A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes”

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After carrying Kit Snicket in the only good deed he’d ever do in his life, Count Olaf kisses her as he lays her down on the sand before he collapses beside her. Because while he’s cured of the Medusoid Mycelium, he’s still profusely bleeding from a harpoon wound thanks to Ishmael. Kit reaches out and tenderly touches his ankle as she recites a poem “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes” while Olaf answers it with the last stanza of “This Be the Verse” before biting the dust with a “HA!” A poignant end to one of the most iconic villains in literature. It’s heavily hinted that the two may have had a relationship in the past, but I’m sure Kit dumped Olaf at some point because well, do I really need to get into that? Because he’s a bastard. I’m sure this leads the Baudelaires stunned out of their minds since they’ve never seen Count Olaf like this before. However, he has realized that he has nothing left to live for since he’s lost all his henchmen, his parents, his girlfriend, and his true love. All his plans are ruined. And he has no chance of obtaining the Baudelaire fortune or anyone else’s, which has made him too depressed to go on living for a time. And what’s interesting is despite everything Count Olaf did to them, the Baudelaires would sometimes visit his grave during their time on the island.

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The song I went with is “On this Night of a Thousand Stars” from Evita, which introduces Augustin Magaldi who took Eva Duarte to Buenos Aires as far as the musical is concerned. Despite that this incident never happened in real life because they never met. In real life, Eva got into Buenos Aires through family members since the city offered the promise of a better life. She didn’t bet on winning the lottery like meeting an ambitious army colonel named Juan Peron and becoming the First Lady of Argentina. In this version, Kit and Count Olaf recite poetry to one another as the Baudelaires look stunned while helping Kit give birth.

 

“The Night Has a Thousand Eyes”

Lemony Snicket:
Now Count Olaf had nothing left to live for
His past methods and tactics don’t work
No henchmen, no cash
No girlfriend, no true love
No chance of obtaining a fortune
At the age of fifty

Now dying from a harpoon wound
The dreaded Count Olaf
Carried my sister to from the shore
His only good deed

Kit Snicket:
The night has a thousand eyes
And the day but only one
Yet the light of the bright world dies
Dies with the dying sun

The mind has a thousand eyes
And the heart but only one
Yet the heart of the whole life
Dies when love is done

Violet:
I never dreamed that Count Olaf could be as kind as this
But now I know that he can

Klaus:
He was always there putting us through nightmares
Now he’s a shell of that man
Now all my hate disappeared and all my troubling fears
Isn’t there anymore
On this terrible day when he seems slipping away
To no more
On this night
On this night

Count Olaf:
Man hands on misery to man.
Deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can.
Don’t have kids yourself.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Waltz for Count Olaf”

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Desperate to get Kit Snicket off the coast, the Baudelaires do the unthinkable. They scramble for Count Olaf since he’s the only person who could. They don’t care if he’s evil and dying. They even offer him an apple to cure himself. But he turns it down since he wants the Baudelaire fortune which is out of reach at this point. They even confront him about the fire that burned down their house and killed their parents, which he denies ever starting. As the children pester him, Count Olaf is determined to do nothing. Until they tell them it’s Kit who needs help, compelling him to grab an apple and carry Kit off to a safer location before kissing her.

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The song I chose is Evita’s “Waltz for Eva and Che” in which Che makes a few remarks to Eva on how she’s enabling her husband’s dictatorial impulses and how she doesn’t stand for anything. In turn, Eva reveals that she’s not very ashamed of what she’s doing and is dying of cervical cancer. In this version, the Baudelaires beg Count Olaf to help Kit Snicket as he’s dying of a harpoon wound in the chest.

 

“Waltz for Count Olaf”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire and Count Olaf

Violet:
Help us before you waltz out of our lives
Before turning your back on the past
Forgive my impertinent behavior
We need to get Kit down from her towering bookstack

Klaus:
Tell us before you fade into the sunset
There’s one thing I never got clear
How did you feel when you started that fire,
That burned up our parents and our mansion?
Not to mention, ruining our lives?

