The Creepy, Crawly World of Scary Halloween Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 8, 2015

Now Halloween is a holiday that pertains to many frightful decorations which include pumpkins, monsters, spider webs, skeletons, zombies, witches, ghouls, vampires, and so much more. Still, there are plenty of people who tend to go all out when it comes to decorating their homes for this scary holiday. Some decorate their homes for parties and trick or treaters. Others do it because they simply love Halloween and want to make their homes look as ghoulish and scary as possible. Of course, you can find plenty of Halloween decorations at your local store this time of year. However, sometimes it’s just cheaper and fun to make your own with rather simple materials that you can find anywhere. I mean why buy cobwebs when you can do just fine with pillow stuffing or cheese cloth? You can even use Halloween decorations, too that are easy to accessorize like skeletons and spiders. Nevertheless, many children might create Halloween decorations in school. However, this post features craft projects more likely made by people who’ve already left fifth grade behind them, particularly Halloween enthusiasts, partiers, parents, and repressed art majors wanting a creative outlet to express themselves. So without further delay to Creepyville, I now present you with a treasury of Halloween craft creations.

Welcome visitors to your Halloween party with a creepy spider and feather wreath on your front door.

Let’s just say anyone with arachnaphobia will sure find this wreath simply terrifying. I mean we all know at least someone who’s afraid of spiders. Am I right?

2. Of course, from what I can tell by these poppies, beauty is surely in the eye of the beholder.

But having eyeballs in the flowers, well, that’s just damn creepy. I mean an eyeball is creepy enough when it’s not in an eye socket. Seriously, it’s gross.

3. Greet trick or treaters at your front door with this monster wreath.

Now this is not very scary in the least since it kind of reminds you of Cookie Monster’s cousin. But I’m sure your guests will love it, especially kids.

4. Of course, no haunted abode can be complete without your very own electric chair.

This isn’t a real, working electric chair. Just a piece of Halloween decoration. Still, I have to admit, it’s very well made that I suspect someone had too much time on their hands.

5. I hear that bones are really good for wind chimes. Won’t you agree?

Yes, I know that neighbors might think there’s something very wrong with you upon looking at this. Luckily, it’s October so any creepy decorations like this are perfectly acceptable. So creep away.

6. Experts recommend that you keep your insects in apothecary jars with green slime.

Don’t worry, the bugs are made from plastic so they’re not poisonous. Not sure about the green slime though.

7. For Halloween, grace your front door with this one-of-a-kind Purple People Eater Wreath.

Now this seems quite simple. But it doesn’t seem too scary either. More like a purple cyclops on Sesame Street. Love the horn though.

8. Heard of a spider web? How about a spider web quilt?

Now my cousin had a giant stuffed spider named Charles when he was a kid. This would’ve been the perfect quilt for him at the time.

9. Make your home extra spooky by making these Halloween paper lanterns.

Use construction paper and cut out black silhouettes to stand out. You can even hang them overhead or put them on the ground. It doesn’t matter.

10. Light up the living room for Halloween with a spooky lamp like this.

Now that’s a spooky lamp with black cob webs galore. Of course, it’s a much more tasteful decoration than black lighting.

11. Now I’m sure Halloween is the only time this mummy wreath isn’t under wraps.

The mummy wraps seem to be made from cheese cloth. And the bow is tied with a couple of skeleton hands hanging from it.

12. Spider webs always look better with purple glitter.

Yes, purple and glittery spider webs with spiders on them. And they’re held by ribbon, too.

13. Uh-oh, looks like we have a zombies in the vent again.

Boy, I’m sure Walking Dead fans want to have a Halloween decoration like this in their homes. Freak out the guests for hours.

14. Dripping candles are always a scary addition, especially if they are black and have skulls on them.

Now I think the flames aren’t real but rather electric. And I think the drip is of crayon or paper machete. However, the skulls sure are sparkly and in different colors.

15. Nothing makes a Halloween party worthwhile than a bottle of boos.

That’s right a bottle of haunting ghost screams bound to give you nightmares. Then again, you might experience some frightening hallucinations if you drink the amount of booze Ray Milland did in The Lost Weekend.

16. How would you want to be greeted by a scary skull like this?

Now this is scary Halloween craftsmanship at its best. It almost looks like it’s been a fixture on the house since the time it was built.

17. A purple witch’s hat always has to come with a few finishing touches.

And by that I mean spiders, bat design, a black flower, black feathers, and tut material. This including the purple as well as black and sparkly kind.

18. This scary skull box will certainly scare the bejesus out of your guests at the Halloween party.

Yes, these are screaming skulls from a box. And it’s tied with barbed wire. Scary but don’t touch it if you dare.

19. Remember that craft cottages make excellent haunted houses painted black.

Well, painting black craft cottages is easy enough to make haunted houses. Yes, black makes things creepy, indeed.

20. Of course, scare your young guests with this spider web wreath of yarn.

Now you have a yarn spider web in the middle. And you have balls of yarn surrounding it as well as the spiders going around the border. Pretty clever if I do say so myself.

21. Don’t have time to make another jack o’ lantern? Make some jack o’ lantern lights with jars.

And the best part is you can paint them in all kinds of different colors, too. Also, you can give them all kinds of faces. Besides, painting is much easier than carving. And safer, too.

22. So these signs show you all where you want to go? So where would it be, Transylvania, Amityville, Salem, Sleepy Hollow, or Roswell?

“Hey, Igor, Transylvania’s that way.” Still, I’d stay out of Salem in 1692. And I’d clear out of Sleepy Hollow in the 18th century. Not so sure about Amityville or Roswell.

23. Of course, if you have a pumpkin, you can use stuff from a craft store to make a centerpiece with it.

Now this pumpkin is so shiny, especially with the black bird and ribbon on top. Still, I really like the urn and the other decorations on it. So stunning and scary.

24. Oh, my God, this book is on fire!

Actually this is a craft project in which it’s supposed to look like a spell book. The flames are an imitation. Still, hope the faux spell book was from the Twilight series. Then again, it looks quite old.

25. You can make a great wreath with a murder of crows.

Actually these are black birds you can find in any craft store. Still, having them together as a wreath with glitter on them might make your guests wonder about you.

26. Serve your guests with this skeleton dish.

Yes, it’s a dish that has skeleton bones on it. A great kind of dish to serve stuff for a Halloween party.

27. Want a jack o’ lantern but can’t find a big enough pumpkin? Well, using a wood crate will do nicely.

Now that will definitely get your house noticed by drivers. However, I can’t do something like that since my parents would need those wooden planks to stack firewood on.

28. Of course, a black cheese cloth and skulls really go well with a picture frame.

Now this is supposed to resemble cobwebs and skulls with feathers and bones. Yes, it’s creative use with picture frames at its finest.

29. A witch’s boot is always a great place for black flowers.

Now this is has witch all over it as you can see with all the witch memorabilia. Love the black flowers though.

30. Hello, trick or treaters, and remember the witch is in.

And it seems that she’s very stuck in the planter outside. Wonder what spell she’ll cast to get out of that cauldron.

31. Grace your front door for Halloween with a wreath of masks.

Seems like they’ve been strung together but you’ll never know. However, it might create a dilemma for the Phantom of the Opera. However, that guy has major issues.

32. Milk cartons always make handy haunted houses when decorated with the right materials.

Now this is an elementary craft project at expert level. Seriously, no elementary art class would ever create haunted houses from milk cartons as amazing as these.

33. Scare trick or treaters by greeting them with a wreath of snakes.

If you have a priceless trinket in your home that “belongs in a museum,” it’s a great way to ward off reckless archaeologist Indiana Jones. Seriously, when it comes to treasures, he’s willing to wreck entire ancient temples with working machinery to get them.

34. An old mirror is always great for greeting Halloween guests.

And this old mirror definitely looks like it’s been in the garage for far too long. Then again, it also has black leaves on it, too. Yes, it was made like that on purpose.

35. Welcome to our humble Halloween home, Don’t mind the feet sticking out from the doormat.

Yeah, I’m sure that witch really didn’t come to a good end there. Well, at least she wasn’t wearing ruby slippers or had a shoe crazy sister.

36. Seems like this ghoul really likes to hang out in this person’s yard for some reason.

Now this implies covering a mannequin with old white or gray clothes. It helps if they’re really tattered or old looking.

37. Who knew that doilies make really good spider webs?

Now unless you don’t want to make the doilies, this might be rather easy to pull off. Then again, I’m sure that they might have doilies at any local store like Big Lots.

38. For Halloween, a snake is great for tying the curtains.

No, this isn’t a real snake. I think it might be an old belt from the looks of it. Still, guaranteed to keep Indiana Jones away from your house.

39. I always thought that black lace goes very well with candles.

Why didn’t I think about using black lace with candles? This looks awesome. Still, hope burning lace doesn’t pose a dangerous fire hazard.

40. Have you ever got the feeling that you were being watched by this wreath?

Now this eyeball wreath is super creepy. I mean regular eyeballs are disturbing enough. Glow in the dark eyeballs, now that’s a whole new level of creepiness.

41. I hear that cheese cloth ghosts make great chandelier decorations.

Not sure if these ghosts make your house haunted for Halloween. However, it’s still quite worth trying out if you ask me.

42. Of course, paper ghosts can be just as scary if you think about it.

Of course, you can hang these on a ceiling, too. However, they’re better to photograph while on the hardwood floor.

43. Eeek! There are creepy crawlies in my soap!

Actually these soaps were made this way. It’s supposed to freak visitors out during Halloween parties. Still, wonder if I should try this.

44. Now these black flowers would surely go well on any Halloween fireplace mantle.

Now Morticia Addams would totally want these in her home, especially on Valentines Day. Still, wonder why she tends to cut off the flowers though.

45. Of course, a dismembered finger always makes a great writing implement.

Yes, this is a finger pen. Yes, you can write with it. Yes, it’s creepy as hell. Don’t ask.

46. For Halloween, greet visitors with this one-of-a-kind Halloween wreath.

Now this wreath seems mostly laced with black streamers. Also, resembles a wreath you’d expect to see in a funeral home.

47. Got old photos lying in your house? Then make them look even scarier with red eyes and fangs.

Of course, you might want to use old photos you found on the Internet. Or just scan the old photos with a copier. Your family wouldn’t be happy if you use the old ones lying around in your house.

48. Looks like these two skeletons seem to be in a hurry to hide the body.

“Hurry up and bury him before somebody sees us, Alex. You don’t want the neighbors getting suspicious.”

49. Man, this lamp is so old that you’d swear that there are cobwebs and spiders all over it.

Actually this is a craft project, especially since cobwebs are either gray or white. The black cobwebs is actually dyed cheese cloth. Besides, most spiders aren’t that big.

50. Remember, you never know what can go bump in the night.

Now this makes a great Halloween yard decoration. Sure to freak out a few trick or treaters to the point of wetting themselves.

51. Of course, black birds always cater to black candles.

Now this doesn’t use real candle flames. But it does look quite eerie. Still, like the bird and like the glitter.

52. Welcome to my humble home and I mean no bones about it.

I’m sure this skeleton is just hanging around to greet the guests. Doesn’t really mean to scare anybody.

53. Oh, my God, did I just see a ghost in the yard?

A ghost decoration like this might scare the hell out of drivers. And it might attract ghost hunters. Then again, ghost hunters tend to go to old houses.

54. Man, I haven’t used these candlesticks in ages. But I didn’t expect them to be this covered in cobwebs.

Actually these consist of cheese cloths and plastic spiders on the candlesticks. They also have old leaves for a more decrepit look.

55. Of course, you can always see ghosts in the light.

And it seems these little ghosts are having a good time on this bonsai with lights on it. Of course, some are more ornery than others.

56. When it comes to jars, you can also make your own spooky grave yard scene.

Now this is cool. Love how they paint the jars just the right color to show a sunset as the spooky stuff comes into play.

57. Hey, this isn’t Christmas yet. Oh, wait.

Now this is a real monster wreath. For those who really love The Nightmare Before Christmas, this also makes a great yuletide decoration as well.

58. Sorry, everyone, but it looks like the wreath is infested with spiders at the moment.

Now this is said to cost under $3. However, to arachnophobic visitors, it might mean a lifetime of therapy.

59. With streamers, wires, and string, you can make your own spider nest.

Now this is very creepy and will certainly creep out your Halloween party guests. Anyone scared of spiders might want to avoid your place next time.

60. If you look up, I wonder if you can see the witch’s underwear.

I’ve seen a few of these on Pinterest. Actually I’ve seen a lot of these. And yes, this usually requires an umbrella.

61. Remember that a flower pot makes a great Halloween bat wind chime.

Might be as scary as the other decorations on here. But it’s pretty cute it’s worth putting on this post.

62. Looks like we have some mad killer on the loose in this neighborhood.

My mistake, these are Halloween decorations. But you have to admit despite how disgusting it looks, the bloody corpse in body bags has to be quite clever.

63. For those who love Little Shop of Horrors, you can now make your very own Audrey II plant.

Of course, this isn’t nearly as dangerous as the one you see in the movies. Just to note, the original movie had Seymour sacrificing himself to kill the plant.

64. Greet your visitors this Halloween with this black wreath of shiny baubles.

Now this looks quite pretty for a Halloween decoration. Then again, this seems to be borrowing from Christmas.

65. For your Halloween party, impress your visitors with your very own Nevermore Wreath.

Yes, bird is supposed to be a raven despite looking rather small. Still, love the black flowers on this though.

66. Hey, I didn’t know that spider string glowed in the dark.

Actually someone made them this way. Not sure if spiders actually spin stuff like that. But still looks cool.

67. Got some old bones lying around? Then how about make a wreath?

Actually don’t use real skeletons for this because it’s illegal as well as downright creepy. A dollar store skeleton would do just fine. Still, pretty weird though and I give no bones about it.

68. If you have any masks lying around, I’m sure they’ll go great with some old, dirty cloth pieces.

Now this is pretty scary decor for a haunted house. Yeah, those masks are downright creepy if you ask me, especially when made to resemble ghosts.

69. Hello, hang up your coat and stay awhile.

Now this is freaky. Using baby doll limbs for coat hooks. Probably one of the sickest shop class projects ever.

70. Seems that the black birds really like to roost on that dead branch for some reason.

Yes, the branch is covered in lights for effect and the birds are quite small. But still, it’s quite awesome if you ask me.

71. Greet visitors to your Halloween party with this ghost hanging on your front porch.

Of course, this is made from some stuff you might be able to find at a craft store or a trash heap. Yeah, probably doesn’t look as scary in the day time.

72. Of course, your small black birds always could use a rest on a bonsai tree.

Of course, I’m not sure about the tree being alive or dead. But the birds really give it a good Halloween feel to it.

73. Now this fuzzy black wreath with flowers will certainly impress your Halloween visitors.

Now this looks like something you might find either at the Addams family house or at a funeral parlor. Then again, you might see something like this at the Munsters,’ too.

74. Of course, these three witches are just outside hanging out. Not trying to scare anybody.

Man, their outfits sure look way colorful than I expected them. Seems like one of them is particularly partial to yellow for some reason.

75. Of course, Halloween wouldn’t be complete with a bloody face of skin.

Now this is disgusting. But I’m sure this is the kind of stuff you see in a slasher horror movie. Not sure if I like it though.

76. Quick! There are hands sticking out of the fireplace! Run for your lives!

Of course, this is a cardboard Halloween decoration. It won’t harm anybody. Still, pretty cool if you ask me.

77. Can’t find a skeleton at the dollar store? Then make one with some milk jugs.

Now this is quite clever. Not quite close to a skeleton you find in a store. But if you want a last minute decoration, this will do fine.

78. Make your house haunted with a black flower wreath like this one.

Again, another wreath that kind of looks like it belongs in a funeral parlor. Still, I think it’s pretty and I like it. So it goes on this post.

79. Oh, my God, did I just see Freddy Kreuger on the toilet?

I’m not a fan of slasher horror movies nor the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Still, I know there will be plenty of people who’d appreciate this.

80. Of course, we should all mourn the loss of the Wicked Witch of the East with a Halloween celebration in Munchkin land of course.

Then again, I think the munchkins were quite creepy in The Wizard of Oz for some reason. Still, I wouldn’t touch those ruby slippers if I were you.

81. So I guess this is what they do at witches’ meetings.

Now these witches are made of some trash bags as you see here. Still, might make my parents mad if I try to attempt this.

82. As they say, it’s not Halloween unless you can hang candles from the ceiling.

Of course, these must be toilet paper or paper towel rolls. And I’m sure the candles are fake. But still reminds me of Harry Potter for some reason. I wonder why.

83. I knew tables had legs but this is ridiculous.

Now this is creepy. If someone had a table like this, I’d question their sanity. That is, unless it’s Halloween of course.

84. Welcome to our humble home, don’t mind the encased samples in the living room.

Now this is pretty disgusting. Who could’ve thought up with this, I may never know. Still, wonder if it might cause some trick and treaters to vomit. Then again, some might think this is cool.

85. Heard the candy corn makes great soil for these spider bushes for some reason.

Of course, despite being Halloween inspired, they still remind me of a plant you’d see in a Dr. Seuss story. Not sure why.

86. Now I wonder who these masked people clad in black are. Must be some weirdos on their way to a masquerade ball.

Now these look so creepy because they almost seem real. I swear I’ve seen pictures of people dressed like that at a Venice carnival.

87. Of course, a paper witch’s hat is always a great home for birds.

Not sure if the bird is a raven or crow. Then again, you can barely tell the real birds apart anyway. Well, unless they’re in the same picture together. In that case, the raven is bigger.

88. Hello, everyone, and please don’t mind the remains in the trash bin. I’ve been trying to get rid of them since Tuesday.

Now this is quite disgusting. Not sure what I’d think of seeing this in somebody’s yard. Still, you have to admire their use of red paint to bring out the gore.

89. For Halloween lawn decor, you might want to take a nontraditional approach with flamingos.

Well, skeleton flamingos of course. Don’t know about you but I think they’re far less tacky than the actual lawn ornaments we know and love.

90. Nothing to see here. Just a floating skeleton looking for the rest of his anatomy.

Of course, you might want to keep away from the candles. They might catch fire on something. Still, this is pretty clever.

91. Haunt your Halloween hideaway with these dark angels of death.

Now you can find these angels in any craft store. And you can paint them as dark and dead looking as you like, too.

92. Greet your Halloween party guests by gracing your front door with this tombstone wreath.

Not sure if anyone would find this dead funny. However, it might send some thinking that you’re dead crazy. Still, the wreath looks like something you’d see in a cemetery.

93. Seems like this spider really wants to create a giant web from a giant frame.

Of course, I can bet that this web was made by a tone of black yarn. Still quite cool though. However, I doubt that a spider would spin a web that big.

94. Seems like someone’s cauldron has blown right over.

Yeah, I think leaving the cauldron bubbling like that is very irresponsible. There should be at least a witch standing by here. You never know what a potion is going to do.

95. Of course, Halloween night wouldn’t be complete without a quilt like this.

Yes, this is perhaps the ultimate Halloween quilt. But if you want one, I’d recommend buying one. Quilts take a very long time to make.

