DC Comics Merchandise Straight from the Batcave

cropped-batcave

Ever since the comic book superhero genre became incredibly popular, this has presented a great merchandising opportunity for companies to sell all kinds of crap. And since superheroes tend to have fans of all ages, the more the better. Seriously, Batman and Superman have been around in the comic book scene since the 1930s their fanbase spans generations. Besides, superheroes in the DC world have had their own TV shows and movies which helps advertisers market lines of toys, posters, T-shirts, or what not. Nevertheless, sometimes product promotion can become quite ridiculous as companies come out with products that tend to be rather inappropriate, not fitting for what the superhero in question stands for, and be potentially offensive. Still, that doesn’t stop them from coming out with stuff. This is especially in the case of the Batman franchise since Batman is probably the most popular superhero within the DC Comics. Sorry, Superman, but Batman is a much more compelling character that people could relate to. Also, he has a Batcave, a Batmobile, all kinds of gadgets, well you get the idea. So for your reading pleasure, here I present to you a trove of DC Comics merchandise. A lot of these are going to be Batman products by the way.

  1. For the smoker, you might like these Batman and Joker Dark Knight tobacco pipes.
For the love of God, you shouldn't put Batman's face on drug paraphernalia. I mean his comics cater to grade school children for Christ's sake.

For the love of God, you shouldn’t put Batman’s face on drug paraphernalia. I mean his comics cater to grade school children for Christ’s sake.

2. Protect your bathroom tissue with this Batman toilet paper holder.

That way, the Dark Knight of Gotham City becomes the Dark Knight of your loo. Even if such an object makes it hard for me to take seriously.

That way, the Dark Knight of Gotham City becomes the Dark Knight of your loo. Even if such an object makes it hard for me to take seriously.

3. You’ve heard about the Batmobile, how about a Bat van?

Sure I think it might've been a good idea on paper. But take fit from me, I don't think Batman would want to be caught dead driving that thing.

Sure I think it might’ve been a good idea on paper. But take fit from me, I don’t think Batman would want to be caught dead driving that thing.

4. Keep your child safe and secure with this Batman car seat.

Sure your kid might like it. But that doesn't stop the fact that Batman seems to be in a rather uncomfortable position.

Sure your kid might like it. But that doesn’t stop the fact that Batman seems to be in a rather uncomfortable position.

5. Be a disturbing lady clown with some Harley Quinn lipstick.

I think this is kind of disturbing. Nevertheless, at least DC Comics doesn't hide that Harley Quinn is a terrible role model for girls. Seriously, love isn't worth dressing up as a supervillain and murdering civilians.

I think this is kind of disturbing. Nevertheless, at least DC Comics doesn’t hide that Harley Quinn is a terrible role model for girls. Seriously, love isn’t worth dressing up as a supervillain and murdering civilians. And it doesn’t help that the Joker doesn’t pay much attention to her.

6. Make some wonderful treats with your very own Wonder Woman mixer.

I hope they have these for Superman and Batman. Because if they don't, it would be obviously sexist. Oh, wait, they have 2 of Batman.

I hope they have these for Superman and Batman. Because if they don’t, it would be obviously sexist. Oh, wait, they have 2 of Batman.

7. Now you can have everything Superman needs with this Superman utility belt.

Okay, Superman has super powers like super strength, flying, and x-ray vision. So why the hell would he need a utility belt? That's Batman's thing.

Okay, Superman has super powers like super strength, flying, and x-ray vision. So why the hell would he need a utility belt? That’s Batman’s thing.

8. Finally, Sprinfield can be at peace since Homer Simpson took over as the Flash.

Now the Flash can move in super high speeds with the aid of beer and donuts. Okay, could anyone possibly think that Homer would make a good Flash? D'oh!

Now the Flash can move in super high speeds with the aid of beer and donuts. Okay, could anyone possibly think that Homer would make a good Flash? D’oh!

9. Get yourself clean with some Superman crazy foam soap.

So Superman can now have crazy foam coming right from his mouth for bath time. That's just disturbing.

So Superman can now have crazy foam coming right from his mouth for bath time. That’s just disturbing.

10. Star your day with your very own Bat signal alarm clock.

Yeah, just what I want in the morning. Waking up with a light flashing into my face.

Yeah, just what I want in the morning. Waking up with a light flashing into my face.

11. Smell supervillain fresh with some Harley Quinn perfume.

Yes, I'm sure any woman would want a perfume that was inspired by a crazy clown lady. Seriously, why?

Yes, I’m sure any woman would want a perfume that was inspired by a crazy clown lady. Seriously, why?

12. Drink like an Amazon with this Wonder Woman bling goblet.

More like a Wonder Woman pimp cup if you ask me. I think it makes more sense to be like Wonder Woman if you bought a small replica of the Goblet of Fire.

More like a Wonder Woman pimp cup if you ask me. I think it makes more sense to be like Wonder Woman if you bought a small replica of the Goblet of Fire.

13. Be energized like Wonder Woman with a superhero energy drink.

To set the record straight, energy drinks are bad for you since they're loaded with caffeine. Why these ones have superheroes is just very unsettling.

To set the record straight, energy drinks are bad for you since they’re loaded with caffeine. Why these ones have superheroes is just very unsettling.

14. These Riddler boxers will keep you guessing what’s inside your trousers.

I know that superhero underwear isn't unusual. However, I think this is ridiculous. No, I don't want to know what's in the Riddler's pants.

I know that superhero underwear isn’t unusual. However, I think this is ridiculous. No, I don’t want to know what’s in the Riddler’s pants.

