Happy Thanksgiving Greetings from Yesteryear

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 14, 2015

You may not know it from the media landscape. But a long time ago, Americans celebrated (and still do to some extent) a holiday known as Thanksgiving where everyone had the day off, nearly every workplace was closed, school children had the day off, and families got together for one big turkey dinner. Some even watched football, the Macy’s parade, or the National Dog Show. Yes, we tend to honor a nice moment of friendship between Pilgrims and Indians before it all resulted in rampant Colonialism, genocide, and the French and Indian War. Oh, and New England Puritanism that led to the Salem Witch Trials. But we don’t talk about that. Now if you go further back in time, people didn’t communicate much through phone or internet. Thus, people usually wrote letters to each other to keep in touch. And on special holidays, they tended to send greeting cards. Thanksgiving was no exception to that as seen here. Now we tend to see vintage Thanksgiving cards a cutesy with turkeys and fall scenery. I can go all I want with all the great Thanksgiving cards out there. But I know you’d be bored to tears, so I go with the greeting cards that might make you scratch your head or guts churn. So without further adieu, here is a lovely assortment of Thanksgiving cards from the distant past.

Thanksgiving Day greetings from the kid who just killed his first turkey.

Is it just me or is this kid a little way too excited about killing a turkey? Not sure if he’s feeling pride or an inordinate amount of bloodlust.

2. Great wishes for this Thanksgiving from your little neighborhood Washington Redskins fan.

Yeah, because if anything pisses Native Americans off, it’s white people wearing Indian costumes. And I’m sure that kid’s not wearing an Algonquin costume.

3. Nothing makes great transportation than turkey pedal power.

Well, Gobblekins might be whipped for going too slow now and then. But at least he knows he’ll survive his next Thanksgiving as long as he puts the pedal to the metal.

4. “Thanks to him who spared our living. We’re here, we’re here till next Thanksgiving.”

These terrifying turkeys may be gobbling now. But little do they know about turkey season, which might be sooner than they think. Then again, they might be domestic.

5. “I’m the popular birdie. All right! All right!”

Unfortunately, this turkey doesn’t realize why he’s popular. I mean does he even know those are menus? Also, why is he in a top hat smoking a cigarette?

6. This turkey wishes you a joyful Thanksgiving.

Yes, the turkey is a Thanksgiving mascot. But you know why? Because we eat them. Kind of disturbing if you think about it. Still, it’s probably “final hours” in this turkey’s case.

7. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than turkeys discussing the contradictions of human nature.

Didn’t know how perceptive and insightful turkeys can be in their observations. Too bad it’s not going to save one of them from being decapitated.

8. Don’t worry, this turkey is just going for a “change of climate.”

Kind of reminds me what you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal. Yeah, “change of climate” indeed.

9. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving and one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

Guess a turkey needs to look his best before he goes on the chopping block. Still, the girl should know not to be that close to a turkey.

10. Nothing says “Thanksgiving Greetings” than a turkey attacking an ax-wielding Pilgrim child in self defense.

“You gonna’ cut my head off, pluck off my feathers, and stuff me, are you? Not if I can help it, murderers.”

11. On Thanksgiving, a turkey should always be dressed in his best.

Yeah, but dressing in most turkeys’ case usually doesn’t apply to formal attire. Also, why the hell is he wearing pants?

12. May we wish you some Thanksgiving joys.

From Buzzfeed: “Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.” Now that’s bound to scare any parent or the turkey under him.

13. Abnormally large turkey wishes you a merry Thanksgiving.

Yes, if you saw a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too. And you’d be even more freaked out if it’s talking to you.

14. Happy Thanksgiving from the kids who are riding the turkey and waving the American flag.

From Buzzfeed: “Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.”

15. Happy Thanksgiving and by the way, try some corn, Gobblers, and don’t look behind the pumpkin.

Man, that kid with the ax is freaking me out. I’m sure he’s killing the turkey because he’s the only one in his family with the potential of most likely becoming a serial killer.

16. “Oh, yes! I’m starred on the bill all right!”

Must be hard to be a high class city turkey on Thanksgiving. Always have to be reminded on how people spend this day eating your fellow turkey brethren.

17. Nothing makes a turkey pull the wagon better than a large knife and tongs.

It’s supposed to provide motivation for what will happen to the turkey if he doesn’t do its job properly. Still, those large utensils are freaking me out.

18. Nothing says Thanksgiving on a turkey trying to avoid his own mentality by defending his inalienable rights.

From Buzzfeed: “What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.” Yeah, I’m sure the kid’s going to decapitate you no matter what you say.

19. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey who’s freaking out a child.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the child is just terrifying for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the kid is just so terrifying for some reason.

20. Happy Thanksgiving from the kid in the turkey costume.

Now I know people might’ve thought it was cute. But to me, it’s terrifying. Quick, can someone give me a picture of Paul Simon from that old Thanksgiving episode of SNL?

21. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey running from the creepy kid.

Yes, I know this is supposed to look cute. But that little kid is beyond terrifying. Seriously, I want that turkey to run for his life with that thing behind him.

22. For Thanksgiving night, don’t be surprised if the turkey you ate came to your bedside beyond the grave.

Oh, yes, Gobbles would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving by haunting your dreams. Sleep tight, suckers.

23. Uncle Sam wishes you Happy Thanksgiving greetings.

Because he is eating his Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a restaurant and desperately seeks company. So he’s eating a burnt turkey with a side of cranberries and a bottle of wine to numb his lonely feelings.

24. “May glad Thanksgivings crown your days and years.”

Yeah, nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than a card with a turkey in a wooden crate about to be slaughtered. Seriously, why?

25. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a kid carrying a turkey dinner on a tray.

Now that might look adorable. However, there's a very strong chance she's going to trip if she continues her foot like that.

Now that might look adorable. However, there’s a very strong chance she’s going to trip if she continues skipping to her destination like that.

26. “Here’s to a rough and ready Thanksgiving!”

Didn’t know they carved turkeys at the kids’ table. Don’t you think that’s a bit of a safety hazard? Seriously, you don’t let kids do that.

27. Thanksgiving greetings to all the turkeys who were smart to remain skinny.

Now come on, a Thanksgiving card with turkeys watching two of their friends get it? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

28. “Thanks to him who spared my living, For I’m a victim of Thanksgiving.”

Okay, those kids are clearly carrying a dead turkey. Seriously, how do I explain such images to young children?

29. “Smile for the camera, Gibblets.”

Yeah, just one more picture before the turkey gets put on the chopping block for Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t that nice.

30. Have a glad Thanksgiving courtesy of William Bradford from 1621.

And there’s a Pilgrim shooting a turkey with a blunderbuss. Well, I guess it could be worse. Could be an Indian on that end. Oh, shit.

31. May I wish you sincere Thanksgiving greetings.

Okay, the dead turkey is disturbing enough. Also, that woman doesn’t look like an Indian. She looks more like a white woman in black braids wearing an Indian costume.

32. While turkeys are often killed for Thanksgiving dinner, some go on the warpath.

Kid: “Help! Help! The turkey’s attacking me!”
Turkey: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

33. Happy Thanksgiving from one young turkey rider to another.

Now that turkey has to be huge for that kid to ride on it. Of course, I know what he’ll end up when he’s old and gray.

34. “May yours be a Happy Thanksgiving.”

Let’s just say if a dog was hungry, then it made a huge mistake going after a live turkey. Seriously, turkeys aren’t as dumb and docile as they’re depicted.

35. May you have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

Apparently, the turkey didn’t have a peaceful end as far as I can see. And I sure wouldn’t call it peaceful on what’s going to happen to his body next.

36. May you have a festive Thanksgiving this year.

Is it just me or does anyone think the pumpkin pie had too much wine? Also, why is almost everything in this picture have such freaky faces?

37. Happy Thanksgiving from a turkey that’s clearly going to die soon.

Now this is just messed up. Seriously, why stick a knife and pronged fork into a living turkey? That’s just sick.

38. Have a joyful Thanksgiving to you from a scary veggie man.

Now this guy looks like he could scare more crows than a scarecrow. Also, what’s with the turkey feather headdress? Okay, I don’t want to know.

39. “May you catch him in time for dinner.”

I’m sure the turkey is running for his dear life right now. Still, this woman should be happy it’s domestic. But her knife is real scary.

40. “I killed this one all by myself.”

I think I’d rather stay away from this kid. Seems like he’s a future psychokiller in the making. And it’s said they always seem to start with animals.

41. “Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.”

I don’t know about you. But there’s something really wrong with that girl. She looks like she’s plotting something like killing somebody in their sleep.

42. Thanksgiving greetings from the jerky turkey standing over the kid.

Kid: “Let me go! Let me go!”
Turkey: “Fat chance, boy. Either your dad spares my life or you’re history.”

43. We wish you a hearty Thanksgiving greetings.

Now how that terrifying kid’s looking at that turkey just gives me the creeps. I don’t know but it doesn’t look good.

44. Happy Thanksgiving and may your turkey not go to the dogs.

Seems like this turkey dinner is gone to the dogs. Reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story. Boy, those kids’ parents are going to be so mad when they see this.

45. Happy Thanksgiving greetings from up above.

“Shit, now they’re doing aerial hunting. Really hate what this world’s coming to.”

46. Looks like Tom Gobblers is going on a vacation this time.

Or may I say, he’s going into hiding until Thanksgiving blows over. Why wait for a pardon? Just get out an dodge.

47. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, now say your prayers, turkey.

Sure the turkey might take down that kid in a heartbeat. But that terrifying nightmare tot has an ax to swing. Yeah, this turkey’s minutes are numbered.

48. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, from all of us at the kids’ table.

Okay, now those soulless kids are certainly to tear that turkey to shreds and bring it a most painful death. Also, is that wine? Don’t think kids should be drinking that.

49. Thanksgiving greetings from all the turkeys in your neck of the woods.

Okay, now this has a turkey pulling a hansom cab, driven by another turkey and transporting another turkey. Does anyone see anything freaky about this?

50. “Good wishes for this Thanksgiving Day.”

I don’t know about you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t trust this little girl with a knife if I were you. Seems like she’s planning to kill somebody with it.

The Horrifically Ghastly World of Ugly Halloween Sweaters

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 23, 2015

Now I’m not wearing an ugly Halloween sweater here because I don’t have one. However, I do have a Halloween pin so I decided to open the post with that. Of course, my mom had to be in the background when I took this picture. Damn it.

While ugly Christmas sweaters have become classic Christmas holiday attire, you can’t say the same about ugly Halloween sweaters (mostly because people wear costumes during this time of year). However, they also exist as well and well before I was born in fact, contrary to what you might see. Of course, you usually see them on school teachers, parents, and people who give out trick or treat candy if you’re a kid. If you’re an adult, you might see them worn by co-workers once you get closer to Halloween. But they do exist and you can buy them wherever you like. In fact, there are plenty of ugly holiday sweaters for any holiday you can imagine. Even Columbus Day, which I don’t even bother to celebrate since it glamorizes colonialism and exploitation of Native Americans and I’m too busy compiling blog posts for what really matters in October. Yes, I’m talking about Halloween. You know scary monsters, haunted houses, dressing up in costumes, parades, and trick-or-treating. All Columbus Day consists of is a free day off and advertisers trying to give you a reason to get off your ass and go shopping. And if I find that there are tacky Halloween sweaters out there, I’m going to do a post on it once I find plenty that I like. So for your reading pleasure, I present to you some ghastly Halloween sweaters you might see.

Let’s start with some orange and beads.

Looks like something a kindergarten teacher would wear. Still, why does the ghost have spots? Oh, it’s to make it sparkle. Right.

2. Of course, anything can spring out from a jack o’lantern if you keep your mind at it.

Seems like this design was made possible by embroidery clubs and LSD. Seriously, flowers don’t spring up from jack o’lanterns. Nor do they have any potential to put flowers in.

3. On Halloween, it helps that you have jack o’lanterns in the pumpkin patch.

Still, that one jack o’lantern at the top doesn’t seem to have much of a smile. Or at least a symmetrical one. Looks more like it’s playing a harmonica.

4.Halloween night is always the season for trick or treating.

For some reason I find the kid dressed as a ghost quite freaky. Maybe it’s best not to show skin on that one. Still, like the spider web sleeves.

5. When it comes to night, you can make it either black or blue.

Let’s just say I think the presence of cute teddy bears gives me the impression that this sweater wasn’t made for men. Then again, I have seen men’s clothing with teddy bears while I was working at Macy’s. But still.

6. When it comes to sweater patterns, always go with candy corn, jack o’lanterns, bats, and black cats.

This one has the following but bats. But yes, it’s quite tacky and might cause some degree of eye strain.

7. You can’t have too many bats, whether skeletal or not.

Of course, seeing a bat’s skeleton while it’s in flight isn’t a good sign. It might mean that a bat has just taking off after resting on an electric fence.

8. When it comes to Halloween, everyone always loves getting candy.

Yes, we all love Halloween candy. However, I did write a post that specified which candy trick or treaters don’t want. And I included candy corn.

9. You’d never know what you’d find while trick or treating on Halloween night.

Not sure if I want to check this house. Looks pretty rickety and I saw a couple of ghosts nearby.

10. Of course, on Halloween, it’s best you go with bright and bold colors.

Now this looks like one you’d see your elementary school teacher wearing. However, at least this one doesn’t have any candy corn on it. But the witch looks blurry.

11. Traditional Halloween colors usually consist of orange, black, white, and yellow.

And this guy seems to wear this sweater in confidence despite it looking utterly ridiculous on him. Seriously, he’s dressed like the neighbor you can’t stand when you take your kids to his house for trick or treating.

12. Nothing makes Halloween better than a sequin vest.

Okay, I’m not sure what to think about sequins in craft projects and decorations. However, this looks like the kind of Halloween vest you’d wear to a disco.

13. Looks like they’re are ghosts coming from that house.

Wonder if these two ghosts have any place to go. Also, there are jack o’lanterns in the pumpkin patch. And it seems that winter came early in this one.

14. If you want to be scary, go with a sweater with skulls.

Wonder what people would think about seeing someone in that one. Then again, it might creep some people out, especially if they’re your grandparents.

15. Nothing shimmers on Halloween more than rhinestone spiders.

If you go clubbing or to a rave, this might be the kind of sweater you’d want to go with on Halloween. Of course, this one is tacky as hell.

16. Eeek! Orange spiders!

Yeah, a bright orange spider would creep me out, too. It’s simply about as natural as a radioactive one that bit Peter Parker.

17. You can make your own Halloween sweater by sewing pieces of cloth on it.

Yeah, definitely something you’d expect the kindergarten teacher to wear. Particularly the one from Recess who’s probably on her way to the loony bin.

18. You can make a Halloween vest from the leftover pieces you didn’t use for your Halloween patchwork quilt.

Now this looks like the outfit you’d expect your goofy, annoying neighbor to wear. You know, the one that reminds you of Ned Flanders.

19. Of course, pumpkin doesn’t have to be the only squash on your sweater.

You can tell this is a Halloween sweater because it has black cats on it. If it didn’t have black cats, it might as well be a Thanksgiving sweater.

20. Seems like the owl has to be beside the black cat.

And the cat seems to wear an orange witch’s hat. But the owl doesn’t look too happy. Also, the house doesn’t look that haunted.

21. Don’t know if I like the look on that witch.

I mean her chin is about as long as her nose. And there’s a ghost with a lock and chain.

22. Nothing is cuter for Halloween than a teddy bear in a jack o’lanter costume.

Actually, I think a real teddy bear dressed as a jack o’lantern would be cuter than this one. Why I didn’t put one in my teddy bear post I have no idea.

23. Heard that candy corn makes great buttons for a cardigan.

Now this one definitely looks like it was made for a teacher. There’s just something about it.

24. Beware of the ghosts in the house and the jack o’lanterns in the tree.

Is it just me or do those ghosts look a bit like Q-tips or sperm to me. Can’t say which. Also, from the look of the full moon, I think Batman might be there soon.

25. Of course, you can’t go wrong with spiderwebs and jack o’lanterns.

Seems like this guy is embarrassed to wear this. But he can’t get out of it because his mother made it for him.

26. Skeletons can dance the whole night long if they want to.

Guess these skeletons really do give bones about break dancing. Hope nobody breaks anything.

27. You might’ve heard of a Halloween sweater. But how about a Halloween dress?

Now this doesn’t look very flattering. Something about this tells me that this woman may be thinner than she looks. Not sure what.

28. Heard of a Halloween suit? Now you have.

Now this guy looks all covered in jack o’lanterns. Seems like this was made from some Halloween table cloth.

29. Things are about to get funky at the witches’ meeting.

As if the dancing witches, houses and black cats can’t make this cardigan tacky enough. It also has to be in candy corn colors. Kind of disgusting.

30. Three black cats on the fence. Wonder what that could mean?

Does it mean bad luck or just 3 cats sitting on a fence. Either way, looks like the kind of Halloween sweater you’d see on a crazy cat person.

31. Nothing like a Halloween sweater where all the pumpkins are stacked against one another.

Of course, one of the pumpkins has candy corn eyes. Another one has a sad face. And then there’s candy corn from the sky.