96. Heard of a jack o’ lantern? The how about a jack o’ lampshade?

Now this is quite cool if you ask me. And unlike a real pumpkin you can still use it as much as you like and it won’t smell after a few weeks.

97. Hate to interrupt, but I think that plant might be watching us.

Now that's freaky. Seems like something you'd see in a mad scientist's house. A really batshit insane mad scientist with a German accent like Peter Lorre. Or Conrad Veidt.

Now that’s freaky. Seems like something you’d see in a mad scientist’s house. A batshit insane mad scientist with a German accent like Peter Lorre. Or Conrad Veidt.

98. Who knew that spiders spin their webs in picture frames?

Now this looks quite simple to make. Just get some string and a picture frame. Then again, it might be a not at easy to make a spider web as it seems.

99. Of course, when it comes to trick or treat, the candy doesn’t hang far from the tree.

Now this is cute. Just a jack o’ lantern and a small tree with treat bags. I’m sure people will love this.

100. Of course, it wouldn’t be Halloween if I didn’t include some crystal ball specimens.

Now this is freaky. Of course, in a post like this, you’re bound to have some scary and disgusting decorations here.

Spooktacular Fun with Halloween Inflatable Decorations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 5, 2015

Now inflatable decorations are a recent phenomenon and more or less associated with Christmas. However, Halloween isn’t far behind since it’s a very popular holiday. And there are plenty of people who go way out for the holiday as well. So it’s not hard for the manufacturers to realize that there’s a market for them. Besides, many places tend to have trick or treaters so it helps that people’s homes be as Halloweeny or scary as possible. After all, when it comes to decorations, Halloween and Christmas are the two biggest occasions. Valentines and Easter you can take or leave. Still, while some decorations could be quite scary, I’m not sure what to think about inflatables on people’s yards. I mean it really doesn’t cost much to make your outdoor lawn scary to begin with. You can make a lot of scary stuff with simple materials from a craft store or old junk from home, reuse Christmas lights, carve pumpkins, and buy some other decorations at just about anywhere. I released earlier depicting exactly certain examples like someone using dresses or chicken wire for ghosts. I mean you can really get creative. But if you want a skeleton in your yard, I’d recommend that you don’t dig one up from the cemetery or a science classroom. Just buy a plastic one online or at a store. It’s just legally safer that way. Nevertheless, on the other hand, inflatable decorations are expensive, take more time to set up and take down, and are cartoonish. And let’s just say anything cartoonish is usually not scary. Still, I can show some of the better Halloween decorations. But you’d be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the stuff that’s either tacky or doesn’t make sense. So for your reading pleasure here is an assortment of some crazy Halloween inflatables that you might see on someone’s yard.

Here we start at party central where we meet a friendly Frankenstein monster and cat.

Yes, they seem to be rather friendly hanging out together. Of course, doesn’t make either very scary. Does it?

2. Specimen 1 says, “Welcome.”

Not sure what aliens have to do with Halloween. Then again, aliens and the paranormal tend to be lumped in the same subject matter as you’d see from the History Channel. Still, seems quite friendly.

3. Looks like somebody’s mummy needs some toilet paper.

Like what the outhouse says, “Smells like someone died in there.” Guess that the mummy must’ve taken a big dump. Wait a minute, why would a mummy need to take a shit?

4. Death comes to your yard in a 3-wheeler.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least he has a nice roof on it.

Not sure about the eyeball decoration in the front. Still, at least it’s purple, has a nice roof, and badass green and yellow flames.

5. “Happy Halloween” from the cute little owl.

Yes, it’s supposed to be an owl. I know it looks like a pumpkin with yellow wings as well as a beak, eyes, and feet. But it’s supposed to be an owl.

6. Of course, everyone must travel to the party in style like in a horse drawn hears.

And I see the coachman is a skeleton in a top hat. And the passenger is a corpse in its own casket. Looks like something startled the horse.

7. These ghosts seem to have a lot of haunted fun in their haunted tree house.

I kind of expected a haunted tree house to be more decrepit and abandoned looking. Not in red and purple. Also, seems like the tree isn’t too happy about the ghosts being around.

8. For haunting outdoors, it’s best that the scary organist bring his instrument from a horse drawn vehicle.

Of course, in real life, organs tend to take up whole rooms and can’t be carried. However, somehow this organ is compact and portable for transport.

9. On Halloween, pumpkin coach is a stylish mode of transportation.

Now this would be great for an Undead Cinderella themed ball. Think of it as Cinderella with zombies, vampires, skeletons, and other undead beings.

10. Whenever this witch goes to a party, she always has ghosts to take her there.

I guess these ghosts must wait on her hand and foot. Must suck being in the afterlife sometimes. Besides, perhaps this pampered enchantress should consider a broom.

11. Fans of The Wizard of Oz would appreciate this inflatable of the Wicked Witch of the East.

That’s just all there is. And these are meant to be placed right next to the house. Yeah, it’s supposed to look like the house smashed her during a tornado.

12. Nothing is scarier than a light up skull and neon spiders.

Now this is the kind of Halloween decoration I’d expect to see at a rave. Yeah, it’s quite freaky to say the least.

13. Oh, no, the ghost pirate ship is sinking!

Man, this would look pretty ridiculous if it was on the ground. Then again, it’s a ghost ship. So I’m not sure if it’s likely to sink at all, even if it’s full of holes.

14. Heard of Pop! Goes the Weasel? Here is Pop! Goes the Evil.

Now that clown is scary and creepy. Yes, that’s bound to give children nightmares. Or their parents.

15. Looks like Frank has some sweet new ride.

Now it seems that this hot rod’s roof is an outhouse. Wonder if he used the seat. Still, must give off a lot of gas emissions.

16. Zombie gnome is not your friend. Wants your brains.

Let’s just say if you see an undead gnome out there, stay out of that person’s garden. Yeah, undead gnomes are dangerous. And no, they can’t be killed by a stake in the neck.

17. For a big rat, you need a big trap.

I don’t know what to think about this. Seriously, I know Halloween has disgusting decorations. But still, a giant rat trap? I don’t think so.

18. Looks like Yellow is going as Frankenstein’s monster this year.

So how do they get the bolts in him like that? I mean he’s made out of chocolate. It’s not a flexible material if you get my drift.

19. Looks like the cat is containing the ghosts in the pumpkin.

I’m sure the ghosts can get out of the pumpkin just fine when they want to. However, it might freak out the cat though.

20. Hey! The cat’s gotten hold of the mummy wraps!

Yeah, the mummy isn’t too happy while the cat is grinning. Hope he has enough strength to get out of this jam without losing a limb or unraveling.

21. If you love Ghostbusters, then you’d like this Slimer inflatable.

The one in the movie was more disgusting but still gross. Still, I’m more partial to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

22. Of course, nothing brings in the spirit of Ghostbusters than an inflatable of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Yes, let all be doomed before his marshmallowy wake. You don’t want to mess with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Got to love this.

23. Remember, Frightening Fuel Services is at your service.

Of course, the most frightening thing about this service is the cost and excise tax. Still, seems to be a Halloween knock off from Cars. Like the dragon fixture on this 18 wheeler.

24. Seems like this monster is a player for the Spook University football team.

I’m sure no school in their right mind would want to go against such a team. There, every player on the team is either a beast or built like one.

25. I’m sure you’ve heard of a haunted house. But what about a haunted trailer?

The scary creatures couldn’t find an affordable home to set themselves up. And no apartment was willing to take them. So they had to settle for a trailer despite it being cramped and on land they have to pay rent to. And they’re getting hosed by the landlord at the trailer park.

26. If you can’t go on your own carriage or hearse, there’s always the haunted stagecoach.

Seems like ghouls are in the passenger section while the vampire is on the top. Love how the coffin is on the roof. Yet, a stagecoach driver must be wary around these parts.

27. Now this zombie gnome is a bit partial to arms.

Yes, he loves to munch on some tasty limbs. And he seems to have bitten a few fingers off.

28. Awww, Frankenstein and the ghosts are on a seesaw together.

Wait a minute, the ghosts shouldn’t weigh a thing. I mean Frankestein should be weigh them down. Yeah, the weight distribution shouldn’t be equal.

29. Want a haunted house in your yard? Perhaps try this inflatable for size.

I think it might just be easier and cheaper to make the front of your house look haunted. Inflatables can be quite a headache. Still, it does kind of look like a haunted Victorian mansion.

30. Frankenstein just wants to take a rest on his chopper.

Frankenstein on a chopper. Really? That’s crazy. Seriously, how could an undead monster fly something like that?

31. Guess a witch fell into the brew again.

Seems like she should know better than to dive into the witches’ brew head first. You really don’t know what the hell is in there. I mean it could be a recipe for rat poison for all you know.

32. If you think a neon spider is freaky, you should see an iridescent one.

Now this spider's but is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

Now this spider’s abdomen is about as illuminating as a disco ball. Yeah, more suitable for a rave. Hope its web has glittering lights.

33. Sometimes when the wraith comes around, it occasionally comes in a carriage.

Wonder how hard it’s going to be for the driver to find a place to park. Also, hope the skull doesn’t hurt matters.

34. Come right this way to hear your frightening fortunes.

Seems like Madam Skull Lady is doing Tarot card readings. Kind of wish she had a crystal ball instead. I mean that’s how I identify a fortune teller.

35. Hey, look, this clown is giving out free candy.

On second thought, I’ll take a pass at any of this evil clown’s free candy offers. Seriously, I don’t know what he’s going to do with that hammer. And I don’t even want to know either.

36. Honey, a flying saucer just crashed into our front yard! Come out and look here!

An inflatable flying saucer with inflatable dirt surrounding it. Yeah, that looks very realistic (sarcasm). The one in my lawn ornament post looked more believable.

37. Remember, if you want him to appear, you had to say his name 3 times.

Of course, it’s more or less undeniable that Beetlejuice was a better Michael Keaton performance than Birdman. Way better than Birdman, which shouldn’t have won an Oscar for Best Picture. Seriously, Academy, why couldn’t you choose Grand Budapest Hotel? It’s a great movie for God’s sake!

38. Oh, shit, this alien appears to be on the war path.

“Must kill earthlings. Must destroy evidence. Must take no prisoners.”

39. The Grimm Reaper just loves popping wheelies on his hot rod or tractor.

Yes, he really has a need for speed, doesn’t he? Still, with ghostly passengers, I’m not sure if that’s a great place to put his scythe.

40. All aboard the Haunted Express.

Funny how this train doesn’t have any passenger cars. Still, love the ghost and pumpkins. Also, like the vampire rising from his coffin in the back.

41. Forget broom flying, this wicked witch is riding a hog for the open road.

Of course, I’m sure magic will be a more effective safety measure than a helmet. But I’m not certain. Still, I don’t know if she should bring her cat along.

42. Happy Halloween from the wiener dog and owls.

And I see the dog has his dog treat bag at the ready. Still, does he have any idea that owls have talons? And that talons are sharp?

43. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you an evil snowman.

When Hell freezes over, you'll have to reckon with this guy. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

When Hell freezes over, you’ll have to reckon with this guy going after you. Still, perfect for any Nightmare Before Christmas display. Love those sharp stick arms.

44. Hey, look, Elmo is carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Wait a minute, don’t those those pumpkins look a bit like Elmo’s friends? Yeah, I think so. Hope Cookie Monster and Bert don’t mind being inspirations. But it’s still pretty creepy if you think about it.

45. You are now entering the Zombie Crossing.

The human characters from The Walking Dead could’ve used signs like these. Unfortunately, they don’t know where the zombies might show up, save grave yards.

46. This pumpkin seems to be on the lookout for ghosts to munch on.

This is more or less a Halloween tribute to Pac Man. Just so you know. Still pretty funny.

47. On Halloween night, it pays to beware of the dog.

Yes, this dog is mean as you can tell from his red eyes and spiked collar. Don’t want to cross him or he’ll tear you to pieces.

48. Nothing makes your yard scary for Halloween than an inflatable of a devouring plant.

Despite its saber tooth jaws, it doesn’t look like the kind of plant that would swallow people whole. I think Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors was much scarier.

49. Oh, no, the ghosts are on fire!

Wait a minute, ghosts shouldn’t catch fire. They’re supposed to be made out of almost nothing. So why they’re screaming within the flames is beyond me. Then again, it might be just PTSD.

50. Don’t enter in, this is a crime scene investigation. A murder has been committed.

And it looks like the killer is still on the loose and is about to kill again. Still, kind of reminds me of the shower scene in Psycho from how the shadow looks.

Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 23, 2015

Now that Father’s Day is over, it’s now time for me to get some posts on the 4th of July in order to break the May to June slump. For you foreigners reading this blog, the 4th of July is a holiday Americans celebrate to mark the day the Declaration of Independence was issued in which made the United States a new nation on that day in 1776, thus formally and permanently severing ties with Great Britain. Well, we were fighting a war with Britain at the time anyway but that’s beside the point. Okay, we didn’t become independent as far as they’re concerned. But let me not get into the whole American Revolution thing because it would take me a very long time to explain. Anyway, despite the patriotic significance of the holiday, my family doesn’t place much emphasis on it. Well, we might see fireworks from the back yard but that’s about it. Hey, it’s not that we don’t love our country for I’ve had people in my family serve in the military. It’s just when it comes to patriotic holidays in my family, Thanksgiving is a bigger deal. Don’t ask me, it just is. Nevertheless, there are plenty of 4th of July celebrations in the country such as fireworks, parades, fairs, regattas, picnic and what have you. And yes, there are plenty of parties and drinking as well as picnics with their share of delectable delights. Of course, your standard Independence Day fair usually consists of the usual grilled hotdogs and hamburgers as well as a salad, chips, watermelon, or other side dishes. Sometimes you may even have steak, barbecue ribs, pulled pork, or even corn on the cob. Let’s just say there’s a lot of barbecue stuff on the menu. But in this post, I’ll introduce you to some treats that will truly capture the true patriotic spirit of Independence Day, especially if they’re in red, white, and blue. So without further adieu, salute your star spangled banner with these yankee doodle treats for your patriotic celebration.

1. For the 4th of July, grace your dessert tray with these star spangled sugar cookies.

Now these have stars and stripes all over them. And with the right combination, they would taste patriotically sweet.

2. For your 4th of July barbecue, show your love for America with this patriotic pasta salad.

Now this patriotic pasta salad is called this because it’s one with the red, white, and blue noodles. Oh, and it has pepperoni in it, too.

3. For your kids, this Uncle Sam ice cream treat will give them a star spangled smile on their faces.

Now I’m sure this might not be a good treat for a picnic since you’d have to freeze it. But I think it’s cute nevertheless.

4. If appetizers are your thing, then you can’t go wrong with some star spangled cheese dip.

Now with some red, white, and blue dip, your crackers can now be dipped into some patriotic cheesiness. Just don’t do it twice, as we’ve all know about the rule against double dipping.

5. Grace your dessert platter at your 4th of July picnic with this one-of-a-kind Uncle Sam hat cake.

Of course, Uncle Sam used to be an icon on old military recruitment posters. Now he’s just a 4th of July holiday icon. Still, he does have a cool hat though.

6. Bring in the fun in the sun on July 4th with these summer themed patriotic sugar cookies.

Now these consist of some striped sandals, American flag swimming trunks and bikini, a stars and stripes beach towel, and a red, white, and blue beach towel. Perfect for any 4th of July beach party if you ask me.

7. This cupcake is just as red, white, and blue in the filling as it’s in the icing.

Of course, when red, white, and blue mix together there’s a potential for some purple. But nonetheless, a great addition for any flag waving American dessert table.

8. Want to know what’s more American than apple pie? Well, a strawberry and rhubarb Captain America pie, that is.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I'm sure there are comic book nerds who also love to bake.

Ironically, this is an official dessert of the Avengers along with Tony Stark Sundae, Black Widow Brownies, Bruce Banner Bundt, Nick Fury Trifle, Thor Banana Split, and Hawkeye Fruit Cake. Of course, many of these will become a real thing right after I mention them. Yeah, I’m sure there are comic book nerds who also love to bake.

9. Fruit salad has never been more American than when it’s in a watermelon with an American flag.

Of course, this fruit salad contains watermelon as well as blueberries. But still, you have to admire the flag design on this.

10. Now white bread is a notable American staple. But red, white, and blue bread is even more American than that.

And it’s almost in the form of an American flag. Still, I wonder how getting a slice like that is even possible.

11. Usher in the spirit at your 4th of July party with these American flag cake pops.

Oh, yes, I had to put some cake pop stuff in since they tend to have some for every holiday. Yet, I think some of the stripes could have more white icing than drizzle. But that’s just me.

12. For your patriotic party favors, perhaps these red, white, and blue chocolate stars on sticks may suit your fancy.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tye die to some, but they'll do. I'm sure the kids will love them.

Well, they may seem like red, white, and blue tie die to some, but they’ll do. I’m sure the kids will love them.

13. If you don’t have red, white, and blue pasta for your salad, then I’m sure pepperoni, cheese, and olives will do as long as it’s in flag form.

Not sure what’s under it but I can bet there will be more types of veggies. Still, it’s hard to find a blue vegetable so olives will have to do.

14. For your 4th of July barbecue, I’m sure these red, white, and blue veggie kabobs will make a fine side dish.

Now this consists of at least red peppers and white onions. Not sure what’s supposed to represent the blue one because it looks like a block. Perhaps it’s eggplant.

15. For your 4th of July morning, there’s nothing like some fruit flag bread to start your day.

Now this consists of raspberries, banana, and blueberries. Of course, when it comes to patriotic treats, it’s easier when it comes to fruit and desserts. Not so much with other foods though.

16. Nothing brings in the patriotic spirit of your 4th of July party than these star spangled jello cups.

Now while jello is used in many desserts like these, doesn’t mean they’re for kids. So if you see jello cups like this, ask the host if they contain alcohol before your kid gets a hold of one. You’d thank me later.

17. For your 4th of July snack, you can’t go wrong with a patriotic popcorn on a stick.

Now I’ve never seen popcorn on a stick before. I’ve seen popcorn balls on Halloween and Christmas. But not that. Still, it’s patriotic because of the sprinkles and icing.

18. While burgers are a 4th of July stable, you can’t get more patriotic than an American flag bacon cheeseburger.

Now I’m sure these were created by some repressed art major. But still, I’d recommend that people stick with a regular burger, bacon cheese or not. Because this one looks like it might kill you.

19. While you might not get star burgers, you can always have star buns.

Now these buns are made from corn bread. But I bet they’d be a hit at any 4th of July barbecue that features hamburgers and hotdogs.

20. Show your love for America this 4th of July with these Rice Krispie American flags.

Also, seems like Rice Krispies tend to be used a lot for holiday treats, too. Still, you can either put them on a stick or in a dish. Pretty clever if you think about it.

21. A red, white, and blue tie dye cake will do quite nicely for your 4th of July dessert table.

And yes, the red, white, and blue run together inside the cake as well as on the icing. Quite innovative if I do say so myself.

22. For party favors, you can’t go wrong with these patriotic pretzel sticks.

Now these consist of pretzels, icing, M&Ms, and sprinkles. Seems like a really simple recipe. And I’m sure the kids will love it.

23. Grace your 4th of July dessert platter with these red velvet brownie star snacks.

Now these consist of red velvet brownies, white icing, and blueberries. And they’re made into sandwiches for good measure.

