DC Comics Merchandise Straight from the Batcave

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 19, 2016

cropped-batcave

Ever since the comic book superhero genre became incredibly popular, this has presented a great merchandising opportunity for companies to sell all kinds of crap. And since superheroes tend to have fans of all ages, the more the better. Seriously, Batman and Superman have been around in the comic book scene since the 1930s their fanbase spans generations. Besides, superheroes in the DC world have had their own TV shows and movies which helps advertisers market lines of toys, posters, T-shirts, or what not. Nevertheless, sometimes product promotion can become quite ridiculous as companies come out with products that tend to be rather inappropriate, not fitting for what the superhero in question stands for, and be potentially offensive. Still, that doesn’t stop them from coming out with stuff. This is especially in the case of the Batman franchise since Batman is probably the most popular superhero within the DC Comics. Sorry, Superman, but Batman is a much more compelling character that people could relate to. Also, he has a Batcave, a Batmobile, all kinds of gadgets, well you get the idea. So for your reading pleasure, here I present to you a trove of DC Comics merchandise. A lot of these are going to be Batman products by the way.

For the smoker, you might like these Batman and Joker Dark Knight tobacco pipes.

For the love of God, you shouldn’t put Batman’s face on drug paraphernalia. I mean his comics cater to grade school children for Christ’s sake.

2. Protect your bathroom tissue with this Batman toilet paper holder.

That way, the Dark Knight of Gotham City becomes the Dark Knight of your loo. Even if such an object makes it hard for me to take seriously.

3. You’ve heard about the Batmobile, how about a Bat van?

Sure I think it might’ve been a good idea on paper. But take fit from me, I don’t think Batman would want to be caught dead driving that thing.

4. Keep your child safe and secure with this Batman car seat.

Sure your kid might like it. But that doesn’t stop the fact that Batman seems to be in a rather uncomfortable position.

5. Be a disturbing lady clown with some Harley Quinn lipstick.

I think this is kind of disturbing. Nevertheless, at least DC Comics doesn’t hide that Harley Quinn is a terrible role model for girls. Seriously, love isn’t worth dressing up as a supervillain and murdering civilians. And it doesn’t help that the Joker doesn’t pay much attention to her.

6. Make some wonderful treats with your very own Wonder Woman mixer.

I hope they have these for Superman and Batman. Because if they don’t, it would be obviously sexist. Oh, wait, they have 2 of Batman.

7. Now you can have everything Superman needs with this Superman utility belt.

Okay, Superman has super powers like super strength, flying, and x-ray vision. So why the hell would he need a utility belt? That’s Batman’s thing.

8. Finally, Sprinfield can be at peace since Homer Simpson took over as the Flash.

Now the Flash can move in super high speeds with the aid of beer and donuts. Okay, could anyone possibly think that Homer would make a good Flash? D’oh!

9. Get yourself clean with some Superman crazy foam soap.

So Superman can now have crazy foam coming right from his mouth for bath time. That’s just disturbing.

10. Star your day with your very own Bat signal alarm clock.

Yeah, just what I want in the morning. Waking up with a light flashing into my face.

11. Smell supervillain fresh with some Harley Quinn perfume.

Yes, I’m sure any woman would want a perfume that was inspired by a crazy clown lady. Seriously, why?

12. Drink like an Amazon with this Wonder Woman bling goblet.

More like a Wonder Woman pimp cup if you ask me. I think it makes more sense to be like Wonder Woman if you bought a small replica of the Goblet of Fire.

13. Be energized like Wonder Woman with a superhero energy drink.

To set the record straight, energy drinks are bad for you since they’re loaded with caffeine. Why these ones have superheroes is just very unsettling.

14. These Riddler boxers will keep you guessing what’s inside your trousers.

I know that superhero underwear isn’t unusual. However, I think this is ridiculous. No, I don’t want to know what’s in the Riddler’s pants.

15. Keep your drink on you with this Batman hip flask.

If I saw Batman carry one of these in his utility belt, I’d wonder what’s in it or whether he has a problem. Same with other people.

16. Pretend your the Caped Crusader with this Batman hoodie.

Seems like the kind of attire you’d wear when you’re robbing a bank. Not sure why I’d think that.

17. Now you can own a piece of the Batcave with your own Batman batarang.

The batarang is one of Batman’s signature weapons. However, just because he throws his, doesn’t mean you should throw yours. Seriously, fold up knives aren’t toys.

18. Show off your love for Batman with this Batman belly button ring.

Yes, I’m fully aware that Batman jewelry exists. But a Batman belly button ring? Seriously, how did that come to exist?

19. Aid Superman with this Superman Justice Jogger.

First, why the hell does Superman need a Justice Jogger? Second, I pray to God that the maker’s didn’t have Christopher Reeve in mind when they made this. Because that would be bad.

20. Watchmen condoms are society’s only protection.

Really? Watchmen condoms? I’m sure if a guy needed STD protection, he could go to the nearest drug store. Just saying.

21. Assemble your Justice League with these Hello Kitty figurines.

To be fair, the Wonder Woman Hello Kitty kind of makes sense. But a Hello Kitty Batman, please. Seriously, he’s meant to inspire fear, not cuteness.

22. Keep your iPhone secure in this Batman gauntlet iPhone case.

Because nothing makes you look cooler than having a black armor arm against your face. Come to think about it, it’s sure to grab attention. Just not the kind you want.

23. For claymation fun, collect these Aardman DC Comics figurines.

Sure they’re based on a series of shorts. But these figures are freaky. Seriously, if Aardman wanted to come up with DC figurines couldn’t they just issue Wallace and Gromit dressed as Batman and Robin? That would make more sense.

24. No Gotham City bath time is complete without your very own Batman rubber duckie.

Sure kids love Batman. But this mean that a Batman rubber duck is appropriate? That’s a good question.

25. Now you can step right out in your own batsuit.

Okay, it’s not bat suit. But it’s Batman inspired. Guaranteed to make people scratch their heads at the office as well as look like an idiot.

26. No batcave office is complete without this Batman keyboard.

Seriously? Most computers have a keyboard. And I’m sure this one is expensive. So why anyone would need to buy it is beyond me.

27. For Batman’s railway needs, here’s a Batman box car.

From the Robot’s Voice: “Despite the endless array of vehicles in the Batcave, a train seems particularly ill-suited to Batman’s needs. First of all, unless criminals commit crime on the train route, it’s not really going to help Batman get there. Second, criminals could very easily follow the tracks back to the Batcave. Maybe this is the preferred mode of transportation for some alternate universe Batman where he’s also a boxcar hobo.”

28. Smell like the Dark Knight of Gotham wit this Batman Begins cologne.

It’s the kind of gift that says: “I know you like Batman but I didn’t know what to give you. Also, you kind of smell.”

29. For those who like the Penguin, you can now have a replica of his henchman Penguin Commando.

Cones attached to its own jetpack. Or is it a missile? Either way, it looks pretty hilarious.

30. Have fun on your iPad with your very own Batman apptivity set.

From What Culture: “This bizarre mix of toys and video games essentially says “to hell with imagination, let us create a world for your toys to play in” (which sucks). What happened to creating worlds in your head and taking your toys in to the garden to have them fight in imaginary jungles, or in to your bedroom to create castles from cardboard boxes for them to play in? This over-reliance on technology for kids to play with toys is just sad. The sets include Riot Cannon Batman, Batarang Strike Batman, EMP Assault Batman and Grapnel Attack Batman, all of which amounts to meaningless drivel.”

31. Have fun at the plate with your own set of Batman Bat n’ Balls.

Yes, I know it’s a baseball toy. But the marketing on this thing is so wrong. Seriously, couldn’t the makers come up with a product name that’s not a double entendre for a To Catch a Predator joke?

32. In Gotham, it helps to get high with a Batman bong.

Just you know, this is considered drug paraphernalia that’s illegal in most states. But if you live where it’s legal for recreational use, then you should be able to achieve a Dark Knight high.

33. If you like Robin from the 1960s series, then you might like this Dick Grayson T-shirt.

Yes, Dick Grayson is Robin. But that doesn’t excuse the shirt designers for leaving the “D” uncapitalized. Or leaving out “Grayson.”

34. Vanquish your enemies with your very own toy Batman assault rifle.

I’m positive this is a kid’s toy. However, we should note the fact that Batman doesn’t like guns.

35. Now your hamster can imagine themselves as Batman with the Batman Interactive Hamster House.

From What Culture: “Yes, you did actually read that right: The Batman Interactive Hamster House. Your pet rodent can finally live out its fantasy of having a Batman themed home – all you need now is a pet mouse take on the role of Alfred.” Seriously, I don’t think any hamster would be interested in this. But it’s so funny.

36. Nothing makes a more badass toy than a Batman monster truck from Hot Wheels.

From Surfing the Bleed: “Have you never read a Batman comic in your life? Have you never seen a Batman movie, watched a Batman TV show or heck, even listened to Prince’s Batdance? Are you raising a redneck child on a steady diet of McDonald’s, Moutain Dew and lowered expectations? Has that child only heard of Batman through word of mouth and has decided to fashion him into some sort of Evil Knievel meets Dale Earnhardt defender of the Old Days? If so, this is the only Batman toy for you!”

37. Nothing makes a Batman party great like a Batman pinata.

From The Robot’s Voice: “I guess this is more or less to let children experience being the Joker and the joy of bludgeoning someone to death with a baseball bat. On the other hand, if Batman had “died” in Final Crisis and immediately turned into a pile of cheap toys and delicious candy, it really wouldn’t have been weirder than anything else in that series.”

38. Look like a super woman with your very own Wonder Woman makeup set.

Okay, since Wonder Woman is an iconic woman, then she has to get her own makeup line. Pardon me, but I think such a concept is sexist and stupid.

39. Make your meals tasty with some Superman cheese.

This special cheese was made from the milk of Kryptonian dairy cows on Superman’s home planet. Just kidding, it’s a cheese that was made through the same process as Velveeta which isn’t cheese at all.

40. Light up your room with your very own Superman and Batman table leg lamps.

Guess this was inspired by the leg lamp from Christmas Story. Still, these are just crazy if you ask me.

41. Protect the spuds of Gotham City with your very own Dark Knight Mr. Potato Head.

From What Culture: “It even makes a modicum of sense for there to be a Batman version of the toy (particularly if you’re in to collecting all things Mr. Potato Head-related) – but a Mr. Potato Head based on the moody, dark, atmospheric hit movie The Dark Knight Rises? Stupid, just stupid.
It’s a huge juxtaposition to combine the two franchises and a sad mockery of a great film. It’s like trying to sell a Freddy Krueger Care Bear, a Norman Bates Beanie Baby or a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Fisher Price play-set. Although heroic, Batman is a figure of fear – especially Christian Bale’s adaptation – so to represent him in potato form is something of a no-no (and that really should go without saying).”

42. Now your toddler can defend Gotham City with this one-of-a-kind Batmobile Stroller.

I have to admit this does look pretty cool. However, it also looks very expensive and something you probably shouldn’t buy. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

43. For those who like the Joker, grace your couch with this Joker Ha Ha throw blanket.

From Daily Toast: “Wanting a throw blanket is one thing, and having one which is themed makes some kind of sense. But who in their right mind would want a blanket branded with a terrifying picture of Batman’s most disturbed rival? Is this honestly someone’s vision of a comforting furniture accessory?”

44. If you love minions and Batman, then this minion Batman has the best of both worlds.

From Daily Toast: "It feels like we’ve been in the grip of Minion mania for an eternity now, and even with the movie leaving theaters it shows no signs of stopping. Yet even for those in the crowd who are somehow not worn down by Dreamworks’ apparently lovable yellow misfits, this one seems like a stretch. I can’t imagine there’s a significant crossover between the Minions and Batman fanbases, and somehow both are awkwardly represented in this Frankenstein-esque mishmash."

From Daily Toast: “Yet even for those in the crowd who are somehow not worn down by Dreamworks’ apparently lovable yellow misfits, this one seems like a stretch. I can’t imagine there’s a significant crossover between the Minions and Batman fanbases, and somehow both are awkwardly represented in this Frankenstein-esque mishmash.”

45. Defend Gotham City from the Joker Spud with this Batman Mr. Potato Head.

From Daily Toast: “Look, DC: you can’t just put a cape and cowl on anything that people buy and suddenly declare it’s worth almost seventy bucks. And is it just me, or does the Batman getup make Mr. Potato Head’s smile look somewhat sinister?”

46. If you love Christian Bale’s performance as Batman from The Dark Knight Trilogy, then you’ll love this Bruce Wayne Head sculpt.

Yes, I fully support the idea that Christian Bale is the best Batman. However, this doesn’t mean I’d pay $149.99 + shipping for a 1/4 replica of his disembodied head. If there is anyone who would, then I’d think they need to get their head examined.

47. You can fix anything with this Batman duct tape.

Sure duct tape is useful and Batman is cool. But admit it, you’ll only use this for decoration. Besides, what the hell would either have to do with each other anyway?

48. I’m sure Christian kids might enjoy a copy of John T. Galloway’s The Gospel According to Superman.

This book examines the parallels existing between Jesus and Superman. Nevertheless, I think this book would be more useful for telling parents that there’s nothing Unchristian about liking superheroes.

49. Heroically cut through your craft projects with your very own Wonder Woman scissors.

Sure it might seem appropriate for children at first. But when you open them, she’s doing splits. You have to wonder why they thought this was a good idea.

50. Take down the Joker with this Batman and Joker electronic target game.

From the Robot’s Voice: “It’s clear the good people at Vanity Fair were not comic readers when they made a Batman version of their popular cowboy target game. The concept has you, as Batman, shooting the Joker dead with a revolver. Whether you want to turn yourself into the police or toss yourself off a ledge in the Batcave for breaking your one, solemn rule is entirely up to you.”

51. Hop around your block with your very own Superman pogo stick.

From The Fwoosh: “It’s like you were catching a ride with your buddy — if your buddy was a quadriplegic with a spring in his ass. You think slamming car doors or barking dogs are annoying? Imagine some 10-year-old fueled by Kool-Aid and Twinkees jumping up and down outside of your house on this thing all afternoon. Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Holy crap, somebody invent Space Invaders already!”

52. Show the Batwoman of your life that you love her by proposing to her with a Batman engagement ring.

Men, now that I’ve planted that idea in your head, listen to me. You might’ve fantasized proposing to your girlfriend with a Batman engagement ring. But for the love of God, don’t do it even if she loves Batman as much as you do. Seriously, there’s a strong chance it might not go like you planned.

53. Help Superman come to a safe landing with this Superman Skydiving Parachutist set.

Why the hell does Superman need a parachute? He can fly and land safely land on his feet on his own. This toy doesn’t make sense at all.

54. This Flash motorcycle is guaranteed to allow the Flash to chase villains at very high speeds.

The Flash on his motorcycle might make sense at first. Until you realize that he can already run at long distances at light speed. Hell., he can even outrun Superman. Can a motorcycle do that? No.

55. Nothing says water fun like a Batman water pistol.

Let me explain how this works. First, you fill it by putting water in Batman’s asshole. Second, after you aim you pump the gun by putting your finger on Batman’s crotch so he could projectile vomit at your target. Why this was promoted as a children’s toy, I had no idea. There’s just nothing right about this whatsoever.

56. Any crimefighter of Gotham City would surely love a Batman and Robin toothbrush holder in their bathroom.

Is it just me or does Batman seem to have his hand on Robin’s butt? Also doesn’t help that Robin isn’t wearing any pants, which makes this even more disturbing.

57. On a cold night, curl up on your couch with this Batman snuggie.

From Geek Cast Radio: “As if the Snuggie wasn’t bad enough. They have to go ahead and make a “Batman” Snuggie… Yes you look super cool wearing the blanket with sleeves ….all the kids will be totally jealous of your Batman awesomeness *facepalm*”

58. Grace your super car with your very own Superman hood ornament.

From 10 Cavalcade of Awesome Years: “Can you imagine pulling into work with this iron monstrosity on your hood? “Bob, I always thought your 1965 Corvette needed something. And I finally figured out what it is, the Superman Hood Ornament. It would really class up that boring old Vette’s hood.” It also can be attached to your bicycle. WHA?! Putting this on a bicycle would be interesting, because a bicycle HAS NO HOOD. Next best place is on your handlebars. Great idea, put a huge sharp metal object right where your face would go if you crash or have to stop suddenly.”

59. Get your child to wear a seatbelt with Hero Hugs.

Yes, I know wearing a seatbelt is uncomfortable but even a small child should understand that not wearing a seatbelt in the car is one of the stupidest things they could do. However, when it comes to getting your kid to wear a seatbelt, I don’t under stand how using dismembered superhero hands are supposed to help.

60. Relive when Batman confronted the Joker with this commemorative keepsake statue.

Because nothing brings fond memories like Batman holding the Joker up at his jacket. Yes, great times.

61. Nothing makes a you a real DC superhero than these socks.

Yes, these are socks with capes. And yes, they’d probably look stupid if you wear them with shoes in public.

62. Have a super drink with these DC superhero glasses.

Like the socks, these also have capes. Nevertheless, would anyone want to serve drinks in these at a party? Probably not.

63. Hit the waves this summer with your very own Batman surfer action figure.

This is from the 1960s show. And yes, Batman is wearing trunks over his batsuit. I know it looks so stupid.

64. Call your friends with this Wonder Woman telephone.

Of course, you might have to dial the number you want between her legs. Just think about the implications of that.

65. When going formal, dress your super best with these Superman cuff links.

Sure a guy is guaranteed to like them. However, he’ll probably have few opportunities to wear them whether he goes to a lot of formal events or not.

66. Relive the part when Bane nearly sends Batman to the ER with this Dark Knight Rises commemorative statue.

Because nothing brings up fond memories than Bane making Batman more of a physical wreck, sending him to a distant prison, and taking over Gotham City. And yes, I remember this because I’ve seen the movie twice.

67. Now you can save the Gotham City stables with your very own Batman and Robin My Little Pony.

Yes, they actually have these. And we know that Batman is a rather masculine and menacing figure. Not someone you’d have on a little girl’s toy.

68. Shoot disks for justice with your very own Infared Batman.

From Goliath: “At least the name of this one sounds useful. Maybe Batman is using infrared technology so he can see bad guys better in the dark, or perhaps locate some far off alien homeworld that poses a threat to Earth. Nope. That would just make too much gosh darn sense. Which is why Infrared Batman is a pile of red and orange plastic that shoots so-called “photon disks” out of some sort of giant garbage can that sits atop his head. Justice never looked so good.”

69. When it comes to glow in the dark armor, Neon Batman thinks it’s good protection.

From Goliath: ” Neon Armor Batman is nothing more or less than the name implies. A Batman that glows neon green—presumably a remnant from Bruce Wayne’s days as a hardcore raver.”

70. When you’re fed up with all the crime in Gotham City, perhaps you can go with Total Destruction Batman.

From Goliath: “Sure, Batman has a lot of heavy gear hanging around the Batcave. There’s the Batmobile, the Batwing, the Batcycle, that powered exo-suit he used to beat up Superman. Those are ultimately all non-lethal contraptions that increase his crime fighting power and help him subdue baddies without killing them. Batman doesn’t use guns. That’s always been his style. But apparently the people who made Total Destruction Batman didn’t get the memo, because they figured Bruce Wayne is totally cool with using a massive chaingun and shoulder-mounted missiles to blow away anyone who even thinks about committing crime.”

71. For computer problems, call on Anti-Virus Bruce Wayne.

From Goliath: “When Norton Antivirus just isn’t enough, you need to pick up the Bat-phone and call Anti Virus Bruce Wayne. This guy knows how to handle malware. First, he’s got that awesome flame hula-hoop he must use to provocatively gyrate away any unwanted ads or e-mail spam. Next, he’s got some kind of translucent yellow armor that he probably uses to interface with your hard drive and check it for corrupt code. And finally, one can only assume that giant backpack he’s wearing houses his impressive Bat-Computer—tricked out with an Intel Pentium III processor, 128MB of RAM, and Sound Blaster Live! Cyber-criminals beware. Your days are numbered.”

72. Those who think Batman and Robin make a lame superhero duo might enjoy Batman and Axe Rhino.

From Goliath: “It finally happened. They ran out of things they could make out of bats so they just said “Hey, let’s start using rhinoceroses instead.” That has to be the only logical explanation for this toy that features some bizarre Medieval-looking armor and a robotic rhino that carries an axe embedded in his head. Because when a robotic rhino isn’t enough, you need a robotic Axe Rhino.”

73. General Zod is never without his demolition handles.

Yes, Zod gets his own bulldozer demolition tongs. And it seems like he’s too small to handle them. Also, has a strange look in his face.

74. Set the mood in your room with your very own Batman lava lamp.

For some reason, I don’t see Batman as the kind of guy who’d own a lava lamp. Not sure why. Then again, I don’t think about such things much.

75. Superman can never be without his own armor and weapon before going into combat on Krypton.

Okay, there are some things wrong with this. First, Superman doesn’t really need armor or weapons since he basically nearly destroyed the city with his powers. Second, his armor and weaponry are almost medieval. Third, wasn’t Krypton destroyed when he was a baby?

76. If you liked General Zod’s spacecraft, this Man of Steel Flight Speeder Sky Slam Toy Launcher is for you.

And it seems that one of Zod’s crew has been expelled from that craft. Not sure how to feel about that. Also, it’s kind of ugly.

77. Step out in Gotham City with these Batman high heeled shoes.

Again, with the high heeled shoes. And it seems that these heels are rather small. So I don’t think they’re very practical.

78. For the Batman lover in your life, this fountain pen set makes a great gift.

Maybe for Secret Santa at work. Otherwise, it’s the kind of gift that says, “I knew you liked Batman and I didn’t know what to give you. So I just stopped by and picked up a set like this at Big Lots.”

79. Get the big guns out with this Tank Blaster Batman.

Uh, did anyone who designed this toy get the idea that Batman abhors killing and guns. Violence that would send someone to the emergency room. But not something like this.

80. For extra protection in Gotham City go with Fractal Armor Batman.

Uh, is it just me or does it seem like Batman is being assimilated by the Borg. Quick, somebody get the Starfleet Enterprise pronto.

81. Wake up in the morning with some Nite Owl Coffee.

By the way, Nite Owl is a character from Watchmen. However, most people take their coffee in the morning. So I guess this should be called “Morning Owl Coffee” right?

82. When the Batmobile isn’t enough Gotham can call on Batman and Cyberex.

Now this is crazy. Seriously, this has Batman shooting missiles from a robotic dinosaur. And we know Batman doesn’t care for lethal weapons. So why does this exist?

83. Adorn yourself with these Superman Tunnel Plugs.

These are for piercings. Still, I think they’re kind of super stupid if you ask my opinion.

84. When you get up in the morning, munch on some Batman pop tarts.

This was for promoting Batman & Robin which is an embarrassment in the Batman franchise and George Clooney’s career. Still, you’re bound to enjoy these sugar tarts filled with artificial flavors.

85. Keep your money safe in this Batman piggy bank.

Available at Wal Mart. Still, not sure if it’s fitting for Batman to have a cute piggy bank like this.

86. Now the Caped Crusader could fight crime after dark as Night Hunter Batman.

Okay, this looks kind of a tech monster. Also, doesn’t Batman fight criminals at night without all this crap on him.

87. Nothing makes a better ride for the streets of Gotham City than a Batmobile Mini.

Actually Minis are terrible cars. Besides, I can’t see Batman driving this. It’s also quite ugly.

88. Stop the bad guys in Gotham City with this toy Batman gun.

Uh, is it just me or do some of these toy designers tend to forget that Batman loathes guns? He kind of goes by, “l’ll beat em’ up, but I won’t kill em.'”

89. For a more futuristic weapon, you have a Batman ray gun.

Not sure what to make about this. Maybe as long as you set it to stun. But then again, you should know what they say about Batman.

90. Make your car interior like the Batmobile with these Batman seat covers.

If you want this, make sure that you own the car. Otherwise, people might not be happy about having their seats covered with these.

91. Now you can help the Flash work out on his cosmic treadmill.

Uh, does the Flash really need a treadmill? Seriously, he moves about as fast as the speed of light. What kind of treadmill can do that?

