College Mascots: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Second Edition)

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Of course, another big event around this time of year other than Easter and Saint Patrick’s day is March Madness. Namely this is the time of year when the best NCAA Division I basketball teams across the United States play in the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile fans across the nation complete their brackets and predict which team will win. Of course, owing that women’s sports don’t get much airtime (rampant sexism that even Title IX can’t remedy), March Madness usually revolves around the men’s teams. However, we’re also flooded by news reports on how college sports are such a big cash cow which profit the colleges and coaches while the players receive absolutely no compensation as pawns since they’re student athletes. Nevertheless, I used this occasion to challenge myself to find 75 more abhorrent college mascots across the land after my last college mascot post. Though it took longer, I was successful in my endeavors. So without further adieu, here are more college mascots you that make your super lame mascot seem awesome. Note that not all mascots presented here are currently competing in the NCAA tournament, especially those featured in my previous mascot post in August. Hell, some aren’t even Division I do begin with. Also, go VCU Rams since my sister attends there.

1. Sparty – Michigan State University Spartans

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

2. George Washington – George Washington University Colonials

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I've ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I'm sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I’ve ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I’m sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

3. Big Jay – Kansas University Jayhawks

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

4. Boxer – Pacific University Boxers

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

5. Thunder – Wheaton College Mastodons

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because they house a whole mastodon skeleton on the campus. However, Thunder's appearance makes him more suitable for a children's book than as a college mascot.

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because some of its faculty had excavated a mastodon skeleton on a judge’s property, which is now on display at the campus. However, Thunder’s appearance makes him more suitable for a children’s book than as a college sports mascot. In short, he doesn’t live up to his name.

6. The Gull – Endicott College Gulls

Now I don't know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn't care for photo ops for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn’t care for photo ops for some reason.

7. Gnome Ranger – San Antonio College

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school's mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What's even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn't even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school’s mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What’s even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn’t even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

8. Shuckie and Pearl – St. Mary’s University, Texas Rattlers

To be fair, St. Mary's Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don't have the slightest idea.

To be fair, St. Mary’s Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don’t have the slightest idea.

9. Willie the Wildcat – Kansas State University Wildcats

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must've said, "How about let's save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It'll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run." Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person's body rather terrifying if you ask me.

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must’ve said, “How about let’s save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It’ll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run.” Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person’s body rather terrifying if you ask me.

10. Will D. Cat – Villanova University Wildcats

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he's about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he’s about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

11. Herbie Husker – University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Okay, looking at him, you'd think he'd be the kind of western farmer type who'd probably run over you in a John Deere  or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he's asking for another round of drinks.

Okay, looking at him, you’d think he’d be the kind of western farmer type who’d probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he’s asking for another round of drinks.

12. Rip Tide – Tulane University Green Wave

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, "Pecker" but it was named "Riptide" for obvious reasons.

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Seems like he’s been to too many Mardis Gras parties in New Orleans. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, “Pecker” but it was named “Riptide” for obvious reasons.

13. Alex – Hamilton College Continentals

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can't even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can’t even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

14. The Explorer – La Salle University Explorers

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

15. Ichabod – Wasburn University Ichabods

When I hear the name "Ichabod," I don't think a badass sports time despite that Washburn's was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

When I hear the name “Ichabod,” I don’t think a badass sports time despite that Washburn’s was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

16. Bearcat – University of Cincinnati Bearcats

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn't even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn’t even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

17. John Harvard – Harvard University Crimson

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you'd think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you’d think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

18. Screamer – York College of Pennsylvania Spartans

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you'd find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he's just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC mental hospital and is out to kill again.

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you’d find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he’s just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane and is out to kill again.

19. Kingsman and Regal – California Lutheran University Kingsmen and Regals

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they're probably aliens from outer space.

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they’re probably aliens from outer space.

20. Smokey – University of Tennessee Volunteers

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

21. Bobby the Beacon – University of Massachusetts Boston Beacons

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there's something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there’s something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

22. The Green Terror – McDaniel College Green Terror

Well, he's certainly a green terror. I mean he's just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny's not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

Well, he’s certainly a green terror. I mean he’s just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny’s not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

23. Lord Jeff – Amherst College Lord Jeffs

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

24. Gompei the Goat – Worcester Polytechnic Institute Engineers

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he's been infected by some mad goat disease.

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he’s been infected by some mad goat disease.

25. Sammy the Owl – Rice University Owls

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he'd devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he’d devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

26. Albert and Alberta Gator – Florida University Gators

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should've devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they're freaking gators for God's sake.

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should’ve devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they’re freaking gators for God’s sake.

27. Andy the Ant – Missouri State University Bears

Basically he's the mascot of the college's Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter's burned out brother with antennas than anything.

Basically he’s the mascot of the college’s Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter’s burned out brother with antennas than anything.

28. Nick L. Mole –  California State University, Fresno Bulldogs

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school's chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I'll never know.

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school’s chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I’ll never know.

29. Kaboom – Bradley University Braves

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I've seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don't know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I’ve seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don’t know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

30. Builderman – Newport News Apprentice School Builders

Now Builderman may not come from a "college" per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I'd hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

Now Builderman may not come from a “college” per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I’d hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

31. Butch T. Cougar – Washington State University Cougars

While I can agree he's a cougar, I'm not sure if I'd call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

While I can agree he’s a cougar, I’m not sure if I’d call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

32. The Tiger – Clemson University Tigers

Seems like Clemson doesn't administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who's totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

Seems like Clemson doesn’t administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who’s totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

33. Big Al – Alabama University Crimson Tide

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren't crimson and don't even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children's book.

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren’t crimson and don’t even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children’s book.

34. Cosmo the Cougar – Brigham Young University Cougars

Of course, if I was a parent, I'd certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

Of course, if I was a parent, I’d certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

35. King Triton – University of California San Diego Tritons

Not to be confused with Ariel's dad from The Little Mermaid who's also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

Not to be confused with Ariel’s dad from The Little Mermaid who’s also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

36. Big Red – Dension University Big Red

Sure he's a buzzard but he doesn't seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

Sure he’s a buzzard but he doesn’t seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

37. Denver Boone – University of Denver Pioneers

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him.

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him.