15. Keep your drink on you with this Batman hip flask.

If I saw Batman carry one of these in his utility belt, I'd wonder what's in it or whether he has a problem. Same with other people.

If I saw Batman carry one of these in his utility belt, I’d wonder what’s in it or whether he has a problem. Same with other people.

16. Pretend your the Caped Crusader with this Batman hoodie.

Seems like the kind of attire you'd wear when you're robbing a bank. Not sure why I'd think that.

Seems like the kind of attire you’d wear when you’re robbing a bank. Not sure why I’d think that.

17. Now you can own a piece of the Batcave with your own Batman batarang.

The batarang is one of Batman's signature weapons. However, just because he throws his, doesn't mean you should throw yours. Seriously, fold up knives aren't toys.

The batarang is one of Batman’s signature weapons. However, just because he throws his, doesn’t mean you should throw yours. Seriously, fold up knives aren’t toys.

18. Show off your love for Batman with this Batman belly button ring.

Yes, I'm fully aware that Batman jewelry exists. But a Batman belly button ring? Seriously, how did that come to exist?

Yes, I’m fully aware that Batman jewelry exists. But a Batman belly button ring? Seriously, how did that come to exist?

19. Aid Superman with this Superman Justice Jogger.

First, why the hell does Superman need a Justice Jogger? Second, I pray to God that the maker's didn't have Christopher Reeve in mind when they made this. Because that would be bad.

First, why the hell does Superman need a Justice Jogger? Second, I pray to God that the maker’s didn’t have Christopher Reeve in mind when they made this. Because that would be bad.

20. Watchmen condoms are society’s only protection.

Really? Watchmen condoms? I'm sure if a guy needed STD protection, he could go to the nearest drug store. Just saying.

Really? Watchmen condoms? I’m sure if a guy needed STD protection, he could go to the nearest drug store. Just saying.

21. Assemble your Justice League with these Hello Kitty figurines.

To be fair, the Wonder Woman Hello Kitty kind of makes sense. But a Hello Kitty Batman, please. Seriously, he's meant to inspire fear, not cuteness.

To be fair, the Wonder Woman Hello Kitty kind of makes sense. But a Hello Kitty Batman, please. Seriously, he’s meant to inspire fear, not cuteness.

22. Keep your iPhone secure in this Batman gauntlet iPhone case.

Because nothing makes you look cooler than having a black armor arm against your face. Come to think about it, it's sure to grab attention. Just not the kind you want.

Because nothing makes you look cooler than having a black armor arm against your face. Come to think about it, it’s sure to grab attention. Just not the kind you want.

23. For claymation fun, collect these Aardman DC Comics figurines.

Sure they're based on a series of shorts. But these figures are freaky. Seriously, if Aardman wanted to come up with DC figurines couldn't they just issue Wallace and Gromit dressed as Batman and Robin? That would make more sense.

Sure they’re based on a series of shorts. But these figures are freaky. Seriously, if Aardman wanted to come up with DC figurines couldn’t they just issue Wallace and Gromit dressed as Batman and Robin? That would make more sense.

24. No Gotham City bath time is complete without your very own Batman rubber duckie.

Sure kids love Batman. But this mean that a Batman rubber duck is appropriate? That's a good question.

Sure kids love Batman. But this mean that a Batman rubber duck is appropriate? That’s a good question.

25. Now you can step right out in your own batsuit.

Okay, it's not bat suit. But it's Batman inspired. Guaranteed to make people scratch their heads at the office as well as look like an idiot.

Okay, it’s not bat suit. But it’s Batman inspired. Guaranteed to make people scratch their heads at the office as well as look like an idiot.

26. No batcave office is complete without this Batman keyboard.

Seriously? Most computers have a keyboard. And I'm sure this one is expensive. So why anyone would need to buy it is beyond me.

Seriously? Most computers have a keyboard. And I’m sure this one is expensive. So why anyone would need to buy it is beyond me.

27. For Batman’s railway needs, here’s a Batman box car.

From the Robot's Voice: "Despite the endless array of vehicles in the Batcave, a train seems particularly ill-suited to Batman’s needs. First of all, unless criminals commit crime on the train route, it’s not really going to help Batman get there. Second, criminals could very easily follow the tracks back to the Batcave. Maybe this is the preferred mode of transportation for some alternate universe Batman where he’s also a boxcar hobo."

From the Robot’s Voice: “Despite the endless array of vehicles in the Batcave, a train seems particularly ill-suited to Batman’s needs. First of all, unless criminals commit crime on the train route, it’s not really going to help Batman get there. Second, criminals could very easily follow the tracks back to the Batcave. Maybe this is the preferred mode of transportation for some alternate universe Batman where he’s also a boxcar hobo.”

28. Smell like the Dark Knight of Gotham wit this Batman Begins cologne.

It's the kind of gift that says: "I know you like Batman but I didn't know what to give you. Also, you kind of smell."

It’s the kind of gift that says: “I know you like Batman but I didn’t know what to give you. Also, you kind of smell.”

29. For those who like the Penguin, you can now have a replica of his henchman Penguin Commando.

Cones attached to its own jetpack. Or is it a missile? Either way, it looks pretty hilarious.

Cones attached to its own jetpack. Or is it a missile? Either way, it looks pretty hilarious.

