In The Bad Beginning, a key event is the one-night only premiere of Al Funcoot’s “The Marvelous Marriage.” In it, a “very handsome man” played by Count Olaf marries the bride played by Violet Baudelaire in front of an adjudicating judge portrayed by Justice Strauss. It’s not particularly entertaining. But it’s actually a wedding trick for Count Olaf to legally marry Violet and become eligible for a claim to the vast Baudelaire fortune. Though you get much details in the books since Snicket thought it was that bad. But the film and TV adaptations do. The movie version pertains to two counts fighting over a woman they loved with the other guy being represented by a mannequin. The Netflix series has Count Olaf playing various characters throughout history like a Pharaoh and Duke and bragging how handsome he is. The two White-Faced Women flank him declaring how he’s such a handsome man. Nonetheless, The Marvelous Marriage caused The Bad Beginning to become a controversial book, due to how it involves a grown man trying to marry a 14-year-old girl who’s supposed to be his adopted daughter and distant cousin. Still, despite what some parents think, the marriage is supposed to set up Count Olaf as a disgusting character who’d do anything to get what he wants. Even if it means resorting to marrying a teenager, which is morally depraved.

A good song for this scene would be the “Toredor Song” from Carmen which I found very hard to adapt since it’s a French opera from the 19th century. The original version is a sung by a Spanish bullfighter discussing his time in the ring and of how everyone thinks he’s so great. It’s usually sung by a baritone. You probably know the tune since you might’ve heard it several times, especially the chorus. In this version, I’m basically borrowing  from the Netflix adaptation with Count Olaf saying how handsome he is. Though I have compare his looks to Neil Patrick Harris and how the audience shouldn’t be grossed out that the bride’s a teenager. Since it’s supposed to be a period piece.

 

“The Marvelous Marriage Song”

Sung by Count Olaf

Count Olaf:
Here you see, a very handsome man
Ladies and gents, all lay your eyes on me
I am a gorgeous gent, almost seem heaven sent
Can’t believe that ScarJo fantasized about my eyes
The theater is full, for the wedding night
The theater is full, from top to bottom
I’ll charm all your wives, moms, and mistresses
A dashing bridegroom with looks impeccable!

Gracious me, you’d sure mistake me
For one Neil Patrick Harris!
You’d almost think that he’s my brother
Though unlike him, I’m definitely not gay
And now I must await to see my bride!

I am a very handsome man. Make the girl’s squeal. Like it’s for real.
Too bad, since there’s only one girl for me
Who I’m marrying tonight,
That I await my one true love
Who is my bride, who will soon arrive

Troupe:
He is indeed a very handsome man. Oh, so divine. You’d almost die.
And yet, soon he’ll be with his only bride
He’ll soon be marrying tonight
We’ll await for his one true love
Who is his bride, who will soon arrive

Count Olaf:
She will come, wait until she sees
Her handsome groom beside her
Oh, how lucky she will be
To be with a handsome man like me
Once she comes here
We’ll soon get in the judge!
Here she is, in her wedding veil
And her white dress is awfully dazzling
Okay, she’s only fourteen
But this play’s a period piece
So a grown man with a teen
Isn’t really that disgustingly bad!

Here she comes, she’s at my side
About to give her boundless assets
Here’s the judge about to bind us
With a document to sign our names
Soon I’ll have her fortune
Once she signs and says, ‘I do! Ah!

I am a very handsome man. Make the girl’s squeal. Like it’s for real.
Too bad, since there’s only one girl for me
Who I’m marrying tonight,
That I await my one true love
Who is my bride, who will soon arrive

Troupe:
He is indeed a very handsome man. Oh, so divine. You’d almost die.
And yet, soon he’ll be with his only bride
He’ll soon be marrying tonight
We’ll await for his one true love
Who is his bride, who will soon arrive

Here’s the blushing bride, coming at the bridegroom’s side!