Now I’m not wearing an ugly Halloween sweater here because I don’t have one. However, I do have a Halloween pin so I decided to open the post with that. Of course, my mom had to be in the background when I took this picture. Damn it.
While ugly Christmas sweaters have become classic Christmas holiday attire, you can’t say the same about ugly Halloween sweaters (mostly because people wear costumes during this time of year). However, they also exist as well and well before I was born in fact, contrary to what you might see. Of course, you usually see them on school teachers, parents, and people who give out trick or treat candy if you’re a kid. If you’re an adult, you might see them worn by co-workers once you get closer to Halloween. But they do exist and you can buy them wherever you like. In fact, there are plenty of ugly holiday sweaters for any holiday you can imagine. Even Columbus Day, which I don’t even bother to celebrate since it glamorizes colonialism and exploitation of Native Americans and I’m too busy compiling blog posts for what really matters in October. Yes, I’m talking about Halloween. You know scary monsters, haunted houses, dressing up in costumes, parades, and trick-or-treating. All Columbus Day consists of is a free day off and advertisers trying to give you a reason to get off your ass and go shopping. And if I find that there are tacky Halloween sweaters out there, I’m going to do a post on it once I find plenty that I like. So for your reading pleasure, I present to you some ghastly Halloween sweaters you might see.
- Let’s start with some orange and beads.
Looks like something a kindergarten teacher would wear. Still, why does the ghost have spots? Oh, it’s to make it sparkle. Right.
2. Of course, anything can spring out from a jack o’lantern if you keep your mind at it.
Seems like this design was made possible by embroidery clubs and LSD. Seriously, flowers don’t spring up from jack o’lanterns. Nor do they have any potential to put flowers in.
3. On Halloween, it helps that you have jack o’lanterns in the pumpkin patch.
Still, that one jack o’lantern at the top doesn’t seem to have much of a smile. Or at least a symmetrical one. Looks more like it’s playing a harmonica.
4.Halloween night is always the season for trick or treating.
For some reason I find the kid dressed as a ghost quite freaky. Maybe it’s best not to show skin on that one. Still, like the spider web sleeves.
5. When it comes to night, you can make it either black or blue.
Let’s just say I think the presence of cute teddy bears gives me the impression that this sweater wasn’t made for men. Then again, I have seen men’s clothing with teddy bears while I was working at Macy’s. But still.
6. When it comes to sweater patterns, always go with candy corn, jack o’lanterns, bats, and black cats.
This one has the following but bats. But yes, it’s quite tacky and might cause some degree of eye strain.
7. You can’t have too many bats, whether skeletal or not.
Of course, seeing a bat’s skeleton while it’s in flight isn’t a good sign. It might mean that a bat has just taking off after resting on an electric fence.
8. When it comes to Halloween, everyone always loves getting candy.
Yes, we all love Halloween candy. However, I did write a post that specified which candy trick or treaters don’t want. And I included candy corn.
9. You’d never know what you’d find while trick or treating on Halloween night.
Not sure if I want to check this house. Looks pretty rickety and I saw a couple of ghosts nearby.
10. Of course, on Halloween, it’s best you go with bright and bold colors.
Now this looks like one you’d see your elementary school teacher wearing. However, at least this one doesn’t have any candy corn on it. But the witch looks blurry.
11. Traditional Halloween colors usually consist of orange, black, white, and yellow.
And this guy seems to wear this sweater in confidence despite it looking utterly ridiculous on him. Seriously, he’s dressed like the neighbor you can’t stand when you take your kids to his house for trick or treating.
12. Nothing makes Halloween better than a sequin vest.
Okay, I’m not sure what to think about sequins in craft projects and decorations. However, this looks like the kind of Halloween vest you’d wear to a disco.
13. Looks like they’re are ghosts coming from that house.
Wonder if these two ghosts have any place to go. Also, there are jack o’lanterns in the pumpkin patch. And it seems that winter came early in this one.
14. If you want to be scary, go with a sweater with skulls.
Wonder what people would think about seeing someone in that one. Then again, it might creep some people out, especially if they’re your grandparents.
15. Nothing shimmers on Halloween more than rhinestone spiders.
If you go clubbing or to a rave, this might be the kind of sweater you’d want to go with on Halloween. Of course, this one is tacky as hell.