30. Have fun on your iPad with your very own Batman apptivity set.

From What Culture: "This bizarre mix of toys and video games essentially says “to hell with imagination, let us create a world for your toys to play in” (which sucks). What happened to creating worlds in your head and taking your toys in to the garden to have them fight in imaginary jungles, or in to your bedroom to create castles from cardboard boxes for them to play in? This over-reliance on technology for kids to play with toys is just sad. The sets include Riot Cannon Batman, Batarang Strike Batman, EMP Assault Batman and Grapnel Attack Batman, all of which amounts to meaningless drivel."

From What Culture: “This bizarre mix of toys and video games essentially says “to hell with imagination, let us create a world for your toys to play in” (which sucks). What happened to creating worlds in your head and taking your toys in to the garden to have them fight in imaginary jungles, or in to your bedroom to create castles from cardboard boxes for them to play in? This over-reliance on technology for kids to play with toys is just sad. The sets include Riot Cannon Batman, Batarang Strike Batman, EMP Assault Batman and Grapnel Attack Batman, all of which amounts to meaningless drivel.”

31. Have fun at the plate with your own set of Batman Bat n’ Balls.

Yes, I know it's a baseball toy. But the marketing on this thing is so wrong. Seriously, couldn't the makers come up with a product name that's not a double entendre for a To Catch a Predator joke?

Yes, I know it’s a baseball toy. But the marketing on this thing is so wrong. Seriously, couldn’t the makers come up with a product name that’s not a double entendre for a To Catch a Predator joke?

32. In Gotham, it helps to get high with a Batman bong.

Just you know, this is considered drug paraphernalia that's illegal in most states. But if you live where it's legal for recreational use, then you should be able to achieve a Dark Knight high.

Just you know, this is considered drug paraphernalia that’s illegal in most states. But if you live where it’s legal for recreational use, then you should be able to achieve a Dark Knight high.

33. If you like Robin from the 1960s series, then you might like this Dick Grayson T-shirt.

Yes, Dick Grayson is Robin. But that doesn't excuse the shirt designers for leaving the "D" uncapitalized.

Yes, Dick Grayson is Robin. But that doesn’t excuse the shirt designers for leaving the “D” uncapitalized. Or leaving out “Grayson.”

34. Vanquish your enemies with your very own toy Batman assault rifle.

I'm positive this is a kid's toy. However, we should note the fact that Batman doesn't like guns.

I’m positive this is a kid’s toy. However, we should note the fact that Batman doesn’t like guns.

35. Now your hamster can imagine themselves as Batman with the Batman Interactive Hamster House.

From What Culture: "Yes, you did actually read that right: The Batman Interactive Hamster House. Your pet rodent can finally live out its fantasy of having a Batman themed home – all you need now is a pet mouse take on the role of Alfred." Seriously, I don't think any hamster would be interested in this. But it's so funny.

From What Culture: “Yes, you did actually read that right: The Batman Interactive Hamster House. Your pet rodent can finally live out its fantasy of having a Batman themed home – all you need now is a pet mouse take on the role of Alfred.” Seriously, I don’t think any hamster would be interested in this. But it’s so funny.

36. Nothing makes a more badass toy than a Batman monster truck from Hot Wheels.

From Surfing the Bleed: "Have you never read a Batman comic in your life? Have you never seen a Batman movie, watched a Batman TV show or heck, even listened to Prince's Batdance? Are you raising a redneck child on a steady diet of McDonald's, Moutain Dew and lowered expectations? Has that child only heard of Batman through word of mouth and has decided to fashion him into some sort of Evil Knievel meets Dale Earnhardt defender of the Old Days? If so, this is the only Batman toy for you!"

From Surfing the Bleed: “Have you never read a Batman comic in your life? Have you never seen a Batman movie, watched a Batman TV show or heck, even listened to Prince’s Batdance? Are you raising a redneck child on a steady diet of McDonald’s, Moutain Dew and lowered expectations? Has that child only heard of Batman through word of mouth and has decided to fashion him into some sort of Evil Knievel meets Dale Earnhardt defender of the Old Days? If so, this is the only Batman toy for you!”

37. Nothing makes a Batman party great like a Batman pinata.

From The Robot's Voice: "I guess this is more or less to let children experience being the Joker and the joy of bludgeoning someone to death with a baseball bat. On the other hand, if Batman had “died” in Final Crisis and immediately turned into a pile of cheap toys and delicious candy, it really wouldn’t have been weirder than anything else in that series."

From The Robot’s Voice: “I guess this is more or less to let children experience being the Joker and the joy of bludgeoning someone to death with a baseball bat. On the other hand, if Batman had “died” in Final Crisis and immediately turned into a pile of cheap toys and delicious candy, it really wouldn’t have been weirder than anything else in that series.”

38. Look like a super woman with your very own Wonder Woman makeup set.

Okay, since Wonder Woman is an iconic woman, then she has to get her own makeup line. Pardon me, but I think such a concept is sexist and stupid.

Okay, since Wonder Woman is an iconic woman, then she has to get her own makeup line. Pardon me, but I think such a concept is sexist and stupid.

39. Make your meals tasty with some Superman cheese.

This special cheese was made from the milk of Kryptonian dairy cows on Superman's home planet. Just kidding, it's a cheese that was made through the same process as Velveeta which isn't cheese at all.

This special cheese was made from the milk of Kryptonian dairy cows on Superman’s home planet. Just kidding, it’s a cheese that was made through the same process as Velveeta which isn’t cheese at all.

40. Light up your room with your very own Superman and Batman table leg lamps.

Guess this was inspired by the leg lamp from Christmas Story. Still, these are just crazy if you ask me.

Guess this was inspired by the leg lamp from Christmas Story. Still, these are just crazy if you ask me.

