General Ripper Sings Like a Canary

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 8, 2017

In the biggest development yet in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into potential collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia, former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with prosecutors on Friday, December 1, 2017. The legal move poses the most direct threat to the Trump presidency itself so far. Flynn pleaded guilty to a single count of lying to the FBI on or around January 24 about conversations with then-Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak in December 2016. However, Flynn did not admit to colluding with Russia during the 2016 presidential election. Nevertheless, Flynn’s plea deal will strengthen Mueller’s sprawling probe into the Trump team’s possible criminal acts and Russian ties.

Of course, once Paul Manafort and Rick Gates were indicted while George Papadopoulos pleaded guilty, it was only a matter of time when Michael Flynn would flip. In fact, it’s been speculated for weeks that Flynn wanted to protect himself from a more serious criminal indictment. As with Manafort, Mueller had a solid case against the retired general. Earlier this year, Flynn offered to testify in exchange for full immunity from prosecution but Mueller refused. On November 23, The New York Times reported that Flynn’s lawyers told Trump’s lawyers they could no longer share information. Four days later, ABC News reported that Flynn’s lawyers met with Mueller’s team, a strong sign a plea deal was imminent.

Michael Flynn’s plea deal is the most significant moment in Mueller’s probe to date since he is the first person who had actually served in the Trump White House to admit breaking the law. Nor was he just any old official either since Flynn’s role as national security adviser is one of the highest-level and most powerful posts in Washington. The retired three-star general temporarily had enormous influence over Donald Trump’s early policy and personnel choices. And due to his unique ties to both the Trump campaign and Trump White House, he’s particularly well-suited to answering the Mueller probe’s central questions on whether the Trump campaign knowingly colluded with Russia and if Trump obstructed justice by trying to derail the FBI’s investigation. Flynn’s plea deal gets Mueller closer to finding that out. Now Mueller gets Flynn to talk along with an admission of guilt. Obviously, this is bad news for Michael Flynn but it could be even worse news for Donald Trump. As legal expert Asha Rangappa noted, “When you flip somebody, you’re using them to go up the chain. This suggests that Mueller’s investigation is going to go into the even-tighter inner circle of the campaign and possibly the administration.”

A retired lieutenant general who served in the Army for over 30 years, Michael Flynn is a quintessential General Ripper. Hell, take General Jack D. Ripper’s line “I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids,” and replace each mention of “Communist” with “Islamic” and you basically have Flynn. And let’s just say if it weren’t for his soft spot for Russia, he’d feel right at home among the trigger happy military brass in Dr. Strangelove. Anyway, in 2012, he was named head of the Pentagon’s intelligence arm, the Defense Intelligence Agency. During this time, he clashed with other Obama administration officials who viewed him as sloppy with facts and incompetent with management. Soon he was pushed out and resigned from his post in 2014. Technically, President Barack Obama fired him but you know how they do things in Washington. Furious, Flynn began his post government public life commenting on foreign policy and military issues in the media, becoming infamous for his extreme Islamophobic rhetoric. For example in February 2016, he tweeted, “Fear of Muslims is RATIONAL.” Such language combined with his poor DIA track record made Flynn a pariah in the mainstream foreign policy community. For the Trump campaign that championed a Muslim ban, he was a perfect fit.

In fall 2015, Michael Flynn began occasionally briefing Donald Trump on foreign affairs and his involvement in the campaign gradually deepened. By late May 2016, he was mentioned as a potential vice presidential pick for Trump. In July of that year, Flynn gave a now ironic speech at the Republican National Convention in which he riled the crowd with “Lock her up.” But while Flynn advised the Trump campaign, he operated a lobbying and consulting firm called the Flynn Intel Group which importantly, also employed his son. He was also a frequent guest on the Russian government’s English-language propaganda outlet RT, where he’d often espouse the idea that Russia and the US should team up against Islamic extremism. And it’s Flynn’s lobbying and work for the Russian government which first led into dangerous legal territory. In December 2015, Flynn traveled to Moscow for a gala celebrating RT’s 10^th anniversary. He sat next to Vladimir Putin and delivered a speech about his foreign policy vision. For his services, RT paid Flynn a $45,000 speaker’s fee while Russian companies him $22,500 for speeches during the same trip. Now that in itself isn’t necessary illegal. However, Flynn reportedly lied about the source of the payments in his security clearance renewal form, claiming they came from “US companies.” Lying on this form is equivalent to lying to federal investigators which is a felony and perhaps one of the reasons why Flynn took the plead deal. In August 2016, an entity called Inovo BV hired Flynn’s consulting firm. Though it claimed to be Dutch company, Inovo BV turned out to be a shell corporation for a wealthy member from the Turkish government. Flynn seems to have continued working for Turkey until November at the earliest while Ankara paid him at least $530,000. Under the Foreign Agent Registration Act, Flynn had to publicly disclose any lobbying work for the Turkish government when he started. His FARA paperwork said he worked for a Dutch company, not the Turkish government. In March 2017, Flynn filed paperwork correcting the error, admitting that Inovo really paid him to work on behalf of Turkish interests. If that’s all he did, then Michael Flynn would’ve been fine. After all, the US government typically doesn’t arrest people for filing incorrect FARA paperwork after they correct it. But if there’s more undisclosed lobbying for foreign governments like more Turkey payments or undisclosed Russian activity than he revealed in March, then he’d be in deep shit.

Still, you’d think Flynn’s legally questionable shenanigans would’ve ended in November 2016, when Donald Trump made him his national security adviser in his new administration. Though outgoing Obama officials warned the Trump transition team about appointing the guy. But if anything, it got worse. Throughout the transition, Flynn had several contacts with Kislyak. In one early December meeting at Trump Tower, he and Jared Kushner talked to the Russian ambassador about setting up a secret channel through which they can communicate. On December 29, 2016, the day Obama announced sanctions on Russia in response to the country’s hacking efforts, Flynn and Kislyak reportedly exchanged 5 phone calls. One of the discussion topics was sanctions. But Flynn reportedly told Vice President-elect Mike Pence and others on the Trump team that sanctions never came up in his calls with the Russian ambassador, spurring them to make false statements to that effect in public. This conversation between Flynn and Kislyak is part of the just-released document Mueller had sent to court.

On Donald Trump’s Inauguration Day, Michael Flynn’s former business partner allegedly bragged that he told him that Trump would quickly lift US sanctions on Russia, which would pave way for a controversial plan to build nuclear plants across the Middle East with Russian help. While this is an explosive but unverified allegation coming from a whistleblower cooperating with House Democrats, there have been reports over the last few months that Flynn continued to promote this Middle East nuclear project after the election and even as national security adviser. In the Trump presidency’s first week, Flynn was questioned by the FBI in which he denied contact with Kislyak during the transition. That same week, then acting-Attorney General Sally Yates warned the White House that intelligence showed Flynn had lied about his conversations with Kislyak and he was vulnerable to Russian blackmail. Unsurprisingly, the Trump White House did nothing about this until it leaked to the press a few weeks later, when they were spurred to fire Flynn on February 13, 2017. Then there’s an entirely separate matter of whether Flynn improperly acted on Turkey’s behalf during the transition or while in office. According to the Wall Street Journal, Mueller is investigating an “alleged plan” in which Flynn and his son would be paid as much as $15 million for forcibly removing Fethullah Gulen, a Muslim cleric living in Pennsylvania, from the United States and delivering him to Turkey. Flynn discussed this possibility with Turkish government representatives at a December meeting during the transition as incoming national security adviser.

Altogether, there’s plenty of circumstantial evidence that Michael Flynn broke the law. The plea deal where he’ll admit to lying to federal investigators confirms he did and he’s trying to get a lighter punishment. The best Flynn can do is tell Mueller everything he knows abut Trump and Russia. The next important question is whether other Trump officials aided Russian efforts to interfere with the 2016 presidential campaign. If there was collusion, Flynn most likely knows about it. This is why Mueller wanted Flynn to strike a deal. Particularly, one where Flynn agreed to a lesser sentence in exchange for giving an honest accounting of what he knows about Trump-Russia ties. Sure getting Papadopoulos to agree to cooperate with Mueller’s team was pretty awesome. But getting Flynn to flip is a much bigger prize.

And it’s possible that Flynn has more Russia ties than known since there’s already some reporting suggesting we don’t have the full Flynn and Russia story. In June, The Wall Street Journal reported that a Trump supporting GOP operative and private equity executive Peter Smith embarked on an effort to track down Hillary Clinton’s infamous 30,000 or so deleted emails during the fall of 2016 and contacted Russian hackers to ask if they had them. Smith wasn’t part of the Trump campaign. But according to sources, he told people working with him that he was coordinating with Flynn. While trying to recruit for the effort, Smith also distributed a document naming the Trump campaign as one of the 4 groups involved. Another piece of information pointing to Flynn was that US officials were aware of some intelligence that Russian hackers had at least discussed sending leaked emails to Flynn through a third party. As Shane Harris wrote for the Wall Street Journal: “Investigators have examined reports from intelligence agencies that describe Russian hackers discussing how to obtain emails from Mrs. Clinton’s server and then transmit them to Mr. Flynn via an intermediary, according to U.S. officials with knowledge of the intelligence.” Smith died this year, reportedly by his own hand and Flynn hasn’t said anything about the Journal report. Nevertheless, all this is enough to raise serious questions about just what Flynn knew about this or any other attempted outreach to Russian hackers or other Russian entities. However, we don’t know yet if this led to actual collusion implicating Flynn or anyone else on the Trump team. Perhaps Smith made his effort seem important by name dropping Flynn, rather than working closely with him. In addition, Smith’s efforts to find Clinton’s deleted emails have failed since they never surfaced. Michael Flynn’s is also central to determine whether Donald Trump obstructed justice as president, essentially by unlawfully interfering with former FBI Director James Comey’s inquiry. Since Flynn is a central character in this entire drama and fate could shape Trump’s. As Rangappa told Vox, “I think Flynn’s value to Mueller is less on the collusion part and has more to do with obstruction of justice. If Trump had any knowledge of any kind of criminal liability that Flynn may have had — and he was trying to get Comey to drop the investigation — that essentially seals Mueller’s obstruction case.” After Flynn was fired, Trump held a counterterrorism meeting with his national security officials which ended when he ordered everyone except then-Director Comey to clear the room. According to Comey’s written notes, Trump asked him to lay off the investigation into Flynn’s Russia statements. He said that Flynn “is a good guy” and urged the then-FBI director “to see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go.” Comey refused so Trump eventually fired him a few months later.

