be in a romantic comedy, which in this case would make them utterly perfect for each other.

16. Seems like this bride really loves her new husband’s cheeks.

Okay, I’m sure that would be hard to explain to the children. Nothing to see here, kids. You’ll find out when you’re older.

17. Congratulations to Mr. Right and Mrs. Always Right.

And it seems that Mrs. Always Right really wants to rub it in to Mr. Right. I’m not sure why. But she probably wants to show who’s boss.

18. Of course, weddings can be stressful. And after the big day, you just want to relax.

I can understand why the groom would want to kick back on his recliner and TV after the altar trip. Wish the bride could have something to relax on, too.

19. “Don’t make me aim my shotgun at you.”

I’m sure if you need a shotgun to stop a runaway groom, then I’m not sure if you should marry him. Him complying would be fear not love. And in romance, it’s better to be loved than feared and hated.

20. Seems like the latest wedding craze for brides is having their groom on a leash.

Now either this is utterly humiliating for the groom or some kind of BDSM routine. But by the look of their faces, it seems to lean toward the former for some reason.

21. These two newlyweds are as crazy as a couple of mad rabbits.

Sure rabbits are supposed to be cute little balls of fur. These are not in any way. Still, I’d watch out for the bride if I were you. She has a skillet and isn’t afraid to use it, and I’m not sure for cooking.

22. For your under the sea wedding theme, it’s best to have your wedding cake topped with a couple of mermice.

What the fuck? Seriously, this is fucked up beyond belief. How in the hell would anyone think that putting a fishtail on the animal you call an exterminator for is cute?I mean the person who came up with an idea like this must be a. a hippie who had too much brown acid at Woodstock, b. a mad scientist, c. a rogue taxidermist or some old timey impresario wanting to make a buck, or d. all of the above.

23. For those men about to marry significantly older women, a Harold and Maude wedding cake topper would do just fine.

Sure it’s a 1970s film about a barely legal emo teen and a geriactric bohemian old enough to be his grandma. But still, at least it has a good storyline, a strong female lead, and a Cat Stevens soundtrack. Also, at least it’s not a romance between 17 year old girl and a 107-year old vampire who hangs out at her high school. Now that would be very creepy.

24. “By the power vested in me, I pronounce you Chucky and Bride of Chucky.”

Okay, I think if my grandma saw this wedding cake topper she’d remark on how cute it was until she took a closer look. Yeah, I’m sure a topper of homicidal dolls is what you’d want on your wedding cake. Not.

25. Nothing drives the point of “till death do us part” than a couple of kissing skeletons emphasizing “how love never dies.”

Now skeletons are one thing but French kissing skeletons over a grave? Now that’s crazy. Even for a wedding on Halloween.

26. “I’m arresting you in the name of love for stealing my heart. You’ll be facing a lifetime of holy matrimony.”

I suppose this wedding cake topper is for a cop. Still, for a second I thought he either had her pulled over or she was giving a description of her runaway groom.

27. For more innocent fun, top your wedding cake with this PlayMobil couple.

Seems like this groom just married a black widow, or a woman who’d soon become one if he’s her first one. Yeah, and this is coming from a company that makes toys for children. That’s pretty twisted.

28. Seems like the couple packing heat together stays together. Then again, it’s possible that they’d probably die together, too in some domestic dispute that would go out of hand.

That groom better get off his cell phone now since I don’t like the look on the bride’s face. Seriously, all guns do is make these blushing newlyweds look like homicidal maniacs. Just saying.

29. For the guy from Baltimore getting married, this Baltimore Ravens cake topper is for you.

I could imagine my Aunt Jane’s husband recommending this cake topper for one of his kids when any of them get married. Still, I’m sure those aren’t taxidermied ravens since I’m sure the real birds are bigger.

30. For a little bit of night life, top your wedding cake with a couple of bats.

Okay, now this might seem fine for Halloween. But for any other time of year, it’s just batty. I mean there’s a reason why we don’t associate weddings with bats.

31. For your winter wedding you can’t do worse than a Snow Queen cake topper.

Okay, now despite that Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen story. The tale is about a magical ice queen who abducts a child and keeps him in her castle for a long time. Hardly a subject for a wedding cake topper.

32. Seems like he either did something wrong or she made love like a praying mantis.

Okay, now this headless groom topper would be great for a divorce cake. But a wedding cake, c’mon, it’s disturbing. Seriously, the bride looks like as if she’s a new black widow than a new wife.

33. The family who stays together plays video games together.

And it seems that the bride is beating the groom every time. Hmmm..maybe the woman he married wasn’t as bad in video games as he thought.

34. Marriage is tying your beloved to a chair and threatening to cutting them up with a chainsaw.

Okay, who in the hell would want a wedding cake topper like this? This is utterly like something you’d see from your worst nightmares. Not on a wedding cake.

35. In the Lovecraftian universe, a Cthulhu wedding cake topper guarantees that you don’t have to orchestrate total global annihilation alone.

Of course, Cthulhu and his bride are basically evil Eldritch Abominations who wish to destroy the earth in oblivion. Not something you’d want to put on a wedding cake. But, hey, don’t judge me.

36. Nothing makes a great wedding cake than having it topped by two figures from Halo.

I guess the bride is the pink one. How could I have thought of that pray tell. Still, wonder how they’ll manage when, “you may kiss the bride,” are heard.

37. Seems like these two aren’t having a good start.

Now this isn't a good way to start a marriage. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

Now this isn’t a good way to start a marriage. Appears that these two are so mad that they’re giving each other the silent treatment. Once again, seems more appropriate for a divorce cake.

38. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Batman and Robin.”

Of course, if you’re thinking about the 1960s series, Batman and Robin’s sexuality comes as no surprise. Still, I don’t classify Batman as relationship material, since he really needs to see a therapist.

39. The couple who stays together gets drunk together.

Actually alcoholics make terrible marriage partners, even to each other. Couples who drink together don’t really stay together unless they go to rehab to get sober together. Seriously, marrying an alcoholic will certainly increase your chances of divorce.

40. For the couple who enjoys the James Bond movies, this wedding cake topper is for you.

Seems more like Mr. and Mrs. Smith to me. And let’s just say, it seemed like a marriage between two assassins trying to kill each other. Thus, more like a match made in hell.

41. “No way to run princess, you’re coming with me.”

Seems like the guy is more anxious to get married than the bride is. Then again, the bride probably wants to frolic in the open countryside and smell the flowers.

42. When getting a girl, try to lure her with something shiny and she’ll fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

I’m sure she’ll probably be in it for the jewelry. Of course, she’s not picky about the diamond size. But that doesn’t prevent her from being suspected as a gold digger.

43. “Can’t talk, honey, I’m running late for my golf game.”

Then again, at least I can be confident isn’t built like a gorgeous Swedish model and the groom doesn’t look anything like Tiger Woods. Still, I’m sure things between them are fine.

44. Here comes the bride….oh, wait, she’s still shopping.

Hope she makes it back in time to get married. I’d hate to see her keeping her groom hanging like that. Seriously, no woman in her right mind would want to shop on her wedding day.

45. It’s the bride at the bat with her groom pitching toward home plate.

Seems like the groom is in very close proximity. Hope the bride doesn’t hit a fast ball. I’m sure it wouldn’t look good for the groom.

46. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper of the bride and groom on cell phones barely paying any attention to one another.

I’m not sure if these two are supposed to be talking to each other. However, it certainly doesn’t look like it. Seriously, unless one of you has a relative in the hospital, cell phones should be off at all times during weddings.

47. For horse lovers, nothing makes a better wedding cake topper than one of horses entwined together.

Now it’s one thing to have horses on your wedding cake, especially if you’re both horse lovers. But entwined horses, that’s just pushing the envelope into tacky if you ask me.

48. “Remember, Barry, chapel first, hunting lodge later.”

And it seems like the bride has the shotgun in hand to make sure her groom complies. Seriously, this is kind of crazy. Then again, the sign did state, “No Hunting.”

49. Seems like these two are nuzzling up like a couple of earthworms.

Earthworms on a wedding cake topper? Seriously? I mean they’re slimy ground dwelling creatures for God’s sake. There’s nothing cute about them whatsoever.

50. “May you two be mounted together in the sacred bond of holy matrimony.”

Now having mounted deer on a wedding cake. That’s just, well, tacky to say the least. Still, these two seemed to be together whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, the antler rings are in poor taste.

51. This NASCAR wedding cake topper will ensure your way to the finish line.

Of course, this would’ve been a perfectly nice wedding cake topper if it didn’t have the checkered flags on it. Yeah, that just looks tacky to say the least. Perhaps they should cover the bride and groom with corporate sponsor logos, too.

52. Nothing makes a wedding cake better than a topper consisting of pigs with wings.

I’ll highly recommend this topper to any couple about to get married….when pigs fly. Seriously, this almost make tacky flamingo lawn ornaments look like the Venus de Milo.

53. Nothing says true love like a wedding cake topper of two disembodied hands joined together as one.

Now unlike some of the creepier cake toppers, this one is supposed to elicit heartwarming feelings. However, it’s just plain creepy and terrifying.

54. For the die hard motorcycle fans, this wedding cake topper is one you can’t miss.

Now a motorcycle wedding cake topper is one thing. But one in a field of lace? Now that’s in poor taste. Just because lace is pretty and Harleys seem badass, doesn’t mean that the two should go together.

55. Nothing makes a circus themed wedding more festive than wedding cake toppers like these clowns.

Now I’m not sure why anyone would want a circus themed wedding. Still, this clown couple is pretty much the epitome of tacky. You’re better off with a topper of Cirque du Soleil.

56. Nothing says “I love you” like a cute deer who’s about to get himself shot on your wedding cake.

Like how the groom is dressed up like Davy Crockett in a suit. Yeah, really seems like he’s going to bring home a buck. Hope it has 3 or more points or else it ain’t legal to shoot.

57. As the old saying, marriage is the old ball and chain.

Seems like this bride is going to have her groom locked to the ball for awhile. And he doesn’t seem to be too happy about it. Now I know this is from an old saying. But still, there are plenty of men around who want to get married.

58. Newlyweds are supposed to be happy as a couple of pigs in the lilacs.

Now this would make a perfectly good wedding cake topper, if it weren’t for the pigs in it. Seriously, why put pigs on a wedding cake? They’re not cuddly creatures.

59. “I’ll get you to the altar, even if I have to drag you myself with my bare hands.

Okay, this sort of looks like in a movie when the bad guy captures the princess as he drags her into his lair with a creepy smile. Yeah, not a good scenario here.

60. For those who think the zombie and skeleton wedding cake toppers weren’t creepy enough, this one is for you.

Now this is downright terrifying. Can’t imagine what kind of couple having this on their wedding cake would actually look like. Then again, maybe I could and just don’t want to imagine it.

61. “I now pronounce you Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman.”

Now while we can agree sasquatches and yetis tend to look similar, I’m not sure if they’d be able to get together. I mean one’s in the Pacific Northwest while the other’s in the Himalayas. So it’s all a matter of geography.

62. Seems like someone really likes to shop at the best retailers. I wonder who.

Now I hope she’s not just marrying the poor guy for the money here. Because all that merchandise she has with her doesn’t look cheap to me.

63. May you love, honor, cherish, and stand your ground.

Just when you think you’ve seen enough wedding cake toppers with guns on them, they come out with another one. Now I get that a lot of people like guns but still hate to put my politics in this, but guns kill people. It’s their purpose. And you wonder why we can’t get gun control.

64. Seems like it’s all downhill from here.

I’m not sure skiing down from a multi-tiered wedding cake is going to be good for these figurines. Perhaps this couple is going on a ski resort for their honeymoon.

65. “I now pronounce you Optimus Prime and Megantron.”

Hmmm….didn’t know they had a pink Transformer. Then again, robots don’t have gender anyway. Still, a few explosions and it would be like the live action Michael Bay series that keeps making money despite not having plot.

66. “You may spank the bride.”

This could easily be a wedding cake topper of a tuxedoed guy and a stripper, not to be stereotypical. The bridal outfit could just be a costume.

67. When it comes to marriage, a lot of times it’s just give or take.

Unfortunately, this guy seems to treat his gold digging bride as if she was a stripper at some nightclub in Las Vegas. Seriously, this is a terrible piece for a wedding cake? What kind of couple would want this?

68. Of course, since a lot of people like bacon, it’s only fitting that I show a bacon wedding cake topper.

Of course, having bacon topped on your wedding cake really emphasizes the “till death do we part” construct. And by, “death” I mean cardiovascular disease.

69. When it comes to weddings, some couples can’t keep their hands off each other.

Seems like this couple were among those who saved sex until marriage and they just want to get it on the first chance they get. Save it for the honeymoon, kids.

70. Seems like this groom is running the ball with the wife on his back.

I’m sure running the ball with a bride on your back is hard, especially with a bunch of guys from the other team going after you. Then again, maybe that’s why the bride is on his back. True teamwork spirit, man.

71. For a western wedding theme, go with a wedding cake topper of horses.

I don’t know about you, but the top part seems to be made from cheap plastic crap from China. I think it would’ve been fine with just the flowers. Seriously, why?

72. For many, marriage means being happily handcuffed together for life.

Seems to me that the bride is an undercover cop as I see with the hidden gun in the holster. And the groom is the crook. Either way, this wedding cake topper looks very sleazy to say the least.

73. No wedding cake topper emphasizes your love for the great outdoors than one depicting a couple of moose.

At least the female of the pair is depicted right in this topper. Not like in the nativity scene set in which every adult figure has antlers, including the Virgin Mary. Yeah.

74. Sick of figurines, how about top your wedding cake off with a sparkly crown?

Seriously, a crown for a wedding cake? For God’s sake shouldn’t the bride be a princess for the day? Also, why does this even exist?

75. Understand that relationships are all about faith and trust, which you two will definitely need when fighting off the zombie apocalypse.

I’m sure your wedding sucked if you spent the reception basically killing off zombie wedding guests. I mean weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. A zombie plague at the reception isn’t.

76. Sorry, buddy, but you will be hers and she will make you one of them.

Of course, there’s a popular notion that certain men don’t want to get married. However, I think when it comes to zombie brides, this guy seems to have a valid excuse. Seriously, nobody wants to be eaten or catch zombie plague.

77. Seems like these two got themselves a bridegroom.

Of course, if the bride wasn’t so anxious to get to the altar, who knows what would’ve happened to him. Because I’d sure wouldn’t want to leave him alone with the bipedal buck packing heat.

78. Seems like she’s the one wearing the pants in the relationship, literally.

Now I’m sure the groom is quite embarrassed to be seen without his trousers. Still, this is in pretty poor taste if you think about it.

79. Now this bride has managed to catch a fish and her man.

I’m sure the big one didn’t get away this time, but I’m not sure which one it is. Still, not sure if it makes a great wedding cake topper.

80. “Get your drunken ass off the floor for we’re going to the chapel.

Now if one of you is found drinking with beer cans on the day of your wedding, I think you should really reconsider going through with it. Seriously, alcoholics make terrible spouses and calling it off may be a waste of money now but it will save you a lot of potential divorce costs in the long run.

Till Death Do Us Part Wedding Photography

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 1, 2015

As we all know, weddings are said to be one of the happiest times of a person’s life, especially if you’re a woman who’s dreamed of her fairy tale wedding as a little girl. Now I haven’t walked down the aisle myself, but I understand that it’s an occasion most people want to remember fondly and the main reason why they hire wedding photographers and video guys for these gigs. Of course, my grandparents married for 58 years didn’t have the video guys to record their wedding but my parents married for 28 come June did and the last time they saw their wedding video, they couldn’t believe how many people in it were dead. Still, most people want the occasion to be special as well as documented in a certain way like perfect and romantic. Typical wedding portraits may have a couple very much in love as well as possibly surrounded by friends and family. Now I can go on and on about the great wedding photos of our time but you’d probably be bored to tears wish. So instead, I’ll introduce you to photos that either depict wedding mishaps or things bound to go wrong or possibly make you scratch your heads asking what were they thinking? This would especially be the case when I show you pictures from Russia and believe me there’s a lot of them. Some of them may not be safe for work, by the way. So without further adieu, here are some great disastrous wedding photos too terrible to miss.

1. Universal Pictures presents Attack of the 50 Foot Groom!

Let me guess, when the groom snatches up his bride, they’ll probably be headed to their honeymoon in New York City. And I’m sure they’ll be on top of the Empire State Building before the airplanes shoot him down to the ground. Yes, it’ll be the beauty that killed the beast.

2. “Oh, Svelenta, you shouldn’t have. Boris and I will love it,” said Grushenka with her teeth clattering.

I’m sure this dildo tends to receive an award for the “Most Awkward Wedding Present.” Seriously, would giving Boris and Grushenka a toaster or veggie dip dish would be that bad?

3. Ladies and gentlemen, time for the Chicken Dance!

Okay, as much as I think the Chicken Dance is a lame ass song to do a dumb dance to, this is not what I had in mind. Then again, it’s from Russia where they do silly photo ops like having chickens dancing.

4. In Russia, it’s customary for the bride to stick bread in the groom’s mouth near a tree.

Okay, I’m not sure how the bread passes through the groom’s head to the tree. Oh, yes, I do photoshop. And a very bad job at it.

5. In Russia, they seem to take the words, “till death do us part” very seriously.

Seriously, this is supposed to be a happy occasion. Do you want to blow your whole future away through a game of Russian roulette? Besides, guns have absolutely no place in weddings at all, even in westerns.

6. Seems like someone woke up with cold feet this morning.

I’m sure this is a joke. But as I can tell by the bridegroom’s soles, I don’t have much hope for the two of them. Then again, he may be saved by a Scotsman on a horse at the last minute.

7. Theirs was a love that nothing could come between them, save maybe the occasional alpaca.

This would’ve been perfect if the groom in question was Napoleon Dynamite. Still, the llama’s presence really kills the mood here. Perhaps getting married at a llama farm isn’t a good idea.

8. Sure it might be romantic to take a photo op near a beautiful national monument or church. Just don’t mind the beat up homeless guy.

Of course, in Russia the presence of a homeless guy could mean the seriousness and hard work of marriage. Or perhaps a reminder of what would happen to the husband if he drinks too much vodka. Then again, Russia isn’t a happy place.

9. Of course, you can always have your photo taken on a picturesque landscape, perhaps in the American West.

I don’t know what that chair is doing here but I’m sure it doesn’t go well with the scenery. Then again, they could’ve had the photo taken at a studio and the whole desert thing is a backdrop.

10. Someone doesn’t seem too happy about the happy couple.

Now I don’t know about you but the guy in the background just seems so evil in his beard and turban, as if he wants revenge on his brother for stealing the woman he loves. Then again, maybe I should cut back on certain kinds of movies. I don’t want to stereotype here.

11. Seems like this guy has found the perfect match.

Sure she may not be much to look at. But I can see the resemblance even though they tend to put on a straight face during the festivities.

12. Wedding in Aisle 3! May I repeat, wedding in Aisle 3!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think having your wedding in a supermarket is a good idea. I mean, obviously unromantic aesthetics aside, it’s always crowded with people scrambling for the best deal.

13. “I know pronounce you centaur and centauress. You may kiss the bride.”

Now a beach scene is a romantic backdrop. However, having the married couple photoshopped as centaurs? Seriously, that’s insane! Guess, they’ll soon be horsing around.

14. “Good luck on your honeymoon, kids, and don’t forget to write.”

Seems somebody here is suffering from separation anxiety and I don’t think it’s the bride or groom. Still, I know parents have mixed feelings about seeing their kids get married. But still, it doesn’t help that this mom is watching the newlyweds make out.

