On Christmas Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 19, 2013

Of course, you can have cakes for any occasion and Christmas is no exception. However, not everyone either makes a cake for Christmas or buys one at the store perhaps specially made. Yet, while some may seem like works of art as shown above others, well, though may taste good, shouldn’t be presented at any Christmas family gathering. Now I can’t do home made cakes because they never come out the way you intended. Besides, with store bought cakes, you tend to have higher expectations even at your neighborhood Wal Mart or supermarket. So without further adieu here is a list of some store bought Christmas cakes gone bad.

1. Why so sad, Santa?

Not looking very jolly are you, Santa?

2. Is that supposed to be a stocking or a chimney?

Guess it’s hard to make a cake stocking.

3. The five limb gingerbread man.

Seriously, gingerbread men shouldn’t have tails.

4. The candy cane boomerang.

More appropriate for Australia than anywhere else.

5. Night of the living igloo.

Or perhaps this is the dwelling of the abominable snowman.

6. Evil snowman rising out of the cupcakes.

Be afraid, be very afraid for the snowman cometh.

7. Penguin must be having a blue Christmas.

Looks like Christmas isn’t a great time of year for the South Pole.

8. For God’s sake, this is Christmas, not a bachelorette party!

Of course, this may be accidental but still you wouldn’t want it around children. You wouldn’t believe how many cake designs contain these kinds of naughty bits.

9. For God’s sake, you take me for a bell boy!

When we sing “Silver Bells” we don’t mean those silver bells.

10. Even Rudolph has his bad days.

For God’s sake, where’s the North Pole vet when you need him?

11. Yellow snowman?

Looks like Frosty must be the dog’s favorite bathroom.

12. Gingerbread man gone bad.

The punk gingerbread man of your nightmares.

13. Be good for Santa Bear.

Or else you die! Seriously, don’t mess with Santa Bear.

14. Now I see why some people are afraid of Santa.

Take it away, please! I’m begging you.

15. Frosty the Snowman after a car accident.

Resulting in a serious decapitation. Still, there may be a way to get him together if the snow doesn’t melt.

16. Something is not right with this one.

Snowman Santa isn’t in a good mood this year as far as I can tell.

17. I know Santa is the spokesman for Coca-Cola but this is ridiculous.

Especially with having Santa pose naked.

18. Googly eyes snowman head.

What happened to two eyes made out of coal? This is terrifying!

19. Santa must be in shock.

I mean he’s lying flat on his back! Someone get a doctor!

20.Santa is not looking forward to Christmas this year.

Or else is wanting to know who gives him a Christmas present. Also, he’s pretty tired after a long night.

21. What do rubber ducks have to do with Christmas?

Seriously, why have rubber ducks on there? It’s crazy!

22. This is a Christmas tree?

More like a living Christmas bush if you ask me. Kind of creepy with the eyes.

23. I wonder about the creepy penguin chorus.

Perhaps made to spread awareness on climate change.

24. Santa in Crappyland.

The neighborhood has seen better days. Still, it’s all gone downhill.

25. Santa on the holly.

Or Santa on the seaweed as it looks to me.

26. Santa takes care of passed out Rudolph.

I don’t like the look of this one. Also, keep out of reach of children since it borders on bestiality and/or date rape.

27. Frosty the Snow Hulk.

And you don’t want to make him angry.

28. Oh, great, a Santa roast.

This is disturbing. Honestly.

29. Say hello to the Holiday House of Horrors.

Or if Mario and Luigi’s home had a Santa’s head on a spike as decoration.

30. Christmas wouldn’t be complete without homicidal ghost penguins.

This is pretty messed up, please say they’re covered in snow. Please.

For More:

Cakewrecks.com: http://www.cakewrecks.com/

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 18, 2013

Of course, we have vintage Christmas cards all that seem to appear as works of art and hearken to more simpler times. I mean who just can’t resist a card from the olden days before all those crazy Christmas cards with the awkward families and fart jokes. Christmas had a sweet innocence then. Yeah right, because as history major, you eventually learn that nostalgia is overrated. Many either seem to bring sentimental and fond memories of an earlier to your grandparents or perhaps nightmares to your kids. Not to mention, some may also bring great offense to your racial minority friends. And with some you may wonder whether the 1960s drug culture actually began in the 1960s. Still, I can go all I want with the lovely artistry, the cute little kids, and whatever but I know beauty is subjective while it is easy to tell which vintage cards are not ones you’d want to send to your relatives. Now without further adieu, I present to you some of the strangest, tackiest, and creepiest vintage Christmas cards around.

1. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than Santa lending a hand to a woman who’s wasted.

And there’s a dog getting a niff of the stuff.

2. Of course, some people don’t believe in Christmas but that doesn’t mean they belong in these categories.

Seriously, I think some of these guys do celebrate Christmas. Besides, just because you don’t believe in Christmas doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

3. How is it possible to be all right after being in a snowman?

And with that face, I might be questioning that woman’s sexual preferences.

4. Haunted by devils or just hungover?

This guy is going to need therapy during the new year. Also, the skeleton ghost is pretty creepy, too.

5. Rolling an old guy into a large snowball, just nice.

As if harassing the elderly isn’t bad enough.

6. What’s with baking children in pies?

Seriously, can’t anyone see some hint of cannibalism here?

7. These little angels will possess your soul.

Seriously, these are angels? More like creepy little demons to me of every race, creed, and color, no less. Jesus, this is terrifying.

8. These frightful pigs bring tidings of good cheer.

And then kill you in your sleep in retaliation for eating their relatives.

9. Let’s just say, I don’t want to see Santa do ballet.

This is especially terrifying. The kids in this are especially creepy. Also, is that a French flag at the top?

10. Of course, Santa just listens on the party line to know who’s naughty or nice.

And he’s reveling in hearing your conversations like the NSA would.

11. No, you don’t want to be a little teapot.

Nor would you want to be in one either.

12. Of course, I tend to wonder whether Santa was the inspiration for Finding Bigfoot.

And Sasquatch hunters have been lost in the woods ever since.

13. I guess this boy didn’t want an emu for Christmas.

At least she didn’t get a hippopotamus for Christmas.

14. Don’t like the look of the yeti in this picture.

Mountain climber….mmm…..scrumptious.

15. Guess those kids really want those presents from Santa.

You better know they’ve been good this year, Santa, or else.

16. I have a bad feeling about this.

I can seriously hear Santa say, “I have plans for you, Goldilocks.”

17. I know it’s racist but I had to show this one.

Sorry, NAACP, but my collection of bad vintage Christmas cards wouldn’t be complete without a racist one. Still, at least I didn’t use all of them and I know there are a lot of them out there. This one of the least offensive which would’ve been perfectly fine without the racist depiction of a black lady.

18. This cat looks like it’s up to no good.

Cat looks like he’s high on something and I don’t think it’s catnip.

19. Aw, the jester served Christmas dinner to an unfortunate soul.

Unfortunately, he won’t be able to eat it. And when he can, it will be covered with rotten fruit and vegetables or else be rotten in itself.

20. So you mean Santa now has his headquarters on the moon?

Merry Christmas, from space. Seriously, if you have an engine, do you really need reindeer in spacesuits? Also, space igloo?

21. So Santa’s sleigh is pulled by turkeys?

Someone must be getting his or her holidays mixed up.

22. Dog with gun, what can possibly go wrong with that?

Wasn’t there an incident with a dog shooting its owner in Bowling for Columbine?

23. Sure we hung the carolers but they’re still singing.

Ornaments and candle flame must be pissed.

24. Santa brings home the bacon.

Well, he stole a couple of pigs from the elves. Naughty Santa. Seriously, who thought of this?

25. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than an armed frog killing for money.

Just when does amphibious armed robbery and murder have to do with Christmas? This is sick. Guess the dead frog will end up in someone’s biology class.

26. Watch for the spiderweb, cupid.

Else you’d end up as spider dinner, you naked ass angel.

27. For God’s sake what does a jellyfish have anything to do with Christmas?

I mean seriously this picture doesn’t make any sense to me.

28. Nothing like receiving “Seasons Greetings” by a disembodied dog head.

Kind of freaking me out.

29. Or so says the fox.

Saying is pretty good but it’s held by someone who could be from Fantastic Mr. Fox. Still, something doesn’t seem right having a fox hold up a sign.

30. “Peace, Joy, Health, and Happiness” from a mouse on a lobster.

What kind of designer came up with this disgusting idea? This isn’t cute. Maybe for adolescent boys or biology majors, but not for anyone else.

31. Guess reindeer didn’t fly efficiently.

So Santa had to use satellite engines, solar powered.

32. Santa with binoculars, don’t want to know.

I don’t want to know if he’s looking for me.

33. Don’t think this is appropriate for babies.

The lion is especially terrifying. Also, Noah’s ark, really?

34. Seems Santa’s legs are going up in smoke.

Also, why are kids sleeping near the fire. Must be under a carbon monoxide trip upon seeing a vision of Santa. Probably will kill them.

35. Little Santas must be high on eggnog or is it just the designers.

This just defies all explanation. Seriously, little Santas with holly hoops? That’s just freaky, man.

36. Merry Christmas courtesy of the Krampus.

As you might know, the Krampus is a creature known to punish bad children on Christmas. And it seems he’s got a whole legion of brats. He’s not supposed to be nice.

37. Santa always has a bunch of goodies in his sack for all the good girls and boys. Let’s see what he has here.

From Mashable: “Now then, children, let’s see what old Santa’s got for you. How about a Yoko Ono shield and spear set? Or a Punch mannequin? Or a spade? Or a gun?”

38. Be good for Santa Claus, or else!

Okay, okay, big guy. Put the gun down. No need to use any violence in the situation. Yeah, Santa has gone homicidal.

39. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when your awake.

I’m having a really bad feeling about what Santa’s doing here. Yeah, I know the job is stressful but he doesn’t seem his jolly old self to me.

40. Merry Christmas, and remember not to piss off Santa this year.

From Mashable: “You know, people often ask me, ‘Santa, what do you do with the children who’ve been bad?’ Here’s the answer: I pretend I’m dead and beat them with a bunch of sticks tied up with a ribbon. Happy Christmas.”

41. Santa might have a big sack of toys but so little room for demands.

Yeah, I’m sure Santa Claus is thinking about getting some more sacks next year so he won’t have to stuff any toys in his boots. That can’t be comfortable.

42. Seems like Frosty the Snowman has a new girlfriend and a new holly mustache.

Not sure if I buy into Frosty’s new look. Doesn’t seem to have the same charm.

43. Sorry, kids, Santa has wrecked his sleigh so he might be a little late getting presents to you this year.

What baffles me is that he’s using a jalopy but it has nothing but trees in the bed. Seriously, shouldn’t toys be in there.

44. Seems like this kid can’t wait to open his presents.

My friends, that is a face of a future psychopath. Will probably grow up to be either a psycho killer or an executive on Wall Street.

45. Merry Christmas from the depressed snowman and the coated angel.

Okay, why are there shamrocks here? That’s for Saint Patrick’s Day. The designers really seem to have their holidays mixed up this year.

46. Season’s greetings from the walking robin family.

Wait a minute, robins usually don’t stay on during the winter, if my knowledge of birds is correct. They’re usually down south. Yeah, this is fucked up.

47. Merry Christmas from, wait, what the hell does a butterfly have to do with Christmas?

I really don’t get this. I mean this looks more appropriate Easter card, not Christmas. Don’t ask me.

48. Merry Christmas from your darling spider girl.

Yes, she’s cute. But come on, Halloween’s over already. Seriously, what the hell do spiders have to to with Christmas?

49. Hop along on Santa’s new ride, a shiny red flying bus.

Of course, the reindeer tagged along just in case the bus broke down or ran out of fuel. Unfortunately, this happened very often.

50. Seems like Santa has instilled child labor. So disappointed.

I’m sure Santa tends to put people on the naughty list for such horrible labor practices. Yet, uses kid labor himself. What a hypocrite.

On the Christmas Nutcracker

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 14, 2013

Of course, we’re all familiar with this Christmas figure from the Tchaikovsky ballet called The Nutcracker which kind goes in the same league with The Wizard of Oz or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Ditto, the music called The Nutcracker Suite. Still, they were said to be given as keepsakes to bring good luck to your family representing power and strength guarding it from evil spirits and danger. That is, according to German folklore. Anyway, while many may view nutcrackers as a festive Christmas decoration while others see them as creepy and demented. Still, though I can show you some of the many designs, I’ll just show you some of the strangest, freakiest, creepiest, and most demented nutcrackers around. So without further adieu, here is the list of freaky nutcrackers.

1. Remember the Wicked Witch of the West’s guards from The Wizard of Oz? Well, there’s a nutcracker of one of them.

And just as scary as the real thing in the movie.

2. Here’s a Peter Pan nutcracker with his doll fairy Tinkerbell.

Peter Pan is always creepy for me regardless of depiction (maybe not the Broadway one though).

3. And for your sweetheart in February, here’s a Valentine’s Day nutcracker.

This one makes me puke. If any guy gave me this, I’d say, “Hell, no!” One ugly nutcracker.

4. If you want to add an Asian flair, here’s a Sumo wrestler nutcracker.

This is actually pretty tacky, but might be offensive to the Japanese who are into sumo wrestling.

5. A hippie nutcracker will certainly bring you back to the 1960s.

And you better buy pot from him or he’ll start to play his trippy music. Then again, maybe the music’s not that bad.

6. Get a Boy Scout nutcracker to show your patriotism and support to these fine young men.

Gives me the creeps just looking at it. I wonder what the Boy Scouts think of these figures. Then again, they’re a more homophobic organization than the military so they probably deserve the creepy Boy Scout figures.

7. If you liked the fairytale, here is a frog prince nutcracker.

And here he is sitting on top of the head of the evil king.

8. Nutcracker Santa goes down a chimney.

And into your kids’ nightmares.

9. And here’s a nutcracker as Satan.

Doesn’t really look like he’d scare he hell out of you doesn’t he? Also, not very tempting.

10. Of course, you’ll always have to get a nutcracker set of KISS.

Or just variations of Svengoolie from MEtv who kind of looks like a fifth member minus the white makeup. Then again, I’m not sure if anyone knows who Svengoolie is.

11. Speaking of rock n’ roll, for those with a heart of burning love, here’s a nutcracker of Elvis.

Elivis? Looks more like Michael Jackson to me.

12. Didn’t know they had a nutcracker of Ivan the Terrible.

Or Vlad the Impaler, I don’t know which. Still, is this supposed to be Russian Santa because I don’t think he’s very jolly.

13. For your Christian friends, you can give them a nutcracker nativity scene.

Joseph doesn’t look too happy here. In fact, he seems pretty pissed off.

14. And here’s a nutcracker from Candyland.

And you better not rip on the way he dresses because he has a battle axe.

15. Also, here are two more Christmasy nutcrackers from the land of the Sugarplum Fairies.

Both of them look pretty creepy to me and a bit overdressed to suit my tastes.