Flynn’s testimony could help answer if Trump wanted to protect him out of fear on what he might know. It’s not enough to show that Trump didn’t like where the Russia investigation was going. A prosecutor or member of Congress pushing for impeachment would need to show that Trump actually tried to cover up some kind of wrongdoing on his part to establish an obstruction case. As federal prosecutor Alex Whiting explained the specifics of Trump’s relationship with Flynn matter a great deal, noting: “Did [Trump] know that Flynn’s story was an important piece in the larger picture, one that he did not want revealed? Or did he know that the FBI’s pressure on Flynn could force him to give up other incriminating evidence? Far from simply acting to shield a former subordinate and ally, was Trump actually just trying to protect himself, and those close to him? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then Trump’s actions will have a very different feel to them, and his potential defenses much harder, if not impossible, to swallow.” Flynn may know the answer to Whiting’s questions which Mueller will likely hear soon.

Still, former US attorney Preet Bharara isn’t convinced that Michael Flynn received “a sweetheart deal of a lifetime” in exchange for hugely important cooperation. On the latest podcast episode, the former New York prosecutor disputed that the relatively light charge against the former 3-star general clearly showed he must’ve agreed to provide especially valuable information to Mueller’s investigation. Bharara refers to his own experience supervising similar high-profile cases. He claimed, “When we had evidence against somebody and wanted them to flip, we made them plead guilty to every bad act that they had ever done. Especially if we were later gonna be alleging other people had engaged in that activity as well.” Such actions, the former prosecutor argues makes a witness like Flynn more credible in court if he has to testify against someone else. “Otherwise, the only thing the jury will know for a fact about your witness is that he is an admitted, convicted liar,” he said. What he suspects is that Mueller doesn’t’ have anything else on Flynn that might stand in court. But he also suggests that Mueller is “holding back on other charges to which Michael Flynn will plead guilty if and when they form the basis of charging some other folks.” In other words, certain potential charges against Flynn could implicate others in Trump’s team as well and that Mueller’s team just isn’t ready to make those charges yet (and may never be). Yet, this case could be different than Bharara’s own past prosecutions. For one, Mueller’s potential endgame might be impeachment referral rather than a high-profile court trial. In addition, Mueller could be concerned about Trump’s pardon power, possibly holding off some potential charges against Flynn so he could bring them later, in case of a pardon. And seeing how quickly Trump pardoned infamous former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Mueller might’ve taken a cue.

On Saturday December 2, 2017, Donald Trump tweeted that he fired his former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn because he lied to the vice president and the FBI. If that’s the case, Trump knew that Flynn lied to the FBI when he asked then FBI Director James Comey to drop his inquiry into Flynn and then fired him when he failed to do so. This could play into an obstruction of justice case against him. Looking into Trump’s history which shows unparalleled disrespect for the rule of law, committing obstruction of justice shouldn’t come as a surprise. Donald Trump’s corruption is mindboggling beyond any measure that anyone could imagine. He has already abused his power as president in order to enrich himself as well as constantly lies about everything whenever he opens his mouth. But should Mueller’s team find compelling evidence if the Trump team engaged in a criminal conspiracy to help hack Hillary Clinton’s email (since stealing documents is illegal), violated campaign finance laws through soliciting foreign help like from the Russian government, or committing crimes against the investigation itself like witness intimidation, perjury, obstruction of justice, and the like, Mueller can convene a federal jury and seek a criminal indictment against the person. If the grand jury signs off, that person is then arrested and charged. Eventually Trump can be forced to make a terrible choice. He could risk a close associate or family member going to jail or possibly making a deal with federal prosecutors in return for testimony that could incriminate others. Or he could use his pardon power to shield his cronies from federal charges. Should he go the second route, expect a massive political conflict with Congress because of the obvious impropriety of President Pussygrabber pardoning family members or close associates for crimes committed to help him win the presidency in the first place.

Then there’s the question of what happens if Mueller finds evidence of criminal behavior by Donald Trump himself. Granted that Trump is a narcissistic sociopath with a history of abusing his power for his own enrichment, disrespecting the rule of law, and getting away with egregious corruption practices, this is extremely likely. As special prosecutor, Mueller has the legal authority to file charges against any Trump associates or family members. But there’s another legal debate as to whether it’s constitutional for prosecutors to indict a president on criminal charges. Because no state or federal attorney has ever indicted a president on serious criminal charges and we have no Supreme Court precedent to answer that question. Mueller would likely sidestep that whole minefield and simply make a report to the House of Representatives documenting evidence of Trump’s “high crimes and misdemeanors,” the constitutional standard of impeachment. Should Mueller’s report contain damning evidence, it would put a lot of pressure on the House to begin impeachment proceedings. In short, Mueller could take the first step toward ending Trump’s presidency. So Trump really needs to be afraid. Especially since Mueller is currently looking into his business practices and finances which contain plenty of shady stuff less wealthy people have been arrested for.

Not So Great Tidings of Not Much Comfort and Joy Christmas Gift List (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 7, 2017

christmas-presents1

Now we come to the major retailers’ reason for the season, presents. Since it’s in the presents that all the incessant Christmas shopping and advertising is all about. So much so that you find companies advertising as early as October and stores decking the halls as early as November. Yet, looking for the perfect gift for that special someone during the holidays could be a challenge (unless those recipients are children). This is especially if they don’t tell you what they want outright or if you barely know the person. And don’t get me started for those who have to buy a Secret Santa gift where it’s basically one size fits all. However, there are plenty of gifts you most definitely shouldn’t give your loved ones and that’s where I come in. And let’s just say you find plenty of terrible gift ideas on the internet if you know where to look. Nevertheless, the bad gift ideas I look for aren’t the traditional ones like neckties, bathroom scales, or candles. But rather stuff that you’d best avoid unless you’re buying for someone you don’t like. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of holiday gift ideas you best not abide. By the way, some of these might not be safe for work.

Wondermade Bourbon Marshmallows

Now you can have marshmallows that taste like booze. Why anyone would want that, I have no idea.

2. Desktop Basketball

Shoot hoops at the office with this fun desk game. All fun and games until the ball hits Jeff from accounting.

3. “I Am Not a Paper Cup…” Porcelain Cup

Here’s the perfect coffee cup for those who enjoy coffee and abhors cardboard. Comes with a silicon lid.

4. Reliance Luggable Loo

Bring the port a potty experience to your life with this. But during an outdoor camping trip in the woods. Because publicly relieving yourself on this won’t win you many friends.

5. Damn! Guy Talking Stress Ball

Because squeezing a talking stress ball is a great way to blow off steam. Prone to annoy co-workers for hours.

6. Tattly Watch Tattoos

That way, you can make yourself look like you’re wearing a watch but aren’t. Come in several different colors.

7. I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar: A Collection of Egregious Errors, Disconcerting Bloopers, and Other Linguistic Slip-Ups by Sharon Eliza Nichols

Enjoy countless hours of laughing at mistakes of those who fail at basic syntax. Fun for the whole family.

8. Jane Austen Tattoos

Give your Austen fan a way to look like a bad bitch with these tattoos. Tramp stamp not included since that’s just plain improper.

9. Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer

It’s the kind of gift that suggests, “I know you look at porn, Bob.” If you’re a woman, it’s a great way to tell your boss he’s a total creep. This is especially if he happens to be Louis C.K.

10. Santa Hat Hip Flask

Makes a handy way to store your eggnog for the office Christmas party. A must have for any Santa pub crawl.

11. Toe Tunes Slipper Speakers.

Spend endless hours dancing to music with these slippers. Also double as headphones. Okay, this is a prank pack. But it’s quite amusing.

12. Roulette Drinking Game

A way to gamble and get drunk during a party. Just like so many do in Las Vegas.

13. LED Light Up Cocktail Shaker

Best way to make cocktails at a rave. Though I’m sure James Bond would beg to differ.

14. Adulting Stickers

After all, children receive stickers for their achievements. So why not adults? Reward yourself with these stickers for mundane adulthood accomplishments.

15. Smart Water Bottle

The kind of gift that says, “I know you like to work out. Yet, you also lose a lot of important stuff.” Has a compartment for your keys, money, and credit cards.

16. Glitter Christmas Light Up Flashing LED Sunglasses

From B+C: “What lights up and will instantly turn you into the opposite of the grinch?” Think it as something Elton John would wear to a Christmas party.

17. Stone Cask Shot Flask

For those who wish to drink with sophistication. And probably have a drinking problem.

18. Animal Head Shot Glasses

These are the kind of shot glasses for a hunting party. Though they seem somewhat impossible to set down. Well, unless you remove the heads first.

19. Hot Seat Board Game

In this game, each player answers personal questions while pretending to be in the “hot seat.” Depending on the crowd, can result in lots of laughs, fights, relationship breakdowns, and possibly a lifetime of therapy.

20. Chambong

Down champagne like a fish with this Chambong glass. Though it might make you look like an idiot during more formal occasions.

21. Foodie Dice

Not sure what to make for dinner? Then foodie dice provides the answer. Though you can also check your fridge for leftovers, too.

22. Transparent Kitchen Safe

From B+C: “Protect your cookies from… people who apparently steal your cookies so often that you need a safe?” Try getting those chocolate chip cookies now, Cookie Monster.

23. BigMouth Inc German Shepherd Mask

From B+C: “Could the German Shepherd mask be the new creepy horse mask? Only time will tell.” Me: Absolutely.

24. Ta-Ta Towel

Because any woman could use a special towel to dry her boobs. Instead of like an actual towel she normally uses for drying everything.