24. What’s more American than apple pie? Well, a cherry and blueberry American flag pie for the 4th of July.

Yes, I’m sure this will make a fine American entry in any American 4th of July pie contest. Well, as long as it tastes good, that is. I’m sure any patriotic American will love this.

25. Now nothing makes a better centerpiece for a 4th of July dessert platter than a cake of an American flag.

Yes, this is a cake of the American Grand Old Flag, a high flying flag, and forever in peace may it reign. Okay, I’m sorry, George M. Cohan, but I know that you weren’t really born on the 4th of July unlike Calvin Coolidge (who was kind of a shitty president during the 1920s).

26. If you don’t want to make a mess with a pie, these blueberry star tarts will do just fine.

Now these can be baked in little glass containers as long as you’re careful. So when serving them, you don’t have to make a mess. Looks like something you’d see right off of Martha Stewart.

27. Nothing makes a more patriotic side dish at a 4th of July party than an American flag taco salad.

Sure it’s not quite red, white, and blue but can anyone really name a naturally blue veggie? I can’t. Still, this is a great way for Mexican Americans to celebrate the 4th of July, not to be stereotypical here.

28. For you patriotic dessert table, you can’t go wrong with a red, white, and blue sundae treat.

Now this has red and blue jello with whipped cream. Other than that, the decorations and sequence are up to you. But it’s a sundae to me even if it doesn’t contain ice cream.

29. Show your love for the United States of America with these heart and star American flag cookies.

Now I’m sure these were made in a bakery of some sort. But still, you have to love these cookies. If not, then you’re not patriotic. Hating these cookies is very Un-American to say the least.

30. If you’re serving hamburgers at your 4th of July party, you can’t show your love of America more than with this American flag topping tray.

Now this contains sliced tomatos, provolone cheese, and some blue chips. Wonder why there are no lettuce and onions since they usually go on burgers, too.

31. For the kids at your 4th of July party, it’s best to make red, white, and blue candy rockets.

Amazing what you can do with some fruit roll ups, life savers, and a stick. Of course, this is probably one of the easiest things to make on here.

32. If an American flag cake is too much for you, you can always go with American flag and firework cupcakes.

Now whether flag and firework, you can bet they will have red, white, and blue icing on them. Ironically, I usually display cupcakes earlier in the holiday treat posts. Then again, you have a lot patriotic treats here.

33. Now when it comes to snacks, you can’t do wrong on the 4th of July with a bowl of patriotic popcorn.

Wonder how they get the sprinkles to stick to the corn kernels. It’s just a thought. Then again, it’s mostly white because it doesn’t use butter salts. But it probably has salt in it though.

34. For healthier options, celebrate the 4th of July with some red, white, and blue sushi.

Don’t tell me that they celebrate the 4th of July in Japan. Then again, this might be some Japanese American idea. Still, I like how some of the red peppers give the impression of fireworks. Also available in caviar. But please, stick with the peppers because caviar is expensive.

35. For you flag waving patriots out there, you can’t go wrong with some cookies decorated with Old Glory.

Now I’m sure putting the 50 sprinkles in the blue part wasn’t easy. Then again, these bar cookies could’ve been done by a professional baker. But they will go nice with the American flag cake.

36. What’s more American than an American flag cake? An American flag in a cake.

Now this had to be professionally done since there’s no way someone could get a flag on a cake that brilliantly. Still, as to how this process is done, I’m just as awe stricken as I’d be seeing fireworks.

37. Nothing makes a more patriotic dessert than American flag star cookies.

Now these are arranged as an American flag just to keep that in mind. Yet, it’s in such a jumbled up mess that it almost has a patriotic surrealist quality.

38. While some American flag cakes are laid flat, there are some who go with the wavy Old Glory option.

Now this was definitely done by a professional as I’ve seen in the detail. But it would make a fine centerpiece on any dessert platter in many respects.

39. What’s more patriotic than American flag star cookies. American flag star cookies with the, “Pledge of Allegiance.”

Certainly professionally done since most people really can’t write so well in icing. Also, the stripes are vertical, but then again, it’s supposed to represent the red stripes. Probably a way to save on icing.

40. Nothing makes a more American pizza than a flag one with bacon and blue corn chips.

Sure it may be a very American pizza dish. But please, all that bacon, cheese, and corn chips can’t really be good for you. This goes especially for the bacon stripes.

41. On the 4th of July there’s nothing better to show your love of country than a red, white, and blue trifle.

I see quite a few of thee but they usually contain cake, whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries. But the designs on top usually vary considerably.

42. Enjoy your chili dog on the 4th of July with this one-of-a-kind red, white, and blue bun.

Surprisingly, this was created by a Brazilian food vendor last year during the Men’s World Cup in Rio de Janiero. I’m not sure if you can get it in the states unless one person gets an idea. Still, I’m sure the vendor got a lot of stuff right about Americans in this one chili dog, which is kind of disturbing.

43. For those who have kids, patriotic children will certain love these 4th of July bear cookies.

Seems like they have their faces painted for some 4th of July sporting event. But they’re quite cute, nevertheless. Definitely a treat for children.

44. Nothing shows the patriotic spirit on the 4th of July than some Uncle Sam marshmallow and cracker hats.

Now these seem to contain Ritz crackers, marshmallows, and fruit roll-up. I’m sure decor and food coloring are involved. But these are quite adorable for any dessert platter.

45. If patriotic popcorn doesn’t cut it, you can always go with some patriotic American flag pretzels.

All these contain are waffle pretzels, red, white, and blue icing, and sprinkles. Of course, it would take a long time to decorate a whole bowl of them and then some from what I see here.

46. For those who wish to have a healthier American flag cake, you can always decorate it with fruit.

Now I’ve seen a lot of these and most of them usually have blueberries and strawberries for obvious reasons. However, blackberries and raspberries work, too,

47. Have a blast this 4th of July with these explosive firework cookies.

Now these were probably professionally done since they icing designs are so intricate. But they’ll probably make an explosively fine addition to your dessert table while people are watching fireworks.

48. Celebrate the 4th of July at your picnic with some red, white, and blue jello salad.

Uses the same dish you’d use for a trifle. Not sure what fruits are in here though. But maybe that’s the point.

49. Nothing shows your love more for the US national symbol than these bald eagle treats.

Of course, some might find the fact these only are heads a bit disconcerting. But they’re nevertheless cute. A good dessert for kids who can tolerate coconut.

50. Tired of eating your hotdog on a bun? For the 4th of July, you can use some hotdog wraps and fashion them as firecrackers.

They’re usually topped with cheese and put on a stick. Sometimes the cheese can be in a star or a triangle. And sometimes they they have cupcake wrappers under them.

51. If you want to make an explosive impression this 4th of July, these red, white, and blue star sugar cookies will certainly be a blast with your guests.

Now these couldn’t be made without the magic of food coloring. Still, this won’t stop you from stacking them as well as giving them features of star shaped firecrackers.

52. Speaking of firecracker treats, sugar covered marshmallows and licorice make great fireworks, too.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I'm certainly they're easy to make and your kids will love them.

Now these must be jammed pack with some sickeningly sweet sugar. But I’m certainly they’re easy to make and your patriotic kids will love them.

53. For those looking for a more healthy option that’s easy to make, then try these American flag fruit kabobs.

Now these usually consist of blueberries and strawberries on skewers. Sometimes there are marshmallows. Sometimes there are not.

54. Instead of buying rocket pops for the kiddies, celebrate the 4th of July with these patriotic popsicles.

Now I’m not sure what these contain. Then again, they might have fruit in them. Still, your kids will love them.

55. Nothing brings in the 4th of July spirit at a picnic more than red, white, and blue fudge stars.

Man, isn’t there anyone who doesn’t like fudge? Other than nutritionists or dietitians? Then again, best to eat one patriotic fudge star at a time.

56. When it comes to charming your guests at the 4th of July barbecue, red, white, and blue deviled eggs make the ideal appetizer.

What disappoints me about these eggs is that they most likely weren’t laid by a red, white, and blue chicken. Now that would’ve been awesome.

57. No 4th of July cupcakes can ever achieve the level of patriotic goodness than those with hotdogs on them.

Now these are so adorable and less disgusting than the real thing (despite not having as much nutritional value). Seriously, I’ll only have a hotdog whenever there’s no other option at a barbecue, especially after taking a chemistry in college.

58. Celebrate Independence Day with an appetizer of red, white, and blue watermelon and cheese stars.

I can tell that’s cheese because it’s flat. Also, they’re topped with blueberries for the blue part as toothpicks hold all the parts together.

59. What’s more American than an American flag cake? A cake of the United States of America.

Excludes, Alaska, Hawaii, as well as any US territory, commonwealth, and possession. Nevertheless, it’s covered in as much red and blue fruit as possible.

60. Nothing can make a kid so yankee doodle dandy on the 4th of July than having his or her own marshmallow pinwheel on a stick.

Of course, these seemed have marshmallow fluff and fruit roll-up in a swirl. And no, they don’t look like pinwheels. But I’m sure some people will love it.

61. Show the true patriotic spirit of American desserts with these red, white, and blue cheesecakes.

The great part of this patriotic dessert is that you don’t have to put it in the oven. Said to contain raspberry gelatin. Enjoy.

62. Get the 4th of July fireworks party started with these red, white, and blue jello shots.

Now despite containing, jello, star spangled sugar cookies, and whipped cream, these aren’t for anyone under 21. I mean jello shots contain alcohol, which means after a few you might not want to variety of tasks such as driving, making love, and singing karaoke. You have been warned.

63. For your side at the 4th of July barbecue really show your love for the stars and stripes with these patriotic biscuits.

From how I see it, images consist of “USA,” American flag heart, Uncle Sam hat, and red and blue star. There may be more though. I’m not sure where you get these or if you have to make them yourself.

64. For any star spangled 4th of July party, a red, white, and blue gelatin is the ideal patriotic dessert.

Now this is a bunt jello dessert in red, white, and blue layers. Of course, I seem to have a lot of jello dishes in my post for some reason. Maybe it’s because it’s summer.

65. For your dessert platter, show your patriotism with these pinwheel icebox cookies.

I’m sure these might be store bought from some Pillsbury package. Then again, they might’ve been homemade by rolling 3 different colors of dough together. I’m not sure if your guests will notice either way.

66. Heard of “The Star Spangled Banner?” Perhaps you can try this star spangled pizza.

Now the toppings only consist of 3 ingredients such as tomato sauce, cheese, and blue corn chips. Well, the third because you can’t really find a lot of blue foods you can put on a pizza.

67. For your 4th of July party, these patriotic fruit tarts are as healthy and American as apple pie.

Of course the two biggest ones consist of a star and an American flag. Not sure about the other 3. Then again, I’m sure they’re a hit at the dessert table.

68. For your 4th of July dinner, serve your party guests up with a plate of red, white, and blue spaghetti.

Of course, even from looking at this, I can’t really tell whether you should serve it hot or cold. But I’m certain you shouldn’t serve it with tomato sauce. That is, unless it has blue meatballs, too. But I doubt it.

69. Salute America on the 4th of July with these red, white, and blue star shots.

As with the jello shots, these contain alcohol. So therefore, they aren’t for anyone under 21. Also, they’re more often than not used in cocktail parties, by the way. Just giving you a heads up.

70. For those scrambling to find something to make for the kids, look no further than this American flag snack tray so you can have more time on your Independence Day.

Now this includes, licorice, blueberries, white chocolate covered pretzels, and popcorn. Seems to be a little light on the popcorn. Not sure why.

71. Uncle Sam wants you to serve your 4th of July guests with a fruit pizza of his hat.

Now this consists of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries at various parts. Still, seems like it was created from some repressed art major working at some job with limited creativity.

72. Treat the kiddies this 4th of July with these Uncle Sam peanut cookies.

Well, the picture calls these, “Uncle Sam Nutter Butter Cookies.” Still, even if your kid thinks Uncle Sam is the brother to Colonel Sanders, they will probably enjoy them just the same.

73. Show your 4th of July party guests your love of America with this American flag vegetable tray.

Sure it might not be as red, white, and blue as you want it to be but it’ll do. Comes with blue dill dip possibly made from cream cheese. Nevertheless, basically the only veggie try I have in this post so far.

74. For dessert, treat your 4th of July guest with a red, white, and blue tart with stars.

Now I’ve put a lot of tarts on this post. This is one of the few that seems to come in a bar and ripped off from some cookbook. Contains raspberries and blueberries.

75. For this 4th of July morning, wake up to the smell of patriotic pancakes.

Yes, these flapjacks come in red, white and blue. Perhaps to make it more patriotic, they should’ve had some blueberry and cherry syrup as well as whipped cream. Seriously, what else is the pancake station for?

76. For you patriotic pasta fans, celebrate your 4th of July with a dish of American flag lasagna.

Sure there’s no blue in it but you’d have to make do with mushrooms. Unless you want to use blue corn chips. Still, love how they have the tomato sauce and cheese stripes.

77. Celebrate your Independence Day at your party with a jello dessert of a waving Old Glory.

Now this has a red jello decorated with whipped cream and blueberries. It’s also surrounded by fruit, too.

78. Whether you love America or are a fan of the Avengers, we can all agree that a Captain America pizza is great for any 4th of July party.

Now if you want an Avengers party, you might want to include things like Thor T-Bone Steaks, Ironman enchiladas, Hulk Hotdogs, Black Widow Burgers, Nick Fury Fries, and Hawkeye potato salad. You can serve these with some Loki lemonade if you want. But yeah, Captain America’s shield does make a great design for a pizza.

79. These Captain America rice cakes will be a great patriotic treat for any All-American boy into Marvel.

Sure Captain America may not be your son’s favorite Avenger. But he’s the only one who’s supposed to be a patriotic mascot and carries a red, white and blue shield. Well, the white part might be silver, but still.

80. Bring the American spirit at your appetizer snack platter with this patriotic fruit tray.

Now this tray consists of watermelon, blueberries, and cheese. Yes, doesn’t have much of a selection but when it comes to 4th of July treats, you have to go with the red, white, and blue.

Father’s Day Gifts Your Dad Doesn’t Want

Posted by historymaniacmegan on May 19, 2015

Me with my father and sister at my sister's high school graduation in 2011.

Me with my dad and sister at my sister’s high school graduation in June of 2011.

I know Father’s Day won’t be around for another month or two but it doesn’t hurt to plan early, assuming he’s still alive and you’re on good terms with him. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to think about buying something for the father of your kids, too, assuming that you know who he is and whether he’s a man deserving of such honor. Still, fathers aren’t as prized as mothers since they their biological contributions to their children doesn’t take as much time and investment as mothers, typically don’t take much investment in raising the kid, usually stop living with their children in divorce cases, tend to commit more crimes against their families as far as official records show, and in some cases aren’t called jerks if they tend to neglect their family for their career ambitions. Furthermore, the idea of American masculinity doesn’t seem to jive well with parenting at times, especially when it comes to being more nurturing. Not to mention, fathers can be portrayed as hopeless with housework or complete idiots. Nevertheless, the kind working fathers who stay with their families should receive paid paternity leave because even though they’re not popping out babies, they certainly could use a break for everything they do. And sure, while fathers are typically seen as providers and protectors, they also need to be seen as nurturers willing to do whatever it takes to make sure their kids become well-adjusted human beings. And other than moms, dads tend to have a big influence on their children’s lives whether they like it or not. Of course, like Mother’s Day it’s also seething with commercialism but not to the same degree, save maybe with the funny card department as well as with certain stores and departments that cater toward men. Now I can go on and on about great gifts you should bestow on your dear old dad. But since it will be boring, I’ll focus on stuff that will make your pops clutch at his heart upon revelation that you’ll have to call 911 to send him to a hospital. Now I’m not talking about “World’s Greatest Dad” mugs and what not. I’m talking about stuff that’s more unusual. So without further adieu, I give you an assortment of gifts that certainly not please your old man. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

1. Handyman Tool Belt Lounge Pants

Basically this is for the dad who would like to see himself as a handyman but is too busy being a couch potato. Also, the tools are fake and these are sweatpants. Best for watching reruns of This Old House.

2. Toilet Mug

Just because your dad enjoys toilet jokes doesn’t mean he wants to drink his coffee from one in the morning. Seriously, he’d totally wouldn’t want to be seen with this.

3. BBQ Big Boy

Even if your dad is Steven Raichlen of BBQ U and Primal Grill, this would make a very terrible Father's Day gift. Unless, of course, he's a grilling enthusiast currently in a fraternity. But even then, such a Father's Day gift would be awkward but for different reasons.

Even if your dad is Steven Raichlen of BBQ U and Primal Grill (as well as possibly the manliest cook on public television), this would make a very terrible Father’s Day gift. Unless, of course, he’s a grilling enthusiast currently in a fraternity. But even then, such a Father’s Day gift would be awkward but for different reasons.

4. 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad by Jay Payleitner

From Cosmo: “Add some real bite by tabbing individual pages that illustrate his fatherly shortcomings and make sure to annotate with specific examples from your childhood.” Still, you’re much better off giving him a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and rubbing it in your face that he’ll measure up to Atticus Finch.

5. Bill Cosby Sweater

For those who know what’s been going on with Bill Cosby lately, you can see why this is no longer a great gift idea. Seriously, in this day in age what was once seen as, “loveable dad” could immediately transform into, “serial rapist” very quickly.

6. Emergency Underwear Dispenser

Now your dad has an embarrassing place to put his equally embarrassing tidy whiteys. Also, if he gets upset, you can tell him the diaper dispenser was on back order.

7. Wiener Roasters

For the dad who loves to grill and possesses no sense of taste. Seriously, I’m not sure if my dad would want to be caught dead roasting hotdogs from these.

8. Eagle Claw Portable Potty

From Farm and Fleet: “Carrying a “potty” in your pocket is not a good idea no matter how clever they think it might be!” Yes, this is basically “Go Girl” for men.

9. Waxvac Ear Cleaner

There are more polite ways of telling your father that he’s losing his hearing. And I’m sure hearing loss isn’t always caused by wax buildup.

10. RELIANCE Luggable Loo Portable Camping Toilet

From Farm and Fleet: “Could you imagine dad lugging this into a movie theater on family movie night? It doesn’t matter if the movie theater adds claim “So comfortable, you’ll feel like you’re watching a movie in the comfort of your own home”.” Of course, he could just as well use the facilities already available at any venue anyway, campground or not.

11. Borat Mankini

If it looked bad on Borat, it will certainly look terrible on your dad. To quote my dad, just say, “no way in hell,” on this one.

12. The Slim & Lift Undershirt for Men

Otherwise known as “Spanx for Dudes.” Basically, this says, “take this gift to hide your fat” to your beer bellied old man even if he’s about 6 feet tall and weighs 180 pounds. Yeah, I’m sure your dad wouldn’t appreciate this.

13. Bedbug Sleeping Cocoon

Dad infested with bedbugs? Does he lay down with dogs and ends up with fleas? For $79, your dad will be safe from re-infesting himself even if he's an ireedemable slob who slums in bug infested beds.

Dad infested with bedbugs? Does he lay down with dogs and ends up with fleas? For $79, your dad will be safe from re-infesting himself even if he’s an irredeemable slob who slums in bug infested beds.