15. Take a look at this guy’s bridal carry.

Yeah, lifting the bride flat on her back wasn’t much of a challenge to him. He had to literally sweep her and then grab her from her feet. And also but a lot guys’ self-esteems out the window.

16. Sometimes appearances can be deceiving, so look closely if you’re making assumptions.

Maybe Larry shouldn't have taken off his jacket before posing like this. Seems like the dress is coming from the bride's butt in this.

Maybe Larry shouldn’t have taken off his jacket before posing like this. Seems like the dress is coming out from Marcia’s ass.

17. Apparently, to these women, Mrs. Claus is a fashion icon.

So glad I didn’t live in the 1950s. Sure I may love purple but the bridesmaids’ outfits seem too grannyish and Christmasy for some reason. The dresses would’ve been more appropriate for caroling. I reckon the men in this wedding are all either wearing red Santa suits or elf outfits.

18. Seems like some bride is being taken into custody by the Love police.

I’m sure this was done by a couple because the bridegroom is a cop. Nevertheless, this bride doe have the right to remain single. Wedding song is possibly, “Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart….”

19. “Harry, do you always have to get a call? Why couldn’t you just leave your phone off this one day for Christ’s sake? It’s not like your granny’s dying in the hospital.”

If that guy were my husband, I would feel like smacking him with the bouquet, too. Seriously, there are some major events in life where cell phone interruptions shouldn’t happen, save maybe the exception of having a clinically ill or dying relative in the hospital. Weddings should be among these events. Still, I wonder if he’ll be answering his cell phone while he’s witnessing the birth of their child, if he’s even there. Or perhaps his kid’s high school graduation.

20. Sorry, buddy, but I think your bride has already succumbed to the Dark Side of the Force.

Maybe if the guy brought his lady love flowers, chocolate, and jewelry, this whole thing would’ve been prevented. Still, didn’t know that Darth Vader was quite a ladies’ man. Must be the cape.

21. Nothing exemplifies the marital spirit than being married at the church in a cow costume.

Seriously, I don’t think a cow costume is proper wedding attire for a groom. Still, I’m sure the missus will udderly milk him for all it’s worth.

22. This bridegroom is so strong that he can lift an entire car with is bare hands.

Yes, Mother Russia certainly makes him strong. Still, unless he’s built like King Kong, he probably won’t be able to lift a Fiat in real life. So yes, this all the magic of photoshop.

23. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you mullet and wife.”

Glad I didn’t live in the 1980s either. Still, I’m so happy that my dad was never a big enough fan of hair bands or trashy country that he’d actually get a mullet. Yes, mullets are simply horror beyond imagination.

24. “Now where’s the bride side? Oops!” “Yeouch! Dad, can’t you just not trip on my veil for God’s sake?”

I’m sure this mishap happens a lot at weddings. Hope the bride ‘s scalp is all right. Still pretty funny.

25. Marriage is about two people looking together in the same direction.

I’m sure this guy in the background just wanted a place to relieve himself and couldn’t find any better restroom accommodations than a stinky outhouse. Still, while men have needs, it sort of really kills the romantic mood.

26. Guess this wedding theme is “Wasted Away Again in Margaritaville” with the reception entree being “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”

I’m sorry but when I see a guy in such an elaborate wedding outfit, I’m bound to make a joke about Jimmy Buffet’s Parrothead fans now and then. Also, the pants are quite hideous, too.

27. His hands spell, “FEAR.”

Hmmm….let’s hope his hands don’t reflect his commitment anxiety, shall we? Because if it does, then there may be a problem.

28. Hey, I didn’t know you can get your marriage license at the same place you can put away your crazy uncle.

Now do you think it’s a great idea to have your Marriage License Bureau near the Mental Health Department. Must have a lot of interesting stuff going on at that courthouse.

29. “Now that I’m married to the family, I’ll now make plans to kill whoever stands in my way of the family fortune. Mwa ha, ha, ha, ha.”

Let’s hope he’s a nice guy and doing it for love. Nevertheless, the guy’s face gives me the impression that he ‘s an evil fortune hunting psycho with murder on the mind.

30. Hmmm….seems like the best man should know where his hands don’t belong.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure that only the groom should be allowed to have his hands on the bride’s thighs. Let’s just hope the best man had too much to drink at the bachelor party, shall we? If not, this can get a bit awkward.

31. They wanted a horse and buggy but this was the only thing they could get with their budget.

Now the pony is quite cute I have to admit. However, seeing an old guy in short shorts, not so much.

32. May your marriage bring new life into the world around you.

Cemeteries are supposed to be nice public parks where you visit your deceased loved ones. So posing for wedding photos there would make sense. However, make sure you’re in a place where there’s not a bunch of graves in view. That could have some crazy implications.

33. Of course, when you got to go, you got to go. And we all should be aware that little boys have very small bladders.

Well, at least the ring bearer didn't go on that woman's skirt. But I wonder if anyone in this photo seems to notice other than the person taking the picture.

Well, at least he didn’t go on that woman’s skirt. But I wonder if anyone in this photo seems to notice other than the person taking the picture.

34. While uncorked champagne is supposed to flow with bubbles, sometimes it tends to explode and shoot up like Old Faithful.

Seems like this groom more likely expected to have champagne in his glass instead of all over his hands. I guess he’s asking, “Son a bitch! How the fuck do you stop this thing?”

35. At a lot receptions, bouquet catching is a combat sport.

Because like any variety of sport, bouquet catching brings you the drama of athletic competition from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat. Seriously, it’s just a stupid bouquet, nothing to get all worked up about. Besides, the little girl is too young for the bouquet catching anyway. But she could be just practicing.

36. Hope they’re not serving pork or BBQ ribs at this reception or else Chris P. Bacon may go on a murderous rampage.

Then again, perhaps we should hope for the best, such as the notion that these people are Jewish. Thus, in that case, at least everything will be kosher.

37, Hey, the groom is supposed to cut the cake, not the bride!

Of course, this is probably a joke. Then again, the guy seems to really enjoy holding the knife, perhaps a little too much. I’d look out for him if I were you.

38. In the 1970s, white tuxedos for grooms were all the rage.

At this point, Jerry was at a critical crossroads in his life in which he had the choice between his dead end job as a bartender at a disco club or working in porn.

39. In Russia, you can get a ride on a giant swan on your wedding day.

I’m sure this is photoshopped. If not, then it could be fair to say that this is a radioactive swan from Chernoblyl. Yeah, a lot of strange stuff going on there.

40. To save funds, Lindsey decided that she and her bridal party would make their dresses from a bunch of torn curtains.

Well, on the bright side, at least they could save money on the flowers. Still, these patterns are far out, man. Yeah, maybe floral patterns aren’t great for bridesmaid dresses.

41. He’s got his whole wife in his hands.

And the little woman doesn’t seem too happy about it. Bet this is the wedding picture from the photo album of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. How they manage to have an active sex life, I’ll never know.

42. A wedding photo at the aquarium seems like a magical idea. What can possibly go wrong with that?

I think the two of them found the perfectly wrong place to kiss for a wedding picture. Really, near the shark tank? That’s not romantic. Also seems like she’s kissing the shark.

43. Nothing makes a happy Russian wedding than playing your accordion and trumpet near a statue of Vladimir Lenin.

As to what connection Vladimir Lenin is to Russian weddings, accordions, and trumpets is beyond me. Seriously, Lenin was a Bolshevik revolutionary who turned Imperial Russia into the USSR while weddings are basically a whole capitalist industry targeted to the bourgeoisie.

44. “Oh, my God, get a room, people!”

Someone doesn’t seem to tolerate excessive public displays of affection, even at weddings. Perhaps they need to save the nasty stuff for the honeymoon.

45. Of course, when it comes to wedding photos, hand placement is everything.

Now this is a way to embarrass your kids on their special day. Seriously, why can’t the parents just save that touching for the bedroom, where it belongs?

46. Now this bridegroom is so happy that he just can’t keep his hands off her.

Yeah, boy, you can touch your wife’s breast later. But for now as long as they appear in public, the boobies are off limits.

47. The girl who catches the bouquet is said to be the next to get married. The girl who catches the cat is said to remain perpetually single for the rest of her life.

Either way, the ladies seem to be just as excited for some reason. Still, I really feel for the girl who gets the cat. She’ll probably have a bad case of literal cat scratch fever (but fortunately, not the type Ted Nugent sings about).

48. “John, why didn’t you tell me about you and Larry?”

I don’t know about you, but I think that this bridegroom has some explaining to do. Well, if it is what I think it is, at least she now knows what she may be getting into. Then again, he might go both ways.

49. Though it’s always in sickness and in health, the couple who works out together, stays together.

Now I know that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle. But really, working out in your wedding clothes? That’s not very practical.

50. For their wedding Jason and Becca decided to go for a real ring bearer.

Four year old boys to carry rings? Gah! They have a black bear. Of course, having a black bear carry jewelry down the aisle does run the risk of having some of the guests eaten alive during the ceremony. Also, most churches don’t allow pets, let alone wild animals for God’s sake. Okay, maybe 4 year old ring bearers aren’t such a bad idea.

51. Nothing makes a bride happier than her cigarette and machine gun.

If her husband were smart, he’d be sure to keep it in his pants. Because let’s just say, I wouldn’t mess with a bride holding a weapon as we’ve all learned from Kill Bill.

52. Grab your pitchforks, sticks, and cameras, for there’s a wedding on the midst.

For one, I have no idea why a scene like this is even necessary. Second, I don’t know why the pig is in this. Seriously, why?

53. With this Russian couple, it’s till death or murder do they part.

Nevertheless, I think the groom has the short end of the stick in this since he has a little dagger. The bride on the other hand, has a military grade gun with a silencer. So I think he better be nice to his wife from now on.

54. Seems like Tanya has caught herself a husband.

Now I’m sure this is a joke given that the Russians have a sick sense of humor. But abduction is a terrible way to find love and even if you are successful, the other person is bound to hate you. Still, love the guy being tied and blindfolded in the car who seems to squirm their way to the chapel.

55. “Honey, I’m beginning to think we shouldn’t have booked our wedding at Jurassic Park.”

So remember, kids, dinosaurs may be awesome in their own right and it’s perfectly fine to like them. But please, when you get married, don’t book your wedding at Jurassic Park for you don’t want to spend your wedding night in a stomach of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

56. “I’ll just make it look like an accident like an auto erotic asphyxiation mishap. No one will ever know.”

Vladimir should’ve known that Valentina was a notorious strangling Black Widow and only married him for the money. But he seemed to enjoy the strangling way too much to care.

57. Ah, weddings, great times for couples of all kinds. And it seems like the dogs are taking to each other, too.

Yes, two dogs humping each other can really ruin an idyllic, fairy tale wedding photo. And they really don’t give a shit if you have to see it. Really, they have no conception of privacy. Of course, this is a probably a great time for these two to ask each other whether their pets have been spayed or neutered.

58. This wedding was brought to you by the penguins of Madagascar.

As to what the hell the penguins of Madagascar have with weddings, I have no idea. But apparently, the Russians might have the answer, somewhat. Still, probably would’ve been a conventional wedding photo without the magic of photoshop.

59. “Ivan, it’s lovely, but will it fit in our living room?”

I’m sure photoshop had something to do with putting the limo in there. Or else, the building would’ve been totally obliterated. Still, don’t ask me why this couple thought it was a good idea.

60. “Help, it’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!”

When the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man crashes and wreaks havoc at your wedding, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!

61. Just give him a few minutes and close the door, lady.

I’m not sure why they opted for an outhouse scene. But when a guy’s gotta go, he’s gotta go. Also, even if he has a wide stance, he should still shut the damn door while he’s doing his business.

62. There she goes, going where no bride has gone before.

Okay, there’s no way in hell that I could take this picture seriously. I mean the bride basically has rocket thrusters on her dress. This is just crazy.

63. Seems like the drones and planes came in just in time for the reception. Now the rampaging T-Rex is under control.

Seriously, what’s the deal with dinosaurs and explosions in wedding photos? Still, the moral of this is probably don’t book your wedding at Jurassic Park, even during during the winter.

64. “So, Stanislav, you want to marry my daughter? Let’s check your portfolio.”

I suppose this is the Russian version of Meet the Parents. And no, I don’t think it’s a comedy. Also, the older man kind of looks like Vladimir Putin which is even more disturbing.

65. Nothing says, “honeymoon” like riding the waves on an amphibious vehicle.

For one, I’m sure the car is not amphibious. Second, I’m sure a tidal wave will ruin it along with the flowers and the couple’s clothes. Third, I’m very sure this is photoshop. Nevertheless, don’t me why these two thought a photo like this was a good idea.

66. In Texas, it’s sometimes the custom to have the bride and groom ride on a mechanical bull.

Of course, they better ride it easy, especially if they plan to have any children. Because such activities may “hurt his chances of being a daddy,” as my dad would always say.

67. Some couples tend to have their wedding photos modeled after famous paintings. Wonder what can go wrong with that?

Ophelia, seriously? There’s nothing romantic about that. I mean in Hamlet she’s basically a smitten teenage girl who’s in love with a guy who may or may not care too shits about her, goes mad, and drowns herself in the river. Maybe stick to Romeo and Juliet or Othello. Oh, wait.

68. Seems like the Russian mob caught up to them before they ever made it to the reception.

Seriously, what the hell? Not many newly married couples make out in trunks for God’s sake. And what’s that flower girl doing here overlooking the scene?

69. Nothing makes a wedding better than a shark with a badass swordsman rising out of a lake.

Okay, if I were there during a wedding reception, I’d be freaking out and soaking my pants, possibly shitting them. I mean it’s not normal. But none of them seem very upset or fleeing for their lives. In fact, they seem rather in awe.

70. “Let’s play a game like dueling pistols or Russian roulette.”

Sure she may be a blushing bride. But having her smile as she points a gun to her head, well, I have to wonder about her state of mind. I mean does she have a death wish or something worse.

71. While Jesus Christ was said to walk on water, this bride manages to run via a motor in her dress.

This was made possible by the magic of photoshop, which explains why she’s not soak and wet by now. Also, explains leaving a stream of water akin to a motorboat.

72. “Have to be home by midnight, so here’s my glass slipper if you want to find me.”

Is it just me or is this basically the skankiest rendition of Cinderella I’ve ever seen? Seriously, the lights seem like they’re from a rave and the bride seems to be dressed like a streetwalker. But at least the pumpkin coach is equipped with a state-of-the-art sound system.

73. Nothing makes your wedding more of a blast than making a photo a scene from Transformers.

If I saw a wedding photo like this at someone’s house, I’d question their taste in either wedding photography or movies. Seriously, it would’ve been fine the way it was without the photoshop. I mean why?

74. When you find your angel, always have her weighed down with a lock and chain so she doesn’t escape from your clutches.

Now I’m sure a golden lock like that will certainly do the trick. Actually I’m being sarcastic. Still, the wings look fake. Like photoshopped fake.

75. “Looking for your handsome prince. Too bad, I’ve already shot him and have him in my pocket. So you must marry me now.”

Then again, to be fair, the frog from the Frog Prince story was actually kind of a jerk who thought that the princess owed him sex just because he did something nice for her. Maybe she should settle for the archer instead.

76. To save his true love from the evil dragon and other beasts, Dimitri comes to the rescue with his rope, sword, shield, and military grade weapons.

At least this guy thinks of everything, even the roses. Still, seems like someone's a bit too into either video games or D&D.

At least this guy thinks of everything, even the roses. Still, seems like someone’s a bit too into either video games, BDSM, D&D, or all three.

77. “Shit, this fucking Everlast chastity belt is a fucking pain to get off!”

I’m not sure if that’s actually a chastity belt (which it probably isn’t nor would I encourage anyone to wear one), but it makes a great caption. Nevertheless, you should be careful with power tools, just saying.

78. Sorry, lady, but nobody’s safe from the winged groom who will take you to his secret lair.

Apparently, Russians seem to find this quite funny. However, I think the concept of abduction is love is disturbing and think it’s hysterical because of bad photoshop.

79. Here’s a portrait of a beautiful bride. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

Unfortunately, the photographer forgot to take note of the outhouse in the background. Really doesn’t make for a touching photo does it? I mean outhouses are simply disgusting chambers of stink and waste you can’t flush down.

80. If you’re tired of too many takes in a wedding photo, it doesn’t hurt putting a cardboard cutout of yourself in your place.

Uh, yeah, it does. Seriously, the flatness is very noticeable. Besides, not all of us have a cutout version of ourselves anyway. Because it’s kind of crazy.

Say, “No,” to the Dress

Posted by historymaniacmegan on May 28, 2015

I may not be married and have no boyfriend or fiance to make wedding plans with to speak of as of 2015, but I know that spring and summer tend to be high times for weddings around this time of year. So since my next opportunity for a holiday post is in July, I feel I might as well do some wedding posts since everyone tends to relate to those things. Of course, almost every young girl has dreamed of her very own special day down the aisle on her fairy tale wedding in her very own princess gown marrying the Prince Charming of her dreams. Now for the bride to be planning her nuptials with Mr. Let’s Hope He’s Right, there are plenty of dresses to choose from for her particular bridal preference. And there are even stores that sell them as well. Sure wedding dresses are expensive but if I were getting married, I’d choose one that makes me look elegant and tasteful, wouldn’t make me look like a laughing stock if my kids saw it in my wedding picture, wouldn’t make my friends and relatives question my fashion sense, and is at a decent price (like not taking half the budget). Now there are a lot of beautiful wedding dresses out there for any bride to be, but this isn’t the post for them because I’ve never been married and thus have no experience wedding dress shopping to tell you. However, when it comes to dresses brides shouldn’t wear, then I’m your girl and believe me, there some horrendously terrible wedding dresses out there. Some of them are skanky, some look too blown up, and some of them make you wonder what kind of acid the fashion designer was taking. But whatever the case, they make it to the internet so some blogger like me can compile a post on them in order to reverse her May long slump when she had a computer crash that put in a shop over the weekend. So without further adieu, I give you the kind of dresses you will never see on that famed TLC show as well as bound to turn any blushing bride into a ferocious Bridezilla. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

1. Now the bride is at the altar, I wonder how the groom is going to kiss her.

After the wedding, it’s said a dress like this is taken apart and repurposed for window drapery. Seriously, does this woman get hot from the waist down? I mean how is she going to have room in the limo or coach? Also, I think the white stuff behind it is a train.

2. In the future, it’s said that women will soon ditch the bridal veils for the intergalactic bridal dress cap during their intergalactic weddings.

Now this is the perfect wedding dress for the bride who wants her wedding on Mars or on the International Space Station. But of course, I’m not sure having a wedding in space is worth it.

3. While most women are married in a white gown, it doesn’t hurt if you go with multicolored trimmings.

Okay, now how does this woman manage to keep a straight face and not look ridiculous in this? For God’s sake the ruffles look like they’re straight out of the Tudor years. And I’m sure women in Queen Elizabeth’s day wore the kind of skirt as underwear.

4. Yes, nothing makes a wedding dress like great big sleeves.

Yeah, I’m sure big poofy sleeves on a wedding dress are so 16th century. What’s even worse about this dress is that it’s from the Sex and the City movie.

5. Origami styled wedding dress or dress inspired by large napkin holder?

Sure it might be roomy underneath. But I wouldn’t be caught dead in the type of dress that seems like it was designed from a paper accordion.

6. I’m sure after she gets out of this dress, she’ll be using it for curtains.

Yes, I suppose she saw it in the window and just had to have it. Still, I’m also sure that she’s not wearing a bra underneath.