16. Eeek! Orange spiders!
Yeah, a bright orange spider would creep me out, too. It’s simply about as natural as a radioactive one that bit Peter Parker.
17. You can make your own Halloween sweater by sewing pieces of cloth on it.
Yeah, definitely something you’d expect the kindergarten teacher to wear. Particularly the one from Recess who’s probably on her way to the loony bin.
18. You can make a Halloween vest from the leftover pieces you didn’t use for your Halloween patchwork quilt.
Now this looks like the outfit you’d expect your goofy, annoying neighbor to wear. You know, the one that reminds you of Ned Flanders.
19. Of course, pumpkin doesn’t have to be the only squash on your sweater.
You can tell this is a Halloween sweater because it has black cats on it. If it didn’t have black cats, it might as well be a Thanksgiving sweater.
20. Seems like the owl has to be beside the black cat.
And the cat seems to wear an orange witch’s hat. But the owl doesn’t look too happy. Also, the house doesn’t look that haunted.
21. Don’t know if I like the look on that witch.
I mean her chin is about as long as her nose. And there’s a ghost with a lock and chain.
22. Nothing is cuter for Halloween than a teddy bear in a jack o’lanter costume.
Actually, I think a real teddy bear dressed as a jack o’lantern would be cuter than this one. Why I didn’t put one in my teddy bear post I have no idea.
23. Heard that candy corn makes great buttons for a cardigan.
Now this one definitely looks like it was made for a teacher. There’s just something about it.
24. Beware of the ghosts in the house and the jack o’lanterns in the tree.
Is it just me or do those ghosts look a bit like Q-tips or sperm to me. Can’t say which. Also, from the look of the full moon, I think Batman might be there soon.
25. Of course, you can’t go wrong with spiderwebs and jack o’lanterns.
Seems like this guy is embarrassed to wear this. But he can’t get out of it because his mother made it for him.
26. Skeletons can dance the whole night long if they want to.
Guess these skeletons really do give bones about break dancing. Hope nobody breaks anything.
27. You might’ve heard of a Halloween sweater. But how about a Halloween dress?
Now this doesn’t look very flattering. Something about this tells me that this woman may be thinner than she looks. Not sure what.
28. Heard of a Halloween suit? Now you have.
Now this guy looks all covered in jack o’lanterns. Seems like this was made from some Halloween table cloth.
29. Things are about to get funky at the witches’ meeting.
As if the dancing witches, houses and black cats can’t make this cardigan tacky enough. It also has to be in candy corn colors. Kind of disgusting.
30. Three black cats on the fence. Wonder what that could mean?
Does it mean bad luck or just 3 cats sitting on a fence. Either way, looks like the kind of Halloween sweater you’d see on a crazy cat person.
31. Nothing like a Halloween sweater where all the pumpkins are stacked against one another.
Of course, one of the pumpkins has candy corn eyes. Another one has a sad face. And then there’s candy corn from the sky.
32. Remember that candy corn pants always goes well with a sweater of a witch flying to the moon.
Now this guy really feels like he’s rocking in that look. Like he’s now the tacky neighbor who gives out candy to trick or treaters.
33. Of course, why have a tacky Halloween sweater while you can make your dog wear one?
Not sure if dressing your dog in a candy corn sweater and hat is the right thing to do here. Seriously, that dog doesn’t look very happy in this.
34. Remember to keep your pets safe and warm this Halloween season.
I’m sure the dog doesn’t need to wear this ridiculous sweater. I mean it already has something to keep it warm and dry. It’s called fur.
35. You never know what you’ll find at a creepy haunted house this Halloween.
I don’t know if bright orange makes a great haunted house color. Seems a bit too loud for something that’s supposed to look decrepit and old.
36. With a Halloween vest, you can’t have too many bears.
Yes, bears are scary creatures you wouldn’t want to run into while in the woods. However, teddy bears are just plain adorable and not scary at all. Yeah, this is a very tacky vest.
37. Heard of a Halloween sweater? How about a Halloween poncho?
And it seems this one is in bright blue and decked with ghosts and bats. Seems that the ghosts are trying to be quite scary. Not sure if they are. Probably not.
38. Nothing makes a great Halloween sweater than a candy corn eyed teddy bear in a costume.
For some reason, the candy corn eyes make this bear look so creepy. Not sure why.