38. Gus the Gorilla – Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn't seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn’t seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

39. The Duke – Duquesne University Dukes

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he's a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he’s a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

40. Sammy Bearkat – Sam Houston State University Bearkats

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

41. Phlash the Phoenix – University of Wisconsin Green Bay Phoenix

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

42. Ben and John – Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

43. Camel – Connecticut College Camels

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don't help his case.

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don’t help his case.

44. The Griffin – College of William and Mary Tribe

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn't make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive.

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn’t make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive. Seriously, William and Mary’s sports team is the Tribe whereas the Griffin is a Middle Eastern mythological creature. A hawk would’ve been a better choice.

45. General Herkimer – Herkimer County Community College

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there's just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can't name it off the top of my head.

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there’s just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can’t name it off the top of my head.

46. Herky the Hawk – University of Iowa Hawkeyes

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak. I don't know.

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak and the heat looks so unnatural. I don’t know.

47. Aubie the Tiger – Auburn University Tigers

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn't want anyone to make fun of him.

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him.

48. Killian – Iona College Gaels

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would've been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who's about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school's part.

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would’ve been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who’s about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school’s part.

49. Joe Vandal – University of Idaho Vandals

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, "All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike." Also, would you trust a guy named "Joe Vandal" with your things? No.

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, “All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike.” Also, would you trust a guy named “Joe Vandal” with your things? No.

50. Kangaroo – Austin College Kangaroos

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don't frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something's not right. Third, it has a pouch but I'm not sure if it's male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don’t frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something’s not right. Third, it has a pouch but I’m not sure if it’s male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

51. Lance Lute – Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? Seriously, why?

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? It’s a stupid name. Seriously, why?

52. Lobo Louie and Lucy – University of New Mexico Lobos

I don't know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

I don’t know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

53. Privateer Pete – State University of New York Maritime Privateers

"Hello, I'm an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches."

“Hello, I’m an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches. Also, despite how fresh water is precious, I always shave.”

54. Chief Osceola – Florida State University Seminoles

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he's played by a white guy.

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he’s played by a white guy.

55. The Wombat – University of Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren't known for being badass. Also, that doesn't even look like a wombat.

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren’t known for being badass. Also, that doesn’t even look like a wombat but something much creepier.

56. Lu Wolf – Loyola University of Chicago Wolfpack

"Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean I'm any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am." Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

“Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am.” Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

57. The Patriot – George Mason University Patriots

I don't know about you but I don't think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

58. Swoop – University of Utah Utes

I know he's supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can't tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he'll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

I know he’s supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can’t tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he’ll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

59. Milo the Lynx – University of Colorado Denver Lynx

Now this cat seems like he's woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

Now this cat seems like he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

60. Aztec Warrior – San Diego State University Aztecs

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle.

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle. Controversial? I’ll say.

61. Polar Bear – Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children's book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would've made a better choice.

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children’s book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would’ve made a better choice.

62. Oswald the Penguin – Clark College Penguins

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who's also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would've been a better mascot choice here.

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who’s also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would’ve been a better mascot choice here. Still, it’s said he’s supposed to be from the Galapagos but I don’t understand what the hell he’s doing in Vancouver Washington.

63. Powercat – University of the Pacific Tigers

Or as I call him, "Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You." Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

Or as I call him, “Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You.” Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

64. The Anchorman – Rhode Island College Anchormen

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying.

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying and will make babies scream.

65. Red Raider- Texas Tech University Red Raiders

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam's estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he's unhappy that he doesn't get to shoot anyone in the audience.

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam’s estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he’s unhappy that he doesn’t get to shoot anyone in the audience.

66. Rudy Flyer – University of Dayton Flyers

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he's a mad scientist in his spare time.

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he’s a mad scientist in his spare time.

67. Molly Ann – Southern Arkansas University Muleriders

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I'm sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she's not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I’m sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she’s not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

68. Scrappy the Mockingbird – University of Tennessee Chattanooga Mocs

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn't look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn’t look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

69. Temoc – University of Texas Dallas Comets

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn't overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn't get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn’t overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn’t get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

70. Pirate – Seton Hall Pirates

Now there's nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

71. Spirit the Seawolf – University of Alaska Anchorage Seawolves

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn't mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he's supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn’t mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he’s supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

72. Matty the Matador – California State University Northridge Matadors

I'm sure this guy isn't meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

I’m sure this guy isn’t meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

73. Vili the Warrior – University of Hawaii Manoa

Okay, now I'm sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can't help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I'm not sure if he's still the school's mascot or not.

Okay, now I’m sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can’t help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I’m not sure if he’s still the school’s mascot or not to be honest.

74. Hey Reb – University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he's Yosemite Sam's virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he’s Yosemite Sam’s virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

75. Terrier – Wofford College Terriers

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

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College Mascots: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

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Soon Back to School Season would be upon us and soon college kids will be returning to their schools. Of course, this means we’ll be upon the season for college sports such as football as you’d see on ESPN. Thus, we’ll be anticipating the return of the college mascots. These are loveable characters who’ve become personified symbols for our home teams. Whether a costumed student or a live animal, they spend their Saturday afternoons and/or evenings revving the crowd, engaging in hilarious hijinks, and on some occasions in NCAA Division I sports, beating the crap out of the other team’s mascot. Of course, my alma mater Saint Vincent College is a Division III school, Vinny the Bearcat  probably didn’t have the chance to beat up some of the other teams’ mascots, though he did launch T-shirt cannons. Yet, at least he’s a decent looking mascot despite being practically a cougar. I mean he’s fierce enough to strike fear into the other team yet cuddly enough not to make kids cry in photo ops. Nor does he cause a major embarrassment in the Saint Vincent Community. Still, I could talk all day about the great mascots and sideline heroes in college sports but that would be boring. Instead, I’ll show you the college mascots that may cause a lifetime of shame and embarrassment to the students who have to don the costumes. These mascots fail to instill any pride or excitement in the fans and have gotten mocked outright. At best, they roam anonymously on the sidelines. At worst, they are uneeded distractions with their mere existence as an excuse for an exercise in stupidity. So without further adieu, here is a collection of college mascots that probably shouldn’t be on the field.

1. Peter the Anteater- University of Irvine Anteaters

Demetri Martin once said that while it's possible to make something cool uncool, it's difficult to make something uncool cool. Now you can give Peter a buff, mean faced anteater with scary markings. Yet, that doesn't change the fact he's a long tongued creature that eats ants. I'm sure if the NCAA was run by ants, he'd be very a scary creature indeed, but it's not.

