A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “The Mutiny”

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The Baudelaires leave the arboretum with Ishmael on his sheep pulled sleigh. Reaching the coastal shelf, they find that the islanders have started the mutiny, let Count Olaf out of his cage, and basically devolved into fighting with each other. In short, it’s a clusterfucked shitstorm. Ishmael tries to calm tensions down but fails miserably because insisting followers to have a simpler life while you sneak around engaging in that forbidden stuff like an autocrat can only go so far. Then the secrets come out as islanders confess to secretly doing stuff behind Ishmael’s back in the atmosphere of a mob. Next, Count Olaf again stakes claim to his “Olaf-land” and tells everyone that Ishmael sits around with clay covered on his feet because he has an eye tattoo on his ankle, which isn’t really a big deal since many castaways have them. Next, he lets them all know that he has the only weapon that can threaten them like the Medusoid Mycelium helmet. But Ishmael accuses him for burning his house (which Olaf denies) and threatens to shoot him with the harpoon gun. The Baudelaires yell “No!” but Ishmael shoots anyway, as the harpoon hits the diving helmet and instantly infects everyone on the island.

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The song I decided to go with is “The Last Supper” from Jesus Christ Superstar in which Jesus shares a last meal with his disciples which later devolves into an argument between him and Judas whom he knows will betray him. In this version, I have the drama of the mutiny play out to Ishmael shooting Count Olaf with a harpoon gun and making the whole shit hit the fan.

 

“The Mutiny”

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Don’t disturb us now, we don’t need our weapons
Cause with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Ishmael:
Dear God…we take a few sips cordial and let’s talk like friends.

Fletcher:
For all you care, we do not want your booze.

Calypso:
For all you care, you’re a bad facilitator.

Friday:
C’mon, let us get on with it.

Miranda:
Let’s not get started just yet.

Ferdinand:
But what of the Baudelaires and that woman Kit Snicket?

Klaus:
I must be mad thinking this all will go smoothly.
Yes, I must be out of my head.

Violet:
Do we stay with Ishmael? Must we leave or mutiny?
Any course we could be dead.
Klaus:
We didn’t bring weapons.
It’s now Hotel Denouement.

Count Olaf:
Ha! I call this place Olaf-Land!

Someone called Monday warned me about Ishmael.
They let me out of my cage.
But Ish puts on his clay
To hide a tat on his ankle
An eye that’s like this one
So what do you all say?

Islanders:
Cut the dramatics!
We have eye tats, too.

Count Olaf:
I have a shroom helmet!

Ishmael:
I got this harpoon gun!
You burned my house down.

Count Olaf:
You know that I didn’t.

Ishmael:
I don’t care if you did it!
Now I will harpoon you.
Right where I’ll kill you.

Violet and Klaus:
Don’t do it! You’ll kill us!

Violet:
He’s got the shroom helmet!
If you just shoot him
You’ll release a deadly fungus
God, please don’t shoot him!

Klaus:
Don’t shoot, you fool! Don’t shoot him, please!
Save us your speeches,
Just put the gun down, now!

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Olaf’s probably right, the Baudelaires have left us
For with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Finn:
You mad, pathetic man, see where you’ve brought us to,
Our ideals die around us and all because of you.

Friday:
But the saddest cut of all:
We might have to side with him!

Fletcher:
You’re a common criminal, and a wounded animal.
A jaded mandarin,
A jaded mandarin,
Like a jaded, faded, faded, jaded, jaded mandarin.

Ishmael:
Olaf, you’re finished! You’re through!
I’ve got you. Oh, I’ll put that harpoon through!

Violet:
Every time I look at you I don’t understand
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand.
You’d have managed better if you hadn’t scammed…
No!….

Islanders:
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Bursting from a seething pool of ire
Don’t disturb us now, we don’t need our weapons
Cause with our hands and teeth, we’re all fine
Let’s go and kick Ishmael off the island
Know that we could do it if we tried
Then when he is out, it’s to arboretum
So we’ll go find what objects that he hides

Violet:
We must go back to the arboretum please,
Sunny, Klaus, now
Let’s find a cure for the shrooms, please
Sunny, Klaus, now

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