Every year on the 4th of July the city Pittsburgh hosts an annual Three Rivers Regatta. Well, they had it this year except they didn’t feature the boat stuff since it had rained a lot lately and the water was too high. Besides, there was a lot of debris floating in the rivers anyway. But they kept the other stuff in. Still, technically a regatta is supposed to be a series of boat races usually pertaining to sail and row boats. It’s usually a competition among amateurs. But it’s a formally structured event with comprehensive rules describing the schedule and procedures. Nevertheless, most of them are done for fun. Still, take the boats out of the Three Rivers Regatta, and it’s not really a regatta at all. It’s just a 4th of July festival. Nevertheless, there all kinds of regattas depending on the type of boat or particular area with most taking place in the summer. You might have a regatta organized by the rich snooty yacht club consisting entitled Ivy League prep school brats on their row boats. But these I’ll show will pertain to boats that have a more creative or humorous spin to them. So without further adieu, here are some lovely regatta floats you might want to see.
1. Well, at least we know that the giant whale didn’t swallow anybody.
Still, I think this float looks quite awkward with this boat not having the cover down the middle. Reminds me of a fish skeleton of some sort.
2. So is this for the regatta or the air show?
Probably regatta because highly doubt that this plane could fly. But whether it will float, I’ll have to see for myself. Hope it doesn’t get too wet.
3. All these people wanted was a nice raft with a cottage house covered with ivy.
“People navigate along the Lielupe river as they participate in the milk carton boat regatta in Jelgava August 30, 2014. Thirty eight teams used about 40,000 empty milk tetra packs to build rafts as part of the XIV International festival of milk, bread and honey.” from Reuters. Still, I wonder if that structure or the people on it will cause some accident of sorts.
4. All you need for a regatta float are a couple of barrels and a bathtub.
And I see they gave the bathtub a paint job. Not sure if that will help. Also, hope there’s nothing in the barrels.
5. Guess Cinderella has to leave the pirate ship party by midnight.
Hope Cinderella doesn’t share a dance with Captain Morgan. Heard that guy really has a drinking problem. Then again, most Golden Age pirates were former sailors impressed while drunk at a tavern. Seriously, it’s no wonder they loved their rum.
6. Seems like we have a man overboard with the large truck on a raft.
Well, at least he has a life jacket on so I hope he lands in the water. Didn’t know they had a Sweet & Low upholstery service.
7. For a regatta float: If you don’t have cardboard, then barrels and a trampoline will do.
Well, I’m not sure if bouncing on a trampoline is a good idea in a body of water. Of course, they’re wise to have some safety procedures.
8. Got a swing set in your yard? Why not build a boat out of it?
And for a patriotic touch, they painted it red, white, and blue. Sure wonder whether they’re using the swings.
9. Now this is a manly kind of float that’s included with studio wrestling.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if engaging in WWE antics will help win the boat race. Perhaps these two should just spend more time rowing than fighting.
10. Sure you can make a regatta float, but you can’t make one that might also serve as a tiki bar.
Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if this float was built in Hawaii. But, hey, at least these people have a roof over their heads. I just want to know the maximum weight.
11. Nothing makes a better regatta float than one of a rat over raisins.
Okay, now this is quite disturbing. Not sure why anyone would want a rat float. Rats are disgusting vermin. And a giant one is the stuff of nightmares.
12. Looks like it’s a job for the water caterpillar.
Unlike real caterpillars, I’m sure this one helps with landscaping and construction in Atlantis. Then again, if it did, it would’ve been a submarine.
13. There are regattas that have races for sail boats. Yet, some tend to go on with a ship.
Seems like a boat like this can go with sails and rows. Wonder why they have rope ladders to the masts.
14. Introducing team log jammer.
Wonder if they’ll get to see their photos of themselves as they go down the waterfall portion. Like they have at Splash Mountain or Kennywood in my neck of the woods.
15. You heard of the Batmobile. Well, prepare to meet the Batcanoe.
I’m sure the real Batcanoe would be far more impressive. But this kid looks quite cute rowing it and it’ll probably stand a better chance of floating, too.
16. At the regatta, it helps if you spruce up your amphibious vehicle with an umbrella and flowers to give it a nice cozy feel.
Of course, with the color scheme, I would’ve sworn it was more suited as a construction vehicle. And find the flowers and umbrella a very odd decorating scheme, indeed.
17. Ahoy, mateys! Get on board the ol’ pumpkinship.
I think there’s an actual regatta with pumpkin boats as far as I’ve seen on Google Images. Still, how they managed to find pumpkins this big to carve out, I’ll never know.