Count Olaf:
Tell me before I get onto my bus
Before joining the forgotten brigade
How can one person like me, say,
Alter the time-honored way the game is played?
Tell me before I get onto my white horse
Just what you expect me to do
I don’t care what you Baudelaires say
I just want your family jewels
So I can get that fancy new sports car
Which I can use to run over you

Violet, Klaus, and Count Olaf:
There is evil, ever around
Fundamental within society
Quite incidental

Count Olaf:
So what are my chances of honest advances?
I’d say low

Violet:
Your scheming means nothing right now
We don’t care if you’re evil

Klaus:
Help us before you seek much farther pastures
Kit Snicket’s in labor as we speak
How can you be so short-sighted
To look never further than this week or next week
To have such impossible dreams?

Count Olaf:
Orphans, you don’t know about anything else
You’re still the same brats since we met
You think you can triumph in this life
With a keen mind, stack of books, or good meals
You’re just like your parents, Bertrand and Beatrice
Naïve folk, who perished in their mansion fire

Violet, Klaus, and Count Olaf:
There is evil, ever around
Fundamental within society
Quite incidental

Count Olaf:
Since Kit is in danger, I’ll help her if I’m able
For her sake

Kit:
Does one kind act will make me forgive you?
Spite years of pain?
That is insane!

Count Olaf:
Oh, what I’d give for a hundred years
But the physical interferes
A harpoon here, Kit, let me kiss you
What is the good of the strongest heart
In a body that’s falling apart?
A serious flaw, I hope You know that

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Departure Song”

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Fortunately, the Baudelaires cure themselves of the Medusoid Mycelium just in time. But unfortunately, when Violet uses the periscope to check on the flooding situation in order to rescue Kit Snicket, she discovers the islanders getting the outrigger ready and preparing to leave. So they quickly gather apples and bring them to the coastal shelf. The Baudelaires try to convince to take the apples and cure themselves, but since they’re doped up on coconut cordial, see them as the ones who got them into this situation, and head by Ishmael’s every word, they don’t listen. And did I say Ishmael isn’t as much affected than the other colonists since he had already eaten the apples? Not to mention, he grabs the apple stockpot and throws them into the water as well as a refuses to have them onboard. Because apparently, they’ll be en route to a horseradish factory on Lousy Lane. But not before the kids sneak an apple onboard for Friday so they don’t want her to die. So Ishmael basically bullies his followers into leaving to the sea and most likely to their deaths. So yeah, Ishmael committed genocide. Though briefly torn, the Baudelaires decide to stay with Kit and help her have her baby. She tells them about what happened to the Quagmires, Hector, and Captain Widdershins with his stepchildren which constitutes both aircraft and seacraft crashing into each other and being swallowed by the Great Unknown. The kids tell her that Dewey is dead and realizing she needs rescued, go and fetch Count Olaf.

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The song I went with is the downcast “Work Song” from Les Miserables where Jean Valjean is released from prison on parole, endures the stigma being an ex-con, and visits the bishop before stealing his silverware. In this version, I cover the islanders departure to Kit filling the Baudelaires about their friends. She even said that before her disappearance Fiona was desperate to reach Klaus and wanted to forgive her as well, which I omitted. Though I think Klaus already had by this point though he’s still broken hearted about the whole thing.

 

“Departure Song”

Islanders:
Look down, look down
Don’t look ’em in the eye
Look down, look down,
We leave before we die

Finn:
The sun is strong
It’s hot as hell ashore

Islanders:
Look down, look down,
We must leave fast for cure

Fletcher:
Let’s move along!
We don’t have much time here.

Islanders:
Look down, look down,
Ishmael will force us there.

Violet:
Hold on, please wait,
We’ve got a cure for you!

Ishmael:
Look down, look down,
They’re all lying to you

Klaus:
For Christ please, just please eat these
You’ll be fine!

Ishmael:
Look down, look down
Don’t look ’em in the eye

Bligh:
How long, oh Lord
Before you let me die?

Islanders:
Look down, look down,
Let’s get in this wood boat
Look down, look down,
Get in before we croak

Klaus:
You have no clue on the Medusoid Mycelium
It takes an hour
Until it chokes you done
You know what that means.

