Perhaps, no tacky garden artwork gets as much notoriety as the garden gnome. Sure they don’t look like figures of the ideal human form. Rather they tend to be little Santa Clauses with boots, pants, blue tunic, and a red cone hat. But somehow people seem to like them enough that they’ve become icons of their own for some reason or another. Now a gnome is a mythological creature spirit introduced by Paracelsus in the 16th century as a spirit of Renaissance alchemy and magic. They are typically said to be small, humanoid creatures that tend to live underground. Sometimes it’s said that they’re willing to help out the garden at night. Yet, they didn’t become the lawn ornaments we know today until the 19th century and didn’t take their present form until after WWII as inspired by Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Nevertheless, they’re often the target of pranks in which people would “kidnap” the gnome and “return it to the wild” with Italy having a Garden Gnome Liberation Front. There are also instances in which garden gnomes have been “kidnapped” and sent on trips around the world which formed the basis of “Where’s My Gnome?” series of ads for Travelocity starting in 2008. And it’s the reason why we have the Travelocity Gnome. Still, in 2008, they arrested a guy in France for stealing 170 of these things. There is even a gnome reserve in England, home to over 2,000 gnomes and was mentioned in the Guinness Book of World Records. Nevertheless, there are plenty of garden gnomes out there in all different varieties that you might find amusing. Some may seem a bit adult while others are derived from pop culture. So for your reading pleasure, here I welcome you to look at all the different varieties of kitschy garden gnomes.
1. Walter Sobchak Gnome isn’t happy whenever one is over the line.
You think that garden gnomes were supposed to be rather docile and pleasant. However, Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski was anything but. So I think it’s ironic that there’s a garden gnome of him. Expect him to pull out his gun and rant about his time in Nam.
2. It seems that purple macdaddy gnome seems to make it his business with all his garden hos.
“You want manic pixie dream girls and water sprites? Well, I got them bitches with me on fairy dust. Oh, I’m sure they’re clean but you might want to use protection.”
3. Of course, this gnome is off to the beach in his green mankini.
Let’s just say, I wonder if Sacha Baron Cohen regrets setting off this male swimsuit trend when he wore the thing in Borat. Yeah, not the kind of swimsuit I’d want any man to wear.
4. This hippie gnome really gets into his tie dye, man.
Not sure if the cone hat goes with the tie dye. But with the glasses and his beard, I’m sure he’d fit in at any music festival quite nicely. Still, I’d stay out of the 1969 Woodstock festival if I were him.
5. In Florida, this gnome always knows that the beach with the lawn flamingos is where it’s at.
Of course, I’m sure if this gnome were a regular sized guy, he’d just blend in. Well, if he lost the cone hat. Still, embodies a lot about what people say about Florida which is a silly place.
6. This gnome only wishes that your garden be filled with peace, love, and rock & roll.
Of course, I’m sure he’s on some kind of weird grass in the yard. Probably the kind of gnome you’d want for your marijuana garden. Still, the cone hat really stands out for him.
7. Of course, gnomes tend to be human like the rest of us with some having less misgivings than others.
Sure it’s nice that they love each other and keep the spark alive. But I think they really need to take it somewhere else. I mean you don’t want to freak out the neighbors.
8. Seems like a gnome zombie plague has infected the garden lately.
And it seems that zombies are partial to the dark meat since it’s well known what happens to black guys in horror movies. Of course, I’m sure black gnomes are no different.
9. Of course, while gnomes are often benign in the garden, sometimes this isn’t the case. So be prepared.
Yeah, you should always beware of the gnome carrying an ax behind his back. But you should defend yourself before these murderous lawn warriors strike.
10. Nevertheless, even gnomes tend to prefer the convenience of a flush toilet as well as a bit of light reading while on the john.
Still, I wonder if that book he’s reading has another purpose. Because I don’t see a roll of toilet paper anywhere in this.
11. “All we are saying, is give weeds a chance.”
Not sure why he has a bird on his guitar or why he’s on the bird feeder. Either way, he seems quite groovy, man.