39. Why don’t you say “Happy Halloween” on your vest?
Now this looks like something a teacher would wear. But yeah, the “Happy Halloween” bit kind of makes this sweater a bit more tacky than it would be without the words.
40. Of course, anyone who loves Halloween and Atari will love this T-shirt.
I’d watch out for the green skulls if I were you. They might be zombies and after your brains.
41. Nothing brings in the Halloween spirit than a sweater depicting a headless witch.
For some reason, I thought this was a sweater depicting a burning windmill. And I wondered why the hell would anyone want a Halloween sweater of that? The headless witch idea makes more sense.
42. Of course, if you want style, go with some Halloween houndsooth.
Sorry, but houndsooth is a pattern for business attire. Not for Halloween attire. And bright orange, seriously?
43. On Halloween, you can’t get enough pumpkins and candy.
Of course, this is a colorful cardigan with the candy and all. However, I’m not sure about the pumpkins.
44. When it comes to Halloween sweaters, you can’t ignore the classics such as an orange one with a jack o’lantern.
Luckily for him, he can wear this to a Halloween party and everyone would assume it’s his costume. Still, pretty tacky if you get my drift.
45. When it comes to Halloween, I’m sure a skeleton shirt will make it all hang out.
I think this woman should cover up if you ask me. She’s showing too much of herself at the moment.
46. If you want to hear some scary stories, you can’t do better than the tales of Edgar Allan Poe.
Now this is a clever sweater idea. Poe is indeed quite menacing in this. Still, wonder if he’ll freak out trick or treaters with this one.
47. Nothing brings out the spirit of Halloween than skeletons going boogie at a disco club.
Hope neither ruptures a hip. Or cause any scare among the other dancers. Still, this is quite funny.
48. Seems like this witch has a lot of stuff in her closet.
Let’s see. She has 3 dresses, 4 pairs of boots, 4 hats, and 3 brooms. And I thought witches wore the same thing all the time.
49. Nothing says Halloween like a diamond and skull sweater vest.
Now I’m sure such sweater vests aren’t seen as cool. Still, this is quite funny. Wonder who’d be creeped out by this.
50. Now this is a great Halloween sweater for any crazy cat lady.
When looking at this sweater do you get the feeling that you’re being watched? Or is it just me? Do those eyes seem creepy to you?
51. Beaded sequins always makes your Halloween sweaters shimmer and stand out.
Not sure if the flashy stuff on this makes it look better or worse. Either way, it sure looks tacky. Also, what’s with the ghosts.
52. If you like a checkered pattern, I’m sure you can get pumpkins to fit in any shape.
Seems like some of these pumpkins don’t like being confined to an unnatural shape. Others seem to be quite square.
53. At night, you’re bound to see an owl on a perch.
Now that looks like an owl you can see from a mile. Still, its feathers have sequins and it’s gleaming with starry eyes.
54. Apparently, some dead body can’t seem to take their hands off her.
Let’s just say that this is the kind of shirt nobody should wear on Halloween, especially where there’s kids trick or treating. Kids might not understand but their parents would. Also, hands are said to glow in the dark.
55. If you want to get festive, you can always go with rows.
Now this one seems to be made in true ugly Christmas sweater fashion. Kids might already see this one among the adults giving them candy.
56. Anyone wearing a ghost costume, raise your hands.
Seems that ghost costumes tend to be the easiest to sew on. Still, doesn’t seem like spooky attire if you ask me.
57. You might not know it but ghosts seem to have a thing for spiderwebs.
Not sure what the spiders would think. But I don’t think the ghosts seem to care. Still, I’m sure ghosts don’t eat candy.
58. You can’t have a Halloween sweater without including a scarecrow.
And there’s that teddy bear in the pumpkin costume again. Kind of like the two ghosts though. And the jack o’lantern.
59. Of course, nothing makes your Halloween vest stand out like shiny materials and embroidery.
Now this is just plain crazy. I mean brown ghosts? And what are those green things? Are they supposed to be plants?
60. You don’t get enough of Halloween until you wear a sweater like this.
Now this seems like a tacky patchwork in the making. Still, the pumpkin seems smiling but there doesn’t seem to be a candle in it.
Wow- I had no idea that Halloween sweaters were a thing. Lovely assortment!