Rules for Dealing with Wild Animals

Posted by historymaniacmegan on August 4, 2015

1. Wild animals are not your friends. Do not treat them like pets or your buddies. The guy from Grizzly Man learned that lesson the hard way.

I’m sure any other situation involving a grizzly at the dinner table is bound to end horribly. Yes, old Bearikins may soon have the best Thanksgiving of his life. Everyone else will probably have their last.

2. Unless handling wild animals is part of your job, keep a reasonable distance from them and interfere with their lives as little as possible. If you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.

3. Avoid close contact with wild animals whenever possible. Never approach them under any circumstances. Do not touch or try to hold them. But if you must and it’s safe enough, always wear gloves, particularly a pair you’d find at the hardware store (garden gloves come to mind). Get too close to a wild animal and it will attack you.

4. Do not make a wild animal feel threatened or stressed. A threatened or stressed animal is a dangerous animal and will attack you.

5. Do not disturb, chase, startle, anger, tease, or harass a wild animal. All you’ll do is provoke the wild animal into feeling threatened and it will attack you. If you do this, you are a moron and deserve no sympathy for what happened to you. Such actions are especially stupid if the wild animal isn’t alone, particularly if accompanied by offspring. Whatever you do, do not be a dick to wild animals under any circumstances. Unlike humans in society where assholes are tolerated, wild animal will absolutely not tolerate your dickishness toward them and won’t give a shit about sending you to the emergency room.

6. Though baby wild animals may be cute and cuddly, do not go anywhere near them, touch them, or try to hold them. Trying to pick up a baby wild animal is an easy way to get its parents to attack you and they’re usually not far behind. If you do this, you are an idiot. If there’s a chance that a baby wild animal is an orphan, observe it for 24 hours to make sure the animal is truly alone. If their parents don’t show up within that time period, call animal control. Don’t ever try to raise it yourself unless you really know what you’re doing (by that I mean if dealing with animals is part of your job). For particular animals follow these steps:

Awww, look at the cute cougar babies. Don’t their faces just make you want to take one of them home with you? But remember that trying to pet or hold one of these adorable cubs is a quick way for its mother to send you to the ER and/or ICU. Yeah, you’d be an idiot to try to get one of these adorable kitties.

a. Birds: Pick up the bird with gloved hands and try to return it back in its nest. If you can’t, make one by putting leaves, grass, or soft cloth into a small box and place it where you found the bird. Observed for 24 hours to see if it’s cared for. If not, then call animal control. However, if a baby bird has all its feathers and resembles a miniature adult, leave it alone. It’s a fledgling who has permanently left the nest. The parents are watching them from trees and bringing it food.

b. Ducklings/Goslings: With gloved hands, place the bird as close to the flock as you can. If the flock accepts the duckling/gosling, everything should be fine. If not, call animal control.

c. Deer Fawns: Fawns are often left alone while their parents forage. But if the fawn looks cold, hungry, diseased, confused, or threatened, call animal control.

d. Rabbits: If the baby rabbit is at least 4-5 inches long, has fur, open eyes, and hopping around, leave it alone. It’s old enough to be out of the nest. If not, then take it to the nest but hold it with gloved hands. If the nest has been dug up and there are surviving rabbits, place it back into the hole with gloved hands, cover them with the nesting materials (which should consist of grass and fur). Observe for 24-48 hours. If a parent doesn’t return and you’re sure it’s abandoned, call animal control.

7. Do not feed wild animals or leave any food out for them (except bird feeders). All this does is encourage close contact that gets them too used to people as well as increases the potential for predators, accidents, and attacks. A wild animal that’s lost its natural fear for humans is more aggressive and dangerous, especially when hungry. Also makes them fat and sometimes dependent on such food that some may never learn to find native food on their own. Use proper garbage disposal and food storage as well as treat garbage as you’d treat food. Keep a clean camp and wash all cooking and eating equipment after use (as well as change clothes after dinner if you’re the one cooking it). Nevertheless, despite what pop culture tells you, it’s generally seen a bad idea to feed bread crumbs to birds, especially geese and ducks.

There’s a reason why feeding wild animals is illegal. Essentially it gets them too used to people which can lead to attracting other animals as well as attacks. A wild animal that’s lost its fear of humans is dangerous and more aggressive, especially when hungry. While camping, always use proper food storage and garbage disposal as well as keep a clean camp.

8. Be familiar with wild animals and how they normally act. This table gives you plenty of the reliable information you need on normal wild animal behavior.

9. If you see an injured animal, call animal control and observe it until help arrives. Do not try to help it unless it’s safe to do so. Potential dangers include being scratched, bitten, and/or exposed to disease. But be warned that injured wild animals are often scared and may be aggressive when approached. You may also lead the wounded animal to injure itself.

a. If the wild animal is ensnared, trapped, tangled, do not try to fee the animal yourself. It is probably stressed and could be aggressive. Just call animal control to report its location and take pictures of the scene if possible.

b. If it’s safe to touch it, pick up the wild animal to contain it using gloved hands under these steps, if it needs transported to a wildlife rehab center:

i. Line a box with holes or a pet carrier with clean, soft cloth, grasses, and other suitable bedding materials (like shredded newspaper).

ii. With gloved hands, place the animal in the container.

iii. Place the container on a heating pad set to its lowest setting, or wrap a bottle of hot water in a towel and place it in a container for warmth.

iv. Secure the container so the animal can’t jump out, which might cause further injury.

v. Keep the container in a quiet, dark place. Do not feed or water the animal.

10. If you run into close contact with a wild animal, please accord to the following:

Yes, I’m sure Smokey the Bear is more intense in person. Nevertheless, when you encounter a bear, remain calm, give it a way to escape, and slowly and quietly back away. Don’t make eye contact, don’t run, and try to look intimidating. If all else fails, use bear pepper spray.

a. Don’t Panic: Panicking can often lead a wild animal to misinterpret your conduct as an offensive action and take a defensive stance in self-defense (like attack you). Most wild animals won’t attack you unless they feel threatened, have young, or injured/sick. Remain calm, even if you have to take a deep breath.

b. Give the Animal a Way to Escape: If a wild animal has a way to leave or escape the area, it will do so. This is one of the sanest and safest actions you can do, especially if the animal is a large mother with babies. Cornering the animal and having to fight it is not just dangerous, but also highly stupid. This is especially the case if the animal is bear, mountain lion, or an adult moose in which a fight could mean a very long trip to the ER or the ICU, if you’re lucky. If not, then death and a very stupid one at that. These animals are bigger, stronger, as well as have claws, strong teeth, hooves or horns to defend themselves. So avoiding a fight with a wild animal is just common sense.

c. Slowly and Quietly Back Away: Do this while keeping an eye on the wild animal until you are safely away. The more distance between you and the animal, the better. Try to avoid eye contact if possible. Any sudden moves might startle the animal into defensive action. Running may provoke some animals to chase you and you can never outrun them. Also, only climb a tree only if you’re sure the animal can’t and only when it’s far away. Only use active defense as a last resort like mace or bear spray.

d. For specific wild animals, please follow these guidelines:

i. Coyote/Wolf: Use a loud and authoritative voice to frighten the animal. Throw rocks near the animal (but not at them) and become as threatening as possible. This will show dominance and intimidate them. As for wolves, you might want to keep your eyes cast downward and your mouth closed. If it bites, don’t yank it away but try to make it gag or do something to break its clamped jaw. However, a healthy wolf won’t usually attack people. And most usually attack either due to extreme hunger or disease.

ii. Snake: Remain calm and still until it’s gone. Keep any pets and children close to your side. Step backwards slowly, and only turn your back when you are more than 6 feet away from the snake. Fortunately, they’d rather avoid lashing out and will let you know when they feel threatened. However, whatever you do, do not throw anything in an attempt to kill it or else it will move quickly and strike fiercely.

iii. Bear: Control your pets/kids. Quiet any noise making or aggressive movements. Do not run. Avoid looking like prey. Make yourself look intimidating by waving arms and making noises. The bear should quickly leave the area. If it’s a Grizzly, try to cover your head and the back of your neck with your hands either in a fetal position or lying flat and don’t make eye contact. If that doesn’t work, you might want to climb a tree, make noise, and grab the bear spray. If it’s a Black Bear, don’t climb a tree.

iv. Opossum: An opossum is usually docile and won’t attack unless provoked or cornered. Keep pets on short leashes and get out of the area as quickly as possible.

v. Deer: Deer don’t generally pose a threat unless they feel threatened themselves. Keep pets close to you as you walk past them. They should move along. If they make any aggressive movements or sounds, turn away and leave the area.

vi. Mountain Lion: Don’t run, turn your back, and crouch down. Stand tall and authoritatively, make eye contact, use a calm and firm voice, and slowly back away to make sure you aren’t a threat to their safety. If that doesn’t convince the animal to leave, try to scare it off. If it attacks, fight it with everything you got.

vii. Moose: If it looks upset, try to hide behind something big and not too bushy. But leave room to run if the moose continues the chase. Fortunately, most moose attacks are “bluff attacks” that tend to be over before they begin.

viii. Crocodile/Alligator: Avoid croc/gator infested waters as much as possible. If one approaches you, run away as much as possible. If it attacks you, fight back but be sure to hit the eyes, nostrils, or ears. If it bites and you have escaped, seek medical help immediately.

11. If you see a wild animal acting outside its normal behavior stay the hell away from them and find shelter as quickly as possible before calling animal control (especially if the animal is acting disoriented, confused, or shows unprovoked aggressiveness). Make sure your kids and pets are inside as well. Don’t try to help it in any way because a sick animal may not be in its right mind and can be very dangerous. This might be especially obvious if its frothing at the mouth, but sometimes even just bizarre or unprovoked aggressive behavior can be enough. If you, your kids, or your pets aren’t so lucky, follow these steps:

Of course, I’m sure this raccoon doesn’t since it looks relatively normal. However, yeah, raccoons do tend to be carriers of all kinds of diseases. If you see one showing unprovoked aggression, call animal control and seek shelter immediately.

a. You, Children, and Other Humans: Either get to a hospital or call 9/11 for an ambulance if the wound is bleeding seriously or if you suspect that the animal might have rabies. If you aren’t sure it’s serious, call your doctor or animal control. Call animal control to remove the animal if it’s still at the premises and have it tested for rabies and other diseases. Wash minor wounds (like scratches) under running water and apply antibiotic ointment and dressing. Also, you might want to be up to date on vaccinations, just to be safe. If it’s a snakebite, call 9/11 for an ambulance, gently wash the injury, splint bitten extremities, and keep the area at approximately the level of the heart. Keep the person calm (if it’s not you). Don’t cut, suck, apply a constricting band, or apply cold to a bit from a pit viper (like a rattlesnake, copperhead, or cottonmouth). For a bite from an elapid snake (like a coral snake), apply an elastic roller bandage after washing the wound.

b. Pets: Using gloved hands, wash the wounds with a hose. Don’t touch the wounds with your bare hands. Immediately call the vet, even if the wound doesn’t seem serious. If the wild animal is still present, call animal control to remove it. Have your pet re-vaccinated immediately, even if its vaccinations are up to date. If expired, your pet may be held for observation. Also, remember that your pets can’t be treated after they’ve been infected with rabies so its important to keep their vaccinations up to date.

12.Try to keep pets from chasing or harassing wild animals as much as possible. Also, keep children close and within your immediate sight at all times outdoors (especially when the nearest shelter is a long distance away. If you’re at home, just keep the small children accompanied. But keep at least one door unlocked in the house {particularly the backdoor} and teach your school age children about common sense). Never leave small children alone with a wild animal regardless of its demeanor.

13. Avoid carcasses in wilderness areas as much as possible (and by that I mean hiking trails, forests, parks, campgrounds, and nature reserves). Report dead animals to the nearest ranger station or animal control. After all, any animal carcass you find in the wilderness could easily be a carnivore’s leftover lunch. Some animals are known to defend their food sources violently and won’t be happy to see you disturb them.

14. Don’t hike alone or at night. Wild animals are less likely to attack groups than solo hikers, since groups are less noisy. Also, while many animals can be active at any time a lot of them are active at dawn, dusk, or night.

Many wild animals tend to be active at night like this opossum. Of course, this might explain why I have often found so many of their carcasses on roadsides. Also explains why I find deer tracks on the roads during some of my morning walks.

15. While hiking, stay on the trails at all times and travel quietly if need be. As long as you stay away from a wild animal’s habitat, it will not bother you. However, make noise if it’s in bear country, especially when traveling upwind, near streams and waterfalls, or when you can’t see the path ahead. Remember that you are on their turf and you need to respect that, especially since there are a lot animals that can be rather territorial. Yeah, you’d want to keep off their lawn, indeed.

16. Be alert for any possible sign of wild animals nearby such as droppings, diggings, footprints, scratch marks, rocks rolled over, or tree logs torn apart. Also be careful not to step directly on rocks or logs for you don’t want to anger a poisonous snake.

17. When traveling by foot, let someone know where you’re going and when you plan to return. Also, travel with a cell phone and first aid kit at all times as well as keep your pet on a leash.

18. Whenever in a recreational area, always follow local regulations. Always listen to park rangers and game wardens as well as follow their advice.

19. Be familiar with the types of wild animals in your geographical location and know how to avoid getting attacked by them.

20. Be familiar with wild animals’ sex and reproduction cycles and behaviors, particularly mating and birthing seasons. Also pay attention on their familial patterns. Some species may be monogamous while others may not. But it’s not unusual for some animals to be more aggressive and less fearless during their mating seasons (often in the fall), particularly if they’re males trying to mate with as many females as possible (though females during this time aren’t exactly docile either). And it’s not uncommon for female animals to be quite aggressive while raising their young, especially if she’s rearing them alone. Let’s just say the rutting season is basically Pon Farr for deer, which makes them especially dangerous around this time, particularly antlered males.

During the mating seasons, wild animals can be more aggressive than usual, particularly if they’re stag males or males trying to mate with as many females as possible. For some, to say that comparing their mating seasons to Pon Farr isn’t much of a stretch. This is especially the case with the deer rut in which the male antlered deer compete with each other for mates through sparing. And yes, the fights can get particularly nasty.

21. Just because an animal won’t or can’t eat you, don’t assume it won’t hurt you. There’s a reason why predators tend to prey on the most vulnerable of any given herd. They know that trying to take down the strongest animals for meat is a quick way to get severely injured or killed. Not to mention, anyone who’s had regular contact with domesticated livestock will know of at least one incident of a temperamental cow or horse sending someone to the emergency room. So just because the wild animal in question is a vegetarian, don’t assume that it’s cute, cuddly, and friendly. Because there are plenty of large herbivores that are extremely territorial and will kill you deader than dead. Hippos are among the most dangerous animals in Africa along with elephants, cape buffalo, rhinos, and giraffes (which can kill lions with their kicks). In North America, moose and bison are said to attack and kill more people than bears and wolves. Also, take into account that the vast majority of unprovoked bird attacks on people are from herbivorous birds. Thus, remember that an animal doesn’t need to be hungry to want to kill you.

If you think that the most dangerous wild animals are predators, think again. Herbivores can be just as nasty. For instance, while deer are seen as the gentle giants of the forest, they’re actually extremely dangerous, especially during rutting season. I call this picture Bambi’s Revenge. Yes, he will pay dearly.

22. Just because an wild animal seems friendly as well as fluffy and adorable, don’t assume it won’t hurt you. It may not look dangerous, but even the friendliest wild animals can turn pretty unfriendly pretty damn fast. And many of the most adorable and harmless looking creatures can be anything but, especially if you do something to piss them off. You may laugh during the killer rabbit scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but remember that real wild rabbits can be anything but sweet, innocent, and docile.

Real rabbits may not be as lethal as you might see in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But they are hardly docile creatures and their teeth can inflict quite a bit of damage. It’s said that male rabbits will rape and castrate rival males to secure breeding rights. They also headbutt and their kicks pack quite a bit of power for their size. Unfortunately, for this cat, I’m afraid the Holy Hand Grenade at Antioch wasn’t at its disposal.

23. If you see a large wild animal on the road while driving, make sure you give them the right of way by slowing down and stopping at a reasonable distance. They’ll usually be quick about crossing the street. Nevertheless, please drive carefully and not hit something. Not only will you avoid a crash and save your life but you won’t risk the animal’s life either. And the bigger the animal, the worse the consequences will be if you hit it.

Large wild animals can pose serious traffic problems. Thus, if you see any large wild animal on the road, remember to slow down and give it the right of way. Let’s just say it’ll save your life. Here’s some more tips about sharing the road with wild animals.

24. Any wild animal with utterly zero fear of humans isn’t one you’d want to run into, especially if it has a really nasty temper. Wild animals that aren’t afraid of humans are less likely to run away at close range, which is very bad and most of the time aren’t friendly at all.

25. Don’t ever try to domesticate a wild animal no matter how cute or seemingly docile it may be. Yes, you might hear all the stories about how people raised wild animals in their homes. But there’s a reason why wild animals don’t make great pets despite how and cuddly some of them may be. Think about it.

Yes, raccoons are adorable, I get it. But if we could successfully domesticate, we certainly would keep them as pets. Unfortunately, while raccoons have no fear of humans, they have really, really nasty tempers and their teeth and claws can kill pets as well as send people to the emergency room. They’re also the biggest carrier of rabies in North America. So no, they don’t make very good pets whatsoever. Too bad the Japanese didn’t learn from the Americans on this which gave rise to raccoon infestation in their country. This was because of an anime raccoon gave rise to a fad of keeping these animals as pets. Seriously, Japan, stop being suckers for cuteness!

26. Remember that animal control is your friend. If you see wild animal acting weird and aren’t sure what to do, call them. They will know what’s going on and will go in if there’s a nuisance.

27. Despite what you might see in popular media pertaining to wild animals, don’t assume that they behave that way in real life. This is especially the case with seemingly sweet and innocent animals presented as cute, fluffy, and adorable. Nor should you assume that all animals exist in harmony and wholesomeness (which for those who’ve seen the PBS show Nature, it’s certainly not the case since it’s guaranteed to feature animals mating and killing things in most episodes. This is especially the case when a predator is the featured animal on the episode).

28. If a small wild animal is found in your house, open your doors to let it out. The sooner you give it a way to escape the better. However, if it bites you, keep it inside and call animal control because it might need to be tested for disease.

29. If you want to take a picture of a wild animal at close range, remember that cameras are equipped with zoom lenses. So take advantage of that.

When you want to take pictures of animals, remember to keep a reasonable distance and use the zoom lens. Of course, I’m not sure about this guy’s situation. I mean birds can fly pretty fast.

30. Never take your pets camping or hiking with you, especially if it’s in an area with wolves or other predators. Thus, your pet might become a liability since they’re more vulnerable to animal attacks than humans. There’s a reason why pets aren’t allowed in National Parks and other recreation areas.

31. Remember that just because an animal looks like it’s suffering and needs to be rescued, doesn’t necessarily mean you should interfere. Sometimes it’s best to let nature do its thing and leave it alone, especially if it can be some predator’s tasty meal or your pet’s. So you might not want to bother with Fido killing that baby bunny.

32. Remember that even if you do everything right, this doesn’t guarantee that you won’t attract a wild animal’s attention. Any action you make can make an animal feel threatened or startled, even if you don’t intend to do so. Even wildlife experts have experienced this.

33. Be aware that just because a normally nocturnal animal is active during the day, doesn’t mean it’s “sick” especially if it’s just minding its own business. They may be out during the day for several reasons such as looking for food, during spring and early summer when they’re out looking for food for their young, being habituated in their environment and the people around them, or simply going from one place to another. So if you see a raccoon out during the day and acting like any typical raccoon would otherwise, then leave it alone. It probably doesn’t have rabies.

Though raccoons are better known for being active at night, it’s not uncommon for some to be out in the daytime. So if a raccoon is out and about during the day and doesn’t seem to show any other abnormal behavior, it’s probably not rabies.

34. If you see a wild animal with young, stay the hell away from them. Even the friendliest wild animals can be especially ferocious when it comes to protecting their kids. Mess with any wild animal parent and their kids and you’ll be in for a world of pain.

For the love of God, if you get between a mama bear and her cubs, you will be in for a world of pain. And no, I’m not exaggerating. Do not go anywhere near a bear and her cubs. Seriously, you will live to regret it in the emergency room, if you’re lucky.

35. Just because an wild animal is cute, doesn’t mean it’s nice and wants you to touch it, especially if it’s a baby or juvenile.

36. When hiking, walking, or traveling in a recreational area or anywhere else, stay out of wildlife areas you know are dangerous.

37. Just because you don’t see wild animals, don’t assume that they aren’t close by. Sometimes wild animals will pop up around times when you’re least likely to see them (like during the night).

38. Small wild animals may not be as dangerous as their larger counterparts, but don’t assume that they won’t hurt you. Because even they can be quite vicious if they feel they need to. And there are plenty of animals willing to take on anybody several times their size like rabbits.

39. Unless you’re hunting, then avoid carrying a firearm outdoors, despite what your NRA gun nut neighbor may say. If firing a gun doesn’t instantly kill the wild animal, then it will get even more enraged and attack you. When in close contact with a wild animal, the last thing you want is to make it madder, especially if it’s a predator. For instance, 50 percent of those who use a firearm against a grizzly end up being severely mauled.” Use bear pepper spray instead, which will greatly inhibit its ability to fight.

