Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

Okay, we’ve reached the final post of my series of family unfriendly board games. I hope you enjoyed reading all the stuff about the bad board games out there which are offensive, outdated, tacky, boring, or just plain stupid. Of course, I’ve had this idea for quite some time but I had to put up posts for the holidays and early summer. But since nothing is going on between the 4th of July and August, this time provides a good window for me. But, if we can be thankful of anything in the gaming world, it’s that many of these board games aren’t around anymore, especially the ones targeted to kids and the tie-in stuff. Well, at least no longer in print but you can probably get most of them off Amazon or Etsy. So without further adieu, here is the final installment of my series of family unfriendly board games.

91. Who’s Your Daddy?

Now this is a game in which players are either women trying to have kids to as many men as possible to get child support or men trying to avoid paying the court-mandated payments. Let’s just say the only thing good about this game is the chance to do your best Jerry Springer or Maury Povich impression. Other than that, it’s a game that’s trashy beyond all description.

Category: Humor, Negotiation, Party, Dice Rolling

Players: 4-12

Contents: booklet, dice, pencils, scoresheets, fake money

Object: Players play both a man and a woman during turns. As the woman, the player is trying to have as many kids to as many different men as possible who they will sue for child support if she can successfully pin paternity on them. As the man, the player is denying paternity in order to avoid the court-ordered payments. Player who still has money wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I have no idea why anyone would come up with this sleazy idea that’s a mainstay staple of the trashy daytime talk show. Then again, it was released in 2001.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say thanks to daytime talk shows and derogatory stereotypes of greedy welfare mothers and irresponsible deadbeat dads, paternity suits don’t really have great connotations these days. In fact, this game’s very premise is so horrible to defy description that the only benefit of this game is that it gives the opportunity to give your best Maury Povich impersonation.

Available?: Hopefully not.

92. Baby Boomer: Tactical Survival in the Household

Baby Boomer is the kind of game in which you play either the parents or a cop trying to get an automatic weapon from a toddler’s hands before someone gets killed. On the bright side, it’s actually a very effective and convincing argument for gun control.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players:1-3

Contents: dice, paper tabs, some paper pieces, hallway map

Object: Players represent Mom, Dad, and Officer Bill. Goal is for players to try to get them down the hallway before baby blows them up with a fully loaded Krup 9000, 16 shot, Near Silenced, Semi Auto pistol. Dog is the first victim.

Why they thought it was a good idea: For God’s sake, I have no idea why someone would think this would make a good board game.

Why it’s not: For fuck’s sake, this game is built around the premise of a toddler grabbing hold of a fully loaded automatic weapon. Now other than being an unintentional promotion for gun control, this baby is being raised by very irresponsible parents who don’t know shit about gun safety. Seriously, someone really needs to call Child Services on this one. Still, what kind of sadistic person would design a game like this? That’s insane!

Available?: No.

93. The Junkie Game

In the Junkie Game, players are heroin addicts in which they lose their job as well as suffer other negative consequences of drug addiction. Works like a reverse Monopoly. Nevertheless, it’s a rather depressing game.

Category: Economic, Educational, Roll/Spin and Move, Simulation

Players: 2-7

Contents: game board, cards, fake money

Object: Players represent heroin addicts who lose money, their jobs, and possessions throughout the course of play. When a player is unemployed, hustles help replace player income. They can also use Wisdom and Hassle cards as well. But as the game progresses, players are likely to acquire expensive habits requiring more money to maintain as well as suffer job loss, arrests, and negative consequences of board spaces. Player who survives the longest wins. Works kind of like a reverse Monopoly.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was released in 1972 as a way to illustrate the destructive nature of drug addiction.

Why it’s not: Because drug addiction isn’t a fun subject since the real life junkie game is always a losing proposition. In fact, making it a board game subject is depressing, even without the prostitution and codependency issues. You’d have more fun watching The Wire than playing this.

Available?: Thankfully no.

94. The Senior Prom Game

To be fair, this game came out in the 1950s. But still, being a prom queen isn’t a great aspiration for girls. This is especially true if their high school doesn’t have one. Also, neglects the realities of slutty dresses and teen pregnancy.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move, Children

Players:2-4

Contents: game board, player markers, spinner, 16 cardboard circles

Object: Players must attain the status of “Prom Queen” by obtaining 4 circles saying “Date,” “Grades,” “Formal,” and “Dance” in order to be qualified as a candidate along with landing on the space stating, “Selected Candidate for Prom Queen.” After that, each candidate must place their marker on a numbered star. First player to make it that far and spin the number matching their star space wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in the 1950s when prom in many ways would be the highlight of many teenage girls’ lives.

Why it’s not: For one, the game is stupid with spaces like “Meet new boy at game. Wow! Run ahead 3 spaces,” “Dance with T.V. idol at sock hop. Move ahead 6 spaces,” and “Study for finals with boy friend. Move ahead 2 spaces.”. Second, let’s just say aspiring to be prom queen isn’t a great one for girls, particularly if their school district doesn’t have one. Also, it’s kind of disturbing that it’s recommended for girls between 7-12. But unlike the real thing, there’s no risk for slutty dresses or teenage pregnancy involved with this game.

Available?: No.

95. Bigfoot: The Game

Now this is a game in which prospectors try to escape the monstrous wrath of dreaded Bigfoot in Alaska. Nevertheless, Bigfoot isn’t a snow monster for God’s sake. Seriously, Bigfoot is said to be in the Pacific Northwest forests.

Category: Monsters, Children, Mythology, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, Bigfoot model, 10 plastic discs depicting footprints and blanks, player tokens, dice

Object: Players represent gold prospectors in Alaska who have sighted the dreaded Bigfoot. Players have 2 tokens and must move either at the roll of the dice. If the player token lands on a Bigfoot space, player rolls the dice again and moves the creature to full count. If the creature moves onto a player’s token, then a disc is put on that space. If it reveals footprints, then the token is out of the game. Last surviving player wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I have no idea. It was made in 1977 so I can rule it out as being a tie-in to Harry and the Hendersons or that Bigfoot show on the History Channel.

Why it’s not: Not sure if a Bigfoot slaughtering innocents translates into fun, family entertainment. Also, Bigfoot isn’t really a snow monster.

Available?: No.

96. Leaping Lemmings

In Leaping Lemmings, players race their lemmings to the coast so they can dive off from cliffs. But watch out for the eagles. Basically murderous and suicidal fun for the whole family. Oh, wait, lemmings don’t commit suicide. Damn you, Disney!

Category: Animals, Humor, Racing, Dice Rolling, Hex-and-Counter

Players: 2-6

Contents: 2 Eagle dice, mounted map game board, 101 counters, 6 Clan player aid cards, deck of 55 cards

Object: Players control their own clan of specially bred and trained lemmings to compete with other clans, all trying to scurry down a canyon and throw themselves over a cliff. Distance and style points are important. One lemming diving with elan and style is worth 5 mundane divers. But players should be wary of eagles who might get to them first. At each term a movement card is revealed allowing for a 2-5 lemming movement points. But only the top lemming in each stack is allowed to move. Players can also use Special Action Cards to alter the rules to their advantage and their opponent’s detriment. Player with the most victory points wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, this was released in 2010. So your guess is as good as mine.

Why it’s not: While this is certainly a family friendly game, lemmings have been subject to many misconceptions that are still widely believed. For instance, thanks to some documentary shenanigans by Disney and others during the 1950s as well as their chaotic population fluctuations, it’s been widely believed that lemmings commit mass suicide by jumping off cliff. However, cliff jumping is a result of lemming migratory dispersal, not suicide. Lemmings can swim and may choose to cross a body of water in search of a new habitat. But sometimes they drown due to the body of water being so wide which stretches their physical capability to the limit. As for the population fluctuations, it’s now said to be based on predators, food, climate, and others. However, thanks to the mass suicide myth, a game pertaining to lemming cliff jumping might carry some unfortunate implications to some. Doesn’t help that reviews call this a murder and suicide fest either. Still, suicide fest or not, it’s still a pretty gory game.

Available?: Yes.

97. Sealed with a Kiss Game

In this game, players collect “kisses” on their “boyfriend’s” picture which are marked with a “kisser” stamper. Of course, it’s a stupid game targeted to preteen and teenage girls, obviously.

Category: Children

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, spinner, 4 pawns, 4 picture frames, 4 plastic sheets, 6 double-sided boyfriend photos, 1 kiss stamper

Object: Players get one of 12 boyfriend photos which they put in a frame and move a around the board collecting kisses. When a player wins a kiss, they use a special “kisser” stamper to stamp the boyfriend’s photo. However, sometimes players can lose kisses, take kisses, or even trade boyfriends.  First player to collect 5 kisses wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Game developer wanted to appeal to a pre-teen girl demographic, I guess. Seriously, such shit was made for them.

Why it’s not: For one, it basically teaches girls that boys are more important during their teenage years than say, getting good grades to get into college. Second, it’s stupid. Third, it gives girls unrealistic expectations in boys.

Available?: No.

98. Electronic Mall Madness

Now this is a game targeted to preteen and teenage girls in which players shop for items at the mall with an unlimited supply of cash. Of course, this game doesn’t have any perception of real world economics.

Category: Children, Economic, Electronic, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, electronic computer, 4 rubber pads, 4 shopping lists, 6 plastic wall pieces, 2 sale signs, 1 clearance sign, 8 plastic pawns, 40 plastic pegs, fake money, 4 credit cards, 29 pieces of cardboard

Object: Players are mall shoppers in which an electronic computer tells them the best deals and where to move. Goal is for players to purchase 6-10 items on their lists and get back to the parking lot. Access to ATM takes a whole turn, however.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Not sure, guess they think that teenage girls like shopping at the mall.

Why it’s not: It’s a highly materialistic game that teaches girls that there are no real life consequences to maxing out their parents’ credit cards and they’re a source of endless money supply. Also, shopping at the mall is expensive. Besides, it’s highly sexist with its obvious targeting at teenage girls suggesting that they like shopping at the mall. Hey, I’m female and most of the time, I hate shopping.

Available?: Not sure. Might be an online game. It has multiple versions since 1989.

99. Junta

In this game, players represent officers in a junta where they choose El Presidente who rewards them with offices and money. Involves lying, exile, backstabbing, assassination, and other dirty stuff. Certainly not recommended for families of any kind.

Category: Bluffing, Humor, War, Mafia, Negotiation, Political, Dice Rolling

Players: 2-7

Contents: a giant mounted full-color map, deck of 78 cards, 3 dice, 148 counters, fake money

Object: Players represent various office holders in the ruling junta. Depending on office and various cards they hold, each player has a certain number of votes which help them choose El Presidente and the budget he or she proposes. El Presidente then distributes the money as he or she sees fit amongst the various offices. Loyalty is usually rewarded while pesky “thorns on side” are completely cut off. But he or she can and usually does keep some of the loot for his or herself with no one knowing the value drawn. Thus, players must attempt to assassinate opponents by guessing where they will be among 5 locations. Players who successfully kill another player, take their opponent’s money but must survive the assassination round to put it in a Swiss bank account. Also, unhappy players can call for a coup with the opposition trying to take control of a majority of power centers with rebels facing El Presidente’s forces. Player who amasses the most money secreted away in a Swiss bank account wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was probably inspired by the Banana Republic dictatorships in Latin America which it parodies when it was first released in 1975.