Friday:
Yes, it means we die.

Klaus:
Yes!
It means you’re dead
When you reach the factory
Your time is brief

Ishmael:
Don’t listen to these kids.

Violet:
You won’t make it.

Klaus:
Take this apple, Friday.

Miranda:
Stay away from them for God’s sake
Don’t even trust them

Ishmael:
Go get on the boat
We do not have another moment left.

Violet:
Those shrooms were here before we were born
Our folks made these plants

Klaus:
You know that as well as I
You eat while your people die
Can’t you listen to us now?

Ishmael:
You rocked it, Baudelaires

Violet:
You killed them, Ishmael
Do not forget your crime!
Do not forget that!
It’s called genocide

Islanders:
Look down, look down,
Let’s get in this wood boat
Look down, look down,
Get in before we croak

Klaus:
We must stay here. We must help Kit
She’s on the coast. She’ll soon give birth.
So she needs us
She’ll be in labor

Violet:
Ishmael drugs and bullies them away.
The won’t survive, no way.
Inky gave one
Will it save them?
It’s such a pity – every one.
The islanders
Will die at sea.
Water’s coming
We must now flee!

Kit:
My water broke
I can’t take an apple
Sorry that I took you three kids
To Hotel Denouement

I should’ve taken you three
To see the Quagmires
Duncan and Isadora
Now know Quigley’s fine

Fernald and Fiona
Reunited with their stepdad
There was a large sea crash
Sub crashed into zeppelin

I made a massive quick book raft
And made it out of there though on my own
But everyone else who was there
Were later swallowed
By what’s called The Great Unknown
Hope Dewey can forgive me
The next time he sees me

Violet:
Dewey is dead
Disemboweled by a harpoon
We’re feeling sort of guilty
We didn’t tell you as soon

Klaus:
It was an accident
He fell in a pond
We also helped Count Olaf
Burn up the whole hotel

Violet:
We’re sorry, Kit
That we’ve done so much wrong
Now let us push your raft of books
Back to the shore.

Kit:
Now you three kids stop that please
I’ve got nothing to live for you see
They’re dead and gone

One brother missing another killed
While my true love Dewey Denouement
Is dead and gone!
I will die
Ring’s yours to keep
Take care of my baby.

But remember this you children,
I will die soon after the birth
Name this kid after one parent
Depending if it’s a boy or girl

Violet:
Well, we got the raft within shore
But we can’t get you down or off
I don’t have time for a contraption
So it seems we must ask Count Olaf.

Klaus:
Are you raving mad?
You know that’s just insane
You know the hell he’s caused
Since the whole thing began

Violet:
There’s nobody else right now
For everyone has left
So we’ve just got Count Olaf
We got to find him now
We got to get Kit out
A flood is coming round
And we can’t really help
So we must go see him
We must persist
Till he gives in

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Ish Shot Count Olaf”

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Now that Ishmael has infected everyone with the deadly Medusoid Mycelium, the Baudelaires see no choice but to return to the arboretum. Not to mention, Count Olaf blames Ishmael for causing all their deaths along with the children. But everyone’s pointing fingers. Thanks to their experience with Sunny’s infection during The Grim Grotto, they have a good idea that horseradish and wasabi can cure it. But where to find it? They’re not so sure since there’s none to be found in the kitchen. So they frantically look in the Captain’s log which is aptly called A Series of Unfortunate Events since they’re running out of time. Then Klaus spots a reference to horseradish in an entry by their father: “‘We’re attempting a botanical hybrid through the tuberous canopy, which should bring safety to fruition despite its dangers to our associates in utero. Of course, in case we are banished, Beatrice is hiding a small amount in a vess-’” Apparently, they concealed the horseradish in another plant. But then Inky slithers down offering the kids the lifesaving apple they need.

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The song I decided for this scene is the Eric Clapton version of Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff” recounting a guy shooting a corrupt local sheriff for bothering him over growing marijuana. To be fair, it was in self-defense since the sheriff tried to shoot him. But the authorities really don’t see it that way and then book him for shooting a deputy. In this version, I have the Baudelaires scramble for a cure for the Medusoid Mycelium at the arboretum.