12. Of course, these skeleton gnomes tend to make great Halloween lawn decor.
Of course, they’re so thin that they don’t have any skin on them. Yet, I love whatever’s holding that basket, by the way. Quite clever.
13. Seems like this stoner gnome really enjoys lounging around and smoking his grass.
Of course, he’ll probably feel right at home wherever it’s legal. Yet, if it’s not, you should probably just let him smoke his joint in the bushes. Not sure about that tunic though.
14. Seems like this nerdy gnome is really into D & D and larping.
Of course, he’s also a Trekkie and has an atom on his shirt. Seems like he’s on a quest to attend the legendary festival of Comic Con. That, or he’s probably wanting to attend a nerd convention nearby.
15. Seems like Leather Daddy gnome really enjoys watering his garden.
Of course, you really don’t want to look at him from behind. Yeah, he sometimes tends to let it all hang out where the sun isn’t supposed to shine. Not sure why.
16. Seems like these hairy cons just broke out of the Big Greenhouse.
And it seems they’ve taken some animals with them for sustenance. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if they have any idea of how to get over that fence.
17. Of course, Gnome Elvis will always make your garden party a smash, even if he’s just an impersonator.
Of course, I’m sure all the qualudes and peanut butter and banana sandwiches will catch up to him somehow. Still, I’m sure that cone goes great with that polyester jumpsuit. Still, that look seems like Elvis from the Vegas years.
18. For those who want super protection for their gardens, perhaps they should try a superhero gnome.
Now these consist of Super Gnome, Bat Gnome and Captain Americgnome. Still, I have to warn you that while they may guarantee protection, they’re also known to inflict a lot of collateral damage.
19. Beware the vampire gnome with his red eyes and fangs, especially when lurking among the tall grass and leaves.
Of course, he may look nice during the daytime. But when it gets dark, he won’t hesitate to bite anyone’s neck to suck their blood. Yes, this is one scary gnome, indeed.
20. Of course, this gnome rider’s ride tends to travel at a snail’s pace these days.
Yet, this should surprise nobody these days since he’s riding a snail. However, he should watch out for any form of salt if he wants his snail ride to last for a long time.
21. “Gnome, Gnome on the range….”
Of course, I’m not sure if he’s a cowboy gnome or a rancher gnome. Then again, despite being in cowboy clothes, I’m not sure if he even works with cows. Because if he don’t have cows, then he’s no cowboy.
22. Of course, what better way to protect your lawn and garden than with Wonder Gnomeman.
Unlike Wonder Woman, at least she doesn’t wear skimpy outfits to kick ass. Also, she loves flowers, too. And she has a nice yellow cone hat.
23. Even gnomes must dress for business while at their jobs in the corporate marketplace.
Nevertheless, you have to love how their cone hats go with their gray suits. Yet, I’m sure their workplace dress codes would want them to lose the hats and shave. Also like how they’re on their cell phones.
24. Of course, you best be on your back if you don’t want to mess with the Gnome Manchu.
Of course, the Fu Manchu isn’t a great Asian stereotype. But I found his long mustache so funny that I couldn’t resist leaving this one out.
25. “You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life/See that gnome, watch him, diggin’ the Dancing Gnome.”
Of course, while the Swedish group was a great success in the 1970s, they split in the 1980s due to internal strife. Still, I’m sure they’d be remembered for all those pop hits which formed the soundtrack for Mamma Mia!.
26. Of course, you’ll need a metal detector gnome in case a vandal plants a landmine in your yard.
Then again, he could just be looking for treasure. Of course, he should realize that certain electric and water systems may also be underground, too. Don’t want to make a mistake there.
27. Let’s just say whoever thought you can look gangster in a white beard and cone hat?
As they say, “I didn’t choose the gnome life. Gnome life chose me.” Yes, and I’m sure it’s a rough time in the inner gardens with high crime and shrooms to be exact.