Unless you intend to hunt at the wilderness recreation area, then leave your guns at home. Of course, you won’t see a bear with a handgun. However, unless you kill it at the first shot, shooting at a wild animal will just make it madder and willing to attack. It’s a reason why firearms are banned in many parks and for good reason. Use bear pepper spray or mace instead.

40. If you’re in a wilderness in an outdoor recreation area you’re not familiar with, consider hiring a guide if you can afford it. At least a guide will know what to do. If you can’t, then consider getting a map and/or guidebook. Better yet, buy the map and guidebook first before hiring the guide.

Fun with Garden Gnomes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 19, 2015

Perhaps, no tacky garden artwork gets as much notoriety as the garden gnome. Sure they don’t look like figures of the ideal human form. Rather they tend to be little Santa Clauses with boots, pants, blue tunic, and a red cone hat. But somehow people seem to like them enough that they’ve become icons of their own for some reason or another. Now a gnome is a mythological creature spirit introduced by Paracelsus in the 16th century as a spirit of Renaissance alchemy and magic. They are typically said to be small, humanoid creatures that tend to live underground. Sometimes it’s said that they’re willing to help out the garden at night. Yet, they didn’t become the lawn ornaments we know today until the 19th century and didn’t take their present form until after WWII as inspired by Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Nevertheless, they’re often the target of pranks in which people would “kidnap” the gnome and “return it to the wild” with Italy having a Garden Gnome Liberation Front. There are also instances in which garden gnomes have been “kidnapped” and sent on trips around the world which formed the basis of “Where’s My Gnome?” series of ads for Travelocity starting in 2008. And it’s the reason why we have the Travelocity Gnome. Still, in 2008, they arrested a guy in France for stealing 170 of these things. There is even a gnome reserve in England, home to over 2,000 gnomes and was mentioned in the Guinness Book of World Records. Nevertheless, there are plenty of garden gnomes out there in all different varieties that you might find amusing. Some may seem a bit adult while others are derived from pop culture. So for your reading pleasure, here I welcome you to look at all the different varieties of kitschy garden gnomes.

1. Walter Sobchak Gnome isn’t happy whenever one is over the line.

You think that garden gnomes were supposed to be rather docile and pleasant. However, Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski was anything but. So I think it’s ironic that there’s a garden gnome of him. Expect him to pull out his gun and rant about his time in Nam.

2. It seems that purple macdaddy gnome seems to make it his business with all his garden hos.

“You want manic pixie dream girls and water sprites? Well, I got them bitches with me on fairy dust. Oh, I’m sure they’re clean but you might want to use protection.”

3. Of course, this gnome is off to the beach in his green mankini.

Let’s just say, I wonder if Sacha Baron Cohen regrets setting off this male swimsuit trend when he wore the thing in Borat. Yeah, not the kind of swimsuit I’d want any man to wear.

4. This hippie gnome really gets into his tie dye, man.

Not sure if the cone hat goes with the tie dye. But with the glasses and his beard, I’m sure he’d fit in at any music festival quite nicely. Still, I’d stay out of the 1969 Woodstock festival if I were him.

5. In Florida, this gnome always knows that the beach with the lawn flamingos is where it’s at.

Of course, I’m sure if this gnome were a regular sized guy, he’d just blend in. Well, if he lost the cone hat. Still, embodies a lot about what people say about Florida which is a silly place.

6. This gnome only wishes that your garden be filled with peace, love, and rock & roll.

Of course, I’m sure he’s on some kind of weird grass in the yard. Probably the kind of gnome you’d want for your marijuana garden. Still, the cone hat really stands out for him.

7. Of course, gnomes tend to be human like the rest of us with some having less misgivings than others.

Sure it’s nice that they love each other and keep the spark alive. But I think they really need to take it somewhere else. I mean you don’t want to freak out the neighbors.

8. Seems like a gnome zombie plague has infected the garden lately.

And it seems that zombies are partial to the dark meat since it’s well known what happens to black guys in horror movies. Of course, I’m sure black gnomes are no different.

9. Of course, while gnomes are often benign in the garden, sometimes this isn’t the case. So be prepared.

Yeah, you should always beware of the gnome carrying an ax behind his back. But you should defend yourself before these murderous lawn warriors strike.

10. Nevertheless, even gnomes tend to prefer the convenience of a flush toilet as well as a bit of light reading while on the john.

Still, I wonder if that book he’s reading has another purpose. Because I don’t see a roll of toilet paper anywhere in this.

11. “All we are saying, is give weeds a chance.”

Not sure why he has a bird on his guitar or why he’s on the bird feeder. Either way, he seems quite groovy, man.

12. Of course, these skeleton gnomes tend to make great Halloween lawn decor.

Of course, they’re so thin that they don’t have any skin on them. Yet, I love whatever’s holding that basket, by the way. Quite clever.

13. Seems like this stoner gnome really enjoys lounging around and smoking his grass.

Of course, he’ll probably feel right at home wherever it’s legal. Yet, if it’s not, you should probably just let him smoke his joint in the bushes. Not sure about that tunic though.

14. Seems like this nerdy gnome is really into D & D and larping.

Of course, he’s also a Trekkie and has an atom on his shirt. Seems like he’s on a quest to attend the legendary festival of Comic Con. That, or he’s probably wanting to attend a nerd convention nearby.

15. Seems like Leather Daddy gnome really enjoys watering his garden.

Of course, you really don’t want to look at him from behind. Yeah, he sometimes tends to let it all hang out where the sun isn’t supposed to shine. Not sure why.

16. Seems like these hairy cons just broke out of the Big Greenhouse.

And it seems they’ve taken some animals with them for sustenance. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if they have any idea of how to get over that fence.

17. Of course, Gnome Elvis will always make your garden party a smash, even if he’s just an impersonator.

Of course, I’m sure all the qualudes and peanut butter and banana sandwiches will catch up to him somehow. Still, I’m sure that cone goes great with that polyester jumpsuit. Still, that look seems like Elvis from the Vegas years.

18. For those who want super protection for their gardens, perhaps they should try a superhero gnome.

Now these consist of Super Gnome, Bat Gnome and Captain Americgnome. Still, I have to warn you that while they may guarantee protection, they’re also known to inflict a lot of collateral damage.

19. Beware the vampire gnome with his red eyes and fangs, especially when lurking among the tall grass and leaves.

Of course, he may look nice during the daytime. But when it gets dark, he won’t hesitate to bite anyone’s neck to suck their blood. Yes, this is one scary gnome, indeed.

20. Of course, this gnome rider’s ride tends to travel at a snail’s pace these days.

Yet, this should surprise nobody these days since he’s riding a snail. However, he should watch out for any form of salt if he wants his snail ride to last for a long time.

21. “Gnome, Gnome on the range….”

Of course, I’m not sure if he’s a cowboy gnome or a rancher gnome. Then again, despite being in cowboy clothes, I’m not sure if he even works with cows. Because if he don’t have cows, then he’s no cowboy.

22. Of course, what better way to protect your lawn and garden than with Wonder Gnomeman.

Unlike Wonder Woman, at least she doesn’t wear skimpy outfits to kick ass. Also, she loves flowers, too. And she has a nice yellow cone hat.

23. Even gnomes must dress for business while at their jobs in the corporate marketplace.

Nevertheless, you have to love how their cone hats go with their gray suits. Yet, I’m sure their workplace dress codes would want them to lose the hats and shave. Also like how they’re on their cell phones.

24. Of course, you best be on your back if you don’t want to mess with the Gnome Manchu.

Of course, the Fu Manchu isn’t a great Asian stereotype. But I found his long mustache so funny that I couldn’t resist leaving this one out.

25. “You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life/See that gnome, watch him, diggin’ the Dancing Gnome.”

Of course, while the Swedish group was a great success in the 1970s, they split in the 1980s due to internal strife. Still, I’m sure they’d be remembered for all those pop hits which formed the soundtrack for Mamma Mia!.

26. Of course, you’ll need a metal detector gnome in case a vandal plants a landmine in your yard.

Then again, he could just be looking for treasure. Of course, he should realize that certain electric and water systems may also be underground, too. Don’t want to make a mistake there.

27. Let’s just say whoever thought you can look gangster in a white beard and cone hat?

As they say, “I didn’t choose the gnome life. Gnome life chose me.” Yes, and I’m sure it’s a rough time in the inner gardens with high crime and shrooms to be exact.

28. Of course, no gnome could say no to the one and only Big Bad Bertha.

I’m sure what she lacks in moral propriety she makes up for in helping girls develop a positive body image. Still, not sure if this makes my post unsafe for work or what.

29. Of course, we can’t forget about the hit HBO TV show Game of Gnomes.

Let’s just say that if that’s a depiction of the Sean Bean character, my guess is that he’ll be dead within a year. Still, I really like the throne and the shovel he’s holding. But I’m sure you don’t want to go into his garden, especially during weddings.

30. For those concerned Jews out there, I’m sure Shalom Gnome will make your garden kosher.

Of course, this is probably the most Jewed out gnome out there. He even has a Star of David with a Hebrew inscription on his belt for God’s sake. Don’t give him pork or shellfish though.

31. And you thought gnomes enjoyed the sound of flutes and nature sounds. But not always.

Hear they play at the garden club circuit on Friday nights as well as jam at the recording studio during regular business hours. Still, there have been rumors that their lead singer was arrested for shroom possession. Drummer was also busted for weed and grass as well.

32. Of course, you should never mess with a garden gnome armed with an AK-47.

Now I’m sure you want to get off his lawn at the sight of him. Then again, he’s small so I’m sure the ammo wouldn’t hurt much anyway.

33. When it comes to swimming, some gnomes just want to let it all hang out.

Unless he’s planning to visit a nude beach, I’m sure he’ll have a hard time swimming in an area where nobody’s watching him. Also, kind of wish he’d at least wear some pants.

34. Seems like this gnome is really enjoying himself during his island getaway in Hawaii.

Of course, I’m sure he’s bound to make the Travelocity Roaming Gnome jealous. Still, if he has more Margaritas, he’ll soon be searching for his lost shaker of salt.

35. Of course, there’s always that gnome who tends to travel with a dark passenger and have a thirst to kill.

I’m sure nobody wants to mess with the Dexter gnome if he’s in your garden. Still, he tends to kill his victims on the cutting board, which is fittingly enough. Nevertheless, he uses much less plastic than the one on TV.

36. Seems like even the gnomes want to take pictures of themselves these days.

Still, being a classic gnome, I doubt if he’d be recognized on Instagram among the others. Also, I wonder where he got that smart phone.

37. Of course, some gnomes don’t know when they have had way too many.

Seems like all that hard tree sap can get to them if they’ve had enough. Guess it’s best to leave sleeping dogs lie even if their butt cracks are showing.

38. Now this meditating gnome is a true Zen master of the highest degree.

It’s said he’d sit there meditating for so long that the birds would perch in his beard. Guess he’d have to clean it when he’s done since the bird might leave him an unpleasant surprise.

39. Of course, this gnome looks as black as a tar baby.

I don’t know about you, but I think there’s something a bit racist about this gnome. I’m not sure what. Could it be because it looks painted in blackface and is drinking booze? Yeah, that’s probably it.

40. Seems like somebody either forgot to put sunscreen or has caught too many UV rays.

Now that’s a terrible sunburn. Guess taking a nap on the beach isn’t really a good idea for the fair skinned. Not sure about covering your eyes with blueberries.

41. Seems like this garden gnome really enjoys doing the hula in a grass skirt.

Then again, he seems like he’s been on too many island spirits or possibly trying to do the Macarena. Hope that he doesn’t show what’s under his skirt because I’m afraid to look.

42. Seems like this gnome and his old lady were meant to spend their lives on the open road.

Funny how they have gnomes for bikers these days. They seem like they’re the people you’d least expect to be in this type of tacky lawn decoration. Still, hope these 2 don’t belong in a gang.

43. Now this little gnome wish all you to feel the Pittsburgh steel.

For some reason the molten steel he’s pouring seems to resemble Cheez Whiz. Still, you’d find that a lot of college and pro sports teams have their own collectible gnome like this one for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

44. Seems like someone has to bend over to get a temperature.

I’m sure she’s taking his temperature because this display looks older. Then again, there could be something kinky going on and what she’s holding could be a butt plug instead of a thermometer.

45. Seems like some garden creep has been on way too much Viagra lately.

Nevertheless, at least he’s wearing underwear. However, he’s seems to be a pervert with a pension for exhibitionism, especially when he’s erect. Yeah, I’d stay away from him if I were you.

46. Seems like this gnome is either trigger happy or on a shooting rampage.

Yeah, I wouldn’t want to see him on a bad day. Reminds me of the Al Pacino character from Scarface. Oh, wait, that is derived from Scarface.

47. Hipster gnome really thinks your android is sow mainstream.

Then again, I always picture hipsters as young people, not with white Santa Claus beards. Still, I’m sure that iPhone cost a fortune for those aren’t cheap to buy or have repaired.

48. This undead garden gnome has a strong preference for venison.

Now that’s really disgusting. And pretty demented if I do say so myself. Also seems to like his deer meat real raw and bloody.

49. Of course, even the gnomes have to do dirty work once in a while.

Of course, there’s a better way to cleaning dog shit than a pooper scooper. It’s called leaving it there. Still, I’m not sure about him smoking a cigarette though.

50. Seems like someone has been drinking a little too much wine the night before.

Of course, waking up with a hangover could be worse in some situations other than this. Seems that glass of wine was too big for him for some reason.

51. “I am the gnome who knocks.”

Yes, this is a gnome Walter White. However, I’m sure when he got in the meth business, the whole garden gnome neighborhood went to shit. Still, wonder if they have a Jesse Pinkman gnome.

52. Of course, zombie gnomes always prefer to help themselves to some pink flamingo.

Man, I didn’t know those lawn flamingos could bleed. Always assumed they were made from plastic. Pretty demented though.

53. Now this gnome is a fine police officer of the law.

If it wasn’t for the cone hat, I would’ve assumed him to be an actual police officer. Love the star badge on his hat though.

54. Of course, while some gnomes are said to protect gardens, this one’s on the move to kill.

Yeah, he has a deadly streak in his eyes as well as murder on the mind. He also has a big machete in his hand as far as I can see. Or maybe it's just a knife.

Yeah, he has a deadly streak in his eyes as well as murder on the mind. He also has a big ass knife in his hand.

55. This gnome family shows us that the family that slays together, stays together.

So while the father is armed with an ax and a dueling flintlock pistol, the mother appears to carry a loaded shotgun and the baby in her back harness. Still, I’m sure the gun he has can’t be fired without being reloaded.

56. “I’m gonna rock n’roll all night, and garden party every day.”

I may not be a fan of KISS. But when I see them as gnomes or nutcrackers, I have to include such depictions on my blog just for giggles.

57. Of course, on private matters, some gnomes can be really kinky in the garden.

Now this is pretty disturbing. Didn’t know BDSM fetishes could extend to garden gnomes. Of course, I wonder if they have a dominatrix garden gnome to come with him.

58. While most gnomes aren’t built like Adonis, this one is totally ripped.

Wonder if he’s on any performance enhancing drugs of some sort. I mean most bodybuilders are to some extend. Hell, a lot of athletes are, too like Lance Armstrong.

59. Of course, some gardens may contain a naturist gnome lurking around.

I’m sure the beard and belt are in place to cover up his naughty bits. Still, they call it the place where the sun don’t shine for a reason.

60. Of course, this ninja gnome is bound to hit anyone with a shovel at any moment.

Actually most ninjas didn’t wear black in real life since they functioned like covert agents and snipers. They usually dressed as peasants so the invisibility was psychological. However, this garden gnome ninja is just perfect.

61. Finally, a garden gnome promising change I can believe in.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure whether this Obama gnome is wearing a cone hat. Then again, maybe it was how this picture was photographed.

62. Seems like someone either doesn’t like flamingos or likes to eat them for dinner.

Now this is just demented if you really think about it. But I kind of find the gnome using the cleaver to behead a flamingo quite amusing, in a sick and twisted kind of way.

63. Like they say, it’s not over until the fat lady sings.

However, I have no idea why she’d wear a bikini and rabbit ears. I mean it doesn’t seem like appropriate attire for an opera singer as far as I’m concerned.

64. Seems like the gnomes really take to skate boarding and its cultural trimmings these days.

Oldest looking skater boy I’ve ever seen. Also, shouldn’t he be wearing a helmet? I mean he shouldn’t want to risk a head injury.

65. Of course, you still have to face some obstacles even in places where no gnome has gone before.

Seems like Captain Kirk and Gorn are about to go at it in this. One of the most memorable moments in Star Trek history. Also, Gorn almost looks no different.

66. Of course, you are all cordially invited to attend this royal gnome wedding.

So let me get this straight. The groom is already wearing a gone hat on his head. So why is he holding a top hat that’s obviously too small for him? I don’t get it. Don’t get it at all.

67. Of course, even in the gnome world, it seems that certain Starfleet members are more expendable than others.

Of course, for those who know anything about Star Trek: The Original Series, you’d be familiar with the term, “redshirt.” Of course, in Star Trek, if a previously unknown Starfleet character wears a red shirt, there’s a strong chance that he’s never coming back.

68. For the Japanese garden, these ninja and sumo wrestling gnomes will do you great service.

I don’t know about you. But they seem more or less resemble the Seven Dwarfs than anything from Japan. And I don’t think either of them have any Asian features either.

69. Seems like this guy has come straight out of Gnomeland Security.

Then again, he could be a sheriff or state trooper. Still, I’m sure intruders wouldn’t want to mess with

70. I call this one, “the Skanky Bride Gnome.”

Yeah, I don’t really care for swimsuit weddings. But I’m not sure why she’d have that set up for the bottoms. Oh, wait, is that her underwear? So why isn’t she wearing a dress, then?

71. For a Stripper Gnome, she sure knows her way around a pole.

I might’ve posted a picture with this one before on my lawn ornament post last year. Still, it’s quite funny and worth giving a closer look to. Also, I lover her glasses, by the way. Kind of similar to how many would imagine strippers in the Harry Potter world to look like in some respect.

72. Unlike some garden gnomes, this tiki one belongs in his island garden paradise.

Okay, pretty sure that’s a pretty offensive stereotype here. I mean blue paint, tusks in nose, shrunken head, grass skirt, staff, etc. Kind of reminds me of the savage natives you’d see in movies.

73. Seems like these two gnombres are having a fiesta.

Love the mariachi hat and the turned boots. Still, shouldn’t the lady’s hair be free flowing? It just seems off that she’s wearing a cone hat.

74. I’m sure these gnomes of horror movie villains will make a killer addition to your garden.

Seems like this ensemble includes many of the slasher-horror favorites. There’s Freddy and Jason as well as Leatherface. And I’m not sure who that one in the mask is. Really not sure.

75. These two gnomes are on a mission from God.

Yes, these are gnomes of the Blues Brothers from 1970s SNL. Look pretty much like the originals save for the beards and cone hats. But you know what they say about garden gnomes though.

76. Of course, you’d need a strong Viking warrior gnome to defend your garden.

Unlike some Viking depictions, at least this one doesn’t have helmet horns for a change. Of course, he does have a wooden hammer and a white beard.

77. Presenting the royal gnomes.

Now that obviously has to be a take off of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip. Of course, the Prince Philip one is depicted in traditional gnome fashion.

78. Of course, even gnomes could be prone to worshipping the devil or listening to death metal music.

Now that looks quite terrifying. I don’t mean the hat with the upside down cross. I mean the fact that his face and beard are painted like that which terrifies me.

79. Now this steampunk garden gnome seems to come fully automated.

Now is this an automaton or a gnome in a metal encased suit? Perhaps we’ll never know for sure. Like the drill head though.

80. Of course, these Star Trek gnomes will allow your garden to go where no man has gone before.

Of course, I’m so used to Kirk and Spock being so clean shaven and thin (well, for the most part). Still, I wonder whether they have gnomes of the rest of the main cast as well. Maybe I’ll never know for sure.

The Little World of Miniature Gardens

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 22, 2015

While gardening can be quite an art form, there are plenty of people who can’t really have a garden of their own, possibly due to living in the city. There are some people who really don’t like to do all the hard yard work such as digging, planting, and weeding. And there are some who may not be able to grow a garden due to some health issue or simply can’t deal with the changing seasonal weather. Fortunately, there’s a growing trend in the realm of miniature gardening in which you build a garden landscape in the confines of a container or limited space of dirt consisting miniature structures and real plants. Since many tend to be in containers, you can tend to them year round but have a rather slow growth rate. Still, they can last up to 8 years without needing too much care besides watering the plants, of course. So for those who love gardening but hate gardening maintenance, this might be the kind of gardening for you which requires no backbreaking digging, no weeding, no garden pests, no chemical fertilizers or pest controls, and no need to clean out the dead foliage every spring. Now that’s the good news. Also, you can put your miniature garden in just about anything and take it indoors if the weather gets cold. The bad news, well, it can become a very expensive hobby once you add some of the accessories involved. Nevertheless, despite it being a seemingly recent trend, miniature gardening originated with the bonsai dish garden from Japan (which is actually no surprise to me since the bonsai gardens totally make sense. I mean we’ve all know that the bonsai is a Japanese tree). And it was at the Japanese Pavilion at the Chicago 1893 World’s Fair where they debuted in the United States in which these garden creations were featured in an article by The New York Times. Nevertheless, these little gardens immediately became popular in a lot of places this art form has been passed from one generation to the next as well as seen as an activity for families to do together. Still, it’s very much a subculture of its own with places you can buy plants and accessories as well as its own competitions (there’s at least one in the Boston Flower and Garden Show). Oh, and at some colleges, you can even take a class or workshop in it, too. Still, if you’re one of the creative green thumbs desperate for an outlet to express yourself, the this is for you. In this post, you’ll see a treasure trove of the small garden world filled with the green glory enchantment with none of the heavy yard work. So for your reading pleasure here is a treasure trove of specimens depicting the tiny life of miniature garden landscapes.