16. What Christmas wouldn’t be complete without a nutcracker of Charles Dickens?

Doesn’t even look like him. More like a deranged Ebenezer Scrooge than anything.

17. And here’s a nutcracker with a bear on its head.

And I think the bear is less scarier than the guy it’s sitting on top of.

18. Looks like Dracula nutcracker looks very angry.

Because he’s so pissed off about Twilight, he’s spilling blood everywhere.

19. Verily, there’s a nutcracker of William Shakespeare.

Kind of creepy in his little fancy pants and balding head, I dare say. Or does methinks I protesth too much?

20. Let’s see Santa nutcracker show us his marionette.

Utterly demented. Seriously, Santa as puppetmeister?

21. Here’s a Dickensian nutcracker of a chimney sweep.

Who also abducts children in his spare time. Seriously, in the early Victorian days, it was young boys who actually cleaned chimneys naked. This guy only supervised the lot.

22. Fly away with aviator nutcracker.

I think I’ll take a pass. Seriously, he looks pretty creepy.

23. For all you ink enthusiast, here’s a tattooed nutcracker.

Intimidating, isn’t it? Not really.

24. Uncle Sam wants you to get this nutcracker.

Doesn’t seem to look very Yankee Doodle dandy, doesn’t he? Seems more willing to draft people instead.

25. For your Irish friends, here’s a nutcracker of a leprechaun.

And don’t you dare try to steal away his pot of gold from under him.

26. Black Forest nutcracker will get his presents this year.

Or else he’ll kidnap your children. Or is it the Dutch Santa, I can’t be sure of which now.

27. And of course, you have to have a Tchaikovsky nutcracker.

Sure he wrote The Nutcracker Suite but looks very threatening nevertheless, especially with the Mouse King in one hand and candle in the other.

28. How about a nutcracker dressed as a Christmas tree?

Looks like a nutcracker in drag than anything to me, especially with the beard.

29. Say hello to the jester nutcracker.

That will give you nightmares as you try to sleep.

30. And here are three glittered nutcrackers from the Candy Cane Forest.

Heard they got in some trouble with the Lollypop Guild. Oh, yeah, they harassed them while they were on strike.

31. And here’s a redneck nutcracker for those blue collar types.

And is willing to use a gun to shoot Bambi like a real one would.

32. Here’s a lawyer nutcracker that is well dressed with a top hat.

Or is he just trying to scare you as a mysterious figure in the snow.

33. Like nutcrackers, Pinocchio is made out of wood so shouldn’t he be a nutcracker, too?

And like many incarnations of Pinocchio (save Disney), it is utterly terrifying.

34. And who can’t be patriotic for having a nutcracker of America’s heroes?

At least he’s dressed like a real soldier but I don’t know about the camo.

35. When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, you have to call a Ghostbuster nutcracker.

Because the ghosts are more afraid of him as you’ll ever be of them.

36. And here’s some garden gnome nutcrackers.

Don’t really look happy, don’t they?

37. Get into a boat with a nutcracker fisherman.

Wouldn’t want to mess with his angling technique, would you?

38. Go down the slope with a skier nutcracker.

But don’t be surprise if he drives you to your death.

39. And here’s the nutcracker fairy ballerina.

But I don’t think I’d want to piss her off if you know what I mean. Still, perhaps Cinderella could do worse than having her as a fairy godmother.

40. Scottish Santa nutcracker doesn’t seem too happy.

But at least he’s not playing the bag pipes. Still, looks pretty pissed.

41. And here’s an Eskimo Santa nutcracker with a seal.

Actually it should be Inuit Santa. Eskimo is an Algonquin word meaning “eater of raw flesh.” Then again, many of the Northern tribes do and so would this one. Still, be glad he doesn’t come with a harpoon gun.

42. Paris shopping nutcracker always goes for the latest styles.

As far as freakiness goes, she kind of gives Cruella de Vil a run for her money, especially with the hair.

43. Be sure to rely on your friendly neighborhood police nutcracker.

Or else he’ll cuff you.

44. And here’s a lovely nutcracker of the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Could also pass as the White Witch of Narnia nutcracker if you’re a fan of C. S. Lewis.

45. What would Christmas be without a nutcracker of Mrs. Claus?

Looks more like a circus clown with pears to me.

46. You certainly don’t want to mess with the nutcracker queen.

And don’t you dare try to criticize her outrageous outfit.

47. And this little blue nutcracker seems royally pissed.

Could also be referred to as Attila the Hun nutcracker or Genghis Khan nutcracker.

48. Relive the tale of Robin Hood through these nutcracker figures.

The Robin Hood one is especially frightening.

49. And here is a nutcracker of the Wizard of Oz.

Looks more intimidating than the one from the movie, especially with the turban.

50. Play ball with this baseball player nutcracker.

Or else he’ll whack you with a baseball bat.

Here Comes Santa Decorations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 13, 2013

Of course, what Christmas wouldn’t be without the big guy himself, Santa Claus? Every year on Christmas Eve he travels all over the world on his reindeer powered sleight, breaks into people’s houses through the chimney, eats their milk and cookies (or Guinness in Ireland), and leaves presents for the kids. Still, there are many decorations depicting Santa Claus and while some of them may be nice, others may seem to belong in a Stephen King novel. Nevertheless, they come in all shapes and sizes. So you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout because I’m telling you why. Now here is a collection of some of the sketchiest Santa decor you will ever see.

1. This light up Santa figurine will haunt your dreams.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake.” Or else Santa may kill you.

2. Just because Santa’s sleigh may be pulled by reindeer, doesn’t mean other deer are safe from him.

Sorry, Bambi, be as good as you can, but you still won’t be safe from Santa.

3. Just him and Frosty roasting by the fire or doing something else.

Seriously, you don’t want to know. Also, why is Frosty near a fire?

4. Sometimes Santa just has an accident.

So now he’s hanging on the gutters of someone’s house.

5. Hippie Santa says, “Peace on earth, and rock on, dude.”

So, kids, perhaps you should forget leaving Santa cookies and perhaps leave him some of those special hashish brownies, if it’s legal in your jurisdiction.

6. Looks like Santa hasn’t adjusted to greater air traffic.

And to think him of all people would know better than to crash into a 747.

7. Or vehicle traffic in general.

No wonder Santa would rather enter through the chimney.

8. Looks like Santa has just had a few too many.

A good reason why you shouldn’t leave any alcohol for Santa. But many people do, especially in Ireland.

9. Santa salutes America’s finest.

Seriously, why is Santa wearing camo. And doesn’t he travel to other countries as well? I mean he’s more of an international figure.

10. Hey, even Santa has to relieve himself once in awhile.

Of course, you don’t want to go in there after Santa has done his duty.

11. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than seeing a naked Santa at a pizza place.

Wearing nothing but his hat, socks, and mistletoe on his privates.

12. Of course, sometimes there’s a reason why some kids may be scared of seeing Santa at the mall.

A perfect Santa figurine for Stephen King who probably has one in his house already.

13. Who needs a sleigh when you have a camper?

Doesn’t really have the same ring as sleigh, doesn’t it? Also, he’s sharing it with the reindeer?

14. Cozy up for Christmas with the Hot Santa couch cushion.

Now I understand why Mommy was kissing Santa Claus.

15. Have a Santa Claus toilet set to grace your royal throne.

Now you can have your commode in the spirit of the season while your guests are taking a crap.

16. Why have a red suit when Santa can have Goldfinger’s pajamas?

I think James Bond gave them to him in order to compensate all the bad things he’s done this year. Also, this Santa is pretty creepy and can give kids nightmares.