18. Of course, even a giant pencil can make a great canoe if you put in the effort.
Hope it doesn’t run into the writing paper raft. Because any marks it leaves will leave to smudges if they’re ever erased. Well, in some pencil boats anyway.
19. You can always build a float out of barrels and piping if you set your mind to it.
Now I wonder who the hell thought of adding a canopy like that. Just seems quite alien to me. Then again, maybe it was designed by someone from another planet or galaxy.
20. When it comes to regatta floats, you can always decorate it as a 1950s hangout.
Let’s hope nobody falls overboard during the sock hop. Because that certainly won’t be cool, especially if it’s a woman wearing a poodle skirt. Love the LP decorations though and the pink.
21. Yes, your boat may be cool, but does it have its own waterslide?
Okay, not this looks like fun. Sure it’s not a great photo since it’s shown at a distance. But sometimes you have to take what you can get.
22. It’s been said that beer cans tend to be the best material for boats for those who want to build one.
This might be from a beer can regatta in Australia which takes place around the Christmas season or before March. Still, if I saw that many beer cans to build a boat here, I’d wonder if any of the crew members have a drinking problem.
23. Oh, look there’s a shark and it wants to eat us!
Now I know this is a regatta float with a Jaws theme and I’m sure the shark isn’t real. Still, I’m wondering if these kids are going need a bigger boat.
24. Now this regatta float theme is, a tribute to Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.
Yes, a regatta float tribute to a great pilot of great competence and know how who became a hero of the Hudson. Still, I’m sure this won’t fly though but who cares? It’s the thought that counts.
25. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine.
Of course, in a regatta float post like this, you should know that a yellow submarine float was coming. Still, I’d really would want a yellow submarine float picture from a different angle than this.
26. Now this regatta float was made possible by your neighborhood crazy cat ladies.
Let me guess, this float is manned by a bunch of middle aged to elderly women who are either lesbians or terminally single that they see cats like their own children. Then again, they could just be a bunch of cat hoarders who take in any feral feline they can find which is very much ill-advised. But I really don’t want to be stereotypical here.
27. Like the ill-fated 1912 ship, this Titanic float seems headed for disaster.
But unlike the real disaster, there will probably be no major fatalities from this sinking. Of course, you have to be careful with cardboard, especially if you’re on a boat made from that stuff.
28. Of course, at any regatta event, you’re eventually bound to run into a pirate ship.
Of course, it’s probably as an accurate rendition to a Golden Age pirate ship as you see in the movies. Still, because of pirate movies, I’m sure these people have no idea what real Golden Age pirates actually did.
29. When it comes to river transportation, you can’t do better than double decker bus.
What’s surprising about this float is that it’s in a Canadian competition. Which is strange to me since I always associate red double decker buses with Great Britain. Then again Canada was once a British colony.
30. Now your regatta rowboat always needs an intimidating figure head. I’m not sure if this one cuts it.
Reminds me of a cartoon sketch in which a Viking is trying to buy a boat with a gruesome figurehead only to find that all the boats have cute little animals on them. However, unlike that sketch, I really think this duck head was intentional.
31. These two pilots seem to be flying high in the open water.
Of course, while duct tape does make a great adhesive, it’s also great for decoration on floats like these. Still, wish I can see the whole thing but photos can only fit so much.
32. Big wheel, keep on turnin.’ Proud Mary keep on burnin.’ Rollin,’ rollin,’ rollin’ on the river.
And boy, what a big wheel it is that it seems so vastly out of proportion to the boat it’s attached to. Seriously, look at the thing. It’s freaking huge!
33. Well, at least during the regatta, there will be an ambulance standing by in case of a boating accident.
Of course, I’m sure this float is too small for any real medical emergencies. Still, it’s pretty clever. Not sure if it’s from Great Britain though. Probably not.
34. Show your patriotic spirit at the regatta with this American flag raft.
Whoever did a raft like this has way better drawing and painting skills than I do. Still, at least they used crates and barrels.
35. Hate to know what’s coming out of that funky trailer truck smokestack.
Now this float is said to be sponsored by the local food bank. However, I think it’s just a front for Willy Wonka. Seriously, no trailer truck discharges smoke like that. Not in a million years.
36. Play the guitar? How about a guitar raft?
Yeah, I think this guitar really isn’t for playing since it’s derived from cardboard. But it’s a pretty accurate rendition, artistically speaking, that is.
37. For their regatta float, these people decided to take their whole house with them.
Of course, this is too small to be a real house as well as much prettier than what many people could afford (as a real house, that is). Still, this team must have a very good designer or architect.
38. Look out, here comes two girl rowers on an aircraft carrier.
Now I wonder if this event is just a regatta or some weird form of Battleship. Seems like it’s made from Styrofoam which I highly advise against as a packing material.