1. Flowers are in bloom in the tiny garden village, possibly in the spring.

Reminds you of the beautiful stone villages you see in fairy tales. Of course, this is a more large scale venture by some person who’s certainly not poor. Still, I wonder how you can get those very tiny flowers.

2. Here is a flower pot garden with two fawns in a forest clearing during the spring.

Now for those on a budget, this is a more financially manageable scene. Still, let’s hope those fawns have someone to look after them. Because you know what happened to Bambi’s mom.

3. Of course, you don’t always have to put a lot of plants in your garden patio.

Now the top layer consists of much which most people usually don’t put in their patio areas. But this is a rather idyllic scene on the birdbath. And it doesn’t use a lot of accessories in the process.

4. Seems like the fairies have hung their clothes out to dry.

And they seem to wash their clothes with pre-20th century washing technology. Seems like these fairies have never heard of a washer or dryer in any way, shape, or form. Still, if they want their clothes cleaned, shouldn’t they just use magic?

5. Not all miniature gardens need accessories. This one goes for a more naturalistic approach.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden that’s set up like a forest. But though there’s not much undergrowth under the bonsais, I’m sure the rocks give it a more realistic touch.

6. Now this miniature garden is very pretty when it lights up at night.

Now this garden really brings emphasis to the flowers which are simply beautiful. Man, I wonder how these light bulbs can be so small. Really gives you a lovely night impression, does it?

7. Is that bridge over a stream of water or gravel?

It’s not uncommon for garden miniatures to contain waterways made from gravel than actual water. Just because real water doesn’t really conform to aesthetics and would be absorbed by the plants.

8. When it comes to miniature gardens, a broken flower pot will do just as good as any.

While broken flower pots may not be used for regular plant, you can plant a miniature garden in one just fine, especially if you want it to include elevation like a garden path up to a house.

9. In a small garden plot, a reasonable space can be whole miniature garden village.

Now I’m sure this garden is in a warmer place since it probably wouldn’t last a winter where I live. Still, it’s very elaborate and beautiful with rows of grass, bushes, and gravel paths.

10. Now this rock garden has a lovely stonework path.

Now this really gives you an impression with the bench, birdhouse, and small water hole. Whether it’s supposed to be somebody’s yard or a public park, you can never be exactly sure.

11. Now this beautiful miniature garden seems like it’s taken from a mansion or some large fairy tale palace grounds.

Now I just have to love the beautiful waterfall on this, even if the water isn’t real. Still, I wish some of the dirt patches can have some greenery on it. But still, these gardens can get pretty elaborate if I do say so myself.

12. A garden like this can be any fairy’s dream, if one decides to adopt a more suburban lifestyle.

Now sometimes these are also called, “fairy gardens.” Not sure why because a lot of miniature gardens come in a variety of different types. So I used an all encompassing term.

13. While some miniature gardens are seen as hangouts for fairies, this one clearly seems to go to the birds.

Now I’m sure this isn’t for real birds since the birdhouses are so small. For places for birds to call home, see a previous post I have called “This Old Birdhouse.” Do it now.

14. A little patch like this is a miniature version of what every gardener needs.

Now this is a lovely miniature garden with a shed, place for seedlings, and even a scarecrow. Yet, you can tell which side is for flowers and which is for vegetables.

15. If it wasn’t for a container, I would’ve sworn this was a real place.

As I’ve said miniature garden designs can get very elaborate and this is no exception. Still, you would more likely see this as your next door neighbor’s place than a fairy though.

16. A faux water miniature garden like this is a fairy’s paradise.

Now I really like the flowers on this. And while the water may consist of a bunch of blue gravel, at least it looks better than white.

17. While an algae pond may be disgusting in real life, it’s not always the case in a mini garden.

Now in a real garden, such a scene would pretty much look like shit at certain times of the year. But in this scene, it’s quite beautiful and you don’t have to do a ton of maintenance.

18. A rusty wheelbarrow makes the perfect place for a miniature garden of a log cabin settlement.

Of course, this place has a lot of plants as well as some farm animals. Still, as a whole it looks wonderful. See I said that you can use any container for a miniature garden. Even a wheelbarrow.

19. Have your miniature garden near a tree? Put some windows and a door to pass it as a fairy house.

Other than the accessories, I’m sure this fairy garden didn’t cost much. Then again, I’m not sure if the moss was already there. Probably not.

20. Other than the path and the bridge, almost everything seems to be made from sticks here.

Now this was made from 2 flower pots with one on top of the other. Reminds me of some tropical paradise despite that this fairy seems to have his or her own vegetable garden.

21. A rustic wooden wagon makes an excellent planter.

Also, if your miniature garden is in a wagon, it’s easier to transport and you don’t have to worry about potentially dumping it, unlike a wheelbarrow. Still, it’s quite beautiful and an ideal fairy mecca as I see it.

22. A wooden bucket might not be good for much, but you miniature garden will thrive in it.

Seems like this is a little housing block we have here and a lovely one at that. Also seems like there’s a satyr underneath that toadstool.

23. Only in miniature can a castle garden stand in your back yard. Or front.

I don’t know about you, but if Albus Dumbledore had a vacation home in Florida, I think it would look exactly like that. Don’t know why he’d have one or what he’d do there. Still, it’s very pretty nevertheless.

24. In real life you’d swear this scene was of an abandoned place gone to shit. As a miniature garden, it’s a work of art.

For a person, a place like this life size would be one people would want to avoid at all costs (save maybe for a few idiot teenagers in slasher movies, particularly if they’re black guys {since they’re usually killed first}). For a fairy garden, it’s a beautiful nature scene.

25. You can always find beauty near the beach so why not integrate it with your miniature garden?

You can create all kinds of scenes with these mini gardens. Still, I’m not sure if those are real beach plants, but they go with the garden very well. Also love how the stones are used for ocean.

26. For Christmas, you can put your miniature garden in the festive spirit.

Yes, they have Christmas decorations for mini gardens. They have decor for other holidays, too. Well, you can keep these kinds of gardens all year round. There’s no weather to stop you.

27. Now this is a flower garden with its own fountain and fence all covered in ivy.

I’m sure that this comes from some decrepit estate or pleasure garden. But I think it’s quite beautiful to say the least.

28. Seems like the fairies are real soccer fans in these parts.

And they seem to really like to party from what I see on the patio. Also, that’s a very full bonsai tree. Really like the flags, too. And the dog.

29. On this miniature garden, everything seems covered with green.

Now this seems like a fairy hideaway you might see in Florida from my perspective. Yet, most of the “grass” you see is moss. But I think it’s quite lovely.

30. In a miniature garden, you can only get to the shrine when you climb the steps.

From a unbroken flower pot, this mountainside shrine would’ve been almost impossible. Though I know it would be almost impractical, it would’ve been nice to have a waterfall there.

31. You can make a miniature garden in almost anything, even a chair.

Seems that a lot of fairies tend to reside in this beautiful chair garden. The flowers are simply breathtaking in this.

32. Now this village is quite an idyllic miniature world, even if all the foliage seems overgrown.

This little corner has a church, a birdhouse, a wheelbarrow, and a happy little tire swing. Also, has a few little figures, too.

33. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you a mini garden of Stonehenge.

Now I couldn’t pass this one up since Stonehenge is a very significant monument, especially in England. And no, I’m sure it wasn’t built by aliens. Sorry, History Channel.

34. As far as accessories go, they can be as small as you want them to be.

Now I really like the landscaping on this one. Seems like they planted everything on a carpet of grass and then added little structures and fairies on it.

35. As for furniture, you can always try wooden chairs of twig.

Now I like this kind of patio furniture. Quite rustic, I daresay. But I think the garden stuff and beehive is adorable.

36. A gardener’s work is never done. However, sometimes the watering can is up at the stick gate.

Lovely to see how this seems to be the beginnings a of a beautiful mini cabbage patch. Love the little wheelbarrow, birdhouse, and bird bath though.

37. When it comes to a mini wild flower garden, then you can let it be as overgrown as you please.

The flowers are simply beautiful on this one and I’m sure the grass isn’t just moss. Still, I really like the multicolored toadstools, even though they’re not real.

38. Inside this stone birdbath lies a miniature garden containing a smaller and more ornate bird bath.

Now this birdbath seems to have a little bird on its ledge while it’s surrounded by ivy. Still, at least the bird bath mini garden looks better than what’s inside an actual bird bath (which is disgusting).

39. Now this miniature garden has a pond, a bench, and a few nice pieces of shrubbery.

Now they may be little but these plants almost resemble real bushes for some reason. I also like the stonework on the patios. Fine landscaping here.

40. Just because we don’t use metal wash tubs for washing clothes, doesn’t mean you can’t build a garden in it.

Now I like the moss roof on that house along with the moss landscaping. Oh, and the hedgehog is quite cute, too. Seems like ideal fairy abode.

41. Among the tall grass and the plants, you can sometimes find a way to kick back and relax near the seashore.

Now this is a lovely seashore scene. Love the stone work on the path, the bike, and the ocean stones. Simply devine, it sure is.

42. Even in the white sand banks and shrines, the fairies will find a home wherever plants grow.

Now the river is a beautiful blue while the rainbow stones lead up to some zen garden like shrine. The bird seems filled, too.

43. When it comes to miniature gardens, you can’t go wrong with a waterfall. Even if there’s no actual water coming from it.

Now this almost looks like a real waterfall coming from the rock. Like the little house nearby, too by the way.

44. In a miniature garden like this, everything is always in its proper place.

Now this garden really seems like a wide field mostly consisting of vegetables. But there’s also a shed and greenhouse along with a little shed. Man, such an extensive collection of plants here.

45. Whether in a mini garden or in the front yard, there’s no place like home to a gnome.

Love how there are plants growing from out of the areas of the broken flower pot. Also, I think this gnome has very good taste in architecture.

46. A lovely pavilion will give any fairy some much needed shade.

Love the pig flying which I think is kind of funny. But I especially love the metal pavilion even if it doesn’t provide much shade.

47. In a miniature garden, the plants can just go about anywhere.

The little potted plants are so cute in this little pot. Love the bird hanging from the arch way, too. Seems that this one has plants all over the place.

48. In fairy gardens, you can’t go wrong with too many flowers.

I really love the flowers in this, especially since a lot of them are purple. Nice t o have some substitute for trees, too.

49. Even fairies tend to enjoy the game of baseball in their neck of the woods.

I don’t know about you, but a field in this shape wouldn’t be used for baseball games. But fairies have wings so it’s all good.

50. In this tree stump, you will find a beautiful miniature garden with everything fairies would want.

Strange how stumps tend to be taken out of their respective places whenever a tree gets cut down. Little did they know that you can make a little mini garden like this. I mean look at all the pretty flowers.

51. In mini gardens, there’s nothing that brings in the country spirit such as being down on the farm.

Now I’m sure it may not grow actual crops because farming is a bit more complicated. But it’s nevertheless adorable and less laden with pesticides.

52. Not all miniature gardens have to be forest oriented. This one creates a desert paradise in a flower pot.

Of course, this uses a lot of desert plants so whether this is a desert garden is any guess. But I’m not sure if I’d lay a finger on it because the plants mostly consist of cacti.

53. In a flower and garden shop, a large fairy garden is a great marketing strategy.

Of course, this mini garden should make it clear to everyone that it can become an expensive hobby. Still, love the flowers and stream in this.

54. If it weren’t for the pot, you would’ve thought this was an actual rocky landscape with a small pond.

Now I’m sure this set up didn’t really costs much, especially with the rocks which you can find anywhere. But it does seem like a piece of nature, does it?

55. A church in a garden like this has its own garden of Eden.

I’m sure any Christian fairies will certainly worship in that church. Love the flowers on this and how they tower the church and steeple. Kind of reminds you of Hawaii.

56. A desert gnome knows only peace and solace in his trailer home.

And it even has one of those tacky flamingo lawn ornaments. Then again, the gnome may just be an ornament, too. But I do love the desert scenery.

57. In mini gardens a plant would look just as fine in dirt as surrounded by sand.

Like how the sand seems so evenly raked like I’d never see at a golf course. Like the little plants in it, too.

58. Of course, what mini garden would be without its own water mill?

Funny how grass can grow so high even thought this tray is about as thick as some flat table displays. Guess mini garden plants tend to have very tiny roots.

59. Of course, if you live near a river, you’ll always have to have a canoe.

Now with the forest background, it almost looks like a house near a river. Well, if you take out the wooden box. Still, adorable.

60. When your kids grow up, they may not need their rusty red wagon. So use it to plant your miniature garden paradise.

Now this garden has so much going for it. I mean it has birdhouses, a wooden house, and glass toadstools. Oh, and the flowers are so beautiful, too.

61. What makes a better seaside garden than one of a desert coast?

Didn’t think you’d see cacti on the beach would you? By the way, I’m sure the seashells were real. Like the sand castle though.

62. With the right furniture and creativity, you can create a little miniature patio for your mini garden.

I’m sure this is set in somebody’s yard since the porch seems to have some colored stones encased in concrete. But I love how everything seems to go together here.

63. Though many miniature gardens tend to have tiny flowers, this doesn’t always have to be the case.

Now this garden contains a lot of flowers you’d see in any regular garden during the summer. Yet, it’s considered as such because of the two little lawn chairs and that it’s in a pot.

64. Now this desert seems as if it’s in an almost natural state in its own flower pot.

Seems to have a lot of cacti for a desert. But I’m sure you’ll never get a desert sunset with this one. Still, it’s quite beautiful to say the least.

65. Nothing would make the rich fairy an envy of everyone than a little mini garden mansion.

Kind of reminds me of a fairy garden murder mystery mansion. Really wouldn’t want to get inside. But I really like the landscaping on this.

66. Miniature gardens usually tend to be easy to carry, especially if they were created from a suitcase.

You might not want to take this to an airport. I mean the TSA wouldn’t take many precautions upon inspection. But it’s a cute little world you can carry around.

67. While many miniature gardens usually contain flowers, this one specializes in vegetables.

Okay, they may not be real veggies. Nor are they edible by any means. But still, it’s a pretty cute scene nevertheless. Hope it has a container though.

68. Under the ivy covered canopy, you will find a fairy park where they frolic.

Now I think this is put on some garden bench since I can see legs below the planter. Nevertheless, it’s quite pretty and I like the ivy on this.

69. Nothing makes a rustic patio look idyllic than wooden furniture, especially in fairy gardens.

Now the furniture really goes well with the path and the bonsai. Of course, the vines are painted by the way. But I’m not sure if it makes any difference.

70. Any Tolkein fan would find a miniature garden of Bag End would be almost a dream come true.

I’m sure that a die hard Middle Earth fan had too much time on their hands. Still, I’m sure this miniature Bag End is tended by no other than a miniature Samwise Gamgee.

71. For Christmas, celebrate the birth of Christ with this miniature garden nativity scene.

Of course, the figures were probably taken from an actual nativity set. But these gardens can stay indoors and last all year long. So you might as well put a nativity scene in there.

72. This wooden church seems to have its gates near the rocky shore.

Now this seems like a lovely atmosphere to have a church, especially a wooden one. Love the little gate near the shore. Probably based on some rocky New England coastline.

73. Nothing makes the ideal fairy town more than having it at the base of a tree.

Now I’m sure the fairies will get plenty of shade under that tree. Yet, even this sturdy tree couldn’t completely shield them from the elements of nature.

74. A little house always tends to be shadowed by large trees, even in mini gardens like this one.

Now this is from a broken flower pot in which the plants inside surrounding the house represent towering conifer trees. Hope the rock doesn’t do anything though.

75. If you want a garden easy to carry, then perhaps you should plant it in a basket.

Love the little swing on the basket handle as well as the flowers. Still, you have to like the wooden twig and branch chair, too.

76. You can create a whole world of nature from a very large teacup.

This bonsai really goes well with the small lupin plants if I stand corrected. Still, I think the little bench and coffee table is simply charming.

77. Even in a small gravel garden, it’s best to put a birdbath as a centerpiece.

Let’s hope the little birdies wanting to wash up don’t shit in this birdbath. Like the bench and sundial though.

78. Sometimes you can put patio furniture in a miniature garden you can only wish to put in your regular patch.

Now this patio furniture seems too finely painted for anyone to want to have in your outdoor patio. I mean there’s a chance that rain might wash out the lovely craftsmanship. Still, this is a quite beautiful garden in these flower pots.

79. A few statues in a garden can really enhance it beauty in many ways.

Now this one gives the impression that ruins are in the midst. Love how the bonsai really brings in the vibrancy of this. Not to mention, some of the plants, too.

80. In a garden shop like this, you might as well have a large mini garden village.

Now I’m sure this isn’t the whole mini garden as some of it is cut from the photo. But you can see how elaborate these mini gardens can really get.

This Old Birdhouse

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 7, 2015

Seeing birds in one’s back yard can be seen as a pleasant sight for many during the spring and summer when all the birds seem to be fluttering around after spending the winter down south (though maybe the South likes the winter birds as well). Of course, there are plenty of ways to draw their attention such as bird baths as well as bird feeders. One particular feeder I have in mind is a bird house, which not only feeds them but also can house a nest now and then in some cases (for instance, they have bluebird houses). But bird houses are mostly bird feeders. Still, when it comes to feeding birds, people have been making birdhouses for a very long time, perhaps centuries. Now there are plenty of bird houses out there since many people tend to uses them as a craft project as well since it tends to involve some easy DIY know-how. I mean most of the time it involves putting a hole in a piece of wood, as well as nailing a bunch of wood pieces into a small house. And it’s inevitable that many tend to have certain finishing touches on them. So without further adieu, I welcome you to enjoy the wonders in the world of bird houses.

1. We begin with a look at the historical Franciscan bird missions of the American Southwest.

Though the Franciscan birds tend to be seen as benevolent to the indigenous birds at times, it’s said that many of these bird missionaries tended to destroy a lot of indigenous cultures in the process. Then again, I heard that bird small pox tend to kill more indigenous birds than anything else.

2. In the winter, instead of flying south for warmer climates, your local birds could spend the winter in this swanky ski lodge built just for them.

Nevertheless, I hear they charge their avian lodgers fortune in birdseed. Maybe flying south for a winter in Boca Raton is a cheaper bet, but I’m sure the rates aren’t much better there either.

3. If your local birds want a more rustic look, this house is for them.

Now I think this might be a bird farmhouse made from scrap wood. But I’m sure it’ll have plenty of room with stores of birdseed in the pantry. Not sure if any hill billy birds live there though.

4. For their birdseeding needs, your fine feathered friends can just stop at this avian general store.

I’m sure this place has everything your birds need for the winter whether it’s seed, bugs, potential prey, hardware, clothes, and what not. They’ll find it all here.

5. When it comes to avian accommodations, nothing makes birds feel more at home than having a little log cabin in the woods.

Now for the bird wishing to get out from the cold and start a homestead, this little log cabin is the perfect fit, when there are trees around. Still, has a rustic feel to it like you’d see in a fancy set of Lincoln logs. It’s popularly noted that Aviraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin.

6. While putting real flowers on a birdhouse might be impractical, they’d certainly appreciate the floral artwork.

Now this is a lovely little birdhouse I wouldn’t mind having in my yard. It seems so picturesque, especially the floral wreath around the hole.

7. If you’re living in the world of Dr. Seuss, these birdhouses are just the ticket.

And Lord knows how many birds you get to see coming to these houses in Dr. Seuss stories. However, it’s kind of disappointing that these houses won’t get the kind of birds you’d see in Horton Hears a Who.

8. Do any migrating birds need a place to eat during their journey south, then I’m sure they’ll enjoy this avian diner.

Of course, while they specialize in hamburgers and hotdogs, I’m sure they have plenty of other entrees migrating birds would love. Not sure if they have any bird waitresses on roller skates or avian juteboxes though.

9. Of course, there are quite a few birds who belong to some kind of fraternal lodge order.

This one seems to belong to the Moose Lodge but I’m not sure whether the bears are a lodge order or not. Then again, they could be talking about actual bears.

10. If you have any fishing birds in your area, this bait shop would be of service to their needs.

Of course, most fishing birds don’t need a bait and tackle shop to catch fish. They just catch them with their beaks as God intended. Still, it’s pretty clever.