28. Of course, no gnome could say no to the one and only Big Bad Bertha.
I’m sure what she lacks in moral propriety she makes up for in helping girls develop a positive body image. Still, not sure if this makes my post unsafe for work or what.
29. Of course, we can’t forget about the hit HBO TV show Game of Gnomes.
Let’s just say that if that’s a depiction of the Sean Bean character, my guess is that he’ll be dead within a year. Still, I really like the throne and the shovel he’s holding. But I’m sure you don’t want to go into his garden, especially during weddings.
30. For those concerned Jews out there, I’m sure Shalom Gnome will make your garden kosher.
Of course, this is probably the most Jewed out gnome out there. He even has a Star of David with a Hebrew inscription on his belt for God’s sake. Don’t give him pork or shellfish though.
31. And you thought gnomes enjoyed the sound of flutes and nature sounds. But not always.
Hear they play at the garden club circuit on Friday nights as well as jam at the recording studio during regular business hours. Still, there have been rumors that their lead singer was arrested for shroom possession. Drummer was also busted for weed and grass as well.
32. Of course, you should never mess with a garden gnome armed with an AK-47.
Now I’m sure you want to get off his lawn at the sight of him. Then again, he’s small so I’m sure the ammo wouldn’t hurt much anyway.
33. When it comes to swimming, some gnomes just want to let it all hang out.
Unless he’s planning to visit a nude beach, I’m sure he’ll have a hard time swimming in an area where nobody’s watching him. Also, kind of wish he’d at least wear some pants.
34. Seems like this gnome is really enjoying himself during his island getaway in Hawaii.
Of course, I’m sure he’s bound to make the Travelocity Roaming Gnome jealous. Still, if he has more Margaritas, he’ll soon be searching for his lost shaker of salt.
35. Of course, there’s always that gnome who tends to travel with a dark passenger and have a thirst to kill.
I’m sure nobody wants to mess with the Dexter gnome if he’s in your garden. Still, he tends to kill his victims on the cutting board, which is fittingly enough. Nevertheless, he uses much less plastic than the one on TV.
36. Seems like even the gnomes want to take pictures of themselves these days.
Still, being a classic gnome, I doubt if he’d be recognized on Instagram among the others. Also, I wonder where he got that smart phone.
37. Of course, some gnomes don’t know when they have had way too many.
Seems like all that hard tree sap can get to them if they’ve had enough. Guess it’s best to leave sleeping dogs lie even if their butt cracks are showing.
38. Now this meditating gnome is a true Zen master of the highest degree.
It’s said he’d sit there meditating for so long that the birds would perch in his beard. Guess he’d have to clean it when he’s done since the bird might leave him an unpleasant surprise.
39. Of course, this gnome looks as black as a tar baby.
I don’t know about you, but I think there’s something a bit racist about this gnome. I’m not sure what. Could it be because it looks painted in blackface and is drinking booze? Yeah, that’s probably it.
40. Seems like somebody either forgot to put sunscreen or has caught too many UV rays.
Now that’s a terrible sunburn. Guess taking a nap on the beach isn’t really a good idea for the fair skinned. Not sure about covering your eyes with blueberries.
41. Seems like this garden gnome really enjoys doing the hula in a grass skirt.
Then again, he seems like he’s been on too many island spirits or possibly trying to do the Macarena. Hope that he doesn’t show what’s under his skirt because I’m afraid to look.
42. Seems like this gnome and his old lady were meant to spend their lives on the open road.
Funny how they have gnomes for bikers these days. They seem like they’re the people you’d least expect to be in this type of tacky lawn decoration. Still, hope these 2 don’t belong in a gang.
43. Now this little gnome wish all you to feel the Pittsburgh steel.
For some reason the molten steel he’s pouring seems to resemble Cheez Whiz. Still, you’d find that a lot of college and pro sports teams have their own collectible gnome like this one for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
44. Seems like someone has to bend over to get a temperature.
I’m sure she’s taking his temperature because this display looks older. Then again, there could be something kinky going on and what she’s holding could be a butt plug instead of a thermometer.
