So the Baudelaires meet the Quagmires for dinner where the former will go meet Coach Genghis at the school grounds and the latter will sneak out of Nero’s recital and watch what’s Count Olaf is up to. That evening, when the Baudelaires show up, Count Olaf gives them luminous paint and tells them to paint a circular track. Once they’re finished, he makes them run laps all through the night. So they run around the track over and over again to the point they lose count and don’t leave until morning. Obviously, they’re exhausted but can’t sleep since they have to get to class and Nero’s office.

My choice of song here is “Y.M.C.A.” by the Village People, which is often played at sporting events with crowds using the arms to spell out the letters. And it remains popular as a disco classic with letters appearing as Space Shuttle Wakeup call on mission STS-106. In the original version, the face value meaning extols the virtue of the Young Men’s Christian Association. But given that the gay culture from where the Village People sprang, the song is implicitly understood as celebrating the YMCA’s reputation as a cruising and hookup spot, particularly for the younger men to whom it’s addressed. Still, Victor Willis said he never wrote this song as a gay anthem but more of a reflection of black youth fun at the YMCA such as basketball and swimming. Then again, he’s often expressed fondness for the double entendre. In this version, I have Count Olaf telling the Baudelaires what to do and reveling in their misery he’s putting them through.

 

“S.O.R.E.”

Sung by Count Olaf (as Coach Genghis)

Orphans, go and pick up some slack
I said, orphans, use this to go paint a track
I sai-d, orphans, make sure it’s large and round
There’s no need to be so lazy

Orphans, now go out run your laps
I said, orphans, now your legs better be fast
You got to run there, and will do what I say
And you’ll stay here till I say so

It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.
It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

Keep your feet moving fast at all of the time
And you will run laps for all night

It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.
It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

You will run constant laps, you won’t gripe about cramps
And don’t you dare ask about naps

Orphans, are you listening to me?
I said, orphans, won’t you pick up the speed?
I said, orphans, you keep moving your feet
Now you got to know this one thing

Orphans, go and pick up the pace
I said, orphans, don’t you be an utter disgrace
And just run laps as for S.O.R.E.
Don’t you complain you’re queasy

It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.
It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

Keep your feet moving fast at all of the time
And you will run laps for all night

It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.
It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

You will run constant laps, you won’t gripe about cramps
And don’t you dare ask about naps

Orphans, won’t you pick up your shoes?
I said, get up, don’t be down with the blues
And don’t pass out if you feel faint
Cause you got to get a move on

Faster, I’ll make you do this all night
I won’t dismiss you until the dawn’s early light
Cause there’s no choice being in S.O.R.E
Since you won’t have it so easy

It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.
It’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

Keep your feet moving fast at all of the time
And you will run laps for all night
S.O.R.E. you’ll be running in for S.O.R.E

Orphans, orphans, there’s no need to be down
Orphans, orphans, pick yourself off the ground
S.O.R.E., it’s fun to run in for S.O.R.E.

Orphans, orphans, are you listening to me?
Orphans, orphans, won’t you pick up the speed?
S.O.R.E., just run for S.O.R.E.

Orphans, orphans, go and pick up the pace
Orphans, orphans, don’t you be an utter disgrace
S.O.R.E. and just run in for S.O.R.E.

Orphans, orphans, won’t you pick up your shoes?
Orphans, orphans, get up, don’t be down with the blues, S.O.R.E.