11. For the birds who think the ski lodge is cramped, say hello to this wooden bird castle complex.

Now this seems like a castle because it just appears so big from other birdhouses. But if it was in better proportion it would resemble something like a Victorian house. Still, it was either sitting in the garage for long periods or someone just had too much time on their hands.

12. Every bird should enjoy the comforts of home now and then.

Now this birdhouse has a nice stairwell as well as some of the latest styles of avian furniture, blinds, and a a swimming pool. Yes, this is the best birdhouse life has to offer.

13. If the mission style doesn’t suit your local Christian birds, you can always go with an avian meeting house.

Yes, I'm sure there will be some avian gospel choir in their singing hymns to Cheepsus. Okay, maybe not that, but it has a ringing bell for avian services.

Yes, I’m sure there will be some avian gospel choir in their singing hymns to Cheepsus. Okay, maybe not that, but it has a ringing bell for avian nondenominational services.

14. May I present to you, the Grand Birdepest Hotel.

Sorry, but I couldn’t resist that pun. But still, I hope it has those interwar luxury interior accommodations and nothing resembling anything from the post WWII era. Still, I’m sure it houses a lot of birds during the seasonal migration periods, particularly rich ones with greedy backstabbing sons, no doubt.

15. For those who prefer a more urbane avian accommodations, perhaps your birds might like this avian hotel.

Now this resembles something that you might see in almost any town or city. Still, I’m sure it would remind many city pigeons of home if they ever see something like this.

16. Like birds but don’t like birdhouses? Then feed your birds with this bird gazebo.

Now this provides a nice resting place for local birds where they can relax and enjoy nature. Can also be used for weddings. Let’s just hope that they don’t smoke cigarettes under them.

17. For migrating barn swallows, nothing makes it seem right at home for them than an actual barn.

Now this one has a little farmer and tractor. But I have to love the rustic woodwork in this as well as the fine craftsmanship. But I’m sure this is way too small for any actual farm animals.

18. There are some birds who have a taste in the more modern architectural house styles.

Sometimes what might cool in one way, might not in another. For instance, as a birdhouse this structure looks cool. But as an actual house, it would look ugly.

19. Of course, even birds must have their own McDonald’s for a quick bite to eat.

Nevertheless, as a fast food restaurant, McDonald’s is known to be a big contributor in avian cardiovascular disease, Type II diabetes, and obesity. Also, I hear their bird employees are only paid minimum wage, too.

20. For the birds still missing being near the beach, this tiki beach tavern is for them.

I do like how this one is built like a tiki bar with all the little bird stools. Still, keep away from avian alcoholics. Of course, some of these birds are there for the worms, not the tequila.

21. There are birdhouses and then there are bird mansions.

Now this is supposed to be a replica of a house in Maryland created by a guy who specializes in these kinds of birdhouses. Still, whether bird or human, I’m sure one like this won’t be very cheap in any case.

22. At times, you can build your very own bird log cabin from a bunch of twigs.

Now this one was built from willow twigs. Not sure what this person used to keep the pieces together. Still, it’s quite a marveling effort in many respects.

23. A birdhouse like this will certainly make any homesick bird feel at home for the holidays.

I’m not sure of what to make with Christmas themed birdhouses. I mean these birdhouses are only appropriate for a certain time of the year. And birdhouses need to look appropriate all year round. Then again, maybe this is just built for decoration.

24. As migratory birds always need rest now and then, a bird town offers a perfect rest stop.

Now there are a bunch of birdhouses like these. These 3 shown are Jail Birds Bail Bonds, Night Owls Bar, and Seedy’s Liquors. Seems kind of like a seedy place to me. But I’m sure some birds must enjoy the place.

25. Of course, birds always need a place to go where nature calls.

I’m sure these outhouses aren’t used for certain bodily functions. Because birds don’t really care where or how they crap. I mean they’d crap when they fly if they want to.

26. Now this birdhouse not only gives the birds a place to eat, but also makes your neighbors think twice about possibly stealing any belongings from you.

Now this is actually pretty clever if you think about it. I mean it’s a birdhouse but looks like a surveillance camera. It’s also made from metal in some parts.

27. This birdhouse has a built in birdbath where the local birds could feed and clean in the same spot.

I’m sure if this was put to use it would be covered in bird shit like most bird baths would. Seriously, birdbaths are disgusting. I’m not sure how some of them expect to get clean while bathing in their own shit most of the time.

28. Any lovebirds wanting to get hitched might want to check out this wedding chapel while they’re at it.

I wonder if any lovebirds are married there by an Elvis impersonator, if it’s in Las Vegas. Still, I’m sure birds have been mating millions of years without one. Just see some of the birds on my back porch.

29. For the birds wanting the punk rocker look, check out the Painted Bird Tattoo Parlor. They even do beak piercings.

Of course, this place doesn't take warblers. Sorry guys. Still, a lot of young birds' mothers won't be happy about this place.

Of course, this place doesn’t take warblers. Sorry guys. Still, I’m sure certain birds don’t understand how their avian employers tend to look down on those with tattoos and piercings.

30. A lot of times, birdhouses can range from the modern to rustic as well as from traditional to whimsical.

I don’t know about you, but this one reminds me of the Burrow from the Harry Potter series for some reason. You know the Weasley family’s house. I swear it looked just like that in the movies.

31. Every bird kingdom always needs its own bird castle fortress if you think about it.

Now this one certainly looks like a castle as I can see. Yet, I’m not sure if it will protect the finches from the possible eagle invasion.

32. While most birdhouses are made of wood, this one is fashioned from metal and blue tile or glass as it looks like.

Not sure whether the birds like it or not. But I like the blue finish to it. Looks like the ocean waves for some reason. Yeah, it’s cool.

33. Of course, every bird should always know to knock first before entering.

Yes, this is another birdhouse outhouse. And it seems that a little man has been occupying it for quite some time. Still, I think it’s quite funny.

34. When it comes to birdhouses, some may opt for a sleek modern design.

Now this looks as if it can be an actual house, though perhaps I wouldn’t be as in awe of it. Still, I like the flowers on it though.

35. Nevertheless, it can be said that birdhouses can come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.

Now these birdhouses seem to almost blend in with the flowers. But funky colors will certainly draw a bird’s attention, if anything. But I do think they’re all lovely in their own way.

36. I daresay, I was going to put my mail in until I realized that it was not a letterbox.

Now this is a birdhouse from Britain as you can see by how it’s painted red and has the initials ER on it. Still, seems like Britain seems to have a problem with birds living in their mailboxes as it looks like.

37. Have some local birds spend the holidays in this Christmas cabin.

Guess building Christmas themed birdhouses is a thing in the South, when many of the migrating birds make do for the winter. Still, it’s quite ornate and cozy looking. Just needs some snow.

38. Hope the birds could make themselves at home in this cozy cottage.

Now this almost resembles a doll’s house at first glance. That is, until you see it mounted on a tree. Still, love the small chairs.

39. With birdhouses like these, you can start an avian neighborhood.

I like how these have a sleek design as well as come in a variety of colors. I’m sure any bird is going to recognize a birdhouse like that, that’s for sure.

40. For the coastal birds, perhaps they can enjoy the view of the ocean with this lovely beach house.

Of course, this might look a little small but at least it’s in bright colors and has a nice inner tube. But you can’t really take that off if a bird is drowning since it’s only used for decoration.

41. When you can’t get a rustic wooden barn birdhouse, an aluminum one will do nicely.

Now this seems almost like a model toy barn you’d see next to some antique doll’s house. Still, I think I like the wooden rustic barn better. Aluminum makes it seem more industrial looking.

42. For the hippie birds in your area, you can’t do better than a hippie van.

Of course, they’d be certainly tripping balls if you put some bird seed laced with marijuana and brown acid. But they’d probably love it anyway. Man, I’d love to see a stoned bird fly high.

43. For the country brid’s needs, here’s an old country store to their liking.

Love the little merchandise pieces on here. Really go wit the set up. But do the birds really need crap like that? Probably not, besides birdseed and possibly bugs.

44. For the Canadian birds out there, there’s nothing like staying in a large Canadian bird lodge.

I’m sure room and board at this Canadian bird lodge isn’t cheap. But I do like the red roof on this thing. Wonder how many of the birds who stay there are professional hockey players.

45. Don’t like birdhouses? Then how about a bird swing?

Sure it might have a couple of bird towers for birdseed. But I think any bird would find a swing like this quite fun. Only wish they’d make stuff like this for humans.

46. Introducing the Burger King Fly Through.

Hey, when it comes to avian fast food restaurants, McDonald’s isn’t the only one out there. But it’s apparent this one definitely serves burgers to the birds. Of course, its staff are paid low and their food will lead to all kinds of health problems. Also known as “Burger Barf.”

47. Yes it has a faucet, but does it have running water?

I know this is supposed to be a garden birdhouse. But I’m not sure what any bird would want to do with fake pansies and artificial turf. Also, I’m sure the faucet is for decoration.

48. A welcoming sight for birds is a brown house with some bright pink columns as well as pink and baby blue trim.

Now I wonder if I ever saw an actual house like this. Still, love the pink and baby blue on this house. They really stand out. I also like the flowers in the planter and pots.

49. When it comes to birdhouses, some just prefer a cottage in pink.

Now this is basically an avian equivalent to a Barbie dream house. Well, maybe not. But I think it’s pretty nonetheless even in pink.

50. When it comes to decorating birdhouses, you can use just about anything.

Now this one is decked with corks, stones, and other things. Looks like it was assembled from stuff found from a dumpster dive. But I kind of like it. Go figure.

51. Remember birdhouses could always be made from anything around the house.

Seems like this is a combination of an old timey coffee pot now used on camping trips and some sort of large barrel. Now what once served a cup of joe, now serves birdseed.

52. When it comes to birdhouses, you can’t always have a garden. But you can always paint one on there.

Now I really like the little birdhouse and the cute little milk bottles. Really seems to create an idyllic feel to this birdhouse, does it?

53. Seems like this log cabin has gone to the birds.

Yep, it says on the sign. Still, almost likens you to a Lincoln log cabin made from Lincoln logs. Love the rocking chair, by the way.

54. For the more mobile bird, you can’t do worse than a camper.

I’m sure this will probably be either pulled by a toy truck of some type. Still, I’m sure if it would be big enough.

55. For a more retro camper, go with this shiny one here. Sure the birds will love it.

Now this is more for the bird yearning for 1950s nostalgia. Can’t really see why because it looks like something straight out of the space age.

56. Of course, you can always have a birdhouse of an unusual shape like a cyclone.

Now I’m not sure a cyclone is a good shape for a birdhouse. Then again, it probably holds plenty of birdseed to last the winter.

57. In this case, this birdhouse was built along the tree.

Now I’m sure this is the architectural brainchild of a Mr. Frank Lloyd Wren, no doubt. Still, I’m sure snotty rich birds will love it anyway.

58. Yes, even birds feel like they have to confide to a psychic once in awhile.

I think this is Madame Cuckoo’s Psychic place. Of course, her slogan is, “Count your chickens before they hatch.” Still, you can’t put all your eggs in one basket.

59. This birdhouse comes with express free delivery. But don’t put your mail in it.

Yes, this birdhouse looks like a mailbox. And it seems to be made from wood and plastic. Still, I’m sure it’s more of a place for birdseed than bills.

60. Now I do declare this is a mighty fine avian plantation mansion there.

Now this seems like a kind of birdhouse you’d see in the antebellum South. Of course, you know what the rich planter birds used to harvest the birdseed.

61. Now there’s a birdhouse you can use to feed the birds and grow your plants at the same time.

Yes, I know it’s kind of crazy, but I’m sure it must work somewhat. Then again, the plant might be in a smaller pot.

62. For you Bible believing folks out there, perhaps this Noah’s Ark birdhouse would look great in your backyard.

Of course, this one comes with its own animals such as giraffes, elephants, zebras, and a dove on top. Still, quite amazing though.

63. For Halloween, the local birds would find these bridhouses quite spooktacular if you get my drift.

Once again, I’m not sure about holiday themed birdhouses. This is especially the case on Halloween in the fall, when most of the birds would be flying south for the winter. Then again, maybe not so much in the South.

64. The coastal birds would really find themselves at home with this lighthouse birdhouse.

This one is called, “The Nautical Nest.” I’m sure the light in this doesn’t actually light up at night in search of stranded sea birds though.

65. This avian restaurant has everything to the birds’ content as a rest stop.

Let’s hope the Live Entertainment doesn’t include titmice actually showing their tits (which they actually don’t have because they’re birds for God’s sake). Still, it’s called “Wagon Wheel Restaurant.”

66. While you’ve heard of gingerbread houses, I’m sure birds will take to this gingerbread birdhouse during the winter holidays.

I’m sure this isn’t intended for actual use because a gingerbread birdhouse wouldn’t be a long lived one. Seriously, I’m sure birds and other woodland creatures will surely devour it at some point.

67. Hmmm….didn’t know the birds have their own yacht club. Hell, didn’t even know birds had yachts.

I’m sure this place is filled with the spoiled rich birds from Ivy League schools you hear about . Bunch of 1% avian snobs.

68. For the birds traveling the Oregon Trail, this covered wagon would be a great place for their food and belongings.

Of course, any bird that decides to go on the Oregon Trail will sometimes have to deal with a chance of catching dysentery. Of course, that would mean a lot of birds shitting on cars.

69. Of course, while some have birdhouses, others have bird palaces.

This is an ornate bird house in the Maharajah Jungle Trek aviary in Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Of course, it’s certainly not for sale as far as I know. Still, very elaborate if you get my drift.

70. While most birdhouses are made from wood, many can be molded from ceramics.

Now these are very much elaborately painted with designs that put some art major’s drawing skills to shame. However, if it weren’t the holes and rods, I would’ve mistook them for very fancy firecrackers.

71. Of course, while birdhouses can be quite elaborate, you can paint them however you like.

Now I really like this house by how it’s so finely painted. Not to mention, it’s purple too. And sparkly.

72. Now this birdhouse cabin provides the perfect avian nature retreat in the wild.

Now this cabin not only has a porch, it also has a gazebo along with it, too. Not to mention, one pair has already built a nest in it as well.

73. Most birdhouses are usually plain, but this one seems to come straight out from Game of Thrones.

Now I love the ornate style of this such as the clam shell roof and the metal on the front. Still, I’m sure any birds on Game of Thrones would love this, even if many of them get killed off fighting for it.

74. Now your birds can work out their wings in this birdhouse avian gym.

Seems Tom’s Gym’s offering $50 off for personal training and guarantees results in 2 weeks. Still, I’m sure most birds tend to be in good shape without needing to visit a gym. Yet, I like the gym equipment in this though.

75. If you like old style houses, then this birdhouse with a waterwheel will certainly make your birds feel in another time.

Now this is said to be a watermill cottage with a porch all around. I’m sure the waterwheel is fake in this. But at least this birdhouse doesn’t include a birdbath.

76. At times some of these birdhouses tend to take a turn for the more abstract or moderne.

I’m sure many birds in the architectural world would see this as a masterpiece. Regular birds on the other hand, might see it as utter crap. Still, I think it’s kind of neat as it kind of reminds me of a person looking in.

77. You can always build a birdhouse with even the most minimum materials at hand.

Now I’m sure this was made from an old electrical outlet shield and an erector set. Seems like some birds have already made a nest there, too.

78. This birdhouse, is bound to make a bird feel at home in its natural habitat.

Now while birds might find a birdhouse like this quite attractive, I’m not sure about people in your neighborhood. They might wonder why this birdhouse seems to be covered in twigs.

79. Why build a birdhouse, if you can have a beautiful bird tower?

I wonder if they design birdhouses like that in Asia. I mean this kind of resembles a kind of avian pagoda to me for some reason. Still, I’m sure the birds will love it.

80. When it comes to birdhouses, you can always make the birds feel at home if you cover one with mosaics of some.

Now I’m sure this is a birdhouse even the biggest artistic bird lover would want. Still, I wonder how that person manage to get some of the brightly colored stone tiles. Probably some hardware store like Lowes or Home Depot.

The Wonderful World of Flower Gardens

Posted by historymaniacmegan on May 7, 2015

While it’s popularly know that April showers bring May flowers, you can’t really say that spring has sprung until you see the flowers, which really don’t seem to come up until May. Well, at least as far as the perennials go. Nevertheless, May is basically the time of year when people really pay attention to their gardens whether it be weeding or finding new flowers to plant. Now flower gardens have existed for centuries adorning the lawns of the grand estates and castles. And the Brits almost treat gardening as a state religion since gardening over there is serious business. Sure it was a way for aristocrats to show off their wealth since they had other people taking care of the landscape. Now it’s mostly seen as either a hobby or a chore for ordinary gardeners who love to see flowers adorn their place. My house in particular is covered with ivy because my parents though the brown brick work was ugly. However, most of time, they usually try to plant flowers that can withstand the elements because southwestern Pennsylvania is no paradise. It helps that it rains a lot during the warmer months along with every other month. Let’s just say the precipitation in the area does PennDOT and drivers no favors since summer is basically road season. Anyway, there are some places where the fine art of gardening is taken to an art form. So without further adieu, here are some of unique gardens out there.

1. Looks like someone spilled the flowers.

This is part of the Miracle Garden in Dubai which is one of the largest public gardens in the world as well perhaps runs among the world’s highest water bills. You’ll see a lot of scenes from this place since it’s like a garden theme park.

2. Of course, you may like adorning your house with flowers. But have you ever seen a flower house?

Of course, this is also in Dubai, where greenery like this is expensive as hell to look after. Still, like the lovely cars in the corner.

3. Heard of flower power? I give you flowered owls.

I wonder whoo is responsible for taking care of these? Still, they are quite beautiful and colorful despite being mostly green.

4. If you have an antique car that doesn’t work anymore, may I suggest planting flowers under the hood.

Seems like that old Volkswagen Beetle now has a new life as a flower planter. Of course, I wonder if neighbors still see it as a piece of junk.

5. Go into the forest with Bambi and his friends in the botanical gardens at Walt Disney World.

I’ve actually been to Disney World for a marching band trip in high school. I’m sure this display is in the animal kingdom since that’s certainly not Splash Mountain.

6. When your shitter don’t work anymore, perhaps repurpose your commodes for flowers.

Hey, I’m sure toilets might make okay planters. I mean they’re made from porcelain and have several open containers to them. And in some situations, I’m sure they’ll benefit from some organic fertilizer.

7. Nothing beautifies a flower garden more than putting your flowers in a wheelbarrow.

Now this is a beautiful picture. However, many people with wheelbarrows can’t do this since they actually use them for other things, like yard work.

8. What would a butterfly garden be without a flower butterfly?

Now I’m sure this won’t intimidate butterflies. But if the butterflies come, it might attract collectors who kill them with nail polish remover to put in their collections.

9. If you have a Volkswagen, why not decorate the whole thing with flowers?

For some reason, I can’t help thinking that this car is high on something. And I’m not sure if it’s Miracle Gro.

10. I’ve heard how some hippie vans contain pot plants, but this isn’t what I’ve had in mind.

Behold, the flowery van fit for any flower child. Of course, you probably can’t drive this thing if you wanted to. Might you might get high in it.

11. In the Netherlands, you need a garden park with tulips, just because.

This is from Amsterdam. Not sure if it’s a botanical garden or park because tulips are very big in the Netherlands.

12. Mr. Jolly Green Giant, meet your dream girl.

Of course, she tends to have a lot of flowers in her hair and lives near a waterfall. This is from the botanical gardens in Atlanta.

13. If you like dollhouses, you can make a little garden scene in a pot.

Now this is a quaint scene with a little house, clothes line, swing, and path. But I’m sure the flowers are all regular sized.

14. What giant garden statue woman wouldn’t be without her water birds?

I’m sure this is from a botanical garden in Montreal. I’m sure those birds aren’t native since I don’t remember seeing them from the Audobon book.

15. Of course, you can’t have a flower garden without giant peacocks.

This is from a botanical gardens in Iran from what I can see. Nevertheless, these peacocks wouldn’t have colors like that in the wild.

16. If you like flowers, why not have them on a canvas?

This is from the Bellagio Botanical Gardens in Las Vegas. Or as I called it, “the only place in Vegas that’s worth visiting.” Seriously, that’s a work of art there.

17. If you can’t use that old bright color chair anymore, perhaps put a flower pot in it.

Not sure if the pot and chair were spray painted or not. Either way, the flowers are certainly pretty.

18. Want blue flowers in your path? Try this.

Now this garden only consists of daffodils, tulips, and violets. Still, a rather beautiful sight if you think about it.

19. Of course, all garden plots should be bordered by hedges.

However, you can’t make the shrubbery grow too much. And I’m sure this set up sets a low limit. Still, it’s quite pretty.

20. When it’s spring, the trees in the garden have to have different color leaves and flowers.

Now this is from a botanical garden in Canada, possibly in the Pacific Northwest. This picture was probably taken during the early spring but it’s quite a stunning sight.

21. Got tin cans, why not use them as flower pots?

Sure cans might make good flower pots but I’m positive that size does matter in this case. Seriously, you’re better off using a coffee can than a soup one. And I’m sure these fall among the latter.