92. Perhaps you can play a game of cards with this DC Comics Villain poker set.

After all, DC Comics is well known for its compelling villains. The Batman ones are especially vile, particularly the Joker. Bane is not far behind.

93. Scan over Gotham City with this RC Flying Batman.

Not sure if it’s fun. However, I’m even less sure if it’s even safe for kids. I mean those propellers might hurt somebody.

94. This Batman Pistol will help you fight crime in Gotham.

For love of God, why the hell are there so many Batman guns? For God’s sake, Batman’s known for hating them. Why don’t these manufacturers get a clue?

95. If you liked The Dark Knight Rises, then you’ll like this Hines Ward figurine.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. What does Hines Ward have to do with Batman? Well, he was in The Dark Knight Rises for God’s sake. Sure he wasn’t in it long. But they filmed the stadium explosion at Heinz Field.

96. If you like the Dark Knight Trilogy, then you’ll like this lovely keepsake statue.

Because nothing is more family friendly than seeing Batman beating the crap out of the Joker. Then again, the Joker is a homicidal maniac who kind of deserves to be punched in the face.

97. If you love Batman and Superman, perhaps you might want to commemorate the occasion with a Batman vs. Superman keepsake statue.

Because nothing exemplifies togetherness like Batman and Superman going at it. Nevertheless, they ought to know better and just make up. For the good of humanity.

98. Nothing is faster than having Superman on a motorcycle.

Uh, isn’t Superman supposed to be faster than a speeding bullet? So why the hell would he need a motorcycle? Also, why does Wonder Woman have red hair?

99. Help Superman travel to the scene with this Man of Steel U Command Motorcycle.

For God’s sake, Superman can fly to the scene if there’s a villain in town. He doesn’t need a motorcycle outside Krypton. Seriously, who the hell designs these things?

100. Crime doesn’t stand a chance with Neural Claw Batman.

Other than as a Halloween costume, I’m not sure how he could use the claw hands behind his wings. Also, I think whoever designed this was on acid at the time.

Dress for Justice in These Super DC Comics Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 18, 2016

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In recent years, comic book movies have dominated the box office over the summer months. After all, these usually tend to feature superheroes whom so many people grow up with. And since the Hollywood tends to think that teenage boys and young men are the pickiest demographic, they usually cater to them. Because if a boy likes Batman, he’ll tend to love Batman forever. However, this doesn’t mean you’d want Batman to date your daughter since this is the kind of guy who needs serious psychiatric counseling. Nevertheless, these tight wearing caped vigilantes that have a penchant for widespread destruction tend to be beloved by so many people with each generation. And even if these movies sucked due to replacing a great story with great visual effects and wall to wall action sequences, then there are people who are probably going to see it, but the tie-in merchandise, and get the DVD when the time comes. Because even when the cash cow doesn’t score with critics, these movies have reliable fanbases. And if you have that, Hollywood couldn’t care less on the quality. Still, when it comes to comic book superhero movies, the field tends to be dominated by DC and Marvel Comics. Batman-The-Dark-Knight-Wallpaper-70xcP

Since its inception in 1934, DC Comics is one of the largest and most successful companies operating in American comic books. Its current name is derived from Detective Comics which was an anthology series of theirs in the 1930s, which was responsible for the introduction of Batman in their #27 issue that came out in May 1939 causing a sensation. Not to mention, earlier DC had operated under the title of Action Comics which in June 1938 introduced Superman, one of the first superheroes which proved to be a sales hit. Since then, DC has introduced other superheroes such as Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Shazam, Hawkman, and Green Arrow. It also features teams as the Justice League, the Justice Society of America, and the Teen Titans. Not to mention villains like the Joker, Catwoman, Ra’s al Ghul, Darkseid, Lex Luthor, Deathstroke, Sinestro, Black Adam, and Brainiac. Today it’s owned by Time Warner which explains why its movies are produced by Warner Brothers these days. And on March 25 of this year, Warner Brothers will release Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, a movie I’m not really excited about for 3 reasons. First, it has Ben Affleck as Batman and I’m not sure whether to accept him as a worthy substitute after Christian Bale played him in The Dark Knight Trilogy. To me, Christian Bale will always be Batman and I don’t think Affleck could ever measure up to his acting ability. And I’d probably be more willing to see the film if it was Bale playing Batman instead. Second, despite Henry Cavill being a nice looking guy, I didn’t care for Man of Steel since it involved Superman nearly destroying his hometown and an entire city in a way that would make Hiroshima seem like school science lab explosion. Sure he was fighting General Zod and his cronies as well as trying to save the world. But still, this guy let thousands of innocent people die. Third, I’m expecting that a lot of sequences will be filled with long action sequences that aren’t really my thing. I know people enjoy that. But I think Hollywood should take it down a notch. I mean the reason why The Dark Knight Trilogy was so good on screen wasn’t due to the action sequences, it’s because the series is about a seriously messed up billionaire who turns to masked vigilantism to fight these incredibly dangerous villains despite possibly hurting everyone he loves in the process. It was about the relationships, dammit which gave great depth to Batman’s character. And that’s why people like it as well as like Batman.

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Now since superheroes are very popular, it’s not unusual for people to attend conventions dressed as their beloved characters. In fact, it’s quite common, especially for cosplays. Sure they may be plenty of superhero costumes you can buy at a store or online. But at events such as Comic Con, many of the fans usually make their own. And some even bring their families. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of people dressed as their costumed capers from the DCU. Still, since my familiarity pertaining to the DCU usually extends to Batman, expect a lot of Batman. Also, I had to do a lot of research on Wikipedia for many of these characters since they’re not very familiar to me.

All the way from Earth-2, say hello to Superman’s cousin from an alternative universe, Power Girl.

Super abilities include super strength, flight, heat vision, and significant cleavage. However, she refuses to be acknowledged as a derivative to Superman since she’s her own woman.

2. Harley Quinn tends to see herself as Daddy’s Lil’ Monster.

Harley Quinn is frequently seen as the sidekick and lover of the Joker. She’s said to start out as a shrink who fell hopelessly in love with him. What she saw in him, I don’t know.

3. There’s no one who could fight better in fishnet stockings than the Black Canary.

Along with Wonder Woman, Black Canary is one of DC’s earliest super heroines and is the partner of Green Arrow. Still, that doesn’t stop her from having a name you’d give to a film noir prostitute.

4. Looks like Wonder Woman got some sleek new body armor.

Well, she seems more protected than the guys from 300. But how do you expect her to protect her upper arms and thighs?

5. When it comes to Batman, no femme fatale love interest is more famous than Catwoman.

Let’s just say Catwoman is the woman Batman can’t seem to get enough of even though she’s not the best person for him. Still, she’s has a penchant for stealing jewelry while dressed as a cat.

6. Seems like Batwoman is coming up to bat.

Batwoman is supposed to be an heiress who was inspired to imitate Batman. This is her in a woman’s baseball uniform.

7. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Super Baby.

I’m sure having a Kryptonian baby around would be a parental nightmare. Still, this is adorable.

8. Apparently, Wonder Woman decided to have a go at being a pin up.

This is a more familiar Wonder Woman. But this time she’s wearing a star spangled skirt.

9. Seems like this Poison Ivy is straight out of the 19th century.

Some Steampunk incarnations will be featured on this post. This one is of Poison Ivy from Batman.

10. Think the Green Arrow should check his aim.

Because I hope he doesn’t shoot anyone’s eye out. Still, he seems to be a cross between Robin Hood and Zorro.

11. Seems like Batman got some silver plate armor.

Not sure if it goes with that outfit. But he certainly looks like a badass as always.

12. In the 19th century, Robin the Boy Wonder has got a gun.

This is Steampunk Robin. While his modern counterpart wears a cape and tights, he goes with a red shirt, coat, and goggles.

13. For loveable demon children, you can’t resist Raven.

She’s said to be an empath who can teleport and control her “soul self”which can fight physically as well as act as her eyes and ears. Though good, her powers don’t seem to make sense to me.

14. Guess Harley Quinn has been a very naughty girl.

Apparently, she’ been arrested in Gotham City. However, as we all know, Gotham’s prisons are basically made out of cardboard as far as we know.

15. When a critters in need, the bunny wonder will be there.

Yes, this is a Robin Rabbit. Sure it's adorable. But it has a weakness for veggies.

Yes, this is a Robin Rabbit. Sure it’s adorable. But it has a weakness for garden veggies.

16. Looks like this girl is bound to be a little wonder.

Yes, she’s a little Wonder Woman all right. And she’s so cute in her starry skirt.

17. As the first spin-off of a major superhero, Mary Marvel is simply stunning.

She’s a spin-off of Captain Marvel or Shazam. She predates Supergirl by more than a decade. Costume isn’t a female version of the Flash.

18. Apparently, the DC superheroes are all just hanging out on the steps.

I don’t know many of these heroes’ names. Because I’m not as familiar with the DCU as stuff like Star Wars, Hunger Games, or Harry Potter.

19. He may not be one of the scariest villains of Gotham City, but the Scarecrow is quite frightening.

Yes, the Scarecrow is quite scary at Gotham City. And most scarecrows usually aren’t.

20. Wonder Woman always aims to do her part to help the war effort.

Well, World War II effort anyway. And she’s armed with 2 golden guns in her hands.

21. When it comes to fighting crime, the Green Arrow and Black Canary do it together.

Actually, the two had only been professionally romantically involved since the 1960s. But they eventually married. However, in the Golden Age of Comics, the Black Canary was married to a detective named Larry Lance.

22. Now on CBS a new TV series called Supergirl.

Supergirl is said to be Superman’s cousin. And yes, she’s blond. However, my dad said he watched the show and it sucks.

23. Introducing the amazing Zatanna.

She’s a superhero who also happens to be a magician. She’s one of the most powerful sorceresses in the DC universe. And no, she didn’t model for Playboy.

24. When Bruce Wayne becomes too old to be the Batman, then Terry McGinnis takes the fold.

This was a WB cartoon that explored the darker aspects of Bruce Wayne. it’s also the first one to feature Batman as a teenager. Still, you can’t depict Bruce as a teen.

25. Seems like these two are super hellions to me.

These two are dressed like the Joker and Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad. Nevertheless, since the upcoming film is certainly rated R, it’s pretty disturbing how these kids are dressed.

26. Despite how he dresses, Robin is much tougher than he looks.

You have to wonder how someone thought designing Robin’s outfit like this was a good idea. Because people tend to make fun of it. Then again, Robin is supposed to be a teenager.

27. Harvey Dent was once the White Knight of Gotham, until he went nuts and became Two-Face.

He’s said to be able to bring upon good or evil based on the flip of a coin. Yes, having half your face dumped with acid could really mess you up.

28. When it comes to Wonder Woman’s costume, some of her outfits show more skin than others.

This is one of the more skimpier Wonder Woman costumes. I guess this is her bikini outfit.

29. In situations regarding hand to hand combat, Wonder Woman can certainly take a beating.

Well, Wonder Woman isn’t completely invulnerable. So it kind of makes sense that she might have bruises every once in awhile.

30. Guess these nurses aren’t known for their bedside manner.

If I saw nurses like the Joker and Harley Quinn at a real hospital, I’d freak out. Fortunately they’re just 2 fans at a comic convention.

31. Batman isn’t the only superhero who wears black in Gotham City.

This is Huntress. Sure this incarnation is her as a superhero. But it’s one shared by 2 different characters in the DCU.

32. Not sure if Batman should take on a sidekick that young.

It’s fair to say that these two are father and son who seem about to fight crime together. Still, it’s adorable.

33. “Why so serious?”

Well, we all had to be young once. Even Heath Ledger’s Joker. God knows what he’d be like on the playground.

34. Sometimes Harley Quinn tends to think that less is more.

Sometimes I wonder if the female superheroes and villains could get together and ask themselves why their outfits are designed to cater to adolescent boys. Because a lot of them have outfits that are so skimpy like this.

35. For a female assistant who kicks but in Gotham City, one might want to turn to Batgirl.

The most famous Batgirl is Barbara Gordon who’s the daughter of Gotham’s police commissioner. She’s also known for her smarts.

36. Lanterns assemble!

The Green Lantern is said fight evil with the aid of rings that grant them a variety of extraordinary powers. However, I really don’t understand this superhero franchise.

37. Even on a clear day, Static Shock can still make a spark.

Static was created by Milestone Comics (which is owned by DC) as a contemporary version of Spiderman. His civilian identity was derived from a black man who was denied entry into the University of Florida's School of Law in 1949.

Static was created by Milestone Comics (an imprint of DC) as a contemporary version of Spiderman. His civilian identity was derived from a black man who was denied entry into the University of Florida’s School of Law in 1949.

38. Apparently, Robin is said to work out at the gym in costume as well.

This was Joe Gordon Levitt dressed as Robin. He was in The Dark Knight Rises as a cop at the time.

39. While growing up, there was always that one girl who wanted to be Princess Batman.

C’mon, what can be more cooler than wearing gorgeous dresses as well as striking fear into Gotham’s criminals? This is awesome. Seriously, it doesn’t get better than this.

40. Don’t look now, but here comes the Bat Cat.

Bat Cat doesn’t play nice with unlawful mice like the Joker Rat. Gotham critters, you have been warned.

41. Poison Ivy can always blend into her surroundings.

In DC comics she’s known to be a notorious eco terrorist of Gotham City. She is one of the few members of Batman’s Rogue’s Gallery to have anything close to superpowers.

42. I have a feeling that we’ve seen this Wonder Woman before.

Hey, that’s Jennifer Lawerence, best known as Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. She also played Mystique in the X-Men series as well.

43. When out and about, Catwoman always has to bring her kittens along.

Yes, Catwoman sure loves her little ones with her. Let's hope she hasn't taken up stealing jewelry again. So cute.

Yes, Catwoman sure loves her little ones with her. Sure she might steal jewelry but that doesn’t mean she’s a terrible mom.

44. When there’s trouble afoot it’s up to Super Horse to save the day.

Yes, this is a horse in a Superman costume. Don’t ask me how they got the horse into it.

45. “Excuse me, but can you show me to the nearest phone booth?”

I’m sorry, Clark, but nobody uses phone booths to call people anymore. Also, how in the hell does anyone in Metropolis not know you’re Superman? I mean a pair of glasses isn’t a convincing disguise.

46. For fighting under the sea, you can’t do better than Aquaman.

I’m not very familiar with Aquaman either. Still, he’s said to be adapted to surviving in the sea and communicate with marine life.

47. It’s said a baby robin is a sign of spring.

Well, maybe not that kind of baby robin. But this Robin is so adorable that you don’t care.

48. Seems like Raven is deep seated in meditation.

This is her in the Teen Titans cartoon costume. There’s picture of her in Wikipedia in this kind of pose as well.

49. Starfire is said to be the kind of lady superhero who’s out of this world.

Okay, her outfit seems to make Wonder Woman seem modest by comparison. Still, she’s said to be an alien princess who fled to earth.

50. Looks like it’s a job for Batdog and Robin to the rescue.

Yes, these are dogs dressed as Batman and Robin. Still, shouldn’t the Scottie be the Batman. Because Batman is the Dark Knight.

51. When out and about, Poison Ivy likes to dress with nature.

Of course, many of these leaves are probably made from plastic. And being the staunch environmentalist she is, Poison Ivy would hate that.

52. I’m afraid we’re being beset by a very dangerous prisoner on the premises.

I guess this is a cosplay of Heath Ledger’s Joker. Let’s just say he’s a nightmare for correctional staff.

53. Finally, a Green Lantern who lives up to his name.

Because this guy has a green lantern. And yes, this is a Steampunk version.

54. As a Teen Titan, Jinx thinks she’s pretty in pink.

Well, pink hair as far as the Teen Titans cartoon goes. Still, earlier comics tend to depict her very differently.

55. Since Robin is a teenage superhero, Dick Grayson would soon assume a new identity as Nightwing.

Because Dick Grayson can’t be Robin forever and needs a new ID when he turns 18. At least his adult superhero ID comes with a better costume.

56. Seems like Batman and Catwoman make a rather adorable couple.

These seem like great costumes. But these two tend to be in what’s called a love-hate relationship.

57. Harley Quinn is said to be rather handy with a hammer.

No, you don’t want to mess with this clown. Because she’s known to be very violent and dangerous.

58. Who says that Wonder Woman can’t appear more ladylike?

I guess this is Wonder Woman’s 50’s housewife outfit. She may seem like a lovely woman. But if she sees you breaking into a neighbor’s house, you’re going to get it.

59. He’s nobody remarkable. Just your neighborhood superhero.

It’s widely said in Metropolis that he bears an uncanny resemblance to Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent. Hell, it’s even been speculated that the two are the same person.

60. In Gotham City, it’s best to watch out for the Penguin’s umbrella.

But he’s very polite since he fancies himself as a “gentleman of crime.” He also runs a nightclub called the Iceberg Lounge which Batman sometimes frequents to gain criminal underworld information.

61. Hope Batman is smart enough to outwit this Riddler.

It’s said the Riddler is a highly intelligent and smooth talking man with a host of personality disorders. He was also played by Jim Carrey in a movie.

62. Introducing Wonder Woman: Warrior Princess.

Well, she is said to be a princess of the Amazons. However, some of her comics depict the Greek gods way out of their true mythological nature.

63. Seems like Starfire has covered up nicely.

Maybe it’s because she was in a cartoon called Teen Titans. That might explain her toning down her wardrobe.

64. Looks like it’s going to be a job for Wondy the Riveter.

Yes, I know Wonder Woman seems to have a lot of variation with her outfits. This is her 1940s WWII getup.

65. Hope Princess Wonder Woman has a great time at the ball.

Yes, this is Wonder Woman in a princess ball gown. However, she’s not worrying about a midnight curfew or a glass slipper.

66. Catwoman always seems to have a weakness for shiny things.

This is Catwoman in what she had on during the 1960s Batman series. It’s kind of considered a camp type of entertainment.

67. Don’t forget the Nightwing also has a suit of blue.

Well, with a blue crest on it anyway. Probably to distinguish himself from his earlier identity as Robin.

68. Nobody wants to be near this Playboy bunny.

Yes, she may have a cork filled gun. But she’s not the kind of clown to mess with. Also, she’s dating the Joker.

69. For Aquaman, there’s no lady in the sea who’s better than Queen Mera.

She’s supposed to be a queen in exile from her kingdom. She and Aquaman also marry and have a son together.

70. When it comes to ruling that Zamarons, they tend to select a Star Sapphire as their queen.

There are many characters in The Green Lantern who are referred to as Star Sapphire. Many of them are villainous. Later they became the Violet Lantern Corps.

71. Sorry, kids, but it Superman has decided to retire.

That’s retired Superman all right. He just confines himself to convention appearances nowadays. But he shows up in his underwear.

72. Sure he may be a complete psychopath. But the Joker sure knows how to dress.

Originally, the Joker was said to be a one shot character. But then he ended up becoming so popular as well as one of the most iconic supervillains of all time.

73. Once in a while, Poison Ivy likes to shimmer.

Well, she at least fits in perfectly at Saint Patrick’s Day parade. However, would you even want her there?

74. Man, wonder what the hell happened to Superman?

Guess Superman isn’t very invincible after all. Then again, he probably received such injuries after nearly annihilating an entire city.

75. Looks like Harley and the Joker are so happy together.

Yes, they tend to be depicted as a couple. However, while Harley loves the Joker, the Joker is incapable of loving anyone. And he tends to use her in order to achieve his goal to get Batman at her expense. A healthy relationship it is not. But what do you expect if you dating the Joker?

76. If Bruce Wayne is held hostage, you might want to give Batwoman a call.

Yes, she’s the red haired caped crusader of Gotham City. She came before Batgirl who eventually replaced and surpassed her in popularity.

77. Seems like the Justice League has gotten together in some alternate universe.

Guess that the men dressed as female superheroes are very brave guys. Still, this is quite amusing if you ask me.

78. For some updated asskicking, Cyborg is here to save the day.

This guy was outfitted with prosthetics from his scientist parents to save his life. And he ended up becoming a member of the Teen Titans and the Justice League.

79. Seems like the Green Lantern Corps has come together.

Yes, there’s a Green Lantern Corps which are a squad of Green Lanterns. Don’t ask me why that is.

80. For an eco-terrorist, Poison Ivy makes a lovely ballerina.

Yes, she sure looks lovely. But she’s not nice at all since she’s a well known Batman villain. James T. Kirk, please don’t try to sleep with her.

81. Guess Wonder Woman decided to go casual.

Perhaps she didn’t want to wear the swimsuit anymore because she was tired of having to elicit interest of adolescent boys. Still, I think she looks better in jacket and pants anyway.

82. If you need a villain for the Teen Titans, Deathstroke is your man.

He’s a very popular DC villain that he got his own series. He was also in a super soldier experiment but it was one that turned out horribly wrong.

83. Guess the Bat family has come together.

There’s Batman, Robin, Nightwing, and Batgirl. So this means that Alfred took the picture though he should be part of the family, too. I mean Alfred practically raised Batman after his parents died.

84. Who knew that the Joker could look good in a suit?

But you’d still know that it’s the Joker due to his white face and green hair. Still, love the tux. Think it suits him.

85. Seems like Superman and Wonder Woman fight for truth and justice during the ye olde Renaissance.

However, I don’t think Superman from this era fights for the American way. Because the US didn’t exist yet. Love the stars on Wonder Woman’s dress. Still, I wonder how she could fight bad guys in that thing.

86. Don’t look now but I think Batman and Aquaman have gone medieval.

Guess we should call Batman Sir Bruce of Gotham who’s a literal dark knight. Nevertheless, love Aquaman’s trident.

87. Anyone in the sky would be wise to avoid the wrath of Hawkgirl.

No, she’s not the result of Wolverine’s affair with an angel. She’s Hawkgirl who was one of the first female superheroes since she was created in 1940. Still, it’s said her identity applies to 2 different women.

88. Those residing in Gotham City might want to watch out for Bane.

Because Bane ends up taking over Gotham City in the Dark Knight Rises. He also blows up Heinz Field during a Steeler game at one point as well.

89. For the Huntress, she may look sheek in silver.

Sure she might look tough. But I like her better in purple.

90. I’m sure Batgirl can get her own ride.

Here she is on her own little bat bike. So young yet so grown up.

91. Apparently, seems like Hawkman and Hawkgirl have come to roost.

In the original comics, it’s said that the 2 of them are a couple and were created in the same 1940 issue. They also had a son together who became a superhero as well.

92. Who’s that guy? Well, that’s the Question.

Question is his name. And yes, he tends to have his face covered so you won’t know who he is. Rorschach from Watchmen is a homage to him.

93. Here we have Zatanna at her desk with a skull.

Unlike some superheroes, when Zatanna is doing her gig when a villain’s on the loose, she doesn’t need to change. Still, I kind of like this picture for some reason.

94. When it comes to color schemes, Batgirl prefers black and yellow.

Because she wants to distinguish herself from Batman. Still, perhaps she should take the yellow down a notch since bright colors seem to stand out more.

95. In Gotham, the Dark Knight Rises at night to fight crime and bring justice to this dismal city.

His armor could use a paint job in this. Then again, Batman is supposed to be rather war weary if you think about it.

96. Looks like Joker and Harley are headed off to the beach.

Man, they sure look like a fun couple. Homicidal and psychotic but fun. Love the old timey swimsuits.

97. Remember, girls, you’re never too young to be Wonder Woman.

Sure she might be a little Amazon warrior. But still, she too adorable to resist.

98. Apparently, Zatanna decided to go with a yellow tie and cumberbun this time.

For the last time, she’s not a skimpy waitress. She’s a magician who’s also a superhero. And yes, she’d pull anything out of that hat of hers.

99. “Smile for the camera!”

To be honest, would you want the Joker to take your picture? Didn’t think so.

100. Seems like Starfire is just taking in some air.

For some reason, Starfire doesn’t seem to have much on her. Still, she’s said to be frequently involved with Robin and was married twice. But not to him.