17. If you don’t have a chimney, you can always give him a ladder for him to climb through the front door.

But would you’d want to risk it with such a flimsy ladder?

18. Of course what wouldn’t your Christmas be like if Santa wasn’t on his white reindeer in a hula skirt?

Seriously, whoever designed this must’ve been on a brown acid trip in Hawaii.

19. Even Santa is quite an angler with the rod and the reel.

Actually doesn’t seem to look much like Santa than as a creepy old fisherman. Still, I’m not sure if Santa is a fishing type.

20. Still, like many Santa can’t resist a John Deere Tractor.

Seriously, why the hell is Santa on a tractor? He lives in the North Pole so I’m not sure he has any use for one.

21. And here’s a sweet lifelike Saint Nick you’d see in your neighborhood drugstore.

There can be such a thing as too lifelike. Also, I’ve seen a lot of these things over this time of year and let me say, they’re not cute. They’re creepy.

22. Would you want this guy leave presents for your kids?

Why is it about certain Santa decorations that makes them so terrifying?

23. Santa as a serial killer? And I thought he was good with kids.

Introducing Santa Claus the Homicidal Maniac. So, kids, be good, or else.

24. Sometimes Santa just doesn’t have anything to wear.

But that doesn’t explain why his pjs look like they’re fresh from a comic book convention.

25. Fill your drinks through a Santa drink dispenser.

Kind of looks like he’s peeing when you press the button.

26. In a galaxy far, far away, children receive their presents from Yoda Claus.

“Been good this year, you have?” said Yoda Claus. “So what for Christmas this year you want?”

27. Even Santa needs to come prepared.

So he can shoot bambi from the watchtower like all the other hunters.

28. Just Santa and the Mrs. taking some time off.

Not sure if I’m all right with seeing them like this, especially without their feet covered.

29. What the hell is Santa holding in his hand?

Looks more like a giant popsicle to me.

30. Even Santa may get the seventh year itch.

You know many parents would object to this. And I’m not sure if we want to see what Santa has underneath. Seriously, why?

Seasons Greetings, on the Christmas Card

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 11, 2013

Of course, one hallmarks of Christmas is known as the Christmas card that people send each other over the holidays. Some may have a letter attached as well as pictures of kids while may be bought from the store. Others might have been designed by the families themselves either specially ordered or used with photoshop or computer. Still, while some cards may be pleasing, others should never be sent. Still, I could go on and on about some of the well designed Christmas cards, but of course, no one wants to see them on the internet (though my sister the art student may differ on hat one). So without further adieu, here is a collection of tacky Christmas cards which I hope to enjoy (and my sincere apologies for the families depicted as I mock their presentations mercilessly but most of these photos are internet public domain anyway while some of them may be intentional).

1. Of course, they wanted to say Merry Christmas but they were too busy on their smartphones during the photo shoot.

So much with technology.

2. Nothing puts the “Christ” in Christmas like a tattooed nativity scene on your back.

Kind of sticks with you, doesn’t it?

3. Trying to juxtapose your love of Star Wars in a Christmas card. Interesting concept….

I think I sense a disturbance in the Force.

4. If the leopard and gazelle scene is symbolic of your family dynamic, I’d suggest you see a therapist right away.

Yeah, just don’t take any card decorating ideas from National Geographic. Besides, people may wonder whether your family is dysfunctional.

5. Sure I may feel the same way but would I put those views on a Christmas card to send to my relatives?

Also, the graphic imagery on decapitation.

6. Mistletoe, appropriate. Missile toe? WTF?

Bad pun intended. Also, not everyone pronounces “mistletoe” and missile toe” the same way.

7. Nothing says “Peace on Earth” than a Christmas card promoting the 2nd Amendment.

Seriously, Christmas is not a time of year to promote gun rights, especially in Newtown. Also, may make others want to vouch for gun control.

8.Having your kids restrained by Christmas lights and duct tape is a great way to get them to sit still for the camera.

Of course, let’s just hope someone from Child Services doesn’t get hold of this.

9. Merry Christmas from the Furries.

I know this is photoshopped but this is pretty strange, especially with a cat Santa and dog reindeer.

10. Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” than seeing Santa on a surfboard holding a screaming kid.

If this isn’t photoshopped, this kid is going to be scarred for life.

11. Because our cats walk on two legs and sing in our church choir.

You have to wonder whether this photoshop was done under the influence of drugs.

12. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than using your baby as a reindeer to pull your sleigh.

Must be another drug addled photoshop but still kind of freaky.

13. Because your relatives need to see Dad in a dress from the Renaissance Festival.

If real men wear pink, then Dad must take manliness to a new level. Also, ditto the boy in puffy purple pants and pink shirt.

14. Because there’s nothing more adorable than seeing your little girl trying to ruin a picture by flipping the bird.

Her grandparents must be shocked and devastated upon seeing this.

15. Since your pets usually take the place of your children.

I know many people consider their pets as part of the family but this is ridiculous.

16. Three generations of barbers in ugly sweaters, one of them doesn’t seem to like it.

Reminds me of a poorly done local commercial for some reason.

17. Nothing expresses family togetherness over the holidays like having your Christmas card photo taken from prison.

This is probably one of the nicest ones on this post and you have to give it to them for trying to make the best of the situation even if one of them has been very very naughty. Still, it’s prison and her relatives may wonder if she’s with the right man.

18. Merry Christmas from the guy whose family just left him.

Divorced or single, either way, he doesn’t seem to be having a merry Christmas.

19. Merry Christmas from the single guy with two cats who just wants to go places.

He might have had his picture taken there, but he just didn’t have the money to travel.

20. Trapped in the snow globe.

Seriously, who thinks of these photo ops?

21. Merry Christmas from the white Gangsta Rap fans.

And you wonder why we make fun of white hip-hop fans. This is just cheesy.

22. Seriously, just because you have a computer doesn’t mean you should include it in your Christmas card.

Only the late Steve Jobs would be proud.

23. Merry Christmas from your single neighborhood mailman.

Of course, he wants everyone to know that he has no family, that he knows of. Still, can’t think of such card picture as a thinly veiled personal ad.

24. Nothing says Christmas than your kids being scared of Santa.

There are a lot of card pictures like this if you know what I mean.

25. Seasons Greetings from the fur trapping Iditarod family.

Let’s just hope they don’t know anyone from PETA. I mean imagine their faces.

26. Merry Christmas from America or rural Afghanistan?

Seriously, burqas should never be worn in Christmas cards, especially by non-Muslim women.

27. Because you couldn’t say “Merry Christmas” without your Halloween costumes.

Especially with the parents dressed as freakish clowns.

28. Because little sister couldn’t have the strength to smile during a photo shoot.

Everyone has a limit and this girl is certainly not happy.

29. Let’s hope the baby isn’t being used for Mom’s golfing hobby.

Baby is probably clinging to Daddy’s knee because Mommy is a little tee’d off right now.

30. Nothing says “Silent Night” like duct taping your kids’ mouths shut for the picture.

This will shut up the little buggers.

31. Merry Christmas from Santa’s kidnappers.

To put it this way, guns and Christmas simply don’t mix, end of story.

32. If you’re an expectant couple, I don’t think posing as Mary and Joseph is a good idea.

I may not have much of a problem with the Mary and Joseph costumes, but the caption is a whole different matter. I mean it’s kind of offensive.

33. Christmas in Parentland.

Yeah, baby’s first Christmas is kind of like that.

34. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than costumed bestiality.

Of course, this is probably her way of telling her parents she’s dating a furry.

35. Nothing so ironic than a beautiful angel giving you coal.

Pretty angel, shitty present unless you’re freezing or a miner.