Demetri Martin once said that while it’s possible to make something cool uncool, it’s difficult to make something uncool cool. Now you can give Peter a buff, mean faced anteater with scary markings. Yet, that doesn’t change the fact he’s a long tongued creature that eats ants. I’m sure if the NCAA was run by ants, he’d be very a scary creature indeed, but it’s not.

2. Cayenne the Chili Pepper- University of Louisiana at Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns

Now I understand that Lafayette, Louisiana is in Cajun country and I know a lot of Cajuns use Cayenne pepper for their cuisine. Sure it may have a face that may fend off a few competitors, too. But come on, he's a giant red pepper for God's sake. And who would be proud to have a giant pepper representing their school?

Now I understand that Lafayette, Louisiana is in Cajun country and I know a lot of Cajuns use Cayenne pepper for their cuisine. Sure it may have a face that may fend off a few competitors, too. But come on, he’s a giant red pepper for God’s sake. And who would be proud to have a giant pepper representing their school?

3. Speedy the Geoduck- Evergreen State Geoducks

In case you don't know, a geoduck is a large saltwater clam with a very long siphon. Of course, not very intimidating, especially since the costume seems to come out of a sci-fi TV show gone horribly wrong. Maybe Evergreen State should've gone with a better seafood mascot like a crab, lobster, or giant squid.

In case you don’t know, a geoduck is a large saltwater clam with a very long siphon. Of course, not very intimidating, especially since the costume seems to come out of a sci-fi TV show gone horribly wrong. Maybe Evergreen State should’ve gone with a better seafood mascot like a crab, lobster, or giant squid.

4. Artie the Artichoke- Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes

Of course, Artie would be a more appropriate mascot if he could sport fangs and have a face for human flesh. Unfortunately he doesn't and resembles more of a failed nutrition spokesman or a reject from a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

Of course, Artie would be a more appropriate mascot if he could sport fangs and have a taste for human flesh. Unfortunately he doesn’t and resembles more of a failed nutrition spokesman or a reject from a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

5. Sammy the Banana Slug- University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

Now the banana slug was adopted by this college as a commentary on the overemphasis on athletics. And it certainly mimics the school's main pillars of non-aggressiveness, contemplation, flexibility, and stepping outside the status quo. Unfortunately, such qualities a good mascot doesn't make and Sammy seems more like your friendly neighborhood space alien than anything.

Now the banana slug was adopted by this college as a commentary on the overemphasis on athletics. And it certainly mimics the school’s main pillars of non-aggressiveness, contemplation, flexibility, and stepping outside the status quo. Unfortunately, such qualities a good mascot doesn’t make and Sammy seems more like your friendly neighborhood space alien than anything.

6. WuShock- Wichita State University Shockers

WuShock is supposed to represent shock of wheat. Yet, this doesn't lead to people outside Wichita think that he's anthropomorphic electricity or a secret lovechild of the Thing from a sexual encounter with a toilet brush. Still, it's kind of creepy if you ask me.

WuShock is supposed to represent shock of wheat. Yet, this doesn’t lead to people outside Wichita think that he’s anthropomorphic electricity or a secret lovechild of the Thing from a sexual encounter with a toilet brush. Still, it’s kind of creepy if you ask me.

7. The Fighting Okra- Delta State University Fighting Okra

Of course, you can make your mascot fierce by giving it a mean expression and boxing gloves. But if your mascot is a giant green vegetable all that's going to do is make it resemble a rejected muppet character from Sesame Street.

Of course, you can make your mascot fierce by giving it a mean expression and boxing gloves. But if your mascot is a giant green vegetable all that’s going to do is make it resemble a rejected muppet character from Sesame Street.

8. Keggy the Keg- Dartmouth University Big Green

Now if your mascot is a giant anthropomorphic beer keg what does it say about your school? That it has a reputation for being party school with a lot of fraternities and sororities as well as excessive drinking. Now would you want your school mascot to represent, especially if it's an ivy league college like Dartmouth?

Now if your mascot is a giant anthropomorphic beer keg what does it say about your school? That it has a reputation for being party school with a lot of fraternities and sororities as well as excessive drinking. Now would you want your school mascot to represent these aspects, especially if it’s an ivy league college like Dartmouth?

9. Scrotie- Rhode Island School of Design Nads

Now if there was a college mascot you wouldn't want to pose in a picture with your kids or parents, then Scrotie would be it.  I mean college sporting events are supposed to be family friendly activities here. A guy dressed as male genitalia is not. Now I know this is an inappropriate image but I'm posting it anyway since you can't make something like this up.

Now if there was a college mascot you wouldn’t want to pose in a picture with your kids or parents, then Scrotie would be it. I mean college sporting events are supposed to be family friendly activities here. A guy dressed as male genitalia is not. Now I know this is an inappropriate image but I’m posting it anyway since you can’t make something like this up.

10. Cy- Iowa State University Cyclones

Now seriously, why do cardinal birds make us think of tornadoes? Oh, yeah, I remember they don't. Of course, Cy was chosen for the mascot since the school thought that Walter the Wrecked Trailer epically failed to capture the ISU spirit.

Now seriously, why do cardinal birds make us think of tornadoes? Oh, yeah, I remember they don’t. Of course, Cy was chosen for the mascot since the school thought that Wally the Wrecked Trailer epically failed to win the fans’ hearts.

11. Puddles- University of Oregon Ducks

Of course, in Disney canon, Puddles Duck is remembered as Donald Duck's older brother and a rather neglectful father to Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Still, Donald always has to put up with with his parents constantly comparing him to how great his brother is representing the Oregon Ducks around Thanksgiving. This is despite the fact that Donald always has to watch Puddles' kids, has a steady girlfriend named Daisy,  and works for Walt Disney.

Of course, in Disney canon, Puddles Duck is best remembered as Donald Duck’s older brother and a rather neglectful father to Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Still, Donald always has to put up with with his parents constantly comparing him to how great his brother is representing the Oregon Ducks around Thanksgiving. This is despite the fact that Donald always has to watch Puddles’ kids, has a steady girlfriend named Daisy, and works for Disney.

12. Gaylord Camel- Campbell University Fighting Camels

Now having a camel mascot is perfectly fine. After all, camels can be  Yet, naming him Gaylord is just, well, lame. Guess Gaylord has become Campbell's fearsome mascot since he spent his childhood being beat up at school for being named Gaylord.