Cast a Magic Spell with These Harry Potter Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 14, 2016

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As you may have seen so far, Harry Potter is wildly popular around the world. And like huge fans of Star Wars, Hunger Games, and the NFL, there are plenty of people who have their own brand of magic with their own Harry Potter craft projects. After all, if you’ve seen stuff on Pinterest and Etsy, you’re going to find out that there are fans that are way more obsessed than you. Nevertheless, at Hogwarts, while DIY projects aren’t really a thing, you do have Hermione making the Polyjuice potion for her, Harry, and Ron so they could disguise themselves as Slytherins and sneak into the common room to speak to Draco Malfoy. While this works to a point and the three got what they wanted, Hermione made a major mistake with adding a hair whom she thought was Slytherin student Millicent Bulstrode. However, it turned out to be her cat’s and she had to go to the hospital wing. Let’s just say the Polyjuice potion works well when you’re planning to disguise yourself as a person. However, doesn’t work well when you put a hair of a species that’s different than you. Nevertheless, it was a very funny moment in the series. So for your magical reading pleasure, here I give you a glimpse of all the enchanting Harry Potter craft projects.

Curl up on your couch with your very own Hogwarts House quilt.

Has all 4 Hogwarts houses in its own color scheme and patterns. More like something I’d want for display though.

2. I’m sure any witch would be pleased to wear a pair of Hedwig earrings.

These look so cute. I wonder what kind of person would make stuff like this.

3. Show your loved one where you’d meet them with this pillow.

“I’ll meet you at Platform 9 3/4,” that’s brilliant. I mean you have to be a big fan to want this.

4. If your house elves aren’t available, use this sign.

Of course, using house elves as slaves kind of highlights the dark side of the wizarding world. However, us Harry Potter fans don’t really talk about this.

5. If you loved Hedwig, then you’ll adore this stuffed owl.

Well, stuffed felt owl anyway that resembles Hedwig. But I think this is amazing.

6. Bring the magic wherever you go with this Harry Potter patchwork bag.

Not sure where some of these come from. But I think it’s wonderful to behold.

7. Nothing can make your Harry Potter life complete without these Hogwarts student peg people.

Some of these even have yarn hair on them. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Neville, Cho, and Luna.

8. Little did Voldemort know that he had enough horcruxes for a charm bracelet.

As any Potterhead would know, the horcruxes are Tom Riddle’s diary, Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, Slytherin’s locket, Hufflepuff’s cup, Ravenclaw’s diadem, Harry Potter, and Nagini. I’m sure it’s apparent for those who’ve read the books.

9. This sign post will help you find your way to wherever you desire.

Shows the way to Privet Drive, Hogwarts Express, Ollivander’s, Knockturn Alley, Ministry of Magic, Gringotts, and Diagon Alley. Nevertheless, love the signs if you ask me.

10. Grace your door to bring magic in your home with this Harry Potter wreath.

It’s in the standard Gryffindor colors as well as consists of Harry’s trademark glasses and lightning bolt scar. All in all, it’s a fitting tribute.

11. Show your guests where the butterbeer is with this 3 Broomsticks sign.

Not sure if the sign looks like that in the movies or the books. But I like it.

12. Show pride for your Hogwarts house with these pendant necklaces.

Each of these are made from clay according to its Etsy listing. But they look do well done, I just want to collect them all.

13. If you want to know where your family is, you might want to go with your very own Weasley clock.

I’m sure this was made by someone with too much time on their hands. Still, it’s almost exactly as I imagined it.

14. If you liked Fawkes the Phoenix, then you might appreciate this embroidery piece.

This is a lovely embroirdery piece of Fawkes. Whoever made it really got the color scheme right. Love this.

15. Show your Hogwarts House pride with these house scarf earrings.

Will surely go great with those House pendant necklaces. Still, wonder how anyone could knit scarves so small like that.

16. For Fawkes the Phoenix fans, this amigurumi will melt your heart.

This shows how the bird looks at 4 different angles. Nevertheless, this is adorable.

17. Of course, be wary around this crocheted mandrake.

Not sure if the mandrake is as ugly as you see in the movies. But I think this is clever.

18. This Golden Snitch necklace will open at the close.

Or so it seems like it since it looks as if the clasps are in the center. Still, not sure why they’d have a Golden Snitch in Quidditch in the first place other than it being a quick way to end a match.

19. If you want to go back an hour this spring, you might need a time turner necklace.

Again, while Dumbledore says that magic can’t bring back the dead, somehow Harry and Hermione used a time turner to bring back Buckbeak and help Sirius Black escape. Yes, it’s kind of confusing.

20. For any potions classroom, you might want to go with a hanging like this.

Of course, Professor Snape might think it’s a waste of space. But then again, he’s not much for decorating anyway.

21. Decorate your home for your Harry Potter party with magical decorations like these.

These are outdoor decorations. But they’re certainly in the creative Harry Potter spirit. I mean they tend to resemble Harry’s things.

22. When it comes to Harry Potter, these finger puppets are hard to resist.

These are made of felt. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, Hagrid, Snape, Dobby, Dumbledore, and Voldemort.

23. Study for your exams with your very own Hogwarts desk.

Not even Harry had a desk at Hogwarts like this. Still, I’m sure it was made by someone with too much time on their hands.

24. This hairpin will help you show your Hogwarts spirit.

Well, this looks doable for the Hogwarts crest. Well, if I had better drawing skills anyway.

25. Support the Gryffindor Quidditch team with your very own Luna Lovegood lion hat.

Yes, Luna Lovegood wore a hat like this in the books. Yes, she’s kind of eccentric as you see. But you have to like this.

26. Got empty bottles and jars? Make potion containers out of them.

This is a creative idea. Just paint them black and put labels and corks on them. Still, you wouldn’t want to drink from them.

27. A stuffed Hedwig like this would make you hoot for joy.

Yes, it’s another stuffed Hedwig. But this one has Harry Potter glasses and a Gryffindor scarf.

28. When it comes to receiving a word from home, nobody wants to get a howler.

A howler is a letter in the wizarding world in which the sender yells at the recipient. Ron gets one from his mom in Book 2 after he and Harry took the Mr. Weasley’s flying car to Hogwarts which later got them entangled in the Whomping Willow.

29. Now you can board the Hogwarts Express at Platform 9 3/4.

Actually it’s a curtain of the wall that wizards have to go through to get to Platform 9 3/4. Still, it’s pretty clever.

30. Keep your home lit with this lamp of the Deathly Hallows symbol.

Let’s just say if you have a triangle lamp, it shouldn’t be hard for you to design something like this. Still, you should know what each shape stands for.

31. Know what spell to use with this Harry Potter light switch cover.

As any Potter fan knows, Lumos means light and Nox means night. It’s pretty straightforward.

32. Through this sampler, may you solemnly swear that you’re up to no good.

Of course, you have to say these words in order to open the Marauder’s Map. It’s perhaps one of the most underrated magical items in the wizarding world ever.

33. Nothing makes a Harry Potter party like a bunch of letters coming out from the fireplace.

With the way the fireplace is where I live, I could never pull this off at my house. Still, I think it’s brilliant.

34. In case of being cursed, it’s always great to have a potion trunk handy.

Unlike in chemistry sets, none of these work. They’re more or less used to put on necklaces or bracelets.

35. If you don’t live at Hogwarts, you can always make a sculpture of one in a cauldron.

This one is made from clay as you see. And probably by someone with too much time on their hands, too.

36. You never know how easy it is to make a broomstick.

This one just consists of wrapping twigs on big stick with packing tape. Seems doable if you ask me.

37. Tell the time to get on board the Hogwarts Express with this clock of Platform 9 3/4.

Yes, this is a clock. Yes, I thought there was paint chipped from this, too when I first saw this.

38. Lay your head on this Hedwig pillow.

It’s just a bright blue cushion pillow with a snowy owl on it. But I’m sure any Potter fan would adore this.

39. “After all this time?”

Pretty much sums up Snape’s love for Lily. And why his patronus is a doe.

40. You can never get more endearing than with these Harry Potter amigurumi.

This one includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hedwig, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Voldemort. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

41. Have your home be the ultimate Harry Potter sanctuary with these canvas blocks.

These consist of the Deathly Hallows, the Golden Snitch, Platform 9 3/4, and Harry’s glasses and scar. Bound to go well in any room.

42. Before going to Diagon Alley, make sure you have some wizard money with you.

As you know, wizard money consists of galleons, sickles, and knuts. And no, they have no bills or charge cards to speak of. Even though those products really come in handy.

43. Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans are great for charm bracelets.

In fact, it comes to my attention that these beans are better for decorating than eating. Then again, I was never a fan of jelly beans anyway.

44. Be the brave witch in your kitchen with your Gryffindor apron.

I don’t know about you. Yet, did you ever wonder whether they practiced lab safety in Potions class? Just a thought.

45. Remember, anyone with unpaired socks can now donate them for a good cause.

Yes, donate your socks to save Dobby and his house elf friends. Okay, maybe Harry helped free him. But still, this is great.

46. A Harry Potter party is never complete without a golden owl sculpture.

Even if people don’t get the Harry Potter reference, they’d still think this is amazing. Still, probably created by someone with too much time on their hands.

47. If you like the Chamber of Secrets, you might like this diorama of Ron and Harry flying to Hogwarts.

Let’s hope they watch out for the Whomping Willow. And sightings from Muggle conspiracy theorists.

48. For a Harry Potter tea party, you can never find a better tea set than this.

Well, this was listed on Etsy. Still, this seems like something you’d find at a Hogwarts gift shop for some reason.

49. Hanging a wreath like this at the door can help ward off Dementors.

Yes, it’s a Patronus wreath as you see. And it seems that these people’s patronuses are a horse and jellyfish.

50. Of course, no Harry Potter craft post is complete without a set of nesting dolls.

Includes Dumledore, Snape, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Voldemort. Still, I’ve put nesting dolls of Hunger Games and Star Wars back in November.

51. Seems like the Weasleys have gone a bit high tech.

Sometimes I don’t know why wizards don’t embrace higher forms of technology. A clock like this would make the Weasleys’ lives so much easier even with magic.

52. Step into Hogwarts with these Harry Potter high heels.

Yes, I had Harry Potter high heels in my last post. But these are more decorated as you see.

53. Cover up your couch with this Harry Potter afghan.

I see that the edges contain the Deathly Hallows symbol. But you have to appreciate the design.

54. If you need a patronus, this sampler of a stag should help.

Harry’s is a stag like his dad’s would be since it was his animagus form. Love the craftsmanship here.

55. Nothing makes your Gryffindor common room better than a lamp like this.

Well, it has a Gryffindor lampshade and a Hedwig lamp body. Still, I think it’s brilliant.

56. Grace your magical home with your very own Deathly Hallows mirror.

I know this isn’t suited for a bathroom. But it would look great in a hall or a living room.

57. At Diagon Alley, you could always lounge at the Leaky Cauldron.

This is a Leaky Cauldron sign. Nevertheless, I think it almost seems like you’d see in the movie.

58. Nothing brings the magical world of Harry Potter to life than these Chibi figures.

Well, can’t name the characters in this bunch since it would be a long list. But they all look so cute.

59. This Harry Potter patchwork bag really brings out the magic.

Yes, I know it’s another Harry Potter patchwork bag. But this one is in a different design. So creative though.

60. For a more laid back home, you might like this Harry Potter bookshelf quilt.

Contains an assortment of Harry’s things. But be sure to be careful with The Monster Book of Monsters.

61. Don’t worry, I’m sure the stag patronus would ward off the dementor.

Sure they may be Halloween and Christmas decorations meshed together. But you have do admit that this is clever.

62. I suppose these signs will help you find your way in the wizarding world.

Signs consist of Hogwarts, Knight Bus, Quiddich, Diagon Alley, Ministry of Magic, Shell Cottage, the Burrow, Hogsmeade, and Godric’s Hollow. Love the colors on these, too.

63. If you need something to carry your things, Hermione’s purse is just for you.

Man, I wish I had something like this. Doesn’t hurt that it’s purple. Nor the fact it can hold almost everything you need. Well, as far as the books and movies are concerned.

64. If you love gardening, then this Harry Potter terrarium should do nicely.

Guess it’s Harry, Ron, and Hermione out somewhere. And here’s Harry with his books and Hedwig.

65. Show your House pride with these Hogwarts House pillows.

Each of these is made of felt with the House colors and symbol. Yet, these are all adorable.

66. Raise a glass for your House with these Hogwarts wine glasses and carafe.

The carafe has the Hogwarts crest on it. The glasses represent a house. Makes a great commemorative set.

67. Seems like Hedwig has brought Harry something special.

Well, this is an embroidery of Hedwig bringing Harry a broom. Not sure what you think about it. But I like it.

68. Oh, my God, the Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Watch out, muggle borns.

I know this is for a party. But when you read it in Book 2, it wasn’t something worth celebrating about.

69. Experience the magic of Harry Potter with this commemorative quilt.

Yes, I know it’s another quilt. But this one contains stuff pertaining to the books and movies.

70. Celebrate the Harry Potter series by hanging this wreath upon your door.

Now this seems like a definitive Harry Potter wreath. They even have the taped glasses and Hogwarts on it.

71. Relive the world of Harry Potter with this peg people Hogwarts Dollhouse.

Sure it’s not exactly like Hogwarts. But I think it’s rather ingenious nevertheless. So it goes on this post.

72. For all you die hard Potter fans out there, this quilt is for you.

Wonder who would have so much time on their hands to make this quilt. Still, this is incredible to look at.

73. Of course, we try not to discriminate against muggles.

Muggles are non-magic folk in Harry Potter. Yet, I think this sign is so funny.

74. If you want to know your way around Hogwarts, it helps if you paint your closet door as the Marauder’s Map.

The Marauder’s Map also tells you where people are at all times. Yet, I suppose this door was painted like the map by someone with too much time on their hands.

75. When it comes to lawn furniture, nothing is more magical than this Harry Potter wooden lawn chair.

Now that’s the kind of lawn chair I wouldn’t want to put outside. I’d be afraid about the lovely paint job being washed off by the rain.

76. Ladies, show your love for Hogwarts with this lovely black skirt.

This one has all house signs and other magical things. Still, love the purple bow.

77. Master the dead of night with this Deathly Hallows lamp.

Shapes of the Deathly Hallows: The line symbolizes the Elder Wand, held by the brother who died lusting for power. The circle represents the Resurrection Stone held by the brother who died for love. And the Triangle represents the Invisibility Cloak held by the brother who hid away from Death for many years before greeting him as an old friend.

78. Now even the birds can enjoy the magic of Hogwarts.

Yes, this is a Harry Potter birdhouse. A place for wizard birds everywhere to congregate and live.

79. For those who wish to do magic, these Harry Potter wands are just for you.

These are DIY wands which probably are less expensive than ones sold by major companies. They’re also more colorful.

80. When arriving in the house, always know where to put your broom.

Yes, this is a broom rack. No, those brooms aren’t for cleaning. But this is pretty clever if you ask me.

81. Nothing makes a great Harry Potter party than decorating some wine glasses with horcrux cocktail rings.

And there are 7 of these for good measure. Note that Harry’s is red and 3 have other house colors on them.

82. When it comes to wands, each wizard’s is unique.

Yes, this is another set of DIY wands. Yet, these seem to resemble the wands that you’ve seen in the movies.

83. Those who’ve seen the Chamber of Secrets might remember when Ron tried to turn his rat into a water goblet.

Yes, I remember this. It’s also pretty disturbing considering that Ron’s rat wasn’t really a rat at all.

84. Those of whom remember the Sorcerer’s Stone might enjoy this flying key mobile.

Those flying keys certainly bring back memories. If you want to catch one, try to go with the old looking one with the broken wing.

85. If you got a train set, you might like this little train engine.

Yes, this is a wooden rendition of the Hogwarts Express. And yes, it’s quite delightful if you ask me.

86. If you like the riches at Gringotts, then this gold bar might suit your fancy.

However, since this is a replica, you shouldn’t have to worry about the goblins wanting it. And they’re pretty greedy about their stuff. I mean they didn’t take it very well when Godric Gryffindor’s sword was taken from them.

87. Nothing makes a true Harry Potter fan than a pair of earrings like these.

These include the Gryffindor colors, the lightning bolt scar, and Harry’s glasses. Pretty cool though.

88. If you love Luna Lovegood, then you can’t do without these accessories.

Not sure if I recall the cork necklace or the bug ring. But I certainly remember the turnip earrings.

89. When you need a guide to Hogwarts, this map is for you.

Sure it's not the Marauder's Map. But it's a fine illustration just the same.

Sure it’s not the Marauder’s Map. But it’s a fine illustration that it’s a work of art on its own merit.

90. To help you through your day, this clock could come in handy.

I know it’s not a Weasley clock. But this one does help you know what you should do by the hour.

91. When it comes to studying potions, it helps when you have all the ingredients and concoctions you can get.

This one has a number describing what each potion is. Some might be more harmful than others. So use caution.

92. Know where your Hogwarts House stands up with these beaded point necklace vials.

$The Hogwarts Houses go by a point system pertaining to successes and infractions. However, by the later points, nobody seems to care about winning the house cup anymore.$

The Hogwarts Houses go by a point system pertaining to successes and infractions. However, by the later points, nobody seems to care about winning the house cup anymore.

93. Anyone who likes Mrs. Weasley’s sleeves might love this sweater.

Yeah, you have to love those sleeves. Not sure whether the rest of it goes with them. But I’ll take it.

94. Seems like Ron drove his dad’s car into the Whomping Willow.

Let’s just say the Whomping Willow is the last tree you’d probably want to run into. I mean it attacks people. Still, this is pretty good.

95. If you like Quidditch, you might take to these Golden Snitch earrings.

The existence of the Golden Snitch in Quidditch makes me suspect that matches aren’t timed or sectioned. How else can I explain that?

96. This Weasley watch will let you know where your loved ones are while on the go.

I’m sure Mrs. Weasley has to have a watch like this. Well, this one just tells the time. But it’s clever nonetheless.

97. Keep your ingredients organized with this potion spice rack.

Don’t know whether Professor Snape would have paprika or cinnamon on him. But this is clever.

98. Keep yourself warm with this owl post beanie.

This is a beanie with an owl carrying a letter in it. Not sure if it’s Hedwig though.

99. Support your Hogwarts house by wearing one of these necklace pendants.

Each pendant comes with house animal and colors. Not sure if I’d want to wear any of them though.

100. Experience the magic of Harry Potter with these necklace pendants on a chain.

Each pendant pertains to something from the Harry Potter series. But I think it’s best you wear one of these at a time.

Diagon Alley Worthy Harry Potter Merchandise

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 13, 2016

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) (Screengrab)

In the world of Harry Potter, there are all kinds of places to shop. There’s Diagon Alley which sells a lot of stuff for young witches and wizards preparing for their first or subsequent year of Hogwarts as well as for other wizarding needs. There’s Knockturn Alley for stuff pertaining to the Dark Arts and flesh eating slug repellant, but you don’t want to go there. Then there’s Hogsmeade which is a wizard village that has some restaurants and tourist stuff. Oh, and later on, Fred and George start a joke shop called Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Of course, here in the muggle real world we must toil, Harry Potter has become such a smash hit with 7 books and 8 movies that it has made scores of money on merchandise. Whether the beneficiaries be J. K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Amazon, companies, or some random people on Etsy. And let’s just say there are all kinds of Harry Potter merchandise out there like Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, action figures, T-shirts, house banners, and the like. But I decided to dedicate my post to some of the ridiculous Harry Potter stuff out there that might have some unfortunate implications. So for your reading pleasure, I give you this.

Show your support for the Dark Lord with this dark mark tattoo decal.

Of course, unlike the real dark marks in the series, it actually comes off. But c’mon, it’s basically a symbol of a wizard terrorist organization for God’s sake.

2. This pair of underwear will show that you’ll go sleazy for Ronald Weasley.

Of course, anyone who wears this might want to be wary of Hermione Granger. Take a cue what happened to what she did when Ron dated Lavender Brown in Book 6. It wasn’t pretty.

3. If you see yourself a Ravenclaw, you might want Rowena’s diadem of your very own.

Note that it has a tragic provenance since it was stolen by her daughter who ended up in a murder-suicide with the Bloody Baron. Also contains a fragment of Voldemort’s soul making it a horcrux that must be destroyed.

4. For the Harry Potter foodie, this Harry Potter cookbook is for you.

Not sure what kind of recipes are in this one. And I’m not sure if I’d want to know at any rate.

5. There’s nothing that brings eternal glory like a Triwizard Cup.

However, remember that it’s also a portkey that could transport you and your co-champion to a cemetery to see the Dark Lord’s resurrection. Oh, and if you’re Cedric Diggory, you won’t come out alive.

6. If you’re into Harry Potter and takeout, these wand chopsticks are for you.

Made in Japan, by the way, which explains a lot. And I thought lightsaber chopsticks were crazy. I mean wands are for magic, not eating utensils.

7. Those who are a Hufflepuff at heart might enjoy Helga’s cup.

Keep in mind that Voldemort stole this and killed its owner before making it into a horcrux. It also sat in a Gringotts vault with a complicated magic security system.

8. Impress the Harry Potter man in your life with these golden snitch nipple pasties.

With products like these, you’d wonder if there was any Harry Potter themed strip club out there. Okay, I shouldn’t have said that.

9. Cuddle up on your couch with your very own Fang plushie.

As Potterheads know, Fang is Hagrid’s dog that accompanies him and tends to drool a lot. I think I’ve seen a plushie of Fluffy that was cuter than this.

10. Assume the form of someone else with this Polyjuice potion flask.

I don’t think you can make Polyjuice potion in real life. However, if you can, make sure you don’t put any animal hair in it before consumption. Hermione learned this the hard way.

11. If you’re into the dark arts and jewelry, this Slytherin locket is for you.

Of course, Voldemort stole this from his mother’s family and turned it into a horcrux. It’s been causing all kinds of terrible shit ever since.

12. If you’re into magical creatures, you might like the Monster Book of Monsters.

It’s the kind of vicious textbook you have to wrestle with before you read. Literally it’s not a book you can just curl up with on a rainy day.

13. Those who have a fascination with the dark arts or Deathly Hallows might adore this Marvolo Gaunt ring.

It’s a horcrux that used to contain a Resurrection Stone. However, when Dumbledore wore it, it withered his hand and led him to seek assisted suicide. Hey, it was to save Draco Malfoy’s life, too.

14. Magically scrub yourself with some Half-Blood soap.

Wonder what this smells like. Still, doesn’t help that it has glitter on it. That stuff could get everywhere.

15. For those who turn into a beast at a certain time of the month, try some wolfsbane potion.

Yes, the kind of potion for werewolves that’ll keep them from transforming on their time of the month. However, it’s bound to make them ill though.

16. If you’re into Quidditch, how about ride on this Firebolt?

According to The Richest, this thing is said to cost $294.95. Let’s just say it would be cheaper if you used a broom in the closet.

17. For a real broomstick riding experience, you can’t go wrong with a Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom.

Actually you can’t buy this anymore because parents complained about it. Mostly because it was a phallus shaped toy that vibrates when wedged between a kid’s legs.

18. Seems like someone’s Chamber of Secrets has been opened.

Yeah, I get the picture and know what “Chamber of Secrets” means. Yet, sometimes it only takes the right basilisk.

19. Those into chess might enjoy this Harry Potter wizard chess set.

Of course, it’s not as violent as Wizard Chess in Harry’s world. Also, it costs a whopping $395.95, which is ridiculous.

20. For your magical pet, I’m sure they’d feel right at home in a replica of Hagrid’s hut.

Okay, this was probably made by someone with too much time on their hands. Also, I think your pet needs a place like this. Just saying.

21. Cast a spell with this Harry Potter wand in your bedroom.

Uh, that’s a dildo which is clearly an adult toy. Okay, this is just wrong here.

22. Solemnly swear that you’re up to no good in this Marauder’s Map corset.

Another thing you might see in a Harry Potter strip club. Or sex dungeon. I’m not sure which.

23. Nothing makes a sweeter rub down than some Butterbeer massage oil.

Because nothing makes you and your lover more attractive than smelling like you’ve just come out of the Three Bromsticks at Hogsmeade. And I’m sure that’s a hotel and bar where they serve alcoholic beverages to teenagers. Then again, they’re British, but still.

24. These panties will show that you long for Neville’s bottom.

Well, since he was played by Matthew Lewis in the later movies, it’s easy to see why. I mean puberty was very good to him.

25. Call upon this pair of boxers to summon your patronus in your trousers.

Guys, I’m sure those boxers would just be plenty to keep the dementors away. Still, why such a pair exist I have no idea.

