The Burning World of Candles

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Before Thomas Edison’s incandescent light bulb paved the way for electric lighting on the mass market, people used candles to light their homes at night. As anyone knows about candles, they don’t light the room nearly as well as sunlight and other light sources. And that they must be handled with caution since open flames are a major fire hazard. Yet, you probably didn’t know that candles were also used for heat and to tell time. Nor were they always made from paraffin wax like nowadays. For there were candles made from tallow (beef or mutton fat which gave off a foul odor when burned), beeswax (which was more expensive than tallow), spermaceti oil (it’s from a sperm whale’s head that’s considered very valuable according to an abridged version of Moby Dick I read), and colza oil (which is an expensive lubricant for machinery derived from a plant). Nevertheless, thanks to electricity, candles are either used as a novelty for a romantic dinner, ceremonies and special occasions (especially in religion), or as light sources during a power outage. Oh, and many people bestow candles as gifts when they couldn’t think of anything better to buy (like in the SNL Christmas Candle sketch). You’d even have scented candles. Of course, while most candles usually consist of a long wax column with a wick, the ones I show don’t fit the mold. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of interesting candles you might not want to burn (or would).

  1. Now these are perfect for the embroidery club meeting.

After all, these are spool candles. What better way to bring light while you sew? Oh, wait, electricity.

2. How about warm yourself to some hot chocolate on a cold day?

Actually this is merely a candle which you can’t eat. But you have to like how it has marshmallows and a graham cracker.

3. Hope these flowery candles smell as fresh as they look.

Though I highly doubt it. But I suppose these only have a short wick to them.

4. No flame could ever melt these lilies of the valley.

As you may know, the lily of the valley is a flower used in weddings that’s been known to kill someone on Breaking Bad. So this candle may be less dangerous in comparison. When it’s not lit though.

5. Pine cone candles can bring the forest into your home.

Hope these smell like pine, too. Or else I’d be very disappointed. Seriously, pine smells so nice. Like floor cleaner.

6. Sorry, folks, but you can’t cut this cheese.

Yes, cheesy candles do exist. And no, it’s not made from real cheese. Like head cheese which is actually meat.

7. Hope you feel lucky with these dice candles.

However, when they’re lit, I’d advise against tossing them. Because doing that can burn a house down.

8. Hand candles have an assortment of gestures and signs.

Helps they come in an assortment of different colors, too. They even include flipping the bird and “Live Long and Prosper.”

9. These little green army men always come with their wicks on top.

Yes, they have green army men candles, too. This set is great for birthday themes like Toy Story or Saving Private Ryan.

10. Wine always goes well with a snack of cheese and grapes.

Sure these are all candles. But it makes a rather sophisticated image regardless.

11. Light this candle and you nearly melt the ocean.

Well, not really. But this one does have a lot of shells inside. Hope they’re not flammable.

12. While flower candles can be pretty, succulent candles are just as sweet.

Because sometimes it’s all about the foliage. Goes great with a desert themed room.

13. These candles all burn like they’re peas in a pod.

I have to admit, this is pretty clever. Perfect for an outdoor garden party.

14. As you burn these, you set some people free.

Well, these are pretty neat. Not sure if I’d want them. But I can’t complain.

15. Hope these rose candles could smell as sweet.

Wonder if these would be perfect for a romantic dinner. Assuming that you or your significant other love flowers and aren’t pyromaniacs. In the latter case, you might want to go with a blow torch.

16. Didn’t know you can light a flame on the ice.

Yes, they have ice candles. And I’m sure they’re not made of ice because that would be impossible. Water has a lower melting point than wax.

17. I guess these pool ball candles come in a triangle frame.

Well, pool seems to be a rather popular pastime. I mean you’re bound to run into a pool table at a bar.

18. I suppose having candles like these will lead do explosive times.

However, I’m sure you can’t have these on you while boarding a plane. Because the reasons are obvious.