 

“Ish Shot Count Olaf”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Klaus:
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass.
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass.

Medusoid spread on the island
Poisoning everyone at hand.
Everyone’s all pointing their fingers
Instead of trying to find remedy
Instead of trying to find remedy
We say:

Violet:
Ish shot Count Olaf, we must go to the arboretum
Ish shot Count Olaf, if we don’t, we will all be surely done

Let us not get very panicky;
Cordials won’t work now.
A horseradish cure is what we need
Better we get out and find a cure
Better we get out and find a cure
We say:

Ish shot Count Olaf, we must go to the arboretum
Ish shot Count Olaf, we must go to the arboretum

Kitchen has spices our way
Horseradish, is not found.
Surely there must be horseradish around
Wonder what our folks had round.
Where can our, our cure be found?
We say:

Klaus:
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass.
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass.

Folks tried some botanic hybrid
Through a tuber canopy.
Said it’s not safe for those in utero.
It’s blended into some other plant.
Yes, it’s blended in some other plant.
But we say:

Both:
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass, oh no.
Ish shot Count Olaf, but he also shot the shattered glass, oh no.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “The Mutiny”

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The Baudelaires leave the arboretum with Ishmael on his sheep pulled sleigh. Reaching the coastal shelf, they find that the islanders have started the mutiny, let Count Olaf out of his cage, and basically devolved into fighting with each other. In short, it’s a clusterfucked shitstorm. Ishmael tries to calm tensions down but fails miserably because insisting followers to have a simpler life while you sneak around engaging in that forbidden stuff like an autocrat can only go so far. Then the secrets come out as islanders confess to secretly doing stuff behind Ishmael’s back in the atmosphere of a mob. Next, Count Olaf again stakes claim to his “Olaf-land” and tells everyone that Ishmael sits around with clay covered on his feet because he has an eye tattoo on his ankle, which isn’t really a big deal since many castaways have them. Next, he lets them all know that he has the only weapon that can threaten them like the Medusoid Mycelium helmet. But Ishmael accuses him for burning his house (which Olaf denies) and threatens to shoot him with the harpoon gun. The Baudelaires yell “No!” but Ishmael shoots anyway, as the harpoon hits the diving helmet and instantly infects everyone on the island.

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The song I decided to go with is “The Last Supper” from Jesus Christ Superstar in which Jesus shares a last meal with his disciples which later devolves into an argument between him and Judas whom he knows will betray him. In this version, I have the drama of the mutiny play out to Ishmael shooting Count Olaf with a harpoon gun and making the whole shit hit the fan.

 

“The Mutiny”

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Don’t disturb us now, we don’t need our weapons
Cause with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Ishmael:
Dear God…we take a few sips cordial and let’s talk like friends.

Fletcher:
For all you care, we do not want your booze.

Calypso:
For all you care, you’re a bad facilitator.

Friday:
C’mon, let us get on with it.

Miranda:
Let’s not get started just yet.

Ferdinand:
But what of the Baudelaires and that woman Kit Snicket?

Klaus:
I must be mad thinking this all will go smoothly.
Yes, I must be out of my head.

Violet:
Do we stay with Ishmael? Must we leave or mutiny?
Any course we could be dead.
Klaus:
We didn’t bring weapons.
It’s now Hotel Denouement.

Count Olaf:
Ha! I call this place Olaf-Land!

Someone called Monday warned me about Ishmael.
They let me out of my cage.
But Ish puts on his clay
To hide a tat on his ankle
An eye that’s like this one
So what do you all say?

Islanders:
Cut the dramatics!
We have eye tats, too.

Count Olaf:
I have a shroom helmet!

Ishmael:
I got this harpoon gun!
You burned my house down.

Count Olaf:
You know that I didn’t.

Ishmael:
I don’t care if you did it!
Now I will harpoon you.
Right where I’ll kill you.

Violet and Klaus:
Don’t do it! You’ll kill us!