41. Protect the spuds of Gotham City with your very own Dark Knight Mr. Potato Head.

From What Culture: "It even makes a modicum of sense for there to be a Batman version of the toy (particularly if you’re in to collecting all things Mr. Potato Head-related) – but a Mr. Potato Head based on the moody, dark, atmospheric hit movie The Dark Knight Rises? Stupid, just stupid. It’s a huge juxtaposition to combine the two franchises and a sad mockery of a great film. It’s like trying to sell a Freddy Krueger Care Bear, a Norman Bates Beanie Baby or a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Fisher Price play-set. Although heroic, Batman is a figure of fear – especially Christian Bale’s adaptation – so to represent him in potato form is something of a no-no (and that really should go without saying)."

From What Culture: “It even makes a modicum of sense for there to be a Batman version of the toy (particularly if you’re in to collecting all things Mr. Potato Head-related) – but a Mr. Potato Head based on the moody, dark, atmospheric hit movie The Dark Knight Rises? Stupid, just stupid.
It’s a huge juxtaposition to combine the two franchises and a sad mockery of a great film. It’s like trying to sell a Freddy Krueger Care Bear, a Norman Bates Beanie Baby or a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Fisher Price play-set. Although heroic, Batman is a figure of fear – especially Christian Bale’s adaptation – so to represent him in potato form is something of a no-no (and that really should go without saying).”

42. Now your toddler can defend Gotham City with this one-of-a-kind Batmobile Stroller.

I have to admit this does look pretty cool. However, it also looks very expensive and something you probably shouldn't buy. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

I have to admit this does look pretty cool. However, it also looks very expensive and something you probably shouldn’t buy. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

43. For those who like the Joker, grace your couch with this Joker Ha Ha throw blanket.

From Daily Toast: "Wanting a throw blanket is one thing, and having one which is themed makes some kind of sense. But who in their right mind would want a blanket branded with a terrifying picture of Batman’s most disturbed rival? Is this honestly someone’s vision of a comforting furniture accessory?"

From Daily Toast: “Wanting a throw blanket is one thing, and having one which is themed makes some kind of sense. But who in their right mind would want a blanket branded with a terrifying picture of Batman’s most disturbed rival? Is this honestly someone’s vision of a comforting furniture accessory?”

44. If you love minions and Batman, then this minion Batman has the best of both worlds.

From Daily Toast: "It feels like we’ve been in the grip of Minion mania for an eternity now, and even with the movie leaving theaters it shows no signs of stopping. Yet even for those in the crowd who are somehow not worn down by Dreamworks’ apparently lovable yellow misfits, this one seems like a stretch. I can’t imagine there’s a significant crossover between the Minions and Batman fanbases, and somehow both are awkwardly represented in this Frankenstein-esque mishmash."

From Daily Toast: “Yet even for those in the crowd who are somehow not worn down by Dreamworks’ apparently lovable yellow misfits, this one seems like a stretch. I can’t imagine there’s a significant crossover between the Minions and Batman fanbases, and somehow both are awkwardly represented in this Frankenstein-esque mishmash.”

45. Defend Gotham City from the Joker Spud with this Batman Mr. Potato Head.

From Daily Toast: "Look, DC: you can’t just put a cape and cowl on anything that people buy and suddenly declare it’s worth almost seventy bucks. And is it just me, or does the Batman getup make Mr. Potato Head’s smile look somewhat sinister?"

From Daily Toast: “Look, DC: you can’t just put a cape and cowl on anything that people buy and suddenly declare it’s worth almost seventy bucks. And is it just me, or does the Batman getup make Mr. Potato Head’s smile look somewhat sinister?”

46. If you love Christian Bale’s performance as Batman from The Dark Knight Trilogy, then you’ll love this Bruce Wayne Head sculpt.

Yes, I fully support the idea that Christian Bale is the best Batman. However, this doesn't mean I'd pay $149.99 + shipping for a 1/4 replica of his disembodied head. If there is anyone who would, then I'd think they need to get their head examined.

Yes, I fully support the idea that Christian Bale is the best Batman. However, this doesn’t mean I’d pay $149.99 + shipping for a 1/4 replica of his disembodied head. If there is anyone who would, then I’d think they need to get their head examined.

47. You can fix anything with this Batman duct tape.

Sure duct tape is useful and Batman is cool. But admit it, you'll only use this for decoration. Besides, what the hell would either have to do with each other anyway?

Sure duct tape is useful and Batman is cool. But admit it, you’ll only use this for decoration. Besides, what the hell would either have to do with each other anyway?

48. I’m sure Christian kids might enjoy a copy of John T. Galloway’s The Gospel According to Superman.

This book examines the parallels existing between Jesus and Superman. Nevertheless, I think this book would be more useful for telling parents that there's nothing Unchristian about liking superheroes.

This book examines the parallels existing between Jesus and Superman. Nevertheless, I think this book would be more useful for telling parents that there’s nothing Unchristian about liking superheroes.

49. Heroically cut through your craft projects with your very own Wonder Woman scissors.

Sure it might seem appropriate for children at first. But when you open them, she's doing splits. You have to wonder why they thought this was a good idea.

Sure it might seem appropriate for children at first. But when you open them, she’s doing splits. You have to wonder why they thought this was a good idea.

50. Take down the Joker with this Batman and Joker electronic target game.

From the Robot's Voice: "It’s clear the good people at Vanity Fair were not comic readers when they made a Batman version of their popular cowboy target game. The concept has you, as Batman, shooting the Joker dead with a revolver. Whether you want to turn yourself into the police or toss yourself off a ledge in the Batcave for breaking your one, solemn rule is entirely up to you."