19. No, I don’t think these cheesecakes are for eating.

Yes, these are cheesecake candles. And no, you can’t get them from IHOP but good guess.

20. If you want a candle to last, you’ll need a very long wick.

At first I thought this was a long hose candle. Nevertheless, these are supposed to burn for a very long time.

21. You’d almost think they’d light a bunch of rocks.

If it weren’t for the flames, these rock candles would almost look like the real thing. Great for garden parties.

22. If you like Lego, you’ll want this candle brick.

Though I wouldn’t want to put Lego people anywhere near this candle when lit. Because plastic also melts.

23. For Super Bowl parties, you can’t do without Roman candles.

Of course, these aren’t the Roman candles you’re thinking of. Thankfully they only consist of Ls, Xs, Vs, and Is.

24. No garden party should ever go without gnome candles.

I admit, gnomes may be tacky. But they have a certain charm to them. Besides, these come in all shapes and sizes.

25. Some candles can bring music to one’s ears.

Well, these are interesting. Though I don’t see music note or bass clef candles anywhere.

26. Wonder if this purse candle comes with a designer label.

Probably doesn’t. But It sure looks expensive nonetheless. Wouldn’t be able to afford its real life equivalent.

27. These pumpkin and gourd candles can always give a fall glow.

Yet, they’ll most likely be used for Thanksgiving than Halloween. We have creeping looking candles for that holiday.

28. No Halloween party could do without a severed hand candle.

And you can light up all the fingers. Though it’s best for Halloween parties only. Disgusting.

29. These pie candles can always make your day.

Come in key lime, cherry, and chocolate apparently. And all are laced with whip cream.

30. This sundae candle is always a real treat.

Sure it looks tasty. But it probably comes in a waxy flavor. So don’t eat it.

31. You’d swear this cork candle fits on the bottle.

Not sure if lighting one on top of a wine bottle is a good idea. But it’s a rather clever design.

32. Thought these lighter candles lit up all by themselves.

There’s really something strange about this. Also, cigarette lighters aren’t a tasteful sight.

33. You can light this branch candle in many different ways.

Hope they all don’t melt at the same time. Also, if you’re not careful, this can be a serious fire hazard.

34. You’d almost think this candle melted until you look closely.

Seems like this depicts people rock climbing. Probably carved by someone with too much time on their hands.

35. Cupcake candles come with all kinds of toppings.

Sure you can’t eat them. But they sure look good enough to eat.

36. You can make a watermelon candle in pieces.

And I see, this one is sliced in so many different ways. Great for a summer night.

37. You can always share a toast over beer candles.

Nice they come in different glasses and colors. Though I hope none of them are scented. Since smelling beer reminds me of a bar.

38. Would you care for a few tea candles?

Comes with a teapot and 3 cups. Sure it’s not a fancy set. But it’s quaint.

39. With this candle, you’d almost think there’s money to burn.

Don’t worry, it’s not real money. Just a wax imitation. Like most of the stuff on this post.

40. Apparently, bees seem to gravitate toward this hive.

Again, we have another of these long wick candles. But this one depicts a beehive. And appropriately so.

41. A desert night could use a few candles like these.

Helps it consists of 4 in a box. And I hope you can easily touch them without pricking your fingers.

42. Not sure if I can imagine lighting these with a match.

Yes, they’re candle matches. They come in a box. No, I am not making this up.

43. Sushi candles always brighten up the fun.

And you can find all on a sushi tray. Just remember, they don’t come with chopsticks for a reason.

44. When lit, you reduce this fluffy pink cat to its bones.

Yes, that’s how the cat candle is supposed to melt. Yes, it looks freaky. No, I don’t think pink is a good choice color for it.

45. Macaroon candles always come in a package.

Not really a fan of macaroons. But at least they’re colorful. Though these may have a short wick.

46. Never thought you can have candles of underwater scenes.

By the way, these are gel candles. Just so you know. And yes, I think the shells are real in them.