Violet:
He’s got the shroom helmet!
If you just shoot him
You’ll release a deadly fungus
God, please don’t shoot him!

Klaus:
Don’t shoot, you fool! Don’t shoot him, please!
Save us your speeches,
Just put the gun down, now!

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Olaf’s probably right, the Baudelaires have left us
For with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Finn:
You mad, pathetic man, see where you’ve brought us to,
Our ideals die around us and all because of you.

Friday:
But the saddest cut of all:
We might have to side with him!

Fletcher:
You’re a common criminal, and a wounded animal.
A jaded mandarin,
A jaded mandarin,
Like a jaded, faded, faded, jaded, jaded mandarin.

Ishmael:
Olaf, you’re finished! You’re through!
I’ve got you. Oh, I’ll put that harpoon through!

Violet:
Every time I look at you I don’t understand
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand.
You’d have managed better if you hadn’t scammed…
No!….

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Don’t disturb us now, we don’t need our weapons
Cause with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Violet:
We must go back to the arboretum please,
Sunny, Klaus, now
Let’s find a cure for the shrooms, please
Sunny, Klaus, now

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Do You Hear the People Sing?”

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Unbeknownst to the Baudelaires, the islanders later decide to go ahead with the mutiny weapons or no weapons. After all they have hands and teeth which should be sufficient enough. I guess years wearing white robes, trading tents, bland food, and having washed up stuff seized by a bullying old man who covers his feet with clay have finally caught up to them. Yes, I’d be pissed as well. At any rate, Count Olaf seizes this opportunity by telling the islanders that the children have abandoned them (which isn’t true) and successfully convince them to let him out if his giant birdcage. I don’t know about you, but once you include Count Olaf in your movement, disaster will happen.

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The song I chose is “Do You Hear the People Sing?” in which Marius and his friends are getting pumped to prepare the barricades for the June Rebellion, which will result in Marius losing most of them. But he’ll get to live thanks to his girlfriend’s adoptive dad willing to take him off the area and through the sewers of Paris before the authorities had the chance to shoot him. In this version, I have the islanders band together to commit mutiny to oust Ishmael.

 

“Do You Hear the People Sing?” (ASOUE Version)

Finn:
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Ererwhon:
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Forget the barricade
Let’s just start up this mutiny!

Fletcher:
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

Islanders:
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Friday:
Will you give all you can give
So that our mutiny may advance?
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the coasts on our land!

Islanders:
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Stay”

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As everything eventually washes ashore, Ishmael has been able to follow the Baudelaires’ story. However, he’s not so keen on Kit staying since she’s a troublemaking Snicket and that she’d eventually want to return to the real world. But he’s happy to let the Baudelaires stay and promises to keep them safe from all the bad things in the world since they’re not so sure. Except that some of the things he wants to keep the kids safe from involve stuff that they really enjoy. Not to mention, they’re not happy with Ishmael having them live boring lives while he’s enjoying the fruits of the arboretum and keeping secrets from them. In fact, they’d like to read some of the history written but Ishmael won’t let them. He then gives the children the Duchess of Winnipeg’s ring which their dad gave their mom after she gave it back to Lemony just to illustrate how their parents didn’t tell them about such things just to keep them safe. Though to be fair, there would’ve been a better reason why the Baudelaire parents wouldn’t share anything to do with keeping their kids safe.

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So I went with a doo wop standard called “Stay” by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs which involves a romance of some sort. In this version, I just have Ishmael try to convince the Baudelaires to stay with them.