14. Beer Belly

Before getting this ask yourself these questions: 1. Does Dad have drinking problem?, 2. Is Dad very self-conscious about his waistline?, and 3. Will people find it awkward that Dad sips from a straw out of his shirt? Then again, this is probably a pretty bad idea.

15. Beer Belt

For dads who love beer and hate getting a refill. Can hold cans or bottles. Nevertheless, should you really be encouraging your dad to drink a circumference of beer? Certainly not, especially if he might have a drinking problem.

16. Cruzin Cooler

Does your dad hate walking but love cold beverages like beer? If so, with this your dad can enjoy a beer while cruising along at up to 10 miles on electric models. Of course, this will also lead your dad embarrassing you at sporting events as well as hunting and fishing trips. However, my dad would rather have a cooler he can load up in a trunk with groceries. I’m sure he wouldn’t get much use from this since I’m positive Aldi’s wouldn’t let him in with one.

17. Beer Soap

Now these come in scents like Stout, Black Ale, Porter, and Wild Lager. Nevertheless, would you want your dad emerge from the shower smelling like he’s just come out of a bar? Think about it.

18. Chest Hair Toupee

And I thought regular head toupees are stupid. If your dad sports a hairless chest, why don’t you just encourage him to embrace it? Seriously, why does this thing even exist?

19. Denim Underwear

From Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva: “Maybe instead of the “Sex for Dummies” book you can spice up your love life with a pair of these…and why not? Men buy women lingerie all the time! Or maybe the father of your children likes to go commando in jeans. OR maybe you can’t afford a vasectomy and you’re tired of the man fathering children with you. These denim wonders are sperm killers fo’ sho!” Yeah, I’m sure those underpants would be a hit if he wore them to a gay bar, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Then again, I’m sure nobody would even want their gay dad in these.

20. TEMPTOOTH Do-It-Yourself Tooth Replacement

Just because there’s a DIY tooth replacement kit out there, doesn’t mean it’s a great gift for Father’s Day. In fact, any kit of DIY dentistry is a really bad idea. Still, Stu from The Hangover could’ve used one of these.

21. Swashbuckling BBQ Sword

Let’s face it, nobody wants to see a fencing match with BBQ implements. Seriously, sword + BBQ = potential for disaster.

22. Inflatable Unicorn Horn

To be fair, if it was stupid enough to get one for your cat, just imagine how stupid your dad will look in one of these. Still, sure to make him a hit at the retirement home.

23. The Daddle

For the dad who can give horsey rides and not give a shit about his dignity. Not appropriate for toddlers trained in the English Father Riding Method. So don’t use it for father jumping, father fox hunting, father polo, or daddy dressage.

24. Handerpants – Underpants for Your Hands

Because skidmarks aren’t just from your ass anymore. Still, underwear for your hands? I’m sure these are of the tidy whitey variety. As if tidy whiteys aren’t embarrassing enough for men to wear under their pants already.

25. Flair Hair Visors, Bandanas, and accessories

Of course, these come in a variety of different styles such as the Guy Fieri, the 1980s Lynyrd Skynyrd fan, the Biker, the Bedhead, and the Guy from Trailer Park. There are alot on their website, including one with dreadlocks (which I’m not kidding about by the way). Still, he’s probably better off without one.

26. Glam Rock Men’s Underwear

From France with just $59-$90, your dad can channel his old favorite glam rock musician by wearing what you might’ve found in David Bowie’s underwear drawer during his 1970s Ziggy Stardust phase. Yeah, I’m sure these will make any guy seem like a pinnacle of manliness (sarcasm).

27. Grill Sergeant Apron

This apron comes with room for all the grilling essentials such as grill tools, condiments, and beer cans. Because when your dad goes to grill, he needs to be prepared for anything. I’m sure this would make Steven Raichlen jealous.

28. Head Spa

Unless your dad likes head massages and looking somewhat of a human cyborg, you should probably not get him this. Seriously, this partial Robocop helmet would make him look utterly ridiculous.

29. Head and Eye Massager

With a $200 contribution to Skymall, you can help dad relax, unwind, and look like he’s ready to fight an intergalactic battle with this contraption! Of course, he’ll probably be disappointed that this isn’t a virtual reality headset and controller, especially if he’s Bill Gates.

30. Knight Sweatshirt

With just $225, this will make your dad as comfortable as he is brave as well as part of the King’s Guard. Will also make him look like an idiot at home as well as at your local Renaissance Fair or Game of Thrones convention.

31. Japanese Foam Women’s Legs Pillow

From Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva: “Does the man in your life have separation anxiety? Whenever you’re away from him does he have trouble sleeping? If you can’t be there to put him to bed each night, I’ve found the next best thing!” Yeah, but if he’s your dad, you might want to think twice about buying this.

32. Kiss Hankie

Now this is the kind of gift that might end your parents’ marriage on Father’s Day, assuming that your dad isn’t “hiking the Appalachian Trail” that weekend (I’m talking to you former governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina who spent Father’s Day with a mistress in Argentina and didn’t tell anyone).

33. Kleen Stride Shoes Personal Debris Removal System

Because if he can walk, he can clean. Comes with attachable rake and plow, which are sold separately.

34. Shittens

Want your dad to be as sanitary as possible? Then these Shittens will bring the joy of hand cleaning his ass without all the crappy contamination. Great for changing diapers.

35. The Man Can

This include everything a man needs to go soft like Fisherman’s Hand Butter, Fisherman’s Scrub Soap, Spicy Shave Gel, Bay Rum After Shower Oil, and a body mitt. I mean a bath set is what you give your mom when you don’t know what else to buy her, so why not get one for your dad? Yeah, I’m sure he’ll really take to that (sarcasm).

36. Meggings

Leggings tend to walk a fine line between tights and pants, so why should women be the ones pushing boundaries of appropriate apparel? Great for hipster dads or any father who doesn’t give a flying fashion statement. Still, gives him the opportunity to channel male icons like David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, George Michael, Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson, and Elton John.

37. Play Mat Tee Shirt for Men

For $22, this shirt gives dad a back rub as well as fosters a bond between him and his children. Hope the kiddies aren’t playing with Legos, though.

38. Shakoolie

Showering can really get in the way of enjoying a cold beer. But with this shower beer holder, it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Of course, let’s hope that soapy water doesn’t get in the beer though.

39. Reef Men’s Fanning Sandal

These sandals have a hidden bottle opener in the middle of the sole. So if you want to see your dad open a bottle with his shoe, you shouldn’t get this. Seriously, that’s gross.

40. Shouting Vase

For $66, you ill tempered dad can take out all his anger and frustrations while unintentionally entertaining your friends. Let’s hope they have these in toddler size.

41. World’s Greatest Dad Darth Vader T-Shirt

So this means that being a great dad basically means locking up your daughter for termination, blowing up her planet, freezing her boyfriend in carbonite for Jabba the Hutt via Boba Fett, cutting off your son’s hand, and asking him to join the family business or face death? I’m sorry, but if you think that Darth Vader is the World’s Greatest dad, your attitude toward parenting must squarely fall on the Dark Side.

42. A trip to Paradise Valley.

Now I’m sure that the guys at Paradise Valley said, “Dad” in the context of “father of your children” such as wives wanting to give their husbands something while somebody watching the kiddies. However, this ad really has a real creepy incest subtext that might remind you of either Greek tragedies or Game of Thrones. A perfect Father’s Day gift for Noah Cross.

43. A 3-Wheeled Riding Mower

Now this is the kind of gift that will basically telling Dad that the grass needs cut and he should really lose a few. Let’s just say, my dad is more likely to stick to his Cub Cadet.

44. Man Candles

These are scented candles for men that come in aromas like bacon,pizza, popcorn, sawdust, and farts. Still, even if my dad likes those smells, he’d hate this gift simple because he hates candles in general. They give him migraines.

45. Gold Man Home Urinal

From Huffington Post: “This product is supposed to prevent messy toilet seats, but you still have to wash it (which it recommends you do using the shower). Wouldn’t it be easier to just clean the regular toilet, or even pee in the shower? Yes. Yes it would.”

46. Potty Putter Golf Green

So this basically lets your dad practicing his hole in one while he’s doing a no. 2. Now walking in on your dad in the bathroom has just become a whole lot more awkward.

47. Mantyhose

If you thought Meggings were silly enough, you have Mantyhose, which are pantyhose for men. Of course, before these, Lord knows what kind of stockings transvestites used.

48. UroClub – Golf Club Urination Device

From Huffington Post: “We get that there are no bathrooms on a golf course, so relieving yourself can be a little complicated. But this? It’s a urine receptacle shaped like a golf club, complete with a “privacy shield” towel that’s really an unconvincing loin cloth. All of a sudden peeing behind a bush seems so much more sophisticated.”

49. Men’s Underwear Repair Kit

With this your dad won’t have to worry about wearing out his underwear again. You know what’s cheaper way to handle worn out underwear? Buying him a new pack of underwear.

50. Spray – On Hair

Dad worried about his growing bald spot? This spray on hair will do the trick. Spray it on and no one will know (yeah right). Nevertheless, this guy isn’t fooling anybody.

51. Men’s Brassiere

You know you’ve heard of this as either a “bro” or a “mansiere” from Seinfeld. Well, thanks to the Japanese, you can totally get one for your dad. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Yeah, I’m not sure what the Japanese are on to come up with such products. Also, comes in pink.

52. Que Eau de Barbecue

Just because you love your dad and baby back ribs, doesn’t mean you should buy him barbecue scented cologne. I mean why would you want cologne that smells like you’ve just came from the grill? Seriously, who comes up with this shit?

53. Finger Nose Hair Trimmer

Now nose hair trimmers make horrible gifts for Father’s Day. But this one’s shaped like a finger which makes it even more disgusting. Yeah, I’m sure your dad will certainly appreciate this (not).

54. Laser Portrait Paperweight

Sure this might seem like a good idea at the time. But blasting a creepy laser portrait of yourself into a glass paperweight just adds insult to injury.

55. Breathalyzer Keychain

I’m sure giving your dad a breathalyzer keychain is a very subtle way to tell him that he has a drinking problem. Perhaps if your considering giving your dad this, it’s probably time for an intervention.

56. IGrow Laser Helmet

This is supposed to be a helmet that increases hair growth by shooting laser beams through the scalp and costs $695. Not sure if it works, but it will surely make your dad look ridiculous when he’s wearing it. Yeah, $695 is totally not worth it.

57. Leggy End Table

Good: Would make a fine addition for the Christmas Story Leg Lamp you bought him for Christmas.
Bad: Makes a very inappropriate living room decoration.

58. Tattoupees

Snazz up your dad’s chrome dome with an assortment of head tattoos. That will help him embrace his baldness.

59. Upright Sleeper

Dad always nodding off? Always waking up finding himself on a stranger’s shoulder or face down on the floor? Well, this Upright Sleeper is totally not the awkward way to sleep on the go (sarcasm).

60. Wearable Sleeping Bag

Want your dad to lay down whenever possible? Well, this will make him sleep like a baby, no matter where he is. Of course, it’ll also make him look utterly ridiculous in public. Yeah, you might have some explaining to do.

Get in the Fiesta Spirit with These Treats of Cinco de Mayo

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 30, 2015

Now as a Caucasian American in Pennsylvania, I don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo (though I did take Spanish in high school and college). But since most Hispanic Americans are Mexican and we have a lot of Hispanics in this country, I can’t really avoid doing a treat post on it. Contrary to popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not the Mexican equivalent to the 4th of July. Rather it’s more like Mexican Saint Patrick’s Day, which is celebrated by Mexican Americans as a day of pride for their ethnic heritage. But instead of pertaining to religious connotations, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the anniversary of a famous Mexican battle in which their forces defeated the French on May 5, 1862. Of course, it didn’t stop the French from taking over Mexico and installing an Austrian prince as a puppet ruler under the title, “Emperor of Mexico.” But the Mexicans later fight back to regain their independence, have the Mexican puppet emperor killed, which would later drive his wife crazy (and being a sister of Belgium’s King Leopold II certainly didn’t help). Nevertheless, many people in the American Southwest who aren’t Mexican tend to celebrate this holiday as an excuse to party and to go wasting away again in Margaritaville. Still, it tends to be celebrated in places like Canada, the Caribbean, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, France, and Japan. Again, don’t ask me why. So for your Cinco de Mayo party, here are some ideas for treats for your reading pleasure.

1. No Cinco de Mayo fiesta is complete without pinata cookies with M&Ms in store.

Of course, how they keep the M&Ms in there without melting, I don’t know. Then again, some must have. Still, you have to break them open.

2. Nothing celebrates one’s Mexican heritage more than a Rice Krispie treat of the Mexican flag.

Of course, I can’t do a post on treats for occasions without having a few made from Rice Krispies. They’re just pretty unavoidable.

3. Top off your Cinco de Mayo festivities with the ultimate smash pinata cake.

Of course, you wouldn’t be able to get away with these kinds of cakes during the Cinco de Mayo festivities at the penitentiary. Especially if the authorities will suspect that something’s in them.

4. Since you’ll probably have tacos during the Cinco de Mayo fiesta, may I suggest these would make a perfect dessert.

Now these are taco cookies, which most likely contain peanut butter, icing, and sprinkles. Well, as far as I can see. Still, at one angle, it’s easy to mistake them for the real thing.

5. You couldn’t ask for a better Cinco de Mayo treat than pretzel candies of Saguaro Cacti.

Unlike real cacti, these candies won’t make you bleed when you touch them. But they won’t help you survive if you’re stuck in the desert.

6. Nothing shows off Mexican pride more than a sandwich of the Mexican flag.

Well, it had stuff sticking out of it so I guess it’s a sandwich. Also, it’s on a plate. Nevertheless, it’s covered with guacamole, cream cheese, refried beans, and salsa.

7. Por los ninos, you can’t go wrong with these Mexican sombrero guys cake pops.

Of course, don’t use them to imitate the banditos from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, especially in front of your Mexican friends. Then again, when it gets to that point, you’d probably been drinking too many Margaritas anyway.

8. To go with the Mexican flag Rice Krispie treats, a Rice Krispie sombrero will do.

As if you can’t come up with more ideas for Rice Krispies, there comes a sombrero made of these. It’s like Rice Krispies are the cooking medium for the repressed art majors.

9. Nothing makes a Cinco de Mayo fiesta than topping it off with a sombrero cake.

Now this is an intricate cake probably made at a bakery. But it’ll do nicely. Still, I wonder if they use the same shape for a Pilgrim hat around Thanksgiving.

10. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with these Frida Kahlo cake pops.

Yes, she had a mustache. But compared to her husband Diego Rivera, she looked like a supermodel. And she was his 3rd wife. But the story of this couple is another matter altogether.

11. Nothing celebrates Mexican heritage than a cake containing everything we associate Mexico with.

Then again, everything on this cake you can associate with the American Southwest. Except that you take the sombrero and serape and replace it with cowboy stuff. Then again, you don’t see a Margarita glass.

12. To go with your Cinco de Mayo cakes, here are some Cinco de Mayo cookies.

Now these cookies are of May 5th, pinatas, Mesoamerican temple art, cacti, maracas, chili peppers, limes, Our Lady of Guadelupe, and Corona. And I identified all that without consulting Wikipedia.

13. For your sombrero cake, these sombrero cupcakes will go well perfectly.

Either these are sombreros or they are the kind of Mexicanized version of the hat you’d see the one guy wear in Curious George. But at least they’re chocolate as far as I’m concerned.

14. Bring some spice into your life this Cinco de Mayo with these nacho bowl cupcakes.

Now they almost resemble the real thing until you get a closer look. The nachos are cookies while the cheese is icing, the salsa is jelly, and jalapenos are candy.

15. I’m sure the little ninos in your life will love these Cinco de Mayo kitties in sombreros.

Yes, they may be made from cookies, candy, and marshmallows. But even I have to admit that they’re so adorable.

16. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a Mexican flag dip tray, as far as I know.

Well, this consists of guacamole, sour cream, and tomato. Probably should’ve went with salsa but hey, I didn’t come up with the recipe.

17. To give your Cinco de Mayo fiesta an extra spike, go with this cactus cake.

Unlike real cacti, this won’t actually hurt anyone nor will it keep you from dying of dehydration. But it does have a pretty flower.

18. To dance the night away, you can’t go wrong with these edible maracas.

Unfortunately, they’re filled with Nerd candies which don’t taste very good. May I suggest M&Ms instead?

19. For your hungry ninos, these sombrero candies make great party favors.

Now this is topped with gum drops. But I’m not sure about what kind of sheet you’d need for the brim part though. Still, pretty cute if I do say so myself.

20. So if you’re having tacos for dinner on Cinco de Mayo, why not have them for dessert, too?

Now these consists of a chocolate covered waffle cone taco shell with ice cream, chocolate syrup, and M&Ms. All in all, this is a a taco sundae all smothered in chocolate. Yum!

21. I’m sure your little ninos will have fun with these chili pepper treats on a stick.

Now these are adorable, especially the one with the little sombrero. Still, I’m sure they aren’t made of peppers though. But I like them anyway.

22. Don’t like Margaritas, then fill Margarita glasses with candy and cupcakes.

Now that I think about it, I kind of like these Margaritas better than the real thing. Of course, I’d fill them with peanut M&Ms though.

23. Seems like your little muchachos will love these Mexican man cookie sandwiches on sticks.

Of course, remind them that they can’t use these to act out derogatory Mexican stereotypes as one may see from Treasure of the Sierra Madre. That, or the Frito Bandito.

24. For your nino’s Cinco de Mayo dinner, you might want to go with this tortilla sandwich.

Now this has tortilla with fried rice, carrots, beans and sour cream. Nevertheless, it’s a better looking specimen than anything I would do in art class.

25. For a real fiesta, these sombrero cookies will work wonders for Cinco de Mayo.

Yes, these are cookies. And yes, the mound is covered in layers of multicolored icing. Still, they’re a sight to behold. Bet they taste delicious.

26. Go for a cold one this Cinco de Mayo with these Mexican flag popsicles.

Of course, if you have some left over, you can always save them for celebrating one’s Italian heritage by passing off as Italian flag popsicles. Works much easier that way.

27. These cacti cupcakes will have your fiesta guests prickly for more.

Sure they may seem spikey but they won’t hurt you except when it comes to possibly putting you at risk for diabetes. Nevertheless, at least they’re chocolate.

28. Make your Cinco de Mayo fiesta complete with this Mexican flag veggie tray.

Now these consist of pea pods, red peppers, cheese sticks, and cherry tomatoes. So it’s not quite like a veggie tray but close.

29. Bring the fiesta spirit to your Cinco de Mayo party with these Margarita cake pops.

Let’s hope they have a chocolate filling and aren’t too salty. Then again, I could be wrong here. But I wonder if they’re for people under 21.

30. I’m sure these Mexican flag jalapeno peppers will make your Cinco de Mayo fiesta a certified hit.

Well, they may be covered in icing and sugar. But at least they have some nutritional value compared to other treats on this post.

31. Nothing makes your Cinco de Mayo fiesta memorable than these cupcakes of all things Mexico.

These consist of sombreros, serape,s and the Mexican flag. But they all seem intricately decorated with layers of icing.

