After doing extensive research on nuptial law and inheritance, Klaus Baudelaire goes downstairs the next morning. He confronts Count Olaf, telling him that he knows what that he’s trying to trick Violet into marrying him to get access to their fortune. He then threatens to tell his sisters, Mr. Poe, and turn in evidence, which Olaf tells him to go ahead. Mostly because he had Sunny kidnapped and put into a cage dangling from a tower to use as a bargaining chip to get him and Violet to cooperate. If not, then he’ll drop her. Violet agrees. That night, she fashions a rope and grappling hook to rescue her baby sister. But once she reaches the top, the Hook-Handed Man grabs catches her and keeps her in the Tower, before Klaus joins her. As Violet considers saying “I Don’t,” Olaf shows her a walkie-talkie, implying that if she doesn’t say “I Do,” he could notify the Hook-Handed Man to drop her. At this point, it all seems hopeless for the Baudelaires.

The song I chose for this part in the book is “Trial Before Pilate” from Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s a high dramatic number depicting Pilate trying to get Jesus to talk and save himself as crowds clamor to crucify him. Sure he might seem to do all he can to save the guy. But I think he just wants Jesus to put up some fight or at least explain why the crowds want him crucified. The fact Jesus won’t say anything just frustrates him because he has no idea what the hell is going on with him. He may not want him killed. But if Pilate is doing everything to save Jesus it’s because he wants a satisfying answer before putting him to death. Because to him, he seems fairly innocent. Yet, he eventually goes to, “well, I find no guilt in this man, but I’ll crucify him for you anyway.” He then washes his hands as a way to say, “don’t blame me.” I’ll use the long Broadway version. In the ASOUE version, it begins with Klaus confronting Olaf before going to Violet trying to rescue Sunny from the tower. I also have the parts normally going to the mob reserved for singular characters.

 

“Day Before Wedding”

Count Olaf:
Seems you are up this hour at dawn.
May I ask you what the hell you’re reading on?

Klaus:
I read all night up on some nuptial law.
I’ve figured out what you’re planning on.
You mean to marry Vi.
It’s all you have to do.
To get our inheritance.
It’s all you have to do.

There are three things you need.
First, a judge’s presence
Second, there must be mutual consent.
Last, a bridal signature on a marriage document
In her own writing hand.
You have one out of three
But it’s a simple as that.

Count Olaf:
Violet’s pretty but she’s just
Fourteen.
She’s not at a right marriageable age.
She’s just a teen.

Klaus:
You can give consent.
You are her guardian

Count Olaf:
But why the hell would I want to marry her?

Klaus:
You want our cash
And if you marry her,
You can get access.
To our large inheritance

I will tell my sisters and we’ll go to Poe.

Count Olaf:
What do you mean?
You’re gonna turn me in?

Klaus:
You’ll have a long jail sentence

Count Olaf:
Well, go ahead.
There’s nothing stopping you.

Klaus:
Violet, Sunny, I need to see you!
I’ve figured what he’s doing?

Violet:
Where is our baby sister Sunny?
I put her to her makeshift bed last night
Why she’s not here? Where could she be?

Count Olaf:
Oh, yes where could Sunny have gone to?

Violet:
What have you done to her?
It’s all you have to do.

Klaus:
What have you done to her?
It’s all you have to do.

Count Olaf:
Don’t worry, Baudelaires.
Come with me, Baudelaires.
She’s in the backyard.
Hanging thirty feet,
In a birdcage from tall tower window.
Her mouth’s been taped shut.
And her hands are tied.
She’s my stick
For stubborn mules.

Violet and Klaus:
Please release her!

Count Olaf:
She’ll be all right
If you do me just one thing

Violet:
Tell me, just free our Sunny.

Count Olaf:
Just marry me,
Or else I’ll drop her cage.

Violet:
Okay, I’ll marry you, Count
Just release her.

Count Olaf:
Oh, I’ll release her after tomorrow.
But for now, just go in to finish up your housework
There’s to be a wedding back in the theater
So you might want to keep this place spotless.

Give me that book, Klaus. You won’t need it.

Violet:
I’ll get you out, Sunny
I’ll climb up that Tower
Patience.
I’ll use these rods
To make in a hook for
My anchor.
I’ll twist these old curtains
Into a strong makeshift rope.
There’s just no way I will
Ever share a bed with this dope.

I once promised Mom and Dad.
I’ll look out for you and Klaus, so I must save you.
Even if I have to climb that tall tower.

What is it, Sunny dear?
What are you saying?

Hook-Handed Man:
Do you think we wouldn’t catch on?
Come in here, Olaf
She’s in the tower
She climbed up to rescue her sister!
Bring in the young Klaus.
Have them all stay here
Until tomorrow for the wedding.

Violet:
Perhaps tomorrow
I’ll just refuse him.
When it’s time to give the I dos.

Count Olaf:
We made a bargain
If you don’t do it,
I’ll tell him to cut the rope and drop her

You think you’re clever
I wouldn’t notice.
So play the game or it’s death to your sister.
Don’t try to cheat me
You’ll sure regret it
Just comply or it’s death to your sister.

Violet:
Keep us locked up, you dirty old bastard!
Do what you want, you horrible monster!
I won’t let you to our large family fortune!
I’ll never be your sweet teenage countess!