 

“Stay” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Ishmael

(Stay) Ah, just a little bit longer (Stay)
(Please) Please, please, please
Tell me you’re going to

Now your parents both died
And you’ve had a shit-filled life
But if you kids choose to stay
I’ll try to (Keep you safe)

Oh, won’t you stay
Just a little bit longer?
Though Kit Snicket
Will have to go (Have to go)

Your mom wore this R ring for two guys
If they wanted, they would’ve told you why

(Stay) Oh yeah, just a little bit longer (Stay)
(Please) Please, please, please
Tell me you’re going to

Come on, come on, come on, stay, yeah
Come on, come on, come on, stay, yeah
Come on, come on, come on, stay, whoops
Come on, come on, come on, stay, children, children

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Ishmael’s Tale”

maxresdefault1But before the Baudelaires can explore the notion of their parents’ time on the island, Ishmael shows up but they can’t tell whether the guy’s pissed off or smiling. Instead of answering their questions, he goes on a yarn talking about his time before he came to the island. He talks about having a funny looking girl in class while he was a schoolteacher with references to incidents similar in the Baudelaires’ on lives. He also remarks upon a fish themed restaurant as well as a ship bound to Peru. Nevertheless, it seems that the Baudelaire parents were once the island’s facilitators who had a hand at getting water filtration system as well as wanted a passageway from the place to Anwhistle Aquatics. But Ishmael staged a mutiny with his supporters and drove them off to the coastal shelf with their mom pregnant with Violet at the time. And since an unfortunate event is bound to happen in one’s life, the best solution is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life. That way, there won’t be any schisms again. Know that Ishmael’s talking like a cult leader at this point. Though he says people do leave.

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I chose Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” for this sequence though it talks about poverty and loneliness in New York City that’s mostly autobiographical and partially inspired by The Bible. In this version, Ishmael talks about his time before coming to the island and driving off the Baudelaire parents.

 

“Ishmael’s Tale”

Sung by Ishmael

I was just a teacher though my story’s seldom told
I have squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises
All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest, hmmmm

One of my former students in class had scraggly hair and monobrow
A girl with only one ear
Living in a house owned by one who killed a man with cantaloupe
From the Lucky Smells Melon owned by brothers years ago
One was killed in town by accused kid hoboes

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie
Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

The girl wouldn’t drink the tea her keeper made for her
Of bitter wormwood
Got a come on at Bistro Smelt on 7th Avenue
Just a come-on from the whores on 7th Avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

I was once on a ship rolling asea
That was called the Pericles
On its long voyage to south Peru
Before I was later washed up on this island shore
After the split
I just wanted to find a place to live
Where treachery will never persist
As the leader, I vowed to make life simple and strict

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie
Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

Your folks were once facilitators of this very island long ago
For a time
When they got water filtration and wanted a passageway, to marine
Facility

So to keep the island safe and cut off we staged a mutiny
When your mom was knocked up with Violet
We drove them off to the coastal shelf
So while we may endure substantial pain
To avoid it, lead a simple life and just stay far away

Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie
Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “In the Arboretum”

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However, Finn and Erewhon had no idea that they sent the Baudelaires on an errand similar to sending a kid to the candy store with a request to buy the worst candy that’s hardest to find. For the arboretum contains all the stuff that washed ashore that Ishmael had hauled away which include junk, books, and even foodstuffs. As Snicket describes it, “Stretched out as far as the eye could see were pile of objects, heaps of items, towers of evidence, bales of materials, clusters of details, stacks of substances, hordes of pieces, arrays of articles, constellations of details, galaxies of stuff, and universes of things – an accumulation, an aggregation, a compilation, a concentration, a crowd, a herd, a flock, and a register of seemingly everything on Earth.” There’s so much Violet can use to invent, plenty for Klaus to read, and a lot for Sunny to cook. But before they get too distracted, they try to locate some weapons (though I don’t see why Violet could just make some). Then Inky heads of to search for something, leading the children to discover Ishmael’s footprints and the fact he’s been sneaking inside the arboretum on a regular basis. He even uses a periscope to predict the weather. Yet, what truly astonishes them is what they find in the Captain’s Log, which not just includes Ishmael’s entries, but also those by, wait for it…their parents.

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Naturally, I went with Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” in which Joel recounts the events over the first 50 years of his life or at least prior to the release of Stormfront. In this version the Baudelaires recount all the stuff they found in the arboretum which corresponds to their respective hobbies (well, Violet and Klaus’s anyway).

