A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “On Aboard the Queequeg”


As a submarine, the Queequeg comes with several features. Its Main Hall is the center of all operations with pipes jutting everywhere along with panels, gears, and tiny screens. The room is lit by a few green lights and tiny signs saying DANGER!, WARNING!, and HE OR SHE WHO HESITATES IS LOST! On the far side under an enormous porthole is a huge wooden table piled with books, maps, and dirty dishes. At the top of the rope ladder running up the side of the wall in the Main Hall is the Steering, a small shelf consisting of a large steering wheel along with a few rusty levers and switches that seem incredibly difficult to understand. Along the corridor also includes a kitchen, a supply closet, and barracks. Nonetheless, Captain Widdershins is pleased to have the Baudelaires on board. He wants Violet to repair the telegraph device, Klaus to read up on the charts to finding the elusive Sugar Bowl, and Sunny to help out Phil, the cook. Yes, that eternal optimist Phil from the Lucky Smells Lumbermill.


Once again, I turned to Pocahontas and used, “The Virginia Company” song from the movie. In the original version, English settlers climb on board the Susan Constant in hopes of seeking God, gold, and glory as well as singing about tales of riches and freedom. Of course, they probably won’t find gold there. Yet, in real life, the first few years of Jamestown were an absolute hell but with less clashes with Indians and more instances of cannibalism. In this version, I have Captain Widdershins describe the Queequeg and the object of the Sugar Bowl.


“On Aboard the Queequeg”

Sung by Captain Widdershins

We’re on aboard the Queequeg
We run the open deep
That we must find the Sugar Bowl
In our leaky submarine

Vi can fix things with Fiona
Klaus can go read tidal charts
And Sunny can team up with Phil
Since his food gives me the farts

So we must find the Sugar Bowl
In our Queequeg submarine

Why, yes, our pipes are dripping
While we spring too many leaks
There are several rooms
You must avoid or the sub will sink

You’ll find the pipes all over
While they’re all springing leaks
But that is how we all will go
In our leaky submarine
So we must find the Sugar Bowl
In our Queequeg submarine

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