Now having a camel mascot is perfectly fine. After all, camels can be Yet, naming him Gaylord is just, well, lame. Guess Gaylord has become Campbell’s fearsome mascot since he spent his childhood being beat up at school for being named Gaylord.

13. The Tree- Stanford University Cardinals

This mascot reminds me of the singing Christmas trees I see at Rite Aid around the holidays and not in a good way. Still, for God's sake, Stanford, if your team is called the Cardinals, have a cardinal mascot! There's no need to have a poorly designed tree to represent your school.

This mascot reminds me of the singing Christmas trees I see at Rite Aid around the holidays and not in a good way. Still, for God’s sake, Stanford, if your team is called the Cardinals, have a cardinal mascot! There’s no need to have a poorly designed tree to represent your school.

14. Sam the Minuteman- University of Massachusetts Minutemen

Though the Minutemen is a good nickname for UMass, Sam seems to smile like a corrupt colonial politician than as an embodiment of patriotism. More like, "vote for me or I'll steal this baby's lollipop" than anything.

Though the Minutemen is a good nickname for UMass, Sam seems to smile like a corrupt colonial politician than as an embodiment of patriotism. More like, “vote for me or I’ll steal this baby’s lollipop” than anything.

15. Pistol Pete- Oklahoma State University Sooners

Of course, Pistol Pete only started to appear as Oklahoma State's mascot after being fired as an animatronic showman at Chuck E. Cheese's. Of course, Chuck E. Cheese couldn't stand Pistol Pete's drinking habits, anger issues, and tendency to show up to work with a firearm.

Of course, Pistol Pete only started to appear as Oklahoma State’s mascot after being fired as an animatronic showman at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Of course, Chuck E. Cheese couldn’t stand Pistol Pete’s drinking habits, anger issues, and tendency to show up to work with a firearm.

16. Goldy Gopher- University of Minnesota Goldy Gophers

On one hand, there is some good reasons to have a gopher as a mascots. I mean we've all seen Caddyshack to know that they're pretty fast, cause a lot of damage to lawns, and can be very hard to kill in a real life version of Whack-a-Mole. However, this mascot seems more suitable for a children's show than a football game.

On one hand, there is some good reasons to have a gopher as a mascots. I mean we’ve all seen Caddyshack to know that they’re pretty fast, cause a lot of damage to lawns, and can be very hard to kill in a real life version of Whack-a-Mole. However, this mascot seems more suitable for a children’s show than a football game.

17. Zippy Kangaroo – University of Akron Zips

Now don't get me wrong, kangaroos can be pretty fierce and aggressive animals. Dopey Zippy here doesn't seem to embody these qualities. Nevertheless, I have to give Akron credit for giving her a pouch and making her a female. A male kangaroo with a pouch would've been even more ridiculous.

Now don’t get me wrong, kangaroos can be pretty unpredictable and aggressive animals. Dopey Zippy here doesn’t seem to embody these qualities. Nevertheless, I have to give Akron credit for giving her a pouch and making her a female. A male kangaroo with a pouch would’ve been even more ridiculous.

18. Otto the Orange- University of Syracuse Orange

Now Syracuse is known for having severe winters and experiencing 120 inches of snow. This isn't a good climate for citrus fruits. Also, a giant dancing orange with arms and legs wearing a cap makes a rather dopey mascot indeed.

Now Syracuse is known for having severe winters and experiencing 120 inches of snow. This isn’t a good climate for citrus fruits. Also, a giant dancing orange with arms and legs wearing a cap makes a rather dopey mascot indeed. And as to how this Orange can survive in sub-zero weather probably means it was genetically modified.

19. Purdue Pete- Purdue University Boilermakers

Look, Purdue, you have another mascot called the Boilermaker Special which is a cool looking old timey train people could ride in. Why do you need an expressionless hard-hatted guy with a hammer?

Look, Purdue, you have another mascot called the Boilermaker Special which is a cool looking old timey train people could ride in. Why do you need an expressionless hard-hatted guy with a hammer?

20. Hokie Bird- Virginia Tech University Hokies

Let's face it, Virginia Tech, Hokie Bird is a turkey which aren't known to be fearsome creatures (at least the domestic "other white meat" variety). Still, you have to admit that Hokie Bird does live up to his name. I mean a turkey mascot is kind of hokey isn't it?

Let’s face it, Virginia Tech, Hokie Bird is a turkey which aren’t known to be fearsome creatures (at least the domestic “other white meat” variety though they aren’t pleasant). Still, you have to admit that Hokie Bird does live up to his name. I mean a turkey mascot is kind of hokey isn’t it?

21. Nittany Lion- Pennsyvania State University Nitany Lions

Now I know what a Nittany Lion is supposed to be and I think Penn State is perfectly fine with having a mountain lion mascot. However, whoever designed the Nittany Lion's costume thinks it resembles an emaciated bear for some reason. And let's say the footie-pajama getup doesn't seem to help.

Now I know what a Nittany Lion is supposed to be and I think Penn State is perfectly fine with having a mountain lion mascot. However, whoever designed the Nittany Lion’s costume thinks it resembles an emaciated bear for some reason. And let’s say the footie-pajama getup doesn’t seem to help. But the ladies seem to love him.

22. Big Red- Western Kentucky University Hilltoppers

What the hell is this? And exactly how does Grimace's long lost half-brother "represent the spirit of WKU?" Or is he a lovechild of Grimace and the Kool Aid Man? I can't decide.

What the hell is this? And exactly how does Grimace’s long lost half-brother “represent the spirit of WKU?” Or is he a lovechild of Grimace and the Kool Aid Man? I can’t decide.

23. Lil’ Red- University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Knowing he was too creepy for the restaurant business unlike his more successful cousin, Big Boy, Lil' Red traveled to Lincoln, Nebraska to be a mascot to the Cornhuskers. Still, he seems more appropriate for a mom-and-pop restaurant with a "21 and over" sign than a school sporting event.

Knowing he was too creepy for the restaurant business unlike his more successful cousin, Big Boy, Lil’ Red traveled to Lincoln, Nebraska to be a mascot to the Cornhuskers. Still, he seems more appropriate for a mom-and-pop restaurant with a “21 and over” sign than a school sporting event.

24. Brutus Buckeye- Ohio State University Buckeyes

Now hearing the name of "Brutus Buckeye" you'd think that Ohio State's mascot could be a rather fearsome mascot. Alas, this dopey guy with a nut head doesn't even live up to his rather awesome name. And as far as dumb mascots go, he appears on every list compiled by those who don't live in Columbus or attended OSU.