36. Letting baby smoke isn’t going to make you Father of the Year.

Well, as Big Tobacco might say in their corporate meetings, you better get them hooked while they’re young.

37. Didn’t know Alfred Hitchcock made Christmas movies.

It was called The Birds Holiday Special.

38. Nothing expresses family togetherness over the holidays than a family shave.

Seriously, why give a kid a safety razor? Also, I don’t think mom and kid need to shave, unless they have some freak hormone imbalance.

39. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” than posing in what you sleep.

Or telling the family Dad either sleeps nude or is an exhibitionist.

40. Merry Christmas from the neighbors you don’t want to mess with.

Just when do little kids have a hairier chest than some adult men? Also, what does martial arts have to do with Christmas?

http://happyplace.someecards.com/12895/the-most-shockingly-bizarre-family-holiday-cards-ever-sent

From Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/24/wtf-holiday-cards-30-bizarre-christmas-card-portraits_n_2358943.html

From Cap’n Wacky: http://www.capnwacky.com/holiday/cards.html

From iVillage: http://www.ivillage.com/ridiculously-awkward-holiday-photos/6-b-404528

http://www.somethingawful.com/comedy-goldmine/inappropriate-holiday-cards/

The Wonderful World of Gingerbread Architecture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 9, 2013

I’m not sure of how the tradition of gingerbread building got started, but for many years people have used it as a small scale building material for houses and other edifices. Of course, there has always been a gingerbread White House every year since the Carter administration but whether it gave rise to such craze is unknown. Still, since the tale of Hansel and Gretel, people probably have been using gingerbread to build houses and such, especially as a Christmas tradition. And there are even gingerbread house contests. Still, gingerbread houses in many ways are a fine line between decoration and food depending on the material composition. However, I can post pictures of many creative and beautiful gingerbread houses but since beauty is in the eye of the beholder I’m going to post gingerbread pieces that would never ever be seen in a saccharine Thomas Kinkade painting, especially houses that are either hideous or don’t tell a pleasant side of the holidays. So here are some of the not so cutesy sentimental gingerbread houses many of you might not have seen.

1. Gingerbread Crack House- a gingerbread house on the wrong side of the tracks.

The closest thing in gingerbread architecture that ever comes close to The Wire.

2.Zombie House- I don’t like the look of that place.

Sometimes in a zombie apocalypse, the zombies are the last thing to worry about, especially if the house is out to eat you.

3. Wrapper House- hard times have fallen many in Gingerbread Town.

The creator may not have intended for the wrappers to make the house look it’s from a poverty stricken neighborhood. But because he or she used wrappers, it kind of does.

4. Gingerbread Prison Yard- where our gingerbread men do hard time.

Where runaway gingerbread go when they’re caught at least by other gingerbread men.

5. Gingerbread Prison- even Gingerbread Town needs a place to put their shady characters.

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Still, with candy cane fences and barred licorice windows, kind of looks too cute to be a jailhouse. Still, kind of dank.

6. Gingerbread Outhouse- because even gingerbread people at one time needed a place to do their business.

I’m not sure if I want to go in there after Shrek’s done with it.

7. CBGB- has seen better days.

It’s actually a renown music club in Manhattan and looks much nicer than its gingerbread version. But anyone looking at this who doesn’t live in New York City wouldn’t have guessed it.

8. These rednecks make the Grinch look like a boy scout.

Say what you want about the Grinch impersonating Santa Claus, breaking in other people’s houses to steal everything in sight. Yet, at least he’s never shot Rudolph and mounted his head or tie Santa to the top of his trailer.

9. This person really doesn’t like people.

Did I just see a foreclosure sign? Might explain a lot.

10. This is probably Lady Gaga’s dream house.

Wouldn’t be surprised if her house actually looked like that.

11. Even gingerbread houses can fall decrepit nowadays.

Sorry, but I don’t think anyone will buy a house in that shape especially an abandoned one in a bad neighborhood.

12. Guess the residents here aren’t having a good day.

“Come out with your hands up!” shouted the toy policemen.

13. Is that a dead body in the dumpster?

Yes, it is, but I wonder if Marcelli’s Waste Management had anything to do with it? Still, dumpsters aren’t great places to dump murder victims since it’s usually one of the first places police will look and then there’s the garbage men.

14. In the snowy cold, this gingerbread trailer may be the only shelter around.

Yet, even if the light inside means it’s inhabited, that doesn’t explain the boarded window.

15. Yes, even some gingerbread houses have hoarders.

Of course, this may just be the garage. You know how some houses are designed.

16. Of course, there always has to be a gingerbread McDonald’s as there’s one everywhere.

I’m not sure if a McDonald’s gingerbread house is a good idea with all its connotations.

17. This building is certainly not one I’d like to go in.

Seedy hangout, abandoned tourist trap, or whatever, I wouldn’t go in there. Seems pretty sleazy to me.

18. Well, even gingerbread people need a check cash and a liquor store.

Of course, you wouldn’t want either in a decent gingerbread neighborhood. Also, “loans” looks a lot like “coons.” Just saying.

19. Gingerbread Trailer Park- for the low income gingerbread folk.

Trailer: home of the stereotypical redneck. Of course, not good with tornadoes.

20. Yet sometimes housing is more elevated in some locations.

I’m not sure if there are homes like that in real life. Probably.

21. A gingerbread whorehouse? Now I’ve seen everything.

I guess the person behind this wanted to be noticed. Still, would’ve passed for an ordinary gingerbread house if it weren’t for the words, “Welcome to the Whore House” and the presence of gingerbread hookers.

22. Just an old abandoned house.

But it may be on fire but seems time has forgotten about it.

23. Didn’t know Santa and his wife lived in a trailer.

Either that or it’s just they tend to resemble the Clauses.

24. The gingerbread hood.

Always known a “Gentleman’s Club” is now a misnomer. Still, I think that guy owns both of them.

25. The witch’s lair where the windows have eyes.

I think the house is staring right at me.

26. Merry Christmas from the gingerbread Roosevelt Hotel.

For some reason I don’t see palm trees as anything relating to gingerbread or Christmas but maybe that’s just because I live in Pennsylvania.

27. The modern style gingerbread house.

For some reason, I’m sure if gingerbread and some styles of modern architecture mix well. Also, palm trees.

28. Don’t know if I’d want to go there.

Looks like a bad gingerbread neighborhood from what I see here. Also, are those dead bodies?

29. Of course, even gingerbread folk have their dens of sin.

Has to be one in every town, does there? God, almighty.

30. Is this a house, work building, or medical office?

Seriously, I don’t know what this building’s purpose is. Still, reminds me more of a medical or commercial facility than an actual residence.

For More:

http://happyplace.someecards.com/2301/the-most-offensive-gingerbread-houses-ever-made

The Holly and the Ivy, on the Christmas Wreath

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2013

Whether it be on the front door or on the wall or whether it be crafted or bought, the Christmas wreath has always graced homes everywhere. Of course, they could come in a wide range of shapes and sizes as well as materials. And though some may appear masterfully done, others well, not so much. In fact, some of them may not be very appropriate to grace a house at all at times. Still, this may be a sensitive subject when it comes to tacky wreaths since many probably worked hard on them only to have me graciously mock them. Yet here is a list of tacky Christmas wreaths for all to enjoy.

1. Nothing says “Welcome” or “Peace on Earth” than a wreath made out of shotgun shells with a gun in the center.

To me this says, “You’re an intruder and get the fuck out of here!”

2. Of course, you can try to make one from recyclable materials or garbage.

Sure this may be eco-friendly but it still looks like garbage.