47. Well, this candle comes with champagne on the rocks.

I guess this is used for a wedding. Though I find it quite strange to say the least.

48. If you see candles like these in a haunted house, you better get out of there.

Okay, these are very disgusting since they seem to have blood all over them. But horror movie fans will love these.

49. These feather candles seem lighter than air.

Not sure if they have a lot of wax to them. But they surely look graceful.

50. Apparently, you might want to do with a few icebergs.

Well, they’re iceberg candles. Not sure if they’d be appropriate for a Titanic themed party.

51. If this candle was scented, it would smell like shit.

Yes, it is a dog poop candle. Why anyone would want one, I have absolutely no idea.

52. Hope you don’t aim with this gun candle.

Another candle that makes me scratch my head. Guess this is suited for an NRA sponsored romantic dinner.

53. I’m sure blueberry muffin candles can always brighten your morning.

Though candles have most often been used at night. Since daytime, we already have a light source called the sun.

54. You can’t do anything wrong with a couple corn cob candles.

Well, if it’s fall and it’s almost Thanksgiving. Otherwise, they kind of look a bit lame.

55. There’s always something eerie about decorative skull candles.

Note: I’m sure these are used for the Mexican holiday Dia de los Muertos. Not Mexican Halloween.

56. Luscious lips can set any night on fire.

Okay, these are kind of tacky and weird. But I’m sure they’d be used at romantic dinners nonetheless.

57. It’s said a Trump scented candle can make America great again.

Because there’s nothing that smells so refreshing like racist pandering, unrestrained greed, treason, constant embarrassment, trigger happy unpredictability, and all out incompetence. That or an all consuming rage that this fucking nightmare is the president. But I do like the bad hair.

58. Didn’t know candles can depict such scenes.

Well, people can sometimes get creative with candles in many different ways. Like the nighttime scene one the best.

59. Now this is the kind of candle for any night owl.

Sure it looks quite small. But with eyes like that, it’ll sure be a hoot.

60. Let’s see if this chocolate chip mint ice cream candle has some minty freshness to it.

Well, it’s worth a try to smell. But unfortunately for me, I can’t even take a bite of it.

61. For some candles, you’d wonder if some might have a spring in them.

Well, they certainly do. Wonder how these burn when they melt to the twisty part.

62. You’d almost think these rock candles have shells to them.

Guess a snail shell candle isn’t easy to make after all. Still, these are pretty.

63. This log candle has some sort of woody disposition to it.

Well, it certainly looks like it came from a tree. But whether it smells like one is anyone’s guess.

64. Well, that’s an interesting set of Easter candles.

After all, they consist of bunnies and birds in pastel colors. So what do you expect?

65. Makeup candles can always sit pretty.

Though I’d think these would be more appropriate in a hair and beauty salon. That is if beauty salons didn’t have all those flammable chemicals in the first place.

66. These orange candles have a citrus glow to them.

Comes in a set of 4. But don’t try to peel, eat, or juice them. Because they’re made from wax.

67. With candles like these, you’ll never be sure how they burn.

Sure lighting them might ignite a spectacular sight. But they’d also pose as a major fire hazard in the process.

68. In the spring, perhaps you might want to tiptoe among the tulips?

Well, they are tulip candles. And they certainly signal spring with their bright petals.

69. This bearded hipster candle is so mainstream.

Okay, maybe not so much. But it’s unique and amusing enough to put on this post.

70. As we all know, candles must melt at some point.

Coincidentally, this candle says, “melt.” Because that’s what candles do when you light them.

71. Napoleon candles always seem smaller than they appear.

Though it won’t help you in Russia or Waterloo. Because Napoleon lost in both.

72. Bear candles are always delightful in black.

Though these bear candles seem a bit scary to me. Not sure why.

73. These chicks are so lit right now.

They even come in different sizes. Great for Easter and so adorable.

74. Let this brain candle really open your mind.

Yes, this is disgusting. But at least it didn’t belong to someone named, “Abby Normal.”