Now hearing the name of “Brutus Buckeye” you’d think that Ohio State’s mascot could be a rather fearsome mascot. Alas, this dopey guy with a nut head doesn’t even live up to his rather awesome name. And as far as dumb mascots go, he appears on every list compiled by those who don’t live in Columbus or attended OSU.

25. Oski- University of California-Berkeley Golden Bears

Now I see nothing wrong with having a bear as a mascot. We all know that you don't want to go near one while hiking in the woods. Yet, a cuddly bear mascot with a dopey smile and button down sweater seems like he was created due to parental complaints of his scarier predecessor frightening their small children.

Now I see nothing wrong with having a bear as a mascot. We all know that you don’t want to go near one while hiking in the woods. Yet, a cuddly bear mascot with a dopey smile and button down sweater seems like he was created due to parental complaints of his scarier predecessor frightening their small children.

26. Troll- Trinity College Trolls

Now trolls are certainly fearsome creatures but they are also annoying, dirty, ugly, unpleasant, and have very bad B. O. A school whose mascot embodies such qualities, should probably consider getting a new mascot.

Now trolls are certainly fearsome creatures but they are also annoying, dirty, ugly, unpleasant, and have very bad B. O. A school whose mascot embodies such qualities, should probably consider getting a new mascot.

27. Friar Dom- Providence College Friars

Don't get me wrong, I could see why Providence College would go with calling themselves the Friars since it's a Dominican school. Yet, there's just something about Friar Dom's hollow eyes and grimacing smile that's kind of unsettling. He kind of seems less like an austere, fear-inspiring religious figure, and more like the Angel of Death himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I could see why Providence College would go with calling themselves the Friars since it’s a Dominican school. Yet, there’s just something about Friar Dom’s hollow eyes and grimacing smile that’s kind of unsettling. He kind of seems less like an austere, fear-inspiring religious figure, and more like the Angel of Death himself.

28. Demon Deacon- Wake Forest University Demon Deacons

Look, if you want to have "Demon Deacons" as your school mascot, at least have him look like an actual demon instead of an elderly late 19th century circus ringmaster.

Look, if you want to have “Demon Deacons” as your school mascot, at least have him look like an actual demon instead of an elderly late 19th century circus ringmaster who’d probably get eaten by lions or trampled by elephants.

29. Rocky the Rocket- University of Toledo Rockets

Now there's nothing wrong with calling your team "the Rockets." But holy Toledo, to have a mascot that more or less belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon from the 1990s is another matter. Seriously, what the hell Toledo?

Now there’s nothing wrong with calling your team “the Rockets.” But holy Toledo, to have a mascot that more or less belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon from the 1990s is another matter. Seriously, what the hell Toledo?

30. The Billiken- Saint Louis University Billikens

Now s Billiken is said to be a charm doll created by a 19th art teacher that bears a cross between a kewpie and a Gringotts goblin. This one is a tamer version but is a batlike alien with hair or what would happen if Count Chocula got together with a troll doll.

Now s Billiken is said to be a charm doll created by a 19th art teacher that bears a cross between a kewpie and a Gringotts goblin. This one is a tamer version but is a batlike alien with hair, an albino batboy or what would happen if Count Chocula got together with a troll doll.

31. The Fighting Pickle- University of North Carolina School of the Arts Fighting Pickles

Now what's stupider than having a pickle as your school mascot, is having a fighting pickle mascot but no officially sanctioned athletic teams like UNCSA. Still, at least the fighting pickle knows how to embrace the spirit of the school with his French beret and goatee, paintbrush, and piano key tutu.

Now what’s stupider than having a pickle as your school mascot, is having a fighting pickle mascot but no officially sanctioned athletic teams like UNCSA. Still, at least the fighting pickle knows how to embrace the spirit of the school with his Shakespearean hat and mask, French facial hair, paintbrush, and piano key tutu.

32. Kernel Cob- Concordia College Cobbers

Now this is either an anthropomorphic ear of corn, a muppet character rejected from Sesame Street, or what would result if Bert got together with a magic tree. I can't decide.

Now this is either an anthropomorphic ear of corn, a muppet character rejected from Sesame Street, a maize monster in an alternative line of work, or what would result if Bert got together with a magic tree. I can’t decide. Still, it’s pretty lame.

33. Captain Cane- University of Tulsa Hurricanes

For one, there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma, yet Tulsa probably calls themselves on the age old belief that the tornado nickname was taken. Second, Captain Cane was a former student who transformed to this in an accident involving storm generated electricity. Yet, he's Tulsa's mascot since he couldn't go back to work as an electrician and that he was too lame to join the Avengers.

For one, there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma, yet Tulsa probably calls themselves on the age old belief that the tornado nickname was taken. Second, Captain Cane was a former student who transformed to this in an accident involving storm generated electricity. Yet, he’s Tulsa’s mascot since he couldn’t go back to work as an electrical engineer and that he was too lame to join the Avengers.

34. The Blue Blob- Xavier University Musketeers

Since what does a blue blob monster have to do with musketeers outside of Sesame Street? Seriously Xavier? If the musketeers ever faced a monster that looked even remotely like an earlier design of Cookie Monster, I'm sure Alexandre Dumas would've mentioned it in his books. Wouldn't he?

Since what does a blue blob monster have to do with musketeers outside of Sesame Street? Seriously Xavier? If the musketeers ever faced a monster that looked even remotely like an earlier design of Cookie Monster, I’m sure Alexandre Dumas would’ve mentioned it in his books. Wouldn’t he?

35. Guntson- George Mason University Patriots

Of course, this cuddly green monstrosity seems to be more suitable for Sesame Street or thought being a mascot for George Mason was a great fall back career after the famed children's show rejected him.

Of course, this cuddly green monstrosity seems to be more suitable for Sesame Street or thought being a mascot for George Mason was a great fall back career after the famed children’s show rejected him. Of course, college mascot seems to be the alternative career path for many Sesame Street rejects for some reason.

36. The Boll Weevil- University of Arkansas -Monticello Boll Weevils

Now I know that a boll weevil is a real insect known to cause a lot agricultural infestation. Its a long nosed brown beetle. This looks like an alien from outer space and thus a different life form entirely.