32. These beautiful fiesta dress cupcakes will make your fiesta a sight to behold.

Not sure about the pattern for these dresses. But they're nevertheless so beautiful that you'd wonder whether to eat them.

Not sure about the pattern for these dresses. But they’re nevertheless so beautiful that you’d wonder whether it would be right to eat them.

33. Of course, you can’t have a Cinco de Mayo fiesta without these Mexican sun cookies.

Now these seem to be well above my artistic talents. Yet, the are nevertheless beautiful. They also have, “ole” written in a way that resembles a face.

34. Your Cinco de Mayo fiesta won’t get into the true spirit of Mexico unless it has a cake like its flag.

Now I’m sure you can’t eat the decal of the eagle with the snake. Yet, it very much gets into the Mexican spirit indeed.

35. If you can have tacos during meals, why not on cupcakes?

Now these are made from cookies, candies, and icing to put them together. But the cupcakes themselves are vanilla.

36. If you can eat tacos for dinner and lunch, you can have them for breakfast.

Now these are fruit tacos that contain almost any fruit you can think of. But they probably have more nutritional value than anything you’d find at Taco Bell.

37. Seems like these taco cookies can’t wait to be eaten.

Yes, they are smiling. Yes, they are taco cookies. And yes, they are adorable. Need I say more.

38. I’m sure these pinata cookies are just waiting to be broken. But good luck with getting candy out of them.

Now these are simply adorable that even their noses are smiley faces. Of course, it’s kind of weird but what the hell.

39. M&Ms are certainly great when it comes to decorating maraca cookies.

And I hope they have M&Ms inside them, too. Or I will be very angry if I don’t see them after breaking one open.

40. You heard about Margaritas. Now here’s some Margarita cupcakes.

Sure they may be bigger than regular cupcakes since you put them in Margarita glasses. Yet, the fact these aren’t chocolate is kind of disappointing to say the least.

41. Now these cupcakes are supposed to be of nachos in guacamole.

I’m sure the guacamole is made from green icing and sprinkles. And the pot is made from chocolate cake. But these look delicious.

42. On Cinco de Mayo, some cookies may be of basic Mexican concepts. Others can be quite intricate to say the least.

Now these are certainly beyond my level of artistry which is pretty low to begin with. Nevertheless, they are incredibly beautiful and probably decorated by repressed art majors.

43. Celebrate your Cinco de Mayo with these pinata cupcakes.

Now these may be covered with icing and not have anything in them. But they’re adorable. And they’re chocolate, too.

44. Nothing says Cinco de Mayo than these meringue cacti cookies.

Yes, these are saguaro cacti with flowers on them. But they won’t make you bleed when you touch them or rehydrate you in the desert.

45. Get in the Mexican spirit of Cinco de Mayo with these pinata jello shots.

Of course, a word of caution here. Just because they’re jello and in bright colors, doesn’t mean they’re for kids. In fact, they may contain alcohol, which means they aren’t suitable for anyone under 21.

46. Who says you need ice cream to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with cones?

Now these are cupcakes that contain yellow cake with rice cakes and ice cream cones. But they’re nevertheless cute by any means.

47. Make your Cinco de Mayo memorable with this cactus Rice Krispie treat on a stick.

It may not be as much help to you in the desert. But it’s so cute by any means. Also, I love its little sombrero hat.

48. Have your little ninos wake up this Cinco de Mayo to this pancake maracas hombre in his sombrero.

Most of this consists of pancakes and bacon, especially his bacon mustache. But it’s still quite adorable.

49. Taco cupcakes? How about taco cookies?

For once, I’d almost mistake these for the real thing due to how they photographed this. But these would go great with topping any cupcakes since they consist of cookie, sprinkles, and icing.

50. For those who don’t like taco cookies, try some tostada cookies instead.

As far as I know, the main difference between a tostada and a taco is that you eat one of them with a fork. Still, quite impressive if I do say so myself.

Mother’s Day Gifts Your Mom Doesn’t Want

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 17, 2015

Me and my mom at Saint Vincent during my feshman orientation in August of 2008.

Me and my mom at Saint Vincent College during my freshman orientation in August of 2008.

I know this is a little early but since Mother’s Day is on the second Sunday in May, it wouldn’t hurt for you to think about what to give your mother, assuming that she’s still alive and you’re on good terms with her. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to think about buying something for the mother of your kids, too. For many people, their mothers are usually the primary parents of their lives for a variety of reasons such as a 9 month gestation period, traditional gender roles, and how mothers usually tend to have child custody in a divorce case. But while bad mothers have existed, we have celebrated motherhood throughout the ages as well as great mothers. Still, if there is an argument for equal pay for women, paid maternity leave, universal healthcare, unionism, affordable childcare, or other social action in the US it’s because millions of American working moms provide for their families every day and the best this government can do is give them the support and respect they deserve. Besides, you won’t just find mothers doing housework but also working out in the world at almost every rung of the economic ladder. So it was basically a no brainer for some woman to come up with Mother’s Day, which she later regretted since it became conveniently engulfed with commercialism. Now I can go on and on about great Mother’s Day gift ideas like flowers, chocolates, or a new hat, but I think you’d find it boring and won’t read my post. Instead, I’ll focus on products that would make any mother gasp in horror. Now I’m not talking about the conventional homemade coupons but perhaps some of the more unusual. So without further adieu, here the many gifts that won’t please your mother. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

1. Waistband Stretcher

Sure it might make her feel comfortable in her jeans. But do you really want to ruin her self-image? Seriously, it’s like telling your mother, “You’re fat” as she uncovers the gift wrapping.

2. Botox Gift Certificate

Because there’s no better way to tell your mom she’s seen better days and that crow’s feet aren’t a sign of graceful aging and wisdom. The kind of gift that would make any Wicked Queen want to kill Snow White.

3. Happy Man Bottle Stopper

Oh, my God, since when does this make an appropriate Mother’s Day gift? Seems more like the kind of present you’d want to give your college frat boy brother.

4. Broom and Dustpan Slippers

Okay, this is actually pretty awesome. But does it make an appropriate Mother’s Day gift? Sure it’s a pain to have to duck down and clean up with a real broom and dustpan. But do you really want your mother’s feet to look that ridiculous?

5. The Cuchini

This is something for women to put in their underwear if they have camel toe. Seriously, this is a terrible gift for any woman, let alone a mom. I mean just give her clothes that are looser around the crotch.

6. Carpet Slippers

You might want the carpet to match the drapes. However, I’m not sure if you want your flip flops match the rug or be made from the rug. Might be quite convenient if you need to fetch the mail or take the dog out.

7. Chinchilla Apron

Yes, it’s fake. But just because it’s an apron, doesn’t mean it belongs in the kitchen or anywhere else. Seriously, we’re not in the Stone Age.

8. Assorted Chocolate Crocheted Satchels

I suppose this is the best way to tell Mom, “Hey Mom, I know you love to eat chocolate, but maybe you should just look at it instead. Oh, but don’t worry, it smells like the real thing! Enjoy!” Word of advice, spend your $25 on something she’d actually want like real chocolate!

9. Roach Slippers

For one, my house doesn’t get roaches so my mother wouldn’t use it anyway. Second, wouldn’t it be better to save Mom the trouble by just hiring an exterminator? Seriously, why?

10. Emergency Bra

Is your town polluted as hell? Are you living in a combat zone? Do you think buying your mother bra is appropriate for Mother's Day? If no, then why the hell buy one? Also, if yes, to third question and a man, you might need to see a psychiatrist.

Ask yourself these questions: Is your town polluted as hell? Are you living in a combat zone? Do you think buying your mother bra is appropriate for Mother’s Day? If no, then why the hell buy one? Also, if yes, to third question and a man, you might need to see a psychiatrist.

11. Weight Watchers Gift Certificate

Let’s just say even if the women in your life are having weight problems, weight loss related merchandise is a terrible idea for any occasion. You really don’t want to call your mom fat on Mother’s Day.

12. Rejuvenique Face Mask

This is a facial toning mask which is supposed to tighten facial muscles through electric shocks. However, I'd rather recommend this as a Mother's Day gift for the self-conscious female serial killer.

This is a facial toning mask which is supposed to tighten facial muscles through electric shocks. However, I’d recommend this as a Mother’s Day gift for the self-conscious female serial killer. Pamela Voorhees and Mrs. Bates will absolutely love this!

13. Face Slimmer Duck Mask

Mother’s Day gifts shouldn’t pertain that Mom needs to slim down fat face even if she has a double chin and Venus rings. In fact, maybe we shouldn’t give any face silimming contraptions to anyone, especially since it makes you look like you’ve had Botox injections on your lips!

14. Houreisen Face Exercise Mask

Basically nothing says Mother’s Day like giving your mom a face stretching mask that makes her look like a Mexican wrestler. Seriously, I swear that Sister Incarnacion wore one just like it in Nacho Libre 2.

15. Facial Flex

Now here’s a way for Mom to flex her facial muscles to lift up her droopy skin without plastic surgery. Of course, this probably doesn’t work and will make her look like a complete idiot.

16. The Fat Magnet

It’s supposed to remove unwanted fat from food. Still, not only is this a covertly insulting gift to Mom, but there’s no way it actually works. If it did, I wouldn’t come across it in the gift guides of Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. Seriously, there are better things to spend $20.

17. Food Dress

I’m sorry but a salad dress is still a salad. Besides, unless you’re Lady Tottington, I don’t see how such fruit and veggie dresses would be appealing to any woman, let alone moms.

18. Fancy, Fringy Daisy Dukes

For one, these aren’t great to walk in since the fringes might get caught in something. Second, being unable to wear short shorts is not the end of the world. Third, those aren’t even in style and look ridiculous.

19. Glitter Shitter

When your mother says she wants a sparkling toilet seat, I’m sure she didn’t mean this, unless she’s Lady Gaga. Seriously, nobody wants to crap in a commode that seems straight out of Elton John’s disco era bathroom. Besides, toilet seats make terrible gifts anyway.

20. Go Girl!

This is a female (travel) urinal device for when she has to pee in the outskirts of civilization and there’s no bush in sight. Just place it under your shorts and hoo-ha and pee away. Still, better have your mom pee in peace and quiet, perhaps with a funnel. Or just give her a carry-on flushing toilet.

21. Gold Poop Pills

If sparkly toilet seats aren’t bad enough, we have to make our poop sparkle, too. Seriously, do any women want to see their own excrement glittering in the toilet bowl? Of course not! We want to see it flushed down into the septic system to the water treatment plant. A massive waste of $435 better spent on jewelry.

22. Hug-E-Gram

The kind of Mother’s Day gift that says the Sunday bowling tournament is more important to you than seeing her in person on her special day. Seriously, if you can drive to her house and aren’t working, why not you just ditch the bowling tournament and just see her in person, you insensitive jerk?

23. Hana Tsun Nose Straightener

If Adrien Brody can live with his long crooked nose and still have a career and attract a following of fangirls, then I don't see why anybody should need this. Seriously, your mom's nose is probably fine the way it is.

If Adrien Brody can live with his long crooked nose and still have a career as a leading man and attract a following of fangirls, then I don’t see why anybody needs this. Seriously, your mom’s nose is probably fine the way it is.

24. Cooking for the Clueless DVD

Okay, even if your mom is a lousy cook who can use a few lessons, Mother’s Day isn’t the time of year to bring that up.

25. Hand Dipped Roses

Instead of dumping $800 on this floral thing, you’re probably better off with giving her a bouquet of fresh flowers, jewelry, or both. Seriously, she’d appreciate it more and it’s a better option for your wallet.

26. Parenting Manual

Basically giving your mom a book on parenting for Mother’s Day is like giving Robinson Crusoe a book on how to survive on a deserted island. This is especially insulting if she’s a grandmother.

27. Twilight Edward Cullen Pillow

Seriously, why get your mom a cuddly pillow of a 107 year old vampire who goes after high school girls? I mean Edward Cullen is a stalking, controlling, and predatory creep who should have a restraining order against him. Not his likeness on a body pillow.

28. Wine Holder Necklace

Some women love wine. Some women love jewelry. Some women love both. However, combine wine with jewelry into this with the potential to make a mess of wine and broken glass, that’s absurd.

29. Muscle Tights

Okay, maybe these tights are making this woman look too exposed. Seriously, put some skin over them. Also, these look utterly disgusting and more suited for live models in anatomy classes.

30. Picnic Pants

Sure your mom may be too busy to go on a picnic, but that doesn’t mean she’s desperate enough to risk looking ridiculous. Comes with a cup holder on a pant leg. Resembles a cross between denim harem pants and a tent.

31. Predator Claw Rings

Sure they may make your mom look sharp, but perhaps you should hold on to your $1800 and give her a gifts certificate for a manicure at the spa instead. She’d probably appreciate that way more.

32. Private Laptop Viewer

When your mom said that she wanted some private time to look on her laptop, this was probably not what she was talking about. Seriously, looks like she’s been swallowed by a giant sock.

33. Razorbra Back Shaver

Now I’m familiar with men having back hair, but I’m not sure if women do or not. If so, it’s hardly an issue. Seriously, it’s barely noticeable in photos, well, compared to men’s at least.

34. Frownies

I’m sure these Botox band-aids will retrain her facial muscles and restore lost youthful beauty without surgery, lotions, or exercises. Either that, or make her look like an idiot with cut out band-aids on her face.

35. Suction-Powered Lip Plumper

Now your mother can get luscious, plump, bee stung lips with this device that works by using technology of bicycle pumps or weird sounding flutes from bad cartoons. Seriously, why the hell does this even exist?

36. Cleavage Pillow

This Intima cleavage pillow provides a soft place for your mom’s cleavage and helps treat the little known problem of cleavage wrinkles. Yeah, I didn’t know about cleavage wrinkles either.

37. Aerator Sandals

These spiked sandals will open up the soil wherever she walks in the yard. If she prefers walking along dark alleys at night, they can be used as weapons.

38. High Heel Wine Bottle Holder

I’m sure this would be the perfect Mother’s Day gift for the alcoholic mom with a poor taste in interior decorating. Seriously, that thing is utterly hideous.

39. Trenchcoat Night Shirt

When it comes to sexiness, this is about as alluring as a man in a T-shirt tuxedo top. Also, this is not at all an appropriate gift for your mom on Mother’s Day. Seriously, why?

40. “Won’t It Be Fun If It’s Pink?” Kitchen Appliances

While my mom is perfectly okay with having a knife in cutting board. If I gave her a knife and cutting board set that resembled something from the Barbie Kitchen Collection, it wouldn’t go over well.

41. Bare Lifts Breast Support

Now many mom’s may have sagging boobies and may wish to have them perk up once in awhile. However, a gift like this on Mother’s Day is a very bad idea.

42. Fix a Flop Repair Kit

Hey, look, flip flops are basically a dime a dozen so it’s not like you need to have them repaired unless you’re Tom Hanks in Castaway. Seriously, if your flip flops break, do what Mom does, get a new pair of flip flops.

43. Solar Mooning Gnome

I’m sure your mom would want nothing more at night than seeing a saggy, bare, glow-in-the dark gnome ass in her flower garden. Yeah right.

44. Wine Bottle Wine Glass

Now this is the perfect Mother’s Day gift for alcoholics. However, just because your mother is a bit too much into wine doesn’t mean you should give her one of these. Seriously, it might make you a codependent in some cases.

45. Squat Strap

For the outdoorsy mom who hates having to squat in the woods, this offers valuable support for answering the call of nature. Sure there may other uses for it other than taking a shit in the woods but that’s not what you imagine Mom doing is it?

46. Crazy Cat Lady Game

Think of it as a game capturing all the fun of collecting herds of diseased feral cats without having to deal with cleaning up urine or being arrested by animal control. Yeah, I’m sure it’s fun for all ages.

47. Super Kegel Exerciser

This is supposed to be an exercise contraption for pelvic muscles. Said to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure while toning her thighs, ass, lower abs. Also, said to help with urine incontinence. However, I’d sure as hell not want to be known for buying that doohickey for my mother.

48. Ouch Cutting Board

A cutting board for the mother who loves to cook, take part in voodoo ceremonies, and wanting to settle scores with the people who wronged you without being arrested.

49. Play Doh Perfume

Yes, give your mother the kind of gift that brings her back to the days when she used to get bits of this substance from out of the carpet. Not something she wants to remember.

50. Chocolate Jesus

For the Catholic mom on Mother's Day, would I recommend this chocolate crucifix? No way in Hell. However, as a Catholic, I wouldn't really say no to chocolate, no matter the kind of sacrilegious shape it may take.

For the Catholic mom on Mother’s Day, would I recommend this chocolate crucifix? No way in Hell. However, as a Catholic, I wouldn’t say no to chocolate, regardless of sacrilegious shape.

51. Slipper Genie

I’m sure when your mom asked for slippers on Mother’s Day, she asked for ones she can ask and kick back in. Not ones she can clean the floor with. Give her mop for that instead.

52. Steve Buscemi Dress

Face it, even if your mother is a diehard Steve Buscemi fan, I'm sure she would dread if she received a dress like this. I think you're better off with giving her a boxed DVD set of Boardwalk Empire instead.

Face it, even if your mother is a diehard Steve Buscemi fan, I’m sure she would dread if she received a dress like this. I’m sure it makes such a sexy model look very unsexy indeed with having Steve Buscemi on her chest. I think you’re better off with giving her a boxed DVD set of Boardwalk Empire instead. A DVD of Fargo is a good choice, too.

53. Portable Speaker Shoes

Sure your mom may like music and shoes. But I’m not sure if she’d want to have her music blasting at the feet of her soles. May I suggest that Billy Joel’s “Stiletto” would make a very appropriate soundtrack for these.

54. Measuring Tape Belt

Now this is a perfect Mother’s Day gift that would give mom a way to pull her pants up as well as heighten her waistline insecurities at the same time. Yeah, you’d probably want to pass on this one, even if your mom has weight problems.

55. Subtle Butt Gas Filters

I'm sure there is a time and place to remind your mother that she has a problem with flatuence. However, Mother's Day isn't one of those times.

I’m sure there is a time and place to remind your mother that she has a problem with flatulence. However, Mother’s Day isn’t one of those times.

56. Tissue Box Photo Cover

Moms may like photos of their kids. But sometimes just because you can stick a photo on something, doesn’t mean you should. Please, drop the creepy keepsakes ideas and go with a traditional frame.

57. Uterus Flowers

If your mom isn’t one of those New Age hippie types who thinks consuming animal products is murder, then I wouldn’t recommend this as a Mother’s Day gift. Seriously, avoid such flower arrangements like the plague.

58. Wake-N-Bacon Alarm Clock

There may be plenty of mothers who want to wake up to the smell of bacon in bed. But I’m not sure if this is just right for Mother’s Day.

59. Wearable Luggage

These ponchos may carry 33lbs but there’s no room for pride, shame, or positive reputation. Also, gives the term, “bag lady” a whole new meaning. For Mother’s Day, you might want to stick with a purse instead.

60. Burt Reynolds Tea Towel

I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want to use the 1970s Burt Reynolds centerfold when she hosts her next tea party. Seriously, this is a Mother’s Day gift in poor taste.