25. Travel John Disposable Urinal

It’s the kind of gift for someone who can’t hold it in between rest stops. Not something you’d want to receive in a gift exchange.

26. Marie Antoilette Toilet Spray

It’s basically Poopourri for those who expect to be treated like royalty. Not sure if anyone would lose their head over this.

27. Sasswear Pink Star Light Up LED Pasties

Now you can go to a rave with light up pasties. Goes great with glow sticks or your Lady Gaga costume.

28. $100 Bill Toilet Paper

From Dodoburd: “This toilet paper is in the likeness of $100 bills, so you can feel like Bill Gates or Warren Buffett and take care of business with money instead of toilet paper. It’s a way to get a taste of the good life without having to manage a multi-billion dollar corporation.”

29. Demeter Pizza Perfume

Because there’s nothing more irresistible than smelling you just came out of a pizza shop. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is hard to say.

30. Chippendale Bottle Ring

And you can guess where the bottle goes. Yep, the place where the sun don’t shine.

31. Unzipped Bag Glass Bowl

Hold candy in a glass bowl that’s shaped like a plastic bag. Sure it’s not the best looking bowl. But hey, what do you know?

32. Pet Rock

These were a fad in the 1980s. I know it’s kind of hard to fathom that now.

33. Hot Dog Toaster

Toast hotdogs with your very own hotdog toaster. Though to be fair, you can always use a toaster oven.

34. NapSack Sleep Hood

Finally, something you can use to take a nap anywhere or anytime. Though you can just use a sleep mask. Nevertheless, this is a prank.

35. Turn and Churn Ice Cream Maker

With this you can make ice cream treats on your car. Okay, this another prank gift. But it’s so hysterical I couldn’t ignore it.

36. Eye Clock

It’s the kind of clock that will make people feel rather uncomfortable. I me an it’s a giant eye that always seems like watching you.

37. Fish Plug

It’s kind of disturbing if you think about it. Seems like a fish going down the drain.

38. Game of Thrones Themed Wine

Because what else could you give a Game of Thrones fan? Just make sure that special someone isn’t getting married. Since this is more appropriate for a red wedding.

39. Snake Eyes: A Nicholas Cage Activity Book

Includes puzzles pertaining to National Treasure and Raising Arizona. Still, who’d really want something like this is beyond me.

40. Raining Men Umbrella

Though funny, it’s not the kind of umbrella you’d want in 2017. Seriously, have you heard of all the sexual misconduct allegations?

41. Chuao Baconluxurious Chocolate

It’s a chocolate bar with bacon. Though people love both bacon and chocolate, that doesn’t mean the two should be together.

42. Craftsman Beer Soap Sampler

Yes, they all smell like different kinds of beer. Now you can get yourself clean and smell like you’ve walked out of a bar.

43. Bakon Vodka

Because your cocktail drink should always taste of breakfast. I know, it’s pretty disgusting.

44. Bald Man’s Comb

You know, the kind of comb a bald guy uses. Notice the combs are on the ends.

45. Trim Beard Oil and Shampoo

From B+C: “Decorative beards and mustaches are definitely here to stay, so give that guy in your life the products he needs to keep things tidy.” Still, I’m a woman, and even I don’t like receiving hygiene products. I’m sure guys would feel the same.

46. Outlaw Soaps Fire in the Hole Solid Cologne

It’s cologne meant to smell of a campfire. And it’s said to be explosively awesome. Like you’ve just been to a bonfire and now smell literally like smoke.

47. Canned Air from Singapore

Really? Canned air? I’m sure it’s just a whole can of nothing. Air is air no matter where it comes from.

48. Crime Scene Scarf

It’s the kind of gift that says, “I didn’t know what to give you this year. But I heard you enjoyed Law and Order. So there.”

49. Dad Bag Beer Belly Fanny Pack

Look, I don’t mean to offend. But a beer belly fanny pack is disturbing. By the way, I know the British definition of a “fanny pack” but that’s what I call it.

50. Fake Tampon Flasks

Now women can sneak in booze with flasks that resemble what they stick up their butt during their time of the month. Yeah, I know that’s gross.

51. Earwax Candle Kit

Yes, it’s a kit in which you make candles with the stuff in your ears. Fortunately it’s one of those prank boxes. So it’s not as truly disgusting as the image depicts.

52. Electric Wine Bottle Opener

Look, I understand an electric bottle opener’s useful. But I’m not sure if it’s something you give someone. Besides, a regular corkscrew works just as well.

53. Emergency Inflatable Brain

You’re supposed to use it to replace it when your brain goes wrong as far the description says. Except you can’t really replace your brain. And this is just a plastic balloon.

54. Wood Wick Fireside Candles

It’s a candle that cackles like a fireplace for those who don’t have them. Still, think it’s kind of stupid.

55. Flying Alarm Clock

Okay, that’s guaranteed to cause some injury. Should probably buy something else for secret Santa.

56. Smore Slippers

Makes you seem like you have gooey feet. But they’re not necessarily ideal outdoor wear either.

57. iDrive Mobile Device Mount

It’s supposed to hold your iPad while you’re in the car. Perfect when you’re stuck in traffic. Actually it’s a prank pack so it’s probably too good to be true.

58. A Jar of Nothing

A great to tell your Secret Santa you hate them. Because there’s nothing in this jar.

59. Drake Underwear

It’s a pair of underwear with Drake’s face on it. Since my sister did a portrait of him in high school, I feel rather tempted to give her one of these.

60. Nature Dick Pics 2018 Calendar

It’s a calendar featuring pictures of natural features that resemble male genitalia. So you can spend all month arguing how some National Monument looks like a penis.

61. Brookstone Virtual Keyboard

From Refinery29: “The kind of people who like to text in full paragraphs do not need any encouragement, please.” Costs $89.

62. Sharper Image Adjustable Tablet Stand

From Refinery29: “For those moments when lying around with your tablet is still too much effort.” Available at $159.00.

63. Brookstone Desk Elliptical Trainer

From Refinery29: “For the exercise-averse who are also people-averse.” Available at $109.

64. Infectious Disease Ball

From Refinery29: “If you don’t have trypophobia already, you will after squeezing one of these things and watching the “blisters protrude from the bag.” Blech.” Disgusting indeed.

65. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez CD Clock

From Refinery29: “Ever wonder what happened with the world’s supply of CD-ROMs? A man named Dick in Chicago turned them into clocks and is now marketing them to our youth.” Besides, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez aren’t together anymore.

66. Hop Balls Adult Jumping Ball

From Refinery29: “This is a toy that will get you arrested for playing in public.” Still, looks like fun.

67. SkyMall Posture Corrector

From Refinery29: “Like a firm hand on your back forcing you to sit up straighter — all the time.” Doesn’t look comfortable.

68. Lillian Vernon Knit Sweater and Hat Bottle Toppers

Refinery29: “Transform that tacky bottle of three-buck Chuck you’re gifting this season into the most festive bunch of barrel-chested revelers you ever did see!” Perfect for any ugly sweater party. Or not.

69. Oscar Mayer Bacon Gift Set

From Refinery29: “Who wouldn’t want a handsome, velveteen box — with engraved money clip or 9-in-1 tool — just bursting with sodium nitrate?” Uh, me.

70. Dance and Embrace Spirit Candles

From Refinery29: “Don’t you love when the lights are out, you’re burning your favorite candle, and it slowly melts to reveal a cluster of wraiths trapped in a ghostly embrace?” Okay, that’s really creepy.

71. High Heel Tape Dispenser

The office gift exchange item that enhances your desk’s tackiness. Still, I really don’t know what to think of this.

72. 12 Inch Classic Dammit Doll

It’s for stress relief which you can squeeze. Yet, in an age of Trump, you better go with a voodoo doll.

73. Ant Lollipops

They’re pastel lollipops with ants in them. Try licking these without wanting to puke.

74. Babe Cave Pillow

Because while a guy has his man cave, a woman needs a space of her own. Still, this is pretty tacky.

75. Bathroom Guest Book

That way, you can always know which people outside your home use the bathroom. Still, this is something I’d want if I have celebrities at my home.

76. Brooklyn Pet House

Now your pet can experience the blessings of overpriced housing. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

77. Bar Bell

Think of it as a lazy way to get someone to serve you a drink. But ring too many times and they’ll refuse.

78. Bear Mop Slippers

That way, you can clean the floors as you walk. They may be cute, but would anyone ask for these?

79. “I Pee in Pools” Cap

A great way to remind your friend why you don’t invite them to pool parties anymore. Though a cap of “I Poop in Pools” would be worse.

80. Public Toilet Survival Kit

Includes disposable gloves, antiseptic wipes, and a toilet seat cover. Perfect for the germaphobe in your life.

81. Dog Vomit Scented Candle

For nothing refreshes the room like your dog puking on the floor. Disgusting.

82. Richard Simmons Prayer Candle

Now you can light a candle to worship the patron saint of fitness. Though that might make your loved one say, “Who’s Richard Simmons?”

83. Inflatable Beard

Sure it’s supposed to make a man look like a Civil War general. Well, a Civil War general from cheap battle reenactment.

84. Instant Underpants

Just add water and you have a new pair of tidy whiteys. Actually, I’m not sure if this works.

85. Lisa Frank Makeup Brush

It’s basically the kind of makeup brush every young woman wanted when she was 6. She may like it, but is getting this a good idea?

86. Medical Marijuana Cigar Box

The kind of box you use to sneak some of those joints in. Except in Colorado, Washington State, and Massachusetts.

87. Biohazard Tape Dispenser

It’s for getting people to stay away from the messes you make. Like when your dog pukes on the carpet. Or does its business on the carpet.

88. Paris Hilton Siren Eau De Parfum Spray

Remember Paris Hilton? Here’s a perfume of hers. Prepare to reek of rich bitch with no brains or talent.

89. Paper Voodoo Doll

Because why stick pins into a doll while you can use a pencil for a paper one. Perfect for anyone suffering through the Trump administration. Like me.

90. Cast Away Wilson Volleyball

For the friend who lives far removed from civilization that he’s willing to make conversation with inanimate objects. Based on the Tom Hanks movie.