75. These lipstick candles are simply irresistible.

No, these aren’t for smearing on your face. But they sure look lovely.

76. White egg candles may melt into yellow inside.

Well, at least it’s somewhat more realistic. Then again, it looks pretty gross if you ask me.

77. You can always decorate plain candles to suit your fancy.

These are encrusted with jewels to full effect. Though I’d proceed with caution to light them.

78. You can always paint a nature scene on a candle.

That is, if you can master delicate brush strokes to make flowers. Still, it’s quite lovely indeed.

79. With this Advent candle, you can burn your way to the Christmas season.

However, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. Since burning one for days might cause a fire hazard.

80. You can’t celebrate Halloween without this spooky candle set.

Though this seems more suited for children’s celebrations. But I find it rather eerily charming.

81. Crystal shaped candles will always sparkle.

Though contrary to what new agers say, they won’t heal you from anything. Neither would real crystals.

82. Watching Donald Trump melt down makes America great.

At least this Trump candle depicts him in a straitjacket. Since he’s a complete loon who knows nothing about running the federal government.

83. From Starbucks, the coffee candles are the best.

For some reason, Starbucks has been getting ridiculous. Seriously, what’s with the whipped cream?

84. A Margarita candle might remind you of beaches and sunshine.

Or possibly that one song by Jimmy Buffett about being drunk. Though you won’t have to worrying about losing that shaker of salt.

85. Wax candles are always great for floral painting.

Though I really wouldn’t want to light this one. Because the art is so pretty. And I don’t want to tarnish its beauty.

86. Don’t leave without this boot candle on the trail.

Yes, it’s a cowboy boot candle. No, I don’t know if it came with a partner.

87. You can always roast smores on a Stay Puft Marshmallow candle.

Well, it’s said to smell like burning marshmallows. And it’s appropriate for this Ghostbusters villain.

88. Here we come to a box candle with Chinese characters.

Don’t know what these words mean. But I hope they don’t say anything bad.

89. How about some lemon in your tea?

Well, tea can come with cream or sugar, too. But this is tea candle.

90. Hope you don’t run into these candles on a busy day in traffic.

Well, traffic cones always mean construction ahead. Traffic cone candles? Have no idea.

91. A toolbox cake should always have candles like these.

Hey, at least they wouldn’t do as much damage to you as real tools would. But this is a cute set.

92. Origami candles are never paper thin.

Then again, it’s possible they might be. Anyway, come in one shape and several different colors.

93. Looks like someone really cracked this egg.

Don’t worry, it’s supposed to look like this. I know a spilled egg candle right? Who could’ve thought of that?

94. These Buddha candles are here to enlighten you.

And each of them comes sparkly and scented. Don’t ask me why they’re available.

95. Since romance has candles and wine, why not roll it all into one?

Yet, remember this wine bottle candle will give you no wine. So whether it’s a red or white one shouldn’t matter.

96. Light bulb candles are simply illuminating.

Funny, there’s a candle for the very thing that put them out of regular use. Still, the holders are appropriate.

97. Minion candles can always brighten your day.

Yes, minions are everywhere. And yes, they can be irresistibly cute. But for a candle post, these certainly fit.

98. Nothing makes wedding memories like this silver slipper candle.

Well, it’s pretty. But I think conventional wedding candles would do for me. That’s for sure.

99. A box of chocolates can always bring bright smiles.

But receiving a box of chocolate candles would only make me furious. Because how am I supposed to enjoy them if I can’t eat any?

100. A castle candle set is always fit for a king.

Though some assembly is required. It’s a pretty intricate scene. Wouldn’t mind having this.

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2 responses to “The Burning World of Candles

  1. Wow! That’s quite an assortment of candles! The Chinese word means “wedding” or “bliss” I believe. I see that word on wedding invitations. I have the treble clef candle somewhere…Or I did! Haha! Enjoying your posts!

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