Strange Easter Traditions Around the World

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 16, 2015

As with Christmas, Easter is celebrated around the world as well since it’s also a religious holiday. So while some countries celebrate Easter, others may not even among Christians who might consider it too pagan like the Quakers, Puritans, and Jehovah Witnesses. Now also like Christmas, no two countries celebrate Easter the same way possibly due to seasonal patterns, old traditions, and other factors. And sometimes with American eyes, many of these traditions may seem strange. Not to mention, Easter didn’t really become a mainstream secular holiday until recently but students don’t get as many days off. Nevertheless, here are some of the strange Easter traditions you may see from around the world.

1. Czech Republic and Slovakia

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it’s said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

If you’re a woman living in either of these countries, expect to be chased around by men hitting with handmade whips this Easter Monday. Of course, those who aren’t into BDSM shouldn’t be disappointed because they’re not intended to be painful. It’s also believed that whipping women on Easter is supposed to make them more healthy and beautiful.

2. Finland

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it’s just their tradition.

It’s a popular superstition in Finland that all Finnish witches fly down to Germany to party with the devil on Easter. This has given rise to the tradition of children dressing up as witches with broomsticks hanging around their necks and wander around door to door to ask for treats. They also lit bonfires to keep satanic forces away that supposedly roam around this day. So Easter in Finland is kind of like Halloween. In Sweden, little girls take part in this tradition on April 30th known as Walburgis night as well as in Denmark where the children give out willow branches in exchange for candy. Another Easter tradition in Finland is watching grass grow to signify the start of spring. Once mature, children would decorate it with painted eggs and paper bunnies.

3. Russia

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it’s believe Satan can’t transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

Instead of chocolate bunnies, Russians usually dig into a large piece of butter that’s in the shape of a lamb. This tradition is based on the religious idea that lambs are lucky since they’re the only animals whose form Satan couldn’t take.

4. Papua New Guinea

In this tropical country, you will find trees outside churches decorated with sticks of tobacco and cigarettes in the days leading to Easter. After the Easter Sunday church services, smokes are handed out and everyone lights up.

5. France

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world’s largest omelet.

On Easter Monday, people in the town of Haux gather together taking all the eggs from their houses and bringing them to the town square. There, they put their eggs in a massive pan used to cook a giant omelet that could feed 1,000 people and contains over 4,500 eggs.

6. New Zealand

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it’s rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has the cute, furry, Easter Bunny, if there’s a place Peter Cottontail should avoid this Easter, New Zealand would be it. And it’s not because of Orcs. Because on Easter, New Zealanders go out to hunt rabbits with a prize of $NZ 3,500 to who kills the most bunnies. Every year as many 20,000 rabbits are killed in this country.

7. Poland

One Easter Sunday, men aren’t allowed to cook or even stand in the kitchen or else his mustache will go gray and the Easter bread dough will fail to rise. They also believe that swallowing a willow catkin from a branch consecrated by a priest would bring health.

As for processions on Good Friday, Polish miners don ceremonial uniforms and at the Wieliczka Salt Mine where they perform the Underground Way of the Holy Cross. They march to an underground salt monument of Pope John Paul II in the underground Kinga Chapel, a place he once visited.

8. Hungary

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

On Easter, women dress in traditional garb for Sunday Mass while men jump out and pour buckets of water at them as part of a “purifying ritual.”

9. Australia

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

While the US has the Easter Bunny, Australia has the Easter Bilby bringing the eggs. One of the reasons behind this change is to create awareness of the bilby which is an endangered species. Also, there’s a strong dislike for bunnies which are considered pests that destroy crops.

10. Colombia

For their Easter dinner, instead of eggs and chocolate, the Colombians dine on iguana, turtles, and big rodents.

11. Germany

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

While children in other countries look for hidden Easter eggs, the Germans display their Easter eggs are displayed on trees and prominently in the streets. Some will have thousands of multi colored eggs hanged on them. This might be that these symbolize new life and the resurrection. They also burn their Christmas trees on Easter Sunday and eat a lot of green foods and spinach on Holy Thursday.

Germany is also home to the Oberammergau Passion Play in the village that bears its name which is performed every 10 years from May to October starting at 9:30 a.m. and continuing with a 12:15-3:00 p. m. lunch break before finally finishing at 6:00 p.m. However, the villagers do this as a thank you from God for saving them from a plague in 1633 and put a large painting of Jesus to show this. But nearly everyone in the village takes part in the play either as one of the actors or behind the scenes, making clothes and props to run it. Still, this play is very popular all over the world that bookings take place for many years before the play is performed.

12. Greece

While some countries have multi colored eggs, in Greece the eggs are only painted red to represent the blood of Christ and used for making Easter bread as well as banged on their neighbor’s heads.

In the town of Corfu, it’s tradition for the people to throw out their crockery and pots out the window on Easter Saturday. We’re not sure why they do this. Some say it’s to symbolize the rejection of Judas. Others think it’s simply the exuberance of having a smashing time after the penitential season of Lent. There are other theories of symbolism such as getting rid of evil or the change of seasons in which the old pots of last year’s harvest are exchanged for new ones. Some think it’s adopted from the old Venetian tradition of throwing out one’s winter things for new ones for spring.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the village of Vrontados on the island of Chios, the two Orthodox churches face off every Easter with parishioners making their own rockets and teenagers leading the war against each other. It’s said to be a century old tradition which apparently started when some Greek villagers tried to scare away the Turkish army using fireworks. Some say that it started when some Greek sailors met Chinese men who taught them how to make fireworks. Anyway thousands of rockets are used and it attracts tourists every year on Easter, boosting the town’s economy.

13. Ethiopia

On the Easter festival, the people of Ethiopia celebrate a noble feast featuring a large loaf of sourdough bread called, “Dabo.” During the day, visitors are greeted with a slice of “Dabo” to honor the crucifixion of Christ. They also wear white to exemplify purity and display headbands from palm leaves which symbolize the palm leaves Jesus’s followers greeted him with during his passage into Jerusalem before his crucifixion.

14. Switzerland

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

The Frankonian Swiss have an old Easter tradition of decorating wells with painted eggs and spring flowers to celebrate the gift of life.

Switzerland is not a fan of the Easter Bunny so the Easter Cuckoo is credited with bringing children eggs instead. Yet, they still sell chocolate bunnies though.

15. Great Britain

In the town of Bacup in Northern England, Easter Saturday is celebrated with the Nutter’s Dance which has been performed since the 18th century. It’s said to originate with Moorish sailors who somehow ended up in the area but why it’s performed on Easter Saturday, there’s no explanation. It’s a strange dance led by a Whiffer (or Whipper In), who cracks a whip to drive away evil spirits represented by a group of men with blackened faces in red, black, and white costumes and neck garlands.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The village of Hallaton in Leicestershire celebrates Easter with a game of bottle kicking which is essentially a no rules rugby game played with 3 beer barrels and a pitch spread over a mile of cross country land. Ambulances are on standby every year there.

On Holy Thursday, it was once used as the day when the monarchs showed their humility and washed the poor’s feet. It was symbolic of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, though only a select few poor got their feet washed. However, this was later changed with the ascension of the Protestant William and Mary in 1689. Nowadays the Queen just gives out money, usually the same amount as her age.

During the Easter season, the English village of Hungerford has what’s known as the Hockside festival. This begins each year when the new police constable blows his horn calling all men to the Hockside court. Two men are selected and they parade through the streets giving women oranges in exchange for kisses.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it’s a very lame dance and one he doesn’t like.

Britain also celebrates Easter with an Easter egg roll in which people try to roll colored hardboiled eggs on a hill. While this has taken hold in countries like the US, the Brits tend to be pretty competitive about it. Other strange Easter customs include Pace Egg plays mostly depicting Saint George and the dragon as well as Morris dancing which is an English folk dance said to originate through druidic rites but is better known to Americans as being mercilessly ripped on the first season of Blackadder. Let’s just say the Great Britain has a lot of strange Easter traditions and leave it at that.

16. Norway

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

In Norway, Easter is a 5 day bank holiday in which all the businesses close save the grocery store on the Saturday before. During this time Norwegians celebrate by reading crime novels known as Påskekrimmen as well as watching crime thrillers on TV. There are even mystery stories on milk cartons and magazines. Of course, why Norwegians celebrate Easter with this crime stuff is just one of those mysteries.

17. Netherlands, Belgium, and France

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn’t it? But I’m not making this up.

In these countries, it’s said that the church bells fly to Rome for a few days on Holy Week and only return on Easter morning bringing back colored eggs and chocolate rabbits. It’s said the tradition started because all church bells are silent as a sign of mourning Jesus for several days before Easter. In the Netherlands and Flemish speaking Belgium, the bells fly away on Holy Saturday. In France and French speaking Belgium on Holy Thursday. Either way, replacing Santa Claus with metal bells seems like a bad acid trip to those who may never heard of it. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

18. Greece, Spain, Portugal, and Mexico as well as Latin America

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it’s under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don’t like as well.

In some communities in these countries, it’s customary to burn an effigy of Judas on Easter, typically depicted as hung by the neck after a fake trial. Sometimes they’d make effigies of unpopular politicians and filling the Judas effigy with fireworks. It was once practiced all over Europe before it went into decline due to it’s possible association with being called, “the burning of the Jew,” especially in Latin America. However, the Orthodox Church has since defended the practice.

19. Philippines

In the Philippines, it’s not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail. Please don’t try this at home.

In the Philippines, many devout Catholics practice self-crucifixion on Easter replicating Jesus’s suffering. The idea behind this act of insanity was this morbid ritual is to help watch the sins of the world and self-purification. The Roman Catholic Church tried to discourage this for obvious reasons but with little success. It’s also said that it’s just one manifestation of old Filipino religions that require self-flagellation. Other theories suggest it sprang out of a misinterpretation of St. Paul’s Romans 8:13, “If you live after the flesh, you shall die, but if through the spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh, you shall live.” Of course, while some people may equate self-mortification with purification, I’d suggest you don’t try this at home, please.

20. Bermuda

Bermudans celebrate Good Friday with flying homemade kites, as well as eating codfish cakes and hot cross buns. It’s said that the tradition started when a local teacher from the British Army had difficulty explaining Christ’s ascension to his Sunday school class and made a kite to illustrate it as a result. They also hold kite contests as well.

21.Haiti

In Hati, Holy Week is celebrated with a mixture of Catholic and Voodoo traditions such as colorful parades and traditional “rara” music played on bamboo trumpets, maracas, drums, and coffee cans. Voodoo believers would make pilgrimages to the village of Souvenance, showing devotion to the spirits with drumming, chanting, and animal sacrifices.

22. Europe

In parts of Northwestern Europe, a key tradition is lighting up huge bonfires called Easter Fires on Easter Sunday and Monday. A most common explanation for this is said to originate with the Saxons as a tale of how spring triumphs over winter. However, today it just brings communities together with heavy consumption of lager, gin, and snacks. Egg tapping or knocking is also popular.

23. Cyprus

While the people of Cyprus also paint and hide eggs on Easter for the younger children to find, teenage boys follow this up with a rather violent contest of scouring for scraps of wood to use on a communal bonfire. The neighborhood with the largest bonfire at the end of the day gets the Easter bragging rights until next year. However, since there’s a limited supply of scraps among the teenage boys, it’s not uncommon for police being called in breaking fights over wood scraps or to help put out out-of-control bonfires.

24. Italy

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with building a Rube Goldberg machine containing shards from the Holy Sepulchre to symbolize the resurrection of Jesus. Called “the holy fire,” it’s placed on a candle as well as dragged through the streets on a massive cart which is over 30ft tall and has been used for well over 300 years before reaching its destination where priests and local officials carry it to the cathedral square. Once there, it’s stuffed with explosives and topped with a fuse and a fake dove when everything is ready. The Cardinal of Florence sets the fake dove ablaze while the bells of Giotto’s campanile ring out to signal that the show is about to start. What follows is 20 minutes of nonstop explosions in the city’s cathedral which would send Michael Bay weeping with adulation. If everything goes according to plan, then the fireworks signify a year of good harvests and successful business.

In Rome on Good Friday, the Pope commemorates the Via Crucis (Way of the Cross) at the Colosseum. During this a huge cross with burning torches illuminates the sky as the 14 Stations of the Cross are described in several languages. However, Americans unfamiliar with this ritual and this significance might interpret this tradition quite differently and with great offense, especially since they’re more likely to link giant burning crosses with white supremacist violence against African Americans. On Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday, Mass is celebrated with thousands of visitors in St. Peter’s Square to

25. Spain

On Holy Thursday, the streets of Verges set the stage for the macabre “Dansa de la Mort” or “Dance of Death.” In a procession traveling through the town, 5 people dress up in skeletons grab the lime light as they move to the sound of drum beats. Each skeleton carries different items with one holding a scythe, a clock without hands, and a banner warning that death could come at any time while two carry a box of ashes. Not the kind of warm sunny Easter most of us would imagine.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. There’s a lot of pride taking part in the Spanish Easter festivities that Antonio Banderas joins his brotherhood in his hometown every year. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

This isn’t to say that there are a lot of Easter processions in Spain dating to the Middle Ages. This is performed by many Catholic brotherhoods wearing different colored robes to tell each other apart. However, they also don conical hoods to retain their anonymity, even though they tend to scare the bejesus out of any African American tourist and it doesn’t help that some of these take place at night under candlelight. The music tends to vary according to days consisting of mournful music accompanied by dramatic drum beats on Holy Thursday, utter silence on Good Friday, to celebratory music on Easter Sunday. Many tend to walk barefoot as well as wear shackles on their feet with brotherhoods carrying floats of different scenes related to the Passion of the Christ or the Sorrows of the Virgin Mary. And there is great pride for taking part and it’s said that Antonio Banderas travels to his Malaga hometown every year to take part in this with his brotherhood, “Tears and Favors”, becoming the star attraction.

26. Japan

Though western holidays like Halloween, Christmas, and Saint Patrick’s Day have become rather popular in Japan, Easter is relatively obscure since the country doesn’t have a lot of Christians. However, this doesn’t stop companies from organizing Easter themed promotions in the spring and sometimes even the summer. Tokyo Disneyland hosts an annual “Easter Wonderland” which sometimes runs well into June.

27. Latvia

A known tradition in Latvia is an Easter game played by children which is like conkers but with eggs. Players pair off and used hardboiled colored eggs joined together with string. Competitors bang the ends of the eggs together until one player’s egg breaks. The winner is the one with the stronger egg. Sounds a bit messy to say the least.

28. Guatemala

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

Each Easter in Guatemala, the people lace the streets of their villages with colorful sawdust carpets. On their way to Mass, the procession of faithful walk over the vibrant carpet leaving a trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

29. Bulgaria

While Bulgarians decorate their Easter eggs, they’re also known to fight with them by pair. The last surviving one is called a “borak.”

30. Argentina

In Argentina, there’s a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It’s said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there is a kitsch theme park dedicated to telling the story of Jesus which unsurprisingly goes into overdrive on Easter. There’s a plastic Jesus that’s resurrected every hour and plastic statues depicting the Passion which is already a must see for the devout with hundreds gathering each hour to watch the statue emerge from a rocky outcrop to survey the crowds. On Easter, actors take up the role to bring the passion to life, carrying the cross through the park and being crucified by Roman soldiers. Sure it’s probably in bad taste but it’s a huge hit in Latin America nevertheless.

In Northern Argentina, there’s an elaborate carnival that begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts all through Lent. In this, mothers and grandmothers gather around a decorated arch and exchange dolls in a ceremony believed to unite women in an eternal bond. On Sunday in an Argentinian version of the Easter Parade, women dress up in colorful ruffled skirts and white hats in masks made with starch and water. Riding on horseback, they singing folksongs on their way to a dance honoring Pukllay, the Spirit of the Carnival. After the ceremony, the burn a large effigy of the Pukllay to signify the end of the celebration a la Burning Man.

31. Jamaica

While Good Friday is a somber time in the Easter season of Holy Week, it pays host to Kingston’s biggest annual street carnival complete with a parade, requisite debaucheries, and even preachers. Also predict the future with egg whites on water.

32. El Salvador

In the town of Texistepeque, there’s a ritual on Easter called “Talciguines” which is supposed to symbolize the fight between Jesus and Satan. Of course, Jesus is always the winner.

33. Wales

On Palm Sunday, the Welsh visit their relatives’ graves to lay flowers as well as stage Welsh singing contests called Gymafa Gan where choirs from various chapels in festivities take part and prominent conductors are invited.

34. United States

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has hosted the Easter Egg Roll on its South Lawn. This mainly consists of rolling a colored hardboiled egg with a large serving spoon. But nowadays an egg hunt is included as well along with other sports and crafts.

In Texas, the people of Fredericksburg hold an event called the Easter Fires of Fredericksburg Pageant, where the town gets together to celebrate an 1840 peace treaty with the Comanche and the significance with Easter by reinventing this story. It’s said that the Comanche would light fires in the hills of Fredericksburg to signify that there was no hostility between the settlers and the indigenous people. But as the fires burned the German immigrant children grew worried and to calm them down their parents told them that the fires were the Easter Bunny burning eggs in preparation for the festivities.

New York’s Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

In New York City, you have the Easter parade that dates back to the 1870s and one of the city’s most significant seasonal celebrations. It begins at the famous Fifth Avenue and finishes north up 57th street. There you’ll find visitors and New Yorkers alike done their most elaborate Easter bonnets.

In Southern Michigan, on Easter tens of thousands of marshmallows are dumped onto by helicopters and are rewarded candy afterwards. This tradition has spread to other areas.

Fun with Easter Eggs

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 13, 2015

Of course, I couldn’t do some posts on Easter without leaving a key tradition: Easter eggs. Now while many believe that Easter eggs once traditionally celebrated as a symbol of fertility and rebirth, in Christianity, they symbolized Jesus’s empty tomb, which in its own twisted way is quite appropriate. However, many don’t know that dying and painting eggs is among one of the older Easter traditions. Most of the time they’re usually chicken eggs, mostly hard boiled. Yet, we also have eggs of plastic and chocolate as well. Of course, while many eggs may just have one color on them, others can be in rather elaborate designs. Then there are some that go on a whole different level such as depicting pop culture icons and such. In this post, you’ll see the many ways people decorate Easter eggs you might not be familiar with. So without further adieu, I shall present these to you.

1. Happy Easter from the wonderful world of Disney.

Of course, these are much better drawings than I could’ve ever done. Then again, I don’t remember the rabbits on top. Guess this person ran out of ideas.

2. “I see a red egg and I want it painted black/No colors any more, I want them to turn black.”

Seems like the Rolling Stones haven’t aged a bit. Then again, they were just as ugly as they are now. Still, hate to find an egg that resembles Keith Richards.

3. Since Easter’s a religious holiday, I couldn’t leave out eggs with Christian motifs.

Now the crucifixion one is about the goriest Easter egg I’ve ever seen so far. Then again, I can’t argue about that being appropriate.

4. Performing on the Easter stag with “Bennie and the Jets,” may I present to you Sir Elton John.

Now this is a perfect Easter egg of Elton John, costume and all with all those feathers like in his heyday during the 1970s. Of course, that will have to come to an end in the 1980s.