7. Wedding dress or the Las Vegas showgirl outfit?

I’m sure this is the kind of wedding dress a young woman wears if her father’s the owner of a multibillion dollar Las Vegas casino. Yeah, I’m sure a lot of gambling addicts lost their life savings to pay for it.

8. When it comes to decorating your wedding veil, you can’t overdo it with the jewelry.

Still, I’m sure Celine Dion could totally afford looking like the White Witch of Narnia if she wants to. Of course, not sure if they played, “My Heart Will Go On,” at her wedding to a guy who’s old enough to be her father, no less.

9. You know what looks good on a wedding dress? Feathers!

Actually I stand corrected. If she had the feathers from her dress removed, she would’ve looked a thousand times better than some anime princess from a video game.

10. Sometimes less is more. But there are times when you need to cover up.

Let’s just say while beach weddings may seem romantic, getting married in your speedo isn’t. This is especially true for anyone over the age of 50.

11. While this bride has her face covered in a veil, the rest of her suggests otherwise.

Just love the look on her dad’s face as he walks her down the aisle. Yeah, I’m sure he told her time and time again to dress nice but she doesn’t seem to have listened to him one bit.

12. Not sure if she’s the bride or the stripper at the bachelor party. Maybe both.

I think this might be Mariah Carey on her wedding day. Not sure why she’s no wearing a skirt under her garters.

13. Sometimes a bride’s dress can really light up a room at her wedding.

I don’t know about you, but when I see a light up wedding dress, I tend to think of either the Hunger Games or TRON: Legacy for some reason. I don’t know why.

14. Sometime during the 1980s it became customary for some families to fashion the bride’s dress from either drapery or tablecloths.

I’m sure my grandparents decorate their windows with what she has on. Thank God, they didn’t have that tradition in their house. So my mom and my sisters didn’t have to wear outfits like that at their weddings.

15. Let’s see, by looking at the groom’s taste in fashion, I’m sure the wedding song is, “Springtime for Hitler” or something from Richard Wagner.

Okay, I know that Nazi uniform weddings are a thing in China, which is disturbing enough. Still, if I saw my fiance at the altar wearing one of these, I’d just run out of the church or just say, “I don’t.” Seriously, wearing Nazi uniforms at weddings is never a good idea. Nevertheless, I’d like to see what his Jewish bride thinks about this.

16. As soon as Glinda the Good Witch of the North boarded her carriage, her husband soon found himself suffocating just by the sheer girth of her dress.

Oh, yes, I’m sure with dresses like these, some grooms are bound to be crushed by them. Seriously, it takes an entire seating area.

17. While most wedding dresses use lace and veils, this one gives a new twist.

Okay, not only does this gown show way too much skin, it seems like the designer had absolutely no accounting for taste. Seriously, why would any girl want to be married in that? Seems like she’s on her way to some cult ritual at a hot spring resort.

18. Perhaps a more naturalistic approach is in order.

Okay, maybe the more naturalistic approach is a bad idea. Seriously, she looks like a garden vine fixture in that outfit.

19. Let’s see how they scramble as the stripper bride tosses her wedding bouquet.

Now this is known as the “Safe Auto” wedding dress since it’s bound to guarantee minimum coverage for minimum budgets. Wait, is that MTV in the background? Shit! Still, wonder how her grandchildren will react to this.

20. Of course, some people opt for fantasy weddings with their favorite woodland creatures.

Now this just looks like something I’ve seen in a bad 1980s fantasy film. And no, I don’t mean the one with David Bowie in tight leather pants. Still, loved the owl, which I’m sure is stuffed.

21. Because if you want your wedding dress to shimmer, you better use wires.

Oh, wait, this is Beyonce at the BET Awards in 2009. Okay, now I can totally understand why she wore her wedding dress like that. Still, I’m sure Jay-Z would never let Blue Ivy Carter wear that.

22. Sure most women only wear their wedding dresses once. Others also use them as tents, literally.

And this bride also seems to use her special dress as a lookout tower as she and her hubby go on their honeymoon. Still, camo wedding dresses, tent or not, need to go.

23. Of course, all girls wish to get married in a Cinderella dress. But an actual Disney Cinderella dress? Not so much.

Come to think of it, Cinderella wasn’t among my favorite Disney movies. I’m more a fan of Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. Still, someone seems utterly stuck in their childhood. Wonder if her fiance has a shoe fetish?

24. Now this would make a great wedding decoration in the reception hall.

Wait a minute, is that a wedding dress? For God’s sake, I can’t even see the girl’s face! Seriously, how is the groom supposed to kiss her?

25. This is the wedding dress for the woman marrying the man of her dreams, if he happens to be the Michelin Tire Man.

Same goes if she’s bent on marrying the Stay Puft Marshmallow Guy. But I’m really not sure how that would work out since he’s a giant in Ghostbusters.

26. On wedding dresses, you can never have too many ribbons.

Okay, I was wrong. Still, this looks like something straight from Lolicon. I mean the Lolita inspired dresses fad that’s big in Japan for some reason.

27. Wedding dresses don’t always have to be white, but I’m not sure about this one.

Well, I’m sure if you’re planning a Hunger Games style wedding, this would be perfect. Reminds me of something Effie Trinket would wear. May the marriage odds be in your favor.

28. This dress will certainly bring the light in a really dark reception hall.

Okay, now this dress reminds me of TRON: Legacy. More appropriate if your reception hall is a disco club or a rave.

29. Nothing says wedding like a princess Barbie ballroom wedding gown from the 1980s.

Okay, unlike the Barbie movies might imply, a Barbie princess dress doesn’t hold up in real life, girls. Also, the guy doesn’t look any better.

30. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you punk rocker and porn star.”

Now I’m sure their grandchildren will wonder what they were up to when they tied the knot. Seriously, there’s something so wrong about this picture. Like she’s a stripper and he’s a shirtless tourist in Vegas.

31. Well, at least she doesn’t have to change into something more comfortable on her wedding night.

I’m sure this is how Victoria’s Secret is trying to get in the wedding business. Wonder how that would work out. Seriously, while it might make a nice wedding nightie, not sure if I’d wear that down the aisle.

32. Sometimes unconventional can be your way to go.

To be fair, the bride is a sheep farmer. So it’s only natural for her to want a sheepskin dress. Yet, not sure if I’d want to wear a wool skirt at my wedding.

33. Now I’m sure a wedding could surely be livened up with balloons.

I don’t know about you. But I really feel tempted to stick a pin in it and see what happens. I’m sure wearing this you wouldn’t be able to sit down without hearing a few pops now and then.

34. Some couples just want to pledge their vows up in the air.

Fortunately, the brides extraordinary long train makes a dandy safety procedure in the event of an emergency. Of course, they might need to inflict some damage to tie it to a basket.

Fortunately, the brides extraordinary long train makes a dandy safety procedure in the event of an emergency. Of course, they might need to cut it off before tying it to the basket.

35. Okay, is this supposed to be wedding attire or a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot.

Seriously, I’m sure that getting married in a bikini is a very bad idea. Besides, Victoria’s Secret should never get into the wedding business.

36. Nothing says true love like a perky pink wedding dress with hearts.

Now this might not be as slutty as some other but she kind of looks like she takes the evening shift as a table dancer at the Kit Kat Club. Also, the pink is just hideous and akin to bridal wear in Vegas.

37. Nothing says wedding like a bridal gown of roses.

Let’s hope these aren’t real. But I’m not sure a rose wedding dress would be comfortable. Seriously, why?

38. I suppose this Muslim girl was determined to get married in her finest family drapery.

I’m sure part of the curtain rod is within her wedding crown piece. Still, I’ve seen nice Muslim style wedding dresses and some of them are quite nice. This one is beyond tacky. Still, kind of reminds me of what you’d see an Egyptian Pharaoh would wear in increment weather.

39. I suppose this wedding dress is more for the bedroom, I reckon.

Then again, she could just be the childish stripper hired for the bachelor party. Still, the ringlets don’t make this woman seem any more innocent.

40. Sure you might want to show some skin at your wedding, but you might want to remain tasteful as well.

Now this woman really seems to get her dress at the same place where you can get the Sexy French Maid or the Naughty Nurse costume. Also has a long train for some reason. Maybe she should’ve had a dress made from that.

41. Of course, everyone loves rainbows and weddings so why can’t the two be together?

While it’s supposed to be a wedding picture, I can’t help but see these two as possible leaders in a cult ritual. Seriously, I wouldn’t associate that kind of attire with weddings.

42. At times, there are brides who think swim wear would make appropriate wedding attire. I’m not so sure about that.

Not sure if I think this is skimpy because it’s short or that the bride isn’t wearing a bra. Either way, wouldn’t want to wear that for my wedding.

43. For those planning a winter wedding, may I suggest a bride should get a dress that’s trimmed with fur.

Unfortunately, this wedding dress has the fur trimmed the wrong way. Seriously, I’m not sure who’d hate this more: brides to be or PETA.

44. In the 1980s, when dress weren’t designed based on tablecloths and drapery, they ripped off from lampshades.

Yes, that skirt resembles the kind of frilly lampshade you’d either see in an antique shop or a little girl’s room. Not much a fan of the sleeves either.

45. Of course, when it comes to simplicity, just a plain old white dress will do.

Now I know that some brides need something old for their wedding day. But isn’t wearing your great-great grandmother’s wedding dress kind of pushing the envelope? Just saying.

46. Strut down the aisle like a pretty peacock in this peacock feather dress.

Wonder how many male birds had to die to make this dress. Also, it seems to have a very long train that covers most of the floor.

47. For a 4th of July wedding, a bride should always walk down the aisle showing her love for America as a patriotic princess.

Actually as per my American flag article, this is the kind of dress a patriotic princess shouldn’t wear to her wedding unless she’s marrying Captain America. Seriously, wearing the stars and stripes is said to be very disrespectful according to the flag code. But Americans can’t really help it. So, hello, Mrs. Captain America.

48. Don’t like wedding veils? Well, here’s a wedding hood.

I don’t know about you but as an American, I tend to associate white pointy hoods with a group known for burning crosses and lynching black people for some reason. I don’t know what. But I’d think she’d go with the Nazi groom quite nicely.

49. No bridal gown is complete without a couple of tentacles at the skirt.

Seriously, putting tentacles on a dress is a horrible idea that even the model can't hide her dismay. Seriously, no girl wants to be married in a dress that makes her look like an octopus!

Seriously, putting tentacles on a dress is a horrible idea that even the model can’t hide her dismay. I mean no girl wants to be married in a dress that makes her look like an octopus!

50. With wedding gowns, you can’t overdo the veil, especially in the 1980s.

Man, that veil reminds me of one of those shower puff balls you’d rub soap on for some reason. I’m not sure why.

51. While I see nothing wrong with brides showing some cleavage, there are times when some do go too far.

Now while this dress is more appropriate for a porno, exposed nipples are a wedding no-no. Also, she looks as if she’s prancing around in some old timey underwear.

52. If you can’t afford a veil, it doesn’t hurt to fashion one from a shower curtain.

Okay, now while this is certainly practical for a rainy day nuptial, it also seems more appropriate for either a 1980s sci-fi movie or a Lady Gaga music video.

53. Well, this is the bridal gown for the woman who has a board meeting after the ceremony.

Is it just me or does anyone think that bridal attire and business suits shouldn't go together? Seriously, is this woman being given away by her regional manager?

Is it just me or does anyone think that bridal attire and business suits shouldn’t go together? Is this woman being given away by her regional manager?

54. While some brides opt to be married in a church with a tall steeple, I’m not sure if a cathedral hat is a good idea.

While this is said to enhance her as some exotic princess in Eastern Europe, she more or less tends to remind me more of the Chrysler Building. That or a possible lady in waiting to the Queen of Hears from Alice in Wonderland.

55. Now this would be a perfect dress for any bride who’s a fan of The Tudors.

The dress may seem Elizabethan, but I’m sure the cap reminds me of what Queen Elizabeth probably wore in her later years while her wigs needed work done. Still, I’m sure this gown wouldn’t be very comfortable.

56. In the 1980s, it wasn’t unusual for women to sport big hair, big dresses, and big sleeves.

Yeah, I’m sure a dress like that took 3 hours to get in as well as 2 seats in a car. Also, probably gave a reason for the church to put on the air conditioner early.

57. Nothing makes a great wedding gown than a large big bow on the top of a veil.

With a veil like this, it would be amazing if this woman didn’t trip on it as she walks down the aisle. Anyway, still looks pretty ridiculous and more suited for mosquito bed netting.

58. With a dress like this, I’m sure the venue will certainly get Showtime during the reception.

However, I’m not sure this satellite TV style wedding dress would get any good reception among wedding guests. Still, more appropriate for a sci-fi film than anything else.

59. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Florence of Arabia.

Of course, I'm not sure a Lawrence of Arabia wedding theme would work because the movie has absolutely no female characters in it. But still, I can totally imagine Peter O' Toole wearing that thing, which is kind of disturbing in itself.

Of course, I’m not sure a Lawrence of Arabia themed straight wedding would work because the movie has absolutely no female characters in it. But still, I can totally imagine Peter O’ Toole wearing that thing, which is kind of disturbing in itself.

60. Of course, while the bride is suppose to be the center of attention, sometimes she tends to wear less than the groom.

Just because June corresponds with weddings and swimsuits, doesn’t mean you should combine the two. Seriously, a wedding bikini is a terrible idea.

61. When it comes to weddings, who needs a dress when the bride can have a floor length veil?

Now this kind of reminds me of a woman in a sci-fi film who’s entrenched in a full body bag she can walk in. Well, at least the veil would come in handy protecting her against mosquitoes during her wedding in sub Sahara Africa.

62. Screw wedding attire and get married in body paint clothes and swimwear covering your naughty bits. It’s said to be much cheaper.

Now I’m sure that people won’t know the difference between actual clothes and airbrush paint on one’s body. Oh, I forget it’s easily noticeable. Seriously, why?

63. Nothing says true love than wearing a wedding dress in support of your man’s favorite basketball team.

Let’s just say if there’s a place where sports licensed products shouldn’t have a place in, then weddings would be it. Still, at least the groom won’t feel that she’s not just thinking about herself here.

64. This woman’s wedding hat is so big that she has to get people to put sticks under it for support.

I wouldn’t advise any bride-to-be to have a dress like this since it’s totally not practical. Seriously, the hat is obviously way too big it has to be supported by 4 guys with long sticks.

65. Now if you’re marrying in a very cold place, this wedding dress will make you feel safe and warm.

For God's sake, this outfit makes her look like a giant tampon! Perhaps this dress is better suited as a Public Service mascot costume that helps teach girls about feminine hygiene than a wedding.

For God’s sake, this outfit makes her look like a giant walking tampon! Perhaps this dress is better suited as a Public Service mascot costume that helps teach girls about feminine hygiene than a wedding.

66. When it comes to a wedding gown, the train can never be too long.

Seems like this train is so long that it can be used to cover at least a dozen beds, perhaps as many as there are people holding it. Seriously, it’s way too long and probably had to be rolled out, too.

67. When choosing a wedding gown, brides should always make a selection that corresponds with their bra size.

From how I see it, the bride’s chest seems like it’s exploding with delight, to put it metaphorically. Then again if her husband’s a breast man, he probably won’t mind. Yeah, sometimes what’s off the rack doesn’t always measure to all dimensions.

68. This bride’s dress is so big that she’s probably making her trip down the aisle in a parade float.

O my God, why would think of getting a wedding dress with skirt that big? Then again, perhaps it will be used for the happy couple’s tent when they go on their honeymoon or something.

69. We’re pretty sure she’s marrying a guy who designs balloon animals.

Still, I’m sure in a dress like this, it would be very hard to sit down without ruining it. Still, doesn’t keep me from wanting to stick a pin in it.

70. Of course, if this marriage fails, I’m sure they’ll certainly lose the trailer.

This photo seems to have all the trappings of a shotgun wedding. I mean the bride is obviously pregnant but there’s nothing really objectionable about her dress. However, the groom’s only formal attire is a black vest and possibly a white collar and tie. And I suppose the plaid shirt and pants have seen better days. Seriously, a guy should look his best on his wedding day, not like he’s just marrying the girl to escape the wrath of daddy’s shotgun!

71. A short wedding dress is one thing, but I’m not sure about the snakeskin dress shirt.

Well, at least this groom has cleaned himself up a little. But still, the snakeskin dress shirt has got to go. People might get the wrong idea. Ditto, the suit coat with a black leather collar and cuffs.

72. Down the aisle a bride must learn to spread her wings and fly.

I don’t know about you but if I saw a bird like that, I’d wonder how it could ever survive a jet engine and still be able to fly. Nevertheless, there’s no way in hell I’d get married in that.

73. For all those rural redneck folks, nothing says wedding like getting married in camo and bright orange.

Let me say this and I want to be perfectly frank. Camo and bright orange are for hunting season and nothing else. It’s not for formal events. Not weddings, not proms, and certainly not funerals. Do I make myself clear? Still, at least the guy’s not wearing holes in his pants for once.

74. As the bride reaches the altar, the groom is supposed to lift the veil from her face. With a dress like this, I’m not sure how the groom is supposed to go about it.

For one, this looks the kind of wedding dress you’d see in a sci-fi movie. Secondly, that veil just looks hideous with the short dress. But I’m sure her face will be fine against the mosquitoes.

75. So if the groom wears black and the bride wears white? Can they be reversed?

Now I don’t have anything against the colors. However, it’s just that they seem to come out of some sort of some 1980s sci-fi horror fantasy film that makes me shudder. Seriously, the bride looks as if she’s from another planet. The groom looks as if he’s perhaps an illegitimate son of Lucius Malfoy.

76. For the bride who loves taxidermied doves in flight, this is the perfect bridal gown for you.

Of course, this beautiful wedding dress was inspired by the films of the legendary director Alfred Hitchcock, particularly The Birds. Of course, at least those birds in this picture are too dead to peck you to death.

77. When in doubt, go with flowers.

Oh, hell no! Seriously, having flowers on your wedding dress is fine. But walking down the aisle looking like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not! I mean why?

78. On her wedding day, a bride must rise like a sun.

Don’t look now, but I think this is the kind of wedding dress you’d expect a Cardassian bride to wear, on Star Trek no less. Seriously, the wedding out of this world, literally.

79. Of course, a bridal gown should always have lace.

Okay, this might be going to far. Still, at least the groom at her wedding knows what he’s getting. Still, pretty sleazy.

80. On her wedding day, a bride must rise to the occasion like a phoenix.

But whether this is supposed to be a wedding gown or a very elaborate nightie, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, it looks ridiculous if you ask me. You know most women wouldn’t wear a lot of these wedding fashions on the runway, which are used to justify a fashion designer’s existence.

Get in the Fiesta Spirit with These Treats of Cinco de Mayo

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 30, 2015

Now as a Caucasian American in Pennsylvania, I don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo (though I did take Spanish in high school and college). But since most Hispanic Americans are Mexican and we have a lot of Hispanics in this country, I can’t really avoid doing a treat post on it. Contrary to popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not the Mexican equivalent to the 4th of July. Rather it’s more like Mexican Saint Patrick’s Day, which is celebrated by Mexican Americans as a day of pride for their ethnic heritage. But instead of pertaining to religious connotations, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the anniversary of a famous Mexican battle in which their forces defeated the French on May 5, 1862. Of course, it didn’t stop the French from taking over Mexico and installing an Austrian prince as a puppet ruler under the title, “Emperor of Mexico.” But the Mexicans later fight back to regain their independence, have the Mexican puppet emperor killed, which would later drive his wife crazy (and being a sister of Belgium’s King Leopold II certainly didn’t help). Nevertheless, many people in the American Southwest who aren’t Mexican tend to celebrate this holiday as an excuse to party and to go wasting away again in Margaritaville. Still, it tends to be celebrated in places like Canada, the Caribbean, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, France, and Japan. Again, don’t ask me why. So for your Cinco de Mayo party, here are some ideas for treats for your reading pleasure.