Why it’s not: Well, despite that it has quite a following, it also involves backstabbing, assassination, lying, exile, and other dirty stuff. Also, can take as long as 6 hours. Not for families or the faint hearted.

Available?: Well, it’s gone through a lot of versions.

100. Colossal Arena

Colossal Arena is a game where spectators take bets on battles between mythological creatures. Kind of like a mythological version of the gladiatorial games and whatever Michael Vick was doing.

Category: Card, Fantasy, Mythology

Players: 2-5

Contents: Deck of 163 cards or one of 110 cards with a draw discard tray, 25 wagering chips

Object: Players represent spectators cheering and betting on the melee ongoing in a fantasy arena/colosseum in which fantasy creatures are pitted against each other in battle. In each round one of the creatures will die. To decide which unlucky soul should, players put numbered power cards in front of the creatures with the lowest one going to the grave. Players’ place bets throughout the game will sometimes allow them to use a creature’s special power in battle. Bettor who rakes in the most winnings is the victor.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, I’m sure betting with fantasy creatures seemed like a great way for people to know about mythological creatures, according to one developer.

Why it’s not: Of course, the only thing that seems to make this game acceptable is that these are fantasy creatures in a Roman arena. Of course, monster battles might be awesome yet are nevertheless animals. Keep in mind it pertains to people betting on animals to fight, which shouldn’t be encouraged. Also, involves gambling.

Available?: Hopefully not.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

Now we’re closing in on the end. Of course, like most forms of media out there, some board games may live forever while others are just “period pieces” that might seem a good idea at the time, but they don’t age well. And then there are board games in which you have to wonder what the hell they were thinking. Still, before the age of the Internet you might see a lot of good board games like Monopoly and Scrabble as well as the like. But you also have stuff that’s racist, sexist, and very politically incorrect. For instance, the Gay Monopoly game might’ve been quite all right when released in the 1970s, but nowadays, not so much. Not to mention, it also neglects the lives of lesbians but in the 1970s that would’ve been forgiven since the people at the forefront of the Gay Rights Movement at the time were gay men. This might be the same for all the girl games that came out in the 1950s and 1960s which most people today would find inherently sexist. So for your reading pleasure here is the penultimate installment to my series of family unfriendly board games.

81. Swivel

Like Groop Loop, Swivel also inspires some degree of family friendly bondage and randy horseplay. Yet, the difference with this one is that the players have to knock off opponents’ cones and they tie ropes around their waists with pendulums in the middle.

Category: Action/Dexterity

Players: 4

Contents: game mat, cones, pendulum, ropes, straps

Object: Players have a rope tied at their waists which is tied to a central pendulum. Players pivot their bodies trying to swing the pendulum so that it knocks down their opponent’s pins but not their own.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Hell, if I know the answer to that. It was created by Milton Bradley in 1972 so probably the influence of drugs.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say it inspires randy horseplay. Really not the kind of game you want to play with your family. Seriously, it’s an awkward situation waiting to happen.

Available?: No.

82. Let’s Be Safe!

Though supposed to stimulate discussions about safety between parents and children, I’m not sure if this game would be something you’d want to play on a Friday night. Of course, some contents of this game is rather depressing as I’ve described.

Category: Children, Educational, Memory, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, cards, spinner, player pawns

Object: A game about safety in which players spin a spinner and move that many spaces. Cards are also matched. Players are asked questions about safety and game actively encourages discussions about the subject.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was meant to teach children about safety during the 1980s. Particularly when it comes to discussing safety issues with parents in a fun, relaxed, manner.

Why it’s not: While it’s supposed to bring discussion of safety issues between parents and children in a fun and relaxed manner, I’m not sure if that’s the case here. A couple card samples:  “A stranger offers you a ride in his dirty black van. Go back five spaces and pick a Therapy Card,” and “Your kite is stuck in a power line.  Lose a limb – and a turn.” I guess board games aren’t a great way to discuss safety issues are they?

Available?: No, thank God.

83. After the Holocaust

The kind of board game in which players try to survive after a thermonuclear war between the US and the Soviet Union. Said to be unwinnable and not the kind of post-apocalyptic fun for the whole family.

Category: Economic, Hex-and-Counter

Players: 3-4

Contents: 2 hexagonal grid map boards, 400 counters, 4 charts and tabs sheets, 144 money pieces, 2 dice

Object: Basically set in the US 20 years after a thermonuclear war with the Soviet Union. Players control one region of North America and part of Canada consisting of the Northeast, Midwest, Southwest, and Far West. Has 5 distinct rounds consisting of Production, Trade, Consumption, Political and Military, and Financial. Also between the 4^th and 8^th turns, population increases by 10%. Players can establish taxes, control fuel, manipulate labor, or battle their opponents.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, this was published in 1977 with the Cold War going on (but not like in the 1950s and 1960s).

Why it’s not: Well, for one it’s said that this game is unwinnable. Second, I’m sure post-apocalyptic survival game isn’t appropriate fun for the whole family. Besides, I’m sure a nuclear war would leave very few survivors.

Available?: No.

84. Gooey Louie

Gooey Louie is a game in which players try to pull boogers out of a guy’s head save for the one that makes his brains pop. Disgusting? I’ll say. Said to appeal to all ages (though I beg to differ).

Category: Action/Dexterity, Party

Players: 4-8

Contents: Louie head, gooeys, , die

Object: Pull the gooeys out of Louie and win. Watch his brain pop out when the special gooey gets picked.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I have absolutely no explanation for that one. Came out in 1995.

Why it’s not: Well, in involves pulling things out of a guy’s nose. Also has brains popping out. Definitely not the kind of game you want to play with the whole family who might be grossed out by it.

Available?: Not sure.

85. Dynamite Shack

The game in which large thumbs and sticking explosives into a shake is said to create an explosive good time. Of course, you couldn’t say much if played with the real things.

Category: Action/Dexterity, Children, Racing

Players: 2-4

Contents: dynamite shack box, dynamite plastic sticks, plastic thumbs, cards

Object: With oversized thumbs, players try to put dynamite stacks into a shack before it blows up.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. It was made in 1968 by Milton Bradley. So your guess is as good as mine. Drugs?

Why it’s not: Well, other than the explosive premise, I wonder if some of the stuff can fly everywhere when the shack blows up. Also, let’s just say playing the game with the real shack and real dynamite wouldn’t go so well.

Available?: No.

86. Legal Decision

Legal Decision is a game that shows players how the legal system works in less time than actual court proceedings. But it sometimes seems that way while playing it because it looks quite dull.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move, Educational

Players: 3-6

Contents: game board, decks of cards, jury box, player pawns, die, certificate, score sheets, cardboard pieces

Object: Players participate in a courtroom trial in roles of the defense attorney, prosecutor, jury foreman, judge, and others. Witnesses testify, cross-examination may change testimony, juror’s sympathy can be swayed, and new evidence can be introduced. Drama builds as jury moves toward its verdict.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Guess someone wanted to educate people about the legal system, particularly the flaws.

Why it’s not: For one, it’s difficult to recreate real court proceedings since they tend to be horribly long. Second, it’s entirely governed by luck. Third, it’s said to highlight a single case where evidence is clearly insufficient and conviction is fairly likely.

Available?: No.

87. Antiques Roadshow: the Game

Based on the hit PBS TV Show, this game would sure make a good time for fans, antique dealers, and antique collectors. For everyone else, not so much. Probably should get the Downton Abbey board game instead.

Category: Card, Auction/Bidding

Players: 2-4

Contents: Deck of cards

Object: Players are given a hand of 2 different types of cards such as 10 value cards and 3 Antique speak cards. Goal is to get rid of all cards in their hands. During a turn, the player selects an antique card and chooses a value from their hand to correspond to what the player thinks is worth. Once done, the player reads 2 stories printed on the back of the cards with one true, the other false. Once the stories are read, all the players will vote on which one is true. The true story and actual value are revealed. Game ends when a player is out of cards.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it’s a tie-in to a PBS show called Antiques Roadshow, which is still running.

Why it’s not: This is more of a trivia game for antique dealers, collectors, and diehard fans than anything. It’s also very much luck based as well. Also, incredibly stupid.

Available?: Hopefully not.

88. Crocodile Pool Party

In this game, players are charged with trying to save swimmers from the crocodiles and the crocodiles from each other. Of course, though recommended for ages 8 and up, I’m sure as hell wouldn’t recommend it for families in Florida.

Category: Animals, Racing, Abstract Strategy

Players: 2

Contents: game board, 12 swimmer/crocodile tiles

Object: Crocodiles are let loose in the swimming pool and are attacking swimmers as well as each other. First player to bring all the crocodiles and swimmers to safety wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Believe it or not, this came out in 1968 and is recommended for ages 8 and up. Other than that, I’m not sure.

Why it’s not: I’m not sure if a game about crocs devouring swimmers in a pool is great for a family game night. This is especially true if you live in New Orleans or Florida where a croc infestation in your swimming pool is a thing you have to worry about. Also, it’s said to be a 2 player game.

Available?: It’s been through a few versions.

89. Prison Bitch

Now this is a game which is supposed to be a take off on male prison life as well as a very politically incorrect one. Was actually banned from a game convention due to its depiction of prison rape. Hasn’t stopped others though.

Category: Fighting, Horror, Mature/Adult, Card, Dice Rolling

Players: 2-4

Contents: Decks of cards, dice

Object: Players assume character decks and portray a male prison inmate competing for top dog within their prison cell. Players can recruit bitches, gather a gang of thugs to attack other players, as well as use event cards like Parole, Trip to the Infirmary, and Thugs on Dope to effect or eliminate opposing Thugs. Players must defeat opponents either in combat or reducing their Reputation points to zero.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It’s supposed to be a satire on the male prison system and released in 2003. Apparently created by a fan of The Shawshank Redemption.

Why it’s not: It was banned from the 2003 Origins Game Faire for being too offensive. Besides, I’m not sure if mocking what goes on in male prisons is a good idea, especially with the title of “Prison Bitch.” This is especially true if it contains prison rape and it doesn’t help that people joke about it.

Available?: I’m not sure, but it didn’t stop others from creating games pertaining to prison rape.

90. Dr. Laura Game

For those who like trashy daytime talk shows and Fox News, say hello to the Dr. Laura Game. It’s the one Cracked labeled as “the worst board game ever made.” Of course, Dr. Laura is said to be quite a bitch, to put it mildly.

Category: Educational

Players: 3-6

Contents: cards, game board, die

Object: Players use cards to guess Dr. Laura’s responses to callers to try to give an answer that the others would like better determined by vote. Based on the talk show of Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I guess Dr. Laura was a popular radio host at the time. It was released in 1997.

Why it’s not: Cracked has called this the “worst board game of all time.” Also, Dr. Laura is basically known for letting callers talk for 2 sentences before telling them that everything is their fault as well as going on a rant about people like them. Let’s just say she’s so mean-spirited and trashy she makes Jerry Springer and Maury Povich look like altar boys.