32. Remember that candy corn pants always goes well with a sweater of a witch flying to the moon.

Now this guy really feels like he’s rocking in that look. Like he’s now the tacky neighbor who gives out candy to trick or treaters.

33. Of course, why have a tacky Halloween sweater while you can make your dog wear one?

Not sure if dressing your dog in a candy corn sweater and hat is the right thing to do here. Seriously, that dog doesn’t look very happy in this.

34. Remember to keep your pets safe and warm this Halloween season.

I’m sure the dog doesn’t need to wear this ridiculous sweater. I mean it already has something to keep it warm and dry. It’s called fur.

35. You never know what you’ll find at a creepy haunted house this Halloween.

I don’t know if bright orange makes a great haunted house color. Seems a bit too loud for something that’s supposed to look decrepit and old.

36. With a Halloween vest, you can’t have too many bears.

Yes, bears are scary creatures you wouldn’t want to run into while in the woods. However, teddy bears are just plain adorable and not scary at all. Yeah, this is a very tacky vest.

37. Heard of a Halloween sweater? How about a Halloween poncho?

And it seems this one is in bright blue and decked with ghosts and bats. Seems that the ghosts are trying to be quite scary. Not sure if they are. Probably not.

38. Nothing makes a great Halloween sweater than a candy corn eyed teddy bear in a costume.

For some reason, the candy corn eyes make this bear look so creepy. Not sure why.

39. Why don’t you say “Happy Halloween” on your vest?

Now this looks like something a teacher would wear. But yeah, the “Happy Halloween” bit kind of makes this sweater a bit more tacky than it would be without the words.

40. Of course, anyone who loves Halloween and Atari will love this T-shirt.

I’d watch out for the green skulls if I were you. They might be zombies and after your brains.

41. Nothing brings in the Halloween spirit than a sweater depicting a headless witch.

For some reason, I thought this was a sweater depicting a burning windmill. And I wondered why the hell would anyone want a Halloween sweater of that? The headless witch idea makes more sense.

42. Of course, if you want style, go with some Halloween houndsooth.

Sorry, but houndsooth is a pattern for business attire. Not for Halloween attire. And bright orange, seriously?

43. On Halloween, you can’t get enough pumpkins and candy.

Of course, this is a colorful cardigan with the candy and all. However, I’m not sure about the pumpkins.

44. When it comes to Halloween sweaters, you can’t ignore the classics such as an orange one with a jack o’lantern.

Luckily for him, he can wear this to a Halloween party and everyone would assume it’s his costume. Still, pretty tacky if you get my drift.

45. When it comes to Halloween, I’m sure a skeleton shirt will make it all hang out.

I think this woman should cover up if you ask me. She’s showing too much of herself at the moment.

46. If you want to hear some scary stories, you can’t do better than the tales of Edgar Allan Poe.

Now this is a clever sweater idea. Poe is indeed quite menacing in this. Still, wonder if he’ll freak out trick or treaters with this one.

47. Nothing brings out the spirit of Halloween than skeletons going boogie at a disco club.

Hope neither ruptures a hip. Or cause any scare among the other dancers. Still, this is quite funny.

48. Seems like this witch has a lot of stuff in her closet.

Let’s see. She has 3 dresses, 4 pairs of boots, 4 hats, and 3 brooms. And I thought witches wore the same thing all the time.

49. Nothing says Halloween like a diamond and skull sweater vest.

Now I’m sure such sweater vests aren’t seen as cool. Still, this is quite funny. Wonder who’d be creeped out by this.

50. Now this is a great Halloween sweater for any crazy cat lady.

When looking at this sweater do you get the feeling that you’re being watched? Or is it just me? Do those eyes seem creepy to you?

51. Beaded sequins always makes your Halloween sweaters shimmer and stand out.

Not sure if the flashy stuff on this makes it look better or worse. Either way, it sure looks tacky. Also, what’s with the ghosts.

52. If you like a checkered pattern, I’m sure you can get pumpkins to fit in any shape.

Seems like some of these pumpkins don’t like being confined to an unnatural shape. Others seem to be quite square.

53. At night, you’re bound to see an owl on a perch.

Now that looks like an owl you can see from a mile. Still, its feathers have sequins and it’s gleaming with starry eyes.

54. Apparently, some dead body can’t seem to take their hands off her.

Let’s just say that this is the kind of shirt nobody should wear on Halloween, especially where there’s kids trick or treating. Kids might not understand but their parents would. Also, hands are said to glow in the dark.

55. If you want to get festive, you can always go with rows.

Now this one seems to be made in true ugly Christmas sweater fashion. Kids might already see this one among the adults giving them candy.

56. Anyone wearing a ghost costume, raise your hands.

Seems that ghost costumes tend to be the easiest to sew on. Still, doesn’t seem like spooky attire if you ask me.

57. You might not know it but ghosts seem to have a thing for spiderwebs.

Not sure what the spiders would think. But I don’t think the ghosts seem to care. Still, I’m sure ghosts don’t eat candy.

58. You can’t have a Halloween sweater without including a scarecrow.

And there’s that teddy bear in the pumpkin costume again. Kind of like the two ghosts though. And the jack o’lantern.

59. Of course, nothing makes your Halloween vest stand out like shiny materials and embroidery.

Now this is just plain crazy. I mean brown ghosts? And what are those green things? Are they supposed to be plants?

60. You don’t get enough of Halloween until you wear a sweater like this.

Now this seems like a tacky patchwork in the making. Still, the pumpkin seems smiling but there doesn’t seem to be a candle in it.

Ghastly Halloween Greetings in the Ghoulish Days of Old

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 19, 2015

While Halloween cards are available at any store, they aren’t usually considered a Halloween tradition by most people. I mean it’s not a big card holiday by any stretch of the imagination today. After all, Halloween may be a big holiday, but it’s nowhere near as important as holidays like Christmas or Easter. However, back when everyone basically wrote letters to their loved ones, it wasn’t unusual for people to send greeting cards to their friends and family on almost every major holiday. Halloween being among them. Now some of these might be quite cutesy and delightful like you’d expect from any vintage greeting card. However, this post isn’t about them because I know showing cutesy vintage Halloween cards would make me lose disenchanted viewers. Instead, I’ll show vintage Halloween cards that might make you wonder what kind of recreational drugs greeting card designers were on during the 19th century. Some of them are quite creepy like you’d expect. Others are downright weird and possibly inappropriate. So for your reading pleasure, here are some old timey Halloween greeting cards, guaranteed to freak you out.

Nothing brings out the Halloween spirit more than pranking a cop.

Now that boy may be laughing tonight. But I'm sure that won't be the case tomorrow. Don't prank cops. That's just asking for trouble, especially if you're black.

Now that boy may be laughing tonight. But I’m sure that won’t be the case tomorrow. You know when the cop gives him a brutally violent beatdown for knocking off his hat. Don’t prank cops. That’s just asking for trouble, especially if you’re black.

2. Back in the day people played Halloween games a little differently.

Apparently fishing for apples and bondage were a big part of Halloween festivities back in the day. At least among the adults of course.

3. On Halloween night, your fate is in your hands.

So on Halloween night, don’t dress up like a sailor. Or else the angry pumpkin god will murder you. Then again, he might murder if you don’t either.

4. “On Halloween by pumpkin light, this witch will help you choose right.”

From I-Mockery: “I’m not sure what the witch is helping her choose… what shade of blush to wear perhaps? Should a person really be accepting blindfolded beauty tips from a witch?”

5. On Halloween, let the burning walnuts decide who’s right for you.

From I-Mockery: “That’s right folks, allow life’s truly important decisions to be settled by walnuts on fire. It’s a great way to decide on whom to marry, what stocks to invest in, whether or not to commit suicide, etc.”

6. Have a jolly Halloween and write back. Or else.

Something tells me that this girl might grow up to be the crazy homicidal girlfriend of her time. Really don’t have a great feeling of seeing her with that knife. Yeah, I think you might want to write that letter.

7. Halloween greetings, courtesy of the ghost pumpkin.

From I-Mockery: “It looked festive enough at first, but then it was set ablaze and took on a whole new meaning.” Guess the kids would be turned to ash by morning. Poor kids.

8. On Halloween, be aware of things that might not be what they seem.

While she didn’t know it at the time, Susie unwittingly staged the first bra burning in history. Of course, this was because she mistook a bra on the coat rack for a ghost.

9. Happy Halloween from the naked pumpkin man and his black cat.

“I’ll love ’em and squeeze ’em and keep ’em forever and ever.” Yeah, I’m sure the cat’s not liking that. Who would anyway.

10. Of course, nothing says Halloween like a romantic serenade with pumpkin heads.

Man, this seems to take out all the romance out of serenading someone. Yeah, if Romeo and Juliet were done with pumpkin heads, it would look as stupid as this.

11. There’s nothing on Halloween like spending a night stealing front gates from other people’s homes.

Better hope that the owner can afford a new gate and doesn’t call the cops. Because Halloween or not, theft and vandalism are crimes.

12. Nothing says Halloween like having pumpkin children put jack o’lanterns on their black cats.

Man, black cats really get a raw deal. If everyone doesn’t think they’re bad luck, they’re being subjected to other types of animal cruelty. Seriously, it seems like black cats bring more bad luck to themselves. Also, those pumpkin heads are freaky.

13. Scared of ghosts? Your pig will take care of it.

“Oh, shit, Howard, that pumpkin was supposed to be part of my Halloween costume this year. Now I have to go as a ghost for the 3rd year in a row.”

14. “If we were here, I’d bet I’d find a red ear.”

Hey, I didn’t know they had Oompa Loompas on Halloween greeting cards. Then again, they are quite terrifying in their own right.

15. Remember, on Halloween, the more puffs it takes to blow out a candle, the less likely you’ll be married within a year.

From I-Mockery: “And if it’s one of those trick self-relighting candles, you can sleep with the girlfriend/boyfriend of
whoever left it in front of you because that jerk just ruined your chances of ever getting married.”

16. Nothing makes great Halloween fun than shoving a wooden stake up somebody’s ass.

Oooh, sure hate to be that guy. Yeah, that’s sure going to be a real pain in the ass, literally. Good luck, sitting comfortably after that.

17. Happy Halloween greetings and don’t mind the black cats crossing your path.

From I-Mockery: “When one black cat crosses your path, it’s bad luck. When many cross your path? It’s a conga line and you had damn well better join in the fun.” Or else, you’ll probably have bad luck for the rest of your life.

18. You can’t celebrate Halloween without enjoying a piece of pumpkin pie.

Now it seems that old Jack is faced with an ethical dilemma. Though he didn’t want to offend his host, he wasn’t too keen on engaging in cannibalism either.

19. Uh-oh, seems like the witch should really check how fast she’s driving.

Because I don’t think the cucumber had long to live after this. In fact, it’s most likely he was turned into cucumber mush.

20. Surprisingly, it seems that jack o’lanterns are interested in the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Of course, they might just be reading from a pamphlet left over by some mega church or Jehovah's Witnesses. Still pretty funny though.

Of course, since they didn’t understand much of what they read in the Bible, they decided to get a book that would clear things up. Or they were just bored. I don’t know.

21. Remember that traveling with a candle at night keeps the goblins away.

However, this is only as long as the candle is unscented. Because goblins just love scented candles.

22. Just so you know, pumpkin monsters always enjoy sweets.

I’ve seen quite a lot of these in vintage Halloween cards. And I think they’re just utterly freaky as hell and designed by someone on some absinthe addiction.

23. On Halloween, you’ll see all kinds of strange things out there.

Like a pumpkin headed woman in a kimono with her eyes strung up by nailed ropes. Yeah, very strange and freaky indeed.

24. If you laugh at a witch on Halloween, you’ll be turned into a pumpkin person.

I don’t get what was so funny about the witch here. But still, a pumpkin guy like that smoking a pipe? Well, that’s just goddamn ridiculous, it’s hilarious.

25. Happy Halloween, now let’s watch these two split a guy’s acorn squash head open.

Okay, that is just plain wrong. I mean the squash obviously has a face. Makes me wonder what they did with the rest of him.

26. For a wild pig, there’s nothing on Halloween like tripping a Scotsman.

Hope the guy didn’t land on his head or he might’ve found himself in an embarrassing situation. This assuming that there’s truth in the notion that Scots wear nothing under their kilts.

27. Happy Halloween and watch out for the cops or that black cat.

Looks like that one mouse is being chased by some cop over some Halloween vandalism. Meanwhile, I’m sure the cheese holding mouse’s time with his girlfriend will be his last.

28. You “auto” have a happy Halloween.

And you “auto” not drive while on acid. I think this guy had a bit too many. Oh my God, those eyes!

29. Hope your candle stays lit at both ends this Halloween.

From I-Mockery: “Actually, if both candles stay lit, a vampire bat will come drop a load of guano in your jack-o-lantern’s nasal cavity.” Yeah, sounds about right.

30. May you have a thrilling Halloween but beware of the pumpkin ghosts.

I-Mockery: “Nothing makes for a thrilling Halloween quite like a trio of pumpkin ghosts having just raped flying black cats in the sky.” Yeah, the cats look really traumatized up there.

31. “I’ll get you, my pretty, and with my goblin army, no one will stop me.”

From I-Mockery: “I’m all for trying to scare people, but was it really necessary for that one goblin to moon this couple?Also, the actual moon is really enjoying sniffing that poor woman’s ass. Creepy.” I’ll say. Yeah, don’t want the moon sniffing up my ass either.

32. May the light keep the Devil away from you this Halloween night.

From I-Mockery: “The Devil will gladly drop his pitchfork to seize the opportunity to have a pumpkin man help shove an archaic fleshlight onto his crotch.” So that’s what the fringed bon-bon looking thing is. Don’t really see that with the devil.

33. Halloween is always known as a night for mischief.

“Oh, shit, must’ve slept over Halloween and missed the witches’ meeting. And they’re putting their Christmas decorations out now.” What an idiot.

34. Remember that on Halloween, your pumpkin could become a portal releasing a mist of evils into this world if you leave it on top of a dessert.

Now that's guaranteed to traumatize children. This is especially true with the jack o'lantern clown face.

Now that’s guaranteed to traumatize children. This is especially true with the creepy jack o’lantern clown face.

35. Of course, witches’ meetings always have to have musical accompaniment.

Yeah, I bet you’d freak out if you saw what was under that pumpkin man’s kilt. Really don’t want to know about that.

36. Happy Halloween, and don’t let Mr. McGregor chase you out of the pumpkin patch.

“Goddamn, kids, how dare you steal my pumpkins! I’ll make you pay for this! You haven’t heard the last of it!”

37. Remember to protect yourself against rouge jack o’lanterns.

Not sure who I’m more scared of in this: the fearful jack o’lantern or the creepy boy with the knife. Decisions, decisions.

38. Nothing beats the festivities on Halloween night than seeing a bunch of jack o’lanterns playing poker.

"Charlie, you might want to bow out of the game if you lose this round. I know you don't have a lot of money and you'll have to run out somehow. Besides, you've already put $500 in the pot already.

“Charlie, you might want to bow out of the game if you lose this round. I know you don’t have a lot of money and you’ll have to run out somehow. Besides, the rest of us have enough to play all night.”

39. “Don’t be scared. The goblins are just having fun. They’re not trying to hurt you.”

Yeah, those goblins are only out to have a good time, evil witch lady in red. Of course, she’s the one letting them out of the pumpkin. Not sure if I trust her.

40. Of course, Halloween is a time for lovers to make up in the pumpkin patch.

Okay, let me get this straight. These two pumpkins are making out inside another pumpkin which is watching in anticipation. Does anyone see anything wrong with that?

41. Have a safe and happy Halloween, and don’t worry about spending the night in the pumpkin patch.

If these spirits were lurking around in the pumpkin patch every night, I suppose Linus would have second thoughts about waiting for the Great Pumpkin. Yeah, he might think spending all night in the pumpkin patch just isn’t worth it.

42. Remember step away from the light!

I’m sure that kid in red is a racist caricature from the facial expression. But yeah, I’d be shitting my pants if I saw a big, moving jack o’lantern head with feathers on top.

43. Of course, human and pumpkin head pairings weren’t always frowned upon.

I see the pumpkin guy is really impressed by the night lady's ta-tas (as you can guess how creepily he stares at them). Still, God only knows what their kids would look like if they ever procreate.

I see the pumpkin guy is really impressed by the night lady’s ta-tas (as you can guess how creepily he stares at them). You can guess where this is headed.

44. Remember that ghosts could be lurking around these parts on All Hallows Eve.

While Pumpkin headed men in white sheets could be leading children to their untimely deaths. Yeah, stay way from pumpkin headed ghosts, please.

45. Remember, children, that if a pumpkin headed ghost doesn’t lead you to your death, he’ll force you to row his boat for free.

“C’mon, kid’s the night’s not going to last for ever. Row faster. Row faster.” Man, that pumpkin head is terrifying.

46. Sleep tight this Halloween night because you run the risk of being kidnapped by bat flying goblins.

I would be screaming like hell if I were that girl. But she seems more curious and calm about being abducted for some reason.