45. Seems like some garden creep has been on way too much Viagra lately.
Nevertheless, at least he’s wearing underwear. However, he’s seems to be a pervert with a pension for exhibitionism, especially when he’s erect. Yeah, I’d stay away from him if I were you.
46. Seems like this gnome is either trigger happy or on a shooting rampage.
Yeah, I wouldn’t want to see him on a bad day. Reminds me of the Al Pacino character from Scarface. Oh, wait, that is derived from Scarface.
47. Hipster gnome really thinks your android is sow mainstream.
Then again, I always picture hipsters as young people, not with white Santa Claus beards. Still, I’m sure that iPhone cost a fortune for those aren’t cheap to buy or have repaired.
48. This undead garden gnome has a strong preference for venison.
Now that’s really disgusting. And pretty demented if I do say so myself. Also seems to like his deer meat real raw and bloody.
49. Of course, even the gnomes have to do dirty work once in a while.
Of course, there’s a better way to cleaning dog shit than a pooper scooper. It’s called leaving it there. Still, I’m not sure about him smoking a cigarette though.
50. Seems like someone has been drinking a little too much wine the night before.
Of course, waking up with a hangover could be worse in some situations other than this. Seems that glass of wine was too big for him for some reason.
51. “I am the gnome who knocks.”
Yes, this is a gnome Walter White. However, I’m sure when he got in the meth business, the whole garden gnome neighborhood went to shit. Still, wonder if they have a Jesse Pinkman gnome.
52. Of course, zombie gnomes always prefer to help themselves to some pink flamingo.
Man, I didn’t know those lawn flamingos could bleed. Always assumed they were made from plastic. Pretty demented though.
53. Now this gnome is a fine police officer of the law.
If it wasn’t for the cone hat, I would’ve assumed him to be an actual police officer. Love the star badge on his hat though.
54. Of course, while some gnomes are said to protect gardens, this one’s on the move to kill.
Yeah, he has a deadly streak in his eyes as well as murder on the mind. He also has a big ass knife in his hand.
55. This gnome family shows us that the family that slays together, stays together.
So while the father is armed with an ax and a dueling flintlock pistol, the mother appears to carry a loaded shotgun and the baby in her back harness. Still, I’m sure the gun he has can’t be fired without being reloaded.
56. “I’m gonna rock n’roll all night, and garden party every day.”
I may not be a fan of KISS. But when I see them as gnomes or nutcrackers, I have to include such depictions on my blog just for giggles.
57. Of course, on private matters, some gnomes can be really kinky in the garden.
Now this is pretty disturbing. Didn’t know BDSM fetishes could extend to garden gnomes. Of course, I wonder if they have a dominatrix garden gnome to come with him.
58. While most gnomes aren’t built like Adonis, this one is totally ripped.
Wonder if he’s on any performance enhancing drugs of some sort. I mean most bodybuilders are to some extend. Hell, a lot of athletes are, too like Lance Armstrong.
59. Of course, some gardens may contain a naturist gnome lurking around.
I’m sure the beard and belt are in place to cover up his naughty bits. Still, they call it the place where the sun don’t shine for a reason.
60. Of course, this ninja gnome is bound to hit anyone with a shovel at any moment.
Actually most ninjas didn’t wear black in real life since they functioned like covert agents and snipers. They usually dressed as peasants so the invisibility was psychological. However, this garden gnome ninja is just perfect.
61. Finally, a garden gnome promising change I can believe in.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure whether this Obama gnome is wearing a cone hat. Then again, maybe it was how this picture was photographed.
62. Seems like someone either doesn’t like flamingos or likes to eat them for dinner.
Now this is just demented if you really think about it. But I kind of find the gnome using the cleaver to behead a flamingo quite amusing, in a sick and twisted kind of way.
63. Like they say, it’s not over until the fat lady sings.
However, I have no idea why she’d wear a bikini and rabbit ears. I mean it doesn’t seem like appropriate attire for an opera singer as far as I’m concerned.