91. Nicholas Cage Rainbow Pillow

Yes, we all love to make fun of Nic Cage. He just has that intense stare. Though his career has never recovered since the 1990s.

92. Bear Oven Mitts

For a real beast in the kitchen. Good for protecting hands as well as letting everyone know who really gets the cookies.

93. Bigfoot Research Kit

Includes everything you need to find Sasquatch. Consists of stickers, a membership card, evidence flags, booklet, magnifier, seat bags, and more. Like you’ll ever find the guy.

94. Silk Suit Pajamas

Now your man can be ready for business time and bed. Though the sweat band kind of detracts.

95. Illumibowl Motion Activated Bathroom Light

So if you have to go at night, you don’t need to turn on the light in the bathroom. Useful but not desirable.

96. Splat Stan Coaster

From White Elephant Rules: “This rubber coaster makes it look like you’re crushing a little man with your coffee cup. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?”

97. Tiffany’s Crazy Straw

These are crazy straws for adults which costs $350. Certainly a rip off for the ages.

98. Throne Spray

From B+C: “As the dudes at Manready Mercantile describe, the idea behind this product was to ‘keep restrooms smelling like royalty.’ One question: When did restrooms ever smell like royalty? All reasonable questions aside, this citrus-inspired scent would be a welcome change in the loo.”

99. Weener Kleener Soap

It’s a man soap for his privates. A subtle way to tell your boyfriend that he has sweaty, smelly, and grimy junk.

100. The Very Best of David Hasselhoff CD

Since when did David Hasselhoff have a music career? Nevertheless, it probably sounds as good as anything by William Shatner or Terry Bradshaw.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas, on Vintage Christmas Cards (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 5, 2017

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Another familiar Christmas tradition that has endured is the Christmas card which people still send to each other during the holiday season. Though not to the same degree they once did like in the Victorian Era which saw the earliest ones. Actually the Victorian Era was a time when Christmas really became a big deal in much of the western world. Now some of these cards might evoke the kind of Christmas ideals you might imagine in a Dickens novel. But some of these seem to defy all explanation. Others will totally creep you out. Whereas many will embody both characteristics. Then there are some from the early 1900s that don’t do much better. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy vintage Christmas cards your great grandparents didn’t want you to see.

These cat musicians bring you tidings of good cheer.

Though to be honest, would you really want to listen to cats sing? Didn’t think so.

2. Christmas is the time of year to call your wife a prize package.

Though calling one’s wife a “prize package” seems kind of sexist. Well, as far as this card is concerned.

3. Santa wishes you a Merry Christmas by jet.

Okay, this is from a Soviet card. But still, this makes Santa look rather Godzilla sized. Guess reindeer magic can only go so far.

4. “Hurrah for Jolly Christmas, with all sorts of toys!”

However, I wouldn’t say the same for the goose. Since it’s being chased by a bunch of kids. One of whom wields a knife.

5. While ice skating, you’ll find Santa under the mistletoe.

Look, I know what mistletoe means in these vintage things. The answer is “No.”

6. “Care to sit on my lap, sweetie?”

I don’t like where Santa has his finger on this kid. Dear Lord, someone please call the police!

7. Compliments of the season from a monkey painting a dog’s portrait.

Well, at least the dog stands like a statue. However, I don’t see monkeys as having much artistic talent. But you never know.

8. Santa salutes those in space.

Another Soviet Christmas card. Nevertheless, note how the cosmonaut’s riding the rocket.

9. Merry Christmas from the cats on the bed.

And it seems like the dark cat wants to get frisky. But the white cat has other ideas. Also, are undressing?

10. May cycling owls bestow on you warm Christmas greetings.

Why do owls need to be on bikes to deliver stuff? Couldn’t they just fly? The ones on Harry Potter do just that.

11. Best wishes for Christmas from the beach.

Why the hell would you include sea creatures on Christmas cards? Doesn’t really make sense.

12. “A merry Christmas day!/Happy, bright, and gay!/Fortune guard you aye,/Like a brave dog Tray!”

Seems like this dog doesn’t seem too happy. More like disgusted over not getting the best table scraps.

13. Season’s greetings from a dog who likes to stay informed.

Apparently, he’s checking on the racing stats. He reportedly has money on the Fresno Stud.

14. For the best presents, always hang a large stocking at your bed for Santa.

Note that she’s holding a whip just in case Santa doesn’t give her what she wants. Like a doll mansion.

15. “May your Xmas be as bright as purest gold.”

But somehow, you have kangaroos mining and panning for it in Australia. And I’m sure they’re getting paid pennies a day for their troubles.

16. Speaking of kangaroos, some of them possess significant artistic talent.

Also, get a load on those hopping slippers. Still, these two gentlemen animals enjoy their smoking breaks.

17. Apparently, they don’t seem to make Christmas movies like they used to.

And you thought movies inspired trauma and nightmares now. Here we have a guy with a knife chasing a goose. Evidently it’s fun for the whole family.

18. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” like a dead messenger moth.

Okay, the inscription is quite unsettling since it involves a moth being a go-between and dying of exhaustion. How is that supposed to be merry, I have no idea.

19. “Every good wish for your Christmas” from frogs in boots with umbrellas.

Sure those frogs seem like they’re about to enter a line of fire. But the umbrellas kill the badass pose from there.

20. Flower children wish you a happy Christmas.

By “flower children” we mean flowers with kids’ heads on them. You know what nightmares are made of.

21. “Wishing you a merry Christmas” from two insect musicians.

Something tells me that the bee and the grasshopper will never be seen again after this. Because the bird will most definitely eat them.

22. Even Satan himself sends his regards on Christmas.

This card basically says, “I’m too broke to give you a present so I’ll send this instead.” Let’s hope this isn’t addressed to a close family member or significant other.

23. “A right merry Christmas for you” from a couple of circus clowns.

Guess this is a scene from the Victorian Era rendition of It. And I guess this is a 19th century Pennywise who’s even scarier.

24. You should always wish everyone a “Merry Christmas” even when being chased by island natives.

Boy, this evokes racist and colonialist stereotypes on all kinds of levels. I’m sure the natives are suggested to be cannibals on here.

25. “With love and good wishes for a happy Christmas,” from a bunch of drenched toys.

Seems like a rather politically incorrect version of Toy Story. And yes, there’s the blackface Golliwog who’s basically a racist caricature.

26. Santa makes a toast for Christmas.

Go home, Santa Claus. You seem like you’ve drunk too much wine. No wonder so many kids get the wrong present.

27. A black cat always looks forward to Christmas pudding.

Comment from Bored Panda reads: “Plot twist: the “beloved” family cat, namely ‘Mr. Bartholemeow Giggly-Bumpkins’, ate the original pudding as the oblivious humans enjoyed their hearty Christmas dinner, and in its place he put a pile of his pudding-excrement-filled cat litter, in order to finally take revenge on the humans for giving him such an atrocious name!”

28. Christmas greetings from the one who can’t get out of their shell.

This seems more appropriate for Easter than Christmas. Wonder if this is the unfortunate lovechild of Humpty Dumpty and Mother Goose.

29. “A jolly Christmas” to those who aren’t having the best of it.

So a kid falls into a frozen lake and is probably suffering from hypothermia. And this is jolly? Also why aren’t the other two kids helping him?

30. “While Christmas is here, be all of good cheer.”

Though I’m not sure how kids can smile while hauling large logs in the snow for the fire. But in Victorian times, child labor was rampant. Poor kids.

31. “Christmas greetings for the sake of Auld Lang Syne.”

For nothing inspires “Peace on Earth” like a Scottish soldier in a kilt uniform wielding a gun attached with a bayonet. Gives you an idea when it was made.

32. Even Santa likes to deck the halls with bows of holly.

Okay, that’s guaranteed to haunt your dreams. Doesn’t help that he’s making a list and checking it twice.

33. Apparently, babies aren’t spared from the Krampus’s wrath.

Those poor little tots. Seems like the Krampus is going to put them to the pitchfork. That’ll sure induce lifelong trauma.

34. Better be good for goodness sake, kids, or else the Krampus will kidnap and torture you.

Yes, kids, if you act like a brat, the Krampus will subject you to this. And no, your screams won’t save you.

35. Nobody is safe when the Krampus visits.

This seems straight from a horror movie. And yes, he’s already got at least one kid. So hide if you can.

36. Merry Christmas from Frosty the Snowman.

Why is Frosty warming himself by the fire? You what that will do to him. I mean fire practically melts him. Seriously, this doesn’t make sense.

37. Apparently, Santa has ditched the sleigh for rocket travel.

And he seems to bring helpers, too. But they seem to resemble garden gnomes.

38. Christmas time is always time for carols.

Though I’d almost think she’s singing to Cats. “Memory, all alone in the moon light…”

39. Rabbits and owls always enjoy playing games on Christmas.

Though if you know anything about nature, you know this won’t end well. Mostly because owls see rabbits as prey.

40. Children always wish good cheer to all on Christmas.

Though the kid is dressed like the Grim Reaper. And it seems more likely to inspire nightmares than good cheer.

41. Pine cone Santa wishes you a merry Christmas.

Yet, he’s putting a nut in his sack. No doubt this was made under the influence of drugs.

42. Nothing says Christmas like clowns terrorizing you at the barbershop.

And you wonder why people are afraid of clowns. These two are just cutting his hair and applying paste to his chin. Innocent fun? Certainly not. This is terrifying.

43. This year, the rats celebrate Christmas feasting on a dead cat.

Think about a Tom and Jerry cartoon straight from a horror movie. Apparently to these guys, Christmas is about taking revenge on one’s enemies.

44. “Merry Christmas to you” from the kid building his fort.”

Sure the cat may look on now. But once the guy’s away, it’ll topple the boy’s creation.

45. Naked man likes to wish you a merry Christmas.

Still, he should at least put something on. After all, we all know most dress codes usually operate on a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.

46. Christmas parties are always a fun time.

“Not now, Herman, people will see us. Let’s just wait until they’re dancing and then we’ll do it.”

