Of course, unlike the real dark marks in the series, it actually comes off. But c’mon, it’s basically a symbol of a wizard terrorist organization for God’s sake.

Of course, anyone who wears this might want to be wary of Hermione Granger. Take a cue what happened to what she did when Ron dated Lavender Brown in Book 6. It wasn’t pretty.

Note that it has a tragic provenance since it was stolen by her daughter who ended up in a murder-suicide with the Bloody Baron. Also contains a fragment of Voldemort’s soul making it a horcrux that must be destroyed.

Not sure what kind of recipes are in this one. And I’m not sure if I’d want to know at any rate.

However, remember that it’s also a portkey that could transport you and your co-champion to a cemetery to see the Dark Lord’s resurrection. Oh, and if you’re Cedric Diggory, you won’t come out alive.

Made in Japan, by the way, which explains a lot. And I thought lightsaber chopsticks were crazy. I mean wands are for magic, not eating utensils.

Keep in mind that Voldemort stole this and killed its owner before making it into a horcrux. It also sat in a Gringotts vault with a complicated magic security system.

With products like these, you’d wonder if there was any Harry Potter themed strip club out there. Okay, I shouldn’t have said that.

As Potterheads know, Fang is Hagrid’s dog that accompanies him and tends to drool a lot. I think I’ve seen a plushie of Fluffy that was cuter than this.

I don’t think you can make Polyjuice potion in real life. However, if you can, make sure you don’t put any animal hair in it before consumption. Hermione learned this the hard way.

Of course, Voldemort stole this from his mother’s family and turned it into a horcrux. It’s been causing all kinds of terrible shit ever since.

It’s the kind of vicious textbook you have to wrestle with before you read. Literally it’s not a book you can just curl up with on a rainy day.

It’s a horcrux that used to contain a Resurrection Stone. However, when Dumbledore wore it, it withered his hand and led him to seek assisted suicide. Hey, it was to save Draco Malfoy’s life, too.

Wonder what this smells like. Still, doesn’t help that it has glitter on it. That stuff could get everywhere.

Yes, the kind of potion for werewolves that’ll keep them from transforming on their time of the month. However, it’s bound to make them ill though.

According to The Richest, this thing is said to cost $294.95. Let’s just say it would be cheaper if you used a broom in the closet.

Actually you can’t buy this anymore because parents complained about it. Mostly because it was a phallus shaped toy that vibrates when wedged between a kid’s legs.

Yeah, I get the picture and know what “Chamber of Secrets” means. Yet, sometimes it only takes the right basilisk.

Of course, it’s not as violent as Wizard Chess in Harry’s world. Also, it costs a whopping $395.95, which is ridiculous.

Okay, this was probably made by someone with too much time on their hands. Also, I think your pet needs a place like this. Just saying.

Uh, that’s a dildo which is clearly an adult toy. Okay, this is just wrong here.

Another thing you might see in a Harry Potter strip club. Or sex dungeon. I’m not sure which.

Because nothing makes you and your lover more attractive than smelling like you’ve just come out of the Three Bromsticks at Hogsmeade. And I’m sure that’s a hotel and bar where they serve alcoholic beverages to teenagers. Then again, they’re British, but still.

Well, since he was played by Matthew Lewis in the later movies, it’s easy to see why. I mean puberty was very good to him.

Guys, I’m sure those boxers would just be plenty to keep the dementors away. Still, why such a pair exist I have no idea.

Depends on the wizard who wields it. And if you’re not him, then no thanks.

All you have to pay is $195.95. Seriously, I can find one that’s cheaper by pulling it out of a hat.

I don’t know about you, but would you really want your place to smell like Hagrid’s hut? Seriously, I think there are better places in Harry Potter that smell better than that. The Burrow, for instance.

Yes, these are condoms by Magic X. Unfortunately, they’re no longer available since Warner Brothers sued the Swiss manufacturer for copyright infringement.

Uh, I know there may be smokers who like Harry Potter. However, this doesn’t mean we should have Harry Potter themed tobacco paraphernalia.

Of course, if you make a house elf cook them, Hermione would get mad at you. Still, this seems like a silly marketing ploy to me.