22. I give you a flower sculpture of a lizard in a tree.

This is from the botanical garden in Montreal. Forget what kind of lizard this is but I’m sure it’s natural habitat is the rain forests of South America. Definitely not an iguana because those are bigger and are vegetarians. This one eats bugs.

23. Speaking of reptiles, there’s a giant snake in this garden.

This is a flower sculpture of a cobra at a botanical garden in Atlanta. Nevertheless, while snakes are best avoided, they tend to be a necessary evil when it comes to gardening, especially when it comes to vegetables. Seriously, they eat the critters who would munch on your peonies any day of the week.

24. For small garden scenes, you might want to go with bonsai trees.

At first you might think it’s a little house in the country. That is, until you see that the entire scene is in a large pot.

25. Sometimes planting in a giant teacup can do your garden wonders.

And it seems that this giant cup is overflowing with flora. Not sure where this is located for there’s another one in the background.

26. Wonder how to stop that faucet from running. Wonder where the water comes from.

Yeah, I was asking how that faucet seems to appear out of nowhere. Then again, it probably has pipes hiding in the bushes.

27. Now that’s what I call a butterfly garden.

Sure you’ve heard of butterfly gardens. But have you ever heard of a garden shaped like a butterfly? Seriously, this is pretty cool.

28. Now this garden set up is so intricate and wild that you’d swear the landscapers were on acid.

Again, this is the Miracle Garden in Dubai known for it’s bizarre landscaping and very high water bills. Seriously, it seems like the kind of garden you’d see at a Dr. Seuss theme park, on steroids. Hey, at least I’m not showing the city’s architecture.

29. For those with a lot of flat tires lying around, why don’t you just paint them and use them for planters?

Now this seems to be a great DIY garden idea. However, I’m not sure about the chickens being in there. They seem to detract from the beauty.

30. This garden is so green that even the roofs have grass on them.

Now this is from the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens, which seems to have more flowers than you’d expect a place so far north. Still, not sure if it inspires anything from Stephen King.

31. Of course, if you want a fairy garden scene but have little space, may I suggest making one in your old bathtub.

Now this seems like a perfect place for a pixie with cobblestone walks and a cute little house at the end. Maybe we need to use old bathtubs for planters more often.

32. And here’s an even more intricate flower house with even brighter colors.

This is also from Dubai’s Miracle Garden, by the way. Yes, I’m sure admission there isn’t cheap by any means. Seriously, wonder how much money goes into their water bills since somebody has to pay for that.

33. Of course, this garden sculpture is inspired by a tale as old as time.

I’m sure this one is from EPCOT since it has the international towns. This one is France. Nevertheless, I guess the yellow flowers either died or haven’t come into bloom yet.

34. Now this flower garden shows the Circle of Life.

This is certainly from Disney but I’m not sure where. Still, I’m not sure if this scene perfectly captures Mufasa. But I’m sure Lion King fans everywhere would enjoy this.

35. Now this broken down car demonstrates the ultimate flower power here.

Now not only are there flowers in both the trunk and the hood, but the whole care is decorated with them as well. Talk about repressed gardener/art major here.

36. Seems like this bush is crying lots of flowery tears.

Either this was done by professionals or a repressed landscaper with too much time on their hands. Either way, it’s incredibly stunning and beyond my expertise.

37. Anything can be used for a flower pot, you just have to use your imagination.

I’m not sure about planting flowers in a toaster or shoes. Then again, hope nobody plugs the toaster in, especially during a thunderstorm.

38. Sometimes garden designs can be quite standard and sometimes very intricate.

Now this is from a botanical garden from Sri Lanka. And I’m sure that design pertains to something from their culture. Not sure what it’s supposed to be though.

39. Now this gardener seems to water the plants 24/7. Wonder why.

Oh, that’s a gardener flower statue. Now that’s interesting. Guess he doesn’t get around much.

40. You’ve heard of a flower bed. Well, wait until you see this.

Now this one takes the concept of “flower bed” a bit more literally than most. Of course, it uses an actual metal bed.

41. Of course, you can always have your flower bed with canopy.

Now this is the kind of flower bed I’m talking about. Love the flowers of it and the vines. But please, no critters.

42. At botanical gardens, you’ll always need a floral clock.

This is from a botanical garden place in Fort Worth. And yes, floral clocks can be quite big. They have to be.

43. Of course, nothing makes a flower garden more worthwhile than garden pandas.

Now I’m sure this is the only pair of adult pandas nobody has tried to mate. Mostly because they’re made from foliage. Still cute, though.

44. While canopies have been a main stay in flower gardens, hardly any contains as many umbrellas as this one.

Again, this is in the Miracle Garden in Dubai where the water bills are sky high. Still, it’s amazing how they got the umbrellas to stand like that.

45. This statue of Mother Nature has animals coming right out of her hand.

Yes, she has deer in one hand and an eagle in the other as horses run near the fountain. By the way, this is in Montreal.

46. Like a cauldron boiling over in your garden?

Yes, that’s only moss in the pot. And those are only flowers posing as flames. But it’s still pretty cool though.

47. Of course, some of us would rather have our flowers in a Grecian urn.

Now I’ve seen this in a lot of gardens and you can get it in a store. But these flowers sure are pretty though.

48. Hey, I didn’t know they built Stonehenge in the jungle. Thought it was just a European thing.

This is in a public botanical garden in Thailand. The Stonehenge is just a replica. Sorry, Ancient Alien conspiracy theorists (a. k. a. idiots).

49. If you need another planter, perhaps try your old bathtub.

Well, at least a tub somehow makes a great place for planting flowers. Still, love the selection in there.

50. Who knew you could plant flowers in your rubber boots?

I bet these are old rubber boots that no longer fit. And they don’t have much flowers on them. Still, they’ll go in the post.

51. To go with your flower bed, may I suggest a flower vanity?

I’m sure you can’t put clothes in this. But flowers it will do. Hope the rain doesn’t take the paint off.

52. What to do with that old log laying around? I know, plant flowers in it!

Now I think there’s a log like this in my yard. Wonder if I should ask my dad to hollow it out so my mom can plant flowers in it. Of course, he’d probably refuse.

53. Of course, you have to have flower baskets on your tricycle.

Now this is quite a garden party addition. Still, love the morning glories in the baskets.

54. Need a planter? Split barrels.

I’m sure these are pre made since they look kind of fake. Besides, nobody uses wooden barrels anymore. Nevertheless, these flowers are pretty.

55. When it comes to botanical gardens, many seem to be fit for a large palace.

Now this garden is from a large estate in France. And let me say, it’s freaking huge. Still, must have an army of pruners somewhere.

56. In many of these large botanical gardens, it’s sometimes customary to have a maze.

Now I’d really hate to get lost in that. Not sure where this one came from but the foliage is stunning.

57. Heard of a flower bed? Now here’s a flower piano.

Sure it’s a bit water logged and won’t play a note. But at least the flowers and waterfall are pretty.

58. Looks like someone spilled the purple flowers. I wonder who that may be.

From the Images: “Waterfall blue lobelia – No other blue flower can match the intensity of Waterfall Blue lobelia, a perfect floral imitation of water flowing from the pot. Riverdene Gold Mexican Heather gives a lime green color around the container, and Rustic Orange coleus in behind looks good with the heather and the intense blue of the lobelia.” Man, and I thought I said too much sometimes.

59. For those who don’t have a log cabin in the woods, this garden miniature is for you.

Of course, the water is made from blue stones you might get at a craft store. But everything else seems to be derived from organic material. Man, I wonder how they make these things.

60. Sometimes you just need a garden to match your patio.

Now this is a miniature garden containing a small patio with scooters. Still, it’s quite creative and probably made by someone with too much time on their hands.

61. This flower bed is said to be the place to dream.

Of course, you’d probably wouldn’t want to be caught sleeping in it. Or else, they’d probably kick you off their property. Still, it’s a fitting naturalistic approach to bedrooms.

62. Seems like the flowers have taken over the shed in this garden.

Now this may be small but it’s especially breathtaking. Of course, it helps that the flowers are purple in this case.

63. Looks like somebody messed with the wrong Viking.

Now I’m sure this is something from Norse Mythology or Wagner opera. Still, I’m sure the Vikings didn’t have antlers on their helmets. Well, at least they don’t have horns though.

64. I’m sure this stretch is for cyclists only.

Then again, I’m sure bikes wouldn’t be allowed either. Still, I like the daisies on this though.

65. Have an old rickety boat? Plant flowers in it.

Let’s hope this boat isn’t being used for a Viking funeral. Sure would hate to see the flowers engulfed in a fiery blaze on the water.

66. May I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Barrelpot.

Yes, these have flowers in them as well as umbrellas on top. But these are so cute.

67. On this Beetle, the flowers run wild like the hippies who already have a cabin in the woods.

Now this Beetle is way groovier than the other couple I have on this post. Of course, you probably can’t drive in it though.

68. If you have any broken flower pots, create your own fairy pumpkin scene.

Now I’m sure the flowers aren’t real but the foliage is. However, it’s a perfect abode for small fairies, isn’t it?

69. When it comes to flower boats, some are fancier than others.

This is from a botanical garden in India and is quite large. Still, you have to love the pink and white stripes on this.

70. Now this peacock certainly has a purple train of feathers.

Now I know peacocks are male and don’t have tail colors like this. Nevertheless, these flowers are beautiful for this garden.

71. In the botanical garden scheme, sometimes they can come in all kinds of patterns.

This is from a botanical garden in Madeira which is in the Mediterranean. Still, quite lovely but I’m not sure about the colors.

72. When it comes to flowers, sometimes you’d find them in violins.

Of course, this isn’t a real violin. But I’m sure the flowers are beautiful in this planter.

73. In butterfly gardens, the flower butterflies can come in all shapes and sizes.

I’m not sure where this is from. But I love the flowers on this, especially the purple ones.

74. I’m sure these peabirds would get along fine.

Now I think this is from an indoor botanical garden. But I hope the lighter one is a peahen and not a peacock, not that there’s anything wrong with it. But it’s just that, well, never mind. It’s just it would be very awkward if one of them should be queen.

75. When it comes to flower boats, some can run quite wild.

Now I’m sure this rickety wooden boat isn’t good for the water. But that doesn’t mean you can throw it away if you can still plant flowers in it.

76. Another great planter for flowers is a little red wagon. Also great for transporting flowers, too.

Now I’m not sure whether the red wagon should be used for this. Nevertheless, the flowers are quite pretty to say the least.

77. You heard about planting flowers in a wheelbarrow. How about flowers in a wooden cart?

Now I’m sure the cart was painting and isn’t pulled by a horse. But the flowers are quite gorgeous in it.

78. When it comes to gardens, I’m sure nothing can flowers can make a purple hear.

Of course, this is probably in a botanical garden and erected from the ground. But it’s nonetheless beautiful, especially since it’s purple.

79. Of course, you can always put your flowers in a worn out baby grand piano.

I’m sure the lid provides these beauties with ample shade. I’m sure they are quite lovely in the sun just the same.

80. Wooden buckets make great flower pots, especially if you want to plant a lot of them in the same spot.

Of course, you can buy these large wooden buckets at any hardware or department store like Wal Mart or K Mart. Nevertheless, these flowers are quite beautiful in them.

The Enchanting Winter Wonderland of Ice Sculpture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 12, 2014

There’s so much to be said about ice sculpture. Pieces can range from abstract to realistic as well as from functional to decorative. Yet, the temperature of a snow sculpture’s environment often indicates how long it will last since many are used for special and/or extravagant events, like weddings for instance. In places like Florida or Mexico, an ice sculpture has a very short shelf life even in an air conditioned room. In places like northern Alaska or Siberia, ice sculptures could last for months. Yet, like in snow sculpture festivals and winter carnivals, you’re likely to see a lot of ice sculptures as well. Yet, unlike the snow sculptures in my previous post, sculptures of ice could be smaller and made indoors. Still, many of them are relics of winter beauty and has a great popular following. Some of these sculptures will range from the highly creative, to pop culture stuff, and other motifs as well as come in most shapes and sizes and all over the world. So without further adieu, here is a treasury of ice sculpture which I hope you’d like to see.

1. Hey, I didn’t know there was an ice sculpture of Buckbeak!

Of course, whenever you encounter a Hippogriff, treat it with respect and courtesy or it will bit you. Remember what happened to Draco Malfoy in the 3rd Harry Potter book. Of course, biting that brat almost got Buckbeak killed.

2. Of course, this ice sculpture could always make any occasion look presidential.

Of course, I think the White House may have claim on this one. Using this for your banquet might get you arrested by the Secret Service. Just saying.

3. For all you bug lovers, how about an ice sculpture of a praying mantis?

Just so you know, remember that it’s well known that after two praying manti mate, the female cuts her guy’s head off and devours him. You might want to take that into account.

4. Add a touch of Paris to your ice sculpture festival with this Effiel Tower sculpture.

Now according to this picture, I’m sure this wasn’t carved from just a single block of ice. Also, must be quite huge.

5. Relive the magic of King Kong with this movie tribute ice sculpture.

Sure he’s a giant gorilla from Skull Island who abducted a blond girl he took to the Empire State Building. Yet, it would be the beauty that would kill this beast, not the airplanes.

6. For the American Patriot, here’s an ice sculpture of the American Bald Eagle.

Of course, this is the bald Eagle symbol you see on the Great Seal of the United States, which is the nation's national coat of arms.

Of course, this is the bald Eagle symbol you see on the Seal of the President of the United States, which is the nation’s national coat of arms. So looks like the White House has dibs on that one, too.

7. It’s a horse? It’s a mermaid? No, guys, it’s a hippocampus.

Now a hippocampus is a water mythological creature of a cross between a horse and a fish. Basically a horse mermaid. And a couple of them were used to pull Poseidon’s chariot under the sea.

8. Nothing brings out the graceful beauty of the sea in ice sculpture of flying fish.

Yes, these are flying fish and they do exist. However, they don’t actually “fly” but jump long distances from the water that enable it to glide. They usually do this to avoid predators.

9. Of course, in the Disney movies, Aladdin never had a friend like the Genie.

R. I. P. Robin Williams, you will be missed. Still, I’m not sure if this ice sculpture portrays the Genie in a good light. Kind of creepy looking if you ask me.

10. Now this is a cute ice sculpture than WALL-E and EVE.

Never has a love story between robots has been captured so memorably in this ice sculpture post as the one in the movie WALL-E.

11. Now that’s a mighty big lit up ice boat.

Now from the look of it, I wonder if the lights are meant to represent sails or ropes. I mean it’s very hard to tell whether it’s a Chinese junk or a Spanish Galleon. Perhaps an expert from the Age of Sail could help me.

12. Nothing makes a better fire than an ice fire.

Of course put this ice fire under a real fire and it will be reduced to a puddle of water.

13. I now give you an ice sculpture of an Asian woman and her large fan.

I have to admit, this is one spectacular work of art. However, this is probably a Chinese sculpture since this picture might’ve been taken during the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival.

14. Of course, this ice angel is totally chilling.

Of course, I hope this angel is careful when making a “V” sign. Doing it with fingers exposed really offends the Brits. Yet, I’m sure he or she didn’t mean to offend.

15. Might want to feast your eyes on these Pittsburgh Penguins this hockey season.

Yes, these are penguins, and yes, they are in Pittsburgh. Got any problem with that. Still, adorable.

Yes, these are penguins, and yes, they are in Pittsburgh. Got any problem with that? Still, if I posted one of Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, or Chris Letang, it wouldn’t turn out so well.

16. May I present to you an ice sculpture of a phoenix or firebird.

Sure it may look like a firerbird, but to me it kind of resembles a frozen waterbird. Seriously, the thing would melt if you put it near fire.

17. The lone wolf stands as a leader of the pack.

Of course, the Alpha Male and Female are usually the only two wolves in the pack who mate. Not to mention, most of the wolves in the pack are usually siblings.

18. Heard of an ice castle? Well, here’s an ice cathedral.

Of course, I’m sure this isn’t a real ice church but I’m not sure what building this was modeled on. Still, it’s a very colorful display as if it was made entirely of stained glass windows.

19. May I present to you, Disney’s Cinderella’s Castle on ice

Of course you would never be able to have an ice sculpture of Cinderella’s Castle at the real Disney World near Orlando, Florida. Still, it’s pretty spectacular.

20. Relive the glory of Ancient Egypt with this ice sculpture of the Great Sphnix.

Funny, I don’t remember the ancient Egyptians ever using ice or knowing anything about refrigeration. So whether they could’ve carved ice sculptures just seems impossible.

21. Of course, I couldn’t do a post on ice sculpture without including a swan.

Still, whenever you see an ice sculpture in popular media how often do you think it’s going to be of a swan? Then again, do you think any couple getting married would want to go with an ice sculpture of two praying manti?

22. Now I can’t do a post of ice sculptures without including one of a snowflake.

Of course, this is basically a frozen water sculpture depicting a small piece of frozen precipitation. Not to get technical here if you know what I mean.

23. How would you like a frozen Blackberry?

Of course, you’ll have to worry about your thumbs getting stuck to it as you try to text your buddies. Also, doesn’t work like a real Blackberry.

24. Nothing brings the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival to life like a neon lighted ice gazebo and ledge.

No, this wasn’t made from yellow snow. They actually light up these at night to bring color to them. Get your mind out of the gutter.

25. Seems like this bear and fox are sharing a thermos.

Fox: “Whats in that?”
Bear: “I don’t know but it’s some sort of funny smelling brown water that tastes kind of strange. Wanna try?”

26. Experience the 1925 Serum Run with this ice sculpture of Balto’s Charge.

Now for those who’ve seen the cartoon film Balto as a child: while doing my movie history research, I found that the real story of Balto is very different from the film. For one, he was only the last lead dog on the 1925 Serum Run which wasn’t a race at all. Second, Balto was a purebred and trained husky who had been neutered at a young age (so this means he never had any pups). And third, well, he ended up dying in the Cleveland Zoo after spending a couple miserable years on the vaudeville circuit.

27. Let this beautiful ice eagle soar.

When pertaining to works of art, why is it that I tend to gravitate toward predators like birds of prey? Must be how majestically they look in the air.

28. On this Christmas season, why don’t you take a seat on this icy one horse open sleigh?

Of course, this may be a better place for a Christmas photo op with your sweetheart or family than an actual ride. Seriously, ice horses don’t go anywhere.

29. Grace your winter party with his lovely ice Christmas tree.

Now I’m not sure if red is a good color to illuminate this Christmas tree. Kind of looks tacky. But this little tree is so lovely.

30. “Move along, Storm Trooper, because these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Yes, as they have a Star Wars rendition for everything, so shall I post an ice sculpture display of C3PO and R2 D2.

31. Of course, for a day in the snow, you’d always need a place to relax like this comfy chair.

Then again, sitting on a chair of ice isn’t really a comfortable way to relax. Also you might get stuck on it, especially if you try to lick it with your tongue.

32. No ice sculpture post is complete without one of the US Capitol Building or so I think.

Now if only I could get Congress to hold session in this building instead. Of course, this place may offer accommodations that are way too luxurious for the likes of them.

33. “Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot!”

“On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.”

34. Of course, since there are snow and ice festivals in Asia, I can’t forget one of the Buddha.

It’s said that Buddhist monks gather at a Buddha ice sculpture and watch it gradually melt as a reminder for their own mortality.

35. See this ice sculpture as a reminder of why there is a deer hunting season in Pennsylvania.

Of course, we need to remember that during the rut, these two bucks are just fighting over the girls. Meanwhile, the skinny buck in the distance just scored with the doe in question.

36. As this ice sculpture implies, tonight we’re having swordfish for dinner.

Of course, if you don’t see an ice sculpture of a swan in movies, it’s either of doves or this. Yet, this would’ve made guessing the password on Horse Feathers much easier.

37. Now here is a great ice sculpture of a World War I flying ace.

My mistake, that’s actually Snoopy as a WWI flying ace on his dog house. Of course, he’ll never shoot down the Red Baron.

38. Of course, the ice ship has anchored.

Of course, this is an ice sculpture of an anchor, perhaps for some party at some ice ship or something.

39. Of course, while there’s heavy metal, there’s a chilling ice electric guitar.

This is a nice guitar and amplifier but I doubt that you’d want to play with it. Of course, it will melt if you put it near fire.

40. Relive the glory of Ancient Rome on ice with this Roman Coliseum ice sculpture.

Now if only they held gladiator matches in them with the fighters wearing ice skates. Then again, I don’t think I’d want to see that but I know the Romans would totally want to see it.

41. For you wild hogs out there, check out this ice Harley Davison motorcycle.

Of course, I don’t know whether ice sculptures go well with motorcycle fans. Then again, they’d probably approve of this.

42. Now this technicolor ice palace is sensational.

I don’t know about you but I kind of see the Harbin Snow and Ice Festival as China’s version Disney World on Ice in a very literal sense.

43. Now feast your eyes on this lovely icy peacock.

Of course, you’ve never seen a see through icy peacock like this. Still, rather spectacular and lovely.

44. Go to your winter formal with this stylish ice coach.

Of course, this coach wasn’t magically created from a pumpkin, but I’m not sure if you want to go to the ball in it either.

45. To commemorate the birth of our Savior, here’s a nice ice sculpture nativity scene.

Of course, this might be a great one to have outside a church during the Christmas season. Still, very lovely and beautiful.