47. Now your little one can have their own Krampus plush toy.

Because some children want to bask into the dark side of Christmas. Still, this is just messed up.

48. Sometimes on Christmas you may have little Asian people serve you while you’re sleeping.

Talk about depicting racist attitudes under the influence of drugs. Not sure how this card came to exist. Also, what’s with the onion?

49. Santa Claus wishes you a Merry Christmas.

Bet these kids are like, “Please don’t come near us! You’re scaring us!” Talk about a hostage situation.

50. Children are always excited for Christmas coming.

Though seeing them wearing signs with emotionless faces gives me the creeps. Santa better give them presents or there will be hell to pay.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Vintage Christmas Album Covers (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 3, 2017

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After Thanksgiving, it’s not unusual to hear Christmas music played in stores as well as on several radio stations. And if you work in the service industry, you’re probably sick of hearing Christmas songs already, especially if they make your ears bleed. Of course, you may also see an array of Christmas albums by some of your favorite recording artists who worked on them during the summer. In some ways, recording a Christmas album might seem like a good idea. After all, some artists have recorded songs that have become holiday classics. Yet, other times a Christmas album might come across as a way to make money and will probably end up in the discount rack at a store near you. Nevertheless, as with any albums, Christmas albums come in a wide variety of covers. Some of them could seem tame like the Johnny Mathis cover above. But others come in covers that are hysterically tacky or in very poor taste. And in that case, you might wonder why anyone though such a design was a good idea. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy Christmas album covers.

Gisele MacKenzie: Christmas with Gisele

Apparently, the dogs seem to have others ideas. Also, is she hugging a fur coat?

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas with your dogs.

2. RuPaul: Ho Ho Ho

I’m sure this yuletide drag routine is fine for RuPaul’s Drag Race. But for a Christmas album? Not so much. Also, the title doesn’t help matters either.

Evidently, RuPaul has tried to make forays into the Christmas music scene.

3. Yoko Ono: An Xmas Message from Yoko 1991

This doesn’t seem to be very Christmasy. Nothing here seems to inspire good cheer at all. Just a vast blackness.

Yoko would like to say something for the holiday season.

4. Bette Midler: Cool Yule

Bette Midler looks as if she’s about select tributes on Reaping Day. Not celebrate Christmas.

Didn’t know that Bette Midler was a fan of the Hunger Games.

5. God Jul Onskar

Though Towa couldn’t seem to eke a smile since a fly had been buzzing around her. This was the best she could do.

The whole gang would like to wish you holiday greetings.

6. Liberace: Christmas at Liberace’s

Then again, Santa was probably expecting a gaudy palace. And he was disappointed that he came to surprisingly normal furnishings.

Somehow Santa Claus wasn’t impressed by Liberace’s Christmas decorations.

7. John Travolta and Olivia Newton John: This Christmas

Guess the chemistry they had in Grease has evaporated. Also, is that John’s real hair?

I guess this is the Grease reunion none of us wanted.

8. Jingle Cats: Here Comes Santa Claws

Can’t believe you’d find another cat singing album. Still, the cat on the guitar is hilarious.

For those wanting to listen to cats screeching to holiday favorites, this is for you.

9. The Clancy Brothers: Christmas

Don’t seem to have any Christmas decorations here. But you have a couple glaring Irish stereotypes.

There’s nothing better than spending Christmas in an Irish pub.

10. Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors: Horny Holidays

Yeah, that guy seems more suited for a sex offender list than a Christmas album cover. And no, the Santa hat and beard doesn’t help.

Merry Christmas, from your local neighborhood sexual deviant.

11. Bob Ward: Merry Christmas, Especially for You

No, I don’t think the girls like Bob from accounting because he plays the organ. Rather it’s because he spends his lunch breaks creeping in the ladies room.

Because nothing makes the holidays like a creepy bald guy playing Christmas music on his organ.

12. A Brass Band Christmas

I’m sure the music is good. But depicting instruments as cartoon characters is more appropriate for a kids’ album.

We all know how brass guys stick together during the holidays.

13. Afroman: Jobe Bells

Though I do think seeing the reindeer with a cigarette is quite amusing. Then again, maybe that explains the look on Santa’s face.

Apparently, this Santa’s breaking all the rules.

14. Bob Kames: Organ and Chimes

From Music Radar: “As far as we know, this is the only one that looks like a carefully posed backwoods murder scene.” Caption reads: “Bob Kames, now in the Black Lodge forever.”

For Christmas would never be without a small decorated tree in the woods.

15. Anne Sofie von Otter: Home for Christmas

From Classic FM: “OK, so there’s a massive ghost version of ASVO, a creepy beach scene and a child on some sort of weird camping chair being pushed by an unknown adult. If that’s Christmas in the Otter household, we dread to think what happens at New Year.”

Christmas is always about spending time with family.

16. Bad Religion: Christmas Songs

Though why a boy would be exhilarated to receive a new pair of loafers is beyond me. Seriously, that’s a face of a boy who gets an Xbox.

After all, Christmas is about the joy of giving.

17. Canadian Brass: Christmas Time Is Here

From Classic FM: “We can’t fault the repertoire on this album, but the horrifying cover art is all over the place. And you’d think they’d get cold, gaily larking about on that incredibly realistic ice rink.”

Apparently, their rendition of A Charlie Brown Christmas wasn’t a rousing success.

18. Cheeky Girls: Have a Cheeky Christmas

From Official Charts: “It’s never inappropriate for two grown women to straddle a man dressed as Santa, is it?” Either way, Santa doesn’t seem to mind.

Apparently, Santa thinks these two have been very good this year.

19. Kiri Te Kanawa: Christmas with Kiri Te Kanawa

From Classic FM: “Dame Kiri is so excited about Christmas this year that she’s decided to wear nothing but Christmas decorations.” Kind of makes sense.

On Christmas it helps if a diva always shimmers.

20. Christmas with the Choral Scholars of King’s College, Cambridge

From Classic FM: “What do you mean we forgot to do the album artwork? Oh never mind, just knock something together with MS Paint, no-one will know. Clip-art’s really popular now anyway.”

Enjoy the season with the sound from the Cambridge University choir.

21. Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton: Once Upon a Christmas

From Music Radar: “This country coming-together is a spin-off from another Christmas special, CBS’ Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember from 1984. It’s also the exact moment at which Dolly Parton stopped aging – that mounted reindeer shows more wear from the last quarter century than the miniature dynamo.”

For nothing makes a country Christmas during the 1980s like a collaboration album with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

22. Dapper Laughs: Proper Naughty Xmas

From Official Charts: “We don’t really have much to say about this absolute monstrosity but you can’t keep using ‘it’s cold’ as an excuse, Dapper…”

Please tell me that guy’s at least wearing underwear.

23. Donny Osmond: Christmas at Home

Donny Osmond here seems like he’d rather spend the holidays outside in the freezing cold than spend time with his family. And we thought the Osmonds were a happy bunch.

There’s no place like home for the holidays, unless perhaps you’re Donny Osmond.

24. Evie: Come on, Ring Those Bells

That way, if you don’t want to snuggle with her, she’ll hack you to pieces and feed you to the fire. Now isn’t that nice?

Evie always enjoys spending Christmas by warm fire.

25. Explosivo Tropical Bristol

And you can definitely see he tan lines as the tinsel and ornaments cover her naughty bits. Still, I’m sure this is part of a marketing ploy.

Season’s greetings from some hotel room in Mexico for some reason.

26. Fast Food Rockers: I Love Christmas

What do you mean this was from 2003? And it reached 25 on the charts? They also have a music video on YouTube which appears straight out of an acid trip. And yes, it’s as bad as you think.

For we all know how winter’s the perfect time for 1980s cartoon cosplay.

27. Hanson: Snowed In

Seems like these guys got caught up in the Christmas lights. Thankfully, they didn’t suffer any injuries. But none seem happy about it.

Who knew that these Hanson brothers sucked at Christmas decorating?

28. Hollywood Bowl Symphony Orchestra: Great Orchestral Music of Christmas

Apparently, while Santa bestows presents to all the girls and boys, he also tends to kidnap a few of them. Yes, definitely an album cover to induce trauma and nightmares.

There’s always a certain nostalgia with meeting Santa at the mall while on a bad LSD trip.

29. Ice-T: Christmas with Ice-T

Even Santa thinks this is ridiculous. Yeah, Ice-T, I think you’re an embarrassment by this point.

Uh, Ice-T, I think you’re way too old to sit on Santa’s lap.

30. Woody Phillips: A Toolbox Christmas

From Music Radar: “The cover to this gourd music monster looks like a soft-focus snuff movie before the messy part begins. The noise is even worse: it sounds a bit like real music, in the same way a tongueless dog howling at the moon sounds like a trained choirist. See?”

After all, why tinker in the garage without hearing the sounds of the holidays?

31. Jimi Hendrix: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Still, he doesn’t seem to wear the Santa suit well. Then again, this seems like a contractual obligation.

Hendrix had a Christmas album? Wonder what that sounds like.

32. Sing Along with Marcy: Christmas with Marcy

Though she could just as easily throw her cat on her lap into the fire. Don’t think this album’s full of good cheer at all.

Christmas is a time of year when you snuggle with your loved ones by the fire.

33. Motorhead: Ace of Spades Christmas Edition

One of these Santas is giving the finger. And no, you don’t want to know what’s under their robes. Also, is that cage in the background?

This year, Santa’s on the naughty list.

34. Mr. Hankey: Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics

Though to be fair, there are a lot of shitty Christmas albums out there. It’s just this one’s sung by a someone who knows he’s crap.

Nothing says Christmas like music coming from a literal turd.

35. New Kids on the Block: Merry, Merry Christmas

Though one of these guys looks as if he’s getting strangled by his scarf. Way to go, guys.

New Kids on the Block always enjoy sledding during the holidays.

36. A Christmas Gift for You from Philles Records

This is said to be 142 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of all time. However, since it was produced by Phil Spector, the imagery seems rather unsettling in hindsight. Because we all know that Spector would later go to prison for murder.

Each of their groups comes literally gift wrapped.