3. A beer can Christmas tree not only is eco-friendly but it will look good on any frat house door.

I’d be wondering if the owner has a drinking problem since he or she has all the beer cans to make a wreath.

4. Yet, if you want something simple, you can go with the ultra modern look.

Somehow when I look at this, I can’t help comparing it to a toilet seat.

5. If you want to protect the earth but not do a lot of work, you may want to paint a tire green and put a bow on it. Simple as that.

Yeah, but I don’t think it looks appropriate anywhere but at a place relating to car service, a hardware store or a dealership. Maybe an Advanced Auto Parts or an Ace Hardware but other than that, probably not.

6. I call this, “The Beer Pong Wreath.”

Because it uses plastic cups and plastic ping pong balls like in beer pong.

7. A CDs wreath will look flashy at any house.

If it’s placed on a single guy’s house, people may question his sexual orientation.

8. This Christmas wreath doesn’t look very happy.

Wouldn’t mess with that wreath if I were you.

9. Behold, the wreath that will give you high cholesterol.

Of course, this is more of a platter than a wreath but you get the idea.

10. Of course, you can use a inflatable wreath to decorate your house and use as a floatation device.

Actually might make a better floatation device, now that I think about it.

11. Then there’s a cork wreath for the wine drinkers.

Like with beer cans, I may also want to be concerned whether the owner has a drinking problem.

12. Need wreath decorations? Well, just use your WWE action figures.

Someone must be too much into studio wrestling.

13. If the tire wreath is too heavy, you can always use the hubcap.

Doesn’t really look like a wreath does it? More like a curved mirror with a bow on it.

14. Still, why not grace your door with Santa’s belt.

Craft O Maniac Christmas wreath blog pic 1

I think I’d rather not.

15. And there can be never such a thing as too many Christmas decorations on a wreath.

I think I’ll beg to differ on this one. Looks like Christmas on steroids.

16. If you like, you can always have your wreath match your lawn ornaments.

This wreath would look fine if it weren’t for the flamingo.

17. A poinsettia wreath will always be inviting to someone’s home.

Looks more appropriate to put on someone’s grave. And believe me, I live near a cemetery.

18. Why throw away your burned out Christmas bulbs when you can make a wreath with them instead?

Still kind of looks flashy as well as tacky, especially with the elf.

19. What better way to greet visitors than with with a Nutcracker wreath?

Somehow the nutcracker in the center doesn’t make this wreath look right for some reason.

20. Of course, if you want to shine, you can always go with the tinfoil wreath.

Actually this never really looks right on anything. Besides, you see stores using these all the time.

Decorating the Christmas Tree

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2013

A while ago, I had a post about Christmas trees. But this time I’ve reserved this post on Christmas tree decorations. Of course, we always decorate Christmas trees with all kinds of things like lights, toppers, trimmings, ornaments, and others. Many can range from those bought in a store or used as gifts to those homemade or part of a child’s craft project. Many of them may seem to be of great craftsmanship or of sentimental value while others well, may be better off set at the bottom of the tree where your toddler can smash and break so you wouldn’t have to explain its presence later. Also, it would make the tree look better as well. Either way, most people are usually stuck with putting them on the tree year after year. So here is a collection of possible inappropriate Christmas trimmings that should never grace a Christmas tree (well, ones within some bounds of PG-13 decency that is, but I will post links for some of the not so wholesome ones because there’s plenty of Christmas ornaments out there I can’t even post on this blog nor want to).

I. The Lights

1. Now you know how tacky having a leg lamp would be from the movie A Christmas Story, but imagine having a string of them on your own Christmas tree.

If only Ralphie’s dad had his way.

2. Tropical paradise? Well, have a string of illuminated flamingos and palm trees.

Still, palm trees and flamingos lights look tacky on just about everything.

3. For college fraternity Christmas trees, I’d recommend the Budweiser beer can light strand so you can be the life of the party before Christmas vacation.

Seriously, why beer can lights? I can’t understand how they’ll make the tree look less like something from a frat.

II. The Toppers

4. For all you religious freaks out there, here’s a topper of Christ the King in his resplendent white robes and flat-ironed hair.

If it wasn’t for that outfit, I’d mistaken this Jesus for a surfer dude.

5. Nothing says Peace on Earth than topping your tree with a star made out of shotgun shells.

Courtesy of the NRA.

6. For all you Harry Potter fans out there, we have the Sorting Hat tree topper where you find whether your tree will be sorted into Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor.

C’mon there are probably better Harry Potter tree toppers than the Sorting Hat. What about the Golden Snitch?

7. For those tired of the constant Christmas cheer, here’s a crying angel tree topper.

A downer at any Christmas party.

8. Keep annoying guests away with the evil monster tree topper.

And I don’t think I’m kidding here. May also scare little kids and animals.

9. To match one’s Budweiser can Christmas lights, here’s a Busch Angel to top the tree.

Because you couldn’t afford to buy an actual angel to top the tree.

10. For those sick in their minds, here’s an eyeless baby tree topper for the season.

Seriously, this one is creeping me out, especially with its Christmas light eyes.

11. If Busch Angel doesn’t seem your fancy here’s a Bud Light Tree Star.

O, little town of Beerthlehem.

12. Why have the Grinch steal Christmas if he can be on top of your tree instead?

Looks like his mind is up to no good. Also, it’s just his head.

13. For dog lovers, here’s a dog angel tree topper.

Look, I know all dogs go to heaven but this is ridiculous.

14. For your secular humanists out there, here’s a tree topper of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Because a Flying Spaghetti Monster tree topper will make your Christmas tree look tackier than your Christian friends.

15. Seriously, oh, God, no! A Justin Bieber tree topper.

And he has to be depicted as an angel? Is there no decency here, Lord?

III. The Ornaments

16. Have a Wunderbar Christmas with these Swastika ornaments on your very Nazi tree your Furher can be proud of.

Seriously, how could these ornaments even exist? I mean no one wants Christmas ornaments promoting anti-Semitic hate speech.

17. There’s nothing like having an armed fetus as your Christmas tree ornament to make a stand for your traditional American values.

Because even fetuses should be entitled their Second Amendment rights. Couldn’t resist on that one.

18. Nothing can traumatize your kids more than seeing Santa with a thong.

Oh, God why? This is disgusting.

19. Or Santa kidnapping naughty children in his sack.

This probably came from the Netherlands, just look up David Sedaris’ 6 to 8 Black Men on Google.

20. Or Winnie the Pooh in a bikini.

This is so wrong on many levels.

21. Or the Krampus.

Seriously what’s a Krampus? And do I want to find out?

22. Didn’t know what Santa wore under his red suit.

Feeling a little bicurious, are you Santa?

23. What girl wouldn’t refuse putting a sexy merman on her tree?

Seriously, what’s sexually appealing about mermen? I don’t understand it.

24. And for those down South, here’s some flamingo ornaments.

Like I said, flamingo decorations are always tacky.

25. Stuffed ornaments: so adorable even if they are fragments of bodily waste.

Now that I think about it, it’s kind of disgusting.

26. I’ll let the ad speak for itself.

I could never say it better myself.

27. Why not have your Christmas baubles double as billiard balls?

I just hope these are as sturdy as real billiard balls if you decide to play pool with them.

28. Let’s have your Chimney Charlie rise from your chimney.

Because no one wants to see a shirtless Santa.

29. And here’s Jesus up your chimney in a crown of lights to mark the suffering his birthday has experienced with secularism and commercialism.

Sacrilegious on so many levels.

30. What more can you have on your Christmas tree than the daughter of Chucky?

Well, you have to agree with me that she bears a certain resemblance. Of course, this is what you get when you mate Chucky with a troll doll.