26. For a great place to keep your wand, fellas, look no further.

Depends on the wizard who wields it. And if you’re not him, then no thanks.

27. For those of the brave of heart, the sword of Gryffindor can be yours.

All you have to pay is $195.95. Seriously, I can find one that’s cheaper by pulling it out of a hat.

28. Love the smell of nature? Well, this Hagrid’s hut wax melt is for you.

I don’t know about you, but would you really want your place to smell like Hagrid’s hut? Seriously, I think there are better places in Harry Potter that smell better than that. The Burrow, for instance.

29. Protect yourself traveling through your lady’s Chamber of Secrets with these Harry Poppers.

Yes, these are condoms by Magic X. Unfortunately, they’re no longer available since Warner Brothers sued the Swiss manufacturer for copyright infringement.

30. Keep your cigs magically in order with your own Harry Potter cigarette case.

Uh, I know there may be smokers who like Harry Potter. However, this doesn’t mean we should have Harry Potter themed tobacco paraphernalia.

31. Harry Potter pancakes are part of this magically complete breakfast.

Of course, if you make a house elf cook them, Hermione would get mad at you. Still, this seems like a silly marketing ploy to me.

32. Smell magically fresh with some Harry Potter EDT Spray.

I think this one was made before the movies ever came out. Not sure who the hell thought up this. I mean it’s pretty strange.

33. For a magical treat, snack on some of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans.

These are jellybeans. Sure you’ll find some fruity flavors. But you’ll also have earwax, booger, vomit, dirt, and rotten egg. What’s not to love?

34. This decal is guaranteed to help you find your way to the Ministry of Magic.

I’m sure your guests who aren’t familiar with the series won’t get this. But yes, you enter to the Ministry of Magic through some rundown public bathroom as I’ve read in the books.

35. For a magical night, put on some Deathly Hallow nipple pasties.

Okay, I'm sure the Wizarding World of Harry Potter must have its own strip club. Otherwise, how could I explain how these exist?

Okay, I’m sure the Wizarding World of Harry Potter must have its own strip club. Otherwise, how else could I explain how these exist?

36. Deck your Harry Potter home with this mounted house elf head.

Sure it’s not Dobby. But this doesn’t make the house elf head display less disturbing.

37. For keepsake items, I’m sure this mandrake baby will suit your fancy.

Okay, mandrake babies are incredibly creepy. The costumes are cute for babies. But this, not so much.

38. Those who love Mad Eye Moody would appreciate this hip flask and magic eye.

Not sure to decide which one is more disturbing. Then again, maybe the hip flask since I know it wasn’t used to store pumpkin juice in Book 4.

39. Why have a Marauder’s Map when you could get a Marauder’s Map dress?

Okay, since when would anyone make a dress out of the Marauder’s Map? Seriously, why?

40. If you think My Little Pony is too cutesy for your taste, there’s always My Little Death Eater.

I know this is possibly the most demented My Little Pony I’ve ever seen. Still, I think it’s hilarious.

41. If you liked the Chamber of Secrets, then you’ll like this basilisk fang necklace.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to wear that at school if it has a very strict weapons policy. Still, not sure if it would make you look like a badass either.

42. As you might recall, extendable ears are great for eavesdropping.

However, in the muggle world we live in, these are just novelty toys. But in the books, they’re one of Fred and George Weasley’s joke inventions.

43. Forgot anything? You might need a remembrall.

Okay, it doesn’t make red smoke if your forget something. However, at least you won’t have Draco Malfoy steal it off you like he did to Neville just for kicks.

44. For those seeking enlightenment, perhaps this Zen Dobby might help you.

Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf. And Dobby only pawn in game of life.

45. For your Harry Potter Christmas tree, this ornament is just the ticket.

Because nothing makes a Merry Christmas than flying on some brooms to escape from fiendfire. At least they didn’t end up like Crabbe (or Goyle in the movie).

46. Ensnare a crush to desire you with a bottle of Amortentia.

I don’t see anything wrong with this since I know it’s not going to work being made by muggles on Etsy. But in the wizarding world, Amortentia is the most powerful love potion and like other love potions, its Muggle equivalent are roofies. Seriously, love potions are date rape drugs. Look what happened to Ron when he ate some some chocolates from one of Harry’s stalkers.

47. For the die hard Potterheads, you can finally buy your own Invisibility Cloak.

Okay, I know it certainly won’t make you invisible. However, it does have a magical power of its own. Like making your $300 magically disappear. Yes, $300 you could’ve spent on something better like anything.

48. Prepare for the Battle of Hogwarts with your very own Ultimate Dueling Battle Trainer.

I could see why Voldemort is the target. Other than that, I’m not sure why this exist? At least the Star Wars one would cooler if you ask me.

49. For your castle, line your mantle with these potion bottles.

Sure these are for display only. Because if it was the wizarding world, you really don’t want to know what these do to you.

50. If you like gardening, you might like this mandrake in a pot.

Like I said before, mandrakes aren’t adorable. In fact, they’re hideous. However, they do come in handy when students are petrified.

51. Don’t have any time? Get yourself a time turner like Hermione did.

Sure it may not turn back time since it’s a replica. However, it’s known to cost about $224.95.

52. Of course, I couldn’t forget Tom Riddle’s diary.

You know the one he used to lure Ginny into the Chamber of Secrets. And the one Harry eventually stabbed in there. Of course, the Chamber of Secrets thing would’ve been avoided if Lucius just didn’t sneak it in Ginny’s basket.

53. For the brave and bold, you have to have a Gryffindor crocheted bikini.

I’m not sure why these yarn bikinis exist. I mean they’re not the kind you’d want while swimming. Seriously, why?

54. At Hogwarts, smell like the scent in the house you belong to.

Wait a minute, each Hogwarts house has its own perfume bottle? Seriously, do fans really need stuff like this? I think it’s overdoing it.

55. These panties might say you love good even if you’re not Luna.

I don’t know what to make about these Potter panties. Guess they’re very popular. Can’t come up with a better explanation.

56. Need socks? How about some Harry Potter sock yarn?

I don’t see why they’d make such a promotion. Socks are one thing. But sock yarn? Seriously?

57. Seems like anyone wearing this shirt might have narrow dating interests.

Well, maybe “muggles” here means non-Harry Potter fans. Still, some might take it the wrong way.

58. “My magic brings Voldemort to the yard, damn right it’s hurting my scar.”

Yes, but that doesn’t mean Harry would want people to note that. Also, it’s bound to put him and his friends in a highly dangerous situation.

59. Drink your worries away with this “Obliviate” beer glass.

Well, that’s one way to do it. Then again, you might not want to drink out of this while driving.

60. Quidditch wouldn’t be the same without a bludger and a beater bat.

You know the magic balls that go after players and the sticks you hit them with. At least the muggle equivalent isn’t as nasty.

61. Charm your sweetheart with some love potion.

I think it’s just candy filled in this one. However, in the wizarding world, love potions their equivalent to date rape drugs. Yet, somehow they’re readily available.

62. Show your house pride with these Hogwarts house rings.

Now I’ve heard of class rings. But Hogwarts house rings. Isn’t it a bit much? I mean why?

63. Keep your dog snug and warm with this Gryffindor hat.

I guess this is for a pug which kind of makes sense. Why it exists, I have no idea.

64. Hold your door with this door stopper Dobby.

Okay, Dobby may not be the scariest characters from Harry Potter. But this doorstop is so freaky looking for some reason.

65. Show that you like to be Slytherin in the sheets.

Yes, I get the puns and how these underwear could sell. But still, that doesn’t change that Harry Potter was originally meant for children.

66. Enjoy the mystery with this Harry Potter Clue game.

“It was Professor Snape in the Great Hall with a candlestick.” Couldn’t resist saying that.

67. If you’re into making money, you might like some Harry Potter Monopoly.

Oh, sorry, it seems that you have to go directly to Azkaban. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 galleons.

68. Pop the question to your girlfriend with this Golden Snitch engagement ring.

Guys, unless she insists on a ring like a golden snitch, don’t get her one. Even if she likes Harry Potter. Also, costs $155.

69. To help you through the night, you might take to a Deluminator.

The version of this product is a flashlight. However, the wizard version can put out lights and help you find your friends. So disappointing.

70. Own a piece of Harry Potter lore with a replica of his glasses.

These costs about $59.95 and they’re for display only, By contrast, some pairs of designer frames are relatively cheaper with or without insurance coverage.

71. The Mirror of Erised always reflects what you desire.

Well, this one is just a mirror which only reflects what you look like. And this can be yours for $69.00.

72. For the shiny smart witches, you might take to this blinged Ravenclaw bra.

Seems like something you’d find in Luna Lovegood’s lingerie drawer. And I don’t think she’d wear it to impress boys. But you’d never know.

73. Now you can write like a wizard with this replica Harry Potter quill set.

This set costs about $34.99, which is pretty steep. Because I could easily find a feather like that during a walk to the cemetery around turkey season. In fact, I have a quill of my own that I didn’t have to pay for at all.

74. Now you can open up letters with this mighty sword of Gryffindor letter opener.

Now that looks like one of the most expensive letter openers I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I bet it costs more than a mere paper weight.

75. Keep yourself magically clean with some Sirius Black inspired soap.

Let’s hope these smell like Books 4 and 5 Sirius Black and not Book 3. Because the Book 3 Sirius Black smells worse than Hagrid on a good day.

76. For some magical tea time, you can always go with a Deathly Hallows tea infuser.

Of course, since the books came out in Britain you can understand this. Then again, the Deathly Hallows did protect Harry from Voldemort.

77. Hold your toast on the Hogwarts Express rack.

Yes, give your toast a ride from the toaster to Hogwarts. Wonder if it does come with a Hogwarts toaster. Wouldn’t be surprised.

78. Light up your magical life with these Harry Potter book lighters.

I don’t know about you but these look like cigarette lighters to me. Oh, wait they are cigarette lighters, which is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

79. Nothing makes your magic life complete like a figurine of Hedwig in a cage.

Sure owls don’t make good pets. Still, I think a plushie Hedwig would make more sense than one like this.

80. Commemorate the Prisoner of Azkaban with your very own dementor snow globe.

Because nothing brings fond memories like being surrounded by beings of dread that can suck your soul. Be sure to be like Lupin and have plenty of chocolate.

Because nothing brings fond memories like being surrounded by beings of dread that can suck your soul or make you realize that you have PTSD. Be sure to be like Lupin and have plenty of chocolate.

81. This cutting board will help you begin any Hogwarts feast.

And without house elves, too. However, you’ll probably be chopping veggies without magic either.

82. Now you can see your own panoramic views with these omnioculars.

They’re wizard binoculars but they let you see more. Not sure if the muggle version works though.

83. Get your own Three Broomsticks souvenir mug.

Funny, this Three Broomsticks logo looks very similar to the Starbucks one. Wonder why that is.

84. Whoever drinks from this flask of Veritaserum always tells the truth.

Well, maybe not. But since it’ll be filled with alcohol, it might lead the drinker to tell truths that you’ve never heard before.

85. Get into the best of pureblood supremacy fashion with this Lucius Malfoy walking stick.

Note that Lucius’s wand is inside it, too. Costs $109.00, which is probably cheaper than what Lucius originally got it for.

86. Grace your Christmas tree this year with this Harry Potter potions master keepsake ornament.

Because nothing says Merry Christmas like doing a lab while being bullied by the teacher who hates you because he never got over your mom. Still, Harry should be lucky that Snape would never try to kill him.

87. Celebrate Christmas by hanging this ornament of Harry in front of the Mirror of Erised.

Because nothing brings up wonderful Christmas memories than longing for the sight of your long dead parents. You know because they were murdered during your infancy.

88. For your holiday season, you can’t go wrong with the gargoyle guard ornament.

For nothing brings fond memories on Christmas than being sent to the principal’s office. Fortunately, Hogwarts’ headmaster is Albus Dumbledore who knows very well that Harry didn’t open the Chamber of Secrets.

89. Freshen your home with this Hagrid scented candle.

This is said to carry scents like dragon fire, mulled mead, and Hogwarts grounds. Nevertheless, would you want your place smelling like Hagrid? Probably not.

90. This tank expresses that you’ll be working out for the Triwizard Tournament.

Of course, the Triwizard Tournament occurs every 100 years. Yet, despite being ineligible, Harry was drafted into it as an unwilling participant.

91. Have your room smelling sweet with this Snape scented candle.

Said to smell like potion textbooks, dungeon corridors, and lilies. What it should smell like: hair grease.

92. Relive the first Harry Potter book with this Sorcerer’s Stone replica.

Sure it may not grant immortality or turn metals into gold. But it will take $93 out of your wallet.

93. Bring back the memories of Harry’s first time in the Forbidden Forest with this necklace of unicorn blood.

As you know, drinking unicorn blood may keep you alive. However, because you’ve slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, you’re doomed to a half-life, a cursed life the moment the blood touches your lips.

94. Swish and flick to change the channel with this Harry Potter universal remote control.

Sure it looks cool. But I wonder what spells you have to perform to turn it on/off, control volume, or change the channel.

95. With such shot glasses, you’ll solemnly swear you’re up to no good.

Well, at least that’s an appropriate message for a shot glass. On the other side it says, “mischief managed.” Drink responsibly.

96. For those who wondered where their Hogwarts acceptance letter is, they might appreciate this gift.

Okay, it might not get you into Hogwarts because that place doesn’t exist. But it will make $60 magically disappear from your wallet. Also includes Marauder’s Map.

97. For coffee all you have to say is Espresso Patronum.

Uh, I don’t think getting coffee works that way. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me.

98. Step into a world of magic with these Harry Potter high heeled shoes.

Yes, these are sparkly. But I’m not sure why these exist. Guess there’s a Harry Potter nightclub around some corner.

99. When playing game of Quidditch you can’t go without these Hogwarts House Nike shoes.

Well, at least that makes more sense than Harry Potter high heels. Still, if I had a pair, I’d be afraid to get them dirty. They’re also probably expensive as bloody hell.

100. Relive the Hogwarts experience with this porcelain replica of Hogwarts castle.

Now that seems to resemble a very expensive paperweight. Makes you wonder what they’re going come up with when Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them comes out in June.

I Solemnly Swear I Am Up to No Good in These Magical Harry Potter Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 11, 2016

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Sure it may only be March, but spring will soon be around the corner. And before you know it, the summer blockbuster season will be upon us which spans from May to September. This year, three major franchises will soon have a new release for the box office. Two are comic book superhero movies while the other is a Harry Potter spin-off. Nevertheless, despite what the critics might say, each one is bound to do well at the box office as well as make a pretty profit for Warner Brothers and Disney. Because these are franchises that people grew up with.

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What began as a 7 part book series released from the late 90s to the late 2000s, this J. K. Rowling coming of age story about an orphaned boy wizard who gets caught up in extraordinary circumstances has taken the world by storm. Growing up, I remember how each Harry Potter book or movie release was a big freaking deal. I mean people would dress up and line up for such events as well as speculate which major character was going to die in the later books. Nevertheless, as we all know, Harry Potter is an orphan boy wizard who attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, he’s also a major name in the wizarding world as “the Boy Who Lived” after surviving an attempt on his life by Lord Voldemort when he was a baby. Of course, he didn’t know any of this until he was 11 years old since he spent the early part of his childhood living with his mom’s Muggle sister and her family known as the Dursleys who treated him like shit and made him sleep in a cupboard under the stairs. However, while Harry’s situation improves drastically when he goes to Hogwarts, he gets embroiled in wizarding intrigues either by choice or factors beyond his control.

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As you’ve seen in the movies, the wizarding world of Harry Potter has an assortment of colorful characters as well as costumes. And I know that the ones I’ve shown above don’t do the series justice. You might see some characters wearing the same outfits all the time like Snape and McGonagall. Or in the same style like Albus Dumbledore. Some are known to dress rather well like Gilderoy Lockhart and Lucius Malfoy. While some end up having to make due with clothes that have them fall prey to embarrassment like Ron Weasley at the Yule Ball. And since the Harry Potter series has plenty of characters, you might see plenty of fans dressed in a variety of costumes whether it be at a geek convention or on Halloween. So for your magical reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of fans dressed in their Harry Potter costumes.

Guess Azkaban isn’t as escape proof as it’s cracked up to be.

Apparently, Sirius Black just managed to break out of Azkaban. However, he doesn’t have time to bathe since he has a rat to deal with at Hogwarts.

2. Looks like Harry is enjoying some quality time with Hedwig on the street.

You’d have to be mad to tell me that this isn’t adorable. Seriously, I bet any Harry Potter fan would love to dress their baby as Hedwig if they could.

3. Okay, now I see why Professor Quirrell wears a turban.

Because he has Voldemort in the back of his head. Yet, he’s not quite living and not quite dead.

4. Gilderoy Lockhart think he’s just his marvelous magical self.

However, when it comes to handing dangerous situations, he’s pretty much a coward and a phony. I mean the guy can’t protect his class against haywire Cornish pixies.

5. Guess this is what you’d call a magical Harry Potter family.

This is good. Love how the parents are dressed as Dumbledore and McGonagall. Love the Hedwig baby, too.

6. For a couple’s costume idea, you can always go with Ron and Hermione at the Yule Ball.

Sure they went to the dance with different people. But still, it was from then on we knew they’d be together. Nevertheless, that’s a great imitation of Ron’s disastrous dress robe.

7. If you’re in the mood for something different, you can go as Fleur Delacour.

This is of Fleur in her Beauxbatons uniform from Book 4. And yes, she’s certainly lovely in it.

8. If you’re into the bad boys, then you’ll find this Tom Riddle a dream.

Keep in mind this guy opened the Chamber of Secrets and was responsible for killing a girl. Also, he’d later become one of the most notorious dark wizards of them all, Lord Voldemort.

9. Out of all the Hogwarts founders, it seems Rowena Ravenclaw has the most interest from fans.

Then again, she probably doesn’t get a lot of description in the books and owned a fancy diadem. Still, that’s a very nice dress.

10. If you think dressing as a Hogwarts student is too boring, you can always go as Nymphadora Tonks.

However, just don’t call her Nymphadora. She doesn’t like the name. Also, she has a penchant for older and hairier men if you know what I mean.

11. Looks like Professor Sprout and Mad Eye Moody are hitting it off.

Then again, if Moody’s teaching at Hogwarts at this time, then it’s probably not Moody. Then again, no one seemed to know the difference.

12. Apparently, Dumbledore appears to have had his beard trimmed.

Still, that woman makes a rather convincing McGonagall. Yet, I guess this guy decided to use his natural beard for Dumbledore.

13. Step right this way to board the Hogwarts Express.

You have to admit this is a very clever costume. Besides, it’s unlikely she’s going to run into anyone else dressed like her.

14. Someone seems to be ready for their first trip to Hogwarts.

This little one sure makes an adorable Harry Potter. Yeah, I know he’s a little young to read the books. But I don’t care.

15. When you’re dressed as Hedwig, it’s time to spread your wings.

Seems like Hedwig is a rather popular Harry Potter costume. Still, this is the first adult one on this post.

16. When it comes to bad girls, there’s no better beauty than Bellatrix Lestrange.

You may forget this, but she’s married, even though she’s really not that into her husband. Also, she’s fanatically devoted to Voldemort and can be incredibly scary.

17. As a student at Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour always rocks in blue.

Well, this is an older Fleur Delacour costume. Still, it’s pretty close to the movies.

18. Don’t look now, but I think that’s the Honeydukes lady.

She was in the first book and doesn’t seem to have a lot of time. However, this is a good costume idea if you ask me.

19. As we all know from Book 3, Harry’s patronus is a stag.

The woman is the stag in this one. The guy is Harry. Like the use of twigs for antlers though.

20. Seems like Harry is just waiting for his friends at the fountain.

This is a woman dressed as Harry Potter. However, it’s a very convincing costume that it goes on the post.

21. All this dementor wants is to give out some kisses.

Okay, this is a kissing booth anyone should steer clear from. I mean we all know a dementor’s kiss sucks the soul out of you.

22. Bellatrix might be an evil, crazy witch, but she really knows how to dress.

Sure Bellatrix killed Sirius and drove Neville’s parents to insanity. But she’s not a witch to be reckoned with (unless you’re Mrs. Weasley).

23. Seems like Bellatrix here is really rocking it with Professor Snape.

I’m sure this is a couple’s costume idea. Least it helps that these characters usually wear the same things all the time in the movies.

24. Apparently, Ginny seems all decked out in her Quidditch robes.

For some reason, those who dress as Ginny usually wear her Quidditch outfit. Maybe that’s to distinguish her from Hermione Granger.

25. Seems like this little mandrake could stand on its own two feet.

Sure it might be dangerous to hear its cries. But this is the most adorable little mandrake I’ve ever seen.

26. For eccentric blond girls, you might take to Luna Lovegood.

As you know, Luna Lovegood is from Ravenclaw and her dad seems like the closest thing to a wizard hippie. Love the glasses though.

27. For smart witches, you can never find anyone brighter than Hermione Granger.

Sure this girl’s a redhead. But she’s no Weasley. Because Hermione had almost the same style in the movies.

28. In Harry Potter, you wouldn’t want to run into this guy.

This is a dementor. When it’s near, it fills the atmosphere with dread. When it kiss you, it takes your soul.

29. To win a game of Quidditch, it helps if you catch the Golden Snitch.

And it seems this guy used a ton of golden spray paint. Still, it’s a clever costume.

30. Seems like Moaning Myrtle is a lonely little ghost.

Yes, I know that this Moaning Myrtle is blue. But she’s a ghost as you know.

31. In a world of magical intrigue, nothing gets past these 3.

I think this might be my first post picture with Harry, Ron, and Hermione together. Still, these 3 kids are siblings. But the photo op is so cute.

32. The world of Harry Potter has the kind of magic that’s fun for the whole family.

Guess the parents are Dumbledore and McGonagall. The boys are Harry and Ron. And the girl is Luna. Love the Dumbledore beard though.

33. A bratty blond boy would always look nice dressed as Draco Malfoy.

Sure he might be a Hogwarts bully from Slytherin. But wait until Voldemort assigns him to kill Dumbledore in Book 6. Okay, I’ll have to wait till his father hears about this.

34. Don’t have anything but homey clothes? How about dress as Molly Weasley?

Mrs. Weasley loves her family very much and will do anything for them. So if you try to kill her daughter, she will freaking murder you, Bellatrix.

35. Of course, you’re always welcome to share Moaning Myrtle’s toilet.

Because she’s a ghost in a girl’s bathroom. It’s where she died after looking into the Basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets.

36. For babies, I suppose a Dobby costume is nice.

Dobby is a great costume for babies. Because Dobby is small and means well. Even if Dobby tends to be a bit misguided.

37. Seems like this little Hedwig is about to take flight.

Seems like this Hedwig costume is easy to make with the owl hat and wings. And it’s so adorable.

38. When it comes to pink nightmares, no one does it better than Dolores Umbridge.

Sure she might be dressed like Jackie Kennedy. But she’s a sadistic witch who’d force you to write in blood if she thinks you’re lying.

39. Remember, you won’t be able to get in the Gryffindor common room until after the Fat Lady sings.

Well, this is the one from the 3rd movie. But yes, she’s kind of a diva.

40. For Divination, let me introduce you to Sibyl Trelawney.

Seems like this costume is worn by an actual teacher. Nevertheless, as far as Trelawney’s effectiveness as a seer, it’s up for debate. But she did get one prediction right as seen in Book 5.

41. For juicy Daily Prophet gossip, here’s the one and only Rita Skeeter.

Rita Skeeter is a rather sleazy character in Book 4. I mean when she interviewed Harry, she made a lot of shit up like him having a romance with Hermione. Take off the glasses, this could also work as an Effie Trinket costume.

42. When she wears her checkered shawl, Umbridge is on the warpath.

The reason why fans hate Umbridge so much is that she’s an authority figure who makes other people’s lives miserable. And in many ways, people might know someone like her, too.

43. In a family like this, it seems that the parents have gone to evil.

Yes, it’s another Harry Potter family. But this time the parents are Voldemort and Bellatrix. And the kids consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hedwig.

44. As Transfiguration teacher and head of Gryffindor House, Professor McGonagall doesn’t put up with your shit.

And where would McGonagall be with her trademark green robe? She also transforms as a cat.