 

“In the Arboretum”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Lone propeller, roller skates, sledge hammer, window pane
Bunsen burner, safety razor, handheld radio
Welding torches, air condition, water filter, television
Sewing needles, ferret feeders, mini stereo

Klaus:
Thesaurus, Voltaire, Moby Dick, Baudelaire
Mark Twain, Coraline, and the Catcher in the Rye
Vonnegut, Racine, lyrics by Bruce Springsteen
Magic Mountain, Harry Potter, Santayana, Oh my

Both:
In the arboretum
Ismael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Violet:
Power engine, steering wheel, chainsaw, movie reel
Solar panels, Citronellas, and some concrete blocks
Flotsam, mobile phone, coffee maker, Dacron
Gear box car parts, and grandfather clock
Corkscrew, high beams, got some cans of gasoline
Velvet painting, soda cans, Rolex wristwatch, grabber hands
Stove top, microwave, lighter fluid, black lights
Ankle brace, tatted lace, and a pair of knee highs

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Klaus:
Bradbury, Pasternak, Victor Hugo, Kerouac
Steinbeck, Private Lives, Bridge on the River Kwai
In Cold Blood, Wildfell Hall, Maltese Falcon, Carroll
Scarlet Letter, Bill of Rights, Carrie, and E. B. White…

Godfather, Ben-Hur, Hunger Games, Mockingbird
Dan Handler, Puzo, Twilight Saga, oh, no
Eco, Tennessee, Fitzgerald, Capote
Henry Addams, Thoreau, Stephen King’s Cujo

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Klaus:
Hemingway, Hamlet, Stranger in a Strange Land
Dylan, Webster’s, Orwell, Stevenson
Lawrence of Arabia, set of Encyclopedias
Whitman, Blackmore, Bibles, James Patterson

London, Malcolm X, Beauvoir’s Second Sex
Agnes Grey, The Brontes, what else do I have to say?

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

Violet:
Plane controls, Sunny’s whisk, cocktail mixer, airplane wing
Black box, car parts, water can, flintlocks
Small tins, engines, wirelines, a can filled with shoe shine
Staplers, pencils and tin cans, cutlery and ceiling fans
Bedframe springboards, Christmas lights, generators, 409
Pinking shears, machine gears, nails, tacks, typewriters
Cameras, cell phones, tiled floors, Klaus’s commonplace book
Worn out couches, driftwood doors, oh my god, there’s so much more

Both:
In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
There is stuff galore
While there’s still more, and more, and more,
And more, and more, and more, and more…

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

In the arboretum
Ishmael always sneaks in
Whenever no one sees him
In the arboretum
How he loves to hide it
While we try to find it

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “After Midnight”

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Though the Baudelaires reluctantly agree on promise to put Kit Snicket in a safer location, they do it because they want everything okay for them and her. Kit isn’t happy about the idea of them getting weapons from the arboretum. But she has no idea what the hell is going on the island or what the children had to put up with at this point. For God’s sake, they aided Count Olaf escape and set fire to a 9 story hotel full of people. Getting weapons from the arboretum is nothing compared to that. But I’m sure Finn and Erewhon are delighted.

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So the song I went with for their jubilation is J.J. Cale’s “After Midnight” which is most famously covered by Eric Clapton. In the original version, it’s in anticipation of sex or a party, which often came on the radio during my high school years after a football game I went to for marching band. In this version, I have Finn and Erewhon excitedly tell the mutinous islanders that the Baudelaires agreed to get weapons for them in the arboretum.

 

“After Midnight” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Finn and Erewhon

Finn:
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
We gonna chugalug and shout
Gonna stimulate some action
We gonna get some satisfaction
Ish gonna find out what it is all about

Erewhon:
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
Knew Baudelaires would all agree
After midnight
We’re gonna stage a grand mutiny
Gonna cause talk and suspicion
We gonna give an exhibition
Ish gonna find out what it is all about
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down

Yea yeah yea
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down

Finn:
After midnight
Baudelaires’ll get our arms for free
After midnight
They’re gonna be at the aborete
Gonna cause talk and suspicion
We gonna give an exhibition
Ish gonna find out what it is all about

Both:
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down
After midnight
We gonna let it all hang down