Available?: No.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

Now to have a game you need an object as well as rules to follow and a method of play. If a game is on a board, then you need a way to navigate like a spinner or a dice. If it’s a card, then you need a way for those cards to be played. Sometimes the rules are straightforward and make sense. And sometimes they’re stupid and complicated. Of course, this doesn’t stop people from creating games based on some concepts that probably shouldn’t be such as taxes, legal cases, or restaurant seating. Of course, such aspects might seem exciting to some, but in reality they tend to be boring. And in some board games, that’s exactly how it is. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they make a board game based on working at retail or maintaining infrastructure. Of course, there are plenty of boring games out there. So for your lazy reading pleasure, here is another installment of my series on family unfriendly board games.

71. Power Lunch

Power Lunch: The game where players help organize seating arrangements for a restaurant event. Very interesting stuff. Not really.

Category: Card, Political Voting

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, cards

Object: Players attempt to score points by melding personality cards onto the restaurant playing board. If cards are not in sets or sequences, then players need to give a reason why they’d be sitting together. After players empty their hands or when all tables are closed, points are scored.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Guess they thought making a seating chart with celebrities would be fun.

Why it’s not: Celebrities or not, making a seating chart for a gala isn’t really fun, board game form or not. The guy who created it must be amused by paint drying, grass growing, or golf.

Available?: Not sure. This was released in 1994.

72. Pass Out

Now this is a board game where players have to be the first to collect 10 pink elephant cards to win. However, despite the disclaimer of “Not intended for use with Alcoholic Beverages,” I’m sure it’s ignored. Still, I don’t recommend drinking games because they’re perfect ways to encourage binging.

Category: Humor, Mature/Adult, Trivia, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, 6 pawns, decks of cards, 2 dice

Object: Reminiscent of a college drinking game. Players roll and move around the board taking a drink when the board square instructs. Each time a player passes start, they must take a “Pink Elephant” card containing a tongue twister. Player gains the card if they recite it successfully. First player to obtain 10 “Pink Elephant” cards wins. Also, there’s a disclaimer that says: “Not intended for use with Alcoholic Beverages.”

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. I’m sure somebody had the idea of a drinking board game in college. It was released in 1962.

Why it’s not: Hate to sound prudish, but even among mature audiences I wouldn’t recommend drinking games to anybody. Now I don’t have anything against drinking. It’s just that drinking games tend to lead to binging which makes people a danger to themselves and to others. Not to mention, people who binge drink are known to be targets of crimes as well. It’s best recommended that adults should drink no more than 3-4 drinks a day. Participants in drinking games usually consume more, perhaps much more. This could cause serious health problems, birth defects, alcoholism, and sudden death. And despite the disclaimer, I’m sure most people would play this game with alcohol, particularly on college campuses.

Available?: I sure hope not.

73. Quo Vadis?

Move your politicians up to the Roman Senate through political manipulation, cutting deals, and backstabbing. Beware the Ides of March on this one as Julius Caesar failed to learn. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend this to families.

Category: Negotiation, Political, Point to Point Movement, Trading, Voting

Players:3-5

Contents: game board, 40 senators, 65 laurel tokens, 1 Caesar token, 7 special tokens

Object: Players are represented on the board with a group of politicians moving through a network of committees, and need to seek support from their competitors to advance up toward the Senate. Supporting an opponent gives players prestige which is necessary by the end of the game. Once all 5 Senate positions are filled, the game is over and only players who have a politician in the Senate are eligible to win. And of those players whoever has the most prestige wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Perhaps it was developed by someone who wanted to illustrate the political process of Ancient Rome.

Why it’s not: Let’s not kid ourselves, this is a game of political manipulation with players being forced to cut deals with each other. Also encourages backstabbing. May be great for political science and history majors but not so much for families or playdates.

Available?: No.

74. Ring Around the Nosey

Of course, this is a game where players try to catch their colored rings through wearing elephant masks. Sure kids might like it (but I doubt it). But yeah, it looks pretty stupid.

Category: Action/Dexterity, Children, Set Collection, Pick-Up and Deliver

Players: 2-4

Contents: game mat, 4 elephant masks, 4 trunks, 4 adjustable straps, 12 rings

Object: Players wear a plastic elephant trunk and ears mask to pick up all 3 of their color rings to win. And they do this with their plastic trunks.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was released in 1993. Of course, as to why I’m not sure. Drugs?

Why it’s not: Let’s just say this was one of the bad games on Jimmy Fallon’s show. Even he thought it was a dumb game and swore the kids in the package were concealing their humiliation.

Available?: Not sure.

75. Yetisburg: Titanic Battles in History Vol. 1

In this game, players recreate the Battle of Gettysburg but with wooly mammoths and yetis. Let’s just say it’s the kind of game that’s guaranteed to piss of Ken Burns, Gettysburg tour guides, and American Civil War buffs.

Category: Card, Fighting, Humor, War

Players: 2

Contents: 2 decks of 55 cards, 60 tokens, initiative marker

Object: Basically recreates the Battle of Gettysburg but with both sides using yeti mercenaries and bomb throwing wooly mammoths.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Probably created by someone who was bored in American History class. It was released in 2008 by the wat

Why it’s not: Hate to inflict a bit of personal bias here, but I’m sure it will be guaranteed lead to bumming the kids out when they find out that the Battle of Gettysburg wasn’t fought with yetis and mammoths. Let’s just say I don’t like my history tampered with. Best leave it to family members who already know what happened at Gettysburg first.

Available?: I’m not sure.

76. Groop Loop

Groop Loop: though seen as an alternative to Twister, teaches children that they’re never too young to engage in some light bondage activities. Can also be called, “Grope Loop.” Man, you got to love the 1970s.

Category: Action/Dexterity, Party

Players: 4-8

Contents: marble sequencer, straps, ropes

Object: It’s like a stand up version of Twister in which players have to perform various actions without falling while intertwined in a long, stretchy cord.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Was said to provide an alternative to Twister when released in 1978.

Why it’s not: When looking at the box, it makes Twister look more child appropriate and far less kinky in comparison. Let’s just say playing this game with your folks can get very awkward and uncomfortable. A reminder that 6 is never too old to develop a taste for light bondage. Can also be called, “Grope Loop.”

Available?: No.

77. Lifeboats

Created in Germany during the 1990s, this game has lifeboats trying to make their way to several islands over the horizon. Of course, this also involves throwing opponent sailors overboard to the sharks.

Category: Nautical, Negotiation

Players:3-7

Contents: game board, 1 start player token, 7 wooden lifeboats, 42 wooden sailors, 15 wooden leak discs, 61 cards

Object: Players represent a rag tag team of lifeboats trying to make their way to one of the several islands just over the horizon. However, only one boat will make progress in any given turn, so players try to convince everyone to vote for their particular favorite. To further complicate matters, sailors can’t seem to decide which boat they want to be in so they’re constantly jumping out of boats to swim in another one. Also, one of the boats springs a leak at each turn. If the boat is at maximum occupancy when the leak occurs, then players vote who to toss to the sharks.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in Germany during the 1990s. Other than that, I don’t have the slightest idea.

Why it’s not: Well, the game doesn’t play out what would actually happen in the event of an ocean catastrophe. Also, you have to wonder what kind of sadistic person would come up with such an idea for a game as this. One review complained there was nothing to do with this game other than to mess with the other players and dump them in the water.

Available?: Hopefully not, but I could be wrong.

78. I Vant to Bite Your Finger

Now this is a game where players turn a clock before the vampire wakes up. If he does, his cape swings open and the unlucky player would have to put their finger in his mouth. Yeah, kind of makes as much sense as “Put Your Hand in That Strange Dog’s Mouth” and “Shove Your Arm Down the Garbage Disposal.”

Category: Horror

Players:2-4

Contents: game board, large windup vampire figure, die

Object: Players advance with a die roll around the board and turn a clock attached to the vampire up to that number of clicks. But if the vampire wakes up, his cape swings open and the unlucky player would have to put their finger in his mouth and he will actually bite you (with a felt tip marker).

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Guess the developer wanted to draw up business for Halloween in 1979.

Why it’s not: Uh, it’s basically a preteen version of “Russian Roulette” in a way that’s unbelievably disturbing beyond all comprehension. Also, makes as much sense as “Put Your Hand in That Strange Dog’s Mouth” and “Shove Your Arm Down the Garbage Disposal.” Not to mention, vampires aren’t known for biting fingers unless they work in drug testing. Then again, you don’t want a vampire game resulting in ruptured aortas, do you?

Available?: Probably not.

79. Antler Island

In this game, players are all stags whose aim is to mate with as many does as possible during the rut. Definitely would make an awkward family game night for non-hunter clans.

Category: Animals, Bluffing, Fighting, Humor

Players:3-4

Contents: game board, 2 island layers, 3-player island overlay, 12 feet for island layers, 3 stags, 14 does, 4 control mats, 27 food tokens, 1 starting player marker, 20 control tiles, 1 die, 50 antler pieces, 12 wily tiles, 4 winning stag tokens, 4 doe track markers, 12 fighting cubes

Object: Players represent a stag interested in food, fighting, and the opposite sex during the rut. Stags can grow antlers, eat food, maneuver for prime strategy territory for “rutting,” Player who mates with the most does and emerge as the dominant stag wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Your guess is as good as mine. Appeal to deer hunters? It was released in 2007.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say this is a strategy game in which the players’ characters aim to have sex with as many females as possible. Now this is similar to the rut which might be seen on nature shows, but still. This would make for a very awkward family game night.

Available?: Not sure. Maybe don’t want to know.

80. Emira

In this game, players are Arab sheiks trying to attract princesses for their harems and doing a bunch of other things. Sure it tries to make itself come off as PC but it doesn’t tell good history. Also, the game isn’t suited for families in any way.

Category: Strategy, Economic

Players: 3-5

Contents: game board, 5 player boards, 15 wooden discs, first player marker, 16 goal cards, 54 event cards, 28 emira cards, 22 status cards, 20 palace sections, 39 counters, gold coins, 24 wooden caravan tokens, cloth bag

Object: Players are Arab sheiks looking to expand their harems with more princesses by trying to make themselves as attractive to convince as many as possible to live in their harem. Each round, a princess with different preference comes into play and chooses the sheik she is most attracted to. There are also auctions where players bid to perform actions such as playing event cards, buying spice caravans, palace sections, camels, or improving appearance and status. Each player has a different goal card for the game.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Heavens, I have no idea. Perhaps a prostitution game wouldn’t come off as “educational.”

Why it’s not: For one, this wasn’t how harems worked at the time. Yes, they had princesses in them but most were already born there. The others were usually slave girls with sex and reproduction their main purpose (who were usually kidnapped and sold) or regular servants. Second, it’s pretty offensive to Arabs and women.