45. Seems like Harry really loves his owl.

And it looks like this baby is getting squeezed by a brother’s hug. Still, it’s so cute.

46. Guess Professor Sprout just uprooted a baby mandrake.

Well, Sprout is the Herbology teacher and thank God she was growing mandrakes when the Chamber of Secrets was opened. After all, a few students ended up petrified but none were killed.

47. Perhaps you’d like to see Trelawney in green.

Now this one seems more like her outfit from the movie. Nevertheless, Trelawney can be pretty weird at times. Like when she talks about the grim.

48. No Harry Potter costume post would be complete without Harry’s parents.

Yes, they seem so happy together. However, you know these two have to die to kick off the series.

49. May I introduce you to the one and only Harry Clawter.

It’s a cat that’s dressed up as Harry Potter. But at least it won’t mind having a room under the stairs.

50. Seems Dobby has gotten hold of a sock.

Master has given Dobby a sock. Master has given him clothes. Therefore, Dobby is free.

51. Dumbledore seems to be observing the preparations to see if they’re in order.

Because you can’t have a Hogwarts party without its headmaster Dumbledore. However, he seems to be overseeing a meeting for the Order of the Phoenix.

52. “Yer a wizard, Harry.”

Well, it’s about time I had Hagrid on this post. After all, he’s a rather important character. Also, this is cute.

53. “Dobby had to punish himself, Sir.”

Yes, this is another Dobby costume. But this is an adult one. Pretty funny.

54. “Turn to page 394.”

“Ah, Mr. Potter, our new celebrity.” Alan Rickman, you will be missed.

55. This Hedwig appears covered in feathers.

That’s another cute Hedwig costume. Wonder how long it took to make that.

56. Seems like Hedwig has something special for Harry in the mail.

Yeah, I know it’s another Harry and Hedwig costume. But this a couples version. That’s different.

57. Looks like Harry, Ron, and Hermione are just taking a walk in the woods with Hagrid.

Well, I’m sure Hagrid’s a giant to these kids. But all and all, this so adorable.

58. There are times when taking the Polyjuice potion is not a good idea.

You have to feel for Hermione who spent all that time making Polyjuice potion. Only to make that one little mistake with cat fur.

59. Looks like Luna Lovegood is all ready for Quidditch.

Well, she’s wearing her Gryffindor lion hat anyway. Nevertheless, you can’t help but love her being as weird as she is.

60. To find your way around the castle, it helps to dress up as the Marauders’ Map.

Wonder what it took to make that dress. Still, it’s pretty clever.

61. When it comes to hair Narcissa Malfoy rocks with 2 colors.

Narcissa Malfoy is Draco’s mom, Lucius’s wife, and Bellatrix’s sister. Oh, and she’s also Sirius Black’s cousin. But she really loves her family.

62. And here we have one of Voldemort’s followers, a Death Eater.

Yes, Death Eaters might have cool costumes. But they’re also pureblood supremacists and murderers. Just so you know.

63. Seems like Snape really loved his mother that he took time to visit her grave.

After all, he is the Half-Blood Prince. Prince was his mother’s maiden name. Just so you know from Book 6.

64. Here’s Mrs. Weasley at her home in her trademark shawl.

Now that seems like a more homey costume for Mrs. Weasley. But go after Ginny and it’s, “Not my daughter, you bitch!” and your ass goodbye, Bellatrix.

65. Seems like Sirius and Tonks have it all under control at this convention.

Of course, these two are first cousins once-removed. Also, Tonks ends up with his friend after her aunt Bellatrix does away with Sirius.

66. How about a little mandrake in your flower pot?

Not sure why they have babies wearing mandrake costumes. Yet, at any rate, this is cute.

67. When it comes to Harry Potter costumes, you can’t do better than Fawkes and Neville Longbottom.

That guy is supposed to be Neville by the way. Yes, I know it doesn’t look like much. But I had to put him in this post somehow.

68. How about you go in Mr. Weasley’s flying car for a wild ride?

Can’t believe they have Mr. Weasley’s flying car. Let’s just say it’s a car with real character.

69. Seems like Harry Potter mania has swept the stables.

Yes, that’s a Harry Potter horse. How that came to be, I don’t have the slightest idea.

70. Looks like this dementor is giving out free hugs.

Oh, wait, you’d rather not be anywhere near a dementor. Let’s hope it doesn’t kiss you.

71. When it comes to evil fashion, nobody does it better than Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy may seem to have more fun than others as a villain. But his heyday all ends when he’s sent to Azkaban. He’s not the same after that.

72. Of course, you couldn’t forget a moment with Harry Potter and Fluffy.

In the movies, Fluffy is much bigger and in a different color. But this will certainly do.

73. Look out, Harry, the Dark Lord has returned.

This guy is so feared in the wizarding world that they dare not say his name. However, he really does know how to make an entrance.

74. Mrs. Weasley doesn’t mince words when her sons steal their dad’s car.

Yes, that’s Molly Weasley in her iconic knitted sleeves. And yes, she’ll let Fred, George, and Ron have it.

75. When it comes to Harry Potter, it’s best not to forget the broomsticks.

Usually see broomsticks as costume props, not costumes. Still, these are clever.

76. Draco Malfoy be like, “Wait till my father hears about this.”

Yes, Draco Malfoy is a good looking guy. But he’s also a spoiled brat who’s a bully to Harry and his friends. Yet, you kind of feel bad for him in the later books though.

77. Not sure how anyone’s supposed to catch this golden snitch.

Yes, this is a baby golden snitch. And yes, it’s so adorable as you can imagine.

78. If Snape gives you nightmares, remember you can always imagine him in Neville’s grandma’s clothes.

I have to admit, seeing a boggart of Snape in old lady clothes was a comic highlight of the series. And yes, that image never gets old.

79. At Hogwarts, only Albus Dumbledore can rock in a long wizard beard.

Might take a lot of fluff. But I think the old wizard look is worth it for this one.

80. To set the night on fire, perhaps dress as Fawkes the Phoenix.

Yes, this is certainly a fiery costume all right. But it’s quite lovely to look at.

81. Ginny Weasley was just going to take a ride on her broom.

Okay, that’s Ginny in her uniform. Of course, many of us should’ve known that she was going to end up with Harry at one point. Yet, not sure what to think about their romance.

82. I’m sure little Draco is a bit of a stinker.

Okay, Draco was a brat in the books and the movies. However, this costume is quite cute if you ask me.

83. Wonder if this little boy who lived is ready for his trip to Hogwarts.

Yes, this is a baby Harry Potter costume. Probably for this little guy’s first Halloween. And it’s so cute.

84. As we all know, Fred and George Weasley were known for their sense of humor and entrepreneurial spirit.

These two guys later ended up owning a joke shop thanks to Harry’s Triwizard prize money. However, the two wouldn’t be together for long due to what happened to Fred.

85. And let’s not forget Mr. Weasley, the patriarch of his ginger hair family.

Mr. Weasley works for the Muggle relations department at the Ministry of Magic. Unfortunately, it’s strongly implied that his job doesn’t pay as well as it should. But his kids are unique in their own ways.

86. Neville Longbottom is just taking some time for herbology.

And he seems like he’s tending to mandrakes. However, knowing Neville, he should be using protection. I mean hearing protection like earmuffs.

87. Seems Ron has taken well to his new owl Pigwidgeon.

Because we all know what happened to his rat in Book 3. Turned out it wasn’t really one to begin with.

88. Here we have Remus Lupin in action with Nymphadora Tonks by his side.

Due to having a certain condition since he was a child, Lupin spends Book 6 rejecting Tonks’ affection. However, the two of them do end up getting married and having a kid together. Unfortunately, their wedded bliss doesn’t last.

89. Wouldn’t expect Snape to conjure up a patronus of a doe.

This is because Snape had been in love with Harry’s mom since they were kids. The fact Lily chose James over him explains why he was a total dick to Harry in the series.

90. Seems like Tonks and Lupin are happy together.

You can tell it’s them because Tonks has pink hair. And Lupin has a chocolate bar in his pocket to help those affected by dementors.

91. Looks like Harry Pawter is all ready for Dogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

And it’s standing on top of a pile of Harry Potter books. Not sure if there are wizard dogs in that universe. Yet, Sirius Black takes a form of a dog sometimes.

92. I’m sure Hermione Granger looks splendid in her Yule Ball gown.

In the movies, Hermione’s Yule Ball gown is pink. In the books, it’s blue. However, it takes awhile for Harry and Ron to recognize her with Viktor Krum. This makes Ron incredibly jealous but he doesn’t know why.

93. Mrs. Weasley is happy to be with her 3 sons.

Well, 3 of her sons anyway. There’s still Bill, Charlie, and Percy. But Bill and Charlie don’t play big roles. And nobody cares much about Percy.

94. Guess You-Know-Who has his ups and downs sometimes.

My guess is that the Dark Lord is looking for Harry so he could kill him. He knows he’s seen him somewhere.

95. Admit it, you don’t to run into this person.

This is the Whomping Willow which Harry and Ron get caught up in during Book 2. You don’t want to go anywhere near this tree.

96. Seems like Fred and George have gone through a few rough stuff in Book 7.

Oh, wait a minute. George lost an ear when they left for the Burrow. And Fred was killed during the Battle of Hogwarts. Now I remember.

97. Seems like Sirius Black was quite handsome during his Hogwarts days.

Well, he was said to be quite handsome when he was young before his Azkaban days. But sometimes you don’t know what that place would do to you.

98. Not sure if she’s an angel or a golden snitch.

She’s supposed to be a golden snitch. But I’m sure she’d fit right in any church Christmas pageant during the holiday season.

99. Apparently, Bellatrix decided to show up at Fleur Delacour’s wedding.

Okay, maybe not. But this woman sure looks lovely in Fleur’s wedding dress. You know she marries Bill Weasley.

100. Finally, Hogwarts could never do without its resident school nurse, Madam Pomfrey.

Because when Gilderoy Lockhart removes Harry’s bones, she’s the one with the Skele-Gro. Yes, Skele-Gro. Clever.

The Crazy World of Historical Beauty Tips

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 10, 2016

4. Pavonia_0

Disclaimer: These tips are historical for a reason and aren’t meant to be applied at home. Most of the time it calls for treatments containing chemicals that have been deemed poisonous and/or dangerous as well as lead to unfortunate side effects. As a result, even if such treatments give you the desired beauty results, you shouldn’t try them at home for to do so is as stupid as shit. Seriously, it was seriously stupid, if not downright insane for our ancestors to try such treatments then.

Cosmetology isn’t a strong subject of mine. In fact, I normally don’t wear makeup at all since I think it’s a massive waste of money and a massive waste of time to put it on. Besides, when I was in high school, I tried to come up with a morning routine pertaining to getting ready as quickly as possible. Because in order to catch the bus at a quarter till 7, I had to get up before 6 in the morning. Putting on makeup was just too much for me so I only wore when I had to which was when I had to go on Hometown HiQ in my junior and senior years. But since I tend to have lovely face to begin with, attracting guys isn’t much of a problem for me. Nevertheless, while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it doesn’t stopped people for being obsessed with it, especially women. And for centuries, people would go to great lengths to look desirable whether it is to attract a spouse, show wealth and power, and appear to please guests. Yes, I know people tend to be shallow in the pursuit of beauty. Yet, sometimes this would mean resorting to treatments that seem insane, disgusting, and even dangerous. Here I list the all the crazy ways people have tried to achieve the perfect look.

Skin

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To have skin like a gorgeous 18th century beauty, always apply a generous amount of powder of white lead as. Consuming arsenic also helps, too. Of course, they’ll eventually kill you through slow poisoning. But that’s the price you pay for keeping up appearances.

“Moles may be removed by moistening a stick of nitrate of silver, and touching them: they turn black, become sore, dry up, and fall off. If they do not go by first application, repeat. They are generally a great disfigurement to the face and should be removed, but it is better and safer to consult a surgeon before taking any steps to remove them.” (This is from the 1800s. Still, I think the notion of consulting a doctor before taking any steps to remove moles should’ve been the first thing discussed here. Also, while silver nitrate in low concentrations and brief exposure can control nosebleeds and prevent gonorrhea, it’s still very toxic and corrosive. Side effects can consist of burns and eye damage.)

In Ancient Greece, a mix of olive oil and white lead will whiten the skin. (While it did lighten the skin, women who used such beauty treatments were also subjected to death by slow lead poisoning which was absorbed in the skin. This is why lead based makeup is so dangerous.)

For that aristocratic European paleness, it’s always recommended to go with lead makeup and consuming arsenic for a white glow on the skin. You can even bleed yourself for a more natural pale look with leeches. (Okay, so women in Europe from the Elizabethan Era to the 19^th century would try to achieve a pale complexion through either poisoning themselves which would shorten their lifespan or bleeding themselves with leeches. Arsenic is linked to a number of cancers including bladder, lung, skin, nasal passages, and more as well as hair loss and goiters. They also tried mercury which is also poisonous. That’s disturbing.)

For great skin complexion like a geisha or a kabuki performer, nothing works like nightingale poop. (Since nightingale poop contains guanine, it’s said to actually work and you can have such treatment at $180. Still, this is pretty disgusting.)

Want to get rid of those unsightly freckles? Use some lavender freckle lotion. (Warning: contains hydrochloric acid, which might make your face melt off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I think I’ll keep my freckles, thank you very much.)

To remove freckles, mix lemon juice, sugar, and borax before rubbing it onto your skin. (Who knew that an 1891 freckle removing solution contained similar ingredients to floor cleaner?)

Want to get rid of those unsightly scars? A treatment involving blades running through your chemically hardened skin is recommended. (This treatment was an idea by some sadistic dermatologist in the early 1900s. Side effects include intense pain as well as potentially more scarring and infection. Yes, it does seem like something you’d see from the Stephen King School of Dermatology.)

For extreme medieval pallor, controlled bleeding is just the ticket. (Aristocratic women did this in the 6^th century. Let’s just say it didn’t do wonders for their life expectancy.)

A Parisian beauty always had facials of raw beef or veal on your face. (Okay, that’s disgusting, unsanitary, and sure to attract vermin and pets.)

Banish unsightly freckles with covering your face with bull or hare blood. (This is from 14^th century England. Probably something not guaranteed to work and is incredibly disgusting.)

For a Medieval bath, get yourself clean with some soap that’s available in tallow, ash, and beef or mutton fats. (Guess bathing in the Middle Ages isn’t very pleasant. Besides, wouldn’t you have to have a bath after your bath to get all the ash and animal fat off? I mean they might’ve worked okay but wouldn’t make you smell nice. Maybe that’s why people at that time wore a lot of perfume.)

For a glowing complexion in Ancient Rome, a concoction of gladiator sweat and fat from the animals they slew is best recommended. (That’s nasty. Very nasty.)

For lovely complexion, it’s best to wear a toilet mask overnight. (This is from the Victorian Era. Also doubles as a Halloween costume.)

Hair

f you’re a woman of Ancient Athens who seeks to have the highly coveted locks of the mighty Aphrodite, drench your hair in vinegar and bleach. Sure it might lead to hair falling out but you can always wear a wig.

“One-half ounce sugar of lead, one half ounce lac sulphur, one ounce glycerine, one quart rain water. Saturate the hair and scalp with this two or three times per week and you will soon have a head free from gray hairs and dandruff, while the hair will be soft and glossy.” (Too bad people from the 1800s didn’t have Head and Shoulders {which gets rid of dandruff but not gray hair}. But a gray hair treatment containing lead is not a good idea.)

To achieve the highly coveted blond hair like Aphrodite, drench your hair in vinegar and bleach. (Ancient Greek women who tried to achieve blond hair this way would later have their hair fall out. This would lead to the popularity of wigs. You have to wonder why they just go with their natural hair color in the first place.)

An ideal hair length for a Japanese woman is 2 feet below the waist. (I’m sure hair care for a Japanese woman didn’t come cheap. And I bet her long hair had plenty of split ends.)

Want red hair like Queen Bess? Try a concoction of lead, quicklime, sulfur, and water. (A lot of women tried to do such thing back in the Elizabethan Era. Side effects are headaches, nausea, and regular nosebleeds. On second thought maybe trying to get Queen Elizabeth I’s ginger locks is totally not worth it.)

For the most ornate and sculpted powdered wig at the royal court, lard helps hold the locks in place. (Wigs were very popular during the 18^th century that many of these could be quite huge. However, lard tended to attract lice and other vermin that sometimes a cage was even set over the woman’s head at night to keep the rats at bay. You heard me, some of those women slept in these ridiculous vermin attracting wigs. Also, the wigs might be powdered with lead, a poison we’re all familiar with. Or flour which also attracts vermin.)

For soft, sexy, and luscious hair, Lola Montez recommends a mixture of salts of tartar, lemon juice, camphor, and tincture of cantharides. (Cantharides are also known as Spanish Fly which is a powerful blister causing irritant.)

According to Thomas S. Sozinsky, a mixture of cantharides and ammonia make a great scalp invigorator. (No, it causes blisters on the scalp and makes them more painful.)

Parents should cut their children’s hair because it makes it turn coarse and wiry. (So say the Victorians. However, most parents cut their kids’ hair when they’re a little more than a year old.)

Since hair is living tissue that draws on resources from the body, parents shouldn’t allow their kids’ hair grow beyond 6 inches until they turn 14, lest overtax their systems and cause them to perish. (This is another Victorian beauty tip. However, hair is dead tissue and it won’t overtax kids systems.)

A girl should never have scissors touch her hair after the age of 5 or it’ll be scraggly and limp when she gets older. (Actually when your kid turns 5, you should start taking them to a professional for their haircut already. This goes for boys and girls. And no, cutting doesn’t make hair scraggly and limp. Seems like the Victorians have no idea about hair at all.)

According to Annie Jenness Miller, a gentle electrical current is excellent for the scalp. (I’m not so sure about that. I mean don’t the send electrical current to the scalp for convicts in the electric chair?)

In ancient Arabia, it’s best said that dipping your hair in camel urine achieves a great shine. (Maybe, but it won’t make your hair smell good either.)

For blond hair in Renaissance Venice, rub lion urine into your hair before giving it a healthy dose of sunshine so it can bleach. (Okay, I don’t think this was effective. Also sounds gross. Not to mention, where the hell would they get a lion in Renaissance Venice?)

Washing is bad for your hair. So in order to keep it clean, spend 30 minutes brushing it. (This is from the 19^th century. Of course, brushing it for 30 minutes won’t keep it as clean as a 10 minute shower.)

For blond hair in the Middle Ages, mix honey and white wine together, apply it to your hair, and then leave it overnight. Then, add a mixture of calendine roots, olive-madder, oil of cumin seed, box shavings, and saffron. Wash off after 24 hours. (I have no idea why anyone thinks such concoction would work. But it’s certainly crazy and disgusting.)

Weight Loss and Figure Control

In the Victorian Age, no lady would ever be caught dead without wearing a corset to give her as dainty a a waist as possible. Sure it might crush your internal organs and cause difficulty in breathing, but you’ll look amazing.

Swallowing tapeworms is a great way to keep yourself slim and trim. (Again, women from the Elizabethan Era to the early 20^th century for losing weight. Nevertheless, please don’t do this.)

Pouring ammonia into your bath and taking it orally is a great way to lose weight. (Or so the Victorians thought. But yeah, you will lose weight if you drank ammonia because you’d die. However, it’s not. Seriously, don’t do this for the love of God.)

Achieve support and a slim waist with lacing yourself in a corset. (This was widely used between the late Middle Ages to the early 1900s. The 19^th century corsets were made from whalebone and were especially popular. Sure not all women tightened their corsets to the point of injury. But I’m sure they weren’t good for a woman’s internal organs.)

For a tinier waist, it always helped to get your lower ribs removed. (Women in the Victorian era did this and so do some women today. However, I would never recommend this.)

Feet

From the T’ang Dynasty to the early 20th century, well off Chinese mothers would bound their daughters’ feet from a young age to achieve “golden lotus” feet which permanently crippled on. Also, after these women got married, they usually had to make love with their husbands with their shoes on. And yes, those feet look incredibly gruesome.

For calloused feet, get a pedicure by sitting in a pool of flesh eating doctor fish. (This is a method that’s popular in Japan and in parts of Asia. Yet, these fish usually eat the dead skin and leave the meaty stuff behind. It’s actually still around at high end spas for rich people. However, putting your feet in a pool of flesh eating fish sounds like the stuff of nightmares. Also, this treatment is banned in the US for being unsanitary.)

If you want your girls to improve their marriage chances in old time China, make sure you bind her feet when she’s between 4-7 so they won’t grow to normal size. (This was a horrifying and painful beauty practice that crippled many women since it was first practiced among court dancers during the T’ang Dynasty. Also, these lotus feet had folds so deep that they couldn’t be cleaned that women had to keep their feet covered at all times even in the sight of their husbands. Side effects include septicemia {which is a potentially life threatening bacteria in the blood}, poor circulation, and gangrene.)

Annie Jenness Miller says that generous applications of cannabis is great for corns on your feet. (Cannabis, eh? Wonder what else you’d use it for?)

Acne Management

Got acne? Try the Pokitonoff acne treatment by mixing Vaseline with Ergotine. (This was from the turn of the 19^th century. Also, if your teenager experiences hallucinations after using it, remember that Ergotine is basically LSD which does absorb through the skin. So I guess a side effect to fighting pimples was tripping balls. It’s as if this idea came from a dermatology center run by Dr. Timothy Leary.)

According to Thomas S. Sozinsky, the best way of getting rid of acne is to take pills containing compound extracts of colocynth, sulphate of iron, and nux vomica. (As I said before, nux vomica is strychnine which is a deadly poison. However, it didn’t stop other beauty manuals from rubbing it on your head as a hair tonic and putting it in skin cream. Neither of which is a good idea.)

How to get rid of acne by Ovid: “Make haste and bake pale lupins and windy beans. Of these take six pounds each and grind the whole in the mill. Add thereto white lead and the scum of ruddy nitre and Illyrian iris, which must be kneaded by young and sturdy arms. And when they are duly bruised, an ounce should be the proper weight. If you add the glutinous matter wherewith the Halcyon cements its nest, you will have a certain cure for spots and pimples.” (Sure Ovid may be best for his poems and prose in Ancient Rome. But he’s terrible with beauty advice, especially since his recipe contains white lead, cave wall scum, and bird spit. One is a known poison, the other two, you have to do something stupid to get.)

To get rid of blemishes, it helps to use mercury. (Mercury can be easily absorbed through the skin and cause birth defects, kidney and liver problems, fatigue irritability, tremors, depression, a metallic taste in the mouth, and death. So you’re probably better off with a face full of pimples.)

Body Hair Removal

Want to get rid of pesky body hair? Try x-ray removal which removes body hair through heavy exposure. However, heavy exposure can cause cancer and kill you.

For enhanced beauty in Japan, a geisha should remove her eyebrows with tweezers and paint a pair a thick, false eyebrows. (I really don’t see the point of this. Couldn’t they just go with their real eyebrows? But at least they didn’t put dead mice for eyebrows like 18th century aristocrats.)

Having trouble getting rid of unsightly body hair? A homemade depilatory cream containing abrasives like quicklime and arsenic is recommended. (Sorry, but smooth skin isn’t worth getting poisoned to death over. Besides, quicklime is used in construction.)

To remove body hair at a time with no razors in sight, buff up with sandpaper. (Women in the 1940s did this during WWII. However, let’s just say it’s less effective than waxing but just as painful. Ouch.)

Tired of shaving? Well, remove your hair with an X-Ray treatment. (Yes, heavy exposure to X-rays might remove body hair, which is why a lot of rich people did it back in the day. However, there’s a reason why people who do and get X-rays today have to wear protective gear, because they cause cancer.)

Remove unwanted body hair by rubbing a mixture of red orpiment, gum of ivy, ants’ eggs, and vinegar. (This is from the Middle Ages. And yes, it’s gross.)

Hair Restoration

Got baldness? Well, rub in a mix of various household ingredients along with nux vomica and cantharides. (These two ingredients are known as strychnine and Spanish Fly. Both are poisonous and deadly. May not help men with baldness but side effects include horrible spasms and paralysis, possibly with an erection. Yes, this so-called treatment for baldness is as stupid as shit.)