31. Now you can be sure your nutcrackers support America’s Football Team.

Seriously, the Dallas Cowboy’s aren’t America’s Football Team. It’s just what they and their fans call themselves.

32. Of course, your dead Santa head is a fine addition for your Nightmare Before Christmas Party.

On second thought, probably too scary for that.

33. And here’s the Nutcracker’s Kentucky cousin Bubba.

A redneck nutcracker, how…..I’m at a loss for words here.

34. What more can you ask for than a lovely catfish on your tree?

Actually this is way more disturbing than the real thing.

35. A reindeer can never be overdressed.

Not only is this outfit bad for reindeer but it’s also a fire hazard.

36. See the baby Jesus like you never seen him before.

Will inspire more freakouts than joy.

37. Grandma got run over by a reindeer but Santa wasn’t responsible.

So Grandma was really run over by a reindeer on a quad trying to get away from hunters. Perhaps Grandma was going to shoot it.

38. What more adorable craft ornament can you ask for than a cork reindeer?

Can’t imagine how this could be a school craft project.

39. Didn’t know Santa was a senior naturist was he?

At least he has a long white beard to hide his naughty bits.

40. You shouldn’t bug Santa while he’s on his private business.

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Please, Santa’s busy taking a crap. Shut the door and come back later.

41. For the microbiologist in your life, here’s some stuffed microbe ornaments for their tree.

Because these are ornaments only a microbiologist can appreciate.

42. Nothing says Peace on Earth than a wooden gun on your tree.

Please don’t. For the love of God, please don’t put this on your tree.

43. Of course, you don’t want to bother a bear packing heat don’t you?

Bears are dangerous enough without guns let alone a mama bear wielding a shotgun to defend her cubs.

44. Seriously, Jersey Shore ornaments? Oh, hell no!

Seriously, who the hell would buy these?

45. Well, here’s old Fishy reeling in a couple of marshmallows for his chocolate and graham cracker barge.

As to what fish and smores have in common with each other, I don’t have the slightest idea.

46. Because your tree may be inhabited by smoking squirrels.

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Hey, it’s possible.

47. No stuffed ornament tree would be complete without Monster Tree.

Oh, when a tree gets angry, boy does it get angry.

48. What’s that on the ballerina pig’s head?

lens16569381_1292514812Weird_Ornament_Strange_Bi

Is that supposed to be a Christmas tree with a face on it? Creepy.

49. Of course, you can’t have Christmas without Santa praying to the Baby Jesus.

I find these decorations with Santa and Baby Jesus kind of tacky if you know what I mean.

50. And nothing says Merry Christmas like a bikini clad hippopotamus.

Might have something to do with “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” Still, since hippos are among the most dangerous and aggressive animals on Earth, you really don’t.

For More:

Tree Toppers:

http://www.complex.com/art-design/2012/12/20-inappropriate-items-placed-on-christmas-trees/

http://happyplace.someecards.com/12718/the-13-most-wonderfully-blasphemous-items-ever-placed-on-top-of-christmas-trees

Ornaments:

From Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/11/wtf-ornaments-45-worst-christmas-tree-decorations_n_2278305.html

From Buzzfeed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/hgrant/21-upsetting-christmas-tree-ornaments

Away in a Manger, on the Nativity Scene

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 4, 2013

Disclaimer: This is a post purely for entertainment and no more. Sure I may put on tacky nativity scenes but I do the same when it comes to any Christmas decorations. If you’re a diehard Christian and think any of the nativity displays offend you, please don’t take your offense in the comment section. I’m not trying to offend anyone’s religious affiliation since I’m a Catholic who attends regular mass as well as a political liberal who believes in separation between church and state. Besides, I don’t find humor or tackiness in any way sacrilegious and neither should anyone else.

As a practicing Catholic, I’ve always considered the nativity scene as one of the more important Christmas decorations since it depicts the birth of Christ which is one of the reasons to celebrate the holiday (though not the only one). Sure it carries religious symbolism but Christmas is a religious holiday for many people (and let’s just not have church and state politics get in the way). You have the baby Jesus, his mother Mary and stepfather Joseph (though “official father” on his birth certificate), a shepherd, the the 3 Wise Men, a donkey, some sheep, an angel, and other farm animals in the stable. Of course, the nativity scene isn’t a historical reenactment nor one as depicted in the Bible (since the shepherds appeared in Luke and the 3 Wise Men in Matthew). Yet, while some nativity scenes are works of art as the result of divine inspiration, others not so much. Whereas, some of them may avoid divine inspiration entirely. Nevertheless, even the nativity scenes of divine tackiness deserve some recognition, if not serve as something to amuse us. So without further adieu, here are some of the tackiest nativity scenes for your appreciation.

1. Nothing says “Peace on Earth” than having the Holy Family depicted as shotgun shells.

A homemade project sponsored by the NRA.

2. A nativity scene that will bring you joy as well as clog your arteries.

A nativity scene most likely to give you a heart attack and kill you.

3. A great nativity set to go with your Dogs Playing Poker.

Seriously, the Jesus pup looks a little like Joseph while Mary is a dalmatian. How does that happen when Jesus is supposed to be the Son of God?

4. A nativity scene which has risen from the dead, literally.

So does this mean Christ was born already undead?

5. The nativity scene of the modern art museum.

Sure looks like it. But it also could be a bunch of colored blocks.

6. Someone must’ve gotten their Bible stories mixed up to design this.

Seriously, is the old guy supposed to be Joseph or Noah? Also, is that structure a stable or an ark?

7. No better way to put the “Christ” in Christmas than right above your crotch.

Also, I doubt that tall evergreen trees even existed in Bethlehem during the early Roman Empire.

8. A futuristic minimalist take on the birth of Christ.

Looks more like a gold disc lighting up EPCOT to me.

9. So whoo is born the king of Israel?

Well, Jesus Christ that’s whoooo!

10. Taxidermy: can make a touching scene into one much more terrifying.

So all the critters and the old lady scared all the adults away while the baby Jesus remained.

11. Glory to Gouda in the highest, and cheese to his people on Earth.

cheese_nativity_gallery_05-gt_full_width_landscape

Blessed are the cheese makers for they are the children of God.

12. Hark! the herald angels sing. Glory to the newborn…kitten?

Only a crazy cat person could appreciate this. I find this set purr-fectly creepy if you ask me.

13. Of course, no Irish Christmas can be complete without a visit from St. Patrick and a couple of his drinking buddies.

Giving him three casks of whiskey which they all drank into the night and trashed the place to an Irish jig by the Irish harp playing angels.

14. So as Christ was born in a manger he was given fleece from the shepherds, gold, frankincense, and myrrh from the magi, and a private concert from Metallica.

And everyone had their eardrums blasted that they were afflicted with tinnitus the next morning which the baby Jesus cured thus performing his first miracle.

15. So Jesus was born in an igloo in Bethlehem as God’s snowman incarnation on Earth.

Of course, I’m still wondering how Frosty the Snowman fits into this.

16. Jesus was born before the quack of dawn.

Still, I wonder if the Mary and Joseph geese are taxidermy or not for they certainly look hideous.

17. A nativity scene that doubles as a set of bowling pins.

Seriously, I wonder if God is supposed to be the bowling bowl that comes with the set. Oh, well, so we can only play 9 pins with it.

18. So Jesus came to free us from sausage and deliver us from bacon.

Seriously, even the animals are pigs. Doesn’t look kosher at all.

19. Silent night, spooky night.

Would be the perfect nativity scene for Nightmare Before Christmas fans and can also be used as a Halloween decoration.