1. No Cinco de Mayo fiesta is complete without pinata cookies with M&Ms in store.

Of course, how they keep the M&Ms in there without melting, I don’t know. Then again, some must have. Still, you have to break them open.

2. Nothing celebrates one’s Mexican heritage more than a Rice Krispie treat of the Mexican flag.

Of course, I can’t do a post on treats for occasions without having a few made from Rice Krispies. They’re just pretty unavoidable.

3. Top off your Cinco de Mayo festivities with the ultimate smash pinata cake.

Of course, you wouldn’t be able to get away with these kinds of cakes during the Cinco de Mayo festivities at the penitentiary. Especially if the authorities will suspect that something’s in them.

4. Since you’ll probably have tacos during the Cinco de Mayo fiesta, may I suggest these would make a perfect dessert.

Now these are taco cookies, which most likely contain peanut butter, icing, and sprinkles. Well, as far as I can see. Still, at one angle, it’s easy to mistake them for the real thing.

5. You couldn’t ask for a better Cinco de Mayo treat than pretzel candies of Saguaro Cacti.

Unlike real cacti, these candies won’t make you bleed when you touch them. But they won’t help you survive if you’re stuck in the desert.

6. Nothing shows off Mexican pride more than a sandwich of the Mexican flag.

Well, it had stuff sticking out of it so I guess it’s a sandwich. Also, it’s on a plate. Nevertheless, it’s covered with guacamole, cream cheese, refried beans, and salsa.

7. Por los ninos, you can’t go wrong with these Mexican sombrero guys cake pops.

Of course, don’t use them to imitate the banditos from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, especially in front of your Mexican friends. Then again, when it gets to that point, you’d probably been drinking too many Margaritas anyway.

8. To go with the Mexican flag Rice Krispie treats, a Rice Krispie sombrero will do.

As if you can’t come up with more ideas for Rice Krispies, there comes a sombrero made of these. It’s like Rice Krispies are the cooking medium for the repressed art majors.

9. Nothing makes a Cinco de Mayo fiesta than topping it off with a sombrero cake.

Now this is an intricate cake probably made at a bakery. But it’ll do nicely. Still, I wonder if they use the same shape for a Pilgrim hat around Thanksgiving.

10. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with these Frida Kahlo cake pops.

Yes, she had a mustache. But compared to her husband Diego Rivera, she looked like a supermodel. And she was his 3rd wife. But the story of this couple is another matter altogether.

11. Nothing celebrates Mexican heritage than a cake containing everything we associate Mexico with.

Then again, everything on this cake you can associate with the American Southwest. Except that you take the sombrero and serape and replace it with cowboy stuff. Then again, you don’t see a Margarita glass.

12. To go with your Cinco de Mayo cakes, here are some Cinco de Mayo cookies.

Now these cookies are of May 5th, pinatas, Mesoamerican temple art, cacti, maracas, chili peppers, limes, Our Lady of Guadelupe, and Corona. And I identified all that without consulting Wikipedia.

13. For your sombrero cake, these sombrero cupcakes will go well perfectly.

Either these are sombreros or they are the kind of Mexicanized version of the hat you’d see the one guy wear in Curious George. But at least they’re chocolate as far as I’m concerned.

14. Bring some spice into your life this Cinco de Mayo with these nacho bowl cupcakes.

Now they almost resemble the real thing until you get a closer look. The nachos are cookies while the cheese is icing, the salsa is jelly, and jalapenos are candy.

15. I’m sure the little ninos in your life will love these Cinco de Mayo kitties in sombreros.

Yes, they may be made from cookies, candy, and marshmallows. But even I have to admit that they’re so adorable.

16. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a Mexican flag dip tray, as far as I know.

Well, this consists of guacamole, sour cream, and tomato. Probably should’ve went with salsa but hey, I didn’t come up with the recipe.

17. To give your Cinco de Mayo fiesta an extra spike, go with this cactus cake.

Unlike real cacti, this won’t actually hurt anyone nor will it keep you from dying of dehydration. But it does have a pretty flower.

18. To dance the night away, you can’t go wrong with these edible maracas.

Unfortunately, they’re filled with Nerd candies which don’t taste very good. May I suggest M&Ms instead?

19. For your hungry ninos, these sombrero candies make great party favors.

Now this is topped with gum drops. But I’m not sure about what kind of sheet you’d need for the brim part though. Still, pretty cute if I do say so myself.

20. So if you’re having tacos for dinner on Cinco de Mayo, why not have them for dessert, too?

Now these consists of a chocolate covered waffle cone taco shell with ice cream, chocolate syrup, and M&Ms. All in all, this is a a taco sundae all smothered in chocolate. Yum!

21. I’m sure your little ninos will have fun with these chili pepper treats on a stick.

Now these are adorable, especially the one with the little sombrero. Still, I’m sure they aren’t made of peppers though. But I like them anyway.

22. Don’t like Margaritas, then fill Margarita glasses with candy and cupcakes.

Now that I think about it, I kind of like these Margaritas better than the real thing. Of course, I’d fill them with peanut M&Ms though.

23. Seems like your little muchachos will love these Mexican man cookie sandwiches on sticks.

Of course, remind them that they can’t use these to act out derogatory Mexican stereotypes as one may see from Treasure of the Sierra Madre. That, or the Frito Bandito.

24. For your nino’s Cinco de Mayo dinner, you might want to go with this tortilla sandwich.

Now this has tortilla with fried rice, carrots, beans and sour cream. Nevertheless, it’s a better looking specimen than anything I would do in art class.

25. For a real fiesta, these sombrero cookies will work wonders for Cinco de Mayo.

Yes, these are cookies. And yes, the mound is covered in layers of multicolored icing. Still, they’re a sight to behold. Bet they taste delicious.

26. Go for a cold one this Cinco de Mayo with these Mexican flag popsicles.

Of course, if you have some left over, you can always save them for celebrating one’s Italian heritage by passing off as Italian flag popsicles. Works much easier that way.

27. These cacti cupcakes will have your fiesta guests prickly for more.

Sure they may seem spikey but they won’t hurt you except when it comes to possibly putting you at risk for diabetes. Nevertheless, at least they’re chocolate.

28. Make your Cinco de Mayo fiesta complete with this Mexican flag veggie tray.

Now these consist of pea pods, red peppers, cheese sticks, and cherry tomatoes. So it’s not quite like a veggie tray but close.

29. Bring the fiesta spirit to your Cinco de Mayo party with these Margarita cake pops.

Let’s hope they have a chocolate filling and aren’t too salty. Then again, I could be wrong here. But I wonder if they’re for people under 21.

30. I’m sure these Mexican flag jalapeno peppers will make your Cinco de Mayo fiesta a certified hit.

Well, they may be covered in icing and sugar. But at least they have some nutritional value compared to other treats on this post.

31. Nothing makes your Cinco de Mayo fiesta memorable than these cupcakes of all things Mexico.

These consist of sombreros, serape,s and the Mexican flag. But they all seem intricately decorated with layers of icing.

32. These beautiful fiesta dress cupcakes will make your fiesta a sight to behold.

Not sure about the pattern for these dresses. But they're nevertheless so beautiful that you'd wonder whether to eat them.

Not sure about the pattern for these dresses. But they’re nevertheless so beautiful that you’d wonder whether it would be right to eat them.

33. Of course, you can’t have a Cinco de Mayo fiesta without these Mexican sun cookies.

Now these seem to be well above my artistic talents. Yet, the are nevertheless beautiful. They also have, “ole” written in a way that resembles a face.

34. Your Cinco de Mayo fiesta won’t get into the true spirit of Mexico unless it has a cake like its flag.

Now I’m sure you can’t eat the decal of the eagle with the snake. Yet, it very much gets into the Mexican spirit indeed.

35. If you can have tacos during meals, why not on cupcakes?

Now these are made from cookies, candies, and icing to put them together. But the cupcakes themselves are vanilla.

36. If you can eat tacos for dinner and lunch, you can have them for breakfast.

Now these are fruit tacos that contain almost any fruit you can think of. But they probably have more nutritional value than anything you’d find at Taco Bell.

37. Seems like these taco cookies can’t wait to be eaten.

Yes, they are smiling. Yes, they are taco cookies. And yes, they are adorable. Need I say more.

38. I’m sure these pinata cookies are just waiting to be broken. But good luck with getting candy out of them.

Now these are simply adorable that even their noses are smiley faces. Of course, it’s kind of weird but what the hell.

39. M&Ms are certainly great when it comes to decorating maraca cookies.

And I hope they have M&Ms inside them, too. Or I will be very angry if I don’t see them after breaking one open.

40. You heard about Margaritas. Now here’s some Margarita cupcakes.

Sure they may be bigger than regular cupcakes since you put them in Margarita glasses. Yet, the fact these aren’t chocolate is kind of disappointing to say the least.

41. Now these cupcakes are supposed to be of nachos in guacamole.

I’m sure the guacamole is made from green icing and sprinkles. And the pot is made from chocolate cake. But these look delicious.

42. On Cinco de Mayo, some cookies may be of basic Mexican concepts. Others can be quite intricate to say the least.

Now these are certainly beyond my level of artistry which is pretty low to begin with. Nevertheless, they are incredibly beautiful and probably decorated by repressed art majors.

43. Celebrate your Cinco de Mayo with these pinata cupcakes.

Now these may be covered with icing and not have anything in them. But they’re adorable. And they’re chocolate, too.

44. Nothing says Cinco de Mayo than these meringue cacti cookies.

Yes, these are saguaro cacti with flowers on them. But they won’t make you bleed when you touch them or rehydrate you in the desert.

45. Get in the Mexican spirit of Cinco de Mayo with these pinata jello shots.

Of course, a word of caution here. Just because they’re jello and in bright colors, doesn’t mean they’re for kids. In fact, they may contain alcohol, which means they aren’t suitable for anyone under 21.

46. Who says you need ice cream to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with cones?

Now these are cupcakes that contain yellow cake with rice cakes and ice cream cones. But they’re nevertheless cute by any means.

47. Make your Cinco de Mayo memorable with this cactus Rice Krispie treat on a stick.

It may not be as much help to you in the desert. But it’s so cute by any means. Also, I love its little sombrero hat.

48. Have your little ninos wake up this Cinco de Mayo to this pancake maracas hombre in his sombrero.

Most of this consists of pancakes and bacon, especially his bacon mustache. But it’s still quite adorable.

49. Taco cupcakes? How about taco cookies?

For once, I’d almost mistake these for the real thing due to how they photographed this. But these would go great with topping any cupcakes since they consist of cookie, sprinkles, and icing.

50. For those who don’t like taco cookies, try some tostada cookies instead.

As far as I know, the main difference between a tostada and a taco is that you eat one of them with a fork. Still, quite impressive if I do say so myself.

Congratulations on Your Graduation Cake!

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 23, 2015

While prom is a season many high schoolers look forward to in the spring, afterwards May and June are graduation season. It is a time when high school and college seniors among others gather around to finish their education with a ceremonious commencement ceremony in their cap and gowns before they embark on a hellish world of the job market and adulthood (save for those about to embark college). Sure you may have to say goodbye to friends, many of which you’ll never see again, but I’m sure your degree will guarantee you independence as well as an incentive to pay your student loans, right? Now we all know how graduation ceremonies are marked with speakers, “Pomp and Circumstance,” speeches, and all that. Of course, in families with a new graduate, this rite of passage is marked by a celebration with a cake, if you live in America. Now I can go on and on about nice graduation cakes, but many of you will think it boring. So instead I’ll give you cakes possibly decorated by someone who flunked out of cake decorating school. Yes, you’d wonder about the education these makers received to decorate cakes like this. So without further adieu, here are a collection of graduation confections gone catastrophic.

1. I bet Ashley from 2009 was either a chemistry or biology major. Congrads!

I hope she enjoys her cake with urine/beer on it. Either way, someone is going to get pissed. Also, I really don’t want to know what’s in the test tube.

2. Congratulations, Ryan, for stopping on being a disappointment. Now was it that hard?

I have to wonder what kind of relationship Ryan has with his parents. Of course, his folks will probably be disappointed in him once more when he fails to get a job other than as a waiter at Red Lobster.

3. Congratulations on your MBA, Desiree, from the guy on the Dummies books.

Well, I’m sure these Dummies books aren’t that bad. However, I’m not sure if I want to have a graduation cake of one. Might have unfortunate implications.

4. Congratulations, on completing your nursing degree, Nicole. Stick it to ’em, girl!

Of course, when it comes to sticking thermometers in rear ends, this is pretty mild in comparison. Still, I wonder what kind of cakes they had for her brothers, an ob/gyn and a urologist respectively.

Of course, when it comes to sticking thermometers in rear ends, this is pretty mild in comparison to what real nurses have to deal with in the hospital. Still, I wonder what my nursing school cousin would think about this.

5. Congratulations, Tiffany, Class of 2009. Here’s an ipod cake with an Eminem album.

Now while I have no problem with Eminem, this album really makes this graduation cake rather depressing. It’s as if Tiffany’s future is going to be rather bleak and depressing.

6. “The tossel was worn with the hostle!” What?

While Abby may be a graduate, the cake decorator’s strong suit certainly wasn’t in spelling, reading, or English. Seriously, this is bound to give English teachers nightmares.

7. Congratulations, valid Victorian!

From Cake Wrecks: “Prithee, lord Westerbunkle, wouldst thou care for a celebratory spot of Earl Grey?” Yeah, this is the kind of graduation cake for someone who loves Steampunk.

8. When it comes to putting initials on graduation cakes, you might want to wonder if they have any unfortunate context.

When I see KKK, I think about white supremacy, racism, lynching, scary white robes, Birth of a Nation, cross burnings, and racially motivated terrorism. Not, “Good Luck!,” “Live, Laugh, and Love,” “Dream Big,” and “We are so Proud!” Seriously, why?

9. Congratulations on your graduation, here is your cap and…..diploma. Wait a minute, is that a severed finger?

Seriously, the diploma looks as like a severed finger with a ribbon tied on it. Apparently, someone is very bad at drawing a scroll or forgot to put a swirl on the top just so it doesn’t horrify us.

10. Congratulations, but just the fax, ma’am.

Interesting how some decorators tend to inscribe their cakes with everything they seem to hear on the phone. Seriously, I wonder what the graduate would think seeing this on a cake for their party.

11. Congratulations, class of 2012, hope some ass doesn’t try to piss you off.

From Cake Wrecks: “In 2012 bakers broadened their horizons by combining the fine art of Dali-esque surrealism with a post-modern monochromatic aesthetic: I call it, “Tar Donkey Butt-Peeing.”” Seriously, it really does look like that.

12. Hats off, class of 2009!

I didn’t know that grad caps came with ear flaps. Since I didn’t have grad caps that came with those back in 2008 or 2012. Must be a Canadian thing.

13. Congratulations, Olivia. Hope you passed with flying colors.

I sure don’t want to know what this unicorn passed with flying colors. Looks like the rainbow is coming out of its rear end, which makes a rather disgusting connection between rainbows and unicorns.

14. Congratulations, Chris, have a Crown Royal!

Just make sure you’re not posting any drunk photos on Facebook. Because employers do check your social network pages. And posting wasted pictures can deny you a job.

15. Congratulations, and let’s hope the zombie apocalypse isn’t coming any time soon.

Yeah, your brain is worth $30,000. Your college education would be a waste if zombies ate you or went after you for your brains.

16. Congratulations, from the Cthulhu School of Necronomic Evil, Oblivion, and World Domination.

Yeah, I’m sure little children won’t get the reference on this cake. Still, not sure if it’s appropriate for graduation.

17. Congratulations, have a cold one.

Now I have to admire how they used Bud Light beer cans and ice for this cake as a cooler. Still, let’s hope it’s for college graduation, please.

18. Congratulations on your graduation, Mr. Jason Tibbles!

Sure this is a graduation cake with LOLcats, but still, it’s quite funny having a cat picture on a graduation cake. Nevertheless, I hope Mr. Tibbles didn’t overdo on the catnip with his Alpha Theta Meow fraternity brothers.

19. Congratulations, Christina in the banner. Wait, what?

I’m sure this is another cake decorator who takes things too literally. Also, probably sucked at reading comprehension, listening, and following directions.

20. Congratulations, class of 2009 from frog licking traffic sign.

Yes, it's supposed to be a graduation cap. But it looks like a sign you'd see on the Interstate during roadwork season after school is out. At least if you live in Pennsylvania.

Yes, it’s supposed to be a graduation cap. But it looks like a sign you’d see on the Interstate during roadwork season followed by a group of guys from PennDOT. At least if you live in Pennsylvania.

21. In higher education, time loses all meaning.

Either that, or having a cake with word salad this bad probably means that the decorator at Wal Mart should be fired.

22. Congratulations, Crystal. By the way, use protection. Just an FYI.

Yeah, the tassel looks like a piece of litter, I’d see at the cemetery where I live. Assuming that some people think cemeteries are great spots Sunday afternoon tryst.

23. Class of 2007, rocks! Fireworks explosion.

Apparently, this decorator either couldn’t draw fireworks with icing, or just took the directions too literally. Thus, adding lameness to a cake that could’ve been awesome.

24. Congratulations, Torianne on your graduation. Great Gatsby!

Seriously, I’m not sure The Great Gatsby is the kind of book you put on a graduation cake. Seriously, it’s a book about a guy who changes his whole identity and gets rich through bootlegging so he could win the heart of his ex-girlfriend who’s already married with a kid. Also, decorator failed to follow directions.

25. Class of 2008: I want sprinkles!

Yeah, seems like another decorator flunked reading comprehension, listening, and following directions. I think this person wanted sprinkles on a cake, not the words, “I want sprinkles!”

26. Congratulations, on graduating medical school! Well, job done, Dr. Huskins!

Seems like this cake decorator has no understanding of English or that Yoda took a side job as a commercial cake decorator at Wal Mart.

27. Happy graduation day, from the evil blonde girl in the cap and gown.

Of course, she probably has a job lined up for her at her dad’s company, no doubt. Still, this girl seems like she’s hiding something sinister under her robes.

28. Congrats, John ’08. Oh, no, that ain’t right.

Seems like the graduate is doing a really terrible thing to the school mascot. Now if I had cake like this at my grad party, let’s say it wouldn’t go well with my relatives with young children.

29. Finally! Congratulations, Becky! Kick Ass!

Seriously, you’d think Becky’s parents would have a less creepy photo of her from her childhood. Guess I was wrong. I mean this little girl in make up seems absolutely terrifying to me.

30. Congratulations! Wait, that’s supposed to be a cap, right?

To me, they resemble 2 overlapping boxes with a string on the top one. Guess this decorator seemed to fail art class in school.

31. Congratulations on your graduation from mortuary school, Jenny.

Sure a hearse cake might be appropriate for someone who graduated from a mortuary school and plans on being a funeral director. But it’s still kind of disturbing.

32. Congratulations, from the pointed pencil.

For how yellow this pencil is, you'd almost mistake it for a banana. And you know what that means.

For how yellow this pencil is, you’d almost mistake it for a banana. Still, if it weren’t for the point, I would’ve mistook it for something else and let’s leave it at that.

33. Congratulations, Holly and Hannah from 2 cherries projectile vomiting on a picnic table.

Now that certainly doesn’t look like a graduation cap to me. Besides, I need an old cherry pitter and a young cherry pitter, please.