If you live at a time before Rogaine, you might want to cure your baldness, rub in some paraffin wax into your roots. (This was a treatment for baldness in the early 1900s when open flames were used a bit more liberally than they are today. So until a guy’s hair grew in, keeping his highly flammable head away from everything was in his best interests.)

A mixture of Hound’s Tongue and hog’s lard can deter hair loss. (To be fair Hound’s Tongue is a plant in which you bruise the leaves and make a juice out of it. With that you boil it in hog’s lard.)

Anti-Aging

To slow down aging skin in the ancient world, a facial mask or a mud bath with crocodile dung is recommended. (The Greeks and Romans did this. Sure it’s disgusting. But at least no one was dying from it. That we know of.)

Eyes

For eye makeup in Ancient Egypt, line your eyes with black lead based kohl. Yes, lead is poisonous which can kill you but it does enhance the Egyptian look, doesn’t it?

Achieve the look of an Ancient Egyptian with lead based kohl eyeliner. (Lead based makeup has been used for centuries. However, keep in mind that lead based makeup is dangerous which can lead to lead poisoning which can cause seizures, coma, reproductive problems, skin inflammation, muscle and joint pain, high blood pressure, and death. Also, both men and women used eyeliner in Ancient Egypt.)

For big pupils, use eye drops of Belladonna. (Women in the 19^th century did this since big pupils were apparently sexy back then. But it’s also so toxic that it’s also known as Deadly Nightshade. Side effects include visual distortion, light sensitivity, heart palpitations, blindness, and death. Your eyes were created for sight, not for beauty.)

According to Lola Montez, the best way to achieve glistening, brilliant, beautiful eyes is to squeeze orange juice directly into them. Sure it will hurt but the results are worth it. (Sorry, but they’re not since orange juice in your eyes might temporarily blind you. Let’s just say if you want glistening, brilliant, beautiful eyes, just do either nothing or what’s recommended by your eye doctor. Because you need to see from them.)

A wash for irritated eyes should consist of rosewater, opium, and ammonia. (Yeah, nothing like ammonia and opium for a soothing eye bath. Please don’t do this.)

For enhanced lashes, get eyelash extensions. (Women were doing this around the turn of the century. A newspaper article from 1899 describes it as this: “An ordinary fine needle is threaded with a long hair, generally taken from the head of the person to be operated upon. The lower border of the eyelid is then thoroughly cleaned, and in order that the process may be as painless as possible rubbed with a solution of cocaine. The operator then by a few skilful touches runs his needle through the extreme edges of the eyelid between the epidermis and the lower border of the cartilage of the tragus. The needle passes in and out along the edge of the lid leaving its hair thread in loops of carefully graduated length.” Sounds horrifying, does it?)

For eyebrow tint, mascara, and eyeliner, best use resin, frankincense, and tar. (Victorian women did this. Still, tar for eyebrow enhancement.)

Breath and Body Odor

Have bad breath? Chew a lump of charcoal. (Women used to do this in the 1800s, which left them minty fresh and black toothed. Thank God for toothpaste.)

For fresh breath in ancient Rome, gargle with some mouthwash of Portuguese urine. (I’m sure the Romans had a different idea of minty freshness. Still, that’s utterly disgusting.)

Teeth

For a long time in Japanese history geishas and married women applied the painful, time consuming, and arduous task of ohaguro which translates to “black teeth.” This was applied every 3 days or so

For blackened teeth, a Heian geisha should use a mixture of oxidized iron fillings steeped in an acidic solution. (Sure a Heian geisha might be seen as a great beauty but I’m sure painful reactions from the dangerous chemicals were common. Married women also blackened their teeth with lacquer which was a foul and time consuming process that was repeated every 3 days or so. However, it did protect against tooth decay, but I’m not sure if that’s a good way to do it. Luckily the Japanese government banned this practice in 1870.)

In Ancient Rome, urine is great for teeth whitening. (But would I want to use it? No way in hell.)

Breasts

According to Byzantine obstetrician Metrodona, you can tone up your rack with a mix of red wine and white lead. (Let’s just say firm and supple boobs aren’t worth stinking like a wino and getting lead poison over.)

Small boobs keeping you single? Well, get some breast implants. Available in ivory, glass balls, or ground rubber. (Yes, you could get a boob job in the 19^th century. However, considering the implant materials you probably wouldn’t want to.)

Lips

To achieve a red stain on your lips in Mughal India, make chewing betel leaves an essential part of your beauty routine. (Chewing betel leaves also lead to women’s teeth decayed. Sorry, but it’s totally not worth it.)

Want red lips like an Ancient Egyptian princess? Use some lipstick that includes some bromine mannite. (Bromine is a highly toxic that it was used as a chemical warfare agent during World War I. And these it’s shipped in lead lined steel drums. Side effects include skin burning as well as kidney failure and brain damage over time. It’s incredibly obvious why they no longer have bromine lipstick.)

Other

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To aid makeup artists for styling movie stars, Max Factor came up with a beauty calibrator in 1934. It’s said to give great measurements and detect flaws. Seems more like something that came out of the Edgar Allan Poe School of Cosmetology to me, but that’s just my opinion.

In ancient India, using cow urine is a great for losing weight, acne-fighting, healing cracked heels, and cleansing your system. (Not sure if this works and I really don’t want to know.)

Don’t have dimples? Then try Isabelle Gilbert’s dimple machine. (This was used in 1936 but it was only a fad. Because this contraption was very uncomfortable. Really, do you really want your cheeks pierced?)

With thorium chloride and radium bromide, radioactive cosmetics “Stimulates cellular vitality, activates circulation, firms skin, eliminates fats, stops enlarged pores forming, stops and cures boils, pimples, redness, pigmentation, protects from the elements, stops ageing and gets rid of wrinkles, conserves the freshness and brightness of the complexion.” (This is from a Thor-radia ad from the 1930s. Still, you don’t want radioactive makeup since radiation is known to cause cancer.)

For makeup artists, help actors achieve a movie star look with the beauty calibrator. (This is from the 1930s to help measure a subject’s face to see where improvements can be made. But to me, it resembles an iron maiden for the head that’s straight from the Edgar Allan Poe School of Cosmetology.)

A beauty vacuum helmet surrounds you with low atmospheric pressure that will make you look amazing. (A 1940s invention that seems like you’d find in a beauty salon that’s subject to a Stephen King novel.)

Ladies, for unsightly odors for where the sun don’t shine, a diluted solution of Lysol is the ticket. (Vaginal douching with Lysol was common for women back in the day for hygiene as well as birth control {which isn’t very effective}. Your grandmother might’ve done this for either purpose. Sure it might prevent infections, make your vagina squeaky clean, and lead to marital bliss. But it also happened to cause inflammation, burning, and death. Let’s just say I’d rather leave my stinky ladyparts alone, thank you very much.)

For those who have a sagging chin, the double chin reducer. (This is an old beauty contraption which looks very painful to wear. Maybe youthful beauty isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.)

For a perfect nose, try the nose helmet. (Another old beauty contraption that seemed to deliver nothing but a perfect headache since it would have to be strapped on tightly for painful nose reshaping. Maybe if you’re wishing to have a perfect nose, perhaps take a tip from Adrien Brody and just accepting your imperfect schnozz for the way it is. After all, he hasn’t fared too badly and he’s a freaking movie star.)

The Mysterious World of Crop Circles

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 8, 2016

crop-circles

For years, there has been wide speculation pertaining to some supposedly unexplained phenomenon called crop circles. These are created by flattening a crop in some sort of pattern, usually a cereal grain like wheat, barley, corn, oats, and rice. The earliest records of crop circles have appeared in the 1600s but there’s been a huge surge of such sightings since the 1970s. Though many attribute the formation of crop circles as originating from obscure natural cause and extra terrestrials, it’s not as mysterious as most people think. Because they’re usually considered hoaxes. We know this because there were people who admitted to making such designs. Some of them are pranksters who aim to fool conspiracy theorists and devotees of Ancient Aliens. Some are people who like to express themselves through landscaping as a hobby. Some are working for advertisers. And some do it for whatever. But whatever the reason, this doesn’t mean we can’t have a lot of fun with them. So for your reading pleasure, here I give you an insight into the mysterious world of crop circles.

This one seems to make you go around in circles.

Guess some landscaping inspiring farmer’s kid had too much time on their hands. But yes, there are crop circles like this.

2. Guess the extra-terrestrials left their calling card.

Just kidding about that one. Nevertheless, it does seem like you’d find this as some sort of logo from Star Trek. Or on some corporation.

3. Wonder what these sea creatures are.

Well, assuming they are sea creatures. They could be aliens for all I care. Guess it’s up to what the artist originally intended.

4. Hard to believe that some insects have squared wings.

Didn’t know the wings could be braided either. Still, rather inventive if you ask me.

5. Sometime the field just has to match the barn.

Yes, this one kind of reminds me of a barn design for some reason. But I don’t know why.

6. Hmmm…now that’s a rather strange looking flower.

Not a lot of crop circles have color in them, other than green. But this one is a resounding exception. Nevertheless, it’s lovely.

7. I’m sure anyone would be familiar with what this corn maze is celebrating.

Sure it’s a corn maze but it counts as field art. So it’s on the post. Besides, it’s also a tribute to NASA.

8. Doesn’t hurt to have a crescent in the center of the crop circle.

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Yes, I know that plenty of these are in geometric designs. That’s because they’re probably the easiest to do and take the least amount of time.

9. Let’s build a palace on the field.

Well, I know it’s flat but it sure looks pretty. Kind of reminds me of something from a fairy tale for some reason.

10. Seems like a sun always has to be in the center.

Sometimes you have to wonder how these were made. This is especially so when you consider some of the fine details like on this one.

11. A design like this is bound to make you see stars.

This one has two 5 pointed ones with one inside another. But you can’t deny its star power in any case.

12. Guess a crop circle like this might lead to a tunnel of some sort.

Guess 3D illusion art works well in the field medium, too. Nevertheless, aerial photography still has to capture the effect.

13. Sometimes jagged lines can give an extra added effect.

Kind of reminds me of a shield you’d see from Ancient Greece. Of course, such shields are much smaller than this image.

14. You may never know what you might find in an open field.

Now this seems like something you might find in a painting. But I guess it took a lot longer to create. Hope it makes the farmer happy.

15. Did you ever wonder how many circles could fit into a 6 pointed star?

Apparently, quite a lot as far as this design is concerned. Then again, it might depend on the size of the circles.

16. When you need something extra, it helps to add an eye in the center.

Of course, this one is bound to drive conspiracy theorists and UFO enthusiasts wild. I’m sure they’ll have all kinds of explanations for this one.

17. What kind of message is this supposed to be?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thin it’s a column of numbers with dashes. To me, it reads “32-953.” Well, according to my interpretation.

18. Looks like these crop circles are all connected.

And I guess some of these circles are partially filled as far as I could see. Still, pretty neat design if you ask me.

19. Some do crop circles. Others do squiggly lines in the fields.

Yeah, I know that not ever picture I show is necessarily a “crop circle.” Sometimes I’m just trying to show what kind of art stuff people do in the fields.

20. Speaking of squiggly lines, this one seems to take the cake.

Again, I’m not sure how people do these things since they seem to take an awful long time. And you’ll just have to take my word for it.

21. Inside a crop circle, you can put as many circles and other shapes as you like.

This one has several circles and pentagons. Yet, only one star in the center. Seems appropriate enough.

22. At times, crop circles can give some resemblance to a fancy rattle.

Well, seems like whoever made this wanted the 2 circles connected. Not sure how long it took, though.

23. From a field a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Yes, this is a Star Wars corn maze that any fan might want to see. Sure it’s no crop circle. But I couldn’t pass this one up for obvious reasons.

24. Funny, how this one reminds me of a snowflake.

crop-circle-at-white-sleet-hill-near-mere-wiltshire-25th-june-2010

Guess making crop circles is a group effort. Might explain a lot since it’s said that it doesn’t take long for them to appear. This according to Wikipedia.

25. How about a corn maze to really bring in the magic?

This one is a tribute to Harry Potter. But with two Harry Potters for twice the magic. Don’t think the photo got the whole thing though.

26. Sorry, but I have no idea what can produce a giant footprint like that.

Now that’s a huge footprint. Not sure if it was made by the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk or the Jolly Green Giant.

27. Guess people might suspect the Illuminati nearby if they see this.

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By the way, this is in a field in Highclere, the place where Highclere Castle is located. You know, the one that serves as Downton Abbey. Not sure what the Crawleys will think about this.

28. As far as lines go, this one has a little bit of everything.

Seems like this has only a circle and a bunch of line designs for the fun of it. Like the swirl on this one though.

29. Apparently, Klingon warriors take well to the Earth’s countryside.

That, or whoever created this is very into Star Trek. Because that really resembles a Klingon logo.

30. Of course, some fields can always go Mesoamerican.

This is said to be an Aztec eagle design. But I highly doubt it. Because to me, it seems to resemble an eagle from the Nazca lines.

31. As far as I know, the designs on this circle are squared.

Guess this was either a group effort or someone having too much time on their hands. Perhaps we’ll never know for sure.

32. Seems like the aliens have sent us a message we could understand.

And it somehow doesn’t seem like much by the looks of it. Okay, I was just kidding about that one.

33. Don’t look now, but I think there’s a giant bug on the loose.

Or so it looks like it. Then again, it can be an abstract design for all I care. Sometimes you don’t know what these crop circles are supposed to be.

34. Seems like this was made entirely from circles.

Let me see, it appears that they did the design first. Then filled all the spaces they wanted to fill. Or so it seems.

35. Now that is one crazy looking mushroom.

Never seen a shroom like that before. Then again, it might resemble one that’s close up. Or not.

36. For crop circles, some can range from dark and light.

Man, that really stands out in the field. That, or the plane was very close to it while taking a picture.

37. How about try a figure eight?

Yes, that’s a figure 8 all right. Wonder how long it took to make that. Love the design with the circles.

38. Guess some guy finally got the nerve to pop the question.

Let’s hope Laura says yes to this guy. Otherwise, all that time and energy to make this crop circle would be wasted.

39. “It’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! It’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!”

To be fair, this is an organization that has a youth athletics facility. Nevertheless, when I hear about the YMCA, I think about that song. Almost every time.

40. Perhaps a line of crop circles is more like it.

Okay, one of them is a heart. And another is an eye. But you get the idea as I described.

41. Sometimes fields are great for 3 dimensional shapes.

This one appears to be of an 8 point star made from triangles entangled with each other. Well, as far as I see it.

42. You can always do a good eagle on the field with a circle.

Okay, I know it’s supposed to resemble an eagle. But to me it seems like it has ears and a beak that’s askew. Wonder if this image is used for a band.

43. Before you make a crop design, make sure it’s on the field that’s all one color.

Because apparently, while this design is of a nice looking flower, it doesn’t look right when it’s partly green and partly golden brown. Not sure how that came to be.

44. Not sure what conspiracy theorists might think about this design.

This one seems quite intricate if you ask me. Probably stands for nothing of significance, but you never know.

45. Seems like the palace I showed earlier had something else above it.

And it has a lot color, too as it appears to be. Then again, it might be photoshopped in. Not that it makes a difference.

46. Sometimes there’s no limit to going around in circles.

Now this is a lovely crop circle design. Love the flower in the center. Not sure how long it took to make that.

47. Guess the aliens were for Obama the whole time.

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Okay, I was just kidding. But still, this is a crop image of an iconic picture so it goes on this post.

48. Some designs seem to float on a field like jellyfish in the ocean.

Hey, this one looks like a jellyfish, which looks pretty cool. Yes, crop circles can be quite amazing, indeed.

49. Looks like a caterpillar came out of a worm hole.

Alien Wormhole Crop Circle at Boreham Woods, near Lockeridge, Wiltshire 5th July 2012

Hate to say this but this little caterpillar kind of looks a bit mean. Still, I think this one is pretty clever.

50. So I guess aliens are among us after all.

Okay, I’m sure it’s a prank because most of these crop circles are hoaxes. But this is pretty good.

51. Of course, crop circles don’t just make worms or caterpillars.

I may not like ants. But I think this is pretty creative if you ask me.

52. Seems like there’s a large dragonfly on the field.

Seems like this dragonfly has a lot of crop circles. Yet, it has 2 pairs of green wings.

53. When it comes to crop circles, you can’t go wrong with Yin Yang signs.

For some reason, you see a lot of Yin Yang signs on these crop circles. It’s a Chinese symbol. Yet, that doesn’t stop UFO enthusiasts from thinking these things were created by aliens.

54. If you’ve got a friend in Jesus, check out this crop circle cross.

Yes, this is a braided Christian crop circle cross. And it’s amazing. Yet, that doesn’t stop people from thinking that they’re made by the devil. Newsflash: they’re not.

55. If you’re into Ancient Egyptian lore, this scarab crop circle might suit your fancy.

Now I’m sure if the Egyptians had surplus crops, they’d do something like this. Then again, probably not. But this is cool.

56. Those into the cryptid scene, might enjoy this crop image of Mothman.

Wonder what the conspiracy theorists might be thinking about this. Of course, the movie about the mothman prophecies is pretty stupid. And I’ve seen it.

57. “West Virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country roads…”

Yes, I know it’s a corn maze of West Virginia, a state I tend to make fun of at times. But there are times you have to take what you can get.

58. If you like NASA, you can’t do better with a Mars Rover.

Yes, this is another NASA corn maze. But it’s one of the Mars Rover. And who doesn’t like the Mars Rover?

59. Sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go.

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Of course, sometimes you might need to go at the most inconvenient time. Like when you’re waiting for your ride and there’s no bathroom in sight.

60. Okay, seems like the aliens are just screwing with us.

Yes, they have crop circles like these. Just so to let you know, I have one of these on this post.

61. Not sure if it’s right to have a cow in the fields.

This one’s from Germany, believe it or not. Still, I think it’s quite charming.

62. Looks like someone’s playing a game of Tic-Tac-Toe.

And it seems someone got 3 in a row in 3 x’s. The o’s never seemed to have a chance.

63. How about a nice, big tree?

Hey, that’s not half-bad. In fact, that’s better than what I could even draw on paper, let alone do a crop circle of it.

64. Sometimes a sun needs a few surroundings.

Man, you have to wonder how they managed to do this design. Still, it’s very lovely from a view like this.

65. Looks as if a flock of birds just flew in.

Birds tend to have a significant presence in crop circles as well. Nevertheless, these seem like they’re flying straight toward you.

66. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Yes, this is another NASA corn maze. But it’s one that pays tribute to the moon landing, which was a proud moment for mankind. Goes on post.

67. On that note, say hello to the International Space Station.

I know it’s my 4th NASA corn maze. But this is the International Space Station we’re talking about. And it wasn’t just built by NASA either.

68. Sometimes it helps if you put all the crop circles in a spiral.

Now this looks like a rather stunning display. Wonder how long it took to pull this off.

69. As far as birds go, a hummingbird is as good as any.

Okay. I’m sure this is in the style of Nazca line art by the looks of it. Yet, it’s still pretty awesome.

70. When it comes to putting a face on the moon, it helps to put a spiral along with it.

This looks pretty charming. Of course, the moon and the spiral are encased in a crop circle sun.

71. Occasionally, there may be times you need to use a lighter shade.

And this one is meant to have a shadow effect of some sorts. Nevertheless, I think it’s pretty cool.

72. It appears to me that this alien is on something at the moment.

Apparently, when an alien gets high, circles seem to appear from around it. Nevertheless, this is pretty clever.

73. Looks like this guy might want to watch where he sits.

Yeah, you don’t want to sit where there’s an explosive. It won’t end well, I guarantee it.

74. Seems like a few aliens might have a few things to say about Earth.

Well, the message is indecipherable since it was probably written by some prankster with too much time on their hands. Yet, this is a very intricate design.

75. Okay, an alien just had to be here.

However, keep in mind that when you see this sign, you might come home to your whole hometown leveled. Believe me, I’ve seen Man of Steel.

76. Now this seems like a weird looking shape.

Well, this is a 4 point star. And a rather funky looking one at that. Notice its squiggly points.

77. Seems like Olympic fever spans out of this world.

I think this one was made for the 2012 Olympics when London hosted. By the way, a lot of these are done in Britain, just so you know.

78. Of course, it’s not just people on earth who like Hello Kitty.

Yeah, you get images like that with crop circles. I’m sure aliens would certainly be aware of Hello Kitty. Probably not.

79. I guess there are female silhouette figures out there.

Well, at least one with boobs. Anyway, this one is supposed to be a goddess figure, which kind of makes sense.

80. Seems like this one has an owl coming out of it.

Well, it has an owl face at any rate. Nevertheless, I think it’s nice to look at from a bird’s eye view.

Fun with Easter Bonnets (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 28, 2016

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Last year, I did a post on Easter bonnets which has received a great reception, even to this day. So I decided to do another Easter bonnet post for this Easter. While the one above might seem like a crazy Easter bonnet to some, keep in mind that this picture was taken at a time when such large hats were in style like the turn of the 19th century. But while Easter bonnets have been a long standing tradition, it’s only been recently that they’ve become the Easter equivalent to the Christmas sweater. And in some major cities like New York, it’s not unusual for people to parade the streets in their wildly outrageous Easter hats. And believe me, a lot of them are so big that make you wonder how they manage to deal with neck pain afterwards. Because those hats must be a lot of trouble to keep your head up. Nevertheless, a lot of these people who wear such hats usually make their own because they might find it fun. And as you see while a lot of these have Easter themes, some of them have a special creative spin. So for your Easter reading pleasure, here is another treasure trove of wacky and wonderful Easter bonnets.

Some people eat chocolate eggs while others use them for decoration.

Man, that’s a big waste of chocolate as far as I’m concerned. But at least the stuffed bunny is adorable.

2. Sometimes it helps to go simple and start small.

This one has a headband as well as a sparkly bunny and eggs. Still, love the bow.

3. Well, this hat’s sure becoming a real bird’s nest.

Sure those are pom pom chicks. But they really seem to be making a mess in that rabbit hat.

4. Of course, it helps if your hat is surrounded by chicks.

Yes, the pom pom chicks are hanging from the hat. But at least they’re there for the portrait.

5. Seems like she’s wearing a bird’s nest this Easter.

Well, the look is intentionally anyway. But the birds and eggs seem to be of different colors.

6. How about some carrots on your porkpie?

This seems to be an easy Easter bonnet look as you see. Just add carrots to a porkpie hat and you’re good to go.

7. On a purple Easter bonnet, you can’t have too many lilies.

Nevertheless, I wish I could see the whole hat but part of it was cut from the photo. Sometimes you have to do with what you have. Still, the dog also has a bonnet for you to see, too.

8. For an Easter bonnet, there’s no limit on shades of pink.

This one has a blue bird on the side and a glittery silver branch. Still, you can’t help but love this one.

9. This bee has been buzzing around this little girl’s bonnet for quite some time.

Then again, the effect is intentional. Nevertheless, it’s so cute.

10. On Easter, one can never carry too many plushies around.

Man, this guy has a whole hat of plushies that seems rather heavy. And he's wearing a necklace of stuffed bunnies to boot.

Man, this guy has a whole hat of plushies that seems rather heavy. And wearing a necklace of stuffed bunnies to boot.

11. No Easter parade would be complete without this egg.

Well, egg Easter bonnet anyway. Still, not sure how someone should wear this thing.

12. It’s not an Easter bonnet without the rabbit ears.

Then again, the tradition of outrageous Easter bonnets might predate the ugly Christmas sweater. This one certainly comes from the 1950s or earlier.

13. Seems like she’s topped off with a rather bespectacled chick.

Because the chick in question has a pair of pipe cleaner glasses. Still, that’s cute.

14. On any Easter bonnet, one can never have too many flowers.

This one seems to have Easter flowers all over the hat. And even the chickies are wearing straw hats of their own.

15. Sometimes a small Easter basket will do.

Well, I guess that one didn’t take very long to make. Not sure if this woman is wearing it right though.

16. Sometimes it helps to go a little low key now and then.

This one is just a green turban with red flowers. Seems doable but might be harder than it looks.

17. How about top your Easter bonnet with some Angry Birds?

As I’m aware, Angry Birds seems to be a popular motif for Easter bonnets. This is especially pertaining to boys.

18. It’s said that a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the nest.

And it seems her hat contains a couple of blue birds in a nest. Of course, I’m not sure how easy these birds are to find.