Available?: Hopefully not.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

Of course, it’s not uncommon for companies to come out with games as part of some public awareness campaigns. Many of these tend to appeal to kids, but sometimes even this isn’t the case. Still, when it comes to education and public awareness, people tend to get the idea that children must get the message through any means necessary. But as we’ve seen with the board games about racism, sometimes spreading public awareness through board games isn’t such a great idea. For instance, there was one woman who came up with The Landlord’s game which is a precursor to Monopoly and very much played like it, too. However, unlike Monopoly, this game was made to criticize American capitalism which might be a good message but not one applicable to a board game. The same might go for the issue of racism as you’ve seen. Nevertheless, this doesn’t keep people from trying. So for your reading pleasure, I present another installment of my series of family unfriendly board games.

61. Fantasy Pub

In this game, players portray a fantasy character who must move throughout the tavern and leave before getting drunk or running out of money. Think of it as Dungeons & Dragons or Magic: The Gathering based at a bar.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move, Fantasy

Players: 2-5

Contents: decks of cards, beer tokens, dice, money tokens, game boards

Object: Each player’s fantasy character must move from table to table, drinking beer (collecting points for doing so), and leave the pub before they’re either completely drunk or lose all their money. Player with the most points (beer tokens) wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps the company wanted a Dungeons and Dragons style game for adults.

Why it’s not: The premise of this game basically revolves around fantasy characters consuming alcohol and getting into fights at the pub. Also the female characters aren’t depicted in a PG fashion.

Available?: Hopefully not.

62. Shanghai Trader

In Shanghai Trader, players must rip off the local economy as much as possible while escaping the city with the largest international bank account. Contains drug use, Chinese stereotypes, illegal activity, violence, and prostitution.

Category: Economic, Political

Players: 3-6

Contents: game board, decks of cards, player tokens, counter sheets, tiles, trader track displays

Object: As adventurous trading barons, players must rip off the economy as much as they dare and escape the city with the largest international bank account before civil disorder ends the game and their life. In making a fortune, players would have to establish a trading empire by hiring a number of different workers but hey always run the risk of being shanghaied to Old Chinatown where skullduggery occurs. Players may have to collude with others, attend special events, or even resort to hiring services of special contractors to “trouble” their rivals.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in 1986, but I hardly have the answer for that.

Why it’s not: For one, it’s rather offensive for Chinese people. Second, this game pertains to exploiting coolies, cornering rackets, visiting opium dens and brothels in Old Chinatown, thugs, as well as assassinating and blackmailing the other players.

Available?: Hopefully not.

63. Liberia: Descent Into Hell – Liberian Civil War 1989-1996

Game depicting the First Liberian Civil War which took place in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Of course, this might be a way to spread awareness of the conflict to Westerners. But I’m not sure if human rights abuses in Africa make an appropriate board game. If so, then definitely not for the whole family.

Category: Civil War, Modern Warfare, Political, War

Players: 1-2

Contents: game board, tiles, red and blue pieces, paper sheets

Object: Simulation of the first Liberian Civil War with one player representing the Armed Forces of President Samuel Doe and the other of the insurgent forces of rebel leader Charles Taylor and his allies. Goal is to control enough territory and resources at the end of the game to win a post-war election and become the undisputed leader of Liberia.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Maybe the developers thought it was a good idea to educate people about the Liberian Civil War. Then again, it was released in 2009

Why it’s not: Contains: Cannibalism, drug and prostitution trade, juju, combat drugs, ransoming dead bodies, children soldiers, corruption, atrocities(bombing UN aid convoys), poro blood rituals, transvestites, witch doctors, corruption, plunder, Pat Robertson, Moonies, Saddam Hussein, US Marines, ECOMOG, UN, General Butt Naked and Singbe the Magic Dwarf(yes they are real leaders in the war), Scandanavian aid agencies, Palestenian torture videos, Robert Mugabe, Reverend Canaan Banana, tribal warfare, Jimmy Carter, hostage taking, KISS-FM, peace talks, factional warfare, Masons, Born again Christians, CIA, and much more… Guess this isn’t fun for the whole family, unless you’re part of a rather sadistic bunch that goes for this sort of thing.

Available?: Hopefully not.

64. Kolejka

Enter the world of Polish shopping in the 1980s with Kolejka. A game which mostly consists of people waiting in line to get their stuff. It explains why the game is educational, which isn’t great for a shopping game.

Category: Educational, Memory, Set Collection

Players: 2-5

Contents: game board, delivery truck board, 30 pawns, 1 starter player marker, 1 marker for market trader, 50 queuing cards, 5 shopping list cards, 60 product cards, 15 product delivery cards, 5 player assistance cards, 5 sets of stickers of queuing cards

Object: Tells the story of everyday life in Poland at the end of the Communist Era. Players have to send their family members out to various stores to buy all the items on their shopping lists. However, there are shelves in 5 neighborhood stores that are empty. Players line up pawns at the shops knowing which ones will have a delivery. Tension mounts as product delivery cards are uncovered and it turns out there will be enough product cards for the lucky few standing closest to the store door. Since everyone wants to be first, the queue starts pushing against the doors. To get ahead, players use a range of queue cards such as “Mother carrying small child”, “This is not your place, sir”, or “Under-the-counter goods.” However, players should watch out for “Closed for stocktaking”, “Delivery error”, and for the black pawns – the speculators – standing in the queue. Players who make the best use of queue come home with full shopping bags. Product cards contain 60 original objects from the Communist Era.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This game was released in 2011 to educate people about the home economics of the Communist Era in Poland.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say shopping in a Soviet satellite nation seems fairly depressing and not a very appropriate and fun board game for the whole family.

Available?: There’s a print and play version on the internet.

65. Learning About Manners Picnic Basket Game

In this game for children, players try to shoo the ants away with saying “please” and “thank you.” Sure small children might find it fun but many who aren’t might find it stupid. Besides, if you want ants to go away, use a better pest control method.

Category: Children, Memory

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, CD, book, 20 food tokens, player pieces, picnic basket

Object: Players have to collect all 5 food tokens that match their selected color with each player selecting one from a picnic basket, but only after using their manners if they may take one and thank them. If the selected token matches, it goes on their appropriate food circle. If not, then it’s back into the basket they go. Those who forget to use their manners must skip a turn. First player to collect all 5 of their picnic tokens wins. Oh, and it involves sending ants away.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was created to teach little kids about social skills, particularly manners.

Why it’s not: Now this is a game for little kids who might enjoy it and learn. But sending ants away from your picnic by saying “please” and “thank you” well, I’m afraid that’s not a viable form of pest control. Sure manners are important and I think everyone should learn them (particularly table manners and posture). But as you grow up, you’ll have to deal with many people who have no concept of etiquette whatsoever. Also, ants don’t give a shit about your manners but borax and sugar water certainly will. Seriously, Playskool and Noodleboro must be out of their minds. Not to mention, parents might find the concept quite dumb so to speak.

Available?: Oh, yes.

66. Little Black Sambo Adventure Game

Sure this might be a tie-in to a popular novel in the early 20th century. But let’s just say this game contains very racist illustrations that might make people of all ages shudder. And this was seen as a game for children.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, player tokens, spinner

Object: Basically players play out the story of Little Black Sambo across the board, a known children’s story in the early 20^th century. Basically this would consist of a boy surrendering his new clothes, shoes, and umbrella so he won’t be eaten by 4 hungry tigers. They also chase each other up a tree until they’re reduced to a pool of melted butter with Sambo recovering the clothes and the butter as well as helping make pancakes in the end First one to reach the finish line wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in 1924 and it was a tie-in to a popular children’s novel.

Why it’s not: Well, let’s just say it features offensive black stereotypes (despite that the original book depicted an Indian child) and the term “sambo” has usually been used as a racial slur. Not to mention, the story has received criticism since 1932 with Langston Hughes being among the first. However, it’s not very controversial in Japan as far as we know.

Available?: Fortunately not.

67. Vanilla Ice Electronic Rap Game

Vanilla Ice was a rather popular rapper in the 1990s even though he’s hardly remembered nowadays. But he still got his own rapping board game which is incredibly dumb.

Category: Action/Dexterity, Electronic, Music, Singing, Acting

Players: at least 2

Contents: electronic beatbox mic, game board, score cards, word cards

Object: Players play to complete rap lines on the game board. Each card played scores points. Every time a rap line is completed, the player raps it out loud to the rhythm of the electronic beatbox mic. Points are counted when all the rap lines on the board have been filled. Player with the most points wins and raps the entire board on the beatbox mic.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Apparently, Vanilla Ice was a rather popular rapper in the 1990s.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say it’s a stupid game that it was even on Jimmy Fallon. Not to mention, Vanilla Ice wasn’t a big rapper after the early 1990s and is basically remembered for one thing.

Available?: Hope not.

68. Feely Meeley

In this game, players are given a card of an item they have to find by sticking their hand in a box. Of course, such premise can easily turn a so-called weird family game into a weird adult game, especially when alcohol is involved.

Category: Memory

Players: 2-4

Contents: box, plastic items, cards

Object: Players display a top card outside the box and put their hands inside in an attempt to recover by feel only, the card’s item. Player who finds most of the items wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Guess boredom might inspire moments of creativity which lend to such ideas.

Why it’s not: For one, the box in question is called a “Grab Box.” Second, might lead to some unconsensual hand touching. The instructions also suggest to put your own things in there (usually small). Lord, help us if this game is played in a party serving alcohol, which will probably get out of hand. Nevertheless, the premise kind of gives me the creeps.

Available?: Probably not.

69. Poison Ivy Game

Now in this game, players need to pull out all the green stemmed leaves without touching the red stemmed ones. Yes, the premise is a bit twisted but it was made in the 1970s.

Category: Children

Players: 2-4

Contents: mounted game board, plastic leaves, white bandage for fingers, First Aid box

Object: Players strive to pick the highest number of green stem leaves from the ivy patch and avoid catching poison ivy (red stem leaves). Players put a bandages if they select a red stemmed leaf. May be a mild amount of deduction but mostly luck.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine.

Why it’s not: Well, I’m sure your kids won’t get hurt if they play this. But the premise is a bit twisted. Also, I’m not sure if poison ivy has red stems.

Available?: No.

70. Can You Survive Your Midlife Crisis?

In this game, players enjoy the ups and downs of having a midlife crisis. Winner can be the one who has more money, less stress, and is least likely to get divorced. Or the winner could be the one who gets divorced, goes broke, and cracks up. Really not something to give to anybody while they’re having a midlife crisis.

Category: Card, Dice Rolling, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, cards, score sheet, fake money, 6 pawns, certificate, dice

Object: Players strive to either get through their middle years with more money, less stress, and fewer divorce points than their opponents or declare a full mid-life crisis in which they must go broke, get divorced, or crack up before anyone else. Players can action ZAP! or Crisis Cards on other players, pay other players for professional assistance, as well as accumulating stress points, divorce points, and money.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Someone probably thought they had a board game for everything, so perhaps a midlife crisis should be one of them.

Why it’s not: I’m sure this wouldn’t be fun for the whole family and might leave kids wondering about what their parents might be going through. Besides, even in a midlife crisis, problems might always pertain to stress, money, or marriage. Not to mention, there will be a lot of middle aged people who don’t have one at all.