34. Congratulations, graduate and don’t forget your hood.

Either this person got graduation cap and hood mixed up or is a Star Wars fan. Well, I’m sure Galactic Senate guards have graduation ceremonies, too.

35. Here’s to you Class of 2009, and we hope you’ll meet your death as blood spattered innocents.

Man, melted icing sure can create gory effects, even when it’s not needed. Seriously, that looks like blood and more suited for Halloween than graduation.

36. For those grads wanting to put a stamp of their religious views, you might not want a cake from this bakery.

Communion on your knees, seriously? That doesn’t look good. Why can’t the communion cake figures have the parishioner standing, for God’s sake? I mean it would be way less creepier.

37. For those compelled to have a photo of their grad on a cake, either go wit the “boring” or the “greened silhouette” option.

This is also a great option for grads in the Witness Protection Program like mafia princesses, for instance. That or reformed gang bangers who’ve recently moved to another state.

38. For those who want to send their grad a heartfelt message, this is for you.

What the fuck would anyone buy a graduation cake like this? It looks like a stripper’s backside for God’s sake! Seriously, do these parents have any idea how inappropriate a cake like this is for graduation? I mean, why?

39. When it comes to sending a picture for your graduation cake, remember that some people are less tech savvy than others.

I’m sure this person seemed to put a photo of the whole file as if it came from a Wikipedia entry. Definitely not computer savvy at all. Decorator should be fired.

40. Congratulations, Class of 2009 of Whoville University.

Seriously, the diploma scroll looks like a Dr. Seuss hat and the confetti squiggles are incomprehensible. Seriously, that doesn’t look like a scroll at all.

41. Don’t screw up, Julianne!

Of course, this great advice but is it really appropriate for a graduation cake? Seriously, either Julianne really doesn’t care about her future or she’s working on Wall Street.

42. Congratulations, Laura, wait is that a cat on her head?

I think this one made the news. I think the family wanted a cap on this girl’s head for her graduation cake. Guess there was some misunderstanding with the order.

43. Congratulations, Andrea. By the way, you’re going to die.

Sure some girls might major in medicine or have a thing with the macabre. But that doesn’t mean you should put a skeleton on a graduation cake. I mean, that’s just messed up.

44. Congratulations, graduating to the Dark Side of the Force.

Now this just has to be one of the worst renditions of Darth Vader I’ve ever seen. Besides, the cap is way too small for him.

45. For those who thought the baby carrots shower cake was creepy, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Yes, here’s a graduation cake of naked babies on carrots. But this time they have caps and diplomas. Talk about creepy if you know what I mean. Yes, this is the stuff of nightmares.

46. Congratulations, from the green I-Beam thingy.

This is: A. a green dog bone or chew toy, B. a green Corinthian column, C. a dumbell, or D. All of the above. Then again, I don’t want to know.

47. Congratulations, graduate, from the Doric column or the golden tornado.

Sure it’s for people who like things a little twisted. But I’m don’t want to run into something like that in Kansas. Yeah, that thing should just get the hell off my lawn!

48. Congratulations, by the way, flattened turtle says hello.

Now the shell seems a little flat but the turtle really doesn’t seem to mind. Of course, this kind of disturbs me for some reason.

49. Congratulations, Jason, all downloaded and ready for viewing.

I know this is supposed to be an equation and maybe done on purpose. But I’m not sure if the guy’s relatives would get it. Rather, many would complain of why don’t they just get a normal cake.

50. So remember, when it comes to cake roses, black may not be it.

Sorry, but the black roses on this cake look like shit. And by “shit” I don’t mean bad. I mean the roses actually look like shit. Oh, and one of the letters is wrong.

Sucky Dresses at Prom

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 10, 2015

This is my cousin John in my sister's junior prom dress. And no, he didn't wear it to prom. But it fits well with what I'm going to talk about.

This is my cousin John in my sister’s junior prom dress. And no, he didn’t wear it to prom (they were just goofing off). But in a post devoted to prom dress fashion disasters, this is a perfect introductory photo.

After the Easter celebrations are over, junior and senior high school students all around the country prepare for the major formal high school dance of the year: prom. Prom season is the time of year when American junior and senior high school students spend countless amounts of their parents’ money on overpriced formal dresses and suits, overpriced tickets for an overpriced venue if it’s not the high school gym, overpriced hairstyles, and overpriced transportation. All just so they can attend a dance with mediocre food and music in hopes that they’d somehow get to third base in the backseat of a car without considering the possibilities of an immediate future with child support payments, STD treatments, teen pregnancy, shotgun weddings, or fucking up the rest of their lives. But it’s all portrayed as the fairytale capstone of a high school girl’s experience as well as a rite of passage in the media. Yeah, right. Now I never went to prom while in high school since I had a quiz bowl tournament in Harrisburg my junior year (with my team coming in 7th but my sister erasing all the photos from my parents’ camera. Yet, it was on PCNC). And during my senior year, I had to go to an out of state funeral for a paternal great aunt I’ve only met once in my life (who was the half-sister of a grandfather I’ve never met). Do I regret not going to prom? Hell no. Seriously, my senior year highlights were finishing in the KDKA Hometown HiQ semifinals where my team won $2,000 for the school as well as a Hall of Fame Club lunch I attended with my father, finishing second in a journalist writing contest winning $25 for myself, attending a friend’s Halloween party, and going on a trip to Disney World with my high school marching band. However, my sister went to her school prom both years and was a member of homecoming court as a senior. And so have many other high school students. Now the average high school promgoer spends an average of about $900 on prom according to the statistics on while I was in high school. So I’m sure that a lot of businesses make a killing off it. But what gets a lot of attention at prom are the overpriced formal dresses which are sometimes designed by straight male perverts and worn by 20 year old models in magazines. Now I can go on with all the pretty prom dresses out there. But you’d probably be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the prom fashion disasters. Now I have it as Not Safe for Work because some might images might disturb the parents and that I don’t want teenagers to look at it. So without further adieu, here are some of prom’s most epic fashion catastrophes you can’t unsee.

1. Just because the dress may be great for a Civil War reenactment, doesn’t mean you should wear it for prom.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I'm not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, according to some historians. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that's your business. It just that the dress seems like a relic of 60s fashion. And by that, I mean 1860s.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I’m not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, historically speaking. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that’s your business. It’s just that the dress seems like a relic of fashion from the 60s. And by that, I mean the 1860s.

2. For the girl who wants to honor her southern heritage, offend black people, show your support for Lynyrd Skynyrd, and look like a trashy redneck at the same time, then the Confederate flag dress is for you.

Of course, I’d like to know how she’ll have to explain this to her black boyfriend. Seriously, the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol since it was used by white supremacist organizations like the KKK and the Dixiecrats.

3. For those aiming for the Grecian look, may I present to you Bo Derek in her bedsheet.

Let's just hope she's poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don't want to think that her parents spent all this money on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

Let’s just hope she’s poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don’t want to think that her parents spent over $300 on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

4. Of course, it’s not just the ladies who want to get in on the formalwear action. These guys dressed as the colors of the rainbow.

Of course, while many may see these teenage boys as the innocent promgoers they are, some people in the Bible Belt conspiracy theorist might equate them with the fictitious gay mafia of their imaginations. Either that, or Willy Wonka’s fraternity.

5. While most prom dresses cost loads of money, this dress is practically made of money.

Of course, what would make this dress worse was if the money on it is real, which I’m sure isn’t. Still, doesn’t give her a good rep if she decides to use this picture for her online dating profile.

6. For those who love colors and prints, this psychedelic prom dress is perfect for you.

This dress’s design was inspired by the designer’s drug trip on the brown acid at Woodstock during his hippie days. Can you dig it, man?

7. While prom is known for elaborate hairstyles, nobody’s has seen anything nearly as spectacular as helicopter hair.

Now I know that choppers may have very little to do with prom. But I have to appreciate that this girl’s hairdresser certainly had a great sense of humor.

8. For those who love Star Wars, nothing says love at prom like dressing up as Anakin Skywalker and Queen Padme Amidala.

Of course, for those who've seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn't end well. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

Of course, for those who’ve seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn’t end well. Seriously, she dies of childbirth while he gets dismembered that he has to wear a Darth Vader suit. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

9. Nothing shows redneck pride at prom than a camo dress and a matching suit.

Unless your school’s theme for prom is based off The Deer Hunter, I would really advise against it. Seriously, camo is proper during deer season, not prom season. Get it through your heads!

10. For those who can’t afford a prom dress or don’t want one, I’m sure formal shorts and top is right for you.

Perhaps when it comes to prom dress codes for girls, you might want to go with, “Do not wear anything resembling something that Niki Minaj might wear to one of her concerts.” The guy looks kind of sleazy as well, but in a different context.

11. While some prom dresses seem like they were made to accentuate the sexiness of supermodels, sometimes designers can go too far.

Okay, someone forgot that the top part of the dress shouldn’t consist of just boob straps. Seriously, this looks incredibly slutty and it’s not helped by the girl’s expression that suggests that she’s cheap and easy.

12. For those who want to catch eyes like a peacock, you can’t go wrong with a feather train.

So that’s what they were doing with the tufts of the Truffula trees. And I thought they were just for Thneeds, whatever those are. Still, probably a main reason why the Lorax’s forest basically went to shit due to deforestation by the Oncler.

13. Of course, when it comes to skimpy prom outfits, it’s not just the girls you need to worry about.

Now the girl is actually decently dressed. The guy on the other hand, is a different story. Seriously, nobody wants to see you dressed for prom as Borat at the beach.

14. You can be the prettiest girl at prom with a dress of jewels and tie dye.

I don’t know about you but people during the 1960s and 1970s didn’t wear tie dye to prom for a reason. Guess her prom’s theme this year is Chez a la Woodstock.

15. For all you art fans out there, ever teen girl would look beautiful in this prom dress with its design inspired by the masterpieces of Jackson Pollock.

On second thought, Jackson Pollock is a horrible artist. Seriously, why spend an enormous fortune on the kind of paintings your 3 year old can make you for free? Still, this dress is just plain hideous.

16. For the girl with kaleidoscope eyes, this is the prom dress for you.

Man, just looking at this dress makes me feel like I’m tripping balls. Must be inspired by some kind of acid trip during the 1970s. Yeah, it’s enough to make your prom date’s eye sore.

17. When you really want to stand out at prom, you can’t go wrong with a dress of chartreuse.

Now if my sister or I wanted to wear a dress like this at prom, I’d know exactly what my dad would say, which is, “No way in hell.” Seriously, my Grandma C wore that color and my dad just thinks it’s bad fashion sense.

18. Of course, shopping for prom dresses might be difficult for the unfortunate teenage girls who’ve been knocked up for awhile. But sometimes even that won’t stop them from having fun.

Now being pregnant around prom time is one thing. But wearing a dress like that? Seriously, this is just in very poor taste, maybe even by cheep hooker standards. Oh, my God, why?

19. This elegant V-neck gown will make any teenage girl feel like a princess.

That or a fifth rate version of Miley Cyrus at the Oscars. Then again, she’d probably wear one that would show way less skin.

20. For prom, you can’t do wrong with a short dress and fishnet stockings.

On second thought, you definitely can. Seriously, this girl looks like a cleaned up pretty version of a back alley hooker. I mean, why would anyone let their kid wear this? Wonder if she has knee high heeled boots to go with that and she’ll be all set.

21. For a more natural prom look, may I suggest you go with animal prints?

Take my advice, I hate animal prints. I think they take a reasonable looking gown and turn it into a tacky mess of poor taste. Seriously, it looks awful.

22. When it comes to prom, there’s nothing better than having your outfit support your favorite sports team.

I suppose this coordination was the guy’s idea. Like camo, sports trademark formal wear simply doesn’t belong. Seriously, it looks really out of place.

23. May I present to you: Willy Wonka’s prom picture.

Man, they sure look happy together. Too bad Willy soon became a recluse confectioner who owned a gigantic factory run by enslaved labor. Guess this girl doesn’t regret dumping him and is now married with a family.

24. This couples prom theme: Tribute to Dippin’ Dots: Ice Cream of the Future.

I don’t see the appeal of Dippin’ Dots as Ice Cream of the Future and the only place I’ve seen it sold is Kennywood anyway. Still, guess this couple is smarter to make their prom outfits.

25. Some girls go for puffy sleeves, some not at all. This one went with spiked.

Man, guess this dress will make it difficult for her boyfriend to put his arm around her in the back of the car. Now that moment can get awkward.

26. Of course, if you love John Hughes movies, you can always wear a prom dress from the 1980s.

Hey, I didn’t know Dr. Felix Frankfurther wore a purple dress at his senior prom. Guess he’d love to do the Time Warp again to aim for a sensible look from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, maybe not.

27. From Jovani, here we have a lovely sequin gown of camouflage?

Sequin camo? What the fuck? Seriously, this woman may be pretty. But as for the girls who’d actually wear such a dress for prom, chances are they probably come from a trailer park. I mean why does this even exist?

28. For the girl going to prom, make sure your dress has all the necessary trimmings.

Two pieces? Check. Colorful animal prints? Check. Midriff jewelry? Check? Yellow ruffles? Check. May I introduce to you the quintessential trashy dress for your tacky and skanky heart’s content.

29. For those who want to shimmer in pink, this is the beautiful dress for you.

Outside is all pink and sparkles. But underneath, you have a 1970s acid fever dream. Trippy, man. I know.

30. Of course, if you’re a guy, you might want to let your parents know that your prom date is a bit unconventional when it comes to her hair.

Just love the look on that guy’s face. Still, you have to love these vintage pictures. The girl’s punk hairdo is just so out of place in this. So funny.

31. For the pregnant prom goer: when selecting a dress, I’d advise you to stay out of the Kim Kardashian maternity line.

Now this is just really bad. I mean teen pregnancy is nothing to write home about. But dressing like that to prom is skanky enough even if you don’t have a bun in the oven.

32. I call this prom dress style the slutty superheroine.

Sure she may look quite slutty, but at least she’s appears as if she’s Thor’s exotic sassy black girlfriend. Perhaps she’s an African ocean goddess of the waves.

33. For the ladies wanting a prom to be their happily ever after, you can’t go wrong with a princess ball gown.

Okay now while everything else is fine, I think the leopard print really makes this dress less than bedazzling to me. I mean no prom princess in her right mind would want to wear a gown with ugly leopard prints on it.

34. Hear ye, hear ye, may I presenth to you thy Tudor prom king and queen.

Of course, these prom outfits seem less suitable for ye olde prom and more appropriate for the ye olde Renaissance faire. Also, what’s with the codpiece? Seriously, that don’t look right.

35. For those who love Disney but hate princesses, make your prom as sweet as honey by wearing Winnie the Pooh.

Now this set up doesn’t seem skanky at all. But it’s just that years from now when their kids see this prom picture, they’ll probably be laughing their asses off. Seriously, I know the guy is going along with the Pooh theme because he wants some poo tang.

36. Prom photo or still photo of some unknown 1980s hair band?

I know it’s probably a 1980s prom picture. Yet, with those crazy hairstyles, no one can tell. Still, you gotta love the 1980s. Seems like they have so many hair products to go around.

37. When you don’t have anything for prom, when in doubt, do denim.

On second thought, no, please don’t. Most workplaces consider the material as below business casual, let alone a bad material for formal wear. Still, I don’t know which one of this couple is more likely to trip over: the girl with the train or the guy in the elephant bell pants.

38. Since prom is about dancing, food, excess, and sex in the high school world, it’s only reasonable that you should go with Mardi Gras.

Wait a minute, Mardi Gras was in February. Prom season is in April and May. So isn’t it a little late to dress for Mardi Gras for prom?

39. For prom, nothing makes you love American more than a patriotic prom dress and suit.

These two seem like they’re the part of the pep squad for Apollo Creed or the Harlem Globetrotters. Then again, they’re doing it for the Stuck at Prom competition, but still.

40. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the Russian gangster and his Russian hooker bride.

If this was a Russian wedding picture, I might understand this a little better. But it’s a prom picture and I’ have no idea why the girl’s parents let her wear that out of all the dresses available.

41. While we usually see a prom princess with a conventional ball gown, I don’t see why we shouldn’t exclude warrior prom princesses, too.

Oh, wait. Yes, I think I do see a reason. Because warrior princesses dress as skimpy as hell to appeal to a male fan base. Yeah, that’s right. Still, you don’t want to mess with this girl. She could be Storm from the X-Men for all you know.

42. When you’re mellow, go with yellow. When you’re away, go with gray.

Now I know my school would never let me wear that yellow dress for prom. However, it’s the gray trimmings that irk me with this outfit. Seriously, makes the girl look like she’s straight from a sci-fi TV show.

43. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Storm Boy and Rainbow Girl.

You know your prom outfits are lame when even the yellow umbrella is snickering behind you. Still, they’re probably just doing it for the art or the scholarship money so it’s not like they broke their parents’ bank.

44. With a prom dress like this, any girl can look like a goddess. And by that, I mean an evil one from a sc-fi show that forces guys to have sex with her.

Yeah, I think this dress was inspired by some alien girl’s outfit from Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I’m sure wearing this will certainly get her a date with a cute sci-fi nerd.

45. Speaking of sci-fi prom dresses, a lady can’t go wrong with cocktail dress inspired by TRON.

Hey, girl, you might want to save your TRON dress for the geek convention where it will be a hit with the nerds. Either that, or the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl concert.

46. May I present to you Sammy Stumpak and all right, how old is this guy’s date?

I know we’re supposed to believe this girl is in high school. But with that dress and that hair, I swear I must’ve mistook her for a teacher robbing the cradle. Seriously, that dress looks so unsuitable for what teen girl would wear to prom. And that style reminds me of a few teachers I had in elementary school.

47. Aw, now finally a nice couple prom photo. Wait a minute, is that a guy wearing a dress?

Now I’m sure guys could wear dresses if they want to. It’s just that this guy looks as if he’s some villain from some bad sci-fi space opera from the 1980s. I mean, that just doesn’t look right to me.

48. Make your prom a fairytale adventure as the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter.

Hey, I didn’t know that the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter went to prom together. Or that they were in high school at the same time. Or that Wonderland even has a high school or prom.

49. For prom, this couple decided to combine their tastes for deer hunting and gangster films for their outfits this year.

Now while they’re clad in camo and bright orange, in accordance with deer hunting season, the guy’s in a pinstripe suit assuming the look of a 1920s gangster. Seriously, I’m sure if Nucky Thompson had a hunting outfit, it would look exactly like that.

50. What way to celebrate prom than to dress up in the costumes of your European ancestors back in the home country?

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure if you had European ancestors, I’m sure they didn’t dress at all like that in the home country. Unless you’re counting fairy tales, of course. Also, I’m sure the guy’s not allowed to bring a sword to prom due to the zero tolerance weapons policy.

51. When it comes to pimping at prom, you have to do it in plaid.

Now dressing up as a pimp for Halloween is one thing, but for prom? Seriously, pimps exploit women by making them have sex with other guys for money. Do you really want to send that kind of message to girls?

52. Prom dress, very expensive sexy lingerie, or both?

From what I can tell, this could very well be used for prom or very overpriced sleepwear. Seriously, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t want me to wear that to prom. Still, I don’t think I’d want to buy it.

53. With a suit like this, this guy will match both his bitches.

Now I’m sure this guy knows how to compromise with both his girlfriends since he seems to really want a threesome. However, I’m not sure if the pimp cane and cup really sends good connotations, other than the two girl thing.

54. When you want to stand out at prom, an orange dress will certainly get you noticed.

Of course, this dress will certainly make guys think that you’re an aspiring streetwalker. Not to mention, I think it goes against the high school dress codes in most states.

