The next morning, the storm dies out and the Baudelaires find themselves together in the shallows among a lot of other junk washed ashore on an island coastal shelf. As they walk in search of land, they come across Count Olaf. Though the kids think he’s dead at first, he starts ordering them around as soon as he gains consciousness. He first demands coffee but then tells the children to do everything he just told them. Oh and he fantasizes about how the primitive islanders will make him their king of his self-proclaimed Olaf-land he just washed up on. However, they find themselves stranded on an island with people already living there who mostly consist of castaways and their progeny. They are greeted by a little girl named Friday Caliban who’s out storm scavenging. After the Baudelaires introduce themselves, Count Olaf demands she worship I’m as her king. But she refuses.

I turned to Hamilton again and decided to go with “Guns and Ships” which tells Marquis de Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan’s efforts in the lead up to Yorktown. But while their contributions may be great to the American Revolution, George Washington and his subordinates increasingly realize that they need Alexander Hamilton back. In this version, I have the Baudelaires and Count Olaf washing up on the island and meeting Friday Caliban.

 

“Storm’s Adrift”

Violet:
How do we ragtag volunteers needing a shower somehow survive a storm and land in the shallows?
How do we emerge from a stormy night in this mire?
As the boat fell apart while winds and waves grew higher?
Yo. Turns out we clung to each other.
While the storm swept the count off from the boat on cover
As we’ve landed all washed up, on this beach with all this clutter
Holy shit, I think Count Olaf’s become conscious, beginning to mutter

Violet and Klaus:
Count Olaf!

Count Olaf:
You’re working with me now bring me coffee
What’s the matter, you not hear me?

Violet and Klaus:
No coffee!

Count Olaf:
Now you’re gonna walking west and find an island
Let’s not stop until we manage to find some dry land

Violet and Klaus:
Right away!

Count Olaf:
Must have primitive island natives
Avidly raving

Violet and Klaus:
Jesus Christ!

Count Olaf:
They’ve never seen civilized folks

Violet and Klaus:
He’s gone nuts!

Count Olaf:
Revere me as god

Violet and Klaus:
Leave
Or take
Which is a worse mistake

Violet:
We’re noble folk, with him we go, and bear all he complains

Klaus:
His crazy demands all annoy us, walking from the sea
People living nearby from what I see from the white sheets

Sunny:
Land, ho!

Count Olaf:
Olaf-land!

Violet:
Please, folks may have already named it
Might’ve been perfectly, good name, I mean

Count Olaf:
Olaf-land!

Klaus:
Vi, I wonder who’s the hell that can possibly
Better hope it’s somebody friendly, I mean

Count Olaf:
Olaf-land!

Violet:
Guess they’re not friends or volunteers
Just don’t try to lash out or act out in mere fear

Count Olaf:
Just shoot them!

Violet:
You wanna waste your last hook, man?

Count Olaf:
Have a point!

Violet:
Then hold your harpoon gun back!

Count Olaf:
Okay then.

Klaus (Violet):
Ah! Uh, hold ya harpoon gun back (Then hold your harpoon gun back!)
You know you gotta hold ya harpoon gun back (Your harpoon gun back!)

Violet (Count Olaf):
Just a girl who’s around six or seven, haven’t met her (Olaf-Land)
But sooner the better (I’m ruler of Olaf-Land!)
So what’s your given name, ma’am? (Ha ha)

Friday:
My name’s Friday Caliban
And I’m just out storm scavenging
And no, you aren’t my king, we don’t even do monarchy
Oh, come, you tired Baudelaires
Must be exhausted from last night’s storm
Didn’t expect some castaways
Washing up on our shores today
Would you like something to eat, come, Baudelaires