5. And everyone assumed that Paul was scrambled in the advent of the Abbey Road album.

I’ll be putting a few Beatles stuff in my post on Easter eggs. This is from the Abbey Road album, which was one of their last collaborations. Still, love it how they’re playing in a band on this one.

6. Celebrate your Easter with the magic of Stephen Spielberg with this E. T. egg.

Maybe that’s because an Indiana Jones Easter egg design would’ve had more difficulty. Still, as ugly as E. T. is you can’t really think he’s any less than adorable.

7. Get ready for one wild bachelor party in Vegas with this Easter egg tribute to The Hangover or the one which launched the careers of Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis.

Oh, God, I’d hate to see what Bradley Cooper is about to do with Mike Tyson’s pet tiger, which is most likely illegally possessed since it’s an endangered species.

8. For those who like Peter Sellers and Henry Mancini music, here’s an Easter egg diorama from The Pink Panther movies.

Would’ve liked to seen an Easter egg rendering of Chief Inspector Dreyfus who later goes nuts. Still, I can only consider Peter Sellers as the one and only Inspector Clouseau and no one else.

9. For those in love with Japanese cuteness, here are some nice Easter eggs of Hello Kitty.

Sure they may not have ears but they may not have looked great with them anyway. Still, quite cute.

10. This Easter egg tribute of Barack Obama would certainly be commendable to any Egghead Commander and Chief.

Now that’s a great scene of the Oval Office. Also like how he has those two pens and the globe on his desk.

11. May these Batman Easter eggs make your Easter a rather dark night in Gotham, indeed.

Of course, presented here are Batman, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, the Penguin, the Riddler, and Clayface. Wonder why they don’t have Robin, Batgirl, Bane, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, the Scarecrow, and Alfred.

12. For those who are fans of the National Audobon Society’s guide to North American Birds, then today’s your lucky day.

Almost look as if they do in the guidebook with their respective silhouettes. Of course, Audobon often killed birds so he could save them and paint them in his book better. And boy, his bird paintings are awesome.

13. “But I would not feel so all alone/Everybody must get poached.”

Yes, this is an Easter egg rendition of legendary American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. Well, he wrote some of the best music ever which has influenced millions. But his singing is much to be desired.

14. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.

Interestingly, Elvis Presley looked a lot like this during his Las Vegas years. Of course, this is what happens when you’ve been on too many drugs and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

15. For you silent film buffs out there, this Easter egg Charlie Chaplin is particularly charming.

Of course, Chaplin was one of the most significant filmmakers in movie history who entertained countless audiences as the Tramp during the 1920s and early 1930s. Yet, he’d be kicked out of the country in the 1950s for his left wing political views.

16. For those who have boys, these superhero Easter eggs should be a real treat for a holiday with pastel colors.

Comprised here are Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, the Green Lantern, the Flash, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. Still, I wonder why Thor, Black Widow, and Nick Fury aren’t included.

17. For those into foul humor and toilet jokes, you can’t go wrong with these South Park Easter eggs here.

Now I’m sure the Kenny one is going to have horrible things done to it after the picture since he practically dies in a lot of episodes.

18. “He’s an egg ball wizard/There has to be a twist./An egg ball wizard’s got such a supple wrist.”

Of course, The Who known for their rock opera Tommy about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball whiz. Still, I’m not sure what I’d say if any elementary age school kids ask about what happened to Keith Moon.

19. For those who like kicking ass reptiles from the sewers, you’d love these Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Easter eggs.

Of course, I wonder if anyone could remember that the turtles were named after Renaissance artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Of course, in real life Leonardo was the inventor and technological genius of the 4. Oh, and that Leonardo and Michelangelo were both gay.

20. From “That’ll Be the Day” to the Day the Music Died, Buddy Holly and the Crickets were one of the best known 1950s rock n’ roll acts.

Man, it’s hard not to imagine what Buddy Holly’s career would’ve amounted to if he didn’t get on that plane with J. P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens that fateful day.

21. Since they’re so iconic with the black and white make up, rock and roll all night with these KISS Easter eggs and party every day.

I’m not really a KISS fan but I did put a KISS nutcracker ensemble for my nutcracker post back in 2013. This is a great Easter equivalent.

22. Not sure what to do with those Easter eggs, how about egg totem poles?

Now these may not look like real totem poles. But they’re quite intricate and I like them.

23. Tissue and construction paper make great flowers as well as Easter egg decorations.

Now these are quite pretty and so intricate that I suspect someone is either getting paid for it or has way too much time on their hands.

24. “I am the eggman, they are the eggmen/I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob”

So what if “I Am the Walrus” came out in the late 1960s and these are the Fab Four from 1964? I had to use those lines sometime.

25. Bring the magic of Oz to life with this Easter egg diorama of The Wizard of Oz.

Seems more likely to traumatize your friends than the real thing. Still not as good as Gone with the Wind even if the movie denigrated African Americans as happy slaves.

26. “It was twenty years ago today/Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play/They’ve been going in and out of style/But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile”

“So may I introduce to you/The act you’ve known for all these years/Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” Wait until they get to Billy Shears.

27. Leafs always make great decoration for Easter eggs if you want to go with a nature theme.

Yes, they’re pretty. But I wonder if they were still around after most of the leaves were already swept up during the fall.

28. For those who love Lego, you might love having these Lego heads on your Easter eggs.

Now these are just adorable. But only one of them is explicitly female. Yet, we can change that if we add hair to some of the others.

29. When it comes to flower decorations, you can’t go wrong with flowers.

Of course, these buttons may be of the same shape but the smaller ones not always of the same size and color.

30. For you Despicable Me fans, these minon Easter eggs are as easy as pie.

When it comes to Despicable Me, almost everyone remembers the minions and how cute they are. Still, I see a lot of them in a lot of artistic renditions because they’re an east craft subject.

31. Go underwater with these deep sea diving Easter eggs.

Well, I don’t mean literally of course. But I daresay these look quite adorable in scuba gear and flippers.

32. Defend the Imperial Empire with these Imperial Stormtrooper Easter eggs.

Cheer up, Rebels. Sure they may seem intimidating and kill Luke’s aunt and uncle. Yet, Imperial Stormtroopers are known for being notorious bad shots since they’re never seen hitting anything.

33. For those who loved WALL-E, you might love these EVE Easter eggs.

Well, the EVE we know from WALL-E is the one with the eyes and the plant sign on it. But still, quite cute.

34. For those repressed art students out there, you can always paint your Easter eggs by hand if you want to.

Now these are quite intricate and pretty. They also match the dish they’re on. Sure hate to see a small child break these.

35. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, feel free to accessorize.

Now this person seems to spend more time decorating the eggs’ outfits than the actual eggs themselves.

36. Relive the Tim Burton magic with this Easter egg tribute to Alice in Wonderland.

Like The Wizard of Oz one, this also seems much creepier and likely to traumatize kids than the real thing. This is especially true with the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, as well as Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

37. Seems like one of their friends was taken from the egg carton and into the frying pan.

And it seems like they know one of them's next in the skillet of horrors. And some of them are seen screaming.

And it seems like they know one of them’s next in the skillet of horrors. Some of them are seen screaming.

38. Jam with the Jamaican reggae beat with Bob Marley.

Rarely do we have the traditions of pot and Easter merged in the same creation as an Easter egg version of Bob Marley.

39. For all you Scarface fans out there, say hello to my little friend!

Now no parent would certainly want their kid to find an Easter egg with Al Pacino’s face on it since most of his movies are rated R. Not to mention, they tend to be rather violent with sex, swearing, and substance abuse.

40. Hey, look, I found Waldo!

Then again, it’s pretty easy to find Waldo when he’s a decorated Easter egg and the others are quite plain so to speak.

41. For fans of the HBO series Game of Thrones, these Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, like everything by George R. R. Martin, they may only be as fun until they suffer a really horrible death like some peoples favorite Game of Thrones characters.

42. For those who grew up with Nintendo, you’d sure love these Super Mario Brothers Easter eggs.

Of course, we all know what these mushrooms do in the game. But watch out for the bullets.

43. Enjoy the magic of Hogwarts this Easter with these Harry Potter Easter eggs.

Now these include, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Nagini, and the Golden Snitch. Of course, I’d also like to see ones of Luna, Hagrid, Neville, Malfoy, Sirius, Lupin, and Hedwig but you take what you can get I guess.

44. These Easter egg bees are as sweet as honey.

Now these may be simple in some respects. But they’re nevertheless adorable to say the least.

45. For those who love video games, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with Angry Birds.

Of course, the green pig is going to get it sooner or later since it’s surrounded by birds that really seem pissed off beyond all means.

46. Sometimes felt can be handy when it comes to Easter egg decorations.

Sure love spring flowers and I think these beautiful eggs have great designs on them. Once again, someone must have too much time on their hands.

47. Splash into the world of Amity Island in the summer with Jaws. But swim carefully.

Seems like this pipe cleaner lady doesn’t have long to live. Seriously, she shouldn’t be so stupid enough to swim in shark infested waters.

48. Celebrate this Easter with, “Purple Haze” with this Easter egg Jimi Hendrix.

Of course, he may be one of the greatest guitarists of all time and played the “Star Spangled Banner” at Woodstock. Unfortunately, he died young.

49. Now these lady bug Easter eggs will go well in anybody’s basket.

Now these are so adorable and quite concurrent with spring. Of course, some lady bugs are male, by the way.

50. Enjoy a good scare this Easter with these eggs depicting characters from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sure The Nightmare Before Christmas may have absolutely nothing to do with Easter but that doesn’t mean you can’t make eggs from that film. Does it?

51. Now I daresay, this London Easter egg always knows how to retain a stiff upper lip.

Of course, it’s one of those royal guards you see at Buckingham Palace. So don’t try to make it crack beyond all means. Seriously, you don’t want to do that.

52. Sometimes it helps when you decorate your Easter eggs with string.

However, once Easter is over, these can be a pain in the ass to peel off. But they are quite colorful to get my drift.

53. Join Snoopy and the gang with this Easter egg tribute to Peanuts.

Seems weird that the cast seems like a bunch of coneheads as far as Easter egg tributes go. I mean their heads seemed quite round in the comics.

54. So, yes, you can do embroidery on your Easter eggs as these specimens show.

Of course, after Easter, these eggs would soon be a pain in the ass to peel off. I’ll say. Still, for the moment they’re quite pretty.

55. For you Trekkies out there, these Star Trek themed Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, they had a set of Easter eggs for the characters but the Red shirt ones all got broken. So the person decided to use logos and symbols instead.

56. Seems like someone lost their yolk.

And everybody is in a state of panic over it. Guess that somebody cracked it over the edge.

57. For you Pixar lovers out there, here are Easter eggs of the aliens from Toy Story.

Of course, we all know these aliens worship a massive claw in the vending machine they live in. I mean we’ve all seen the movies.

58. “She’s got eggs, she knows how to use them.”

Yes, that’s ZZ Top all right, which hail all the way from Texas. Of course, this person did a great job depicting the frontmen’s beards.

59. Catch em’ all this Easter season with these Pokemon egg designs.

Now these are quite adorable and intricate designs. Still, the scientifically accurate version on Laughing Squid has some disturbing implications.

60. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, you can apply just about anything.

Now these are way beyond any artistic endeavor I could undergo with art supplies. These are just so beautiful to say the least.

Fun with Easter Bonnets

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 11, 2015

I may not take part in this on Easter since I live in the country, but for a long time in cities, it was a tradition for people to got to church on Easter Sunday before attending the annual Easter parade. And it was there where women donned their Easter bonnets which are technically hats. Of course, these can come in all shapes and sizes at times such as the simple straw with flowers and ribbons to basically the Easter equivalent of the Christmas sweater. And some of these bonnets can be as outrageous that you’d think they’re designed by Lady Gaga as well as not exclusively worn by women. Thus, you won’t see just ladies looking ridiculous and in some hats that may not have much to do with Easter or spring anyway. So without further adieu, here are some of the crazy, wild, Easter bonnets you may ever see.

1. Wake up this Easter with sunny side up for breakfast.

These two must be real egg heads going out in those hats. I wonder if they have one wearing a bacon hat.

2. This woman is bound to poke somebody’s eye out if she’s not careful.

Yeah, I can totally understand why the guy is wearing sunglasses for protection against the pointy sticks.

3. Another great motif for Easter bonnets are bird’s nests.

Now I wonder if any real birds try to lay eggs in it. Either that or make out with the bird depicted building it which is fake.

4. Forget Easter bonnets, check out this Easter headdress.

Someone must’ve had too much time on their hands to make this one. Either that, or she’s Lady Gaga’s costume designer judging by that flamboyant hat.

5. I dub this hat style, “laundry basket.”

And it seems that these people might be in need of a major neck massage after they’re done having these large flower laundry baskets on their heads all day.

6. For the Pixar fan, this hat depicting the house from Up might catch your fancy.

Basically an Easter bonnet made with a small doll house and some balloons. Still, I’m not sure if this has anything to do with Easter but I like it.

7. Now this seems like this gives “put a flower in your hair” a whole new meaning.

Man, I wonder how she managed to put that hat on without putting her hair in a bun first. However, I have doubts on whether it’ll survive intact when she takes it off.

8. I give you the hat of a 100 eyes.

In some way this hat is just as whimsical as much as it is creepy. Seriously, the basket is covered with eyes.

9. Now I say this woman’s Easter hat is houseplant couture.

You can say that her large hat almost matches the scenery. Of course, she sometimes has to occasionally water it .

10. Of course, sometimes Easter is the time of year when men get in touch with their feminine side.

And when it comes to metrosexuality, this guy is totally fabulous with his coiffure in flowers, chicks, eggs, butterflies, and wire fencing.

11. Now in accordance with spring, you can’t go wrong with a flower pot on your head.

I think the flowers are supposed to go on top of the pot, which has bunnies and grass. Seriously, it’s the kind of hat I’d see in a Dr. Seuss story.

12. Another great motif on Easter bonnets are beehives, like this one.

Hey, at least it’s not a real one because that would be bad. Still, the mutant bees are on the edges while the hive bees are much smaller.

13. For boys, a partial colored egg with paper machete makes a great Easter bonnet.

This boy is trying to smile for the camera but deep down he feels so self-conscious about the possibility of his fellow classmates beating him up in school.

14. Nothing makes a great Easter bonnet for a parade than one of a giant chicken or something.

What the hell is that bird? I know it can’t be a phoenix because it doesn’t have flames coming out of it. Seriously, that looks like some sort of cross between a swan and a chicken.

15. Now I call this one, “Tigger at Gitmo.”

I wonder what the animals in the Hundred Acre Wood will think when they discover that their bouncy friend is being held as an enemy combatant. Seriously, since what does this trama inducing look have to do with Easter?

16. For Easter, it’s always manly to wear a hat of pink bunny ears.

Even funnier is that this guy is the King of Sweden. Yes, may I proclaim that the King of Sweden is wearing a pink bunny hat for Easter.

17. Carrot Top, allow me to introduce you to Bo Carrot.

Well, at least she doesn’t have to worry about shopping for a snack. Still, this is pretty crazy if you think about it.

18. Then again, for a boy’s Easter bonnet, I suppose Angry Birds is much more appropriate.

Even better is that these Angry Birds are made from Easter eggs as far as I can tell. Seriously, this is a better than colored eggs. At least for boys.

19. Forget the Easter bonnet, how about a bunny cap?

Now this seems rather easy to make such as cardboard, cotton, and a cap. Not to mention, Little Jimmy is less likely to be beat up in school over it.

20. Nothing brings in the spirit of spring than an Easter bonnet of a watering can.

Now that watering can display is pretty. But I wonder if this girl is going to need a neck massage after the Easter parade though.

21. Now this one captures the essence of spring: butterflies, flowers, and a scorpion?

I’m not sure whether a scorpion belongs in a holiday that includes cute bunnies, chicks, flowers, colored eggs. But, hey, what do I know?

22. With Easter bonnets, the bigger the flowers the better.

Yet, I’m not sure if this gigantic rose is really improving things for now. Seriously, this reminds me of a Kentucky Derby hat for some reason.

23. For Easter, you can’t be the belle of the parade without a bonnet of shiny rainbow eggs.

I’m not sure if the eggs enhance the hat or not. Either way, at least if she wears it at night, it’ll certainly be quite reflective.

24. For egg hunts, paper machete egg bonnets are perfect for the kids.

However, this little girl doesn’t seem to think so. In fact, she seems to wonder whether she seems to resemble an alien from outer space in it.

25. When it comes to Easter bonnets, there’s no limit to how high you can go.

She should be lucky that most churches have rather high ceilings in their naves. But seriously, that’s a lot of flowers and eggs.

26. Of course, there’s no great Easter bonnet than one of a giant Creme egg.

Then again, I’m sure the egg doesn’t have any chocolate in it. But this little girl seems happy.

27. Of course, you can’t celebrate Easter without a garden hat.

Then again, if this didn’t have garden stuff on it, I would’ve mistaken it for some tribal headdress on some island in the Pacific.

28. Nothing says Easter like a bonnet with a couple of assault rifles on it?

Okay, I’m sure defending your right to shoot Bambi and all his wabbit fwiends is perfectly fine. But why do it on Easter on all holidays? Seriously, it’s a holiday to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and new life, not untimely deaths on school campuses and 3rd world countries!

29. With blue ribbons and a pink basket, this guy is in his Easter best.

Sure he may look ridiculous but he so doesn’t care what the guys at the office think for now. Seriously, his little girl probably designed the hat in the first place.

30. Of course, it doesn’t always have to be the woman who wears the flowers.

Seems like he’s enjoying himself in his white, orange, and purple Easter lilies. Too bad real lilies don’t bloom until later in the spring or summer.

31. Of course, this girl will be the envy of the egg hunt with her hatching egg hat.

Of course, alongside the chick, there are smaller eggs in the egg as well. Which makes me beg the question.

32. Now this girl is lucky since she’s wearing the bonnet with the golden egg.

Now she may want to watch out for any fairy tale creatures who would do what it takes to obtain it. And then there will be a Maltese Falcon situation on their hands.

33. You can say this Easter bonnet can make anyone as pretty as a peacock.

Now that’s a lot of feathers under the brim. Wonder if she’s wearing a sombrero, which can explain a lot.

34. Make sure your Easter bonnet is all chicked out.

Now this woman seems to have it all yellowed out with daffodils and chickies. But I’m not sure if having a large chick on top is utterly cute or ridiculous.

35. Since chicks like to frolic, you always need a fence to contain them.

Yeah, but their space is limited since they’re blocked by a giant sky and cloud thing in the center. Of course, this boy is wondering, “Why do I have to wear this?”

36. While it’s mainly associated with Thanksgiving, I’m sure a cornucopia would make a fine Easter bonnet with some spring trimmings.

Now I’m sure this may be just as good for Thanksgiving since it seems more appropriate for fall than spring. But who am I to judge?

37. With Easter bonnets, it’s time to spring into action.

I don’t know about you, but I think all these springly decorations can be a bit excessive. The fake cemetery flower business must be booming this time a year.

38. For some Easter bonnets are a way to celebrate Easter. For others, a way to show off their Pez dispenser collection.

While Pez candies can be quite disgusting, we all better remember the containers for some reason. Also like the dangling toy rabbits around this guy’s hat.