Now I know that a boll weevil is a real insect known to cause a lot agricultural infestation. It’s a long nosed brown beetle. This looks like an alien from outer space and thus a different life form entirely.

37. Izzy the Islander- Texas A&M -Corpus Christi Islanders

Now I'd expect a Tiki mascot at a college in Hawaii. But a Tiki mascot in Texas? Besides, isn't the whole "tiki torches, grass hula skirts, and wooden masks," thing is kind of offensive to Pacific Islanders. Seriously, not all Pacific Islanders are the bare boobed head hunters they're made out to be in the mass media.

Now I’d expect a Tiki mascot at a college in Hawaii. But a Tiki mascot in Texas? Besides, isn’t the whole “tiki torches, grass hula skirts, and wooden masks,” thing is kind of offensive to Pacific Islanders. Seriously, not all Pacific Islanders are the bare boobed head hunters they’re made out to be in the mass media.

38. Gorlok- Webster University Gorloks

Now a gorlok is a mythical creature you probably never heard of mainly because it's something Webster just made up. According to them, it's said to have a cheetah's paws, a buffalo's horn, and a Saint Bernard's. Yet, to me it reminds me of some large unknown predator on steroids.

Now a gorlok is a mythical creature you probably never heard of mainly because it’s something Webster just made up. According to them, it’s said to have a cheetah’s paws, a buffalo’s horns, and a Saint Bernard’s face. Yet, to me it reminds me of some kind of wild feline on steroids.

39. Pete the Peacock- Upper Iowa University Peacocks

Then again, peacocks kind of have a lot in common with a lot of college athletes. I mean girls love them and have a tendency for being vain, arrogant, strut around to attract ladies, and sometimes quite vicious. Yet, I'm not sure an animal whose feathers we use in women's hats is a good idea for a school mascot.

Then again, peacocks kind of have a lot in common with a lot of college athletes. I mean girls love them and have a tendency for being vain, arrogant, strut around to attract ladies, and sometimes quite vicious. Yet, I’m not sure an animal whose feathers we use in women’s hats is a good idea for a school mascot. A real peacock is much more intimidating.

40. Gladys the Fighting Squirrel- Mary Baldwin College Flying Squirrels

Seriously,  this mascot seems to belong at a girls' softball team than at a college sports game. At least having her as a mascot for a girls' softball team would make more sense. Guess the school isn't into athletics very much.

Seriously, this mascot seems to belong at a girls’ softball team than at a college sports game. At least having her as a mascot for a girls’ softball team would make more sense. Guess the school isn’t into athletics very much or had their mascot chosen by 5-year old girls.

41. Joe Bruin- University of California-Los Angeles Bruins

Basically he's a ripoff from his older brother Oski from Berkeley. Though less cuddly than his older brother, he still kind of resembles a teddy bear with bad fashion sense.

Basically he’s a ripoff from his older brother Oski from Berkeley. Though less cuddly than his older brother, he still kind of resembles a teddy bear with bad fashion sense.

42. Super Frog- Texas Christian University Horned Frogs

Now a horned frog is another term for a Texas horned lizard and thus a misnomer. It's the state reptile of Texas.  Yet,  TCU's Super Frog seems to resemble some form of humanoid dinosaur or space alien.

Now a horned frog is another term for a Texas horned lizard and thus a misnomer. It’s the state reptile of Texas. Yet, TCU’s Super Frog seems to resemble some form of humanoid dinosaur or space alien.

43. The Leprechaun- Notre Dame University Fighting Irish

Now the "Fighting Irish" is perfectly okay for Notre Dame. A fighting Leprechaun logo is fine as well. Yet, having a mascot be a guy dressed like one sort of takes the negative Irish stereotyping too far, especially if he looks like he's fresh off from Riverdance.

Now the “Fighting Irish” is perfectly okay for Notre Dame. A fighting Leprechaun logo is fine as well. Yet, having a mascot be a guy dressed like one sort of takes the negative Irish stereotyping too far, especially if he looks like he’s fresh off from Riverdance.

44. Mr. Commodore- Vanderbilt University Commodores

Let's see, who's idea for a college mascot consisted of a crusty mutton chop old guy in 19th century naval attire? This guy is simply terrifying, especially since he's holding a big stick he intends to whack any player who doesn't play to his specifications.

Let’s see, who’s idea for a college mascot consisted of a crusty mutton chop old guy in 19th century naval attire? This guy is simply terrifying, especially since he’s holding a big stick he intends to whack any player who doesn’t play to his specifications.

45. Saluki- Southern Illinois University Salukis

Now salukis are actually fairly graceful dogs, but this mascot makes these pooches seem the essence of nightmares who might maul their opponents to death.

Now salukis are actually fairly graceful dogs, but this mascot makes these pooches seem the essence of nightmares who might maul their opponents to death.

46. Buzz- Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets

Now I don't know about you but I kind of find this insect mascot kind of creepy for some reason. Perhaps it's that he looks too much like a bug and he's human-sized. Just something about giant bugs that freaks me out especially if they could sting you.

Now I don’t know about you but I kind of find this insect mascot kind of creepy for some reason. Perhaps it’s that he looks too much like a bug and he’s human-sized. Just something about giant bugs that freaks me out especially if they could sting you.

47. The Battling Bishop- Ohio Wesleyan University Battling Bishops

Now this guy is a mascot for a Methodist college yet he seems more suited with being a mascot for the Spanish Inquisition. Except that the real Spanish Inquisition would probably burn him at the stake after being convicted of committing the heresy of being an extremely lame mascot.

Now this guy is a mascot for a Methodist college yet he seems more suited with being a mascot for the Spanish Inquisition. Except that the real Spanish Inquisition would probably burn him at the stake after being convicted of committing the heresy of being an extremely lame mascot.

48. The Penn Quaker- University of Pennsylvania Quakers

Now I know Penn probably uses a Quaker mascot since PA was founded by them. Yet, Quakerism is a religion that's founded on pacifism while many sports can erupt into fights. Perhaps the Quaker mascot should just stick to promoting oatmeal instead.

Now I know Penn probably uses a Quaker mascot since PA was founded by them. Yet, Quakerism is a religion that’s founded on pacifism while many sports can erupt into fights. Perhaps the Quaker mascot should just stick to promoting oatmeal instead.

