With the menfolk out of the way, Captain Widdershins’ stepdaughter Fiona fills the Baudelaires in on what’s going on. She tells them that the Queequeg has been following their exploits in the Daily Punctilio for some time (though they try to distinguish fact from fiction on where the kids are). This explains why the sub appeared in the Stricken Stream instead of the places you normally find them: the ocean. They’ve also been receiving Volunteer Factual Dispatch telegrams about the Sugar Bowl’s location which has also brought them to the area. Since all the evidence points out that someone threw this Maltese tea set item out the window of V.F.D. headquarters and so has traveled down the Stricken Stream. She then shows them to their uniforms, which might prove quite large for them. Though she cues them that they’ll need diving helmets in case the sub’s walls collapse. But at least the Baudelaires get to sleep in bunk beds.

The song I decided to go with is The Band’s “Up on Cripple Creek” which is about a truck driver who goes to Lake Charles, Louisiana to stay with a local girl named Bessie. During the song, he gambles, drinks, listens to music, and spends time with his “little Bessie” who takes an active role in the goings-on, while expressing her opinions further endearing herself to the narrator. After exhausting himself on the road, he talks about going home to his “big mama” which maybe his main woman or his dispatcher. In this version, I have Fiona explaining to the Baudelaires what’s really going on.

 

“Down the Stricken Stream”

Sung by Fiona

When we get out of this river
You know where we gonna go
Straight out into the ocean
To find the Sugar Bowl

The Queequeg searched for you all over
From the Punctilio as we knew
Though we have a way to filter lies
In order to get to the truth

Down the Stricken Stream, they send her
If it springs a leak we mend her
If we need to leave start the engines
A real machine, if I ever did see one

According to the dispatches
About the Sugar Bowl
Said it traveled downstream
After thrown out from a window

But if Count Olaf gets it
Then it’ll be for naught
So Klaus needs to see tidal charts
To know where it had gone

Down the Stricken Stream, they send her
If it springs a leak we mend her
If we need to leave start the engines
A real machine, if I ever did see one

Here’s we keep the uniforms
Yet, there’s no toddler one in stash
Though you’ll need a diving helmet
If walls collapse

Though my stepdad knew the Punctilio’s lies
Cause your troubles are too big
Not sure what it means
Than some small noble thing

Down the Stricken Stream, they send her
If it springs a leak we mend her
If we need to leave start the engines
A real machine, if I ever did see one

Now my stepdad won’t even tell me about
What’s with the Sugar Bowl
He says it’s an enormous secret
Though I’m not really sure

Now let me show you to your bunks
Hope you enjoy your sleep
Though I’m sure you’ve been through worse
So you won’t mind the least

Down the Stricken Stream, they send her
If it springs a leak we mend her
If we need to leave start the engines
A real machine, if I ever did see one

It’s cold in the Mortmain Mountains
In the Hinterlands, it’s red hot
And this living in this sub
Is kind go getting off

Cause after what happened to my mama
Got killed by manatee
Because you know it’s not so much fun
Being stuck with two middle-aged men

Down the Stricken Stream, they send her
If it springs a leak we mend her
If we need to leave start the engines
A real machine, if I ever did see one