39. Well, at least the people on this float have a place for their private business.
Sure it’s nice to go with the whole rustic Texas theme. But I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to perpetuate possible stereotypes about yourselves. You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.
40. For your regatta float, you can’t go wrong with the turtle.
Now this is definitely a pumpkin float if you look inside. And I’m sure it’s only made for one person. Still, wherever this guy lives, I’m sure the pumpkins there have some kind of abnormality that makes the grow excessively huge.
41. Hey, look, is that the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine?
Just for the record, Scooby Doo is a horribly written mystery cartoon about a group of teenagers who travel in a hippie van with their oversized dog. Oh, and the villains are usually people in monster masks. Seriously, couldn’t they just have the villains not wear the masks sometimes? Like real murder mysteries akin to Agatha Christie, Dashiell Hammet, Raymond Chandler, or Arthur Conan Doyle?
42. Nothing makes a regatta float than one of a dead possum covered in duct tape.
For those familiar with Canadian Television or PBS several years ago might get this reference. For those who don’t, well, it’s pretty hard for me to explain.
43. Remember, a couch may be comfy to sit on. But it also makes a rather handy flotation device.
Of course, I have to make a special discretion for those at West Virginia University. Remember, you can do more with couches than just burn them in the event of a victory party at your sporting events. Seriously, couch burning is illegal in Morgantown. In fact, it’s illegal anywhere, especially if the couch in question is not yours.
44. For those hard to reach spots, a crane truck can do just fine.
Not sure if it actually works. But it seems to do quite well in the water and really stand out. Got to appreciate the magic of cardboard.
45. Seems like this pirate ship has too many people rocking the boat.
Looks like they have to throw a man or two overboard before they could get ship shape. Either that or at least perhaps try to give the boat an equal weight distribution.
46. Of course, what’s a regatta if you don’t have an old timey riverboat there?
Nevertheless, from what I’ve read, real steamboats weren’t the safest things and were very prone to catching fire. So this cardboard cut out is probably much safer than the real thing.
47. Introducing the one and only water dragon.
Not sure how they manage to keep this one together before it was in the water. Oh, yes, ropes. But still, will it be in one piece at the finish line? I’m not so sure.
48. Of course, when it comes to regattas, even Disney fans want to cash in on the action.
And it seems that these people are avid fans of Aladdin. I mean they have a Genie float after plans for a magic carpet raft fell through.
49. Want to decorate your float but don’t want it to sink? Remember, that pool toys are just as good decorations as any.
Not sure if I share these girls’ taste in decorating. In fact, I actually think this float is kind of tacky. But I’m sure it’ll probably not sink as long as it’s not carrying more than its capacity.
50. In ancient times, it wasn’t uncommon for people to build sail boats out of aluminum beer cans.
Actually, I’m just kidding about that. This is probably for a beer can regatta in Australia. But still, it kind of gives you an impression that it was used during an ancient civilization.
51. Now a float like this can take any spectator into the Prehistoric Era.
Well, if you imagine the Prehistoric Era akin to what you see on The Flinstones or in some stupid Creationist museum in Kentucky. Still, that T-Rex seems to come straight from some cheap theme park, not Jurassic Park.
52. See the Pharaoh being rowed on his Nile River cruise by his royal attendants.
Now I don’t have an issue with the boat here even if the side is in hieroglyphics. What my problem is with the guys in red hats. Seriously, those are Pharaoh hats for Lower Egypt. I’m not sure if there should be 2 of them.
53. I’m sure this Viking boat will make a grand addition at Valhalla.
Now these guys may like Vikings. But I’m not sure if they know a lot about them. For instance, real Vikings didn’t wear horned helmets. Seriously, it wouldn’t be practical in the heat of battle.
54. While some race on the regatta by boat, some just take the shuttle.
And by “shuttle” I mean space shuttle. Of course, it may not take these girls to space. But it just as well might take them to the finish line, which is just as well.
55. Of course, if you’re entering a regatta with your Sunday school class, you’d probably do a float of Noah’s Ark.
Now this doesn’t look like a good rendition of Noah’s Ark. And believe me, I saw the Darren Aronofsky movie. Then again, these people were on a tight budget so their cardboard ark is understandable. Darren Aronofsky on the other hand…..
56. Of course, nothing at the regatta makes your team look fierce than having a pink dragon boat.
Now I get the dragon. But I’m not sure about the pink other than to really stand out. On the other hand, there whole scheme might be about raising breast cancer awareness.
57. Oh, my God, it’s the cops. Quick, let’s get out of here before they make us pull over.
My mistake, it’s just a couple of people having a good time in a float that happens to be of a police car. Yeah, sorry for the false alarm here.