20. The nativity scene for stoners in which baby Jesus will grant you eternal life as a 7/11 burrito.

And I’m not sure what Mary and Joseph remind me of. Wizards’ hats?

21. O, little town of Bearthlehem.

Of course, the three wise men brought stolen picnic baskets instead of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

22. A moose holy night.

Seriously, why does the Virgin Mary have antlers? Female moose don’t have them.

23. A nativity cookie cutter set. I wonder what could go wrong with that.

Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm Christmas episode when Larry David ate the cookie nativity scene, including the cookie Baby Jesus.

24. So Mary and Joseph stayed at a stable in Bethlehem Hawaii, where she gave birth to her firstborn tiki.

For God’s sake, why does Saint Joseph have a Hawaiian shirt on?

25. Never before has the Nativity of Jesus has been so sweet as on cupcakes.

Won’t be able to resist those, no way. And they’re chocolate, too.

26. So the baby Jesus was hatched and lay in the manger on the polar ice.

It’s like a nativity scene meeting March of the Penguins.

27. Let’s just face it, live nativity scenes are really for the dogs.

Admit it, no matter how sacrilegious this is, you’d still see a live dog nativity scene in your neighborhood. I mean who can resist this much cuteness?

28. A nativity scene only fit for a bar.

Of course, you got to give some kudos on the creativity.

29. Glory to God, the newborn chick.

Joseph is probably worried about having to wake everyone up in the morning after all the clucking the angels have been doing.

30. Joy to the World, the Smore has come.

The marshmallow figures can also be imagined as snowmen for there are similarities.

31. Even Santa Claus bows to the manger scene in adoration.

For God’s sake, I think Santa is planning to eat the Holy Family as part of his snack. Run, Mary and Joseph, run for your lives and take Jesus with you! Santa’s hungry!

32. Christ was born to absorb all the suffering from sin and redeem the world. So maybe a tampon manger scene is on to something.

Okay, I may be crossing the line there. Still, despite what a tampon is for, this doesn’t look that family unfriendly at all.

33. Rubber Duckie Nativity set: teaching the meaning of Christmas through making bath time so much fun.

Seriously, rubber duckie farm animals? How crazy is that?

34. No wonder the Holy Family couldn’t get any rest.

Donkey must’ve been annoying the crap out of them all night.

35. The Holy Family under the sea.

The Holy Family as mermaids, never heard that one before.

36. If Jesus was born in a barn in Bethlehem, Texas, the Bible Belders wouldn’t shut up about it.

Seriously, why do all the wise men look like ranch hands?

37. This chocolate nativity scene is good enough to eat.

Note to self: Must not eat until January.

38. Santa goes down on one knee to behold the Lord on the living room table.

Seriously, this Santa is giving me the creeps.

39. The baby Jesus is visited by the Wizard Gandalf and his unicorn.

Hey, I was joking. Still, sorry Lord of the Rings fans.

40. Let this Holy Family fiber optic nativity scene bring you back to the disco years.

The person behind this must’ve been stoned out of his mind to design this. Probably on brown acid or something.

For more:

http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade.shtml

http://whyismarko.com/2012/the-42-worst-nativity-sets/

From Buzzfeed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/fjelstud/the-most-awesomely-inexplicable-nativity-scenes

http://www.holytaco.com/25-ridiculously-awesome-nativity-scenes/

O Tannenbaum, on the Christmas Tree

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 3, 2013

The scrawny little Charlie Brown Tree, made infamous by the Peanuts Holiday Special, A Charlie Brown Christmas. However, unlike the cartoon, giving a little love to this tree won’t make it the Christmas tree of your dreams.

Of course, the Christmas tree is one of the pinnacle Christmas decorations which entails taking an evergreen and decorating it with lights, ribbons, ornaments, and fancy doodads. Of course, Christmas trees were of pagan origin once used to celebrate a winter solstice holiday in the Germanic region before crossing over to Christianity. And even then, they were only a German tradition until the reign of Queen Victoria, especially after her marriage to Prince Albert who helped popularize the tradition worldwide, (especially in areas controlled by the British Empire). Ever since, the Christmas tree has become a definitive symbol of Christmas as well as one erected every public place in America during the holiday season. Of course, while many Christmas trees are beautiful and spectacular to behold, others are not so much. So without further adieu, I’ll show you pictures of some of the tackiest trees of the season as well as give you tips on how to get the perfect Christmas tree.

1. Either chop down an evergreen or get an artificial tree that looks like one (if you either don’t want to or building regulations won’t let you).

I know that making a Christmas tree out of used beer bottles may be more environmental friendly than the two traditional routes. Yet, no matter how eco-friendly such an idea is, people are going to see it as only appropriate for a frathouse.

a. If artificial, make sure your tree is green.

Sure I may be dreaming of a White Christmas. A white Christmas tree? Not so much.

b. If live, make sure it looks like a Christmas tree and fits in your house.

This apparently does neither.

2. Stand your Christmas tree upright on a stand (Upside down trees are impossible to water and difficult to put ornaments on).

Upside down Christmas trees may seem funny but they look utterly ridiculous, especially when used as a chandelier.

3. Choose a decent tree topper (a ribbon, angel, or star will do).

Flamingos may be appropriate lawn ornaments, but they are overwhelmingly tacky tree toppers for this very reason.

4. Don’t be a sloppy decorator.

I can’t see how this could be a nice tree which seems so crappily done. Of course, they don’t call it “Christmas Craptackular” for nothing.

5. If you’re doing a theme, choose a decent one.

I’m not sure if a clown pez-dispenser theme cuts it. For God’s sake, it’s creepy.

6. Make sure your tree isn’t buried in ornaments that people could see it.

A Christmas tree that can only be seen in a Liberace fever dream.

7. Go easy on the tinsel.

Seriously, this is too much tinsel. I mean way too much tinsel.

8. There are some things that won’t look good on a Christmas tree.

Bird feathers make this tree especially hideous.

9. Keep it as PG as possible (Christmas is for family after all).

I’m not sure if this makes the cut depending on the audience.

10. Make sure the tree doesn’t take over your house.

Seriously, how does this guy get around that thing?

11. Remember to take proper care of your tree, especially if live.

Apparently this tree’s owners didn’t. Makes a Charlie Brown Tree look vibrant by comparison.

12. Use bows and ribbons in moderation.

That’s way too many bows. Seriously, way too many bows and they look so gaudy.

13. If artificial, don’t use one from a designer.

Seriously, this is one of the most hideous trees I’ve ever seen. It just looks terrible and you know this was done by a professional. People are better off decorating their trees themselves.

14.Make sure your tree isn’t scary looking.

Merry Christmas from Transylvania where our trees are among the creepiest you’ve ever seen.

15. Make sure your Christmas tree looks as symmetrical as possible.

Dr. Seuss called, he wants his Christmas tree back for one of his children’s books.

16. Make sure you can see the ornaments if you choose to use other decorations.

With the amount of multicolored tinsel streamers here, it’s easy to picture this tree standing in Elton John’s living room.

For More:

http://www.holytaco.com/25-hideous-christmas-trees/

Worldwide Christmas Tree Contest: http://treecontest.worldwidechristmas.com/

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80453966/

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Holidays

On Christmas Cakes

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards

On the Christmas Nutcracker

Here Comes Santa Decorations

Seasons Greetings, on the Christmas Card

The Wonderful World of Gingerbread Architecture

The Holly and the Ivy, on the Christmas Wreath

Decorating the Christmas Tree

Away in a Manger, on the Nativity Scene

O Tannenbaum, on the Christmas Tree