Available?: Not sure. Hope not.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

As you might’ve seen, there are plenty of games in this series that were used as promotional items by companies. Of course, these tend to give companies a rather savvy advertising strategy. But as a demonstrated with a few, there could be some unfortunate implications why. With the Camel card game this is very much apparent since Camel is a R. J. Reynolds brand and R. J. Reynolds is a tobacco company. And in some situations such promotional games might come back to bite them such as the BP Offshore Oil Strike game released in the 1970s. And we should all know what happened on the Gulf of Mexico in 2010. Nevertheless, it always seems that there tend to be board games for everything whether for popular media or PR campaigns. And sometimes there are board games for subjects that shouldn’t be. So without further adieu, here is another installment for my series of family unfriendly board games.

51. The Worst Case Scenario Card Game: Work

While The Worst Case Scenario Game may not be the best in history, the work edition must be the dullest of the lot. Also, it only applies to office work, not other places like retail, restaurant, or blue collar.

Category: Card, Trivia

Players:2

Contents: handbook, cards

Object: Players are asked questions on work-related matters and choose the answer that is most appropriate for them. First player to get 5 questions correct is the winner.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well they have Worst Case Scenario Card Games for everything else.

Why it’s not: Possibly one of the most boring trivia games ever. Sample questions: “How to Combat Eye Strain from Fluorescent Lights,” “How to Schedule an Interview,” and “How to Survive Light Deprivation in a Windowless Office.”

Available?: Not sure.

52. Post Office

Despite the title of this game, it has basically nothing to do with mail. Rather it’s designed for preteens to perform certain stunts with a partner which are childish and wouldn’t be done by adults when sober. Probably created by someone on drugs.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players:2-4

Contents: game board, spinner, player pieces, cards

Object: Said to be played by girls and boys together (not sure why) and a girl is supposed to start the game. When a player lands on game board spaces like First Class, Air Mail or Special Delivery, they are supposed to pick up the card to read aloud which lists a stunt that must be accomplished within a time limit to score points (which are appropriate for kids between 8 and 12) and to score one must complete the stunt first and with a partner. Examples include eating a potato chip at the same time and whistling “Yankee Doodle, or standing back to back to remove jacket to put on oneself without turning around. First player to reach 500 points wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Drugs? It was released in 1968.

Why it’s not: To make a long story short, it has nothing to do with mail whatsoever. Also, it’s stupid. Not to mention, if children want to play a game that entails doing crazy stunts, they could just play Truth or Dare. At least that game doesn’t require girls or boys participation together, doesn’t list childish stunts, and doesn’t require doing them with a partner.

Available?: No.

53. The Amanda Knox Game

Now there are some events that should never be made into board games. And this is one of them. For God’s sake Amanda Knox was a woman who spent years in Italy for a murder she didn’t commit. Should we really have a game like that? Seriously, why?

Category: Roleplaying, Press Your Luck, Co-Operative Play, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, hourglass, die, player pawns

Object: Based on the 2007 Amanda Knox case, players take a role of an individual present at the crime scene and pursue variable hidden goals. Players must make choices that may either alter or recreate historical events. Board is a map of the apartment where the murder took place, by the way.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Must’ve been started by someone who raised enough money on Kickstarter. That’s all I can say.

Why it’s not: Well, it’s rather insensitive that anyone would make a board game pertaining to a recent and real life murder case with the victim’s family members being still alive. Now Amanda Knox spent 4 years in an Italian prison accused as well as falsely convicted of killing her roommate (but was found totally innocent due to the fact she was with her boyfriend at the time as well the DNA evidence found was linked to a man). Seriously, it would be like making a board game of the O. J. Simpson case in the 1990s. I mean why does this game exist?

Available?: Not sure

54. Guillotine

Experience the fun of the French Revolution with this card game of beheading aristocrats with the pull of the string. Of course, a card game like this is quite sick if you think about it.

Category: Card, Humor

Players: 2-5

Contents: small cardboard guillotine display, 50 noble cards, 50 action cards

Object: Players are executioners during the French Revolution trying to behead the least popular nobles. As nobles line up while players take turns killing the ones in front of the line, they can manipulate the line order with certain cards. After 3 days, the player with the highest head count wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Perhaps to put the fun in the French Revolution the sickest way possible.

Why it’s not: Uh, the whole game is about killing people. And the French Revolution was known to be a very bloody time in history, especially the Reign of Terror. Seriously, this is pretty sick and twisted for a family game night. That is, unless you’re the Addams Family who digs this sort of thing.

Available?: Not sure.

55. Intrigue

In this game, players do whatever it takes to get ahead even if it means intimidation, bribery, conning, and backstabbing. Guaranteed to test friendships. Not for families or people with thin skin.

Category: Card, Negotiation, Auction/Bidding, Area Control/Area Influence

Players:3-5

Contents: 20 palace cards, 30 scholar tiles, fake money, Island of Misfit Scholars

Object: Players represent Renaissance era families engaging in rampant nepotism as well as seek positions for their scholars in the other families’ businesses and to further that pursuit players offer bribes. However, once accepting a bribe, the “bought” player is under absolutely no obligation to honor the highest briber or any other verbal deal.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Not sure why. Educational purposes maybe. But I’m not so sure because the box shows a man wearing an outfit more suited for the 1700s than the Renaissance.

Why it’s not: This is a game in which players get ahead through bribery, bullying, conning, intimidation, and backstabbing. Is said to test friendships and relationships since deals will be broken and feelings will be hurt. Not for people with thin skin or family. And it’s certainly not for kids.

Available?: Yes, and you can buy it online.

56. Kill the Hippies

Though intended as a satire, Kill the Hippies pits them as targets to Christian Fundamentalists. Might be fun but might offend at least one person you know. Probably don’t risk it.

Category: Religion, Card, Humor, Mature/Adult, Memory, Acting, Singing

Players: 2-6

Contents: 100 cards consisting of 15 Hippies, 15 Events, 40 Relics, 30 Deeds

Object: Players are fundies who use religious or mundane relics to convert or kill the hippies. Conversions are worth more points. But events may sometimes occur that help the hippies. Helps to have a Bible in handy. Said can be played as long as one likes.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Was probably created in 2007 as a satire.

Why it’s not: Well, I don’t have anything against mocking fundies or religion but I’m sure you’ll find at least one person you know who’d be offended by this. Also, tends to stereotype.

Available?: Well, you can look up the rules online at its company website.

57. Beverly Hills 90210 Entangle

A tie-in to the popular teen series in the 1990s, this game works like a very awkward version of Twister. Not sure why the creators thought such a game might appeal to teens. Is actually kind of disturbing if you think about it.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players: At least 2

Contents: large mat, spinner

Object: Works a lot like Twister except you get to step on a body part of the characters from the hit 1990s TV show than on different colored dots.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was a tie-in to a popular 1990s TV show which had a huge teen fan base.

Why it’s not: I don’t know about you, but if I’m a fan of some TV show, I usually don’t fantasize about stepping on their body parts. That might go for a show I hate like Ancient Aliens or anything on Fox News. Then again, I wouldn’t want to put any of my body parts on any of the Fox Newscasters (bunch of trashy bastards).

Available?: Hopefully not.

58. Audit: The Tax Game

Now here’s a game that’s all about rich people trying to avoid paying taxes and not get caught by the IRS. Probably not as fun as it sounds during tax season.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, die, player markers, credit tiles, fake money

Object: Based on the yearly encounter with the Internal Revenue Service and the preparations to successfully deal with this confrontation. Players try to convert taxable money to non-taxable by landing on positions containing various tax shelters and credits.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Was this centered on the desire to make doing taxes fun?

Why it’s not: Let’s face it, doing taxes isn’t fun for adults. I doubt if this game would make tax season any fun. Seriously, taxes aren’t a fun subject unless you work for the IRS.

Available?: No.

59. Who’s Having This Baby Anyway?

Now while there are a lot of things about pregnancy which people might find joyful and memorable, doesn’t mean there should be a board game on it. Seriously, if you’re pregnant, read a book about it and consult your doctor. Your friends will thank you for sparing them all the disgusting stuff.

Category: Educational, Humor, Trivia

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, 180 cards, die

Object: Players start at conception and move through the 40 weeks pregnancy board and when “it’s time” to begin labor. Covers all aspects of pregnancy, labor, and childbirth. First player to dilate 10 centimeters wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It’s said to keep an expectant mother informed and not having to read all those boring pregnancy books.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say that learning all the disgusting and traumatizing details of pregnancy and childbirth isn’t a great thing to do with friends or family. This is especially true for anyone on a full stomach.

Available?: Unfortunately, yes.

60. Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex

Now this would’ve been a fine game if it was meant to be played between 2 people and 2 people only. But this is meant to be played between at least 2 couples during a party. I’m not sure if discussing your sex lives is appropriate in most situations, save maybe a couples retreat or group therapy.

Category: Mature/Adult, Party, Trivia

Players: 4-8

Contents: game board, cards, die, player pieces

Object: Played with couples who move around the board asking and answering questions about sex in order to enhance their intimacy. Players accumulate Arousal Points as they visit Dr. Ruth’s Sex Clinic, stop to ask Dr. Ruth, as well as discuss questions of sexual awareness.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it’s a tie in to Dr. Ruth for 1985 who was a leading sex guru of the 1980s despite looking like somebody’s Jewish mother.

Why it’s not: Now this is certainly not game I’d recommend to families, including those with adult children. Now I can understand a game about sexual intimacy between one couple, but one that requires at least two? Guess it would make for a very awkward evening, especially with alcohol involved. Seriously, I’m not sure if sex lives should be a topic in casual conversations.

Available?: Hopefully not.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

So we’ve come to the halfway point. Now there are a quite a few girl games in the mix with the key demographic being either preteen to teenage girls. Of course, many of them don’t tend to be very good since they usually tend to focus on stereotypically female things like boys, shopping, fashion, and very limited career options. In some ways, it’s inherently sexist, especially given the fact of how girls these ages are represented in the media as shallow, materialistic, and boy crazy. And it’s very obvious that many of these games weren’t created by women. Sure there may be plenty of girls like that but this isn’t always the case. But assuming girls are like this tends to lead to some unfortunate implications. But you keep seeing the same kind of stereotypes over and over again that College Humor made a parody game commercial that goes, “Boys, and fighting to the death, and kissing: The Hunger Games.” So for your lazy summer reading pleasure here is another installment in my series of family unfriendly board games.

41. Teen Time

Teen Time is said to be a game that’s hilariously bad in later editions. In these, the game takes place at a mall with the object being to get engaged. Oh, and those who do wrong, get sent to the video store (which wouldn’t be much of a punishment for some teenagers). There’s also a card about being caught with a weapon.

Category: Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, spinner, tiles, cards

Object: A self-described “game for pre-teen and teen age girls and boys,” about inter-personal relationships. Players start at the same point on the board and advance to spaces where they gain or lose points, receive other information, or instructions. Some may instruct the player to draw a bonus card that might give or take away points, grant or lose another turn, or even an “engaged” card. Some may have separate instructions for girls and boys. Goal is either to earn a pre-determined number of points first or get engaged to be married before the other players do.

Why they thought it was a good idea: The developers were probably trying to appeal to young pre-teen to teenage girls.