47. Of course, beware of the witches peering in windows looking for delicious children to eat.

“Let’s see. The younger girl is too skinny. The older girl is chunky enough but that doesn’t mean anything. But the little boy is muscular which is just right. Perhaps I can cook him medium rare.”

48. Apparently, demons like to torture pumpkin people in their spare time.

Like I said before, those pumpkin people are creepy as hell. I mean they look like they’re from another planet. The demons aren’t much better.

49. Don’t forget to put on a show with your costume this Halloween night.

And it seems this woman is performing a strip show with all the perverted pumpkin heads watching. And she’s about to disrobe her skull and crossbones cape.

50. “May the Halloween nutshell, unto you a good fortune tell.”

Of course, I can guess this is a vision a card designer got after drinking too much absinthe. Yeah, kind of freaky if you agree with me, especially with the jack o’lanterns on her wings.

Halloween Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 18, 2015

When it comes to finding tacky and inappropriate stuff for Halloween, it’s a unique challenge compared to most holidays. I mean when you got a holiday like Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day, anything that seems gross, inappropriate, creepy, or tacky will do. Since Halloween is known for stuff that intentionally scare or creep people out, this poses a unique challenge. If you want to know, you can see my post on vintage Halloween ads. And finding bad Halloween cakes are no exception. Now I know that many people have parties for Halloween and might also order cakes as well. Now I can do a post showing all the great scary Halloween cakes out there. But you would probably not read it at all. So instead, I’ll focus on the store bought pastry disasters that would scare even the most terrifying monster out there. So without further adieu, here are some Halloween cakes not worth scaring for.

When ordering Halloween cupcakes, it’s recommended you go with bats.

Those are bats? Seriously, they just look black scribbles on orange icing. You’d expect stuff like that from a 4-year-old.

2. “Happy Hallowen, Trick or Troat?”

Seriously, do cake decorators not have spell check or something? Because I think people know how to spell “Halloween” and “treat.”

3. Of course, a ghost is a simple design for any Halloween cake. Let’s hope nobody messes this up.

I’m sure ghosts take a fluid appearance and you can take some degree of leeway drawing one. However, these look like sperm, not ghosts. A decorator should know not to draw anything that looks like sperm.

4. Now these look like cupcakes you can really get your hands on.

Actually contrary to what Colonel Sanders once said, these don’t look anywhere near finger lickin’ good. In fact, they look very finger lickin’ bad in my mind.

5. Of course, I heard that Frankenstein’s monster is a very popular cake design this Halloween.

Okay, what the hell is this? I mean that doesn’t look like Frankenstein’s monster. He does not have a head shaped like that or teeth going sideways.

6. Well, at least this Frankenstein monster cake has a face, save for maybe the nose.

That’s a nose? Really, that looks like something that belongs between Frankenstein’s legs than his eyes. Seriously, who decorates noses like that? That’s crazy.

7. Hop aboard the Rest in Peace Bus, we give free rides!

What’s with the green fingers hanging from the trunk? That makes no goddamn sense for some reason.

8. Of course, bats always carry a rather scary feature on any Halloween cake, especially in groups.

For the love of God, those don’t look like bats. They might as well be birds for crying out loud. Can’t the cake decorator know the difference?

9. Cake not scary enough? Put a spider on it.

Sorry, but I don’t think a spider is helping in this situation, especially if it looks like a cute little fur ball. This cake is lame.

10. Hope your Halloween party is a blast with this vampire Elvis cake.

From Cake Wrecks: “I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!” Yeah, not very intimidating at all.

11. Not surprisingly, pumpkins are another popular cake subject for Halloween.

And this one just happens to remind me of Edvard Munch’s The Scream for some reason. Also, its nose is too close to its mouth.

12. On any monstrous Halloween cake, you can’t have too many eyeballs.

From Cake Wrecks: “I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, ‘Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.’ So I did.” Couldn’t say it better myself.

13. Of course, adding blood can makes things all the more scarier.

Now what is this? Ghost? Skeleton? Something from a horror movie? A bad attempt at drawing anything worth freaking people out? You decide.

14. Beware of the pink plastic footed purple brick monster!

From Cake Wrecks: “What’s got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing “hair” sprouting out of a purple brick? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS.” Me neither. Nor do I want to know.

15. When doing a vampire cake, make sure it looks like one that could suck your blood.

However, this isn’t how you should do a vampire cake for Halloween. This vampire looks like he’s an embarrassing love child of the Count from Sesame Street. Seriously, it’s too cute.

16. All right, if you can’t choose between ghost and jack o’lantern, we could just mesh them together. Nobody will notice.

Actually they will. I mean that doesn’t look like any pumpkin I’ve seen in my life. Now it just seems to resemble a really misshapen pumpkin for almost no reason at all.

17. Always try to give your monster cake a scary face if you could.

Now that’s a face that could haunt anyone’s nightmares. But not necessarily for the right reasons though. Still, don’t what the hell this thing is supposed to be. And that’s pretty scary.

18. Beware the dreaded pod baby if you dare.

Now what the hell does this have to do with Halloween? Other than the fangs, I don’t see any point. Also, this is just so weird looking for some reason.

19. Sometimes it’s best to go simple such as a moon and night sky.

That does not look like a moon in the night sky. That looks like a banana shooting laser beams. Doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

20. If you want a simple cake design this Halloween, go with a ghost.

This is not a ghost. This is a roll of darkened toilet paper with arms and eyes. And now, it’s angry.

21. Remember, that yellow eyes can make a ghost look even scarier, especially semicircular ones.

From Cake Wrecks: “I am not ‘pretty,’ I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?” Yeah, that does look like a really scary roll of toilet paper. Not.

22. Nothing is scarier on Halloween than a giant green monster.

From Cake Wrecks: “Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident. Because if THAT doesn’t say “Happy Halloween”… then don’t worry ‘cuz the board does.” Yeah, kind of looks like that. Also reminds me a bit of the Pirate Parrot for some reason. Not sure why.

23. Nothing is scarier in a modern home than a possessed stove burner.

You know the kind of burners that spontaneously set fire to whole kitchens without any alert from the smoke detector. Yeah, haunted appliances are so in right now.

24. Nothing captures the spirit of Halloween more than a cake of mummified, misshapen candy corn?

Oh, my God. For one, nobody likes candy corn, let alone with a smiley face. Second, it’s even more stupid that it’s made to look like a mummy.

25. When it comes to making you gag this Halloween season, maggots can’t be beat.

Now I know that there’s a lot of gross stuff associated with Halloween. But I think maggot cakes would just make me either throw up or lose my appetite.

26. Want a creepy cake? Go with a green spider.

Yes, it has 8 legs and fangs. But it doesn’t seem creepy or scary for some reason. In fact, it looks pretty lame if I do say so myself.

27. When doing a circular cake, always stick with a pumpkin.

That’s not a pumpkin. That’s an orange baseball with eyes after a dog has just taken a crap on it. What it has to do with Halloween, I have no idea.

28. Summon your dead ancestors to your Halloween party with this Oujia board cake.

Now that’s the worst spelling of Ouijia I’ve ever seen. Seriously, where’s a dictionary when you need it. Could see that the decorator really needed help with this one.

29. Of course, ghosts cakes can have virtually any shape.

Since when does toilet paper ever get angry? I thought being an ass wipe was the gist of its existence.

30. When you don’t have a Halloween monster in mind, you can always design your own.

Now this is what you get when you cross Princess Leia, Dracula, a Sesame Street muppet and Bride of Frankenstein. Yeah, not very scary if you ask me.

31. Nothing makes a Halloween cake like having creepy crawlies on it.

Now I can understand why you have the spider and web. But why ants? Seriously, ants aren’t scary unless they’re as big as Godzilla like in Them! Besides, there are plenty of more suitable insects out there to give people the heebie jeebies. Ants aren’t among them.

32. Happy Halloween from your colorful spermie friends?

Once again, ghosts shouldn’t be decorated to look like sperm for God’s sake. Second, what the hell do these colorful sperm have to do with Halloween?

33. Any cake can be a Halloween cake, you just have to add ghosts and pumpkins to it.

Let’s just say when it comes to pop culture, a Spongebob Squarepants cake really doesn’t make a great backdrop. In fact, it looks absolutely stupid.

34. Of course, getting ghosts wrong can really lead to some awkward situation.

From Cake Wrecks: “WHAT in the name of sweet Lassie is that spider doing?!?” Was going to ask the same question myself. Okay, I don’t want to know.

35. Don’t have an idea for a Halloween cake? Just add some candy corn.

Candy Corn: the least popular thing associated with Halloween. It’s basically inedible sugar wax. But it’s so easy, anyone can do it.

36. You can turn any cake into a Halloween one if you just add a plastic spider.

Before the spider was added, it was originally a birthday present cake. Now it’s bound to freak you out now. Yeah, spine-chilling.

37. “Have a nice day,” from your local smiley face vampire.

Now this is just wrong. I mean really wrong. Seriously, you can add fangs to a smiley face but it would never look appropriate for Halloween. Sorry, but this is just so ridiculous.

38. Need a Halloween cake fast. No problem, just stick an eyeball on a dog cake. Now it’s an eyeball monster.

Now that just doesn’t look right for some reason. I mean it more or less resembles a dog with a freaking eyeball. More awkward than scary, don’t you agree.

39. Uh, a jack o’lantern cake is supposed to have eyes, right?

Let’s just say I don’t think a blind jack o’lantern really gives into the Halloween spirit. Seriously, that just looks like something is missing.

40. Need to sell a dog cake on Halloween? Make it into a zombie dog.

Oh, that is just doggone awful. You can make it green and add patches, but you can’t make this dog even remotely scary.

Scary Fun with Halloween Vintage Advertising

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 17, 2015

Since Halloween has always been a popular holiday that involves costumes, parties, decorations, and trick or treating, it’s no surprise that plenty of companies try to cash in on the whole thing. And it was no different then than it is now. Of course, you have plenty of Halloween ads for food and clothes, but you also see plenty for things you might not expect like antifreeze. Besides, Halloween gives advertisers something to make money off of between Back to School and Christmas with a downtime of November in between. Yeah, I know I forgot Thanksgiving but that holiday is only celebrated in the United States and it’s not a particularly fun one at that. Well, I know it’s a big time for food advertisers. But I mostly wrote a vintage ad post for Thanksgiving because I was bored out of my mind. Still, while I can show some of the best vintage Halloween advertising, I know you’d all be bored to tears . So instead, I’ll focus on the Halloween ads that are unintentionally scary or funny, don’t seem to make sense, and have the possibility of being inappropriate. Some might feature creepy children. Some might imply scary messages. And some might seem like these advertisers would do almost anything to sell you their product. So without further adieu, here are some scary Halloween ads for your reading pleasure.

Enjoy a scary ghost story with an Edison Phonograph.

For some reason the scariest thing about this ad to me is that chubby naked kid with the mirror. He just looks so evil under the full moon that it’s disturbing.

2. Necco: Everyone’s Favorite Gobblin’ Halloween Candy.

I’m sure the giant jack o’lantern would love kiddies stuffing giant Necco wafers into his mouth. Of course, we should all know that many Necco candies have a chemical composition similar to chalk.

3. Seagram’s Five Crown: the whiskey for wasted witches.

Of course, this ad does shed life on witches like flying their broom under the influence and having people throw pumpkins at them. Of course, you never hear of either on Harry Potter.

4. With Necco wafers, there is no trick to this treat!

Yes, there is. Necco wafers are candies made from a mixture of sugar, blackboard chalk, and food coloring. They are utterly disgusting that they are usually the last items eaten in a trick or treater’s Halloween candy. That’s not my opinion that these are facts.

5. Frankenstein can’t have his Bloody Marys without Smirnoff.

Of course, Frankenstein has admitted in this ad that he has a drinking problem. So when he goes on the rampage at night, he’s not angry. He’s just going through an alcohol withdrawal because he was kicked out of a bar or the bars closed.

6. US Royal Master: The ultimate tire….engineered to meet the unexpected such as slamming on the brakes so you don’t run over a bunch of trick or treaters paying no damn attention to the freaking road!

Of course, this ad runs like the driver doesn’t even know that it’s Halloween when kids trick or treat that time of night. Then again, trick or treaters crossing the street don’t pose as much of a danger as the drunk Halloween partier on the way home.

7. Witchal: From the woods to relieve your pain.

Available at your local witches’ coven near you. Just follow the cloud of smoke in the forest. Except if you live in California or Texas. Then you might need to call 911.

8. When his body was wreaking havoc in Sleepy Hollow, the Headless Horsemen’s head stayed behind to party.

Now this just fucked up. In fact, I didn’t know the Headless Horseman had a head and wasn’t just terrorizing Icabod Crane. Seriously, do you really need an ad like this for M&Ms? If Mars wanted to advertise M&Ms for Halloween, they could just use Yellow and Red.

9. Nissen’s Old Home Bread has vitamins and minerals for extra nourishment.

Is it just me or does this party scene look utterly creepy? The kids on the left seem like they’re about to do something sinister. The girl seems like casting some black magic spell on the apples. And the little girl in the corner appears that she might want to take the stool from under her.

10. Sanka Coffee: the witches’ brew guaranteed to calm your dad’s anger issues.

The last Sanka ad I featured back in May depicted a rather abusive father. This one depicts a rather angry one. So is Sanka trying to say that their coffee clamps down on domestic violence? Because I think it’s a bit extreme to say so.

11. Scare claims fool no one, so trust Old Gold for a treat instead of a treatment!

Cigarette ads fool no one. All they do is trick people into a very bad health habit that leads to respiratory problems, cancer, heart disease, yellow skin, and early death. And if you think that’s scary, they also cause the same problems for people who have to deal with smokers. This is why so many public places have smoking bans.

12. This Halloween treat your kids to undergarments from the Minneapolis Knitting Works.

Now I know people had more kids than usual in those days. However, this fact doesn’t make an ad featuring a bunch of them in their underwear any less awkward. Also, I think the little girl in white might have murder on the mind. She seems to have no soul.

13. Wake up this Halloween morning with Cream of Wheat cereal.

Now this would make a decent ad but Rastah had to show up and ruin it. Go away, Rastah. You’re a stereotypical racist caricature known to offend African Americans. The world doesn’t need you. Also, that girl looks as if she has no eyes.

14. Trust Johnson & Johnson for all your pumpkin carving injuries.

Is it just me or is the mom seem to relish a bit too much in knife usage. “Now this is how I’ll stab the hell out your father next time I catch him with one of those drunk whores at the bar. He’ll learn his lesson.”

15. Raisins: The Halloween fruit treat that makes everybody happy.

Actually children don’t like raisins. Nor do adults in that matter. Seriously, whenever I bite into a raisin cookie, I usually have a bad taste of disappointment that it wasn’t chocolate chip. If I knew it was a raisin cookie, I wouldn’t have eaten it in the first place.

16. Have Halloween fun with Skinless Wieners by making your very own Weeny Witch.

Of course, Skinless Wieners alone incites enough shits and giggles, since it’s a product you really don’t want to Google. Not sure what to think about the Weeny Witch. That’s just ridiculous.

17. Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum comes with a bewitching mint leaf flavor.

And I have to admit that between these two guys, the one in the mask is far less terrifying. The other one looks as if he wants to strangle you and play with your insides. Also, what’s with the arrows? Don’t see the point.

18. With Jello, the Halloween party fun never seems to stop.

Of course, it doesn’t help for this woman that the nieghborhood’s kids are all brats. Yeah, good luck with that.

19. Staying young the vampire way by drinking a full glass of blood every day.

Of course, with a recommendation like that, a vampire might need to rob a blood bank once in awhile. Still, it’s not real blood. Just juice. But yeah, kind of creepy.

20. There are fewer tricks when you treat them with Sun Maid raisins.

Once again, most people don’t like raisins, especially children. Remember what I said about raisin cookies.

21. With such shades, send monstrous shivers down his spine and make his blood run hot and cold.

I’m sure you don’t want to attract guys like these at your Halloween party. Well, Frankenstein’s monster is all right. But the vampire might stick his fangs in you, which wouldn’t be good.

22. There’s nothing on Halloween like carving a pumpkin alongside a nice glass of beer.

Not sure if you should drink alcohol while carving a pumpkin for little Sue. Yeah, I know her dad is overseas but still. Sharp objects and alcohol don’t really mix.

23. Enjoy drinking with an 18th century ghost with Mount Vernon Whiskey.

Then again, if you’re sharing a toast with a 18th century ghost, you might what we call, “drunk.” The ghost might be an hallucination. Of course, it’s been said that George Washington actually drank whiskey for breakfast.

24. Of course, ghosts always love to haunt places that serve Schlitz beer.

Yeah, I can totally see why ghosts would love to haunt bars. I’m sure they can appear as much as they like while patrons who’ve seen them might wonder whether they had too much to drink. Why go to haunted houses when they can mess up with drunks?

25. With colors by Cutex, bewitch him by day and make him mad for you under the moon.

From what I've learned in horror movies, you really don't want to attract mummies and werewolves (save maybe Remus Lupin). Seriously, ladies, I know how this goes and you will not like it.