46. I’m sure this amusement park ice sculpture is bound to put a smile on anyone’s face.

Then again, this might be an ice sculpture of London during a carnival time. I mean some of them tend to resemble buildings you see there, especially the one that looks like a giant Faberge egg.

47. From 19th century Paris, we have Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker statue.

Of course, if you want to get situated with Midnight in Paris, remember that Rose was the wife and Camille was his mistress. And he loved both.

48. I call this ice sculpture: A Tribute to New York City.

Now I think this ice sculpture was made for some sort of event or something. Still, all of it seems to be lit in pink for some reason.

49. Experience the beauty of Italy with this Leaning Tower of Pisa ice sculpture.

Of course, if you remove the parasol and expose it to the sun, it will melt. Still, it’s a very beautiful sculpture.

50. Hope this ice Statue of Liberty can light the way into your life.

Of course, they use the Statue of Liberty for almost every art medium since its such a icon and symbol of New York City.

51. I bring you the Ice Tiger.

There’s something magical about this lovely ice sculpture tiger in the snow. Of course, tigers are very majestic and beautiful creatures nevertheless.

52. No post on ice sculptures would be complete without one of the RMS Titanic.

Of course, the fact the Titanic sank after hitting an iceberg adds further to the irony. Still, I have to admit it’s a beautiful piece.

53. Never has there been an ice sculpture in 65 million years as one of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I’m not sure if there was any ice in the Cretaceous period, but this sculpture is totally awesome.

54. This movie camera ice sculpture also holds beers.

Of course, I posted this sculpture because I’m a real movie buff and TCM fan. As for beer, I don’t touch the stuff.

55. For your Stanley Cup winning NHL team, celebrate your victory with this ice sculpture.

Now if only the Pens could win another Stanley Cup Championship can we see such lovely ice sculpture at the Consol Energy Center.

56. Don’t look now but I think we may have an ice chess whiz on our hands.

Of course, I’m not sure whether I could tell which side is black and which side is white from this perspective. Still, this looks pretty awesome.

57. Now here’s a great ice sculpture of a fish skeleton.

Sure this may be the kind of ice sculpture to traumatize your kids with. But, hey, doesn’t it look cool?

58. Don’t look now, but I think we may have an ice city on our hands.

Of course, this is Harbin during its snow and ice festival. And, yes, the ice buildings are lit up like that for the night display. Spectacular isn’t it?

59. Now I would love to see this angel blow his horn for me any day.

Of course, I don’t mind that he’s showing his abs or so it seems. Still, I love how it’s lit up to be purple.

60. Of course, whoever heard of an ice ship in a bottle?

I don’t know about you, but do you ever wonder how they managed to pull this off? I do. Seriously, I don’t know how the ship got into the bottle in the first place.

For more: http://photobucket.com/images/ice%20sculpture?page=1

The Enchanting Winter Wonderland of Snow Sculpture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 9, 2014

Of course, snowmen aren’t the only thing you can make from snow during the winter. If you love to play in the snow and are a talented artist there’s snow sculpture which is comparable to sand sculpture which I’ve done in the past and ice sculpture which I’ll do next. Sometimes it’s seen as performance art and sometimes it’s not. Yet, whatever you think about it, a lot of snow sculptures will produce works of white winter beauties for international contests you’d see in the US, Canada, China, Russia, France, Poland, and Japan, which are usually held in January and February. Tools often include saws, shovels, and hatchets and sometimes such works are carved from large blocks of snow about 6 to 15 feet and weighing about 20-30 tons. The snow could either be produced naturally or through 7 Springs technology but it’s densely packed for obvious reasons. In this post, you’ll see many lovely snow sculptures that will astound you beyond your wildest dreams. So without further adieu, here are some of the lovely snow sculptures from this enchanting winter wonderland.

1. Check out this artistic rendition of a white fox in its natural habitat.

Of course, this may not be a realistic representation but it’s sure cute if you know what I mean.

2. How would you like to spend a winter in this snow cabin?

I’d sure hate to be the guy at that place when the snow starts thawing or during a blizzard. Also, hope the snow doesn’t cause a roof cave in.

3. Nothing captures the exotic beauty of India than a snow sculpture of the Taj Mahal.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about India knows creating such a sculpture like this wouldn’t be possible in that country. Well, save maybe the Himalaya Mountains, but you don’t want to go there.

4. Funny, I always thought wolves usually howled at the moon at night.

Then again, this sculpture certainly looks like a wolf down to its very detail. I wonder how that’s even possible.

5. As Shakespeare said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

However, while this snow rose is quite beautiful and graceful in the winter landscape, it’s also so freaking huge if you know what I mean.

6. Of course, you can’t have a snow and ice contest in China without a snow sculpture of Confucius.

I mean no Chinese philosopher has influenced China and its people more than this guy has. In fact, for a long time in China, you had to study his Analects and the commentaries just to pass a civil service test.

7. Of course, I couldn’t do a post on snow sculpture without including Hans Christen Andersen’s Snow Queen.

Contrary to popular belief while Frozen was inspired by the Snow Queen, it’s not necessarily based on it. Also, the Snow Queen’s name isn’t Elsa and she doesn’t have a troubled relationship with her sister. Nor does she cause eternal winter to her kingdom while singing, “Let It Go.”

8. This bear seems to have an avid interest in film making.

Of course, I don’t think he’s as interested in cinema as you’d like to think he is. I think he suspects that this camera contains food and it will be completely ruined when its human owner comes back.

9. Of course, being the Christmas season, I’ll have to include a snow sculpture of ol’ Saint Nick.

Just try sitting on that guy’s lap and telling him what you’d want for Christmas. Then again, it’s probably better if you sit on this Santa’s hand.

10. “He’s got the whole world in His hand?”

Well, it may seem like a cartoonified globe but still, I wonder how its artist manage to hollow the sculpture out as much as they did. Also, how didn’t this sculpture collapse? Guess snow is that compacted.

11. You’ve heard of a sand castle? Well, here’s a snow castle.

Now this castle snow sculpture just about puts Queen Elsa to shame. That is, if this castle were actually life sized and built as an actual castle. Still, very spectacular.

12. While we’re on the subject of snow castles, here’s a snow replica of Germany’s fairy tale Neuschwanstein Castle.

Of course, this castle’s construction wouldn’t be possible without the delusional madness of King Ludwig of Bavaria. Sure this project bankrupted Bavaria yet it’s now a popular tourist destination in Germany today.

13. Seems like this shark has a dental appointment with the Flash or some other superhero. It’s hard to tell at this angle.

Still, I’ll take a moment here to remind kids to never ever stick their hand in a shark’s mouth. Seriously, don’t ever try this at home if you have any common sense.

14. If it’s winter, why go on a vacation to Easter Island if you can have Moai in your front yard?

Of course, we know how these Moai came to this neighborhood. And I’m sure people on Easter Island can’t make their own Moai from snow because they don’t get any.

15. Of course, I couldn’t forget a snow sculpture of the minions from Despicable Me.

Of course, minons make rather easy snow sculptures and they’re in color, too. Still, these are minions nobody could ever resist. Who ever thought we’d think of these cute little guys when we mention “minions”?

16. Whether it be in rain, snow, sleet, or hail, you’ll always see Snoopy sleeping on his doghouse.

Of course, I always wonder why Snoopy prefers to sleep on his doghouse while he can certainly sleep inside. Then again, he may use his doghouse for office space, but still.

17. Nothing can please a Thai more royally than a snow replica of Bangkok’s Chakri Maha Prasat in the Grand Palace Complex.

Of course, while Bangkok is a city known for many things, it sure does know how to make a lot of money. Still, while this sculpture is impressive, please don’t have it’s viewing set to the Oscar & Hammerstein musical The King and I, because it didn’t get a good reception in Thailand. In fact, the Thais had it banned.

18. Who can forget this snow sculpture of the Grimm Brother’s famous fairy tale, “The Frog Prince?”

Of course, the Grimm’s “The Frog Prince” has one of the most unfortunate morals in fairy tales which goes like, “Ladies, if a guy does something nice for you, you owe him sex.” Let’s just say that the Disney version was much better.

19. Winter is the season when you see birds visit the birdhouse for the birdseed, especially the cardinal.

Neither does it stop the woodland rodents from trying to get to the birdseed either. Then again, there are some squirrel species that also eat birds.

Yet, this doesn’t stop the woodland rodents from trying to get to the birdseed either. Then again, there are some squirrel species that also eat birds.

20. Never underestimate the appeal China has for their dragons.

I’m sure this sculpture is a rendition of a Chinese folktale and not a Chinese retelling of J. R. R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit. After all, Asian dragons are seen as wise and powerful sages that help the heroes, which is very different from the Western tradition.

21. How about a snow sculpture of the Brussels Stock Exchange?

This building doesn’t really have a distinct name but the BSE was founded by Napoleon Bonaparte in 1801. Still, the Belgians call this place the Bouers.

22. Now here’s a snow sculpture of an eagle in its natural habitat.

I’m not sure if that’s a bald eagle (though it probably is) or whether the fish is a salmon. Still, looks very cool though and that eagle sure looks menacing.

23. Relive the grandeur of the Chinese Empire with a snow sculpture of Beijing’s Forbidden Palace.

I’m sure I posted a similar picture in my movie history post about China. I swear it was from The Last Emperor, which was about the life of Emperor Puyi.

24. What would winter be without a snow sculpture of polar bears and penguins?

Now that’s a cute sculpture but very much misplaced wildlife. I mean polar bears and penguins are only seen together in zoos and not in the same enclosure. Because that would be bad for the penguin.

25. Witness the glory of Ancient Athens with the famous Parthenon, which was the temple of Athena.

Of course, the real Parthenon isn’t anywhere near as stunning as this one is. Mostly because the real one has fallen to centuries of decline and ruin.

26. Now this is an interesting geometric design here. Looks like some sort of flower.

What astounds me most about this snow sculpture is how this artist got it to stand like that. Not only that but its design seems very delicate and graceful.

27. All aboard on the Polar Express.

Don’t worry this isn’t the train from the scary Christmas movie with Tom Hanks. Still, reminds me of an older model of a Coors Light Train.

28. Aww, cute a dad with his little kid in their snow suit.

Now you got to love this statue. However, at least this little kid won’t end up like Ralphie’s brother in A Christmas Story who couldn’t move his arms in his.

29. Only a snow sculpture like this could bring us into a prehistoric world of dinosaurs.

While making a snow sculpture of dinosaurs is okay, just make sure that they don’t come to life. You don’t want to live through a Jurassic Park situation.

30. Now here’s a nice little snow sculpture of a squirrel gathering nuts.

Of course, I really don’t understand why these acorns have faces. Not only that, but I’m puzzled on why the one the squirrel is holding smiling.

31. You never thought such flying horses could be so graceful in the snow.

Of course, these horses are just incredibly huge and you wouldn’t want to ride on them. Still, these are quite cool if you know what I mean.

32. Don’t look at this snow sculpture in the eye or else she’d turn you into stone.

You should know that this is a depiction of Medusa, you know one of the Gorgons. Still, she does have a haunting look, doesn’t she? Yet, she ain’t ugly if you know what I mean.

33. Nothing represents American pride more at a snow sculpture contest than one of Lady Liberty herself.

Yes, this is Lady Liberty as a snow sculpture and notice that she seems to look lovely today, especially with her blue eyes.

34. If you want to glorify Spanish modernist architecture, perhaps the Barcelona’s Church of the Sagrada Familia would do quite nicely.

Now I’m sure the Spanish wouldn’t be able to do a snow sculpture like this in their country. Still, a very spectacular piece if you know what I mean.

35. Now this polar bear is so adorable for your front lawn.

Now I know that polar bears no not creatures you’d want to cuddle with but this little cub is so huggable I want to take it home and name it Nappy.

36. In this snow sculpture, if there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call?

Now this is a perfect tribute for Ghostbusters, especially with the depiction of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Wonder if Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd have seen this.

37. Nothing brings glory to Mother Russia like a snow sculpture of Moscow’s Saint Basil’s Cathedral.

Ironically, while there’s a lot of snow in Russia, this cathedral replica is at a snow sculpture contest in China. Yet, it’s said that Ivan the Terrible thought Saint Basil’s was so beautiful that he had the architect’s eyes gouged out so he wouldn’t build another one like it.

38. Of course, you can’t have a post on snow sculpture without including a frosty rendition of Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.

Now could anyone say that this is a masterpiece? All I know is that Leonardo probably couldn’t make a Mona Lisa out of snow back in Florence.

39. Now that is one wild hog there.

Hey, you never saw a pig on a motorcycle before? Of course, I’m sure there are some porkers who were born for the open road.

40. Didn’t know a Totem pole can come to life did you?

Of course, I wonder how these two faces ever get along with one another. I mean the totem creatures need to know how to live together in harmony some way.

41. Admire the splendor of this medieval Japanese castle.

Yes, Japan has medieval castles, which were built by the daimyo warlords during their period of upheaval. They may not look like the ones you see in Europe but they’re castles nonetheless.

42. Of course, you can’t have a snow sculpture contest without one of a giant rubber duck.

While we didn’t have the snow sculpture edition in Pittsburgh, we had the rubber duck for the summer. It attracted a million visitors to the city.

43. If you like sea creatures, feast your eyes on this nautilus snow sculpture.

Now what astounds me more about this is how it’s able to stand up and retain its shape. Still, it’s pretty cool if you know what I mean.

44. For those familiar with Pixar animation, here’s a snow sculpture of Nemo.

Of course, if Finding Nemo had been honest about the biology of clown fishes, you may not want to watch it. Seriously, it’s disturbing.

45. Now here’s a snow sculpture of Inuits rescuing their distressed friends on an ice flow.

Now I would’ve called these people “Eskimos” but many of the Indians in the Arctic region think it’s derogatory for some reason. Still, it’s a very amazing sculpture in Quebec.

46. Of course, it’s easier to make a card house from snow than actual playing cards.

Now I’m sure you couldn’t do that in your hometown if you live in Florida. Still, this is pretty amazing if you know what I mean.

47. Of course, you can’t leave Japan from a snow sculpture festival without including Hello Kitty.

I don’t know about you but I need to say that Hello Kitty isn’t actually a cat the same way that Gromit isn’t actually a dog. Still, Hello Kitty is certainly a Japanese icon in her own right though.

48. “Hello, kids, sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.”

Even in the enchanting world of snow sculpture could you have a Santa Claus that can also haunt your dreams.

49. Let’s just say that some snow sculptures have the power of turning you to the Dark Side of the Force.

Still, you have to like how they used a lightsaber for Darth Vader to hold while he’s standing next to the ornery R2 D2. Seems they have Star Wars depictions for everything.

50. Admire the grandeur of Chinese architecture with this snow sculpture of Beijing’s Temple of Heaven.

Now this Temple of Heaven is from an ice sculpture festival in Sappharo, Japan which is on the island of Hokkaido. Well, it’s not an exact replica but it will do since the one in China has much more crap on it. Still, the Chinese idea of “Heaven” is also very different from the one in the Christian tradition.

51. Of course, you can’t have a snow festival in Asia without including a snow sculpture of the Buddha.

Of course, this is also at the Sappharo Snow Festival in Japan. Not to mention, that tall building is perhaps the once reigning tallest building in the world Taipei 101 from Taiwan. This was probably done for China or the country China considers part of its territory.

52. You’ve heard of the Sphnix, right? Well, here’s a snowy rendition of this you won’t find in Egypt.

Of course, unlike the one in Egypt, this one has yet to lose its nose to erosion. Still, unlike the ones in Greek mythology, Egyptian Sphinxes are undeniably male.

53. Only in the world of snow can you see a giant white ballerina.

Now I think this might be taken from the Tchaikovsky ballet of Swan Lake since she’s dressed with wings in a tutu. Yet, despite its popularity in Russia, ballet is actually more of a French dance. I mean it has French dance terms.

54. Looks like we have a snow Trojan horse if there ever was one.

Note, if your enemy gives you a giant horse like this as an attempt to bury the hatchet, you might want to refuse. I mean, it’s always said to beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

55. Allow me to introduce you to a dog that sings the blues.

Of course, when you tell it to play dead, it tends to sing, “Riding that train, High on cocaine,…..” You get the idea.

56. Now nothing represents Great Britain in a snow sculpture festival than a rendition of London’s Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

Now this 17th century building was designed by Christopher Wren after the Great Fire of London. It has such an important stature in Britain that all London buildings must not obscure people from seeing it.

57. Nothing glorifies the splendor of Malaysia than a snow sculpture rendition of Kuala Lumpur’s Sultan Abdul Samad building.

It was at this building where Malaysia’s first flag waved after it gained its independence from Great Britain. Still, you couldn’t build a snow sculpture like this in Malaysia because it’s quite balmy there.

58. Relive the glory of the Mughal Empire with India’s Tomb of Itmad-ud-Daula.

Of course, while we all know the story of the Taj Mahal, this is also in Agra as well. Yet, this was commissioned by Emperor Shah Jahan’s stepmother and aunt to his wife named Nur Jahan who commissioned this tomb for her father. Let’s say it’s rather complicated if you know what I mean.

59. Of course, you can’t get more patriotic about the United States with a snow sculpture of the Statue of Liberty and Mount Rushmore.

Of course, I did a post on sand sculptures including both these monuments. So including them with the snow sculptures is basically a no brainer.

60. Of course, this snow spiral is just out of this world, if you think about it.

I may not understand snow art or how this one manages to stand and retain shape. Yet, I think it’s pretty spectacular and awesome.

For more: https://www.pinterest.com/yorkiem/snow-sculptures/

Frosty the Snowman and All His Friends

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2014

Sure winter isn’t really upon us yet and I haven’t see much snow since Thanksgiving. Not only that, but while people in the Southern Hemisphere celebrate Christmas in the summer as well as live in places that don’t snow at all in December. Nevertheless, snowmen are among those presented among the Christmas motifs because well, Santa lives in the North Pole and Christmas is a winter holiday in at least places like Europe, North America, Antarctica, the Arctic, and mountain regions. Now it’s not uncommon during the winter for kids to build a snowman though the snow has to be under certain conditions (such as being there for awhile to stick), especially in places where snowfall is a rarer event. A typical snowman consists of 3 snowballs of different sizes with some additional stuff for facial and body features and accessories like branches for arms, a smiley face, a carrot nose, stones and coal for eyes and buttons as well as things like a hat or a scarf. Most of the time they’re abandoned once completed and after a photo op as well as eventually melt. Of course, in this post, you’ll see a lot of different snowmen. Some may be cute, some may be pop culture inspired, and some may be rather demented. So without further adieu, here are some pictures of the wonderful world of snowmen.

1. Aww, a snowman holding his kid on his shoulders.

Of course, I love how they used a pair of kids’ pants, shoes, and mittens for this. Yet, I’m sure that kid is going to be a real pain in the ass when he’s older.

2. Looks like this snowman wants to end it all.

You know if Crusty is so unhappy with his life, why bother hanging himself on a park bench? I mean, he’ll melt away once spring comes so ending his life is just pointless, really.

3. This snowman is quite the acrobat.

My question on this piece is this: How in the hell did a person manage to make a snowman climbing a tree? It’s insane!

4. Man, sure wouldn’t want to fall how he did.

Of course, if this was a person, he’d be dead. Seriously, the fall would’ve killed him or he’d be injured so badly for the ICU.

5. Seems like this snowman has a drinking problem and is now sleeping on the streets.

Wait a minute, aren’t snowmen supposed to be outdoors anyway? Then again, this guy’s sleeping on a park bench so he probably doesn’t have a yard to stand in.

6. For your afternoon fix, DJ Snow will air songs like, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” “Ice, Ice, Baby,” “Let It Snow,” “A Hazy Shade of Winter,” “Walking in the Winter Wonderland,” “Cold As Ice,” “Snowballed,” “Snowblind,” “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” and “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”

Of course, that microphone and ear phones won’t be usable again once winter is over. Still, hope they were in bad shape to begin with.

7. May I introduce you to the NRA Snowman whose guns you can have if you can pry them from his warm dead hands. And, yes, he’s standing his ground.

Musty the Snowman wasn’t really a jollly, happy soul since he’s always been fearful of someone encroaching his property and home invasions. Please don’t put that magical old silk hat on him or he’d begin to shoot around. Hope he wasn’t built near a school.

8. Now this snowman sure is punk.

“You talking to me? Are you talking to me?” Man, this snowman doesn’t seem to happy. Yet, you have to admire how they made his mohawk from tree branches.

9. “Hello, my name’s Olaf and I like warm hugs.”

Of course, you have to have Olaf from Frozen on this post. However, that section where he’s singing about summer is kind of disturbing if you really think of it. I mean he certainly wouldn’t survive that.

10. Now building a snowman is one thing, building a snowman army, well that takes dedication.

Of course, if your neighbor built a snowman army, you wonder how he or she ever had the time. Either that, or questioning their sanity.

11. “Oh, no, it’s the Iceman Cometh. Phyllis, get the hair dryer!”

Note: while The Iceman Cometh is a play by Eugene O’Neill, it’s not about a psychokiller snowman, unfortunately. That’s a joke.