Why it’s not: For one, couples who marry in their teens or right out of high school run a high risk of divorce (then again, it was first released in the 1950s in which failure to get engaged by high school graduation led to girls having to go to college in some families). Second, it’s such an abysmally dumb game in which the designers really had no idea about adolescence. Also, there was a guy who blogged about it by saying it was so bad it was absolutely hilarious.

Available?: They had a version from the 1960s as well as one from the 1980s with a video store being an equivalent for jail in Monopoly. Man, I’d sure hate to be sent for a turn to the video store in the 1980s (sarcasm). Oh, and it takes place in a mall in which you lose 25 points if caught with a weapon.

42. Big Funeral

Sure it might look like a boring game from 1968. But its premise reads like a 1980s teen sex comedy, possibly directed by Tim Burton. Still, doesn’t seem to put the “fun” in funeral. But yeah, it’s an actual game.

Category: Card

Players:3-6

Contents: Deck of cards, score sheets

Object: Throw wild funeral parties while still alive. Players strive to make their opponents look cheap such as sending them to Slob Hill in an orange crate coffin. Must accumulate $50,000 worth of hearses, tombstones, and other status symbols. 2^nd highest card takes the trick in which players are trying to collect 4 objects to fill their cards consisting of a coffin, hearse, tombstone, and plot. Those without all 4 items will become a zombie and score no points in that round.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Despite sounding like 1980s teen sex comedy, it came out in 1968. Why anyone thought this would be a good idea, I’m not sure.

Why it’s not: I’m sure funeral planning isn’t nearly as crazy as this. Also, it’s just plain weird with the zombie part as well as sending dead opponents to Slob Hill in orange crate coffins.

Available?: No.

43. Pearly Whites: A Dental Health Game

Now this game was made to teach children about teeth and dental hygiene. Round one, pertains to naming teeth. Round two, consists of dental hygiene. By round three, well, everyone is either bored out of their minds or fast asleep.

Category: Educational, Medical, Trivia, Children, Roll/Spin and Move

Players:2

Contents: game board, player pieces, decks of cards, spinner

Object: Players move across the path of teeth in the mouth on the board. Players spin, move, and answer true/false trivia questions about good oral hygiene in order to win.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was intended to be an educational game for children about dental hygiene.

Why it’s not: For one, the board is an open mouth. Second, while it is a kid’s game, the questions usually consist of naming the teeth and dental hygiene. It’s said to be pretty boring. Oh, and the box design is kind of disturbing.

Available?: Surprising no as far as I can tell.

44. Prayer Path

Now Prayer Path is a Catholic game supposed teach about the rosary and other stuff related to Mary and Jesus. Let’s just say children can learn all this quicker while in a weekend religion class for 2-3 hours than this board game.

Category: Religion

Players:2-10

Contents: game board, tokens, cards, storage insert

Object: This is a game based on the rosary. Players move along the “bead” pathway and answer questions. Correct answer moves the player forward but only after they say the appropriate prayer. First contestant to complete the rosary is the winner.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I’m sure someone thought it was a good way for Catholic kids to know their rosary and prayers either for Catholic School or CCD class on the weekends.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say, it might be better to actually teach the rosary and read the Bible stories instead of making a trivia rosary game out of it. Let’s just say praying the rosary is much quicker when there’s no trivia game involved whatsoever (like 20 minutes). As for Catholic families, you might want to stick with Is the Pope Catholic? A Catholic Nostalgia Game instead.

Available?: Yes.

45. F*ck This!

Now this is a card game where players use cards to come up with the most offensive stuff possible. Recommended for adult parties but I beg to differ. I mean you can always go too far with these things.

Category: Card, Mature/Adult, Party, Word

Players: 2-6

Contents: Deck of 125 cards

Object: A card game in which players get points by creating and completing more profane, obscene, blasphemous, or scatological phrases than the others. Each card contains a word and edge markers to denote how it can be placed in relation to other cards.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, people tend to swear and say a lot of offensive stuff at parties, especially under the influence of alcohol.

Why it’s not: Well, let’s just say that there are some people who just don’t go for it. And there’s a chance you might go too far. Let’s just say that you need to set limits on this kind of language.

Available?: Yes, and they even have expansion packs for it.

46. LDS Church History Game

Now this game pertains to the Mormon journey westward into Utah where most of them live today. However, it wasn’t just marketed in Utah. Still, when it comes to games on westward journeys, I’ll just stick with Oregon Trail.

Category: Religion, Roll/Spin and Move, Memory, Simulation, Educational, Trivia

Players:2-6

Contents: game board, dice, tokens, cards

Object: Game simulates the Mormon journey westward. Players pick one of 6 directions and must travel straight, trying to land on squares to gain “Testimony,” “Earthly Goods,” and Scripture cards. First player to land in Salt Lake City with 15 Testimony points wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Possibly an idea by either a Mormon wanting to make his or her faith history fun or by a company that wanted to target people from Utah.

Why it’s not: For one, the board is ugly and looks boring. I’m not sure what Mormons would think about it. But as a Catholic history major, I’ll just stick with the Oregon Trail if I want to play a game about the American West.

Available?: Not sure if I want to know.

47. Hot Flash! The Menopause Game

Finally, there’s a game for middle age women to learn the magic of menopause in the most offensive and stereotypical way possible. Actually, it’s probably better if women actually read up on menopause than play a board game on it.

Category: Educational, Humor, Roll/Spin and Move

Players:2-8

Contents: game board, cards, player markers, dice

Object: Players have to make their way around the board to Hormone Free Haven as well as avoid PMS Purgatory and going down the Fallopian Tubes as well as Weepy Way, Lustless Lane, Bitchy Boulevard, Insomnia Aisle, and Forgetful Forest. Also, Landing on a “Hotflash” circle forces a player to perform a ridiculous challenge or reveal a deep personal secret. The “Raging Hormones” circles offer facts about menopause.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. A desperate need to appeal to women and their bodies.

Why it’s not: As a writer from Cracked put it, “Hotflash! is what happens when Snakes and Ladders gets vomited on by a health textbook,” and “I haven’t seen this many stereotypes about women in one place since I visited a men’s rights website.” Yeah, I think it’s bound to ruin friendships and might give women a bad name. This game was also most likely designed by men.

Available?: Has its own website.

48. TPOC: The Politics of Cannibals

Now this games gives players to look in the political struggles of cannibalistic tribes after their leader dies. Those who aspire to be top cannibal can either be chief or stew.

Category: Card, Political

Players:3-5

Contents: game board, cards, tiles, bag

Object: Players represent ambitious young cannibals wanting to replace the recently deceased leader of the tribe. Players need to find out the tribe’s most important issues as well as convince the majority that they have the best interests in mind and serve their rivals at their next meal. Once tribal counsel members are identified, they will hold a vote for the next chieftain. Winner is elected chieftain while challengers get thrown in the pot.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I have no idea but it was released in 2009.

Why it’s not: Cannibal tribes really don’t make great motifs for family games and may perpetuate bad stereotypes. And I’m not sure if cannibalism politics is a great game topic either.

Available?: Yes.

49. Camel: The Game

Though it’s not uncommon for some games to be promotional products, this is perhaps one of the most disturbing examples. Seriously, it was issued by R. J. Reynolds a tobacco company which had 200,000 of these. You can guess their intentions from there.

Category: Bluffing, Card, Dice Rolling, Auction/Bidding

Players:2-6

Contents: 48 cards, 6 dice, pencil, score pad

Object: Players roll the dice with the letters C, A, M, E, L and try to match them with the cards.

Why they thought it was a good idea: It was a promotional product by the R.J. Reynolds Company in which 200,000 were printed.

Why it’s not: It’s a promotional product by a tobacco company.  Kind of self-explanatory what the agenda is. Also, the game is kind of a stupid product placement stunt.

Available?: No, thank God.

50. Mansion of Happiness

Now the Mansion of Happiness was one of the first mass produced board games in the United States. However, its play usually consists of a highly moralistic Chutes and Ladders. And let’s just say some bad vices lead to torture and jail time in this one.

Category: Racing, Roll/Spin and Move

Players:2-4

Contents: game board, spinner, player pieces

Object: It plays like Chutes and Ladders but based on the Puritan worldview as well as have players move in a circle. Players strive to be the first to travel around the spiral track to reach the Mansion of Happiness (Heaven) at the center of the board. Virtuous deeds send a player forward while vices send them to the pillory, House of Correction, ducking water, or whipping post.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This was created by a clergyman’s daughter in 1843 which criticized American industrial and urbanization. It was the first commercially produced board game in the US.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say it’s based on the Puritan worldview. Also, let’s just say some parts of it make Chutes and Ladders seem tame by comparison. For instance, while virtues may lead to steps forward, vices lead to steps backward and possibly torture or jail.

Available?: Probably not.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

You notice that a lot of the board games I feature in this series don’t actually feature a board. That’s because board games in this series usually refers to “not video” in the broadest sense. Now it’s not uncommon for a popular movie, book, TV show, or franchise to have their very own tie-in board game. A lot of these aren’t really good but I couldn’t include many of them since their family unfriendliness tends to pale in comparison to a lot of the games I have and will feature in this series. Of course, I had to include the two board games from The Hunger Games since they tend to glamorize on elements that the original trilogy condemns such as forcing kids to compete in a fight to the death on national television before degrading them further. But guess what the movies and the board games capitalize on? You guessed it, the violence, which is kind of a shame. Still, enough with my talking right now. So for your reading and family unfriendly pleasure, here is another installment of my series on family unfriendly board games.

31. Nuclear War

Be a major world power in an arms race to achieve world domination through mass annihilation. With Nuclear War, WMDs and genocide have never been more fun in the Cold War Era.

Category: Card, Political, Modern Warfare, Negotiation

Players: 2-6

Contents: Deck of cards

Object: Each player represents a major world power and attempts to gain global domination (or annihilation) through the strategic use of propaganda or nuclear weapons.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was released in 1965 which is 3 years after the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Cold War.

Why it’s not: Seriously, this game makes light of the ideas of nuclear annihilation which isn’t supposed to be fun. In fact, it’s quite scary even in the 21^st century.

Available?: Let’s hope it’s not still in print. But it did go through a few editions.

32. The Game of Happiness

Hard to imagine what kind of person could come up with an idea to design a stupid game like this. Oh, I know: acid. But whether it’s brown acid, PCP, LSD, mushrooms, or peyote will never be known. Still, it had to be designed by someone who was definitely high in the 1970s, no doubt about it.

Category: Roll/Spin, Set Collection

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, spinners, 6 player tokens, 6 ladders of success, decks of cards, fake money, plastic stuff, square ladder tiles

Object: Players collect the keys of happiness and use them to build a ladder to climb to the rainbow of happiness. The keys are: Faith, Love, Money, Knowledge, Friendship, and Health. Each path is not easy to achieve.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, Milton Bradley did have Mansion of Happiness and the Game of Life so perhaps Happiness was just another idea to cash on that in the 1970s.

Why it’s not: Well, who was what these developers were on when they made this came. It’s just so bizarre and crazy. One person called it “a long, almost entirely random game which causes the total opposite of what the title would suggest.” Still, if there was a board game designed by hippies on powerful hallucinogenic drugs, then this would be it.