From what I’ve learned in horror movies, you really don’t want to attract mummies and werewolves (save Remus Lupin). Seriously, ladies, I know how this goes and you will not like it. I mean these women look like they’re totally asking for it.

26. Get your Ben Cooper Sesame Street costume for Halloween at Plaid Stallions.

For some reason, I don’t think Big Bird likes Ernie too much. Seems like Big Bird has a seething hatred for him that he wants to murder him in his sleep.

27. Break tradition this year with Runrico Rumkin.

And I thought that the pumpkin spice craze was new thing. Turns out I was wrong. Seriously, pumpkin flavored vodka? That’s ridiculous.

28. Nothing makes families happier on Halloween than good clothes from Kuppenheimer.

From Waylou: “Something about this whole scene makes me think of Tim Burton’s ‘Batman’ and the scene when the Joker finds out what the chemical plant accident turned him into.”

29. Munching on Milky Ways while trick or treating is always sweet stalkin.’

Yeah, sweet stalkin’ really? Is this because it’s a stalk munching? Or is it because the one dressed as a stalk is watching the object of their desires get in the shower. If the latter, there might be prison time.

30. Are your guests upset by the “Ghosts of the Past?”

Of course, if you were that woman, you’d freak out, too, if you looked in the mirror and saw a ghost with an outhouse. In fact, anyone would. Except maybe old people who might musingly think of their childhoods.

31. Put on a happy face this Halloween by getting Masquerade Makeup at Don Post Studios.

If you don’t understand why some people are afraid of clowns, you need to see this. Seriously, that clown is just simply terrifying if you ask me.

32. With Sylvania flash bulbs, it’s easier to flash a picture than ring a doorbell.

Boy, that kid’s costume is so creepy. I think the guy should at least not take a picture. Yeah, that might not be a good idea.

33. For grown up trick or treating, Dutch Masters cigars are no trick and all treat.

“Guess we should get these cigars for all the neighbors next year, assuming that all of them don’t die of lung cancer first.” Seriously, tobacco products kill 1 out of 3 users a year.

34. Morton Salt has the magic touch for Halloween.

Is it just me or does the Morton Salt girl seem to scare the freaking bejesus out of me in this? Seriously, that girl looks so creepy.

35. Gibbs style knit underwear gives only the best for your baby.

I don’t think having children flying brooms unsupervised is my idea of aviation safety, let alone in their underwear. Also, I don’t think kids typically hang out in their underwear anyway.

36. Kellogg’s Snack Pak is sweet Hallow eaten.’

Is it just me or does this little blond boy look really menacing with a mustache and goatee? He just looks incredibly evil with his grin for some reason. I don’t know.

37. Treat them to delicious Halloween candies straight from Brach’s.

Seems like this kid is desperate for candy that he’ll eat basically anything. Seriously, Brach’s makes candy corn which is made from food coloring, sugar, and wax. It’s disgusting. Also, I have a bad feeling about that kid.

38. For your Halloween cuisine, grease your pans with Crisco.

From PopSugar: “Look, mother! Doesn’t this huge bowl of trans fat look delicious?” I think the Crisco is used for greasing pans while baking. Not food. For God’s sake, lady, get a clue.

39. For this Halloween, go happy with Lucky Strike.

Is this just me or does this woman not seem altogether there? Yeah, I’m sure if her boyfriend cheats on her, she’ll probably slit his throat in the dead of night and chop it off into a bunch of tiny bits she’ll feed to the sharks.

40. This Halloween, be bright, be light and have a Pepsi.

Because nothing makes you look more fabulous in a skin tight leotard than a major contributor to obesity and Type II Diabetes. Yeah, because nothing helps you lose weight faster than a bunch of empty calories (sarcasm).

41. Remember that no Halloween mask scares of a man as much as “morning mouth.”

Actually I think waking up next to a pumpkin headed woman might freak out a man more than halitosis. Seriously, would you want to be married to the Headless Horseman? Neither would I.

42. Don’t let budget troubles scare you with Spun-ls lingerie.

From PopSugar: “Oh hey, I’m just using a sharp knife to carve a pumpkin in my underwear.” Seriously, who the hell carves pumpkins in their underwear? That’s crazy! I mean why?

43. Don’t let medical claims scare you from smoking Old Gold.

Well, at least the jack o’lantern knows that smoking is bad for you. But still, the medical claims about smoking being bad for your health, they’re pretty legit. Seriously, cigarettes kill people all the time.

44. Remember this Halloween sit back and relax with a Coke.

From Waylou: “Even though we should be focusing on the uplifting Coca Cola message here, the way the couple in the ad look suggests something “dirty” is going on while shooting this one.” Also, I don’t think she looks “relaxing” to me, given the guy’s creepy smile.

45. Remember, America, even the Great Pumpkin is voting for Nixon-Agnew.

Okay, I guess the Great Pumpkin cared more about supporting Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew than showing up for Linus in the pumpkin patch. Seriously, Great Pumpkin, can’t you just show up for Linus for once on Halloween? He really believes in you despite being constantly disappointed by your absence. Don’t break his heart.

46. Make Ted Nugent a part of your Halloween tradition this year.

God, are those kids dressed up as Ted Nugent freak or what? And that’s when he was considerably less scary than he is now. Seriously, the guy’s on Fox News and is a total gun nut. Really don’t want to go to any of his concerts.

47. Of course, pull off the neatest trick or treat this year with Microsheen shoe polish.

Hey, who knew that sexy Halloween costumes were a new thing? Seriously, this lady puts today’s slutty witch to shame. Then again, I may be wrong.

48. When children see a house that has Brach’s, they will always ring the doorbell.

Actually, children hate Brach’s Candy. This is particularly because they sell candy corn, you know inedible Halloween sugar wax. Also the kid in the cat costume gives me the creeps.

49. Treat your family to a Halloween vegetable beef loaf this year. They’ll love it.

Okay, this looks really disgusting. You know, like the kind of stuff you dog vomits after being freaked out by a ghost. Yeah that.

50. Buy your trick or treat candy with Brach’s.

And by “candy” we don’t mean a sexy witch on a broom. She’s just posing on this ad to appeal to a male demographic. If you want candy like her, go to a strip club.

51. Crest is here to remind you that tonight’s treats can turn into tomorrow’s tricks.

And this little witch is currently plotting to put her parents into a hot brick oven. Yes, she’s about as evil incarnate as they come.

52. No elegant ghost would settle for less than Dan River sheets.

Basically this company is saying: “Go ahead, use our product for your Halloween ghost costumes. We don’t care if you ruin it.” Something tells me this company was desperate for buyers that year.

53. Take Halloween flash shots and enter into the General Electric picture contest.

Seems that kid really has other things on his mind than just taking pictures. Then again, to him it’s an alternative to murder.

54. Nothing makes better syrup for Halloween breakfast for the Dionne quintuplets than Karo.

Of course, after these kids are done with their waffles, they plan to kill their parents, put them through a wood chipper, and throw their remains in the river. Of course, the real Dionne quints were exploited by their publicity seeking parents by the way.

55. You’re never sticking your neck out with a Litronix calculator.

You’d almost think with all the vampire references here, this one was catering to Count von Count. Of course, the Count should’ve been used in this ad anyway. But the vampire seems to show no interest in the blond just the same.

56. “Show me a filter cigarette that delivers taste and I’ll eat my hat.”

Go ahead. Eating your hat would be much better for your health than smoking a Lucky Strike or any cigarette for that matter. At least eating a hat won’t increase your child’s chances of suffering an early death from lung cancer.

57. Get all the jack o’lanterns looking at you with Hanes hoisery.

For some reason, jack o’lanterns can be such perverts. One is even looking up that woman’s skirt. Yeah, kind of disturbing if you think about it.

58. Karo is a syrup enjoyed by the Dionne Quintuplets on Halloween night.

These were real girls by the way. But by how they’re drawn, I wouldn’t trust them with a sharp carving knife if I were their parents. I’d be afraid of them killing me in my sleep.

59. Trick or treat with Roxbury candies, the bargain choice.

I’ll keep that in mind, clown of my nightmares. Seriously, that clown looks as though he wants you to buy these candies so he can murder trick or treaters during the night.

60. Treat your trick or treaters to a box from the Post Treat Pak.

Is it just me, or is this little Frankenstein even creepier without the mask. Yeah, I’m sure a small box of cereal will keep this boy from murdering your cat or setting your house on fire. Not.

61. Cracker Jack makes is the perfect trick that makes the perfect treat anytime.

You mean the carmelized popcorn that contains a lousy sticker prize in the box. Yeah, I’m sure (sarcasm). Still, if it keeps the demonic children away the rest of the night, then I have no complaints.

62. Actors’ faces are extra sensitive to shaving cream. That’s why Boris Karloff uses Williams.

Of course, remember don't tell Boris Karloff that he looks like Boris Karloff when he's in Jonathan Brewster mode. Of course, he did originate the role of Jonathan Brewster on Broadway but he wasn't available for the movie. So Canadian Raymond Massey was cast in his role instead.

Of course, remember don’t tell Boris Karloff that he looks like Boris Karloff when he’s in Jonathan Brewster mode (his character in Arsenic and Old Lace hated being compared to Karloff so much that he killed people over it). Of course, he did originate the role of Jonathan Brewster on Broadway but he wasn’t available for the movie. So Canadian Raymond Massey was cast in his role instead.

63. Elvira recommends to cut through paper based CASE products with LBMS.

Of course, sex sells as we know in advertising. Even when it comes to unsexy things like computer and office products. Still, I think Elvira would’ve made a less ridiculous ad if she appeared one featuring a chainsaw.

64. Olin batteries are great for trick or treaters’ flashlights.

However, they also allow trick or treaters’ costumes to appear more visible at night. Sometimes scaring the hell out of the neighbors.

65. Can’t get enough of peanuts? Have a Pay Day.

And it looks like this guy will probably have to make a run for the store after he’s done with this trick or treater. He might also need to get some outdoor cleaning supplies and air freshener as well.

66. Refresh yourself this Halloween with the great taste of Coca Cola.

I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering whether the little blond boy might be a spawn of Satan. I mean look at him. Never mind that he’s trying to get a jack o’lantern to drink pop.

67. This Halloween grab a Snickers and you can win $200,000 in their Be Home for Herman contest.

Of course, Herman Munster isn’t himself when he’s hungry. Believe me, I saw The Munster’s Thanksgiving episode when he tried to go on a diet. And he basically broke into a neighbor’s house eating everything.

68. Make Budweiser the beer for your Halloween party this year.

From PopSugar: “When was the last time you saw a modern ad with a woman eating cheese and drinking beer? This ad says to me: hey, it’s OK to enjoy the finer and fattier things in life every once in a while!”

69. When you know your beer this Halloween, it’s bound to be Bud.

From PopSugar: “When you drink Bud all night, you won’t even need a mask to have a creepy drunk face!” Exactly. After all, your drunk face is probably much scarier. Or will be when it becomes a hangover face.

70. Reddi Whip: The perfect partner in the perfect pumpkin pie.

From PopSugar: “Whipped cream: the perfect way to have your kids bouncing off the walls and sticking their heads in pumpkins.” Wonder how that kid’s going to get his head out of this one. Yeah, I think he might need to wait. Mummy’s baking and must not be disturbed.

The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 16, 2015

During my first Halloween on WordPress in 2013, I did a couple posts on inappropriate Halloween costumes (one for everyone and another one for children). This October I did a post on DIY Halloween costumes and runway fashions that are more appropriate for Halloween in my opinion. This time I’m going with vintage Halloween costumes or what kind of outfits your grandparents wore while they were trick or treating. Now Halloween isn’t a new holiday by any means. I mean it’s one that’s blended with customs pertaining to Celtic pagan and medieval Christian rituals. And people have been dressing up in costumes for parties and trick or treating for ages. Still, when you look at some of these old vintage photos, you get the impression of how bizarre and creepy many of these costumes were. I don’t know if it’s the black and white photography or how costumes were made back then. But the effect is pretty scary and terrifying. Other costumes are just plain weird and some aren’t nearly as wholesome as you’d expect at the time. So without further adieu, here are an assortment of vintage Halloween costumes that might scare the bejesus out of you that you might find a contemporary slasher horror movie less terrifying.

In the olden days, it was suggest that you beware of ghosts within.

On second thought, I’ll take my chances with the ghosts. The rabbit in this picture is way more terrifying. Reminds me of those old scary Easter Bunnies I posted about.

2. Looks like this devil spawn wants some more cake.

Yes, I know that’s really a harmless little kid in a devil costume. But the fearsome makeup just makes me squirm.

3. When these kids show up at your doorstep for trick or treat, you better give them candy or else.

Let’s just say that five candy bars are a small price to pay to keep them from haunting your dreams. Not so scared of the witch as I am of the clowns and the ones with skull masks.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the Fly from the 19th century.

Now this is a costume from 1865. Or so I think. Still, it’s a bit too realistic for my taste. Well, except that he’s not wearing a mask.

5. This little ghost just wants some candy.

So give it out now or it will haunt your door step forever. And unlike what you see in Casper, this ghost does not look friendly at all.

6. It’s said that rabbits and hedgehogs had to be stylish gentlemen back then.

Now the suits are quite stylish. But the heads are quite freaky. Guess they had furries, too, back in the day.

7. You better not diss this witch.

You really don’t want to mess with Broomhilda. Yes, she not be pleasant. But you don’t want her to turn you into a newt. Or worse. So fork over the Crunch bar now.

8. Of course, not every dressed up as monsters, supernatural entities, clowns, or animals for Halloween. This person dressed up as a little girl with pigtails.

Now I know this isn’t a kid by any means. However, the toys and smile don’t make her less terrifying. Yeah, certainly scares the hell out of me.

9. Though women are said to be afraid of spiders, it’s not always the case.

You see, the sexy costume trend isn’t as recent as you think. Still, despite this image not being at least PG, spiderwebs are an appropriate Halloween motif.

10. Of course, Disney characters were very popular during your grandparents’ childhoods. And people did dress as them for Halloween, too.

Okay, I may not be a fan of Mickey and Minnie (nor Disney cartoons in general). But these two really give me the impression that the old Disneyland was way terrifying than I imagined.

11. Behold, the original Michelin Tire Man.

And he’s smoking a cigar, lovely. Now Michelin was founded in 1889 and the Michelin Man has been around since 1898. So it’s probably possible that such Michelin Man costume existed at the time.

12. I’d watch it with the skeleton if I were that clown.

Yeah, the skeleton looks pretty terrifying and seems to have something in his hand. Then again, the clown looks pretty freaky, too.

13. Of course, gnomes were a popular costume choice as well. And I’m sure as hell that they weren’t scary either.

I was wrong. These gnomes are terrifying. Why can’t they just look like chubby fat guys with Santa Claus beards? Seriously, it’s far less terrifying.

14. Like today, sometimes whole families would have their own costume theme.

And I suppose everyone here is dressed like ghosts in order to scar the neighbors. Then again, they were probably very easy to make. But they’re just as scary.

15. Of course, before there were cars, you couldn’t possibly go trick or treating without your horse. Well, if you had one.

And since they’re going as skeletons, the horses should follow suit as well. Still, I think it would be easier for the horses if one of them just went as the Headless Horseman.

16. Beware of the little devil in the babushka.

I would also be careful around the creepy clown, too. Not sure about the other kid in a mask.

17. When it comes to this couple, the female is deadlier than the male.

And I also get the impression that they went Dutch that year. Man went for the high class Dutch. Woman decided to be a Dutch homicidal housewife.

18. Of course, Halloween parties were quite popular. Hope none were incredibly horrifying.

On second thought, I’m kind of relieved that I wasn’t around to attend this party. This seems to be a rather terrifying photo op indeed. I guess the competition in the scary costume contest is brutal.

19. Group costumes were also popular as well. This one is of a bearkeeper, bear, and hunter.

Now we wouldn’t have a group costume like that today, just because we don’t chain up bears anymore. Still, the bear is quite terrifying and so is the kid.

20. I’d watch my step if I were that cat.

If it knows what evil that clown is capable of, it would know to keep away. Seriously, that clown gives the Joker a run for his money.

21. Costume Theme: Where the Wild Things Are as a horror movie.

Okay, these costumes are quite horrifying to say the least. Wouldn’t want to take a walk in that forest if you ask me.

22. Don’t want to know what this person has up their sleeve.

Let’s hope that this person doesn’t wear this costume when kids come over for trick or treating. Wait a minute, it was probably made just for the occasion.

23. Halloween parades were said to be quite popular and it was no exception in the olden days.

Strangely, the kid going as Peter Pan is the least terrifying thing in this picture. And he’s known for creeping into houses and kidnapping children. Yeah, I don’t see any appeal of that story.

24. For Halloween, this woman is going as a Sopwith Camel.

The Sopwith Camel was a British fighter plane during WWI. Don’t see any reason why it should be made into a sexy costume. That’s just crazy.

25. Say cheese, and don’t mind the black shadowy figure behind you.

After this picture was taken, the children in the foreground were never seen again. This was no surprise as you see how the Grim Reaper decided to pose with them for Halloween.