From the Robot’s Voice: “It’s clear the good people at Vanity Fair were not comic readers when they made a Batman version of their popular cowboy target game. The concept has you, as Batman, shooting the Joker dead with a revolver. Whether you want to turn yourself into the police or toss yourself off a ledge in the Batcave for breaking your one, solemn rule is entirely up to you.”

51. Hop around your block with your very own Superman pogo stick.

From The Fwoosh: "It’s like you were catching a ride with your buddy — if your buddy was a quadriplegic with a spring in his ass. You think slamming car doors or barking dogs are annoying? Imagine some 10-year-old fueled by Kool-Aid and Twinkees jumping up and down outside of your house on this thing all afternoon. Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Holy crap, somebody invent Space Invaders already!"

From The Fwoosh: “It’s like you were catching a ride with your buddy — if your buddy was a quadriplegic with a spring in his ass. You think slamming car doors or barking dogs are annoying? Imagine some 10-year-old fueled by Kool-Aid and Twinkees jumping up and down outside of your house on this thing all afternoon. Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Ka-CHUNG! Holy crap, somebody invent Space Invaders already!”

52. Show the Batwoman of your life that you love her by proposing to her with a Batman engagement ring.

Men, now that I've planted that idea in your head, listen to me. You might've fantasized proposing to your girlfriend with a Batman engagement ring. But for the love of God, don't do it even if she loves Batman as much as you do. Seriously, there's a strong chance it might not go like you planned.

Men, now that I’ve planted that idea in your head, listen to me. You might’ve fantasized proposing to your girlfriend with a Batman engagement ring. But for the love of God, don’t do it even if she loves Batman as much as you do. Seriously, there’s a strong chance it might not go like you planned.

53. Help Superman come to a safe landing with this Superman Skydiving Parachutist set.

Why the hell does Superman need a parachute? He can fly and land safely land on his feet on his own. This toy doesn't make sense at all.

Why the hell does Superman need a parachute? He can fly and land safely land on his feet on his own. This toy doesn’t make sense at all.

54. This Flash motorcycle is guaranteed to allow the Flash to chase villains at very high speeds.

The Flash on his motorcycle might make sense at first. Until you realize that he can already run at long distances at light speed. Hell., he can even outrun Superman. Can a motorcycle do that? No.

The Flash on his motorcycle might make sense at first. Until you realize that he can already run at long distances at light speed. Hell., he can even outrun Superman. Can a motorcycle do that? No.

55. Nothing says water fun like a Batman water pistol.

Let me explain how this works. First, you fill it by putting water in Batman's asshole. Second, after you aim you pump the gun by putting your finger on Batman's crotch so he could projectile vomit at your target. Why this was promoted as a children's toy, I had no idea. There's just nothing right about this whatsoever.

Let me explain how this works. First, you fill it by putting water in Batman’s asshole. Second, after you aim you pump the gun by putting your finger on Batman’s crotch so he could projectile vomit at your target. Why this was promoted as a children’s toy, I had no idea. There’s just nothing right about this whatsoever.

56. Any crimefighter of Gotham City would surely love a Batman and Robin toothbrush holder in their bathroom.

Is it just me or does Batman seem to have his hand on Robin's butt? Also doesn't help that Robin isn't wearing any pants, which makes this even more disturbing.

Is it just me or does Batman seem to have his hand on Robin’s butt? Also doesn’t help that Robin isn’t wearing any pants, which makes this even more disturbing.

57. On a cold night, curl up on your couch with this Batman snuggie.

From Geek Cast Radio: "As if the Snuggie wasn’t bad enough. They have to go ahead and make a “Batman” Snuggie… Yes you look super cool wearing the blanket with sleeves ….all the kids will be totally jealous of your Batman awesomeness *facepalm*"

From Geek Cast Radio: “As if the Snuggie wasn’t bad enough. They have to go ahead and make a “Batman” Snuggie… Yes you look super cool wearing the blanket with sleeves ….all the kids will be totally jealous of your Batman awesomeness *facepalm*”

58. Grace your super car with your very own Superman hood ornament.

From 10 Cavalcade of Awesome Years: "Can you imagine pulling into work with this iron monstrosity on your hood? “Bob, I always thought your 1965 Corvette needed something. And I finally figured out what it is, the Superman Hood Ornament. It would really class up that boring old Vette’s hood.” It also can be attached to your bicycle. WHA?! Putting this on a bicycle would be interesting, because a bicycle HAS NO HOOD. Next best place is on your handlebars. Great idea, put a huge sharp metal object right where your face would go if you crash or have to stop suddenly."

From 10 Cavalcade of Awesome Years: “Can you imagine pulling into work with this iron monstrosity on your hood? “Bob, I always thought your 1965 Corvette needed something. And I finally figured out what it is, the Superman Hood Ornament. It would really class up that boring old Vette’s hood.” It also can be attached to your bicycle. WHA?! Putting this on a bicycle would be interesting, because a bicycle HAS NO HOOD. Next best place is on your handlebars. Great idea, put a huge sharp metal object right where your face would go if you crash or have to stop suddenly.”

59. Get your child to wear a seatbelt with Hero Hugs.

Yes, I know wearing a seatbelt is uncomfortable but even a small child should understand that not wearing a seatbelt in the car is one of the stupidest things they could do. However, when it comes to getting your kid to wear a seatbelt, I don't under stand how using dismembered superhero hands are supposed to help.