19. A nest hat always needs to go with the right chick.

Not sure if the chick is a little big for the nest. But at any rate, the ribbon is a good match.

20. You can always get creative with spring colors for Easter.

This one seems to have pom poms, eggs, and flowers of almost every color imaginable. Wonder how long it took to make that.

21. For any Easter parade, this pink top hat is just the ticket.

This one has a pink bunny and feather as well as all kinds of Easter decor. Not sure if I’d want to wear it though.

22. What’s with the nest on top of this hatching egg?

I mean this one has a nest of chicks on top of a hatching egg. How crazy is that? Yeah, that’s freaky.

23. On any Easter bonnet, you can’t go wrong with so many eggs.

As long as the eggs are fake. Even hard boiled ones have the potential to make a mess. Still, love the flying chicks on this.

24. An Easter bonnet with large flowers is bound to stand out.

Seems like this girl has a basket on her head for some reason. Not sure she really does though.

25. You never know what you can do with a green top hat.

This one seems to be all chicked out as far as I’m concerned. Also has a lot spring stuff, too.

26. Remember Easter flowers always go on top for parades.

And it seems this one has a large bouquet of them. Not sure how many are in there. But I know they’re all fake.

27. Not sure of what to make about the duckling on her head.

Still, I hope it’s not taxidermy because that would be creepy. But you may never know from this old photo.

28. This boy is a proud member of the Blue Egg and Rabbit tribe.

Okay, this is a boy in his Easter bonnet. Nevertheless, he’d probably be less embarrassed in one that’s styled like an Indian headdress.

29. For small children, you can’t go wrong with crocheted bunny ears.

Sure it might not be an outrageous Easter bonnet. But it’s pretty adorable to say the least.

30. A blue bunny always makes a great Easter bonnet.

Yes, I know that bunnies aren’t normally blue. But this one is so adorable that you’d want to hug it.

31. For tall Easter bonnet, there is no limit on flowers.

This one is covered with almost every flower you can think of. And it has little bunnies and chicks on the brim. Wonder how this woman holds up her head.

32. Who says men can’t rock out with flowers?

Sure a guy can like flowers if he desires to. Still, like the bird on his head.

33. Why stop with an Easter egg when you can have an Easter tree?

This is a massive hat. Wonder how this person is coping with neck strain. But it’s certainly elaborate by any means.

34. For the Easter parade, it won’t hurt to recognize the Monarch Butterfly.

Monarch butterflies aren’t among the most beautiful. But they’re a very common sight in the spring. They’re best known for their summer/autumn migration to the South in the Eastern US.

35. For Easter, you can never have too many bunnies in your bonnet.

I don’t know about you, but she looks as if she’s wearing a wide brimmed beekeeper hat of some sort. Not sure why.

36. Of course, you can always go with a conical option.

This white one has a pink ribbon in which pom pom chicks slide. Simply adorable.

37. If you’re not a fan of chicks, may I suggest a swan hat?

Sure paper mache and white feathers may not make a graceful swan. But I find this hat strangely charming.

38. If you like Frozen, may I suggest a bonnet of Olaf in the pool.

Olaf may be dreaming of summer despite the fact that he’s a snowman. This means he’d simply perish in temperatures above 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

39. A small nest hat is bound to have some eggs.

Not sure birds normally lay that many eggs at one time. But at least this bonnet is a rather simple and small design.

40. Is that hat upside down?

Sure looks like it. Nevertheless, it sure matches her outfit perfectly.

41. For spring flowers, it doesn’t hurt to go all out on Easter.

This woman was in my Easter bonnet post last year. Must have bonnets like that every year as far as I’m concerned. Still, couldn’t do another post like this without her.

42. Seems like this magic hat had more than just a bunny in it.

I have to admit this is a pretty clever idea. Like the bunny with a magic wand.

43. For Easter, you can’t go wrong with a rainbow chick bonnet.

I know this was created by a child. But it does look quite adorable. Like the chick’s hat, too.

44. Seems like this bunny is crawling into its hole.

According to Pinterest, this is supposed to be a boy’s Easter bonnet idea. And it includes insects to boot.

45. Those who aren’t into bunnies and chicks might want their Easter bonnet to be a giant gumball machine.

Of course, there are plastic Easter eggs in them for a little Easter touch. But it’s a rather unusual concept.

46. All this hat contains is a row of carrots.

Now that’s bound to attract critters. Still, it’s a pretty clever idea that doesn’t seem to take a lot of time. Well, if you buy your carrots at a store.

47. This Easter, any boy is sure to love an Easter bonnet of the Caped Crusader.

Not sure if Batman would be fit for Easter because he’s not known for being a cheery person. Not sure about an Easter bonnet of Robin though.

48. These Angry Birds are just settling in their nest.

I told you that Angry Birds is a popular idea for Easter bonnets. Nevertheless, this is another interesting hat.

49. This Easter, how about decorate a straw hat with peeps?

Because these sugary marshmallows are incredibly disgusting to eat. But they’re great for decorating.

50. Nothing makes an Easter bonnet better than it being decorated with purple flowers.

Well, at least it matches her outfit. And it’s not among the most outrageous Easter bonnets I’ve seen lately.

51. Not even 10 years old and this boy has become a real pothead.

By that, I mean he has a large flower pot on his head. Pretty soon he might end up being a real basket case.

52. A caged chick always makes a great Easter bonnet.

Never seen that before. Nevertheless, this is a rather cute and clever idea if you ask me.

53. Now this is the kind of hat to crow at the crack of dawn.

Yes, that’s a little rooster hat for a small child. And I’m sure this little girl would fit in with an Easter parade perfectly.

54. Make sure the flowers in your hat are sticking up.

Yes, I know these flowers are fake and make the hat seem ridiculous. But they sure are pretty.

55. Make sure your peeps are all in a row of their colors.

Seems like there are no limits on peep decorating ideas. Still, you can’t help but like this one.

56. Pom pom bunnies are always hard to resist.

Kind of wish these pom pom bunnies had pink little noses. But then again, to each his own.

57. If you love the minions from Despicable Me, this is the Easter bonnet for you.

Sure this is a little kid hat. But you have to agree with me. The minions are adorable.

58. How about put some flowers under the brim?

Yes, this is a pretty outrageous Easter bonnet, all right. But it sure has the spring spirit.

59. For a lovely Easter bonnet, it helps to go blue.

Yes, that’s that same woman with her outrageous Easter bonnets. That must be a thing with her since she probably has too much time on her hands.

60. An Easter bonnet of pink feathers is bound to draw a lot of attention.

Seems to resemble something that’s straight out of Las Vegas. Wonder what their Easter parade is like. Or do I even want to know?

61. A top hat is always a manly Easter accessory.

Particularly a green one with tons of flowers and a nest. Guy must have a great sense of humor.

62. For big hats, go with big flowers.

At least this one has a lot of flowers that would be blooming this time of year like crocuses, violets, daffodils, and tulips. But still, it’s a crazy hat.

63. Seems like this guy really likes New York.

Or is really not into the bunnies and chicks bit of Easter. So he decided to go with a New York Easter bonnet instead.

64. Sure you can go cowboy chick on Easter.

Yes, this is a cowboy chick Easter bonnet. And yes, it’s rather adorable and Easter appropriate.

65. When it comes to Easter bonnets, you can’t go wrong with lamb.

I know that sheep aren’t as popular Easter motifs as bunnies or chicks. But you have to admit, this is pretty cute.

66. This Easter, how about decorating your basket with eggs and flowers?

Wish I could see this woman’s whole hat. Particularly what’s above the basket.

67. If you just want the bare branches, may I suggest go with some twigs?

This is known as a stick crown. Great Easter bonnet idea for boys who are into Lord of the Rings.

68. For this Easter, this guy would prefer a farm and castle.

Man, that guy seems to have a whole landscape on his head. But at least it has a rabbit to show it’s for Easter.

69. For some, one parasol of flowers just won’t cut it.

Okay, with an Easter bonnet like that, I’d be scared to go near this person. That almost seems like it could poke somebody’s eye out.

70. This Easter bonnet is a tribute to a work known as “The Gates.”

It was one of those abstract art things from years ago in New York City. Don’t ask me to explain any further.

71. All this guy needs on his Easter bonnet are a chick and some egg cartons.

He also has some plastic Easter eggs for good measure. And he knows how to accessorize.

72. This Easter, everyone is bound to need a hand.

Okay, that’s probably the most disturbing Easter bonnet I’ve ever seen. No, disembodied hands aren’t appropriate for Easter parades. Seriously, why?

73. Seems like somebody has their head in a flowery cage.

This is also pretty disturbing in its own way. But not to the extent as the hand one. Love the flowers though.

74. Looks like these critters are hopping aboard their own ocean liner.

Yes, I know the boat kind of resembles the Titanic. But so did a lot of large ships when the Titanic was around.

75. Sometimes you have to go with the big brims.

And yes, these women are wearing big brims during the Easter parade. Can also double as Kentucky Derby hats.

76. When it comes to Easter bonnets, it sometimes helps if you have an unconventional hair color.

And I’m sure pink will do nicely. Then again, I’m sure this is a wig. At least I hope it is.

77. To avoid damage, it occasionally helps if you wrap flowers in plastic.

Still, her hat seems incredibly big that you wonder how she could wear it like that. Love the flowers though.

78. So I guess it’s Easter in New York City.

Guess there’s an Easter bonnet so people will remember that. Also has flowers for good measure.

79. Guess somebody wants to make a flowery entrance.

Yes, I know that it might seem a little too much. But it’s fairly over the top enough to put on this post.

80. Nothing makes a better Easter bonnet than one full of puff balls.

To me this either resembles a clown afro or her coiffe being taken over by rainbow tribbles. I’m not sure which is which.

Easter Candy No One Likes in Their Baskets or Eggs

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 25, 2016

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Like Halloween, Easter has a long tradition pertaining to candy. After all, it’s what most kids find in their Easter baskets or inside their eggs (assuming they’re the plastic ones that open). And there are plenty of candies associated with Easter alone. I always enjoyed Easter egg hunts as a child whether it was in the front yard during the morning before church or at my grandparents’ house. I also participated in at least one in college. For a long time, egg hunts were one of the big reasons I looked forward to Easter as a kid. However, once I reached a certain age, it was time for me to bow out, especially since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren. And my participation wouldn’t be fair as an adult in a childish activity. I do help hide Easter eggs in my grandparents’ back yard for Easter and maybe help some of my cousins find the eggs. But somehow it’s not the same. Not to mention, since I’ve outgrown my eligibility for the Easter egg hunt at my grandparents’, Easter has become considerably less enjoyable for me since I’m mostly stuck socializing with relatives. Nevertheless, I can talk of all the Easter candies I like such as the chocolate bunny. But you’d probably be bored out of your mind that I wouldn’t get many views. So instead I’ll focus on Easter candy that most people don’t like. So without further adieu, I have this list for you. This has nothing to do with nutritional value but mostly quality of taste or whether it’s appropriate.

Pez- This candy is basically the poster child of products that aren’t as popular as their packaging. I mean the only reason why people buy Pez is because of the dispensers. But you’ll find nobody on earth who’d admit that these pocket size pills are tasty.

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2. Marshmallow Peeps – Don’t get me wrong, I do like peeps. Just not for eating. However, these are just inedible sugar coated marshmallows that are basically inedible. At least they’re great for decorating and making amusing dioramas out of for annual contests. And they should be better used that way. That or putting them in the microwave to watch them explode, but let’s be honest, the end result might not be good for your microwave. The Houston Press has a different view, “We’ll be honest. These things? Terrify us. Spun sugar masquerading as multi-neon-colored marshmallow doesn’t come close to existing in nature. Therefore, it shall not exist in us. We shall henceforth refer to them as Creeps.”

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3. Marshmallow Carrot- From Houston Press: “Oh, come on. Mock carrot candy even makes vegetarians want to barf. Who was the brains behind this idea? Perhaps it was an entrepreneurial parent’s way to bait-and-switch a finicky child into eating more veggies. Too bad they suck, and now the kid hates candy, carrots and Easter. What’s next — Broccoli fluff? Good grief.”

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4. Fluffy Cotton Tails- From Houston Press: “These things are basically the candy form of Jolt Cola: monstrously disgusting sugar bombs. An entire bag of cotton candy boiled down into bite-sized nuggets for you and yours. Avoid them as if your life depended on it.”

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5. Cadbury Crème Eggs- From Houston Press: “Remember the commercials in which the Easter Bunny gives birth to the Cadbury Crème Eggs? And then they open them up to reveal sugary, yolk-colored innards? Yeah. We still have nightmares, too. How these things have stayed on the market for so long is one of life’s greatest mysteries.”

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6. Jordan Almonds- From Houston Press: “Hey kids, who wants to break a tooth? Because that’s a distinct possibility when you bite into an accursed Jordan almond, a tasty-sounding treat that’s simply an almond coated in sugar. Too bad the sugar coating tastes more like chalk than anything found in a kitchen, and the almonds contained within are generally flavorless. The reason they’re considered an Easter candy even though they can be purchased year-round is that they’re pastel-colored. And that’s about it. I guess they’re sort of egg-shaped, too, but in reality, Jordan almonds have about as much to do with Easter as a pebble. (The pebble might taste better, though.)”

jordan almonds

7. Bunny Munny- I remember getting these as a kid. They’re basically chocolate coins with rice in them. But they don’t taste particularly great. Someone at the Houston Press commented, “This treat is particularly offensive to me because it masquerades as something delicious. Chocolate with a bit of crispy rice in it? What could possibly be bad about that? How about the fact that they unfortunately taste more like cardboard with a slight chocolate flavor than actual chocolate? They purport to be made with real chocolate, but if that’s true, why do they taste so unfortunate? And can we talk about how offensive that spelling of “munny” is to anyone older than 10? Don’t purposefully misspell candy names to be cute! No one thinks it’s cute! Sidenote: On the Candy Warehouse website, there is actually a disclaimer, ‘Sorry, these treats are not a valid form of U.S. currency.’ In case you were confused.”

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8. Bunny Basket Eggs/Easter Hunt Eggs – From Houston Press: “Brach’s is perhaps the worst offender on this list, bringing us three of the ten worst candies, direct from their testing and manufacturing plant in some faraway land where no one has taste buds. Bunny Basket Eggs are the least offensive of the three, featuring, essentially, fake gummy marshmallows surrounded by a coating of bad jelly bean. They stick in your teeth. They melt in your plastic eggs. They get awkward jelly bean coating color on your fingers. And what do you get for your trouble? Nastiness. Pretty much just a hunk of sugar that tastes like artificial fruit and giving up.” Marshmallows and gummy bears are a disgusting combination.

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9. Jelly Beans- I used to get these a lot on Easter, too. And to me they’re just kidney shaped colored candies that seem to have absolutely none to a horrible taste. It’s like they put some flavor and color to some waxy and rubbery concoction. Disgusting. The ones in my basket usually went to the garbage. Yes, I know there are plenty of people who love jelly beans. Yet, but to me that’s like saying that plenty people like John Wayne, Twilight, Fifty Shades, Fast & Furious, or reality shows. Just because something might be popular doesn’t mean it’s good.

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10. Chocolate Cross- Yes, I know we celebrate Easter to recognize Jesus’s resurrection after his crucifixion. But while I love chocolate on any holiday like Easter, there are just things that shouldn’t be in chocolate form. A cross should be one of these things because that’s what Jesus suffered and died on. Not to mention, crucifixion was an execution method in which ensured the victim would endure a long and agonizing death through bleeding and suffocation while being nailed to a large cross of wood. Jesus went through this and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Yes, I’m sure Christians are willing to buy foodstuffs like this for their kids’ Easter baskets, but is it really appropriate? And as a practicing Catholic and a chocolate lover, such cross would lead me struggling with temptation, followed by guilt after eating it (as well as relishing in its taste), if I ever received one. If you want to raise your kids as good Christian children, I suggest good Christian parents go with chocolate eggs and bunnies instead. Sure they’re secular symbols but they come with a very low risk of committing accidental sacrilege.

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11. Brach’s Chicks & Rabbits – From Houston Press: “These are the items I as a child most dreaded finding in Easter baskets or stuffed unceremoniously into plastic eggs at parties. What would I do if someone presented me with a bright-orange hunk of eraser disguised as candy? Would I feign delight and eat it anyway, then risk melodramatically gagging and spitting it out at the feet of my gracious host? Would I tuck it away to later slip to a poor, unwitting canine? Would I throw it nonchalantly into someone else’s basket. I honestly don’t remember what I did with the damn things, but I guarantee you I didn’t eat them. Fool me once…and all that jazz. The flavor is listed as “marshmallow,” which, if you believe the multitude of flavored-vodka products out there is, in fact, a genuine flavor. But these don’t taste anything like marshmallows. They’re essentially the same material as those off-putting orange Circus Peanuts candies–soft so long as they’ve never touched oxygen, but instantly hardening into toothbreaking plaster once exposed to the elements. Worse still, the candies only vaguely resemble the eponymous chicks and rabbits. They’re much more akin to totem poles or idols used for some bizarre, decidedly not Easter-y ritual. Consume at your own risk.”

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12. Easter Candy Corn – You got to be kidding me. They actually have this? These sugar wax candies aren’t even great on Halloween, let alone on any other holiday like Easter. Not to mention, they even look more disgusting in pastel colors.

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13. Nerds Bumpy Jelly Beans – All right, that just makes jelly beans more disgusting as by giving it grotesque growths. Also, kind of look like fruity brains.

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14. Wonka Hoppin’ Nerds Candy- From E!: “Nerds are definitely a solid candy choice, unless they are called “bumpy” (see above). But they don’t really scream “Easter.” They do scream “capable of cracking a filling,” but whatever.”

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15. Lindt Chocolate Carrots – From E!: “Fancy chocolate for when you want to feel better after eating 20 Butterfinger eggs (more on that later). But this candy is only special because of the wrapping, not because of the taste.”

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16. Whoppers Easter Mini Robin Eggs- Oh, I remember getting these from egg hunts. Lovely to look at and have hard shells that they don’t need wrappers. However, they tend to taste a bit crunchy and chalky. Also, can be mistaken for Cadbury Mini Eggs, so check wisely.

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17. Chocolate Covered Peeps- From Paste: “To say that chocolate-covered Peeps are not aesthetically pleasing would be a gross understatement—they look like something your insolent dog might leave as a surprise in your loafers for daring to challenge his authority. The chocolate coating is terrible. The artificial, gummy marshmallow inside isn’t much better. These Peeps went a long way toward turning Paste editor Josh Jackson against the idea of chocolate-coated marshmallows in general, which would be great, if there weren’t three or four more of the exact same style of candy on the table.” In other words, they’re saying that these aren’t much better from their disgusting sugar coated marshmallow counterpart and resemble dog turds. At least in chick form for the latter.

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18. Little Beauty Chocolate Bunny- From Paste: “The worst pure chocolate on the table, this thing was so bad that it made us scan the ingredients list, where “cocoa” is the fourth ingredient—after “sugar,” “vegetable oil” and “whey.” Because you definitely want more sugary whey in your chocolate than actual chocolate. So sugary that some of our teeth manifested spontaneous sympathy cavities in protest.”

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19. Frankford Marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies- From Paste: “A big multi-bag where all the marshmallows are stuck together into one mass you get to pry apart with your hands” is not the most promising origin for Easter candy, and indeed, this was one of the least pleasant things on the table. They’re simple, you can say that for them. It’s just a bag of simple, pastel-colored, really awful marshmallows. Make of that what you will.”

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20. Reese’s White Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs- Now while Reese’s might have a reputation for making their holiday shaped candies shaped like turds, at least they’re tasty. Yet, you wouldn’t want to eat one from the ground in a dog park. However, I’m not sure if white chocolate and peanut butter should even go together. And it’s said you can barely taste the chocolate to begin with.

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21. Sour Watermelon Peeps- I’ll let Paste explain these since I’ve never been near such candies. From Paste: “Oh no. Oh NO. What in the hell are these things? We thought we had seen weird and objectionable, and then along came the watermelon-flavored Peeps. We’re disturbed by the very idea of the concept’s genesis—who in their right mind looked at the marshmallow of a Peep and thought that pink, artificially watermelon-flavored sludge would be a great way to improve it? This person needs to be locked up. If he or she is walking among us, then society is not safe. The mere fact that Paste Music/TV editor Bonnie Stiernberg seemed to oddly enjoy these Peeps (in opposition to everyone else) is cause for suspicion and alarm.”

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22. Palmer Hollow Chocolate Flavored Bunny – Yes, it’s a very cute chocolate bunny on the outside. However, its taste is bound to disappoint you once the stuff is in your mouth as described akin to milk powder and peanut shells. Candy Blog called this, “the Easter equivalent to a lump of coal.”

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23. Twizzler Easter Grass Candy- It’s supposed to be green apple and unlike other Twizzlers, it’s presented as loose and tangled like grass or as if everyone touched it. But those at Time Out Chicago said it’s taste could range from pesto pasta, paste-a, or medicine.

24. Bunny Poop- These are little balls chocolate covered cookie dough which would taste great that come from a wind up pooping rabbit. It’s inspired by the plastic wind up chicken that lays eggs. Nevertheless, it’s on here because of the cookie dough which is uncooked food which may taste great but it’s not something you should eat. And I mean because it’s teeming with E. Coli bacteria which has led to death. For instance consumption of uncooked pieces of the famous Nestle Toll House cookie dough sickened several dozen people and killed one woman in 2009. Now a candy’s nutritional value is one thing that I can let slide, but food safety is a whole another matter. And any product that contains raw cookie dough should be avoided. Seriously, for the love of God, don’t eat cookie dough raw.

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25. Hershey’s Easter Kissables- Think of Hershey’s kisses covered in pastel wax, which don’t melt into your mouth but greasily slide down your throat. Well, that was only in 2005 and 2006. In 2007, Hershey’s decided to swap cocoa butter, chocolate, and cane sugar with corn syrup as well as palm, shea, and sunflower oil. Also, these were topped with an ominous sounding “resinous glaze.” Such ingredient suggestion led the FDA declare Hershey’s Kissables as unqualifiable any longer as “milk chocolate.” They were yanked in 2009. Now if anyone finds package of these horrendous candies, they’re most often used as substitutes for game pieces.

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26. Carrot Cake M&Ms- From Carl Anthony Online: “There is no real chocolate in this chocolate, of course. Following the same course of poor choices with “white chocolate,” these Easter specialty version of the beloved M&M are unusually dry (like cake lacking moisture!), the only discernible flavor being a vague aftertaste of sour cream (does this suggest the “white chocolate” has spoiled?)” He suggests if they were sold for St. Patrick’s Day as Irish Crème, nobody would know the difference.

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27. Carrot Cotton Grape Candy – From Carl Anthony Online: “Made exclusively by Bunnyland Candy, there’s potential for a whole new world of Easter Candy possibilities by the innovative use of the ephemeral spun sugar sweet which is ubiquitous still at carnivals, fairs and circuses. Carrot Cotton Candy makes sense enough as the famously favored food of rabbits, Easter or otherwise. Stuffed into this cellophane bag shaped like a giant carrot, you’ll find sticky, fluffy cotton candy colored in an earthy tone of orange. Yet, oddly, its flavor bears no discernible similarity to the earthy vegetable. While perhaps that’s a blessing, it would seem logical enough that the pleasant taste of “orange” would be a good match. Inexplicably, however, its flavored grape.

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28. Hotlix Candy- For over 25 years, this company has made candies with real insects in them now coated in fruit flavoring. Yes, real deceased insects and I am not making this up. But they don’t exactly yell out “Happy Easter!” Nor are they something to put in a kid’s Easter basket. However, they might be a fine addition to a Halloween trick or treat bag though.

29. Wasabi Candy- For those who don’t know, wasabi is the Japanese name for what we call horseradish, which we put on burgers. Nevertheless, this candy does exist, but it’s not something a kid would want for Easter. As Hello Giggles notes, “In general, yes – wasabi candy exists. And I can’t think of any holiday that it’s appropriate for, unless you want to inflict punishment on somebody. If you put these monsters in your child’s Easter basket this year, you’re just asking for a meltdown.”