58. Not I’m sure this team has a real shot at winning one of the regatta races.
Now I don’t know about you but sometimes a float of a hypodermic needle can be a fine line between clever and intimidating. I mean my dad squirms when he sees needles being injected onscreen.
59. Nothing makes a regatta worthwhile than having a float with a brightly colored macaw on it.
Of course, this macaw seems like a rather happy camper to many. Still, quite colorful to say the least.
60. Of course, this barrel monster is sure to strike terror in the souls of competitors.
Of course, this sea monster might not be anywhere near intimidating. But I’m sure the plastic barrels will do just fine in regards to flotation.
61. If they row any faster, I wonder if this boat will fly.
Of course, it won’t fly even with the propellers spinning. But you got to hand it to them, it sure pays to be in the shade.
62. When it comes to regattas, everyone should be able to float their own tree houses.
I’m not sure if anyone could fit in that house. But these kids really seem to be proud of it even if it’s made from cardboard.
63. Seems like someone wants to really hammer in the competition.
I know this is for Australia’s Darwin Beer Can Regatta. Still, I can’t help but wonder whether the owners may be cheating.
64. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Ill Eagle.
Now this might be a play on words here. But I’m sure this is from an American team where the bald eagle is its national symbol.
65. Hmmm….not sure if I’d want fries with that or not.
Still, you have to question whether this might add on to the obesity crisis in America and abroad. Seriously, let’s just say that fast food isn’t for me. Nor will it ever be.
66. Nothing makes a regatta like a float of a pink jeep.
Now I’m not sure whether it looks badass, clever, or tacky. May be a combination of all 3 for all I know.
67. For all I know, this Energizer Bunny float can just keep going and going.
Wait a minute, is that really an Energizer Bunny float or just a pig with sunglasses? If so, then where the hell is its drum? If not, then I’ll put it on here.
68. Of course, in case of a fire, we have a firetruck and other emergency vehicles standing by.
Sure it might be a bit redundant having a fire truck on the water. But still, the water could be contaminated with flammable chemicals for all we know like fracking fluid. So it pays to stay on the safe side.
69. Have a duck float and pretty soon everyone is going around making duck faces.
Then again, it may be a swan or a goose for all I know. The bill doesn’t seem ducklike to me for some reason. But the costumes certainly do.
70. Now this hotdog float is bound to give the $5 foot long a whole new meaning.
Okay, maybe not since the $5 foot long is from Subway. But I’m sure that you wouldn’t want ketchup or mustard on this thing in the very least.
71. Now by Thor’s hammer, this is a Viking ship well fitting for any regatta.
Now something tells me that the crew will be wearing horned Viking helmets. I’m sure this will give the Mighty Thor and Loki a facepalm.
72. For those who like motorcycles, now you can ride one on the water.
I’m sure whoever designed this float must either be in a midlife crisis or compensating for something. I’m not sure what else. Seriously, motorcycles are called by a different name in the medical field for a reason.
73. Seems like this guy wants to take up a foot in regards to the competition.
Now I’m sure we all wear sneakers. But how many of us have a sneaker boat? I’m sure there could only be one.
74. Of course, you can always seem to hop to it at the regatta with this froggie float.
Now this may not look like Kermit. Then again, it appears pretty demented as if it has no soul to speak of. Still, its tongue seems to be in the water.
75. For those who look forward to Shark Week, a float like this might be for you.
Now Jaws begins when a shark devours a woman swimming on the beach. In this case the woman is using the shark as a rowboat. Reminds us of how far we’ve come.
76. Got a rusty old farm truck? Perhaps you should make a float for it with some rusty barrels.
Now I’m sure this is probably a Deere if it’s in an American regatta. Of course, at least it’s carrying an appropriate load.
77. Now there’s nothing better than having a regatta boat of a bunny or mouse.
Okay, that’s definitely a mouse. Then again, it may be a bunny. But at least these people seem to make the whole regatta sort of a family affair. Even if it’s subjecting the kid to wearing bunny ears.
78. Why use oars to move around when you already have water wheels on each side?
Not sure if it does away with oars completely. But even if it doesn’t, it still looks pretty cool. Wouldn’t mind having one of those myself.
79. Only at a regatta could you make a caterpillar out of a bathtub.
Now the picture in the window is obviously photoshopped. Still, you have to hand it to these ladies for their creative spirit.
80. Well, if anyone needs a snack, there’s always Dunkin’ Donuts.
Still, you don’t want to have too many if you want to look good in a swimsuit. And this goes for women and men here. Or if you don’t want diabetes or other health problems like obesity.