Available?: Probably out of print, thank God.

33. Swack!

In this game, players pretend to be a mouse trying to take the cheese before the trap swacks down and almost snaps their fingers. Yeah, I’m sure the developers didn’t think that one through. Also, cheese is horrible bait for a mouse trap, But a good one for a rat trap.

Category: Food/Cooking, Pick-Up and Deliver

Players: 2-4

Contents: large mousetrap, cheese pieces, cheese box, scoring track

Object: Players try to remove as much cheese from the pan as possible before the mouse trap goes swack. Player can take up to 3 pieces from the pan on any given turn. Large pieces earn 3 points while small pieces earn 1 point. If the trap springs, the unlucky player loses 10 points. Players take turns removing cheese until the trap springs, then all of it is replaced and the trap is reset. Game ends when the player reaches the end of the scoring track.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know. Guess it was inspired by the notion that kids have so many fingers that they could lose a few as long as they weren’t thumbs. Released in 1968.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say the obvious safety hazards involved. I mean this game isn’t friendly on the fingers.

Available?: No.

34. The Suicide Bomber Card Game

Jesus Christ, I don’t know what disturbs me about this game’s existence. Is it because it was created in 2003 around the time of 9/11, the horrible Iraq War, and the War on Terror? Or is it because it pertains to blowing up as much buildings or killing as many bystanders as possible? I can’t say which.

Category: Card, Humor

Players: 2

Contents: Deck of cards, tokens

Object: Players compete to bomb as many of each other’s bystanders and civilians as possible.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Since it was created in 2003, I think it was mainly to cash in on 9/11, the War on Terror, and the Iraq War.

Why it’s not: For one, it’s a game making light of terrorism and horrific violence, particularly in the Middle East. Second, this concept is so offensive that the company had to leave a disclaimer in their product description. Anything else I need to explain?

Available?: Well, they sell it on Amazon.

35. Lie, Cheat, & Steal: The Game of Political Power

Now while this game does bring a more accurate picture of how the political process works, especially nowadays. But would you really want to play a game with your family that could ruin your child’s innocence and perception of humanity? Now you might want to answer that yourself.

Category: Negotiation, Political, Simulation

Players: 2-6

Contents: game board, 2 dice, fake money, vote cards, 6 pawns, 16 black eye cards, 16 feather-in-your-cap cards, 24 money cards

Object: Players strive to be elected to political office. Players start with $50,000 and collect $20,000 every time they pass start. Unlike games based on how elections are supposed to be run, this one uses true methods like vote buying, libel, and under the table deals to advance to office. Players can also drop out of politics for awhile and enter private business or local politics in order to build up reputations. Can also find themselves subpoenaed to appear on the federal witness stand as a result of a Senate investigation. First player with 500 votes wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This was probably a satire of the political process which was published in 1971.

Why it’s not: Though recommended for ages 12 and up, I’m not sure a game teaching about dirty methods to get ahead is appropriate for a family game night. Sure it might be a more accurate game about the political process but let’s face it, you don’t want to ruin a child’s innocence that soon.

Available?: Probably not.

36. Uranium Rush

Stake your claim in the desert for uranium in Uranium Rush. And this is one of many atomic toys in the 1950s, when atomic power was all the rage. Not to mention, it was when the US was making nukes just in case the Russians were building theirs. Oh, and they made great toys even though they may never be used.

Category: Auction/Bidding, Mining, Economic, Educational, Electronic

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, spinners, fake money, fake Geiger counter, wooden pegs, cards

Object: Players start with $15,000 and prospect for uranium in an area determined by the spinner on the board. Claims can be purchased for $1000 or auctioned off to be tested for uranium. Involves an electric “Geiger counter” producing a buzzing sound if uranium is discovered, which is sold to the federal government for $50,000. Players take turns until all the claims are staked. Player with the most money in the end wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This game was released in the 1950s when atomic energy was all the rage.

Why it’s not: Well, let’s just say that while nuclear power is seen as a viable energy source in some areas, it’s not necessarily a nice one. Also, uranium exposure won’t do you any favors and I’m sure the uranium isn’t just used for the power plants.

Available?: It’s no longer in print.

37. War on Terror: The Board Game

Liberate the world and eliminate terrorism forever as a major empire in this War on Terror board game. Of course, this may mean dominating oil fields and recruiting terrorists, however.

Category: Negotiation, War

Players: 3-6

Contents: game board, “Evil” Balaclava, Axis of Evil Spinner, Rules of Engagement, Card Appendix, 65 empire cards, 47 terrorist cards, 6 reference cards, 60 oil counters, 16 radiation counters, 300 empire counters, 100 terrorist counters, 2 oil dice, 1 action die, Secret Message Pad, lots of fake money

Object: The goal is to liberate the world, ridding it of fear and terrorism forever. So naturally the biggest empires are only up to the task and needs to prove a certain amount of dominance. Players start as an empire with a couple of villages and can settle anywhere in the world. Though peaceful, the politics start to form depending on what is discovered and how aggressive the initial settlement choice is. Players then spread over the planet grabbing available land with the best oil and most strategic boarders. Some may go for towns and cities, others on extra empire cards to build up their political options. But soon war will be declared and the terrorist will strike. Though possible to win with the players as empires, they’re more likely to be destroyed, bankrupted, or cave in and become terrorist players.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This was released in 2006 as a satire for the Middle East situation such as the War on Terror and the Iraq War.

Why it’s not: Let’s just say that this game has a troubled history, unsurprisingly. Its first release was met with a lot of criticism with businesses refusing to associate with it and being banned from a number of industry fairs around the world. The British police even confiscated it at one point. Still, tide has recently turned however. Nevertheless, while I can’t complain on accuracy about the geopolitics, I’m not sure if making light of terrorism is a good idea.

Available?: Yes, and has its own website. Also, is an online app.

38. Oy Vey!

In this game, players are Jewish mothers trying to get their kids to either become doctors or marry one. Oh, and it’s loaded with Jewish stereotypes. Seriously, there are plenty of Jewish moms whose children had nothing to do with the medical field and they’ve turned out just fine. Just ask Bob Dylan, Billy Joel, Paul Simon, Lauren Bacall, Kirk Douglas, Mel Brooks, Henry Kissinger, and more.

Category: Roleplaying

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, naches cards for good luck, tsouris cards for bad luck, 2 dice, color coded discs and pawns

Object: Game in which each player is a Jewish mother who has to get two sons to become doctors and two daughters to marry M.Ds.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know, trying to appeal to a Jewish demographic? May have been created by Jews themselves.

Why it’s not: For one, it perpetuates Jewish stereotypes. Second, it’s pretty sexist despite being released in the 1970s. Seriously, there are plenty of Jews out there who aren’t doctors, many of whom are Nobel Prize winners and Hollywood celebrities. Not to mention, how I’d see it play among non-Jewish audiences.

Available?: Hopefully not.

39. Puerto Rico

Relive the joys of colonialism with this Puerto Rico board game. Warning: Might contain slaves which worked mostly on the plantations in Caribbean and the American colonies in this period.

Category: City Building, Economic, Farming

Players: 2-5

Contents: 5 individual player boards, 1 governor card, 8 role cards (Settler, Mayor, Builder, Craftsman, Trader, Captain, 2 Prospectors), 1 game board, 49 building tiles (5 Large Violet, 24 Small Violet, 20 Non-Violet Production), 54 doubloons (46 x “1”, 8 x “5”), 58 island tiles (8 Quarry Tiles, 50 Plantation Tiles), 1 colonist ship, 100 colonists, 1 trading house, 50 goods (9 Coffee, 9 Tobacco, 10 Corn, 11 Sugar, 11 Indigo), 5 cargo ships, 50 victory point chips (32 x “1”, 18 x “5”)

Object: Players assume the roles of colonial governors of Puerto Rico. The aim is to amass victory points by shipping goods to Europe or by constructing buildings. Each player uses a separate small board with spaces for city buildings, plantations, and resources. Players share a three ships, a trading house, and a supply of resources and doubloons. Players earn victory points for owning buildings, for shipping goods, and for manned “large buildings.” During each round, each player selects a “role” card from the table in which every player gets to take the action to that role.

Why they thought it was a good idea: The developers probably wanted to show kids about the economics and thrill of Colonialism.

Why it’s not: Caused some controversy when it was first released in 2004 due to its less-than-subtle use of slaves (with dark colored chits, even) as a game resource. Civil Rights groups angrily protested game stores and Public Enemy even wrote a protest rap for it. Also, let’s just say Colonialism isn’t a fun time in history for Africans and indigenous people either.

Available?: Yes, it’s still in print and there’s even an online version, too.

40. Chinatown

In Chinatown, players can be their own Chinese immigrant entrepreneur in 1960s New York. Of course, this game’s released sparked a huge outcry among Chinese Americans for its rampant use of racial stereotypes.

Category: Strategy, City Building, Economic, Negotiation

Players: 3-5

Contents: game board, 1 linen bag, 1 year marker, 5 player aid cards, 85 building cards, 80 money cards, 90 shop tiles, 1 first player card, 150 ownership markets

Object: Players portray Chinese immigrants in New York during the 1960s. Players acquire ownership of city block sections then place tiles, representing businesses, onto the block-sections. At the end of each term, each tile a player has laid gives them some sort of payout, but completed businesses (formed of three to six connected tiles of the same type) pay better. But all resources are dealt to the players randomly, however.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Possibly the developers wanted to appeal to an Asian audience of some sort. Then again, martial arts movies.

Why it’s not: At its 1999 release, it provoked a great deal of indignation among Chinese Americans who were upset at the game’s rampant use of racial stereotypes. One organization even complained on 60 Minutes saying, “There is more to Chinese-American entrepreneurial spirit than dry cleaners and fish markets. And the Chinese guy on the box is straight out of central casting. No one dresses like that anymore.”

Available?: I’m sure it’s still in print as of today.

Note: The opening images in this series aren’t of real games by the way. They’re just photoshopped pictures I’ve obtained through various websites. But they kind of emphasize that these games I’m featuring aren’t meant for families for various reasons.

Now I know that at least a few of these games are meant for adults and weren’t made for families to begin with. But I’m sure there are plenty that have adult children. Of course, some of these games may involve sex and violence as well as degradation. Nevertheless, there are some games in this series I wouldn’t recommend to anyone, even adults. Then there are games I would certainly be fine with adults playing, particularly if they’re board game geeks. But many contain a lot of violence and disturbing content which must be proceeded with caution. Some may even involve people bringing out the worst in each other like backstabbing and the like. Thus, not recommended for families for any reason, even if the kids are adults. So for your reading pleasure here is my third installment of family unfriendly board games.

21. Lunch Money

The title might sound innocent enough. But it’s really a game that involve some elementary school bullies at the playground stealing hapless kids’ lunch money through any means necessary, even sadistic violence. Yeah, kind of like a version of Fight Club with kids battling it out for money.

Category: Fighting, Card, Roleplaying

Players:2-4

Contents: Deck of cards and tokens

Object: Basically this pertains to children running around on the playground beating up each other and stealing their lunch money. Moves range from punches, kicks, knives, and humiliation. Last player standing wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Not sure why. Seriously, I have no idea. But it’s for teens and up.