26. Guess C-3PO has seen better days.

Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be an alien and the picture was taken before Star Wars. But still, the person really looks like a ragged C-3PO.

27. Back in the day, nothing won a costume contest than dressing up as a pig’s insides.

This was for a fancy dress ball in London, which took place in April. But it would’ve been better if he wore it on Halloween. He even designed it himself. What a sick and demented man.

28. Of course, a spider web dress was seen as the height of 1920s Halloween fashion.

This is the 1920s silent film actress, Louise Brooks. She’s best known for playing Lulu in the 1929 Pandora’s Box. Her best known moves were heavily censored. She didn’t last in movies for long.

29. Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

Somehow, I don’t feel that this dog is doomed for a bad end. I’m sure the wolf is bound to make it his dinner. Just have a feeling.

30. “For Christ’s sake, who are you calling chicken?”

Now that’s the most realistic rooster costume I’ve ever seen. Guess this was for a costume contest. Still, looks like someone you don’t want to mess with.

31. Of course, witches are known to show great hospitality to trick or treaters.

The fact some trick or treaters are never seen again has nothing to do with it. After all, why would an old lady like that would want to prey on children? You think she might put them in a cauldron or oven.

32. It’s said that some skeleton ladies were known to be quite stylish back in the turn of the century.

Of course, they intended to make a grand entrance to the Halloween party. Didn’t mean to terrify anyone in the process.

33. Let’s hope these adventurers don’t mind the dancing skeleton in the background.

I don’t know about you but that skeleton is very terrifying to say the least. Maybe it’s the photography but I’m not sure.

34. Seems like she has found herself between a goat man and a satyr.

Let’s just say, I’m not sure which guy is more terrifying. Also, that’s a very skimpy and unflattering satyr costume if you ask me.

35. When making Halloween costumes, sometimes you have to go with what you got.

Guess these two are either space aliens or inspectors at some nuclear power plant. Not sure which. Probably the former.

36. Sometimes wearing a mask can change your whole personality.

Strange that the least scary kid in this is the one with devil horns. The girl in the donkey head is particularly terrifying to say the least. The ones in masks aren’t much better.

37. Sometimes sibling Halloween pictures are adorable, especially when the kids are young. Not sure about this one.

Okay, seems like these two kids have succeeded in haunting my dreams. Seriously, what was it about the creepy masks?

38. Yes, a masked jester can be quite terrifying to say the least. Best keep the mask off.

On second thought, he might want to keep the mask on since he’s pretty terrifying without it. What was I thinking?

39. “Hello, we want to play with you.”

I know the kids are real little in this. But still, their costumes are simply terrifying beyond all reason. Maybe it’s the masks. Maybe not.

40. May I present to you, Castle Tower Man.

Wonder if this was a rejected character from Beauty and the Beast. Sure seems like it. Then again, it’s a pretty crazy costume if you ask me.

41. Of course, you should know better than to cross the pig butcher.

Looks like this porker is through with bringing the bacon at the expense of his fellow swine. What I wonder is why this pig thought being a butcher was a good career path in the first place.

42. Is this kid supposed to be a hobo clown? Wait, I may not want to know.

Now that’s pretty terrifying to say the least. Makes me want to go pale and run away in fear.

43. “All hail the powerful Pumpkin king.”

I’m sure what they’re doing here is harmless and nothing to be afraid of. Honestly, I’m sure it’s not some type of evil spirit worship. Then again, you might want to run.

44. This clown really wants you to give him candy.

And no, you really don’t want to see him in the moonlight. As Lon Chaney says, “A clown is never funny in the moonlight.” He had a point.

45. Hey, look, a scarecrow family. Sure they’re just as rustic as all the scarecrows you see in fields.

Actually I was wrong. These scarecrows can really scare crows and other creatures. Hell, they can scare the hell out of people like me.

46. Now she’s just a little girl in the pumpkin patch. Hope there’s nothing scary to see here.

Okay, this little girl is creepy as hell. I mean just look at her face. Really something that gives people nightmares.

47. Didn’t know that the Prince of Darkness had his own office in Hell.

Then again, it seems likely that Satan is a top executive in some major hedge fund company on Wall Street. Not sure why. Then again, the place is filled with scum and villainy that never get prosecuted or put in jail.

48. Of course, in the olden days, we have to be aware that some people dressed up as racist caricatures.

Yes, many of these costumes are terrifying. But if you’re black and/or Native American, only the clown and witch won’t offend you. Also, I think the Indian princess might work for the Washington Redskins or Cleveland Indians.

49. Seems like we have a dangerous psycho killing horror villain on the loose.

Yes, he does kind of remind me of some slasher horror movie villain for some reason. Hope he just says out of my town. Guess there might be people in his neighborhood who won’t see the light of day when he’s through with them.

50. I see the skeleton preferred to come in a nightgown this time.

Talk about creepy as hell. Still, I’m sure the third one in this picture is bound to offend some people of color. Not sure what the other two women are, not that I want to know.

51. Nothing is more creepy on Halloween than seeing a little kid with a head like this.

Now that costume is bound to win the Scariest Costume Award at the Halloween kiddie party. Of course, it’s sure to scare the living shit out of everyone. I’m sure it this child will make playmates wet their pants or beds.

52. Sometimes a tune won’t let the old goat down.

Don’t usually think goats as scary. But this one looks horrifying enough to haunt my dreams. And no, I really don’t want to hear any tunes from that horn.

53. Remember that some ghouls might walk the street in quite stylish attire.

For some reason, this guy reminds me of Jim Carrey’s character from The Mask. Well, if he gained a few pounds anyway. Also bears some resemblance to a character from Ghostbusters.

54. Here we have a clown with a couple of dolls. Hope nothing goes wrong with that.

Is it just me or are these people seem like they can kill you in their sleep in the middle of the night? Just a thought.

55. Always remember to put on your best face this Halloween season.

Now I’ve seen people in sexy and scantily clad costumes before. But this is just ridiculous and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, this is something you’d see on a very bad acid trip.

56. For some reason, giant eyes scare me. Not sure why.

Okay, I can see why this time. Yeah, eye heads really can be terrifying. This is especially in black and white photography.

57. Oh, look, the astronaut kid wants you to hold his jack o’lantern.

On second thought, thanks but no thanks. Yeah, I know this isn’t supposed to be a scary costume. But the kid creeps me out just the same.

58. Don’t make the Devil get his pronged fork out. I’m just saying.

Now I know devil is a popular costume choice. But it seems that a lot of these vintage devils can sure scare the hell out of you.

59. Now this witch may fly with a broom but her preferred ground transport is bicycle.

Yeah, really don’t want to see her riding around during the night. Still, at least she can’t kidnap children with it. If she wanted to, she should’ve bought a windowless van.

60. This Halloween, this group decided to go as a Texas couple with two oil derricks.

Is it just me or do I find the idea of oil derrick costumes a bit too strange? Then again, it must be the arms sticking out of the derricks that’s disturbing.

61. Now I’m sure this circus clown is up to no good.

After all, what circus clown doesn’t have the face of Rip Taylor? Like all of them.

62. Sure this bug can fly but he would rather ride his bike in the countryside.

Now this would be the beginning of a terrific horror movie. I’m sure this guy would be the one who kills most of the characters.

63. Sure a bunny can be a popular but not scary costume for kids this Halloween.

On second thought, I was wrong. In fact, those rabbit ears look suspiciously like devil horns. Looks like this is a job for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. But since you must likely don’t have it, run away. Run away!

64. Clowns are also popular kid costumes as well. Little kids always look so cute in ruffles and a pointy clown hat.

Sorry, but I think your granma’s creepy old dolls have just come back to life. You might want to evacuate the premises for your own good. Yeah, you’ll have nightmares but nothing you can do about that.

65. “Okay, folks, seems like the gang’s all here.”

“Now let us all just take one picture of ourselves before we go out sucking the souls out of people. We want to remember this occasion, don’t we?”

66. Hey, did I just see a ghost?

Yeah, sometimes the heavy urban pollution can make some people look scarier than they appear. The kid in a ghost costume is one of them.

67. Of course, when it comes to scaring the crap out of people, always start them while they’re young.

From Huffington Post: “What if we told you this wasn’t a costume? And that this baby is in your house? And you’re in a Spanish horror film?”

68. Say hello to the pumpkinhead girl and her friend.

Actually I really don’t. Now I don’t find jack o’lanterns particularly scary. But this one is utterly terrifying for some reason.

69. A Japanese scarecrow? Never seen that before.

Man, didn’t know that could actually scare crows, critters, and people. Certainly don’t want to see that wandering the streets at night.

70. Didn’t know that anteaters could be so romantic.

Okay, this picture sure won’t make me look at anteaters the same way again. Are you sure these guys eat ants? Because these two are certainly bound to scare me to death.

71. Of course, fairies are a popular Halloween costume that’s not scary. At least I hope so.

Now I really don’t want to mess with these two. Yeah, the masks really makes them seem quite menacing and real terrors in their own right.

72. “I told you we should’ve done Alice in Wonderland this year.”

Now that gnome is as creepy as hell. The women dressed as mushrooms is just freaky. Sure this wasn’t a hallucinogenic drug trip? Because it sure looks like it.

73. Seems like this little pumpkin is excited to go trick or treating.

Now this is freaky if you ask me and sure to scare the hell out of me. Then again, this might be just the black and white photography here.

74. Of course, sometimes it pays to be original in regards to Halloween costumes.

Now this woman is supposed to be lettuce. Yes, lettuce. However, she more or less looks like you’d expect to marry the Jolly Green Giant. Then again, I’m not sure if he’d approve of that outfit.

75. “Let’s be phones for Halloween by taking a couple old ones and putting it on our heads.”

Don’t pictures like these make you glad that we have cell phones today. Because these look quite freaky. Yeah, that can’t be good.

76. Didn’t know a long shawl can make a great ghost costume.

Seems quite simple and scary but it works. Let’s hope she can see through it though. And that she doesn’t spill anything.

77. Looks like this boy’s parents are going out for a party.

And I’m sure this photo will make him always remember what to tell his therapist some years down the line. Yeah, that kid is certainly screwed up for life.

78. Guess all horror movie villains always have to start small.

And I’m sure this little boy will grow up killing and scaring a lot of teenagers some day. Yeah, just you wait until he becomes a holy terror.

79. “Come along here, little children. Come get some candy. I won’t bite.”

Okay, kids, you might want to stay the hell away from this person. You don't want to be put in a brew, oven, fireplace, or worse.

Okay, kids, you might want to stay the hell away from this person. You don’t want to be put in a brew, oven, fireplace, windowless van, or worse.

80. These people prefer to haunt more high class Halloween parties.

Now the guy certainly has a real vibe I’d identify with the Joker. However, I think the woman is more likely to scare the living hell out of me. Must be the menacing mask.

Halloween Costumes Straight from the Runway

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 14, 2015

I’m not a big fan of the fashion industry. For me, it revolves around designers selling overpriced clothes made from sweatshop workers in South Asia so they can design clothes that nobody would want to be caught dead in. I mean seriously, who the hell is going to wear the stuff you see on the runway during Fashion Week. Seriously, what these models wear on the runway is simply ridiculous that you’d have to be crazy to wear such clothes on the street. Now I understand the need for designers to express themselves but c’mon, the whole point of fashion is to design clothes for people to wear. The stuff you see on the runway nowadays just makes the fashion industry a joke. The designer label clothes cost too much and are too impractical for normal people to wear. And don’t even get me started on body image and women. Besides, when it comes to buying clothes, I really don’t give a shit about the designer or brand. Designer labels have no relevance on my life. I just care whether it comes cheap and whether it’ll last me a long time. And I can care less whether any designer brand items I own are knockoffs or not. Not to mention, I’ve known quite well that higher prices don’t mean better quality products. Just look at a Consumer Reports manual on cars. Last year, I had this idea of using runway fashions as Halloween costumes but for various undisclosed reasons, I didn’t go through with it. However, this year things are different since I already did a post on costumes and my Halloween posts haven’t done as good as I thought, save the one on pumpkin dioramas. That one did better than I expected. Still, we can spend this October having a little fun with high fashion by seeing them as inspirations for Halloween costumes. Here are some Halloween worthy runway fashions you might not want to miss. Costume names will be subject to my observations.

The feline dominatrix from the anime version of Cats

Of course, she wasn’t allowed to bring her cat o’ nine tails and handcuffs with her. Yeah, runway policy is strict about these things.

2. The Mad Hatter on Casual Friday

Now the top is fine and something I can actually wear. Not sure about the bottom though. But still, looks like something you can picture the Mad Hatter wearing on his day off.

3. Vibrator/Video Game Console

Yeah, having an outfit resembling male genitalia won’t get my mind out of the gutter on this one. Seriously, I think whoever designed this must have a substance abuse problem.

4. Escaped inmate from a mental hospital

Let’s just say the straitjacket is really not a good sign about her personality. Seriously, she’s likely to be dangerously insane as far as we know.

5. Pencil

Sure hate to know the effectiveness of that eraser. Still, she looks more like a No. 2 from the waist down.

6. Renaissance Painting

Wonder what artist she’s wearing. You’d think she’d go with the easy choices like Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, or Donatello. I mean those guys have Ninja Turtles named after them.

7. Fancy feather duster

For only dusting the finest shelves and china thank you very much. Still, not sure if I like this costume set up.

8. Emojis

Of course, she has a face for every look. But if you want to know how she really feels, just check her social media.

9. Lion

For some reason, this doesn’t remind me of the ferocious king of the savannah. Also, I’m sure lions aren’t black. But I see you have to go with what you have.

10. Pink, fluffy cloud

Now this looks exactly as I see it. Guess this outfit was video game inspired, perhaps in the Nintendo fashion.

11. Clothes Frankenstein

Because it looks like she stitched that skirt up from a bunch of pieces in the dumpster. Not sure about the jacket.

12. Rapunzel

Apparently, Rapunzel liked to experiment with her ridiculously long hair. Well, at least before her prince wanted her to let down her hair.

13. Snakes having sex

If you want to know how snakes have sex, this is only a mild representation. But if you see any photos, it’s exactly a bunch of males getting on top of each other in order to mate with a female.

14. WWE character reject

Apparently this guy was too outrageous for professional studio wrestling. Then again, studio wrestling’s fake as they say.

15. Knight of Ni in the rain

Seems like he’ll wait for a shrubbery for as long as it takes. Oh, I forgot they don’t like the word “it.” Still, didn’t know they had plastic ponchos in the Middle Ages.

16. Brooklyn lady knight

Too bad the Brooklyn Nets no longer have the knight. Because I think she would’ve made a great companion mascot for him.

17. The “one size fits all shirt”

You know those shirt you might see at a store that stretch a lot? This is what her outfit reminds me of for some reason.

18. Major Tom from David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”

If they made music videos in the 1970s like they do now, I can imagine someone in the “Space Oddity” one wearing an outfit like this. I mean that looks very much Ziggy Stardust era if you ask me.

19. Grumpy Sun

Just because she’s the sun doesn’t mean she’s all rainbows and sunshine. Also what the hell did she do to her lips?

20. Mesoamerican Christmas tree

So they didn’t celebrate Christmas in Pre-Columbian Mesoamerica. But c’mon, if they did, I’m sure you’d see trees like this in their paintings.

21. Modestly dressed Lady Gaga

Then again, almost any of these costumes can be of Lady Gaga in one variation or another. Of course, seeing Lady Gaga in this makes her look normal in comparison to the other stuff she’s worn.

22. Justin Bieber

Just because. Seriously, Bieber did model underwear for Calvin Klein. And he’s an obnoxious brat.

23. Ancient Chinese road worker

For one, because his outfit has Chinese symbols and is in that style. Second, because it’s bright yellow and orange kind akin to what PennDOT workers wear.

24. African insect goddess

Because I’m not sure what else this reminds me of. Besides, deities can look like just about anything.

25. Frog lady

Hmm..using Kermit for a top. Now as a muppet fan, that ain’t right. Seriously, why?

26. Rainbow

Seems like her outfit doesn’t have the first 3 colors in sequence. Shouldn’t they be red, orange, and yellow?

27. 1980s sci-fi villain

Yeah, kind of reminds me of that. Then again, he might also pass for a 1980s sci fi villain as well.

Yeah, kind of reminds me of that. I mean 1980s sci fi outfits tend to be incredibly ridiculous for some reason. Don’t ask me.

28. Accordion pants

Of course, his pants just look like you can use them in an accordion. They also make him look like an idiot.

29. Castaway

Now I don’t mean Tom Hanks’s character from a movie when he’s stranded on the deserted island. I mean someone actually stranded on a deserted island. Then again, I’m not sure about the striped pants.

30. Shower curtain balloon

If that were white, I’d swear she’d be a runway version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Still, you can tell she totally doesn’t want to wear the thing.

31. High couture Marge Simpson

Basically this is what Marge Simpson would look like if she changed her style and dyed her hair. Yeah, not much different.

32. Futuristic bunny rabbit

Because the head looks just like a bunny head. Not sure about the hand things though. Doesn’t make any sense.