12. Seems like this snowman really likes to do tricks with his head.

Now I know a headless snowman may freak you out but Rocko is a very nice guy once you get to know him. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.

13. This snowman has a habit of leaning next to buildings.

Of course, I hope he doesn’t do any damage to the house once he starts melting. That or if a blizzard comes. Seems like he might fall over. Boy, those kids must’ve had some ambition to build a snowman this tall.

14. Seems like this snowman has enough snow to hit you and then some.

Of course, you don’t want to tell him that he looks like Princess Leia. Because that would be bad. Seriously, you wouldn’t want to do that.

15. Just a friendly snowman riding his bike.

Yet, I have no idea how this guy is wearing a summer camo hat and sunglasses on a cold cloudy day. Then again, he’s a snowman.

16. Seems this snowman has hit rock bottom or has had a few too many.

Remember that friends don’t let friends get their snowmen drunk. Also, giving Dusky a pack of Miller Lite pints wasn’t a good idea.

17. Seems like Snowball here is going on his cycling tour.

Then again, I’m not so sure if Snowball is a snow “man” or whether he or she is going anywhere if you know what I mean. Still, that bike is bound to get rusty.

18. Of course, you can’t do a post on snowmen without including one on Eric Cartman from South Park.

Now this snowman sure captures Cartman in perhaps a way that will make Matt Stone and Trey Parker proud. Still, we have to concede that Cartman is the most annoying character on the show. Oh, why can’t he be killed in every episode instead of Kenny?

19. Snow zombies are rising from their graves for your brains.

Yet, unlike real zombies, at least you can defeat snow zombies with a hair dryer. Seriously, they’re very easy to kill, especially in warmer weather.

20. Looks like that things aren’t all fun and games in Snowmanland.

Man, I didn’t know snowmen bleed when stabbed. I thought they’d just melt away. Still, this display would make the neighbors cringe.

21. Nothing makes a snowman like one in the likeness of a Lego person.

Man, these kids seem to have too much time on their hands. Then again, this might’ve been made by a real artist. Still, possibly the biggest Lego person I’ve ever seen.

22. Jabba the Hutt snowman would like to hire you to bring Han Solo to him dead or alive.

Of course, I always have to have at least one thing on this post relating to Star Wars. Still, I have yet to see a snowman of Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

23. Now this snowman would really wish you give him some privacy.

Still, I’m surprised that he’s built on some street, possibly for a contest. Nevertheless, you might want to clear out when he’s done because he might use the newspaper on where the sun don’t shine.

24. This snowman is just going on his relaxing ice fishing trip.

Of course, Andy likes to go ice fishing since he really doesn’t have many fishing options other than that. Still, I’m sure he’s not going to get much fish from a small puddle.

25. Oh, my God, it’s the snowman zombie apocalypse! Run for your lives!

Now I’m sure that it will all be over by spring since these zombie snowmen will have already melted. Still, you might want to get your hair dryer.

26. A can of beer in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other.

Seems like this snowman has a bit of drinking problem. Perhaps he should consider going on a 12 step or AA. Then again, he may not have the time.

27. And you thought a snowman couldn’t do a handstand.

Man, I wonder how this upside down snowman manages to stand up so well. Then again, it has a bigger than average snowman head, which helps so to speak.

28. “Hello, hello, hello, what do we have here?”

Of course, you know these snowmen are from Britain because of the Bobby police hats. Still, you don’t want to go near their nightsticks.

29. Oh, my God! Looks like a snowman just got buried in the snow!

Don’t let this become like the episode of Boardwalk Empire where Gyp Rossetti had a guy buried in the sand up to his head and whacked him with a shovel. Yet, I have a bad feeling it would come to this.

30. “Get out of the snow! There’s a snowshark coming!”

Of course, we all know that sharks don’t swim in the snow nor does anyone else. Still pretty funny and very creative.

31. How would you like to get your mail in this snowman mailbox?

Now I wonder how they manage to make a mail box snowman. I mean don’t mailboxes have stands for most of the year. Still, I wonder what mail carriers think about this.

32. While it’s certainly winter, these snowpeople are lounging around like it’s summer.

Then again, they are snowpeople so it’s not like they’re freezing their asses off. Still, I hope the woman is wearing a swimsuit.

33. Of course, this snowman is in a moment of deep thought and contemplation.

This might not be a snowman of Tim Tebow or it may not. Either way, that pose reminds me of how he used to get in that pose to pray. Nevertheless, that guy was just an annoying self-righteous turd.

34. Nothing makes a great moment as two snowmen sharing a beer on the street.

Seems like these snowman don’t give a shit about anything right now. Still, you have to appreciate how they enjoy each other’s quality time.

35. Now this snowman is just lounging around with a beer while holding a Frisbee.

Well, this guy seems to be really enjoying himself. Still, why do I see a lot of snowmen with beer bottles? I wonder.

36. I give you, the Invasion of the Snowmen.

Man, I wonder if these people realize that the snowman infestation is becoming quite a problem in this town. Then again, there’s always spring.

37. Seems like Frosty is doing a kegstand. And I thought he was a family friendly figure.

I hope this snowman is in a neighborhood where there aren’t a lot of children. I mean few parents would tolerate a kegstand snowman.

38. Seems like some snowmen are really into voodoo magic.

I don’t know about you but I have to admit I do find the stirring of shrunken snowman heads quite funny for some reason. Still, hope no snowman sacrifice was involved.

39. Just my luck, a snowman crime scene.

Seemed like someone didn’t care much for Frosty the snowman so they whacked him over the head with the shovel and decapitated him.

40. These snowmen are on the deck engaged in a poker game for money.

Let’s hope that none of these guys develop a gambling addiction which is very destructive. Still, seems they enjoy beer and potato chips.

41. This snowman really delights in surfing the net.

Let’s hope the keyboard and monitor are the only computer components used in this. Still, pretty clever.

42. Oh, my God, they put a snow kid in a cage!

Now this is either hilarious, demented, or both. Still, I have to feel bad for the little snow kid in the cage and its parent in a state of distress.

43. This R2 D2 snowman will service your every needs.

While R2 D2 only speaks in beeps in the Star Wars Saga, you can always understand this onery little droid that has quite the personality.

While R2 D2 only speaks in beeps in the Star Wars Saga, you can always understand this ornery little droid that has quite the fiery personality.

44. “Stop right there, your money or your life.”

Never underestimate the power of a mugger snowman armed with a hair dryer. For snowmen, these grooming appliances are deadly.

Never underestimate the power of a mugger snowman armed with a hair dryer. For snowmen, these grooming appliances are absolutely deadly.

45. Seems like this snowman is ready for a hike or scaling a building.

If he wants to scale a building, he better be careful. Else, he might end up like the snowman I showed earlier. You know, the one with the backpack.

46. This snowman really has an elaborate hairstyle if you know what I mean.

Of course, if I were him, I’d consider going to a hair salon to get haircut. Oh, wait, I’d have him go to the pruner’s if he has an office.

47. Seems like Olympia Snowe really delights in the attention.

By “Olympia Snowe” I mean this snowman which is said to be the largest in the world. However, I can’t help but think that there’s something “phallic” about it though.

48. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you snow man and snow wife.”

Now I suppose this snow couple would be best suited for a winter wedding. Yet, I bet that bridal veil isn’t cheap if you know what I mean. Still, they’ll be together till melt do they part.

49. Seems like these snow children are having fun frolicking in a winter wonderland.

Someone must’ve had too much time on their hands for this one. Still, it’s pretty clever if you know what I mean.

50. Oh, my God, it’s the Staypuft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.

Now this is just so great. Yet, I think this one looks too much like the Michelin Tire Man and his head is a little too small.

51. When snowmen bowl, heads will roll, literally.

Still, I wonder how these snowmen take aim of when trying to knock down some pins. I mean you have to know where to hit the pins before you roll your head.

52. This snowman is pumping himself up, one set of barbells at a time.

Of course, he wants to start small for a time and then move up a few weights. Still, hope he doesn’t become a lunk.

53. Seems like Spongebob Squarepants likes the winter weather.

Now I’m not sure that it looks anywhere near like Spongebob if you know what I mean. Then again, I didn’t have cable as a child and didn’t watch the show.

54. This snowman is just making a rather important call.

What astounds me most about this display is how the person building this snowman managed to find a phone booth.

55. Now this snowman display seems like a take off of Gulliver’s Travels.

I suppose this snowman feels trapped under the ropes of the smaller ones who tied him up. Still, pretty clever.

56. Now this snowman really has a penchant for playing the accordion.

Of course, the accordion is almost lifelike and the snowman is sure happy. Still, I don’t why it doesn’t have a pair of eyes or a nose.

57. Looks like a snowman has been a victim of a hit and run.

Now to the shock of the snowman, it seems that this car’s owner is really not going to be happy when they find a snowman on their car.

58. This snowman seems to be quite the wall scaler.

This is said to be a snowman rendition of Spiderman. Yet, I don’t know if I can be sure of that. Still, how did they make a snowman like that?

59. “Aaaah! A snowman just fell on my car!”

How would you like to get up in the morning and find something like that on your windshield? I’m sure I wouldn’t.

60. I’m sure this is called, “Orcus on His Porcelain Throne.”

Now I’m sure this guy is thinking deep thoughts as he’s on the pot. Of course, I wonder what he’s going to do when he’s done.

Up on the Housetop, on Christmas Inflatable Decorations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 1, 2014

What the hell is the jack-o’-lantern doing here? Halloween’s over.

Now the tradition of having Christmas inflatables on lawns is a relatively recent phenomenon but they are nevertheless popular enough for onlookers to spot them. Of course, some people tend to go all out on them as well. So like them or hate them, they are here to stay. Nevertheless, I don’t participate in this tradition but many do so here’s a post on them. And believe me, there are many you can choose from according to the online listings. Yet, while I can go on and on about all the wonderful inflatable decorations out there, you might find it boring so I’ll put up the ones that don’t seem that glamorous but deserve extra attention for sheer tackiness. Not to mention, there are some inflatables that for some reason seem to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. So without further adieu, enjoy these blow up lighting lawn ornaments that might have some disturbing implications.

1. In honor of A Christmas Story, here’s a 6 foot inflatable leg lamp to show your neighbors.

As most of us have seen A Christmas Story, we all know that Ralphie’s dad received a leg lamp after winning a sweepstakes contest. Still, despite A Christmas Story being a family film, this leg lamp is certainly an R-rated decoration.

2. Santa Claus likes to ride on his motorcycle with his reindeer in the sidecar.

Wait a minute, isn’t Santa supposed to be using his reindeer as transportation for his sleigh? I thought that reindeer were means of getting there, not passengers.

3. Tyrannosaurus Rex receives a bone for Christmas as he always wanted.

I understand that dinosaurs are cool kid appeal animals, but still, they haven’t roamed the Earth in 65 million years. To have a dinosaur in Christmas regalia is about as anachronistic as The Flintstones Holiday Special.

4. This snowman seems all dressed up and ready to get himself a buck.

Well, this does make a good decoration since deer hunting season starts on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Still, this has unfortunate implications if you know that Santa’s sleigh is pulled by reindeer and the message of “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men.”

5. For those who love Christmas and Ernest Hemingway, then this is a great inflatable decoration for you.

When you take the Christmas stuff off of this decoration, you have yourselves an inflatable lawn decoration of Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea.

6. Looks like Santa is climbing in the pool for a swim with a reindeer, penguins, and a polar bear.

Knowing that Santa lives in the North Pole, then he must be a member of the Polar Bear Club. Still, what the hell are these penguins doing here? They live in Antarctica, not the North Pole for God’s sake.

7. Merry Christmas from Santa’s trailer.

Looks like Santa and Mrs. Claus might need to go to marriage counseling or aren’t on great terms right now.

8. While most of Santa’s reindeer are guys who pull the sleigh, their mates stage their own roller derby night.

Still, at least this decoration gets it right that female reindeer do have antlers during this time of year. And in many species, they are the only ones with antlers in December since the males have shed them since mating season. Still, I’d rather not recommend roller derby to anyone since it’s a very violent sport.

9. Santa and his friends travel the world in their hippie van encouraging kids to be nice, not naughty.

So if Santa Claus is an aging bohemian, does this mean that smoking pot, taking drugs, and engaging in free love won’t get you put on the naughty list? Also, does this mean that soldiers get coal this year?

10. Man, it’s so cold outside that even a snowman is shivering in his igloo.

Wait a minute, snowmen are made of snow and shouldn’t be shivering in the cold. If they get warm, they melt. Simple is that. So why is this snowman getting the chills?

11. For the kids, celebrate Christmas with an inflatable lawn Noah’s Ark.

As a practicing Catholic, I need to say that this inflatable decoration makes no theological sense whatsoever. I mean most Christians usually celebrate Christmas to honor the birth of Christ. Well, Noah’s Ark is recorded in the Old Testament Book of Genesis so there’s no reason why it shouldn’t have any Christmas decorations on it. What’s next, Moses dressed as Santa or Adam and Eve wearing elf costumes? Because both such decorations would just be as ridiculous as this.

12. Looks like Frosty the Snowman and his penguin friend are enjoying a long vacation at the beach sipping coconut drinks.

Seriously, what the hell is that snowman doing here next to a palm tree? Snowmen basically melt and evaporate in warmer, tropical climates. So there’s no reason why Frosty should be near a palm tree in the first place.

13. Here’s Santa Claus relaxing in his palm tree hammock after making his Christmas Eve rounds.

Now I don’t know about you but doesn’t it seem a bit odd that Santa is still in his red suit? I don’t mean to be rude, but if Santa doesn’t strip out of that big red winter suit anytime soon, he might as well be rushed to the hospital for heatstroke. That, or sweating like hell.

14. Seems like the gingerbread man and his girlfriend have enjoyed a great time in the witch’s oven from Hansel and Gretel?

Gingerbread people seem surprisingly nonchalant about being baked alive! Seriously, what kind of sick and twisted person think this would make a great Christmas decoration? It seems more likely to give kids nightmares.

15. Merry Christmas from this Cowboy Penguin.

Now cute as this decoration may be, we must understand that penguins usually live in the Southern Hemisphere with the northernmost ones residing in the Galapagos Islands. And I’m sure that cowboys have little-or-nothing to do with Christmas either. So a penguin cowboy Christmas decoration would more or less make better sense in Chile or Australia where it’s summer.

16. Looks like it’s Casino Night at the North Pole.

Sorry, kids, but none of you are getting presents this year because Santa’s got a gambling problem and needs to pay his loanshark bookies.

17. Santa Claus enjoys his vacation with a penguin in a hula skirt?

From the Huffington Post, “Surprisingly, global warming is welcomed by Santa and his… hula penguins.” Need I say more. Also, at least Santa has his shirt on.

18. Santa’s ability to withstand chimney fires made him the perfect recruit for the fire department or something.

Then again, there are a lot of firefighters out there who do look like Santa Claus. I mean a lot of firefighters I’ve seen do tend to be obese and may have white beards.

19. My, my, so Grandma did get run over by a reindeer after all. Except that Santa wasn’t responsible.

And when we mean “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” we mean she was run over by one operating a steam roller. Still, first vehicular manslaughter and now this? What’s Santa doing to these reindeer?

20. Seems like Santa Claus is a badass biker dude on his motorcycle.

Keep in mind that a motorcycle holds way fewer presents than a sleigh and the insurance is higher. Also, wasn’t there a Six Feet Under episode in which a mall Santa got hit by a truck while riding a motorcycle? The biker funeral episode is perhaps one of the best of the series but those kids will be in therapy for life.

21. Man, it seems that these penguins are certainly getting along with the polar bear.

Still, we have to acknowledge that penguins don’t live in the North Pole and even if they did, they’d certainly not get along with polar bears. In fact, the polar bear would certainly eat them.

22. Seems like Santa has ditched the sleigh and replaced it with a chopper.

Man, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with the reindeer being out of work. Also, what’s Rudolph to do with his red nose now that he’s unemployed?

23. Think of it as Christmas meets Stagecoach.

So does this mean that Santa is taking these penguins back to the Southern Hemisphere where they belong? If not, then where?

24. Man, Santa should really watch where to put that big ass of his.

Still, I hope that elf gets better by next Christmas in the North Pole hospital’s intensive care unit. He’s going to need it as well as go to the North Pole physical rehabilitation center afterwards.

25. Ahoy, mateys, step right aboard on Santa’s pirate ship.

Wait a minute, Santa gives presents to children, not take away cargo and other items from merchant ships! Then again, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors. Still, why does this even exist?

26. Merry Christmas from the 9 foot mutant penguin spreading holiday cheer.

Wait a minute, isn’t the idea of a 9ft tall penguin something from a nightmare? Still, why does this thing exist?

27. Looks like this reindeer is hunting from a tree with a ladder.

Since December is deer hunting season, it’s hard to tell whether this one is hunting for his own kind, trying to protect himself, or both. Either way, there’s something very wrong with this.

28. Okay, so maybe Santa Claus can’t withstand all chimney fires.

Santa should be lucky that Dasher was able to get a hold of the sleigh fire extinguisher and put out the flames in time. Sadly, Santa didn’t have a spare pair of pants and had to spend the rest of the night giving presents to kids with his rear end exposed.

29. Just two reindeer roasting marshmallows at the campfire while Santa sleeps in his tent.

Since how does Santa ever have time to go camping with his reindeer? Also, isn’t he supposed to be making toys this time of year?

30. So to commemorate the holiday season, Spongebob Squarepants decided to through some disgusting mutilation to make himself look like a Christmas tree.

Now this is bound to give Spongebob’s youngest fans nightmares. Yet, I hope he gets back into shape after the holidays. Still, he doesn’t seem remarkably disturbed by looking like a Christmas tree.

31. Hello, and welcome to Santa’s Snack Shack.

Well, if you want a new Xbox for Christmas, Santa has to pay for it somehow. Those presents don’t pay for themselves, kiddo.

32. Seems like Santa really enjoys riding on his quad runner ATV.

Seriously, those things are basically gas guzzing four wheeled motorcycles. Besides, I’m sure they’re not cheap either and make lots of unnecessary noise. Not to mention, Santa seems just way too cool for those.

33. Fuel up, elves, because Santa needs to take a pit stop.

Santa, this seems too dangerous for you! You don’t want to wreck on the racetrack don’t you? Still, why does this thing exist for God’s sake?

34. During the summer, Santa and Rudolph take gigs as lifeguards on the beach.

From Huffington Post: “We get that sometimes people have to take lifeguarding gigs in the summer, but SANTA? Really?” Still, I could understand Rudolph but I’m not sure if reindeer know how to swim.

35. Looks like Frosty the snowman has opened up a new popcorn stand.

So how does Frosty manage to scoop up the popcorn from the machine without melting his hand? I mean it takes a lot of heat to make popcorn pop doesn’t it? Perhaps Frosty should just stick to selling ice cream instead.

36. Frosty the Snowman takes his penguin pal for a ride on his new ride.

Uh, doesn’t it get hot when you turn on a motorcycle? I mean people wear leather jackets on them for a reason. Still, it’s a wonder Frosty is able to retain shape while riding one.

37. Nothing says Christmas like your very own Christmas cactus.

Wait a minute, cacti live in warm desert climates, not in places with snow. Also, they aren’t things you want to decorate because of their needles. Not to mention, I’m not sure if a cactus has anything to do with Christmas whatsoever.

38. Of course, even Santa has times when you gotta go, you gotta go.

For God’s sake, Santa, pull your pants up, will you? Nobody wants to see your naked ass this holiday season! God almighty, why does this even exist?

39. Behold, a neon dancing Santa Claus.

Man, Santa seems to have lost a lot of weight since he started working out more at the North Pole gym.

40. Since his sleigh is now in the shop on Christmas Eve, Santa now delivers presents on his new 8-wheeler trailer truck.

Of course, there are plenty of truckers who look like Santa Claus so maybe Saint Nick is onto something here. Still, I bet the reindeer aren’t too happy being unemployed though. And I’m sure that truck is a gas guzzler for sure.

41. Looks like the sleigh has run out of gas.

Wait a minute doesn’t reindeer transport prevent the need for Santa to stop at a gas station? Also, even if the sleigh were powered, wouldn’t run on some kind of alternative fuel source like magic?

42. Of course, Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas since he can feel your presents.

Now I’m not sure Darth Vader would make an appropriate Christmas decoration mainly because he blew up his daughter’s planet and froze her boyfriend in carbonite before handing him over a bounty hunter, cut off his son’s hand, killed his mentor, and force choked his employees. Yeah, I’m sure this Star Wars villain is on the Dark Side of the Force and you wouldn’t want this man to be your father. Definitely not a character who fits the Christmas spirit.

43. Looks like Santa had a little accident with his sleigh.

Perhaps we should concede that Santa Claus probably isn’t the best driver as far as reindeer pulled sleighs are concerned. Still, I wonder if he has accidents every year or just once in a blue moon.

44. Looks like a polar bear got his tongue stuck at the North Pole during the ugly sweater party.

Of course, we should all know that the elf talked the polar bear into it. Guess he ain’t getting any presents this year. Still, I’m sure the bear isn’t going to be happy once Santa sorts things out.

45. Since reindeer tend to be too much trouble, Santa decided to deliver presents via dump truck.

I’m sure this doesn’t bode well with the quality of toys this year. Still, I think he should give the reindeer their jobs back before they go on strike for higher pay.