Why it’s not: Basically the object pertains to dominating your opponent through violence and bullying for personal gain. It’s like card version of Fight Club that involves stealing money.

Available?: Yes, and there are some expansions sets of Sticks and Stones as well as Beer Money.

22. Pain Doctors: The Game of Recreational Surgery

I guess this game was created by a guy who asked, “Now what can I do to get more psychopaths and sadists into considering medical school?” Let’s just say that a game pertaining to recreational surgery is going to be real graphic and horrifying.

Category: Card, Horror, Medical

Players: 2-6

Contents: Deck of cards, surgical charts, tokens

Object: A game of recreational surgery. Players get one of their patients healthy enough to withstand whatever surgery they want to perform on them. Other players would attempt to lower each other’s patients’ health at the same time. Once their patients do get surgery, then it’s a game of chicken with the players themselves. Keep on doing more surgery with inflicting as much pain on them as possible without sending their patients to the morgue and not scoring at all.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Not sure. Wonder if it was part of promotional campaign to encourage teenagers to consider a career in the medical field, preferably if they display potentially sadistic or sociopathic tendencies.

Why it’s not: Two words: recreational surgery. Seriously, the US healthcare system already has doctors performing a lot of unnecessary procedures on long-suffering patients as is (which is non-recreational as far as we’re concerned). The idea of performing unnecessary surgery just for recreation would be medical malpractice at its worst as well as a quick way for a real surgeon to lose their license and be thrown in jail.

Available?: Hopefully not.

23. Darkies in the Melon Patch

Now this may look like an old timey racist board game but it’s really a modern fake (which makes it even worse). Nevertheless, it would be loved by anyone who’s a fan of Chutes and Ladders as well as Birth of a Nation (with the latter group of fans being people I really don’t want to associate with).

Category: Racing, Roll/Spin and Move

Players: 2-4

Contents: 4 stereotypically black player pieces, board, dice

Object: Think of it as Chutes and Ladders meets Birth of a Nation. Players try to get out of a local melon patch as quickly as possible. Hazards encountered are angry farmers, bearded grandmothers, as well as distracting events like melon races and spitting contests.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Maybe the designer wanted to rip off antique game collectors. I have no idea.

Why it’s not: For one, it’s racist as hell and when I compare something to Birth of a Nation, I don’t mean it as a compliment. Second, despite it being a game of seemingly old school racism as well as the old timey design, it’s probably modern fake.

Available?: Who in the hell would want to buy this? It’s the Birth of a Nation of board games for Christ’s sake!

24. Offshore Oil Strike

In 1973, BP sponsored this promotional board game to preach the blessings of offshore oil drilling. Of course, decades later this would come back to bite them with the 2010 Deepwater Horizon Explosion and Oil Spill. Greasy and polluted fun for the whole family.

Category: Commodity Speculation, Roll/Spin and Move, Oil, Gas, and Petroleum, Promotional

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, decks of cards, tokens of 4 different colors, fake money, site indicator

Object: Players take on roles of BP (Hull), Amoco (Bergen), Chevron (Rotterdam), and Mobil (Dieppe) in their quest for oil. As with other games of offshore oil exploitation, there is also the risk of storms will reduce production on, or eliminate, one’s oil platforms. First player to make $120 million in cash wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I think this game was a promotional product by BP in 1973 to raise awareness of the blessings of offshore drilling. Of course, it was a time of an energy crisis with the Saudi Arabian embargo.

Why it’s not: Because the 2010 Deepwater Horizon Explosion and Oil Spill should put the science at rest that offshore drilling isn’t an environmentally friendly way to extract resources. In fact, this incident made BP responsible for a catastrophic environmental disaster on the US Gulf Coast. In this game, oil spills only cost the player a small token amount of money to clean up and forget about. But in real life, oil spills put entire ecosystems in danger, pollute the water, and drive coastal business away ruining the livelihoods of many in the process. Swallow that and I’m sure it’s not a game that’s greasy fun for the whole family. Hope the pelicans and seagulls love petroleum sauce with their seafood.

Available?: It’s been discontinued, but continues biting BP in the ass to this day.

25. Mystic Skull: The Game of Voodoo

Voodoo is a real religion in the Caribbean and the Deep South. However, if you really want to know about Voodoo, you might not want to play this game. Seriously, it’s the kind of Voodoo the media depicts with the black magic stuff and all.

Category: Children’s, Horror

Players:2-4

Contents: game board, cauldron, “mysterious moving skull,” voodoo dolls, bone, multicolored pins, tokens

Object: Players are witch doctors who try to fill their opponents’ voodoo dolls with pins while trying to keep their own from being filled. Stirring the cauldron with the bone, the mysterious moving Mystic Skull will magically stop at various voodoo segments around the board, directing players to place pins in each other’s voodoo do or to exchange tokens in order to remove pins from their own. When their tokens are up, the player is at the mercy of others. When their voodoo doll is full of pins, he or she is out of the game. The last person with empty pin holes in their doll wins.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in 1964 when Island and Tiki motifs were quite popular.

Why it’s not: Voodoo is an actual religion around the Caribbean and the Deep South. Sure they might have Voodoo dolls, but it’s been known to be misrepresented in popular culture. And no, Voodoo practitioners aren’t cultists and they don’t sacrifice virgins. Let’s just say the Voodoo practice in popular media is way different from the reality.

Available?: It’s most likely out of print.

26. Mr. Bacon’s Big Adventure

In a more disgusting format of Candyland, join Mr. Bacon on a journey through Meatland. Has alternative rules to turn the game into a gluttonous meat fest. Might result in high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

Category: Food/Cooking

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, spinner, 4 game pieces, stands, and 24 game cards

Object: It works kind of like Candyland except players navigate through Meatland. Places on the board include the Mustard Marsh, Wiener Wasteland, and Sausage Sea. They also have dark places like Vegan Alley and Gristle Grotto. First to make it to the Great Frying Pan wins. Comes with alternative rules to turn the game into a gluttonous meat fest.

Why they thought it was a good idea: I don’t know, the popularity of bacon. It was made in 2009.

Why it’s not: For one, the worldwide obesity epidemic and how it’s perpetuated by the fast food industry, the work culture, rampant consumerism, and low wage workers stuck with dead end jobs while rich fat cats hoard money for all its worth. Second, let’s just say as creepy as Candyland may be, this meaty ripoff appears pretty disgusting.

Available?: Yes, it’s certainly available.

27. War of the Networks: The TV Rating Game

Now here is a board game based on the competitive world of network television before cable, conglomerates, premium channels and Netflix. It’s an artifact that has ceased to be relevant.

Category: Economic, Auction/Bidding, Media Theme

Players: 2-4

Contents: game board, flash cards, fake money, game tokens, star tiles, auction strips

Object: It kind of works like Monopoly with some media stuff involved in which players try to earn the most money by the end of the game (which is either when only one network is left on the air, or when certain tiles run out). Player may land on spaces that trigger various events like drawing an event card, auctioning off a new TV show, star, or Academy Award movie, or triggering a ratings war. During a ratings war, players lay out the tiles representing their prime time lineup of shows and movies, along with bonuses for stars and reviews. Shows with the lowest rating in their timeslot are cancelled and when networks have no shows left, it goes off the air and the player is out of the game.

Why they thought it was a good idea: To show how the TV business works I guess. Made in 1979.

Why it’s not: Because the TV business doesn’t work like that anymore with the advent of basic and premium cable, the rise of media conglomerates, and Netflix. Not to mention, while plenty of shows do get cancelled from time to time, a lot of reality shows are still kept on the air for years.

Available?: Probably not.

28. Moonshine

Now this is the kind of game that takes place during Prohibition in which you have homemade high content grain alcohol, hillbillies, fast rum running stock cars, and police. Might make you want to ask whether there’s a board game.

Category: Economic, Transportation

Players: 2-5

Contents: game board, game tokens, deck of cards

Object: This games pits police and moonshiners against each other. Here, the moonshiners aren’t just here to beat the police but spoil other players’ moonshine as well. Each player has a chance to win and must take advantage of every situation, even if it means a moonshine player helping a police player.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This was made in the 1970s so perhaps nostalgia for Prohibition perhaps?

Why it’s not: Well, it involves organized crime and booze. Not to mention, the negative implications of the moonshiner stereotype. You know, a hillbilly in Appalachian Mountains. Plus, it’s probably not as fun as other bootlegging games.

Available?: Probably not.

29. Trafficking

Enter the cutthroat world of the marijuana trade and compete with your friends to become the Traffic King. Has ceased relevance in Washington State and Colorado. Maybe they should come out with a version that replaces pot with meth. But then again, that would be a tie-in game to Breaking Bad.

Category: Roleplaying, Roll/Spin, and Pickup and Driver

Players: 3-9

Contents: playing board, pack of 16 “Sour Grapes” cards, pack of 16 “Flip Out” cards, 8 THC Transit Passes, 1 Trafficking “Scores” Card, 1 marker crayon, 9 plastic moving pieces, a cardboard punchout card depicting characters and lids, 1 pair of dice, a supply of UNDERGROUND BUCKS in the following denominations $10, $20, $50, $100 & $500

Object: This is a game of the cannabis trade in which players featuring a Narc and 8 dealers. The object for the dealers is to become the “Traffic King” or the first dealer to sell a kilo of marijuana (36 ounces or “lids”) before getting busted by the Narc. For the Narc the object is to bust all the dealers before they sell a kilo.

Why they thought it was a good idea: Well, it was made in 1983 as a parody of the marijuana trade as well as the War on Drugs. Other than that, I’m not sure.

Why it’s not: For one, it’s not very relevant since pot is now legal in at least Washington State and Colorado. Second, this is a game pertaining to drug dealing and I’m sure shows like Breaking Bad or The Wire have made it clear why it’s not a good career choice. Then again, it’s for adults only but still.

Available?: Well it has its own website. But it’s said to have 420 in stock. Thus, it’s out of print.

30. Up Against The Wall, Motherfucker!

This was created by a Columbia University student in 1969 commemorate the first anniversary of a noted student riot. Gives you an idea of what the game is about and it’s not pretty.

Category: Political, War

Players: 2

Contents: game board, 12 markers, 24 small cards

Object: Players consist of the radicals and the administration. Map features 11 political subgroups in the game (e.g. Black Students, Moderate Strikers, Alumni, Harlem Community). The object for the players is to have the most influence, determined by the marker positions on these tracks, for their side by the end of the 12^th turn. During turns, players deploy abstracted units representing political leverage onto the tracks to ‘attack’ the other player’s units (as tokens, Dunnigan suggests small pieces of paper colored red or marijuana seeds for the Radicals, and blue bits of paper or capsules of Seconal for the Administration) and so move the markers towards their ‘end’ of the tracks.

Why they thought it was a good idea: This was created by Columbia University students in 1969 to commemorate the anniversary of the campus riots it’s derived from.

Why it’s not: Uh, because it’s based on the radical student protest riots in the 1960s which would later give rise to anarchist groups like the Yippies who raised hell during the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.

Available?: Hopefully not.