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30. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans- It’s from the Harry Potter collection. However, unlike regular jelly beans, these ones don’t pretend to be disgusting. And I mean they have every flavor. Sure some might be pleasant but they also have earthworm, earwax, vomit, and booger. Definitely not Easter basket material, unless those of diehard Harry Potter fans.

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31. Edible Easter Grass- Yes, it’s supposed to look like grass and taste like fruit. But it’s very strange. Sure you can use it for Easter baskets to put candy in it. But that’s like having candy on top of your candy.

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32. Ghost Pepper Candy- Since it was called the World’s Hottest Pepper in 2007, I suppose any ghost pepper candy is bound to burn in anyone’s mouth. Might be great for adults but kids would be crying after consumption.

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33. Chocolate Gold Jesus- From Hello Giggles: “The Chocolate GoldJesus is more of a work of art. This certificated, high quality, fairly traded, organic chocolate aims to donate profits to charitable organizations, which is fantastic. Also it’s Easter related. So what’s the issue? Well, I’d have a really hard time eating this. I’d almost feel bad. I’d think of numerous excuses to save my Chocolate GoldJesus for a special occasion, but no occasion would ever be good enough. And I don’t think I’m alone, since the company has since offered a bronze statue (non-edible!) that’s made in the same cast as its chocolate counterpart.”

34. Zombie Bunny Lollipop- For the record, with the popularity of such shows as The Walking Dead, this one was more or less made for adults. I mean there’s too much blood. Also, it tastes like cotton candy.

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35. Russell Stover Eggs (Wedding Cake, Birthday Cake, Birthday Cake, and Cookie Dough or anything other than conventional flavors)- The cake flavored ones are said to taste like butter inside chocolate. But those at Time Out Chicago think they come with a weird aftertaste and are all gritty in an unpleasant way. Best stick with chocolate, marshmallow, peanut butter, caramel, brownie, and fudge, Russell Stover.

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36. Jolly Rancher Bunny Food Gummies- These gummies are shaped like veggies and are supposed to taste fruity. Taste has been likened to stuff like corn syrup, chemicals, and floor cleaner. Let’s just say rabbits wouldn’t want these.

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37. Strawberry Chocolate Bunny- Why the hell would anyone make something like this? Chocolate bunnies should only come in 3 flavors milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and vanilla for those allergic to chocolate. This is disgusting. As Carl Anthony Online notes: “In truth, the Strawberry Easter Bunny has all but disappeared, some reported sightings on back road grocer shelves made by shady confectioners. Luckily, among those colorful critters more readily ferreted out are made to order from precious candy makers using purer ingredients than in past decades – and astronomical prices.”

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38. Sour Bunny Jolly Rancher- From Paste: “Like a lot of sour candies, these twists on a jolly rancher are more interested in being sour than in delivering the original intent of the product (deliciously artificial fruit flavors). We can’t imagine any scenario where regular Jolly Ranchers wouldn’t be considered superior.”

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39. Jelly Bean Nougat- Okay, jelly beans and nougat, that’s pretty disgusting in my book. Dear Brach’s, I hate you.

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40. Black Jelly Beans- From Mommyish:” The packaging on a bag of all black jelly beans should really read: For the people who hate joy. There’s something so sad and disappointing about digging through all that plastic grass and coming up with a dry, black jelly bean.”

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41. Spiced Jelly Beans- From the Stranger: “For those of us who like a candy that tastes lightly poisoned, Easter season is a dream, thanks primarily to Brachs’ Spiced Jelly Bird Eggs, a disgustingly intoxicating melange of seven different flavors of jelly beans riding the yummy/gross divide. Some are so gross I have to throw them out, but others are so delicious I eventually buy another bag.”

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42. Mallow Pals Squeezable Marshmallow- Said by one blogger, “Everything about this candy makes me sad. It does not taste good, and it is the lowest common denominator of candy. It is goo in a tube that you squeeze into your sad, disaffected, post-modern mouth. This candy indicates we are living in a post-candy world. Candy is dead, long live candy.”

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43. Mystery Peeps- From Delish: “Much like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, you won’t know if these Peeps are fruity, savory, salty, or sour until you taste them! Whether that game is fun or terrifying, we’ll leave it up to you to decide.”

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44. Zombie Chocolate Bunny- Great to have during an Easter apocalypse for yourself. Not so great for a child’s Easter basket. Also, more suitable for Halloween. And is more of a mockolate flavor, too.

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45. Mary Sue Vanilla Butter Cream Eggs- From In Papa’s Basement: “In order for Cadbury Creme Eggs to exist, there had to be Mary Sue Butter Cream Eggs. Their filling is vile and extremely adhesive, rendering it impossible to gnaw off the chocolate coating without getting some of that venom in your mouth. Trying to eat their shell without ingesting any of the putrid cream contained within is the candy equivalent of a beautiful woman inviting you to bang her…so long as another dude rides shotgun anus. Things will start off okay. And then, at some point in the act, your scrot is going to brush against his. At that moment, as your innocence goes up in flames like Bill Compton on a Cabo San Lucas beach, you’ll realize you paid far too high a price for far too little reward.”

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46. Gum Drops- Said to be the fruitcake of Easter. Not sure why these candies exist since they’re not really that tasty. More like something to decorate gingerbread houses with around Christmas. Other than that, I can’t be sure what else.

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47. Bunny Teeth- These are gummy bunny teeth. Probably an attempt to rip off the gummy teeth concept of Halloween. It’s as morbid as it sounds.

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48. Religious Suckers- Sorry, but despite Easter being a significant holiday celebrating Jesus’s resurrection, it’s not the time to remind children that they were born in sin. That’s the job for clergy and Sunday school teachers who probably let them know beforehand. Besides, it’s not appropriate for Easter for He has risen on that day.

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49. Quax- From Gourmet Gift Baskets: “This yummy ducky (really, it says that on the package – as if that’s enticing) is a complete and total horror. It looks like Ernie’s bath time buddy, but it’s edible. (Well, maybe. It depends on how you consider okay to eat.) Boldly going where no others have gone before, this Easter treat has paved the way for milk-flavored candies everywhere. Now, I know what you’re thinking: what would a milk-flavored treat taste like? Like pure evil. So it’s no wonder that Quax remains the only candy of its kind.” Best used for scaring and traumatizing a small child or Ernie.

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50. Bunny Chew- Because nothing looks more fun for kids than food that resembles either bunny pellets or dog chow.

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51. Naughty Bunny Chocolate Bars- Let’s just these are adult candies and not suitable for children at any rate. Brought to you by Bloomsbury.

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52. Inspirational Jelly Beans- Yes, Easter is a religious holiday. But does that mean putting inspirational stuff on jelly beans appropriate for the occasion? That might be bordering on sacrilege.

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53. Walking with Jesus Fruit Snacks- Yes, walking with Jesus is an inspirational thing. But making fruit snacks out of his sandals? Not so much. Hey, look I know that Easter is a religious holiday and I know it has candy. But can you just give Jesus some respect and not put fruit snacks of his sandals in Easter baskets?

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54. Crucified Peep Candy Cross- Yes, that may look cute. But is it really appropriate for an Easter basket? Not sure if it borders on sacrilege and bound to cause offense. Inedible sugary marshmallow offense.

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55. Rabbit Change- Easter styled chocolate coins with carrots on the foil? No thanks. Chocolate coins are the work of the Devil.

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56. Russell Stover Coconut Nests- More or less resembles some jelly beans being lodged in dog turds. Also, combines two things I hate.

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57. Vegetables – Yes, you might want your kid to eat healthy. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ditch candy and fill your kid’s Easter basket with veggies. Easter candy is an Easter tradition for God’s sake. There may be a place for veggies in your kids’ life but the Easter basket is not one of them.

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58. Sour Patch Jelly Beans- Just when you think they couldn’t make jelly beans worse they had to make them sour. Also, sour candies are just terrible anyway.

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59. Raisins- Sure they may be healthier than chocolate. But that doesn’t mean you should put them in a kid’s Easter basket so they’d mistake them for chocolate chips. That would be cruel.

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60. Candy Canes- For one, they’re for Christmas. Second, put them in an Easter basket, and your kids will know that you’ve had these for months and probably have become entangled in some financial emergency.

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61. Camel Balls – Sure they may not be that bad, but you don’t want to give your kids a sour candy that has a camel’s testicles on the packaging. More like candy sold at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall.

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62. Dingle Bearies- These are chocolate covered gummy bears. It’s a slightly offensive name but pretty disgusting.

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63. Caramel Apple Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “To those of you not sold by our convincing argument of “ew, apple Peeps sound gross” let’s try this on for size—close your eyes (well, metaphorically—you kind of have to have your eyes open to read the rest of this) and imagine eating a Peep. Now imagine washing that down with a nice cool glass of apple juice. That gag reflex you just experienced is your body telling you that this is a horrible flavor for a Peep to have.”

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64. Candy Corn Peeps- All the great taste of Halloween sugary wax and sugary Easter marshmallow rolled into one.

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65. Blue Raspberry Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “As an artificial flavor, blue raspberry is an affront to nature. We feel like it’s silly to point out that blue raspberries aren’t an actual thing that exists in nature, and that this is just a catchall term for kind of sweet, kind of tart food flavoring that tastes distressingly “blue” and is primarily found in syrup poured over ice, except for the fact that we can guarantee that at least, like, 25% of Americans totally think that blue raspberries are a real fruit. But even the mouthbreathers who believe that can take one look at blue raspberry Peeps and say, with complete certainty, that they would rather drown in a silo of sugar before eating these monstrosities.”

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66. Orange Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “The fudge dipped Peeps are an abomination in their own right, but orange marshmallows dipped in orange fudge just seems like the worst combination of anything. Again, this is a simple matter of passing the “how do these ingredients, separated, seem like they would taste together.” So sure, if you’re the kind of person that likes take bites out of an orange in between your Peeps, well, you’re a sociopath, but even you would have to draw the line at adding “orange flavored fudge” on top of all that. We feel like we can’t say this enough—Peeps are not made to taste like fruit. Stop trying to make them taste like fruit!”

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67. Lime Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “And also, who wants to eat lime fudge? No one, that’s who. Lime fudge sounds like something your friend who moved to Germany primarily for sex parties would be into, and when he asks you if you “like lime fudge” you’d just sort of pretend like you know what he’s talking about and be like, “You know, I tried it once, but I just don’t think it was for me” before your friend rolls his eyes and calls you a cis.”

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68. Peeps Milk- Oh, for God’s sake, Peeps, do you have to make a sugary marshmallow monstrosity such as this? For the love of humanity, this is just the most inedible milk ever. Available in marshmallow, chocolate, and eggnog.

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69. Carrot Cake Candy Corn- What the hell, another Easter variety? Seriously, nobody was asking for this. Hell, nobody was asking for candy corn for Halloween.

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70. Easter Ring Pops- If Ring Pops are terrible as a Halloween candy, then Easter styled ones wouldn’t be great at all for an Easter basket.

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Do the Bunny Hop in These Ugly Easter Sweaters

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 25, 2016

This is me in my pastel color turtleneck sweater that I’ve had for almost a decade. It’s not necessarily an Easter sweater nor is it ugly. But for a post like this, it’ll do. I’ve also did a pair of rabbit ears for good measure.

Since Easter is widely considered a spring holiday, it’s normally not associated with sweaters. But since Easter falls in early spring like in March and April, sometimes the weather could be rainy, cold, or erratic. And it’s not unheard of in my area to snow on the holiday which I have personally seen at least once. Yet, weather conditions aside, it appears that the lure of the ugly sweater is so great that they just have to have them for Easter as I’ve searched the depths of Google Images and Pinterest for them. And they are as charmingly ghastly as you’d expect with bunnies, eggs, chicks, and other motifs for your heart’s content. Not to mention, they’re in the pastel spring colors associated with the holiday, too. Some of them I’m wearing in the picture you see above if you get my drift. If you were a kid, you’d probably have seen them on your elementary school teacher. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you a treasure trove of some of the tackiest Easter sweaters around.

Remember flowers must always be in their boxes at all times.

Hate to say this, but the cardigan would looked much better if the flowers weren’t boxed in. Then again, ugliness is kind of the point.

2. On Easter, periwinkle always makes a bold fashion statement.

And this has bunnies at the crease as well as chicks with feathers on them. And some that don’t.

3. Nothing makes a better Easter motif than a bunny carrying an Easter egg.

For some reason, that bunny looks a little sad as if Easter is a day of dread. Still, I think the egg is pretty.

4. Nothing is cuter on Easter than a sweater vest of bunnies in boxes.

And it’s black so the bunnies stand out. The boxes also contain carrots and eggs for added tackiness.

5. Nothing makes a better Easter sweater than a cardigan of different colored bunnies.

Each row of bunnies is of a different color. But not all are facing the same way. Also, not sure about the light green sleeves.

6. Those who might think ugly Easter sweaters are too girly, might be fine with this bunny one.

This one is black with blue trim and a row of bunnies. Then again, Easter has never really been a manly holiday to celebrate anyway.

7. Those who love lambs and daffodils, have I got an Easter sweater for you.

This one is in the same style as some ugly Christmas sweaters you see. But this one has a more spring theme.

8. On any Easter sweater, you can’t have enough eggs, flowers, or bunnies.

This light blue one uses some degree of sequins to stand out. Also has short sleeves which is odd for a sweater. Then again, Easter takes place in spring.

9. You can always tell it’s an Easter sweater if it has bunnies on it.

Not sure of what to think about this sweater. The bunnies don’t seem to look happy. But it’s certainly tacky that I’ll give it a space on this post.

10. Looks like these rabbits love to munch on the garden veggies in this patch.

Sure this might make a great scene for an Easter sweater. However, it’s something you really don’t want to see in real life. Trust me.

11. Of course, in mild weather you can always go with an Easter vest like this.

This one consists of a bunny in basket, Easter eggs, flowers, and other things. Nevertheless, it’s incredibly tacky.

12. Sure it may seem like an ugly sweater, but check for chickens and bunnies to see if it’s for Easter.

This one has 2 rows of chickens and one row of bunnies. And the bunnies are all facing with their cotton tails.

13. Of course, there are some people who might prefer geese.

This one has geese in the top right corner. Yet, it’s trimmed with blue gingham and pink roses. Definitely suited for a teacher.

14. To make the bunnies and eggs stand out, go with navy blue.

Yes, I know a lot of these contain Easter eggs and bunnies. But that’s what you’d have to expect sometimes.

15. On an Easter sweater like this, each item belongs in their respective columns.

This one has 2 columns with chicks and eggs as well as 2 with bunnies and carrots. But somehow this sweater is cute and tacky at the same time.

16. If you love funky colored animals, this is the Easter sweater for you.

I guess the chicks are silver, the bunnies are purple, the pigs are yellow, and the lambs are pink. Still, not sure if it’s the kind of ugly Easter sweater I’d wear.

17. Seems like this rabbit is taking a walk with his dog on a lit street.

Of course, normally dogs are bigger than rabbits and tend to eat them. And believe me, I’ve seen this happen.

18. Sometimes on Easter, you have to stand out with some bright colors.

Yes, I know that a lot of Easter stuff tends to have pastel colors on them. This sweater tends to be an exception as you see. But still kind of an eyesore.

19. For a fuzzy cotton tail, may I suggest white feathers?

Not sure if feathers is appropriate for a bunny’s cotton tail. But it sure makes this sweater look rather horrific.

20. For a simple design, why not go for a bunny with bows?

Sure those may not look like bows. But I’m sure this sweater is bound to be Easter appropriate in its own way.

21. On Easter, remember how much bunnies love flowers.

This one seems to depict fuzzy bunnies holding flowers. Some side by side.

22. For Easter colors, you can’t go wrong with light blue and pink.

You can barely see the pink in this turtleneck. But the row of bunnies certainly stand out.

23. An Easter sweater can always use a few bunnies and fringe.

This cardigan just has 3 fuzzy bunnies and white fringe. Yet, these bunnies are adorable.

24. As we all know, bunnies look better with bows.

Well, bunny heads anyway. Still, think the carrot buttons are rather appropriate for this one.

25. If you want to bring the spirit of Easter, go with lavender.

This one has eggs and flowers on top and bunnies on the bottom. And a bunch of holes in between.

26. If you’re not a fan of bunnies, perhaps go with chicks.

This bright pink one has chicks and snowflakes on it. Not sure about the inclusion of snowflakes.

27. On an Easter sweater like this, the bunnies come out of eggs.

Yes, that might look cute. But that’s totally wrong as far as biologists are concerned.

28. Not a fan of pink? Go with green.

Not sure if green is a great color. But you have to like the Easter eggs on this.

29. Never have I seen an Easter sweater with so many baskets.

From all the sweaters I’ve put on this post so far, this first one that doesn’t have a single animal in sight. Just baskets, eggs, and flowers.

30. Like bunnies but not carrots or eggs? How about one with hearts?

I’m sure someone is bound to love this rabbit sweater. Well, unless they don’t like hearts either.

31. If you love Easter, then you’ll sure love this bespectacled bunny.

This one comes in a variety of colors. Yet, I want you to take a closer look.

32. In some respects, it seems like some bunnies like to go gardening.

Well, we know that rabbits do like gardens, particularly with veggies. That’s why they’re considered pests by many.

33. When in doubt, go with a fuzzy collar.

Kind of reminds me of a sweater straight off of Dr. Seuss. Wonder why that is.

34. Of course, Easter wouldn’t be Easter without the Easter Bunny.

Well, at least in the US and Germany anyway. Other countries may or may not have one.

35. This one has eggs and bunnies on string.

Or so it seems. Then again, bunnies and eggs are common Easter motifs, obviously.

36. On some Easter sweaters you can only fit so much.

This one seems to go all out with bunnies, eggs, and other things galore. Nevertheless, it’s very tacky.

37. Wanna draw chick wings? I’m sure swirls would do the trick.

Not sure what to make about this design. Seems rather trendy from some standpoint. But still has some cuteness appeal for Easter.

38. Sometimes an Easter sweater can become a real patchwork.

This one seems to have a lot of stuff in bright Easter colors. Also includes a heart and a fortune cookie.

39. Some of these bunnies are hiding in their little holes.

Probably because they’re trying desperately not to get caught by pest control. Because they tend to ruin gardens during the spring and summer.

40. For an Easter hoodie, you can’t go wrong with a rabbit ear hood.

This might seem like a normal hoodie. But keep in mind it has rabbit ears and short sleeves.

41. Sometimes bunnies put their Easter eggs on an Easter tree.

I know some people have an Easter tree according to Pinterest. My family doesn’t do this. But here’s a sweater anyway.

42. Sometimes a bunny just needs a rest.

Yes, this bunny is taking a break to enjoy the flowers and the breeze. And there’s a yellow butterfly near the top.

43. Looks like this bunny has found itself in the carrot patch.

And if it was smart, it would get it’s ass out of there before the gardener shows up. Or pest control. Whichever comes first.

44. A green sweater like this always has to come with chicks.

Not sure if that yellow matches with that green. Then again, I’m not a fan of that shade of green.

45. An Easter sweater like this has a bunny on each side.

Well, black and white bunnies anyway. Then again, I think I like these bunnies better than the white ones.

46. Looks like these rabbits are running around the flowers.

This one includes tulips and daffodils, which are spring garden flowers. And let’s just say the bunnies should get out soon.

47. An Easter sweater like this has as many eggs as you desire.

If it weren’t for the eggs, I would’ve sworn this would be something a clown would wear. Then again, it’s kind of the point.

48. Nothing makes Easter worthwhile than wearing a sweater vest of chicks.

And it seems they’ve taken a fascination with the pom poms. Still, these are cute.

49. On Easter, almost anything can come out of an Easter egg.

Well, at least on this ugly sweater. In real life not so much except in decorations.

50. For an Easter sweater, pom poms make great cotton tails.

Indeed they do. But on this pink cardigan, there are some pom poms unattached to bunnies as well.

51. This Easter sweater seems crowded with almost everything.

And there are no squares to keep everything straight. Then again, that might be just as well for tackiness’s sake.

52. For an Easter sweater, you can’t go wrong with Easter eggs.

Okay, this one seems like something a clown would wear. And not one with good fashion sense either.

53. For an unconventional idea on an Easter sweater, go with an Easter bonnet.

Better yet, wear an Easter bonnet with this sweater. Make sure it’s just as outrageous as this one.

54. This Easter sweater is sure to celebrate the bounty of spring.

By using shoddy colors and ignoring the fact that pears don’t come out in the spring. Seriously, they get ripe at the same time most fruits do.

55. If you’re into cuteness, this Easter vest will do just fine.

Well, this is in mostly pastels. Then again, Easter is a holiday known for cuteness.

56. Seems like this bunny has his own ugly sweater.

Tacky sweater it may be. But still, I have to give its designer credit for originality.

57. So many bunnies, so little carrots.

Because bunnies tend to breed like rabbits. And let’s just say, eventually, there won’t be enough carrots to go around.

58. On an Easter sweater like this, bunnies keep popping everywhere.

This one is in bright colors with squares of eggs, flowers, and bunnies. Kind of tacky but kind of cute, too.

59. This Easter sweater seems to have rows of eggs, bunnies, and flowers.

I think this was designed like a traditional ugly Christmas sweater. But with spring and Easter motifs instead.

60. A bright blue cardigan is always sure to stand out.

Seems like these have bunnies on the shoulders and the middle. Still, pretty tacky but cute.

61. Looks like one bunny has all the carrots and flowers.

And the top has a butterfly and bee. Nevertheless, love the buttons.

And the top has a butterfly and bee. Nevertheless, love the egg buttons.

62. Apparently, this one has rows and rows of bunnies.

And it seems like they’re all in the grass. Some are even near flowers.

63. These bunnies always seem to enjoy daffodils, colored eggs, and produce.

Let’s hope they don’t get caught with the produce. Or in a garden or field for that matter.

64. Of course, lady bunnies can’t go without their Easter bonnets.

Even the carrots seem to have bows on this one. Don’t understand why that is. Then again, not sure why these bunnies are wearing bonnets.

65. A bright pink Easter vest like this is crowded with bunnies.

And I’ll certainly say so. Thus, it’s bound to pass any tacky test with flying colors.

66. If you don’t like a lot of bunnies, you can always have some around the collar.

And these are linked by carrots for good measure. Nevertheless, I’m sure a guy would be able to wear this in the right size.

67. If you like sequins, bunnies, and eggs, this sweater is for you.

Yes, this one has eggs and bunnies on it. And yes, sequins can be tacky. So this one goes on the post.

68. A dark colored Easter sweater really brings out the daffodils.

Well, this is a cardigan. But it has a bunny on each side. Still, like the color.

69. A pink Easter sweater like this has bunnies all over the place.

So do some of the others. Not to mention an Easter egg and carrot trim.

70. For a unique Easter creature, you can’t go wrong with a unicorn.

Not sure if unicorns are Easter creatures. But this unique sweater does appear in the Easter spirit.

71. If you like a sunset, this gazebo cardigan is just the thing.

This one has a gazebo in a duck pond. Yes, it’s tacky but you have to like the colors.

72. This Easter, perhaps you might want an ugly sweater for your dog.

I know some people might want something like this. But I think dogs ware perfectly fine in their fur and don’t need any clothes whatsoever.

73. If you like ducks, this one is for you.

This is a sweater made in the style of a tank top. Why such sweaters exist, I have no idea.

74. When it comes to featuring Easter stuff, squares always help.

Well, at least on sweaters. But this is incredibly hideous if you ask me.

75. This Easter sweater vest could possibly bring an air of distinction.

Then again, maybe not. I’m sure the carrots and bunnies on this might be hard to take seriously.

76. Seems like this dog and bunny are becoming good friends.

Okay, that’s just totally wrong. Why do they have to make sweaters like these, why?

77. If you love rainbows, you might love a dress like this.

This one is called, “Happy As a Rainbow Dress.” Sure it’s tacky but I’m positive it’s Easter appropriate.

78. I’m sure an Easter sweater can’t get as spectacular as this.

Well, one in that Christmas sweater setup anyway. Still, it’s incredibly colorful.

79. Who says men can’t wear pastel colors for Easter?

Because this guy is certainly rocking his us ugly Easter sweater. He even has rabbit ears, too.

80. An Easter T-shirt like this is guaranteed to make you a hit.

Seems like the graphics were inspired by Atari. But it includes the conventional bunnies and colored eggs.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

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