37. Joe Gibbs Family of Artists: Reggae Christmas

Yet, instead of decorating a Christmas tree, Jamaicans use a pot plant, which kind of works. Okay, maybe not. Still, is it any wonder why we associate reggae music with marijuana?

Apparently, Christmas is a very high time in Jamaica.

38. Scott Weiland: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It seems like this guy’s in a dark alley to get some bootleg albums for his family. Doesn’t seem to have a smile emanating good cheer.

Though Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, his expression says otherwise.

39. Ringo Starr: I Wanna Be Santa Claus

From Music Radar: “Keeping up the collaborative theme, the album art was apparently designed through a colouring competition in McDonalds.” Also, this is from 1999?

Sorry, Ringo, but you seem to look more like the Grinch.

40. Tavin Pumarejo with his Tuna Fish: Trullando en Navidad

I’m not sure waht that has to do with Christmas. But I won’t be surprise if he’s tripping balls by now.

There’s nothing like Christmas like spending time with your dear uh, tuna fish.

41. Horacio Samalot: La Trifuca

To be fair, I’m sure this album was made somewhere in Latin America. But still, Santa and the 3 Wise Men? That can’t be right.

Santa always enjoys to play outside with the Three Wise Men for some reason.

42. Charlie the Hamster with Floyd Robinson: Charlie the Hamster Sing Christmas Songs with Floyd Robinson

There they are in the back of Santa’s sleigh. And it seems that Santa just took notice.

Great we have a Christmas album sung by a hamster.

43. Jul med Yngve Stoor

However, he appears to be sporting a sunburn while he’s playing a guitar. Also, no one wants to see him in a swimsuit.

Santa always enjoys riding the waves in the Pacific.

44. The Most Fabulous Classical Christmas Album Ever

From Classic FM: “We know, we know, it’s not right to play the ‘highbrow’ card when it comes to classical music. But really. Poodles? A sun with a face on it? A sequined sack with a cello coming out of it? Many, many composers are turning in their graves.”

For nothing makes a classical Christmas like a woman in a short dress and poodles on the roof.

45. Howdy Doody’s Christmas Party

Howdy Doody was a popular kid’s show in the 1950s. Though I totally understand if you think it was a horror show with killer clowns and dolls that would haunt your dreams.

Enjoy Christmas with Howdy Doody and his friends, kids.

46. The Yobs: Christmas Album

I’m sure this is kind of intentional. Still, it’s guaranteed to at least offend someone, which is kind of the point.

Seems like these guys are doing everything to get on the naughty list.

47. Christmas Dubstep

Looking at this, you’d think the North Pole was run the same way as the Playboy Mansion. Also, I don’t think yuletide lingerie can keep you from freezing to death in sub zero temperature. But Santa likes what he sees.

Kind of traumatizing to see Santa’s workshop as a sex dungeon.

48. Vienna Boys Choir: Christmas in Vienna

From Classic FM: “You know, this one wouldn’t be so bad if they actually looked like they were enjoying themselves. Even the dog looks clinically fed-up.”

Though the Vienna Boys themselves don’t seem quite merry this time.

49. Kim Se-Hwan: Merry Christmas

From Music Radar: “Normally, skiing without a helmet is considered dangerous, but Kim’s side parting is resin-coated and is strong enough to withstand bullets even when fired from close range.”

You can’t have Christmas in South Korea without some tinsel.

50. Rotary Connection: Peace

Okay, those heads are photoshopped to dolls. Guaranteed to inspire some yuletide nightmares during the season. Yeah, that really creeps me out.

Let’s hope those people on Santa’s lap are elves.

Deck the Halls with These Christmas Craft Projects (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 2, 2017

No matter where you go during the Christmas season, you’re bound to find places all decked up for the holidays. Hell, you see stores all decorated for the holidays after Halloween in anticipation for Black Friday. Yet, even before then, you’ll see stores selling Christmas decorations. Nevertheless, Christmas decorations come in several varieties according to one’s taste. Some are indeed flashy. Some may be more suited for a rustic cabin. Some are cute and kid friendly. While some might be more appropriate for an ugly sweater party. But there are some people who prefer to make their own decorations for their holiday home. Or they may use decorations they or their kids made in previous years. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of creative Christmas craft projects. Enjoy.

How about a cork Rudolph on your Christmas tree?

Sure it’s quite small. But it’s nonetheless endearing to those who look at it.

2. A Christmas bauble wreath will shine in any holiday home.

This one is more pink and green than red and green. But it works.

3. Nothing smells as sweet on Christmas like peppermint trees.

Comes in 2 sizes. But both have their own pots and red ribbons.

4. Celebrate the season with a wood block nativity scene.

Sure it might look a bit unconventional. But if you have kids, it’s safe for them to play with.

5. Curl up on a winter’s night with this Snowman quilt.

He may not have corn cob pipe. But this Frosty the Snowman is in his Christmas finest.

6. Bring holiday cheer to your Christmas tree with these pearly snowflakes.

Of course, the pearl beads aren’t real. But they’ll go well with a chilly reception.

7. These snowman pail will always plant seeds of joy.

Okay, they’re flower pots with pail handles. But each one has a rather unique expression.

8. Nothing brings the holiday spirit like these pallet candles.

Though don’t put these near the fireplace. Since wood is rather flammable.

9. A rustic Christmas basket is exactly what you need for your holiday home.

This one contains berries, branches, pinecones, and lights. Perfect for any yuletide cabin.

10. There’s nothing that smittens like felt ornament mittens.

Sure they’re probably more decorative. But they nonetheless have their own unique charm.

11. You’ll always be safe with this soldier around.

this one is made out of flower pots as an outdoor decoration. Though I wouldn’t want to put it on my front porch.

12. Light up your home with these snowflake bottle lights.

Available in green, red, and blue. Yet, each one is decorated in a winter theme.

13. Nobody could resist a stocking covered in buttons.

Consists of Christmas trees and yellow stars. A charming addition for any fireplace.

14. Don’t have snow to build a snowman? Use logs instead.

Not exactly in the wintry spirit. But hey, it works. Not to mention, you can use these again next year.

15. Welcome your yuletide guests with a yarn ball winter wreath.

This one has yarn balls of every shade of white, gray, and brown. Along with a few snowflakes, of course.

16. Celebrate the season with a Santa burlap wreath.

This one just consist of white burlap and a Santa hat. Just simple to make as that.

17. Make your home festive with a Christmas chandelier.

Well, if you have a chandelier in your home, why not decorate it? Then again, step ladders aren’t always steady.

18. If you’re old fashioned, you might want to go with some crocheted angels.

Available in pink, yellow, and blue. Great either for centerpieces or tree toppers.

19. Have your little one cuddle with this amigurumi reindeer.

Sure it may not be Rudolph. But it’s nonetheless adorable for the holidays.

20. Light up the season with this light up marquee.

Sure it makes a rather grand impression. But you have to love the candy cane stripes.

21. Dress your little snowflake like Frosty in this tutu costume.

Comes with a crocheted scarf and hat. But she’ll certainly adore this as far as I know.

22. You’ll be transported to a winter wonderland with this wreath.

This one is quite fuzzy. But you have to admire the deer among the trees.

23. You’d find berries a plenty on this wreath.

Even includes a red flower with branches. Wonderful for any holiday home.

24. Got too many gift bows? How about make a wreath?

This one consists of bows in green, red, and white. They may not be essential as gift wrap. But they’re not half bad.

25. Bring tidings of comfort and joy with these Santa baskets.

Each one of these has a Santa face with hat fastener. Perfect for under the tree.

26. Hang your merry mail on this wooden card holder.

Just consists of a wooden board with string and clothespins. If you have many cards, this is the board for you.

27. For a more rustic charm, you can’t do wrong with this sled.

You might not sled with this. But you have to love how it’s painted in red and white.

28. Snuggle during the holidays with these snowflake cushions.

These are in shiny red with a snowflake on it. Not sure if it goes with the chair though.

29. Bring in the season with these holiday sheep.

They’re knitted with a small ornament around their necks. Quite invented and adorable.

30. Keep your home minty fresh with this candy cane wreath.

Consists of mini candy canes and small baubles. Like the ribbon in the front.

31. Grace your coffee table with this log candle holder.

This just consists of a long log with small candles on it. And you have some branches, pinecones, and berries underneath.

32. Place your pot on this crocheted Santa hot pad.

Kind of seems like a flattened Santa for some reason. Though it has a certain charm to it.

33. Make your home a winter wonderland with this yarn wreath.

Decorated with snowflakes and buttons. Contains snowballs and a large snowflake in the center.

34. A wreath with a pair of skates should always go with a sled.

Looks great against the tree. Comes with pinecones and a burlap bow.

35. Perhaps you might want a small nativity scene.

Consists of Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and a sheep. And the figures are all made of felt.

36. Bring in the festive holiday season with this pallet box train under your tree.

Even includes a candy cane smokestack and peppermint wheels. Perfect for outdoors on the porch.

37. For holiday shimmer perhaps add a wire angel to your tree.

Consists of gold wire with shiny beads. And yes, it’s a rather pretty Christmas ornament.

38. A festive holiday home should always have a decomesh bauble wreath at the door.

Consists of baubles and silver string. Certainly shines for the holiday season doesn’t it?

39. Nothing captivates your family like these wooden Christmas figures.

These are made of wooden balls and wear red felt hats. And yes, they’re quite cute.

40. A jewelry Christmas tree will shine on your wall.

Consists of gold and pearls against a white background. Love it.

41. Be a maven in the kitchen in these Christmas aprons.

Comes with a child size snowman one for your favorite little helper. Still, you have to adore the Christmas tree design.

42. You can have a Christmas tree anywhere. Even on your wall.

Well, at least that’s a show of creativity. Just put a bunch of wall stuff in the form of a Christmas tree.

43. Every holiday bouquet should come with pinecones.

Don’t forget the glistening leaves, too. Sure they are no flowers. But what kind of flower do you associate Christmas with anyway? Well, besides the poinsettia.

44. Make your bannister the ultimate penguin slide.

Couldn’t do that at my house. But you have to adore all the penguins having fun. So cute.