33. High couture circus clown

Because she needs to make the audience laugh while in style. Yes, clowns care about fashion, too, you know.

34. Chic Aztec god

Because this is what the guy’s outfit reminds me of, especially around the mouth. Seems like he’s hungry for some human sacrifice.

35. NFL linebacker at a golf course

Odd that he doesn’t have his clubs with him. Then again, I’m sure NFL linebackers don’t dress this way on the golf course. I just think it’s funny.

36. Goat lady

Or as my dad calls it, “a representation of Stevie Nicks.” Of course, she does sound like a goat.

37. Knit freak with a death wish

From what his shirt says, this guy must have major issues. Then again, the outfit is pretty ridiculous.

38. Alaskan dog sledder

Please don’t be a piece of cultural appropriation. Because it sure looks like it from the animal skins. Then again, he could just as well be Norwegian polar explorer Roald Admundsen, who was the first guy to reach the South Pole and sail the Northwest Passage.

39. Slasher horror movie villain on a date

What’s surprising to me is how movie psycho killers seem to have horrible fashion sense. But don’t tell him that.

40. All-seeing eye

Now this is freaky like from some sci-fi movie. But I assure it would make a great Halloween costume.

41. Confetti

Just a guy with tape all over him. But it looks like confetti to me. Yes, I don’t get why this was at a fashion show.

42. Crazy cat man

You heard of the crazy cat lady right? Well, I think this guy makes her look normal.

43. Tidal wave

Wouldn’t want to surf on that. Can’t even see that person’s face. Still, wonder how she could move around in that.

44. Ancient warrior from Las Vegas

My apologies to any Native Americans living in Las Vegas because I don’t mean to insult your native culture. But still, the guy is wearing a hat you’d see on a Vegas showgirl and he’s certainly in warrior apparel. Just can’t ignore that.

45. Houndsooth

Yes, this is the pattern you wear for business apparel. And she has it all over her. Kind of overdoing it if you ask me.

46. Migrant farm worker

Now this looks pretty bad here and it’s pretty insulting to the farm workers who help feed our country for God’s sake. Then again, this pretty much reflects what Donald Trump thinks about Mexicans. Best to loose the trash bag dress.

47. Designer handbag

Well, at least she went with a more low key approach. Still, that hat is hideous.

48. Mexican at a disco

C’mon, she’s wearing a sombrero and a shiny outfit. What else could you expect?

49. Chest of drawers

Now this actually looks doable compared to the others. Ridiculous but doable. Still, reminds me of furniture.

50. Radiohead

I mean she has a bunch of speakers on her head. So the name fits. Yes, it’s very ridiculous but it’s funny.

51. Blond Bigfoot

Almost considered calling it, “Blond Chewbacca” but I didn’t want to insult any Star Wars fans. Nor did I want to offend Dr. Seuss fans either. But Sasquatch hunters are fair game.

52. Breakfast

Now this one speaks for itself. Her dress has a couple of eggs over easy and her hair is done like bacon strips.

53. Newest member of Daft Punk

Yeah, I’m sure I know why she’s in the group. And I don’t think it’s because of her musical talent either.

54. Hardcore Raver

Now that’s not a very appropriate trick or treating costume. Guess you might want to aim for modesty and go as Slave Leia.

55. Champion polo player from the dead

Guess she shows us that polo was a lady’s game in the 18th century. How she was able to play in that dress, I don’t have the slightest idea.

56. Pineapple head

Now that definitely looks like a pineapple head. Still, her outfit would’ve been totally fine without it.

57. Frankenstein’s wife

Guess they’re referring to Dr. Frankenstein’s wife here. The monster’s mate ‘s costume is probably much cooler. I mean have you ever seen Bride of Frankenstein?

58. Effie Trinket from The Hunger Games

Or Effie Trinket if she appeared in a Dr. Seuss story. Then again, a lot of these outfits could be in Effie’s wardrobe.

59. Killer Queen

“She’s a Killer Queen/Gunpowder, gelatine/Dynamite with a laser beam/Guaranteed to blow your mind/Anytime…”

60. Flock of doves

Wonder how many dead doves it took to make this dress? More than I want to know, I guess.

61. Anaconda

Yeah, she kind of does look like she’s wearing a skimpy snakeskin outfit. Yes, it’s pretty ridiculous and certain to earn the ire of PETA.

62. Steering wheel

Seems like someone’s idea for a tribute to auto safety. Still, one steering wheel would’ve done fine.

63. Joker bride

Because even the most evil Batman villain shouldn’t have to die alone. Yeah, I know he’s shipped with Harley Quinn. But that’s beside the point.

64. In the spotlight

Now that’s an original idea. Wonder how she could move around with having lights over her. Man, this outfit is ridiculous.

65. Sexy harlequin

When it comes to clowns, I really don’t want stuff like this. Clowns were never meant to be sexy by all means.

66. Sexy Tinker Toys

Tinker Toys at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show? Now that’s just wrong. Just wrong. Really they’re kids toys and were never meant to be sexy. My childhood is ruined.

67. Tree

Well, at least she looks more like a tree than the Stanford University mascots. But still wouldn’t be surprised if bird happened to build a nest on her.

68. Zipper

Now that’s a very big zipper. I wonder whether he’d be able to breath if I zip his outfit all the way up.

69. Space Age Bride

Let’s just say if this is a chic wedding look in the 22nd century, God help my descendants. It’s ridiculous in my opinion.

70. Hot tiger

I think this would’ve been better if she was wearing an actual tiger costume. And not a sexed up one at that.

71. Roulette wheel

Of course, this costume is oddly appropriate for a Halloween in Las Vegas. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s a sexy costume to boot.

72. Sexy astronaut

Sorry, lady, but astronaut suits don't work that way. I mean there's a really good reason why such outfits aren't sexy at all. Think about it.

Sorry, lady, but astronaut suits don’t work that way. I mean there’s a really good reason why such outfits aren’t sexy at all. And they don’t have a lot bling on them either. Think about it.

73. Tweety Bird

And you thought Tweety Bird was an insult to canaries. Then again despite the lisp, he’s actually quite funny and clever. Still, this costume is utterly ridiculous beyond the pale.

74. Punk Showgirl

Wonder which Las Vegas casino has showgirls like that. Not sure where that would be. But yeah, really ridiculous if you get my drift.

75. TV test screen

Didn’t know they had a swimsuit like this. Could’ve used it in a post this summer. But yeah, brings me memories from the 1990s.

76. Gold Man

Because he’s all covered in gold. Duh. However, he still needs to wear clothes though. Don’t want to see his gold member.

77. Sea monster

Not sure what that’s really supposed to be specifically. But I know it has absolutely no place in a fashion show. Not sure about Halloween.

78. Hawaiian businessman

Because you can’t go to a board meeting in Honolulu without a grass hula skirt. It’s just the custom there. Don’t ask me.

79. Pink powderpuff

That or possibly Lady Gaga’s wedding cake or bathrobe. Take your pick. But I certainly can’t see this woman’s arms at all.

80. Ziggy Stardust

This might be on purpose but still, looks almost exactly like 1970s David Bowie with boobs. Not sure what to think about that.

Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of) (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 12, 2015

Last year, I compiled my post for Halloween treats on my mother’s recommendation that I do a post on disgusting Halloween food. It was supposed to be a one time thing but it got a lot of views. However, I was soon bored out of my mind in mid-November that I decided to do a treat post on Thanksgiving as well. And it sort of became a thing for the major holidays plus the Super Bowl. Now since Halloween is coming once more,I was sort of on the fence this year on doing another one since I’ve already done a treat post before. However, since I find that people still enjoy last year’s post on Halloween treats, I decided to do another due to popular demand. Besides, I’ve done second edition posts for vintage Valentines for Valentines Day and peep dioramas for Easter. And I know my readers like that. Not to mention, Halloween is one of my Big Four holidays along with Christmas, Valentines Day, and Easter so the more Halloween blog posts the better. Also, I started selling ad space for sponsors since May and my recent Halloween posts haven’t done as well as I thought they would at this time. So for those who love Halloween, you might be happy to know that I’ve managed to find plenty of disgusting treats for your parties and platters. So without further adieu, help yourself to some more Halloween treats at your disposal.

A spiderweb cake is guaranteed to make a devilish dessert.

Now this looks quite intricate for a pastry. I sure couldn’t draw a better spiderweb than that, especially in pastry form.

2. Treat yourself this Halloween to a chocolate cauldron pudding cup.

In this, the cauldron is made from chocolate. And the pudding is green with sprinkles on it. Still, I think this might be store bought from the looks of it.

3. Of course, there are no monsters like cheese monsters.

Now this is from a kind of cheese that comes from a red shell. Don’t really know the name of it. However, they are quite adorable and kid friendly.

4. Treat your guests at your Halloween party to some broken shard cupcakes.

Don’t worry the glass shards are sugar pieces. Trust me. Still, might be bad for diabetics and people who are squeamish around blood or open wounds.

5. Go batty this Halloween with these Itty-Bitty Bat cupcakes.

Now they might not be scary since they look like Sesame Street characters. But they’re sure cute and the kids will love them.

6. I’m sure Halloween guests will love these brownie bites.

And yes, they’re literally brownie bites. Just look at their monstrous jobs. Still, more adorable than scary.

7. Nothing makes a more fitting Halloween dish than long bread mummy pizza.

Now I did mummy pizza before in last year’s post. But they were more personal types. This one is for long loaves of bread.

8. Snake bread sticks make a great side dish for your Halloween meal.

Of course, they’re covered on skewers for form. But I’m sure they’re more tasty that you’d probably get at the Olive Garden.

9. Deviled spider eggs always make great Halloween appetizers.

Now these spiders are made of olives. But I’m sure they’re guaranteed to creep some of your guests out.

10. For your Halloween party guests, don’t forget to stock up on jello shots.

And on Halloween, you can expect your jello shots served in plastic toy hypodermic needles like these. Ask you host if they contain alcohol if you’re a parent, designated driver, pregnant, on the Twelve Step, or under 21.

11. Treat your Halloween party guests to these witch hat cupcakes.

The hats themselves are made from black ice cream cones. Still, they’re quite clever from my standpoint.

12. Nothing makes a great Halloween party appetizer than mummified peppers with cheese.

These might be jalapeno but I’m not sure. If they are, then these mummies would certainly be spicy indeed.

13. Freak out your Halloween party guests by serving these blood spattered sugar cookies.

Now these are really disgusting. But don’t worry, it’s just red icing. Still, at least these cookies would be very easy to decorate.

14. Grace your Halloween party dessert platter with this witch’s cauldron cake.

Sure it’s filled with eyeballs and bones galore. However, what’s deserving about this one is that the frog looks very much alive in there.

15. For a biohazardous dessert, you might want to go with urine sample jello cups.

Not sure if these are jello shots or not. If so, then they probably contain alcohol so aren’t suitable for minors. Still pretty disgusting and vomit inducing by sight. I mean that’s supposed to look like pee for God’s sake. Also, don’t use actual pee.

16. Nothing makes a great Halloween snack than Monster Eyeball pretzels.

Now these are quite disgusting and are sure to gross out some trick or treaters. But they seem quite easy to make compared to some of the others on here.

17. Make your Halloween party a graveyard smash with this bloody cleaver cake.

Yes, this is a bloody cleaver cake. Yes, it’s quite graphic. But still, you have to give the baker credit for this.

18. Serve dinner this Halloween with these bone buns.

Of course, they might look like dog bones. But you got to love these. You can even dip them in sauce if you want.

19. Start your Halloween right with these eyeball donuts.

Let’s hope they don’t freak out your boss if you bring these to work. Still, it’s a great way to use lifesavers and other gummy candies.

20. For your dessert platter, why not go with some voodoo doll sugar cookies?

Like gingerbread men Christmas cookies, you can customize them any way you want. And they can be quite amusing, too. Like the one under wraps.

21. For appetizers, you can’t do better than serving graveyard nachos and dip.

Now I’m sure the dip is under the olives and lettuce. Still, I have to admire how this person used the tortilla chips for the gravestones, tree, and cat. Not as messy as the one I showed in last year’s post since it’s in a pan.

22. Make your Halloween party spooky fun with this one-of-a-kind haunted house cake.

I don’t know about you, but this cake seems to have used a lot of brownies. Then again, it really works.

23. If you think a haunted house cake is too complicated, then by no means go with an x-ray cake.

Seems like this person’s heart is too small. By how many sizes, I’m not sure. But I really want to avoid referencing the Grinch at this point. I mean it’s way too early to think about Christmas right now.

24. Of course, you’ve seen me post pictures of mummy pizzas. But have you heard of Frankenpizza?

Now this is awesome. You have to admire how they made it green as well as used veggies and pepperoni for the facial attributes.

25. If you’re thinking about a spooky dessert, you can’t go wrong with zombie trifle.

Not sure if you can eat the body parts in this. But you have to admit, though disgusting, it’s very Halloween appropriate.

26. For those who prefer sophisticated Halloween parties, why not go with a shrimp cocktail brain?

Now that looks so disgusting that it’s bound to gross out some party guests. Still, shrimp seem to make rather convincing brain matter for some reason.

27. If you prefer healthy snacks, you might want to go with oranges and bananas.

And by that I mean banana ghosts and orange pumpkins. Or pumpkins made from oranges. Seems like the first healthy treat on this post.

28. Nothing makes a better Halloween party than a dish of spider infested tacos.

Don’t worry, the spiders are olives. Still, I recommend you serve one of these to the party guest dressed as Donald Trump. Or Donald Trump himself for that matter.

29. Nothing makes a Halloween party a graveyard smash than brain cake.

And look, you can even cut it with a knife. Still, I’m not sure if that’s an actual knife by the way. However, quite disgusting.

30. If you like jack o’lanterns and healthy appetizers, then these jack o’lantern rice balls are for you.

Now these might not be the scariest treats out there. But they’re simply adorable. And I’m sure your kids would love them.

31. It may be too early for Christmas. But that doesn’t mean it’s too early for gingerbread men if you put fangs on them.

Now I have to admit, vampire gingerbread men is a fantastic idea. Just love the fangs on these. Whoever came up with this idea is a genius.

32. If you don’t think blood spatter sugar cookies aren’t disgusting enough, may I suggest brain cookies?

You use nuts for the brains as you see here. But yes, they’re not for the faint hearted on a full stomach.

33. Seems like a vampire has bit into this bloody cupcake.

Now this looks quite doable. Just ice a cupcake, poke two holes, and add some red filling for blood.

34. Nothing makes a great Halloween party into a real monster mash than a Bride of Frankenstein chips and dip tray.

Now the dip is her face and consists of mostly guacamole. And her hair is mostly made from blue and regular tortilla chips. Still, very clever.

35. For Halloween hotdogs buns and wraps, you might want to consider the zombie option.

Well, they’re said to be zombies according to Pinterest. And they certainly have dead eyes. But I kind of liken them to undead mollusks myself.

36. You’ve heard of brownies. But have you ever heard of a Frankenbrownie?

Now this is pretty clever. Love how they used chocolate bits for the brow, mouth, and bolts.

37. Yes, it’s too early for Christmas. But I’m sure it’s not too early to build a gingerbread house as long as it’s haunted.

Now this is great but I’m not sure if anyone would want to eat it. Seriously, you wouldn’t want to eat anything with that much candy corn.

38. Nothing makes a scary Halloween party more worthwhile than these skeleton cupcakes.

The skeletons are mostly made from marshmallow and are only down to the waist. Nevertheless, they’re quite cute to say the least.

39. Ghostly pretzel sticks always make for a tasty treat.

Either these are covered in white icing or white chocolate. Still, they look quite easy to make and don’t frighten the kids.

40. For Halloween parties, you can’t go wrong with mini monster cheese balls.

Sure they may not be scary or disgusting. But they’re very adorable and kid friendly to say the least.

41. How about a ghostly marshmallow in your hot chocolate?

All you have to do is just put a face on the marshmallow. And you can put it in the fondue all you want.

42. For a healthy snack, why not go for an orange under wraps.

I’m sure the only edible part about this treat is the orange. The wraps look like they’re made from toilet paper or party streamers.

43. If you want to serve healthier sides, you might want to go jack o’lantern sweet potato fries.

Of course, since sweet potatoes are orange on the outside, you have to make jack o’lanterns out of the slices. Still, quite cute and clever.

44. Serve up your guests this Halloween with these pumpkin patch cupcakes.

As to how this person obtained bundt cupcake molds, I have no idea. Still, comes with some vine and color icing. But not too much.

45. Gross out your Halloween party guests with this zombie cookie dip.

Again, not sure if the body parts are edible in this. And yes, it looks quite disgusting. Not sure if I want to dip cookies in this, which will probably be bones.

46. I may be wrong but you can’t give no bones about cookie bones.

Yes, I had some cookie bones on last year’s post but they were covered in white icing. These are not. Then again, real bones aren’t really pure white are they?

47. If you want your dessert platter to be a success, you might want to make some mummy cookies.

Because we all know that everyone wants mummy cookies at their Halloween party. Not sure how to make these though.