Yes, I know wearing a seatbelt is uncomfortable but even a small child should understand that not wearing a seatbelt in the car is one of the stupidest things they could do. However, when it comes to getting your kid to wear a seatbelt, I don’t under stand how using dismembered superhero hands are supposed to help.

60. Relive when Batman confronted the Joker with this commemorative keepsake statue.

Because nothing brings fond memories like Batman holding the Joker up at his jacket. Yes, great times.

Because nothing brings fond memories like Batman holding the Joker up at his jacket. Yes, great times.

61. Nothing makes a you a real DC superhero than these socks.

Yes, these are socks with capes. And yes, they'd probably look stupid if you wear them with shoes in public.

Yes, these are socks with capes. And yes, they’d probably look stupid if you wear them with shoes in public.

62. Have a super drink with these DC superhero glasses.

Like the socks, these also have capes. Nevertheless, would anyone want to serve drinks in these at a party? Probably not.

Like the socks, these also have capes. Nevertheless, would anyone want to serve drinks in these at a party? Probably not.

63. Hit the waves this summer with your very own Batman surfer action figure.

This is from the 1960s show. And yes, Batman is wearing trunks over his batsuit. I know it looks so stupid.

This is from the 1960s show. And yes, Batman is wearing trunks over his batsuit. I know it looks so stupid.

64. Call your friends with this Wonder Woman telephone.

Of course, you might have to dial the number you want between her legs. Just think about the implications of that.

Of course, you might have to dial the number you want between her legs. Just think about the implications of that.

65. When going formal, dress your super best with these Superman cuff links.

Sure a guy is guaranteed to like them. However, he'll probably have few opportunities to wear them whether he goes to a lot of formal events or not.

Sure a guy is guaranteed to like them. However, he’ll probably have few opportunities to wear them whether he goes to a lot of formal events or not.

66. Relive the part when Bane nearly sends Batman to the ER with this Dark Knight Rises commemorative statue.

Because nothing brings up fond memories than Bane making Batman more of a physical wreck, sending him to a distant prison, and taking over Gotham City. And yes, I remember this because I've seen the movie twice.

Because nothing brings up fond memories than Bane making Batman more of a physical wreck, sending him to a distant prison, and taking over Gotham City. And yes, I remember this because I’ve seen the movie twice.

67. Now you can save the Gotham City stables with your very own Batman and Robin My Little Pony.

Yes, they actually have these. And we know that Batman is a rather masculine and menacing figure. Not someone you'd have on a little girl's toy.

Yes, they actually have these. And we know that Batman is a rather masculine and menacing figure. Not someone you’d have on a little girl’s toy.

68. Shoot disks for justice with your very own Infared Batman.

From Goliath: "At least the name of this one sounds useful. Maybe Batman is using infrared technology so he can see bad guys better in the dark, or perhaps locate some far off alien homeworld that poses a threat to Earth. Nope. That would just make too much gosh darn sense. Which is why Infrared Batman is a pile of red and orange plastic that shoots so-called “photon disks” out of some sort of giant garbage can that sits atop his head. Justice never looked so good."

From Goliath: “At least the name of this one sounds useful. Maybe Batman is using infrared technology so he can see bad guys better in the dark, or perhaps locate some far off alien homeworld that poses a threat to Earth. Nope. That would just make too much gosh darn sense. Which is why Infrared Batman is a pile of red and orange plastic that shoots so-called “photon disks” out of some sort of giant garbage can that sits atop his head. Justice never looked so good.”

69. When it comes to glow in the dark armor, Neon Batman thinks it’s good protection.

From Goliath: " Neon Armor Batman is nothing more or less than the name implies. A Batman that glows neon green—presumably a remnant from Bruce Wayne’s days as a hardcore raver."

From Goliath: ” Neon Armor Batman is nothing more or less than the name implies. A Batman that glows neon green—presumably a remnant from Bruce Wayne’s days as a hardcore raver.”

70. When you’re fed up with all the crime in Gotham City, perhaps you can go with Total Destruction Batman.

From Goliath: "Sure, Batman has a lot of heavy gear hanging around the Batcave. There’s the Batmobile, the Batwing, the Batcycle, that powered exo-suit he used to beat up Superman. Those are ultimately all non-lethal contraptions that increase his crime fighting power and help him subdue baddies without killing them. Batman doesn’t use guns. That’s always been his style. But apparently the people who made Total Destruction Batman didn’t get the memo, because they figured Bruce Wayne is totally cool with using a massive chaingun and shoulder-mounted missiles to blow away anyone who even thinks about committing crime."

From Goliath: “Sure, Batman has a lot of heavy gear hanging around the Batcave. There’s the Batmobile, the Batwing, the Batcycle, that powered exo-suit he used to beat up Superman. Those are ultimately all non-lethal contraptions that increase his crime fighting power and help him subdue baddies without killing them. Batman doesn’t use guns. That’s always been his style. But apparently the people who made Total Destruction Batman didn’t get the memo, because they figured Bruce Wayne is totally cool with using a massive chaingun and shoulder-mounted missiles to blow away anyone who even thinks about committing crime.”

71. For computer problems, call on Anti-Virus Bruce Wayne.

From Goliath: "When Norton Antivirus just isn’t enough, you need to pick up the Bat-phone and call Anti Virus Bruce Wayne. This guy knows how to handle malware. First, he’s got that awesome flame hula-hoop he must use to provocatively gyrate away any unwanted ads or e-mail spam. Next, he’s got some kind of translucent yellow armor that he probably uses to interface with your hard drive and check it for corrupt code. And finally, one can only assume that giant backpack he’s wearing houses his impressive Bat-Computer—tricked out with an Intel Pentium III processor, 128MB of RAM, and Sound Blaster Live! Cyber-criminals beware. Your days are numbered."