55. Of course, when you can’t buy your prom dress, you can always make your own.

Good News: Looks like these people didn’t spend a lot of money on their prom outfits.
Bad News: Their clothes were made from the same material.
Very Bad News: The fabric is ugly.

56. Celebrate your love for America this prom, with this patriotic princess dress.

From Ugly Dress.com: “Prom Patriots are very popular. Prom Patriots get everything they could ever want. If you dress up like the Prom Patriot everyone will like you, you will get into the college of your choice, your acne will clear up, your boobs will get bigger, the Prom King will kiss you behind the coke machine, and you will even have a baby.” Yeah right.

57. While prom dresses typically have bright beautiful colors, this isn’t always the case.

Yeah, this dress may seem decent but the color scheme really isn’t appropriate. I mean spring has to be full of life. With a dress like this, everything looks dead.

58. Of course, a dress like this can really enhance your shoulders.

Reminds me of the kind of dress women would wear during the 1980s, particularly if they were rich trophy wives of Wall Street bankers. Yeah, I’m sure it would be a perfect fit for a teenage girl. Not.

59. When it comes to prom dresses, you can’t have too much ruffles and leather.

Uh, yeah, I think you can. Seriously, seems like 1980s prom dress designs at their most ridiculous. I mean it would’ve looked better without the white trimmings on it.

60. Man, I’m not sure if it’s the prom dress or I’m just plain tripping at the moment.

Now whoever designed this dress must’ve been under the influence of strong hallucinogenic mushrooms or peyote in that matter. Seriously, gives me migraines just looking at it.

61. Prom dress or German barmaid outfit?

I think I might've seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhihanna. Doesn't really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

I think I might’ve seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhianna. Doesn’t really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

62. Prom princess or giant princess cupcake?

Now I’m sure she can party all she wants. But she needs to be home by midnight or her ride will turn back into a pumpkin and her driver back into a mouse. However, she’ll accept any proposal from the guy who returns her glass slipper.

63. Can’t really tell whether these two are on their way to prom or a back alley dance club.

Of course, it’s probably prom since their outfits seem to be made from duct tape for the “Stuck at Prom” competition. They’re probably repressed art students, go figure.

64. For those wanting to get in touch with their wild side, this jungle princess prom dress is a perfect fit.

Now if this wasn’t a prom dress, I could’ve almost mistake it for a Victoria’s Secret lingerie ad. Seriously, kind of looks unbelievably skimpy once you add leopard prints.

65. Ladies and gentlemen, all hail Queen Vespa from the planet Saldor.

I don’t know about you, but I could see one of Captain Kirk’s love interests wearing this very outfit on an episode from the original Star Trek. If she painted herself green, she could even go to a Star Trek convention in that very outfit.

66. Everyone, I give you the prom outfits from the future.

Of course, when I look at these outfits, it makes me not look forward to what high school kids might wear for prom in the future. This is especially the case with the guy wearing a brown suit.

67. Sometimes when it comes to prom dresses, you have to go with what you got.

However, I’m sure repurposing beer crates as prom dresses probably isn’t a good idea. Seriously, you aren’t even allowed to wear beer shirts at school, let alone beer crates at prom.

68. No I do declare, you can’t go wrong at prom dressed as a Southern Belle and her gentleman beau.

Worst Gone with the Wind cosplay I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the dress color is terrible. And frankly, my dear, I really do give a damn.

69. Some people see prom as a fairy tale while others just go to prom to just chill.

Yeah, prom should be about peace, love, and rock n’ roll. Of course, a lot of people have sex after prom. But still, these outfits seem more suitable for Woodstock than perhaps a formal high school dance.

70. Remember, ladies, make sure the top half of your prom dress corresponds with your bra size.

Yeah, I see a future with this girl after high school. Seems like she’ll spend a great chunk of her life turning a lot of tricks and taking her clothes at certain establishments. Wouldn’t be surprised if a former classmate saw her at the Filly Corral.

71. Nothing makes a pimp stand out than a suit of leopard prints in lime green.

For one, lime green isn’t a great color for prom. Seriously, it’s a hideous color. Second, I’m sure a lime green pimp outfit doesn’t make a guy look any badass. In fact, it just makes you look ridiculous.

72. Taking a prom photo with guns. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Now it’s one thing to take a prom photo with guns. It’s a whole different matter when the guy is dressed up like a 1920s gangster. And the fact it’s so unintentional makes it even funnier.

73. When it comes to princess gown skirts, some girls think bigger is better.

Now zebra print shoes and jacket aside, I wonder how this girl ever manages to sit in the car with that thing on. At least her dad could be happy that these two will have a very difficult time getting it on afterwards.

74. For those who dislike leopard prints, you can always go with zebras.

It’s amazing how animal prints can turn a reasonably slutty dress like this, into one that’s even more suitable for aspiring street walkers. Seriously, no self-respecting parent would want their daughter wearing that.

75. When it comes to couples, many believe that they should match.

For some reason, though I think the girl’s dress is slutty enough, I think the guy’s outfit is much worse. Seriously, it looks like some crazy bodysuit you’d see in some sex dungeon or something.

76. Prom dress or futuristic dress for a sexy maid?

Yeah, I think tin the future, all the fembots would wear outfits like these so they can please their dirty old but terminally single masters by bowing to their every desire. Seriously, this dress is as tacky as hell.

77. Come hither, come hither, lords and ladies, to the age old tradition of prom.

So that’s how the first Blackadder managed to get laid and have descendants. Too bad women will soon find him repulsive and he’d be compelled to marry a child, but that’s another episode. Oh, wait did they have prom in medieval England? Who cares.

78. Nothing brings out the spirit of prom than showing your love for Mountain Dew.

I’m sure these two are getting paid for doing this. Seriously, that’s the only reason why I’d wear a Mountain Dew dress. Also, the guy seems like he’s one face paint away from being a Batman villain.

79. If your date is dressed up like a 1920s gangster, here’s a great dress to complement it.

Now this dress would actually be pretty nice for prom. However, you just need to remove the low hanging trimmings, which make it look ridiculous. Seriously, I’m sure flappers didn’t wear a dress like that.

80. Now this one is called the “Mermaid Sweetheart” dress. But it kind of seems gothy to me.

Of course, when she’s done with the dress after prom, she could send it to the funeral home where they could use it for coffin liner.

Hop Down the Bunny Trail for These Easter Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 1, 2015

As most of us now know, Easter doesn’t come until April. But since this is almost halfway through Lent, I might as well get my Easter articles out of the way. Now Easter is a very important day on the Christian calendar since it denotes the resurrection of Jesus Christ after he was crucified, died, and was buried. Yet, as with Christmas, people also add their own touches with this holiday as well such as bunnies, baskets, chicks, sheep, flowers, parades, and colored eggs. Of course, there’s also the Easter Bunny as well as egg hunts and sometimes family gatherings since it’s more of a family holiday. So it’s no surprise that there’s a lot of food associated with it such as ham, bunny cake, and hot crossed buns. Cultures may vary. So without further adieu, I give you an assortment of cute little Easter treats you can’t resist.

1. If you think a bunny cake is too difficult you can always do a bird nest cake.

Now that’s a big nest for so many little pastel peanut M&M eggs. Also, I don’t think you can eat the bird.

2. Bring spring into your life with these adorable chicks cookie macarons.

Not sure of what to think of macarons, yet these yellow chicks are just simply adorable. Seriously, look into their eyes and you just want to eat them up.

3. Make your Easter memorable with these springtime cupcakes.

Now these motifs consist of eggs, baskets, and flowers. Yet some of them have spring designs on them as well.

4. For those who want to eat healthy, you might want to go with an Easter Bunny fruit tray.

Now this cantaloupe bunny is actually quite terrifying if you ask me. Seems like it’s escaped from the bunny insane asylum and is out to kill again.

5. Treat yourself on Easter with an egg salad ham sandwich.

As with “egg” I mean a decorated one inscribed on top of the bread. Now isn’t that festive? Yet I’m not sure whether that’s icing or ketchup and pineapple.

6. For your little bunnies this Easter, I’m sure these carrot patch cupcakes will do quite nicely.

Of course, the carrots may not be real yet they seem like something you’d see right out of some children’s story. Nevertheless, at least they’re chocolate.

7. For your Easter dinner, you can’t do wrong with a veggie egg pizza.

Now this is just perfect which includes purple cauliflower, green onion, yellow peppers, and carrots, a food rabbits are usually seen eating.

8. For those who like Easter bonnets, these cupcakes are for you.

Now these bonnets are quite pretty yet, they’re technically hats since they have brims. Real bonnets don’t.

9. Seems like the Easter Bunny needs to sort out his carrot supply.

And you thought that Bugs Bunny had problems with storage space. Hey, at least Bugs doesn’t have decorated eggs as well.

10. Make your Easter memorable with this Easter bonnet veggie and snack tray.

Wonder how they manage to get the dip like that, I will never know. Yet, I like how they used a carrot peel as a ribbon.

11. If you can’t make an Easter egg veggie pizza, carrot ones may do.

All the toppings here are broccoli and carrots. So this is much simpler to make than the Easter egg one, but much less impressive.

12. What better Easter appetizer to have than chicks popping out of hardboiled eggs?

Of course, these are the kind of treats that may seem quite cute at first but when you think about it, not so much. Seriously, most of the eggs we use come from chickens.

13. If working with Rice Krispies, you can make eggs with M&Ms hidden inside them.

It helps that Rice Krispie treats are just so easy to make and that you don’t have to bake them in the oven. Otherwise, the M&M candies would melt.

14. Nothing makes Easter more worthwhile than bunny buns.

Now these may take time to make but they’re nevertheless adorable beyond compare. They must taste good, too.

15. If Easter bread isn’t available, then bunny bread loaves will do.

Now I’m sure they may not be cute buns but they’re certainly adorable. That is until they actually get sliced and eaten.

16. You simply can’t have Easter unless you have bunny sugar cookies.

Sure they may look like the other rabbit baked goods but they’re so adorable. Just have to love their little eyes and ears.

17. Since the previous bunny fruit tray was quite creepy, here is one your kids will enjoy.

Now this pineapple rabbit is much better even if the fruit choices are much more limited to pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, and kiwi.

18. For your veggie tray, you can’t do wrong with putting a dip tray in a bread bunny.

Now this rabbit might not have its ears sticking out and may prefer celery. But it’s so cute.

19. Of course, no Easter would be complete without a bunny cake.

Now this is how a traditional bunny cake is made. Only takes two cakes and a simple design.

20. Bring spring into your life with these garden cupcakes.

Now the chocolate content is fine. Of course, the flowers aren’t usually planted with the carrots and lettuce.

21. You can also dip Rice Krispies Easter eggs in icing.

You can also decorate them with sprinkles of all types. Not sure if they have candy in them but they’re quite adorable.

22. Bring Easter into your life with these yellow chick cake pops.

Not sure if they’re chocolate on the inside which might not be likely. Yet, these are certainly adorable.

23. If you have Oreos than make them into chicks and lambs.

Of course, this would mean dipping them in icing as well as decorating them. However, they’re still quite adorable.

24. Nothing says Easter like these carrot garden cookie treats.

Of course, this isn’t how people grow carrots where I live. Yet, such garden would be quite messy to reenact with food.

25. To get in the Easter spirit, I’m sure these assorted cupcakes will do quite nicely.

These consist of flowers in grass, pink roses, bunnies, Easter bonnets, and Easter eggs. But they’re so cute enough to eat.

26. Now these Easter bunny rolls are simply delightful.

Now these bunnies are so adorable with their little ears and cotton tail. Hate to see them get eaten though.

27. If you don’t like bunny buns for Easter, then I’m sure duck rolls will do.

Of course, you wouldn’t tell they’re ducks except with their position and almond beaks. But they’re so adorable.

28. For your kids, a bunny sandwich will sure make a fine Easter lunch.

Now this bunny face includes cucumbers, carrots, cherry tomato, egg, onions, and peas. Still, adorable.

29. Since spring brings flowers, these flower cupcakes will do nicely.

They flowers may be made from marshmallows, sugar, and jelly beans. But they sure are pretty.

30. If a bunny cake seems too easy for you this Easter, then you can’t do wrong with an egg cake.

Either this is professionally made or someone must’ve had too much time on their hands. But these chick cupcakes are so adorable.

31. For those who love flowers, these flower basket cupcakes will make your Easter spring.

The best part of these is that they’re chocolate. The flowers are probably made from sugar but they’re so pretty.

32. If you think cupcakes are too complicated, you can always make cookie Easter basket cookies.

Now these consist of vanilla sandwich cookies, Twizzlers, and rainbow Nerds candies. And the best part is, you don’t have to use an oven.

33. For a healthy Easter lunch your kids will love, here is an Easter Bunny sandwich.

Now the ears are made from banana while the sandwich uses 2 types of bread. Nevertheless, this is adorable.

34. Have your kids hop along the bunny trail with this quality Easter lunch.

Seems like this lunch is all bunnied up with a rabbit going down its hole sandwich, a rabbit egg and jello, rabbit cheese crackers, and some carrots in raisin dirt.

35. You can either buy a chocolate bunny for Easter or make one with chocolate Rice Krispies and melted marshmallow.

Of course, with Rice Krispie chocolate bunnies you can select either your own creamy filling or none at all.

36. You can also use Rice Krispies with Nutella to make Easter bird nest treats.

And I see here that this person used peanut M&Ms as eggs since I could recognize the colors for their Easter assortment.

37. If you don’t feel like baking dessert, then perhaps you might go with an Easter egg snack tray.

Now these consist of chocolate rabbit cookies as well as light green, pink, and yellow chocolate covered pretzels on an Easter egg dish.

38. For storing your Easter egg cookies, an egg carton certainly comes in handy.

They may not be as intricate as some of the colored egg cookies you see. But they seem to come in a array of designs in so many colors.

39. For the fruit lover, you can’t do wrong with this Easter egg pizza.

Now this is more of a dessert pizza with fruit toppings to decorate it over pink icing. Nevertheless, it’s quite colorful.

40. Since Christmas has gingerbread houses, it’s only fair we should have cookie houses for Easter.

Now this was probably not made for eating since cookie houses never are. But you have to admire the artistry with the chicks, pretzel windows, and white chocolate pretzel roof.

41. Nothing says Easter like little yellow pretzel chicks.

Who knew that regular pretzels from a grocery store could be just the right shape to make cute little chickies out of them? Then again, they may not be the exact shape, but close.

42. While we’re at it, you can also use pretzels to make pretty flowers with chocolate and M&Ms.

But make sure you use the peanut M&Ms for centers and the regular M&Ms for petals. Nevertheless, quite ingenious.

43. For Easter appetizers, you can’t go wrong with deviled bunny eggs.

Hey, at least these aren’t meant to look like chicks, which was quite disturbing. Also, quite cute.

44. If you like bread sticks, it’s only fitting to have them resemble carrots.

You can also add parsley for the leafy ends. But other than their breaded texture, they almost look like the real thing.

45. For your Easter lunch, your kids will certainly love this hatching chick sandwich.

Not surprisingly, this chick is made from a slice of American cheese. And its eggshell is derived from bread.

46. For those who like brigadeiros, here are some of the Easter egg variety.

Now a brigadeiro is a simple Brazilian chocolate bonbon created in the 1940s. Yet, when you make them as Easter eggs, you can go all out with the decorating.

47. If you don’t like Rice Krispies, may I suggest Fruity Pebbles treats would do just as fine for colored eggs.

Of course, you might remember the Fruity Pebbles shamrock treats from my last post for Saint Patrick’s Day delectables. Nevertheless, why the Flinstones celebrate Easter and Christmas when it makes no sense, I don’t have the slightest idea.

48. Of course, for Easter you can make your hardboiled deviled eggs an array of different colors.

Of course, you might want to make sure they aren’t the Easter eggs you dyed and intend to use for decoration. Because that could upset the kids.

49. For your kid’s lunch, you might want to send them with an Easter Bunny ham and cheese sandwich.

Now the rabbit is made from cheese and sitting on the grass. But if you must have your kid eat this during Lent or Holy Week, make sure you don’t put it in their lunch on Fridays.

50. This chocolate bunny is carrying an egg in the fast lane.

Now this is professionally made but it’s worth showing on this post. Nevertheless, if he goes any faster, the egg might be scrambled.

51. If you like cookies and jelly beans, then this large Easter egg cookie is for you.

Now I’m no fan of jelly beans and think they taste disgusting (even if they aren’t from Bertie Bots). But this seems to have a rather elaborate design thanks to such candies and icing.

52. Now these loveable marshmallow bunnies will hop right into your heart.

Of course, these are actually quite easy to make with marshmallows, icing, and sprinkles. Yet, be careful where you place the eyes.

53. Bring flower power to your Easter with these beautiful flower cupcakes.

Like the other flower cupcakes, they’re also decorated with icing, marshmallows, and sugar. But they also seem to have a fancier disposition.

54. For your dessert centerpiece, you might want to go with an Easter cookie bouquet.

Contains a hatching chick, 5 flowers, and 3 crosses. And all are decorated in each unique way. Some people seem to have too much time on their hands.

55. Bring spring into this Easter with an ice cream flower garden patch.

Sure this may look pretty but I think coconut grass and gum drops are disgusting. Also, I wonder what pastry the fencing is made from.

56. If chicks, Easter eggs, or bunnies aren’t your thing, then may I suggest a lamb cake instead.

Now this one is professionally made according to the detail. But the homemade one I found on Google Images was creepier.

57. When it comes to making Easter egg pastries, some people think bigger is better.

Now this is professionally made and something I wouldn’t recommend to anybody. But I put it on my post anyway since it’s an Easter treat you can’t miss.

58. For those with marshmallow peeps, you can’t do wrong with making a peep cake.

Then again, since marshmallow peeps are inedible by design, I think you should just place them in dioramas. Much more entertaining that way.

59. Give your fruit kabobs an Easter touch with your marshmallow peeps.

Now it seems to me that the peeps were only added to make these fruit sticks more Easter friendly. Otherwise, I’m not sure if they have any taste beyond sugar.

60. For your Easter dessert platter, you can’t do wrong with these egg cake pops.

Even better, you can make them all kinds of colors, decorate them, and put them into a bouquet centerpiece.

61. Why waste money on a chocolate bunny while you can make your own peanut butter fudge bunnies?

However, they seem to be just little chocolate fur balls with rabbit ears and feet. But that’s beside the point so use your imagination.

62. You can also use your Rice Krispies and melted marshmallows to make Easter baskets for M&Ms.

Sure food coloring may be involved here, but aren’t pastel colors for Easter kind of the point? Also, rather have M&Ms than jelly beans.

63. If you like flower cupcakes but don’t like sugar covered marshmallows, you can always use icing.

Yes, they may look like daisies with the yellow centers. But daisies are much easier flowers to draw than say, roses, which are very complicated.

64. For those who like bird’s nests, you might want to use some peeps as the birds.

Now these look cute but I’m not sure if I want to take out the peeps first before eating the nests, especially if the eggs are jelly beans.

65. For those who want to make an Easter Bunny cake but are more ambitions, you might want to go with this.

Now this might be a tad too realistic in regards to the Easter Bunny, but it’s quite cute. Not sure where its cotton tail is though. But like the carrot.

66. Chocolate eggs can come in many different sizes and colors as well as are easy to customize.

Sure bunnies and chicks are great Easter motifs. But my favorites of these have to be Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead for obvious reason. Seriously, this person got them right on.

67. Of course, I can’t have a post about Easter treats without including eggs made from marshmallow bark.

Okay, I don’t know about you but this looks pretty disgusting. I’m not sure why anyone in their right minds would want to eat these.