48. May your Halloween pasta salad include jack o’lantern zucchini slices and purple noodles.

Of course, I’m not sure if most people can master the jack o’lantern zucchini slices. You might want to get something for that.

49. Halloween parties are always a graveyard smash with graveyard pudding.

Now this is just dead clever. Love the cookie graves. Not sure about the candy corn pumpkins though.

50. For a bewitching good time, cauldron cupcakes will certainly do.

Now that’s an ingenious use for a Rees’ peanut butter cup. Like the yellow icing flames, too.

51. You can make almost anything spooky with Oreos.

Now these consist of a bat, octopus, and spider. All of which are covered in chocolate. Still more adorable than scary.

52. Your guests might see these vampire cookies as real bloody good.

I think these might require those peanut cookies you might get at the grocery store. Wonder what they used for the red cape.

53. I’m certain kids will surely enjoy a ghostly peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

You can just use the eyes for raisins. But make sure to use white bread this time because you know, ghosts are typically seen as white.

54. A Ouijia board is bound to help you communicate with the dead.

Pinterest says it’s a cookie but I think it’s a cake. It’s just that it’s fairly detailed in the icing contents. But your dead ancestors are bound to love it.

55. Of course, you can’t start a Halloween party without a Frankenstein Monster cheese ball.

Well, at least that’s a more original choice than a skull or pumpkin one. Yes, the cheese is green. But still, I think it’s clever.

56. These witchy marshmallows will sure make a real trick or treat.

Amazing what you can do with marshmallows and candies. More adorable than scary. But then again, kids will love these.

57. Encourage scary health habits with these jack o’lantern salad cups.

Now I wonder how this person managed to get the orange out of the peels like that. I mean it must be a very difficult process.

58. Nothing makes Halloween parties a monster blast than jack o’lantern stuffed bell peppers.

If you want some added grossness, you might want to add pasta instead of ground beef and rice. Still, this is adorable.

59. You can never put too many eyes on a monster cookie.

And I guess someone must’ve used a lot of white M&Ms for this. Well, at least that’s my impression.

60. Make your Halloween party bewitching good fun with these cauldron cake pops.

Have to put in some Halloween cake pops sometime. Also, do candy bones really come in so many different colors. And so bright?

61. For your Halloween lunch, be sure to treat your kids to a jack o’lantern grilled cheese sandwich.

Seems like this grilled cheese sandwich isn't too happy being on the skillet. Just wait until it goes on the plate.

Seems like this grilled cheese sandwich isn’t too happy being on the skillet. Just wait when it goes on the plate.

62. Treat yourself this Halloween to some ghost and spider pizza.

Now the ghosts are made of cheese and the spiders are made of olives. Still, quite ingenious if I do say so myself.

63. These spider cookies will surely creep your arachnaphobic guests out.

For some reason, Halloween isn’t really a good time for people who are afraid of spiders. I wonder why.

64. For your ghoulish main course on Halloween dinner, why don’t you go with mummy meatloaf?

Now you don’t see the mummy here because it’s all under pasta wraps. Still, I have to admire the ingenuity in this culinary creation.

65. For your dessert, there’s always something brewing with this wtiches’ cauldron pudding.

And it seems like there are lots of sugary body parts in this, too. Wonder if the cauldrons themselves are edible. Probably not.

66. Usher in the spirit of Halloween with these candy corn Rice Krispie treats on a stick.

Let’s hope they taste like Rice Krispies, marshmallow, and icing they’re made from and not real candy corn. Honestly, candy corn is disgusting.

67. Of course, it’s said the pumpkin puke makes a fine salad.

Hey, I didn’t know that pumpkin vomit was green. Always thought it would be orange. I mean pumpkins are orange and have orange insides.

68. Of course, you can’t have a Halloween party without graveyard pudding cups.

The ghosts are of the sugary marshmallow stuff associated with peeps. The pumpkins are candy corn. But I’m sure the chocolate pudding is edible and tasty, too.

69. Meatball mummies go great with almost any dish beyond the grave.

Now this consists of ground beef covered in pasta. Cute and adorable but very clever.

70. Nothing makes a better trick or treat than a popcorn hand.

Now this is perhaps one the few Halloween treats on here that I’ve been familiar with as a kid. The candy corn are the nails while the popcorn is everything else. And it’s all held up in a plastic, disposable glove.

71. Nothing makes a better Halloween dessert than a worm infested jello brain.

Yes, it’s disgusting but at least you can add the gummy worms after making the jello brain. Now as how to get a jello brain mold, you might need to visit Amazon.

72. Dip some bread into some cheesy brains.

Yes, I do admit brains are gross. But Halloween decorations are meant to be this way. Still, love how they stuck a knife into it.

73. Jack o’ lantern taco hummus dip is sure to give some scary Halloween flavor.

This looks quite adorable if I do say so myself. Not sure about the layers. But the top consists of shredded cheddar, olives, and blue tortilla chips.

74. When it comes to bewitching fun on Halloween, you can’t go wrong with broom cookies.

Now these appear to have pretzels, chocolate icing, cookies, and not sure what the stringy part is there. Still, these are quite clever and cute.

75. Of course, it wouldn’t be Halloween without any bones and blood.

As to whether this is supposed to be an appetizer or dessert, you can’t easily tell by the picture. Nevertheless, it’s quite disturbing if you get my drift.

76. How about some eyeballs in your taco salad?

Hope two is enough for you? Still, it might look like your salad is staring at you for awhile. It might seem creepy to some.

77. Eeek! My taco is staring at me!

Of course, you might need to use meatballs for these tacos. Still, despite creepiness, this seems like an awesome idea.

78. As we all know, you can’t have Halloween without some jack o’lantern cake pops.

Of course, since jack o’lanterns are such iconic symbols of Halloween, I had to include cake pops of these. Nevertheless, so cute.

79. Of course, anybody’s jello can use a few eyeballs.

Not sure how the eyeballs are made here. However, it is fairly disgusting enough to be a hit at any Halloween party.

80. I can assure you that these Eye of Newt Preztels will be all the Halloween monster rage this year.

Now these are quite charming despite having all kinds of eyeballs. Still, you have to hand it to some people in terms of culinary creativity.

The Spooky World of Halloween Pumpkin Dioramas

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 11, 2015

Most of you might know that Halloween is the time of year when people carve pumpkins into jack o’ lanterns and other carvings. However, for those who might be bored with the idea of carving pumpkins, you might want to consider an alternative. And while doing my post on Halloween crafts, I found just the thing: pumpkin dioramas. This just entails cutting a pumpkin from the side, taking any stuff out, and decorating the inside however you please. Or you can just use a foam one wherever they sell them. And while it’s not nearly as popular as the Easter peep dioramas, you still have some of these on Pinterest. You can also see quite a few tutorials on the subject as well if you’re interested. Now many pumpkin dioramas consist of Halloween scenes like graveyards, haunted houses, pumpkin patches, and the like. And like jack o’lanterns, they’re usually lit from the inside, too. But if you’re a repressed art major or someone looking for a different kind of crafting, then be my guest. So without further adieu, here are some spooky pumpkin dioramas.

Heard that a giant pumpkin can offer a comfy living accommodation for any witch.

Odd, I’d usually expect a haggard witch like her to cook some potion. But this one seems to enjoy knitting for some reason. Then again, it might just be a hobby.

2. Of course, sometimes jail time can really take the life out of you.

Looks like the guy holding the bars isn’t the only person who literally died in there. Just look at the others inside. He seems to have very good company.

3. So I guess this is the broom parking zone.

And it seems the witches got there almost twenty minutes before midnight. Of course, I’m not sure if the zombies are happy in this neck of the cemetery.

4. Looks like the owl has really made itself at home in this pumpkin.

Now this is quite rustic for a pumpkin diorama. But still, really like the owl in its hole. Not very scary but very fitting for fall.

5. Of course, at night, the cemetery can be a hopping place.

Yeah, nothing in the cemetery compares to the sight of skeletons and mummies dancing. Hey, wait a minute, aren’t mummies supposed to be in Egypt? What the hell is it doing here?

6. At some old houses, it can get quite scary at night, especially if they’re haunted.

This is especially true if the house in question has their very own family cemetery. Like the crow, though.

7. Not sure if I ever want to go into this witch’s pumpkin patch at night.

Now I like how the pumpkins seem to glow in the dark. Still, that tree seems to have a lot of large fruit.

8. The cemetery can be a rather bleak place on autumn nights.

Now this one uses twigs for bare trees as well as moss for the graveyard ground. Not sure if the leaves are real.

9. Seems like a lot of people got hanged in this area.

Now this is quite neat. Still, I’m not sure if there would be an area with skeletons on a noose like that. I’m sure people would see that.

10. Seems like the earth isn’t safe with these pumpkin aliens.

Now this is clever. This used a pumpkin as a flying saucer or UFO and small green pumpkins as aliens.

11. Looks like the zombies are out messing around this time of night.

Of course, who says that the dead aren’t a very lively bunch? Still, like how this person used a light bulb for the moon.

12. Now this graveyard seems like a ghostly hangout.

Not sure what’s under the ghosts (probably wires or foam). But I do like the one on top.

13. Guess the graveyard shift isn’t as dull as it’s cracked up to be.

Seems like the skeletons are having fun and are making no bones about it. And there’s even one with a top hat and cane.

14. Of course, there’s nothing like spending Halloween in the North Pole.

Hey, I didn’t say that pumpkin dioramas had to be about Halloween stuff. Still, not sure if the people can fit into the igloo.

15. Nighttime is said to be when you can hear the wolf howling at the moon.

I’m not sure if wolves really howl at the moon. I mean howling could just as easily be a form of long distance communication for them.

16. Seems like this graveyard is fenced in and gives no bones about it.

Let’s hope they didn’t get the bones from the graves. Because that would be bad. Really bad. Still, like the lamp post.

17. A pumpkin and a bouquet of black roses are all that a skeleton needs for a date.

Yes, he may be all bones by now. But he seems smiling and ready for action.

18. It’s said to be customary for some people to tell ghost stories at a Halloween bonfire.

Guess the kid dressed is Batman seems quite frightened. Then again, the lighting makes the atmosphere quite eerie.

19. Using purple light for your diorama can certainly make a graveyard scene look grim.

Now that pipe cleaner tree looks straight out of some Dr. Seuss story. And that grim looks certainly menacing.

20. It’s fairly apparent the fairies love to frolic in spring gardens.

Yes, it’s a fairy scene in a pumpkin. I know that pumpkins are fall plants while flowers are spring. Yes, it’s kind of confusing.

21. Remember, it always pays to show up around dusk for the graveyard shift.

Now this kind of looks like dusk since the inside is painted white. But the skeleton looks just as menacing from the shadows.

22. This little princess is all dressed up for her Halloween party.

And it seems like she’s headed towards the snack table. Still, the decorations in the room are certainly vintage.

23. Of course, nothing captures the woodland spirit than a scene with deer.

Just so you know that you can’t shoot deer on Halloween. Because deer hunting season begins after Thanksgiving. Why the makers of Out of the Furnace didn’t know this, I’m not sure.

24. Sometimes spending time outside the casket can look quite frightening to living human onlookers.

From the view in this picture, this scene looks quite menacing, especially with the skeleton in the coffin and the other surrounding him. Still, you have to love the bow on this.

25. There are sometimes spending Halloween nights in graveyards can be a ghoulish experience.

Now unlike many of the pumpkin dioramas here, this one is carved in a rather unusual way to give it a spooky feel. Still, not sure how that can be pulled off.

26. Seems like this mummy is definitely no fan of the great white archaeologist.

Finally, a pumpkin diorama with an appropriate mummy scene. However, I’m not sure if Egypt has that many palm trees near the Valley of Kings.

27. Guess the undead Wild West was quite lively in its day.

Not sure if the moss is appropriate but it sure brings a creepy vibe. Still, love the western clad skeletons in this.

28. Of course, it always pays to spend time studying in the library.

Man, kind of disappointed that this doesn’t look decrepit. Just looks like somebody studying in the library, possibly in the evening hours.

29. When doing a pumpkin graveyard scene, make sure to make it as creepy as possible.

Now this looks quite messy with all the lights mangled for a pink glow sky and the ground that appears covered in last year’s Christmas decorations. Still, quite appropriate for Halloween.

30. Fall is the time when wolves howl at the full moon at night.

Hey, wolves don’t howl just for the sake of it. They howl to make other packs know about their family presence. There’s nothing creepy about it.

31. Sometimes you can create a whole wilderness in just one little pumpkin.

Now I wonder how someone pulled this off. Then again, the pumpkin is probably bigger than it appears in this photo.

32. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Foresaken Cemetery.

Now this is another one of these intricately cut pumpkins. Still, I do like the lighting in this. Very eerie if you get my drift.

33. Seems like these astronauts have encountered some alien lifeform near Earth.

Now this one is quite creative. Still, not sure why the fuzzy guy in this isn’t wearing a space suit. I mean space exists in a vacuum and if you have no suit on, you’re dead.

34. Looks like the full moon is over the haunted house tonight.

Now the props used in this seem to consist of paper cutouts. And there’s only a little bit of light to bring in some eerie atmosphere in this one.

35. Seems like this skeleton wants his jack o’lantern all to himself.

Now this one seems quite simple to make and doesn’t seem to require a lot of materials. Of course, the trees are made from pipe cleaners and don’t seem very big.

36. Looks like this skeleton wants to rise and shine out from his coffin.

Now this also looks pretty doable. Still, not sure if the skeleton is male or female. Then again, skeletons tend to be made with narrow pelvises anyway, which usually indicate male.

37. Leave a pumpkin hollowed out too long and it will become a place for a spider to spin its web.

Now this doesn’t seem to take much work at all. Then again, there’s a choice between regular spiderweb or cobweb.

38. Of course, nothing commemorates Halloween more than a pumpkin diorama of Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin.

Seriously, Linus should just wait for the Great Pumpkin after trick or treating. But you know, he never seems to give up hope that the Great Pumpkin would show up someday. Yeah, it’s ridiculous.

39. I guess this house is really haunted with ghosts. Wouldn’t you agree?

Once again, this is mostly paper decorations. However, you wouldn’t want to stay in a house like that.

40. This one is known as, “Death’s Coffee Break.”

Because even though Death has a rather busy schedule, he still needs to make time for a cup of joe. Yeah, he tends to work very odd and long hours 7 days a week.

41. “Hello, and welcome to this pumpkin home.”

Looks a bit small for a doll like that. And there doesn’t seem to be a lot of space. Still, she might have plenty of food.

42. There’s nothing more teeth clenching than seeing a pirate having to battle snakes for his treasure on a deserted island.

Contrary to popular belief, pirates didn’t bury their treasure since most of them didn’t expect to live long. Nor did they battle giant monster snakes. Still, this looks pretty cool.

43. Remember that there’s no party like a Halloween party.

Now this one looks pretty cramped. And all you see is a table and decorations. Wonder how big the pumpkin is.

44. I’m sure a cozy home like this should be plenty for 3 witches.

Seems like they’re making potions in there. Hope one of them doesn’t cause a fire or anything worse.

45. A pumpkin like this shows a world during the time of the dinosaurs.

Actually this might be the Cretaceous period as far as I can see. And they were about the last group of dinosaurs before they became extinct 65 million years ago.

46. Revisit the magical world of Harry Potter with these pumpkin dioramas.

Seems like they got Hagrid’s hut from book 3 since Buckbeak appears all chained up. And I see they have Harry playing Quidditch, too.

47. For any stranded travelers on Halloween, beware of having your car break down near houses like these.

Now this paper haunted house is actually quite well designed. Still, might need more detail and appear more decrepit looking.

48. Of course, it’s possible that a raven will linger in the cemeteries at night.

Now that’s a clever idea. Not sure about the size of the bird in proportion to the grave stones. But, hey, it works.

49. When green light comes into play, anything can be made as eerie as you want it.

Of course, seeing a green light like this is never a good sign. Still, at least that light is at a graveyard and not at a nuclear facility.

50. It has become apparent to me that the ferocious 3 headed dog wants to play fetch with a stick.

Of course, I’m not sure what’s in the background in this one. Still, I don’t think Fluffy is the kind of dog you want to play fetch with. Dogs like that can get quite nasty.

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 8, 2015

Now this might not be quite DIY but it's good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think. Still, I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

Now this might not be quite DIY but it’s good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Of course, this one is Gryffindor, Harry Potter’s house in the books. But I’ve had people think that I was Hermione Granger. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think (not a quill you’d see at Hogwarts, but then again, Hedwig is a snowy owl, which is from North America anyway). Still, I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

As we all know, it’s always been customary for people to wear costumes for Halloween, especially if it’s for parties or trick or treating. However, trick or treating tends to start getting awkward when you’re a teenager. Still, there are plenty of costumes out there you can choose from if you look for the ready made ones online. For a 25 year old woman like myself, you have sexy French maid, sexy genie, sexy witch, sexy Catholic schoolgirl, sexy nurse, sexy nun, sexy Sesame Street muppet, sexy Disney princess, sexy cop, sexy Hogwarts schoolgirl, sexy cultural stereotypes, and sexy, well, you get the idea. Still, ladies, if you don’t want a sexy costume, you an always go with the male counterpart. Still, sometimes store bought costumes really aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. And by that I mean tacky, unoriginal, offensive, and stereotypical. So many people resort to making their own maybe because it’s cheaper or that they’d want to have more creative control and fun. Sometimes they might go with a standard Halloween costume that’s recognizable. Other times, it might be something original entirely. For those who are thinking of making their own costumes this year, allow me to be of service by showing you pictures of people in costumes that might provide some inspiration. So for your reading pleasure, here is a treasure trove of people in the costumes they’ve made themselves.