39. Sometimes when an Easter bonnet isn’t enough, a stuffed duck has to have one, too.

And this duck even has some accessories like French fries, nail polish, and a couple of other things. But this girl seems happy.

And this duck even has some accessories like French fries, nail polish, and a couple of other things along with an enormous flower bonnet. But this girl seems happy.

40. Now you can’t have an Easter parade without some Easter basket bonnets on the streets, too.

Now this woman seems like a real basket case according to wearing a hat like that she doesn’t seem too thrilled with.

41. Be on the sunny side of Easter with this sunflower hat.

Man, that’s a huge sunflower. And with so many petals, too. Still, I’m sure sunflowers aren’t in season this time of year since they come later in the summer.

42. Seems like soccer is a big game between the chicks and bunnies this Easter.

Seems like they have bunnies and chicks the same size as well as a small human referee. So how does that happen?

43. Now it seems like these chicks are hatching in the egg cartons for some reason.

Now this is pretty crazy. I’m sure those chicks are mounted somehow. Also, I’m sure that eggs are only available at a dozen in stores.

44. Man, now that’s calling putting all your eggs in one basket, or hat for that matter.

Hope that none of those plastic eggs have candy in them or you know what the kiddies will do to that. Still, how does her head withstand so much stuff?

45. For the white and fluffy crowd, you might want your Easter Bonnet cloud to contain plastic grocery bags and white feathers.

Then again, those could be faulty airbags from some car company. Still, she seems like the perfect woman for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

46. Seems like the chicks on this girl’s Easter bonnet are already hatching.

Oh, shit. She’s an Easter bonnet contest winner during the High Clere Castle Easter egg hunt? Seriously, why wasn’t there an Easter egg hunt episode of Downton Abbey then?

47. Want a bee in your Easter bonnet?

Now this bee may seem quite cute since it’s plush. However, you wouldn’t want to be stung by it mainly due to its size.

48. Now I call these women the “Orange Brigade.”

Now I’m sure these women’s towering hats probably put them as members of some kind of club, family, or cult.

49. When it comes to decorating your Easter bonnet, you can’t go wrong with Peeps.

I mean those inedible marshmallow sugar candies have to be used in some way since they’re utterly unfit for human consumption. Still, pretty amazing.

50. Now this girl’s hat is in the blue flower spirit of spring.

Let’s hope no graves were robbed of their flower arrangements during the making of this humongous flower hat. Seriously, these posies are fake, which I’ve seen all the time at the cemetery near where I live.

51. Bunny out of your hat or on top of it?

Of course, Ann Miller can have this kind of hat who was kind of the Lady Gaga of her day as far as fashions go. Then again, this style makes any of Lady Gaga’s Easter bonnets seem tame by comparison.

52. This hat gives, “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” a whole new meaning.

Yeah, I’m sure Tiny Tim didn’t mean that when he sang “Tiptoe Through the Tulips,” in that falsetto voice. Seriously, this is crazy.

53. I now bring you, the Carrot Tops.

Now I wonder how they get those carrots to stand up? Hope they’re not attracting some rabbits with those giant carrots because that would be bad.

54. Nothing says Easter like a bonnet depicting two rabbits in their outdoor bathroom near the farm.

I don’t know about you but I’m kind of freaked out that I can’t see this person’s head for some reason. Probably the fact that the person is alive.

55. Nothing makes a better Easter bonnet than a bunny in a flower pot.

Now this is interesting. Still, I wonder what kind of neck strain this bonnet may cause after wearing it for a few hours.

56. And out of this hat grows an Easter egg tree.

The tree from this hat seems like it comes straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Still, quite original if you ask me.

57. A big bouquet for your yellow watering can?

Now I wonder how does she wear this hat without straining her neck with all the weight of those plastic flowers I’ve seen in a cemetery.

58. Nothing like an Easter bonnet consisting of a basket tied to your head.

Now isn’t that a bit lopsided in terms of weight distribution? Seriously, it looks ridiculous! Still, at least she has a place to receive tips.

59. Sometimes it’s not just the women who go all out with flowers.

Behold, the Aztec God Xochipilli the Flower Prince in his Easter Sunday best. Why he wears his flower headdress during a Christian holiday, I’ll never know.

60. Nothing makes an Easter bonnet like one of a giant ant at a picnic.

Now this is perhaps one of the few Easter bonnets on this post that may be truly terrifying. Also what the hell do giant ants have to do with Easter for God’s sake?

61. Of course, you can’t celebrate the Easter season without including candy.

Now this must be a huge undertaking, especially when it comes to including Hershey’s and Crunch on this.

62. Now these guys want to look their best for the Easter parade in their prettiest hats.

And all these manly men seem to love how their hats go with their overalls, save perhaps one.

63. When it comes to Easter bonnets, you can’t have too many flowers.

Now this is Xochiquetzal the Aztec Goddess of love and flowers. Unfortunately, she’s not as nice as her male counterpart and demands a sacrifice every 8 years.

64. Don’t look now, but I think I see these weird green hat ladies here.

Now while these hats may reflect an early spring, the color scheme is much to be desired. Seriously, they seem rather dull in color as well as make the wearers look ridiculous for some reason.

65. Now there’s nothing better than a rabbit proof fence on your straw Easter bonnet.

I’ve seen better. Seriously, if that rabbit were real, it would totally jump it. Then again, you have the aesthetics to consider.

66. A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the Easter bonnet.

I don’t know about you but this seems like a creepy old lady’s hat than an Easter bonnet. At least to me.

67. When it comes to pussy willow flowers you can never go overboard.

Okay, this is quite extravagant. Flowers are probably fake but they seem to have eggs hanging on them.

68. Nothing says Easter than having a crown with a giant chick.

Now that guy better be quite strong since that chick sure looks monstrously heavy for some reason.

69. For Easter bonnet decorations, jelly beans do quite well.

Of course, these candies taste really disgusting that you might as well put them to better use.

70. Now this lady seems to have left all her Easter eggs hanging.

Now I wonder how she could wear this hat and see. I mean those plastic eggs seem to obscure her eyes.

71. Whether you’re in the Easter parade or Kabuki Theater, this bonnet is for you.

Of course, if you’re unfamiliar with Japanese theater, despite the extravagant costumes, we should be aware that all the actors involved are guys, even as the leading ladies.

72. Of course, no one can have a hat with rabbit ears as tall as this girl.

Now those are long rabbit ears. Must hear a lot noises from miles away such as a bear shitting in the woods.

73. Seems like this beehive basket needs some flowers.

Now this might have unfortunate implications if those were real flowers and the bees were alive. Imagine the sting marks on this woman.

74. You can’t do better on Easter than have your ducks all in a row.

Of course, I wonder how this guy managed to get smaller and smaller ducks. It’s like a rubber ducky nesting doll.

75. Now these flowers on this hat make you wonder if she paid a visit to the Mad Hatter.

Now these flowers seem like they’re from out of this world. Oh, yes, I forget they’re plastic and probably made for cemeteries.

76. With flowers and butterflies, you can’t do much better.

If these were real, they’d certainly be overdoing it on the Miracle Gro. Still, you have to hand it to the person who designed this.

77. Nothing makes an Easter bonnet work like one depicting a bunny and a chicken?

I bet you that chicken is probably taxidermy. I mean it almost looks quite real if you ask me.

78. When it comes to Easter bonnets, some couples feel the need to match.

And it seems no different for the king and queen of the Tropicana pineapple kingdom they rule together (okay, this is just a joke but please their hats are outrageous).

79. Nothing makes a great Easter bonnet than one of a hatching chick from its egg.

I don’t know about you but I think this chick’s wings are away out of proportion to its body. Just saying.

80. Easter Bunny Bot would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter.

Now I don’t know about you but it seems the Easter Bunny Bot is either the Easter Bunny’s robotic assistant or from a different planet entirely.

The Wonderful World of Peep Shows (No, Not That Kind) (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 7, 2015

Last year in March, I did a post on peep dioramas since it’s the Easter season and that I think those inedible marshmallow and sugar confections were better enjoyed that way. Since last year, I’ve had 567 views on that post as well as 19 Facebook shares. Now these are rather moderate numbers compared to some of my other posts, holidays or otherwise. But since I enjoyed doing this post so much and think peep dioramas are awesome, I decided to do another edition. I mean as long as they keep making sugary marshmallow products unfit for human consumption we might as well have some fun with them, especially since not all of us are repressed art students who like making dioramas in their spare time. Besides, I need to a break between all this Easter kitsch stuff. So without further adieu, here are some more marshmallow peep dioramas for your Easter sensibilities.

1. Join NBC’s Chris Hansen on this weeks exclusive episode of Dateline: To Catch a Peep-A-Tor.

Looks like the brown hairy rabbit caught on tape was caught on tape corrupting a minor. Yep, and I see a bottle of Jack Daniels and some beer cans, too.

2. Those growing up in the 1980s may remember Peep-Wee’s Playhouse with Peep Weep Herman himself.

Of course, what happened to Pee Wee Herman’s career servers a valuable lesson to children: never masturbate in a movie theater, even if it’s and adult cinema showing a porno.

3. For those who missed it, here’s a peep diorama of Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kanye West from a very special episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Actually, I really don’t give a shit about the Kardashians and really don’t think they bear any lasting significance in American culture. Yet, this peep diorama is very well done.

4. Come on down to The Price Is Right with your host, Bob Bunny.

Looks like the prizes here are a trip to Rio de Janiero and a brand new car. Also, Bob Bunny here reminding you to control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.

5. Moses presents himself to Pharaoh to, “Let my peeple go!”

Hate to be the Hebpeep slaves under the hot Ancient Egyptian sun all day, probably with nothing on.

6. “I’m a single bunny/I’m a single bunny.”

Never has Beyonce's most iconic music video has been so adorable. No wonder Kanye West thinks she awesome, which says something since he's an egotistical prig.

Never has Beyonce’s most iconic music video has been so adorable. No wonder Kanye West thinks she’s awesome, which says something since he’s an egotistical prig.

7. Nothing brought peeps together during the 1970s like the roller derby scene.

But like disco, it fell out of favor after being a major fad. Yet, having roller derby fall into obscurity is a good thing since it’s a rather violent sport.

8. Relive the chest bursting magic of Alien with this peep diorama.

Now I just can't wait for Ellen Ripeep to destroy it at the end. But, yes, when you see the something bursting out of a guy's chest, it's a take off from this movie.

Now I just can’t wait for Ellen Ripeep to destroy it at the end. But, yes, when you see something bursting out of a guy’s chest, it’s a take off from this movie.

9. Looks like this is a job for Marvel’s the Avengpeeps.

Join your favorite Marvel Avengepeeps in this explosive, action packed adventure. There’s The Incredipeep Hulk, Iron Peep, the Mightpeep Thor, Hawkpeep, Black Widpeep, and Captain Americpeep.

10. Vincent Van Peep paints another self-portrait.

Of course, this is after he cut off his ear as we can tell by the bandage on his face.

11. Seems like the native peeps are restless on their island.

And it seems like they’re offering some helpless white damsel peep as a sacrifice to their giant bunny peep god. Yeah, where is our great white hero now?

12. Of course, no peep competition can be complete without Grant Wood’s American Gothpeep.

Nevertheless, they do a lot renditions of this iconic American painting all the time that it’s a national treasure.

13. If you like Japanese food, feast your eyes on some marshmallow peep sushi.

Of course, only the soy sauce in this diorama is fit for human consumption. Everything else, not so much.

14. Watch these two Swedish peeps try to assemble some IKEA furniture.

Well, assembling the chair was a piece of cake. The end table, not so much.

15. I show you this diorama to remind you of the dire need to stop the illegal wildpeep trade.

God, I’d hate to see what all those chicks and bunnies went through. So sad.

16. Step into Alice’s adventures in Wonderland with this peep diorama you’d remember.

Well, at least this one is considerably less traumatizing and drug inducing than the Disney version, which was rather trippy to say the least.

17. “Tonight, one of you peeps will betray me.”

Of course, you can easily identify Judas in this. Just look at the eyes on each of the apostles.

17. May I present to you, the hit movie Life of Peep.

I like how on this Life of Pi diorama, the raft is an actual pie.

19. New Jersey Governor Chris Chrispeep closes the George Washingpeep Bridge during rush hour.

Of course, this won’t help Chris Chrispeep at all during the GOP presidential primary, which is America’s equivalent of the Upper Class Twit of the Year Competition. Trust me, it’s easy to see why I vote Democrat, besides being rather liberal on most social issues to begin with.

20. This peep diorama brings you into the Campbell’s Soup Factory.

Today’s product is Split Peep Soup which contains an inedible mix of marshmallow and sugar as well as Campbell’s signature ingredient: salt.

21. “You came in like a wrecking peep.”

Now I just couldn’t pass this one up since it’s an iconic scene Miley Cyrus will always be remembered for.

22. Experience American history with this peep diorama depicting the Lincoln assassination at Ford’s Theater on April 14, 1865.

Of course, this was when John Wilkes Booth jumped off the presidential balcony and onto the stage, which resulted in a broken leg.

23. Discover the magic of Wes Anderson with his 2012 movie Moonrise Peepdom.

Now after seeing this, I can't wait for a peep diorama depicting The Grand Budapest Hotel.

Now after seeing this, I can’t wait for a peep diorama depicting The Grand Bunnypest Hotel. Wes Anderson is such an underrated genius.

24. Experience the final moments of Harry Peeper and the Deathly Mallows as Harry goes up against Voldepeep during the climatic Battle of Hogwarts.

Now I had a Harry Potter peep diorama in the post from last year. But this was so well made that I couldn’t pass it up. And they even have Fred dead and Neville killing Nagini.

25. From Gettysburg 1863 to Washington 1963, Americans stand to say that all peeps are created equal in a land of the peeple, by the peeple, and for the peeple shall not perish on the earth.

Sure they may be a hundred years apart, but I think it’s a great tribute to American history. Well, better than what they have in Texas history textbooks anyway.

26. Indiana Peep is back with another thrilling adventure.

And it seems like he’s being chased by natives for possibly destroying an ancient temple filled with working machinery just to get a golden trinket that belongs in a museum.

27. Step into the world of Dr. Seuss with The Peepax.

Or that Dr. Seuss children’s book that shows kids how insatiable corporate greed can cause almost irreparable environmental harm if there are no measures for sustainability. Though the Oncler wins, his prosperity doesn’t last which leaves him in a polluted wasteland alone.

28. “We are gathered here today to bid farewell to the Hostess Twinkie.”

Then again, twinkies are still being made, but by a private company. Yet, this was done when Hostess went bankrupt. Still, pretty funny.

29. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you March of the Peepguins.

Of course, we all know that penguins don’t live in igloos or use fishing rods. Those props were just for giggles.

30. Join these bunnies for a night at the opera with Richard Wagner’s Ring Cycle.

Of course, we all know that this opera was responsible for the fat lady with a horned helmet singing. Not to mention, it perpetuated the now inaccurate notion of Vikings wearing helmets during their raids.

31. Discover the joys of Impressionism with a peep diorama of Georges Seurat’s A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte.

Sure you might not know the name of the painting, but you’ve probably seen it somewhere. Now this is a perfect rendition.

32. “I still have a dream, a dream deeply rooted in the American dream – one day this nation will rise up and live up to its creed, “We hold these truths to be self evident: that all peeps are created equal.” I have a dream…”

Never has history come to such life in a peep diorama as this one on the March on Washington.

Never has history come to such life in a peep diorama as this one on the 1963 March on Washington.

33. Could it be? Why, yes, it’s Mary Peepins.

Now this inedible sugar coated marshmallow bunny may say that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. But it also can lead to Type 2 diabetes.

34. Get an exclusive sneak peek of Season 3 of Peepton Abbey.

Of course, for those who haven’t seen the 3rd season, I think I might’ve spoiled the ending, especially on what happened to Matthew.

35. “Representing District 12 for the 74th annual Hunger Games are Peepa Mellark and Katniss Everbun. May the odds be in your favor.”

Sure I did The Hunger Games in last year’s peep post. But I think this one is quite good and captures the spirit of the books and movies. Love the Effie Trinket chick.

36. Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles.

And it seems that all the chicks in the audience are just gaga over them on the Ed Sullivbun Show in 1964.

37. Relive the romance of Rose and Jack in James Cameron’s 1997 epic Peeptanic.

“I’m king of the world.” Yet, Jack never foresaw the iceberg that would doom the ship and his life.

38. Peep Francis greets onlookers at Saint Peeper’s Square in his peepmobile.

Now while I think the peepmobile is quite ingenious, I especially adore the Swiss guard uniforms here.

39. Of course, no US cross country trip would be complete without a visit to South Dakota’s Mount Peepmore National Memorial.

Yes, we can’t forget seeing the rock images of George Washingpeep, Thomas Jeffersbun, Peddy Roosevelt, and Peepraham Lincoln.

40. Now I couldn’t have a peep post without one featuring the minions from Despicable Meep.

This diorama probably features the sequel since there are purple ones on the premises. Still, they’re probably easy to make.

41. Take a stroll down memory lane with the famed Ninendo game Super Mario Bunnies.

Basically this is the game that says that taught us that mushrooms make us grow and that shiny flowers allow us to shoot fireballs.

42. “Fraa-jeel-aay! Huh! Must be Italian!”

Sure I know this is from A Christmas Story. But I couldn’t resist the scene when Ralphie’s dad uncovers the legendary leg lamp.

43. “All we are saying is give peeps a chance.”

Yes, but when it comes to sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, I’ll just go with the rock n’ roll but with a little sex in it.

44. “Come on down to South Peeps and meet some friends of mine.”

Still, I have to give this person credit that at least he didn’t kill Kenny in this diorama.

45. Relive the magic of the original Star Wars Trilogy with The Peep Strikes Back.

Kind of like how they have Han Solo depicted as a bunny peep frozen in a chocolate bar.

46. Uncover the ancient Roman gladiator games with this peep diorama of the Roman Colosseum.

Will Bunnius Peepsimus slay the lions or become lion lunch like the guy before him? Oh, I can barely contain the excitement.

47. For President Barack Obama’s 2012 inauguration, Peepyonce sings the National anthem.

Hey, at least this one didn’t feature Aretha Franklin and her hideous hat. But then again, compared to Aretha Franklin, Beyonce can’t hold a candle to her.

48. Enjoy the outdoors and buy your overpriced clothing and gear at L. L. Peep.

Now this is a great diorama of what you’d see in an L. L. Bean catalog. Of course, though you can personalize stuff from it, the clothes are very expensive or as I call it, “not worth it.”

49. Relive your favorite moments with loveable meth titans Walter White and Jesse Peepman in AMC’s Breaking Buns.

Of course, you might want to clear out of Albuquerque when you see either of these guys and their RV. Also, maybe it’s best not to be a drug lord, even if you can make high quality meth.

50. Rediscover the childhood PTSD induced world of Roald Dahl with this peep diorama of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Of course, they couldn’t show Veruca Salt since she was in the garbage disposal. Nor can they show Mike TeeVee because he suffered from significant shrinkage. Still, Willy Wonka runs a very dangerous and nightmarish place.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Holidays