68. Nothing says Easter like a carrot cheeseball.

Now just because something looks like a carrot doesn’t mean it will taste like one. By the way, the green leafy stuff is parsley.

69. You just simply can’t have Easter with some salad stuffed carrots.

And it seems that these carrots are stuffed with egg salad and lettuce as far as I can see. By the way, the carrots seemed to be made from biscuit rolls, possibly from Pillsbury.

70. Of course, nothing says Easter like having jello eggs.

Now my one of my aunts makes jello eggs for Easter. However, they usually come in one color. These seem to have a more elaborate stripes design, since there’s not much you can do with jello creative wise.

71. Spring in the spirit of Easter with these cute little yellow chick cheese balls.

Of course, since chicks are yellow, feel free to use as much of cheese as you want whether it’s cheddar or American. White chicks have mozzarella.

72. Nothing says “Happy Easter” than these lovely yellow chick cupcakes.

Sure they may seem like blobs of icing but are nevertheless adorable. Seriously, you just want to eat one of them up, do you?

73. Of course, if you love chocolate on Easter, prepare to feast your eyes on these Easter egg brownies.

Now I certainly want to take a bite from these lovely brownie eggs. I also love their intricate designs on them as well.

74. For your baby carrots, put them in little pots in this Easter hummus snack.

Of course, I’m not sure where anyone can get flower pots like that so small. Yet, make sure that the hummus doesn’t cause a leak if those pots are from a garden store.

75. Use your plastic eggs and egg cartons to make an Easter snack tray.

Well, I did have a lot of snackadiums when I did a post on Super Bowl treats. So I suppose this counts. Well, sort of.

76. For Easter, your kids will certainly love a little lamb Rice Krispie treat.

Of course, since Rice Krispie treats tend to be sticky to begin with, dipping them in the mini marshmallow pile should be no trouble. Then again, icing helps.

77. Of course, with marshmallow peeps and Rice Krispies, you can make some sushi for your Easter dessert platter.

Not sure if Rice Krispie peeps sushi is actually sushi. Yet since it's a creative endeavor no matter how inedible and would do well in a peep diorama contest, into this post it goes.

Not sure if Rice Krispie peeps sushi is actually sushi. I mean Rice Krispies aren’t actually rice. Yet since it’s a creative endeavor no matter how inedible and would do well in a peep diorama contest, into this post it goes.

78. Hop into Easter with these loveable Easter Bunny cookies.

Sure their bodies may be chocolate and their legs and faces might be made from sugar. But these are nevertheless adorable.

79. For Easter snacks, you can’t do much better than blue bird almond treats.

Now these may not look like real birds or have wings. But they are quite cute even though I have to wonder how their features were painted since almonds are small.

80. When it comes to Easter cupcakes, sometimes candy could make a great decorating material.

Now these cupcakes are decorated with Easter candy corn and jelly beans. But though these flowers may be pretty, the toppings may hardly be edible.

Erin Go Bragh with These Lucky Treats on Saint Patrick’s Day

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 27, 2015

Whether you observe it as a regional ethnic and/or religious holiday (in Ireland it’s a solemnity and holy day of obligation) or as an excuse to go all out and drink green Guinness beer at the parades, Saint Patrick’s Day seems to have something for everyone ranging from leprechauns, Irish music, riverdance, the major city parades, pots of gold and rainbows, shamrocks, 4 leaf clovers. Celtic Crosses, and green beer as well as excessive alcohol consumption of beer and whiskey. If you live in Chicago, then the city’s waterways will be green. For those who don’t know anything about Saint Patrick, he was a 5th century Romano-British guy who was kidnapped by pirates and enslaved in Ireland for 6 years. Once he escaped, he decided to become a priest and return there as a missionary to convert the Irish to Christianity and was later consecrated as a bishop. After he died, he was made patron saint of Ireland as well as my dad’s namesake. Now the reason we all wear green on Saint Patrick’s Day because most of Ireland is Roman Catholic and let’s say unless you went to high school with me, you don’t want to wear orange on March 17th because it denotes Protestantism and domination under the British Crown. And if you’re in Northern Ireland on Saint Patrick’s Day, well, you might not want to wear either (but the violence going on there is political, by the way). Oh, and he didn’t drive all the snakes out of Ireland either that’s just a symbolic parable since there were no snakes in Ireland to begin with yet, the shamrock story was probably real, sort of. Pittsburgh is one of the many places that celebrates Saint Patrick’s Day with a parade. And while the Irish can complain all they want to about how the Americans commemorate their patron saint’s day, it’s one of the reasons why Saint Patrick’s Day is such a popular holiday all over the world that it’s even celebrated in Japan (with some celebrations lasting all through March), Malaysia, Germany, Switzerland, France, South Korea, Argentina, and Russia (with celebrations lasting for over a week). Yet, fortunately for them, this one isn’t about Irish drinks though I might do a post on that in the future. Instead, I’ll do a post on all the wonderful treats you can make (or buy) for your Saint Patrick’s Day party whether you be a parent, repressed culinary arts student, or whatever. So to celebrate Irish pride, be wasted, or needing celebrate something between Mardi Gras and Easter, I give you my post on these Lucky Saint Patrick’s Day treats.

1. Top of the morning with this stack of green pancakes.

No surprise if this person used any green maple syrup on these. Yet, the stack seems quite high for a standard serving.

2. These jello coins would go perfect with any Irishman’s pot of gold.

Just as long as they’re not made from leprechaun urine. But let’s not dwell on such disgusting thoughts, please.

3. With these cupcakes, you can taste the rainbow.

Yet, unlike skittles, most of these cupcakes will taste like vanilla. But I’m sure that the coins are chocolate, but they probably taste bad.

4. For your Saint Patrick’s Day, hit the jackpot with these rainbow jello cups with whipped cream.

Not sure if they contain alcohol but since Saint Patrick’s Day is more for adults, I wouldn’t be surprised. Still, you have to like how they stick coins on the top in whipped cream.

5. Some have a rainbow cake, while others have a rainbow in the cake.

Seriously, I have no idea how this is done. Yet, it does look quite pretty. Not to mention, this cake has green icing.

6. If you don’t want to use food coloring for your rainbow, I’m sure fruit would do just fine.

Toppings on these cupcakes include strawberries, cantaloupe, pineapple, kiwi, blueberries, grapes, and marshmallows. Yet, for a second, I thought this was some sort of rainbow sushi configuration.

7. Make your Saint Patrick’s Day party wonderful with these lovely shamrock cookies.

Now these shamrocks seem like they can be from a Dr. Seuss storybook. Nevertheless, more intricate than I can master.

8. While red velvet is great for Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day has green velvet cupcakes, too.

Now these cupcakes are quite green. Wonder if I can get the recipe to make some for my high school or college reunion, if my graduating classes have them.

9. Celebrate your Saint Patrick’s Day with these cupcakes of green beer pints.

I’m not sure if you want to give these to children. It might give them the wrong idea. Yet I love the icing effects on the frothing top.

10. For this Saint Patrick’s Day, put a little leprechaun in your child’s lunch this year.

I’m not sure you can retain the shape in a plastic bag, but I have to admire the artistry here. I especially like the marshmallow and chocolate eyes as well as the carrot beard.

11. These rainbow cupcakes are the exact thing your Saint Patrick’s Day party needs.

I’m not sure if the rainbows are edible but the cloud icing sure is fluffy. May not lead you to your pot of gold but the kiddies will love these.

12. Bring in the Saint Patrick’s Day freshness with these mint shamrock Oreos.

Nice they have the mint filling with a carved shamrock on top to bring in the Saint Patrick’s Day spirit. Yet, I wonder if these are bought or made.

13. For your Saint Patrick’s Day snack why don’t you try these shamrock nachos with a pot of cheese gold dip?

Of course, this would’ve been a perfect snack for my father. Unfortunately, he had to go on a low sodium diet. Yet, the chips might work but the cheese is totally Velveeta.

14. Make Saint Patrick’s Day special for your kids with these lovely little leprechaun hats.

Now these seem to include marshmallows, thin mints, chocolate, and icing. Your children will go as hyper as henshit over these.

15. You might not get your pot of gold. Yet, you can always have your pot of gold chocolate cake.

Nevertheless, I wonder what the shamrock and coins are made of. Probably not something that’s worth anything. Yet, the pot is pure chocolate and that’s all what matters.

16. Instead of tricking a leprechaun to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you can make your own.

Now these include: sour rainbow Airheads, marshmallows, chocolate, filling, and golden sprinkles. Of course, you might want to carry one with both hands.

17. These cupcakes come in two flavors: vanilla and green.

Now these cupcakes would be great for children since they contain leprechauns, four leaf clovers, pots of gold, and rainbows.

18. For a great Saint Patrick’s Day centerpiece, you can’t do wrong with this leprechaun hat cake.

Of course, this hat might be too big for an actual leprechaun. Yet, I love the shamrocks on this green hat.

19. For appetizers, these small shamrock pizzas will bring you luck, sort of.

I'm not sure if a 3 shamrock pepper pizza may or may not be lucky. Yet, I think these are quite cute.

I’m not sure if a 3 shamrock pepper pizza may or may not be lucky. Yet, I think these are quite adorable.

20. Of course, nothing could make an Irish man jig than a cheese pizza with shamrock leaves.

I’m not sure what those leaves are. Must be some kind of herb that consists of a single leaf meant to resemble a 3 leaf clover.

21. This Saint Patrick’s Day, treat your guests to these cream cheese shamrock brownies.

It’s ingenious on how the shamrocks are sort of green. Yet, I love the chocolate brownie part of them more.

22. Wake up on this Saint Patrick’s Day with these rainbow waffles.

Of course, the whipped cream on the waffles doubles for clouds. Yet, I’m sure your kids will love this.

23. For a little Mexican flavor in your Saint Patrick’s Day, here is your shamrock taco.

Courtesy of Bernardo O’Higgins with the 4 leaf clover pepper to boot. Yet, I bet this is the kind of food Pope Francis eats on Saint Patrick’s Day if he ever celebrates it for Argentina has a large Irish population.

24. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day like a shamrock cake with gold coins on it.

Of course, this would be more in the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day if it included a leprechaun, rainbow, and pot of gold but I don’t think the baker had the budget.

25. For your Saint Patrick’s Day lunch, you can use peppers as shamrocks.

And I see that this person is twice as lucky since they have 2 4 leaf clovers on their plate. Also, they have some creamy dressing to dip them in.

26. Celebrate your Saint Patrick’s Day with this lovely pot of gold pizza.

Of course, since peppers only come in red, green, and yellow, the rainbow doesn’t have a lot of color variation. Yet, this pizza is quite inventive and I do like the shamrocks.

27. Wish your guests luck on Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock bread.

Yet, how they got the shamrock in the bread, I’ll never know. Seriously, how in the hell did they do that?

28. Now you have rainbow cupcakes, yet these have the rainbow in the cupcakes.

Of course, while the bottom is in green velvet, the top rainbow part is covered in chocolate to conceal the surprise.

29. Now these green velvet cupcakes with the rainbow icing and gold coins seem good enough to eat.

And upon looking at these, I thought the icing consisted of rainbow candy canes. Yet, the coins sure seem edible but I could be wrong.

30. Since Ireland is a big potato country, then it’s only appropriate to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with some green mashed potatoes.

Now I love potatoes just as much as the next Irish girl, but still, these are quite disgusting. Seriously, green mashed potatoes?

31. Get in the Saint Patrick’s Day spirit with treating your guests to an all in one green dinner.

Now I know this is just a normal dinner with chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and a bun. Yet, add green food color and it seems quite sickening.

32. Treat your kids this Saint Patrick’s Day with this green macaroni and cheese.

Compared to the mashed potatoes and the dinner, it may not be as healthy but it’s sure way less disgusting.

33. For your guests at your Saint Patrick’s Day party, you can’t go wrong with these shamrock buns.

Of course, those shamrocks are probably herbs since real clover may not be tasty to humans and more delectable to cows.

34. Nothing brings out the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day than this shamrock pizza.

If it weren’t for the red pepper bits, I could’ve sworn it was the same cheese pizza from 15 only baked. Also, those aren’t real clovers.

35. Include your dog in the Saint Patrick’s Day festivities with these shamrock dog treats.

Now I’m not sure what to think about the icing. Yet, these would be totally appropriate for an Irish wolfhound or an Irish setter since they are breeds from the Emerald Isle.

36. For appetizers, nothing will satisfy your Saint Patrick’s Day party guests more than green ravioli.

The green coloring agent here is probably pesto but I can’t be exactly sure on these things. However, I can’t comment on the filling.

37. Make your Saint Patrick’s Day special with an English muffin shamrock pizza.

Of course, I could tell it’s an English muffin since it’s small and the bottom seems powdered not smooth. Then again, it could be a bagel but I’m not sure.

38. Capture the rainbow for your Saint Patrick’s Day party with this rainbow vegetable tray.

So 3 peppers stand in for red, yellow, and green. Carrots are orange, purple cauliflower is purple, and blue is represented by blue nacho chips, which I assume is the only reason why they have anything to do here.

39. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with these shamrocks made from Fruity Pebbles.

Basically Fruity Pebbles is a cereal with spokesmen who celebrate holidays before they’re supposed to exist. Let’s agree that The Flintstones take place in some kind of alternative universe of some sort.

40. Eat like an Irishman this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock corned beef and cabbage salad.

Okay, this looks disgusting. Also, I tried corned beef once, too salty. Seriously, that shamrock looks like brains.

41. Send your kid off to school with this one of a kind Saint Patrick’s Day lunch.

Now this includes some 4 leaf clover jello and a sandwich with a cheese and pepper 4 leaf shamrock design. Also has “LUCKY” spelled out in bread.

42. Nothing makes Saint Patrick’s Day better than these leprechaun related cake pops.

Now these consist of hats and pots of gold on sticks. I’ll be lucky if some of them have chocolate in them.

43. Rock out on your Saint Patrick’s Day party with these shamrock guitar cookies.

Those who have such cookies probably have a collection of Irish music consisting of Van Morrison, Dropkick Murphys, and U2.

44. For you Irish parents out there, I’m sure your kids will love these shamrock sandwiches in their lunches.

One consists of a parsley and cheese Irish flag while the other is of a cucumber 4 leaf clover. Yet, I’m not sure whether they’re the filling or the top.

45. For you adults out there (and I mean adults), celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with these Irish inspired jello shots.

On second thought, these would be great for my high school reunion, if it ever comes or if I ever feel like going to it.

46. Have the Irish luck on your backs this Saint Patrick’s Day morning with a 4 leaf clover pancake.

I’m not sure what to think about having syrup on that. Really makes the pancake change color for some reason.

47. I wouldn’t say it’d be wise to leave out these green owl cookies during your Saint Patrick’s Day party.

I’m not sure what significance owls have on Saint Patrick’s Day yet, these are quite cute. Seriously, they’re adorable and I don’t care.

48. For your Saint Patrick’s Day snack you can’t go wrong with shamrock pretzels.

Now this includes pretzels you can get in any bag at the grocery store, white chocolate, green icing, and green sugar. Basically the easiest treats for this post.

49. Make your guests lucky this Saint Patrick’s Day with these Rainbow and pot of gold cookies.

One thing about these cookies which makes my head scratch is how in the hell can you buy golden sprinkles? Seriously, I’ve never seen those in any store I’ve been to (or maybe I wasn’t paying any attention).

50. Treat your neighborhood Irish cop this Saint Patrick’s Day with these rainbow donuts.

Of course, some people might associate rainbow donuts with some other event, especially in San Francisco if you get my drift. Yet, these are pretty.

51. Celebrate your Saint Patrick’s Day with this loaf of rainbow bread.

All you need to add is flour, yeast, water, and hallucinogenic brown acid from Woodstock (just kidding about the last part, but I couldn’t resist for the caption).

52. Treat your Saint Patrick’s Day party guests with these lovely rainbow cookies.

Now I wonder how they brought out the colors in these beautiful cookies. Yet I know they broke them in half once out of the oven.

53. Nothing makes a better dessert on Saint Patrick’s Day than rainbow pudding.

Of course, I wonder how these colors manage to not mix together. Still, pretty creative and I love the purple.

54. For your Saint Patrick’s Day party, treat your guests to these rainbow shish kabobs.

Now I’m sure most of the veggies are of their natural color save the one that’s supposed to represent blue. I mean how many blue vegetables can you name?

55. Nothing makes a Saint Patrick’s Day party than a cake with a leprechaun, rainbow, and a pot of gold.

Of course, this cake needs 2 dishes since the pot of gold was made separately and is so big. Also, I don’t know what to make of that leprechaun.

56. Accommodate your top of the morning needs with a green bagel or 2.

Now green dinners are one thing, but I’m not sure of what to make out with green bagels. Seriously, this green craze is getting a bit out of hand.

57. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with this 4 leaf clover shamrock pizza.

Of course, pesto might’ve been great to use as sauce because I don’t think these peppers bring the green out enough.

58. For appetizers, you can’t go wrong with green deviled eggs during your Saint Paddy’s celebration.

Of course, if you serve them with green ham, then you might as well have a Dr. Seuss celebration. Yet, make sure the green ham doesn’t contain trichinosis.

59. Have a healthy Saint Patrick’s Day party with this rainbow and pot of gold fruit and candy tray.

Now this rainbow consists of strawberries, orange slices, pineapple, white and purple grapes, and blueberries. Also has marshmallow and caramel candies in the gold wrapper.

60. Celebrate your Saint Patrick’s Day with a dinner of shamrock chicken pot pie.

Now this may be traditional Irish fare, but this pie must be small because it seems like it was made for one person. Note the fork.

61. For your Saint Patrick’s Day snack, you can’t do wrong with these shamrock cheese toasts.

You have to like how they use these green peppers as shamrocks and how they got cheese to resemble gold.

62. You’ve seen the shamrock cake. Now this one puts the shamrock in the cake.

Of course, the shamrock is green velvet while the rest of it is vanilla in 7 layers. Once again, I don’t know anything about such process to get this.

63. Treat your little leprechauns to these leprechaun ice cream cones.

Now I’m sure these had to spend some time in the freezer, knowing how ice cream melts. Yet, they may not help you find a pot of gold but they sure are cute.

64. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day like a shamrock made from Rice Krispies.

Of course, nobody should ever underestimate the creative potential of marshmallows, Rice Krispies, and food coloring. I mean I’ve basically had Rice Krispie stuff on almost every treat post.

65. Of course, you can always make Saint Patrick’s Day treats with Lucky Charms cereal.

Of course, you can also have them with a side of green milk, too. Yet, you might not want to tell Lucky the Leprechaun about this though.

66. Treat your Saint Patrick’s Day guests with these cannoles (or eclairs) with green filling.

The picture says these are eclairs but they look like cannoles to me. for some reason. Yet, I love the icing shamrocks on them.

67. Now these cookies emphasize what Saint Patrick’s Day is all about: leprechauns, pots of gold, Ireland, and beer.

Eh, I’m not sure if you’d want beer on a Saint Patrick’s Day cookie, especially if your party has kids around. Just saying.

68. Of course, you can’t have a Saint Patrick’s Day party without shamrock and Guinness cake pops.

Now I’ve had cake pops on a lot treat posts, yet I’m not sure if a Guinness pint one is a good idea. Seriously, it’s beer.

69. These Rice Krispie shamrocks wish you a happy Saint Patrick’s Day.

Of course, these seem quite happy for some reason. However, I’m not sure about putting faces on shamrocks yet I guarantee your kids will love them.

70. Wish your Saint Patrick’s Day guests good luck with these fortune cookies.

Of course, these cookies were probably the brain child of some Toshiro O’Flaherty. Yet, I’ve featured such cookies in treat posts before.