Effiel Tower

Now this is adorable. Girl has the Effiel Tower in the back as well as is dressed like a French girl. Only the snottiest French person could hate this one.

2. Clippy

For my younger readers, Clippy was an office assistant in the early Microsoft Office programs. He was annoying as hell. Still, this is a fairly simple costume idea that doesn’t require a lot of work.

3. Sumo Wrestler

Now this is the most adorable sumo wrestler I’ve ever seen. Notice how the parents just used some brown shorts and a ridiculous baby wig. Wonder how this kid will think of this picture in later years.

4. Powderpuff Girls

The Powderpuff Girls was a cartoon series back in the day that was originally set as a parody of Sailor Moon. It’s about three crime fighting sisters whose names are Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup. Still, wonder what their costumes are made of. Duct tape?

5. Cocktail

I bet this dog’s owner is dressing up as James Bond for Halloween. If so, then it’s a martini, shaken, not stirred. Of course, kind of humiliating being in a cone.

6. Troll Dolls

These were toys that were a fad around the 1980s and 1990s. Of course, they were naked but modesty demands these women to wear flesh colored dresses. Which I think is fair.

7. Titanic Survivors

Since I’m a history major and know quite a bit about the RMS Titanic, I wouldn’t necessarily call them Titanic survivors. I mean very few survivors were actually rescued. Why? Because most of them froze to death well before the rescue boats arrived.

8. WALL-E

Now this is so adorable. I wonder if he has a sister dressed up as EVE. Then again, EVE and WALL-E are robots and don’t need to have gender.

9. Pizza Delivery Boy and Slice

Now this is a cute costume for a couple. However, she could just as easily go as a well endowed college coed or horny housewife. Or she could go as a serial killer. You know what they say about pizza boys in porn and crime shows.

10. Operation Board Game

Of course, if you pick the wrong part out, his red nose will go off like a Christmas tree. Still, you have to wonder how these parts got into his body.

11. Mac n’ Cheese

Amazing what you can do with leftover toilet paper rolls. And cardboard while you’re at it. However, unlike real mac n’ cheese, you can’t eat her.

12. Queen Cleopatra

Yes, I’m sure Cleopatra is a perfectly appropriate costume for a girl. Of course, this is a woman who married and killed two half-brothers, had her sisters assassinated, fooled around with Julius Caesar and Marc Antony, and committed suicide.

13. Abercrombie & Fitch

I am no fan of Abercrombie & Fitch. However, I have to admire this boy’s parents’ creativity with making a costume from a paper bag.

14. Medusa

Yes, this little girl is adorable. But look directly into her eyes and I swear she’ll have you literally stone dead. Of course, she needs to watch out for Perseus.

15. Humpty Dumpty

Another adorable baby costume. Of course, if he falls, let’s hope that his cracks don’t show.

16. Klimt Kiss

Now this costume was inspired by a famous painting by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt. He’s also famous for Woman in Gold which was subject to a really nasty legal battle with an elderly Holocaust survivor.

17. Crazy Cat Lady

Now this costume is as hilarious as it is cute. Love how she has all the stuffed cats dangling on her. Boy, we love to make fun of crazy cat ladies.

18. Peacock

Though the peacock is a common costume for women, it’s a dude in the animal kingdom. Trust me, peacocks are dudes. Peahens are female, but not as pretty.

19. Watch Dog

For your pets, this is a relatively simple costume. I mean at least it doesn’t take much time to put the watches on.

20. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Now the couple’s costume consists of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King and his rag doll gal, Sally. Since it has a big fan base and is associated with Tim Burton, had to include these two.

21. Stone Warrior

Guess this guy’s girlfriend, sister, wife, or daughter is going as Medusa. Ask me how I could’ve guessed. I dare you.

22. Harry Potter and Dobby the House Elf

Now this is simply adorable. Still, I have to wonder who the dad’s going as. Voldemort? Dumbledore? Hagrid? Ron? Snape?

23. Lumberjack

He may be rugged and manly on the outside. But little do people know that his hobbies include pressing wild flowers, crossdressing, and hanging around in bars. Wishes he was a girly just like his dear papa.

24. Black Swan

Reminds me less of the movie and more of the SNL spoof sketch featuring Jim Carrey. Wonder why.

25. Hotdog Stand

Of course, I’m sure the dog is thrilled with this costume idea. Then again, it’s pretty funny if you really think about it.

26. Cindy Lou Who

Yes, I know that she’s from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But still, this girl looks so adorable in this costume.

27. Acrobats

It’s what you get when you do a nature documentary with Cirque du Soleil. Get it? Well, at least this costume makes more sense than any of their routines.

28. French Baker and Buns

Seems like this guy can’t keep himself away from her buns. Or are those cakes. Well, they look like buns to me.

29. Ace Ventura

Now if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll get this. The baby is Ace Ventura. The dad is Pittsburgh native, former Miami Dolphins quarterback, and deadbeat dad, Dan Marino,. The mom is disgruntled and crossdressing former Miami Dolphins player Ray Finkle.

30. American Gothic

Based on the famous painting by 20th century American artist Grant Wood. Yes, I know the man has all his hair, but what do you know.

31. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

Of course, I couldn’t forget these two. Didn’t know that John liked to drink Pabst. Still, it’s a shame he got killed like that so young.

32. 50 Shades of Grey

You were expecting something much more kinky. Don’t lie, honestly. Still, I don’t know about you, but I think this costume is better than the book series or the movie.

33. Johnny Cash and June Carter

I guess this was inspired by Walk the Line was it? Of course, June did help Johnny get sober. Then again, he had hit rock bottom that his only options were to either get clean or die.

34. Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan

Yes, I know that Lieutenant Dan is an amputee. But still, at least it wasn’t Forrest and Jenny. Seriously, Jenny was such a dysfunctional human being and Forrest was always saving her ass.

35. The Addams Family

If they did this any earlier than the 1990s, I bet that baby would either be Cousin Itt or Uncle Fester. Any money. Of course, at least Gomez and Morticia are better relationship role models than Romeo and Juliet.

36. Nerds

Yes, these two are nerds all right. Love how they put themselves in a candy box. And they even have different colored socks.

37. One Nightstand

And you thought he was a one night stand. Well, it could still happen as long as this Halloween party goes on. Seriously, hookup culture isn’t new, not new at all.

38. Bob Ross and Happy Little Tree

Yes, Bob Ross certainly likes his happy little trees. The bigger and happier the better. Like the squirrel, too.

39. Paula Deen and Butter

We all know that Paula Deen is a racist. However, she really loves butter which she’s said to put in everything. Still, her food is bound to clog your arteries.

40. Breaking Bad

Of course, this couples costume consists of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. Let’s just say that Jesse’s girlfriends don’t last long and Walt’s wife isn’t much liked on the show. Still, it might be time to cook for them.

41. Candyland

Now these are characters from the creepy game in your childhood. Now there’s Queen Frosty, Princess Lolli, the Candy Cane Lumberjack, and the Cupcake girl. I don’t remember the last one.

42. Clue

For some reason, Mr. Green looks like a 1920s gangster. Still, love the set up in this. And each suspect has their own weapon. Brilliant!

43. Despicable Me

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad's face. Mom's supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad’s face. So much like Gru. Mom’s supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

44. Struck by Lightning

Of course, she’d more likely burn to a crisp. But I’m sure applying black makeup would’ve gone badly. Still, quite funny.

45. Bonnie and Clyde

Maybe they’re not as gorgeous as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. But still, they’re still way better looking than the real life couple. Seriously, they looked like a couple of hicks in real life. And they weren’t nice at all.

46. Milkman and 1950s Housewife

Of course, this is a couple’s costume idea for those in the family way. Still, have you ever heard of “looks like the milkman”? It’s an old saying.

47. Football

Let me guess. It appears to me this costume theme was the dad’s idea. Looks like it. Of course, coach dad and ref mom have a tendency to not always agree on the plays.

48. Roasted Marshmallow

Yes, he’s a roasting marshmallow over an open camp fire. Now that’s pretty clever if you ask me. Love the flames.

49. Beetlejuice

Now this is so funny. Not very familiar with Beetlejuice for some reason. But it’s Tim Burton, so I’ll go with it.

50. Sesame Street

Who needs to sex up Sesame Street characters when you can make tutus with their faces. Now these are great costumes for women. The sexy Bert and Ernie ones were the worst.

51. Error 404

Finally, the Halloween costume for the infamous slacker. All you need is a white T-Shirt and black Sharpie to write the words, “Error 404: Costume Not Found.”

52. Plato

Now this is quite a new spin on the famous philosopher of Ancient Greece. Of course, I’m sure this guy is a philosophy major of some sort.

53. Walt Disney

Well, they have costumes for most of the other Disney characters. So why leave out the big man himself? It would be absurd.

54. Monopoly

Then again, maybe the sexy Monopoly board is a better idea. Seems like old Mr. Pennybags is hoarding some cash. Love the dog token, too.

55. Deer and Hunter

If she’s supposed to be Bambi’s mom, then it’s a disturbing couples’ costume. Wait a minute, she has spots and antlers? I don’t think it’s legal to shoot her, at least in Pennsylvania.

56. Waldo

You know the guy in the books who travels the world but is so hard to find. Can’t tell where he is now.

57. Katniss Everdeen

Let’s just say you don’t want to mess with her when she has her bow and arrow out. I mean she had to kill people with it to survive the Hunger Games. You know the competition where 24 teenagers from Panem are selected to fight to the death.

58. Ginger Bread Man

The guy has bread hanging from him. And he’s a ginger. Get it? Seriously, it’s pretty funny.

59. Fireplace

Yeah, I wouldn’t be too happy either if my head was lopped off and put over a fireplace. Still, you have to feel for the kid.

60. God’s Gift to Women

Or so he thinks. Still, he’s not a bad looking guy. No movie star material but handsome enough for me at least.

61. Swiffer and Mud

Strange to see them getting along so well. Usually Swiffer and mud are mortal enemies. I mean Swiffer is supposed to get rid of dirt, right?

62. Crying Stone Angel

Now you’ve seen statues like this in cemeteries. But have you seen a child dressed like one? I think not.

63. Gandalf and Bilbo Baggins

I’m sure this is the parents’ idea. Kid looks too young to read The Hobbit. Still, quite cute though.

64. The Birds

Yes, she’s the Tippi Hedren character herself. And she’s being pecked by birds. Still, at least she wasn’t the Suzanne Pleshette character who got pecked to death.

65. Ghost Sluts

Finally the sexy costume all women can reasonably look good in. Still, these women are making fun of the sexy costume phenomenon in the retail industry.

66. A Christmas Story

Since TBS airs this movie on Christmas every year, we should all knows who each member is supposed to be. Love the Leg Lamp though. Yeah, pretty funny.

67. Sweepstakes Winners

Look about as what you’d expect from stereotypical winners of Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. He’s in a tacky Hawaiian shirt and she’s in her nightgown and curlers.

68. KFC

Boy is Colonel Sanders while the girl is a bucket of coronary inducing fried chicken with 11 herbs and spices. Like how they’re using KFC buckets for trick or treating.

69. Flower Pot

Now this is simply adorable if you ask me. Love the pretty flowers on this one. Please don’t water her or she might get mad.

70. Sushi Roll

So cute. Wonder how she moves around in it. Then again, might not be as confining as it appears.

71. Bowl of Spaghetti and Meatballs

Hey, at least it’s better than the baby having spaghetti and meatballs all over them. Still, so cute.

72. Raining Cats and Dogs

Yeah, you know it’s really bad when it’s raining cats and dogs. Still, this one takes it quite literally and with maximum amusement.

73. Elf on the Shelf

Now last Christmas, I did a post on Elf on the Shelf, which was kind of tongue and cheek. Still, he may be cute on the outside. But inside, he’s downright evil.

74. Censored

Move along. Nothing to see here. Also, lady, please put a shirt on. And some pants.

75. Outhouse

Hey, kids, can you move along. This boy really needs privacy while he’s doing his business. Still, if they wanted a dash of authenticity, they should’ve went with the Sears Roebuck catalog.

76. Pinata

I’m sure she had her outfit all covered in streamers. Still, love the cone hats. Looks like she’s ready for a fiesta. But don’t beat her open with a stick.

77. Madeline

Madeline was a series of children’s books about a girl in a small Catholic boarding school in Paris. It was published between 1939 and 1961 but they’re still read because they’re so good, especially for girls. I guess the mom here is Ms. Clavel.

78. Coppertone Girl

Well, the dog hanging from her butt is stuffed. Thank God. But yes, that’s the Coppertone girl.

79. Weatherman in a Hurricane

Now this would be a very scary costume, for a weatherman in Florida. Seriously, you don’t know what those people have to deal with during hurricane season.

80. Cactus

Yes, that guy’s supposed to be a cactus. I know it’s hard to believe. But still, you sometimes have to go with what you have.

81. Minions

I know people wouldn’t make me hear the end of it if I didn’t include these guys. Yes, they’re adorable and their costumes are quite easy to make.

82. Spartan Warrior

Inspired by the movie 300, no doubt. Seriously, Spartan warriors didn’t go into battle wearing speedos for God’s sake. Still, cutest little Spartan warrior I’ve ever seen. Sorry, Gerard Butler.

83. Carmen Sandiego

I know she’s thinking of nabbing some major treasure of worldly significance. Just don’t know where in the world is she.

84. Flo and Mayhem

Seems like Flo let Mayhem happen to her. Then again, at least she has Progressive insurance. Hell, she’s the Progressive lady. And Mayhem works for Allstate. Before that he was Liz Lemon’s jerkass boyfriend Dennis Duffy on 30 Rock who appeared on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator.

85. Toddlers and Tiaras

Now I think that Toddlers Tiaras is a terrible show on the sleaziest cable network TLC. However, I find these costumes quite funny. Like the pacifiers.

86. Ceiling Fan

Yes, she seems to be really into ceilings for some reason. Not sure why. Then again, she’s probably nuts.

87. Dust Bunny

If I saw a rabbit wanting to dust my house, I’d sure let them in. Because I really hate dusting. Really hate it.

88. Pothead

No, not that kind of pothead. This guy is perfectly legal as far as I know. Still, pretty funny. Better watch his head though.

89. Fantasy Football

Now this is the kind of Fantasy Football I can get into. Let’s see, I’ll have Harry Potter as quarterback, Hagrid as linebacker, Snape as offensive tackle, Hermione as running back, and Ron as safety. I’m sure anyone with Brady on their team can’t top that.

90. French KISS

They’re dressed as the members of KISS. And they’re dressed like French. Get it? Love how one of them has a baguette and a glass of wine.

91. Energizer Bunny

Now she’s the kind of girl who keeps going, and going…. Yeah, good for a battery but for a human, not so much.

92. Professor Lorax

My guess is that he’s an environmental science teacher because he speaks for the trees. Still, I bet he wants to show his students how insatiable greed leads to environmental destruction and short-term prosperity. Just ask his friend the Oncler.

93. Chia Pet

Now this is just so clever. But I’m sure the dog is certainly not happy. But I love this. I really do. Just so funny.

94. Brawny Man

Heard that this guy is so hot that people buy his paper towels just for the packaging. Still, it’s a pretty clever costume, especially since he has a manly plaid shirt to match the wrapper.

95. Dumbledora the Explorer

Yes, this Spanish speaking old witch is off to an adventure with her backpack. And yes, she has a rather long wizard beard to prove it.

96. Saddam Hussein Bolt

Yes, he’s an Iraqi strong man dictator who’s also the fastest man alive. Also, he really has an insatiable hatred for the kurds and a batshit insane son who tortures people with an iron maiden.

97. Jersey Shore 50th Anniversary Reunion Special

Yes, they don’t look as young and good looking as they used to be. But you wouldn’t want these people in a nursing home in your neck of the woods. Guess, it’s gym, tan, laundry, prune juice, bingo, and the early bird special.

98. Ancient Aliens

The scariest thing about this guy is that people actually believe him and his theories about the origins of notable monuments. Makes me want to tear my hair out as a history major. I mean this guy is just full of shit if you ask me.

99. Captain Canada

Because it’s about time that Canada has its own superhero. Wait a minute, they already do. Seriously, Wolverine’s from that country and he’s the best known X-man ever. But you wouldn’t know it.

100. Trailer Park Avengers

Basically, these would be the Avengers if Marvel studios wasn’t making big budget movies. Also, if Thor, the Hulk, and Captain America weren’t as hot and didn’t have Ironman to pay for their gear and collateral damage.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Holidays