49. Mortimer “Morty” McPestle- St. Louis College of Pharmacy Eutectics

For one, why does a pharmacy college have its own mascot? Second, this school's mascot seems to be of a guy who's been spending way to much time in the laboratory. I mean whatever is turning his skin yellow can't be good for him.

For one, why does a pharmacy college have its own mascot? Second, this school’s mascot seems to be of a guy who’s been spending way to much time in the laboratory. I mean whatever is turning his skin yellow can’t be good for him.

50. Sebastian the Ibis- Miami University Hurricanes

It's basically the Oregon Duck with a longer beak and some anger issues built in. Or perhaps it's just Howard the Duck post film career. Either way, that does not look like an ibis.

It’s basically the Oregon Duck with a longer beak and some anger issues built in. Or perhaps it’s just Howard the Duck post film career. Either way, that does not look like an ibis.

51. Benny the Beaver- Oregon State University Beavers

Now I don't know about you but Benny seems to resemble a buck toothed version of the dog from the Cookie Crisp cereal box than an actual beaver. I mean if you want your mascot to be a beaver at least have it look like a beaver, not a muskrat, groundhog, or whatever this thing is.

Now I don’t know about you but Benny seems to resemble a buck toothed version of the dog from the Cookie Crisp cereal box than an actual beaver. I mean if you want your mascot to be a beaver at least have it look like a beaver, not a muskrat, groundhog, or whatever this thing is.

52. Bucky Badger- University of Wisconsin Badgers

Badgers can be pretty tough and vicious animals that could spread rabies as well as eat your garbage. This guy seems too lame to inflict any damage whatsoever. Also, he has an enormous head which is kind of freaky.

Badgers can be pretty tough and vicious animals that could spread rabies as well as eat your garbage. This guy seems too lame to inflict any damage whatsoever. Also, he has an enormous head which is kind of freaky.

53. Lightning- Middle Tennessee State University Blue Raiders

Not to be outdone with mascot ridiculousness, MTSU basically took Tulsa’s Captain Cane and made it into a blue electric horse name Lightning. I suppose those at MTSU were either drunk or high at the time when they came up with this. Then again, MTSU’s previous mascot was Nathan Bedford Forrest so you might want to consider Lightning an improvement though he may tend to offend blue horses.

54. Willie Wave- Pepperdine University Waves

This is basically a cross between a surfer dude in a Hawaiian shirt with a large pompadour and way too much hairspray and a sea monster. Then again, he probably came to be after being struck by lightning while surfing during a hurricane.

This is basically a cross between a surfer dude in a Hawaiian shirt with a large pompadour and way too much hairspray and a sea monster. Then again, he probably came to be after being struck by lightning while surfing during a hurricane.

55. Austin Peay- Austin Peay State University Governors

Just the mascot a college needs, another old guy resembling a 19th century circus ringmaster. Not as bad like Demon Deacon but still more grandfatherly than intimidating.

Just the mascot a college needs, another old guy resembling a 19th century circus ringmaster. Not as bad like Demon Deacon but still more grandfatherly than intimidating.

56. John B. –Stetson University Hatters

Now he's probably not as ridiculous as his predecessor which was just a hat. But still, he seems to carry an unsettling expression on his face while handling a whip.

Now he’s probably not as ridiculous as his predecessor which was just a hat. But still, he seems to carry an unsettling expression on his face while handling a whip.

57. Scotty the Scotsman- Presbyterian College Blue Hose

For some reason I can't help looking at this guy and imagine what Mel Gibson would think of think of this. I mean he's basically a college mascot equivalent to William Wallace from Braveheart minus the blue paint on his face. Still, can't help imagining Scotty say, "They may take our ball and run with it to our side. They may deny us a chance for a championship but they'll never take our FREEEDOOOM!"

For some reason I can’t help looking at this guy and imagine what Mel Gibson would think of this. I mean he’s basically a college mascot equivalent to William Wallace from Braveheart minus the blue paint on his face. Still, can’t help imagining Scotty say, “They may take our ball and run with it to our side of the field. They may deny us a chance for an NCAA championship in a 50-0 game but they’ll never take our FREEEDOOOM!”

58. Gael Force One- Saint Mary’s College of California Gaels

Basically it's basically if Arnold Schwarzenegger's Conan the Barbarian did any advertising for Burger King. May not cause as much copyright infringement as Scotty the Scotsman but still.

Basically it’s basically if Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan the Barbarian did any advertising for Burger King. May not cause as much copyright infringement as Scotty the Scotsman but still.

59. WebstUR- University of Richmond Spiders

That's not a spider. He's basically a onetime sidekick of the Count from Sesame Street who nobody remembers. That, or a googly eyed frog with teeth.

That’s not a spider. He’s basically a onetime sidekick of the Count from Sesame Street who nobody remembers. That, or one of the muppet character rejects from Sesame Street. To call that a spider is beyond me.

60. Sparky the Sun Devil- Arizona State University Sun Devils

I'm sure the heat in Arizona can be a bit menacing. Yet, while Sparky has the menacing part down, he just seems a little creepy in photo ops, except on Halloween.

I’m sure the heat in Arizona can be a bit menacing. Yet, while Sparky has the menacing part down like a ball of fire, he just seems a little creepy in photo ops as if he’s eying his fans with malicious intent, except on Halloween.

61. The Blue Devil- Duke University Blue Devils

Now according to Duke, the Blue Devils were said to be a group of elite French soldiers during World War I. Duke's Blue Devil mascot just looks like as if the Prince of Darkness was reduced to a 1960s Batman villain.

Now according to Duke, the Blue Devils were said to be a group of elite French soldiers during World War I. Duke’s Blue Devil mascot just looks like as if the Prince of Darkness was reduced to a 1960s Batman villain.

62. The Mountaineer- West Virginia University Mountaineers

Hey, what the hell is a Davy Crockett impersonator doing here? Isn't he supposed to be a tour guide for visitors at the Alamo in San Antonio? Oh, sorry, WVU, but I had no idea that this guy was your school mascot. My bad.

Hey, what the hell is a Davy Crockett impersonator doing here? Isn’t he supposed to be a tour guide for visitors at the Alamo in San Antonio? Oh, sorry, WVU, but I had no idea that this guy was your school mascot. My bad.

63. Jonathan- University of Connecticut Huskies

Now while I see nothing wrong with the live husky Jonathan who seems quite cute the costume Jonathan seems to resemble someone you'd see at a furry convention. Seriously, it's an adult man in a husky costume, which isn't cute. It's creepy.