I think this one was made before the movies ever came out. Not sure who the hell thought up this. I mean it’s pretty strange.

These are jellybeans. Sure you’ll find some fruity flavors. But you’ll also have earwax, booger, vomit, dirt, and rotten egg. What’s not to love?

I’m sure your guests who aren’t familiar with the series won’t get this. But yes, you enter to the Ministry of Magic through some rundown public bathroom as I’ve read in the books.

Okay, I’m sure the Wizarding World of Harry Potter must have its own strip club. Otherwise, how else could I explain how these exist?

Sure it’s not Dobby. But this doesn’t make the house elf head display less disturbing.

Okay, mandrake babies are incredibly creepy. The costumes are cute for babies. But this, not so much.

Not sure to decide which one is more disturbing. Then again, maybe the hip flask since I know it wasn’t used to store pumpkin juice in Book 4.

Okay, since when would anyone make a dress out of the Marauder’s Map? Seriously, why?

I know this is possibly the most demented My Little Pony I’ve ever seen. Still, I think it’s hilarious.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to wear that at school if it has a very strict weapons policy. Still, not sure if it would make you look like a badass either.

However, in the muggle world we live in, these are just novelty toys. But in the books, they’re one of Fred and George Weasley’s joke inventions.

Okay, it doesn’t make red smoke if your forget something. However, at least you won’t have Draco Malfoy steal it off you like he did to Neville just for kicks.

Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf. And Dobby only pawn in game of life.

Because nothing makes a Merry Christmas than flying on some brooms to escape from fiendfire. At least they didn’t end up like Crabbe (or Goyle in the movie).

I don’t see anything wrong with this since I know it’s not going to work being made by muggles on Etsy. But in the wizarding world, Amortentia is the most powerful love potion and like other love potions, its Muggle equivalent are roofies. Seriously, love potions are date rape drugs. Look what happened to Ron when he ate some some chocolates from one of Harry’s stalkers.

Okay, I know it certainly won’t make you invisible. However, it does have a magical power of its own. Like making your $300 magically disappear. Yes, $300 you could’ve spent on something better like anything.

I could see why Voldemort is the target. Other than that, I’m not sure why this exist? At least the Star Wars one would cooler if you ask me.

Sure these are for display only. Because if it was the wizarding world, you really don’t want to know what these do to you.

Like I said before, mandrakes aren’t adorable. In fact, they’re hideous. However, they do come in handy when students are petrified.

Sure it may not turn back time since it’s a replica. However, it’s known to cost about $224.95.

You know the one he used to lure Ginny into the Chamber of Secrets. And the one Harry eventually stabbed in there. Of course, the Chamber of Secrets thing would’ve been avoided if Lucius just didn’t sneak it in Ginny’s basket.

I’m not sure why these yarn bikinis exist. I mean they’re not the kind you’d want while swimming. Seriously, why?

Wait a minute, each Hogwarts house has its own perfume bottle? Seriously, do fans really need stuff like this? I think it’s overdoing it.

I don’t know what to make about these Potter panties. Guess they’re very popular. Can’t come up with a better explanation.

I don’t see why they’d make such a promotion. Socks are one thing. But sock yarn? Seriously?

Well, maybe “muggles” here means non-Harry Potter fans. Still, some might take it the wrong way.

Yes, but that doesn’t mean Harry would want people to note that. Also, it’s bound to put him and his friends in a highly dangerous situation.

Well, that’s one way to do it. Then again, you might not want to drink out of this while driving.

You know the magic balls that go after players and the sticks you hit them with. At least the muggle equivalent isn’t as nasty.

I think it’s just candy filled in this one. However, in the wizarding world, love potions their equivalent to date rape drugs. Yet, somehow they’re readily available.

Now I’ve heard of class rings. But Hogwarts house rings. Isn’t it a bit much? I mean why?

I guess this is for a pug which kind of makes sense. Why it exists, I have no idea.

Okay, Dobby may not be the scariest characters from Harry Potter. But this doorstop is so freaky looking for some reason.

Yes, I get the puns and how these underwear could sell. But still, that doesn’t change that Harry Potter was originally meant for children.

“It was Professor Snape in the Great Hall with a candlestick.” Couldn’t resist saying that.