From Goliath: “When Norton Antivirus just isn’t enough, you need to pick up the Bat-phone and call Anti Virus Bruce Wayne. This guy knows how to handle malware. First, he’s got that awesome flame hula-hoop he must use to provocatively gyrate away any unwanted ads or e-mail spam. Next, he’s got some kind of translucent yellow armor that he probably uses to interface with your hard drive and check it for corrupt code. And finally, one can only assume that giant backpack he’s wearing houses his impressive Bat-Computer—tricked out with an Intel Pentium III processor, 128MB of RAM, and Sound Blaster Live! Cyber-criminals beware. Your days are numbered.”

72. Those who think Batman and Robin make a lame superhero duo might enjoy Batman and Axe Rhino.

From Goliath: "It finally happened. They ran out of things they could make out of bats so they just said “Hey, let’s start using rhinoceroses instead.” That has to be the only logical explanation for this toy that features some bizarre Medieval-looking armor and a robotic rhino that carries an axe embedded in his head. Because when a robotic rhino isn’t enough, you need a robotic Axe Rhino."

From Goliath: “It finally happened. They ran out of things they could make out of bats so they just said “Hey, let’s start using rhinoceroses instead.” That has to be the only logical explanation for this toy that features some bizarre Medieval-looking armor and a robotic rhino that carries an axe embedded in his head. Because when a robotic rhino isn’t enough, you need a robotic Axe Rhino.”

73. General Zod is never without his demolition handles.

Yes, Zod gets his own bulldozer demolition tongs. And it seems like he's too small to handle them. Also, has a strange look in his face.

Yes, Zod gets his own bulldozer demolition tongs. And it seems like he’s too small to handle them. Also, has a strange look in his face.

74. Set the mood in your room with your very own Batman lava lamp.

For some reason, I don't see Batman as the kind of guy who'd own a lava lamp. Not sure why. Then again, I don't think about such things much.

For some reason, I don’t see Batman as the kind of guy who’d own a lava lamp. Not sure why. Then again, I don’t think about such things much.

75. Superman can never be without his own armor and weapon before going into combat on Krypton.

Okay, there are some things wrong with this. First, Superman doesn't really need armor or weapons since he basically nearly destroyed the city with his powers. Second, his armor and weaponry are almost medieval. Third, wasn't Krypton destroyed when he was a baby?

Okay, there are some things wrong with this. First, Superman doesn’t really need armor or weapons since he basically nearly destroyed the city with his powers. Second, his armor and weaponry are almost medieval. Third, wasn’t Krypton destroyed when he was a baby?

76. If you liked General Zod’s spacecraft, this Man of Steel Flight Speeder Sky Slam Toy Launcher is for you.

And it seems that one of Zod's crew has been expelled from that craft. Not sure how to feel about that. Also, it's kind of ugly.

And it seems that one of Zod’s crew has been expelled from that craft. Not sure how to feel about that. Also, it’s kind of ugly.

77. Step out in Gotham City with these Batman high heeled shoes.

Again, with the high heeled shoes. And it seems that these heels are rather small. So I don't think they're very practical.

Again, with the high heeled shoes. And it seems that these heels are rather small. So I don’t think they’re very practical.

78. For the Batman lover in your life, this fountain pen set makes a great gift.

Maybe for Secret Santa at work. Otherwise, it's the kind of gift that says, "I knew you liked Batman and I didn't know what to give you. So I just stopped by and picked up a set like this at Big Lots."

Maybe for Secret Santa at work. Otherwise, it’s the kind of gift that says, “I knew you liked Batman and I didn’t know what to give you. So I just stopped by and picked up a set like this at Big Lots.”

79. Get the big guns out with this Tank Blaster Batman.

Uh, did anyone who designed this toy get the idea that Batman abhors killing and guns. Violence that would send someone to the emergency room. But not something like this.

Uh, did anyone who designed this toy get the idea that Batman abhors killing and guns. Violence that would send someone to the emergency room. But not something like this.

80. For extra protection in Gotham City go with Fractal Armor Batman.

Uh, is it just me or does it seem like Batman is being assimilated by the Borg. Quick, somebody get the Starfleet Enterprise pronto.

Uh, is it just me or does it seem like Batman is being assimilated by the Borg. Quick, somebody get the Starfleet Enterprise pronto.

81. Wake up in the morning with some Nite Owl Coffee.

By the way, Nite Owl is a character from Watchmen. However, most people take their coffee in the morning. So I guess this should be called "Morning Owl Coffee" right?

By the way, Nite Owl is a character from Watchmen. However, most people take their coffee in the morning. So I guess this should be called “Morning Owl Coffee” right?

82. When the Batmobile isn’t enough Gotham can call on Batman and Cyberex.

Now this is crazy. Seriously, this has Batman shooting missiles from a robotic dinosaur. And we know Batman doesn't care for lethal weapons. So why does this exist?

Now this is crazy. Seriously, this has Batman shooting missiles from a robotic dinosaur. And we know Batman doesn’t care for lethal weapons. So why does this exist?

83. Adorn yourself with these Superman Tunnel Plugs.

These are for piercings. Still, I think they're kind of super stupid if you ask my opinion.

These are for piercings. Still, I think they’re kind of super stupid if you ask my opinion.

84. When you get up in the morning, munch on some Batman pop tarts.

This was for promoting Batman & Robin which is an embarrassment in the Batman franchise and George Clooney's career. Still, you're bound to enjoy these sugar tarts filled with artificial flavors.