45. You won’t get a chilly reception with these snowmen.

Yes, it just consists of their heads. But you have to admire the hat and scarves.

46. Have your guests hang their coat on these hooks.

It’s a wooden sign that says “Merry Christmas.” And it consists of red and green blocks.

47. A Christmas tree dress should come in all the trimmings.

Yes, I’m bringing in these on my post again. Yet, at least this one is rather color coordinated.

48. A jeweled Christmas tree should always have shiny stones.

This one has pairs of earrings on a velvet background. Love the star on top and the belt buckle base.

49. There’s nothing festive on Christmas like a peacock wreath.

Decorated with baubles, feathers, and fake plants. Great for anyone hosting a Christmas party.

50. These pallet trees will always stand out.

Consists of different configurations. Though I like the one with the revers chevrons.

51. A stunning snowflake should always have 6 points.

This one has beads on wires. But it’s perfect for any Christmas tree.

52. Perhaps you’d like these candy cane pillars in your winter wonderland?

The pillars have red and striped baubles of varying size. The planter contains small red and white ones though.

53. Nothing celebrates the Christmas spirit like an evergreen snowflake wreath.

I know you might think it’s strange. But you can almost make anything with an evergreen garland.

54. Always let it snow with this winter wreath.

This one has a sled that says “Let It Snow” along with snowflakes. Like the white ribbon.

55. There’s something minty about this wreath.

Well, it’s a wreath with peppermints on it. Doesn’t mean you can eat these candies though. In fact, you shouldn’t if they have glue on them.

56. Let your little elf cuddle with this crocheted snowman.

He’s clad in a vest, scarf, and Santa hat. Love the snowflakes on his green feet.

57. A snowball wreath is perfect for a winter’s day.

Well, the snowballs are most likely made from styrofoam. But the red ribbon gives a nice holiday touch.

58. Check out this lit up Santa sign.

And yes, it carries Santa’s catchphrase, “Ho, Ho, Ho.” Love the lights.

59. Celebrate the reason for the season with this peg doll nativity scene.

The three kings seem to have tiaras in this one. Still, these are so cute.

60. You’d need a heart of ice to resist this polar bear on the back of this chair.

This one has a Santa hat, holly, and a scarf. But you just want to hug it.

61. Wish everyone a “Merry Christmas” with these pine cone trees.

These just consist of pinecones with stars on them. And each one has its own pot.

62. Don’t forget to decorate your Christmas tree.

This tree is made with baubles within a frame. And yes, they’re all shiny and in different colors.

63. No winter wonderland is complete without a wreath like this.

Contains white berries, pinecones, and frosted branches. Great for any snowy day.

64. Your guests will be delighted with this Christmas window.

Sure the snowmen are painted. But you have to admit who doesn’t want to see these guys?

65. Perhaps a wreath can do with a plaid bow or two.

May look suited for a rustic cabin. Got to love the branches and pine cones.

66. Celebrate the season with this unconventional Advent calendar.

This one consists of pails with a little surprise in each one. The last one has a golden present.

67. You might be charmed with this Christmas pallet.

This one has a snowman and a star along with the words “Do you see what I see?” Great for any home.

68. Your kitchen is a winter wonderland with this muffin tin.

This is painted red with snowmen. Not for actual muffins but cute.

69. A decomesh snowman wreath won’t give you a frosty reception.

You’ll find it has a corn cob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal. Though don’t expect it to come alive with a silk hat.

70. Don’t like wreaths? Hang this candy cane on your door.

This one has baubles and ribbons. Made with an evergreen branch.

71. Got old socks? Make snowmen out of them.

Each one has a little sock hat. Love the scarves. So adorable.

72. A ribbon and a couple flowers go well on a grapevine Christmas wreath.

Well, the ribbon and burlap wrap around the grapevine wreath. Includes pine cones and branches.

73. A red ribbon and jeweled belt buckle go well on a glass candle holder.

Well, certainly makes for a flashy Christmas decoration. Goes well on a table.

74. You’d love to be snowed in with these shutters.

All these shutters are white with scarves and black hats. And yes, they’re the most adorable assortment you’ll see.

75. Count down to Christmas with this felt Advent calendar.

Each day has an image related to the yuletide season. And you have Santa for Christmas Eve.

76. Don’t like wreaths? Why not hang some painted skates?

This pair depicts 2 different snowmen. Okay, one has a snowman. The other has a snow woman.

77. A Christmas wreath should always have some bundled branches.

This one contains some berries and pine cones, too. Love the ribbon though.

78. Every holiday kitchen matron should wear her own gingerbread apron.

Has a striped outfit with polka dot bows. Perfect for anyone who cooks Christmas dinner.

79. Perhaps I might interest you with a square Christmas wreath?

Other than the shape, seems to resemble a regular Christmas wreath. The red really stands out on this one.

80. Nothing makes your holidays bright like this painted dining chair.

This one’s painted blue with 3 snowmen. Contains holly leaves and berries on the back.

81. A snowman on a pallet always needs lights.

This one has an evergreen garland along a red pallet. Snowman looks sort of faded near the nose.

82. Dress your fireplace with this garland of baubles.

This is a rather colorful garland. Guaranteed to be a hit for festive Christmas parties.

83. With this branch hanging, you can put your family portraits.

And it seems that this one has 5 immediate members. Yet, you have to admire the baubles on this thing.

84. Care for a Christmas tree sled?

Though don’t use it to slide down a hill in the snow. Still, love the green.

85. You’ll always have a winter wonderland with this snow glass block.

You can even put lights in this like this one. And they certainly make the snowflakes stand out.

86. I’m sure you guests will be pleased with this Santa hanging.

Not sure what this is made of. But it certainly has a rustic feel to go well in any cottage.

87. Instead of a traditional wreath, perhaps go with a large poinsettia flower?

Though poinsettias are only seen during the Christmas season. Nevertheless, you have to love the petals and center.

88. With this Christmas wreath, you’ll find plenty of white berries.

Well, it at least gives an impression of snow. But you have to admire the bow.

89. This Christmas, you might want to hang some baubles to a frame.

And the baubles have snowflakes on them. Comes with a red frame and a green bow.

90. How about a Christmas tree made from twigs?

You’ll find plenty of decorations on here, too. Some of them appear to be small baubles for some reason.

91. You can’t have a Christmas bauble wreath without some snowflakes.

Sure it’s more suited for a winter theme. But it’s perfect for any winter wonderland.

92. You can count the days to Christmas with this Advent calendar.

This one is a simple red board with numbers inscribed. Just use a dry erase when you circle the day.

93. There’s nothing more festive during the holidays like a feathery Christmas tree.

Goes well with the snow. It’s a fine addition to any holiday home. Like the star.

94. For a rustic Christmas, place these wooden candles at the door.

These are just made from plain old logs. And they include matching flames and stars.

95. Bring in the magic of Christmas with a skate filled with evergreen branches and candy canes.

Well, it also contains other leaves and holly berries. And the red plaid bow makes a rather seasonal touch.

96. Store some of Christmas cookies in these flower pot snowman jars.

Though you might want to patch the bottoms. Still, these snowmen have such sweet smiles. Like the hats, too.

97. For those who’ve lost loved ones, you might want this Christmas decoration with an empty chair.

Kind of timely for me since I lost my grandfather in January this year. This year will be my first Christmas without him.

98. A candy cane snowflake could use some bows.

Or rather quite small ones. Still, you have to admire the fine design here. Lovely.

99. Deck your Christmas tree with your set of crocheted ornaments.

Each of these shows an aspect of the Christmas season. Are great for any tree.

100. If you love the wildlife, perhaps a snowy owl might suit you for the holidays.

After all, a snowy owl always blends in with the wintry forest. Love it.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 1, 2017

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Naturally, a particular staple of Christmas is all the food. You may have ham or turkey as the main course for Christmas dinner along with potatoes, veggies, and other sides. For desserts, you may have all kinds of cakes, pies, cookies, and others. And yes, I’m sure plenty of people tend to gorge themselves on Christmas goodies that they might hit the gym come January as losing weight might be on their New Years’ resolutions. Still, plenty of people just can’t resist what’s on this Christmas table. Still, on this post, you’re more likely to find Christmas treats with yuletide motifs like snowflakes, Santas, wreaths, trees, snowmen, nativity scenes, and the like. And you might even see a penguin or two, since they’re cute creatures in the ice and snow though they don’t live at the North Pole. Nevertheless, for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of Christmas goodies.

Wake up on Christmas morning with this pancake Santa Claus.

Well, this is on a muffin tin. But you have to admire the hat and beard.

2. You can’t have Christmas dinner with some cheesy Christmas tree buns.

Sure I’ve showed buns before in previous treat posts. But these have cheese on them.

3. A Christmas tree cupcake should always have 3 tiers.

Yes, that’s a lot of cupcake. But the tiers are all different sizes for the shape. Though it looks straight out of Dr. Seuss.

4. Nothing beats your Christmas dessert platter like a Santa cake.

Well, this only uses half of Santa. But it’s nevertheless adorable for any dessert platter.

5. This Christmas, you can’t go wrong with chocolate trees.

Yes, I had treats like these on posts before. But this one has sprinkles.

6. Instead of a gingerbread house, go with a pretzel stick one.

Yes, it’s quite rustic looking. And the roof is made of Chex. Love the windows.

7. I’m sure your elves would adore these Christmas tree Rice Krispie treats.

Yes, I had a Christmas tree treat like this before. But this one uses M&M minis for decor.

8. Speaking of Rice Krispies, how about a Rice Krispie wreath?

This mostly uses red M&Ms and you can’t eat the bow. But it makes a nice yuletide touch.

9. Impress your Christmas guests with this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

You’ll find plenty of grapes, carrots, cucumbers, and cheeses on this. Only thing you can’t eat is the star.

10. Nothing makes a delightful winter treat like snowman cupcakes.

Each of these is in blue and white winter gear. And yes, they all have adorable faces.

11. Make your holiday season sparkle with some Christmas light treats.

Available in several different colors. Great for party favors or dessert platter.

