A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “The Cage”


When Ishmael appears to the coastal shelf, things tart getting interesting. Count Olaf tries to fool him with his Kit Snicket shtick, but Ishmael isn’t falling for it. Instead, tears off the seaweed wig of Olaf’s head and locks him up in a giant birdcage. Olaf is obviously pissed at this treatment since people usually let him get away with his stupid disguises and now he can’t have things his own way. But just as the colonists tell him that he’s been treacherous while the Baudelaires have been good, Olaf points out that Sunny has a whisk in her pocket, prompting the children to come clean about what they’re hiding. Ishmael reacts with, “We took you in with the goodness in our hearts and this is what you do to us?” Though public pressure convinces him to let them stay. Until the Baudelaires mention that a poor pregnant Kit Snicket is on the book raft, which Count Olaf announces she’s his girlfriend. Klaus obviously denies this. Ishmael then accuses the children of rocking the boat again and decides to abandon them unless they play by the rules. And Decision Day is approaching. But while the other islanders reluctantly go ahead with their resident Jim Jones, something falls from Ishmael’s sleeve and lands into a puddle.


Once again, I return to Les Miserables with “The Confrontation” in which Javert tells Jean Valjean he knows who he is and is trying to arrest him while Jean is begging him to give him 3 days so he can find Cosette after her mother’s death. And it ends with Valjean threatening Javert. In this version, I have Ishmael put Count Olaf in a cage, take the Baudelaires’ items, and abandon the kids for the night.


“The Cage”

Olaf, at last,
I see we meet at last

Count Olaf:
I’m Kit Snicket
I’m not a man, you ass

This is just a seaweed wig, Olaf
Grab him and throw him in the cage
Lock him up tight! For he is an evil man.

Count Olaf has been a treacherous man
The Baudelaires have been righteous as we see

Count Olaf:
If so, you say, then what’s that on Sunny?

Well, it’s a whisk, Klaus has a book,
I’ve a ribbon…

We taught you the rules!
Which you have chosen to ignore
We took you in with all our hearts
You weren’t kind in turn

(In Counterpoint)

Believe of us what you will

The wild sheep can take everything here
Nobody thinks it’s unkind
Except, you on this land, Ish

There’s a woman on the stack

Count Olaf:
She’s my girlfriend, Kit Snicket

She’s not for I know this bastard

What are you accusing us?

Do you even have a heart?

There are urgent matters here

Who cares if we rock the boat.

This poor woman needs our help

Ishmael, you have gone too far

Why would you leave her drown?

What’s fallen from your robe?

Ishmael (in counterpoint):
Baudelaires, I’ll let you stay
But you must abide our ways
To the arboretum
Don’t rock the boat – again, kids,
We never had all of this fuss
Before you three kids all washed up
Leave the woman with Olaf
D-Day will be coming fast
The coastal shelf will soon flood
I won’t force you to go back
But you will drown within the mud
Please help me towards my tent
Don’t mind what I had dropped
Baudelaires, you all stay ashore
Others here, the choice is yours

We will stay with her tonight

Count Olaf:
There is no place for you to hide

This situation is so unfair

Count Olaf:
I shouldn’t even be in here

Ishmael is such a fascist guy

Violet and Klaus:
I swear to her, I will be there!

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