This was for promoting Batman & Robin which is an embarrassment in the Batman franchise and George Clooney’s career. Still, you’re bound to enjoy these sugar tarts filled with artificial flavors.

85. Keep your money safe in this Batman piggy bank.

Available at Wal Mart. Still, not sure if it's fitting for Batman to have a cute piggy bank like this.

Available at Wal Mart. Still, not sure if it’s fitting for Batman to have a cute piggy bank like this.

86. Now the Caped Crusader could fight crime after dark as Night Hunter Batman.

Okay, this looks kind of a tech monster. Also, doesn't Batman fight criminals at night without all this crap on him.

Okay, this looks kind of a tech monster. Also, doesn’t Batman fight criminals at night without all this crap on him.

87. Nothing makes a better ride for the streets of Gotham City than a Batmobile Mini.

Actually Minis are terrible cars. Besides, I can't see Batman driving this. It's also quite ugly.

Actually Minis are terrible cars. Besides, I can’t see Batman driving this. It’s also quite ugly.

88. Stop the bad guys in Gotham City with this toy Batman gun.

Uh, is it just me or do some of these toy designers tend to forget that Batman loathes guns. He kind of goes by, "l'll beat em' up, but I won't kill em.'"

Uh, is it just me or do some of these toy designers tend to forget that Batman loathes guns? He kind of goes by, “l’ll beat em’ up, but I won’t kill em.'”

89. For a more futuristic weapon, you have a Batman ray gun.

Not sure what to make about this. Maybe as long as you set it to stun. But then again, you should know what they say about Batman.

Not sure what to make about this. Maybe as long as you set it to stun. But then again, you should know what they say about Batman.

90. Make your car interior like the Batmobile with these Batman seat covers.

If you want this, make sure that you own the car. Otherwise, people might not be happy about having their seats covered with these.

If you want this, make sure that you own the car. Otherwise, people might not be happy about having their seats covered with these.

91. Now you can help the Flash work out on his cosmic treadmill.

Uh, does the Flash really need a treadmill? Seriously, he moves about as fast as the speed of light. What kind of treadmill can do that?

Uh, does the Flash really need a treadmill? Seriously, he moves about as fast as the speed of light. What kind of treadmill can do that?

92. Perhaps you can play a game of cards with this DC Comics Villain poker set.

After all, DC Comics is well known for its compelling villains. The Batman ones are especially vile, particularly the Joker. Bane is not far behind.

After all, DC Comics is well known for its compelling villains. The Batman ones are especially vile, particularly the Joker. Bane is not far behind.

93. Scan over Gotham City with this RC Flying Batman.

Not sure if it's fun. However, I'm even less sure if it's even safe for kids. I mean those propellers might hurt somebody.

Not sure if it’s fun. However, I’m even less sure if it’s even safe for kids. I mean those propellers might hurt somebody.

94. This Batman Pistol will help you fight crime in Gotham.

For love of God, why the hell are there so many Batman guns? For God's sake, Batman's known for hating them. Why don't these manufacturers get a clue?

For love of God, why the hell are there so many Batman guns? For God’s sake, Batman’s known for hating them. Why don’t these manufacturers get a clue?

95. If you liked The Dark Knight Rises, then you’ll like this Hines Ward figurine.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. What does Hines Ward have to do with Batman? Well, he was in The Dark Knight Rises for God's sake. Sure he wasn't in it long. But they filmed the stadium explosion at Hines Field.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. What does Hines Ward have to do with Batman? Well, he was in The Dark Knight Rises for God’s sake. Sure he wasn’t in it long. But they filmed the stadium explosion at Heinz Field.

96. If you like the Dark Knight Trilogy, then you’ll like this lovely keepsake statue.

Because nothing is more family friendly than seeing Batman beating the crap out of the Joker. Then again, the Joker is a homicidal maniac who kind of deserves to be punched in the face.

Because nothing is more family friendly than seeing Batman beating the crap out of the Joker. Then again, the Joker is a homicidal maniac who kind of deserves to be punched in the face.

97. If you love Batman and Superman, perhaps you might want to commemorate the occasion with a Batman vs. Superman keepsake statue.

Because nothing exemplifies togetherness like Batman and Superman going at it. Nevertheless, they ought to know better and just make up. For the good of humanity.

Because nothing exemplifies togetherness like Batman and Superman going at it. Nevertheless, they ought to know better and just make up. For the good of humanity.

98. Nothing is faster than having Superman on a motorcycle.

Uh, isn't Superman supposed to be faster than a speeding bullet? So why the hell would he need a motorcycle? Also, why does Wonder Woman have red hair?

Uh, isn’t Superman supposed to be faster than a speeding bullet? So why the hell would he need a motorcycle? Also, why does Wonder Woman have red hair?

99. Help Superman travel to the scene with this Man of Steel U Command Motorcycle.

For God's sake, Superman can fly to the scene if there's a villain in town. He doesn't need a motorcycle outside Krypton. Seriously, who the hell designs these things?

For God’s sake, Superman can fly to the scene if there’s a villain in town. He doesn’t need a motorcycle outside Krypton. Seriously, who the hell designs these things?

100. Crime doesn’t stand a chance with Neural Claw Batman.

Other than as a Halloween costume, I'm not sure how he could use the claw hands behind his wings. Also, I think whoever designed this was on acid at the time.

Other than as a Halloween costume, I’m not sure how he could use the claw hands behind his wings. Also, I think whoever designed this was on acid at the time.

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