12. Give your peanut butter fudge has a gingery touch.

Sure they may not taste like gingerbread men. But they’re certainly in some gingerly shape.

13. You’ll find plenty of veggies on this Christmas tree appetizer tray.

Consists of broccoli, carrots, olives, cherry tomatoes, pretzels, and cheese. Great for any party platter.

14. Make your Christmas Eve so bright with some reindeer cupcakes.

Each one has pretzel antlers, chocolate ears, along with icing eyes and an M&M and wafer nose. And yes, Rudolph is always in the lead.

15. No cold night should be without these North Pole bites.

Each one is covered in red and white icing with a candy cane on top. Perfect for a dessert platter near you.

16. For an easy Christmas treat, try making some of these pinwheel cookies.

Each of these is rolled in dough of white, red, and green. Enjoy.

17. Grace your dessert platter with a Christmas wreath cake.

Yes, it’s a square cake that’s professionally made. But you have to admire the icing ribbon.

18. You can’t resist these snowflake cookies for a wintry treat.

Each of these has a unique shape and size. And each is covered in either flower or sugar.

19. For Christmas, you can do no wrong with this fruity wreath.

Consists of berries, kiwi, and apples. Great for parties if you want more healthy options.

20. Keep your Christmas party cozy with this Yule log cake.

Yes, it gives a rather Christmasy impression. Of course, you can see only part of it.

21. No Christmas party can be complete without some yuletide bites.

I know these are either cake bites or chocolates. But let’s hope they didn’t come from a chocolate box.

22. Keep your Christmas candy in a gingerbread train.

And it’s painted in red, blue, and white icing. Also, consists of a set of wheels.

23. For a festive Christmas, grace your appetizer platter with a Christmas tree cheese.

Goes well with crackers. Covered with horse radish and pepper pieces.

24. Snowman pancakes are perfect for any chilly morning.

Has a bacon scarf and is on top some marshmallows. So cute.

25. These snowman cookies come in so many layers.

Then again, they might have cakes on top. But they’re certainly an adorable treat for a cold day.

26. Make it a festive Christmas with some Oreo ornaments.

Amazing what you can do with Oreos. Some of them have sprinkles. Others have Christmas M&Ms.

27. North Pole bites always make a quality winter treat.

These are different from the ones I had on earlier. For they’re in a different shape with a candy cane stick.

28. Christmas tree cake pops always look nice in snowy white.

Though it mostly doesn’t snow where I live on Christmas. Also, these are covered in sprinkles.

29. You could view these Christmas gingerbread cookies as ornate.

Definitely professionally made and rather expensive. But I do like the roses on the sleigh.

30. For a frosty treat, you can’t go wrong with an ice cream snowman.

And yes, this snowman is certainly frosty. Best served on a cold winter day.

31. Deck your halls with these Rice Krispie ornaments.

Are either in red and green. Has licorice and a lifesaver on top.

32. Impress your guests with some bruschetta on a Christmas wreath.

Toppings mostly consist of broccoli and cherry tomatoes. Perfect as an appetizer.

33. Keep your veggies in line with your very own edible Christmas train.

Each train car is made of a bell pepper and cucumber slices. Dips are in the center though. You have to admire the creativity on this one.

34. Every green bite like these should always have Christmas lights.

Well, anything resembling Christmas lights. Still, these are kind of clever.

35. Every appetizer platter should have a present made of cheese.

This one has pepper bits and celery ribbon. Goes great with crackers.

36. Gingerbread Christmas trees could always do with a little frosting.

Yes, I know Christmas trees are green. But you don’t have to do much decorating with these.

37. Wish your guests “Happy Holidays,” with these cakes.

These cakes have cookie frames with sayings inscribed. What they say, is up to you.

38. You can’t go wrong with these reindeer cookies in Santa’s sleigh.

Yes, these are professionally made. but you can tell which one of these is Rudolph.

39. Please your guests with this Christmas tree veggie platter.

This one consists of peppers, broccoli, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, and pretzels. And it has a square dip tray on the side.

40. For those with ugly Christmas sweaters, use these cookies.

People will always love their ugly Christmas sweaters. These may be professionally made. But once you have the cookie cutter for them, you can decorate each one however you want.

41. For those celebrating Christmas in Hawaii, you might want to go with cookies like these.

Though I can’t really see a Christmas without snow and ice. But whatever.

42. On this Rice Krispie treat, this mouse is snug in its bed.

Now this is quite creative. Really Like the candy cane bed posts. So cute.

43. Out in the country, you can’t go without this Christmas cabin.

This one even has a reindeer head on the front. Also perfect for deer hunting season.

44. No Seuss fan can ever resist this Grinchy cake.

And this one just uses a simple round cake painted green with a Santa hat. Still, love the smile.

45. You’ll find this Christmas tree appetizer platter especially cheesy.

The pickles on these are the only green on this one. But it’s mostly cheese.

46. You can always tear away a cupcake in this wreath.

Includes some holly and a bow. But at least you don’t have to cut it since it’s made of cupcakes.

47. Have a frosty dessert with these snowman cake pops.

Each of these has a red scarf and Santa hat. Oh, and they have a stick coming out of their heads.

48. Should you have a chilly Christmas, how about an igloo cheese ball?

You can even put penguins beside it. Sure they may not be from the North Pole. But they’re adorable and are often associated with winter.

49. Grace your dessert platter with this fancy Christmas tree cake.

This one has plenty of trimmings in white, green, and red. And it’s all topped with a bow.

50. Christmas tree sandwiches make a great yuletide lunch.

These all have cucumber slices and pepper tree stars. Not sure if they’re exactly in my taste.

51. Children will delight in these penguin cookies.

These are peanut cookies decorated with chocolate icing. And yes, they’re so cute you could eat them up.

52. You can’t go wrong waking up to this Santa pancake.

His eyes are made of banana slices and chocolate chip. His hat consists of strawberries. and his beard is mostly whipped cream.

53. A Christmas cake always makes an ideal Christmas present.

Ironically this is a present cake. Not sure what I think about the green spots. But I like the red ribbon.

54. If you love Christmas, then you’ll adore this Grinch cake.

Well, I had a similar cake in a previous post. But it’s nevertheless, in the Seussical fashion.

55. You’d swear this Christmas tree was all celery.

Well, almost. It’s more of a Christmas tree veggie tray with other veggies as decorations.

56. Welcome the winter magic with these snowflake cookies.

Okay, you might have a few Christmas trees here. But each of these gives you holiday cheer.

57. You can’t have a Christmas party without a treat train.

And yes, it consists of Twinkies and Rice Krispie treats along with candy canes. Love the trees in the background.

58. No yuletide dessert platter is complete without a Christmas tree cupcake cake.

The ornaments on this mainly consist of peanut M&Ms. Still, be free to tear away.

59. Perhaps a Christmas wreath can give you some tasty buns.

And there’s even some dip in the middle. Nevertheless, while a wreath is green, these buns are golden brown.

60. Warm yourself by the fire with some melting snowmen smores.

Strange, since you can’t roast smores in cold weather. But these are quite clever.

61. If you don’t like Christmas tree veggie trays, may I suggest one of Santa?

Consists of peppers, cauliflower, cucumber slices, olives, and cherry tomatoes. The fuzz ball is the dip by the way.

62. A Christmas cake with candy cane is just as sweet.

Well, the candy canes are used for a Christmas tree. Also has peppermints on the base.

63. A Christmas pizza should always have a few Santa hats.

Well, the hats are made of pepperoni and cheese. But yes, they’re a grand yuletide touch.

64. Though you’ve heard of a gingerbread house, you probably haven’t seen a gingerbread castle.

Well, it more or less looks like a candy fort. But it seems like something you’d see in a Mario game.

65. Nothing could make you resist these penguin Oreos.

These have M&M ear muffs. As to why penguins would need them, I’m not so sure. But they’re cute.

66. This Christmas candle cake will light up your holidays.

Sure the flames may be fake. But you’d almost think these were real.

67. For a simple treat, how about some reindeer pretzels?

Requires regular and waffle pretzels, Hershey’s kisses, and M&Ms. And yes, they all have a red nose.

68. Instead of poinsettias, give your sweetheart a poinsettia cupcake bouquet.

I’m sure anyone would enjoy that more. Because poinsettias are usually thrown away after the Christmas season. But cupcakes are usually eaten by that time.

69. You can tear away at this candy cane cake.

Since these are mostly cupcakes. But each is in its own stripe.

70. Get up on Christmas morning to some Christmas tree pancakes.

They just consist of smaller pancakes as you go up. And this one is topped by a candle star.

71. You’d have to be the Grinch to hate these Christmas pups.

However, I must tell you not to buy a puppy or any other animal for Christmas. Seriously, owning a pet is a commitment and responsibility which shouldn’t be taken lightly. Nevertheless, these are cute.

72. Nightmare Before Christmas fans will enjoy these Jack Skellington cookies.

These ones have him with a Santa hat. Perfect for Tim Burton fans.

73. You can’t find anything colorful like these Santa truffles.

Each Santa on these has a different color suit. And each Santa has a sign.

74. Help yourself to some of these hot chocolate cups.

The cups are made of marshmallows and candy canes. And yes, each have red sprinkles on them.

75. With cookies like these you’ll certainly have a festive Christmas.

Yes, it’s a plate of sugar cookies from a bakery. But they’re all richly decorated with icing.

76. You’ll find Santa sleeping on this cake.

Hopefully, not on Christmas Eve. But you never know. Still, this is cute.

77. Light up the holidays with these Christmas cookies.

And yes, these bulbs seem rather cheery. Until one of them burns out.

78. There’s something out of place with this Christmas cake house.

Seems like it’s straight from a Dr. Seuss story. But unlike some of the houses I see, this has some degree of character.

79. Cheer yourself to some floating polar bear cookies.

Yes, these have polar bears just lounging around. But yes, they’re adorable.

80. There’s nothing delightful on Christmas than Santa at the fire.

And yes, the tree is quite sentient on this cake. But you have to adore this. So lovely.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Monthly Archives: December 2017