Oh, sorry, it seems that you have to go directly to Azkaban. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 galleons.

Guys, unless she insists on a ring like a golden snitch, don’t get her one. Even if she likes Harry Potter. Also, costs $155.

The version of this product is a flashlight. However, the wizard version can put out lights and help you find your friends. So disappointing.

These costs about $59.95 and they’re for display only, By contrast, some pairs of designer frames are relatively cheaper with or without insurance coverage.

Well, this one is just a mirror which only reflects what you look like. And this can be yours for $69.00.

Seems like something you’d find in Luna Lovegood’s lingerie drawer. And I don’t think she’d wear it to impress boys. But you’d never know.

This set costs about $34.99, which is pretty steep. Because I could easily find a feather like that during a walk to the cemetery around turkey season. In fact, I have a quill of my own that I didn’t have to pay for at all.

Now that looks like one of the most expensive letter openers I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I bet it costs more than a mere paper weight.

Let’s hope these smell like Books 4 and 5 Sirius Black and not Book 3. Because the Book 3 Sirius Black smells worse than Hagrid on a good day.

Of course, since the books came out in Britain you can understand this. Then again, the Deathly Hallows did protect Harry from Voldemort.

Yes, give your toast a ride from the toaster to Hogwarts. Wonder if it does come with a Hogwarts toaster. Wouldn’t be surprised.

I don’t know about you but these look like cigarette lighters to me. Oh, wait they are cigarette lighters, which is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

Sure owls don’t make good pets. Still, I think a plushie Hedwig would make more sense than one like this.

Because nothing brings fond memories like being surrounded by beings of dread that can suck your soul or make you realize that you have PTSD. Be sure to be like Lupin and have plenty of chocolate.

And without house elves, too. However, you’ll probably be chopping veggies without magic either.

They’re wizard binoculars but they let you see more. Not sure if the muggle version works though.

Funny, this Three Broomsticks logo looks very similar to the Starbucks one. Wonder why that is.

Well, maybe not. But since it’ll be filled with alcohol, it might lead the drinker to tell truths that you’ve never heard before.

Note that Lucius’s wand is inside it, too. Costs $109.00, which is probably cheaper than what Lucius originally got it for.

Because nothing says Merry Christmas like doing a lab while being bullied by the teacher who hates you because he never got over your mom. Still, Harry should be lucky that Snape would never try to kill him.

Because nothing brings up wonderful Christmas memories than longing for the sight of your long dead parents. You know because they were murdered during your infancy.

For nothing brings fond memories on Christmas than being sent to the principal’s office. Fortunately, Hogwarts’ headmaster is Albus Dumbledore who knows very well that Harry didn’t open the Chamber of Secrets.

This is said to carry scents like dragon fire, mulled mead, and Hogwarts grounds. Nevertheless, would you want your place smelling like Hagrid? Probably not.

Of course, the Triwizard Tournament occurs every 100 years. Yet, despite being ineligible, Harry was drafted into it as an unwilling participant.

Said to smell like potion textbooks, dungeon corridors, and lilies. What it should smell like: hair grease.

Sure it may not grant immortality or turn metals into gold. But it will take $93 out of your wallet.

As you know, drinking unicorn blood may keep you alive. However, because you’ve slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, you’re doomed to a half-life, a cursed life the moment the blood touches your lips.

Sure it looks cool. But I wonder what spells you have to perform to turn it on/off, control volume, or change the channel.

Well, at least that’s an appropriate message for a shot glass. On the other side it says, “mischief managed.” Drink responsibly.

Okay, it might not get you into Hogwarts because that place doesn’t exist. But it will make $60 magically disappear from your wallet. Also includes Marauder’s Map.

Uh, I don’t think getting coffee works that way. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me.

Yes, these are sparkly. But I’m not sure why these exist. Guess there’s a Harry Potter nightclub around some corner.

Well, at least that makes more sense than Harry Potter high heels. Still, if I had a pair, I’d be afraid to get them dirty. They’re also probably expensive as bloody hell.

Now that seems to resemble a very expensive paperweight. Makes you wonder what they’re going come up with when Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them comes out in June.