71. For the technicolor sensation, try some rainbow cake this Saint Patrick’s Day.

Of course, this comes in 6 different layers and is covered in rainbow M&Ms, apparently. Yet, it looks quite good.

72. Engage in the Irish spirit with these shamrock cookies.

Seems like someone really loves decorating shamrocks for some reason. Yet, I wonder how he or she pulls of the plaid.

73. I’m sure your little leprechauns will delight in these hat cookies.

Of course, they consist of 2 chocolate covered cookies from the store, peanut butter to hold them together, and gum drops to decorate. Of course, I’d just take off the gumdrop before eating.

74. For Saint Patrick’s Day, you can’t go wrong with these shamrock snacks.

Now these consists of pretzels, icing, green syrup, and green M&Ms. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

75. Give your guests luck on Saint Patrick’s Day with these shamrock chocolates.

And what better way to have them than green on a stick? Well, they may not all be green yet the come in so many varieties.

76. Bring some luck to your Saint Patrick’s Day morning with this 4 leaf shamrock spinach bake.

Of course, if you didn’t see the orange slices, many wouldn’t think it was a breakfast food. Yet, I wonder how they manage to pull this off.

77. For the kids on Saint Patrick’s Day, what better snacks for them to make than rainbows on a stick?

All you need are Fruit Loops, marshmallows, and skewers. Yet, I’m not sure how you get the arch most rainbows have.

78. Nothing brings the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day than some rainbow toast.

Of course, these manage to have their color mostly because they’re all covered in sugar. Nevertheless, they are quite pretty.

79. Find your pot of gold with these leprechaun cupcakes.

Sadly, these leprechauns won’t help you find their pot of gold. Yet, they’re quite adorable and your kids will certainly love them.

80. With shamrock cupcakes like these, your Saint Patrick’s Day is as good as gold.

Now you have to admire how they used little Debbie cakes to bring out the Blarney Stone. Yet, these sure look tasty, especially since they’re chocolate.

Get in the Festive Fat Tuesday Spirit with These Mardi Gras Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 5, 2015

When most Americans think about Mardi Gras, they think New Orleans. Yet, little do they know that this tradition has a lot of roots on in Continental Europe and Roman Catholicism, which was transplanted from French settlers in their North American colonies as well as Portuguese and Spanish settlers in Latin America. Now Mardi Gras isn’t really a religious holiday yet, it was celebrated the last chance to eat, drink, and be merry before Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the 7 week penitential season which includes 6 weeks of Lent, followed Holy Week before Easter. Nevertheless, like a lot of religious holidays like Christmas and Easter, it has become somewhat secularized as another excuse to party. Of course, while Mardi Gras literally translates into “Fat Tuesday” in French, it has other names depending on the area like Carnival or the Feast of Fools like in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The timing of the Mardi Gras celebrations can also vary but they usually culminate the day before Ash Wednesday. Of course, not everyone celebrates Mardi Gras like myself despite being Catholic but that’s because most of my ancestors came from Germany, Ireland, Sweden and the British Isles and that I live in Western Pennsylvania, though there is a celebration in Philadelphia. Yet, it’s a holiday where parades are held and people dress costumes with some adults having a little too much to drink or screw for that matter. Still, it’s a holiday that has a lot of associations with food. So for your viewing pleasure, here are some creative Mardi Gras treats for your artistic culinary indulgence. Being American, most of the fare will be New Orleans inspired of course.

1. Bring in the festive Mardi Gras spirit with these colorful cake pops.

Now these are certainly a colorful lot. And each one of them has a unique design. Of course, if professionally made, they’ll be on discount starting from Ash Wednesday for those who haven’t given up sweets for Lent.

2. Make your Mardi Gras special with this one of a kind King Cake cinnamon bread.

In some places, king cake is a dish pertaining to Epiphany which marks the end of the Christmas season. In New Orleans, it’s a cuisine associated with Mardi Gras. Originally in France this was a dry French bread type dough with sugar on top and a bean inside 300 years ago, it’s now more or less a braided Danish cinnamon fried dough type with a small plastic doll underneath. Hundreds of these are consumed in New Orleans during the season and you’ll see a lot of these in this post.

3. For dessert, you can’t go wrong with these Mardi Gras jello shot squares.

Of course, a word of caution here. Despite these squares’ bright color and fruitiness, these are most definitely not for kids. That is, if they contain alcohol which is very likely.

4. Serve your Mardi Gras guests this colorful pasta salad this Fat Tuesday season.

Of course, this contains red onion and corn to bring out the color. If you think gumbo is too hot for you, you might want to go with this.

5. I do declare that no one should make Mardi Gras cupcakes without decorating them with beads.

Nevertheless, you should never serve these cupcakes to children under 3 years old for obvious reasons. Still, I also love the icing and the tiaras on some of them.

6. For your Mardi Gras appetizers, treat your guests to this specially made Mardi Gras trail mix.

Now this contains popcorn, Chex Mix, peppermints, small plastic baby dolls, and white chocolate covered pretzels with sugar all over them. Of course, don’t ask me about the plastic baby doll. It’s a New Orleans thing.

7. For those who don’t have any time to make gumbo, how about a Mardi Gras pizza instead?

Now this contains pepperoni, red onions, cheese, as well as green and yellow peppers which aren't as spice as I originally assumed in November. Nevertheless, this doesn't contain tomato sauce which is derived by a crop from South America.

Now this contains pepperoni, red onions, cheese, as well as green and yellow peppers which aren’t as spicy as I originally assumed in November. Nevertheless, this doesn’t contain tomato sauce which is derived by a crop from South America.

8. For your Mardi Gras lunch, chomp on these colorful lunch meat sandwiches.

These can range with salami and bolongna but I’m not sure if they’re from Oscar Meyer. They also have bread dyed purple and yellow without crusts as far as I can see.

9. For something more festive and healthy, you can try this Mardi Gras wrap and salad.

Of course, you can tell this is a Mardi Gras dish because the mask appears carved from some vegetable dyed purple as are some of the carrots. Nevertheless, very colorful.

10. Make your Mardi Gras party special with these specially made cupcakes.

Of course, you can tell that someone at a few of these if you see their lips with a very unnatural color like green or purple. Yet, each looks pretty in its own way.

11. Nothing makes a Mardi Gras party than a large cake with a purple mask with yellow, purple, and green feathers.

You’ll see a few of these on this post for there are so many for some reason. This is certainly professionally made. Yet, you have to admire the artistry on this.

12. Bring the festive spirit into Mardi Gras with these one of a kind cookies.

Now these come from a website called Custom Cookies.com so they’re professionally made. Items include jester hats, jesters, crowns, the Fleur de Lis, beads, masks, and music notes.

13. You can’t enjoy Mardi Gras without putting some candy beads on your cupcakes.

Now I think these are made from candy. I mean they sure don’t look shiny to me. Yet, you’d still wouldn’t want them near kids under 3 years old for obvious reasons.

14. Nothing says Mardi Gras than cakes of women’s bosoms with their beads on them.

Seems like while doing these posts, I seem to find how heart cookie cutters can be used for so many occasions. Yet, I’m not sure if I approve of this for families since this is reflective of the Mardi Gras party scene that might carry some unfortunate implications.

15. So if you wear a mask this Mardi Gras then so should your cupcakes.

Of course, these purple masks and feathers are made from icing while the cupcake is covered with white icing and sugar. Guaranteed to make some people give up their New Year’s Resolutions for Lent.

16. Treat your guests this Mardi Gras with these joker cookies.

Of course, while these cookies may look cute, they may contain beads that aren’t suitable for children under 3 years old. I’m just saying to all you parents out there.

17. Of course, if you live in New Orleans, you can’t have Mardi Gras without some music note and star cookies.

Because we all know that New Orleans is known for jazz music as well as Hurricane Katrina, zydeco, crime, levees, and FEMA fiascos. Also, those plastic babies near the star cookies are absolutely creepy.

18. Celebrate your Mardi Gras with these specially made crown cookies.

What’s even better about these cookies is that they were made from chocolate dough or gingerbread by what it looks like. Still, they all seem to have intricate designs as if it was done by a professional or someone with too much time on their hands.

19. Top your Mardi Gras party off with a giant mask cupcake display.

Now this might be for some special event of some sort. Still, that’s a lot of cupcakes and how they keep them on without the icing sliding off amazes me. Yet, the best part about this display is that all the cupcakes are chocolate.

20. Bring the festivities alive with these Mardi Gras cookies on a stick.

These may be from a Louisiana based startup called Cajun Home Sweets. Of course, these had to be professionally made since the mask details are all so fine and intricate.

21. Make your Mardi Gras memborable with this lovely mask and feather cake.

Of course, this cake has a lot of things we know of Mardi Gras like feathers, mask, confetti, Doubloons, and beads as you’d see in New Orleans. Also a background of green, purple, and yellow.

22. Of course, no New Orleans resident can forget to celebrate Mardi Gras without a king cake.

Now this is what the modern New Orleans King Cake looks like. Notice how it resembles a giant braided Danish garland? Also, the baby doll on this thing is creepy.

23. Make Mardi Gras a festive occasion with these lovely cupcakes.

These cupcake icing designs were probably made by: a. a professional, b. a repressed art student, c. someone who’s had too much of the Mardi Gras ganja, or d. all of the above.

24. What doesn’t bring Mardi Gras to its roots than the Fleur de Lis?

Of course, the Fleur de Lis is a symbol of France and the French royal family in the Bourbon dynasty days. It was even on France’s flag until the French Revolution. Still, these cookies look delicious.

25. Get lucky this Mardi Gras with these specially designed fortune cookies.

Available in yellow, purple, and green at a New Orleans Asian restaurant near you. Of course, I don’t know about using the green and purple food coloring but it works.

26. For even greater luck on Mardi Gras, try this giant fortune cookie up for size.

Now this fortune cookie is covered in yellow, purple, and green sprinkles. Don’t say I didn’t warn you in case you open it. Then again, it’s probably made from cake.

27. Hope these jester cupcakes manage to put a smile on your face this Mardi Gras.

Of course, I’m not sure if the jesters are edible but all seem to have their own characteristics as individuals. Also, some of them have masks on, too.

28. Make your kids the perfect Mardi Gras lunch with this King Rex crown sandwich.

Of course, this seems like a decent healthy lunch with a better content than whatever Nutrition Inc. makes. However, I think the purple broccoli is kind of pushing it with the Mardi Gras spirit. Seriously, purple broccoli belongs in somebody’s acid trip.

29. Make your Mardi Gras memorable with this set of sugar cookies.

I like how some of the cookies resembling Mardi Gras beads and how they’re designed. I can never master something like that, not in a million years.

30. Wake up this Fast Tuesday to these king cake donuts.

Of course, these are the pastries most likely consumed by the New Orleans police department which is usually busy on Mardi Gras arresting topless drunk women for indecent exposure and maybe suspicion on prostitution.

31. Treat yourself right this Mardi Gras with this colorful Mardi Gras salad.

Now this contains carrots, kale, and red cabbage. Yet, the carrots may be heirloom and only available at Whole Foods. Still, yellow peppers may do fine.

32. Give a toast this Mardi Gras with these king cake jello shots.

Yes, I know these probably contain alcohol and aren’t for kids. Yet, they certainly display quite vibrant colors as you see here.

33. Celebrate your Mardi Gras with these king cake cinnamon sugar cookies.

Now I know these aren’t donuts because they’re flat but I love the swirl icing design on these. Still, I’d eat them.

34. For Mardi Gras, candy coated popcorn makes a great snack.

Of course, candy coated popcorn may be festive for Mardi Gras but it’s not good for you, especially for your teeth. Yet, I do like how it looks in this photo.

35. Send your kid with a mask pancake lunch this Mardi Gras.

Now this combines the rituals of French Mardi Gras with the traditions of British Shrove Tuesday that usually consists of pancake breakfasts. Of course, where I live Shrove Tuesday isn’t celebrated there either.

36. Of course, if your kid doesn’t like pancakes, you can always send him or her a sandwich with a Fleur de Lis.

Of course, other than the Mardi Gras imagery, there’s really nothing remarkable about this lunch. Of course, Mardi Gras isn’t really a children’s holiday like Christmas and Easter are.

37. Treat your Mardi Gras party guests to this tearaway mask cupcake cake.

Now this is may not be as messy as cutting it, but I’m sure whoever took hours to work on it will be crying when he or she sees it being torn to pieces. Still, quite festive.

38. Of course, if you’re no fan of donut holes, you can always settle for king cake long johns.

I know they look like custom designed Mardi Gras twinkies covered in icing, but hey, to each his own. Of course, consumed by New Orleans cops arresting people for public intoxication and indecent exposure.

39. For the New Orleans Francophile, here’s a nice tearaway cupcake cake of the Fleur de Lis.

Of course, the best part about this design is that it’s purple. Still, since it was originally a French colony, Louisiana bases a lot of its tradition on French culture with their legal basis being the Napoleonic Code.

40. Celebrate this Mardi Gras with this vibrantly colorful king cake.

Unlike the previous 2 king cakes I’ve shown, this one has multi colored icing instead of sugar. Nevertheless, I find the presence of plastic baby dolls on these quite disturbing. Maybe it’s the baby carrot cake from Cakewrecks or something.

41. No Mardi Gras party is complete without these mask cookies.

Of course, some mask cookies have holes in them and others don’t. In this one, the eye holes are covered in black icing. Yet, each mask is unique in its own way.

42. Of course, for those who don’t like jello shots there’s always jello slices for the Mardi Gras party.

Like the jello shots, just because they’re brightly colored and made from jello doesn’t mean they’re for children. In fact, they might contain alcohol as well. Just, giving some people cause for parental discretion.

43. No Mardi Gras party is complete without an elaborate mask cake like this.

This cake is lined with some gold Spanish Doubloons that are more likely made from plastic to some Golden Age pirate’s chagrin. Yet, you can tell that this was professionally made and very expensive.

44. Besides Hurricane Katrina, most people know New Orleans for 2 things: Mardi Gras and jazz music as these cookies illustrate.

Of course, we have a couple designs of Mardi Gras masks along with a face with dangling notes and piano hair as I see it at least. Yes, these were undoubtedly made in the Big Easy.

45. When it comes to Mardi Gras cakes, sometimes 2 tiers are better than one.

I have to admire the decorations on this like the beads, the party stuff, and the feather mask. I also like the swirls, too.

46. Now you can’t have a Mardi Gras party without including truffle chocolate beads.

Come to think of it, truffle chocolate beads must be more expensive than regular plastic Mardi Gras beads you can find at any dollar store in your area. Yet, these seem to resemble beads from some higher end store.

47. For Mardi Gras, some people prefer whipped cream with sprinkles on their jello shots.

Once again, jello shots usually contain alcohol and therefore aren’t for kids. Nevertheless, if any parent wants to make non-alcoholic jello shots, then be my guest.

48. Now these New Orleans mask cookies are bound to make any Mardi Gras party festive.

Now these masks cookies are certainly elaborate and made by professionals. There’s even a jazz one, too. Nevertheless, the ribbons aren’t edible but they do add some sense of artistry to them.

49. For favors, you can’t go wrong with these Mardi Gras pretzels.

Now these are covered with either white chocolate or icing and decked with sugar. Maybe it would be easier to add food coloring but I didn’t make these.

50. Start your Mardi Gras morning with some Mardi Gras pancakes.

Of course, these pancakes are yellow, purple, and green for Mardi Gras. Perhaps they should add green eggs and ham to it as well, but I’m not Dr. Seuss.

51. For the vegetable in your Mardi Gras dinner go with this festive salad.

Contains quinoa, broccoli, nuts, and cauliflower dyed purple and yellow as if it’s from the Green Eggs and Ham world of Dr. Seuss. Seriously, I don’t know what to make about food coloring. I know it’s safe but it sometimes gives the wrong impression.

52. Now there’s nothing more festive on Mardi Gras than this lovely 2 tiered cake.

I do like the nice prop usage on this cake such as the mask, crown, Doubloons, and beads. Yet, I wonder if this cake is chocolate underneath the icing. But I don’t want to destroy it for now.

53. For you theater geeks out there, I think these cupcakes would be quite appropriate for your Mardi Gras celebration.

Not only do some of these cupcakes carry the traditional feathery Mardi Gras mask, they also have the tragedy and comedy masks as well. And it seems like they’re edible but I can be wrong.

54. Then again, you can always buy Mardi Gras cake toppers in New Orleans.

Yet, I’m not sure whether the cupcake toppers on these are edible or not. However, I do love the purple icing on them though. Hey, I love purple. I can’t help it.

55. For your Mardi Gras party, you can’t go wrong with icing covered star pretzels.

I’m not sure about the significance of stars on Mardi Gras but I think these pretzels are quite clever. Now where can I get pretzel stars in PA?

56. Feast your eyes on this Mardi Gras pizza for lunch.

Now these seem to contain, cheese, meat, and red onions. Yet, I’m sure the little leaf provides the green, whatever that is.

57. Hope your kids will love these king cake donuts.

I’m not sure about the little face in the donuts are about. Yet, these are sure cute that your kids will certainly enjoy them, even though they may be too young to take part in the other festivities.

58. Now this cookie set will sure make your Mardi Gras worthwhile.

Now this includes cake pops with white icing and sprinkles, coins with a Fleur de Lis, and butterfly masks each unique in their own way.

59. Now I’ve never seen a Mardi Gras mask cake like this before.

I’m not sure if that mask is made from confection or plastic. Either way, it looks very cool and quite intimidating.

60. With Mardi Gras cakes, you can’t have too many tiers.

Now I love how these tiers don’t seem to look the same. I especially like the mask on top with the feathers and stickers. So pretty.

61. For party favors, I can’t see anything wrong with Mardi Gras chocolate candies.

Well, except for the person being allergic to chocolate of course. Nevertheless, these look so good enough to eat and those you know me know how I like candy.

62. Celebrate Mardi Gras with these multicolored cake pops.

Now unlike the previous cake pops these were placed face down. I’ll take a purple one though, especially if it has chocolate inside.

63. Wake up this Mardi Gras morning with these specially made cinnamon rolls.

This person didn’t have any purple sugar for the cinnabuns so he or she used black instead. I don’t think it turned out very well.

64. Nothing brings the festive spirit on Fat Tuesday than this jester cake.

For a jester cake, this one seems quite sad and has a lot of stuff that isn’t edible. Yet, it looks pretty cool though.

65. Of course, there’s nothing remarkable about these Mardi Gras cupcakes or is there?

Outside they may just be regular cupcakes with chocolate icing. Inside they have yellow, green, and purple interiors. So they’re certainly festive underneath the wrapper and frosting.

66. These Fleur de Lis cookies will certainly make your Mardi Gras party memorable.

Unlike the other treats, they’re composed with black, white, and possibly blue. Also, they are quite nice to eat. Hope they weren’t made by Saints fans. Probably were.

67. Nothing makes a great Mardi Gras party without covering pretzels and cookies in chocolate.

I know these are Mardi Gras treats since they all have yellow, green and purple stripes on them. And that they have a mask chocolate with them.

68. With Mardi Gras, you can’t add too many accessories.

I like the gold party strings and the feather mask. I also like the stars on the cake as well as the yellow diamonds.

69. These Mardi Gras cake balls are good enough to pop in your mouth.

I also like how they have green and yellow drizzle as well as have purple wrappers on them. Still, I hope these have chocolate filling in them or I won’t be happy.

70. For Mardi Gras, mask cupcakes are a festive sight, especially with decorations.

They may not be for children under 3 years old. Yet, they certainly look great for a party on Mardi Gras.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

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