64. Seems like the gnomes really take to skate boarding and its cultural trimmings these days.
Oldest looking skater boy I’ve ever seen. Also, shouldn’t he be wearing a helmet? I mean he shouldn’t want to risk a head injury.
65. Of course, you still have to face some obstacles even in places where no gnome has gone before.
Seems like Captain Kirk and Gorn are about to go at it in this. One of the most memorable moments in Star Trek history. Also, Gorn almost looks no different.
66. Of course, you are all cordially invited to attend this royal gnome wedding.
So let me get this straight. The groom is already wearing a gone hat on his head. So why is he holding a top hat that’s obviously too small for him? I don’t get it. Don’t get it at all.
67. Of course, even in the gnome world, it seems that certain Starfleet members are more expendable than others.
Of course, for those who know anything about Star Trek: The Original Series, you’d be familiar with the term, “redshirt.” Of course, in Star Trek, if a previously unknown Starfleet character wears a red shirt, there’s a strong chance that he’s never coming back.
68. For the Japanese garden, these ninja and sumo wrestling gnomes will do you great service.
I don’t know about you. But they seem more or less resemble the Seven Dwarfs than anything from Japan. And I don’t think either of them have any Asian features either.
69. Seems like this guy has come straight out of Gnomeland Security.
Then again, he could be a sheriff or state trooper. Still, I’m sure intruders wouldn’t want to mess with
70. I call this one, “the Skanky Bride Gnome.”
Yeah, I don’t really care for swimsuit weddings. But I’m not sure why she’d have that set up for the bottoms. Oh, wait, is that her underwear? So why isn’t she wearing a dress, then?
71. For a Stripper Gnome, she sure knows her way around a pole.
I might’ve posted a picture with this one before on my lawn ornament post last year. Still, it’s quite funny and worth giving a closer look to. Also, I lover her glasses, by the way. Kind of similar to how many would imagine strippers in the Harry Potter world to look like in some respect.
72. Unlike some garden gnomes, this tiki one belongs in his island garden paradise.
Okay, pretty sure that’s a pretty offensive stereotype here. I mean blue paint, tusks in nose, shrunken head, grass skirt, staff, etc. Kind of reminds me of the savage natives you’d see in movies.
73. Seems like these two gnombres are having a fiesta.
Love the mariachi hat and the turned boots. Still, shouldn’t the lady’s hair be free flowing? It just seems off that she’s wearing a cone hat.
74. I’m sure these gnomes of horror movie villains will make a killer addition to your garden.
Seems like this ensemble includes many of the slasher-horror favorites. There’s Freddy and Jason as well as Leatherface. And I’m not sure who that one in the mask is. Really not sure.
75. These two gnomes are on a mission from God.
Yes, these are gnomes of the Blues Brothers from 1970s SNL. Look pretty much like the originals save for the beards and cone hats. But you know what they say about garden gnomes though.
76. Of course, you’d need a strong Viking warrior gnome to defend your garden.
Unlike some Viking depictions, at least this one doesn’t have helmet horns for a change. Of course, he does have a wooden hammer and a white beard.
77. Presenting the royal gnomes.
Now that obviously has to be a take off of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip. Of course, the Prince Philip one is depicted in traditional gnome fashion.
78. Of course, even gnomes could be prone to worshipping the devil or listening to death metal music.
Now that looks quite terrifying. I don’t mean the hat with the upside down cross. I mean the fact that his face and beard are painted like that which terrifies me.
79. Now this steampunk garden gnome seems to come fully automated.
Now is this an automaton or a gnome in a metal encased suit? Perhaps we’ll never know for sure. Like the drill head though.
80. Of course, these Star Trek gnomes will allow your garden to go where no man has gone before.
Of course, I’m so used to Kirk and Spock being so clean shaven and thin (well, for the most part). Still, I wonder whether they have gnomes of the rest of the main cast as well. Maybe I’ll never know for sure.