46. Man, it’s so cold out, I swear the snowmen and penguins are shivering.

I can understand the penguins since they might freeze to death during Antarctic winters. But the snowman? C’mon, it’s made out of snow.

47. Merry Christmas from your local neighborhood Spiderman.

Sorry, that Santa couldn’t go on his rounds this year. So you’ll have to make do with Spiderman. Sure he has no sleigh and reindeer, but he can swing house to house with his web.

48. It’s great fun at the North Pole on Santa’s party barge.

Let’s hope nobody drinks too much eggnog, especially Captain Santa. Then again, I might watch out for the polar bear, too.

49. Some fish wants to give Santa a present.

Now this absolutely makes no sense to me. I mean Santa was about to catch that fish wit intent to have it for dinner. But both seem quite cheerful for some reason.

50. Merry Christmas from Spiderman as he scales up his wall.

Uh, spidey, are you sure you’re going to do fine with that sack? Looks a bit heavy. Hope you don’t break your back. Also, you might want to give the job to Superman. Or Ironman.

Fun with Tombstones

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 28, 2014

As we all know, Halloween revolves around a lot of things that scare us be it gore, mutilation, ghosts, the supernatural or large insects and spiders. Yet, one of the very real concepts that many of us fear is death, which is basically the cessation of one’s existence altogether. Whether it be through natural causes or otherwise, we will all die someday and while there are things we could do to delay it, there’s nothing we can do about it. We can, however, get our affairs in order and make our funeral arrangements, which many elderly people do since they know the end is near anyway. It’s been a tradition in modern Western society to be buried in cemeteries and erect tombstones on our graves so our surviving relatives, friends, and descendants could visit us after we’re gone. I myself go to a cemetery nearby my house during my routine morning walks. Most gravestones usually have the name of the deceased as well as life dates. A lot of times they may share a tombstone with a spouse, have some indicator of military service, or perhaps a place pertaining to the life dates. As for decorations, some may have religious symbols like a cross, Jesus, Mary, an angel, or a star of David. Some may have a lamb on them to say that this person died as as a child. Of course, this is dependent on Western iconography. Some may have intricate designs to show off that they knew people who could afford such monuments to them. Still, there are certain tombstones that are worth noting either for the bizarre design or containing last words to sum up their time on earth or what not. And you won’t believe the pictures I’ve found on Google. So without further ado on this Halloween season, here are some amusing tombstones for your pleasure. 1. And here’s to you the alcoholic serial monogamist.

Now if the liver cirrhosis didn’t kill him at 62, then the divorce settlement might’ve had something to do with it. Not to mention, the fact his nephews and nieces erected his tombstone.

2. Sure he may have died at 42, but damn did he lead an interesting life.

Yes, I’m sure that Ronald Eugene Smith is surely a swell guy. Yet, perhaps having an adventurous life may have led to his death at 42. Also, I’m sure he didn’t learn fast or acted quickly enough.

3. Here lies Naomi Thigpen Shankle.

I guess the epitaph is there because of her silly name. Seriously, it seems like her name reads like something Monty Python would make up.

4. Of course, this tombstone shows how a man’s love for NASCAR seemed to go beyond the grave.

Well, I got to say that this is the most expensive tombstone for a race car buff I’ve ever seen. Of course, this grave might belong to a race car driver which is more understandable.

5. Now I guess Dave didn’t seem too bright when he chased that bear into a cave.

Yeah, I'm sure being an intruder in a ursuline home invasion will sure kill you and possibly lead to a Darwin Award.

Yeah, I’m sure being an intruder in a home invasion in a bear cave will sure kill you and possibly lead to a Darwin Award. I’m sure chasing a bear isn’t going to turn out well, especially if the bear’s a mama.

6. R. I. P. Jonathan Blake, victim of his own disorderly driving.

Now, kids, that’s what your tombstone may look like if you decide to step on the gas instead of the brake, in the event of a head on collision. So please don’t end up like Jonathan Blake.

7. So who says that you can’t call people after they die?

This is perhaps coming from a Jewish cemetery or one in Israel. Still, it may not work but it probably costs just as much as anything new Apple now comes out with.

8. Oh, poor Rex, another dog lost to the Chinese Restaurant industry.

Then again, Rex’s life dates indicate that he was 14 years old. Let’s just say, if that Asian kid didn’t ask to wok him, then it’s very possible that the vet would’ve put him to sleep.

9. Man, these Dotterweichs sure are an unlucky bunch.

Now I see a lot of kids' graves at the local cemetery. And kids' graves aren't an unusual sight at graveyards at all particularly in the older sections. Yet, I'm sure the Dotterweich children all dying in the icy pond just makes you wonder what happened in that scenario.

Now I see a lot of kids’ graves at the local cemetery. And children’s’ graves aren’t an unusual sight at graveyards at all particularly in the older sections since there were a lot of things that killed kids in those days. Yet, I’m sure the Dotterweich children all drowning in the icy pond just makes you wonder what happened in that case. I mean ponds aren’t that deep.

10. Why not grace your tombstone with this happy dancing dolphin?

This is most likely not a child’s grave since the deceased was born in 1938. And let’s just say, a kiddie grave back in her childhood wouldn’t feature dolphins! Yet, why she wanted a happy dolphin on her tombstone, I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it kind of just defies everything I’d imagine a grave stone to look like.

11. Of course, there is always one large cavity all dentists fill.

That’s right, I’m talking about a large manmade geological cavity called, “a hole in the ground” this dentist is currently filling.

12. Poor Jerry Farrer didn’t seem to have the kind of death he wanted.

While Jerry Farrer wanted to be shot by a jealous husband at 102, he died at 74. Then again, whether he was shot by a jealous husband or died of natural causes, I really can’t say. Perhaps you should ask his wife.

13. Hopefully, this would’ve been a perfect grave stone for Rev. Gerry Falwell. Then again, I think this is the wrong Teletubby.

Now this grave seems to accomplish what many thought impossible. Make one of the Teletubbies seem incredibly creepy.

Now this grave seems to accomplish what many thought impossible. Make one of the Teletubbies seem incredibly terrifying. Yeah, this one seems to prey on your dreams.

14. Though he died at 52, Lester’s tombstone nevertheless had an awesome shark design.

It also helps that this guy was a Vietnam vet and this design could’ve possibly been on some craft he was on. Still, how would you want to run into this grave in a cemetery?

15. Now this guy seems to give the world a finger before he left.

Now that’s nice, having a tombstone depict a hand flipping the bird. I wonder how this guy’s tombstone came to be designed with this offensive gesture.

16. Now I suppose that this guy was some kind of curmudgeon, I suppose.

Now I suppose by reading this tombstone, I’m sure that human nature hasn’t changed all that much. We always have to have our complainers.

17. Of course, some guys have motorcycles. Others just have them on their tombstones or sarcophagi.

In the medical world, motorcycles are known as “donor cycles” for obvious reasons. Still, didn’t stop my doctor uncle from getting one. Nevertheless, this tombstone must’ve been very expensive.

18. Seems like this guy really loved to play Scrabble. Wonder what happened to him.

Remember, kids, Scabble may be an educational game of spelling. Yet, it’s also a highly dangerous one and known to take those in their prime. Remember that this guy was only 21 when he was cut down.

19. Now I’m sure we all knew this would happen.

Of course, why this guy lists the names of his great grandparents, I have no idea. Still, we’re all going to die someday, right?

20. Yes, Jesus tends to call people whenever they’re on cellphones in the car sometimes. It’s called distracted driving.

Still, judging by the beehive haircut and the 1980s cell phone, I’m sure this poor woman had passed away a while ago. Then again, maybe that’s not a phone but the image just suggests she died from some cell phone related car wreck in the 1980s.

21. Now be buried in style in a granite sarcophagus with your BMW convertible on top of it.

Seriously, either the car is real or it's made from granite. If it's real, then why is it on this person's grave when it should be passed on to his or her relatives? Either way, this memorial certainly didn't come cheap.

Seriously, this must’ve been a very expensive memorial to have a care on top of a sarcophagus like that. Not to mention, it looks almost eerily real if not for the wheels. Still, if any of my relatives wanted a grave like this, I sure wouldn’t let that happen, because such concept is freaking ridiculous.

22. Guess Doris Marie Seward was so confident that she’d see the new millennium.

Then again, she almost made it, only to be cut down at the tragic young age of 82. So sad.

Then again, she almost made it, only to be cut down at the tragic young age of 82. Yes, she was an optimist indeed.

23. Now I wonder what went on here between Mr. and Mrs. Doubt.

Mrs. Doubt wants to take the back roads while Mr. Doubt says it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Hope their deaths weren’t the result of some traffic accident as these quotes hint at.

24. Sometimes tombstone epitaphs don’t seem to stop embarrassing those who lie in them.

I’m sure “bugger” was just a cute and affectionate nickname by his mother and not some homophobic slur from some bygone era. Then again, it’s hard to tell by these tombstones alone.

25. Kay may be gone, but her fudge recipe will live on.

Thankfully, Kay’s fudge recipe is on her tombstone. So anyone with an smart phone can simply take a picture of it and get the recipe there.

26. I guess Tomas Chinchilla seemed to clinch the wrong wallet at 22.

Since this is a Mexican tombstone, then his violent death shouldn’t be a surprise. Nevertheless, God is probably watching His wallet around him.

27. Now this person certainly knows how to get in touch with old friends.

Of course, I’m not sure if Ouija boards really work but I don’t know much about communicating with the dead anyway. Still, how does the tombstone version work?

28. Of course, someone always has to have a grave of a grand piano.

Of course, let's just say some people in the olden days were just as creative with their graves as some people today. Of course, the marble doesn't hold up well with the rains.

Of course, let’s just say some people in the olden days were just as creative with their graves as some people today. Of course, the marble doesn’t make great material for a gravestone since it’s prone to acid rain damage.

29. I’m sure this guy is all ready for Judgement Day, if that ever comes.

Yeah, I’m sure those angels are going roll the rock away. Still, I don’t get why carve a rock tombstone out of what’s technically rock.

30.Here this Union soldier is laid to rest in his marble tent.

Now this is interesting. Bet this guy either died in the war and had family with the money to give him a fitting tribute, or he lusted after his glory days.

31. A fitting tribute for a great electrician if there ever was one.

Now I’m sure the family had a bright idea to erect a tombstone for him with a light bulb and electrical outlet. Hope he didn’t fall prey to any occupational hazards.

32. Of course, with a computer on his or her grave, this person is always online.

Still, I’m not sure whether this computer is a Mac or a PC. Then again, it probably doesn’t even work to begin with.

33. Wonder what happened to this couple?

Yes, it’s very likely that these two probably died in some terrible accident and it’s the left person’s fault. This is as far as I could tell.

34. Now this epitaph would be perfect on the Dowager Countess’s tombstone.

Just so you know the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey is the one played by Maggie Smith. Nevertheless, this just suits her character perfectly.

35. Yeah, dude, but be lucky that your skin wasn’t turn into a saddle ridden by fat, ugly, men.

Of course, I don’t know why any guy would want this carved on his tombstone because it sounds pretty sick. Still, luckily his man didn’t get his wish.

36. Well, she could say that again.

Still, shit happens and then you die like this woman. Nevertheless, what’s with the Indian figurine on her tombstone.

37. I don’t know about you but Met Life seems to be an interesting place to work at.

Sure this guy may have an interesting last day. Yet, though I may be unemployed, this inscription doesn’t make me want to work for MetLife.

38. Well, I’m sure you can’t be good at everything, even at your job sometimes.

According to his Mexican tombstone, Pancrazio Juvenales was a wonderful husband and father but terrible electrician. I wonder which of those three distinctions killed him at 25?

39. Now this guy’s copper statue can’t wait to get out of his tomb.

Either George is a zombie or he just can’t wait till Judgement Day. Either way, his family must’ve spent a fortune on this sarcophagus.

40. Here lies Harv and may he be remembered for seeing all these bands in concert.

Man, this guy has been to a lot of concerts consisting of 1970s and 1980s musical artists. There’s Queen, Styx, Pat Benatar, Quiet Riot, Toto, Ted Nugent, Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne, and many more.

41. Here lies George Campell, husband to 4 different women.

Let’s hope he wasn’t married to them all at the same time or served as a member of some Mormon polygamist cult. Still, love the epitaph, “I’m so happy here…I could just shit!”

42. So here lies Joseph William Burdet who died in his sleep at 52.

Something tells me he died in his sleep while he was at the wheel. I why I suspect this. Oh, yeah, the car carving on the top is kind of a dead giveaway. Yeah, falling asleep at the wheel could do that.

43. Of course, everyone should’ve known William Hahn was sick before he passed.

Looks like he lived to be 75 which isn’t bad. Nevertheless, people do get sick and die of natural causes from that age. Hahn’s family should’ve known.

44. In the game of life, we always go into the whole on this deal as Eric W. Jr. said.

Still, I think this is part of a couple tombstone, since his last name isn’t on the picture. Nevertheless, yeah, the deal with life would put you into a hole, literally.

45. R. I. P. James M. Brown, proof that a Texas Ranger shouldn’t mess with someone from the Chicago PD.

Sure a Texas Ranger may be a brave and noble soul in the West but he met his end at Chicago’s Garfield Park Race Track, thanks to the local PD. Looks like he wasn’t all that clean as he’s made up to be. Then again, Western law enforcement was known to be ridden with ex-cons and corrupt as hell.

46. Oh, that’s a nice epitaph for John, which was written by his friends. He must have great friends.

When you read the first letters of each line, you realize that John’s friends are basically telling him to “Fuck You.” Pretty clever stealth insult I daresay.

47. Here lies Lester More, victim of some gunfight in Tombstone, AZ.

Yes, 4 slugs from a .44 could kill you like Lester More. Guess he pissed off the wrong gunfighter and was slow on the draw.

48. Make your grave site accommodating to your family and get a granite tombstone living room set.

Of course, this tombstone living room set might be unaffordable to most people. Still, if it wasn’t made from granite, I’d take this set for my actual living room.

49. Lawrence L. Cook Jr. should’ve been faithful to his wife or his wife wouldn’t have killed him in a crime of passion.

Of course, this is what happens to some married guys who can’t keep it in their pants. Well, that or what you’d see from Fatal Attraction.

50. Seems like whoever under this sarcophagus really liked cows.

Is that guy sucking that cow’s udder? Oh, God, that’s just nasty! Still, why do they have this as a tombstone? Cemeteries should appeal to a G-rated audience for you never know if a kid is going to be there.

51. Here lies a tombstone with a parking meter?

Of course, if you stay at this woman's grave longer than expected, you may be ticketed or towed.

Of course, if you stay at this woman’s grave long after your time expires, you may be ticketed or towed. Still, why? Then again, she’s already expired.

52. Guess somebody seemed to like CCR a little too much.

Yet, whether this CCR fan was the deceased or the engraver, we’ll never know. Still, “Don’t go around tonight, Well, it’s bound to take your life. There’s a bathroom on the right” Wait, I mean “bad moon on the rise.”

53. Man, someone must really have it in for the Democrats.

Of course, this guy lived during the Jacksonian Era when the Democratic Party consisted of many guys from the South who owned slaves. So perhaps he wasn’t as crazy as the Republican bunch we have today.

54. Here lies an Austrailian Seaman who died during WWII nicknamed, “Chika”?

You don’t think of a WWII Navy Seaman when you hear the name “Chicka” do you? Well, I guess not, but they seemed to have existed at one point.

55. Here lies Miguelin, gone to that low rider in the sky.

My mom once counseled a woman whose family was fighting over whether to bury her deceased father in his Corvette. Of course, it seems that you can bury someone in a low rider in Latin America or so it seems.

56. Nothing makes a dead person seem so sleazy like a pool table on your tombstone.

Strange, this is for a couple, not a guy who’d have a Dogs Playing Poker picture. Still, let’s say the tombstone was the man’s idea.

57. Looks like the Ivisons found a place to park in Georgetown.

Then again, they may have found a place to park in Georgetown, but they didn’t get there at the same time.

58. R. I. P. Fred, killed by rock.

Read this tombstone as a reminder to be wary of large falling rocks that could hit your head. If you want to live, no less.

59. Rest in Peace Gustava and by the way, your Ricardo is a cheapskate.

So what if Ricardo didn’t give any money to pay for his dad’s grave? Then again, being that this grave’s in Mexico, he could have a ton of excuses like being poor or having to worry about drug cartels.

60. Now a cemetery on land is the last place I’d see Spongebob Squarepants, especially in uniform.

Now I may have seen many things in a cemetery, but I haven’t seen a monument quite like this. Still, I don’t think Spongebob has a place in a cemetery, and why erect such a monument in the first place?

61. R. I. P. Bill Kugle, no fan of Republicans.

Of course, I don’t vote for Republicans either but that because they’re just crazy, egocentrically religious nutjobs, Corporate American lapdogs, idiots or all of the above in my book. Of course, this is jut my political opinion but I could see Kugle’s point.

62. Ladies and gentlemen, this person has logged out.

Let’s just hope that “connection reset by peer” isn’t synonymous with “murder,” shall we? Still, too bad he didn’t live past 28.

63. Of course, fender could be a lot of things in our culture, but I think the one on this tombstone refers to a saddle.

Judging by the tombstone being made from a possibly marble (meaning “old”), it’s likely that Wathel Bender was killed in some literal foul horseplay or some equine accident if you will. Also, who names their kid Wathel?

64. According to his epitaph, this guy was a bit of a drinker.

Sure Grover Cleveland Nichols may have liked his whiskey, but it’s amazing that he lived to be 87 as you see by his life dates. Of course, he may have stopped drinking by that time but we’ll never know.

65. Of course, you might be able to parallel park at this tomb sites but the parking meters are both expired.

Still, I wonder about the identities about this couple buried here. I mean I can’t even read the tombstone since it’s so flat.

66. Sure it may be a cheesy poem, but it gets creepy real quick.

Yeah, I could see why your love may be taboo. Then again, being in love with a dead (or technically dead) person is understandable. This is why a lot of kids like Twilight despite that it’s a romance between a teenage girl and a 107 year old vampire guy who attends her local high school. I think I’d rather stick to Harold & Maude and Venus when it comes to May December romance stories pertaining to teenagers.

67. It seemed that Lola S. Holt was accepting of her fate by the end.

Of course, I don’t understand why the life dates had to be screwed on. The birth one, especially. I mean one should at least be certain of that.

68. Lester Mack Fender seemed to be a bit of a fixer upper in life as I could see.

Now I hope the guy didn’t have some sort of screw loose before he kicked the bucket. Still, a wrench is a perfect tombstone for those Mr. Fixit types, isn’t it?

69. Of course, how about place the deceased’s photo on the piano grave stone?

Yes, they put photos on graves stones back in 1911 though it’s probably much more difficult and expensive than it is now. Same goes for the piano tombstone, which is a spinet, I believe.

70. Seems like this guy’s love for Star Wars lived on beyond the grave.

Then again, I bet his favorite Star Wars character was perhaps the wrinkly green guy who most people could imitate. Too bad this kid died before he could see Yoda kick ass in the prequels.

71. Some children’s graves have lambs, others have actual children on them.

I don't know about you, but does anyone else think these graves stones are incredibly creepy? Seriously, they are.

I don’t know about you, but does anyone else think these graves stones are incredibly creepy? Seriously, kiddie graves are scary enough but ones with babies in cribs or high chair, well, eek.

72. Two roads, one choice. Where will John Payn go now that he’s dead? Well, there’s only one way to find out.

Will John get to spend his eternal days in heaven or will he suffer the fate of eternal damnation? Stay tuned for more…..eventually.

73. For man’s best friend, how about a tombstone of Snoopy on his dog house?

Of course, a granite tombstone of Snoopy wouldn’t necessarily be for a dog. I mean that would just be insane wouldn’t it?

74. Now a clothes pin tombstone isn’t what you’d see in every cemetery.

Now I kind of understand the notion of having tombstones of Spongebob, Snoopy, or a happy dolphin. But this? Well, I just have no clue why anyone would want a granite tombstone on their graves.

75. Someone seems to be a big fan of the Rolling Stones. At least it’s “Paint It Black.”

Now I’m sure a tombstone like this can’t get no satisfaction among the guy’s parents. Well, if they were like my grandparents and still alive so to speak.

76. Have a drink on Karl Bratz.

The fact his grave has a keg makes me wonder if alcohol had anything to do with his death. Probably did.

77. Here lies Micah Green, a man surrounded by idiots.

Yes, he may have seen dumb people. But somehow he seemed quite relatable.

Yes, he may have seen dumb people. But he probably wasn’t too bright himself since he died at 16. Hope his death wasn’t his fault.

78. Of course, this tomb has everything on tap.

My guess this person owned a bar while alive. Because I know bartenders don’t make a lot to have a tombstone like that.

79. If you want to reach your deceased loved one, call.

Of course, I really don’t know the number to reach Heaven. Then again, you might have to die before you dial for the heavens.

80. Here lies Pauline J. Weinberg, loved more in death than in life.

Guess jerks have to die, too, you know. Wonder how her family wrote about her in her obituary.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Outdoors