Now while I see nothing wrong with the live husky Jonathan who seems quite cute the costume Jonathan seems to resemble someone you’d see at a furry convention. Seriously, it’s an adult man in a husky costume, which isn’t cute. It’s creepy.

64. Testudo- University of Maryland Therapins

Now I would expect the University of Maryland to have an unconventional mascot but I don't think it should feature a slow old reptile that could live for nearly 100 years. Then again, they probably went for the turtle after realizing that a crab mascot costume would've been too complicated. Seriously, why couldn't Maryland simply go with a crab?

Now I would expect the University of Maryland to have an unconventional mascot but I don’t think it should feature a slow old reptile that could live for nearly 100 years. Then again, they probably went for the turtle after realizing that a crab mascot costume would’ve been too complicated. Seriously, why couldn’t Maryland simply go with a crab?

65. Paydirt Pete- University of Texas- El Paso Miners

Hmm. A prospector mascot with a mining pick. Unfortunately his eyes say that he has rage issues and lacks the self-restraint not to use it as a weapon. And he has no remorse as well as sees no need to seek counseling.

Hmm. A prospector mascot with a mining pick. Unfortunately his eyes say that he has rage issues and lacks the self-restraint not to use it as a weapon. And he has no remorse as well as sees no need to seek counseling.

66. Cocky- University of South Carolina Gamecocks

Now having a chicken as a college mascot is one thing. Yet, having your chicken mascot commemorate a tradition of animal cruelty is totally messed up. I mean a gamecock is a rooster used in cockfighting, can't anyone see anything wrong with that?

Now having a chicken as a college mascot is one thing. Yet, having your chicken mascot commemorate a tradition of animal cruelty is totally messed up. I mean a gamecock is a rooster used in cockfighting, can’t anyone see anything wrong with that?

67. Johnny Poet- Whittier College Poets

Despite Watergate, when I look at this I can't help being sorry for Richard Nixon. I mean he's probably the only guy in his administration who attended a college whose mascot was this guy. Seriously, poets are lovers not fighters! They get beat up at school not play on football teams. I mean what the hell Whittier? Just because your college was named after a poet doesn't mean your mascot should be one.

Despite Watergate, when I look at this I can’t help being sorry for Richard Nixon. I mean he’s probably the only guy in his administration who attended a college whose mascot was this guy. Seriously, poets are lovers not fighters! They get beat up at school not play on football teams. I mean what the hell Whittier? Just because your college was named after a poet doesn’t mean your mascot should be one.

68. YouDee – University of Delaware Fightn’ Blue Hens

Now I know Delaware's state bird is a blue hen. But really, I think YouDee seems to be more appropriate for a box of LSD laced Kelloggs Cornflakes than as a mascot at sporting events. Oh, and YouDee is supposed to be a male instead of an actual hen which is female. And that the blue hen was used in cockfighting. Seriously, Delaware?

Now I know Delaware’s state bird is a blue hen. But really, I think YouDee seems to be more appropriate for a box of LSD laced Kelloggs Cornflakes than as a mascot at sporting events. Oh, and YouDee is supposed to be a male instead of an actual hen which is female. And that the blue hen was used in cockfighting. Seriously, Delaware?

69. Ole- University of California-Santa Barbara Gauchos

This mascot reminds me of something I heard from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Something that goes along with: "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!" Yeah, kind of a negative Hispanic stereotype here.

This mascot reminds me of something I heard from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Something that goes along with: “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges!” Yeah, kind of a negative Hispanic stereotype here.

70. R.B. Bbhoggawact-Austin Community College Riverbats

Of course, before R. B. worked as a mascot for ACC, he was once a sidekick to the Count on Sesame Street. Of course, they didn't see eye to eye and had a big falling out.

Of course, before R. B. worked as a mascot for ACC, he was once a sidekick to the Count on Sesame Street. Of course, they didn’t see eye to eye and had a big falling out. They haven’t spoken to each other since.

71. Ace Purple- University of Evansville Purple Aces

For some reason, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to have a Wild West villain archetype as your college mascot. I mean a well dressed mascot isn't going to win you fans outside Evansville. Also, he kind of dresses like a pimp if you ask me.

For some reason, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to have a Wild West villain archetype as your college mascot. I mean a well dressed mascot isn’t going to win you fans outside Evansville. Also, he kind of dresses like a pimp if you ask me.

72. Ephelia –Williams College Ephs

Okay, apparently Williams College's athletic director was high on some strong acid and thought a purple cow mascot was a good idea. I mean this lavender bovine Dr. Seussian nightmare here. Seriously, why?

Okay, apparently Williams College’s athletic director was high on some strong acid and thought a purple cow mascot was a good idea. I mean this lavender bovine Dr. Seussian nightmare here. Seriously, why?

73. The Student Prince- Heidelburg University Student Princes

Now Heidleburg's mascot is a student prince after the silent movie The Student Prince of Old Heidleburg. This mascot is a cheesy ripoff from Gladiator. Seriously, a student prince wouldn't be caught dead in that.

Now Heidelburg’s mascot is a student prince after the silent movie The Student Prince of Old Heidelburg. This mascot is a cheesy ripoff from Gladiator. Seriously, a student prince wouldn’t be caught dead in that.

74. Petey the Storm Petrel- Ogelthorpe University Storm Petrels

Of course, what would make a better college mascot than a small bird known to into hurricanes and tornadoes? Then again, perhaps it has rivals named the Tornadoes or Hurricanes. Yet, willingness to fly into a destructive storm doesn't always make the bird seem badass. This mascot seems rather pathetic.

Of course, what would make a better college mascot than a small bird known to into hurricanes and tornadoes? Then again, perhaps it has rivals named the Tornadoes or Hurricanes. Yet, willingness to fly into a destructive storm doesn’t always make the bird seem badass. This mascot seems rather pathetic.

75. Pete and Penny Penguin- Youngstown State University Penguins

Now I know that the Pittsburgh Penguins have Iceberg as their mascot, but at least Iceberg doesn't appear to have a side arm that entails greeting kids wanting to see Santa at the mall. These two seem to. Also, they don't seem to be up to any good by the looks of them.

Now I know that the Pittsburgh Penguins have Iceburgh as their mascot, but at least Iceberg doesn’t appear to have a side arm that entails greeting kids wanting to see Santa at the mall. These two seem to. Also, they don’t seem to be up to any good by the looks of them.